Cuffing While Celibate: Narrowing The Starting Lineup » VSB

Events/Campaigns, Featured, Pop Culture, Theory & Essay

Cuffing While Celibate: Narrowing The Starting Lineup

Courtesy of TVOne

 

In conjunction with TVOne in support of the show, Born Again Virgin, we’re taking a look at the idea of cuffing while celibate during this “Cuffing Season”. Join us for the ride and check out episodes from the first season along the way, like this one! Watch as Jenna, Kelly, and Tara struggle with love and shenanigans! New episodes of Born Again Virgin premiere December 8 on TVOne!

Congratulations! You’ve made it to another round of cuffing season, that lovely period of time when the weather turns cold and your bed does too. If you’re part of the cuffing season shenanigans, this means you do not have a significant other. That is either depressing or exciting, and possibly some combination of both depending on how you like your eggs: fried or fertilized?

Wait a minute. We’re practicing celibacy during this process. No fertilized eggs for you! Only fried. Man, I hope your bae can cook.

Welcome to cuffing (while celibate) season, my friends.

One of the best parts about cuffing season is the collection of bodies. I don’t mean that in the murder sense, nor the “trying out every wang or vajayjay for size” sense either, which you’re not doing anyway, you wholesome vixen, you. No, I mean the thrill of getting out and constantly meeting people as you try to nail down (that’s a pun, even when trying to cuff while celibate) a rotation that you will HOPEFULLY whittle down to that one special boo to carry you through those months when going outside at night is not the move. I also realize that the idea of meeting new people might have just given a few of you hives.

But let’s say you’ve already motored through that part of the story and have a rotation of sweet and sexy thannnnnnnnnngs ready to go. You can’t sell dope forever, and you can’t keep everybody during cuffing season. Let’s be real, if you’re lucky enough to cuff you a coldweather #bae, the hope is that the time you spend while its frio will open you up to a full fledge public relationship when its warm outside.

But how do you chose? When you’ve got options – a lack of which is how most people end up stuck in cuffing season – the decisions become more important. Here are a few things to look for if you’re a colored girl trying to cuff a bae when sex ain’t enough because it can’t be because you’ve decided to try something different.

1.Who do you like talking to the most?

Since you’re not doing the horizontal polka, you’re going to be doing a lot of talking about foreign affairs and playing UNO. Somebody that is easy to talk to and has an interesting perspective that can make you laugh while hitting you with double draw-fours is always a win. What I’ve found most interesting in life is that as talkative as I am, there are people who literally make me clam up when they’re around. This is not a cuffable bae.

To read the rest of the article, head to TVOne and see what other tips we have for cuffing while celibate!

 

Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at panamadjackson@gmail.com.

  • Sigma_Since 93

    This seems like such an oxymoron. I’ve seen an uptick of the singles ministries get togethers / meetings coincidence????

    • It feels like single is becoming a culture of its own…youre single, and that’s OK… Stop trying to make fetch happen with all these rules and regulations to make yourself feel like you’re in control of the fact that no one you’re checking for is really checking for you

      • menajeanmaehightower

        Talked to a co-worker the other day about how i haven’t felt excited about someone in a very long time. He said in the past 10 years, he’s only felt excited twice. I don’t think being single is becoming a culture. I just think it’s hard to find someone you actually like in that way.

        • We’re a society of convenience… We watch our shows on demand, we text when we feel like and we may like people but we don’t really wanna invest that much into them.

        • TeeChantel

          “I just think it’s hard to find someone you actually like in that way.”
          I’m in total agreement with you on this. I don’t think I’ve been excited about anyone in a few years.

          • PhlyyPhree

            I get excited about a lot of people.
            I usually talk myself out of it though.

            “He probably has five chicks he;s juggling, he looks like the type to only like video vixens, he’s a club promoter, that beard isn’t even real…”

            • TeeChantel

              LMAO! You almost made me choke on my cough drop LOL!
              I do the EXACT SAME thing. I am always talking myself out of following through with a dude.

