Lists

cheat? shiiieeeeet

although the champ staunchly believes that theres absolutely nothing you can do to keep someone from cheating (to quote chuck klosterman, “cheaters cheat because they think being monogamous is unreasonable. there’s no other reason.“), there are a few ways that you can definitely push em closer to the edge. you can’t actually drive someone to cheat, but you can definitely buy the car, carry them to the passenger seat, and put the keys in the ignition.

here are four sure-fire ways to insure that your mate will be sliding on the super slippery cheating slope (***editors note: the champ is obviously a big fan of alliteration***)

1. stop f**king

there’s no lonelier place in the world than a bed where your mate has decided, for whatever reason, to stop having sex with you, and no better, more efficient way to put the cheating key in the ignition. honestly, its actually easier sleeping next to a mate you’ve never slept with, than one who all of a sudden decided to rock their rusty-ass chastity belt to bed. unless you have some type of serious physical impairment, the reasoning behind this never matters. its always stupid, you’re always stupid for doing this, and it’s just plain f*cking stupid. stupid.

i’m on punany punishment cause you’re mad at me? f**k you! f**k me.

you’ve all of a sudden started believing that i’m only with you for the sex? f**k you! f**k me.

you’ve decided out of the blue to become born again and celibate? f**k you! f**k me.

of course, i understand that grown-ass people occasionally have libido-deading responsibilities that realisticially dont allow for spider monkey mummy matrix sex every day of the week. sh*t, i never thought i’d say this, but sometimes during my 17 hour meetings at work, instead of daydreaming about some combination of a naked stacey dash, a car seat, a universal remote, and 12 empty packets of orange kool-aid, i’m sitting there literally fantasizing about the nasty things i plan to run home and do to my…pillow. sleep sometimes trumps sex, and thats okay.

still, after a while, the pillowbating needs to discontinue, or your mate is either going to not cheat…but want to, not cheat…but only because they’re not able to, or cheat.

2. romance, schmoemance

you didn’t realize it, but you started having sex with her at 8:45 in the morning while she was on the bus headed to work. no, you didn’t actually physically have a morning quickie in the passenger aisle of the EBA, but that little “mornin, cutie-pie. sexy ass…damn. nevermind.” text you sent her made her smile and produced the first tiny drop of anticipation moisture down there that will continue to accumulate throughout the day.

the 1:17 text saying “i have a surprise for you later on“? more drops

being early for the date, and softly kissing her when you see her, pulling her close enough so that she can tell you’re wearing her favorite cologne, but not so close that she can feel your lil general “standing at attention”? leaky faucet

opening your car door for her. gently guiding her in with your hand slightly beneath the small of her back? brazilian rain forest

at this point, she’s not even thinking about anything else other than “please, please, please God dont let him do anything dumb tonight to f**k this up” and your work is done.

going from a consistent serving of that…

…to this

you: “come over and let me hit. and on the way stop and get me some fries…and condoms. peace, homie

her: “it’s 9:47 and i haven’t heard from you all day”

you: “damn..yeah, you’re right. you better hurry then. wendy’s drive-thru is gonna be closed soon”

…will soon get you a one-way ticket on the “i wonder why my girlfriend just rubbed the mailman’s ass and smiled” express

3. be like ike

isaac “ike” austin was a somewhat decent power forward/center for the miami heat and the la clippers. originally passed over and cut by many teams, he went to europe for a year to refine his skills, and eventually returned to the NBA a much better player. he made such improvement that he actually won the NBA’s most improved player award in 1997. this improvement eventually led to him being offered a very lucrative multi-year contract with the orlando magic.

so, did ike continue to improve after he finally got his big payday???

nah.

he got fat, his game got worse, and he was out of the league within three years.

if you want to insure that your mate will thirst for cheating on you, be like ike. do everything you can to break the implied relationship contract you agreed to when you first got together. gain 50 pounds. stop bathing. start wearing your late uncle’s clothes. end all oral. get giant tear drop tats on your adams apple. do everything you can to make them believe that they were a fool for committing to you. be like ike

4. cheat, or act like you’re cheating

you’d think this was common-sense, but you’d be amazed at how many cheaters and cats exhibiting cheateresque qualities i know who were flabbergasted at the fact that their mate actually had the gall to return the favor. for clarity’s sake “cheateresque qualities” refer to qualities exhibited by someone who actually isn’t cheating, but consistently does things that would make any reasonable person assume that they are. these qualities include (but aren’t limited to)…

receiving mysterious texts and phone calls at odd hours

referring to members of the opposite sex by ambigiously sexual nicknames. (put it this way, no woman in a relationship should ever refer to any guy who’s not related to them as “big daddy. until you’re single again, his name is “james”)

being consistently unavailiable at not unreasonable times

intentional aloofness

being named “angelina jolie”

athough you shouldn’t be held captive to some non-trusting mate’s emotional whims, be considerate. if you ask yourself “honestly, is he justified in thinking that i’m unfaithful?” and the answer is “yes“, and you do want the relationship to continue, then stop being an inconsiderate asshole. it’s really not rocket surgery, seriously.

hopefully no one here will ever put the cheating keys in the ignition. if so, you might as well just hop in the back seat. shit, at that point, your mate shouldn’t be the only one who’s getting a ride.

–the champ

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • http://wwww.myspace.com/chicanextdoor Miss Patterson

    you’ve done it again my friend. bravo! bravo! I agree wholeheartedly with every statement of today’s post. Well done Champ! Teach the masses!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      graci

    • http://tigger500.typepad.com Tyler

      I’m with Miss P…though I’m a bad man in the sense that I think monogamy is a crock!

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “I’m with Miss P…though I’m a bad man in the sense that I think monogamy is a crock!”

        expound please

        btw, this is a future entry topic

        • http://tigger500.typepad.com Tyler

          I don’t think monogamy is “natural” in the sense of a state of being that is inherent to humanity (and I do mean that for both genders, although women are socialized to be more monogamous of course).

          I think its amusing that we talk about how humans are one of the few animals on the planet that have sex for pleasure and then in the same breath say that monogamy is natural.

          For me, those two statements are contradictory because we understand fidelity to be about sex (or rather, an equation of sex with love, which to me is specious).

          This of course is a tough sell because thousands of years of socialization and them damn Puritans have most Americans equating sex and love even though our sexual behavior can more adequately be explained as an outgrowth of gendered socialization (or more simply…sex for men and women is about power, nothing more), than anything “natural.”

          I also think that we are cynically trapped in an antiquated sexual ethic precisely because sex and love is so gendered. Meaning that women assume that a man says what I’m saying cause I just wanna fuck. And a man assumes a woman will hate the idea because she would never just wanna fuck. And I’d be foolish if I didn’t concede that part of why monogamy is repellant to me is because I’m a man, like all men, socialized to see monogamy as something that is limiting and I don’t necessarily want to be limited.

          Like most social mores, I look on monogamy as just another way to control behavior (mostly a woman’s behavior…which has worked beautifully of course) that should be re-examined on an individual basis.

          Because I generally eschew binary oppositional framing, I think a healthy relationship is most likely some construct that is not monogamy as currently defined and not some hippie sexual freedom notion.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            “And I’d be foolish if I didn’t concede that part of why monogamy is repellant to me is because I’m a man, like all men, socialized to see monogamy as something that is limiting and I don’t necessarily want to be limited.”

            monogamy actually has much more of a positive benefit for men than women.

            i’ll expound later.

            • http://tigger500.typepad.com Tyler

              Hmmmm. I think I can guess what you might say, but I’ll wait till you post.

