Dear Champ (Vol 2): How do men really feel about women and their hair?

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If you were not aware, the new hair wave with black women is the desire and the act of going natural. Including myself. Since going natural, the way i’ve been treated and my interaction with the other gender has changed drastically. I won’t say whether good or bad. I will say that there has been a change overall in every aspect of my life….

So the question I pose is this: How do men really feel about women and their hair? The ‘Natural’ thing? Weaves? Relaxer? Braids? etc etc… Or does a real man even really care? I’m not sure if this is a topic you all have touched on already, but I am anxious to hear your thoughts.

There are two ways to answer this question, and because I’m feeling particularly magnanimous today, I’ve decided to share both.

The easy, Black Blog Tea Party appeasing answer: Stop trippin, sis. Whether it came from your own scalp or Shamika’s House of Indian Hair and Waffles, it’s your hair, and you can do whatever the hell you want to it. Don’t allow yourself to be so caught up with how men perceive you that you lose yourself in a minefield of archaic heteronormative expectation. Plus, real men, manly men, don’t give a damn about your hair, and those who do are just weak-minded and insecure agents for the on-going feminization of male culture. You think Malcolm gave a damn whether Betty wanted to rock cornrows? You think Barack would have stopped sweating Michelle if he happened to see a couple tracks?

The VerySmart answer: Hair matters, and men care about women’s hair. Generally speaking, men like “nice” hair, and nice could mean natural, weaves, relaxers, braids, or even baldys. But, how each man defines “nice” is determined by each individual man, and each of us have our own particular hair-related likes and dislikes. (Personally, I tend to be drawn to women with “safe” and relatively low-maintenance hairstyles, and I’m usually not a big fan of a ton of hair)

And while there is no “right” or wrong “hairstyle”, I’d be remiss if I didn’t say there might possibly be a right or wrong hairstyle to attract the type of man you’re interested in. As stated in “How Your Look Affects Your Luck”, we’re usually attracted to certain “types” of women, and way a woman wears her hair makes a difference in how she’s initially regarded because many of us associate certain do’s with certain personalities.

Also, from a purely aesthetic viewpoint, some head shapes and facial structures just don’t go with certain hairstyles, and I’ve seen women make the mistake of assuming that a guy wasn’t into a particular hairstyle when the truth was that he just wasn’t into that particular hairstyle on her. This is true for men and women though. For instance, I’d never shave my head because I just don’t have the head shape to rock a baldy without perpetual ridicule, and I’d look distinctly different (and quite rhesus monkey-ish) without my beard and mustache as well.

When beginning to date, is it better to let a dude know that he is in competition with others or make him think he is the only one (without lying, of course)?

This is tricky. You probably don’t want to just come out and say “You know, I just found out last night that there really is room for two in the men’s stalls at The Cheesecake Factory” in mid-date discussion, but you also don’t want to give him the impression that he’s the damn fool on the date with the chick nobody wants.

The best way to handle this is to let him think you might have other suitors without actually saying it or even implying it. Don’t bring it up, but if he asks about your Saturday plans and you already have a date with another man that Saturday, just tell him you’re “busy”. If he presses, remind him he’s new and that your business is none of his.

CHAMP had sex with a guy, not thinking much of it, but now I WANT MORE AND MORE. . Is there any chance of a relationship AND THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WITH A BLACK MAN I AM WHITE FEMALE.I REALLY LIKE HIM ALOT, BUT I FEEL I AM COMEN ON TO STRONG .

If this email is any indication of how strong you might be coming on, even the zombies in 28 Days Later would tell you to slow down a bit.

I’m tired of meeting a guy, giving him my number, and he text messages me. No phone calls just texts! Or if we have a great first date and then all he does is text message me after that. What’s up with that?

If you would have asked this question a couple years ago, I probably would have said something about how this lack of social decorum is a sign that he’s either too immature to be taken seriously and/or that he obviously doesn’t respect or value you enough to continue dating him.

Although this still might be true, I’ve come to realize that the text message has completely overtaken the telephone as the main form of communication for many people. And, while I do think it’s a bit odd to text a woman you’ve just met instead of calling her, the vast majority of these people text out of habit and convenience, not rudeness or disinterest. What long-term effect this will have on our culture remains to be seen, but if it’s really an issue for you, send him one reply stating that you’d prefer to actually hear his voice instead of the new text message alert. If he still refuses to call, then, well, you have your answer.

Champ when my girl catches the big one, she starts crying which totally freaks me out and turns me off. What should I do? Should I hold back?

Take your girl to church this Sunday. While you’re there, steal a Bible. After you get back home, take the Bible in the bedroom by yourself, and get down on your knees to thank God for placing this woman in your life. Repeat this process everyday for the next 35 years (give or take a decade or so)

If this doesn’t work, send two high-definition pictures of your girl and her email address to contact@verysmarbrothas.com so I can auction off her contact info. I’m thinking about buying a new car, and the money I’ll make from this should probably cover the down payment.

*You can contact Dear Champ at Formspring.me/AskChamp and contact@verysmartbrothas.com*

—The Champ

333 thoughts on “Dear Champ (Vol 2): How do men really feel about women and their hair?”

  2. Champ. I think you did an excellent job of pusyfooting (<– LOL, love that term) around the hair question. I think what she was really asking, and what many black women are curious to know the answer to, is do men prefer what's known as "good hair" (straight, long, curly, "combination"/mixed chick hair) versus regular ol' black hair. Relaxers, natural, but not combination, hair? Because if TV and the sort of women I see black men dating around town are any indication, black men aren't trying to deal with anyone who doesn't have "good hair". Light skin is a bonus. Thoughts??

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    • you got a point ,i recently went natural myself and the reactions i get from men are very telling (read: more attention from men of other races and slightly less from black men). but i will say this, the black
      men who do approach me tend to be different, more mature (not in age) ,less petty ,good quality dudes. rarely get the thugs nowadays, which isn’t too bad…

      i think some people tend to think along the lines of

      light with ‘good hair’ = most likely mixed so the best looking black (female)
      dark with ‘good hair’= better
      dark with kinky hair= ok…

      of course quite a number of men do not think along those lines, but i think majority do (majority in this case ranging from 50.1% – 99.9%)

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      • same here. when i wear my hair natural (small kinky fro, no curls), i usually get compliments from older men and non-black men. but i still get compliments from the occasional thug….hey thugs need love too.

        i’m still shocked at how this being natural is such a big deal. it is now a trend and a phenomena to wear your hair the way it grows from your gotdang scalp! my friend came to visit me from ohio recently and he was like, “damn errybody in houston is natural too!” i was like wtf when they was putting relaxers in their hair, wasn’t nobody talking about it like they are this.

        tidbit: a natural hair question was the final question at a scholarship pageant i recently attended. not the oil spill or your typical how to help children in Africa that are starving question. well…

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        • natural also…i rock a fade and sometimes i don’t even use the guard to cut it.

          although…i did have a dream last night in which i said that i would grow it back…hmmmm

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      • Co-sign 100%

        I’ve been natural for a year and a half now and I have no curl/wave to my hair and I am dark skinned; I get more attention from non black men than I do from my own men when my hair is natural.

        Now, let me plait my fro up and throw on a lacefront and I get mad love from the brothers and everyone else; kinda sad.

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      • I have had the exact same experience with going natural.
        When I went natural about 3 years ago, men, well, let me “keep it real”, Black men, were seemingly freaked out by me rockin’ the curly ‘fro and thought I was some kind of Black Revolutionary or a granola-crunchy, tree-hugging vegan (*not that there’s anything wrong with any of those things*) I get compliments on my hair, sometimes, but with most Black men, that’s usually where it stops.
        And like you, I find the Black men that DO approach me are of a different caliber and have a bit more maturity and more of an open mind.

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    • about the hair thing…i personally have to agree with the champ’s vague response. while there are some definite red flags for me (usually include streaks of some color, wild asymmetry, or actual red flags tucked into her ‘do), i think it definitely is more about who is rocking the hairstyle versus what the actual style is. personally, i could never date a sister that wore a wig; and i prefer natural hair to weaves and perms, but to each her own. that doesn’t mean i’d turn down a sister who was clearly dope just because she had the Madam CJ Walker slickback.

      case in point, my SO rocks the natural-esque weave and gets many compliments from her female peers. it works on her, and i know better than to make any comments about her hair choice.

      plus i got dumb thick hair and id rather my seeds grow up with some coarse african carpet hair than some thin wispywavy 2520 alopecia type isht.

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    • I think people simply have preferences, and that sometimes it’s hard to generalize because some of those preferences are very particular and also because those preferences vary in strength. I prefer soft hair that I can run my fingers through. Same time, if Goapele were here right now I wouldn’t be typing this reply. My preferences are of the “if I could hand-pick a woman this is what I’d pick” type. Life is not Weird Science, though; and I know there are insanely beautiful women of all hair types and skin hues. There are three women I’d marry right now (not celebrities or anything) if they asked, and one of them looks nothing like the other two…who don’t look that much alike themselves. Hair, hues, and so on…just part of an overall package.

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    • @Courtney: agreed! I don’t know i it’s a regional thing (South, east Coast, West Coast or Worldwide) but maybe I’m biased bc I’m chocolate, and it’s funny if you are darkerskinned with long hair people are quick to Ask or ASSume it’s weave?? like if you are darker complexion your hair can’t grow..wtf? I’ve had literally every style, and it doesn’t define me, I pick a style thats work and maintenence friendly for me, My last relaxer was in March and I’ve had microbraids since bc this HEAT in the south is too much, and the last person that did my hair didn’t Listen to ME freakin’ annoying..anywhoo I don’t really care for guys with Dreads/Braids/Twist…I like Low cut ceazas wit da deep waves(DestinysChild)..waves on swim so they hate on him (Nicki)

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    • **twitter-inspired mission to free myself from lurking. @imhotep06, thx*

      I was initially one of the “fine, long” hair stans. Coming from a fair skinned family, this was what I saw as standards of beauty growing up. My ex, however, is a bad chocolate sis who got that tough as Nigerian hair. Weezy. After being with her, and seeing her rotate through hairstyles more than I changed draws, my affection for short and/or natural styles has grown exponentially.

      And Champ hit it right on point. It’s what hairstyle looks best on //you//. I grieved the weave because it was fake. I could tell it when I looked at it, when I smelled it, when she fussed with it, when my fingers were banned from running through it and other technical difficulties, the shit was just annoying. When summer hit and she did the short HalleBerry-esque crop, I, the Pocahontas lover, did a double take. It was just that sexy, and brought out a edgy attitude to her look. Her varying looks of natural thereafter were hot, refreshing. She was comfortable in it, and from there on down, her aura was just. . .different. I’m now a believer.

      So yea, long hair is hot, we were conditioned to love it, but with the right application, natural can be even better in some cases.

      As far as the women I’ve seen around town? There’s probably a good reason:

      http://media.photobucket.com/image/nappy%20ponytail/orchid1197/nappy_ponytail.jpg

      Don’t do it.

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    • hmmm…I wonder if this has anything to w/ geographical location- i’m thinking maybe age too- in undergrad, when we were practically still teenagers, i think there was greater attention paid to the light and wavies, but I don’t really see that anymore- I live in Baltimore by the way, and there are a pretty good amount of sistas who keep it kinky- and not just lil’ fros (I do attract older men/internationals when i wear it that way), but a decent (still minority) amount of women do locs, twists, intricate braids, etc. – when I’m looking fly and age appropriate (I’m almost 30) i attract plenty of men, from 16 – 60- I just think dudes here are looking at your shape/style/comportment, and hair is an afterthought- either that, or guys here really love nappy hair!

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    • Champ. I think you did an excellent job of pusyfooting (<– LOL, love that term) around the hair question. I think what she was really asking, and what many black women are curious to know the answer to, is do men prefer what’s known as “good hair” (straight, long, curly, “combination”/mixed chick hair) versus regular ol’ black hair.

      lol, i wasn’t pussyfootiing. it really does depend on the guy. some men prefer the natural look, some like relaxed black hair, some like “good” hair, etc, etc. it matters to all of us, but exactly how it matters is case by case

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    • Not even gonna lie, men do prefer “good” hair; at least the ones i hang around. this doesn’t mean we’re opposed to natural hair. it just means that it has to look well-kempt. i’m not really into the small, kinky fro. but if you let it grow out or straighten it i can dig it.