            • nillalatte

              OMG… you sound like my oldest daughter when she was like 13. I was a witness to a car accident and gave a statement to an officer. I mentioned to my daughter afterwards that he was a good looking man. She immediately said, “He’s probably been married twice, has five kids, and is a recovering alcoholic. Keep driving, mom.” ROTFL

              All I see is people blocking! I need experiences, dammit. :D

              • PhlyyPhree

                Lmaooooooooooooooooo.
                Well Damb. I tend to skew more negative as to why they wouldn’t want me, not why I shouldn’t want them. You’re daughter sounds like she was just trying to keep you from heartbreak. Lol

              • sounds like your daughter is wise beyond her years lol

              • LMNOP

                My daughter (who’s 9) was being nosy when I was on the phone and kept asking who I was texting, so I lied and said my secret boyfriend and sent a text to no number that said “Hi secret boyfriend.” Later that day I found another text sent after that one that said “This isn’t working out. I’m done with u.” Thanks kid, I can’t even have an imaginary boyfriend?!

            • But why was I having a similar conversation with my friend last night? I was telling her about this dude who I struck up a conversation with the night before and even with the convo last for a bit managed to talk myself out of actually exchanging info with some of the reasons you listed.

        • It really is hard finding someone who gets your little fire lit. I think I lust after plenty of men (most of whom I don’t have access to lol) but it’s been years since I’ve been enamored with any one man.

        • nillalatte

          Preach mena!

          I thought that shyt was just me. I’ve felt like this for a long time.

      • Namia

        This is probably not necessarily true but well sounds like such truth!!

    • panamajackson

      I have no idea. Cuffing while celibate is an oxymoron though? Can’t you just really get to know somebody’s mind? You know, mind sechs and the whole nine??? Isn’t that important?

      Asking for a friend.

      • Sigma_Since 93

        I’m not playing Ded Prez mayne!!! That whole process is like counting possibles in spades; given the right set of circumstances folks will shoot dey shot. Let’s not kid ourselves.

        • panamajackson

          I mean I agree with you in principle. I’m just saying that it is entirely possible, if both folks knwo what they’re getting into, to approach it that way.

      • Pinks

        I think one of the basic tenets of cuffing season is the ability to engage in chex sessions with said cuffed person without the commitment of a relationship. It’s basically like real life Rent-A-Center for 20-somethings: you get to look and feel like you have the real thing until you realize you’ve wasted mad time and money with nothing to show for it at the end.

        • tgtaggie

          That sounds like an recipe for a disaster. The other problem is that some ppl want an actual serious relationship out of cuffing season and the person they are with are looking for entertainment.

          • Pinks

            That’s the problem with most dating situations today – uneven expectations.

            • tgtaggie

              Seriously, just be glad that you’re married. Bc its horrible out here now for ppl who actually give an eff. I’m so cynical now its not even funny. lol.

              • Pinks

                Yeaaaaaa…I say this about once every two weeks: I’m glad I’m not in the dating game, yo.

                It’s weird, because while I know of so many successful relationships, I also know of tons of people who are miserable out there and it only seems to be getting worse. Everybody is all “fall back game too strong” and “all i care about is money” but I think that’s just a coverup for some serious butthurt

              • “its horrible out here now for ppl who actually give an eff.”

                One of my guy friends was just venting to me about this to me this morning- he’s such a sincere brutha- I really just wanna see people like ya’ll flourish :/

    • Man, dating now a days seems like fighting ISIS, the Klan, a group of middle-aged white libertarians, some Duke fans, an angry female crip who has an ain’t sh*t baby daddy that’s a blood, a horde of orcs, and some extra-aggressive mall kiosk people in the middle of a steaming hot jungle.

      • The libertarian shade is noted.

      • PhlyyPhree

        Upvoted for accuracy

      • tgtaggie

        Dude, that’s probably one of the most accurate descriptions I have ever read. lol. Seriously, just be glad that you’re married. BC its rough outchea.

    • miss t-lee

      Like the singles ministries ain’t…never mind.

      • PhlyyPhree

        Girl. I really wish they would just name it what it is.

        • miss t-lee

          I’ve opted out. The Lord ain’t striking me down for play pretending.

      • What happens there- do dirty preachers and deacons circle the meetings like shark at a shipwreck?

        • miss t-lee

          Everybody ain’t saved in the single’s ministry.

          • As I would imagine.

            • miss t-lee

              Meaning, everyone isn’t exactly celibate.

              • I remember when I was heavy into church- I could write a book on this smh

                • miss t-lee

                  You know.