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

                ***expounding***

                polygamous societies, where men are allowed to have as many wives as possible, actually are the worst possible social construct for most men, and the reasons have nothing to do with culture and social mores and everything to do with math.

                for instance, lets say that you have a polygamous village with 100 men and 100 women. lets also say that there are 3 very rich and powerful men in the village, and they’re able to marry and support multiple wives each (for numbers sake, lets say they each have 7 wives). this means that the remaining 97 guys only have 79 women to choose from, basically insuring that there will be many men who will just never have a wife. polygamy is great for a guy at the top of the food chain, but the average guy suffers greatly. if youre talking about the society as a whole, polygamy is much much more beneficial for a woman.

                this actually also ties into the dynamic surrounding suicide bombing. the typical suicide bomber is a
                single young guy who lives in a polygamous society. the vast majority of these men have no wives or girlfriends, and dont have any real prospects in that regard in the foreseeable future.

                this is why the promise of the “32 virgins” in the afterlife is so appealing to many of them, and this definitely ties into how they’re so easily convinced to commit suicide.

          • genius khan

            Tyler shuns: “Puritans have most Americans equating sex and love even though our sexual behavior can more adequately be explained as an outgrowth of gendered socialization (or more simply…sex for men and women is about power, nothing more), than anything “natural.””

            sex is about power more than anything else? confirm.

            Tyler says: “I think a healthy relationship is most likely some construct that is not monogamy as currently defined and not some hippie sexual freedom notion.”

            well are you suggesting that in lieu of the social construct demanding monagomy it should be some form of an “open” relationship?

            Tyler quibbles: “Like most social mores, I look on monogamy as just another way to control behavior (mostly a woman’s behavior….)”

            are you attempting to, thru the power of suggestion redundancy and superfluous commentary make anyone believe that monagomy and social mores were created [by men] to opress women?

            If the idea of monagomy at it’s inception was indeed created by men to control women it certainly is the other way around now isnt it?

            just checking……..

            • http://tigger500.typepad.com Tyler

              Champ – the scenario assumes that the women would only have sex or “marry” one man. Again, a male-centered construct.

              This is my point. When folks start talking about other forms they are still very very male-centric. I would suggest that if there are 100 men and 100 women, then everyone has 199 options (because of course sexuality is fluid).

              I am not a polygamist, I’m merely playing devil’s advocate because again it’s less for me about marriage or sex but understanding how those two things have been historically entwined…then un-entwining them (i say that not glibly, of course)

              To GK – when I say sex is power I’m talking about the conventional construction of power. Our society’s views of sex are rooted in a Puritan ethic of “body is dirty, soul is pure”. As such, we are taught to be extremely ambivalent about sex. Men are supposed to sew our “base urges” and women are supposed to control theirs. And more pointedly, in a relationship sex is often a point of contention for just these reasons. Much of what Champ’s post is really about is power, the notion that sex (or not having sex) has the potential to control.

              Not necessarily an “open” relationship. It could be understanding multiple relationships that take different forms. It could potentially be the understanding that “monogamous” relationships are short-lived because things change, people change and needs change. I don’t think it’s necessarily an either/or proposition.

              Most Western societal rules were designed to constrict. There needs to be order. But women as the gender needing to be “controlled” stretches back to Original sin..this notion that women are inherently corruptible. Not every rule that controls women or is intended to control women naturally benefits men, I’m constructing gender as a continual oppositional frame. Just because it sounds harsh or overwrought or even an overstatement, doesn’t mean it isn’t true.

              • http://tigger500.typepad.com Tyler

                my bad that’s NOT constructing gender as a continual oppositional frame.”

              • genius khan

                Tyler said: “Not every rule that controls women or is intended to control women naturally benefits men.”

                true but i don’t believe that most rules [i.e. monagomy] are meant to control women especially in todays society.

                generally speaking [men and women=mankind] needs order and control. the million dollar question is always who/m is/are doing the controlling and where are they drawing the lines.

                i define “open relationship” as being: that a person is free to sleep with whomever they want and be open with their partners about who they sleep with and free of prejudice (regardless of living situaions, love or otherwise) i think we agree on this definition because you said: “It could be understanding multiple relationships that take different forms.” somehow you thought i might have meant otherwise.

                Tyler writes: “Much of what Champ’s post is really about is power, the notion that sex (or not having sex) has the potential to control.

                if you read my posts i challenge this notion in it’s current construct. …and there is a prevailing attittude from you that asserts that women are always the more oppresed when it comes to social mores. well in this case [using sex to control and as power] certainly skews better for women today.

                Tyler you say: “But women as the gender needing to be “controlled” stretches back to Original sin..this notion that women are inherently corruptible.

                i don’t believe women are inherently corruptible however i do believe that women/a woman is more easily influenced and persuaded physically and emotionally. [versus a man]

                if i were constructing an offensive i would attack my opponents at their weakest point. we all have weak points male and female. if were going to attack a man physically/numerically/technologically stronger than me and mine, psy-ops would advise that i consider going thru his woman/women to get to him. it has worked on many ocassion. i guess you need references now huh? perhaps this is why the story of “The Original Sin” records that the fallen angel attacked mankind directly by way of Eve and not Adam.

                talk black to me Ty

              • http://tigger500.typepad.com Tyler

                i don’t believe women are inherently corruptible however i do believe that women/a woman is more easily influenced and persuaded physically and emotionally. [versus a man]

                I take issue with this for a number of reasons, the greatest of which is that I believe very little behavior is truly gendered. I believe we all are born with the capacity to behave a number of ways and that what happens over time is we are socialized to behave in certain ways (according to gender more times than not)

                if i were constructing an offensive i would attack my opponents at their weakest point. we all have weak points male and female. if were going to attack a man physically/numerically/technologically stronger than me and mine, psy-ops would advise that i consider going thru his woman/women to get to him. it has worked on many ocassion. i guess you need references now huh? perhaps this is why the story of “The Original Sin” records that the fallen angel attacked mankind directly by way of Eve and not Adam.

                Your comments actually prove my point because you seem to assume that there are inherent differences between men and women. I do not. I think any gender differences are purely socialized. Again – boy babies tend to be more emotional than girl babies, yet women end up being more emotional. Why? Socialization.

                Further, your acceptance of original sin doesn’t refute any points I make – it proves them. This comment accepts that women are more corruptible than men. This is sexist.

                Yes I do always assume that women are more oppressed. but let me unpack that a bit. That statement doesn’t mean that every moment of a woman’s life is oppressed and horrible. Understanding power dynamics means that you understand that the POTENTIAL for oppression is always there. It’s like when people say that a black man could get shot walking to the store. A cop could take his life in a routine stop. That is how power works. You walk around, you live with the knowledge that someone else has power over you. Men do not have that to the same degree from women that women do from men. Simply a true statement.

                I don’t make comments to suggest that men are not harmed in life by sexism or patriarchy. Far from it. My point is to put that harm into perspective. It is in no way the same as harm that women suffer under sexism and patriarchy. Again – this is just simply true.

              • genius khan

                Tyler says: “…I believe very little behavior is truly gendered.

                Tyler later contradicts: “…you seem to assume that there are inherent differences between men and women. I do not.”

                so you don’t believe that men are naturaly and inherently physically stronger than women either?

                is physical strength male versus female one of the areas where you feel society has also socialized the differentiation?

                Tyler says: [men compared to women] “It is in no way the same as harm that women suffer under sexism and patriarchy. Again – this is just simply true.”

                we agree on the above quote because by definition sexism is geared against women particularly [not exclusively] and patriarchy by definition puts men in leadership position over women and children BUT what you have asserted in earlier conversations is social mores were created [primarily] to control [exercise power over] women. i’m not so sure about that. some perhaps. all or most, not so sure. {especially in todays society}

                mores – the accepted traditional customs and usages of a particular social group, moral attitudes.
                manners; ways.

                women have been responsible for crafting social mores as much as men have. they continue to change and women certainly contribute greatly.

