I do not think that I’m Big Meech.
Or Larry Hoover.
In fact, I’m pretty sure that Rick Ross doesn’t either. I get the impression that deep down, Rick Ross is kind of a p*ssy. I have nothing firm to base this on, but he reminds me of the same big talk cats I used to know in some of my less than stellar stomping grounds who would b*tch up at the most times. He just has way better rhyming skills and has a great ear for beats.
But yes, the odd fears of the gangsta. In the past few weeks I’ve come across some individuals who would easily fit the profile of “a little more hood than the average cat” (namely through their actual known convictions) who had the MOST irrational fears I’ve heard of. Not only that, but then…you know what…why give away the story up front. Here are a list of odd fears of a gangsta…
1) Thunderstorms
I wish I was lying, but my Dominos delivery man looks like he just got out prison…the day before every day he’s ever delivered my pizza. Dayquan is a cool dude and all but let’s just say I meet him far away from my front door to get my food. Anyway, one day a few weeks ago, I haphazardly ordered a pizza and then the sky dropped. I mean thunder lightning and women in stilettos. It was bananas. But here comes Dayquan in his tricked out Dodge Magnum. Except instead of getting out of his car, he beckoned me over…into the rain. I go to his car, visibly mad that the delivery man didn’t deliver my sh*t, and he’s like, “yo dog, I don’t do thunderstorms man. Like, you see what they do to trees?? What they gonna do to me, man?? I don’t have no thunder, dog.” By the way, he forgot my Sprite. Oh, and I didn’t make up any part of that story aside from the name. Yeah, this dude is scared of thunderstorms.
2) Heights
I known a lot of people are scared of heights. But thugs aren’t scared of jail where the opportunity for being gangraped by 12 cholos and 3 guys named ‘Toine is nearly imminent. Yet, I know dudes who have committed armed robberies and possible “other” felonies who straight up do.not.f*ck.with.heights. Like, keep me away from the edge of this two story building because I don’t want to die from falling off this lowscraper.
3) Mice
I don’t like mice either, but I’ve definitely murdered my fair share of Mickey’s cousins. I do not like mice in my space. Well, I have a cousin in ATL who had quite the rep in a recently departed housing project that was commonly shouted out by ATL thugs on the Westside. And this dude did NOT do mice under any circumstance. He was a hop on the chair kind of dude. And I’ve seen it happen. Big Black Af from building 422…no problem. Tiny little fieldmouse from Bolton Road? B*tchmade.
4) Cats
Gangstas and thugs are conspiracy theorists by nature. Except their conspiracies aren’t always of the intellectual variety. Sometimes they theorize about sh*t like why cats are the devil spawn and how society is really going to come to a downfall because a cat will end up as the head of the Illuminati and Jay-Z will take his orders directly from him. Or her, because nobody’s really sure if cats are male or female despite the obvious ability to, ya know, check. I’ve had a dude tell me that cats were the original racists. And for that reason, he never really trusted cats, people with cats, and could never root for a college who had a cat mascot.
5) Marionettes/Ventriloquist Dummies
The first time the word marrionette gets mentioned on this site and its attached to gangstas. Amazing what we do here. Hell, when was the last time you heard the word marionette? I happened upon a convo in my old apartment complex in ATL between a guy who would eventually be placed on the GBI’s 10 Most Wanted List and one of his homeys and these ninjas were debating about marionettes. Lil’ Murder? He was seriously shook about them. Something about the strings. Once again, I’m not making this up. I added ventriliquist dummies because they weird me out and cuz, baby, well I’m a thug.
Anyway, Monday morning masses, are you aware of any irrational and odd fears that gangstas tend to have? By the way ladies, its midnight…
…do you know where your ovaries are?
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka VITAMIN P aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3
ohhhhh snap!
@b.Collins – do you have the power or something?
Well…I’m the first person to read the whole post.
lol
LMFAO @ the tags. Honestly, I think I’m big meech sometimes…why do you think I be in b-more every other weekend? *looks around*
On the real, I think fear of mice is a big one. I have no idea, but I think it has something to do with the bubonic plague.
I have irrational fears of my own though, I think they are normal. I won’t tell you these fears lest you try to use this against me.
Peace and Love
Naima
Also, thunderstorms are NOT an irrational fear. I almost got killed in a storm today because of people who don’t know how to drive on the effin’ highway….and the bad construction on 495 *cries* and those damn trucks who flash their lights at you when you are going the speed limit. And ridiculously loud thunder and harsh winds and scary lightening. Summer storms are the TRUTH…seeing all the wreckage go across the highway….I think I’m gonna suffer PTSD from these summer storms.
