Dating Profiling: How Your “Look” Affects Your Luck

***Editors Note: Due to some technical difficulties, The Champ wasn’t able to post the topic he planned for today. Instead, here’s a blast from the past — with some updates — that’ll never not be relevant***

“I don’t understand it, Champ,” a friend said to me over a plate of undercooked Cajun wings. “Why does everyone assume I’m a vegetarian? It’s my hair, isn’t it?”

My reply – I explained that her aura (think Lisa Bonet in High Fidelity) suggests certain personality traits – sparked a discussion about the inherent unfairness (and importance) involved with stereotyping. While its probably not fair to make immediate judgments based on ones appearance, we do it to protect ourselves; synthesizing past experiences to have an idea of what to expect from certain types of people.

This is extremely prevalent in the dating game. Holleration is more parts science than art, and which women men choose to approach and how we choose to approach them is (usually) based on the same concept behind NYC’s “Stop and Frisk” policy. Basically, we “profile” the hell out of each other. There’s a reason many women claim they tend to get approached by “the same guy” over and over again.

Anyway, (by my estimation) there are two dozen or so different “types” of Black women, and here’s what a typical VSB usually assumes when he sees four of them.

(After reading a few of the comments, I think I need to make something clear. I’m not suggesting that the looks listed are the ONLY types of looks, lol. There are dozens of them. Dozens! I just happened to list four random examples, and the assumptions that go along with those four random examples.)

Probable interests: Music made by rappers named with an intentional misspelling of “young”. Red Lobster. Forever 21. Tyler Perry movies. Professional Sports. Clubbing. Fighting and/or f*cking in and/or after the club. Orange soda.

Best time to approach: At the club, during the second chorus of “Amen.” While behind her in line at Baby Foot Locker.

Best compliment you can give her: “Your daughter’s name is cute.”

Best pick-up line: “What chu drinkin?”


Probable interests: Organizing book clubs with other well-coiffed women, and spending the entire time at said book club discussing best ways to have sex without ruining weave. Being seen at Tyler Perry movie premieres. Vacations. Any vodka but Ciroc. The idea of Beyonce.

Best times to approach: During Kenny Latimore concert afterparty at Essence festival. After being seen driving a Maserati Quattroporte.

Best compliment you can give her: “That was the best pussy I’ve ever had.”

Best pick-up line: “Who’s your dentist?”

 

Probable interests: Sashimi. Founding wittily titled groups on Facebook. Ex-boyfriends who happen to be dating White women. Writing scathing letters to Tyler Perry. Thinking of genius ways to stretch unemployment compensation. Wishing Donald Glover was a bit taller and was able to clone himself like Agent Smith in The Matrix

Best time to approach: After she’s left a comment on your blog. While interviewing her for volunteer mentorship position

Best compliment you can give her: “You should teach an art class.”

Best pick up line: “Have you read “The Broke Diaries”?”


Probable Interests: Michelle Obama. HGTV. Orphaned dachshunds. Arguing in favor of the positive effect Tyler Perry has on Black businesses. Moving to cities with high suicide rates. Ann Taylor. Making more money than every man she’ll ever date and/or marry. Kickboxing.

Best time to approach: While she’s standing next to Charlie Rangel at Urban League happy hour. After hitting her Prius with your shopping cart in Trader Joe’s parking lot.

Best compliment you can give her: “You have the perfect handshake.”

Best pick up line: “Where can I find some efficient hiking gear?”

Anyway, people of VSB.com: Do you assign assumed characteristics to certain looks, and have you ever been a victim of dating profiling yourself?

Also, do you tend to find yourself drawn to the same peripheral “type”? If so, why? If not, stop lying.

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

  • http://dopereads.com Terryn

    FIRST B*TCHES!!!!!!

    • Pierre

      Ugh you beat me

    • Sweet GA Brown

      Congrats.

    • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 Tristan

      People who post first usually are single #profiling

      • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

        Shots fired!!!!

      • GirlSixx

        Bang! Bang!!

        *slain*

  • NubianKween

    wait isn’t that Carmen from MyNaturalSistas, lol

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      if it is, then carmen from mynaturalsistas is banging

  • Rai

    Hilarity. Lol. What about natural girls that like to go to the club but have a decent career? Lol

    • Aly

      *slowly raises hand

      • Kema

        Stands next to Aly.

    • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

      Stop playing- natural girls don’t go to the clubs, they go to coffeehouses to watch Eric Benet sing barefoot, LMAO!!

      • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 Tristan

        cannons fired lol

        • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

          I’m saying though- they’ll be up in there waving incense around while he’s singing “Chocolate Legs” or “Femininity”, LOL!!