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    • The truth is that hair for men is a lot like penis for women.

      Everybody needs different things. Some like natural, some like bone straight. Some like that “mixed” look, as they say.

      There is no one standard. I’ve dated women with all kinds of hair, and my wife treats her hair like a random accessory that she may change on whim. I recently cut her hair into a mohawk after she’d been rocking it in an afro, twists or braids for months.

      Some men only like one thing, some men like variety.

      Just like women and penises.

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    • 28 days later was a good movie, although the path that the storyline took near the end was a bit different than I expected…perhaps that’s just a British thing. 28 weeks later was good, too…but definitely more Americanized. Both are now in my DVD collection. I’ve been hoping that a 28 months later would appear and, per my google search just now, it’ll be out sometime next year.

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  6. * I don’t see what the big deal is about hair. Women should just wear their hair how they like it, and if a man is attracted to white girls blond weaves or an afros, it’s his right, and no one should try to change his mind.

    *On the note of Shamika’s House of Indian Hair and Waffles, there used to be a (Black owned, of course) store near my house that sold music instruments, had piano lessons, sold pagers, cell phones and did car detailing.

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  7. Unfortunately, the “right” hairstyle to attract nearly most men is straightened hair. Too much experience interacting with men, with flat -ironed, chemically relaxed, and natural hair, has taught me that some dudes will not ever find coarse/kinky/tightly-coiled hair attractive no matter who its on.

    Even once you get in a relationship, a man needs to know that other men find you attractive. You don’t disrespect your relationship, but he has to know that he has to continue to put in work to keep you all to himself.

    The prevalence of texting over calling just gave immature, trifling dudes more acceptability at being immature and trifling. It’s one thing to text a quick ‘good morning’ or ‘i’m running late.’ But kneegrows try to have entire text conversations. No ma’am.

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    • The prevalence of texting over calling just gave immature, trifling dudes more acceptability at being immature and trifling. It’s one thing to text a quick ‘good morning’ or ‘i’m running late.’ But kneegrows try to have entire text conversations. No ma’am.

      Exactly.

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    • I was beginning to wonder if I was just old-fashioned or something. Last year I kept meeting women who seemed to prefer texting over calling. I decided that if a conversation can’t be wrapped up in 3 texts, it’s time to start dialing…it’s not like the phone isn’t already in your hands.

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      • I prefer to text. That being said, I prefer not to text all day so I agree with your comment. When it comes to a point when it’s obvious that we’re already in convo, then I’m going to call him instead of trying to send 7 texts in a row to convey what I’m trying to say.

        Also, I hate when someone sends me a text asking something that they KNOW will prompt a convo. If I’m dating someone and they hit me up like “I’m mad at you because xyz” that’s immature because stuff like that warrants a convo.

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    • “The prevalence of texting over calling just gave immature, trifling dudes more acceptability at being immature and trifling”

      see, thats the thing: i dont know if you can consider this mode of communication to automatically be immature and trifling anymore. i mean, 50 years ago, it was seen as rude to call a woman on the telephone, and some years before that, it was rude to ask her on a date without clearing it with both parents (and her pastor) first.

      my point? shit changes, and while people might have certain preferences, i wouldnt be so quick to assume that people who don’t share yours are just rude and lazy

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  8. Hair: women have the right to do what they want. Men have the right to react how they want. Yes, we VSBs often associate hairstyles with personality styles. If I see a sister with Karma Chameleon hair (red, gold, and green…red, gold and gree-ee-een) I have a thought in my head. If I see If a sister has on a headwrap and it’s 95 degrees with 95% humidity, I have a different thought. Perception is what it is, and unless researched it pretty much becomes reality.

    Letting a dude know: need-to-know basis. Same on the other side. I think volunteering such info might look like pressuring, and that refusing to answer when asked might make one look shady. Simple, straightforward communication: is there a reason why it’s so hard?

    First timer: if it didn’t have the words “white female” I’d have thought it was from an African nation and she asked him to send her his bank account information. As is, she needs a chill pill. They need to make real chill pills and sell them at Spencer’s or something.

    Texter: who texts a woman first? I understand the rationale, but who does that? I typed my “rap” into my phone and showed this girl the messages once at a club (while still dancing). She thought it was inventive and it worked out. Still, though, once that first step was out of the way it was call time.

    Crying: that happened to me once, but it wasn’t over yet. Wasn’t my girl either, but I digress. I just stopped. Couldn’t even go back in the bedroom until she stopped crying. Weird experience. Going back, it depends on the type of crying. If it’s Surface-type crying (“The First Time”) that’s one thing. If it’s straight boo hoo hoo (the girl I mentioned fell into this category), re-evaluation is in order. Not necessarily action based on said re-evaluation, but it’s time to re-run some thoughts.

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    • “Letting a dude know: need-to-know basis. Same on the other side. I think volunteering such info might look like pressuring, and that refusing to answer when asked might make one look shady. Simple, straightforward communication: is there a reason why it’s so hard?”

      Everytime I’ve dated a lady who intimated (either directly or via context) that she was dating others, I took that as my que to exit stage left or put her in a non-serious/jumpoff category. I tend to interview one candidate at a time and focus on getting to know her and her alone to allow me to make a decision about whether she and I can go forward with something long term. I’m aware that women are better multi-taskers than men, but I choose not to knowingly be “tasked”. Besides, I’m an only child; I require undivided attention. :)

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      • This is not about ‘rights’ as, yes, everyone has a ‘right’ to do whatever they want.

        This is more about… what is effective? What works?

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  9. I totally think that a woman’s hair is a bigger deal to men than they would have you believe. I have made comments about my desire to “go natural” to male friends and to men I’m dating, and they all end up giving me the same blank stare and shake their heads. Male friends have suggested that I not make the transition until after I find a husband because they are concerned that I will be less likely to attract the upwardly mobile, professsional man that I want. I always receive compliments on my relaxed healthy long hair so I maybe that’s why men wonder why I would want to chnage my look. Growing out my relaxer has more to do with my desire to live a more healthful, natural lifestyle rather than achieving a certain look. However, with such trepidation from the black male species, it does make me pause as a single black woman but hey I’ve got to do me. Thank God I just moved back to the District were natural locks are way more common.

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    • Thank God I just moved back to the District were natural locks are way more common.

      someone else brought this up already, but i would like to see how “acceptance” of certain hairstyles differs by region. i would assume that the natural look is much less of a “problem” in d.c. or philly than it would be in l.a. or atlanta

      welcome and sh*t, btw

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      • I live in Atlanta; home of the $50 weave shop. Although there are a fair amount of natural women in Atlanta, it is till the home of the 10″ Remy VIP. I went natural December 09 because a bad perm burned my hair out in the back. My personal experience not that black men approach me less. I went from attracting a certain type of man to many different types of men and races BUT in the same breath the number of men that approach me on a “regular basis” has decreased. When I get a sew in men literally (literally) will bust a u-turn to pump my gas. When I wear coils (locs) every dread head brotha from the west side will shawty me to death. When I just wear a fro there’s no telling LOL. The fact that I no longer attract who I used to did make me feel less attractive and sent me on a shopping spree at the MAC counter but I got [read getting] over that.

        I think people in general assume something about you when you’re natural. I think I’m going to have to wear a Gucci Mane t-shirt so people will stop asking me if I do poetry or want some incense.

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  10. This particular VSB is anti-weave to the point where I don’t approach women with them. I think weaves , like breast implants, are red flags for chicks with self image issues, especially the more extravagant the wet-n-wavy gets. I’m not saying women have to rock an Angela Davis ‘fro but they should be comfortable enough to rock their own hair, whether it’s natural or not.

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    • what’s the difference between relaxed hair and weave…both are artificial. I believe your logic is flawed, sir.

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      • I won’t argue the soundness of my argument because it’s strictly a preference. I prefer natural hair over anything else, but I see weaves as the most artificial of all. *shrug*

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        • Just make sure you don’t dismiss a chick because you think she has a weave. When my hair was longer, men assumed that I had a weave because I was black, and in their minds, my hair couldn’t possibly be my own.

          And, if a chick is on her hair game, you won’t know it’s a weave until you’ve already started dating her. Would you walk a way from a woman that you’ve been dating for weeks, that you are really feeling, just because she wears hair extensions?

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          • Oh no. If I was really feeling her and discovered that I’d been hoodwinked by her weave it wouldn’t be a deal breaker. We all have to be willing to relax our standards for the right person.

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    • A black woman has a right to wear her hair or hair she bought anyway she wants, but I think it’s a problem when you spend $$$ on your weave but can’t pay bills, or you have no hairline (NaomiCampbell), or have Never rocked your real hair whether it was relaxed or natural,etc. Whether you get weave/wigs because of volume, length, give your hair a break (ie Model/ent.industry you must be versatile always change look weave gives you options etc) or maybe their hair fell out due to cancer/meds/stress, or just style, it’s because YOU CAN! that doesn’t necessarily mean she has an image problem, White women wear weaves, hell George Washington and other 2520s/Europeans wore them..I think you have to take different things in consideration whether you work in Corporate America, Television Industry, or A VeggieIndie Store..

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    • and you have a right to that… but my close friend isn’t comfortable rocking her hair because her hairline looks worse that Naomi Campbell’s (Naomi is still fierce tho esp since we bear the same name) and she wears weaves because of it. she has a man so i know not all men are anti-weave, but i feel like a person should get to know someone first. just my opinion.

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      • @Naomi

        “… but i feel like a person should get to know someone first…”

        umm, you know what? i think that sentence is null and void if said to a man about the opposite sex…think about it, no-matter how many times an overweight woman utters that same sentiment the fact is she won’t get very much play (if any) until she looks like what most men think to be attractive at that time…

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  11. Nobody asked me, but…

    1. The hair thing: He’s right: there is a different strokes for different folks things goin’, but I’ve found that quite a few brothers are still stuck on long, fried hair (ain’t nothin’ “relaxin’” about sendin’ your hair and scalp into shock). Although my hair is fried (I’ve been in a permfro phase, for a couple of years), I’m turned-off by men who dislike natural hair. I don’t trust ‘em. Oh, wait: this ain’t about me. The bruhs: sometimes, they head in the other direction when the hair thing comes up, but they are –usually– the conventional “I swear I’m super f****** smart, but I am consumed by everything fed to me via mainstream media” types.

    2. Text messagin’: I don’t tolerate it, but I don’t use the phone anymore –except to take care of business that can’t be handled in person or online. If ANYONE needs to communicate with me (or I with them), there has to be in-person contact. It may be a hard pill for some folks to swallow, but (in addition to other benefits) it’s helped determine who really wants to be in my life, and who can hit the bricks.

    Oh, wait: I did it, again. We weren’t talkin’ about me, were we?….

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    • I forgot about a couple things.

      I don’t care about the white chick, or the ol’ girl who exhaled between dude’s sheets.

      Regarding notification about the other spokes in the wheel, I’m believe in being upfront. That way, a man know’s that I have a life, and he’s not being led to believe that he’s the only person getting my attention (if that’s not the case).

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  12. Oh I’ve missed you VSB!! Work and West Coast time has had me feening!!!

    As far a the hair topic, I’ve just recently started rocking my natural in a really big super curly fro, and let me tell you I get 5 – 7 “Oh I loooove your hair” comments daily. LIke for serious. Every day. These comments are from white women, white men, black women, asian girls, etc. I’ve only had one black man say he loved my hair. :-)

    I say to all females rock what makes you most confident. If the 17 inch yaki, (please Lord, let it be done!!) makes you walk proud…..okay, maybe not the 17inch, but whatever makes you feel best, do you beeyotch!!

    And I hate only texters…. Grrrr….

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    • lol, I’m not talking about websites (although a few qualify, and i think i know the one you’re referring to) as much as certain types of perpetually outraged people

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  14. I’m soooooo loving the comment about brother who freaks out when his girl catches “the big one”. He has absolutely noooo ego. And that’s a little too gay for my taste.