                Tyler quibbles: “Further, your acceptance of original sin doesn’t refute any points I make – it proves them. This comment [fallen angel toppled paradise thru Eve because she was more easily influenced by emotion and possesed less physical strength than Adam] accepts that women are more corruptible than men. This is sexist.”

                corruptible – capable of being corrupted

                corrupt – marked by immorality and perversion; depraved. venal; dishonest: containing errors or alterations, archaic. tainted; putrid

                Eve did not have to be any of the definitions of corrupt or corrptible to naturally be weaker physically than a man and more easily persuaded by her emotions.

                i didn’t say i accepted original sin [not that i dont] i did however attempt to explain how the story can make sense.

                Tyler says: “Men do not have that [POTENTIAL for being oppressed] to the same degree from women that women do from men. Simply a true statement.”

                we agree on this statement and i understand the male female power dynamic you speak of but where we seem to disagree is that any of it is natural. [particularly where it regards physical and emotional aspects]

                Tyler reports: “Again – boy babies tend to be more emotional than girl babies, yet women end up being more emotional. Why? Socialization.”

                i’d like to analyze the study you speak of and say that it is but one study which does not prove unequivocaly, anything.

                i patiently await your equivocation and splitting of hairs sir. lol!

              • http://tigger500.typepad.com Tyler

                so you don’t believe that men are naturaly and inherently physically stronger than women either?

                is physical strength male versus female one of the areas where you feel society has also socialized the differentiation?

                I actually wasn’t talking about physical strength. I was talking about behavior. I probably should have been clearer when I said there are no inherent differences in behavior in men and women. Of course men have a Y chromosome and tend to be stronger, but that is separate from behavior.

                I think at this point it does seem like splitting hairs because one grasps at different language to say the same thing over and over. I think we have fundamental differences in how we view the world and that’s okay. I think we have to agree to disagree.

              • genius khan

                Tyler we may have to agree to disagree, respectfuly.

                you say: “I actually wasn’t talking about physical strength. I was talking about behavior.”

                parting shot.

                you’ve already stated you believe how sensitive men and women are to emotions is a learned behavior. i guess we both agree that inherently women are weaker than me in general physically. wonder why? i don’t pretend to know, but it’s true huh?

                interesting.

                fire back.

              • http://atrackbrown.blogspot.com/ atrackbrown

                Tyler says: “…I believe very little behavior is truly gendered.

                Tyler later contradicts: “…you seem to assume that there are inherent differences between men and women. I do not.”

                so you don’t believe that men are naturaly (sic) and inherently physically stronger than women either?

                is physical strength male versus female one of the areas where you feel society has also socialized the differentiation?

                ***there’s no contradiction here. he says clearly that male and female behavior (<<<—— ) is gendered, and though there are differences in men and women’s strength, think of the activities boys are encouraged to participate in versus those activities that are stereotypically female. can you truly say society doesn’t also gender physical development?

                i’m with Tyler here. too often behaviors are ascribed along gender lines, and we never question why we so readily accept them. every time i hear the emotional/rational dichotomy that supposedly describes the major difference between women and men, i get annoyed because it’s rooted in a legacy of undermining women’s intellect and relegating them to position where they can be easily dismissed.

                as for the monogamy thing, yeah it’s not natural. unfortunately, people have become so wedded to the idea, alternative, more healthy options are frowned upon. too bad.

  • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

    You know what, I’ve done the “stop f*cking” thing before and and it went on for about a month until she started acting right. I have will-power and I’m able to ‘deal’ with it. She on the other hand, was flippin’ out and swearing up and down that I was cheating just because I put her on punishment.

    Although I have no indication and she didn’t seem like the type, she could’ve been getting her groove on without me knowing. We spent a lot of time together so I really don’t think so, but I’ve learned to not put nothing past no one.

    The fact that she accused me of cheating (which I wasn’t) doesn’t help because I know that’s one characteristic that cheaters tend to have – accuse the other person of cheating. Basically, it’s their guilty conscious kicking in.

    Actually, that happened to me in another relationship, but that’s a different story.

    • http://www.myspace.com/womannaofgod utc115

      u know I got a real problem with married women withholding sex from their husbands then get mad because they cheat. Neither of them are right but withholding sex because u just dont feel like it, he is just to rough, or she doesnt like it like that………….what the heck is that???????

      I want to do a poll and see how many married people have cheated. I have like 4 sets of Godparents and I think they have all cheated on each other. I know church people……friends…..whats really the problem

      • Nut

        I’m married and I don’t cheat and really don’t have the desire too @ utc. If he started holding the sex for long periods of time well I might jus t have to rethink. Naw I’d leave before I cheated. Married sex or new freedom sex is sooooo much better than sex with a side of guilt. Me cheating is a blemish on my character and no one is worth that.

        I’m a realist so I can’t say for absolute sure that the hubbie hasn’t cheated (my heart says he hasn’t but most women who have been cheated on feel this way too). If he did she got crumbs. I ride until it’s empty so there is very little or nothing left to give. Sorry TMI …..lol

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          “Naw I’d leave before I cheated. Married sex or new freedom sex is sooooo much better than sex with a side of guilt. Me cheating is a blemish on my character and no one is worth that”

          *mt zion academy holiday basketball tournament*

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          I ride until it’s empty so there is very little or nothing left to give. Sorry TMI …..lol

          lol…thats a good strategy, actually

      • Leila

        The majority of my married friends have cheated, mostly because one was withholding sex from the other. I’m also seeing some of them just openly dating and don’t care what their partner thinks.

        • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

          thats just fucked. Why even stay married? is it just for taxes?

        • miss t-lee

          The majority of my married friends have cheated, mostly because one was withholding sex from the other

          Really? Wow.
          This isn’t giving me much hope…lol

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          The majority of my married friends have cheated, mostly because one was withholding sex from the other

          lol…me thinks you need some new friends

          • Leila

            LOL!

          • http://www.myspace.com/bbgirl180 Tay

            LOL

      • http://k-unwrapped.blogspot.com K.

        That whole “I’m not f&ckin you til you do ____” is wild. It’s one thing if you just totally aren’t into it. But you’re in the mood and you’re gonna deprive your partner and yourself? That’s some controlling type shyt.

        • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

          @ K.:

          If I’m in a realationship with someone and they start doing some f*cked up shyt and showing me a side I’m not used to seeing from them, it kills my sexual desire for that person. When I did it, I wasn’t depriving myself of sex, I just didn’t have a craving for it with her like that. I don’t think that’s selfish at all.

          Here’s an example, if your husband/boyfriend comes home and beats you one day, I’m sure you’re not gonna wanna give him some the next. I know that’s an extreme example, but hopefully you see my point.

          • http://k-unwrapped.blogspot.com K.

            I definitely agree with you to an extent. What many people seem to be calling ‘witholding sex’ is actually a lack of desire for your partner @ that time in my mind. Ain’t no way in hell that my S/O would be able to do some f&cked up shyt to me then expect me to get hot for him 5 mins later.

            For that to drag on for weeks though, would mean that there’s some fundamental misunderstanding that we can’t fix. I’d just have to get out of the relationship.

            • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

              “What many people seem to be calling ‘witholding sex’ is actually a lack of desire for your partner @ that time in my mind.”

              Exactly.

              “For that to drag on for weeks though, would mean that there’s some fundamental misunderstanding that we can’t fix. I’d just have to get out of the relationship.”

              Precisely!! That’s why it didn’t work.

              A pattern started occurring that was disguised during the building stages, so I didn’t recognize her major character flaws. Not to mention, she was older than me (not that anything’s wrong with that), and she probably had more experience at hiding such flaws and putting up a front.

    • http://starkept.blogspot.com Suga&Spice

      I do not agree with witholding sex. Period. I think it is foolish and selfish. Just because we mad means we aint fucking??? Naw dude, that shit is not going to fly with me.

