When he shows up...I'm out.
Earlier today, Lil Boosie (nee Torrance Hatch) plead guilty to transporting drugs into two federal prison facilities. I think its safe to say that he’s about to get buried under the jail. Now, the relevance there lies only in the fact that Lil Boosie looks like the kind of dude I’d avoid in general. And at all costs. You know the look. And do you know why you know the look? It’s because you profile. So do I. Which is how we got here in the first place.
By the way, Kimberly Elise specializes in looking a hot damn mess. Period.
Moving on. I remember a long time ago I was at this spot in Atlanta and a group of dudes who all looked like Lil Boosie walked into the spot. It was at that point that my spidey sense went off and I immediately closed the piano and walked the f*ck out of the spot. Some situations just look like violence or wrong is about to happen. And I for one prefer not to be in that vicinity. Well this random thought occurred to me today about other signs that it just might indeed be time to get the f*ck out of dodge.
Curious? I thought you might be. Here’s a list. Well, below is a list. Underground.
1. My phone battery gets down to 15 percent
I don’t care if I’m at church. If my battery gets down that low, it’s time to roll the f*ck out. There’s something about being lost in the world without a working cell phone. I know that emergencies don’t happen that often and all but what if the ONE time my phone is about to shut off a band of muscular midgets rolls up on me, robs me and I can’t call the police because my phone is dead…because I’m in Zaire. I’d be #madahellshawty. It’s like my own personal checks and balance. My phone battery being low lets me know that I need to rethink my life and be in a safe place. Panic room.
2. Somebody takes off his shirt/wifebeater
I go to clubs where tshirts tend to be frowned upon. But if I see out of the corner of my eye that some dude is coming out of his shirt, I assume that some violence is about to go down. Or in the illustrious words of (the ladies screaming go…) Andre 3000, “two ni**as done started bustin, one ni**a done took his shirt off talkin’ ’bout, ‘now who else wanna f*ck with Hollywood Court’” I know a crime in progress when I see one.
3. Girls get into an argument with a dude
This one is a bit of a catch-22. See, nothing good comes of a man arguing with a woman. But women also know this and don’t expect men to act like men because breasts are present. So the chick will loudcap, push the forehead, mush a ninja, and generally just get brolic on a dude. Thing is, these situations NEVER end well. NEVER. These situations end up on World Star Hip Hop with some chick getting bodied by a dude who will inevitably go to prison at some point in his life. But I can’t just run out the club since I know that the girl will need help. Basically, I stay out of clubs…
4. …where guys show up in the Grown & Sexxy special
You know, striped button ups, really cheap expensive jeans and some ALDO shoes. And fake Gucci sunglasses. At night. When a band of these merry men show up in the club…its time to go. Even if nothing does go down, they increase the potential for f*cksh*t by 1000 percent. That sh*t was written like a Drake freestyle.
Those are some signs that its time to get the f*ck out of dodge. What are some other signs that its time to roll? Share so we all may know.
I’m gully.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. ITS MURDAAAAAAAAAA aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3
This one is probably Captain obvious but if for whatever reason, you miss any of the signs mentioned above and you see everyone else start to scatter, it’s probably time to just follow suit.
yeah, “the scatter” is the most obvious sign that its time to bounce. you roll out and then do an inventory of your party later. lol
Umm this one actually happened to my friends and I….your sitting on the beach watching the sun rise….and some tatted up Cuban roles up on you with a knife in his pocket..talking you about the Miami ups and downs and 4 more of his patnas show up out of the blue asking about your hotel…..this was def one of those let’s GTFOH situations…
you’re still alive. but how exactly did you all roll out…inconspicuously on that one…
I’m a fool on that Henny man.
Signs that tell me that it’s time to leave Dodge:
-If I’m in church and one of three things happen. 1)It’s been an hour and no sermon. 2) If the collection plate is passed more than twice. 3) Tongues. If I see someone chanting like the heart-snatching dude from the Temple of Doom then I’m out.
-If I’m anywhere and I hear the words “I’m gonna call Zed”. Sh*t will go sideways after that.
-If I’m pumping gas and ninjas are just standing outside not pumping gas. The longer you stay there the better the chance you will be shot or someone will try to sell you cologne out of a Jansport backpack.
-If you’re ever at a Waffle House in Orangeburg SC after 10 pm. Too late you’re already dead.
-If you’re ever in a store and the cashiers query “How many baby mommas you got?”
“If I see someone chanting like the heart-snatching dude from the Temple of Doom then I’m out.”
Hah! Thats when the heart snatching dude says my name… well kinda
I laughed so hard at this comment. Church, the gas stations, yessir… So true, so true.
you must not be pentecostal.
but the gas thing is real. in fact, if i go to get gas and its packed but no gas is being gotted, i’m out.
No, I’m not Pentecostal. I’m a lapsed Baptist.
For real though 65% of the dead or locked-up ninjas I know got into some sh*t at a gas station.
“If I’m pumping gas and ninjas are just standing outside not pumping gas.” <<LMAO.
Although in the DMV area, the chances of falling vicitim to jansport backpack cologne soliciting are much higer than the chances of a goons r us attack.
“you must not be pentecostal.”
Right……. and especially not COGIC.
ROTFLM-raised COGIC-AO!
Can I admit to NOT inviting friends to church because I knew I would have waaay too much explaining to do?
