Cuffing While Celibate: Blocking The Box and The Ex » VSB

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Cuffing While Celibate: Blocking The Box and The Ex

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In conjunction with TVOne in support of the show, Born Again Virgin, we’re taking a look at the idea of cuffing while celibate during this “Cuffing Season”. Find out more about Born Again Virgin here! New episodes of Born Again Virgin premiere December 8 on TVOne!

When it’s all said and done, I believe that text messaging will go down as one of the greatest technological advancements of, well, ever. It single-handedly changed the way we communicate with one another. I’ve gotten to the point where I feel like speaking to people – on the phone – is a huge inconvenience. There is almost nothing that can’t be said over text, with emergencies being the obvious exception. And even then, it needs to be a real emergency, with blood and 10-on-the-chart pain.

But like all great inventions, there is a downside. Texting makes it much easier to speak freely without the fear of a facial reaction that ruins your day. And it ALSO makes it SO much easier to just ask somebody, “wut u doin”, which coming from the wrong person is NEVER a good thing. It’s a rabbit hole. It’s a black hole of bad decisions and Moscato-flavored weave. What? Exactly.

Replace “wut u doin” with “hey” and it’s the exact same problem.

Quick pivot: typically, women all complain that men are the ones who do the random six-month check-in out of nowhere. Nearly every woman has some story about their ex or some dude who dipped out unceremoniously, then a few months later deciding to hit her up. “For why?” echo women far and wide, with equal parts disgust and morbid curiosity. Curiosity killed the cat is a pun of amazing proportion. But the thing is, women are JUST as guilty of sending out those “hey” texts as dudes are. Every dude you know has received them. Trust me.

Moving on. What does any of this have to do with the price of pantyhose in China? I’m glad you asked.

So, let’s assume that you’ve been getting your cuff on with this one particular boo for what feels like a few months now. In fact, you’ve settled into a nice little routine. Nobody’s asking for more than the other can give. Sure, you’re still doing your little cuffing while celibate thing, and of course he’s testing you like your middle name is Scantron, and you are OF COURSE, having internal conversations about what celibacy means anyway. I mean, if you let him do that, is it actually breaking the celibacy thing? No penetration, no situation? What does that even mean? Nobody knows.

Yeah, you’re losing your mind. But as is the case with any situation – sex or not – once you find a happy medium, the exes start showing up. They have to. An email gets sent to all exes as soon as you settle into even a non-titled situation that makes you happy. And it’s never the ex you forgot existed. It’s the one you can’t forget exists.

To read the rest, head over to TVOne to read more about how to block the ex just as well as you’re blocking the box!

 

Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at panamadjackson@gmail.com.

  • GLAMCAM

    “But the thing is, women are JUST as guilty of sending out those “hey” texts as dudes are.” — Guilty as charged. But I do hate receiving them. I know, double standard much? So what, I love myself.

    • panamajackson

      And that’s all that really matters.

  • Texting > calling.

    Calling is cute until you’re on your 3rd 3 hour conversation with her and it’s only Wednesday. Maybe I wanted to just cuddle up with a good book that night

    • uNk

      My thing is….if she can understand that we grown now and not about to have 1-3 hour conversations on the daily…Ima call you!!! *Smokey voice*

    • 30 minutes. Set some boundaries. That’s the time it takes to file your nails. Or whatever. Everyone has 30 minutes, they just bein stingy.

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        My attention span doesn’t get past 5 minutes if the topic aint on fleek. That’s why I can’t cake on the phone.

        • Okay, well I can’t help it if y’all pick dull women to socialize with. But over here? In the 215? I am a deelight! (unless something good comes on TV)

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            lmao first of all we had a 90 minute conversation about black tv shows. You can never ever repay me those 90 minutes back and you know it!

            • But they were delightful… because I am a delight. I know my math is correct. And I am STILL working on that paper. Lawd.

              • RewindingtonMaximus

                How? How are you still working on it? I gave you so much stuff!

                And…yea you’re a delight. But only because I was eating while we were talking…food conversations are the best.

                • Professor didn’t like the topic that came out of that discussion because he said it was too broad. So I narrowed and I have till Fri to finish.

                  • RewindingtonMaximus

                    What theme did you go with then?

                    • Comparing and contrasting The Cosby Show to black-ish. Which is literally what my original topic was. Ugh. I was just doin too much and should’ve left well enough alone.

                    • RewindingtonMaximus

                      Told yeeeeew

  • IS IT EVER!!! SMH while I’m NEVER Cuffing While Celibate, I HAVE been known to be in a happy little routine that doesn’t have a title every now and again…and every time you think you can just Netfilx and Chill with “Not So Important Boo” Here comes your old “EV-Ah-REE-THANG Boo” with that “hey” or “how you been” or whatever else #FuckShitToRuinYourCool thing they can say…smh

  • Medium Meech

    You people need to stop acting like cuffing while celibate isn’t a thing. I’m thinking about reclaiming my virginity and I will definitely want someone to kick it with. Now more than ever probably. You save on heat either way.

    • Brass Tacks

      Meech, your Kappa in Scorpio has me questioning the validity of this statement.