              • DG

                Sh!!!!!t, some church services are just an extension of the club…slightly diff music and DJ (ie, the pastor)…that’s all.

                • miss t-lee

                  You *also* know.

    • Superstrings

      They get it in at the singles ministry too.

  • “Wholesome Vixen” #AboutMe

    I’m considering changing my handle to WholesomeHeaux now, decisions.

    • Sigma_Since 93

      WholesomeHeaux……You need Jesus!!! lol

      • Jesus is down with Wholesome Heaux. Remember that time he let that prostitute wash his feet?

    • You’re as wholesome as a Waffle House meal at 3 AM. STAHP

      Edit : and we need Waffle House in NYC now that we have Danny’s and Chik FIL A.

    • You are the opposite of wholesome.

      • This morning slander of my good name is truly appalling. You, of all people, know that I’m the definition of wholesome. You’re so fake.

    • PhlyyPhree

      I say go for it. Better than a WholesaleHeaux
      *rimshot*

      LOL

  • So the Fallen Angel gets a reality TV show now, huh?

    I have surprisingly mixed feelings about this. On one hand, the idea of a woman being romantic with me without getting to the get down sounds like a set up. I’d be afraid she was cheating on me or trying to stick me for my paper or otherwise embarrass me for her own amusement. If $ex isn’t part of the deal, what is she getting.

    On the other hand, in recent days, I’m getting a bit of girlfriend fever. Maybe a few months without the get down would force me to develop trust without having to hook her brain on the endorphins I give her. Perhaps it will force me to trust women not to abuse me without that hit. I’m not sure…

    • panamajackson

      Not fallen angels though? LOL.

      • Yeah fallen angels. Otherwise, the show would be about either the devoutly religious or someone with enough issues to stock a newsstand. Most healthy ambulatory people get them a little something something,unless they’re doing a reboot of their $exual history.

        • panamajackson

          Gotcha. The show is mostly about some chick who decides that what she’d BEEN doing hasn’t worked. So she’s trying something new, which is to make a connection. Now, I can’t say the show is totally about cuffing though. These chicks are in various stages of getting it where they can.

          • Ah, that dreaded nemesis of mine intimacy, with its good buddy trust. *smh*

  • Cuffing while celibate is not a thing…. You have a friend.

    • You’re sounding like those devout Christians who refer to their significant others as their friends. Heck, I was my ex wife’s “friend” to my former in-laws until we got married.

      • She not my girlfriend, wife, fiance… What else do you call her

        • Sigma_Since 93

          A possible

          • Still too much ownership.

            • Sigma_Since 93

              Nah. You’re just mulling over the possible scenarios in which you might claim her. It’s like all the scenarios that need to occur in order for the Cowgirls to make the playoffs.

              • Im more of the type of when I know, I know. I can safely assume I haven’t met my next girlfriend yet

          • PhlyyPhree

            Is this spades???

        • esa

          by her name ~*~

          it’s lovely when any man you like says your name.

          • LMNOP

            But what if they need to say my _____, in order for the sentence to make sense. Do they say like “my esa” if some one asks “who is esa?”

            • esa

              i hear you .. “my” is a possessive term, but not everyone feels possessive. if people want more information, one if free to further disclose those details if they want to share their business with the person asking.

      • TeeChantel

        The “Single Until I’m Married” line? I’ve heard this a few times from my girlfriends.

        • You together or you ain’t…word to the tax man.

        • miss t-lee

          Technically…true.

          • TeeChantel

            It is. But I can’t go around calling my fiance “my friend”
            There should be some form of acknowledgement.

            • miss t-lee

              LOL

        • how are people single til married? I don’t understand.

      • IsitFridayyet?

        “Boy Friend” is too scandalous for 80% of my kin, some of the more liberal will say “male friend” but we tend to acknowledge a fiancé if a wedding date has been set .

        • My aunts were like that with my ex… She was lady friend or wife… There was no in between

      • LMNOP

        “friend” is not just for religious reasons, I use it for I don’t like people all up in my business reasons.

    • uNk

      Zactly!!

    • that’s what I was thinking- isn’t “celibate cuffing” an oxymoron?

      • But it would be special coming from you… Hmph

    • LMNOP

      I am so confused by this whole thing. Isn’t the point of cuffing to end your celibacy?