Die hard Pentecostal and I know what you mean. I have to give Ninja’s an explanation a week before they visit my church. Yes the lady in the front that is laid out in the isle is ok. Yes the man jumping and screaming in the back is ok. Yes, we have been here for 2 hours and the preacher hasn’t started preaching yet….
and so much more.
…..no, that person on lap number 4 around the church does not think someone is chasing him.
Yes, it is normal for church to have started 2 hours ago and a multitude of people are contiuning to arrive.
No, it is not a requirement that you say “Giving honor to God who is the head of my life and my rock of salvation from whom all blessings flow” all before even stating your name as a visitor.
LOL. Gotta love being COGIC
LOLOL…..awww MAN!!! I just read my childhood! =D See, this is why I’m a musician; we hide behind the drums and organ and have our own lil’ entrance…allows for snack breaks and such….
LMAO at all of this! But for real though…why are Waffle Houses so damn dangerous?? Something crazy never fails to pop off there.
And Orangeburg itself is dangerous as soon as the sun sets. When I visit fam I’m usually out before dusk.
I didn’t know you had people down here. Cheap breakfast food and Negroes are combustible.
Yeah…both my grandparents and most of my relatives including my mom are from Cameron/Orangeburg. I stayed in Cola for three years while going to school and got closer to my very southern roots and all too familiar with the violence that takes place in the pitch dark.
Cameron, Cordova, and Cope. All of that ish!
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at this…
(Hangs head in shame)
I know you know the O-Burg struggles. I do laugh and cry when I think about Allendale though.
For real though, 10 PM in O’burg is too late. I’m in the house by 9…smh
LOL…I’m from Columbia and thankfully their Waffle Houses are cool
The Gas one is funny! I was driving through Gary, Indiana and needed gas! The pumps there only let you pump a certain amount at a time. I was about to swipe my card again! My wife said Ninja if you don’t get in this car and get us the hell out of here!
It’s Time to Go…when you’re at the buffet and have finished eating all that you came to eat, yet you continue to sit there, and sit there, and sit, just because you think it’s okay to do so. Especially when people have came in while you were there, ate and have been gone and you’re still there. (In my voice of the dude from Menace II Society) “It’s not right alright”! Get your gluttonous behinds up and go home and talk at the table. That deserves a curtain call.
it might not be alright…but that ninja Harold is dead son. the rest of us gon’ have to do that sh*t some other time.
Um… okay, I’ll play.. pulling from my back in the day file (cause I’m boring as hell now… and alive), it’s time to get the phuck out of dodge when:
- the granny of your best friend is waving a 38 in your face
- when you walk up in a house and there is a scale on the table and folks is weighing out stuff
- when you walk up in a house and there is a rifle in every corner and a pistol on the coffee table
- when your under age in a club and talking to a dude who for no apparent reason breaks a glass beer bottle on the bar ’cause he spotted another dude he can’t stand
- when your friend’s aunt is standing at the top of the stairs waving a cane and begging you to come in the house
Great stories behind each one of these events, but you got the highlights. In each case, my red flags went PING…gotta go… I was like speedy Gonzalez getting the phuck out of dodge. undelay undelay ariba….
“- when you walk up in a house and there is a scale on the table and folks is weighing out stuff
- when you walk up in a house and there is a rifle in every corner and a pistol on the coffee table”
You’re wild for this. Been there and got the fcuk up out.
I have something similar downthread lol!
LOL… not really. Just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was dating this dude who was a car salesman at a dealership. Only I didn’t know he was running coke in them cars. His crib was tight too! And, I found out why the night I walked up in there. I let him go when I tried to call his house after this incident and there was popping on the phone line like it was being tapped. It was about a month later he came up missing. Don’t know if he got busted or something else happened.
” when you walk up in a house and there is a scale on the table and folks is weighing out stuff”
Yea had that experience when I was young with a girlfriend. Some older dude wanted to give her the sneakers he bought her. Of course she needed me to come along.
“Some older dude wanted to give her the sneakers he bought her”
Was it…Herman Cain?
lmao!
lol! Not that old!
“when you walk up in a house and there is a rifle in every corner and a pistol on the coffee table”
I had to laugh at this. As far back as I could remember my pops has kept the same .22 rifle next to the back door in our house.
See Wu, one rifle, okay. I’m good with that. My father and grandfather carry/carried a concealed weapon before there were permits. My dad has a CCW permit and still carries. This wasn’t that type of situation.
I’m talking trash bags in backrooms with dudes walking around all nervous, paranoid and shyt. I went with my friend because she was talking to this dude. Little did I know what was up in that house. I counted 3 rifles, one in each corner of the living room, and then the pistol on the table. My butt barely hit the chair seat before I was ready to get up out of there.
I would like to add:
5. When the event is “All tha way live”
I describe this as the moment during the holiday weekend when you say to yourself, this is really poppin, AND we got in here easy/cheap. We all know the time where anyone who anyone is in the building, and this is usually when I start asking myself questions. If I needed to run, could I? This moment was made clear to me during an essence fest weekend in Harrahs Casino when I was like, MAN, EVERYONE is here. A scuffle broke out and I was hype I had front row seats (I know, SHAME). Then I thought, it was free to get in and we didn’t even go through a metal detector. LIGHTBULB time to roll.
very smart realization. when things go down..i immediately think about if i had to get frisked to get in.
