Cardi B’s New Mixtape…Isn’t As Bad As You Thought It Would Be (It’s Actually…Good) » VSB

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Cardi B’s New Mixtape…Isn’t As Bad As You Thought It Would Be (It’s Actually…Good)

KSR Group

 

I think it’s fair to say that my appreciation for consumption of entertainment of the avian element is quite well documented. My favorite celebrity couple is Cam’ron and Juju. Close second? Remy and Papoose. I have been known to hit the chickenhead and the toe-wop in the club in this year of our Lord, 2016. I send semi-monthly requests to Spotify to make “Suck it Or Not” available to stream. When I ultimately meet my Maker, I plan on requesting that my friends and family Milly Rock to “Melodies from Heaven” mixed over “Crush on You” at my wake.

All of that said, every woman has a line. And until March 7th, 2016, I was under the impression that my line was listening to mixtapes from Instagram celebrities. Until Cardi B, Highbridge pioneer, proved me wrong.

Gangsta Bitch Music Vol. 1 kind of slaps, you guys.

I’m not saying this hyperbolically, either. For one, she certainly has more bars on the album than the Life of Pablo. Which to be fair is absolutely not saying much as there are entire stretches of that album where Ye barely even gets 16 bars on a track. And it certainly gets a strong assist from the production*: “On Fleek,” “Washpopping,” and “Foreva” all have just enough bass in them to provide energy to any girl crew’s “getting ready before the club” session, the latter being an obvious rework of Plies’ “Ran off On Da Plug.”

For two, you can never underrate Cardi B’s innate understanding of the medium she flourishes in; namely, Snapchat and Instagram, concise video platforms that pretty much on allow you to squeeze in one or two witty lines within their time constraints. And the bulk of her songs make sure that she has at least one quotable to pair with the new dog-face filter that everyone seems to be so keen on. On “Washpoppin”: “ Real niggas fuck with me, the bad bitches fuck with me/ so if you don’t, it’s probably cuz you broke or you ugly.” “Lit Thot” – “If you ain’t talking ‘bout money, then I’m pitching nothing but curves.” You could tell me that those quotables aren’t better than “if I fucked a model and she just bleached her asshole” but you’d be lying. (Editor’s Note: This isn’t a very high bar you’re setting here.) No one’s lip-syncing to that on IG. And if they are, then you need to run far in the other direction because that person has a cocaine problem.

I’d be remiss to not acknowledge where Cardi B’s artistic endeavors could use some growth. And what I will say is that this mixtape is missing a few features to take it over the top. “Foreva” is a Remy Ma verse away from being the petty anthem of every chick who still has “Stillettoes (Pumps)” in their workout playlist (see: me). If “Trick” had a Trina assist, it would be the “10 Crack Commandments” of hoeing. (Although if Cardi wanted to keep her coins in the Mona Scott empire, MariahLynn could work in a pinch.**)

If nothing else, this mixtape shows us that Cardi B is a woman of many layers. She covers a wide swath of topics — scamming, loyalty, resilience, safe sex, physical abuse, pride, bravado, self-confidence, authenticity, and independence in 13 tracks — all while making sure its over a popping beat. Yeah, the four skits were overwrought and pushing it, but so what? Folks defend Lauryn Hill’s silly-as-hell skits on the Miseducation to this day. Cardi can do fake interviews if she wants. Cardi used a skit to shed light on domestic violence against strippers. Lauryn told us that grade school kids don’t know much more about love than to spell it.

It amazes me that on a season of Lust and Unpaid Studio Time in Harlem that featured one of my favorite female rappers ever, the music I enjoyed the most was from a former stripper whose music wasn’t even played on the show. We saw a wholly unnecessary and is-there-a-state-of-whelming-below-underwhelming-because-it-was-that performance from Bum Broads on Deck when I could have seen my Queen Cardi work at her craft! I blame DJ Self and his insistence on overloading his camera time with women whose names start with Y instead of playing “Foreva” on the radio like the streets needed. I hope Mona heeds my advice and lets us listen to Gangsta Bitch Vol 2 next season while shipping Self’s brown M&M doppelgänger face off to La Marina and away from the TV screen like we deserve.

