Lists, Theory & Essay

Dear Me, I Lied To You

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Men lie, women lie, numbers lie. Lies lies everywhere, up to my elbows up to my hair. Some of the biggest liars on the planet are folks who swear they don’t lie. I know some folks who HATE liars, who I’ve heard with my own two eyes come up with the most ri-damn-diculous story every for how or why they’re doing whatever the f*ck they were doing…when.

Hooty-who.

I’ve come to reason that people only truly don’t like lies when they feel like they affect them personally. Yes. This is a conclusion I’ve drawn. Etch-A-Sketch style.

Well, while LIE BAD!, the truth is folks make up sh*t all the time. It’s almost a national past-time. We don’t even mean to do it half the time. Some people’s entire existence is a lie. We view ourselves through certain lenses even if that ain’t who we are. You know that whole, “be the change you want to see” mantra? I loves it. Well, many of us are from the “say I’m this long enough and hopefully folks will believe it even if that’s not remotely who I am”.

Not coincidentally, I’m from the Wishan*gga Woods. We got a library. Pshaw.

So here is a list of lies that we often tell ourselves.

“I don’t play games.”

Ninja, you just bought stock in Milton Bradley while playing hopscotch during recess while singing Kurtis Blow’s “Basketball”. I will say that while I know we all play games, I’ve heard more women swear that they don’t play any sort of games…which I’m almost convinced is a game within itself. Have you seen The Legend of Bagger Vance? Of course you have. Charlize Theron’s character in that movie was the epitome of game-playing. Spades, anyone? RACISM!

“I keeps it 100!”

Men are guilty of this. We are all liars (that’s a lie). Just be clear, when this is being said, we ARE keeping it 100…we’re telling you 100 percent of what we want you to hear at that moment. Not that folks are always lying to you, but the point is, and I’m keeping it 100, Tupac is alive.

(Women) “I hear you. And I understand. Thanks for being honest.”

Fellas, never ever believe a woman who tells you that she appreciates your honesty. Or that she’s listening to you. I mean she probably is at that moment, but it won’t last very long because fairly soon after she’s going to be really mad at you for something. There’s a good chance you just had a talk about where you stand. There’s also a fairly good chance that if you ever speak to her again after said conversation you will be accused of sending mixed signals. To keep it 100, I don’t play games…so I’m glad you hear me and understand where I’m coming from.

(Men) “I’m working on myself and becoming a better me. For us. For me.”

Believe it when you see it, sister. Now, this one could probably go both ways as well, but I’ve learned in life that most people are full of sh*t. People like inspirational books and posters and paintings because they like to look at words. For the vast majority of us, real change comes thru real loss. Most of us finally figure sh*t out when it’s too late. Sound cynical? Well I keeps it 100. I know you understand.

“I’m going to go to the gym.”

This lasts for many people through the second trip to the gym. Then stuff starts coming up. Folks don’t realize that the longer you go between visits, the harder it is to go back. It’s just like having sex with somebody you ain’t really feeling but is always there. You start waiting a month in between…they notice. They start asking you if you care about them adn whether or not they’re just their for your using since, well, you only call during certain hours and not really ever because you want to talk or spend time or hang out or count motherf*cking clouds because who in the f*ck counts clouds with a n*gga you don’t want to go to Target with, my n*gga, ya smell me…like who the fu…

What was I saying?

The remix: “I love…going to the gym.” (Or for ‘going to the gym’ insert any number of things.)

We all know that person who swears they love doing xyz even though through your entire friendship you’ve never actually seen them do that. For instance, me? I love eating cauliflower! Very few people have seen me eat cauliflower…do you know why? Because I hate that sh*t. I don’t trust white vegetables. Or the police.

“I’m not a bad person.”

We covered that some months back but I figured I’d resurrect it. MJ. Man’s favorite lie.

“I would never…”

Woman’s favorite lie.

So…good folks of VSB, what the lies we most frequently tell ourselves?? Holla at a playa!

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. ME TOO aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

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Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • wec-1

    Long time lurker I definitely agree.
    A lot of times people say crap just to say it or because it sounds good
    1.

    • Asiyah

      I agree!

  • Cheech

    I normally don’t do this but…..

    That is my favorite lie ever because no matter what they say I will never believe them.

    I will stop procrastinating is my favorite one

    • nillalatte

      Yeah, “I normally don’t do this, but” is a dead give away to actually saying “I do this, but I’m trying to pretend like I’m not x and want you to think I’m y.” Stop playing. They gonna find out later on down the line that you did ALL dat and more. :)

      • Perverted Alchemist

        Like taking it in the….
        -
        *looks around and sees everyone stare*
        -
        Yeah, I’m gonna go…that way…
        -
        *walks off*

        • Keisha

          LOL

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        yeah…even Jesus said that then turned water into wine…quick. he did that before.

