Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Race & Politics, Theory & Essay

“Come Through” And Chill: In Defense Of The Cheap And Lazy-Ass Date

"So what if these bottles are empty? I had to use all of the water on my hair before the date."

“So what if these bottles are empty? I had to use all of the water on my hair before the date.”

***Good day, everyone. We have another new guest poster (or is it guest postee?) today. Please extend a warm VSB welcome to Maris***

I’ll admit it; I’m a lazy dater. I didn’t start that way, though.

After being off the market for a while (How long? Well, the last time I was single, Stringer Bell was still alive.), I found myself plunged into unfamiliar territory as I tried anew to navigate the single life. Approaches were replaced with pokes, talk sessions were replaced with texting, and courting was replaced with…

The Check Slide.

I’ll never forget the first time. I was sitting across from “E-Date Dude” after dutifully engaging all evening—whilst learning the valuable lesson that witty online=/=witty IRL— when the check came. Now, I haven’t been out of the game long enough to forget the customary “purse reach,” but I was unprepared for what my eyes met with when I lifted my head back up:

The check, in front of my plate, with his half under it-in cash. Like, actual cash. Like, “this negro was thoughtful enough about his cheapness to go to an ATM, get two twenties, and go to a store to get a Snapple so he’d have enough singles and quarters in change to pay exactly half. “

I convinced myself it was a fluke. That is, until a movie date with another guy, where upon arrival I learned he was already in the theater (“Just grab your ticket, I’m inside!”). Or the beer date, where I split a six-dollar check. I’ll spare you the rest. I was baffled.

Upon whimpering on my guy friend’s shoulder (and his girlfriend, c’mon people) he admitted that some men try to “wait” to see if you’re worth spending money on. As in, they want to have invested as little as possible in case they see no return. I went from baffled to livid.

See, dating has never been easy for me. I’ve always found the whole “sprucing up” thing a chore, but at least I was putting the effort in for a purpose. I always thought women spent a certain amount to look their best, while men spent a certain amount to show women the best time, for a first date. All’s fair, right? So if you’re making sure you get the pleasure of my company with the least amount of effort, why am I wasting all this moolah on hair and outfits?

The way I see it, if we’re going to be going Dutch until you deem me “worthy of the investment,” I’d much rather start the tab at zero.

***sidebar: is “going Dutch” an offensive term, like “Indian giver”? If I’m in Amsterdam and suggest we go halfsies, will somebody punch me? Moving right along….***

So the next time I was asked to suggest a location, I picked a dessert spot by my house, let my natural hair fly, took all the pressure off… and had a ton of fun. Truth be told, maybe they were on to something. Maybe in all that effort to work on our ‘representatives’ we forgot the point of a date was to get to know a person.  I’d much rather find out we can’t hold but ten minutes of conversation in front of a food truck than across a table at a two-hour dinner. Maybe some things are best left until I learn I want to spend more time with you.

There are some that argue if I never “act” like a prize, I won’t get “treated” like one. That what I tolerate the first date will be the way I am treated throughout. I say if all I have to look forward to are laughs and great conversation, I’m good. You don’t need to take me to a five-star, and I don’t need to pour myself into a cocktail dress.  No offense, but I’d much rather make all that effort and look all special to go on a date with someone I’m actually, well….dating. Until then I’ll throw on jeans and a tank (or a sundress if you catch my lazy @$$ on a hot day) and a swipe of lip gloss and meet you for ice cream in the park.

***You can find more of Maris at Black, Latina and Fabulous, where she writes about stuff that Black, Latina, and Fabulous people write about and shit***

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Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • http://vagabondaesthetics.tumblr.com/ Madlark

    Not a fan of lazy dates. Cheap dates are awesome though because you’re forced to interact with that person and you can absolutely positive by the end of the date if you want to see that person again. You are forced to engage with them on a level that you wouldn’t be on more extravagant dates and you don’t have to worry about confusing the fun event that you went on with that person with an actual fun person. I’d bet dollar to donuts that most people remember far more about people they go cheap dates on than the more elaborate ones.

    • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

      Busting out with the first comment and this new avi huh Malik? I see you.

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

      the cheap date i never do is the movie, far too often i enojoyed the movie, her….not so much

      • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

        I take all blind dates and setups to the movies….less talky, more watchy

  • BreezyX2

    All I really want to know is why is the man’s hair in this picture a combination of 4b, 4c, a jeri curl and a perm?

    • DG

      That’s a Sho’Nuff special….
      #lastdragonsteez

    • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

      *DEAD*

    • Maharaja Misty

      Finally! Someone around here asks the Real. Hard Hitting Questions. It looks like he washed his hair and dabbed some Pink Oil on the top, and then just air dried. At first I thought perhaps these two were on a date in The City Of God..he looks like he owns some chancleta’s.

    • http://recklessactsofpunctuation.tumblr.com/ dtafakari

      ooooh, heat damage. lol.

      • BreezyX2

        IKR!!!!

    • WIP

      And the worst part is this looks like a professional shot that they posed for; homeboy did his hair like that on purpose. It looks like half relaxer/half new growth cornrows that just got unbraided and caught in the rain.

      • BreezyX2

        Unbraided AND caught in the rain doe?!?! You are all levels of wrong…BOL!!!

  • iamnotakata

    I find the title of this post t I be slightly misleading I thought we were breaking down why men say come over and chill when they really mean “I’d like to sleep with you” Perhaps I read to much into it….but I digress….but lazy dating def is not my steelo I like to dress up when meeting prospective suitors. And on the whole Dutch thang uhhh no. …

    • Monique

      Agreed. I feel a little mislead as well for that reason and others but I too digress. A lazy date is not synonymous with cheap. Rather a lazy date is one in which someone doesn’t take the time to uncover your interests and plan an outing accordingly, whether that be a rock climbing excursion or perhaps a festival at the park. In that instance, a date can be fairly expensive but a good fit based on what the two parties like to do. I find that the writer has gotten things a bit confused and clearly doesn’t know her worth as a woman. Why subject yourself to spending time with a man who wants to go dutch until he deems you’re worth the investment? Her willingness to do that is exactly why she found herself splitting a $6 beer date and why women continually find themselves having first dates at Starbucks. This happens because we allow it. And regardless of where you find yourself on first date, why would you not want to look your best? You don’t have to have on heels, a beat face and a cocktail dress, but damn put some effort in. Dating is all about the effort. Drops mic. Exits stage left.

      • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

        dating is presentation, ive gotten more second dates because im someone she enjoys being with more than he really tried on this one

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

      i broke down that position on my blog, no promo, but cliffnotes version, sometimes men just want to enjoy a womans company, theres a difference between chilling on a saturday afternoon binge watching svu and getting a u up text

      • Todd

        Exactly. Not every time a man wants to be around you have to be a bench-over-b*tch scenario. Contrary to what some regular commenters would like to have you believe, men do like women around as company from time to time.

      • To’Mas Que Fuego

        Exactly T. There’s nuance to it and sh*t. Stop overthinking people.

      • http://recklessactsofpunctuation.tumblr.com/ dtafakari

        Promo taken anyway, glad I clicked through. :)

      • Yonnie

        That’s cool and all, but it’s hard to tell the difference until you’re there sitting on the couch and he’s shoving his hand up your shirt.

        • WIP

          Exactly. don’t know if it’s gonna be laughs and banter or “how many drinks…” it’s better not to even go there. At some point, come over and chill becomes a red flag. *wishing someone had told me that.

        • 321mena123

          I don’t get why anyone feels they have the right to do that without your permission.

          • Yonnie

            I’ve never had anyone ask for permission, “May I put my hand down your shirt.” Generally speaking, someone makes an attempt and I either rebuke their attempt or I don’t. @Tristan is saying they might just wanna chill. But there’s a strong chance they don’t and a lot of the time you don’t know that until you’re on the couch rebuking the aforementioned attempt.

    • To’Mas Que Fuego

      Yeah, I got excited when I read the title, then I realized it was about who should pay for dates and I was slightly disappointed. I really wanted to hear someone defend the “come over and chill” approach. Stop the honesty shaming people lol

  • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

    Ok, so in recent months/years, I have gone into dating assuming I might have to pay and I come prepared to do so. Am I selling myself short by doing this? I know my worth and shid, I’m a Queen, but at the same time I don’t want to come across as someone who expects something for nothing.

    On the other end of the spectrum, I don’t see why so many men complain about money as it relates to dating new women. Stay within your fiscal lane ninja! I would be more than happy to take a trip to a museum [FREE], historical site in the city [FREE], hiking on Pilot Mountain [Also muthafuggin FREE], and ending with 3 oz cup of frozen yogurt, original tart flavor, topped with strawberries, kiwi, and graham cracker crumbs [about $3.50 for me $7.00 for us both]. Why men don’t do research beyond the run down “dinner and a movie” date is beyond me.

    • Tx10inch

      Just gonna keep it real. Most dudes ain’t tryna go on no date in the daytime…free or not! They want a night date so you can be their dinner while making a movie. IJS

      • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

        That’s childish to me and it is precisely why I decline dates that start after a specified time. I ain’t got time for men trying to coerce me into chex just because it’s dark outside. If I want to get some paynus I’ll let a ninja know it.

        • Tx10inch

          That’s true. Very childish. Was never my method. just givingyou the gamebabygurl.

    • JayIzUrGod

      Only time you’re selling yourself short is you deal with men who put no effort into their interactions with you. If he can’t even think of using a Groupon to do some cool sh*t, screw them. Dinner at Applebees and a stop at the Redbox is NOT POPPIN

      • KT

        You haven’t heard? Chicks don’t like it if you use coupons on dates.

        • 321mena123

          This isn’t true. If the chick cares, you don’t need to ask for a second date.

          Men cannot complain about gold diggers yet you continue to date them due to body measurements.

          • JayIzUrGod

            True. And some gold diggers just keep their true feelings quiet until a very sudden moment lets it all hang out.

          • panamajackson

            I RECENTLY encountered a woman who was pissed b/c a dude took her to an expensive restaurant and used a Groupon. Like she was livid and felt like he played her like she wasn’t worth the full price of dinner.

            • Sahel

              Hehehe,she wasnt cute enough for full price

            • 321mena123

              And if he went out with her again and complains about her dumb @ss, you should tell him to have several seats.

              I think this conversation is going to get under my skin today.

              Let’s keep it real: if a man thinks you are hot enough, he will pay. If a man thinks you are worth his time, he will pay. If he doesn’t think any of these things, you will get half service.

              I have never dated a guy who DID NOT pay on the first SEVERAL dates and i have dated some dudes who didn’t have the highest of incomes. But for yall, as men, to complain about dating gold diggers or women who treat you like crap, i have NO SYMPATHY!! You welcome it in happily because it comes wrapped in your ideal physical package.

              • panamajackson

                What I don’t understand is that he did pay. She was just mad that he used a Groupon. It made no sense to me b/c she felt gypped that he didn’t PAY the full price. He cheated by using a Groupon. That’s sounds stupid to me.

                • 321mena123

                  Did you tell your friend that she was a self entitled @$$? Did you call her out on her foolishness?

              • h.h.h.

                i’m not complaining. i just know that to everything there is a season #TurnTurnTurn

                i’m pretty sure i don’t have the loot, so i don’t date.

                see? no complaints!

                *makes himself a wish sandwich*

            • Shamira

              I don’t understand that logic. Like, if he takes you to Fogo de Chao during restaurant week for the prix fix menu, isn’t it the same sh*t?

              • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                Fogo de Chao is soooo overwhelming, never again lol

                • To’Mas Que Fuego

                  Overwhelming indeed. So much meat…and yes, that is in fact what she said.

                  • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                    I can always rely on you, dear.

                  • Shamira

                    No such thing as too much meat.

                    • Yoles

                      can you hear what i am saying though….

                    • 321mena123

                      Lies. There is.

                    • Maharaja Misty

                      I have pictures that say otherwise….I happen to like my internal organs.

                    • Yoles

                      i say go for it… the vagina is truly magical… magical in its talents…

                    • Shamira

                      Patience is key to prosperity. That and REALLY deep breaths. lol.

                    • Maharaja Misty

                      I dunno…some I’ve seen some that seems like I need to have a dilated cervix to be ‘magical’..

                    • Shamira

                      Lmao!

                    • To’Mas Que Fuego

                      That’s why I said “so much” instead of too much. Skips off singing that Luther

                      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNj9bXKGOiI

              • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

                Restaurant Week is the WIN!

              • panamajackson

                I’m with you.

              • h.h.h.

                Restaurant Week…till august 16th NYCers

            • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

              Petty shid. Let a man take me to a nice restaurant and whip out a Groupon. That let’s me know he probably budgets and knows the value of a dollar. I’ll never be mad at a frugal man. Never.