          • Chanelle

            LMAO!!!!! Is “chocolate legs” a real song tho…..I’m gonna have to consult with google for this one…..if its not already a song title I want somebody to use it…..even if the song ain’t about chocolate legs

            • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

              Yep- it’s a real song. In fact, it’s the second single from his album “Love & Life” that was out back in 2008. It was on the same album as “You’re The Only One”. Here the video for the song:

              http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvKZO6HbDsg

      • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 Tristan

        cannons fired lol

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “What about natural girls that like to go to the club but have a decent career? Lol”

      well, jill scott natural will get approached different than erykah badu natural would

  • Jay

    Funny post.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      thanks and shit. plagiarizing myself is fun

  • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

    I do assign some yes. I try to keep my assumptions fairly reasonable in that I may believe one thing based on whatever style or venue I see you at, but I don’t think I know the sum total of who you are as a person.

    I don’t think people pigeon-hole me into anything though because I have zero discernible style.

    • Around the Way Girl

      “I don’t think people pigeon-hole me into anything though because I have zero discernible style.”

      Relatable. But people always pigeon-hole you into something at first…

      • annette_b

        Exactly. Even if they pigeonhole you as “one of those types of guys with no discernible style”.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          Exactly. Even if they pigeonhole you as “one of those types of guys with no discernible style”.

          tu motherf*ckin shea

    • Rewind

      You can’t escape being pigeon-holed & stereotyped. It’s impossible, like life without oxygen. We are trained from an early age to base assumptions in order to determine similiarties that would raise comfort levels when dealing with someone new. As an adult, I dare you to try one day to not even make an opinion about someone without them opening their mouths first. It’s quite hard.

      • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

        I meant no one heaps on any characteristics because there’s nothing identifiable.

        • Rewind

          To you maybe, but you can’t undermine people’s ability to stereotype ANYTHING.

    • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

      You look like an accidental hipster.

      • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

        O lord. I’m unintentionally ironic. :(

        • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

          Not ironic, artistic and comfortable in your not trendy skin.

    • Medium Meech

      I feel the same way. People don’t see me and put me and think I fall into a certain category. That, or I’m not self aware enough.

  • https://twitter.com/#!/cnote220 Cheech

    I’d holla at Girl #2 and Girl #3. For some reason I feel like they would be the most fun with the least drama. I tend to profile a lot and I am profiled just as much. I’m often assumed to be a nerdy, serious person who doesn’t seem like he parties at all. I think the glasses I wear doesnt help lol

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      are you a nerdy, serious person?

      • https://twitter.com/#!/cnote220 Cheech

        Nerdy, yes….serious not so much

  • Meisarebel

    I think the first one is on point.

    Based on pictures alone, I think the third one is the sexiest and best looking.

    Based on your breakdowns, I think the last one is the funniest.

    • nillalatte

      See, I ain’t anyone of them, but a combination of all of them. LOL… Don’t you think that is more interesting?! and fun? :D

      • Meisarebel

        Don’t lie to me… I’ll drop on one knee right now.

  • b sweet

    This is crazy that you posted this. I changed my avi because of this exact post. I was testing a theory, and I must say the findings haven’t been surprising so far. This post blew up my spot

    • Jay

      OK… so you know you gotta share now?

      • b sweet

        i know I was thinking that as I typed it, but I just had to acknowledged how much this post lined up with my thinking.

        Unfortunately, I can’t share it would taint my collection of data.

        I will say it came from recent interactions with guys, my overestimation of what I think is sexy about me, my underestimation of what men think is actually sexy about me, subsequent conversations with girl friends, and the desire to test the theory for myself.

        • Jay

          Don’t know how this will fit in with your data but I liked your old avi better. You had a really sweet smile with a touch of mischief. It fits your screen name. The new one is more… attention grabbing though, I must admit.

          • b sweet

            Thank you Jay. I will be going back to it very soon. I have enough data to draw a conclusion, and your POV was a great help

            • Beautifullyhuman

              I agree with Jay. Although the girls look nice — I must give you your props — your first avi was really cute and I loved your hair. It matched well with your personality.

              • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

                I think she has the juiciest mangoes amongst all VSS’s!!! mmmmh!!

                Girl let’s go toast and dance to the bast jm’s in da house!! @b-sweet

                Today, we are going back to the motherland, with Fally Ipupa and J-Martins Jupka

                http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opskW5Mqgxg

                • b sweet

                  Yessssssssss Mami!!
                  That song is everything
                  *toasts mami and puts down glass of champagne so I can wind with no distractions*

              • b sweet

                Thank you BH!!
                *changing avi and closing case on tested theory*

                • Rewind

                  Quick question: Are you really surprised that showing off more of your body grants more sexual-based attention than curiosity based attention?

                  • b sweet

                    @Rewind. That wasn’t the theory nor was that the conclusion
                    *clarifying but purposely not expounding*

                    • Rewind

                      Well I just assume so my mistake for getting wrong, you just have me curious, that’s all.

