Men lie, women lie, numbers lie. Lies lies everywhere, up to my elbows up to my hair. Some of the biggest liars on the planet are folks who swear they don’t lie. I know some folks who HATE liars, who I’ve heard with my own two eyes come up with the most ri-damn-diculous story every for how or why they’re doing whatever the f*ck they were doing…when.
I’ve come to reason that people only truly don’t like lies when they feel like they affect them personally. Yes. This is a conclusion I’ve drawn. Etch-A-Sketch style.
Well, while LIE BAD!, the truth is folks make up sh*t all the time. It’s almost a national past-time. We don’t even mean to do it half the time. Some people’s entire existence is a lie. We view ourselves through certain lenses even if that ain’t who we are. You know that whole, “be the change you want to see” mantra? I loves it. Well, many of us are from the “say I’m this long enough and hopefully folks will believe it even if that’s not remotely who I am”.
Not coincidentally, I’m from the Wishan*gga Woods. We got a library. Pshaw.
So here is a list of lies that we often tell ourselves.
“I don’t play games.”
Ninja, you just bought stock in Milton Bradley while playing hopscotch during recess while singing Kurtis Blow’s “Basketball”. I will say that while I know we all play games, I’ve heard more women swear that they don’t play any sort of games…which I’m almost convinced is a game within itself. Have you seen The Legend of Bagger Vance? Of course you have. Charlize Theron’s character in that movie was the epitome of game-playing. Spades, anyone? RACISM!
“I keeps it 100!”
Men are guilty of this. We are all liars (that’s a lie). Just be clear, when this is being said, we ARE keeping it 100…we’re telling you 100 percent of what we want you to hear at that moment. Not that folks are always lying to you, but the point is, and I’m keeping it 100, Tupac is alive.
(Women) “I hear you. And I understand. Thanks for being honest.”
Fellas, never ever believe a woman who tells you that she appreciates your honesty. Or that she’s listening to you. I mean she probably is at that moment, but it won’t last very long because fairly soon after she’s going to be really mad at you for something. There’s a good chance you just had a talk about where you stand. There’s also a fairly good chance that if you ever speak to her again after said conversation you will be accused of sending mixed signals. To keep it 100, I don’t play games…so I’m glad you hear me and understand where I’m coming from.
(Men) “I’m working on myself and becoming a better me. For us. For me.”
Believe it when you see it, sister. Now, this one could probably go both ways as well, but I’ve learned in life that most people are full of sh*t. People like inspirational books and posters and paintings because they like to look at words. For the vast majority of us, real change comes thru real loss. Most of us finally figure sh*t out when it’s too late. Sound cynical? Well I keeps it 100. I know you understand.
“I’m going to go to the gym.”
This lasts for many people through the second trip to the gym. Then stuff starts coming up. Folks don’t realize that the longer you go between visits, the harder it is to go back. It’s just like having sex with somebody you ain’t really feeling but is always there. You start waiting a month in between…they notice. They start asking you if you care about them adn whether or not they’re just their for your using since, well, you only call during certain hours and not really ever because you want to talk or spend time or hang out or count motherf*cking clouds because who in the f*ck counts clouds with a n*gga you don’t want to go to Target with, my n*gga, ya smell me…like who the fu…
What was I saying?
The remix: “I love…going to the gym.” (Or for ‘going to the gym’ insert any number of things.)
We all know that person who swears they love doing xyz even though through your entire friendship you’ve never actually seen them do that. For instance, me? I love eating cauliflower! Very few people have seen me eat cauliflower…do you know why? Because I hate that sh*t. I don’t trust white vegetables. Or the police.
“I’m not a bad person.”
We covered that some months back but I figured I’d resurrect it. MJ. Man’s favorite lie.
“I would never…”
Woman’s favorite lie.
So…good folks of VSB, what the lies we most frequently tell ourselves?? Holla at a playa!
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. ME TOO aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3