              • Shamira

                right??? Y’all are out here dating these uppity bishes when y’all could have just called meeeeeeee lol

                • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

                  I’m convinced I just need to exclusively date the men of VSB and their upwardly mobile friends because I’m clearly what they need/want out of a first date.

              • To’Mas Que Fuego

                This one right here gets more and more attractive daily. Pragmatic women ftw.

              • Agatha Guilluame

                But on the very first date. And its not even a groupon for something you wouldn’t ordinarily do like paintball or white water rafting or jet skiing…but for dinner…I dunno. I wouldn’t have an attitude or even let on but on the inside he’s definitely getting the side-eye. It’s almost like farting on the first date.

                Everyone likes a deal (I mean no one goes around insisting on paying full price) but you don’t pull your coupon book out on date one. What’re you gonna do on date two…haggle with Chef…on date 3 are you dropping me off at the train station because you know gas prices…

                • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

                  But you’re enjoying all these things on his dime. Why would you side eye a man for trying to show you a good time on his own terms? I mean I guess you can judge him for being “cheap” but you still aren’t footing the bill for said activities.

              • dmcmillian72

                Hold on playa… Lol! I will be mad at a frugal man IN THE LONG RUN. I will love and work 100% with a THRIFTY man…and there is a difference. ;-) However, I get where you’re coming from, and using a groupon (or any other coupon) in the initial stages of dating doesn’t make me think he’s frugal (cheap). I will give him the benefit of doubt up until I realize he’s just a cheap skate. CHEAP PEOPLE SUCK! …mainly because they’re the main ones sitting on bank but will let you spend your last on them. Those people can kick rocks! Lol

            • Yonnie

              And your response was?

          • Sahel

            But thats the standard unit of measurement lol

        • JayIzUrGod

          Until they actually pay for an expensive date. The first time I heard” damn, dating is expensive, I had no idea what you men were doing for us” from my girl, I nearly sh*t myself.

        • Yonnie

          False

        • Anonymous

          A man who uses a Groupon on a date gets extra points from me. Ninja’s frugal. We gone be rich.

      • SR

        Some of those Groupon deals are pretty live… going wakeboarding in the next couple days. Didn’t even know that there was a place to do that in my city..
        So, i have no problem if my date uses one of those groupon vouchers. just make it an interesting one.

    • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

      “On the other end of the spectrum, I don’t see why so many men complain about money as it relates to dating new women.”

      I do. I’ve heard lots of women complain about being taken on cheap dates. Especially first ones. So, I think there’s a lot of societal pressure on some men to spend a certain amount of money on that first date. Obviously some men don’t care and will try to take a woman to 7/11 for a slurpee on free slurpee day. But, then those are the one’s that don’t feel any kind of pressure.

      • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

        Maybe my standards for dates are low then. I can rock with free slurpees as long as the rest of said date is filled with some great experiences. I remember an awesome date I had where we chilled at a bookstore creating asinine book titles and stories to go along with them, got some cheap and tasty food from a food truck and walked the National Mall. I guess I’m rather naive about dating because I’m young and my budget is tight so I assume my male peers are also in the same boat.

        • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

          No, I don’t think your standards are too low. I just think that you may be in the minority as far as not having any real expectations of how much a guy should spend, in general, on a first date.

        • Tx10inch

          Leave the young boys alone and date older men. They’ll open a wholenother dating worldfor you.

          • Sahel

            Nah,shes just a simple chick. Such are rare these days.

            • http://recklessactsofpunctuation.tumblr.com/ dtafakari

              I’m hoping you mean simple as in uncomplicated, rather than simple as in simpleton. lol. I can relate to the former definition.

              • Sahel

                Uncomplicated. Most women these days make a fuss out of very minor stuff. To hear a woman be quite blunt about the realities of life is amazing

          • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

            Tried that my sophomore/junior year of college. Not a good experience outside of seasoned Richard and a reliable ride for groceries -___-

            Kappas ain’t shid.

            • Todd

              But that seasoned Richard is fun, right? And you know you enjoyed eating fresh food than either the dining hall or that Wendy’s on Florida Ave! LOL

              By the way, peeped the Tumblr. Your cheerleading pics remind me of the one good reason I should have went to a Black school. Of course, all I would have learned is how to teach what Yeeezy taught ‘em, but I would have left with a huge smile. :)

              • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

                Honestly 35 year marinated Richard wasn’t leagues above 20-23 year old Richard *shrug* It was decent and all.

                We come to Rutgers every year though so at least you get a small sample of what could’ve been lol

            • kidvideo

              LoL @ Seasoned Richard…

          • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

            let the young gs prosper yo

          • Todd

            Are you secretly working for the cable and telco companies, hoping the young boys will spend their days downloading broadband pr0n and racking up the charges?

          • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

            No

        • The Champ

          “I can rock with free slurpees ”

          great t-shirt

      • panamajackson

        I also understand why we complain. I just think its a pointless endeavor. You have to pay to play. Period. It is what it is. I’m not saying but I’m saying…

      • Anonymous

        First dates can be:

        Uncreative/mundane but expensive
        Creative/interesting and expensive
        Creative/uninteresting and inexpensive/free

        Please don’t ever try to pull off a first date that is uncreative/mundane and inexpensive/free. That means, don’t take women to chain restaurants or matinee blockbusters. It’s just terrible and uncalled for. I mean, really, first dates to the movies are always terrible unless the movie is on some significant topic and it will be followed by dinner at a quiet spot where the movie can be discussed.

        • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

          I agree about first dates not being to see a film. Bad idea.

    • 321mena123

      Side note: Sister girl, you are a beautiful young woman. Never allow for anyone to tell you differently.

      • Dignan 2

        I’ll cosign the heck out of that one.

      • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

        Oh umm thank you :-) I won’t *hugs*

  • nillalatte

    I don’t mind just hanging out, not feeling the need to get all decked and then feel like I went to all that trouble for low grade company. Yup, count me in on the cheap and lazy-arsse date. Unless of course, he’s making it an ‘official’ night. Then that’s a little something extra. We probably been around each other for a while and think it would be fun to dress up and go out. “Dating” (a word I despise btw because of it’s ambiguous nature) isn’t about where you go and what you do as much as it is getting to know the other person. You gon’ represent or you gon’ be real? If you just representing, ain’t nobody got time fa dat!