        • ‘L’

          My favs:
          Men: It wasn’t me, 2) I’ll respect u n the morning, 3) Yeah, I’ll call u, 4) I won’t put it n all the way, 5) I’ll pull out 6) I don’t care how many people you’ve been with
          Women: I’ve only been with xx men, 2) I’m thick, 3) I weigh xx
          I’ll pay u back, 2) I’ll get it next time

    • GypsyCurl

      “This is my first time….”

      • Asiyah

        LOL!

    • Sweet GA Brown

      Sounds like something one says in the comfort of a king size bed.

      • Tristan

        or the bathroom of a club, or the backseat of an impala….

    • H.H.H.

      “I normally don’t do this but…”

      go on hit ‘em with the remix #Kellz

  • msdebbs

    I hate lies and I hate being lied to…but I lie sometimes. It’s just what people do. But if your goanna part take in fumbling the truth PLEASE for goodness sake make it a believable lie. I met this dude recently from a dating site and he described himself as athletically fit but he didn’t have any full body pics. So we met up and well…he’s fit from the neck up. Lucky for him I actually like chunky dudes so he gets a pass even tho I called him out on it.

    • GypsyCurl

      As I have gotten older, I found that there is no need to lie bc the truth works just as good as a lie. Want to hurt someone’s feelings? Tell them the truth. Want to get rid of that pesky guy that won’t take no for an answer? Tell him the truth.
      …….
      True story…..
      Guy: “Let me show you the proper way to do squats. You have to go all the way down like you’re sitting on a toilet.”
      My response (trying laugh off my annoyance): “What? You don’t think I know what I am doing? This is not my first time at the gym.”
      What my truthful response should have been: “The reason I am not squatting all the way down is bc blood is coming out of my Va-”
      ……
      Moral of the story (besides the fact the dude would have never tried to “help” a woman at the gym) ….. Something about lies and truths….. But really I just wanted to share this story bc it pissed me off that this dude who doesn’t know me calls himself trying to help me when I already know what I am doing since I am an avid gym rat. I got the 2 pack to prove it; trying to get to a 6 pack.

      • Rewind

        I could see how that annoyed the shyte out of you, but that could have possibly been himi hitting on you or him annoyed that he’s watching another woman do it the wrong way (could be possible).
        -
        But you should have told the truth. The look on his face after being told you won’t let Moses part the Red Sea would have been worth money.

        • GypsyCurl

          Yes his reaction would have been priceless but I am such a lady that I thought twice about it. As i get older though, I am developing the old person attitude to say whatever is on my mind. My filter is wearing down.
          .
          Yeah i had a friend with me and she said he was just flirting.

      • Asiyah

        I agree, Gypsy Curl! A lot of times the truth does what you think the lie is going to do.

    • WIP

      “but I lie sometimes. It’s just what people do.”
      *
      I actually rarely have occasion to lie. I’m not good at it, but I never get any practice. I guess I could just start lying for no reason.

    • Perverted Alchemist

      “I hate lies and I hate being lied to…but I lie sometimes.”
      -
      This comment sounds like what Rick James said on Chappelle’s Show.
      -
      “What do I look like rubbing my feet into a sofa like it’s something to do?
      Yeah, I remember grinding my feet into Eddie’s couch” (LMAO!!!)

      • Asiyah

        lmao

  • msdebbs

    And why do men lie about stupid sh*t like their age?? Especially older men Steve Harvey’s age telling chicks their 30 years old…negro you aint seen 30 in 10 20 years STOP LYING!

    • Latonya

      Probably due to lack of self confidence ???

    • Sweet GA Brown

      Girl you aint never lied. Lol.

    • Tristan

      Because they are way off on the life/age scale…..a 27 year old making 10/hr no kids, never married sounds alot better than a 40 year old in that same situation

      • Yoles

        Sonic BOOM

        • WIP

          game.day.bucket.

    • Perverted Alchemist

      Older people in the dating scene are desperate for attention, for the most part. I’ve seen stuff…

    • Animate

      Wait…a woman…is asking why men lie about their ages?

      hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

      HA

      • Ms. Bridget

        That is kinda funny…

      • GypsyCurl

        I never lie about my age (28 soon to be 29). I love getting older. I hate that for whatever reason society has programmed women to lie about their age.
        .
        I work with 2 older women who make a big deal out of their birthdays but wont tell their age. Dont celebrate your Arfing birthday if you dont want to tell your age you arfing attention seeker! What makes it worse is that I am the youngest by a decade so they are all envious of my youth.