      If a dude ever tried to pull that mess on me, I wouldnt cheat but, I would pull out the Bag O’ Tricks and let him hear/see what he decided to give up to prove a point.

      Negro, you can either be right on in a relationship Your choice.

      • http://www.myspace.com/soulfirelp soulfirelp

        say it S&S

        i’ll be damned if im married and I’m not getting any.. hell that’s when you can do it w/o feeling guilty

        • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor Miss Patterson

          yeah! i think it’s even in the bible too: “thou art shall do it frequently when thou is married” (i think i just guaranteed myself a free ride to hell)

          • em

            it really is in the bible…about not denying each other…methinks corinthians but my heathen ass aint gonna open the bible this a.m. to find out.

            • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor Miss Patterson

              yes! i knew it! (seriously, i think i kind of did) I love being right, especially when the Bible can back up my randomness.

            • D*Boy- D*Stroy

              Em, I’m gonna need you to find that scripture cause today I am going to go home to my wife, put on some square-framed glasses and preach the good word to that @ss!

              • ForReal

                LOL!

              • http://www.myspace.com/allaboutcharacter Monnie

                1 Corinthians 7:3-5

              • Raqi

                Actually the bible says, “The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”

                And the Torah precedes that by saying, “Sex is the woman’s right, not the man’s. A man has a duty to give his wife sex regularly and to ensure that sex is pleasurable for her. He is also obligated to watch for signs that his wife wants sex, and to offer it to her without her asking for it. The woman’s right to sexual intercourse is referred to as onah, and it is one of a wife’s three basic rights (the others are food and clothing), which a husband may not reduce. The Talmud specifies both the quantity and quality of sex that a man must give his wife. It specifies the frequency of sexual obligation based on the husband’s occupation, although this obligation can be modified in the ketubah (marriage contract). A man may not take a vow to abstain from sex for an extended period of time,”

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

                Actually the bible says, “The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”

                And the Torah precedes that by saying, “Sex is the woman’s right, not the man’s. A man has a duty to give his wife sex regularly and to ensure that sex is pleasurable for her. He is also obligated to watch for signs that his wife wants sex, and to offer it to her without her asking for it. The woman’s right to sexual intercourse is referred to as onah, and it is one of a wife’s three basic rights (the others are food and clothing), which a husband may not reduce. The Talmud specifies both the quantity and quality of sex that a man must give his wife. It specifies the frequency of sexual obligation based on the husband’s occupation, although this obligation can be modified in the ketubah (marriage contract). A man may not take a vow to abstain from sex for an extended period of time,”

                vsb.com: bringing the Bible and booty together since 1913

              • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor Miss Patterson

                I AM SO LOVING THE TORAH! Hmmm….
                “Mrs. Patterson-Goldberg” has a nice ring to it…
                L’Chaim!!!

            • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

              Yeah it says something like the husband owes the wife due benevolence. (sweet sweet lovin)

            • http://www.myspace.com/womannaofgod utc115

              1 Corinthians 7 is where it speaks of not with holding sex from your spouse unless you are fasting or a mutual agreement.

      • Raqi

        A little TMI but what the heck I’m having a good day.

        One time during our days of courting the sig and I were spending the weekend together. We were sitting on the bed watching CNN when I became overtaken by desire. I made a move on him but he wanted to hear what was on the news. I made another move and he stilled wouldn’t bite. He said hold on for a sec. So I told him something like “eff you. I will go do it myself. You know what Imma do it right here so you can see how it is suppose to be done.” That got his attention. He turned off the television and said I want to see this. LOL

        Yeah, them bag o’ tricks.

        • No More Heroes

          That reminds me of when this girl started trying to get me in the mood while I was watching a NBA Playoff game. I’m like, “we were here together all day, and you pick NOW to try and do something”. Unfortunately for her, I didnt budge. She had to wait until the game went off.

          • Raqi

            Wait for a freaking basketball game? Boi you done lost your mind.

            Would you be willing to wait until hell freezes over? LOL

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          So I told him something like “eff you. I will go do it myself. You know what Imma do it right here so you can see how it is suppose to be done.” That got his attention. He turned off the television and said I want to see this. LOL

          an ex did this exact same thing to me before. i wanted to catch the last five minutes of this cavs game, but she quickly, ummmm, “convinced” me to just catch the highlights on sportscenter

        • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor Miss Patterson

          raqi…you get the slow clap for that story. applause, applause!

      • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

        Suga&Spice says,
        “Just because we mad means we aint fucking??? Naw dude, that shit is not going to fly with me.”

        In certain cases, damn right we ain’t fucking!! In most cases, if I’m upset, I don’t even wanna be in the same space as you so how can we? I’m not gonna withhold over no petty disagreement or nothing like that. But there are justifiable circumstances.

        The Bag o’ Tricks is cool and it can work for some things, but then again, I’m the type of dude who feels with my heart and think with the head on my shoulders before the one between my legs.

    • Leila

      ” I’ve done the “stop f*cking” thing before and and it went on for about a month until she started acting right”

      For a whole month! Damn, what she do to deserve that?

      • soulfirelp

        okay! I’d have a serious ATTITUDE like errday

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        ” I’ve done the “stop f*cking” thing before and and it went on for about a month until she started acting right”

        For a whole month! Damn, what she do to deserve that?

        yeah, i wanna know too

      • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

        See anecdote below…

    • miss t-lee

      Trust me withholding the booty is what almost had my homegirl cheating. She was convinced he was with someone else.
      Ain’t no way I’m laying up next to some live in D and he ain’t giving it to me. Ima take it. :)

      • 2Degreez

        “Ain’t no way I’m laying up next to some live in D and he ain’t giving it to me. Ima take it. ”

        LMAO! How do you go about taking it?

        • miss t-lee

          My suggestion: just jump on it.
          *disclaimer*
          I’ve never been married. :)

        • D*Boy- D*Stroy

          Take it easy 2Degreez…I see what you’re up to. I don’t want to hear about you in the news because you just went ahead and “took it.”

          • 2Degreez

            LMAO! Can you imagine hearing something like that on the news? What icon/photo would go in the upper right corner of the screen near the anchor’s head?

            • miss t-lee

              Handcuffs.
              ::snicker::

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              “crazed woman robs wang”

            • D*Boy- D*Stroy

              What icon/photo would go in the upper right corner of the screen near the anchor’s head?

              LOL! A woman’s hand squeezing the life out of a jammy.

          • http://www.myspace.com/womannaofgod utc115

            hey i told one of my married friends the other day that they should just go in there and take it. lol. no good advise I guess….

    • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor Miss Patterson

      “it went on for about a month until she started acting right.”

      but why brotha? a whole month? penis punishment no es bueno!

    • Raqi

      Every time I scroll pass this comment I can’t help but think, ‘how? Men are usually much easier than that’

      There was one other time he was going to hang out with his friends and I honestly was being a real bytch that day (As guilty as they come). He was sitting on the settee putting his shoes so I managed to straddle him and explicitly confess (yeah right) “but I am aching to feel you inside of me” coupled with the perfect heavy sigh and wet tongue on the neck.

      Again I ask how did she allow that to happen. Does she know what she is doing? Or even how to do it?

      • genius khan

        Raqui boasts: “Every time I scroll pass this comment I can’t help but think, ‘how? Men are usually much easier than that.”

        i know it blows ur mind cause because collective concious and accepted mentality is puss* trumps everything and twice on sunday. that’s probably why u are suprised.

        Raq i make a point not to be that easy even if i want it. puss* doesn’t trump everything and twice on sunday for me. i am not at your whim or will for a coochie snack. you almost sound like you were proud admitting: ” I honestly was being a real bytch that day (As guilty as they come).” before you persuaded him to stop in his tracks and have a coochie snack for perhaps being a long suffering patient puppy dog.

        many of my brethren have made themselves subject to this kind of pandering and control but i’m not having it. sometimes yes, but if i smell a test or something manipulative i launch mortars. i dont negotiate with despots, terrorists and the like. [wont stand for torture or hostage situations neither] i will go nuclear if you escelate a war of wills. i guess you could say i am the special forces of this shit.