Since Im from Chicago I will definitely share my Get the F^ck Outta Dodge Signs:
1. Someone Gets Loud and Irate on the Bus, Press That Button for the Next Viable Stop.
2. If a Group of 3 or more Black Men “that you dont know” Walk Into Any Location, Its Time to Go.
3. If a White Guy with a Trench Coat Walks Into Any Establishment, Its Time to Go.
4. If Your Intoxicated Ex GF “thats not over you” comes to something you invited her to, but you didn’t expect her to actually show up to. Its time to check out.
5. If someone yells, “7-4 til the World Blow” or “5 or Nothing” or you here a guy hissing lika snake on the LowEnd of Chicago, its time to go.
6. If too many cars begin to populate an area where there isn’t a club, baseball game, etc. Get in & Drive as far away as possible.
7.If one of your putnas grabs a chick’s a$$ unsolicited and she yells, “N!gga you must have life f^cked up, Im bout to make that call”.
8. If ever a bum comes on public transportation and gets starts acting crazy because no one has giving them any money. Its time to go, no one would ever actually fight a bum…that’s a lose-lose.
9. If you hang out with guys that like to run trains on girls thats drunk, its time to say “Imma catch yall later”. (players club reference)
10. If a woman says “If you ever did sumthin like that I would cut your d!ck off”…Joking or not its time to sca-dattle.
11. If you hear gunshot or a fight breaks out its time to go….I know people so conditioned to the hood lifestyle that they just stay and watch…NOT ME
12. If women begin to take off their shoes in the club or have on white socks walking around the club…hopefully this wasn’t the venue of your choice and its time to go
Your #12 just baffles me; how do people walk around barefoot in a place where drinks are spilled constantly? Also, they risk getting their feet stepped on by 6″ stiletto platforms. Just silly.
With #9, um….that’s gang rape playa. This isn’t merely a get out of Dodge moment. That’s a “I’m deleting yo’ punk ass from my cellphone, Facebook, Twitter AND hiding when you knock on my door” moment. Why risk a case because you know some ninjas is crazy…deranged.
Tupac just hollered, “Word! With friends like this you may end up in jail!” from wherever he’s hiding next! Yep! Yep! Yep!
LOL… true dat!
#9? SMDH. When I see a girl who is stumbling around drunk and a group of men standing around all shiny eyed, watching, drooling like a bunch of buzzards waiting for an injured animal to die. Time to go.
The sad part is that I’ve been in a spot like that. That’s so not fun. I’m not a snitch, but I make exceptions for stuff like this. I’m not catching a case because yo’ dumb a$$ wants to show that uppity chic who’s boss. *SMDH*
Man homie, i don’t mess with the hundreds, the low end or the west side after sundown unless i got an exact destination. Add Harvey to that list too.
Them hunnids is wild!! My people’s is from the hunnids, but I don’t mess wif them west side ninjas.
They’re actually ok if you stay on the mainstreets, with lights and witnesses, in your car, doors locked…lol…but it’s either the boys on the block or the boys in blue…i promise the Chi is a lose-lose…
Yeah that’s all of Chi. There are streets with that look like dayum near suburbs and you go ONE block over, it’s hell to pay. lol
I would add to #3:
“if a BEARDED White Guy in a Trench coat walks into any establishment…it’s time to roll”
um…LMAO. women in white socks at the club made me laugh out loud.
“1. Someone Gets Loud and Irate on the Bus, Press That Button for the Next Viable Stop.”
Man, LISTEN. I seem to always be on a bus with characters (then again, the 14/Jeffrey Express, which goes to the South Shore area is a good reason to… lol), but what I won’t be doing is riding all the way to my stop if I see some ish pop off. Being stuck on the CTA when a crazy ninja gets angry <<<<<<<<<<
I ain't finna be on no smartphone video. No SUH.
oh, wow! 1, 2, 5, 11, and 12 all brought back a few uncomfortable memories.
For your #4 Unless y’all have kids don’t invite your ex anywhere.
*in tears*
Great list
When I see someone looking around all shifty-eyed & sh*t, I make a quick exit; only a ninja who ain’t up to no good looks around the room like they’re looking for that dude who pissed him off last week.
Loves this post! I like Boosie and all but that is some ignorant mess
I know I’ve wandered too far in the hood if a guy tries to get my attention with the ‘sucked tongue under teeth noise’ with head nod & crotch grab. Just ew!
yeah you may need to evaluate why you’re where you are and what decisions you made in life to get there.
Hey, some things the suburbs just don’t have. Always hair care related to be in the hood & grab a bite to eat after I’ve been in the chair for hours
Hmm…some of these are from personal experience…don’t judge me….
1. You walk into a party and there is cocaine, weed, and ecstasy on the table like a Golden Corral buffet spread..back away slowly and run like hell.
2. White boys are in the process of getting “white boy wasted” and are doing things like turning each other upside down and chugging Jagermeister…run b*tch run!
3. Anyone you are with just breaks out into a full scale sprint…just run and ask questions later…
4. Dude is spiting game and suddenly asks you if you have drug abuse problems because he’s going through rehab…oh hell no…
5. Homeboy is getting up into Chante(the neighbor hood homosexual’s) face like he’s gonna act like a sissy, but what he really doesn’t know is that Chante boxes ni**as for fun…it’s bout to go down!
Yea..these are all signs that it is time to go by any means necessary….get your sh*t and let’s go!
