I agree. I did get an answer about a year ago from the guy I was in a 2 and a half year relationship with. weve been apart for 3 years, so do the math on how long it took him to get back to me on that one…He said he wasnt mature enough to handle the relationship at the time we were together. Closure, right? you would think that would bring a peace of mind, but it really dosent… Its been about 3 years and I still dont know why we broke up. I did years ago, but now that I think about it, I dont really know the true reasons behind it. We barley talk. He sends me a friend request on facebook.I sent him a message and he responded, “well i have this really crazy gf and she would freak out if she knew we were talking, why u actin funny?” I have deleted him since then. I think that makes you dwell even more, trying to stay in contact, especially if you were really in love with the person, it will always hurt to see or hear they are with another.

I told the last guy I dated(for about 2 months) exactly why I was breaking up with him. I let him know how it was. 2 weeks later he has a new gf. we meet up and act like nothing ever happened, and me and his gf talk more than me and him do. This dude ended up never even trying alcohol to becoming an alcoholic. He got “closure” when I broke up with him, and he was weak. And by that, he cried. He could have at least waited till I went to the bathroom or something. This story gets way more interesting, but ill stop here to go on with my point…..

In regards to the other relationship, sometimes we forget why we dont want to be with them, because it was like a security blanket. In my case, I was focusing on all the good times, rather the bad ones. This is no bueno. Neither is going down the “what is wrong with me” road….

I write music, so I put all my focus into that now. If your friend is one of those chicks who is scared to be alone, it would be a good idea for her to pick up a hobby, yoga or something to take her mind off it. This forum is great btw.

My ex moved all the way back to cali. Im in chicago. After that one email I got, I havent heard from him. As a matter of fact I only hear from him when hes not dating someone, which is pretty much never. Out of all ex gf hes not allowed to talk to me….Im just thinking he dosent want to, what do you think?

I was dating a guy for a couple months last summer, then one day he stopped calling me. I was beyond devastated because I didn’t see it coming…I mean, he even came to see me the day before he stopped calling. I wondered what happened for a few months and chaulked it up to him being a punk ass b*tch…and shit.

>>FF to the day this was posted.

He requests me on FB and sends me a message like everything was good. “Hey lady”.. So, I approve him (cause you know I wanted him to see what a success i’ve become and look at my 37 albums of fineness) but I naturally I asked him WTF was up w/that Houdini act he pulled? His response:

“I tried to tell you..I just wasn’t ready so I stepped off”

“You ain’t tell me sh*t!”<—is what i wanted to respond but instead I told him how immature he was. Also told him it was in the past and i'm past it. On to the next one……………….whathaveu.

So yea, I felt like I needed closure but at the end of the day it really doesn't matter. He never apologized..(EVER)..I don't think i'll ever be satisfied w/that bitchass explanation so I just let it go.

I'm more satisfied with knowing:
Me = Halle Berry
His baby moms = Lamar Odom with Remi Hair

Dear Panama,
This last line of your post pretty much sums up my feelings about the last dude I was with. At first I tried to get answers from him of why he treated me so shabbily, in fact, I asked him point blank only to get utter silence from him and a change of topic. I no longer believe in closure, it’s a 7 letter word that just adds more pain to an already 808 heartbreak/(f)uckery type situation (friends with benefits).

So, that being said… I have ignored this idiot every time he tries to say hello to me. I have no feelings of hate/animosity just indifference over his ego not getting the memo of him not being relevant in my life now. I am fully content knowing that I will never get those answers I sought and honestly, I don’t think he even has an explanation. He is stupid and doesn’t think very much.

If anything, I kick myself sometimes for being involved with such a jack@ss- it was never about him but my panic and paranoia about being almost 30 and still single. My irrationality and fear based emotions caused me the majority of the pain, I just got caught up in the Matrix. I finally took the Red Pill and all the silly teenage drama I went through with what’s his face is like an illusion.

In the end, I didn’t deserve closure because by his non-verbal cues there was NOTHING to close. Call me a bitch, but that’s why he doesn’t deserve so much as a “hello” from me.

I agree with everything you stated- closure just adds more fuel to the fire of bad feelings and insecurities that were most likely spawned from the relationship in the first place.

Plus, who gives a isht on how someone views the situation after they broke up with you ( or vice versa), the actions have been done-
why kill yourself over it?

You had the book? Man, I hate you, I wanted to read all about Bobby.

Sike

@Panama…I am like your homegirl. I want answers. Even though folks as close as his bff have told me and perhaps I know but I want to hear it from him. why? Because I feel I’m owed an explaination- an honest one. In my case, a good way to explain a complicated story is this analogy: It was like he excused himself from dinner one night and said he be right back. Instead of telling me he had other plans, he slipped out the backdoor. I was left looking crazy, just waiting. …….But reality is starting to set in that that ‘get an answer’ ship has sailed and he’ll just always be a *$%^#@#$%%%^%%(!*!@ in my book. Love stinks! Hey!

I will also add that it depends what side of the story you are on. Typically, the dumpee gets the short end and wants more answers than the dumper is willing to give. (Your homegirl is an expception) Over all as the dumper, you have the upper hand and call the shots. It may take us, the dumpees, a but longer to get over it but when we do, life is sweeter. lol.