Theory & Essay

Can’t Truss It?

Notice that it's all men in this picture. White and Black men. All the women stayed home because they didn't trust anybody present.

(And yes, I intentionally spelled “trust” like that. Word to Public Enemy.)

In the past two days, I’ve had some fairly interesting conversations with some women I know about situations that their men might find themselves in. Yesterday’s post was one, but another one came up on Sunday that I found most gripping. Kind of like the defeat of the Packers of Green Bay at the hands of the Giants of New York.

But first, let me start with a simple premise: Women don’t trust men and women don’t trust other women. Women don’t trust anybody.

I’m finding this to be fact. Ask about me.

I find this theory most interesting since men are quick to say that all we have is our balls and our word, but we always believe in our boys. I’m curious what women fall back on? Their ovaries and their hair products? Their thong and their loofa?

Stupid? Probably. Let’s move on.

I’ve never heard a woman say that she trusted her girls beyond the shadow of a doubt. In fact, at least once a day throughout America and probably somewhere in the Carribbean, a chorus of, “I don’t trust that b*tch” can be heard from rooftops, back seats of jeeps, and text messages being read aloud by robotic white women. Seriously, why does anybody use the text to landline function? Creepy. But the message is always the same, and it could be their sister, friend, or stranger; women are quick to say that they “know women”. Apparently women are quick to attempt to get what they want at the hands of some unsuspecting at best or naive at worst man who is not smart enough to fend of the power of the box. Box power if you will. Don’t block the box.

Quick aside here. I’ve always found it troubling when women would tell me that “they know how women are.” It’s pretty much an admission of being universally f*cked up right? Individual women (such as the woman doing the talking) aren’t f*cked up, but the instituation of womanhood is conniving and trifling. It’s like white people and racism. I’m not saying that’s a personal belief, but that’s the implication that comes from so many women with that “I know how women are” comment. And if my woman is a woman, why should I trust her if she’s telling me that her institution is one rife with trife? What makes her so different?

Like it or not, that’s deep sh*t.

So women can’t trust men because we are apparently unable to resist temptation as a species which is why we get married and move to the suburbs. Or Iceland. Brazil is off limits. (Post coming.) Or because we give you all daily reminders of why we aren’t to be trusted via lying, stupidity, or downright ignorance. But women also aren’t to be trusted because women (again, these are words from women) are trifling and if they want something they are going to get it. Or make every attempt to get it, which would of course render the helplessly idiotic man helpless thus resulting in him cheating on his girl with “that b*tch” or at the very least getting caught up in some inappropriate behavior whether he intended it or not. And “that b*tch” could be any woman. She could be a chicks good friend or a total stranger. She could be a liger. Or a pair of Chinese thinking balls.

Point is, when it comes to her man, there’s no woman that she can trust because she desires him so other women must want and desire him as well. And she can’t trust her man because other women want and covet him too and we’re stupid. Unless, of course, she ensures that he doesn’t place himself in sticky situations – like driving in a car to work together, Yugo’s are way more romantic than previously thought by the Commies – since he’s likely to cheat because he’s not to be trusted or not smart enough to say no or overcome his humanity.

Or maybe, he can only be trusted to “be a man.”

So ladies, who in the hell do you actually trust?? You can’t fully trust your man. You definitely can’t trust your girls. Who in the hell do you trust?

Jesus????? Is that it?

Inquiring minds would like to know.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

PS: Peep Panama‘s post over at Sister2Sister, “Must he love you more for it to work?” on whether or not a man should love his woman more than she loves him. Interesting take if he does say so himself when he speaks in third person.

PPS: VSB recently teamed up with Coliseum Apparel to do a limited run of VSB branded crewneck sweaters. These joints are dope and I’ve already been rocking them about town. It’s still perfect weather for them as well. #teamVSB. Go on over to Coliseum Apparel’s site to check them out and cop you one! They’re going to go fast!!!!

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Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • nillalatte

    “who in the hell do you actually trust?? You can’t fully trust your man. You definitely can’t trust your girls. Who in the hell do you trust?”

    There are degrees of trust PJ. To what degree do I trust you is to what degree you SHOW me you can be trusted.

    • http://challyshares.tumblr.com/ Nei Jae

      +1

    • nillalatte

      WHA??? I’m first!!! You can trust me because I’m #1. :D

      • Justmetheguy

        And I can trust you because you didn’t even try to feign monogamy wit me ;)

        Yes, shots fired @ she who shall remain nameless…

        • nillalatte

          That’s funny. You know I had a conversation last night with a friend whom I was sharing our online shenanigans with and he railed me! Asked me what the hell an e-boo was, said I lived in a pretend/fantasy world, etc. Needless to say, he’s on my shid list today. You think he’s jealous, much?