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    • LMAO, that’s that backward female logic.

      Women should atleast know that men find crying women uncomfortable. That’s why we often do anything to make the tears stop. And women know how tears make a man feel… so imagine how one feels when she starts crying during the happiest of times.

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        • im thinking Champ is seeing the crying like SFG’s below…like a “wow she really knows how to enjoy sex/her body” combined with an ego stroke “d@mn i must’ve just really done the d@mn thing” – so Champs seeing it as a pleasant experience- if it’s an over the top cry, or even a happy cry that the guy perceives as “something’s wrong” than I’m sure that could be disturbing

          disclaimer: just my 2 cents, and i’m a girl, so i cld be totally wrong about Champ’s motivation, lol!

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      • Speak for yourself buddy. I once had an O where I was shaking and got eye water (I won’t call it tears)…and my man just stared at me with this half grin. That was the night he told me he was in love with me.

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  15. i think texting vs calling is a tough predicament, as indicated in champ’s previous post. getting an opportunity to edit your words and to be as precise, succinct, and potentially witty is a benefit that one doesn’t have when speaking off the cuff. it gives those who might write better than they publicly speak a fighting chance.

    however, it also gives too much leeway to the immature and borderline illiterate. i know too many ‘grown-*ss’ women who have reverted to junior high antics when they realize their face can’t be seen and don’t have to say things out loud. plus, its very difficult for me to tell how dumb or under-educated you might be over the course of 30 text messages. it is very simple, however, after a 30 minute conversation.

    Reply ↓

    • I think texting should be used just for short conversations. its nice to be able to edit your words, but I know a lot of people who are bad at articulating themselves through words, so its hard to text with them. Then there are people who just love to text and write you three page text messages. I can’t stand that ish!

      In HS i was just a texting fiend! I would send 1,000 text messages in a week or in just a few days. I have no idea why I was sending and recieving so many text messages, but nowadays I barely text anyone. I text my boyfriend, family members and a few classmates, but I speak to everyone else on the phone. Also…facebook and twitter, but texting just takes too much work patience. *shrugs*

      Reply ↓

      • Do you have BBM?

        I rarely text now and I kinda dislike it. But I spend about an hour on BBM everyday.

        Reply ↓

        • Same here.

          BBM is that crack…. especially when you have folks all over this not so green planet of ours…

          Reply ↓

        • At my HS, we could use the office phone or (if you had some change) the pay phone if we needed to make a call (honestly, I’m not sure if some of the youngins’ on this site have ever even used a pay phone before)

          Reply ↓

          • in high school, we had beepers.. cell phones were lookin huge, was something that only the rich white kids had, and the daytime plans were unbearable..
            cell phones didn’t become popular until i was out of high school..
            i remember after Hurricane Wilma and the towers were down. Everyone was walkin round the neighborhood lookin for pay phones..
            There’s still one at the top of my street.. it makes me nostalgic..

            Reply ↓

            • I haven’t seen a working pay phone in years….I remember having to carry some change w/ me growing up if I went somewhere w/ my friends, just in case.

              Another piece of nostalgia…remember when you used to go to the library to do research and look stuff up (i.e., pre-internet)???

              Reply ↓

              • @DG

                “remember when you used to go to the library to do research and look stuff up (i.e., pre-internet)???”

                How about knowing how to use that card catalog?? lol

                Reply ↓

            • Late as hell but y’all just took me way back. I remember beepers, when two way pagers came out, pay phones (I used to call collect and say all I had to say in the name part so my mom didn’t have to accept if I didn’t have change) and having a cell phone before you could text on them… sigh I’m old

              Reply ↓

  16. Hair: I used to spend a lot of time on my hair, but my natural hair has attracted the most compliments and attention from men. I get bored though, so I like to mix it up between curly, wavy, straight.

    Men: Men are competitive so it’s better to let them think that other men find you attractive if you’re dating or a relationship. I’ve seen guys do some crazy things when their woman was attracting attention from other guys.

    Text: A text is cool to say hi, meet up somewhere, or good-night, but I don’t like text conversations. I’m old-fashioned though and prefer a guy who calls especially early in dating.

    Crying is a good thing as long as it’s not that crazy over the top crying.

    Reply ↓

    • “Crying is a good thing as long as it’s not that crazy over the top crying.”

      ^I agree. A guy wants to know if he is hitting it right, but if it is too over the top I can understand a guy maybe being freaked out and not wanting to feel as if he victimized or hurt her or something. For anyone decent, anything over the top could understandably freak someone out.

      Reply ↓

      • I agree. A guy wants to know if he is hitting it right, but if it is too over the top I can understand a guy maybe being freaked out and not wanting to feel as if he victimized or hurt her or something. For anyone decent, anything over the top could understandably freak someone out.

        this is actually true. a couple tears are fine, but if she starts bawling like micheal at the end of the godfather 3 every time she busts a nut, maybe it’s time to call the exorcist.

        Reply ↓

  17. I wear my hair straight and curly depending on my mood, but I usually get the most compliments when my hair is in its naturally curly state. I also am drawn towards women who have naturally curly hair. I feel they are more low maintenance and probably funnier to talk to. My boyfriend makes fun of me because I am always complaining about my hair and he just says that it doesn’t really matter how my hair looks, but I am positive he prefers my curls more.

    Only a few guys have told me my hair looks better straight and those guys are usually gay. I don’t know the significance of this, but I always found this to be interesting. I think your hair is just an extension of your personality, like your clothing. People can tell a bit about your personality from how you choose to wear your hair. CHOOSE WISELY! lol

    Reply ↓

    • @The TalentedMs. Fiasco

      “I also am drawn towards women who have naturally curly hair. I feel they are more low maintenance and probably funnier to talk to.”

      Major o_O !

      Reply ↓

      • lol I noticed this at the begining of this semester. I always befriend women who are low maintenance. It doesn’t matter much after college, but I mean, do I really have a lot in common with the girl who wears fake eyelashes and tons of make up to my politics and mass media class? *shrugs*

        Reply ↓

        • @The TalentedMs.Fiasco

          Don’t get me wrong, I understand if you are not feeling ole girl’s fake lashes and overuse of Mac products (cause my homegirls don’t look like that either). But, here is where I am confused:

          You are drawn to (befriending) women with naturally curly hair because you feel that their personalities will be low maintenance just as their hair is??

          If this is the case, I have stories that can shatter this theory to pieces.

          Reply ↓

  18. All I ask for in a woman’s hair is that it be 100% her own, that it be longer than mine*, and that it be mostly one color (highlights and sh*t or whatever are OK).

    *I had a rule back in the day that I wouldn’t go out with a girl who had less hair than I did. As my afro/braids grew larger/longer, I obviously had to reconsider this, but now that I cut all that crap off, the rule is back in effect.

    Reply ↓

    • All I ask for in a woman’s hair is that it be 100% her own, that it be longer than mine*, and that it be mostly one color

      whats funny is that pretty much every man you talk to will say he hates weave, but men don’t seem to have a problem with dating women that have em. hmmmmm and sh*t

      Reply ↓

      • Women are the same way. Chicks would swear up and down about a list and then end up falling for a man who works at…Mama’s Basement, Incorporated.

        Reply ↓

  19. * I Google Imaged rhesus monkeys to see if I thought Champ would look like one without the goatee. Kind of wish Peej had made that comment since the scientific name is Macaca mulatta. Yes, i have an ignit sense of humor
    * I don’t get the bragging about having other men interested in you. Either the guy’s going to be intimidated or think he’s scored a ho, in which case he’s not paying for your meal.
    * I either want to talk in person or text – I hate the phone. This is a terrible habit, since my mom can’t text, so I don’t communicate with her as often as I probably should.
    * That white girl comment was 10 kinds of wrong. I cannot stop laughing.

    Reply ↓

    • “I Google Imaged rhesus monkeys to see if I thought Champ would look like one without the goatee. Kind of wish Peej had made that comment since the scientific name is Macaca mulatta. Yes, i have an ignit sense of humor”

      *cackles while slapping knee*

      Reply ↓

  20. Champ,

    “CHAMP had sex with a guy”

    ^You may want to edit that or add some punctuation or something. NTTAWWT, but how that reads does not seem true of you.

    I got lots of compliments on my natural hair, but most of them came from white folks and other women. When natural, I got more attention from non-black men and more afrocentric folks. After 7 years of natural styles, I have been getting my hair pressed to change it up. Definitely more glances from the brothers when it’s pressed. However, I agree with how certain styles look on a person. I reject the idea of one’s natural hair and how it grows out their head not fitting them. I’d wager that perhaps it’s the cut, style, or length of the hair that may not fit and not necessarily the texture.

    Texting doesn’t lend itself well to in depth convos. If texting is the only communication, it is very surface or can be misconstrued due to the medium. I think most of us enjoy texting, having a laugh, sharing a thought etc., but if there is no verbal conversation at all, then I don’t see any type of closer connection happening. Leave that alone.

    Reply ↓

  21. I can’t say I really have a preference on hair styles as long as she has some hair, I don’t know if I could getting it in with a chick who had a shaved head. I would be like the lady in the Champ’s post crying if I caught a good skeet skeet (I almost like the term “skeet skeet” as much as “pussyfoot”) because afterward I would feel like I didn’t know myself as well as I thought I did. Hair styles does affect the way I look at women though, for instance, if I was with a women with long straight hair I would think I was more likely to get a lap dance before before we started the love dance, but if I was with a chick with a natural fro I would think the chances of us slipping herbally tea after bumping uglies (another priceless euphemism) would be greatly increased. One more thought on the subject I think that the natural fro look is sexier on a women with a nice big arse to go with and women with less curves look better with perms or short hair. .

    Reply ↓

  22. IDK, been natural almost 6 years now. I seem to attract the same types of guys that I did when I was relaxed. None really said much about my hair except compliments*shrug* Texting? Nah homie, that’s cool if we’ve been chillin’ for a bit, but if you’re early in the game I’ma need you to pick up the horn and call me. Crying? Dayum it’s happened to me before, and I think I was more freaked out than he was…lol

    Reply ↓

  23. “CHAMP had sex with a guy, not thinking much of it, but now I WANT MORE AND MORE. .”

    There REALLY should be a colon between the words Champ and had. Just sayin’.

    Reply ↓

        • Hahaha! Kamakula, I actually chuckled from what you said. I don’t think I’ve even seen you make a funny joke on here before! It’s nice to see that side of you!

          Reply ↓

  24. About the hair…ladies, wear your hair(or weave/wig) however you like. Be true to yourself and look like you want to look. However you decide to wear your hair, someone will like it. Besides, the average man needs easy signs that will disqualify you. Our first impression of you lasts. You’ve been told before that women DO NOT grow on men.

    About the crying thing…the 1st time it happened to me I was scared as hell. I didn’t know if she was hurt or not. It was all good. Now I mount ‘em like American Psycho! LOL

    About the texting thing…Jump-offs get texts only. if I am genuinely interested in something more, I will call(probably not as much as you would like though).

    Reply ↓

    • About the texting thing…Jump-offs get texts only. if I am genuinely interested in something more, I will call(probably not as much as you would like though).

      that’s one thing about texting: a triflin (or savvy, depending how you look at it) man could send the exact same text message to like 8 different women

      Reply ↓

      • “that’s one thing about texting: a triflin (or savvy, depending how you look at it) man could send the exact same text message to like 8 different women”

        Although this is sad, this really made me crack the hell up because I’m imagining some nicca sending a mass text of “Hey ma, i WANNA C U” to a whole family of women.

        Reply ↓

        • “Hey ma, i WANNA C U” to a whole family of women.”

          That text only goes out after midnight on odd numbered days. LOL

          Reply ↓

      • “that’s one thing about texting: a triflin (or savvy, depending how you look at it) man could send the exact same text message to like 8 different women

        With most guys it probably is trifling. They think it is okay to mislead. All of my FWB’s know they aren’t the only FWB. They try harder when you tell them the truth.

        To the young VSB’s…Stop lying to women that you know have no chance of becoming your woman. Improve your tactics. I understand you have to get coochie from somewhere but there is no reason to lie.

