Notice that it's all men in this picture. White and Black men. All the women stayed home because they didn't trust anybody present.
(And yes, I intentionally spelled “trust” like that. Word to Public Enemy.)
In the past two days, I’ve had some fairly interesting conversations with some women I know about situations that their men might find themselves in. Yesterday’s post was one, but another one came up on Sunday that I found most gripping. Kind of like the defeat of the Packers of Green Bay at the hands of the Giants of New York.
But first, let me start with a simple premise: Women don’t trust men and women don’t trust other women. Women don’t trust anybody.
I’m finding this to be fact. Ask about me.
I find this theory most interesting since men are quick to say that all we have is our balls and our word, but we always believe in our boys. I’m curious what women fall back on? Their ovaries and their hair products? Their thong and their loofa?
Stupid? Probably. Let’s move on.
I’ve never heard a woman say that she trusted her girls beyond the shadow of a doubt. In fact, at least once a day throughout America and probably somewhere in the Carribbean, a chorus of, “I don’t trust that b*tch” can be heard from rooftops, back seats of jeeps, and text messages being read aloud by robotic white women. Seriously, why does anybody use the text to landline function? Creepy. But the message is always the same, and it could be their sister, friend, or stranger; women are quick to say that they “know women”. Apparently women are quick to attempt to get what they want at the hands of some unsuspecting at best or naive at worst man who is not smart enough to fend of the power of the box. Box power if you will. Don’t block the box.
Quick aside here. I’ve always found it troubling when women would tell me that “they know how women are.” It’s pretty much an admission of being universally f*cked up right? Individual women (such as the woman doing the talking) aren’t f*cked up, but the instituation of womanhood is conniving and trifling. It’s like white people and racism. I’m not saying that’s a personal belief, but that’s the implication that comes from so many women with that “I know how women are” comment. And if my woman is a woman, why should I trust her if she’s telling me that her institution is one rife with trife? What makes her so different?
Like it or not, that’s deep sh*t.
So women can’t trust men because we are apparently unable to resist temptation as a species which is why we get married and move to the suburbs. Or Iceland. Brazil is off limits. (Post coming.) Or because we give you all daily reminders of why we aren’t to be trusted via lying, stupidity, or downright ignorance. But women also aren’t to be trusted because women (again, these are words from women) are trifling and if they want something they are going to get it. Or make every attempt to get it, which would of course render the helplessly idiotic man helpless thus resulting in him cheating on his girl with “that b*tch” or at the very least getting caught up in some inappropriate behavior whether he intended it or not. And “that b*tch” could be any woman. She could be a chicks good friend or a total stranger. She could be a liger. Or a pair of Chinese thinking balls.
Point is, when it comes to her man, there’s no woman that she can trust because she desires him so other women must want and desire him as well. And she can’t trust her man because other women want and covet him too and we’re stupid. Unless, of course, she ensures that he doesn’t place himself in sticky situations – like driving in a car to work together, Yugo’s are way more romantic than previously thought by the Commies – since he’s likely to cheat because he’s not to be trusted or not smart enough to say no or overcome his humanity.
Or maybe, he can only be trusted to “be a man.”
So ladies, who in the hell do you actually trust?? You can’t fully trust your man. You definitely can’t trust your girls. Who in the hell do you trust?
Jesus????? Is that it?
Inquiring minds would like to know.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3
PS: Peep Panama‘s post over at Sister2Sister, “Must he love you more for it to work?” on whether or not a man should love his woman more than she loves him. Interesting take if he does say so himself when he speaks in third person.
PPS: VSB recently teamed up with Coliseum Apparel to do a limited run of VSB branded crewneck sweaters. These joints are dope and I’ve already been rocking them about town. It’s still perfect weather for them as well. #teamVSB. Go on over to Coliseum Apparel’s site to check them out and cop you one! They’re going to go fast!!!!
“who in the hell do you actually trust?? You can’t fully trust your man. You definitely can’t trust your girls. Who in the hell do you trust?”
There are degrees of trust PJ. To what degree do I trust you is to what degree you SHOW me you can be trusted.
+1
WHA??? I’m first!!! You can trust me because I’m #1.
And I can trust you because you didn’t even try to feign monogamy wit me
Yes, shots fired @ she who shall remain nameless…
That’s funny. You know I had a conversation last night with a friend whom I was sharing our online shenanigans with and he railed me! Asked me what the hell an e-boo was, said I lived in a pretend/fantasy world, etc. Needless to say, he’s on my shid list today. You think he’s jealous, much?
“You know I had a conversation last night with a friend whom I was sharing our online shenanigans with and he railed me!”
I’m sooo glad I read the rest of this post. Because my mind took me places after I read this part. Phew, close call.
LMAO… bad TUK… bad.
girl you should have told him that e-boos are real!!! Oh mi gosh, do you know I know two people who met on a commenting board, and right now they are man and wife?! How kkkkkiiiiiiiiiiyute is dat?!
That’s awesome Mami. But, seeing as how most of my e-boos are much younger than me, I’d have to keep them as e-boos. I can’t have the guilt of turning a young man out on my conscience.
You only live once! *wink*
Turning them out eh?? *grabs post it notes*
@nilla-Tell him jealousy is a slow and agonizing killer. He should let it go lol
Queeeeeeeeen!!!! You are FIIIIIIIIRST.
*confetti thrown around for achieving this fete*
Thank you… thank you very much. Last time I was first, Liz 404′d me and then I refused to play in the sandbox for a while.
Things have greatly improved. LOL
I’d like to add, that if you fudge up and betray the trust I have extended to you, it’s probably certain that you won’t ever get back to the level of trust I once gave you. Not ever.
When someone isn’t trustworthy, I withdraw my trust too.
The flip side is that some people don’t give a flying fig that you no longer trust them. They’re happy skipping down the street heading to their next victim. lol
“The flip side is that some people don’t give a flying fig that you no longer trust them. They’re happy skipping down the street heading to their next victim”
That last sentence made me giggle.
I understand trust, respect, and so on in degrees, too. I doubt anybody will ever earn a 100% trust and respect from me. Nevertheless, wo/man may receive high levels of my trust and respect. I’m satisfied with receiving a similar amount in return.
My trust and respect for people is not fixed either. They may go up or down anytime your actions alter them.
God has my ultimate trust, respect, love, and so on. I come second.
“My trust and respect for people is not fixed either. They may go up or down anytime your actions alter them.”
Yup this is how I operate also
This is how you’ve had me behaving all night
http://youtu.be/ee925OTFBCA
I swear that clip always has me in tears! LMAO!
omg that clip! I have not seen that in a long time! lmao
I don’t have an issue trusting women if they’ve shown themselves trustworthy.
Yeah, trustworthy people are definitely more trustable. I think that goes for both men and women.
So you’d leave your man with your girl alone at her house if you trusted her?
Why shouldn’t she? If she’s in a relationship, she should have enough faith in the bonds that she built with her lover that he would not stray far from the path. She should believe in the bonds she has with her friend. Can they stab her in the back? Of course. But what’s the point of living a life where you can’t trust anything or anyone because you believe you’ll get hurt? At some point you have to grow up and have some faith.
“Of course. But what’s the point of living a life where you can’t trust anything or anyone because you believe you’ll get hurt? At some point you have to grow up and have some faith.”
Sounds good on paper…
…but…
… do you leave your man alone with your friend?
I’ve left my girlfriend alone with my cousin, who I’ve known to be a pus-s addict since 14 years old. Didn’t blink an eye at it. Why? Because I built enough trust with both of them to not have to look over my back every 5 seconds.
Like I said, you can’t protect yourself 24/7 and honestly, pain is inevitable. If people were going to screw you over, it wouldn’t matter how many precautions you set it, it’s still going to happen. Rather than lying to yourself to prevent something that is inevitably going to happen, maybe it makes more sense to question your state of mind and the relationships you have first. Sure lots of people have been hurt by people they trust, but many of those same people made assumptions about the people they trusted instead of seeing the truth in front of their face.
Truth!!!
I would leave my man alone with my friend. If I cant trust him to be with her alone then I’m sure he’s up to stuff when he is not with me.
LOL, basically. I mean, especially if he knows her as well, who’s to say he won’t ever end up alone with her regardless if I “left” them alone anyway? If he can’t be trusted, he’d find someway to end up “alone” with her without my assistance.
I’m actually with Kema and Rewind on this one. If she’s gonna do it she’s gonna do it. In fact, my friends and I have a policy. If she tries you, do her. Because I need to know if she’s trifling like that. I have a cousin who’s group of friends take it a step further. If you can get her period, take her. The train of thought behind it is if she’s with it, then she wasn’t for me anyway and it was gonna happen eventually anyway, so might as well find out sooner than later. Either way it makes absolutely no sense to live in fear, or even worse (and more embarrassing) to be constantly trying to hide your girl, keep her away from certain people and functions. If it’s gonna happen, trust and believe she’ll have her opportunities and she’ll take them if she’s open to it. It is what is is.
Flip that for men and ditto!
Cool so we all agree that if you can trust someone you can trust someone, and if you can’t, you can’t, therefore, a woman who gets upset at (say) you being alone in a car with another woman, or Skping wtih another woman, or meeting her for lunch, is basically tripping. Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.
LOL @ Skyping. I’m mad you just threw that in there. I mean, hey, the OG intent for Skyping was bidness/corporate related. But yeah any of the above should be cool as long as they don’t cross any lines. And that goes with all of those situations.
Just like any innocent situation (skyping with a business associate) is made guilty by a slight tweak in detail (skyping with a business associate… at 2am).*
*BTW, I’m pretty sure a dude would be like… yo she in Australia so this was the only time we could do it!
LMBO…yescause you know how them time zones be tripinnnnnn!
Agreed!!!!
You know what’s funny about this? I shall give a hypothetical situation that may or may not be true that may or may not involve a friend/cousin of mine…
Anyway…
Story goes like this: hypothetical person I know is married to this chick. The two of them go on vacation to a random country, but for the sake of this post, let’s say Brazil. They go with the wife’s friend who is also female. Now… Said wife doesn’t trust hypothetical person I’ve made up with her own female cousins, but is willing to leave her man alone in a hotel room with her female friend in the shower, while she goes exploring on her own. Why? Because she knows that her man is not attracted to said friend. In any way.
I say this because I’ve come to this conclusion: only reason she “trusted” her man was because she knew that he would never attempt anything with THAT particular friend. Anyone else, and she probably wouldn’t have dared leave him alone. Even if it was her own sister. Now what does that say?
WTF? Why do they need to be in the same hotel room while her friend is in the shower? Unless they have an open relationship or something. I mean, even my male buddies wouldnt be in my hotel room while I’m in the shower if they have jobs to pay for their own room. This is crazy to me.
All 3 of them were sharing a single suite.
Is that crazy?
Now, personally, when I lived in DC I had two women as roommates, and my girl lived in another country at the time.
Is THAT crazy?
Nope. Not if they were facially challenged. *LOL* I’m just keeping it real.
^ Strikes me as an honest individual. Because that’s probably the consensus stance on that scenario…
One of the few ways that isn’t crazy is if they are polyamorous or having threesomes.
” So you’d leave your man with your girl alone at her house if you trusted her? ”
That question made me cringe because it gives the visual image of a grown woman carrying around a 12 inch grown man like a doll and dropping him off at her best friend’s house. Picking him up to kiss him goodbye then setting him down on her wood floors and saying “see ya later! I trust ya! bye!”
My man’s coming home with me. He has no reason to be at her house if there’s no food, the game isn’t on and ain’t nobody there but them. The men I date have nothing in common with my female friends.
He’s a grown ass man. If he ever decided he was gonna be alone in her house, and I’m not there or invited, then I trust myself to end the relationship.
I’m saying.
Why would I be spending time at my girl’s female buddies, unless I was getting fed or waiting for her or having a general conversation while she was present.
And I know enough about broads to know that even if her friend and I did have a common interest that spending time aloe with her doing it is bound to cause a conversation that I could best do without
Yeah, this example went over my head. There would be absolutely no reason for me to be at my girl’s friends house short of waiting on my girl or…I don’t know. I just don’t know why I would even be there. I guess if me and my girl ive together there might be a chance of a friend being there waiting on her or something.
Yep, absolutely..
If I have trust issues with friends then guess what they NEED NOT be my friend in the first place and sometimes yes we can make poor judgement in friends we put our trust in but that’s life, you can’t go through life being a skeptic about everyone. That isn’t llving!!!
Sure, you say that now…but later on you’ll be like “Them yatches be trippin’”!!!
Before I post my real response: I want a sweater! I want one now but I live overseas. Is shipping limited to the States? :’(
I trust my parents, my brothers and sister, and about six of my other family members. I think I trust about 8 people outside of my family. But that number seems too high. Ususally people all start at the same level, you can gain my trust the more we hang out and get to know each other but when you show yo arse I make a mental note of it for later. Aries rage has made me do a lot of off the wall things so I try to keep those I can’t trust far away from me.
Oooh be careful PJ. You haven’t read yesterday’s comments? Apparently when women make negative comments about men, it’s the truth. Yet if a man makes negative comments about a woman, prepare to hear the words “sexist” or “misogyny”. You’ve been warned.
That aside, I’d have to say from personally experience, I agree with this post. My ex would often tell me that although she loves her bffs, she doesn’t trust them when it comes to me. Though I’d love to see women come here with the whole “Men act the same” noise they were spewing yesterday. It seems they missed the part where you stated that all three of you were FRIENDS. That alone would make our reaction to the situation wholly different.
Men put the utmost trust in their close friends. Just recently I was at a friend’s and he had to leave to go pick up his cousin from work. He left me in the house, alone, with his big bootied, semi-naked, half-asian, half-black girlfriend. For about 45 minutes. And he thought nothing of it.
And, yet, we know that some men’s friend WILL bang a friends girl if given the opportunity and if they are attracted to each other. Please don’t pretend that men don’t have male friends bang their chicks behind their backs or chicks don’t want to bang their dude’s friends. That’s just foolish. It happens.
Yea, I don’t know what this guy’s problem is, but he acts as if men are just perfect, little beings.
Maybe he thought nothing of leaving you home with his girlfriend because he knew that there wasn’t a chance in hell that his GF would be interested in you.
What’s up with the ethnicity descriptor?
And where in my post am I implying that men are perfect little creatures? All I was implying (actually outright stating) is that men are more trusting than women. The fact that you read more into that adds more to my hypothesis that you could be what I like to call “bitter”.
Oh and the ethnicity was put there because men (usually black men) find half-asian half-black women extremely appealing, myself included. The fact that my friend left me alone with a female who has an ethnic background he KNOWS I’m interested in, speaks volumns about how much he trusts me.
But as I said earlier, you seem to be bitter. I don’t deal with bitter women who look for “ghost-implications.” They make me want to elbow newborns. Have a nice day.
Lol (No, not really). I see what you are doing here, kiddo. Sorry to bust your bubble, but I’m not bitter. You can save that tired line for another woman, oh excuse me, ‘female’ who you know. I’ve read many of your comments here on this blog, and they do seem to take a tone of men being perfect.
Come down off of your high horse, boy.
1. Seeing as how you are the first to read my comments and come to the conclusion that men are near infallible creatures, I’m going to go ahead and assume your reading comprehension in the problem, not me.
2. Claiming that someone whose username is That Ugly Kid is on a “high horse” is laughable. That ghost-implication is even more horrid than the first. So now I’m inclined to believe you are a Feminist. The man-hating kind, not the reasonable kind.
3. With a name like Not Your Friend, I must also surmise that you are a troll. And I’m not about to pay no d*mn toll to cross that pathetic excuse you call bridge. I’m U-turning. As such your comments will be re-directed to my azz. Because maybe “it” will actually give a sh*t. Ciao.
well that was just uncalled for…
and you should never elbow a baby.
Why are your panties all in a wad, bro? You’re looking super lame right now. And childish. I was just stopping in to read, too…wasn’t necessarily planning to say anything, but this right here is some bullsh!t.
Wait. So we have someone who has a tendency to, instead of focusing on the entire comments, make cynical remarks at my use of a certain word because she adds negative connotations to the word when it has none, read a few posts and jump to asinine implications about me, insults me, but I’M the one who is super lame and childish when I defend myself and reduce her bullsh*t to nothingness?
Okay. Cool logic.
“Cool logic.”
Lol thanks.
I think the word ‘logic’ should be banned from this site for at least a week. I don’t know what we’d do.
exactly this ^
Oh and the ethnicity was put there because men (usually black men) find half-asian half-black women extremely appealing.
Guilty as charged.
oh shiiiid! I’m quarter south Korean, quarter Indian and the rest African. You can throw any other ethnicity that you like, and I swear to the heavens I’m three quarter that or full that, depending on your liking!!!
LOL. Sounds intriguing.
please marry this woman
Yep, I know. However, it’s irrelevant. Why? Because regardless of that possibility men are still trusting of their friends. You didn’t think my friend knew there’s a possibility that leaving a dude home alone with his would result in drama? Of course. But as men, we give our friends the benefit of the doubt. Women don’t. That’s the difference.
As PJ said above, women not trusting other women tends to be a combination of “knowing how women are” and thinking their man is too stupid/weak-minded to resist another female coming onto him. Men don’t suffer from this thinking. Mainly because we know it’s easier for women to get sex, than it is for a man. Meaning that we don’t believe she’d eagerly jump at every oppotunity that comes her way, because she can get sex anytime she wants.
“we know it’s easier for women to get sex, than it is for a man.”
Another misnomer. You’re batting a perfect score tonight, bruh.
So, you believe attractive women have problems getting laid? More problems than men? Please, explain.
It’s like this…..good men are hard to find. Good d*ck is everywhere.
Now…if you don’t care that the good d*ck is attached to an ain’t ish man, then a woman getting laid is a breeze. If she has no standards for who she lays down with, she can have it at her beck and call.
But if you do…well, then sometimes there are very long, dry spells. Just my $.02.
+1
+1….That too.
+ 1 billion
+ me
+ me #also #aswell
Exactly.
+100
Some attractive women CAN have problems getting laid. Sure. Because sometimes those attractive women are not approached as many times as one might think. You dudes have even said this on here yourselves… you start talking yourself out of approaching a woman if she’s too whatever and therefore you know what? The lady is perceived as getting it all the time, but in some cases she’s not.
The topic isn’t really about sex or anything of the sort. It’s attention. Reliable attention. Women will always get more attention than men, ergo it will always seem like a woman has a better chance of doing dirt because she does not need to work at it. Men ALWAYS have to work at getting a woman’s attention, even if they have it completely easy. LL Cool J can look as beefed up as he wants, but if he smelt like rotten eggs and porto-potties everytime a woman came up to him, that sex appeal would go in the toilet.
We all assume too much about the opposite sex, but the truth of the matter is that all the issues we have are individual. People either make good decisions or bad ones. That’s all there is to it.
“truth of the matter is that all the issues we have are individual.”
Close the blog! This is it right here! Well said.
I aim to please.
We all get that we’re all individuals but we DO make similar decisions based on our sex/age/religion/ethnicity. There are patterns. Now, they could “close this blog”, as you say, on the premise that EVERYONE is an individual and makes individual choices based on nothing but individualism which translates to you can’t make educated guesses based again on sex/age/religion/ethnicity…NEVER EVER(which seems to be what the ladies are arguing for) or you can take the blog for what it is/does. Its a blogger giving HIS opinions on the patterns that HE has perceived. I swear its the same argument every time. I think what we’re overlooking is that a person will encounter a lot of the same problems with different relationships at different times in their lives. Why? Because we, sometimes unknowingly, are attracted to certain things and the people we choose to be with, as different as they may seem, will probably share a lot of these traits leading us to believe that ALL members of the opposite sex share these traits when in truth it is WE who choose people with these traits. Good old selection bias at work(and a little bit of confirmation bias).
The real problem in a nutshell is learning to get out of your own way. We assume to much and lie about reality. It is hard to not take everything you’ve been told in life personally and actually use your own experiences as your learning factor, but blaming whole groups never solved anything. You have to pay attention to what you’re doing, actually see when things are your fault. Like you said, if you keep finding the same traits in people, it means you attract those traits. But if you don’t want to be honest, it’s just easier to blame the other people. People need to let the BS go.