Well, look on the bright side. If they ever legalize drugs, they could get a job at Golden Corral. Think about it for a second. The weed would help drum up more business. I know I used to get the munchies when I smoked up.
Plus ecstasy is good for resolving issues with your girlfriend…or so I’ve heard. 
+ @ #1 I remember my first party at my private high school and this girl asked me to goto the bathroom with her. I’m thinking I’m about to get it in, she’s thinking we’re gonna get sniffy.
I am lmao @ #5!!! I’m from New Orleans and down here we call them “punks”… and EVERY female down here has a punk for a friend. NOT like on RHOA b/c they have style and will lay your hair, but b/c if it goes down they will whup A$$!! Idk why people forget that THEY ARE MEN! Smh
3. Anyone you are with just breaks out into a full scale sprint…just run and ask questions later…
This is my #1 rule. All my people know from way back, if I run, don’t ask. Just run with me. When can debrief when we reach safety.
*Dead* @ debrief when we reach safety lmao
True story…my college roommate and I were walking from a dark parking lot one night and she just broke out into a full scale sprint with no warning! I took off after her and after running uphill about a quarter of a mile, 3 flights of stairs, and locking the door behind us I asked her in between heaving (cuz my lung was about to pop) why we just ran for our lives, she replied, “I thought I heard a noise in the bushes”. I swear fo’God I wanted to kill her that night!
Lol@ white boy wasted. When white boys start doing that drunk screaming thing. Time to go.
#2 is super important in red states full of white people *nods head vigorously*
Or Red Universities filled with White people. Note the logo.
Not to be insensitive or whatever… but if a dude jumps up and at the top of his lungs screams “Allahu Akabar!” I’m not saying he’s definitely a terrorist, but I’m probably gonna start gathering my ish.
Also, if you’re in a room full of black men and women and you hear the word “bitch” somewhere… time to go. Somebody is about to get slapped.
very good additions. lol.
LOL… Then you yell back to “Allah Kabir!” (pronounced Kahbeer). Though still keep it moving. I’ll be in front of you! LOL
1) When V Necks, Affliction T-Shirts, and Tru Religion clad club promoters walk in, it’s time to go.
2)Any club called _____ Factory that’s free,BYOB offers free chicken wangs and waffles,a mechanical bull and stripper poles, it’s time to go.
3)When a group of chicks in Dereon jumpsuits, naked faces, quick weaves and false lashes start looking at you sayin “this bish thank she cute” , its time to roll. *Women who wear quick weaves, false lashes on naked faces, and Dereon jumpsuits have nothing to lose*
4) When you’re riding the train up north on a warm summer’s day and you stop on Addison after a Cubs game…
5) When a group of Ni@@as walk in with their hands in their pockets, and just came to the club to mug..its time to go
6) Any vicinity where there are groups of unchaperoned teenagers.
7) When you walk into a house party, that seems to be filled with middle aged couples who appear to be extremely touchy feely, and virtually rape you with their eyes….yeah
vamanos!
8) When an otherwise rowdy area is eerily quite, and uneventful, something already has happened or is about to happen..either way, exit asaptually.
Number 3 is real. Don’t even look to make sure they’re talking about you… just get as far away as possible before they start feeling froggy. Lol!
ummm….3 and 6 are real…so real!!
Hey, I like #7. I met my wife at a swing party, ya know. Besides, those women, um, know their way around the bedroom.
And how does the club in #2 make money with no cover and BYOB? I don’t get it.
the club is really a money laundering front for drugs. i’m just saying.
the strippers pay rent. and its costs extra to get into the “private rooms”
or so i hear.
Ah, that kind of club. Hey, I went to a couple with my brother. I ended up with this stripper chic trying to slip me my number because she thought I was cute. Ironically, my girlfriend at the time was a stripper…real talk. LOL
Are these clubs or parties located on Hoes Lane?
Lmao! That #3 is the truth- but in my experience it has been unattractive naked faces, colorful quick weaves, false eyelashes, and ill fitting clothes from cititrends. They tend to be loud and hate on any female at any time and no they have nothing to lose.
Can someone tell me what a naked face is?? :/ pardon my ignorance.
“Naked Face” is a face devoid of moisturizer, make up, and overall polish.
Lashes on a rough naked face is like putting Asanti rims on a 98 Pontiac Sunfire with no wheels.
When a group of chicks in Dereon jumpsuits, naked faces, quick weaves and false lashes start looking at you sayin “this bish thank she cute†, its time to roll. *Women who wear quick weaves, false lashes on naked faces, and Dereon jumpsuits have nothing to lose*
Hoodrat uniform for real!
LOL @ #4…you ever notice how the demographic changes when you ride the red line? that boy got a color scale FORREAL…
I know that it’s time for me to go when:
1) Grandma has asked, for the 8th time, whose child I am.
2) My cousin yells out, “Where’s my damn belt?!” so that she can whip one of my young cousins.
3) I see a gang of pre-teens in one area of the mall.
“1) Grandma has asked, for the 8th time, whose child I am.”
Now this made me LOL. I love my Pa-Pa but he asks me where I live now at least 5 times every time I see him.
College – a guy gets shot in the club. People duck, then realize this is a direct hit, not a guy shooting up the club. They keep dancing with a body on the dance floor until the cops showed up.
(P.S. Guy didn’t die. Fortunately, my friends and I were in the parking when we heard the shot and rolled out. Found out people kept kicking it from a dorm-mate who was inside. #WhyMustICry)
This is riduculous on sooooooo many levels!
you know…that right there is some Black sh*t.
pure mothef*cking ignorance.