      • Yoles

        women in general lie about their age because the common belief is that youth and beauty is all that a woman has of value (aside from the actual v.agina) in the dating market, so in order to make herself a viable option she needs to be perceived as valuable hence young. i find that very funny because it is not necessarily based on how old she looks or acts but how old she can make ppl believe she is currently

        ~

        as for men i don’t think they lie about their age in general, which makes it really weird for the ones that do :/

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      That’s one that’s always surprised me. But I’ve learned and met a few women who’ve lied about some of THE dumbest shit ever too. Very similar to the age thing.

  • chameleonic

    i treat other people as if theyre liars just because most people are not mentally in reality. theyre in a reality where theyre better, stronger, faster, smarter than they actually are and have a sense of confidence surrounding that lie, mostly because people will accept it for whatever it is. me? i want you base. i want you to see yourself for who you are and because you absolutely hate who you see, work on it. dont expect me to pretend i like you or care about you because i dont. everything about you is false and ill know youre being honest with me when you hate me for seeing you and knowing the truth.

    problem with growing up so sheltered and moral is these eyes of mine. seeing what i shouldnt and knowing what i wanna be blind too.

    i know the lies i tell myself and i promise youll never hear me look at myself and admit to them. id just prefer to fix me. it doesnt matter what i tell myself about me so as long as the actual reality is what i tell other people. so as long as i live right. im not ready to confess to all the emotional bullsh*t but maybe ill write myself a letter tonight and sign it…

    ‘love,
    yourself’

  • nillalatte

    You ain’t never lied! Why you wanna start now? :P
    .
    You know, I listen to men, intently. I listen because I’ve learned over the years to disseminate what they really mean when they tell you things. Not specifically about relationships or where we might be in one. Y’all do have a tendency to be quite honest about whether you’re just sport phucking someone or you really have an interest. And, this is probably part of my paranoia with men, r/t my ex, who is a psychopathological liar. I learned to listen and put the puzzles together. I got so damn good at interpreting his lies it was really phucking scary.
    .
    As for ‘normal’ men. Remember that saying… give them enough rope and they’ll hang themselves. Yeah. I like doing that. I just sit and listen. It’s pretty interesting, over time, to hear the contradictory stuff that comes out of ones mouth.

    • GypsyCurl

      Listening is the best way to know a person. Some people will talk so much, they end up revealing their true selves. I also like to observe how people interact with each other. If someone is nice to me but I see them acting like a B or bully to someone else, I will not associate with that person.

    • esa

      listening is everything. so much is said in the space in between the words, in the silences, pauses, and redirected discourse.
      .
      but i do wonder about consistency. i would be nervous around someone who did not contradict themselves because i believe contradiction to be a natural state of human existence. we are often at odds with ourselves, holding two opposing ideas in our mind at the same time and finding an ever-shifting equilibrium in the complexities of life.
      .
      someone who only took one side and held to it at all times, someone who never changes, never evolves, never negotiates the confusion by exploring the other side .. this would read as a lie of omission to me.

      • Daisy

        I live for your post! Spot on yet again.

    • Perverted Alchemist

      Who hurt you? LMAO!!!

      • nillalatte

        You get hurt if you’ve ever loved and lost for whatever reason. But, you learn to love again, sometimes more carefully. Trust is something that I don’t give easily to anyone. When it comes to entering into a relationship with a man, I’m very apprehensive for a plethora of reasons. Being a liar is a big one. Psychopathology is another. And, the list goes on. Sometimes I wonder if there are really any ‘normal’ people in the world. Give your moniker, I’d say you’re 50/50. :D

        • Perverted Alchemist

          “You get hurt if you’ve ever loved and lost for whatever reason. But, you learn to love again, sometimes more carefully. Trust is something that I don’t give easily to anyone. When it comes to entering into a relationship with a man, I’m very apprehensive for a plethora of reasons. Being a liar is a big one. Psychopathology is another. And, the list goes on.”
          -
          However, is it fair to the man you’re entering into a relationship to judge him based on what happened to you in the past? If you think that’s the case, then that makes you no better than the nice guys that most women like to deride. I understand the whole concept of being in love and being hurt- hell, I’ve been there and we all have. What I’m asking is the justification necessary when you meet someone new. Put the shoe on the other foot. Would you like it if a man you were dating did the exact same thing to you? I would assume no.

          “Sometimes I wonder if there are really any ‘normal’ people in the world. Give your moniker, I’d say you’re 50/50. :D”
          -
          I have been upfront about who I am. Yes, I’m outspoken and an asshole by birth and nature. I’ve never hidden how I am. What you see me post online is the exact same thing I’ll say in real life (I guess that’s why I have so many enemies, LAWL!!!!!)