          • That Ugly Kid

            “You know I had a conversation last night with a friend whom I was sharing our online shenanigans with and he railed me!”

            I’m sooo glad I read the rest of this post. Because my mind took me places after I read this part. Phew, close call.

            • nillalatte

              LMAO… bad TUK… bad.

          • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

            girl you should have told him that e-boos are real!!! Oh mi gosh, do you know I know two people who met on a commenting board, and right now they are man and wife?! How kkkkkiiiiiiiiiiyute is dat?!

            • nillalatte

              That’s awesome Mami. But, seeing as how most of my e-boos are much younger than me, I’d have to keep them as e-boos. I can’t have the guilt of turning a young man out on my conscience. ;)

              • Kema

                You only live once! *wink*

              • Corey

                Turning them out eh?? *grabs post it notes*

          • Justmetheguy

            @nilla-Tell him jealousy is a slow and agonizing killer. He should let it go lol

      • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

        Queeeeeeeeen!!!! You are FIIIIIIIIRST.

        *confetti thrown around for achieving this fete*

        • nillalatte

          Thank you… thank you very much. Last time I was first, Liz 404′d me and then I refused to play in the sandbox for a while. :) Things have greatly improved. LOL

    • nillalatte

      I’d like to add, that if you fudge up and betray the trust I have extended to you, it’s probably certain that you won’t ever get back to the level of trust I once gave you. Not ever.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        When someone isn’t trustworthy, I withdraw my trust too.

        The flip side is that some people don’t give a flying fig that you no longer trust them. They’re happy skipping down the street heading to their next victim. lol

        • GirlSixx

          “The flip side is that some people don’t give a flying fig that you no longer trust them. They’re happy skipping down the street heading to their next victim”

          That last sentence made me giggle.

    • Fleur

      I understand trust, respect, and so on in degrees, too. I doubt anybody will ever earn a 100% trust and respect from me. Nevertheless, wo/man may receive high levels of my trust and respect. I’m satisfied with receiving a similar amount in return.

      My trust and respect for people is not fixed either. They may go up or down anytime your actions alter them.

      God has my ultimate trust, respect, love, and so on. I come second.

      • Justmetheguy

        “My trust and respect for people is not fixed either. They may go up or down anytime your actions alter them.”

        Yup this is how I operate also

        • MJoy

          This is how you’ve had me behaving all night

          http://youtu.be/ee925OTFBCA

          • Corey

            I swear that clip always has me in tears! LMAO!

          • A Woman’s Eyes

            omg that clip! I have not seen that in a long time! lmao

  • http://challyshares.tumblr.com/ Nei Jae

    I don’t have an issue trusting women if they’ve shown themselves trustworthy.

    • LMNOP

      Yeah, trustworthy people are definitely more trustable. I think that goes for both men and women.

    • DQ

      So you’d leave your man with your girl alone at her house if you trusted her?

      • Rewind

        Why shouldn’t she? If she’s in a relationship, she should have enough faith in the bonds that she built with her lover that he would not stray far from the path. She should believe in the bonds she has with her friend. Can they stab her in the back? Of course. But what’s the point of living a life where you can’t trust anything or anyone because you believe you’ll get hurt? At some point you have to grow up and have some faith.

        • DQ

          “Of course. But what’s the point of living a life where you can’t trust anything or anyone because you believe you’ll get hurt? At some point you have to grow up and have some faith.”

          Sounds good on paper…

          …but…

          … do you leave your man alone with your friend?

          • Rewind

            I’ve left my girlfriend alone with my cousin, who I’ve known to be a pus-s addict since 14 years old. Didn’t blink an eye at it. Why? Because I built enough trust with both of them to not have to look over my back every 5 seconds.

            Like I said, you can’t protect yourself 24/7 and honestly, pain is inevitable. If people were going to screw you over, it wouldn’t matter how many precautions you set it, it’s still going to happen. Rather than lying to yourself to prevent something that is inevitably going to happen, maybe it makes more sense to question your state of mind and the relationships you have first. Sure lots of people have been hurt by people they trust, but many of those same people made assumptions about the people they trusted instead of seeing the truth in front of their face.

            • GirlSixx

              Truth!!!