        Reply ↓

    • @Betamale

      “Jump-offs get texts only. if I am genuinely interested in something more, I will call(probably not as much as you would like though).”

      Ah Ha!!!! I knew it! I was having a conversation with my brother and his friends and I asked if they would mostly text a girl they were really interested in…and they all said yes! It didn’t make sense to me that they not care to hear her voice more. But they all said that they didn’t have much to say when speaking over the phone. They felt more comfortable texting. *shrug*

      Reply ↓

      • I am speaking for myself. I do it differently than the younger crowd. They probably do it because it is more accepted by the women in their age group. I do it because there is really nothing to say to a jump-off other than “when do you have some free time”?

        Texting eliminates having to listen to the minutiae of her life. If I only want one thing, why put myself thru that?

        Reply ↓

        • @Betamale

          I understand that this is your MO and you’re not speaking for everyone. But, I just found it odd that ALL of those guys at the table (approx. 6 guys) felt the same way. However, they are a younger bunch. I don’t know *shrug 2 times* : )

          Reply ↓

        • I concur. When dating and all I want to do is text, especially in the beginning stages, then I just want to hook up. No strings, no ties, no nothing other than “I’ll be back at the crib around 2am”

          Reply ↓

  25. DEAD @ your response to the crying thing. I wonder if it was the Angela Basset/Winston Shakespeare single tear jawn, or if it was some scary Chris Brown snot flinging type crying. It matters. In any case, please explain why you think she could fetch a car’s worth at a VSB auction.

    I’ve definitely noticed a difference in the type of guys that approach me since going natural. Not any better or worse. Just different.

    “CHAMP had sex with a guy.” I read this six times before I understood what really happened. Punctuation is key.

    I hate serial texters. Especially before the first real phone convo or the first date. It’s like, “Are you even trying to get to know me?” Don’t do it if you want to be taken seriously. If you’re just killing time, have at it.

    Congrats on you guys’ awards. *throws e-confetti*

    Reply ↓

    • I don’t understand the issue with texting before a date. . or at all.

      In my experience, if I ignored people who were texting me, they usually stopped. So I’ve never been forced to text against my will.

      Regarding the “getting to know you” aspect – I thought that was the purpose of the date. Just how much getting to know you do I need to do beforehand? Or is your experience that the guys who haven’t spent a few hours on the phone with you before the date unable to carry a conversation during the date? Because that’s still not a valid excuse. It just shows that certain people are unable to carry conversations. If they can talk to you for 4 hours on the phone before a date, they can just as easily do so on a date.

      Reply ↓

      • Depending on how we met, I like to get a little phone time in in order to decide if I want to go on a date with him. Texting is very impersonal. You can do it while you’re doing a million other things. It just seems that if you’re truly interested in someone, that you’d set aside 15 full minutes of your day to have a conversation with them.

        Reply ↓

        • That’s my point. The date is the 15+ minutes of my day that I’ve set aside to have a conversation and interaction with the person I’m interested in.

          Reply ↓

  26. Been natural (loc’d) for 9 or 10 years now. I won’t lie – there’s a drop in how often I’m approached, plain & simple. But I also live in Cali, land of the fake. It’s better in the Bay Area than LA, but I do think California men are a trippy bunch. I get complements – sometimes from men, but mostly from women. Wa-wa-waaaaaa…

    I also think it’s weird that weaves are standard now, not even perms – LOL! I went to a funeral recently & I swear, there were 3 people in that place without weaves. Myself, my mom & my sister – wtf, people???

    Reply ↓

    • It ain’t just Cali. I’m natural. I’m roaming around Africa right now. A few months ago, I was in a club in Liberia. I went to the ladies’ room. I wish there were a photographer taking candid shots b/c this picture was so telling. I don’t even know if I can describe it. I’m standing at the sink silently looking in the mirror while I wash my hands. I’m surrounded by all these loud cackling women prepping in the mirror – I’m in a sea of weave, face paint, low neck lines, high hem lines, and push up bras. It was just such a sharp contrast. I just looked at my reflection, shook my head, and we both laughed.

      Reply ↓

      • Yeah, I always find it funny when Americans find that Africa is in many ways just the same. Not that you are doing this, but there was a movement (which appears to be dwindling down now that Barack is prez) of people trying to “go back to their roots” in dress and appellation and acting superior because they’d figured out which tribe their family was from and they’d found African clothing to wear.

        So whenever one of those people ran into a “westernized” African person, I would always create an inner dialog that involved the American trying to out African the African all the while failing to realize the irony of it all.

        Reply ↓

    • Co-sign. I was born and raised in SoCal, but left for college and ain’t looked back since. It’s true: the Cali hair aesthetic favors long, non-nappy hair. Growing up, if your hair was not permed boned straight, it needed to be long. You got the most points if it had a mixed quality to it. You could get a pass with braids, but I noticed that all my friends from HS, now all rock lace fronts.

      Reply ↓

    • I’m a Northern Cali girl (but now I live in Atlanta) and my experience growing up there is that the men – who do actually date black women – prefer long, “good” hair. I have 3 very handsome brothers and they won’t even think about dating women who wear weaves or have tightly coiled hair. Cali is a trip

      Reply ↓

  27. Where do you people live that guys won’t date you because your hair is natural? I’ve worn my hair in its natural state my whole life and I have no problem finding decent men, but I’m also the only one of my friends who has never really encountered what my friends call a “dog”…correlation? I don’t know.

    A guy friend once told me that guys didn’t care what kind of hair a woman had as long as it didn’t come out in his hand when he pulled it. Case closed?

    I still find it weird that in 2010 hair is an “issue” in other news… I’m all down for letting a dude know he has competition. If he’s interested enough maybe it’ll jump his text game up to an actual phone call in an attempt to tie up the phone line from them other lames taking up his voice time lol. Who are these socially inept hair based relationship text dudes? Oh yeah…socially inept…next!

    Reply ↓

  28. I’ve always said that natural hair weeds out the dummies. Seems like only real men approach a real woman and you don’t have to deal with the riff -raff. Call it a social experiment. But it seems to me women are complaining about nothing… the ain’t shit freegroes that aren’t approaching you now that your hair is natural are saving you time from having to turn them down later…

    Reply ↓

    • Yes!!! I mentioned that my natural hair didn’t seem a hindrance to me upthread, but I didn’t mention that I don’t get any nonsense since I’ve been natural (’bout a decade). So maybe I don’t get AS MANY hollers, but the one’s I don’t get anymore are the bullsh!t ones. I agree, that I think a lot of guys see my natural hair and know not to even come at me with the foolishness. Even the old drunks/teenage drug-dealers/etc that would normally yell “Hey sexy!” , give me a nice “Good morning/How you doing today miss?”

      Reply ↓

  29. Black hair politics…Hol’ my mule, Lord…. I respect that everyone has their styling/texture/length preferences, but wonder how much these preferences have been conditioned by standards of beauty that don’t necessarily represent my ‘black on both sides’ hair type. As someone who has had natural hair all my life, I have come to terms with the quality of my hair being subject to weather conditions, sweat, my enthusiasm to make it cute, and other things beyond my control. It makes me sad, though, that bc some of these ninja’s “conditioning has been conditioned”, they will only appreciate me when my hair is straightened and long. Black Star keep shining.

    Reply ↓

    • Black hair politics…Hol’ my mule, Lord…. I respect that everyone has their styling/texture/length preferences, but wonder how much these preferences have been conditioned by standards of beauty that don’t necessarily represent my ‘black on both sides’ hair type.

      couldnt you say that about any culture, anywhere though? noone on earth lives in a vacuum.

      Reply ↓

      • couldnt you say that about any culture, anywhere though? noone on earth lives in a vacuum.

        good point. every group has their thing, for sure. and euro-centric hair standards enjoy global hegemony that even white women struggle to achieve (paris n’ nem stay tracked-up). it doesn’t make black hair politics any less wooly (baby-pun), tho.

        Reply ↓

  30. I really don’t know why people have all these hang ups on natural hair. I really don’t have an estimation with how many guys prefer straight/wavy/curly hair over kinky locks(or dark/light skin for that matter), all I can say is what I like.
    -I hate, hate, hate weaves. I prefer almost anything else of them. Although I would date a girl who wears them if I can be sure I will like what is underneath it.
    -I actually do like natural hair. I have no preferences in hair texture as long as it looks nice.
    -Dislike braids
    -Hate dread locks
    -The longer, the better

    Damn. Reading this back I seem picky as hell. I swear I’m not though. In the end people shouldn’t be worrying about what ppl think about their hair.

    Reply ↓

    • Damn. Reading this back I seem picky as hell. I swear I’m not though
      um.. when you have a list of what you like and dont like.. you are picky. and you have a right to be.
      *kanyeshrugs.

      Reply ↓

    • In the end people shouldn’t be worrying about what ppl think about their hair.

      And that’s the whole gist of it.

      What do I look like worrying about what Tom, Dick and Jerry are thinking about my hair? What would I get accomplished?

      Maybe because my hair is not that “essential” to me, I don’t really care…. Do I worry about people liking my shoes?? Nope! As long as I like them, I rock them!

      Reply ↓

  31. I don’t believe in texting anything really *good* because 1)you might send it to the person you’re talking about and 2)that message might come back to haunt you. Think Tiger Woods. But then again, phone isn’t much better because apparently that stuff can be recorded and even though not really admissible in a court of law, can still be shared with errbody. Think Mel Gibson. Best to have your better conversation face-to-face but check under the table for mikes. Think Monica Lewinsky.

    Reply ↓

    • I wouldn’t suggest writing it down either. . . Until we perfect mind to mind transfer, I think the rule of thumb is if you’ve got something to share that could bite you in the ass. . . it may be best to keep it to yourself.

      I’ve recently gotten on a “we need to ground sayings with real life” kick but one that still stands as is – “Three can keep a secret if two are dead”.

      Reply ↓

  32. And on hair: my natural hair became a non-issue for most folks once it grew past my shoulders and started down my back. Seems everybody likes length.

    Reply ↓

  33. idk why women think men care so much about their hair…the majority of us just want it to look “nice” and our “nice” is somewhere between what you “just did” when you were running late to work on wednesday and when you flat-ironed it for a zillion hours before going to the Raheem DeVaugh concert last Friday.

    why do you think we rarely notice when our girl/mom/sister/coworker changes her hair?

    the general rule for us is that you just shouldn’t look busted…later for all that natural/weave/curly/layered bs….we barely know what that means. hell, it wasn’t til last month that i realized that a “perm” is short for “permanent relaxer”….this newfound knowledge added zero value to my life.

    in closing, women; wear whatever hairstyle YOU like. because if YOU like it then YOUR confidence will increase and that will spill into how you walk, talk, act, and think….and we respond to sh*t like that.

    Reply ↓

    • the general rule for us is that you just shouldn’t look busted…

      This sums this entire issue up perfectly.

      Reply ↓

    • in closing, women; wear whatever hairstyle YOU like. because if YOU like it then YOUR confidence will increase and that will spill into how you walk, talk, act, and think….and we respond to sh*t like that.

      this works, until it’s a hairstyle nobody likes

      Reply ↓

  34. I have to say the my preference is for naturals, even more so I really REALLY love locks on a sista. I tried to figure out exactly why, but I’ve just accepted the fact that attraction can be but sometimes isn’t that simple.

    I feel like I’ve always been in the minority since I was young but the long straight hair thing has never been a big deal with me and neither is too much weave.

    I also think a weave relative to the rest of your accessories can be a unattractive thing to:

    Fake Hair
    Fake Eyelashes
    Fake Nails
    Caked up face (a bunch of makeup)
    Booty Popper Jeans (being a Ass man this is an abomination too me)

    At some point you become Ms. Potato Head and its just not attractive. It goes back to the idea that if you have to try that hard then…….

    Reply ↓

  35. Hair- do what “works” for you..

    A lil mystery goes a long way.

    Coming on strong,(being pressed) and trying to sex a man into a relationship rarely ever works, its a$$ backwards truth be told.

    If he doesn’t know how to call and ONLY texts you, maybe you can express the desire to actually talk to him, and then K.I.M.

    LOL!!! I love a man that I share an intense passionate connection with, very rare breed that is.