O___e
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAA?
*flashback* It’s time to go when you’re at a house party and all of a sudden you hear a commotion outside and the drunk ninja who’s hosting pulls out a gun and says, “Don’t worry Baby I gotchu!” Oh h*ll naw!! Time to DIP.
LOL. yes. i think any time firearms enter the picture its time to roll out. luda.
Just thought of another one and Then I’m going to bed. It definitely time to go if you’re with a group of people and someone pulls out a Ouija board, spell book or anything related to witchcraft or the dark side. Call on Jesus and RUN!
It’s time to bust a U when you bend the corner and you see a crowd of ninjas standing in a faceoff circle and you see something in one of their hands.
–True story, I bucked the fastest U on planet, then called my mama to see if she heard any shooting. She said no, so I went back to find police, ambulances and bodies on the ground in front of my building. Please listen to your spidey senses!!
It’s time to roll when your in a ninja-rich environment and they all start running TOWARDS a certain area. Chances are almostguaranteed something jumped off and the looky loos will instigate a further disturbance.
Get in your car and go if you see a ninja videotaping the goings-on with his cell. Even if it’s something innocent, why end up on YouTube unnecessarily?
Roll-bounce when you see a group of ninjas enter an establishment and they all immediately split up. They took time to formulate a plan of action, and I have no reason to participate.
that last one reminds me of many flashmob robberies happing in MoCo maryland lately.
“By the way, Kimberly Elise specializes in looking a hot damn mess. Period.”
but why? *sad face*
while i was writing this, Set It Off came on and the scene where her and Stoney (Jada) walked out after “casing” the first bank where that ninja Blair Underwood worked, Kimberly Elise had on the flower dress made for a 6-year-old and white socks and looked liek jelly shoes. I know she was the naive one and all, but damn…
she always looks a mess to me in movies. its her trademark. Cuba cries and Kimberly Elise looks a mess.
Kim also cries a lot. Probably because of her mess. lol
Ol’ downtrodden actress.
Cheeky, You know I died laughing when I realized that is the real reason why Kimberly Elise was cast as Cicely Tyson’s daughter in a movie. . . and it was a perfect movie casting…
LOL, yes!
Cheeky I died when I realized why Kimberly Elise was cast as Cicely Tyson’s daughter in a movie…and it was the perfect casting!
“Ol downtrodden actress”
ROTFL
Co-sign on all of your list, Panama.
Another sign is: pumping gas @ Circle K @ 10:35 PM and someone is trying to sell you cologne, gold jewelry or FW1 waterless wash & wax spray
It’s interesting that you mentioned lil’ boosie in your post, Panama. I live just outside of Baton Rouge (baker). I was in a heated discussion w/ ppl on FB. Some ppl were apologetically defending him. It was funny scene when I rode by the courthouse to see all of his fans support him. I’d never seen so much ugly loud red, blue, green & orange shirts that said “Free Boosie.” It’s sad that the local school system is failing and kids can’t spell, read, or compute math but they know all of lil’ boosie lyrics. BR’s finest i guess.
**playing “da da da da da da da… yeah do da ratchet” in background**
well since Baton Rouge specializes in going dumb it aint really a shocker. As somebody who’s seen both Thuggin’ It and Lovin’ It parts 1 and 2…Baton Rouge is why white people will always have a case against black folks.
with baltimore a close second!
…and Detroit pulling in 3rd place. Sigh.
If you work retail and you find out your department has the hot item that year and you’ve got to put it on the floor…call in sick.
True story. I had to get into a fetal position after nearly being trampled and seeing this woman pimp slap another woman for taking the pink power ranger out of her hand while I was taking the power rangers out of the box to put onto the display. Why management thought it was a good businsess practice to have us open the boxes and the doors at the same time…..
I’ll also add if your driving in the country and you pass trailers where you see deer stands in the distance that face the trailer and not the field DO NOT WALK TOWARDS THE HOUSE!!. You very well may be walking onto a meth lab with boobie traps.
yeah, that was a management fail of the highest proportions.
You’re at any event where black people paid to be there and there is SUPPOSED to be food involved…but they ran out of food…
Omg 2008 inaugural party, $50 a “plate” by the time we got to the front of the buffet, there was no food, kneegrows in tuxedos lost their mind
*lmbo* I bet those folks took off their uppityness for a few moments and got ghetto.
THIS.
*Dead*
as a people, we take that “free food” thing seriously.
LMAO Tabernacle.
Here are some of my “Get Out of Dodge” signs:
1. When a woman say, “Oh you must be smart” when you mention graduating from college.
2. When a woman asks you for money within the first 3 dates.
3. When dude has his hand in his pocket and moving his body like he’s dancing…except there’s no music.
4. When someone makes long eye contact, but it’s clear they don’t wanna hump.
5. When a chick wants to hit it raw without being in a committed relationship and/or letting you know her STD AND birth control status. I’ve literally picked women off of me to go get condoms.
6. When they’re talking about the past and get this thousand yard stare.
to add to #1 when you come home and cats that know of you say “You think you better than us because you in college”
*A Samuel Jackson in School Daze moment*
I promise, when i was in school, kneegrows STAYED goin home over Christmas break and not never coming back just cuz keeping it real went wrong.
