A long time ago (at least 6 years ago at this point), Panama was really feeling this chick. Panama was feeling her so much he kept referring to himself in third person because she’d done such a number on him.
I went all out for this chick. I’d go see her at every opportunity I could, which sucked because she lived in Baltimore and I was in DC, but oh well, for her, there was no mountain high enough.
Heck, there was no valley low enough to keep me from getting to her.
We’d go out and spend time together. I shared my feelings and she’d tell me how much she liked me. I held her hand and gazed into her eyes.
That was until I found out she was dating 3 other guys. Not only that, she found no need to tell me about it because she wasn’t dating me and we were “just friends”.
I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how hurt I was. For one, I couldn’t figure out how she could be dating so many guys at one time. I mean she managed to spend significant time with all of us, even me, her “friend.” Apparently, she lived in a world with 25 hour days. Me no know.
Either way, I was baffled, befuddled, and ultimately heartbroken. Of course, I didn’t let her know that I wanted to run over her with a Mac truck 6 times then sprinkle sawdust and coconut slivers over her body was hurting. I did my best attempt to keep it moving but getting heartbroken is difficult. I couldn’t take my mind off the fact that I was dating somebody who had no clue. There’s nothing worse than finding out that what you thought you had didn’t exist. So I had to keep my mind distracted.
Since, I’m sure I’m not the only person to go through this, let me offer some advice on how to proceed should you ever find yourself in this predicament; a sort of, how to get over a person you thought you were dating when you’re the last person to find out you ain’t.
1. Refrain from wanting to Don’t do them bodily harm. Face it, you’d go to jail and you STILL wouldn’t be with them. It’s a lose-lose. Unless of course you can make it look like you had nothing to do with it, but I watch CSI. They’ll find you in less than 59 minutes every time.
2. Go sleep with a lot of date other people. I know this is hard to do considering, but really, this is the only way to truly get over a person. Unless of course you see them out somewhere (I did) at which point you will lose your new date because your demeanor and attitude will change and you’ll try to stab somebody. In fact, if you see them out, just tell your date that you’ve come down with the Herculean Crab Shakes and its best if you go home, pronto, because they really don’t want to know what happened last time.
3. Stop calling them like normal. It’s hard to because at the point you find out that you’re not dating you’re pretty much on cloud nine and treating them like the homie/lover/friend. Unfortunately, they treated you liked R. Kelly and pissed all over your Sunday. Pissy Sundays are the worst.
4. If they call to kick it go and kill them, respectfully decline and find something better to do. Sure you’d rather kick it, but really, what’s the point? Every date is a reminder that while you were making plans for the future, they were thinking about what to wear on their REAL date later on. Face it, you’ve already lost the battle, bub. On the other hand, it never hurts to hit (if you can, and you probably can) and then bounce on some, “yeah, I have to go wash clothes now” tip. Bitter? Sure. Satisfaction? You betcha.
Of course, you’ll probably cry in the car later. Or was that Red from Friday?
5. Date one of their friends Just kind of fade them out. Sad to say but they’ll hate it and will probably come around (they ALWAYS come around) but like I said, if you have to resort to tactics, they’re not really who you need anyway.
Plus, if you fade somebody out of your life, it gives you more time to evaluate the situation and realize that you probably dodged a bullet because she’s fighting factors and genetics bigger than herself.
So, good people of VSB, do you have any advice for a person who’s trying to get over a person they were never really dating in the first place?
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3