*That said, whoever mixed this project should never work in music again. The vocal overlay is absolutely lacking, and I hope Vol 2 gets mixed and mastered by someone who hasn’t just been using Protools for 9 months

**Speaking of which – her two singles are bops as well. Money Gun is the jam.

Shamira Ibrahim

Shamira is a twentysomething New Yorker who likes all things Dipset. You can join her in waxing poetically about chicken, Cam'ron, and gentrification (gotta have some balance) under the influence of varying amounts of brown liquor at her semi-monthly blog, shamspam.tumblr.com

  • I can’t even joke like I’m not out here listening to Gangsta Boo

    I Gotta Hurt You »»»»»»»»

  • miss t-lee

    I’ve only heard bits and pieces of one track– “Foreva”.
    I’m good…lol

    • I’ll just pass on Cardi’s tracks. H*ll, I still haven’t listened to The Life of Pablo…#notgettingtidalforthat

      • DBoySlim

        I still haven’t listened to MC/HG.

        • miss t-lee

          You ain’t miss much.

          • DBoySlim

            I believe it. I mainly listen to unsigned or obscure artists. There are some jewels out here.

            • miss t-lee

              Indeed.

        • Brandon Allen

          Mediocre CD/Hot Garbage

          • Jennifer

            Bloop!

        • what is MC/HG?

          • Dee

            Magna Carta/Holy Grail

          • DBoySlim

            Magna Carta/ Holy Grail.

            • I didn’t bother listening to that either.

              • DBoySlim

                I always get stuck on Soundcloud, bandcamp and other sites. I forget about the major artists.

      • miss t-lee

        I wouldn’t listen to TLOP if it was riding shotgun in my car.

    • God Shammgod

      Trick slaps though!

      • miss t-lee

        Hmmmm. I might run it. Just for you Sham.

  • mssporadic

    Lit Thot, Foreva, and Cheap a$$ Weave are the jams. I can’t stand IG Karoake, so I’m surprised I like IG mixtapes. The older I get the more ratchet music I like. My 30s are dirty indeed!

  • PhlyyPhree

    Look.
    After seeing how Cardi B took down Peter ‘need to stop busting’ Gunz in that reunion clip?
    I decided that Cardi is not the hero America wants, but she’s definitely the one I need.
    I listened to her mixtape and that was my rating: it’s actually NOT bad. Actually, it’s pretty good!!!
    I’m not sure if it’s because I expect all music from reality show stars to be absolutely fucking horrid or if it’s because she might actually have some talent.
    I’m developing this theory (don’t steal it) that Cardi wears the mask and plays the game, but she’s really some uber intelligent champion of womens right to chexual freedom and sisterhood but she did what she had to do to get that check. And I’m not mad at her one little bit.

    • Trick is good.

    • miss t-lee

      “I decided that Cardi is not the hero America wants, but she’s definitely the one I need.”

      Yup.
      Cardi is that extra azz friend we all have, and I think that’s why I appreciate her so.

      • It is like only she can reach them.

        • Michelle Payne


          “my .friend’s mate Is getting 98$. HOURLY. on the internet.”….


          two days ago new Mc.Laren. F1 bought after earning 18,512$,,,this was my previous month’s paycheck ,and-a little over, 17k$ Last month ..3-5 h/r of work a days ..with extra open doors & weekly. paychecks.. it’s realy the easiest work I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months ago and now making over 87$, p/h.Learn. More right Here!oi1963????? http://GlobalSuperEmploymentVacanciesReportsMedia/GetPaid/98$hourly…. .?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:::::!oi1963…..

        • Mary Pass


          “my .friend’s mate Is getting 98$. HOURLY. on the internet.”….


          two days ago new Mc.Laren. F1 bought after earning 18,512$,,,this was my previous month’s paycheck ,and-a little over, 17k$ Last month ..3-5 h/r of work a days ..with extra open doors & weekly. paychecks.. it’s realy the easiest work I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months ago and now making over 87$, p/h.Learn. More right Here!oi1535????? http://GlobalSuperEmploymentVacanciesReportsMedia/GetPaid/98$hourly…. .?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:::::!oi1535…..

    • LadyIbaka

      She checked him proper! Loved that. His ratchet azz was silenced.

      • PhlyyPhree

        EVERYBODY was silent. Tara couldn’t say anything. Amina looked like she swallowed her buck teeth.
        I was like WELP!!!

        • I like the fact she mentioned ruining their “reputations”. In interviews it seems Peter Gunz thinks the fact Amina has 1 million instagram followers….makes everything else worth it. I don’t think it works like that.

          • Marc.J.H.

            A million followers? She does? She’s fine but not a million followers fine.

            • miss t-lee

              I follow her, it’s easy to see why she has a million followers, chick is a certified fool.