@ Jay, you do realize my statement of ‘close the blog’ was in jest, right?
There’s the problem. If attractive women play it this way, of course they’ll have some difficulty getting. However, I bet money that if that same attractive women was the one doing the approaching, she’d get laid way more than just sitting and waiting for someone to talk to her. An attractive woman, if she truly want sex, could get it at the drop of a hat.
@TUK – check out Max’s thoughts on the topic
http://max-logic.com/2011/10/18/reopening-the-can-of-worms/
And KB’s post on it as well
http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com/2011/11/22/womenandsexequalsanytime/
I agree with you on that particular point. Yep.
Re: TUK’s comment that attractive women can get sex if she wants it.
Cosign. Drop of a hat, snap of the fingers, click of a button. It’s just a matter of are you WILLING to drop the hat and the need for a good girl self image. Cause you know you can set it up so nobody knows except you and him. And he don’t need to know your real name or where you live neither. If you really want to drop the hat, you can be quite selective, cause you will have them lining up by the hundreds. Literally. I’m a living witness.
WC lives in reality. IDK why women keep claiming that they can’t get d!ck. A legitimate BF, ok. But peen? The most available and accessible resource on the planet.
Agreed on men banging friend’s guys out. However, men have a bit of mutually assured destruction when it comes to that. Not only will the dude be pissed, but all of the other men that either of you may know won’t trust you either. Heck, if I find out a guy I know banged his friend’s girl, I might speak to him, and most guys understand that. Therefore, most men won’t even go there, and the ones that do are the male equivalent of the women that “doesn’t get along with women.”
Eh, I’ve heard about that happening and the men ending up still friends.
Though I am guilty of that, the same goes for women, cause, well, I’m also guilty of that.
Shrug.
Depends on who it is I think, and the type of relationship that was betrayed.
If my friend smashed my girl who I’ve openly professed my undying love for, introduced to my parents, and thought about giving a ring to, you can guaran-fkn-tee that I will write him off. If however, he smanged this chick I was smanging, then fk it. He got it to, I’ll probably dap him up and keep it moving. Won’t even be mad at her. Yet, I highly doubt the opposite would happen. I believe if a chick had a boothang that she was giving the poon too, and one of her friends ends up riding his D train to ConeyIsland, she would lock him off as a trifling good-for-nothing, typical man. And I’m pretty sure she’ll still invite her home girl to thanksgiving dinner.
+1 re:Misarebel’s post
%I doubt it man. Women fall out forever behind that kind of stuff. Hell ask any women who have fell out what it was about and if you dig deep enough 98% of the time there’s some dude at the root of it. Dudes just don’t care as long as it THE MAIN. The rest are pretty much viewed as community property. (yeah I know that sounded bad)
Yeah, I was in a rush when I responded, but I meant to co-sign every point he made except that last one. Women don’t just forgive that kinda sh*t from their friends and be done with it. That’s a matter of great pride to them as well.
You’ll be surprised… I’m not saying that women won’t get upset, I’m just saying I’ve seen it happen where the chicks remained friends but the dude was cast away as uncouth goat vomit.
I actually dated someone once who had a best friend (tight since childhood, best man status) who he trusted 1000% with everything BUT women.. This came up because his friend would occasionally ask me for dating advice; once he called me in the evening hours (around 10p) trying to figure out if a bottle of wine was and appropriate Xmas gifts for his girl’s parents, as he was leaving shortly to meet them for the first time around the holidays. My then-bf freaked out (not at me) and called his friend up to make it clear not to ever contact me after 9p no matter the urgency. When I asked why, he said it was because he knows him well enough to know that his weakness was women and that he didn’t trust him in that corner of his life…. O_o Perhaps that’s where some women come from when they don’t trust certain women for valid reasons…But if they are truly your friends??? ….I believe the medical term for that is “paranoia”.
Wow I guess man have trust issues as well. But with man its different than it is with women.
Maybe he knows that his how his friend hits on women, gets his in on women. Men know which of their friend is whorish.
Where are men’s homeboys calling their chicks up? Seriously, where do they do that at? Short of trying to get ahold of my boy or planning a surprise birthday, I would have no reason to call his girl up. This is a foreign concept to me.
This.
I can only think of ONE other reason where calling your boy’s chick is allowable (if yual were NOT good friends prior to any relationship) and that is to have her talk to YOUR girl cause your own girl is tripping. And that conversation may even be relayed through your boy, which nullified my entire argument.
Yay for thinking while typing!
LOL.
Or Accident, Sickness or Death.
LOL, yes that would be weird…However we were all friends prior to even the inklings of a relationship.
“Oooh be careful PJ. You haven’t read yesterday’s comments? Apparently when women make negative comments about men, it’s the truth. Yet if a man makes negative comments about a woman, prepare to hear the words “sexist†or “misogynyâ€. You’ve been warned.”
As a person who continues to experience this, I’d say this is largely true.
“It seems they missed the part where you stated that all three of you were FRIENDS.”
Nobody missed this. It just didn’t make a difference.
“Nobody missed this. It just didn’t make a difference.”
oh but it makes all the difference…in fact the whole dynamic is switched up.
I trust my best friends with everything but we have also been friends for 10+ years and through it all we have had each others back..no backstabbing..no fighting..no bullshit..but like someone said there are degrees of trust as well some people I trust them to do fucked up shit because that’s what they have shown me they are capable of. With me everyone starts off with a blank slate and through our friendship or relationship we build trust with one another, some people I can build a beautiful mansion with while others I can’t put nail and wood together. You just have to choose you friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, associates, etc wisely!
Very true, but you can’t always anticipate f***ry
God, because he can’t lie and then after that, generally speaking, I would trust men over women just because women sometimes allow their emotions to cloud logical thinking ability. And yes men do this sometimes as well but honestly, we women do it more. Also you can pretty much count on men to act the same way most of the time (unless they’re overly emotional as well or you are dealing with an immature guy) whereas some women tend to have very inconsistent behavior patterns. There are those of us women who try to be consistent and trustworthy and I have a couple of best friends who are women and who I trust but honestly they are few and far between. I think this is because women are quick to be jealous of other women and you just can’t fully trust someone who has a jealous or envious spirit even if it’s not directed towards you.
Interesting… I don’t necessarily trust logical thinking more than emotions. People make logical explanations for all kinds of awful things that they do, but if my heart tells me something is wrong, I am going to trust that over the logical rationalizations of my head.
I guess that might be why I generally trust women more than men.
Sounds like you could never be wrong with that philosophy. I think this may be the essence of what some people call chick logic round these parts.
It DOES sound like I could never be wrong, doesn’t it?
Maybe that’s why I am right so often.
The commentators on this blog are very heavy on differentiating between what’s logical and what’s emotional. I don’t get it though, because the words ‘logical’ and ‘emotional’ aren’t synonyms or antonyms.
Logic and emotion may be able to exist simultaneously, but logic in it’s truest form is impartial, and emotion is anything but. Pointing out that the relationship between the two isn’t polar doesn’t really speak to your underlying point.
Yo, I was just telling my sister yesterday about “some dude that used to comment on blogs” named Medium Meech lol. Lo and behold he shows back up with an awesome explanation for the theory behind most of us being on team dude logic lol.
So true though, being impartial and objective about situations just has such an awesome track record in so many things that aren’t related to love and sex, that it seems silly to forgo it completely at all times for the “heart” which is a pretty vague concept that’s centered in emotion.
Now the trump card that “the heart” does play is that I think it’s more in touch with intuition and consciousness. Which I actually consider to be the essence of what “God” is….so it’s not an easy choice to decide which to follow. Even still, it’s sometimes hard to know whether it’s your emotional/impulsive side or your benevolent intuition/conscious. So I usually stick to the safe bet #dudelogic. Usually it’ll keep me from being in a mess where I resent myself and the lady involved, so at my young age I tend to follow dude logic and take note of what my “heart” is saying for future references…
so… you’re going to have to forgive me because you make my heart sing (even though you use words like dudelogic).
I like that can relate to “both sides” like an, I don’t know, human. Some people round here really think men are logical, women are emotional. period. As if we don’t all experience and utilize both.
so seriously…
http://youtu.be/06F7wOGEUcI
You can “justify” actions based on emotion just as easily as you can with logic. Doing something because “it feels right” is no less dangerous than someone using logic to defend an amoral position IMO.
True enough. I trust my own judgement and my conscience, but I don’t necessarily trust everyone else’s.
It might “feel right” for someone to punch someone they are angry at, even though it obviously is not right, but if they have a conscience, you would think it would also feel wrong at the same time. Who knows? People definitely do do really fcked up things and justify them in all kinds of twisted ways, whether it is emotionally or intellectually, which brings us back to the topic of the day:
People, you just can’t trust them.
this comment was brought to you by chick logic.
I wish people would stop saying this about logical arguments. Logical does not inherently mean right. You can make a logical argument that all people with HIV/AIDS should be locked away from society in order to minimize the spread of it in the safest possible way. There were plenty of logical arguments for prohibition. There were logical arguments for slavery. If you care to, you can make a logical argument to justify any and everything. Not to even get into the fact that logical isn’t antithetical to emotion in any possible way. It’s a lazy short hand for passive-aggressive argumentation.
co-sign.
That is EXACTLY what I was trying to say.
I love it when people are thinking what I am thinking, but can express it coherently.
Glooooooooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrry!!!! C’mon now!!!!! YEEEZZZZ!!!
“I wish people would stop saying this about logical arguments. Logical does not inherently mean right.”
Is that what she said? What I read indicated that she felt that emotion could cloud logic. I’m not seeing how you get from her point to yours. There is no “right” answer in a subjective discussion whether you arrive at your conclusion purely by emotion or logic. Logic just gives everyone a means to endorse or disagree with the conclusion based on the construct, whereas emotion does not.
No one can tell someone that they can’t feel how they feel. You don’t have to explain emotions (they are what they are) but you do have to explain logic.
Now all that being said, neither emotion or logic is more important than the other, we need both in order to be human. They only appear to be unequal when they’re misapplied. Logic is for decision making and analysis, emotion is for the human connection. When you try to use one in the other’s domain you often encounter problems. There are times when empathy is called for and NOT logic. There are times when logic is called for and NOT emotions. You just have to know when to apply which, they’re both necessary; just not always at the same time.
Comments don’t take place within bubbles. If your argument was in fact more sound than the others then you wouldn’t need to parade around telling people they’re wrong because you’re more logical. The argument would stand on it’s own.
I have to say that I really don’t see where she is invoking the concepts of right or wrong, I only see where you are inferring it. I agree with you that, on subjective topics, logic doesn’t produce a right answer, it produces a tenable conclusion (and that conclusion, though supported by logic, can still be morally corrupt or altogether bankrupt.) But that’s the reason why you use logic in subjective discussions, because there is no right answer. There is simply your position and your ability to defend it. And people can choose to believe (or disbelieve) you on the basis of your defense.
This.
Granted, despite your stance on any particular issue, acknowledging that your logic MAY be flawed is also necessary. Because at the end of the day, one’s logic is always stained with some ounce of bias. Thus, if I am allowed to stretch my literary license, logic and emotion are not entirely mutually exclusive, despite our best efforts. This is why I enjoy playing devil’s advocate, even if I’m in full accordance with the other team.
Thank you DQ! People need to quit fronting like being logical isn’t a solid methodology for solving problems/disagreements. At least you open yourself up for critique and being wrong when you use logic. People can argue with it, unlike feelings and emotion because no one can tell you how to feel or what’s the right way to feel. It’s a game I don’t play too often, because it’s setting yourself up for loss and confusion from my perspective. There are no rules in the feelings game, so I engage in very cautious moderation. Logic has helped me progress in every other area of my life, why would I abandon it as it relates to love and sex?
That part that’s amusing me most about this, if we understand men and women to essentially be the same (I mean otherwise why protest when we give sons and daughters different advice) then they use logic as often as we do.
Conversesly we’ve been told that we are just as much in our emotions as they are. Ok. Do women find themselves swayed by our “emotional” outbursts? When men are “in their feelings” do they form arguments that women find compelling? If the answer is no, what is the point of this protest about logic vs emotion? Rhetorical question.
Still nodding head. They’re team emotion/feelings when convenient and team logic/man up when it’s convenient. People in general (not just women) love convenience and will justify it however they see fit
It actually isn’t a lazy way of having arguments. The fact is there are only two kind of arguments you can have, you can have an argument about feelings, or you can have arguments about logic. A person can make a logical argument for black inferiority and a black person can come along using logic to argue against it. If a person just says the hate black people and that’s it, there’s no point in arguing with them, because they have no interest in being right or wrong.
Logic is based on reality, which we all succumb to. Your feelings are your own, and they only change if “you” decide to change them. The reason why men complain about women not being logical when it comes to arguing, is that without logic, there is no way to even try to come to the right solution. When people argue about their feelings only, whoever’s feelings are stronger, or whoever is most prepared to use violence, usually wins out. And since men are basically banned from using violence, and women are more in touch with their emotions, they tend to win out arguments, even when they’re 100% wrong.
Moderation…
Logic is merely a set of rules, bound by language. It is only a small subset of reality. It’s like chess. If you want to move by the rules, you can. But the pieces can move however they want. Or like boxing vs fighting. You can only do certain things in boxing, but that doesn’t mean you’re not fighting if you do something outside the rules.
Logic does not take into account those things which are real and true, but are emotional or things you don’t have language for. If you studied logic, you know that.
Because of the small corpus collosum men have, they are limited in their ability to think about emotion, so they think logic is the only way to reason. But its a handicap.
Actually I disagree, because what exactly is the alternative to logic? What is more pure, than 1+1=2? I get feminist oriented philosophy, or post-Marx philosophy supporting everything you just said, but no one on that side of the argument has ever been able to give me something that is more closer to truth than 1+1=2. I mean isn’t that based on rules? And where did these rules come from? And don’t these rule change base off the more we understand of the universe or reality?
This is not feminist philosophy. This is about the nature of logic. Logic is merely a grid placed on reality. It has straight lines which intersect at points. The space between the boxes is not recognized, but that space is true and real. The lines are realty, the space outside the lines are reality. But the lines don’t and can’t recognize it. You need a thicker corpus collosum, or more communication between left and right brain, logic and emotion, lines and boxes, to see it. Many men don’t have that, they simply can’t see it. They only see the lines.
Here’s where I disagree, and there might be some form of miscommunication: emotions are important, because that’s how human beings relate to one another; however, logic is the basis of solving problems. I’m typing on a macbook right now, and the fact is everything inside my macbook required a solid understanding of logic (math, science, engineering all derivatives of logic) to be made; however, the understanding of emotion is what enabled the design, the software, and the exterior of the macbook which made me want to buy it in the first place.
With all that being said, this is where I think the problem lies. Yes men are more concerned and are mostly focused on logic, however, women are mostly concerned with emotions. Women are more concerned with how things look and men are more concerned with what things are. Now in order to build the perfect system, we need to have a perfect foundation (logic) and we need to have a perfect product (emotion). However, a product is nothing without a good foundation and the foundation of problem solving is logic. Until women can respect that, to the level we can, we’re never going to be able to create a better system than we have today.
Everything you just said demonstrates a misunderstanding of logic.
I said I wanted to see a showdown between the two of you and you didn’t disappoint. It’s obvious who I’m siding with, but WC did raise some interesting points. Logic can’t account for EVERYTHING but it definitely should be the basis of problem solving (not relationships, but problem solving and confrontation within relationships). If there are no concrete rules, then literally ANTYTHING goes. Men grew up playing and watching sports. Either you made the shot or you didn’t. Either you won or you lost. You were out of bounds or not. Too many grey areas are involved with feelings, emotions, and other human characteristics. Not that they’re trivial or should be ignored, but they differ for everyone, and they break rules while insisting on their own importance. Feelings don’t play fair, and they often times make destructive and irresponsible decisions because they follow NO RULES. No bueno imo
Just because you don’t understand the rules of emotion doesn’t mean there are no rules.
@ WC- The rules are different for every individual though. When there are 10 different sets of rules ie the rules aren’t universal (yall constantly assert that all women aren’t the same), then that means there are essentially no rules. We’re not playing a sport, we’re engaging in exciting chaos with arbitrary guidelines (created by whichever party is more emotionally inclined, typically the woman). I’ll pass on that.
Well 1+1=0 in Mod 2
Exactly!!!! I get my back up against the wall when people use logic to mean right. These two words are not synonyms. Just because you can create, come up with or construct a logical argument in no way means you are right. This is not to say solely rely on your emotions either. Using only one will definitely lead you down the wrong road. You were given both for a reason learn to use them nicely on the playground.
I like this Malik guy…you should comment more often.
Malik- I get what you mean. Logical by itself is NOT enough. Anybody can make a ridiculous claim for the truth using “logic”. It’s gotta start with a correct (and agreed on) premise though. Not only that but each of the steps must be agreed upon also. It’s a solid method when used correctly. I think it comes down to semantics. Logic should most DEFINITELY be a key factor in decision making, but alone it’s not enough and is dangerous in the hands of idiots. We should be aiming for objectivity and emotional/logical balance. Only you know your appropriate ratio of logic to emotion/impulse. The same model doesn’t work for everybody. Doesn’t mean we can’t playfully have fun with each other about it on a message board though lol
“Doesn’t mean we can’t playfully have fun with each other about it on a message board though lol”
Sooo, you’re not gonna “Pause” that or…what’t the deal. I could’ve sworn a statement like this warranted a “No Homo” sticker…
JMTG is securrrrrrr in his heterosexual TUK so he didn’t need to add that tag
Just ask MJoy..she will tell ya!
Why would I talk to Mjoy? Unless she’s the reason why my Black Symbiote Spiderman action figure went missing, there’s no reason for me to contact another dude’s girl.
Well then I will contact you…
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, you homophobic, misogynistic so-and-so! (Neck’s rolling, fingers are snapping!)
Like Breezy said, my man (whether he claims the title or not
) is comfortable and confident in his divine sexuality.
The phrase “no homo” is offensive and just makes men sound insecure and dumb.
Of course men are insecure. We are raised and remain that way until we mature emotionally. And as a man who, for about a month straight, was forced to shower under the same showerhead as another man in Basic Training, you can’t help but be comfortable with your sexuality. My comment was made in jest that in such a situation, men would normally slap “no homo” somewhere in there.
But don’t try to change what this sh*t is REALLY about. You stole my gotd*mn Spiderman toy didn’t you?
hahahahahahaha
yes
“Logical does not inherently mean right.”
Oh Malik! I liked this!
co-sign x100
Is it really that all women have that problem of getting jealous or is that the people you befriend aren’t always showing you 100% of who they really are, and that maybe you assumed more about them than the actual truth?
That’s a good question.
It’s the question no one ever really asks themselves but should always be thought of.
Some people choose friendships with certain people for superficial reasons, and then use generalizations to explain the reason for the termination of that friendship.
Which means if anything goes wrong, it is completely their fault, not the other person’s fault. Sometimes we know what we are doing, other times we don’t, but it is still at least 50% of our fault for making those decisions.
You got the right name. Cause everyone reading this thread while scrolling down, should be forced to Rewind and read that ish again! Speak on it brotha lol
I just spit the truth the way it was given to me when I learned it the hard way and hopefully some people will do a double take and actually think about this stuff instead of trying to seem smart. Appreciate the shout because you’ve been kicking knowledge too
My grandmother always told me a woman can trust only three people that God, your Mom, and yourself
For some people God doesn’t answer, their mom sleeps with their lover and you can’t even look yourself in the mirror.
So it isn’t easy for all people to use that mentality, but you can hope the best that people pull through.
Not to mention, “logically”, God shouldn’t exist.
You gotta live life on faith, man. Not just in God, but yourself, and the decisions you make, people you befriend, and actions you take.
Life without faith (in the general sense, not strictly religious/spiritual/whatever) is not a life worth loving.
wellllll, preach on brotha.
Well, obviously if someone has broken your trust, then you naturally may have a hard time extending the same amount back to them ever again.
That someone won’t trust others because they might break that trust (even though they haven’t), especially someone like their Mom seems sad.
STOP…
Right there…
I can literally count off hundreds of ways in which men are routinely illogical and use feeling over thinking.