      • Too much pressure and expectations… People hold out expecting the next one to be their happily ever after, which typically pushes people away who don’t want all that,then they give up and bust it open for the next one who pays them attention. So I’ve heard.

  • TeeChantel

    Celibacy is hard. Major props to anyone that can go long time without the d. Most I’ve ever done was one year and I felt like a raging bull. I try to do right but I can’t. God still loves me.

    • More power to em. I’ve dated celibate women but it never went long, not because I’m obsessed with secks but rather I knew I could break that seal if I wanted but I didn’t like them that much

      • TeeChantel

        You didn’t like them why? Because they were celibate?

        • It was more, they was saving themselves for someone worth it… And in good conscience I just didn’t wanna be that dude to play spoiler

    • I’ve done two. Then again, I was in a collapsing marriage, and I didn’t want to step out until I got them papers right. That said, I may have coordinated companionship to come right after them papers. LOL

      • TeeChantel

        I had just gotten out of a situationship and was so so tired of the drama. So during the year I put my focus into other things like pursuing a new job, relocating to a new state (hence why I’m in MD), and concentrating on family. Once I got things in place I was back in full effect lol

        • Jennifer

          You’re my new role model, Tee. 4 months and counting.

          • TeeChantel

            Oh, nah. This was about two years ago, Jenn. I gave into the d a while ago.

    • miss t-lee

      3.
      And never again.

      • TeeChantel

        My hat goes off to you.

        • miss t-lee

          It was pretty wild. Learning experience like a mug.

          • TeeChantel

            It is definitely a learning experience. I mean, it did help me focus on other aspects in my life. But I also learned I can’t go too long without the d.

            • miss t-lee

              You really learn a lot about yourself.

    • Pinks
    • I was at like 2 years. Wasn’t all that bad.

      • TeeChantel

        Would you do it again?

      • Marcie

        Im at the two year mark now.

    • Can one still wax on, wax off while celibate or does all physical contact stop? I just like having definitive definitions.

      • Brass Tacks

        I thought “self help” is implied, during celibacy. You are basically refraining from letting others wax on you, though.

        • Some still consider self help to be secks and so I could see it not being allowed.

          • Brass Tacks

            Ok, varied viewpoints. I just dont consider it the same. Its like a brotha saying he lost his vcard to his hand, I might be able to muster up a blank stare at best.

            • lol. I don’t consider them the same either, I’m just trying to clarify. If anyone ever comes to me talkin about celibacy I want to have a leg up. Double entendre acknowledged.

      • TeeChantel

        I don’t know what the definitive rules are per say. But there was a whole lot of “me time” and no “playing with others”. I know for some folks celibacy means sustaining from chex all together, me time included.

        • Yeah I’ve gone over a year without any playing with others. IYou’re right, it was hard. But I wouldn’t call my situation celibacy.

  • uNk

    A night in with “bae” having good conversation while drinks are being drunk, uno and music are being played….and then at the end of the night, snuggles? Either you have a friend or you’re taking a very large L, like a season long L.

    • Sigma_Since 93

      slippery slope into the friend zone.

    • This actually sounds like a good night though, minus the Uno. Uno ruins friendships and families.

      • Sigma_Since 93

        “Uno ruins friendships and families.”

        Especially when this goes down…………

        • TeeChantel

          Replace Uno with Phase 10. Let a nucca get to the 10th phase before me.

          • Sigma_Since 93

            I have not heard of this game….please tell me more.

            • TeeChantel

              Why do I feel like this is a set up…

              It is an actual card game…kind of like rummy.
              https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phase_10

              • Sigma_Since 93

                I will need to add this as a stocking stuffer so we can play this year.

                • TeeChantel

                  It is a fun game. But, as a warning, it can go on for hours. Definitely play with the fam during Christmas.

        • miss t-lee

          My younger cousin and I still have uno beef from like 3 years ago…lol

      • Wish you would hit me with a reverse when you knew I had one card left and think we about to just snuggle and watch Netflix… Tuh

        • I’m childish and hit people with a Draw Two and then follow up with a Draw Four. No mercy.

          • QuirlyGirly

            That is right- you ain’t leaving the game so easy.