    • Sahel

      Not a fan of the word dating ey. Try the one i use then carpe diem

  • Mel

    Why do people make things so hard? All these “new rules” comfuse me. If a man asks me out, I expect him to pay. I NEVER do the “purse reach”. I’ve never had a man even suggest that we go half on a date that HE asked me on. Not even low key ice cream or coffee dates. What kind of man does this? And I’m not saying I’ve never paid for a date. If I ask, I expect to pay (even though most times my attempt to pay is met with an argument.)

    • Monique

      Thank you!!! I never do the purse reach as well. This is so asinine. How dare a man ask me out and expect me to pay? That is never ok. And if you have the audacity to ask me to go dutch, we won’t be going out again. Point. blank. period.

      • miss t-lee

        There it is.

    • Maharaja Misty

      People really have convoluted this process. It’s like watching two people waiting to jump in a game of double dutch but no one wants to be the first to make a move towards the ropes. I don’t get this pre-dating to see if you’re worthy of a ‘real date’ stuff. My life is already too complicated, relationships are complicated enough, why are y’all adding all these extra steps?

      • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

        I also have bigger issues to worry about aside from who is going to pay for a meal over awkward conversation. Miss me with all that insecure “will she pay or won’t she”.

        • Maharaja Misty

          Oh there’s no ‘question’ about ‘will she or won’t she’ with me. NOTHING about my mannerisms will give anyone the impression I even acknowledge the existence of that check . I pay it as much attention as the general public would pay a Drag-On album. DUST.

          • panamajackson

            Back in the 90s though…Drag-On was a name you knew!

        • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

          as a man i assume its always on me, unless its like my birthday or something.

      • JayIzUrGod

        People been burned and people decide to be extra careful as a result.

        Honestly, if I want to get to know you, I think the right thing to do is flat out talk to you. If we come to a meeting of the minds, we just go from there and the craziness of dating no longer applies. But in the situations being discussed, this is more of the random date where you don’t know what to expect, and you pretty much can’t tell if people are worthy of your time. Not saying the methods are the best, but I can’t tell another person how they should handle situations if they got real bad memories of things gone bad.

        • Maharaja Misty

          If you’re still reeling from the pain of that first ‘burn’ then it might be best to take yourself off the market. It’s time to heal. Hi, My names Misty, and I’m impulsive! o/ I don’t have the patience for that. I don’t like pre-pre-screening people, this is not an interview.You are not on trail. Dating is as ‘crazy’ as you perceive it to be, for me its simple. We Eat. We Drink.We Talk. We Click. It’s amazing how well you can get to know a person when you’re not too busy flinching. Seems like a neurotic way to interact, y’all can have it.

          • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

            the dating game is flooded with overthinking, its hit or miss, i rather go out with 3 different people than go thru extra steps for one person

          • JayIzUrGod

            And yet no one has ever done that out the gate. Be honest, you’ve done it. I’ve done it. There is not.a soul alive with a perfecting dating track record. But this conversation is.about maturity and we already know, that comes sparingly to most people

          • panamajackson

            Dating really is simple…til the check comes. LOL. I dont ever expect women to pay though. Makes my own life easier.

            That’s why I take my ladies to Chik-Fil-A.

            • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

              all the fancy nwords stand up. Tender boneless chicken strips AND fresh lemonade??? shiiiiddddd lol

              • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

                I might swing by today and get the club combo with extra waffle fries. Also, is the LGBTQ Community still boycotting this establishment???

                • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                  idk bout the rest of my brethren, but i sure am. fvck em and their delicious chicken lol

                  • 321mena123

                    *side eye* I saw you there last week.

                    • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                      i stand in the parking lot to inhale their aroma, then I take my behind to gay friendly eateries lol

            • Maharaja Misty

              Even though I’ve since decided your opinion on chicken is useless after finding out you don’t like wings. I still maintain that conversing over lemon pepper wings and dark liquor sets the optimal environment to get to know somebody. Optimal.

              • panamajackson

                I’ve actually changed up my stance. I’ve been on a wing binge lately trying to find the best wings in DC. I’m hitting up carryouts and fancy pants spots. It’s making my life complete.

                • Maharaja Misty

                  I’m so proud of you..Look at Gawd Showin Up and Showin Out!

                  http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111117015934/glee/images/3/39/Gif-crying.gif

                • 1913Lioness

                  Try Carmine’s on 7th street, Ohh’s and aahh’s on U street, America’s Best Wings (DC and MD), and Metro City Wings House (St. Barnabas Rd in MD). They all have great wings.

                  • Shamira

                    Ohhs and Ahhs is overrated and overpriced. They get all that business and they still wont spring for a credit card machine? smh.

                    • Soula Powa

                      True. I want them to do better.

            • WIP

              Everybody likes Chik-fila though so I guess you stay winning.

              • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

                Not everybody.

      • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

        cuz its levels to this sh t, like canda crush

      • Agatha Guilluame

        This is why I read everyone’s comments before I start posting my own because I can always count on someone saying what I want to say better than I can say it.

    • Uniquely Blushed

      I’ve never done the “purse reach” either…. Why do women feel like they need to do this?? If you asked me out please be prepared to pay. If I ask you out, I’ll pay. Now if we’re out and we’re having drinks I may buy us a round but that’s as far as it’s going to go.

      • panamajackson

        It’s a nice, but unnecessary gesture. It let’s me know that you know that I know that you’re not paying but you want me to think that you might. For me, it ends up being a convo starter and hilarious talking point.

        • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

          its all fun and games till youre with that ONE dude who lets you dig into your purse, knowing good dern well all you got in there is mac lipstick and pocket fuzz.

          • panamajackson

            At which point we’ve all determined there will be no second date anyway. So you might as well tell him you’re going ot the bathroom then walk out.

            • JayIzUrGod

              Pretty much. At least leave a mint at the table though…aint got to be completely selfish.

          • Shamira

            I always make sure if I go on a date that I have enough to pay, juuuust in case. Ever since that one time a dude tried to dine and dash….smh

            • Sahel

              Toilet window exit activate ey

            • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

              THATS HAPPENED TO YOU TOO??? Dude ASKED me to follow him to the back exit with him, i was like reeeealllyyy bruh?? The tab is $25!!!!

              • Shamira

                I. Was. LIVID. I paid my part and left. No one is gonna have me washing dishes for the busboys.

                • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

                  Washing dishes would be the least embarrassing thing to happen. I envision being led away in handcuffs. Lol.