        • Raqi

          genuis my comment was stated laced with sheer sarcasm but I know that’s hard to convey over a monitor. My goal was to state that I don’t know of any man that has held out just to make a point. For an entire month at that. Most men could care less and just want to get the cashmere kitty. And some don’t even care if she purrs. On top of that most women that have the invested time into a relationship knows how to get next to her man. Just like you all should know how to press our buttons.

          My confession to being a bytch meant that I was just being bytchy and didn’t really have a reason for not wanting him to go. I just didn’t want him to. That’s that.

          Now have I ever been left wet without play? Yes. For an entire month? Hell to the naw.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          “i am not at your whim or will for a coochie snack”

          this line was actually in shakespeare’s first version of “the taming of the shrew”, before he went back and edited it

          • miss t-lee

            Nah…the preface.
            hee-hee!!

      • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor Miss Patterson

        raqi…i wanna be like you when i grow up and get married. you make marriage sound so much fun!
        (& naughty!) lol

      • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

        “Again I ask how did she allow that to happen. Does she know what she is doing? Or even how to do it?”

        She’s definitely skilled in the area of seduction, but I just wasn’t feeling her during that period of time. Once again, men do have two heads, but I’m a man who refuses to solely think with the one below.

        And just for clarification, I didn’t put her on “penis punishment” out of spite, I just didn’t want it. Later, she referred to it as “penis punishment” and it’s been apart of my vocab since.

  • http://www.myspace.com/womannaofgod utc115

    STANDING OVATION!!!! That was nice Champ. I will not put the key in the ignition.

    But one thing that stood out to me is…………….I am going to be honest. I am living for God. I try not to have sex………..and then sometimes I fall and I do have sex so……

    your statement-
    “you’ve decided out of the blue to become born again and celibate? f**k you! f**k me.” So That gives u the right to cheat on me???? That would have to mean our relationship was nothing but sex and there isnt anything or a bigger goal that we are trying to accomplish.

    • http://www.myspace.com/allaboutcharacter Monnie

      This is a common dilemma that many born again Christians in relationships face. The relationship may not have been only about sex but it was an important part of it.

      The truth is the person will have to chose between their religion and their significant other…

      • http://www.myspace.com/soulfirelp soulfirelp

        so true Monnie

        a hard decision to make when you’ve already slept w/ the person, but nevertheless it has to be done sometimes

      • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

        if you already had sex before whats the issue? Does God give mulligans?

        • soulfirelp

          lol
          if you’re stoping for religious reasons it’s hard when you know what you’re missing. Now if the sex was bad…holla im celibate:-)

          • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

            I still don’t see how or where religon says you stop having sex after you have already done it. Someone make sense of that for me. I’m calling B.S.

            • Leila

              I’m with you on that.

              • V Renee

                Me too!

            • 2Degreez

              I agree. And I could be wrong but a sin is a sin. It’s not like you get extra points for cutting out sex. You can easily pick something else to refrain from.

              I had a friend whose boyfriend cheated because she gave up on sex. I told her she should have stopped gossiping instead.

              • D*Boy- D*Stroy

                LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                This is the funniest thing I have ever heard in my whole life. thank you! And you are just downright ignant for it!

              • 2Degreez

                It’s true! She and her boyfriend would be happy, and the world would’ve been better off because she stopped running her damn mouth!

              • genius khan

                checkmate! 2Degreez

                “…give up gossiping instead.”

                you’re killing me over here.

                heh, heh, heh (inhales) whoooooo!

              • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

                Too. Funny.

            • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

              I think the rule goes any sex outside of marriage is not cool or kosher or what have you.

              • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

                if you have already been fucking what difference does it make?
                Moses felt he didn’t even redeem himself for the murder he committed before he freed the Jews why is a couple of weeks of celibacy gonna get regular joe or jane if Moses couldn’t get a Mulligan?

              • http://www.myspace.com/allaboutcharacter Monnie

                This is true. The difference is you committed the sinful acts prior to being saved and those sins were forgiven, as well as the sins that you will commit in the future.

                The thing is, once you become saved, you shouldn’t continue on in the same lifestyle. We are human and we will sin, but committing those same sins over and over again with the mindset that “I’m gonna do it and can get away with it” is neglectful to your purpose as a Christian and disrespectful to God.

                *I can’t believe that I am on the internet talking about the bible*

            • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

              this is what I think…I could be wrong but I don’t care…I think some girls stop having sex cause they engaged in so much fucking previously they want to feel like they can recapture some sense of , whats the word, purity that they lost long ago. there is the train of thought that you can stop having sex and then pretend that you are a born again virgin and that erases the past and you can act all innocent and such. Honestly I’d rather be told I just suck at sex* than be told I’m stopping the sex for religous or any other reasons cause I’d just think you are a jackass or bullshtting me**.

              *I would still think you are a jackass but at least you have a legitimate reason
              **other legitimate reasons are pregnancy, on the rag, medical issues such as broken pelvis, the herpes, stinky snatch, just has sex with that other guy, still numb from last time we fucked

              • http://www.myspace.com/womannaofgod utc115

                I started this thread and just got myself together to get online but I dont think that when I decide to stop having sex its BS. I am taking your statement not to mean all women because I havent “fucked so much previously”. I am a Christian and I do believe in Heaven and Hell. I do believe that sin is sin and no one is bigger than the other so why would I give up gossiping instead of sin…. Blasphemy. I am not perfect never said I was but when I walk this walk daily I TRY not to do wrong. I dont think that anybody can fault me for that.

                So I can be the jackass or wateva other clever names you decide to call me to get into heaven. To each its own

              • http://www.myspace.com/Elendak Elenda

                @Deviant. “some girls stop having sex cause they engaged in so much fucking previously they want to feel like they can recapture some sense of , whats the word, purity that they lost long ago. ”

                Are you being serious or were you just trying to get a rise out of someone with this statement? Please tell me you were joking!

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

                @Deviant. “some girls stop having sex cause they engaged in so much fucking previously they want to feel like they can recapture some sense of , whats the word, purity that they lost long ago. ”

                Are you being serious or were you just trying to get a rise out of someon

                you know what, there are women who partake in this. i know because i personally know of a couple, and i’m gonna assume that theyre not the only two women on the planet who have done this

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

                So I can be the jackass or wateva other clever names you decide to call me to get into heaven. To each its own

                i definitely would call you a jackass, i’m just try to convey the position/strain a change like that can put on a relationship. i’d honestly advise any unmarried person who was adamant about getting saved to make sure that they were single when they decide to do it.

              • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

                i was serious I know people that take that very stance

              • D*Boy- D*Stroy

                You know…I consider myself a Christian but I really can’t get down with all of the Biblical principles. I mean some of the stuff in there just doesn’t add up.

                My Christianity begins and ends with Jesus Christ… as a source of fundamental behavioral insipiration. love, uplift and demonstrate kindness to your neighbor (things like that). Is it really that complicated? Is an all loving God really to be feared? Is God going to condemn me for premarital s*x? Lustful thoughts? Lying? Divorce? I Doubt it. Especially since I am trying to be a good person.

              • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com/ Deviant

                I’m right with you on alla that.

            • http://k-unwrapped.blogspot.com K.

              I think the idea is that if you ask for forgiveness for sin, you actually have to make an effort to stop doing it. Many people believe very strongly in heaven/hell and aren’t willing to burn in h3ll for some out-of-wedlock azz. I’m not one of those people but I can see the reasoning behind it.

              • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

                ok I got that. I can accept that explanation. Kudos to you

              • ForReal

                Yep, what K. said. That’s why people who have these beliefs realy need to be in intimate relationships with others who feel the same way. Too much convincing, drama and b.s. if people are unequally yoked.

              • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

                can’t say I agree with it though

            • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

              If you’re not supposed to have sex before marriage, just because you’ve done it once doesn’t make it ok from then on.

              It’s like saying well, since I already killed someone, I can continue doing so with impunity.

              • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

                sex and muder..I cannot equate them on any level. I guess that is because I look at this and everything in logical terms and not religous or spiritual terms. it just doesn’t made sense to compare the two in such a way.

            • soulfirelp

              this comment is based off a non married couple havin sex. if im tryin to be right w/God, I will stop b/c havin sex before marraige is a sin in God’s eyes

    • http://wwww.myspace.com/chicanextdoor Miss Patterson

      i was in a similar situation when i started attending a church regularly with a guy i was dating back in the day. except that he’s the one that took the ‘candy’ away. i really have no problem with the idea of abstinence but it’s very difficult to maintain a healthy relationship if intimacy is mutually exchanged in the beginning and then suddenly taken away.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      So That gives u the right to cheat on me????

      nothing gives another person the right to cheat, i’m just saying that certain actions can plant the seed in someones head

    • ForReal

      If one person wants to start practicing celibacy after a sexual relationship has started and the other doesn’t, I dont think it can work. One person is always going to feel put upon and resentful and the other will feel pressured and guilty. If my mate decided to stop sleeping with me I’d leave. Celibate people need to find other people that share their beliefs on sex; i think it’s too stressful for all parties otherwise.

      • http://abcdealexus.blogspot.com/ Abcde A-Lexus

        1.) I believe that if two people are in a relationship, the decision should be made between them both to be abstinent/celibate. In a relationship you cant do it alone, because you mate is your tempter. If they arent traveling down the same path as you then I it is time to seperate.

        2.) @ Deviant…”if you already had sex before whats the issue? Does God give mulligans?” The reason why I stopped having sex was I hated feeling guilty about it. That was one thing in my life that I knew there was no God in. Sex was created to be a soul binding connection between a man and a woman, husband and wife. In constantly having and profecting GREAT sex with men who had a .001% chance of being my husband, I was wasting time and keeping connections with people I didnt need in my life. I believe that in order to fulfill and move toward my purpose, I had to rid myself of sexual things. Abstinence/celibacy is not for everyone, but I want to do what pleases God and I am changing each aspect of my life to do just that.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          “”Abstinence/celibacy is not for everyone, but I want to do what pleases God and I am changing each aspect of my life to do just that.””

          theres a difference between this (going into a relationship celibate) and stopping cold turkey right in the middle of a relationship. it would be much easier to deal with a celibate woman than a sexual indian giver

          • ForReal

            *a sexual indian giver*
            Hee Hee .10x worse than a regular indian giver

          • http://abcdealexus.blogspot.com/ Abcde A-Lexus

            @Champ….I agree that is why I said, it should be a mutual decision, if its within a relationship. And the person who is trying to be abstinent has to be willing to deal with the fact that the other person may not be able to deal with it. I also believe that if this is the path you have chosen, you should be upfront about it. Again, it aint for everyone.

            Since I made this decision I tell it all upfront, and if a guy sticks around after I spill the beans, then I make sure the when we do go out, we are not in a place or a position where you can be confused or misinterprate anything I do. So there is no night spending, no midnught movie watching on the couch and no 2nd or 3rd base.

            • genius khan

              I hear ya Abcde A-Lexus

              i guess you’re not going to be a Abcdefgh A-Ho

              because you’re a Abc A-Christian

              but don’t be a Abcdefghijklmnop A-Phony A-Pharisee

              cause that would be a Abcdefghijklm A-Mess

              i’ve been wanting to do this since i saw your screen name because im a Abcdef A-Fool

              this is just one opinion of a Abcdefghijklm A-Mayne

              Abcdefgh A-Heh, heh heh (he inahles) whhoooooo….

              • http://www.myspace.com/Elendak Elenda

                @GK. You showed out making fun of abc’s screen name like that. **chuckling**

              • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

                @GK…(and Elenda) ok…this was funny as hell to me…and I am not sure if I should be laughing as hard as I am because ABDCE is my real life BFF but the shit was ill…good one GK…

              • http://abcdealexus.blogspot.com/ Abcde A-Lexus

                @GK its not Abcde individually….its Ab-suh-De! Get it right! LOL!

              • V Renee

                ** peeking into the room and whispering

                I got a kick out of it too….. I couldn’t help it, but it was funny.

                **Running

              • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

                You’re right genius, you are a “Abcdef A-Fool” for this. And I’m laughing uncontrollably out loud!!

              • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com/ Deviant

                “its not Abcde individually….its Ab-suh-De! Get it right! LOL!”

                you serious? you can’t be serious..youre not serious

        • JBoogie

          “The reason why I stopped having sex was I hated feeling guilty about it. That was one thing in my life that I knew there was no God in. Sex was created to be a soul binding connection between a man and a woman, husband and wife. In constantly having and profecting GREAT sex with men who had a .001% chance of being my husband, I was wasting time and keeping connections with people I didnt need in my life.”

          Amen! I couldn’t have said this any better myself.

        • http://www.myspace.com/womannaofgod utc115

          Thank you girl! you said it PERFECTLY for me.
          AMEN AMEN AMEN……….

          • http://abcdealexus.blogspot.com/ Abcde A-Lexus

            I try. Its hard out her for an abstinent pimp. LOL!

            • miss t-lee

              ^^^^^^
              I need that on a shirt, for real.
              RIGHT NOW!!! :)

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              “Its hard out her for an abstinent pimp. LOL!”

              definitely a future t-shirt

              • http://abcdealexus.blogspot.com/ Abcde A-Lexus

                @ Champ…Can I be first in line to wear it? And since its promoting Abstinence it can only be sold in sized XXL and up, so as not to entice the non-abstinent folks. So no baby tees or tanks. LOL!

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

                “@ Champ…Can I be first in line to wear it? And since its promoting Abstinence it can only be sold in sized XXL and up, so as not to entice the non-abstinent folks. So no baby tees or tanks. LOL!”

                lol…good idea

              • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

                and they need to have long sleeves and turtle necks!!

              • http://www.myspace.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

                and be lime green with HOT pink writting…its harsh on the eyes!

              • http://www.myspace.com/womannaofgod utc115

                NOT TURTLE NECKS. no I know I cant fit a baby tee but I loved screened tees and tank tops. they have our size but you will have to sell them for more.

        • soulfirelp

          Yes, Yes…Say it

          pass the offering plate…

  • aja

    Very insightful..

    and I hope more brothas will read NUMBER 2

    Thats some truth right there..lol

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      and I hope more brothas will read NUMBER 2

      you can sped that process up, lol. we don’t mind if you forward our entries to your people :)

      • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

        “www.verysmartbrothas.com” is on my text signature right now!

        great post by the way…

  • Monnie

    “being early for the date, and softly kissing her when you see her, pulling her close enough so that she can tell you’re wearing her favorite cologne, but not so close that she can feel your lil general “standing at attention”? leaky faucet
    opening your car door for her. gently guiding her in with your hand slightly beneath the small of her back? brazilian rain forest”

    Word.

    LOL. You went from being like Mike to like Ike.

    • miss t-lee

      LOL. You went from being like Mike to like Ike.

      I noticed that as well.
      Hilarious.

  • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

    “athough you shouldn’t be held captive to some non-trusting mate’s emotional whims, be considerate. if you ask yourself “honestly, is he justified in thinking that i’m unfaithful?” and the answer is “yes“, and you do want the relationship to continue, then stop being an inconsiderate asshole. it’s really not rocket surgery, seriously”

    This rings true with me. As I don’t want my mate to feel threatened, I expect the same. It’s alright to know that you’re lady got it going on because of the reactions she gets, but there’s no need to feed into it and get all wreckless. That’s just basic respect.