      • uNk

        It would be a good night…..not a good season though lol for me at least

      • There needs to be a post about playing UNO. I know there’s one about playing Spades, but I’m *low voice* a Black girl who doesn’t really play Spades. UNO can get real grimy sometimes.

        • QuirlyGirly

          Yes UNO can! Once you unleash someone’s competitive side, all types of craziness ensues. When playing any card game, I try to keep it light and easy. There is no need to lose an X amount of year friendship over a game.

          • Right!

            • QuirlyGirly

              Oh yeah- the poker face is a must especially when you are down to that last card and planning your strategic exit from the game. You can’t let them see you too joyful or too anxious. It is a fine line to walk but when you slap down that last card and exit the game victorious, there is a feeling of exaltation that must be expressed.

      • I hate playing Uno now actually. Everyone has like 5011 “house rules” that don’t exist anywhere else except in their imagination when playing Uno. I’ve legit seen people act like throwing down a skip, reverse, draw 2, wild +4 all in one hand like that makes sense.

        • People get like that with any card game though. I always ask in advance what “version” of the game we’re playing and determine if it’s too biased for me to move forward.

    • panamajackson

      Not if both people are on the same page, though. I mean, it’s only an L if you have expectations. Also…and maybe I’m showing my age or something (or how out the game I am), but don’t people do dates at home and NOT smash? Isn’t it entirely possible to just hang and have fun with somebody you truly are into AND not hit?

      • Yes.. But only after a $exual relationship has been established.

      • PhlyyPhree

        No. Blame all these new n i ggas, but I don’t go over to a guy’s house with the expectation that there really will be a ‘Chill” session after the netflixing.
        I was taught that you don’t date at your house. Game night, with other people present, is the ONLY time I would enter a single man’s house if we were Celibate and Cuffing. (ha!)

        • Hey, that’s why there are (redacted) clubs and (redacted) parties. You can get out that tension without involving your homes.

          • PhlyyPhree

            Lol. No, the question was whether or not it was possible to date at someone’s home. I’m saying it isn’t. At all. Not happening. If it’s you and I alone, in the house after some good food and some cuddling…well, spooning can turn to forking so easily.

            • CheGueverraWitBlingOn

              Lol… I prefer the term ‘sporking’.

        • panamajackson

          See, I have had a chick come over before and we played Monopoly. We’d gone out a few times prior and she was on the, we can just play a board game. Now she talked a lot of sh*t which is how that even came up. But nothing came of that and it was okay.

          • How do you have a friendly game of monopoly with another human being? That game takes like 6 hours.

            • PhlyyPhree

              That was also going to be a question, but I figured PJ was on some evolved level of dating that I’m never ever going to aspire to get on, so eh

            • CamCamtheGreat

              “That game takes like 6 hours.”

              That’s because you’re playing it wrong.

              http://www.criticalmiss.com/issue10/CampaignRealMonopoly1.html

          • PhlyyPhree

            But had a physical relationship already been established? Sounds to me like she came over with the intent to prove that specific point, so of course, nothing would happen.
            I’d have to feel really REALLY comfortable being alone with a guy in his house, just “chilling”. Here’s the thing about that though, if I’m that comfortable being in your house with you and not expecting any type of action, chances are it’s because we’ve already crossed that bridge.
            If there’s been NO chexual contact and I’m coming over to your house just to chill and play footsie on the couch with you? You’ve been friendzoned

            • uNk

              You play footsie with men you friendzone? lol

              • PhlyyPhree

                Yup. Let them lay up on the couch and throw my legs all over them. It’s how I keep them hooked and not caring that they’re only friends.

                • CheGueverraWitBlingOn

                  #coldblooded

                  • PhlyyPhree

                    Lol. I want to downvote this for the untruthiness.

                • Cruel and unusual punishment. Why keep the fish hooked if you ain’t gon grill it up? Phlyy is a hunter, i see. Heads on the wall like American dentists. Hunting the endangered speices of mankind that’s tryin to wait on that cat.

                  • PhlyyPhree

                    Lol. Believe it or not, it’s more for me than them. I like to be comfortable and I like the support. I’m the person that sleeps with a body pillow, a boppy, a pregnancy pillow and actually surrounds herself with all the decorative pillows. I just need the physical contact. In my defense, I do it with my female friends too. I pretty much just lay over anyone who happens to sit on my couch. It’s the price you pay for sitting on my couch.