                • JayIzUrGod

                  But you’d like such a boss with those soap suds and yellow gloves!!!!

                • Ebonee’

                  I actually had a guy pat his pockets and proceed to say “no wallet”. I paid my half. Needless to say he was left at the restaurant….

        • Anonymous

          CHILD, BYE!!!

        • Uniquely Blushed

          I understand that it’s a nice gesture but if I’m not going to pay there shouldn’t even be the need of me acting like I’m going to pay.
          Now if I ask you out and you know it’s my treat, will you reach for your wallet and act like you’re going pay?

    • Shay-d-Lady

      Exactly. I dont fake the funk, i aint paying but I have never been in a situation where that wasnt already a given. The rule has always been the “asker” pays…

      • GirlSixx

        That’s why I never “ASK”.. I mildy “SUGGEST” tho.. *wink* “We should xyz…. Let’s Go xyz”

        • JayIzUrGod

          I can see you twitching your fingers screaming DANCE PUPPET, DANCE!

        • Shay-d-Lady

          lol i dont even suggest. if i am asked where i want to go i tell it, if not wherever you want to take me with your money is fine.

  • JayIzUrGod

    I like you story. Because you realized the flip side of the coin…the guys weren’t being cheap per say…they are just doing what women have been doing to men for a very long time..reserving themselves.

    It’s been a long time since I dated but the game has definitely changed..and yet in a way it hasn’t. People are being more bold about what they actually want, and learning that pretending to be at your very best from the beginning will get you in deep trouble, so better to be your actual sh*tty self.

    Honestly though, its simple mathematics: we are in the middle of the recession, it is 2013, not 1813, and things aren’t always what they seem. With that said, unless you come to my job to help me earn my money, I should be able to spend it how I choose, with as little criticism as possible. I don’t owe anyone sh*t, nor should I just because she’s a woman and traditions says she’s important. That’s my prerogative to figure out if that is true or not. I do believe however if anyone wants to go dutch, that should discussed before the date, not dropped as a surprise.

    • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

      I don’t think it’s about reserving themselves as far as men are concerned. I think it’s many times more about a deep mistrust of women.

      • JayIzUrGod

        Well yea..we have plenty of reasons to be mistrusting. At this rate, the idea of dating a woman is over glorified to this assumption that you must lavishly spend money and go overboard just to get her attention. Well most men today are tired of that, and they found a loophole in the system, and plenty of women are falling for it. I admit, women have way more of a reason to be mistrusting of men, but if the battle of the sexes is ever going to make sense, then we have both see eye to eye on one basic thing: I am me. You are you. Where do we go from here?

        • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

          And that mistrust isn’t a good way to start a relationship. I think
          people should work on those kind of internal issues before they date.
          Why date if you can’t trust women? Unless it’s just for chex.

          • JayIzUrGod

            Well Val…isn’t one of the biggest issues we discuss on VSB basically personal responsibility and how often people never realize that fact until it is too late?

            I mean..that’s all there is to it. If I compare my dating routine in my late teens, I was horrible. Had no idea how to do better back then. Now I am definitely more aware but more importantly, more comfortable with myself. I doubt many people who have these issues with dating can say the same.

            My friend was just telling me about a buddy of hers who constantly smashed dozens of dudes she met on Match.com but never understood why they wouldn’t call back for date 2. The writing is on the wall and shorty has been standing in the dark.

            • Sahel

              Who randomly bangs people they meet online and expect a relationship.

              • JayIzUrGod

                All of VSB

                • Sahel

                  So what your saying is Kema and Camille are avalible

                  • JayIzUrGod

                    Hmmmm…do I want to get punched in the throat today? That is the question.

                    • Camilleblu

                      No. No, you do not. That is the answer.

                    • JayIzUrGod

                      Yes massa, whatever you say massa. Iz be a goods boy tuday

                  • Camilleblu

                    #saywhatnow??

                  • h.h.h.

                    RIP to Sahel….he was such a good poster

              • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

                I do. And I got one.

                • Sahel

                  Well dang.

                • Dignan 2

                  Yeah, I’m gonna agree 100% on that one. If I met a woman online and she gave it up on the first date, but the chex was good, and the pre-chex conversation was excellent, and we clicked, why wouldn’t I consider a relationship with her? I’ve never understood most guys’ point of view on this issue.

                  • http://recklessactsofpunctuation.tumblr.com/ dtafakari

                    I wanna click ‘like’ twice, dangit. I always wondered why some people can stare a ‘good thing’ in the face and say, nahhh, I’d rather smang elsewhere AND here. lol.

            • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

              I have a friend who smashes dudes she meets on OKCupid and Match. They ALWAYS come back for second dates. Maybe home girl didn’t have that wet-wet.

              • JayIzUrGod

                I’m thinking the same thing. Good smashing always gets a repeat.

          • JayIzUrGod

            Val…quit it. We both are guilty of dating when we are not ready to be with other people. So is every other person on the planet. That’s the legacy of humanity, assuming things instead of actually knowing until life.beats us bad enough to learn the lesson.

          • To’Mas Que Fuego

            “Why date if you can’t trust women? Unless it’s just for chex.”

            Well then…looks like you answered your own question.

            Seriously though, I don’t think men not wanting to pay is about a distrust for women per se. It’s just about not wanting to be a sucker that looks back on his monthly expenses and sees 200 bucks worth of dates with random women (who had jobs) that led to nothing but “You’re cool and all, but I just don’t know what I want.” It’s called an adaptation.

            • CrayolaGirl

              Why not pick a place or an event that fits your budget (when you ask someone out)?

              • To’Mas Que Fuego

                I defnitely agree that you should. If you keep accidentally picking people you’re not compatible with it still adds up to being beyond your budget. People just wanna play the game without pricing themselves out. Ya kno?

            • 321mena123

              Then why not suggest something during the day and outside of a restaurant?

              Am i missing a dating rule book that everyone else has and no one gave me a copy?

            • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

              I need to become a matchmaker because I promise you I can set up a wonderful dating experience for two people for an easy $20.00 or less.

              • To’Mas Que Fuego

                I say go head and get ya hustle on. So many folks aren’t that creative and would pay for guidance.

            • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

              Sucker? How’s that? It seems that you see dating as an adversarial endeavour rather than a way to find a suitable companion. Sort of like you don’t ‘trust’ the intentions of the women you date.