      • I was just so happy somebody finally SAID it. Out Loud.

    • I reallllly like her! I find her so down to earth. If that makes sense.

    • “I decided that Cardi is not the hero America wants, but she’s definitely the one I need.”

      So she’s a ratchet Wolverine.

      • PhlyyPhree

        Basically. And everyone loves Wolverine. Lol

      • Jaris Cole

        I thought Wolverine and ratchet were synonyms though :-P

  • ChokeOnThisTea

    I think Cardi B is highly inappropriate and it’s HILARIOUS. Nevertheless, I can’t fully subscribe to ol’ girl’s brand of feminism. I don’t agree with everything she told Peter, but she definitely had a right to defend herself given his record. Next time, ol’ boy should use his own moral compass instead of loaning it out to others.

    • LadyIbaka

      She a feminist?! I don’t even care. I’m here for her.

      • miss t-lee

        Very much so.

      • ChokeOnThisTea

        I think she is.

    • Quirlygirly

      “Next time, ol’ boy should use his own moral compass instead of loaning it out to others.”

      lol @ loaning out his moral compass..who ever he loaned it too forgot to give it back

    • Leggy

      I’m so here for her brand of feminism. I’m so tired of feminism being for educated “I’m better than you” nerds. There are people who have never read a book and had to be st ri ppers, s ex workers, we need room for these people to also belong to the club. Like chimamanda said in response to people who were bashing beyonce, saying she’s not a feminist – feminism shouldn’t be some elite club, everyone should be able to accept that women should have equal economical and social rights as men. That’s it. Other than that, I refuse to demand an apology from Cardi b for how she has chosen to survive.
      We can’t complain about how men police us and then turn around and police other women.

      • ChokeOnThisTea

        You could have saved yourself some time had you read my other comments along this thread.

        Bye, Leggy.

        • Leggy

          Rme. I see a comment, I respond to it. I’m not gonna read an entire thread when you made a standalone comment.

          Bye whoever you are.

          • ChokeOnThisTea

            Gotcha.

            Next time, don’t distort my comment and add layers to it all so you can garner some “likes.”

            Enjoy your Easter Weekend.

            • Leggy

              Huh? What are you even going on about?! Are you high? I saw your comment, I responded to it, now you’re mad that I responded to it. Don’t leave a comment if you don’t want people to respond to it and while you’re at it, learn to be an adult.

              Have a good Easter as well.

  • LadyIbaka

    I want Cardi B to win, FAH-EVA! She gives THE most lit interviews evah! I hope this platform enables her to springboard beyond the moon and heavens.

  • Kat

    I tried…….I can’t. And this is coming from a straight from the bottom of Mississippi chick who will pick New Orleans bounce music over Gospel on Sunday. #NottodaySatan

    • ChokeOnThisTea

      ???? @ that self-description and hashtag

    • miss t-lee

      I too love Bounce music.
      *daps*

      • Quirlygirly

        I have def grown in appreciation on it.

        It might be because I like to bounce my derriere

        • miss t-lee

          Get down…however you get down.

      • KB

        As I read your comment Get It Ready, Ready! by DJ Jubilee just came on my spotify

        • miss t-lee

          Niiiiice.
          I think I’ma pull up some PNC right about now.

          • KB

            Since we’re talking about old school N.O. music I gotta go pullup “Drag Em In The River” by UNLV

            • miss t-lee

              Oh Hellz yes!!!
              Still the jam.

            • <<< Bad Azz Yella Boi

            • PhlyyPhree

              This. Is. STILL. My. Sh it!!!
              Definitely had an airbrushed shirt from the mall that said “Bad Azz Brown Girl” with the aol screen name to match.

              • RewindingtonMaximus

                Pics or it didn’t happen.

                • PhlyyPhree

                  I still use that email for my xnxx membership. ha!

                  Why do you always insist on testing my gangster?

                  • RewindingtonMaximus

                    I’m not going to ask how active your xnxx membership is, but at least I now know you can let me borrow it.

                    Cause then your gangster comes out and I become widely amused, and clap like this

                    http://oddpad.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/18a.gif

        • PhlyyPhree

          That came up on my spotify last night. My daughter thought I lost my mind. I also might have lost one of my knees. Can’t monkey on a stick like I used to.

          *yes, I know. That is also what he said

          • KB

            lol

          • miss t-lee

            LMAO

          • Quirlygirly

            LOL @ monkey on a stick..I have never heard that before

            • miss t-lee

              It’s a dance. :) Mentioned in the DJ Jubilee song.