                    • That pillow part’s cool. Just let em off the hook. Free willy.

            • CheGueverraWitBlingOn

              This.

          • uNk

            I have a spades equivalent to this situation, except chex came from it lol

        • Rose

          I was taught this way too.. like ” Dont put yourself in the position”.. Although I have been around someone at their house with no sex..but we had already known each other has friends prior..so its diff..

      • uNk

        Well I suppose that’s true if you are on the same page, but I would never willingly get into a celibate cuffing season situation though so I guess my answer is based on that. It is entirely possibly to hang with someone you like and not hit, but for a whole cuffing season?
        For home dates, most definitely that still happens between ppl who are on truly into each other and trying to build something, but I feel like for cuffing season smashing expectations would be higher.

      • Rose

        I think that which you described is so so rare for this generation…like REAL rare..the boundaries are so blurry..AND ppl can tell you they are on the same page all day..does that necessarily mean its true? Not stating it as fact..but 9/10 even if you and that “bae” havent had sex..there is a potential that he is having a casual shag or two w/ others…Its just way too easy these days to get…

        • SimplePseudonym

          ^^This was a lesson that I learned.

          I thought I met a nice guy who was not being pushy- until I realized that he was playing that nice, slow “wanna get to know you” role with me while shagging his ex-girlfriend. A friend of mine from high school wanted to be a virgin until marriage and was…but her husband apparently would break up with her, sleep with women, and then get back with her periodically while they were dating.

          • Rose

            Yep! Sounds about right..Thats usually how it goes most of the time! Learned this real early on.

        • is it bad thing to you if a guy is getting to know you (non-sexual) and casual shagging elsewhere?

          • Rose

            See thats what I havent figured out yet..To be realistic..Ppl will do whatever they want whether we are aware or not..I try to remain conscious of that..but still I’m human …Plus I know men can engage in $exual acts without an emotional attachment…So still Idk.. I’d prob feel a way if I knew for a fact that was what he was doing..Could I hold him accountable? “Technically” no… Would you feel a way if you knew this about a woman you were pursuing?

            • As a man, sechs is probably in the equation for me (at some point). So prob yes. Honestly, I believe that ignorance is bliss until some agreed commitment is made. Otherwise ain’t nobody business.

              • Rose

                I’m with you on that..I feel like the best policy is to always be honest with yourself and to set your expectations in a realistic way..it minimizes any disappointment…

      • Angie Ang

        100% agree with this statement. As long as both parties are on the same page about getting to know one another without doing the do – then it’s completely possible. My current situation reflects this reality, and we’re able to actually Netflix and chill (or my preference, Scandal and wings) as a result. We were both upfront in the beginning about what we wanted, and maintain communication around this topic, so that things don’t become awkward or frustrating. So yeah, it’s doable ;)

      • Michele Gilliam

        Dates at home is fine, but that can’t be the first date. But again, this lazy generation don’t know nothing about effort.

        • PrettySouth

          There are some lazy men who insist on coming over to chill. If its a guy that I don’t see as a real prospect and I just want some company, I’ll have him over. But if it’s a guy that I really like, I will not allow a first date to be a home date.

      • Guest

        Yes they do. These people are just corrupt and illraised.

      • CheGueverraWitBlingOn

        But not consistently fam…not for like a whole season.

    • IsitFridayyet?

      If the drinks are nonalcoholic this pretty much sounds like a perfect evening.

      • PDL – Cape Girl

        I am queen of virgin daiquiris!!!

      • uNk

        Unfortunately I’m a non-recovery weekend alcoholic

    • miss t-lee

      This sounds terrible.

      • uNk

        No one should live that way through the winter

        • miss t-lee

          *year round

    • LeeLee

      “This sounds like a great night!” Says my single, celibate self :)

    • *sigh* but why is it an L? Just because there was no s e x that night? Isn’t building that connection a win because it will make s e x better down the line(if it does happen)? what about the beauty of anticipation? Or am I just clearly being a girl about this?

      • uNk

        It wouldn’t be an L for that night…..I mean I understand if we are getting into the groove of being cuffed for the winter and we don’t immediately jump into it, that’s fine. But if the entirety of our “cuffing season” is going similar to that night with no chex, am I the only one thinking of this as an L? Maybe I have the wrong idea about whats supposed to happen during the time frame of “cuffing season.” If I were approaching a women with the intent of being in a relationship with her this would go a completely different route.

