Featured, Pop Culture

Dear Atlanta, SMH.

Traffic in Atlanta sucks ass. Full stop. I know LA has notoriously horrendous traffic. And I realize that there are other places, like Washington, DC, that also experience trash ass traffic. But when I think of Atlanta, traffic is literally in the top 2 things I associate with the city. I’ve been in the dumbest traffic jams of all time in the A in my earlier years and I can’t imagine what it’s like right now considering people keep moving there since that whole Charlotte-as-the-new-Atlanta thing never quite panned out.

So yesterday’s news that basically a part of motherfucking I-85, one of the most important arteries in the southeast, fell the fuck off due to a fire underneath it (and you can’t convince me the OTHER side is structurally sound now), just means that there’s almost no good reason to head to Atlanta any time soon. Traffic already sucked, I literally cannot fathom what its going to look like now. And because a part of the actual road, ya know, fell off, who knows how long that will take before its rebuilt and structurally fit enough for people to drive along.

Shit, what’s worse, is that it stands to reason that a significant number of people, ya know, millions, have been driving on that highway and its been just WAITING to collapse. The fact that nobody was injured, or worse, died is entirely God saying, “Atlanta, this is going to suck enough for you, no need to make it worse with the loss of life.”

How great is our God?

When I was younger, and specifically in college, we used to joke about two things in relation to Atlanta traffic: 1) Rush hour was between morning and night; and 2) each and every day in Atlanta, you knew there was going to be an accident, everybody was just waiting for their number to be called. Granted, the second is more of a duh than anything. Atlanta is a huge metropolitan area that spans a HUGE amount of land. Atlanta is the posterchild for urban sprawl, after all. And because the public transportation system is balls, everybody drives (if they can help it) which means Accidents ‘R Us.

But at least the roads weren’t falling apart.

And for out of towners, obviously a piece of highway falling apart is no small thing. But in Atlanta, it’s literally everything. Atlanta is a highway city. You take the highway everywhere. Shit, highways get shouted out in rap songs. I have a t-shirt of I-20 that says “westside” on it because that’s my part of town. Highways are a way of life. Shit, Youngbloodz had a song called “85” where the hook goes, “ridin’ dirty on 85…”

A quick note on public transportation: I have no idea if its gotten better, though by all accounts it hasn’t. The fact that the last stop on the West line is my neighborhood which is INSIDE 285, and a solid 5-7 minute drive by car to downtown is a travesty. I guess more people are going to be riding busses and using Marta rail, maybe. Maybe that will kick open the door for a much needed expansion of the rail system which has so many socio-political problems its ridiculous.

As an outsider, I’m curious how the region is going to deal with what I’m guessing will amount to a hole in a highway that is heavily travelled. Sure there are other ways to get places using highways, but good Lord those commute times are going to become even more unbearable than they already are. Nobody should be able to listen to both Views and More Life in their entirety going in one direction and still not make it to their destination, but that could very well be a possibility.

But at least Atlanta has a new stadium for the also collapsible Atlanta Falcons? Am I right?

Bueller?

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Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at panamadjackson@gmail.com.

  • AKA The Sauce

    “But at least Atlanta has a new stadium for the also collapsible Atlanta Falcons? Am I right?”

    Bruh…we shook hands…had a drink even. I’n my mind we are friends…why? But yea…life sucks right now…luckily nobody was killed..but this traffic was a mitch at 6:30 this morning….took me 45 to go from Vinings to Dunwoody WITH NO ACCIDENT….pray for us fam.

    • Simms~

      Glad no one was hurt, sorry that your commute sucked.

    • Kat

      Aint that typical though? Vinings huh…you sorta boujee. I see you.

      • AKA The Sauce

        Ummm…I just like what I like lol

        • Kat

          I use to live in Smyrna and was always in Vinings. Well sorta…Cami Cakes and ish.

          • orchid921

            I just left Vinings and I’m trying to move back before the stadium makes rents skyrocket. :)

            • Kat

              Too late..lol I moved out for the exact same reason.

          • AKA The Sauce

            The area is dope…you should move back lol

            • Kat

              The traffic though! I can’t do it..lol Though I ain’t gonna lie every time I drive home from Atl a lol piece of me crumbles..lol

  • HouseOfBonnets

    All of my atl friends used yesterday’s event to once again remind everyone that they are full so stop moving here…… I cackled but I’m glad everyone is fine ?

    • PunchDrunkLove

      I’m irked about the traffic because all I can think is when did this happen? I can see I-85 from my building and its jammed all day, like allll day.

      • HoneyRose

        This is what I was thinking. I am amazed that nobody got hurt because I have never see 85 empty.

        • PunchDrunkLove

          Me too. Now they’re saying 3 people started the blaze. It is fortunate no one was hurt. That could have gone the other way. What is wrong with people?!?!

  • Anbaa

    I’ve often missed Atlanta since I moved to Athens. NOT TODAY

  • TheCollinB

    Why would anyone be listening to Views and More Life?

    Be Humble

    • Sweet Ga Brown

      2shay

  • Sigma_Since 93

    45 is going to use this as a means to get an infrastructure deal done.

    This is also the reason why I throw the BS flag on the states getting to use federal funds earmarked for specific items like bridges and roads as they choose.

    • TheCollinB

      Facts

  • Asking_Questions

    Pray for Atlanta, they’ve been taking Ls all year. It all started when they let the patriots come back from a 25 point deficit to win the super bowl. If any of my ATL friends are thinking to moving to Dallas in this trying time DONT. In the great modified words of Houston’s own Chamillionaire “[dallas] don’t want ya, [dallas] don’t need ya”.

    But good luck though.

  • cakes_and_pies

    I don’t miss the traffic there AT ALL. The spaghetti junction in I-85 is every level of Dante’s Inferno and who ever thought it was a good idea to initially have the word “peach” in every street name?

  • Valerie

    Honestly when I heard this story on the news as I drifting to sleep I thought it was a highway in Houston then this morning I heard it was Atlanta. Glad no one was hurt.

    How is Future gonna get to his hoes? It’s not like he has a private jet like the Wilsons. My throwing shade is complete.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b9519813a1a8e7843bafa70f72fe0444bf2de410c76b8951f08f483dee21bf08.gif

    • JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS!

      • Valerie

        Yes indeed, thought it was an appropriate avi change. Can’t wait for Halloween this year lol

  • PunchDrunkLove

    THIS is why I’m working from home today. I can’t…..not today!!

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