          • esa

            i never get the azzhole vibe from you. i mean you are the man talkinnn bout, “don’t take the bait” which has become a quiet lil mantra inside my head.
            .
            to me you’re more like a cat with a mouse. you play until you get bored by the game then you’re out. like Mami said down below, you foreva start stories you neva finish, and we are sitting here like, Yes, please do go onnn ..
            .
            that’s how you keep em cominn back for more ~*~

          • nillalatte

            “is it fair to the man you’re entering into a relationship to judge him based on what happened to you in the past?”
            .
            Short answer: No. Long answer: Depending on what one has been through, you never forget, and certain actions or statements will cause flashbacks to a previous time. A man that I’ve known for quite sometime (I refer to him as ‘my guy’ here but he truly isn’t mine by mutual agreement) when we were just starting to talk used to say something or tell me about things he did that I’ve experienced in the past. It would cause flashbacks and I would tell him, most of the time, how what he said or did affected me. He asked me several times early on in our friendship if I was ready to date. I said no because the space I was in at the time and what was going on in my life, it wouldn’t be fair to me or to the guy I was dating to be in a relationship. I ain’t the kind of woman who will cry on your shoulder – much – unless I’m just REALLY down.
            .
            First and foremost, I didn’t lie to myself. I recognized the situation for what it was and didn’t want to bring anyone into that. Then there’s that whole other issue of my very young children at that time.

    • Asiyah

      I’m with Nilla. I make sure to listen. And when he’s criticizing me, of course it’s going to hurt (especially if I didn’t ask for his opinion) but after the initial annoyance I listen because he might have some excellent points. But mostly, I listen so that I can catch him in a lie LOL!

      • Asiyah

        Let me clarify, the catching in a lie part is not when he’s providing criticism. It’s when he’s just talking.

  • I Am Your People

    The biggest lies cost me money. I buy clothes one size too small saying I’m going to lose weight. Doesn’t happen. I just spent $17 on a fake TRX suspension trainer. I’m glad I didn’t spend $150+ on the real cuz it’s chillin in the box. Then there’s my yoga mat, aerobics step, yoga socks, pilates stuff…oh, and my gym membership is collecting dust *weeps*

    • Val

      Yeah, sometimes I lie to myself saying I’m going to get into doing something, then spend money behind that lie. Like I’m going to take a tai chi class, I sign up and pay for it then I don’t go.

  • Charcoal Burnt Brother Lover

    I’m 5’10″ motherphakka. That’s all.

    • Val

      Lol. Yeah, you and Judge Judy. :-)

      -

      Hiya, AM!
      -

      *waves*

      • Charcoal Burnt Brother Lover

        *waving*!! :)

        Tell that to HIM, loool!!! :)

    • Perverted Alchemist

      We all know that you’re 5’2″- with heels!!!!!

      • Charcoal Burnt Brother Lover

        Talking about this midget of a man whose confident lie surpassed his height. .

        • Perverted Alchemist

          And how tall was he in real life? I’m well aware of your blind hate of short men, LMAO!!

  • Think2Inspire

    The biggest lie I’ve told myself was in college “I’m not drinking, ever, after this.”

    Two weeks later, who is that on the table in the bar? -,_- Me. The times I’ve gotten most sh!t faced drunk is after a big stress has passed. Exam Week always followed some ‘bash’ at a club. One time I was pleading for my life with
    “Lawd, I swear if I make it I’m going to change my ways. I swear Lawd.”

    Sadly my 21st birthday was a few weeks later.

    • Perverted Alchemist

      *passes Think2Inspire more Heineken*

    • WIP

      LOL, I think everybody feels like this when they’re hunched over a toilet.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      Ya know, I never actually told myself that I’d stop drinking. No matter how f*cked up I got. I just chalked it up to experience.

  • That Ugly Kid

    “I’m happy with my life….”

    • chameleonic

      “im a machine all day every day and i can keep this persona up for forever because…im happy with my life…”

    • GypsyCurl

      Facebook posts and pictures abounds #ThouProtests2Much

    • Perverted Alchemist

      I know a woman who used to say that- a lot. She tried to commit suicide two weeks ago by jumping off the bridge…more on that later….

      • Charcoal Burnt Brother Lover

        Later?! Urrgh, if you are going to start telling a story why not just finish it…..so, what was really happening?

        • Perverted Alchemist

          Apparently she was going through a really hard time. She couldn’t handle the pressure and attempted suicide. A guy passing over the bridge jumped out of his car and went to save her. Last I’ve heard, she was in the hospital recovering.