Maybe your Pizza man just went through some serious ish during a storm. That stuff can mess a gangsta up…take it from me.
@TheTalentedMs.Fiasco – i dont care what he went thru, he shouldn’t be sharing such gayness with me whilst non-delivering MY pizza.
@panama jackson
@TheTalentedMs.Fiasco – i dont care what he went thru, he shouldn’t be sharing such gayness with me whilst non-delivering MY pizza.
i think you might have him pegged wrong, nothing about this scenario said he was gangsta.
i dont know many gangsta pizza delivery guys.
maybe he was a hood or ghetto delivery guy, but definitely not “gangsta”
I don’t do storms either. I don’t really care about thunder or the rain or wind and whatnot, but let me see some lightning and I’m haulin ass to the nearest building until that ish has completely passed. I’m not about to be taken out by Mother Nature like those walking lightning rods with 30 piercings and their iPod on.
I read the post, I promise, I just couldn’t get pass the “I Hate Rick Ross” fan club letterhead. I love him. Shameful, but true. And I was just starting to like you again PJ…
I do however concur w/ cats being up to no effing good ever and they have the worst attitudes.
I’d like to add two items to the list: 1)open water/swimming pools to the list. Cracks me up when a big ass thug dude is afraid of water and can’t swim. Even better when they hold their noses to put their faces in the water. U gotta be kidding. 2) little dogs. i was walking my little guy and he apparently had an issue w/ some big dude walking by-the kind of guy that would make women clutch their bags and cross the street. My dog barked at him and this dude jumped higher than my dog does when i hold treats in the air as his “trick.” I laughed IN the guy’s face.
@B.Collins – i actually like Rick Ross. dude is good rapper. but he’s on that BS talking about being Big Meech or even Larry Hoover. though i guess if you aspire to prison, you couldn’t have better role models.
“are you aware of any irrational and odd fears that gangstas tend to have? ”
A rich white neighborhood.
@ santa monica: LMAO!
I think twice about going out when their is lightning present. I’m tall and alot of tall people are hesitant of thunderstorms. Funny thing is I teach electronics and work with high voltage all the time.
*chokes on laughter*
Good Morning Cheekie! Fun Weekend?
All kinds of fun. I was on a mothereffin boat. No flippy floppies, tho.
That is an entirely RATIONAL fear, santa monica. WPs in assembly anywhere is, in fact.
My ovaries?? Well, I hope they’re where I left them…. *Self Note: check on ovaries*
I once knew a thug afraid of baby dolls. Something about chilldhood nights at his grandma’s house. *shrug*
To see him be so shook- it was funny, sad & strange at the same time.
I know exactly where my ovaries are mister. Thank you very much! *snickering* Seriously though, I don’t know how to answer this post since I don’t know any real gangstas, kinda like Rick Ross.
I share two of the listed fears.
Can I guess?
I’d say height cause most black people are afraid of heights and Marionettes/Ventriloquist Dummies jsut cause it makes sense.
Heights is one. Mice/Rats are the other. Mostly rats. I have killed a few mice with my bare hands so do not make my heart pump any slushy.
@Dash – does that mean you’re a gangsta?
Dash is very much a gangster. I am a member of The Gangster Disciples because of my birthday is The Fourth of July. I was born on the 7 and the 4, and thus have automatic membership. *Throws up pitch fork*
@Dash – i think this definitely qualfies as internet thuggery and bangology.
um…Larry Hoover??
I prefer the term goon.
my overies??? um.. hopefully still doin what they been doin and supposed to be doin..
funny thing about fears..they aren’t rational..and yet we all still have them. mine is water (and yes, i shower on a daily and brush my teeth), but more specifically large bodies of water (lakes, oceans) mostly cuz i cant swim, so i know if i should fall into one..my a$$ is dead. and i’m allowed to fear death right? driving on bridges over water gives me the heebie jeebies every time. (i really just wanted to use heebie jeebies).
good afternoon, good evening and good night!
Bridges over water that are going through construction give me a straight panic attack. I was driving earlier this week and the bridge going to dc over the potomac (there are a lot of bridges I know, but I don’t pay attention to names…I think it was the Memorial Bridge?) was going through some construction and they made the lanes smaller.
I just about lost it. I’m the kind of person that says “oh my god, oh my god, oh my god” and screams in my car (when i’m alone) when things like this happen. Maybe I shouldn’t be driving?
