Earlier today, Lil Boosie (nee Torrance Hatch) plead guilty to transporting drugs into two federal prison facilities. I think its safe to say that he’s about to get buried under the jail. Now, the relevance there lies only in the fact that Lil Boosie looks like the kind of dude I’d avoid in general. And at all costs. You know the look. And do you know why you know the look? It’s because you profile. So do I. Which is how we got here in the first place.
By the way, Kimberly Elise specializes in looking a hot damn mess. Period.
Moving on. I remember a long time ago I was at this spot in Atlanta and a group of dudes who all looked like Lil Boosie walked into the spot. It was at that point that my spidey sense went off and I immediately closed the piano and walked the f*ck out of the spot. Some situations just look like violence or wrong is about to happen. And I for one prefer not to be in that vicinity. Well this random thought occurred to me today about other signs that it just might indeed be time to get the f*ck out of dodge.
Curious? I thought you might be. Here’s a list. Well, below is a list. Underground.
1. My phone battery gets down to 15 percent
I don’t care if I’m at church. If my battery gets down that low, it’s time to roll the f*ck out. There’s something about being lost in the world without a working cell phone. I know that emergencies don’t happen that often and all but what if the ONE time my phone is about to shut off a band of muscular midgets rolls up on me, robs me and I can’t call the police because my phone is dead…because I’m in Zaire. I’d be #madahellshawty. It’s like my own personal checks and balance. My phone battery being low lets me know that I need to rethink my life and be in a safe place. Panic room.
2. Somebody takes off his shirt/wifebeater
I go to clubs where tshirts tend to be frowned upon. But if I see out of the corner of my eye that some dude is coming out of his shirt, I assume that some violence is about to go down. Or in the illustrious words of (the ladies screaming go…) Andre 3000, “two ni**as done started bustin, one ni**a done took his shirt off talkin’ ’bout, ‘now who else wanna f*ck with Hollywood Court’” I know a crime in progress when I see one.
3. Girls get into an argument with a dude
This one is a bit of a catch-22. See, nothing good comes of a man arguing with a woman. But women also know this and don’t expect men to act like men because breasts are present. So the chick will loudcap, push the forehead, mush a ninja, and generally just get brolic on a dude. Thing is, these situations NEVER end well. NEVER. These situations end up on World Star Hip Hop with some chick getting bodied by a dude who will inevitably go to prison at some point in his life. But I can’t just run out the club since I know that the girl will need help. Basically, I stay out of clubs…
4. …where guys show up in the Grown & Sexxy special
You know, striped button ups, really cheap expensive jeans and some ALDO shoes. And fake Gucci sunglasses. At night. When a band of these merry men show up in the club…its time to go. Even if nothing does go down, they increase the potential for f*cksh*t by 1000 percent. That sh*t was written like a Drake freestyle.
Those are some signs that its time to get the f*ck out of dodge. What are some other signs that its time to roll? Share so we all may know.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. ITS MURDAAAAAAAAAA aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3