        • No – you’ve got the right idea – I always get “cuffing season” mixed up w/ “a budding relationship” — so I’m over here romanticizing something that really just needs to stay basic lol

          • uNk

            Id say cuffing season is 70/30, Netflix and chill to emotional intimacy ratio….where a relationship is like 35/65 LOL. Plus I know myself all to well and I would never invite a woman I intended to be with over for a home date too early on, unless she suggested it.

            • I’m just tickled you really thought out those ratios lol

      • Guest

        Because many of our men are I’ll raised to believe interactions with women are primarily for secks. Getting to know a woman would make her a human.

      • PhlyyPhree

        It’s not an L for the night. Every night does not need to end with chex. HOWEVER, if we’re in a cuffing situation? SOME of
        Those nights are going to end up in chex. I didn’t pull out the good lingirie for nothing homeboy!

        • can’t let the good draws go to waste, I feel you on that one lol

    • CheGueverraWitBlingOn

      For real…not sure how this guide is not gonna end up in tradedy or hurt feelings on both sides. And quickly…

  • PDL – Cape Girl

    I HATE that show!!!! LOL How about we say, if you decide after smashing, that you want to take things in another direction we’ll call you celibate or refraining? One thing you’re not though, is a virgin….born again or no. That show makes mockery, IMO, of a move for people that’s wanting to do better, get spiritually connected, (however you want to label it), have a cleansing (LOL) etc. I caught a minute of that dumb show and that was it for me.

    And I’m just going to tell you, no such thing as good food, good fun and….snuggling. You might be able to pull that off a time or two with your boo, but if y’alls journey ain’t matching, then umm….you’re going to have to come with it. Celibacy is easy if you’re not putting yourself in certain situations, if you’re with a dude that either understand your journey or y’all are walking the same path, and you if understand the concept of mind over matter. It’s not easy, but it’s not impossible either.

    • Tell em how u really feel

      • PDL – Cape Girl

        LOL

        • Can’t be out here slandering the money

    • panamajackson

      So you’re saying you aren’t a fan of the show. lol. Just making sure I got that.

      I’m not sure I agree its making a mockery. The main character has decided to be celibate. The other two characters aren’t; they’re getting it how they live. The main one is trying to get her love life on track and that’s one facet she’s chosing to deal with.

      Also, Tank on the show, is pretty much just her friend. Like there’s a mutual interest clearly, but they’re not crossing any lines.

      • PDL – Cape Girl

        Mockery might be a bit strong, seeing I decided not to like it after a few minutes…LOL I would be lying if I said I’ll go back and watch, but I’ll take your word there’s more going on there than what I gathered in the few minutes I watched.

    • Amber

      I watched the first season on demand and yeah I struggled through it hoping the acting would get better and they’d find a groove but no. I’m not sure they were trying to mock celibacy i just think the show couldn’t quite fully explore her rationale for it.

      • PDL – Cape Girl

        Yep. Like I stated I decided not to like it, so there could be some snap judgement thing going on there…lol

  • Celibate cuffing = Oxymoronic… maybe

    • QuirlyGirly

      Celibate Cuffing = friends without benefits. So basically you are looking for a platonic companion.

  • Pinks

    What is this celibacy thing you speak of? Where can I buy a package of it for a discounted price?

    • PhlyyPhree

      Girl…. WHY?????
      I dont understand the concept of celibacy. Like…for WHAT?

      • Secks ain’t do nothing to nobody, blaming secks cuz you unchose… Tuh

        • PhlyyPhree

          These are the unchosen people who are doing it wrong. (pun intended)
          Might be why they’re not getting chosen. Then again, I’m not chosen, so maybe I’m doing it wrong.
          OH NO, I HAVE A CONUNDRUM….Meh.

      • Pinks

        One of my homegirls told me she was making a lifestyle change because chex and liquor were causing issues in her life. She let go of both of them, didn’t even entertain the thought of romantic involvement with men and had not a sip of drank for 6 months. Apparently she was a more focused, spiritual person at the end of it. In that case, I applauded her because the change was actually noticeable.