I’m gonna go ahead and agree with you and say you shouldnt be driving. With yo ole danger to road self
“…was going through some construction and they made the lanes smaller.”
Nerd moment:
The American Association of State Highway and Transportation Officials (AASHTO) has done studies and determined that people slow down when there is a barricade or wall next to the travel lane or when the lane width is reduced from the standard 12-foot lane to an 11-foot or 10-foot lane. Sometimes this is done intentionally to get you to slow down (of course, sometimes they just need the space for construction).
shoutout for nerds!!! are you an engineer? im an urban planner. HAI!
Yep, Civil Engineer in Houston. Where you at?
**Submitting my request to be included in the nerdy engineer thread.**
Lol I’m a CE in ATL working on cross sections right know.
I’m currently working on modifications to the elephant exhibit at the Houston Zoo…putting in a demonstration area, pool, and sewage treatment plant for the elephants. Gotta love it!
palm beach county fl. im actually on the implementation side of urban planning which many planners dont get to do. w00!
I can’t swin either and I live in San Diego now…home of the beach scene. I always joke that I’m gonna be the only mutha on the shore with a life jacket. Safety first!
I hate mice with a passion. Not afraid of them, just don’t like ‘em.
I am certified afraid of clowns. Something about a man (why are most clowns men anyway) in make up who chooses to dress that way and refrain from speaking that makes me think Jesus is coming and the devil is not a lie all at the same time. Hate ‘em
@kb,
being afraid of large bodies of water when you can’t swim is very rational.
whats irrational? being able to swim (a varsity swimmer in fact) and afraid of drowning. *raises hand* thatd be me.
@Keisha
“funny thing about fears..they aren’t rational..and yet we all still have them. ”
Well, some are. Like your fear of death. Perfectly rational.
My fear of bumblebees? Perfectly irrational. Even if my fear stemmed from being dropped on my head as a baby because my mother is irrationally afraid of bumblebees and ran screaming once… (Which, yes I suspect might have happened…) Not rational. Learned.
Yes, I am a gangsta. I’m from Watts. ‘Nough said.
(Throwing up the peace and thumbs up signs.)
Other irrational gangsta fears and isms…
Potato bugs. My dad grew up in Watts and is very much the quintessential thug CEO twice over. He jumps and jitters and goes all squeamish, eyes closed at the sight of those bad boys.
Last, not fears but things you don’t expect from gangstas, somehow:
1) High-pitched voice;
2) Vegan, vegetarian, pescatarian, or anything not bloody eating-like;
3) Starbucks activity of any kind not involving a stick-up.
I know the starr of a gang, we’ll call him P., who doesn’t do lightning, statues, or eyes.
BTW, this post reminded me of the scene from Under the Cherry Moon where Prince goes “I ain’t afraid of sh*t!” and Jerome’s like “Are you afraid of bats?” and they look up and see bats and everybody runs out of the restaurant screaming. I’m actually kind of curious to know if anyone else knows what the hell I’m talking about.
I’ve seen Under The Cherry Moon, but it was so long ago I honestly don’t remember this scene…lol
Statues ok… but eyes P…. EYES? lol
Eyeballs gross me out yo. I don’t wear contacts because I don’t want to touch my eyes and mess my vision up any more than it already is.
I started out like this…didn’t want anything coming anywhere near my eyes. It took a long time before I was finally able to go through with putting a contact on my eye. Once I did, that improved my comfort level to where ultimately I let someone cut on my eyes (LASIK).
Oh you mean stuff going INTO your eyes *slaps forehead* I get it now…
Eyeballs are gross. In one episode of Grey’s anatomy they had to stab a patient in the eye to relieve the pressure on the brain. Ughhhhh!!! I grabbed the remote and changed channels so fast. Ewww
I do wear contacts though. Go figure!!
@P – how you gonna be afraid of in inanimate object?
I don’t f*cks with larger-than-life faces and stuff. I blame it on a trip to Boston I took when I was like four and we saw some church or something that had a huge bust of Dr. King in the ground. My dad stood me next to it and this man’s head was like twice the size of me and I’ve been f*cked up ever since.
*Ahem…* (first time commenting)
Every single thug I know (that I’ve actually seen their gun and whatnot) is scared of flying. A group of friends and I wanted to go to Vegas, and KDub said he was going to drive from Atlanta. And, he was serious. I was perplexed. His reasoning, “Planes be crashing and s**t…”
Wow. That was deep.