              • To’Mas Que Fuego

                Val, I dig you and all, but you aren’t making any sense. I was halfway kidding about the “sucker” thing but who in their right mind wants to spend hundreds of dollars a month and make NO progress? If you’re not going to make progress the least you can hope for is to not go broke in the process right? What does that have to do with an adversarial endeavor or not trusting the woman’s intentions? You’ve totally lost me here

                • h.h.h.

                  it’s just money man….youuuu know we just waste money on insignificant things like Jordans and Madd..

                  wait. *checks calendar* Ain’t Madden 2014 out?

                  time to mark my exodus from the chosen season lmao

                  • To’Mas Que Fuego

                    Sheeeeit, they think men are lazy about dating now. Wait till that Madden 14 come out. lol

                • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

                  Sorry you don’t understand what I’m talking about. Lol. Anyway, I guess it depends on how you define progress. To me weeding out people is just as good progress as finding the right person.

                  • To’Mas Que Fuego

                    I just didn’t understand how that had anything to do with seeing dating as an adversarial endeavor. I was just talking about being practical.

                    “To me weeding out people is just as good progress as finding the right person.”

                    Surely you jest though. Finding out that someone’s not for you is as rewarding as finding the right person for you and furthering the connection? I don’t know you like that, but I find that hard to believe.

                    Plus weeding people out isn’t a bad or a good thing on its own, but when it costs me time AND money (the effort is just whatever) to weed incompatible (and half the time ungrateful) people out it’s more like a necessary evil, not progress. Different strokes for different folks though.

                    • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

                      I mean that part of successful dating is figuring out that someone is not for you as quickly as possible. Some people linger in dating relationships that aren’t going to go anywhere, which hurts both parties.

        • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

          You sound undateable

          • JayIzUrGod

            How so?

            I’m sharing my opinion on why most.people do what they do. I choose not to worry about this stuff though because from the beginning, I’ll be myself:kind, generous, and honest but not willing to take sh*t from anyone.

            • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

              The main reason I date younger men is they don’t have this bitter attitude about women. They are not going out there with an attitude of what they don’t want and what they are not gonna put up with and what these chicks out here are doing. It’s so unattractive.

              • JayIzUrGod

                WC, you’re misinterpreting something. What’s being discussed here are views. That does not mean people actively go out into the world and yell these things at other people on a date. Anything I’ve typed here is a reflection of things I observe: some I agree with, others I don’t, and the dialogue opens up for new ideas and ways to fix bad communication.

                You assume the men you’ve dated aren’t bitter or angry. Perhaps they are, but choose to be Bette with you because they have a good reason to be. As we all do. No one is perfect, and I don’t think it is right to force your bad luggage on others. You talk it out like an adult, let this person know where your head is at, and move on from there. That’s all there is to it.

                • To’Mas Que Fuego

                  Superb comment all the way around, but this particular segment said it all.

                  “What’s being discussed here are views. That does not mean people actively go out into the world and yell these things at other people on a date. Anything I’ve typed here is a reflection of things I observe: some I agree with, others I don’t, and the dialogue opens up for new ideas and ways to fix bad communication.”

                  Couldn’t agree more.

                  • JayIzUrGod

                    All the way pimp. I’m trying to be an.adult,I naturally assume other.people are too

                • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

                  fair enough

                  • JayIzUrGod

                    My goal is to remain on your good side, you’re like an intelligence barometer

      • Todd

        Do you think women deserve to be trusted on first blush? Be honest.

        • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

          I just think that not being trusting of women has more to do with the person who doesn’t trust them, than women in general not being trustworthy. Also, if a person is inclined to not trust women I think they somehow manage to choose untrustworthy women, maybe as a way of validating their mistrust. Vicious cycle.

          • Todd

            My therapist told me that 2nd to last sentence. Hmmm…

    • Dignan 2

      Thank you. I’m seeing some mighty entitled attitudes on some of these other comments. Not a good look.

      I am guaranteed at least five downvotes for this comment.

      • Sahel

        I say ten down votes. The am independent but a man has to pay up set hasnt weighed in yet

        • Dignan 2

          I had a motorbike accident. Not too serious, but I’m on pain meds right now, so I’m likely to say some things that I wouldn’t ordinarily say.

          Tyler Perry is underrated.

          • Shamira

            WHAT?!?!

          • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

            No drinking and smackin heauxs and popping molly’s while driving. Wait till youre home for all that. Stay safe mister.

          • Yoles

            be careful.. stay safe, enjoy your meds but not too much… come back in one piece mr!

      • JayIzUrGod

        The same thing happens everytime this discussion: a lot of the women come of entitled and spoiled due to their experiences and expectations. The men are told that they are.cheap and whiny for breaking tradition and not treating women like queens. Some women agree with the men and realize though times have changed, it isn’t that serious once you take ego out the equation.

        this happens every single time.

        • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

          I downvoted just because I’m that woman who wants to watch the world burn.

          Men are cheap and whiny as are women. Y’all get mad when women dismiss you for not being aesthetically pleasing or in shape but then turn around and expect the finest specimen of a woman to give you the time of day. Women also want these put together CEO’s in the making meanwhile they’re working some dead end job with zero upward mobility hoping they can marry rich.

          We’re hypocrites, get over it.

          • JayIzUrGod

            I don’t care about down votes, I’m not interested internet popularity. My poi t is the cycle repeats itself: the ladies say the same things, the men saay the same stuff, everybody gets defensive, nobody thinks of the better solution. Its stupid and it shows the shallowness, stubbornness, and ugly side of everybody here. I’m trying to see something, but the same opinions keep coming, laced.with entitlement. Truth is, nobody is entitled to anything but death, everything else is a work in progress….so can we get some progress popping?

            • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

              Nah. I think everyone’s best bet is finding like minded individuals who share their sense of entitlement or who share their sense of earning their lot in life. I’m not out here seeking out men who believe I should have chex with them because I have an extra orifice and they spent a few dollars at my expense.

              If you’re out here trying to get people to see reason all the time then you’re using up unnecessary energy.

              • JayIzUrGod

                Ok that’s your method, and I can respect it. Me, on the other hand, I’ll share my experiences, dip some knowledge. If nobody cares, then whatever, but if somebody can take something away from that knowledge, that changes something. That’s better than not changing anything in my eyes. Not killing myself over it though, nobody here sleeps in my bed, pays my bills, or birthed me, so ain’t no worries for me.