You just can’t kick it like you used to when you’re trying to do something that they think is an attempt to one-up them. in fact, jealous ninjas should not be allowed near pick-up basketball games, dice games, attractive women they’re crushing on, or the last piece of sweet potato pis simply because when kneegrows see green, they don’t see straight.
We used to call them fall guys….see you in the fall; not in the spring.
@ #11. When a woman say, “Oh you must be smart†when you mention graduating from college.
Awww Cmon Todd! I thought the hoodrats knew how to lay it down though!
That was tongue in cheek, cuz to be honest, a part of me dies when a woman says that to me…specifically the part of me that made me think it was a good idea to talk to her.
How u get trained up:
Any adult in the vicinity says “Son (or boy or girl), get me a switch.”
I create space when;
5.) A woman is rude to my mom for no apparent reason.
4.) A woman is too careless consistently to put the toilet paper on the roller when she starts a new roll.
3.) A woman is trying to bait me into a violent act.
2.) A woman demands my passwords to social networks.
1.) Someone tries to demand & rush me to make a decision on only the choices they set forth, as if no others exist. (Making my choices for me.)
Hey, all of that is my wife except for 4. Wow…
May God Bless You Todd.
right?
The funny thing was that 1 and 3 were last night. I should have known something was coming though. She cooked me Sunday dinner for the first time in years. LOL
Here. Let lil Stevie tell you about it. http://t.co/ED1jGwZz
it’s hollywood COLE! “who else wanna fuck with hollywood cole”
carry on…
actually…as the certified ATLien in the building, its Hollywood Court.
which was (RIP) an infamous projects on the NW side of the A off of Hollywood Road.
now, b/c most ninjas don’t know about Hollywood Court, everybody ASSUMED he said Hollywood Cole, which is admittedly a dope name. but um…that was a hood/project shoutout.
volley.
I’ll back up Panama on that. I know several Hollywood Courts alumni myself.
“What are some other signs that its time to roll? Share so we all may know.”
1. When people start rolling up dollar bills and pulling out baggies.
2. When the people you came with run out of money (“Let me get $20 and I’ll pay you back when we get home.”) Time to go.
3a. When you’ve run a dime on every team in the house.
3b. When you get accused of cheating because you’ve run a dime on every team in the house.
4. When you see your crazy ex walk through the door.
5. When you go to a backwoods country festival and it starts getting dark outside and you realize you’re the only person of color left in the vicinity.
Man, #4 goes even if ole crazy THOUGHT yall were dating, but really weren’t. Crazy crushes are as unpredictable as Dennis Rodman at a church picnic.
And at a public gathering, it’s like a bull in a china shop. They gon eff up everything (cock blocking, false claims of boo-dom, and declaring war on every member of the opposite sex you interact with) and then make a scene, and you will be the co-star.
#5 is a sho-nuff “let’s go” and lock the car doors asap!
LOL…Well look at you being all safe and responsible and whatnot. Agree with all of it though, especially #1. I get all kinds of nervous and imaginative when my bars start to fade. I’m in the projects, with a flat tire, with luscious, glistening, freshly shaven legs and heels on…and Wayne Brady and the Ghost of Ol Dirty Bastard comin. Laaawd. What I’m gone do?!
this comment made me laugh. good job.
I run easily. The wind shifts and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, I run. I remember last time I was in southern Mexico visiting my friend and her husband and their little boy. It’s a nice little town, pretty safe. But the drug gang folks come around every so often. So were walking down the street and I see a shiny new pick up truck with tinted windows a couple of blocks down. It starts driving fast towards us. In reverse. I grabbed that kid and ran. I was around the corner and down the street hiding inside a store in seconds. My friend and her husband just stood and watched. It wasn’t nothing, but still. I’m convinced black folk spider senses are tinglier than anyone else’s.
Obviously not tingly enough.
They STILL tricked our black a$$e$ onto that boat.
ROFL, touche
cause: being tricked onto the boat
effect: developement spidey senses
yea, that sounds about right
*developement of
I just knew Spiderman was a brotha! lol
ROFLMAO!!! This caught me so off guard I spit my food out…damn!
Hey, at least the kid was safe. lmao
You’re hanging out with your homegirl and her phone rings. The person on the other end says, “____ just got arrested. 5-0 is on the way to the crib. We gotta get this coke out the house. Hurry up and get here. Bring the big suitcase because these scales gotta go too.”
Yeah… I must bid you “adieu.”
that sounds like something directly out of hte BMF indictment and charging papers.
That was one of the realest situations I ever witnessed. Cats straight got pinched at work. Kneegrows didn’t even know it was happening until indictments came down, arrests were made and faces were on the news. I happened to see a face on the news, called my homegirl and she called dude’s wife. That was a crazy night. I was home, though.
LOL @ “I was home though.” OKAAAAAAAY! lol smdh
Its time to go when…
1. You look around and notice people are getting annoyed by your overdrunk team member
2. I get a Gmail saying my account balance is now below $100
3. I think this hoodrat heard my tab last name
4. When you start mentally counting the number of hours of sleep you only finna get
5. Room full of women and you see a group of ninjas huddled up
It’s time to go when… the xmas tree lighting downtown ends and a gang of young ninjas form a crowd in the middle of the street and more young ninjas start to crowd around*kidsletsrunintheotherdirection* true story very sad btw at the xmas tree lighting that’s all family oriented smh
I roll at the sight of neck tattoos, bewb tats, and wrist tats. I roll at tight dresses and muffin-tops. I roll when the crowd goes from the happy hour crowd to the party crowd.
neck tats are hte universal sign of potential crime scene. i dont care if the owner has a degree or not. you got to be some kind of off and know some kind of deranged ninjas to get a neck tat.
face/female chest tats are the new neck tats. i seent this ninja wit a rose on his FACE. And he had the nerve to ask me for some change. I would’ve told him to go get his money back for that tattoo, but i’m not that gangsta.