@MsVivienne – welcome and sh*t.
i remember reading a story a long time ago about how Fat Joe refused to fly on planes after 9/11. if he couldn’t get there by bus, he wasn’t going.
John Madden had a similar plight, not sure how gansta he is though.
Aretha Franklin doesn’t fly either….and her hat game alone and daring her spaghetti strap tops to let go makes her gangsta ‘den a mutha’…
Wasn’t that supposed to accompanied with glitter or bubbles or wedding rice or something? I was prepared for my glitter, bubbles, or wedding rice…
I hate flying too, and if I had more time, I wouldn’t do it. It’s pretty unsettling to know that if something not under your control goes wrong, then you’re 30,000 feet above the ground and there’s nothing you can do.
@P – that’s actually why im comfortable flying. it’s the one place where control issues have no bearing. if the plane is going down, you’re f*cked. period. i can appreciate the black-and-whiteness of it.
control issues are for mofos who like living in grey areas.
I know that this reply is late, but your feelings toward flying are exactly why I enjoy skydiving. I like the view and the feel of being free AND I know if something goes wrong, I’m done (no intense lingering pain, just death). So, I may as well enjoy it!
I’ve never understood that logic like cars don’t crash (and way more frequently) I have an LS that only does road trips. Smh
I think that’s what gets me…cars crash everyday. And you have control over it sometimes, and you crash anyway. I also notice guys (not necessarily thugs) who can swim but refuse to go on cruises.
Initially I thought ordering from Dominos was weird, but now “Under the Cherry Moon” has been mentioned so all seems right w/ the world… WTF??!! LOL!
Love the pic, that cat is running SOMETHING!
The only fear I can come up w/ is “feelings”, but I can’t confirm it & am probably basing it on one too many movies…
@Cali – whats wrong with ordering from Dominos???
Domino’s-that ish is not great
Thugs in the army say they aren’t scared of anything but the ones that I know are all afraid of bugs. ANY kind of bugs. mosquitos, ants, spiders. i saw one try to shoot a spider *crickets chirp* yes shoot a spider,
Good Morning.
@sixfootdiva -welcome and sh*t
i actually like their pizza. and its right by my house. plus, i get thugged out delivery dudes who are afraid of thunderstorms and platypus’s delivering my pizza instead of iranian expats who used to be nuclear physicists in their home country.
“whats wrong with ordering from Dominos???”
Because that’s the worst pizza evah. Ok, not evah…but it’s pretty dayum bad. Says the pizza snob from the Chi with really high standards.
I haven’t tasted the new (allegedly improved) pizza yet. I refuse to pay for it and make myself the guinea pig tho. I’m gonna mooch of someone else’s.
“Says the pizza snob from the Chi with really high standards.”
Uh no… I’m from Atlanta and I think their pizza is hot garbage. Haven’t tasted the new recipe either, but I can’t say I’m really interested.
lol I just put that disclaimer there because a LOT of folks from outside here actually dig their pizza. I don’t e’en get it. *shrug*
@Cheekie,
Who in Chi has the best deep dish? As a tourist, of course it was on my to do list, and went to Gino’s East. I was um.. disappointed to say the least (no shots fired). Anywhere else I should try on my next trip? (which im hoping is this fall).
@Keisha
“Who in Chi has the best deep dish?” O_O pause… thanks! #asyouwere
@Yeah..So..
we talkimbout pizza! lol.
not the game, we talkimbout practice! oops. had an AI moment.
Hmm…um, as a southsider, I gotta say Milano’s out by me. But Giardano’s (a chain) is pretty decent too.
And yeah, Gino’s east is a FAIL, IMO. I’ve only been there once.
And next time you come, I gotta make sure to meet you in person.
Lou Malnati’s is that deal. Thin crust no deep dish.
@Cheekie
Of course!! I’d love to come for thanksgiving weekend (shopppinnnnggg!!). but we’ll see.
the new dominoes pizza is pretty good.
im a fan of the american legends pizza line though..those are delicious
and dominoes has the fi! sides
Yeah, now their sides, I fux with. But, they got some stupid rule where they won’t deliver unless you order at least one pizza. WTF, what if I brought 50 dollars worth of sides, you’d be like, “sorry, gotta get a 5 dollar pizza or no deal”
Dominos sucks a$$.
It’s cardboardish, but you’re right – you do get the interesting delivery dudes, so its kinda worth it. I’ve always preferred Round Table myself… or greazy-a** Pizza Hut but there aren’t many around here anymore (Oakland)…