So many dudes are languishing in jail over a moment of illogical over-emoting usually over something trivial. Also, there are examples of the the opposite… where women are more measured and logical like the new studies that show women are better investors because they aren’t likely to get carried away with emotions when the markets fluctuate and sell or buy on a whim.
This is not a gendered thing.
STOP, STOP, STOP.
I agree. It isn’t a gendered thing, nor should it be made that way.
“women are quick to be jealous of other women and you just can’t fully trust someone who has a jealous or envious spirit even if it’s not directed towards you.”
Good point. Women also tend to be good at hiding their true emotions, including jealousy, so it’s hard to know which friends of yours are truly happy for you and which ones envy what you have.
I don’t really trust people.
Honestly, I don’t even really trust friendly seeming dogs. I always figured that was something wrong with me though, not ALL women… Personally, I trust women more than men. I do try to trust people though, to at least have some trust in some people.
The problem with trusting people is it makes you really vulnerable and puts you in situations where people can hurt you or fck you over and you didn’t even see it coming, because you trusted them.
I personaly would love to trust people and let my guard down. But I can’t cause the way I was raised not to trust nobody. And it shows through my relationships.
Me too. I wasn’t raised to trust people either, and life has definitely not helped with that.
I sometimes wonder if I will ever be able to be trusting enough to have a good relationship. I feel like I have a part of me that is just completely shut off from everything and everyone, and it makes me really sad.
so by this logic then…does this mean that folks shouldn’t trust you either?
will you deal people sideways if givin the chance?
Not trusting in men or other women is not because of their gender, for me.
I give any and errrone the side eye. I’m a naturally distrustful person. I’m the chick who will win $1 billion MegaMillions and be like ‘Sir, Ma’am – I know you raised me and whatnot how do I know you’re my REAL parents?’
Oh my God. LMAO!
May I ask madam, who then are your people?
*LMAO*
“I’m the chick who will win $1 billion MegaMillions and be like ‘Sir, Ma’am – I know you raised me and whatnot how do I know you’re my REAL parents?’”
As you can see, this clearly will not end well…
We fear what we don’t understand, fear is the antithesis of trust, and women are such tragically complicated creatures that they barely understand themselves, let alone other women, so it makes perfect sense.
Either that or women are very self-aware and have it on good authority not to trust anyone that thinks like them.
I guess it really doesn’t matter what road you take to get their because the take away I get from all of my conversations with the women folk is that their lack of trust is pretty much my fault.
“I guess it really doesn’t matter what road you take to get their because the take away I get from all of my conversations with the women folk is that their lack of trust is pretty much my fault.”
That I think is your answer.
Truth.
This issue is about fear. Not trust.
I keep hearing ladies speak of their fear issues, not trust issues.
I think, as a black man. I handle my fears differently. I am not worried about getting ‘hurt’, or ‘phucked over’. I know that I can recover from just about anything God ( or some some woman) puts in front of me.
Perhaps the cure to these fear issues has nothing to do with the other person that women don’t ‘trust’, but the fact that fear emotionally cripples them into illogical ( cowardly) behavior?
I dare to say I agree with that.
We all have fears. It’s human. And the ones we’re talking about here are actually legitimate and fueled by the things MEN do and say. How many rap lyrics can you quote about guys trying to get it in with their girl’s homegirl? How many times on this very blog has someone mentioned being attracted to their girlfriend’s friend(s), or mentioned how common it is? I’ve heard it a lot in real life conversations too…usually in a joking manner, but you know what they say about things said in jest. Don’t call us cowardly for having a clue. This sh!t is real.
Of course, there are men who can be trusted. I definitely trust mine, and I trust all my close girlfriends, even the cute ones. It’s important to be selective about your circle. I wouldn’t trip about my bf being alone with one of my girls in an appropriate place for an appropriate reason. However, I wouldn’t like for that to happen too often. I know I’m the sh!t and my man loves me, but that doesn’t make him blind or deaf. Once a person develops an attraction for another, especially one they’re always around, that attraction grows and becomes apparent. The last thing any woman wants is her girl and her man having to fight feelings for each other…that whole forbidden lust thing is exciting, and it’s not cool for your girl to be more exciting than you are.
Plus, many- if not most- women value love over friendship. Dangerous.
@ Around the Way Girl- You’re so right. Fears can stem from real places, and if we’re being all the way real here, jealousy can totally be logical. We evolved the emotion for a reason. (Especially men with the realistic possibility of being cuckolded. Blood tests have only been around for so long) However to base PROBLEM SOLVING strictly or primarily off of feelings is silly and irresponsible. You should take people’s feelings into account, and judge how reasonable, important, valid, or detrimental that particular feeling is to the two of you as individuals and make your decision accordingly from there, based on….wait for it….LOGIC. lol
“However to base PROBLEM SOLVING strictly or primarily off of feelings is silly and irresponsible.”
Who’s doing that, though? Did I miss something?
kinda.
I mean, I don’t doubt your fears are real, but cowardly (the literal definition, not the pejorative), illogical behaviors based on them create the problem.
For instance, if I have a fear of STD’s, I may say: “I will never kiss my SO on the lips”
That fear is real, and valid, but the behavior is illogical. The exaggeration of danger is what is occurring here.
/generalization follows:/
The point being: Most men are less fearful of emotional pain than women. Because of this fear – exaggerated as compared to men – behaviors of women can be somewhat – illogical – to other men.
Makes sense. But all this writing off everything women do as “illogical” is played. This isn’t directed at you, LSQ, but we know most of y’all just mean it to sting. The effect is waning because we don’t take you seriously anymore (half the people praising “logic” like it’s the Holy Grail don’t even make the smartest comments), so find something else.
“Most men are less fearful of emotional pain than women.”
I disagree. I feel it is the opposite. If men were less fearful of emotional pain, wouldn’t they, in turn, be more emotional than women?
I didn’t mean it like that.
I meant that men don’t rank emotional pain as high on the risk factor list as women.
Just because men don’t fear emotional pain, doesn’t necessarily mean they will be more emotional (as if they are unafraid of emotion). I just mean if we see ole girl in a car with some dude, I am probably more concerned FOR her than ABOUT her.
feel me?
“For instance, if I have a fear of STD’s, I may say: ‘I will never kiss my SO on the lips’
That fear is real, and valid, but the behavior is illogical. The exaggeration of danger is what is occurring here.”
Wait. Is that illogical? It sounds like the same logic people use to teach abstinence. “Being continuously abstinent is the only way to be absolutely sure that you won’t have an unintended pregnancy or get a sexually transmitted disease” (from the Planned Parenthood site).
And, yes, that’s true. Just like I’ve heard women say (in the event that they get married) they planned to use a condom with their husbands in case of infidelity. That’s logical to me.
I don’t agree with it, but I see the logic. My only argument contrary to that behavior/action (abstinence in general and condoms during marriage) for an ADULT woman would be because she would be depriving herself of rather significant human experiences, i.e., trust, vulnerability, and, well sex. But my reasoning behind persuading said woman to “Just do it” as Nike says is definitely irrational/emotional if the woman does NOT want to get an STD/be impregnated. (Of course, all of this is recognizing the fact that condoms/birth control are fallible.)
So I disagree with your argument that the fear is valid, but the behavior is illogical. With your kissing example, how is that less illogical than the abstinence argument?
A: Person does not want to get STD. (Fear)
B: The only way to make sure person does not get STD is to abstain from kissing.
C: Person abstains from kissing. (Behavior)
If A is correct, and B is correct, then C is logical.
And I kind of feel like I just went off on a tangent regarding a portion of your statement that was more anecdotal than anything, but if my logic is right (feel free to correct me) it also shows how inferior logic can be. Yet it also goes back to the point that logic/emotion are both vital. In the above logic, NOBODY would be boning for fear of STDs. The most logical action would be to abstain. But the way to use both logic AND emotion would be to say, “But I really want to engage in that part of the human experience” (emotion) so I’ll wrap it up and/or be in a monogamous relationship etc. That behavior is less logical than abstinence but more fulfilling to one’s emotional needs (and physical, of course).
Like really though…. I love you.
“We fear what we don’t understand, fear is the antithesis of trust, and women are such tragically complicated creatures that they barely understand themselves, let alone other women, so it makes perfect sense.”
Well, damn. I wouldn’t sell such a large and diverse population short like that.
Yo how about some VSB lettermans? I d mess with those,
Back to the lecture at hand. I agree with you PJ, it seems a lot of ladies I know arent really cool with their women folk. Why? I have no idea. Not only do they not trust other women folk with their men, they have a secret cold war going on in the workplace instead of sticking together and ish.
Apparently the reason for this lack of trust i have heard through the grapevine is something they call intuition. Its like women spidey sense that tells them when someone is not to be trusted, sad thing is that for some women this spidey sense is not working too properly so you end up looking like paranoid petunia.
The workplace is where Afghanistan-level wars between women exist. I’ve seen sh*t…
@ Sir Farouk- Yup. I’ve seen intuition be wrong on MULTIPLE occasions. The other side is when they’re paranoid about the WRONG friend/acquaintance. What’s gonna happen is just gonna happen…
I trust my dad. That’s about it. I’m on the distrustful end of the spectrum because I’m smart. I figure people out pretty quickly when I allow myself to (be more cynical than I prefer). The cynical predictions are always correct.
Would you rather be right or be happy?
Being right makes me laugh and makes me feel victorious. Being wrong and being let down, tricked, conned, etc. makes me sad.
Being right usually leads me to an empty bed. And a passive aggressive bagel to cream cheese ratio in the morning. Guy problems.
That sounds like it sucks. I’m single, so I get to be right all I want. Empty bed = more room for pillows.
Off topic: What is up with women and all those damn pillows!? I can never get comfortable because I feel like I’m in the blowup house with all the damn balls in it and I’m going to drown.
@Corey….its pretty!!!!! You can never have enough pillows.
Yes you can. I have 2 pillows on my bed and they are flat. I slept at a friends place and i swear my neck was in serious trouble by the morning. The pillows were like 8 inches thick. Wait, that last sentence didn’t sound right.
No it didn’t…lol.
For *ahem* “adjustments”…
HUSH! It’s too early for all that freshness.
No it’s not- I’m just getting started!!!
k! I c you ummmm kinda like her-I DIGGGG it!!
awwwww Corey, a woman about her business would never ever let you drown. Never!
I would say thank you but I don’t want my fellow dread to potentially get in his feelings about it…..
@ Corey,
You can say whatever it is you want hunnny!!!! Anything….his feelings will be intact, in any case-he don’t trust you as is.
“in any case-he don’t trust you as is.”
He still mad about that little incident at Black Beach? I apologized for that AND bought him a 4loko!
Pillows come off the bed for more serious engagements. Otherwise, they provide a comfortable, warm environment. For some others, they could have a Linus complex.
Yeah I usually just start mumbling and tossing ish across the room
That does sound like it sucks.
I am single and get to be right a lot too, but at the moment I am sharing a bed with my kid, so an empty bed sounds pretty amazing to me.
But, is it actually BEING right that is causing you these empty bed and breakfast supply issues, or is it insisting that you’re right?
Because you can always smile and nod and let something go, even when you know that you are right.
It’s not insisting that I’m right, it’s just my failure to realize that with my lady friends we’re usually having two different discussions. I’m arguing a point or a subject in isolation and she is usually arguing how an event or a subject in relation to her feelings and how it affected her. Not understanding that the subject of our argument really isn’t why I she should the remote more because she has small fingers but is a proxy for her feelings and arguing against it makes her feel like I’m trivializing her concerns or invalidating her feelings usually gets me in trouble.
Basically I think were playing spades but were really playing sexual Russian roulette.
“Because you can always smile and nod and let something go, even when you know that you are right.”
I am learning that this makes life easier. Especially when the other person usually comes back and tells me I was right.
” I am learning that this makes life easier. Especially when the other person usually comes back and tells me I was right.”
Exactly! Whenever you don’t force the truth on people, it’s ALWAYS more effective than ridiculing them for being wrong…or arguing back and forth
I said it before in the last message, and I’ll say it again here.
There’s a lot of ego and self-esteem problems that keep getting pushed onto other people. That’s not fair. I’m already dealing with this with my girlfriend. I can’t help nor change the fact that a woman has problems with other women, but I refuse to have to pay for that problem as well. People need to take more responsibility for their frame of mind and stop making excuses. That attitude is why we all have been stabbed in the back, and how has that helped any of us?
If you live a life where everyone is your enemy, don’t you think there’s something off when you finally do say you love someone? Don’t you think you might create more of an enemy than a lover if you throw all of your opposing experiences onto them? Wake up people.
Projection- it’s the name of the game these days…just ask…never mind…
It always about projection, because someone else always has to take the blame. It can never be our own faults. That type of thinking is pathetic and childish but you know hardly anyone has the balls or ovaries to see that truth.
And that’s kinda sad, isn’t it?
Always sad, always
As a woman, I don’t trust people of either gender as a general rule. Certain family members & close friends, again either gender, I trust whole heartily. Anyone after that, here’s some rope…make a bridge to show me your true self or a noose to hang yourself on your bs.
The Institution of Womanhood is a nice phrase.
It sounds like a stuffy finishing school.
Yeah women don’t trust anyone. A lot of that is just good ole fashioned socialization. They often anticipate the worst in the future because they’ve often experienced the worst in the past.
Of course if you are a true champion of the “absolute gender parity” school of thought, then you’d probably be willing to admit that reason why many women don’t trust men or women is that they know, that parity also exists in their flaws.
Every depraved, thoughtless, reckless, and selfish indulgence that men are castigated for taking, women will do in equal proportions, just as depraved, just as thoughtless, just as reckless, and just as selfish.
“Every depraved, thoughtless, reckless, and selfish indulgence that men are castigated for taking, women will do in equal proportions, just as depraved, just as thoughtless, just as reckless, and just as selfish.”
I don’t think that’s true just yet. Women need to work on that more. Believe it and achieve it.
It actually is true. We may not be equal on many terms, but as long as we are all human beings, women are just as likely to be stupid as men are. That’s our nature, and we can’t escape it. The difference is individual responsibility. Maybe a woman can choose not to have sex with many men and look down on women who do, yet she may be reckless with her mouth and always in a fight. Not very different from a man who believes having multiple women is the only way to live yet scrutinizes another man for cheating on his lover. Nobody is perfect, nor will they ever be.
*Chuckles* Yeah, I’ve noticed no one ever seems to think men and women are essentially the same when it comes to the flaws, only the positive attributes commonly associated with men.
But y’all some Sith Lords too. LOL. Darth Royale
Female dirty doings are Sith…male dirty doings tend to be more Jar Jar Binks.
LOL, so you guys are the GREATER evil?
I prefer “sharper evil” thank you very much. Would you rather be sliced with a sharp blade or bludgeoned by a club?
Now I’m going to re-watch Star Wars this weekend.
Then my work here is complete.
Never seen it…. May have to watch just to understand this convo
You cut me deep Kema…
…with a light sabre.
Ask Black Medici to borrow his.
This must be how women feel when sports metaphors are made smh, I really wanted to get it too…
this is hilarious
I need to work on being more reckless and a-holish…
I’ll agree with this with moderate reservations. Trust is integral in our relationships (men to men) and socialization. Can’t play basketball/football with ninjas you don’t trust if you want to win. Not to mention that socialized lies (eg. Gossip) are not demonized by men to partake in (even though we all know a good amount of men who still do it). There is virtue for us in honesty.
Excellent observations, Malik.
“They often anticipate the worst in the future because they’ve often experienced the worst in the past.”
This is the truth.
Just as? Just as?!!! Surely you jest. The fact that women are generally less violent means that the depraved, thoughtless, reckless and selfish behave gets ratcheted up. Remember, just because bullets and weapons aren’t involved, most people don’t see that behavior as that bad.
Case in point: Basketball Wives, Real Housewives Of Atlanta, and the videos on WorldStar Hip Hop.
well, that’s just a whole new level
I’d like to refer to it as “extreme ratchetness” myself.
Just keeping it real, that’s hardly a representative sample population. I mean they represent the very worst a woman can be, yes, but it’s not a cross section of women in general. Let’s be fair yall.
Yeah I’m going to stick with “just as” and not “greater than”. Circumstance allows each of us to get away with certain things that the other gender could not, but they have every bit the same amount of b.s. that we do. But I don’t think it’s any greater than our own.
I don’t trust anyone completely, I guess not even myself. It’s all about the degree to which you trust people. The people I trust the most I hold to a higher standard than everyone else – in that scenario I think the only cases they would let me down would be ones in which they felt they were in a moral dilemma and had to go behind my back for whatever reason. Humans are tricky – no right answer here.
“So ladies, who in the hell do you actually trust??”
Mama Cheeks, of course. In fact EVERYone should trust Mama Cheeks. She’s bawse.
In (Mama) Cheeks We Trust. Or I(M)CWT for short. Yes, with the parentheses. It’s the abbreviated rapper supergroup name of the future. Keep up.
RWC does not trust anyone who refers to herself in third person
LOL, nawl I’m talmbout THEE Mama Cheeks. The woman who borne me.
You can trust me as well. As a fellow Chicagoan with “pronounced” facial features (read: cheeks), I am completely and utterly able to understand you and help you in your time of need. Except during those times when you’re “Surfing the Crimson Wave”, I learned the hard way that during these times, women are always right, never speak unless spoken to, and to ignore my natural inclination to f*ck sh*t up.
Dude, PMS is real. For me it hits right before Aunt Flo shows up. I remember getting uber p*ssed at someone for looking stupid while chewing their gum. That one thought sparked an entire tirade in my head about how hopelessly friggin stupid everyone in the world is.
Oh trust me I know. I said that to say that since women are going through a tough, annoying time in their life they have to the tendency to lash out at any and everyone (as humans tend to do when annoyed). So as a result, I make sure I’m extra careful when surfing time comes.
@ RWC
I so concur with your “crimson wave” issues! I snap at the most mundane of issues! Last month, it was a power chord! I swear to the heavens and back I cursed it out so bad, that for a minute I stopped and waited for it to start literally fighting with me! I hate crimson waves, and all it represents!
I must be in the minority here, because my menstrual cycle has no effect on my mood.
@ NYF
can we trade places?
NO! Don’t switch. I swear to whatever deity I’m supposed to believe in that if you start nitpicking comments with cynical remarks because people refer to women as the equally-as-innocent term “females” I’m going to call Jay up right now and fabricate and elaborate story as to why he should disband all ties with you.
that whole exchange over the word “females” still makes me shake my head
me too, who has time for that?!?!
@ TUK
we are only trading places based on crimson waves, not ideologies!
The fact that this thread started off with love for my mama and ended with crimson waves.
I AIN’T COME HERE FUH DIS.
*cracks up*
@TUK … you’re just going to far with everyone today.
Make Jay cut ties?? Do you know what that would do to this woman!?!
@ MJoy,
oh mi gosh!!! I would go jump of a bridge or sumthn along those lines!
Sure.
Crimson waves….sounds like either and R&b group from the sixties or a bunch of moist looking dudes wearin tights and fightin crime
LMAO.
And to go off my response to DQ, women are not (generally speaking) socialized to trust people. In fact, when they do and the find out it was a wolf they are chastised for being deceived in the first place. Granted I do believe women do in actuality trust people. The difference between the too is that women are more likely to trust unilaterally when they do start to trust someone until given suspicion (rightly or wrongly) otherwise.
I think we do give females the benefit of a doubt when they fall for a wolf in sheep’s clothing. As it is impossible to know what you’re getting yourself into with someone who is a complete stranger or even someone you’ve out on a few dates with. I think the chastising come in when the females chase after known wolves and then complain about it when there were much better options right in fron of her.
But I think a female’s lack of trust is rightly placed for the most part. They know how cunning a lot of women are, because they think like one. They also know how full of sh*t a lot of men are due to past experiences. So I can completely understand the general mistrust females have towards humans. It sorta works as an emotional and physical security guard. However, it becomes a problem when you can’t overcome that mistrust for the sake of your relationship.
It’s great that you give women the benefit of the doubt, but a lot of times women (and I think society in general) don’t give women the benefit of the doubt.