If you’re at your daughter’s birthday party, and one of her friends and two other women bring out a big ass man sized gift wrap box, its time to go!
Is it bad that I immediately knew what you were talking about? I saw that hilarity.
LMAO
*lmao*
LOL same here.
WTF? That’s how your friends get down? Wow…
*whispers to Todd* That is from Real Housewives of Atlanta
I wasn’t exactly dying to see this show, but since this is the ratchetness they air, I’m afraid to have the station on my satellite dish for the IQ points it’ll suck away.
If grown siblings start fist-fighting anywhere, it is time to go.
If Suge Knight shows up anywhere, its time to go.
If Tyrese is about to open his mouth to give advice, its time to go.
If your bipolar friend’s child’s father pisses her off, its time to go
If there are no cops eating donuts in the parking lot of the donut shop at 3 am in skinhead country…its time go to!
My #1 is when you are the only black person in the room and something illegal goes down. Oh did you just pull out a bong?? TIME TO GO
LMBO! It’s tough being the token black because your’re supposed to supply the weed, be good a ball, etc.
eff what you heard. 2520′s ALWAYS have better herbal supplements than us.
Not like i know or anything.
See MicTheMessenger knows what he’s talkin bout! Not that I do though…lol
OMG…Real true Milwaukee story..
Me and my friends from middle school were at my house in the hood. BFF#1 Black female, BFF#2 White male. And his brother.
They came to my house for a session and we had about 1/4 onion on the table…and BFF#2 and brother brings drinks to the festivities. i don’t drink after them but yall go ahead and have fun. The brother, unknown to me and BFF#1, had a blood transfusion earlier in the day and is drinking like a fish. This fool passes out, hits his head on a table in my dining room not once BUT TWICE…and is passed out on my floor.
We got a couple of liters of alcohol and two oz of tree on the table…and BFF#2 is tombout…oh he’s ok he gotta sleep it off.
I told him straight up nuh unh yall gotta go. Wake homie up and get him home so he can rest because he aint gone die up in here.
Moral of that story is: if you are in the hood and have tree and alcohol in your house and one or more or your friends are white and one passes out in said house…get them out immediately.
YQ
AMEN. My warrants. iCaint. LMFAO.
#IJIJIKIK
*still laughing about this hours later…* I will never look at a coffee table the same! lmao
I SWEAR my brother and I shouted “Who wanna f*ck with Hollywood Courts!” all Thanksgiving and no one knew what the heck we were talking about !! And why am I at work with 50% battery feeling panicky just this morning? You always say what I’m thinking dude, lol.
brilliant minds.
You have to know my family.. It IS ok, lol.
I love how you announced that you shouted “fcuk” all Thanksgiving like that was just OK..
LOL
Was granny just cool with that?
Read above. I responded under the wrong one, lol.
I’m just sitting here wondering why you hating on ALDO shoes. Oh wait, you mean men’s ones, didn’t you? *whistles and walks away*
Lil’ Boosie looks like he smells like Black & Milds and probation.
real talk…ALDO shoes are the LEAST comfortable shoes on the planet. they look good but them sh*ts feel like rented tuxedo shoes.
iDied @ The Black and milds and probation. Mostly because it actually conjures smell/thought that I can identify.
Mmmhmm girl, it is a memorable smell.
Lil’ Boosie looks like he smells like Black & Milds and probation.
^^^im stealin this and puttin it in a poem.
Lil’ Boosie looks like he smells like Black & Milds and probation.
LOL!!! More like underachievement and azz.
If your in college and three drunk Ques enter the party. In my Snagglepus voice *Exit stage right with the shorty I’m dancin with*
*rotflmao* step on out of the house! lmbo
If a drink gets thrown in the premises, it is time to go.
If someone’s mama pulls off her shoe and gets to beating her child’s azz , she’s hollering and stuff’s flying everywhere, its time to go.
If someone’s child starts running through your house, knocking over stuff, its time for them to go!
I’ve found that if you’re in a Denny’s in south Florida, and it’s close to 3 am, it’s time to go. No questions asked.
I must say that there a lot of absolutely hilarious responses on this post. Good damn job people. Round of applause.
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
based on experience:
the running thing is a must. don’t talk, just run. I’ll call and check on you later.
when you’re at a party and see lil 5’5 110lb Donell is standing toe to toe with a 6’7 300lb dude name Crush and not flinching….
when you’re chilling somewhere and someone comes in and locks the door….
when you’re at a club and you see your ex AND his new chick (looking like she walks around with razors in her mouth) who swears you are gritting on them….
when you’re at the bank/store/gas station and dude walks in wearing a hoodie, black gloves, and timbs in 100° weather…
My friends know that whenever the nerves in my hand flare up, my stomach drops, or all of a sudden I feel nauseous, it’s time to bounce. There is an 86% chance that somethings going down. And we usually see it on the news the next day.