                    • b sweet

                      No worries Rewind. I will put it all out there when Champ makes it a post

            • A Woman’s Eyes

              I don’t even remember your old avi, b sweet. Your current avi shows you looking comfy in your skin and happy.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          “…my overestimation of what I think is sexy about me, my underestimation of what men think is actually sexy about me…”

          this sounds like a potential VSB post

          • b sweet

            PLEASE go there Champ.
            I have(what I think are) obvious things that are attractive about me, but I’m the girl that officially gets the most non obvious things complimented on by men, including but not limited to hands/nail beds, nose, toes, laugh, lips, hair cut, the way my skin feels etc. It’s like they purposely ignore the obvious

            • Medium Meech

              Just keeping it real, we won’t comment on the obvious if it seems too sexual or it seems like something she might be offended by. Mostly because it wouldn’t work. “Dam you got a fat azz” off jump doesn’t have the highest success rate. If we’re attracted, we’ll probably let you know in a way that makes it seem like it isn’t purely sexual. And finding something non obvious to comment on makes it seem like we’re observant and taking a genuine interest in you. Not my game, but hey, to each their own.

              • Rewind

                Not even just that….it’s because EVERYONE ELSE IS COMPLIMENTING THE SAME STUFF. Sometimes you just want to say something original.

                • Meisarebel

                  This.

                • demondog06

                  church!

                  besides a gal already knows that she has a plump caboose or nice breasteez..
                  commenting on it would only make me sound like eleventeenhundred other hyper thirsty dudes out there

                  • https://twitter.com/#!/mackaroto Jay

                    Listen to these guys… they speak truth.

  • Pheelster

    I think stereotypes are stupid. I’ve been a victim of it. Of course. What ever happened to, “never judge a book by it’s cover” or “the clothes don’t make the person, the person makes the clothes. Huh? I can’t lie though, I’ve been guilty of it, until I realized it was happening to me. So now I’m open to all looks, without assuming anything about character…. Also… I wanna talk to Samson, fly me to tha moon like that trick Alice Framton.” Gn ladies and gentlemen…

    • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

      “Of course. What ever happened to, “never judge a book by it’s cover” or “the clothes don’t make the person, the person makes the clothes.”

      That theory went the way of the dinosaur and the 8 track tape- mostly because in this day and age people aren’t willing to get to know another person because it takes too much time and effort.

      • lm

        “in this day and age people aren’t willing to get to know another person because it takes too much time and effort.”

        Speak for self, please.

        :-/

    • Rewind

      Don’t judge a book by it’s cover simply means reserve your final judgement until after you take a real good look. It never meant you’re not allowed to judge at all before you even give anything a chance. It’s naturally impossible at this point to not form an opinion automatically, we’ve all been trained to do it due to our society. Only thing you can do is just realize your first opinion should not be your LAST OPINION.

      • Pheelster

        No its not brother. All things are possible when the heart and mind is open

        • demondog06

          we all judge…it’s in our nature. how else would i know who to avoid.
          this is what keeps me from counting the money in my wallet in front of a dude wearing a black hoodie and a ski mask on a bright and sunny day.

          it’s called instincts……and we should trust them more

  • That Ugly Kid

    Hmm, interesting.

    • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

      @ TUK,

      My goodness hun, you are HANDSOME!!! Smile more often!! SHIID.

      • Pierre

        I’m with you on that one

        • Britico Chick

          Rah, what a difference! LMAO

      • b sweet

        +1. His old avi scared me. This new avi….very nice TUK!!!

      • That Ugly Kid

        Why thank you Nubian Goddess and the rest of yous.

        • b sweet

          umm, excuse me?
          Say my name

          • That Ugly Kid

            …Annnd B Sweet and Pierre!

            And for your info I was going to mention you by name but my comment got cut off…GEEZ. Patience woman!!!

            • b sweet

              With you TUK, I’ll be patient. Just make sure I’m happy with what I waited for

      • lovelylonglocs

        +1

    • Breezy

      Glad to see you TUK….I was concerned yesterday when I didnt see you posting…being that you are in CHICAGO-53-PEOPLE-DIE-EVERYDAY-TOWN…..glad to see you are alive and well!

      *hands TUK ice-cream with rainbow sprinkles and holds his hand until WC comes to pick him up from daycare*

      • GirlSixx

        *hands TUK ice-cream with rainbow sprinkles and holds his hand until WC comes to pick him up from daycare*

        *InTears*

        Lolllll

      • That Ugly Kid

        “*hands TUK ice-cream with rainbow sprinkles and holds his hand until WC comes to pick him up from daycare*”

        You actually have no idea how funny this is because I actually used to work at a daycare center. So her picking me up there is a REAL possibility lol.