Part of being socialized to be a women, or even a girl really, is being explicitly told by people who love you not to trust people, especially men. And when you go ahead and do it anyway, sometimes it ends up great, and we all just forget about everything your mother told you, or laugh about it. But sometimes it ends up bad and everyone knows that you should have known better.
Not just women, but ‘females’. So that includes humans and animals.
I disagree… I use to have a male and female cat and they both had trust issues.
Exactly. From what I read on this board, a lot of women need to go have a seat with some chocolate, some cheesecake and the, um, adult novelty of their choice. I understand not trusting a dude from jump, but if a dude can’t earn your trust after a while, that’s a YOU problem, not a HIM problem.
That’s fighting words there, man LMAO!!!!
@Malik and TUK
The first thing I thought of was el Champ’s post on advice last week. Girls and boys are socialized differently because the world treats us differently. It is wrong, yeah, but that is the world we live in. Girls are more often then not raised to think that you will be wronged in this life time (a trifling dude will try you or some woman you think is your friend will try to take your man). Boys are taught that men will have your back. All I know is, the game is the same but we each have different rules to follow.
This thread was nice and peaceful… I hear a bubbling brook.
I don’t trust Brian McKnight to tell me how my p*$$y works. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=dZ-BLATgvhU#! No, sir
*DEEEEEEEEEEEEADDDDD*
What is this world coming to?!
*Slain*
I wonder if he was inspired by Justin Timberlake’s spoof d*ck in a box.
I read the Justin Timberlake (whom I have an intense hate for/of/) as Justin Bieber! My immediate reaction was his woola woola wouldn’t warrant any spoofing.
BTW – Brian McKnight got his draws in a knot and took down the original. Here’s the bootleg for those who actually sleep at night http://missjia.com/2012/04/24/video-brian-mcknight-teach-work-vag/
ROTFLMAO! I’m glad I slept, but I would have stayed up all night laughing at this.
oh my sweet jesus on the cross save me!!!!
this man was so serious, beautiful melody and singing his little love the trannies heart out (yea brian i know about you)…
jesus and i wept
rotflmao….. that man has been smoking too much of something! oh, lord. I’m so glad I stopped drinking my hot tea to watch that. lol
OH MY GOSH! I almost got fired! I can’t believe I just heard what I just heard! This was the only comment needed today.
Leave it to an R&B singer to sing “squirt” as a vocal run.
Wait…pause…hol’ up! You dislike Justin Timberlake?! The man who was the lead in the only boy band I’ve ever liked, N’Sync? The man who brought us the underratedly awesome Justified and the epically epic FutureSex/LoveSounds? The man who is actually proving to be a charismatic and talented actor with films such as Social Network and Friends With Benefits, which is the greatest Romantic Comedy of all time?! That guy?! You dislike…that guy?!
What is this sorcery?!?!?!
He was great in the Social Network. D*ck in a Box was one of the funniest things to hit SNL in a long, LONG time.
He is an AZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! I HATE him!
How?! Explain this me at once!!!
I was discussing this IDJOT msschhhhew! with my homegirl just recently, and the conversation centered on his break up with Brit! He was so SHADY with it, putting her business on the street like a motherlover. Urrrrgh, I don’t like guys bishing. That’ so not segzy!
Then maybe she shouldn’t have “allegedly” cheated on the dude multiple times. At least then he wouldn’t have anything to b*tch about.
@ TUK
#whatev!!! The streets told me a different story, and it was more credible than yours. And no, I do not know her, and no I am not a fan, and yes I still hate that motherlover the more you keep liking him!
Cmon… It IS pretty hard to hate Timberlake. You must be exhausted.
You wanna know how I know you’re lying? They don’t have streets in Africa. They got…um…dirt and stuff. That’s what all the American movies told me. And movies always depict stuff with 100% accuracy. Sorry, my logic is irrefutable!
oh mi gosh Jay! really?! I am tired. wow……gnite!
Yup, your logic is indeed irrefutable can’t argue that.
The only thing I don’t like about Justin, is dude was VERY much down with showing Janet’s “assets” at the superbowl (what dude wouldn’t?) until it get hot…
…then he left Janet out there to take the heat and acted like he wasn’t part of “The Rebel Alliance”. That $h!t was cowardly.
Oh Lord, I actually agree with everything TUK just stated….
Friends With Benefits was the shizznit!
“Oh Lord, I actually agree with everything TUK just stated…”
You say this as if that’s a bad thing. I’m deeply hurt and offended. I’m gonna go do cartwheels in traffic now….
I trust VSB and all ya’ll commenting ninjas to either humor me or inform* me while I’m at work.
*All information is screened before acceptance.
I usually get a feeling whether or not someone is trustworthy when I first meet them. Intuition? Then I just wait to see if they build on or destroy that feeling I have about them. No matter who it is though, trust takes time.
And to directly answer your question; I actually trust women more than men, in general. Which doesn’t mean that there are no men that I trust, there are a couple that I do trust.
Also, I think that trustworthy and trusting people, and I’m not talking about naive people, generally attract other trustworthy people.
“I usually get a feeling whether or not someone is trustworthy when I first meet them. Intuition? Then I just wait to see if they build on or destroy that feeling I have about them. No matter who it is though, trust takes time.”
Yes, this sounds like me all the way.
This may be off topic, but whatever. A few years ago when I was working in the bank, one of the male employees in the building where I worked was interested in me. He told me that he was a year older than what he actually was. Stupid him. He had an account with us, and one day I waited on him and could see his account information with his real birthdate. Now, I sat there and wondered why he would lie about something so insignificant. I wasn’t interested in him back, but even if I were, lying about something so small, so early on was a telltale sign to me that he probably was not a good person. Later on, I found out that he was living off of his girlfriend and that at one point in time he had issues with his work, but was allowed to come back.
Yep, little lies should definitely not be ignored. Little lies for no reason are usually a tell-tale sign of pathological lying.
But you know what? Two of my lady coworkers didn’t understand why I thought his little lie was a problem. I guess they trust people more easily than I do, or they are willing to let things go that come back to be a problem later. I’m the type of person who doesn’t allow myself to deal with people who I feel I can’t trust so early on.
Jammy jams, You do know that I take issue with your trust assertions about women, right?!
“And if my woman is a woman, why should I trust her if she’s telling me that her institution is one rife with trife?”
She is simply stating a fact, that may or may not apply to her. Men cheat! Does that mean, I should judge a potential honey by the actions of the other majority, who happen to be cheaters? Or should I judge him solely on character and his actions!
What makes her so different?
Her DNA markup is different from others, that is a starting point to warrant unique points. Since you already have assumptions from here to my village hut in the mountains of Mt. Kilimanjaro, I guess her actions and time will prove your assertions wrong?
Trust is not an attribute that is store bought, it takes years to be nurtured and developed. However, in the scope of a relationship there is an element of trust. The degree of trust varies with time, as you get to know your partner. It either increases or decreases! It can never remain neutral. That’s just abnormal.
If my honey has not given me any reason to doubt him, I have absolutely no business not trusting him or trying to find ways to not trust him. When it comes to trust, I look at it from a human perspective, not a gender perspective.
This issue of women not trusting fellow women is such a foreign concept to me, I cannot fathom its foolishness. If you cannot trust your friend, why then are you friends in the beginning?! Now, I am not negating the fact that shid happens, and that trust issues can start to develop in a friendship. But statistically speaking, I don’t think it is that big of a deal to warrant, this madness.
Trust is the most basic and fundamental tenants of any relationship, whether romantic or friendship wise. As such, if I should for a moment “doubt” you, trust and believe, you will just be another non-entity in my life, simple.
I trust those around me, and that’s because I have people that keep it 100% with me. I can count them on my fingers, for they are VERY few and treasured.
“When it comes to trust, I look at it from a human perspective, not a gender perspective.”
You must be talking in some weird African voodoo language. Apparently we can’t comprehend this notion here.
@ MJOY,
Jammy jams has us believing that ALL women(hence the womanhood institution) have intense mistrust issues. Further perpetuating the notion that our trust issues are at an accelerated level than men, which I HIGHLY disagree with. Trust is NOT gender specific, it is all across the board. Men and women both alike have trust issues, in essence it being a human issue.
If this is not comprehensible, in sum what I am saying is jammy jams is not saying SHID!
shiiiiiiid. I kinda think he realizes this but must defend himself and stick to the script.
I agree. How many times have [we] heard and/or seen a man say, “Yo, I don’t trust females/bitches” Or, “Yo, I don’t trust that nigga” ?
So, like you and others have said – Not being able to trust isn’t a gendered thing.
I don’t trust her with any recipe that has butter in it…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9pW6PwEayQ
@ RWC
I have seen this clip before elsewhere and my oh my, it never ceases to make me tear in joy!
I never knew butter would be this comedic!!!
All things butter make me think of Paula Deen who I wouldn’t trust to stir kool-aid without putting butter in it. My hatred of hrr increased by 50-11% wh3n I saw this
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CLFBAY7N7r8
LOL. Before I clicked on the link I thought it was going to be something about Paula Dean. Anyone says Butter and her face pops in my mind.
In my personal experience women only trust two other women in their life.
1. Their mama.
2. Their gynecologist.
But I’ve gotta cede the floor to author Jay McInerney, who infamously wrote, “Beware the woman who doesn’t like other women; she’s probably generalizing from her own character.” — Model Behavior.
Or as I like to paraphrase, “Don’t date a woman who likes cats.”
Seriously, the concept of sisterhood is an enigma wrapped in mystery and shellacked with iunno what.
Mama, yes.
But I don’t know how many women trust somebody who shoves metal prongs up your p*ssy everytime you see them.
If you let a person do that, you have to trust them. OMG the speculum. I remember my first exam. I was so nervous, I clinched up and the speculum went shooting off across the floor. At the moment I was embarrassed. In retrospect, I’m kind of proud of that.
One thing I have learned in life is that just because someone is putting something in your p*ssy does not mean you should trust them.
Also, that IS pretty impressive.
“One thing I have learned in life is that just because someone is putting something in your p*ssy does not mean you should trust them.”
Wise words.
Ha! That’s funny. I usually just giggle a lot when they touch me because of how ticklish I am.
“I clinched up and the speculum went shooting off across the floor. At the moment I was embarrassed. In retrospect, I’m kind of proud of that.”
*Darth vader voice* impressive…….most impressive
@RWC… You are officially my hero.
Shout out to “angry vagina” from the Vagina Monologues! If you haven’t read it… READ IT! Goes into depth about the “mean, cold, duck lips” they shove up there.
But I trust my gynecologist with my life! And I love cats… hmmm
This here, is one woman who does not trust her mother.
+1. My trust for my mom is more limited than trust for my dad.
Before I lay with the sheep, another caveat that should be added into the discussion are the consequences of trust (based on what usually happens in the world as opposed to an absurd hypothetical).
For example, it is chexy time and protection comes into play. If she simply trusts him and just assumes he’s going to put on a condom she could end of pregnant or with STI/STDs. Now on the flip side the man has to possible worry about her poking holes in the condom to get herself pregnant. I’m not positive how much either happens, but I would bet the house the former happens more than the latter. This example is not to say that men have very little to lose during trust or that it happens rarely.
This is so true, and just one of many examples.
If a man and a woman fall in love and trust each other to live happily ever after, the chances of the woman getting really violent and abusive, or killing the man, are much smaller than the chances of the man getting violent, abusive and possibly homicidal.
I’d have a woman literally try to sneak up on the peen while we were naked and making out post-head. I literally had to lift her up off of me before penetration. You’d be surprised how vociferous some women get about condoms. Some women believe condoms = “you think I’m a nasty h0e huh!” I agree that the consequences are more skewed towards women, but there’s more on the guy’s side than you think.
I’d definitely concede that it happens more than I think.
How exactly can you not know if he’s wearing a condom? She’s got eyes and nerve endings right?
I don’t know. I do not have that equipment nor desire to attempt a similar comparison in my “backyard.”
I don’t trust none of y’all in here, *side eyes the VSB punch bowl* *suspects someones double dipped in the VSB chips-n-dip* *quietly steals Malik’s unopened Sprite*
Wait. You don’t even trust people giving you food????
That is serious.
I am with iayp when it comes to food! I am African, and juju is REAL!
That’s cool. More chips for me.
Would you eat anyone’s potato salad? Alright then!
helll naw, potato salad is always the first thing tampered with.
That and the cole slaw- ask me how I know!
how you know???
somehow I know too. I wont eat anyone’s coleslaw.
Damn, could have sworn I was you people and sh*t…
*your*
I don’t blame you at all for not trusting us VSBers, myself included. Mainly because I know people who would stand behind you with a mirror attached to the top of his/her shoe so he/she can get a sneak peek under your dress.
I’ve never done this though. Honest.
So, she doesn’t trust me? That’s cool…that’s why I took that red velvet cake while her back was turned…
Why you gotta take MY sprite?
Anything pertaining to you MUST be safe
I do NOT trust anything he has to say on the 2.28-2.30 mark. Give me a damn break! Those that talk the mostest usually disappoint the mostful.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=otPxoVQiIGo
I seriously don’t trust ANYONE. I deal with this everyday and I wish it weren’t true. Family or otherwise.
you just need a hug and good loving today!!!! e-hug!!!
Thank you… Feeling all warm and fuzzy now.
u berra STOOOPPPP it! Jay flirting with moi?! *faints* and resurrects back to spread the gospel as intended!!!!
Well, you know the old saying- family can be your worst enemy.
My distrust for men and women is different leading me to actually be more trustful of women. The 48 Laws of Power tell you to “learn to use your enemies”. It states that you and an enemy have the potential for the perfect working relationship. One reason is because the two of you don’t trust each other so you will always keep your guard up. This is how I am with men. I trust them because I don’t trust them(I hope someone understands that.) I KNOW what they will do in certain situations. I know what they’re intentions usually are. I know their motivations. But women I don’t trust because I know that they will do whatever to protect their image. IN MY EXPERIENCES WITH WOMEN. I believe that image is the #1 reason why women lie, when they lie. Its also a HUGE part of the reason why the sexual double standard exists. Not the whole of it but it plays a huge part.
Just because there was a can of worms there, you just HAD to open it huh?
I like fishing, sir. Sitting in a boat or on a shore staring endlessly into the water contemplating nothing, then snatch, hook, you’s dinner.
lol
Your post was so raw! Men have trust issues with other dudes?! Other than their daddies not being in their life, I’ve never read such a RAW, uncooked version…..Ya’ll tend to bottle it in, and then let it out in your actions…..Interesting
God bless you for making Aubrey @ 8.50 am in the morning.
Aubrey…? Please do not compare me to the “Kitten Whisperer”. Its not trust issues. Firstly I don’t trust ANYONE. I’m just saying that I don’t trust a man to be anything other than a man. I mean of course there is leeway in certain situations but I don’t put myself out there unless I have to.
Remember the movie The Professional. When Leon went to get his money from Big Tony. Leon took it without counting to make sure it was all there…
Big Tony: Aren’t you gonna count it? Make sure its all there??
Leon: No, I trust you.
Big Tony: One thing’s got nothing to do with the other.
Thats how I feel. Outside of a relationship I think that trust is overrated. Even if you do trust someone there are just some things that you can’t afford to be wrong about so you better have your thinking cap on.
Exxxcelent use of ‘the professional’ to teach important life lessons.
totally slept on movie with great girl friendly tutorials! for example, how to learn to shoot like an assassin in central park ; )
I know its been a while, but why for art thou moderation…
Urrrgh! Who compared you to AUBREY?! I said I, ME, AFRICAN MAMI. AUBREYED over your post!
Let me break it down for ya,
I found it brutally honest and appealing. Nothing more nothing less!
My apologies.
@ Jay…Awesome example! By the way one of my top 10 favorite movies.
“But women I don’t trust because I know that they will do whatever to protect their image. IN MY EXPERIENCES WITH WOMEN. I believe that image is the #1 reason why women lie, when they lie. Its also a HUGE part of the reason why the sexual double standard exists. Not the whole of it but it plays a huge part.”
This is largely the reason why women who are hoes hate being called hoes.
There is no such thing as hoe; it’s a made up thing by judgmental people towards women that are having more sex than them to put them in check/ feel better about themselves.
Of course there’s a such thing as a ho. She’s currently strolling the track and she BETTER have my money!!
Dude… THIS made me LOL for real for real.
lmao! Whats gon happen if she don’t tho
Young Pimpin don’t like when the trap come up short. Young Pimpin might have to unleash today!
Lolwut???
Thats pretty sexist of you… Men can be hoes to and…. THEY DO EXIST.
You got it twisted. Because the double standard exists women go that extra mile to cover up indiscretions. Hence… Why no female politicians get caught…
Very very valid point… What happened to your gravatar??
“learn to use your enemiesâ€
i did this. for ten years. it is a very high price to pay for success. it can also demand that you compromise your integrity because, there is a very good reason people feel enmity. and though you may produce good and even important work during your partnership, every day can be a perverse kind of rationalization for pain.
i enjoy robert greene, but i take his teachings with a grain of salt. my preference in this arena is the work of baltasar gracian, from whom greene has taken nearly every lesson and codified it into a product of modern thought.
Yes. Robert Greene’s works give you little to no information on actual application of his lessons. I find his works to be ethereal and philosophical. Art of Seduction for instance teaches “strategy” or “theory”, whereas Mystery Method teaches actual field tactics and real world application. Balthasar Gracian… Duly noted
I love Robert Greene. But yeah, he doesn’t go into detail about how to apply the material to life.
Mystery is cool, but over the top and extra.
I prefer Alan Roger Currie or if you’re not as bold, at least go with Style over Mystery. I don’t have Mystery’s attention seeking personality though, so I’m biased.
Never heard of Alan Roger Currie. Will definitely check him out. Yeah. Mystery is definitely extra. Robert Greene, Style, Mystery… that is the order that these people entered my consciousness. You can’t deny that Mystery laid the groundwork. Style definitely furthered it though. Although there are black PUAs I think that Style’s work is more universal. Most of Mystery’s techniques have to be tweaked extensively for black women.
Yeah Mystery was the originator that learned from scratch. Gotta give him credit for that. I think Style is more of an everyday ordinary guy that tweeked just enough about himself to be extremely desirable to women. I can relate to him a lil more, but Mystery is pretty brilliant though. U said it right though, you’d have to tweak his methods a LOT for black women lol. Alan Roger Currie’s teachings are pretty bold and you might even find them extreme. You may choose to tone it down just a bit, but you’ll love the principle and ESPECIALLY the stories lmao
I appreciate this comment. Very raw as yo woman would say.
Truth!
“There is no spoon.”
-Neo, “The Matrix”
Good morning dear sir, everyone,
Very good question(s) you pose here, and acts as a kind of “part two” to your topic yesterday, and my response thereto. Lets pickup where we left off, shall we?
Yesterday i argued, that both men and women act/react along the lines of human mating, as a result of our respective evolved sexual psychologies; in the case of women, who bear a heavier cost in the mating dance for reasons that i will illuminate below, their evolved sexual psychology, that inclines them to do what they do, makes perfect sense once one understands our ancestral beginnings and the needed adaptations towards solving reproductive problems in order to survive.
Put simply, eggs are expensive, whereas sperm is cheap. Each woman is born with about 400 eggs, the vast majority of which have deteriorated beyond servicable use by the time they reach 35 years of age, on average. Men, on the other hand, generate about 12 million sperm an hour and over the course of a lifetime, the average healthy male can produce about 16 gallons of semen. Thats a lot of jizz, folks.
Moreover, the absolute bear minimum of investment for a woman to engage in the reproductive process is nine months-a process that, until very recently in human evolutionary history, was one that was wrought with all manner of risks for the female-including death (maternal death was very common even in the usa, only a century ago). For the human male, depending on who you ask, the absolute minimum investment required to reproduce was a matter of minutes (or indeed, seconds!); the costs for selecting the wrong mate were much less to him than it was for the human female. For the male, the name of the game is to get the most reproductive opportunities with the least minimum investment; for the female, the idea is to select the best possible mate who can then provide the most resources over an expanse of time.
(My “Cafe Date Theory” operates precisely on this principle-what is the absolute minimum investment that i must incur in the courtship process? My solution, which ive expounded on a bit last week here at vsb, is no more than the cost the average brotha pays for a haircut.)