              • Quirlygirly

                Yeah imma have to learn that dance of the strength of its name alone

                • PhlyyPhree

                  The good news is, it’s GREAT for your thighs and booty! Lol

          • Kat

            They don’t understand the power of bounce!

        • mssporadic

          This is one of the best things about VSB: y’all introduce me to such good music. Almost broke out dancing in the aisle at class. Thankfully class hasn’t started yet. No shame!

        • Kat

          One of the few songs I have on my phone in its entirety…lol

      • Kat

        Bounce is love. Just that simple.

        • miss t-lee

          Amen.

    • And I like black girls who nerdy, but when they dance they be sayin’ “Owww” – Childish Gambino

      • My favorite quote of his (of ever?). I got it printed into a poster for my bedroom. #BlerdLife

        -goes back into lurking-

      • Beauty In Truth

        C.G: Basically my Baby daddy (hee hee)

      • Manny

        What does thos mean?

        • You know, like when your song comes on and you just have to make some noise like “aaawww isht”, “heeeeeey” or any of the other things you hear at a family reunion when Marvin Gaye comes on.

    • mssporadic

      Love Bounce!!!!

      • Kat

        It’s in my soul…when I’m 80 me and Big Freedia gon be together…twerking..lol

  • The wave of thot-based feminism is both inspiring and depressing. Someone should really study this.

    • PhlyyPhree

      Thot-based feminisim?
      So much to unpack here. I think I’m down to try.
      I don’t know. I’m going to go have some drinks and consider

      • off-topic: how is your new booty progressing?

        • PhlyyPhree

          Meh. Slower than I want. I think I might have to set up another gofundme. People aren’t donating to the PayPal account.
          Nah, workouts are progressing. I don’t see it, but people are starting to come up to me saying they do so I guess that’s progress.

    • miss t-lee

      I don’t see anything depressing about it.

      • Maybe “depressing” is the wrong word, perhaps “confusing”.

        • ChokeOnThisTea

          I’d go for “dangerous”

          • miss t-lee

            I wouldn’t…lol

            • ChokeOnThisTea

              Lol! We can’t agree on everything.

              I just find the “use sex/ur body to get material possessions from men” narrative emotionally and spiritually dangerous. But that’s just me.

              • miss t-lee

                Oh, I understand that we can’t.

                I think there’s room for all kinds of feminism.
                Folks like to act like this is brand new behavior. Ain’t nothing new under the sun, this has been going on since…foreva.

                • ChokeOnThisTea

                  Cheers to that. This isn’t new and there is room for all types of feminism. I still think this type has its downfalls, but there is definitely some merit to it.

                  • Remember that Beyonce song ‘If I were a boy’? Like, if you were a boy you’d be a jerk, too? Not sure that’s a good way to go about it.

                    • ChokeOnThisTea

                      Hadn’t thought about it from that perspective, but you may have a point.

                    • DBoySlim

                      That song was mad disrespectful.

              • No, not just you.

                • RewindingtonMaximus

                  It’s always dangerous.

        • miss t-lee

          Yeah…you’re gonna have to explain this.

          • It seems to mimic young Black male behavior. While that is 100% fair, it also 90% unhealthy.

            • miss t-lee
            • So it seems like the real challenge would be for men like Peter Gunz and those who condone/support his behavior to change from being for self and take accountability for their actions so they can then “model” or at least “mirror” more healthy behavior?

              • There are plenty of men out here that don’t condone gunzian behaviors. I’m just saying if you’re going to pick some behavior to mimic, maybe that isn’t the best. That being said, it only fair to mimic the examples that you have.

                • I agree with you that not all men are like Peter Gunz or condone his behavior…..I just wonder, in general, where the balance in discussing gender roles and expectations in regards to “acceptable” behavior.

                  • I don’t have the answer to that one either.

        • Eh, I don’t think this is new.

          Isn’t Love and Hip-Hop just Jerry Springer with rich folks?

    • Brandon Allen

      *redacted*

    • Beauty In Truth

      And why are “we” mad at Stacey Dash again? Oh I remember! Gotta love us!

  • Dougie

    Nah, her music is definitely a guilty pleasure. I cosign Ms. Ibrahim.

  • Gbadebo

    How are you going to heap praise unto Cardi B’s mixtape and skills as an MC and then ish all over Fabolous and his excellence at relevance in a previous article????
    Everybody is welcome to their own opinions, but……who lives like this??

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