    Reply ↓

  36. OMG, no more good hurr vs. bad hurr topics!

    If a man isn’t checkin for you because of your hair I’m sure there are two more who are. When my hair is natural I pull PR and Italian sexy mens! The older black mens and educated black mens are checkin for me too! I’m married but the attention is nice:-D

    Oh and my husband likes my hair nappy! He isn’t into it when I flat iron it. So get you a man who likes nappy hurr, duh!

    Reply ↓

  37. Text only cat in the hizzouse! Women can be incredibly boring on the phone. I have said this many times, texting forces women to have conversations that actually have a point.

    The thing that could be turning men off natural rocking sisters could be their propensity to talk about being natural incessantly, and their propensity to choose the most unflattering hair styles possible. I would say only 1/3 of natural rocking women I see have dos that actually accentuate their beauty. Women with unfortunate heads rocking low boys…SMH, dreads that are not neat, etc.

    Reply ↓

    • It’s more annoying when I’m natural and a natural man comes up talking about being natural incessantly. Like, “dude, my hair is natural. I get it. So, how about them Saints?”

      -_- @ locs that are not neat….unattractive on anyone: man, woman, child. If you can’t take care of it, cut it off.

      Reply ↓

    • @Dasher of The Newport Dashers

      “Women can be incredibly boring on the phone”

      Correction: The women “you know” can be incredibly boring on the phone. Let’s be fair.

      “propensity to talk about being natural incessantly”

      This is hugely annoying…yes!

      Reply ↓

    • Women can be incredibly boring on the phone

      I will rephrase and say PEOPLE can be incredibly boring on the phone… I actually despise being on the phone for too long. It annoys me. When I’m driving, it makes sense or what not but if we’re going to spend hours on the phone why don’t we just meet up and talk? My girlfriends know me for this… And they usually start their phone convos with “I know you prefer texts BUT I’m doing this and this…” to which I inwardly smile and say “It’s not a problem, so what’s up?”…. If the convo goes past 10 mns, I ask you if you can’t drop by instead…

      The only people I will spend that kind of time on the phone with are my sisters… and that’s because we live in different countries. *shrugs*

      Reply ↓

  38. I still don’t see what the big deal is with Black people and our hair. You don’t see any other race trippin over the texture of their hair except us. Champ hit it on the head when he said wear what looks best on you! And ladies, let’s please stop hating on other females and how they rock their hair…it’s not yours. Wait, scratch that…cause if I see one more pink wig I’m gonna scream. I will hate on you if you look ridiculous. Nicki Minaj is not a real person so stop emulating her, please and thank you.

    In regards to going natural. I know I’m going to get shot, stabbed and killed for saying this but: I don’t think everyone can rock the natural look Naps don’t look good on everyone. I’m sorry and I know Africans will hate me for saying that…motherland yada yada yada. I know women who rock a short fro and looks beautiful. I think she looks better like that than with long permed hair. But then I see some women looking like a nappy mess. Or actually wetting their hair thinking it looks curly when it looks like wet naps. This confuses me so I go back to saying…do what looks good on you. If you’re not getting the feedback from men that you want, change your appearance.

    Reply ↓

    • “I still don’t see what the big deal is with Black people and our hair. You don’t see any other race trippin over the texture of their hair except us. ”

      3/5th compromise
      Hot and Tot Venus
      House Slaves/Field Slaves-Plantation Politics
      Eurocentric Media Bias/Eurocentric Standard of Beauty (Not advocating for an Afro-centric one either)
      Willie Lynch

      I always shy away from the “you don’t see other ethnicitys/cultures etc.” argument because its simply not an accurate comparison (in American terms at least). Agree or disagree with the fact that something like hair being a point of contention it does have a legitimate history behind.

      Reply ↓

      • Good point except we are talking about hair…not skin color, social status or economic status. I don’t think a white person views any black person as more “white like” based on hair. Ask them. Curly, straight or fro, we are all negros to them. Some where between the field/house negro syndrom we associated hair with what makes some “better” but I think we are giving Willie Lynch too much credit in that regard because back then most blacks had nappy hair. (no perms, weave etc) Whether the slave was in the house or field was based on skin color and biracial people were alot fewer in numbers than we are today. Don’t believe the hype. The hair issue was invented by us in my opinion. Okay, let me say this is just my opinion. I grew up around white people my whole life and that makes me an effin expert on racism and social prejudices. If you grew up around black people, I don’t want to hear ish about willie lynch being the reason why you have hair issues.

        Reply ↓

        • I brought up the House Slave/Field Slave scenario as a means of pointing out ways is which our identity as a whole (hair, skin etc.) has been “tampered”. Yes skin and hair are different but they often go hand in hand.

          No I don’t believe white people view us as more white or less white depending on our hair but they will still put us in the same boxes we put ourselves in. They may know specifics but they are knowledgeable enough to say “good hair” v.s. “bad hair”, how else do you explain their fascination with their first black that they met in college hair?

          I purposefully put the Willie Lynch thing as last because its not even a guarantee that some dude named Willie Lynch said that or that the letter is legit, But the idea of it still stands that putting people against each other is a means of “controlling them”, its the old crabs in a barrel mentality.

          And yes I went to a high school with the 600 kids, 150 seniors, 13 black guys.Freshman year of college in a Western Maryland town with 6% black people and am now a college of 15,000 with 10% black people. The neighborhood I live in is mostly White, then Asian, then Black. I’ve been living in the United Nations my whole life.

          Reply ↓

          • I see your point. Nothing in life is black and white but there is much grey. I wasn’t alive but I bet this is right: A dark skin woman with long wavy hair is in the field yet a light-skin woman with nappy hair is in the house. Either way, I think we have similiar points. Btw, I’ve never heard a white woman say “good hair”…not neva. I don’t think they are blind to blacks and do see our differences but we are still black no matter what to them. Take me for example, my hair is wavy/curly whatever. When I wear it natural, I always get compliments from White women and stares from Black women. Not to mention that black women will ask “is it yours” or assume I have weave. I’ve never had a white woman question my hair. Maybe they keep it in while a black woman will say it. Who knows. But I do believe white people simply don’t care what our hair is like. It’s more our issue. I’ve always been in that 6% too. *ehug* I’m sure it was tough but it made us stronger. Now let’s not argue over hair. say it with me…We are Black and Beautiful. I love my brothas and sistas. For reals. ;)

            Reply ↓

            • There are studies that show that light skin has its (intraethnic privileges) with various ethnic groups.
              There have been black people in the US fired for having braids, locs, or some other style of natural hair.
              It’s not just about hair; it’s also about social capital. If you cannot see that or think it’s important, then you likely benefit from the current intraracial hierarchy.

              Reply ↓

    • You know, I should’ve refreshed the page before positing because I was trying to say exactly what you just said, albeit you said it far more eloquently.

      At any rate, I’m trying natural right now, but my hair is flat ironed and wrapped so there’s really not much difference except for the fact that I’m not wearing the requisite I-live-in-the-South-where-the-only-acceptable-style-is-the-doubie but if and when I rock the fro and it looks a mess I will run, not walk to my stylist for a weave or relaxer or whatever it takes to remedy the mess!

      Reply ↓

      • LOL! We are saying the same thing. No matter how you choose to wear your hair, just make sure you look nice. If you’re attracting the type of man you like, then don’t fix a thing. If you are complaining that you aren’t getting the type of man you want, then try changing somethings. At the end of the day, our purpose is to mate.

        Reply ↓

    • I wonder if other races of people think what naturally comes out of their head only looks good on certain people? smh… Really, how can you not rock what comes naturally to you? This never made sense to me. But a lot of the nonsense black people buy into doesn’t make sense to me.

      Reply ↓

      • Oh believe me I’m an out of the box thinker myself. Truth is, we will never be politically correct in our thoughts and our behaviors. Everybody has a preference, including you. We are not all created equal and what looks good on some doesn’t look good on all. Millions of women alter their hair, not just Black people. The difference is for what may be just a hair style for other races, is an identity for Black people.

        Reply ↓

        • We are talking about 2 different things. You’re talking about hairstyles, and I’m talking about what actually grows out of your head. Now, you may not like how a woman may have styled her natural hair, and she may not look good to you with that style, but to say she can’t wear her own darn hair is just…

          Its like this. One of the attorneys in my office has naturally blond hair. It would be pretty silly of me to say to her that she can’t rock that blond, the blond she’s had since birth. lol. This has nothing to do with preferences or thinking outside of the box. Actually, a lot of black people think just like you. You are not alone.

          Reply ↓

          • I honestly see what you’re saying. I rock my natural hair too and I dare anyone to tell me I cannot do so. I don’t believe in relaxers, etc for myself. My point was that not everyone looks best in their natural hair. Some people look better with a different look. We are talking about attracting men, not your self image or worth. Like I said upthread, if you are attracting the men you want then no need to change your look. However if you look a hot mess, perhaps change it…even if it’s your natural hair. It’s not right or wrong. It’s all about preference. I see some natural sisters that have wild crazy hair that looks plain terrible. I also see some processed sisters with ratty dry looking hair. Whatever you want to do to make yourself look good…do it. I just don’t think everyone looks best with their natural hair.

            Reply ↓

      • co-signage to the umpteenth power. if relaxers, flat irons and all that ish weren’t around, would a person then kill their self because how their hair grows on their head didn’t look right on her? i have no problem with relaxers, weaves and all that, but it is a bit absurd to think that how someone’s hair grows doesn’t look right on them. maybe you (not really you) just don’t like it.

        Reply ↓

        • Yeah, if hair tools went away, we should all kill ourselves. -_o All hair types do not look good. I’m not a politically correct type person and would be lying if I said “yeah girl ALL hair looks good”. You would be laughing your @ss off if you saw what Naomi Campbells head really looked like. Truth.

          Reply ↓

      • It’s not that it can’t look good, but it’s that it doesn’t look good on folks who won’t/don’t know how to take care of it. HOWEVER, that same person walking around with the busted mini fro would be the same ma walking around with her hair breaking from bad perms and generally not knowing how to take care of her hair.

        It’s not the what, it’s the who. Folks who don’t/won’t take care of their hair will look a mess regardless of what state it’s in. Also, a lot of women go natural and then are like “now, what?” because they were permed all their lives. So, they have to relearn how to take care of their hair…

        Reply ↓

    • “I don’t think everyone can rock the natural look”

      Wow, you think some people DON’T need to rock the hair that naturally comes out of their head? That’s like saying, “Girl, your nose doesn’t go with your face. Do something about that.” Lol, it’s how they were born. It’s not necessary to alter your features just because somebody doesn’t think it looks good on you.

      Reply ↓

      • First off that avi is nothing to play with. lol Fierce. Okay let me elaborate. I wear my natural hair. I don’t have a perm and never worn weave. But please believe I do this because I know it looks good on me. If my hair didn’t grow longer than a milimeter, I’d be rockin wigs harder than Naomi Campbell right now. I would love to say that everyone looks great with their natural hair but that’s not the case. Some people got cursed in the hair department. Today’s post is about attracting a man. So if you aren’t attracting men with the seedy mini fro…then change it. That is all.

        Reply ↓

          • Okay now I’m feeling bad. I apo apolo apologggg…I can’t say it. But I will clear it up that I am not talking about nappy hair. I’m talking about just hair in general. My natural hair is big, curly and frizzy. I don’t like it which is why I have to add a ton of leave in conditioner and products to tame it. Well I guess that falls under the natural category but you know what I mean. Okay I’m going back to my corner now.

            Reply ↓

    • The lady never pulls any punches. Love it. I do agree with you. You have to wear what’s best for you and the same thing goes for guys. I never look good when my hair grows for over a month, so you won’t see me with braids or locks. Teach each his own, but that ain’t me. It took me years to get waves and I am not getting rid of them anytime soon.

      Reply ↓

      • @ComicBookGuy I feel the same way about the waves I’ve been wearing the same hair cut pretty much since I was in the eight grade and I decided to cut off the “Kid and Play” High low, surf, or whatever you wanna call it. Although I do let the hair and beard grow out on occasion to scared the 2520s at the job.