      However, I’ll stan for you regardless.

      • LMAO “Kappa in Scorpio” teehee Scorpio’s have #NoSexyChill

    • Then when you get comfortable she gonna need that ride to the next man’s crib

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      Aint no such thing as a celibate Scorpio. STHAP IT NOW.

  • SoloBolo

    I prefer a phone call. I’m always surprised/excited when a man calls. And if he leaves a message, my panties may just fly out of the window. Texting is a horrible form of communication in the beginning, but once you get to know the person better/ get into a groove its ok.

    • When he leaves a VM…man…if I’m FEELING him…oooooh I be too geeked!

      • panamajackson

        Y’all need to get out more.

        • SoloBolo

          You just killin our VM dreams.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          lmao word.

          Bet you they keep vm like 6 months old on the back log..just in case

          • I keep VMs from guys I’m not in contact with anymore. Like over a year old… Is that weird?

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              Do you really want me to answer that? Or do you want me to put down the phone as I’m dialing the police?

              • I just like to remember things. I stopped journaling and it left a void. Leave me alone!

                • RewindingtonMaximus

                  Ugh fine, I’ll let you be great

                • panamajackson

                  Again…y’all need to get out more.

          • PhlyyPhree

            LOL. YUP

        • PhlyyPhree

          Nope. I can keep that VM forever and ever and trot it out to prove you luhh me

    • A voicemail is like… the difference between a boy and a man.

      Is that hyperbole? Maybe. I don’t care. I’m stickin with it.

      • SoloBolo

        “A voicemail is like… the difference between a boy and a man.”

        Yes to all of this. A VM will make me believe you were raised right and will open my door and walk on the side of the street where the traffic is.

        • YES. Or at the very least you’ll have some basic phone etiquette. Good manners go so, so far.

        • panamajackson

          Here I am thinking flowers and manicures are the hot sh*t in teh streets and really its just a voicemail. Man, you all want effort from a man but he really doesn’t even have to try.

          I’m all in.

          • SoloBolo

            Men give flowers and pay for manicures?? #where?
            Don’t act like men are out here at the bottom of our windows with the boombox (Beats Pill) above their heads blaring a love song.
            VM’s arent they are the tip of the iceberg, i still want more/various niceties. Any effort is good in my book, even a simple voicemail.

            • uNk

              I have horrible vocals so Im out on the singing lol but Im all for the flowers and Ive been known to pay for a mani/pedi or two for a deserving woman. Plus, I can cook! lol

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        See…I’ll call nay nay on this.

        VM is a shot in the dark on our part. We never know how yall will take it. So we just suck it up and spit that talk like you were really there.

        And even after that…we may not get that very same kind of VM back.

        • Bruh. It’s not “shot in the dark” deep. Leave a quick voicemail and take a cold shower.

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            Depends. If we just started talking….those VMs be mad shaky at first if you have no courage.

            • Courage to say, “Hey, give me a call back when you get a chance”? I guess.

              • RewindingtonMaximus

                Or “hey I was just thinking about you, hope your day is going well, take it easy”.

                Simple as fuck and yet depending on the girl, you might have a 4-page letter instead.

        • panamajackson

          Shooooooo…I’ll send a voicemail in a heartbeat.

          I’m doing it now.

          It just says…”hello…is it me you’re looking for?”

          That should be good for at least three months of peace.

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            buahahaha

            I do it in a heartbeat now, but there were times I used to be like “wtf do I even say right now”

    • You can get a voicenote. Not a voicemail. You get a missed call notification.

      • What is a voicenote? And not all phones give you a notification. Your call could go unaccounted for, f o r e v e r. It could be almost catastrophic.

        • like a text means voicemail. You record yourself saying whatever and send it.

          • SoloBolo

            Malik, leave a voicemail or it didn’t happen

            • It took my long enough to plan out conversational topics in addition to possible responses to each conversation. I can’t do a random voicemail on top of that

          • How is that simpler or even different than/from a voicemail?

            • I can plan out what I’m going to say in the voicemail.

  • RewindingtonMaximus

    *sighs*

    You get 3 texts from me. One of them better be permission for me to call.

    You get 20 minutes of a phone call from me. Those 20 minutes BETTER BE WORTH IT.

    After that, we better be speaking in person. My preferred method. I’m not getting carpal tunnel syndrome nor crooked neck syndrome just to talk to the womenz. Nope.

    I’m all for 2015 but I want my 1930s flow just as much.

    • When you find someone you like talking too tho…you will dig out that bluetooth or handsfree set and live your LIFE on that call. I’ve stayed on a call for 16 hours…cleaned my house…my body…cooked food…clipped coupons…a phone call don’t stop my flow.

      • 16 hours?

        qtna

        • what’s qtna?

          • -h.h.h.-

            questions
            that
            need
            answerin’

          • “questions that need answers” – like what were ya’ll talking about for 16 hours out of your life? lol

            • LMAO everything and nothing at all.

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        16 hours? Did he give you D through the phone?

        I need the details. I clearly have to step my game up.