So, it is completely understandable that in just about every aspect and area of the human mating dance-which includes, but not is solely limited to, selecting, attracting and then keeping a mate, that women have a heck of a lot more to lose than do men, all other factors being equal. And these facts, then explain how and why, women act as they do.
Unlike men, who, because of the wide range of selection criteria women have evolved over millennia, are able to manipulate said lists of criteria to their own ends, women are much more limited; this is due to the fact that mens’ selection criteria matewise is much more narrowly defined-primarily, along the lines of youth and beauty, which are in fact proxies for reproductive fitness. While modern day devices such as better nutrition, cosmetic surgery and the like have been a boon to women, the fact remains that women are a bit more limited in what they can do in relation men. This “limitation” is felt keenly among women and they act accordingly. For example, it is an observed fact that women derogate each other far and away more than men do to each other, or indeed men do to women(!); this is just one manifestation of what ive stated above. Female intrasexual competition is extraordiarily fierce, in large part due to what men desire first and foremost in women, which are, for the most part, beyond any womans ability to fully control, if at all.
Male mate selection criteria, coupled with a womans hardwired reprocutive capacity, coupled with the relatively high costs women must incur to reproduce, all combine to explain why women “cant truss it”.
It truly is elementary, dear panama.
Holla back
O.
…Stewie said.
Cool Hwhip.
Ok…spell “whip”.
LMAO!
you’re eating hair!
“Put simply, eggs are expensive, whereas sperm is cheap. Each woman is born with about 400 eggs, the vast majority of which have deteriorated beyond servicable use by the time they reach 35 years of age, on average. Men, on the other hand, generate about 12 million sperm an hour and over the course of a lifetime, the average healthy male can produce about 16 gallons of semen. Thats a lot of jizz, folks.”
In the name of respectful posting, Perverted Alchemist is going to wait and see who is going to be the first person to say the above statement is sexist…
Nah, not sexist. O speaks the truth on this one.
Although, I will add that the quality of men’s sperm decreases with age– starting even earlier than women, usually around age 30. Older sperm are less likely to result in a successful pregnancy and older fathers are more likely to pass on genetic diseases.
@perverted alchemist:
A common attack, albeit a feeble one, on game and by extension evolutionary psychology, is to suggest or outright denounce it as “sexist” or worse “misogynist”; such ad hominem assaults only belie the gross ignorance of the interlocutor, as well as their likely subjectivity insofar as the evidentary record is concerned.
Calling evopsych, game or either of its proponents “sexist” will not in any way, shape or form, diminish the truths upon which they are based. Only by sweeping away such sophmoric notions and confronting squarely the truth, will progress be finally made.
O.
Not to derail, but people cry sexism when the evo stuff is *misapplied*. No one contests the finite amount of eggs scenario.
I do, however, take pause when someone suggests this means greater lifetime fertility for men. When the facts actually show that for older couples unable to conceive 50% of the time it’s issues with sperm counts, motion, and quality.
LOL, nah sounds about right. I mean, it’s simple supply and demand. There is a LOT of jizzy supply. lol
Now that’s just nasty! Shame on you!
I trust my girls implicitly. If I don’t trust you then you are quickly…not my girl. Very simple. I also trust my man. I expect both my girls and my man to have sense, sensibility, sensitivity and self-awareness. It’s worked so far. Life is too short for me to monitor or second guess people in my circle and my heart.
all of this, yes.
Who can’t trust their own friends? That’d be a sad situation.
A person that trusts no one really in fact is the person that cant be trusted.
Cuz they know what THEY did last summer and karma is lurking.
LULZ!
I trust my girls beyond a shadow of a doubt. Chicks before dycks.
+1
I trust women even less than I trust men.
Don’t let the feminists hear you say that…
lol, yeah I trust men more than women too, because men don’t give a sh*t about my feelings or about seeming like an insensitive person. They’re more accustomed to telling other men the truth even when it hurts, because….well, f*ck yo feelings and yo couch n*gga! lol
I also trust those in my inner circle.
But above all, I trust myself.
Women who don’t trust men and who don’t trust other women are people who don’t trust themselves.
It takes life experience to know you can handle the worse of situations — thats where the trust of myself comes in. I trust that I will handle things as I see fit should a disaster strike in human relationships/interactions. I trust that I will keep my happiness intact through the decisions I make.
“Women who don’t trust men and who don’t trust other women are people who don’t trust themselves.” This is all that you needed to write. So true.
“Women who don’t trust men and who don’t trust other women are people who don’t trust themselves.”
I disagree with this statement. I trust myself and rely almost exclusively on my talents, skills, and abilities. I don’t trust some men because their words do not match their actions. I trust most women a hell of a lot more than some men. But, I have to put trust in myself to determine the type of person I’m dealing with if they can be trusted and to what degree.
Actually, in reading what you wrote after my statement, I see that you agree with y statement.
One of the things we as black people like to do is we always like to talk about what “People Should be”, but we never really gain an understanding of “What people are” and “Why people are that way” and yet, those two questions need to be understood, before the former can be asked and receive an appropriate answer.
Reading the vast majority of comments on this article, it becomes quite obvious, that to the women who’ve commented, trust is a HUGE deal, shoot, to women, it’s a privilege giving it to anyone, they talk about trust like they talk about giving away p*ssy (go through most of the female comments and replace trust with p*ssy and see if you don’t get a good laugh out of it.) Now, the question that we aught to ask is why is it that trust is a much bigger deal for women than it is for men, whether it is trusting other women or men, why does it feel like for women, trust is like sharing a part of their soul with a person?
The answer, as with most answers that have to deal with men and women, is freedom vs. security. Men are freedom oriented, women are security oriented. Even though we might want the same things out of lives, our motivation for getting them is different. A man wants to become famous, so he can freely have any woman of his dreams, smoke, dress how he likes etc. A woman wants to become famous so she can have a voice and be taken seriously in society. Even Nicki Minaj and Rihanna think they’re inspirations towards women and are fighting the good fight for them. But back to the topic at hand: women view every interaction with outsiders (non-family) members as either a threat to their ultimate goal of security, or as an ally towards their goal of security. And they measure each interaction through that lens, men are different, because if we thought that way, that would interrupt our freedom, because it would zap us of way too much energy, and the less free a man is, the less likely women are to want or care for his existence.
I could go on, and on, but it really comes down to the fact that women always feel like they have more to lose out of life than men do, which is why they aren’t free, and that transcends just sex, it’s their entire livelihood. And they’re not completely wrong: in the grand scheme of things, they’re more valuable than men biologically, ie they’re survival is intertwined with the survival of the species. (in fact, ecologist when studying populations of organisms, don’t even count the male organism in their numbers) The burden of surviving, of not being frivolous with their lives in what they do leads to them being much more selective in who they trust and they often have to deal with the consequences, with approaching trust the way they do.
Sounds about right….
“it’s a privilege giving it to anyone, they talk about trust like they talk about giving away p*ssy (go through most of the female comments and replace trust with p*ssy and see if you don’t get a good laugh out of it.) ”
Of course, you know I did LMAO!!!!
Women are trained from birth not to trust anyone. We are trained from birth that boys only want one thing, to make sure you don’t dress a certain way b/c you may get attacked, to let our parents know if someone touches us, that the world is bad, that oatmeal can choke you, etc. So we are trained from day one that we are vulnerable and will be attacked by any and everyone especially men. This is called programming. By trying to teach us to avoid danger, we are instead trained how to fear people and their actions.
Who teaches you that?
Parents teach their daughters to be more on guard than they do their sons. This allows for the freedom you write so much about. From birth men are given much more free reign when it comes to freedom. Not so much for girls.
That’s not completely true.
You see it is in parent’s nature to teach their children to be safe, it might be more intense with girls, but boys aren’t given freedom, boys choose freedom. You see as a boy, you’re taught that all the resources you acquire in life, are to be given to the woman that you love, and your children and that is was manhood is. When you’re a young guy, if you have a father, he let’s you understand that if he dies, it’s your responsibility to take care of all the women and children in the household. As a man you’re programmed to believe that if your community or nation is danger, it is your duty to sacrifice our lives for the safety of our children and our women…we’re programmed to sacrifice ourselves for your own benefit.
However, we do something that women don’t do…”We say F*ck it!”
You actually think mothers or fathers encourage their boys to go out their and smash as many girls as they like? Nah, men actually go out there and develop those skills on our own or through brotherhood. We rebel against societies demands of us as sacrificial lambs, and when we’re tired of fighting society and it’s demands, we succumb to the pressure of wanting a loyal woman and we get married and do all the other stuff that we’re programmed to do.
You’re taught 1+1 = 2, and you’re taught to believe in Santa Clause, however, it’s you who decides what is true to you or not. A lot of women will claim that they’ve been programmed, however, when you become conscious of your programming it now becomes your responsibility to either rebel against it or to accept it. Society isn’t interested in your happiness, society is interested in it’s continuation. And everything parents teach their children is based on that goal. Happiness and freedom are your responsibility, you decide to be free or not, no one ever gives them to you.
moderation again…
they’re watching you…
Who knew Big Brother was black…
@Black Medici…Dark Vader sir….whenever I read your comments this is what is playing in the background….I don’t mean for it to happen it just does!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzntZLHcYy0&feature=related
“You see it is in parent’s nature to teach their children to be safe, it might be more intense with girls, but boys aren’t given freedom, boys choose freedom.”
You are given more freedom sweetie. Ever hear the term “boys will be boys.” In that lies a level of freedom that girls are never given. It is ASSUMED that boys will rebel so when the rebellion happens, parents aren’t that harsh b/c “boys will be boys.” When boys start to have sex, it is assumed that you guys will have sex when the need fits you b/c “boys will be boys.” A curfew for a boy is different from a curfew for a girl. If a boy gets into trouble at school, well he’s a boy, he’s supposed to get into trouble. Boys are “supposed” to push boundaries.
I understand what you are saying but let’s not start this whole men are rebels and choose to be free. Y’all are free b/c society ALLOWS you that freedom and that rebellion. Men are programmed as well…yall aren’t that special and just as easily manipulated by society.
First off, you didn’t get what I said.
Yes, men are manipulated, the difference is we fight that manipulation. We’re manipulated to be providers. If freedom was “given” to men by society, there would be no such thing as Revolutions where the people actually fight for their freedoms and change the direction in which a society is going. The thing is that society expects men to rebel and try to control it: the only difference between a good boy and a bad boy, is that good boy does what society tells him to do, and a bad boy doesn’t. Those bad boys are the ones you’re talking about when you say “boys will be boys.”
If men followed the rules of the church in times past, even today, do you think that they would have been able to maintain their sanity? I mean, shoot looking at my childhood, and most of my boys, we were all raised to be virgins. But our desire to get p****y, impelled us to say eff it, and hope that God was joking when he talked about fornication in the bible that our mothers made us listen to in church every single day.
However, here’s what it really comes down to. A hooker is a woman who rebels against society and the consequence of her rebellion is that society no longer cares for her. She could die or be murdered and the police will do all they can to wrap up the case and get over with it as soon as possible. The same thing goes for pimps, no one rebels against society more than pimps, and no one is looked upon more highly by rebellious men than pimps. Yet, if anything happens to a pimp, society loses no sleep, society could care less if Don Magic Juan woke up one day and died of AIDS. But let a well kept virgin girl be hurt or assaulted and see how people in that society will go up in arms searching for justice! (Al Sharpton made his career defending young innocent black girls) Let a married woman, who is regarded as a mother to all die, and see how the people of society come together to elevate her and mourn her importance to their lives.
You see, the consequence of rebelling against society, is society ostracizes you and just like in the Scarlet Letter, you become a free-for-all for public ridicule. Rather than deal with that, you’d rather be secure and be protected by society, so as most women do, you pay your dues and complain about the consequences you get, anytime you have a moment of rebelliousness and society ridicules you. Now, I know what you’re thinking, that this doesn’t apply to men, but here’s the thing men have be rebelling against society for generations. There is always a small community of men living in rebellion who embrace newcomers, who have been ostracized by society, and thus the blow of public ridicule isn’t near as bad as it is for women. A woman who rebels against society is likely to be alone and under a lot of pressure.
Tiger Woods got all the ridicule that he received, because he didn’t rebel. He sold everyone on the fact that he was a poster boy for society, and once he got found out, the disgust that society had for him was worse than it would have ever had for all the other girls/sluts who were on the other side of the infidelity.
When it all comes down to it, men and women are both manipulated but it’s for good reason. I mean society needs people to procreate and be responsible, and if it didn’t enforce that society would collapse (Kinda like how America is collapsing now). The big difference is most men, at some point in their lives, get the chance to be free by saying eff it and then they get to enjoy freedom, for as long as they can. However, with women, few ever get the chance to be free, and even among the few who become free, few can deal with the consequences of that freedom and the pressure that comes from being ostracized by society.
Psst… women are also ‘raised’ to be virgins. Shoooooot… We didn’t let that stop us… as our average age of losing it is like… 16? WE ARE REBELLING!
Seriously, logic man. Who do you think men are having this chex with? WOMEN… Mostly.
That actually furthered his point. He said that when women rebel in the same manner as men they are subject to far more ridicule. Sex is like example number one, two and three of how that plays out.
Yeah, Black Medici gets it. It’s why good guys complain. They’ve been manipulated and held to a ridiculous standard just like women (maybe SLIGHTLY lower though), however the bad boys get all the rewards, admiration, and attention from EVERYONE especially the sexy ladies. So what incentives are yall giving men to act right? The “reward” of being tied down with one woman forever? GTFOH!
REBEL AGAINST THE TYRANNY OF FEAR!!! Yaaaargh!
Ugh, freedom to “smash” as many women as they want. That’s terrible. Not all fathers explicitly teach their sons things like sacrificing for or providing for women. Also, not all sons have reliable fathers to teach them. The thing is, the sons ARE following the impetus of biology to “smash” as many women as they want and, in the permissive culture after the 60s, they are encouraged by most media to do it. To the victor belong the spoils! Women are served contrasting images in media, on the one hand, being sexy is overvalued, on the other hand, they are hemmed in by a “stay chaste or you’ll be one of those girls” thing. I think people come to the idea of a relationship gradually, men have to shoot their… I mean sow their wild oats a bunch before they wise up and realize they need a, oh, 10 years younger fertile woman to settle down with and carry their line. When women in whatever relationship status they are at the time realize they want a committed relationship where they are valued, various factors could work against them and they tend to wise up to whatever their mothers said. Time/experience teaches.
Your argument vis a vis freedom v security is b.llshyt. Why? Look at the past fifty years… Everything women have fought for our liberation meant less security. Living and working independently means you can fall flat on your face more… Getting women in the military combat activity… Etc. it’s conservative men that cling to women being lowly dependents.
Women’s Liberation had nothing to do with Societal security. Lol, this concept is hard to get. When I say society protects you, I mean this: when a war happens, we consider it an atrocity if women and children get killed, that’s because a society is suppose to protect it’s women and children. A society is judged based on the condition of its children and women.
Women’s Liberation, had to do with rights, which are always amendable as long as they don’t interrupt with society’s bottom-line which is to survive by growing and always being able to defend itself. So yeh more women are poor, but they’re surviving, and that’s all society really cares about. They’re giving birth to kids, even though abortions are up…however, the population is still growing.
Finally, the amount of money government spends on women support programs is very high and it’s higher than it was pre-women’s liberation movement as is all government spending since the 60′s. Those conservatives might be at war with women, but in reality society isn’t. Women are the biggest supporters of society, they just want to have more control over which direction it’s going in.
You are not speaking factually. Welfare reform that occurred under Clinton from AFDC to TANF cut the welfare rolls by more than half. So no… it’s not ‘grown’ crazily. Don’t let the media hype guide your perceptions.
Secondly, you are conflating ‘woman support systems’ with CHILDREN support systems. As a single woman with no kids… there are no public benefits I qualify for that single males don’t also qualify for, ie. unemployment insurance or student loan deferment.
Children are the main and intended beneficiaries… women just happen to more often be their takecakers hence handle the welfare benefit.
STOP THIS MADNESS AND ILLOGIC.
Also, I don’t care what theoretically deep down someone feels… if they are disparging me based on my sex and gender… they can kick rocks.
Fact is… this isn’t just some men on blog ‘expressing their feelings’ they are trying to pass this venting off as ‘logical arguments’ or ‘truth’… when it is neither.
I love your comments.
Who said I was talking simply about welfare?
A court system that rewards women in cases of divorce and child support far more than they offer to men, who funds it? A society where a poor man is more likely to die and be found on the streets begging for change than a woman, who funds those shelters, those employment centers for women – I mean are they privately owned? Who funds the organizations that defend women from violence? Who funds all those clinics and community health centers that are built primarily for the benefit of women?
But wait a second, shouldn’t we provide these services for women? I mean they are abused, they do need to be protected, and aren’t we irresponsible if we let all these women suffer? I mean isn’t it our responsibility to protect our sisters, our daughters and our mothers?
Hmmm, of course it is.
All this means is that, while society has some trappings of “equal” culture for women, i.e. women controlling their own financial security by working, it still thinks that women are fundamentally frail creatures and sweet mothers who can’t be sacrificed in a battle and who are definitely, definitely the better parent no matter what evidence to the contrary. In Israel, women serve in the army.
The fact is, feminism is applied unevenly and shoddily. Like a lot of well intentioned stuff that is put into cultural/institutional practice. Men lose out in women exploiting sexual harassment laws to get them fired, having a winning hand in a custody battle, avoiding rape convictions because women can’t rape men, and being more sympathized with if they are homeless. I think that assuming that women are weak is wrong, but assuming that women are strong and can think like and replace men is also wrong. Which is why men get sex handed to them because there’s not cultural values in place that make it important for either party. Hence the brutal and slow awakening that we are a cooperative species that needs to form and work at relationship. Hence why women, though having some pecuniary surface power are often unhappy if they also want to find a mate. We are not taught that building something with someone takes work and has value. But, women’s rights are also not upheld in any other than surface grazing way, as we see in the War on Women.
Your argument vis a vis freedom v security is b.llshyt. Why? Look at the past fifty years…
More to his point… “the past fifty years”???? What he is talking about has been the state of affairs since the beginning of time so you can’t say that its bull. You raise a good point though. I think that modern feminism is the beginning of women “rebelling” against society.
+1 Jay- Since the beginning of time. Who gives a sh*t about the last 50 years?! Anybody that wants to be free can be free. Part of being free though is dealing with ridicule, judgment, and social shame. It is what it is. You say you want what men experience so man up and deal with it! That’s why I respect Wild Cougar, she talks the talk AND actually lives it. She ain’t scurred. Either you bout that life or you not. Don’t sit here and complain to me that you’ll be judged. That’s the whole point of freedom, you don’t give a sh*t! Erykah Badu don’t care, so why should you?
But, what about the whole loyalty thing? Like, aren’t men much more concerned that the woman that they choose is loyal (and supportive)? And being sure that someone is loyal is similar to deciding if they deserve your trust, just different terminology. I think with men, however, if a woman is not loyal, they simply don’t commit to her and use her for sex or kick her to the curb and move on. She is not worth investing in as a girlfriend. Because (most) women are looking for the emotional intimacy of a relationship with ANY man they’re dating (rather than slowly testing out, is she someone I’m just having sex with for now? is she a temporary girlfriend? is she good enough to “clip my wings” as a long term girlfriend?) trust is always an issue. They are less free because they, if they like a guy, want to see where it goes and throw their chips down for a relationship. I think men actually vet women for if she’s “serious girlfriend material” longer and take it as it comes until then. I think women would maybe be advised to also taking it as it comes and dealing with it like, is he worth being MY guy or is it a one time thing rather than oh man this looks like it’s going to work so I better try to keep him.
I have 4 friends. Not this besties crap but friends who I would actually go to hell’s front door for. I won’t walk through the door but I will def walk up to it. Of those 4, 3 are women who’ve I’ve been friends with for 17, 10, and 5 years. Mind you, I am still in my 20s so that is a seriously long time. I would trust these three to hang out with my SO alone, without me, and i wouldnt have a problem with it (as long as they both let me know–again transparency).