            • h.h.h.

              progress?

              someone has to make the first step, and pay it forward.

              even then, it’s gonna take a while. because not everyone will trust, and there will be those that will use that “step”, as a “counter-manuever”, youknowhatimsayin?

              for all my snark, i actually don’t mind taking the first step.
              i don’t mind taking someone out, in the middle of the day, on a date, doing whatever, spending a reasonable amount, to get to know her.

              i’m interested, and i want to see if she’s the one.

              if it doesn’t work out…well…it’s money. i would have spent it on overpriced bar drinks in establishments where i have to wear darn near suits to get in where 2520s can rock shorts down the block..

              sorry. ranting. but you see what i’m sayin

              • JayIzUrGod

                H, I hear you. I’m doing my part. I’m just tired of everybody saying the same sh*t that’s ok to say when you’re still in college when we are.all grown adults

                this is vsb right? Where we are.more intelligent than the average negro and able to discuss things in a cerebral fashion that puahes the envelope. So where is that at now? Where the VSBs at? Nah, I’m reading little kid sh*t instead. I’m like you, no matter who I meet, I’ll treat each person like an individual experience and if it goes wrong, lesson learned. If not, awesome. But I’m done stereotyping whole genders, playing Blame Wars, and I don’t know why I keep thinking the members of VSB feel the same when the written proof says otherwise. I have too much faith that everybody can do better. Sometimes that blows back on me.

        • WIP

          treating women like queens = paying for a sammich and a movie ticket? good lawd.

          • Maharaja Misty

            LMAO. SHYT! Queenhood’s value has plummeted.

          • Rachmo

            Bahahahahahahaha

          • JayIzUrGod

            Did I say a sandwich and a movie? Nope. So why are you addressing that to me?

            • WIP

              LOL, no you didn’t. I addressed it to you because you said “The men are told that they are.cheap and whiny for breaking tradition and not treating women like queens” and my observation was that the men were actually being called cheap and whiny for not wanting to pay for a sandwich (as you call it) and a movie. I haven’t seen any comments by any of the VSS that reference being treated like a queen either- but I haven’t read every comment…

              • JayIzUrGod

                Ok darlin, I see your point. I need to clarify myself.

                I’m used to being called cheap for.being creative while.not spending alot of mo ey. Of course there are men who are definitely cheap, they deserve to be scrutinized and I agree with all people on that issue. But I don’t believe in the traditional sense that a man should pay for everything, that all women deserve to be courted and treated special, etc. I simply feel like everything is its own experience, you get what you give some days, and others sh*t happens, but a lesson learned nonetheless.

      • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

        I think people who expect negative traditions are bitter

        • Dignan 2

          Wow, I guess I touched a nerve.

          • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

            nah, just a random opinion. People who comment and then say “people are gonna hate this, or shots fired” ish like that, always seem to be bitter in their other comments.

      • http://recklessactsofpunctuation.tumblr.com/ dtafakari

        I was your fifth upvote. Take that!

      • Shay-d-Lady

        whats entitled about expecting a person who asked you out to pay?
        that expectation is setup front. we are not discussing if a man has to pay for every date nor is that being said. but if you asked me out on a date, you are a grown up you know what that means and entails. you make the ultimate decision because guess what? you dont have to ask and take her/him any where!!!

        and yep I downvoted

    • h.h.h.

      “we are in the middle of the recession, it is 2013, not 1813, and things aren’t always what they seem. ”

      there actually was a recession in 1812…a short one, economy picked up due to that war…of..1812…thing.

      but y’all nevermind me *whistles the grindin’ instrumental*

      • Todd

        Nice going pendantic one. Are you going to mention the Panic of 1875 too?

        • h.h.h.

          funny enough, but back then, it seems like there was a panic or depression every 5 years or less

      • http://uphereoncloud9.com/ Wu Young

        *daps*
        #treatyofghentswag

      • JayIzUrGod

        In 1813, there was no PF Changs, movies didn’t exist yet, and the best date a women could hope for is to be taken somewhere a Native.American wouldn’t shoot her and her courted in the neck with an arrow.

        Plus people smelled really awful back then.

        • Dignan 2

          And also, the whole slavery thing kind of put a damper on the dating scene…

          • JayIzUrGod

            I dunno, some people like those whips and chains

        • http://recklessactsofpunctuation.tumblr.com/ dtafakari

          Um, wasn’t no dating back then anyway, right? It was all courtship. You brokered a meeting with chick’s dad and if he thought that dude could pony up enough to take care of his daughter permanently, you could court her. You stick her, you keep her.

          • Sahel

            Thank goodness that era ended

          • GirlSixx

            YEP!!!!!

          • JayIzUrGod

            Not but you’re forgetting something. If you were rich or high born, technically you could date, you could.pick a suitor if you were a woman, pick many women if you were a man, it just depended on the circumstance. Poor people on other hand…you’re.right, you break it, you bought it.

            The concept of dating flourishes in the middle if 1800s, like 1860 or so. Cultural revolution and such.

            • Sahel

              1800s is still a bit early. 1900s at best

              • JayIzUrGod

                The version we know of today? Yes, 1900s. But rich people were.always ahead of the curve, even back then.

            • http://recklessactsofpunctuation.tumblr.com/ dtafakari

              Maaaaan, that 1700s/ 1800s concubinage was no JOKE! Seriously, it started the entire dating and juicing game. Back then, if men bought your meals and set you up with a swank city apartment, oh, you were his heaux for real.

              • JayIzUrGod

                Exactly, those rich people back then were always playing with the honey pot.

            • Camilleblu

              I disagree with the high born dating reference. Even high borns had their mates chosen for them. They just tried to make it appear as if they were dating. Look at Prince Charles and Diana. Arranged marriage all day long. He wanted to marry Camilla, but couldn’t without giving up the throne. Present day high borns have more options to actually date.

        • h.h.h.

          well folks could have tea and talk about that latest Jane Austen book (and the only one i’ll probably read) Pride and Prejudice…

          ironically enough, Pride and Prejudice would be relevant to today…i could see a nice urban translation

          • JayIzUrGod

            I did not like that book yet you’re right, it is ironically fitting for the dating fame right now.

    • Msdebbs

      Men aren’t reserving themselves their just trying to get what they want with the least amount of effort as possible.

      • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

        and women are holding out on what they want while making him go thru as many hoopss as possible. knight to f6.

        • JayIzUrGod

          Swish.