        I also have friends who are like “Oh I’m celibate” once the nucca they were dealing with starts showing his azzzzz and they don’t want to catch another body too soon. Like, boo..you ain’t celibate – you just not getting no D for the moment.

        • PhlyyPhree

          In that first scenario, I get THAT. I had a friend who did something similar however she used celibacy as a device to keep guys from pursuing her so that she could focus on herself without getting involved with another person.

          To each his own, i guess.
          I don’t necessarily like the idea of saying “I’m celibate” because it seems like you’re announcing your self as a challenge for someone to chase after your goodies.

          • Pinks

            I mean, I can’t say who should or shouldn’t be taking their loins off the market, but I support it for people I know who feel like they want to remove the confusion that chex can bring into situationships/relationships. I just find it comical when people are off and on celibate depending on who made their hole slippery/peen hard.

          • LeeLee

            This is why I don’t tell guys unless I absolutely have to :)

          • DG

            Interesting…makes sense from the woman’s perspective, as guys are usually doing the chasing, so to speak.
            Makes me wonder how women feel when a guy says he’s celibate (prob rare, I know).

            • Guest

              I’d think it’s good be around someone who respected themselves finally.

            • PhlyyPhree

              Actuall, not as rare as you think. I’ve had several good male friends who remained celibate until marriage. It raised an eye when the information was initially disclosed simply because it wasn’t common, but after that it wasnt an issue. We discussed it in group settings, when appropriate or when the topic was about relationships or chex,
              without making a big deal of it. It was what it was.

            • PDL – Cape Girl

              I can find an appreciation for it!

        • Those homegirl afraid to catch another body too soon need to embrace their inner Vivian Blake and shower the men with their blessings. ;-)

          • Pinks

            Haha..not likely when you consider that a lot of women my age (28) are at the point where they’re not trying to catch bodies just because. I’m hearing a lot more women willing to go without it than risk getting into something new that might not even be fruitful.

      • miss t-lee

        I’ve done it a few times. It’s beneficial for a minute. Especially when you’re trying to focus yourself, so to speak.

        • PhlyyPhree

          I get the whole focusing on yourself. But to say “I have to refrain from chex with another person in order to focus on myself”, THATS where I get lost. Usually, when I need to re-center myself, I’m abstaining from long protracted interactions with people period, unless absolutely necessary so I dont feel the need to announce that I am specifically giving up chex during this time also. Idk.

          • miss t-lee

            I mean, if i’m not f*cking the person, that means I’ve cut off all contact, so leaving s*x on the table was the easy part…lol Also, there’s no announcement if you’re serious.
            You just do it.

      • uNk

        My thing is…..I don’t call it celibacy, because when I get into Me mode for awhile, not only am I not getting any, I’m not dealing with women on an intimate relationship level period.

        • PhlyyPhree

          EX-ACTLY. I feel like the whole naming it as some lofty grandiose thing and then broadcasting it for kudos, or applause or self-righteousness is where I get lost

          • Guest

            It’s something to be proud of when you respect your body.

            • PhlyyPhree

              It’s something to be proud of when you do whatever the fuck you want with your body, however, whenever and enjoy whatever it is you do.

        • That I get, the idea of ima actively date but declare myself celibate to ward off buckfoys…its a bit pretentious

          • uNk

            Like buckfoys are the only ones that wouldn’t date you because of that lol

        • Guest

          I think it’s rude for people to fight me on what to do with my own body. In one breath you’re complaining about your absent baby mommas or daddies, next breath you talking about how great secks is. No matter what men try to convince you, it’s okay to let someone talk to you and get to and like you. There’s a soul in there. You’re not a big black vaagina you know flopping around searching for a friend. Some women don’t even have skills or hobbies anymore just texting men, bothering them to like them, and when that fails they give up their behinds as a last resort and pretend they are empowered by it. When you’re just lonely and scrambling to feel any kind of connection with anyone.

          • uNk

            This has exactly what to do with my comment?

    • SimplePseudonym

      Yes. What most people call celibacy, I call life.

      Hop on and hop off as you wish. No labels necessary.

  • Brass Tacks

    I dunno, sounds like hustling backwards. Or at the very least purchasing a compass that doesn’t lead North. Im down for some Uno, though. My Draw four game is strong.

More Like This