    Some folks do lack that though.

    • ForReal

      I agree wholeheartedly. The problem is when you come across guys with unreasonable expectations. I’m not a dcotor and i’m not on call 24/7…if I miss your call and call you back 15 minutes later, i’m not just finishing up fucking someone, i just missed your damn call!
      Sorry, perosnal ish coming through. Nothing is worse than a crazy dude dressed in regular dudes clothing.

      • V Renee

        “Nothing is worse than a crazy dude dressed in regular dudes clothing.”

        LOVE this quote!

        • ForReal

          Thanks! And I found it out the hard way

        • Gemini

          Ain’t that the truth! Can I please get this on a t-shirt? Haha!

  • http://www.myspace.com/soulfirelp soulfirelp

    yes I give u plenty of daps Champ!

    I have experienced the “stop f*#kin” syndrome..
    and I will be honest..IT DROVE ME CRAZY! I would ask him if everything was aight and he would reply yeah…BUT…as Jill Scott said, “the coochee was easy” and this dug wasn’t takin advantage. We went from errday to maybe once a week. Now in my situation the fool was cheatin…dayum it hurt.

    so how does a woman avoid cheatin?
    I keep my appearance up, romantic as hell, shoot i hold it down…now what?

    • http://www.myspace.com/allaboutcharacter Monnie

      I remember a conversation similar to this matter. If I remember correctly, the general consensus was that the reason the man was cheating usually had nothing to do with the woman they were cheating on…

      • http://www.myspace.com/soulfirelp soulfirelp

        ooh you know what , i’ve heard the same thing before. it’s still crazy to me though. It’s like no matter how good of a woman you are, a nigga can still decide to go and cheat w/ some chickenhead…WTF?!

      • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor Miss Patterson

        “the reason the man was cheating usually had nothing to do with the woman they were cheating on…”

        this is true. very true. a cheater is a cheater. the one time i was cheated on (that i’m absolutely sure of) was by a man who still cheats to this day. he’s also married (go figure) and in the midst of divorce #1. karma is a biotch!!! but seriously, although a woman can help put the keys in the ignition sometimes there are just men (& women) out there that don’t subscribe to monogamy. cheaters suck.

    • Raqi

      “now what?”

      That’s it. There is only so much an individual can do. If a person is prone to cheating they will do it no matter how good you are giving it to them. A cheat is a cheat is cheat.

      My grandmother used to say “keep his belly full and his prostate empty”. Words to live by however…

      A cheat is a cheat is a cheat.

      • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor Miss Patterson

        did your grandmother really say that? if so, she’s awesome.

        • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

          you ain’t never heard that? I have always heard it from my NanaB…she would tell me “lil red…keep his stomach full and his nut sack empty”… it always made me uncomfortable…and she would laugh so hard I could see all the gold teeth in her dentures…I swear old country people are the BANGINEST!

          • ForReal

            *I swear old country people are the BANGINEST*
            They really are. You will never hear more gangsta/true ish than from old country women.

            • miss t-lee

              This totally sounds like something my grandma would say.
              My MawMaw has some sayings fo’ yo’ azz.
              She says the ish anywhere too, even in church. She don’t care about “nann folks”. lol

            • Gemini

              So true! Because I know my grandma always keeps it real….lol!

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            “lil red…keep his stomach full and his nut sack empty”

            see, you didnt know this, but your grandma was actually the first inhibitant of our vsb corner

            • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

              so it’s genetic? SWEET!

      • gigi

        “A cheat is a cheat is a cheat.”

        Truer words were never spoken, and add to that monogamy isn’t natural.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          “Truer words were never spoken, and add to that monogamy isn’t natural.”

          i differ (and refuse to beg) with this statement

          • gigi

            You can differ, and I’ll respect that.

            Monogamy is a behavioral choice that is incompatible with biology.

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              “Monogamy is a behavioral choice that is incompatible with biology.”

              i dont disagree with the first half of this statement

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

                lol…damn. when did i start using lawyer-speak?

              • D*Boy- D*Stroy

                “i dont disagree with this statement, but i do feel that it by itself is dangerous because it lacks context and implies that we shouldn’t be held accountable for our actions”

                This could be the smartest statement of the day.

              • gigi

                Which part do you disagree with?

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              the part about it being incompatible with our biology. i’m gonna address this topic more fully another day (read: “i cant make the point i want to make in under 500 words”)

      • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

        “You don’t even walk around you creap!” Luther was killin em haha lol

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “so how does a woman avoid cheatin?”

      stop dating.

      this is the only sure-fire way. you can do stuff to insure that you dont push the person out the door, but, if a person truly wants to cheat, theres nothing you can do to stop them

      • soulfirelp

        “stop dating”

        uugghhh, but i don’t wanna

      • Maasai girl

        What can a woman do? Just one of those things us girls have to live with. We always have to be responsible for every damn thing, Keep the relationship, keep your man and if he cheats it’s your fault. Now if you’re goodies weren’t locked up in Azakaban (and no that does not denote my age, I just love reading) or buried by the Hades then it sure as hell aint your fault. Just means that there was some deficiency in DNA transcription.

    • ForReal

      Everybody is right Soulfirelp. The only control you have is over the man you choose to date and what you choose to do when you start dating him. Once you’ve tried to choose wisely and handled your business in everything else, there is nothing more you can do.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “Once you’ve tried to choose wisely and handled your business in everything else, there is nothing more you can do.”

        yeah. the best way to prevent cheating is to make sure the person you enter the relationship with has character.

      • soulfirelp

        well said ForReal and Champ

        im making more of an effort w/ this now. im trying to be extremely selective w/who I allow in my life. No one is perfect, but Champ you sd it, I have to right to choose someone with good character..

        (exhalin)..i need a VSB hug

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          “(exhalin)..i need a VSB hug”

          *giving soulfire a vsb hug and shit*

  • http://www.myspace.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

    since we already have a black man running for president and if we were to have a black VP on the ticket it would most likely decrease the chance of the black man running for president to get elected I say

    CHAMP FOR SECRETARY OF STATE!!!

    In other words- u da man!!!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      CHAMP FOR SECRETARY OF STATE!!!

      lol…thanks for the suggestion, but i dont think i’d want the fbi looking into my finances (assuming they havent already). i’d hate having to explain away my thousands of sources of zero income, lol

      • http://www.myspace.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

        “thousands of sources of zero income”~ thousands? really

        you have me wondering

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          oh yes…i find a new way to get zero income almost every day, lol

          • http://www.myspace.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

            now that I think of it so do I… so much to do and so little time. UGH ***sigh***

  • http://abelleinbrooklyn.blogspot.com FulaniGirl

    People cheat because at the end of the day, they want to. I have yet to hear of someone who was forced/pushed to cheat.

    • http://www.myspace.com/womannaofgod utc115

      so when a woman or man is punished for something that was done (with holding sex) is that not being FORCED to cheat……………he/she wont give it to you and you are a dog in heat what are we to do?

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        he/she wont give it to you and you are a dog in heat what are we to do?

        leave.

        • ForReal

          *Standing and slow clapping for Champ*

    • puff

      number 2, at the very least, is plenty reason to cheat. it also nearly made me pee my pants, but that’s another matter. “brazilian rainforest” *dying*

    • Leila

      I disagree. I don’t think anyone can force you to cheat, but like Champ said they can push you that way. One of my girls would only have sex with her husband like 2 or 3 times a year and this went on for a few yrs. She got so involved with the kids that she neglected her husband. He tried talking to her but she wouldn’t listen. He ended up cheating. I’m not saying what he did was right, but when you ignore your partner’s needs, they might feel like they have no other option. He apologized like crazy and they worked through it, but I can see how he felt like he had no other choice.