        Reply ↓

        • I hear ya, man. I’ve been having my hair cut low since the eighth grade, too. I was the only guy in my circle of friends that didn’t try to grow his hair out just to try something different. I was good with what I had. Plus, I look at my old man at 62 with full head of hair and barely gray and know that I won’t be balding anytime soon.

          Reply ↓

    • “In regards to going natural. I know I’m going to get shot, stabbed and killed for saying this but: I don’t think everyone can rock the natural look”

      I agree with Champ in that not every hairstyle looks good on everyone, but I don’t necessarily believe that natural doesnt look good on everyone. When I say that hairstyles look good only on certain people, I mean hair STYLE. Not texture. There are tons of natural hairstyles just as their are tons of permed up ones. I’m on the creamy crack now, but I’ve been natural before, had braids before and found some styles that worked for me. I’ll switch whenever I’m in the mood. *KANYE ALL CAPS SHRUG*

      Reply ↓

      • LOL! I request permission to use “creamy crack”. But wait a min Cheeks…you say this: “When I say that hairstyles look good only on certain people, I mean hair STYLE. Not texture.”

        Let’s take a woman who has naturally frizzy hair, bushy hair or a woman who has extremely coarse hair that’s oober short. Let’s say both these women press their hair or get a perm (or weave) and get so many compliments that they decide to make this their new look. Now if I said, “girl you can always rock your natural hair…everyone can”, trust I would be getting major side eyes and the perm/hot tools industry wouldn’t be a million dollar thang. You feel me?

        Reply ↓

        • I feel ya and I know the reality (society’s effed up beauty standards), I’m just saying that a lot of women don’t do the natural thing because they don’t know there are plenty of options. There’s not just one way to rock a natural hairdo just like there’s not one way to rock a permed one. Like, not every permed hairstyle looks good on everyone either.

          Reply ↓

          • Oh, and I definitely can’t take credit for creamy crack…been on the internets for ages. It is pretty genius and ever since I saw it, I’ve used it frequently.

            Reply ↓

      • @ Cheekie Co sign! It’s definitely the style not the texture. The person may just need to try a different style and/or products to end up with a better result.

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  39. My mother first relaxed my hair when I was in the 3rd grade. I’ll be 30 in November and I saw my natural hair for the first time in over 20 years last weekend. My hair-story in a nutshell–stylist didn’t listen and cut my hair short>micros>kinky twists*>full sew-in**>full sew-in>micros. Because I’d done briads/weaves for over a year my relaxer grew almost completely out. When I washed my hair, I liked the softness and texture of my natural hair so I’m trying natural. I love the way my hair feels now, it’s lighter, looks healthier, and actually bounces. which brings me to two points:

    *kinky twists, while a great look for my cousin were so not cute on me. The same braider did them and all. #fail
    ** my sew-in looked like it could’ve been my relaxed hair and most co-workers and people I don’t see regularly thought that it was

    Relaxed, natural weave, or bald, do what works for you. Why is it such a big deal anyway? We don’t put much emphasis on the clothes that others wear or the foods that others eat so why do some people care so much? Sure as far as physical attraction people have there preferences but after that, why does it matter?

    Being natural right now doesn’t mean I will be always. It’s not a political or social statement. It doesn’t define me. It’s just hair!

    Reply ↓

    • Relaxed, natural weave, or bald, do what works for you. Why is it such a big deal anyway? We don’t put much emphasis on the clothes that others wear or the foods that others eat so why do some people care so much? Sure as far as physical attraction people have there preferences but after that, why does it matter?

      you answered your own question. anything that can effect how physically/sexually attractive a person is becomes a big deal.

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  40. How do men really feel about women and their hair? The ‘Natural’ thing? Weaves? Relaxer? Braids? etc etc… Or does a real man even really care? I’m not sure if this is a topic you all have touched on already, but I am anxious to hear your thoughts.

    I personally don’t care. I think I’m different because I’ve spent my life around women that wore their hair natural. I can’t speak for all men but just looking at some of my friends some of them do care. I don’t want to generalize or stereotype but I do notice some consistencies amongst some men that are sticklers for hair. If a dude has an issue with you wearing your hair natural then I would give him the ‘side eye’.

    When beginning to date, is it better to let a dude know he is in competition with others or make him think he is the only one (without lying, of course)?

    Don’t tell him. If he is single and dating then he should know or assume you are doing the same. If you tell him that he is in competition you open yourself up for “the underlay for the overplay”. More than likely the dude is dealing with a few women and constantly looking for new recruits for his roster if he is single. He is silly if he thinks he is the only one pursuing you and he is your only option. After all if he found you attractive why wouldn’t anyone else?

    Champ had sex with a guy, not thinking much of it, but now I WANT MORE AND MORE. .Is there any chance of a relationship AND THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WITH A BLACK MAN I AM WHITE FEMALE.I REALLY LIKE HIM A LOT, BUT FEEL I AM COMEN TO STRONG.

    I’m confused about this one. Champ had sex with a Black man for the first time? Or is Champ really a white female that had sex with a Black man?

    I’m tired of meeting a guy, giving him my number, and he text messages me. No phone calls just texts! Or if we have a great first date then all he does is text message me after that. What’s up with that?

    There is nothing wrong with texting for short conversation. At the same time all things can’t be said through text. The context of anything of substance or seriousness gets lost in text. There could be a few reasons why men are only texting you. They could already have a girl, be mad busy and don’t want to make the effort to talk to you, or your conversation isn’t that great but they are attracted to you. IDK.

    Reply ↓

    • I’m confused about this one. Champ had sex with a Black man for the first time? Or is Champ really a white female that had sex with a Black man?

      if i had water in my mouth, it would now be spat out. thanks.

      Reply ↓

    • “He is silly if he thinks he is the only one pursuing you and he is your only option. After all if he found you attractive why wouldn’t anyone else?”

      WORD. More and more people will be less butthurt if folks went into dating assuming this. It’s one of the few instances when doing so won’t make an arse out of u and me. In fact, it’ll prevent it. lol

      Reply ↓

      • @legitimate_soul

        Thanks. Yes that is Cube from the Kill at Will EP cover. I had that poster in my room in middle/high school. I wish there was a place you could go to get promo posters from hip-hop albums. I still have a St. Ides poster at my parents house.

        Reply ↓

  41. Hair:
    I think that if women get that uptight over how men feel about their hair, they should rethink their decision to even be in the dating game. It’s a preference that changes from man to man, just like how women have physical preferences when deciding which men to date, commit to, make chexxi time with, etc. You know that if you prefer to date a man who has a nice smile and a dude walked up on you with a mouth comparable to a heavy metal band’s hotel room, you will would give him the stink eye and take off in the opposite direction (I KNOW I would). He might be a really nice guy and might find a woman that will give him the time of day, he just didn’t have what you were looking for. Can’t be mad at a man cause he chooses to do the same thing. If a man doesn’t want to get to know you because you don’t have hair that drops down to your calf, would you have even wanted to get to know him anyway?

    Do you, and the right man will approach you eventually.

    Dating others:
    I think this should be on a need-to-know basis. In my opinion, you should always walk into a casual dating situation expecting the other person to be dating other people. As long as you keep that in mind, you don’t need to be surprised when you find out, but you also don’t have to be so hard pressed to know. Your business is your business until you both decide that you want to commit to each other. If neither one of you can handle the other dating just you, insecurities will run rampant, someone will get they feeling hurt, and shots will be fired.

    Thirsty chexxi time girl:
    forget “once you go black, you’ll never go back”. It’s more like, “once you go black, you run the risk of getting a restraining order placed against you”

    Texting:
    I absolutely hate this…though I myself am a recovering textaholic…

    Crying chexxi time girl:
    o_O Do men really like a girl who cries after catching the big one?

    Reply ↓

    • Texting:
      I absolutely hate this…though I myself am a recovering textaholic…

      i don’t believe that you’re recovering.

      any time a chick cries during or after coitus, im side-eyeing and wondering if deep down she’s not a serial killer.

      Reply ↓

  42. LOL @ the Black Blog Tea Party answer. How much you wanna bet it’ll still be twisted around somehow? I have to hand it to teabaggers. It takes a certain amount of talent (i.e. being comprehension-racist) to completely disregard what was actually written.

    Good answer about the busyness with dating. Don’t go all outta your way to announce your suitors, but don’t come off as a man-repellant either.

    “I REALLY LIKE HIM ALOT, BUT I FEEL I AM COMEN ON TO STRONG .”

    O___________O

    I would reply to your answer, Champster, but I’m comen out of a huge fit of giggles and can’t type a coherent response.

    Reply ↓

  44. I agree with the majority of the commentators: it is all right if a man has a preference, even if it is about hair. But I do find it a bit odd that there are men out there who can be turned off by a woman with an afro/dreads. It kind of reminds me of that Kat Williams’ joke about the compare and contrast of “real n*ggas and p*ssy n*ggas”.
    Speaking from my experience, when I decided to become “happy to be nappy natural” I noticed that a lot more men approach me (and it’s black men, most of the time) than when I was rocking a press & curl.

    For homegirl who wrote the second letter, the tactic of “appearing to be unavailable” to the person that she desires is a good idea, but I don’t think she needs to tell ole’ boy that she is dating other men. A simple “I’m sorry but I’ve made other plans and I can’t back out of them” would suffice.

    Third letter….:sighs from pity: At first, I thought this was one of those prank letters that people send, just to see if it gets published. The LW reminds me so much of one of those white female characters from a terrible 1970′s blaxploitation film, or, a real sh*tty black man/white woman scene from an 80′s p*rno.

    Fourth letter: ::sighs from frustration:: I can definitely tell that this LW is a woman, because the problem definitely sounds like a ‘woman problem’ (for the definition, look at the reply below). Here is my advice to the letter writer:
    PICK UP THE GOTDAMN PHONE AND TALK TO HIM!

    Fifth letter: I will admit, if I was in this guy’s shoes, I think I would feel unnerved on the first occasion. This man probably feels like he had just raped his girlfriend, especially if she is boo-hoo-hooing.

    Reply ↓

    • Here is the definition of a ‘woman problem’:
      it is a problem (it is always a minor and it’s not life-altering) that can be easily solved with some effort and a case of common sense.
      Some examples:
      -woman complains of SO leaving the toilet seat up, when she can just simply look before popping a squat.
      -woman complains (usually to her friends) that her SO isn’t the person who initiates talking on the telephone. Or, complains (also, to her friends) that SO doesn’t pick up the phone and doesn’t respond to a billion/a day text messages. When all she needs to do is take the “high road” and call her man, when she wants to talk to him.

      Reply ↓

    • “But I do find it a bit odd that there are men out there who can be turned off by a woman with an afro/dreads.”

      how is this different than a woman being turned off by a guy with cornrows, or a man with no facial hair?

      Reply ↓

      • “…how is this different than a woman being turned off by a guy with cornrows, or a man with no facial hair?…”

        Well, my dear, it’s not different at all. When I had made that statement, I was basing it on personal experiences. Whenever I hear a person say something like “(insert name) is hot. Too bad he/she has (insert physical trait)”, I think it is ridiculous.

        Reply ↓

  45. Front if you want but hair is still a big deal in the African-american community. I would even say having long, “good” hair is more coveted than being light-skin in America.

    I’m one of those Indian-looking, brown-skin (think Ananda Lewis), both parents are African-American girls that was blessed/cursed with extra long, extra thick hair that does not require a perm to get and stay straight.

    The pain. Growing up I was extremely tender-headed and everytime my mother would take me to the beauty palor, the beautician’s would down right REFUSE to do my hair so it would take my mom literally 5 hours to wash and blow dry my hair – while I cried and screamed bloody mercy. I couldn’t go to summer camps, or have extended stays over friends or family members homes because no one wanted to touch my enormous amount of hair. And to add insult to injury, when I was in highschool, the other black girls literally did not like me because I had such long hair. They tried to fight me and burn off my hair (I’m serious).