I agree with the first commenter. I trust people to a degree and once you have lost it, it’s gone and is never coming back. I think that some trust too freely and will just give it to anyone. Being guarded doesn’t have to mean being alone and there is nothing wrong with being cautious.
Now, for those women who say that they have no female friends or their female friends change from year to year, this is a huge red flag which tells me to start backing away from forming a friendship with her. I find it weird when a person doesn’t have a friend (not acquaintance) of the same sex. These tend to be the women who once they get into a relationship, you no longer hear from them unless the relationship goes haywire. I avoid those friendships as well.
Women are taught from our mommas not to trust other women around their men probably bc the men weren’t worth trusting from the get go. Instead of blaming him, we tend to blame the female and then take his raggedy behind back.
My momma taught me to trust no one completely and that once I found a true friend (a person that is a solid rock in your life) to hold on to them. That’s what I live by.
So women trust but those women who spew how you can’t trust anyone, don’t have any female friends, and are always checking up on their man need to be left alone.
*stands up and starts slow clap*
I cosign errythang. I think in part women simply lost respect for eachother, i mean sure they’ll say something if they hear a man making under 6 figures say b****, but in general they give two fux about they gender. Its crazy because for the men to be too dumb to help ourselves we’ve managed to create a market where women are down to do anything out of fear of the next one beating them to it. All we do is win *drops mic, exits stage left*
Sad because it sounds too much like right.
*SMH*
LMAO! Well played Tristan. That’s the elephant in the room. They get soooo mad at men for looking out for ourselves, but their real issue is that they know that they are just as bad and it works against them because the next woman is also looking out for herself first. There’s no gender unity, just competition. The problem ain’t men or double standards, the problem is selfish people. The double standards are just an inconvenience for both sexes. (Because it also makes it harder for the average guy to get laid duh)
Yeah, there’s mixed messages about the whole women competing thing. It’s so internalized, all the criticism of women’s bodies/habits from the media and the backlash from people who are all “body positive.” Men are encouraged to compete externally (career, prowess, etc.) and women, when they feel threatened or insecure around other women, don’t realize it’s because they’re competing. I think if they realize they’re competing, they can focus on shit like getting better at the stuff they are insecure in, whether it’s looking/feeling good, their career, their intelligence, whatever. That’s a damn tall order. One I can’t fill. Men used to be the ones peacocking and now the woman or “decoration on their arm” has to peacock and fight to keep a man rather than sitting back and choosing.
One of the few lessons I learned from my crazy arse daddy, trust is earned. I coupled that with what my momma teaches, there are varying levels of trust. Those two things together mean you don’t blindly trust random people. Once you get to know a person you trust him/her based on his/her actions. I will say that there is a small group of women and men that I trust beyond a shadow of a doubt. Everybody else will be and is met with a side eye. It may be “untrusting” but it helps me sleep at night knowing someone isn’t pulling wool over my eyes.
Nice glasses.
Thanks kindly!
PJ..it’s like that saying…fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me. You will have my complete trust but once you have boo booed all over it once then your Trust bank with me will forever more have NSF…forever!!!
Not to tell too much but my recent experiences with women have proven why most women freaked out about yesterday’s post. Here is a little story for you…a little slaw decided to volunteer at the place of business where my ex worked. She knew who I was, knew we were married…damn we even chatted on a few occasions when I visited him or picked him up after work. As time went on I discovered her number on our phone bill and another employee at the place informed me that this slaw was now being referred to as “Mr. X’s girlâ€!!! Yadda yadda yadda and fast forward 5 months later and my ex and this girl are boldly involved with each other and he decided the marriage was just not working for him anymore….remember we were very much married at the time and she was well aware. The level of disrespect and boldness was so incredible that she went on FB and updated her status to say she was in a relationship (including an anniversary date) with my HUSBAND!
Remember I said earlier, I knew this slaw and she knew me very well. So after experiencing mess like the above it’s very hard to trust women and their motives for being around your man. This chick was showing up under the guise of VOLUNTEERING at this place of business but I never suspected what all she was actually VOLUNTEERING!!!
I know I can’t beat another man with the stick that I have for my ex (or the damn 2 x 4 I have for her) in this situation but what it has done is made me very leery of folks and highly suspect of all women…so they are guilty until proven innocent.
So you asked….who in the hell do you trust? Jesus and my mommy
Slaw!!?? Where are you from again?
Far Far Away…Corey does slaw offend you?
Absolutely not! I use it often:noun, pronoun, adverb. Its highly versatile but I haven’t really heard it used outside of a specific region of the country.
Wow. Just wow. WOW!!!
“Women are taught from our mommas not to trust other women around their men probably bc the men weren’t worth trusting from the get go. Instead of blaming him, we tend to blame the female and then take his raggedy behind back.”
Thought I would borrow Mena’s statement above. This is why women do not trust women. Really she did not violate your trust… the hubby did.
Absolutely, the trust being broken was definitely between he and I….it was our marriage. As far as she is concerned all am really saying is because of this I am very leery of broads being around my mate. Once bitten twice shy…..
I think the difference between men and women is that men lose trust on events, women lose trust on perceptions. Notice I didn’t say feelings about women, but those feelings don’t come out of nowhere.
A woman will look at another woman, note the way she walks and dresses, pay attention to how she says “Hello” and will say “that b1tch can’t be trusted!” A dude will generally trust men to act in certain ways. Like Jay said, since we can’t trust most dudes, we can trust them because we know exactly what shadiness they’ll be up to, and said shadiness will operate in predictable ways. Therefore, we can reliably use events to say when a man can and can’t be trusted.
On the flip side, since a woman’s perceptions are so skewed based on the particular circumstance that created the perception in the first place, there’s no way it can be predicted unless you were somehow there at the time AND are able to ask the woman what was going through her head and what was going on in her life at the time. That’s the unpredictable part. Once you are questions and debrief a woman, you can figure out where that perception came from, but it takes TIME.
You are just splitting hairs… You said men don’t trust other men so they trust those men will act in a predictably shady way. At some point there was a perception that led to the mistrust of all men. So in fact, men are less trusting of their own gender and are more prone to stereotyping… Whereas women judge other women one at a time.
If your goal was to make dudes seem more noble… You fail miserably.
I’m not trying to make guys look more noble. I’m saying that guys tend to be more predictable in their behavior. If someone is predictable, then you can rely on them to do certain things in certain spots. I wouldn’t say it’s trustworthy, but it’s definitely reliable.
@ Todd- I feel you. It seems like she’s projecting her desire to turn this into a battle of who’s more noble/valuable, when in reality this is just a discussion. I get exactly what you’re saying. Like Jack Sparrow said “Me, I’m dishonest, and you can always trust a dishonest man to be dishonest. It’s the honest ones you have to worry about doing something stupid” lol, so applicable to this situation. Men are more predictable, therefore easier to deal with. Doesn’t make us better, just makes us less stressful to live with and easier to work with (well, I can’t speak for those of us who have to sleep with and marry these mofos tho) lol
ahh but even chaos theory presupposes a method to the madness and if i might suggest, women’s patterns can appear predictable to women, just as men’s patters appear predictable to men.
as a woman who exhibits trust issues with herself at times, this is following a conditioned response to self sabotage. as Black Medici said, “when you become conscious of your programming it now becomes your responsibility to either rebel against it or to accept it.”
question is, how do people become conscious ? me .. i had to fall on my face quite a few times. then, perhaps it was the full impact that broke me open. as i like to think, a metaphorical brick to the head might be the only way one can snap outta it. “ohh yea, now i see it. damn, i am fuuuuhkt up. how do i fix this ish?”
thing is, you have to see it for yourself—and then you have to do it for yourself. the other day my girl was telling me the longest story about how she lowered herself to a special kinda low. then she proceeded to blame the guy for everything and i broke it down and put it where it belongs—on her shoulders. and though she eventually stopped fighting me because intellectually she understood, that means very little because emotionally she was stuck.
and here’s where the predictability comes in: she isn’t going to stop the madness until she is good and hurt. and this guy isnt going to leave until it;s late in the game. and the red flags are falling and it’s only been, what, two weeks? well, if both of them can come to consciousness after something like this, then it might just be worth it. let’s pray for rain.
I like how you put that. You’re saying that women will do whatever their programming tells them to do until they hit bottom and can’t get any further. I need to keep that in mind. Thanks.
Wow. That was the best and most informative post I’ve read today esa. Thanks. It really put things in perspective for me.
I am thoroughly impressed Esa, but I think I can expand even further.
You see, @Todd said the other day that women are abusive, they know it about other women, and we know it about them, but few if any women see abusiveness in themselves. The reason why so many women are abusive is because they’re doing everything they can to avoid hitting rock bottom and having to face the fact that they’re not getting out of life what they want. And necessity is the mother of invention.
Early on in life, men hit rock bottom when they approach women and they get knocked down, most women think this is what makes them superior to men or at least the average male; however, this is what makes men better in the grand scheme of things when it comes to the dating game. After we get rejected, we begin to try and figure out what we’re doing wrong and why we can’t get what we want, which is sex. We begin to focus on women’s wants, what they’re attracted to, we begin to become focused on conquering rejection, and we finally develop the things we need. And when you finally get sex from a girl the pleasure is enormous. However, and this is where women lose, because they don’t have this necessity, they never go out and figure out how exactly to get what they want, which is to get and eventually keep the best man they can get forever.
That’s why women never get the pleasure out of sex that men get, because men worked harder for it. Women can always offer sex and can always receive sex, but they’re selective, even the biggest sluts in the world are selective, however sex is much easier to get than love and companionship. When it comes to achieving their fairy tale ending, instead of admitting that is what they “really” want, they all say eff it, and they never improve themselves and never challenge themselves to step their games up to make their fantasies into realities…that is until they hit rock-bottom.
After they give up on getting what they want, they become cynical. Some go to God and put the responsibility of getting and keeping the man they want on his back, some women all together decide that they’re going to be just like men and eff whatever they feel like effing. However, in both cases they ultimately fail. As fulfilling as spirituality is, the only way it can work is if a man is just as spiritual inclined as you are, and it has to be that way all the time for the relationship to keep going (good luck with that), good luck with that several years in. Women who decide to eff around, usually do it for awhile, however, it’s not what they want out of life, and every dude they smash bores them after a short period of time because there is no challenge. The older they get, the more disgusted they get about men and why they can’t find that one guy who challenges them to better than what they already are and who they want to spend the rest of their life with. And so until they hit rock bottom, they just keeping going on whatever path they think will lead them to the promise land, however, in the end they’re all just going around in circles in the wilderness.
Yeah BM, I agree with most of that. Especially this statement
” That’s why women never get the pleasure out of sex that men get, because men worked harder for it.”
YES! That’s not the only reason they miss the pleasure in sex though. They’re built to be stimulated by sex in context for a long period of time after receiving the right type of foreplay for the right length of time (see how complicated this is becoming just to type? lol) all by the RIGHT man. They need some type of challenge I guess, since actually getting sex is easy for them, men DEFINITELY cherish it more on most occasions (especially casual encounters) because we had to work for it. Good point.
I think some women (maybe even a lot, but not the majority) do start working to make themselves more desirable mates or just better people in general. In other words I give them a little more credit than you do, but I still agree that men in general are forced to improve themselves and their desirability earlier in life, and it helps us in the long run. Women can procrastinate this necessary stage of life for a long time, because they aren’t forced to be without sex or interaction with the opposite sex for extended periods of time. If they are, it’s most often by design (yes I’m generalizing and know this doesn’t apply to all) so they aren’t as pressed to improve themselves as we are.
I get what you’re saying about giving them credit, but unfortunately it’s simply not true. You see what women do is, they enhance what they already have in order to improve their options. If a woman ain’t getting a man, she tries to enhance her p**** to get more attention. And she does get it, however she barely ever surpasses the value of her p**** to men.
A lot of women work hard to make money to have a secure job, and to take care of kids, but very few women work with the intent of using whatever resources they get to help a man, before they find him. And they only want to bring things to the table after they have a man. But they’re like a rich man who has S-550 who says he wants a woman to eff him, before he drives her around in his Benz. Women want you to love them before they provide something valuable outside of p**** to you.
It would be great if women brought something of value directly to men, but they’ve really never had to. Most women are as valuable as their beauty, not because that’s all men want, but that’s the thing they’ve put the most work in for the primary focus of keeping a man. And that’s why we’re so quick to leave them and look at other women, because beauty fades and you get accustomed to it.
thank you for opening my eyes to my blind spots, for taking me deeper inside myself. you got me thinking and feeling and questioning myself. i don’t even want answers, i just need to vibe on this post cause it resonates.
only thing i can address is the thing about abuse. speaking for myself, as a woman, i know well and good exactly when i am abusive. my mother trained me to be a martyr and my father trained me to be a monster. combine the two and it’s a nuclear winter. but i know that i am guilty of highly inappropriate behavior and i take responsibility for my actions. i have finally learned i cant change anyone but myself, and the first application of this rule is to cut off people who compromise my integrity.
but .. having been abusive and having allowed myself to be abused, i do not know how to express anger in an effective way. so, God help me, i cry. and my tears aren’t for show and they make my poor cat sick because she feels the underlying pain. so i don’t cry from anger in front of anyone else because they wouldn’t be able to handle it.
so, yea, right about now, no relationships. no dating. i just smile on the street and say thank you and keep it moving. cause, i don’t know how to “figure out how exactly to get what they want, which is to get and eventually keep the best man they can get forever.”
but yea, i will. thank you for the insights. does me a world of good.
peace ~*~
Esa, you speak truly.
How the heck my last comment get moderated? LOL
i trust my friends. i don’t really have shady friends (thank goodness).
i trust all other people as far as they show me they can be trusted. lol.
Based on personal experience, any women who states that she doesn’t trust other women, is the type of women that I keep a distance from. Those are the type that are deceitful. In regards to my mate being around my friend, I trust my friend(s) and my man. What kind of woman would date a man who she doesn’t trust her significant other? Or have a friend like that?
“What kind of woman would date a man who she doesn’t trust her significant other? Or have a friend like that?”
Women with daddy issues
*throws matches on gasoline behind Breezy’s back”.
“Women with daddy issues” Let’s stop blaming problems on not having a father. We are in control of our actions. A woman who doesn’t trust the man she is with lacks self-esteem and feels the need to be with ANYONE in order to feel completed.
Don’t mind me, I’m just commenting for the lulz (See second comment above).
Oh so you throwing matches on me. Dang PA…and for the record I have no Daddy issues. My dad was very present and active in my life…God rest his soul. So am not sure what in the world that comment is about.
It wasn’t about you, I was just saying I was throwing matches on the fire while you weren’t looking at me.
Go to your corner….get me making a complete fool of myself following behind your daggone comments…to your corner and leave the damn matches with me!….lol!
Aw, man…
*hands matches to Breezy and kicks rocks*
LOL….compliance I likee.
My experience (please understand my story above is just the most recent…I could tell more) with women have resulted in my reasons to not trust SOME of them around my mate. Understand, I allow everyone to come into my life on the same playing field until they fail out the daggone game and once they have that is it….game over.
“…since he’s likely to cheat because he’s not to be trusted or not smart enough to say no or overcome his humanity.”
Men relay this idea much more than women do. Isn’t that what “men are programmed to cheat” and other things that men say about men cheating really mean. *Men* say this. I’ve seen several VSB make statements about men not being able to stay monogamous.
“Jesus????? Is that it?”
Yes.
If anything, I’d say it takes us longer to trust than men. We know men are “out to get us” if you will- and men have made that well known- so we have to feel that way about you guys right? Men are literally plotting on us. Of course we can’t just throw trust out there.
With that being said, trustworthy men become quite valuable. Subsequently, we side-eye women because we are all after that scare resource. Only time- and our friends getting their own men- allow us to build real trust. (This sounds kinda hateful when I read it back. LOL)
LOL @ Only time- and our friends getting their own men- allow us to build real trust.
“Men relay this idea much more than women do. Isn’t that what “men are programmed to cheat†and other things that men say about men cheating really mean. *Men* say this. I’ve seen several VSB make statements about men not being able to stay monogamous.”
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Panama’s acting like men are known to be faithful so he can’t figure out why women don’t trust. They want trust but then they say things like “Hell no, I wouldn’t want my daughter to date me… or the old me). Why do you think it’s hard for women to trust???
One thing I learned about women over the years is that when they say they don’t trust people, it’s mostly due to the fact they are very much like the people they don’t trust.
boo,
Are you setting your self up for my sorority ?! vrooom vroooom!!!
Come on, African Mami- would I do such a thing?
+1
Bullmalarky!!!!!!!
Please allow me to give a perfect example here.
Ten years ago, I once hung around two women who were related to each other. The older cousin chastisted the younger cousin for sleeping around, which I wouldn’t have taken issue with were it not for the fact that the older cousin was doing the exact same thing!!!
I partially agree because yes something people see a little bit of themselves in someone else and can pull their card on various issues. However that is not always the case. Think about a mother who warns her child not to touch the stove because she knows (and not necessarily from experience) that the stove is hot. To save her child from being burned she cautions her against touching it. In your example you are talking about b-hos giving each other guidance based on shared experiences/character…different type of situation and reasoning for the words of wisdom giving by the mother and the more senior, seasoned b-ho.
I hope that makes sense…
Women say this because they don’t trust their own choices in friends or mates. They don’t trust women because they don’t trust their own ability to pick friends and week out the treacherous skanks. Or they have seen their so-called friends do some duplicitous stuff to other women and know that said friend will treat her that way if need be. To me, a smart woman would distance herself from such ‘friends’. It just makes life easier.
Oh and I saw ‘truss’ and thought this would eventually be about chicken. Wait. Maybe it IS! Lemme go finish my breffus.
Yep. If you don’t trust yourself, why would you trust anyone else.
+ Yes
I know a few females who try to validate why they choose “women of ill repute” as friends. They even refer to these people as acquaintences. By the way, I am aware that I used the term “females”. It is for a reason.
This was a really well thought out comment. I agree with much you have said.
I trust my husband. I trust my family (except for a particular cousin who I was told not to put my purse down around). I trust my children. They’re still young. Sometimes, I don’t trust African women. Even though I feel my husband is more Southern than African, he still has African grandparents. Any time I get a little mouthy or maybe question something he wants me to do, he’ll always say “A Nigerian woman wouldn’t do that” which then leads to “You were born and raised in Florida. You’ve only been to Nigeria twice. When I met you, you were still riding round with rims on your car and wearing du-rags. And you had to get your gold tooth removed” which then leads back to “Nigerian women don’t talk shid like you.” So, I give Nigerian women the side-eye a lot. But I do trust my husband and family and a lot of my co-workers and my FB friends.
why exactly aren’t we being trusted,did we do something?!
No, nothing at all. Love just makes you do illogical things.
Ah I knew it had to be love! I understand
So in a nutshell, you’re worried that your husband will be “snatched” by some random, faceless Nigerian (or in general, African) woman? If you trust your husband then why is this an issue?
Or do you have any other, more specific reasons for your mistrust?
I am a Nigerian woman by the way… Look out! I’m right behind you!!!
Nope. My husband will not be snatched. He is not snatchable. But after hearing that 50 million times in one day (yesterday was particularly bad), it can mess with your head a little
. Besides, he has more in common with Floridians (that’s me!).
@ Rattlerpride
Learn Yoruba! So when we tell you dis dat and the other, you curse us out!
@ African Mami – I’m trying to get the tones right – especially with the Yoruba curse words, lol.
OMG… my ex used to say the same type of shyt to me… an Arab woman would do this or that for her husband to please him. Which, in our later years, would then lead to some comment of… “well, I ain’t no damn Arab woman.” You see where his arse is now, right?… he got served– for the lack of pleasing his woman.
@ nillalatte – I think it’s cute when my hubby says it. He only says it when he’s trying to think of something else to say and can’t come up with anything, lol. I don’t mind. And his mom’s from Georgia so I know he says it just to say it.
Do I need to post PJ’s side eye again? lol No seriously, that’s great if he’s kidding like that. Kidding I can handle. The ex wasn’t kidding. It was more than anything attempted psychological abuse. I don’t handle abuse in any form well. I make a rabid dog look normal on those occasions. Trust me. lamo
“A Nigerian woman wouldn’t do thatâ€
You are better than me b/c he would have one time to say that to my face. I find that to be completely disrespectful. Do not compare me to another woman and tell me what she would or wouldn’t do.