      • ForReal

        Frankly, your friend owes her husband an apology too. You don’t get to ignore your partners needs in a relationship where you’ve signed on for life.

        • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

          I agree…I am from the school of thought that you don’t EVER get to ignore your partner’s needs…married or otherwise…if you have committed to someone…you have committed…don’t cheat…leave…and don’t let your control issues (and inability to effectively communicate) manifest themselves into the bullshit formerly known as holding out! it starts more trouble than it solves…damn!

          • Raqi

            Just recently the hubby and I got into a bit of a heated tiff and this was right at the start of a Sex Everyday for Six Consecutive Months pact. I tell ya that man had me mad as hayo but my commitment trumped all. And my word is my bond along with at the end of day I could somewhat see his side of things.

            So yeah committed relationships carries much responsibility.

            • soulfirelp

              “my commitment trumped all…So yeah committed relationships carries much responsibility.”

              you give me hope Raqi…gone girl

        • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

          Spit that!

          *Kingdom Hall*

          • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

            ***dead @ Kingdom Hall***

            • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

              Sure now you wanna die now. I was ready to jump in a grave on a casket when you said you was sizzling on the floor a lil while back.

              • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

                nobody replied to it…so I thought it slid under the radar…lol…thanks for letting me know you’re watching me… ;)

    • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

      FulaniGirl, this is gospel. Although, as Champ pointed out, you may do things to put the keys in the ignition, one still possess ALL the power and responsibility to actually do it.

      A lot of folks don’t realize also that the desire to cheat may have existed in the person for a LONG time and they’re just looking for a lame excuse to move foward with it.

  • http://www.sonicstorm.com Anechoic

    Why do you have to call out Wendy’s like that? The power those fries have on a relationship can be used for good you know.

    I gotta agree with FulaniGirl – those foul acts you describe can certainly accelerate a breakup (speaking from personal experience), but anyone who cheats because of those reasons was already looking for any excuse.

    BTW, why would anyone willingly be the other man/woman? I never understood that – if someone is willing to cheat on their significant other, they’re probably gonna cheat on you when the next good thing comes along. On the other hand, I know of a couple of marriages that started out as affairs, so maybe I’m wrong.

    fries can acta

    • http://www.myspace.com/allaboutcharacter Monnie

      “BTW, why would anyone willingly be the other man/woman? ”

      Some reasons that women decide to be the other women (as read/heard from these women)
      -some feel that if the wife was doing her job, her man wouldn’t be slipping in her mo’ bippy (yea! I got to use the phrase)

      - some just want a man so bad that they are willing to be second fiddle (bump the fact that they totally disregarding the sanctity of marriage)

      -I have heard some women say that they like married men because they could have the male benefits without the responsibility (this is also one of the main reasons that men decided to the be the other man. )

    • Leila

      “why would anyone willingly be the other man/woman?”

      I’ve wondered the same thing. I would never get involved with a married man just out of respect for marriage and I wouldn’t want anyone to do that to me (karma). I’ve talked to a few women who’ve been involved with married men and they feel like the marriage doesn’t mean anything to the guy if he’s cheating on their wife and some are delusional and think that the man will leave their wife for them (I’ve never seen this happen). I’ve also talked to some guys and they really could care less if they’re involved with a married woman. They’re in it for sex and see it as a win-win situation because they get the sex without a relationship.

      • soulfirelp

        i’ve met women who claim to love being with married men b/c it “frees” them up from actual relationship ties. they get wined&dined, money and great sex and then send the guy home back to his wife. I say WTF…i’ma believer in karma also. that’s too scandalous of a life for me to lead

        • http://www.myspace.com/bbgirl180 Tay

          I agree. I can’t mess around with married guys… seems like it would bring too much drama and a lot of other stuff I don’t need in my life.

          Besides karma is a b*tch!

      • ForReal

        I don’t think cheating being the ‘other’ is right, for a variety of reasons, but I’m also of the opinion that ain’t every marriage sanctified.

    • miss t-lee

      BTW, why would anyone willingly be the other man/woman?

      Some people just don’t care. They will settle for a piece of a person doled out to them at very small intervals.

    • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

      “why would anyone willingly be the other man/woman”

      pussy with minimum responsibility

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      Why do you have to call out Wendy’s like that? The power those fries have on a relationship can be used for good you know.

      lol…yeah, i know, thats why i mentioned them

    • shay

      I have been the other woman knowingly and unknowingly (to keep it funky, i was the love child of a “other woman,” so i was born with zero respect or even concept for marriage) and at when i first found out in the knowing situation it made my skin crawl but i liked him so much it was hard to let go.
      i came out and talked to him about it and he basically told me that they were “going through problems,” and she knowingly pushes him away; im not the first time he cheated and i wont be the last. when she found out the first time she begged for him to stay but she is still not nurturing the relationship so nothing has changed for him. of course we would both deny the affair and they are not separating anytime soon. My dad is STILL with his wife so i know they never leave them. but he is just as much a fling to me as i am to him. when it ends, itll be over and i dont see myself falling in love (god forbid) or anything like that so i just rock on having a good time with him until things end.
      as far as karma, which i actually do believe in, i have been having shitty relationships long before i started seeing a married man, so i think it would be pointless to blame it on him and this affair.
      at the end of the day its a fucked up situation, but i dont feel bad for her at all because if you are in a relationship and choose not to nurture it, you are putting the key in the ignition.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “but i dont feel bad for her at all because if you are in a relationship and choose not to nurture it, you are putting the key in the ignition”

        so if you were seeing a guy you were in love with and he happened to step out once or twice or twenty times, you wouldnt have any problem with it?

        • shay

          if by “step out” you mean cheat and by “in love with” you mean committed to, i would have a problem with it if i was giving him what he needed in the relationship. if he bought a house for us to live in, takes care of myself and our son, loved me took care of me and just needed me to “take care of him” (and by take care of him i mean suck him off like a champ) even after those long days at work, make some dinner and have a seat, i’m not gonna throw my masters degree and 6-figure salary in his face, ima get on my knees cause im that type of girl.
          if im superwoman and he stil feels the need to cheat, theres no reason for me to stick around because i cant please him, and i believe that life is about self-satisfaction and you have to do what you gotta do (within reasonable limits) to maintain that. thats just me.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            “i believe that life is about self-satisfaction and you have to do what you gotta do (within reasonable limits) to maintain that.”

            hmmm. doesn’t that contradict this…

            “…i would have a problem with it…”

            i guess what i’m trying to say is, if life is all about “doing you”, how can you get upset about someone else “doing him”?

            • shay

              well i thought i was making a condition by saying “within reasonable limits” and such. for me, i feel like to get into a committed relationship, you do what they need you to do to make them happy and vice versa. once you decide to quit making them happy, or what you do isnt enough to make them happy, cheating sometimes happens and at that point i would blame myself for coming up short. thats just me and how i do mine.

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

                ok.

          • ForReal

            *ima get on my knees cause im that type of girl.*

            A t-shirt if I ever saw one. wouldn’t wear it everywhere though ;-)

            • shay

              i had a feeling that one would catch on, lol

    • ForReal

      As a rule, i take issue with people saying ‘always’ and ‘never’, and when it comes to cheating men, people get real comfortable saying they ‘never’ leave. And the good people of vsb are no exception.

      it’s just not true. It’s not the norm, but it happens. Now, are they a good relationship candidate after that? Lots of folks will say hell no, but that doesnt mean these negroes don’t exist.

      It’s like telling a kid they’ll never make it to the NBA. Are their chances good? no. Should they bank on it? no. But somebody’s asses were playing in the championship a couple months ago. Just sayin.