    The joy. I live in Atlanta now (the weave capital of the USA, in my opinion) and from college until now men (and some women) seemed to be in awe of my mane. VSB’s can front if they want, but I believe I won the coveted spot of being the homecoming queen of an all black-male higher institution of learning because of my long hair. Whether I wear it naturally curly or bone-straight (compliments of the Dominican’s blow-drying technique) I get my “pick of the litter” due to having exotic features and long, hybrid hair. Educated, enlightened brothers have told me in no uncertain terms that my hair is what first attracted them to me.

    I’m not boasting, I think it’s ridiculous. As the daughter of a Black Panther dad, and Nation of Islam mother, I think it’s a damn shame that black folks are so caught up in something so trivial as hair length and texture. Hopefully, the younger generations will wake up and stop putting such an emphasis on something that most of us have no control over.

    Reply ↓

    • VSB’s can front if they want, but I believe I won the coveted spot of being the homecoming queen of an all black-male higher institution of learning because of my long hair.

      that’s not what i heard

      Reply ↓

  46. what came first the chicken or the egg?
    will there ever be peace in the middle east?
    what makes kobe’s unstoppableness so unstoppable?

    black. women. hair.
    when you are a little girl, sitting down in between aunties/momma/grans/crazylady’s legs getting your hair combed/greased/hotcombed (hold your ears) etc.. you learn that it’s a tough life you have ahead of you. some mothers make the decision to relax their daughter’s hair to make it easier to deal with and thus begins our life long love/hate relationship with our hair.

    as you get older and get more autonomy over what you do, you make the decisions based on many things, incl your environment. and if you happen to be a girl that is not already considered ‘beautiful’, you learn to add beauty from wherever you can (hair, nails, makeup).

    i have experimented with weaves for 10+ yrs (even had a blond moment..really..WHO told me??). I stopped relaxing my hair a long time ago, and alternate btwn weaves and braids. I figured, it was no different than when my friends colour their hair and it was less damage.

    2 years ago, i reached an internal epiphany in regards to WHY i was weaving. and i’ve been taking baby steps in my ‘natural’ journey ever since.

    now

    this DOES not mean that i am anti-weave/wig. frankly this summer i rocked a wig during the hottest/most humid month to refrain from having to use lots of products and frankly cuz im lazy and had 90hundred weddings. and i’ve gotten compliments on it. i also got lots of compliments when my curls come out to play.

    I also found that there are many in the natural movement who are very high and mighty and very negative about anything their perception of natural. It can be very off-putting and discouraging.

    At the end of the day, if you feel attractive, you will attract. If I’ve learned anything via vsb and over the years, that confidence (not over-ego) is more attractive than anything else. so it really starts with you and how you feel about youself.

    plus i’m sure that my DD’s trumps the hair on my head (which is on point regardless). #imjussayin.

    thank you and hello wisconsin!!!

    Reply ↓

    • Those double dees and face game you got trump everything gurl. We always agree. We should be eboos, rainbows and all. That’s my point, rock what you think you look good in. I wear my natural hair but I don’t hate on the sista that doesn’t. I dye my hair so that would make me a hypocrite. I’m not against doing what you want to enhance your looks. I love the point you made about self-esteem. Confidence is key. I love it when I see a person who is so put together I will compliment them. Man or woman. I saw a dread yesterday whose dreads looked so clean and neat…I had to stop and tell him. We really need to stop diggin at each other and making our hair an identity crisis. It’s just not that serious.

      Reply ↓

      • *fights CBG to become SFG’s number 1 eboo. ;)

        you know whats sad/funny – the facial expression of confused/wonderment/joy when a black person compliments, without criminal/financial intent another black person. like it’s sooo rare and unexpected?? smh..
        alas..

        Reply ↓

        • Ssshh…don’t tell anyone, you’re my #1. You should see black women’s faces when I give a random compliment. They look surprised…then comes the kool-aid grin.

          Reply ↓

          • I got no problem with that. Just give some popcorn, beer and a Super Soaker full of baby oil and you two can have at it.

            Reply ↓

          • *barges through your pending e-boodom for a moment*

            SFG, you are so right when our sistren look surprised when you give ‘em a compliment. It’s sad. We shall overcome and do it more often. One love.

            Reply ↓

    • that confidence (not over-ego) is more attractive than anything else. so it really starts with you and how you feel about youself.

      Word.Life.Message.Tabernacle and all that is holy. Batman. :)

      Reply ↓

    • ‘At the end of the day, if you feel attractive, you will attract. If I’ve learned anything via vsb and over the years, that confidence (not over-ego) is more attractive than anything else. so it really starts with you and how you feel about youself. ‘

      really? i agree to a certain extent but i have to ask,would this help someone like, say, Precious?

      Reply ↓

      • really? i agree to a certain extent but i have to ask,would this help someone like, say, Precious?

        @yayer (lol @ my own delayed reaction)

        I see what you are saying, but there is a market for every kind of girl. I’m sure we’ve all seen ladies (and dudes) that make you scratch your head at how they were able to land a person while you sit on your couch alone eating choc chip cookie dough ice cream…

        there is someone for everyone…somewhere…

        Reply ↓

  47. i like natural hair – mostly big poofy hair. anybody who follows me on twitter knows my obsession with freddie brooks from A Different World. And i actually didnt like her straight hair look as much as the big hair frizzy look. i love her long time. but i’ve dated women all across the head spectrum (PUN). i dont really care that much as long as you have more than me. cuz i rock a baldy. we should not be sharing razors. though i have seen some women with BOMB fades that looked really good on them.

    i used to hate texting, now i’m irritated by my friends without text plans. its a total deterrent to communicating with them. i’m almost irritated by phone calls.

    oh yeah, and a thought about natural hair too…i wonder how many women have misconstrued “i love your hair” as “i like you”. big hair makes me happy, sometimes the face attached to it doesnt. but i’m a nice guy so i might compliment your hair. only.

    Reply ↓

    • “big hair makes me happy, sometimes the face attached to it doesnt. but i’m a nice guy so i might compliment your hair. only.”

      LOL, this reminds me of when folks see fugly babies and are like “aw…God bless him/her.” instead of saying “what a cute/adorable baby” like most folks.

      Reply ↓

      • @Cheekie

        “this reminds me of when folks see fugly babies and are like “aw…God bless him/her.”

        (uncontrollable laughter) !!!!!!!

        Reply ↓

    • i used to hate texting, now i’m irritated by my friends without text plans. its a total deterrent to communicating with them. i’m almost irritated by phone calls.

      i’m the exact same way. i felt like i was the last person on earth to send a text message, but now i text more than i talk

      Reply ↓

    • “i dont really care that much as long as you have more than me. cuz i rock a baldy. we should not be sharing razors.”

      As much as I don’t want to believe that statement, I feel like a lot of men feel this way. I have Alopecia Areata, which is an auto-immune disease that causes permanent hair loss. It’s not contagious. It’s hereditary and there isn’t a cure for it. I have been bald for 3 yrs now and men do react to me differently. They think I have cancer or that I am gay. ( not sure why) When I do rock a wig or hat, the reaction is different. I wish people would concentrate less on the outer apperance.

      Reply ↓

    • ouch! Guess my guy crush doesn’t actually have a thing for me afterall. He just likes to compliment my hair.

      Reply ↓

  48. For the girl who wants to take the relationship to the next level, it might me too late since she already slept with him. He probably just sees her as a one-time thing. Plus she’s acting like a stage 5 clinger. I would find a different black guy to get with and this time take it slow. Don’t be a fiend.
    Crying during sex is kind of weird. He might think she as abused or something, which is scary. I wouldn’t take it as a compliment if I were him,.
    For the girl with the hair, I know in GA, guys really don’t seem to care how your hair looks for the most part. I have personally observed a girl with natrual curls, a chick with a weave, and a girl with a strange rihanna type short cut all get hit on by the SAME GUYS. But I will say that if your hair is natural, a lot more guys will hit on you if it’s curly instead of super tight, especially if you have long hair. Most girls down here seem to have that “good” hair anyway.
    Texter: next time a guy texts you, call him. Never respond to his texts with another text. If he doesn’t get the hint after 2-3 times, he’s slow. Move on.

    Reply ↓

    • Texter: next time a guy texts you, call him. Never respond to his texts with another text. If he doesn’t get the hint after 2-3 times, he’s slow. Move on

      this seems like alot. why not just send him one text explaining that you’d rather talk instead of text

      Reply ↓

  49. I thought this post was supposed to be how men feel about women and their hair… you kinda went waaay off topic lol

    Reply ↓

  50. 1. i’m sorry, but if somebody cries after the chexin, they deserve to be given the sideeye and then gossiped about via text message to all the victim’s friends. yes, i said “victim.” i would feel very vulnerable to be held captive to such an awkward moment. and i will play the victim card. man up, we chexin!

    2. um………….i really don’t think men care THAT much about hair because they are too busy lookin at our bodies. also, the men that mention hair in the first few minutes of conversation generally tend to be losers. i mean, a compliment is always great, but a random comment like, “oh, that looks like a lotta hair you got in that bun,” like he’s doing a mental checklist of must haves while, meanwhile, he’s 28 and still in undergrad is wack, so i’m not worried about such a guy’s opinion on hair anyway. and, as i mentioned before, the other men are looking at your body.

    3. i think natural hair is gawgeous. my my mom went natch last dec. and it took ten years off her face. but it makes me sad when natural people dawg out relaxed women. um…..i love natural hair and don’t delude myself into wanting to be yt or any such nonsense. it’s just that my hair was processed when i was too young to know any better, and i’m not cutting my hair off before i get married (umm…what? don’t judge me!) to go natural. at some point i want to, though, because a) i think it’s pretty and b) soon, i feel like the only ones left with relaxed hair will be…….well, nevermind.

    4. um………i totally changed my gravatar to a hair picture BEFORE i came here and saw this topic–i am not pandering for relevance. i just noticed that i looked wonky faced in the other one with half my face, and i don’t do whole face on the internet, so the only thing left was clavicle bone and hair. don’t judge me!

    5. i’m a texter. it’s because most people don’t know when to get off the phone. so, while i know it may be less personal to carry out convos via text, i would rather text folks unless i know it’s someone that has a busy schedule so they don’t want to stay on the phone any longer than i do. the exception to that is that if i really enjoy talking to a man and want to get to know him more, and i think he has things going for myself. i’d talk to him and not text because i would want him to take me seriously and also because i like him. having said the last sentence, i feel conflicted, because now i understand everybody else’s point about text vs. phone calls completely :/ i’m verklempt.

    as for the yt girl, ugh. chile, please.

    Reply ↓

  51. We are all entitled to preferences. But, it is extremely dangerous to let the preferences of another dictate your look. If a man (or another woman for that) doesn’t like your natural, perm, fro, weave, locs, wig…so the hell what! They should mind their business, and concern themselves with their own hair.

    And if you are having trouble finding a man that likes your look (but you like it) don’t change your look, change who you are looking for!

    Reply ↓

      • Yes ma’am! It is unnerving to even think of changing my hair style or altering my texture for the likes of another. If my waves, naps, or curls (I’m one of those three textured hair persons), bother you, who gives a flying cuss? I get up every morning,pleased with my “healthy” hair. I will do what the heck I please with it. That is all :)

        Reply ↓

  52. well as a light skinned sista with short natural (“good” or whatever the hell that means) hair, the amount of attention that I’ve gotten hasn’t changed much from when I long locks or when I had long permed hair way back when. I get more grief from women that knew me when I had long straight hair and because of their own insecurities, they favor the creamy crack look. I think hair is meant to play with if that’s your fancy. I’m tired of bad weave choices, but shit, if that’s what they want, it ain’t my head.

    I think the fact I live in DC makes the difference. If I were back in the tidewater area of VA where I spent most of my childhood, it would be a different story I believe.

    Reply ↓

  53. The more and more I understand black women, the more I realize that they don’t get that men prefer consistency when it comes to their hair. Or maybe it’s that they just don’t care much for our opinion on the matter.

    Still, the constant shuffling about different hairstyles is something a lot of black women love, and conversely, men tend to despise. To us, that consistency proves stability, and to an extent, transparency.

    I’m all for the natural hair wave because the trend seems to be about a woman’s consciousness concerning her hair’s health. You can’t knock that. But it’s something that only the mature man can comprehend/accept, which, like someone said above, prolly pulls that woman away from a crowd of men she inevitably hopes to avoid anyway. A win-win, I suppose.