Hah! I feel you… But i’m not too serious. I would just find things to point out an American man wouldn’t do with laughter.
@ Mena – LOL, when my hubby says that to me, I know that I’ve used up all his ammo and he has nothing left to say except for that. BTW, when he’s around his grandparents and being too “American” for their taste, his grandfather tells him a lot “Yoruba men don’t do that” or “You are a Yoruba. Act like one.” This is where the generation gap meets culture clash, but THAT is a long story.
I thought as i posted that that y’all probably have that relationship where he used that as his last statement and then went and sat down. As long as he isn’t throwing it in your face on some rude mess, then i see where you are coming from.
I need to calm down every once in a while
So hostile….it’s kinda cute though….
One thing I admire about men is their ability to trust their boys, and still know that they will dump and be done with the woman if she cheats on them with his friends. That is the essence of trusting oneself — knowing what you prefer to happen — what you don’t want to happen — and knowing you will handle things if events go awry.
Guys talk about this kind of stuff. We’re all aware of who is and who isn’t hands off. If I’m not vested like that and she’ll go then have at it and tell me about it. We can can have a drink and a good laugh and we may or may not play a little joke on her with the information she is unaware we both have. I refuse to ever fall out with the crew behind a woman. It just ain’t practical.
everything is perception and we use perception to empower or disempower ourselves. and sometimes i trust myself. and other times i don’t. but even when i lose, i win. so more often than not i throw caution to the wind.
trust is a projection of self image. those who are trustworthy trust in the universe. those who cannot be trusted project this knowledge of self on to others and claim it as fact. but who can we speak for except ourselves ?
trust is earned it starts from birth
Trust versus mistrust is the first stage of Erik Erikson’s theory of psychosocial development and moves on from there… i don’t trust strangers regardless of their gender but i trust the people in my life… i have had the same best friends for over 30 years and i trust those broads with my possessions, my life, my food, my money and yes even my man. i trust my immediate family with all the above mentioned things…
i’m not even sure what this topic is about.. women not trusting anyone, not trusting associates/acquaintances? what fool does that?
Women have trust issues because they have never in combat. Don’t confuse this with going to war. Most of the battles have been man vs man sometimes to the last man standing. This type of experience forces you to trust. It is also learned in sports. Remember, men have been playing sports longer and have more establish rituatls. So, yes men will men more trust more.
“Women have trust issues because they have never in combat.”
Ehem… spoken like a man. Women cling together too in tough situations. You use sports as the bases for your argument. There are other types of situations in which women form alliances and have to trust one another, sports could be one as there are a lot of athletic women.
PEOPLE have trust issues because of past experiences and betrayals. To what depth is that betrayal usually determines the depth and level of trust extended.
Wanted to respond but you’ve said it all. Thank you.
I trust everyone… to do whatever the f*ck they wanna do
Pretty much…. I can control me I can’t control anyone else.
You can’t trust everyone. If you do, you are a fool. Your trust is yours to give out as you see fit. Let’s not try to single out women for having ‘trust issues’ (love that song) because everyone has their boundaries that are determined by life experience, upbringing, etc. Besides, let’s not even pretend that we’re not raising our daughters to mistrust everything at first sight. If you doubt me, go read the VSB posts and ensuing comments from last week.
Also, mistrust is a self defence mechanism. Your ability to trust directly links to the level of feeling of protection and control you have in the situation you find yourself. I’m getting a vibe of ‘Oh women, they’re so crazy and mistrusting of everything that they come across, lets all look at them confusedly today” from today’s post. I don’t think the question should revolve around who women trust. The real question is, what kind of world, and what kind of experiences does a person go through to make them lack trust in others? There is a reason for everything.
Oh, and kudos to anyone that reads and understands ^^^^^ all that. Sometimes, I confuse myself
ma sista, I understood all that on the mere virtue of you being Naija!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Always excited to see a fellow African sisto oo!
Haha you know I must represent for my pipo!!!
“Besides, let’s not even pretend that we’re not raising our daughters to mistrust everything at first sight. If you doubt me, go read the VSB posts and ensuing comments from last week.” Thank you.
I like this comment and I agree.
If you have any type of wisdom about you, then you ought know trust in people doesn’t come easy and that doesn’t mean something is wrong with you but that there is a alot right bout you.
Great comment.
Honestly, and I’ll speak for myself, I don’t feel that way about women (well at least not the ones in my circle). I don’t surround myself with people (and/or women/friends/men) I can’t trust. Now on the other hand, I usually hear all that other BS from men. Like, ” I’m a man and I know how men are”. That just sounds to me like, “I know me and this is how I am”. Either way you can’t live your life dwelling on whether you can trust the person you’re in a relationship with because ultimately that’s what it boils down to (not those around him/her). If you feel you can’t trust them let them go.
Mjoy-I got your back girl!!!! I think you should start developing some trust issues like right now. More on that later!
Thank you girl!
But now I’m scared… must refresh page and see how JMTG has scorned me. I hope this isn’t why I need trust issues…
@ Mjoy,
This has nothing to do with jmtg, it has everything to do with the deep thinker you fancy!!!! It’s a crisis girl!!!!!!!!
uh oh!
But whatever it is I must let it go so JMTG will come back to me!
(I do, however, want to throw it out there that I wear glasses;))
YEEEEEEEESSSS! to the glasses.
girlllllll, he was jeneskwaing her on glasses!!! I was like, that ain’t right…..that’s untrustworthy!!!
I put ALL my trust in the LORD GOD. I trusted my maternal Granma with everything RIP, I trust my parents in certain ways.
I happen to trust my best friend whom I have known since the 7th grade and who has never given me a reason or even the slightest inclination not to.
True friends are rare.
I trust my one or two guy friends as friends, one is gay, the other is um not physically appealing to me and I’ve known him since I was 14.
Errybody else has to show and prove that they are worthy of even a modicum of trust. It is very foolish to blindly go round trusting folk when most can’t even trust themselves.
I have levels of trust and Jesus is at the top. People aren’t perfect so, you can’t fully trust them because stuff happens. I wish it were different, but we are humans and it’s in our nature. Even the most trustworthy person will let you down at times. You have to be careful with matters of the heart and trust people to be who they are, not who you want them to be.
i trust those that have proven trustworthy.
thats it i dont put anything past anyone and you can never say with complete certainty what someone will or wont do depending on circumstances but i feel that that these two things are not the same thing.
However I dont think or live in the “what ifs”
i dont think all women and men are evil and i try not to associate myself with women or men that dont roll like i roll
i have healthy friendships with women and men and i typically find that women who have these negative comments are 1. not trustworty themselves and see others through the lens of how they act and 2
dont have healthy relationships period, male, female, family lol
oh also, this is not a “woman” thing.
lack of trust is a human thing.
Right… if I had a nickel for every time I heard from a man ‘that is how men are’.
Here’s where I actually agree with Sweetsass. Lack of trust is DEFINITELY a human thing. I certainly have “trust issues” Although it ain’t an issue to me, I just don’t trust you till I have more than enough reason to do so…it is what it is
I’ll trust my man until the he shows me that I shouldn’t. All it takes is for the seed of deception to be planted…then it’s all downhill from there.
I have a five girl friends that I would trust with my life, my man, etc and never question anything. Then, I have other friends who I wouldn’t leave my man in the room with while I ran to the bathroom. It’s all about knowing who you’re dealing with.
I don’t trust anyone but myself. Until that changes I’m no good for most people.
*ahem* Your statement needs amending. You may have left someone off the list there. *cough, cough*
Hmm, trust. That’s a deep subject, don’t fall in. I don’t have any experience with the cheating thing, so I generally trust men and women.when it comes to that. I trust humans to do what humans do. I trust my judgement to pick people who aren’t habitual liars and fake to be friends and lovers.
I trust that circumstances and feelings change and people do what they didn’t intend, or intend what they didn’t do. I forgive most of the time. Cause its easier. And you can’t prevent betrayal anyway.
Bout to file suit for false imprisonment.
“And you can’t prevent betrayal anyway.”
Right! I feel like this most people aren’t understanding this.
Exactly. It’s all about surrounding yourself with people who are actually trust worthy. Apparently people are having trouble locating those types but I’ve never had any issues myself.
FYI: I NEVER fall in.
” And you can’t prevent betrayal anyway. ”
Yes! Hell, even people who actually trust, and have people they trust & who trust themselves have been betrayed *also*.
This blog makes me feel like I’m on punishment for being a woman. A cruel yet usual punishment that consist of “Here’s What’s Wrong With You, You F’cked Up Woman, In Case You Didn’t Know” classes.
I tend to be very trusting of boyfriends and my girlfriends. The two parties mingle, I like to show off boyfriends to friends, not hide them in fear. You just have to chose wisely.
BUT maybe…just MAYBE women aren’t trusting because we get stabbed in the back ALL THE TIME! Like ALL THE TIME! That can make a person not so trusting.
This class is not for me.
“This blog makes me feel like I’m on punishment for being a woman. A cruel yet usual punishment that consist of “Here’s What’s Wrong With You, You F’cked Up Woman, In Case You Didn’t Know†classes.”
Yes, took the words right out of my mouth!!
MJoy I feel ya…but you know the key thing to what you said was “this blog” its just a blog. Girl go find JMTG or Malik and flirt and toss your hair. Don’t take it personal
EXACTLY!! Love your outlook. Just a blog. If you don’t agree then a simple “f*ck these n*ggas” will suffice. Its your life.
“This blog makes me feel like I’m on punishment for being a woman. A cruel yet usual punishment that consist of “Here’s What’s Wrong With You, You F’cked Up Woman, In Case You Didn’t Know†classes.”
No matter how much we talk about why this person sucks and how i wouldn’t do x, y, and z, I would hope that we ALL (men and women) know that we play a major role in our own happiness and destruction.
It’s a blog written from 2 guys perspectives. Don’t let it get under your skin and don’t think that the writers and commenters are trying to be malicious. We all have our own experiences that we bring to the table and some are more f’ed up than others.
Wise words spoken from Mena.
No, I’m not being facetious, I really mean it!
+1 Jay and Mena get it
Yes you are being punished for being a woman. And girl did you hear me you need to start to have trust issues!!!
But you see how you feel, is why men lie to you in the first place and eventually stab you in the back. This is a major reason why men don’t share emotions with women, because women recoil when they come face to face with the anger and frustration that comes from a man.
I will say that nowadays, that somewhere deep down even in the meanest of all the bloggers here, we all have a deep not immediately recognizable love for women, especially the women who do us the painful service of listening and responding to us, and believe it or not in our heart of hearts we got mad love for you, we just don’t like you very much. And if there’s one thing women don’t get is though there is a thin line between love and hate, there is an ocean between love and like as far as we’re concerned.
And understand, the reason why men are saying these things is because this is how they think and this is how they feel, and truth be told if these men really, really, liked you, they’d rather lie than make you feel like you’re being punished for being a woman. What you choose to do with that knowledge is up to you, just try to understand where it’s coming from and don’t take it as some form of punishment, there’s a multitude of men who would gladly lie to you, and trust me when it’s all said and done, you’re more likely to meet them than meet any of the men at VSB.
Trust me, I appreciate honesty. I know many VSBs so I get it all the time. I just don’t appreciate constant generalizations that are usually NEGATIVE statements about women. The posts/comments can be such generalizations it’s kinda kray….for example “if there’s one thing women don’t get is though there is a thin line between love and hate, there is an ocean between love and like” uh…. no sh*t. Women do engage in the cognitive process.
But… the ladies are right. It’s just a blog.
Boys drool and girls rule!
“Boys drool and girls rule!”
First off, let me apologize: I went soft for a second, it won’t happen again. You basically played the damsel in distress card, talking about how all the male bloggers were mean and making negative comments about you and making you feel like a victim of your womanhood, then while I was offering you a helping hand you stab me in the leg, use your purse to bash me in the neck and then you rob me of my wallet by saying boys drool and girls rule!
Hmmm, you know y’all women are really some tricky terrorists ain’t ya. Don’t worry though, back to Iceberg Slim mode, I won’t be falling for goofy-ho tricks again.
I’m going to pray for you
because women recoil when they come face to face with the anger and frustration that comes from a man.
recoil ke?! Abeg, your anger gives me red bull wings!!!! We will go toe to toe, respectfully so.
“This blog makes me feel like I’m on punishment for being a woman.”
Yeah, it can feel like that. When they start female bashing that’s when I start male bashing. They don’t have it all together either (male bloggers or males that comment).
I used to work with this man, his name was Prince. No lie. I learned my male bashing skills from him because he was so damn good at woman bashing. Guess what woman ended up earning his respect when he learned that I didn’t take no shyt like other women that coward to him?
Grow thick skin dear. It will serve you well in life.
@ QUUUUUUUUUUUUUEN,
that I didn’t take no shyt like other women that coward to him
I like your approach to life, kick balls!!!! You rooooooooooooock! I like kicking net balls better.
Don’t feel bad, just translate it to what it really means. I’m mad because I’ve been rejected by a woman, or group of women and I’m wondering if its because I’m not man enough and since I can’t express this emotion, I will express the only emotion I can. Anger at women. Please don’t look behind the curtain, you’ll see the wizard is just a scared insecure little man.
Could it possibly be that the woman is shady? Say what you will about the bloggers, but they have a tendency of laying their issues out there. They often do question if they’re man enough. My question is why don’t the women question if they’re good enough?
we’re too busy defending ourselves, trying to prove that we’re more than simple-minded, irrational, emotional psychopaths. If we could acknowledge that women are as complex as men (complex as in multidimensional, not as in difficult, confused, and confusing) then maybe we could take a look at ourselves… our REAL selves.
Agreed, MJoy. Agreed.
wow, thank you… (walks away completely speechless)
I completely agree with you. And posts referring to made up terms like chick logic and dude logic (with dude logic equalling ‘logic’ logic, of course) make this problem all the more glaring. Some may argue that this is just a blog and hence shouldn’t be taken seriously. But these are real flesh and blood people with real lives that are making these comments. It really wears me out to think about that.
*who got the popcorn*?! pass it to me, this is gerrring interesting!
Yes, sister. Preach!
Man Logic =/= logic. It means focusing on the facts while missing the truth (context, intent, etc).
You yank back your own curtain on a daily basis, so….. *blinks*
“I’m mad because I’ve been rejected by a woman, or group of women and I’m wondering if its because I’m not man enough and since I can’t express this emotion, I will express the only emotion I can. Anger at women.”
Really? This is why I’m getting rejected? Because I’m not man enough? And all this time I thought it was because word got around that I slept in a Drake onesie a couple times. Oh, what’s that? You DIDN’T know? Well then, I think it would benefit all parties involved if we ignored that little tidbit.
you’re just so odd sometimes. I love this.
I concur. It may just be a blog, but these are people who we come across in real life.
@NYF
oi oi!! you are fanning the flames.
Oh, am I? I can sincerely say that that was not my intention. Initially I was going to explain further, but I didn’t.
What I meant was – This may just be a blog, but the people behind a blog are people who we deal with in real life. The Internet is a place where one can express what they truly feel, because of the anonymity.
As a woman, we hear men say, “I love females/women”, but then they turn around and come on a blog and say a bunch of nasty things about us.
I feel like my thoughts are all over the place, but the gist of what I am saying is that – If I had a male friend/acquaintance who talked a lot of smack about women on a blog and then turned around and smiled up in my face in real life, my level of respect for that person would become nonexistent.
you done started the fires!!!!
I’m sorry you feel that way. It definitely aint my intent to make you feel like you’re on punishment. i’m sure if i wrote more stuff about why women were perfect you wouldn’t feel that way, right?
i’m not trying to be a douche with that, but in these past two posts…im really asking questions about understanding women. now…i did use generalizations…on purpose. but that’s part of how you get a convo going.
I think you might be trying to be a douche… or just get the last word in, I’ll let you. But first I’ll say that you are a really good writer and can do better than generalizations. Of course they’re going to come up but my goodness… In my best bougie black girl voice “I’m gonna need you to do better”. If you wrote about trust issues in general, both sexes having trust issues, I’m sure you’d get just as many comments. You don’t need generalizations to get things going. You’ll also get more responses to the actual topic at hand, not just a bunch of upset females.
” now…i did use generalizations…on purpose. but that’s part of how you get a convo going.”
At first I thought that half of the commenters didn’t get that. Now I realize that they do, it’s just a really tough pill to swallow. I read a lot of generalizations about men that you guys (female commenters) make, and many of them I accept as a valid generalization even though I’m not that way AT ALL. It’s part of conversation, and there are MANY people that do fit the generalization. It comes down to people having discussions about different things or different people. Again, it’s just a blog, we’re just talking, venting, and killing time. In other words, it ain’t that serious, but it can be pretty informative and entertaining. Take it for what it is
“we’re just talking, venting, and killing time”
Is that what we’re doing? I can think of a few more fun things to do to kill time… at least a good hour or so if done properly.
Sleep might kill another hour after that and then we could start all over again. lol
@JMTG
I’m pretty sure you can’t comment anymore until you respond to my desperate pleas in the form of youtube videos and accept my love once again… pretty sure.
And I’d last waaaaaay longer than nillalatte! An hour. SMH.
lmao… well damn. you go head on then girl! You and I might last longer than an hour, but… ehem… guys usually don’t….lol
“Research shows that the average man lasts about 14 minutes during intercourse, but you don’t necessarily have to go that long to satisfy her. For every 30 minutes of sex, only one-quarter to one-third of the time should be spent on actual intercourse”…
http://www.menshealth.com/mhlists/16_ways_to_get_better_sex/How_Long_Does_Sex_Last.php
Agreed.
oh my!!! femmmmmmmmboooooooo you are NUTTTTTS! BONKERS. completely.loool!
jmtg come get yo girl!
He just won’t
men are making me cry left and right around here.
if he doesn’t want you, holla @ deep thinker. Like BS, aside. He is a cool cat, level headed, doesn’t joke around, and he is very very deep. But if you holla @ him tho, I think you’ll have to step your “intellectual game up”. I’m not saying you ain’t educated ma, but I peeped his game today. The one who he was jeneskwaing was all about the oxford dictionary and then some. I couldn’t even understand what they were saying. I was toooo heated and my comprehension level is limited.I couldn’t let him continue being untrustworthy to my femboo!!!!
Ouch.
I might just have to be #teamNotYourFriend and focus on planning YOUR sneak attack wedding with Jay.
fembooo……no no no!!! Don’t get mad!!!! Oh my….this is a PR disaster!!!! I was just feeding you information so that you could make calculating and strategic moves, that would 1.) make jmtg jealous, in essence come back to you. 2.) make deep thinker completely on board with you. Ultimately, you would have them eating at the palm of your hands…..and juggling a lot of balls, erm forgive me.
I don’t get that impression at all. What I see is “here is what I see women do and here is how my man-brain interprets it.”
Careful, ladies, by complaining you are handing over more ammo to support the “women ask for honesty and can’t handle it” argument.
When you stop insisting that guys be empathetic and consistent, then there is no more struggle. You allow yourself to embrace your own selfishness, hypocrisy, and occasional obnoxiousness. You laugh at yourself, stop feeling obligated to answer phone calls from guys, stop listening to the biological clock, give up on marriage and kids, stop giving up the chex for comfort, cut men out completely, and learn to enjoy your own company.
It’s a vortex of complete disengagement, but it is a very peaceful place. Don’t buy cats, though. You don’t want to get sucked into the crazy cat lady vortex.
Big difference between actual intellectual honesty and ‘stuff that sounds good in my head but really is just a bunch of things to make me look better or have the last word.’
I give out different levels of trust to different people.
Like, I trust my family members and about five of my closest friends to love me and be there for me unconditionally. But, due to certain life experiences I know that there are some situations where stupid ish may happen and friends may make mistakes, but not maliciously. I still “trust” them but I have an expectation of how they will behave in similar situations. I really get annoyed by girls who are constantly proclaiming that they dont “eff with other females” as if no women can be trusted. Not true. Either youre just hanging with shady women or no one likes you so you get mistreated. Maybe your just a bitch. But I digress.