        • 321mena123

          Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to be? Aren’t we supposed to be vetting each other? Why would i give up the @$$ simply because you bought me dinner? It’s not about going through hoops, it’s about US showing each other that we are worth the time and energy. What are these hoops? Calling instead of texting? Asking me about my day instead of rambling on about yours? Taking me out instead of the come over and chill? I think that men have gotten lazy and women have allowed for them to.

          • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

            Agreed. Men start doing less because women demand less. Then when men come across a woman who isn’t going for sub par shid, they run for the hills because “this is too hard” mindset kicks into gear.

            • JayIzUrGod

              Actually that’s just basic human logic. Find me a girl who gets by on her looks, and the first man she meets that could careless and gives her a hard time, she’s ready to sh*t herself, call him gay, and call her friend for 4 hours about how much of a d-ouche the guy was. Not her fault.at all.

              people are.lazy, force them to work and then they are angry because.you ruin their lazy legacy.

              • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

                Agreed. I don’t mesh well with lazy people and I find that I begin to resent them for being lazy. It never ends well when I find out a man isn’t driven and is ok with letting life happen to them as opposed to making things happen within their lives.

                That being said, I have some phone calls to make and some shid to handle.

                • JayIzUrGod

                  People are who they are. I’m done faulting them for it, I just make a detour.and avoid them. Talking about it helps though, because some people do keep that chip on their shoulders and blame everybody for their misfortune. I ain’t got time for that.

          • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

            I think a lot of men have been indoctrinated to see women as the enemy. Which explains the passive/ aggressive comments.

            • h.h.h.

              you think so?

              i think it’s both.

      • JayIzUrGod

        Some are, some aren’t. Don’t assume all are.the same. There are.plenty of men who have proof that many women are not worth any effort at all, and vice versa.

        • Msdebbs

          Naw I don’t believe all men are like that…just the ones I keep running into lol

          • JayIzUrGod

            You good Debbs, the poi tless dudes help shape you into something better by reminding you what you’d never fall.for.

  • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

    I think a lot of this depends on if one is courting or dating. If you are courting then I would expect one to be more in tune with traditional things like who pays. But, if you’re dating then I think the rules are much more casual.

    When I was dating it was just about going out and doing something I knew would be enjoyable even if my date and I didn’t click. When I was courting then I wanted to really get to know the woman in a more formal type way.

    Also, I’ve never really been on a cold date. That is, I’ve always known my dates at least a little bit through work, school or through a friend. Which meant that I already had an idea how they viewed dating/ courting in terms of who does what pay wise or choosing where to go. So, there weren’t too many surprises when the check came.

    • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

      No one courts anymore lol Everyone is “talking” or “fuggin”.

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

        Courting just means you’re looking to be in a relationship rather than just casually hanging out. So, people still court.

        • http://recklessactsofpunctuation.tumblr.com/ dtafakari

          Great definition. I think I only courted, then.

      • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

        i much prefer the latter….i like the no frills approach to what i know we BOTH want. If its someone that I’m tryna date, chances are I already know them well, or we’ve had some kind of developing relationship. Some ppl are just eye candy, and I dont have the attn span necessary to fake court someone I just wanna bump uglies with lol…its like sooooooooooo is we fuggin or what?

    • Todd

      Well, I’ve been the exact opposite. I’ve always dated like that Andre 3000 line off the “Speakerboxxx/The Love Below” album: What’s colder than being cold? ICE COLD! I’ve always been wary of fix ups, like the friend or acquaintance will try to manipulate the relationship somehow. No, you don’t need to know who I’m dating until I decide to take them around. No thank you.

      • Rachmo

        No sir, no fix ups over here. I don’t want to feel obligated to make things work out because someone fixed me up. I’ve gone through long dry spells and still politely shutdown any mentions of “I know a guy that would be perfect for you.”

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

        They weren’t really fix-ups though, Todd. Moreso that I just knew people through other people. The thought of dating a total stranger with no references what-so-ever is kind of frightening to me.

      • Shamira

        …of all the Outkast songs in the world….did you really just quote “Hey Ya?” lol

        • Todd

          To quote the legendary WWE wrestler Daniel Bryan: Yes! Yes! Yes!

  • I Am Your People

    My favorite “cheap and lazy date” moment came from when I just started dating. First he said he was going to take me to a movie, then decided to be cheap and lazy and rent a video (for those of you under 21, ask your grandma what a video rental place is) Since he was under 18, he was still on his parents’ account, and they had a bunch of overdue DVDs. He had to pay off the debt in order to rent. I don’t remember how much, but it was around $35 or so.
    We could have gone to the movies, paid for parking and had popcorn and drinks for less. Oops

    • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

      Lol. Embarrassing.

    • JayIzUrGod

      Ha. Wait…same thing happened to me. Blockbuster Video ruined my night, gotdamn late fees. And I was renting Training Day! Denzel at least gets you a hand under the dress.

      • Dignan 2

        That movie works both ways. Eva Mendes gets my date some peen even if I’m not really feeling her.

        • JayIzUrGod

          I feel the same way about movies starring Paula Patton.

      • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

        there needs to be a list of high get the draws probability movies

        • JayIzUrGod

          Clearly any movie starring Denzel gets automatic points. Old school joints like Love & Basketball,The Wood, and The Best Man means its going down.

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

      this mustve been in the video rental era, movies, parking, popcorn and drinks like 60 dollars now n sh t

  • I Am Your People

    BTW – has anyone seen the movie “An Oversimplification of Her Beauty?” (It’s AWESOME!)
    Anyway, there’s a scene where the male lead invites a girl over for what he tries to portray as a ‘come thru and kick it’ type date. The reality is, he cleaned up his nasty-azz bachelor pad up from top to bottom and was going to impress her. She couldn’t make it (cuz SHE thought it wasn’t that serious) and he’s sitting around mad that he’s in a clean apartment.

    • JayIzUrGod

      Sounds hilarious. And he did that to himself.

    • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

      But how you mad that you have a clean living space doe?

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

        I guess men don’t like to clean their living spaces under false pretense? Lol.

        • panamajackson

          It ain’t only men. I’ve met some women with similar issues.

          • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

            very true. I think discovering that a chick lives like a slob is the worst of all

            • panamajackson

              Yes. Yes it is. Real talk.

          • panamajackson

            Yes. Yes it is.

    • panamajackson

      I wanted to see that movie but they pulled it from theaters here before I got a chance.