Usually at a family oriented black event such as AFRAM or the black family reunion, I stay for ten minutes and roll out. Especially if I see ninjas show up in doorags and timbs.. Another is if I see a group of amigos wearing all black carrying knives and a machete. I ran across the street that day. And finally when the crazy, deranged drug addict rides the bus or train and suddenly feel the need to sit next to me or want to talk to me. Cant fix crazy. Adios
It’s time for me to go from whatever computer I’m sitting at when someone tweets a link to this website http://boosiejustice.com/
Yup. Time to log off of life. After I FreeBoosie, of course.
It’s time to roll out when the couple who loves to fight starts to get into it and the woman says “but such and such just got married” – Peace. No good is comin’ out of that one!
It is time to leave any function with alcohol involved when the DJ starts playing fighting anthems back to back. If “Knuck if you buck” is followed by Bia Bia, Never Scared, Damn, and Lil Scrappys greatest hits, you better get to scurrying.
Lol! So true!
don’t forget that fighting fave Ante Up! it turns me into a monster and i’m a woman of peace and butterflies:)
Anytime you see a black male outside of a social function pacing, smoking a newport or black and mild mumbling to his self.
If you are at a wedding reception and your dancing, someone gun falls out of his pants and everybody is checking to see if it was there gun that fell like it was a set of car keys.
man! LMAO
On a side note do you remember the early 90′s when there would be a shoot out a movie theaters that were playing Boyz N Tha Hood and New Jack City?
Breazy, umm, I remember that! I wasn’t allowed to set foot in a movie theatre in the hood to watch any movie that resembled Boyz N the Hood for that reason! lol
If you ever hear any of the following phrases:
1. “Oh HAYLE
(I don’t know what’s wrong with your site, but anyways)
If you ever hear any of the following phrases:
1. “Oh HAYLE nawl!”
2. “On er’thang I luh…”
3. “It’s like DAT? Ok…ok…ok…*sucks teefus* ok…”
4. “Yeah? I got somethin’ fa you den…”
Any one of these heard through a crowd of any size means it’s DEFINITELY time to get the hell on.
Oooh! May I add?
5. “Awww….HAYLE to the NAW he/she/it didn’t!”
6. “I don’t give a flyin’ fcuk…” (includes the head bounce to the left)
7. “I wish a ni**a WOULD…maaaaaan, I swear fo’ God…”
8. “Want some? B**** betta come GET some…” (once again, emphasis on the left sided head bounce)
9. “I WONT (not ‘want’….’wont’) that mutha phu**a to TRY ME….PLEASE try me!!”
Lawd…my people….
It’s time to go:
- When you see a dude bring his head back to head butt another dude (was on an elevator and this happened, we stepped out the elevator and proceeded to the stairs asaptually)
- A can of pepper spray appears (in the hands of the bouncer, some hoodrats, whoever)
- Glass starts breaking randomly
- Drunk men old enough to be your daddy (and KNOW your daddy) start hitting on you and ask when you turn 18 O__o
- Chicks show up in groups in sweatpants and snatchbacks
You mean to tell me in America, 3 decades later, Black women are still wearing the snatchback hairstyle!?!??
When a disagreement begins to escalate and you hear someone say the following phrase “on everything I own my N***A!” or the always thuggish “I dont give a F**K about no jail N**A” it is time to roll bounce.
If they don’t allow you to enter the establishment with your phone, don’t go in. I was alert as an undercover jake the whole night, thus no fun was had.
first off a side rant: “By the way, Kimberly Elise specializes in looking a hot damn mess. Period.”
FINALLY someone validates this! now all you have to do is cosign that regardless of her genius condi rice’s edges were ridiculously questionable as a black woman living in a majority black town during the W years. you get a pass if you live in west bumblef*ck and can’t get to a perm but if you live in a hair capital (read: DC, NYC, ATL, Detroit) and you’re black woman and on camera, i’m gonna need you to do better. cuz there’s women on food stamps whose hair is LAAAAAAAID and bad edges distract…
oh, and i personally avoid any neighborhood/sitiation where there’s more than 2 dudes chilling outside during working hours and it’s not a holiday. double threat points if they’re chilling outside on inside furniture, triple points and a possible if i’m a) on foot and need to pass them, and b) anyone’s wearing a beater/scully combo. #pickitup!
When you go to a “college party” as a highschool student thinking you jazzy, and you arrive with your homegirl and it’s 4 drunk ninjas in a dorm room in the athletics wing…….
If you’re anywhere and you hear the words “Let’s get a fair one then!” (Trust me, It’s NEVER fair!)
You’ve spent the night at your boo thang’s house and at 7:55am his ex is busting in his bedroom to “collect her stuff “….
You’re moving and you accidentally back your U-Haul truck into someone’s car…and you didnt take out the additional insurance….Of course I would never do that but I hear about things…
O_o I haven’t been in any of these situations thankfully.
Time to go…
when you roll with your friends to their family reunion and while you’re drinking & talking and one guy casually ties his arm off and starts shooting up. Mind you, dude doesn’t know me but he doesn’t care. He’s getting that hit ower right then. Talked to him the next day and he explains that he shot his lower leg off w/ a shotgun years before to prove his love.
Hmmm. You’re in a bank, waiting in line, and a group of men all come in, AT THE SAME TIME, all wearing long coats… (It’s Miami Beach, and a hot day outside…)
WALK OUT, and watch everything on your television, or the Internet at home…
It’s going to be a long day…