    Reply ↓

    • Well consistency be damned, cause I like to reinvent my look, it’s good for the soul, that’s what some men don’t get about some women..cause some others totally get that and enjoy the transitions.

      Reply ↓

      • To each his/her own. Yeah, I’m just pointing it out. Just so that you see it from the flip side: Most stable black men tend to settle on what they’re going to do with their hair by their mid 20s, like The Champ explained concerning facial hair.

        If your man consistently rocks a full goatee and he blindsides you tomorrow with The Chester — cleanly shaved to the point where he’s prepared to re-enroll in middle school — you will likely get out of pocket. That’s all I’m saying.

        Reply ↓

        • If your man consistently rocks a full goatee and he blindsides you tomorrow with The Chester — cleanly shaved to the point where he’s prepared to re-enroll in middle school — you will likely get out of pocket. That’s all I’m saying.

          No.

          It’s his face for crying out loud. Why should it bother me? :)

          Reply ↓

          • idk. i know plenty of women who are thrown off when a man who consistently has facial hair shaves it all off. Not to say that they’d leave a man for it, but they often weirded out by it.

            Reply ↓

    • men prefer consistency when it comes to their hair

      Whatna hell? :lol:

      So for this sake of consistency equating stability thingie, should a person also wear the same shoes, the same accessories everyday? I’ll be damned if someone, ANYONE tells me how to wear my own isht.

      Non mais oh, on est ou la?

      Reply ↓

      • LOL, that consistency thing threw me too, like the same hair style forever and ever and ever ???? LOL

        Reply ↓

      • Sula,

        didn’t say that anyone is going to tell you how to wear your own isht. Just said they prefer consistency. If someone *tells* you how to wear something, he/she is doing entirely too much.

        Reply ↓

  54. Natural hair debate aside, the chick in the pic above is fine as frog hair…lil’ mini fro and all…I’m assuming Champ just did a random search for a woman w/ natural hair (so she’s prob a professional model), but d@mn…woman is a beauty…that is all.

    Reply ↓

    • Natural hair debate aside, the chick in the pic above is fine as frog hair…

      Agreed!!! Her skin complexion is what’s up! Gawgeous!

      Reply ↓

  55. As far as the crying goes:

    I’ve had two experiences with it. The first, crying afterwards, was reaction to a job well done and therefore, a huge ego boost. The second, crying during foreplay (the soggy fingers edition), was unsettling…disturbing even. Being the glutton for punishment that I am, I made the mistake of asking what was wrong which led to my rediscovery that some things are best left as a mystery. Her response was that she didn’t understand why she keeps sleeping with co-workers.

    Reply ↓

    • The second, crying during foreplay (the soggy fingers edition)

      This, my friend, can be interpreted a couple of different ways….I think I get your gist, but I’m just saying it can be taken another way entirely…lol.

      Reply ↓

  56. Men. love. natural. hair.

    Not natural as in locks or anything like that — just YOUR real hair.

    That has always been the case.

    I guess there is something about being able to run your fingers through a woman’s head with the the.. um.. *coughs* interruptions that is just refreshing and sexy and easy and convenient.

    Reply ↓

  57. LMAO @ the few comments about dudes & waves – I’ve never really understood it, but I’m glad to know women aren’t the only ones “dealing with” hair issues. LOLOL

    Reply ↓

  58. I think we in the VSB family are being politically correct when it comes to hair. If hair doesn’t matter to black folks then why is it that as soon as a ninja becomes famous or wealthy, he chooses a woman with “good hair”. The famous Black men with kinky-haired wives typically married these women BEFORE wealth and fame: Barack, Denzel, Samuel Jackson, Snoop, Jesse jackson, etc.

    And if white folks don’t care about hair, than why do Black, MAINSTREAM, female stars all feel like they should wear wigs or weaves to cross over (i.e Diana, Whitney, Beyonce, Serena and Venus, Tyra, Naomi, Gabrielle, Raven, Monique, Jennifer Hudson, Alicia Keys, Queen Latifa, etc.). The only exception are black women who already have “mixed hair”: Halle, Jada, Kimora, Tia and Tamara, Alicia Keys. The only exception is Oprah – who has done it all; weaves, natural, perms, etc.

    I’m just sayin…

    Reply ↓

    • “The famous Black men with kinky-haired wives typically married these women BEFORE wealth and fame: Barack, Denzel, Samuel Jackson, Snoop, Jesse jackson, etc”

      i think the very fact that these men that you mentioned married AND ARE STILL MARRIED TO THESE WOMEN proves some men do like natural or whatever…once they reached success they could have just divorced their kinky-haired wives and married white or good-haired women like OJ, Michael Jordan, LIonel Richie etc but they did not…

      Reply ↓

      • The famous Black men with kinky-haired wives typically married these women BEFORE wealth and fame: Barack, Denzel, Samuel Jackson, Snoop, Jesse jackson, etc”
        i think the very fact that these men that you mentioned married AND ARE STILL MARRIED TO THESE WOMEN proves some men do like natural or whatever…once they reached success they could have just divorced their kinky-haired wives and married white or good-haired women like OJ, Michael Jordan, LIonel Richie etc but they did not…

        Sorry dear, all of these men’s wives have perms, not a natural one in the bunch.

        Reply ↓

  59. WOW…..

    Mixed folk wear weave also, Kimora, Amerie etc and Jada who???
    Some people are enlightened believe it or not, and don’t think hair is good because its stringy or bad because its coarse.. Its more about the health of hair that’s makes it good, the thickness.
    Some people actually think black is gravy ALL by itself, coarse hair and all, its where its at!
    It ain’t even about being politically correct but moreso having your mind right.

    Reply ↓

  60. I love creamy crack
    I know and love myself and my ancestry
    I have no problems attracting men that I like

    Fin

    Reply ↓

    • good for you hon, i have no problems with how other women do their hair as long as it looks good on ‘em…that whole ‘you on creamy crack so you must hate yourself’ is some bullshaaat to me, but i do raise eyebrows when i see pink, green, blue or orange on a woman’s head…

      Reply ↓

      • @YAYER

        “that whole ‘you on creamy crack so you must hate yourself’ is some bullshaaat to me”

        I just refuse to let anyone judge me in that way (man or woman) and I feel bad about it. Straight hair is beautiful just as kinky hair is beautiful. I know that I’m black. Sheesh!

        I question anyone’s tastes who would rock crayon colored hair. But at the same time….at least they keep the hood dudes occupied so they aren’t asking for my number! : )

        Reply ↓

      • “but i do raise eyebrows when i see pink, green, blue or orange on a woman’s head…”

        The only thing more disturbing than those Lucky Charms ‘dos are the retro ‘dos of the 80′s and 90′s. I’d be lying if I told you that I don’t see an occassional Jheri curl (drip drip), S-curl (less drip), or finger waves (the kind that make a crunchy sound when touched) on a woman down here in the Carolinas. It’s usually slightly older women (and sometimes men) sportin ‘em, but nevertheless it makes you do a double take and ask, ” was that a Jheri curl?” *smh
        *No wonder some ppl still keep plastic wrap over the good sofa

        Reply ↓

    • And there it is…

      PS: Have you had a chance to listen to that Cee-Lo mixtape yet? It’s got some dope tracks on it…

      Reply ↓

      • @DG

        Cee-Lo is next on deck. I’ve been wearing out the Jesse Boykins (love it!) and Bilal (got it early….and um….I’m not sure how I feel yet). But, Cee-lo is a go over the weekend. You got me hype now! : )

        Reply ↓

        • How you get the new Bilal already? I’m jealous…(needs to find out who CNotes supplier is….she got that Frank Lucas hookup). I was listening to snippets of his album last night, and I feel ya’…it’s a different vibe from the previous 2. I still actually like it, but I think it may take a while to grow on a lot of folks…

          I may try to pick up Jesse Boykins this weekend. Still vibing off of Zo right now, so we’ll see.

          Reply ↓

          • @DG

            “needs to find out who CNotes supplier is….she got that Frank Lucas hookup”

            If I tell you, you may get “sent for”. And you know what happens when the mafia sends for you:

            You sleeps with the fishes!!

            Reply ↓

      • I need to jump on that, man. I have been a lot of good things about that mixtape. Cee-Lo has always been one of my favorites.

        Reply ↓

        • Get up on it, folk…he’s got some bangers on there. He ain’t really rhymin too much, but the songs are typical Lo…

          Go to the okayplayer website and click on Cee-Lo…should have a link to where you can download the album.

          Reply ↓

  61. Hair issue? Moot point.

    Disclosure of who you are dating… I really have no opinion on this. Do as you feel. Lol.

    The crying chick. Better crying than laughing hysterically, right? :)

    I’m still trying to understand what the lady who “comen” wants? Tips on dating black men, tips on relationships? Because she obviously needs tips on chexing… Lol.

    Text chick. Just let the people you meet know that you’re more of a phone convo type than a texting type. That should save you some text messages.

    Reply ↓

  63. Champ you have me dyiiing at work! I can count on one hand the times I’ve cried after the big ‘O’. But everytime son?? I’d like to meet this girl as well…better yet, that GUY!!! ;-P

    Reply ↓

  64. It was never a question of good hair or bad hair. It was a question of opinion and preference (one in the same, i guess)

    I am very comfortable with my hair as it is. Since going natural (I work in a corporate environment) I’ve had conversations change from casual to political, I’ve had older guys and other races approach me (less quantity, more quality) and I get treated different by other races on a level of more respect.

    I’m asking when did it become necessary to TREAT someone different because of their preferred hair texture? How does texture, length, color, style etc. indicate anything about a person? Since I’m natural does that make me a militant political black woman?

    Reply ↓

  65. Hi Champ,

    As a mental health professional I do feel it’s necessary to address that last question that you responded to in this post. It’s possible that the woman suffered some sort of sexual trauma in her past. In my work, hearing about someone crying post-coitus is never a good thing. She probably needs therapy to help deal past trauma or abuse.

    Reply ↓

  66. I’m going natural because I don’t like the relaxer burning the back of my head. I have scabs for days. Anyways. My sister and her husband got in a fight over the hair thing. She’s natural and I [stupidly] asked what guys prefer, and my brother in law said that the guys he talks to like women with long, straight hair. My sister blew up and called them low down dirty ninjas. Anyways. I then asked my friends, and one said he liked long, another said natural, and another didn’t really have a preference.

    Right now I have my hair in twists and most of the compliments I’ve gotten are from white women, black women, guys from different races, a few guys who are black. Most of the black guys said it had to grow on them.
    So to each his own. It really just matters on the person.

    Second.
    Texting vs. Calling.
    If it’s going to take more than a 160 characters to text, I’d rather you just call me. I love talking on the phone but I also love texting. For me it’s matters on the day of the week. I’d rather you be able to hold a conversation on the phone though because at least I know that you might be able to talk to me face to face.

    Yeah the guy with the chick who cried, some women just cry after the biiiig O. It isn’t a bad thing necessarily.

    Reply ↓

  67. I loved this question/answer session, lol.

    As for the whole natural hair issue… maybe it never bothered me because I just didn’t care enough, lol. i’ve been natural for eons now and have had locs for a few years. before that, i had every damn hairstyle imaginable (with the exception of a baldy, my head is not having that) and loved them all. i just got tired of putting unnecessary chemicals in my head and as my hair grew long on it’s own… what was the point (guess I shoulda listened to my mama when she said the same thing years and years ago…)? I really didn’t see it as some “liberating” experience as I was never tied down by my hair in the first place, it was more the fact that the crap in relaxers can strip paint off a wall, why would want that in my head? I get compliments on my locs from black folk/white folk old and young alike (though I did have to shove a white woman for trying to touch my head… she must be crazy), but then again, maybe it’s the fact that I live in NYC and it’s a very prevalent thing here. It’s not a great novelty. I look at being natural as a long-term health initiative because I’m damn sure all that creamy crack is helping the cancer rates among black women.

    As for the texting vs. calling question… I’ve yet to understand when people because so enthralled with texting that they forgot they could actually speak as well… it’s a bit disturbing actually.

    Reply ↓

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