In regards to relationships, I do tend to initally give guys a negative trust score and require some kind of positive behavior to build up to a strong trust. Once I have established that you are trustworthy, I would not question you unless there is some new, explicit evidence that you can no longer be trusted. Does that make sense?
P, you need read your own blog… Cus it’s getting cray with the mixed messages.
One day it’s… “Men are always trying to get it in … so ladies be on your guard.”
Next day it’s, “Why do women have their guard up, betches be kray, amirite?”
This is what I meant by “lazy and self serving and sexist” blog posts.
dude logic
That is an affront to the concept of logic.
to be fair…oh thee of impeccable literary comprehension, i’m asking about why women don’t ALSO trust women? no? isn’t that a significant part of what i wrote here? i’m asking the question. put your guns down.
and how are these lazy and self-serving sexist blog posts? a motherf*cker cant ask a questions? hell isn’t this a place of learning. if there is learning to be done, perhaps i and others will learn something. step off your perfection high horse.
But Panama, be honest. I don’t think you write these posts thinking “I hope women can really explain this phenom to me because I’d really like to know”. It’s more to make a point about women. Not actually learn anything. If that were the case there would be more sincerity in the post, in the questions.
And you plainly state: “Women don’t trust men and women don’t trust other women. Women don’t trust anybody. I’m finding this to be fact. Ask about me.”
So clearly, you are here to prove your premise, not actually inquire about it.
actually, i did write that wanting to know. hell, i talked to a friend about this post BEFORE i wrote it b/c i wanted to understand it. i had convos with beaucoup women upfront about this. i really didnt understand it. THATs why i wrote it. why wasnt the post sincere? b/c you didnt read it that way??
i suppose i COULD write it from a really vulnerable place. or i could write it how i wrote it. but the truth is…i’m not trying to prove to you women out there that you all are insane. lol. y’all do that enough without me trying to make a point.
i did make that statement. on purpose that way. did i know that might rile y’all up. yes. i’m smart enough to know that. if your problem is the generalization, well, i cant help you there. generalizations get the convo going and what im stating, based on the numerous convos i’ve had about trust in the past few days seems to be very true.
I don’t trust you
then we’re all on the same page.
1.) Your writing is better when it comes from a vulnerable place.
2.) We are not all insane… that is gaslight and ablest.
3.) Do better.
I was just asking an innocent question couched in an offensive generalization. Please read what I wrote and don’t challenge me on what I intentionally implied. But please react to it, cause if you don’t, there will be no comments.
I’m not sayin…. I’m just sayin.
#iknowitsreal
I was just asking an innocent question couched in an offensive generalization.
and i will do it again. my goodness. i swear people here must all be unicorns. i use a generalization and i’m the antichrist. you all dont like generalizations, i get it. b/c you’re not all one and the same.
i’m gonna take note of this the next time we do a post and ANYBODY doesn’t qualify every statement they make. lol.
Panama City Police Department is on the loose.
There are helpful generalization and there are damaging ones…
Generalization that is helpful: Republicans are for tax cuts. It has basis in truth.
Generalization that is harmful: Black people have terrible credit. (Some do? But so do some white people? But why would one write up a whole RACE for a few bad apples? That is the basis of stereotyping and racism… it starts with generalizations.)
Just because YOU are not the victim of the generalization at hand doesn’t mean it’s ok. If you were, you’d probably be thinking differently about it. Hence I am taking you to task for saying “Women, ya’ll have trust issues.” As if the ‘woman’ part was even needed… You could’ve said, “People, ya’ll have some trust issues” and been closer to a fair assessment.
You want to know what to do, what to write about… How about this… CHALLENGE CONVENTIONAL “WISDOM”… rather than just promote and regurgitate the same tired, old sexist tropes we’ve heard of in a million flavors.
oh mi gosh!!! jammy jams are you going off?! Jesusssss…..see ya’ll when men have trust issues, this is what happens! JMTG come save your chick from the wrath of jammy jams! *wear a superman cape*
No rescue needed but I wish he would come back and show his face and accept my love!!!!
girl watchumean accept your love?! He is on board. What if you were in my situation?! You would be dead by now.loool!
i’m not even remotely going off. lol. y’all ain’t seen (or don’t remember) me going off.
The arsonist. I see him now.
*waves*
Having a bad day, PJ? Come on, meet me at the bar and we’ll work on combing your feathers. You like Jack or Rum?
Guess that should be obvious. lol
actually my day was quite serene. you know good and well that i respond in kind. i’m good. lol.
I don’t see how you got this from the blog though. It’s more like “why don’t women trust?” Some of that is because of, yes, ninjas cheating, but women cheat too. There are that many gay and DL dudes out there. LOL
There are == There AREN’T. My bad.
Bottom line… LIZ NEEDS TO BE IN WEEKLY ROTATION FOR POST WRITING.
Seriously this is a blog written by 2 BLACK MEN. The posts don’t have to be 100% logical. They don’t have to have journalistic integrity. They just have to be interesting, engaging, and honest if they expect people to come back and you guys have (obviously) succeeded.
The post writing will never express the female point of view in the manner that you may feel that it should because there are no female writers. The VSS’s just have to fight the good fight in the comments. I’ve never heard Peej or Champ claim that they are ALWAYS right or logical. They’re just giving their honest take on things. You can’t fault them for that.
They don’t have to be 100% logical, but then they don’t have to make us feel like chic logic is dumb and issssssssssssssssh!!!!! (jammy jams, I don’t fight oo—->I’m just instigating!!!!
um…a significant number of women on this here blog have totally copped to chick logic existing and non-sensical at times. and you all have also taken shots at us men for exhibiting the same thing. this is a safe space. its okay.
here’s the thing, i can CLEARLY illustrate something that makes no sense and y’all will defend it to the hilt. lol. so it is what it is. chick logic exist. accept it.
and emo men are the reason why Black on black crime exists. we all have problems.
if Liz wanted to write she could. she knows that.
i do find it interesting that women actually want us to be the guys who are fully balanced and always level in our analysis of things. i’m a dude. i think like a dude and write like one. but somehow, that’s a problem.
this just goes back to women wanting their men to be their boyfriends and girlfriends. NOT ALL WOMEN!
SEE I SAID NOT ALL!!!!!! love me.
http://youtu.be/06F7wOGEUcI
If I may point out the positive here… A lot of us here are “very smart”. The issues that we are discussing are issues that are not being discussed by our less intelligent
(the majority)brothers and sisters. Oh they have the same issues. But I think that they are usually helpless as the issues just play out though. I think that we are all looking for solutions because relations between men and women are off balance and we all sense and feel this. On a worldwide scale we are in the middle of a war of the sexes and we need a new model. Instead of getting offended we should all just appreciate the honesty that this blog affords us.rewind said: “If you live a life where everyone is your enemy, don’t you think there’s something off when you finally do say you love someone? Don’t you think you might create more of an enemy than a lover if you throw all of your opposing experiences onto them? Wake up people.”
damn i jus’ had to repost this comment…. truth to power indeed!
you know, it amazes me how i’m hearing so many folks proclaim that they will not trust others and yet infer that they themselves are so wonderful and worthy of others trust.
when dealing with others i generally will respect you till’ you give me a reason not to.
i’ll trust you to a degree, just don’t walk up on me in a dark alley, or get to close to me at night, you’re likely to get stabbed. ( i’m not joking beelee dat!) they like to rob folks out here in the chi).
over the years as soon as i’m ready to write of all of humankind, someone, usually a complete and random stranger, will display an act of kindness or selflessness that partially restores my faith in people.
most people are good. most are not out to do you wrong, but what often happens is our own self interests get in the way. this leads to selfishness and greed, which in turn leads to evil. point is i’m a trustworthy and decent person and want to be regarded as such, BUT i must be willing to be open that there are many others such as myself….and you know what?…..i have rarely been fuq’d over by those i held in high regards. the universe has a strange way of making a reality what you already percieve. I crossed so many women that perceive that men ain’t shit and can’t be trusted and sho nuff’ those men become their reality.
I’m with you on this! I’m generally trusting of all (everyone is innocent to me until proven otherwise) and like you I’ve rarely been fcuked over by friends/family/strangers. I also agree on trusting everybody to a degree and that most people are not out to harm you.
“i have rarely been fuq’d over by those i held in high regards. the universe has a strange way of making a reality what you already percieve.” Truth.
I have to agree with some spiritual truths here.
Bottomline though for me it’s not even about thinking that everyone is out to get you, that’s paranoia, it’s more a question of where you place trust.
Not being about distrustful, because my trust is placed higher tbw, knowing that higher power is out for my good, whether it be through people, opportunities, experiences etc.
Interesting name
“you know, it amazes me how i’m hearing so many folks proclaim that they will not trust others and yet infer that they themselves are so wonderful and worthy of others trust.”
I find myself guilty of this, actually. But I tend to “justify” it by saying that I am worthy of trust only because I’ve been betrayed so many times I wouldn’t want to cause that much pain to anyone else. Does that make me worthy of trust based on my own character? I don’t think so. It’s more out of guilt of the damage I could cause.
SweetSass,
To be fair, PJ is the one who pondered why women don’t trust and Champ is the one who said that women should be on guard (as girl-children being given advice from a hypothetical Champ father)
But this isn’t the first post of his I’ve read before…
Take for example where he posted he didn’t even trust his pre-daughter self with his daughter… and just writes that off as ‘normal’.
Both are guility of this type of contradictory effery…
when did i write that off as normal. what i said, assuming you’re even referring to the video on madame noire was that in retrospect, i’ve learned that im probably wouldnt tell my daughter to date me at an earlier age b/c ive learned a lot about myself. and that i wasnt a bad guy but ive mad bad guy moves.
i never once said i’d never trust my pre-daughter self with my daughter.
Wow. She’s really taking yall to task. Like for real.
its okay. she’s entitled. i’ll live.
Slavery ended!!!!! Slavery ended!!!! Slavery ended!!! Folks, say it with me, slavery ended!!!!
Is it just me, or is there like forreal forreal tension?! This actually exciting for me. Never in the history of my lurkerdom or activeness have I sensed this energy!!!
I’m kind of sensing it! I can’t even comment further though or else the tension will just increase.
Your avi is also giving me anxiety because I feel like a baby is going to fall out of it at any moment.
@ MJoy,
Lol@ the tension increasing. I’m used to tension and battling it @ my sorority but not on hurr.
my avi is what I hope for with the Mr! *ahem ahem* As soon as the baby pops out, he will be taken to the nursery to get his hair twisted into mini locks!!!
I can’t express how much I hope this actually happens.
Be aware…don’t send them people to MY door with they funky little subpoenas.
you have absolutely nothing to worry about Corey!!!
**cough,cough**not the father**cough**
what will it take for you to stop humiliating me?! a bloody tattoo on my forehead?!
Ooooooh, can I be the loud, random friend that sits in the audience and then gets up and yells, “I saw that Negro leavin her house! Your punk azz kno you the daddy! Be a man! Be a man!”
Then the crowd goes wild as African Mami sits on stage, tears in eyes, rocking back and forth.
Then Maury gets up and says, “There’s only one way to settle this!”
And the crowd goes wild again.
side notes:
1) Maury must be added to the list of questionable crushes
2) I promise I have a job… and ish to do.
@ Mjoy,
You are such a joy and delight!!!
Huh? Yall say something? I was too busy doing this… http://youtu.be/vt2i0ts-uck?t=6s
tough times. Literally the most embarrassing thing that can happen to a woman. I don’t know why anyone would be on this show… as for the audience… sign me up!
Right. And on tv no less. At that point you have rightfully lost all potential to be trusted by any male or female on the planet earth ever.
Gotta love Memphis!
as are you my female e-boo!
from now on, we are femboos! so I’ll be like “hey femboo!!”
hahahahaha. yes!
She looks cute, too.
@NYF
uh oh!!! the floor is all yours, not unless jmtg has any opposing motions!
Nah, I find women and men attractive, so I was just stating what I thought.
Well, jmtg IS mighty non-responsive these days.
femboo, I wanted to call him out on that, but then it is not my place to do so!
@jmtg,
if you scroll all the way up top my femboo has been loving you long long time. What’s with the disrespect?!
Well alright then.
Seriously, I can’t watch those types of shows. At lot of times I’m wondering, where in the hell do these people come from. Corey, please don’t say Memphis. You know Memphis has a bad rep anyway dude. smdh
where is there real tension? maybe i need to re-read the comments.
Compared to your sorority, this is relatively tame.
I sense it too. And I think it’s happening because people have a hard time distinguishing the difference between bashing and inquiring. There’s a difference between “I notice you don’t trust other women the same as men trust other men, what the f*ck is going on? Why is that?” and ” Women are dumb and foolish creatures to not trust their own kind! Only an idiot would dismiss his/her gender.”
I think PJ’s post intended the former and a few females felt the latter. So some of them posted responses with the latter in mind. Though most of the responses weren’t scathing or otherwise ill intended, some men (but we’re aware that you were offended and so would respond in kind) took it as such and it can be seen in the tone of their responses. But otherwise the tension here is nowhere near as palpable as it was during the infamous Champ post. That was probably the only post where I was intensely offended by the a lot of the comments. Here, notsomuch, as I joke a lot in general. So I read most things in jest.
(because* we’re aware that you were offended and so would likely* respond in kind)
Fix’d
Gotd*mn PS3.
(because* we’re aware that you were offended and assumed you* would likely* respond in kind)
Double Fix’d
my dear,
this is not a literature class, grammatical errors/spelling errors/errors and their mamaz are welcome. I don’t curr. I got ya point!
hell, with all the grammar and spelling nazis running around here, i know why he kept trying to fix it.
There is no inquiring going on… there are leading questions that are RHETORTICAL in nature to make a smarmy point.
Example: When did you stop beating your wife?
The question presupposes the person beat their wife…. It’s a dumbass and deceitful question… not an honest inquiry.
Why don’t I start a post asking why are men so stupid and mentally inferior to women? I mean srsly, guys, inquiring minds would like to know how ya’ll all got collectively dropped on your head as babies…
If I may point out the positive here… A lot of us here are “very smartâ€. The issues that we are discussing are issues that are not being discussed by our less intelligent(the majority) brothers and sisters. Oh they have the same issues. But I think that they are usually helpless as the issues just play out though. I think that we are all looking for solutions because relations between men and women are off balance and we all sense and feel this. On a worldwide scale we are in the middle of a war of the sexes and we need a new model. Instead of getting offended we should all just appreciate the honesty that this blog affords us.
Yezzzzirrrrr!
You know, you get even more alluring to me when you be spitting shid like dis! I feel like I’m in a jazz cafe, with the lights down low and nice music (preferably KEM’s) playing in the background, with you in the foreground, getting your spoken word aka Malcolm X on!!!! And I’m in the background trying to act unmoved!! cheiiii!!! May the good Lord help me!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgLEpxGcRas
@Jay…agreed!!
I know this may come as a surprise but I have learned alot from the discussions we have here and have in some ways grown as a result (even increased my playlists and Netflix queues….gravy!). However, I quickly came to the realization that some days I won’t agree with some of the opinions expressed and some days I will but what will always remain the same is what I believe (at my core) and how I choose to live my life…regardless of what transpires on VSB.
It’s all good in the hood..see you guys tomorrow
I appreciate that acknowledgment.
So there has been a lot of talk about who we trust, who we don’t trust, who trusts God, who trusts who more than who, how I trust my own judgement…
Well I trust myself to know that I’m not entirely trust worthy. Hell, in most cases I know I’m a screw up. I think if people were more honest with themselves (myself included) a lot of “trust issues” would cease to exist. The problem is, we (myseld included) prefer to depict to the world what we would LIKE TO think of ourselves rather than who we really are. It’s like those old memes about what your Facebook says you are and what you really are. Sorta reminds me of how we are quick to claim I trust my boys with everything, or I trust my girls with my man, or whatever. Nothing – i.e. NO thing – is determinate in life. Everything, no matter how much you may believe otherwise, is questionable to some degree, or can be argued by the contrary. Even that last sentence I just wrote.
At the end of the day, n*ggas ain’t sh!t and b*tches be b!tchin.
Yall gon stop pickin on Panama!
I don’t trust anyone–male or female. I have a level of basic trust, sure, because I can’t live life like some paranoid android (holla to Radiohead), but I can’t sit here and honestly say that I am a trusting person. Experience has taught me not to trust anyone completely. I have trouble trusting females but for completely different reasons than PJ mentioned. I’m the girl women befriend because she poses no threat to her. They usually befriend me because I’m not that pretty and do not provide any sort of competition to them, so whenever I’m around women, I don’t trust any of their compliments to be sincere, based on body language as well as commentary they have made behind my back that comes around. And I don’t trust men because no man has ever loved me sincerely, so the fact that I haven’t meant much to them means they haven’t done much to make me trust them completely. I can’t say men are liars because, while they may have lied to my homegirls, guys are definitely 100% honest with me. Why, just yesterday I had a guy flat-out tell me “I was never in love with you and I will never be in love with you. Get over it.” So with men my issue isn’t a lack of honesty.
Sorry to hear this, gurl. You’ve survive it.
Words cannot begin to express the incredible amount of pain I am feeling right now.
” like some paranoid android (holla to Radiohead)”
…and to Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
And the chicks who figure you’re no competition because you’re “not pretty” are stupid. Sure, many men will pursue pretty women for sport. The same men will smang a woman pretty or not, just to smang her, or probably because the girlfriend wouldn’t believe that he did.
This is why when a commenter challenged the “teen girl” advice by asking if the same advice applied to unpretty girls, I insisted that the advice does apply. The non-Barbie Dolls would get extra rules, though, because men tend to treat us as extra dispensable.
WOW. First off who you are inside more than supercedes the outter appearance and those “pretty chics” that have befriended you cause they felt like you were no competition,basically fake and insecure, sound pretty ugly to me.
You got love yourself chile regardless of looks, love, respect, and value yourself. Be the best you for you and those who truly love you, friends and fam. If a man comes along and doesn’t treat you with respect, kindness, and values you for the person you are, he isn’t worth your time tbw.
I only trust in JESUS and don’t care how cliché that is.
AMEN!
Yes cause when you place it there, you are trusting the LORD to bring about the right people in your life, directing your path and ordering your steps.
Not to say that even then folk will not let you down but your trust ain’t in them it’s in the LORD and you are better able to handle whatever comes your way.
Only place I can’t be trusted is in a room alone with free Krispy Kreme.
I don’t date dudes that I think are mindless, helpless, too stupid or can’t turn down a woman’s advances.
I don’t hang out with women who I think are conniving, untrustworthy, extra-thirsty or man-hungry or homewreckers. The fact that I’m sleeping with a dude, pretty much turns my friend’s off to the idea of sleeping with him, cause that’s gross.
So, I have left the boyfriend alone with friends, had boyfriend pick up friend from hotel and take her to airport cause I couldn’t cause I was at work. Hell, at the beginning bf was spending the night at a friend’s dorm so he could make his early class on time instead of trying to catch a ride from the suburbs to the city every morning.
I have no problem trusting people; women or men cause I hang with trustworthy people.
I’m becoming more and more disillusioned with this blog. This posting, for example, is a gross generalization of women and another attempt to illustrate us as irrational and crazy. The stereotyping and anecdotal evidence that you adopt as fact truly overshadows the few objective insights that you and Panama have.. once in a while. Frankly, it’s juvenile and lazy.
Well, I feel like social proof is powerful for women in relationships. So a man that has a woman that is valuable rises in value to other women, like the idea of men you are friends with or short term exes, the “I won’t play with my toy, but you can’t play with it either thing.”
So, for instance, I trust my friends to a degree in a friendship setting one on one or with other women, like, I can tell them what I’m feeling, etc. But, when it comes to introducing them to someone I’m dating, I don’t do that quickly. Like, I prefer not to. And I don’t want to meet who they’re dating, either.
I’ll never forget when I introduced my friend to a guy I had feelings for, but had not spelled it out to her clearly. She hit on him and backed off when I was forced to tell how I felt.
Anyway, my point is for a guy being able to introduce a woman to his friends is key, but for a woman, there’s other things that prove her seriousness. And often friends can undermine and sabotage and flirt without meaning to because social proof is intoxicating.