        • LMAO oh…I should mention…THAT phone call was just a friend…the longest I’ve chatted with a man on the phone is like 4 hours. And…the D was spectacular ^_^

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            4 hours and fire work D?

            Ok I’m guilty of that already.

            You clearly have some forgiving friends.

          • uNk

            So the D you got….was from a “friend?” lol

      • Pinks

        16 hours? Was y’all getting paid by the Jerry Lewis foundation or something?

      • -h.h.h.-
      • I’ve def hit the 12-hour mark. We musta been two fascinating m’fers.

      • uNk

        16 hours tho??? Aint no way I can even magically make that happen

        • is it really that crazy?

          • uNk

            Was this in high school or something lol

            • camilleblu

              right bc the way my phone battery is set up, ain’t no way i’m getting 16 hours out of it….@twilishalynnmcclelland:disqus …was this conversation had on rotary phone???

              • It’s called…I was home all day…just threw the phone on the charger and carried on. It’s really not that difficult guys.

                • camilleblu

                  lol…ok…but you can’t really move around once you put it on the charger…

                  • LOL I had a bluetooth…y’all making this way more complicated than it was.

                    • Oluseyi

                      They unversed in modern technology. Never heard of noise-canceling microphones, bluetooth headsets, etc. Acting like you did this with a military field comms radio or something. LOL.

                    • LOL

            • lol no…y’all no finna keep judging me for being a GREAT conversationalist tho

              • RewindingtonMaximus

                lmao no we are judging you for being an obsessed conversationalist

                • lol I didn’t force anyone

                  • RewindingtonMaximus

                    I believe you. That sparking personality of yours stay winning

                  • uNk

                    Ive had women passive aggressively find ways to keep me on the phone. That’s the only reason ive been on longer than I wanted lol

            • no…

          • miss t-lee

            Not exactly crazy, I’ve had marathon phone calls, but 16 hours dawg?
            7 was my limit.

      • Girlllll, MANY moons ago when I was more sociable (lol) I used to have marathon phone convos (with this one dude) on the regular. 14 hours was our max though. Finally somebody who doesn’t see that as insane!

        • I’ve been there. People get mad interesting when you like them enough lol.

          • Ain’t that the truth! Crazy thing is it could’ve gone on longer but we had lives to live LOL.

        • glad to see i’m not alone lol

          • lol I’m right there with you!

        • Brass Tacks

          Was this before or after the Motorola Razr was released?

          • After a quick Google search I can say it was after.

            • Brass Tacks

              Wow. That’s wow.

            • Brass Tacks

              Off topic- I hipped some of my coworkers to your “ten ways to style a bun” channel. You have some new fans.

              • Re: Off topic- I am terrible at responding (with words) to things that make me happy lol. So I’ma type thank you that’s awesome and surprising but read that imagining the enthusiasm of a kid that was just handed like 50 balloons or something.

                • Brass Tacks

                  lol no worries. Its a dope series. My co-workers are constantly looking up that sort of stuff (when free times available), so I suggested it to em and, voila.

        • uNk

          I don’t get this!!! Lol Yall must have the phone just sitting there as you handle other life duties. I had one woman tell me she was about to wash clothes, so Im like ok hit me when you done, and she is like nah you good….For why tho?? lol I know if Im on the phone and I want to make something to eat, I gotta go boo lol

          • First of all before ppl start thinking I do this all the time, it was with this one guy who I had a maaaad connection with and we really liked each others company. Next, it was all handsfree so the phone would be in my pocket and I’d have my earbuds in so it wasn’t inconvenient. And yep sometimes while handling other things, cooking, chores you name it. But most of it was just in my room talking. With anybody else? Heck I won’t even answer my phone LOL.

          • PhlyyPhree

            You can’t multitask? Walk and chew gum?
            This puzzles me

            • uNk

              Walking and chewing gum are 2 very easy and second nature muscle movements to do at the same time……Washing dishes, with loud running water, while trying to focus on where to put the next dish and what next interesting thing to say to seem focused is not second nature, to me at least. Id rather have a fully focused convo anyway without other things distracting me.

              • PhlyyPhree

                Interesting. I do this all the time. I usually use my earbuds and I’ve never had anyone complain about the noise in the background.
                Washing dishes is an automatic thing for me. I don’t need to focus THAT heavily on it. And if the conversation is good, I don’t want to let something as simple as light housework interrupt it.

                • uNk

                  hmm I can understand that….I guess I need to become stronger in the ways of multi-tasking when on the phone lol

      • CrankUpThe_AC

        Yea that’s definitely a thing. I thought my sister was trying to set a record for longest phone conversation of all time. She woke up in the AM and got mad that her then boyfriend hung up the phone when she fell asleep the night before. #Icant

  • AlwaysCC

    i’m just wondering if damon and his wife person are somewhere basking in the glory of a chocolate colored starter loc wearing newborn #babywatch2015

  • she

    Texting or calling doesn’t really make a difference to me, HOWEVER, what
    you will do is CHOOSE ONE! Ain’t gon be no texting me all day then
    wanting to talk on the phone all night. Pick your time playa, pick your
    time, because it ain’t of the essence.

  • nillalatte

    Here’s my text: Call me. :P

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