          • Kema

            I would leave my man alone with my friend. If I cant trust him to be with her alone then I’m sure he’s up to stuff when he is not with me.

            • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

              LOL, basically. I mean, especially if he knows her as well, who’s to say he won’t ever end up alone with her regardless if I “left” them alone anyway? If he can’t be trusted, he’d find someway to end up “alone” with her without my assistance.

            • Justmetheguy

              I’m actually with Kema and Rewind on this one. If she’s gonna do it she’s gonna do it. In fact, my friends and I have a policy. If she tries you, do her. Because I need to know if she’s trifling like that. I have a cousin who’s group of friends take it a step further. If you can get her period, take her. The train of thought behind it is if she’s with it, then she wasn’t for me anyway and it was gonna happen eventually anyway, so might as well find out sooner than later. Either way it makes absolutely no sense to live in fear, or even worse (and more embarrassing) to be constantly trying to hide your girl, keep her away from certain people and functions. If it’s gonna happen, trust and believe she’ll have her opportunities and she’ll take them if she’s open to it. It is what is is.

              • nillalatte

                Flip that for men and ditto!

                • DQ

                  Cool so we all agree that if you can trust someone you can trust someone, and if you can’t, you can’t, therefore, a woman who gets upset at (say) you being alone in a car with another woman, or Skping wtih another woman, or meeting her for lunch, is basically tripping. Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

                  • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

                    LOL @ Skyping. I’m mad you just threw that in there. I mean, hey, the OG intent for Skyping was bidness/corporate related. But yeah any of the above should be cool as long as they don’t cross any lines. And that goes with all of those situations.

                    Just like any innocent situation (skyping with a business associate) is made guilty by a slight tweak in detail (skyping with a business associate… at 2am).*

                    *BTW, I’m pretty sure a dude would be like… yo she in Australia so this was the only time we could do it! ;)

                    • Breezy

                      LMBO…yescause you know how them time zones be tripinnnnnn!

                • GirlSixx

                  Agreed!!!!

          • Meisarebel

            You know what’s funny about this? I shall give a hypothetical situation that may or may not be true that may or may not involve a friend/cousin of mine…

            Anyway…

            Story goes like this: hypothetical person I know is married to this chick. The two of them go on vacation to a random country, but for the sake of this post, let’s say Brazil. They go with the wife’s friend who is also female. Now… Said wife doesn’t trust hypothetical person I’ve made up with her own female cousins, but is willing to leave her man alone in a hotel room with her female friend in the shower, while she goes exploring on her own. Why? Because she knows that her man is not attracted to said friend. In any way.

            I say this because I’ve come to this conclusion: only reason she “trusted” her man was because she knew that he would never attempt anything with THAT particular friend. Anyone else, and she probably wouldn’t have dared leave him alone. Even if it was her own sister. Now what does that say?

            • A Woman’s Eyes

              WTF? Why do they need to be in the same hotel room while her friend is in the shower? Unless they have an open relationship or something. I mean, even my male buddies wouldnt be in my hotel room while I’m in the shower if they have jobs to pay for their own room. This is crazy to me.

              • Meisarebel

                All 3 of them were sharing a single suite.

                Is that crazy?

                Now, personally, when I lived in DC I had two women as roommates, and my girl lived in another country at the time.

                Is THAT crazy?

                • GirlSixx

                  Nope. Not if they were facially challenged. *LOL* I’m just keeping it real.

                  • Justmetheguy

                    ^ Strikes me as an honest individual. Because that’s probably the consensus stance on that scenario…

                • A Woman’s Eyes

                  One of the few ways that isn’t crazy is if they are polyamorous or having threesomes.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        ” So you’d leave your man with your girl alone at her house if you trusted her? ”

        That question made me cringe because it gives the visual image of a grown woman carrying around a 12 inch grown man like a doll and dropping him off at her best friend’s house. Picking him up to kiss him goodbye then setting him down on her wood floors and saying “see ya later! I trust ya! bye!”

        My man’s coming home with me. He has no reason to be at her house if there’s no food, the game isn’t on and ain’t nobody there but them. The men I date have nothing in common with my female friends.

        He’s a grown ass man. If he ever decided he was gonna be alone in her house, and I’m not there or invited, then I trust myself to end the relationship.

        • Rogman

          I’m saying.

          Why would I be spending time at my girl’s female buddies, unless I was getting fed or waiting for her or having a general conversation while she was present.

          And I know enough about broads to know that even if her friend and I did have a common interest that spending time aloe with her doing it is bound to cause a conversation that I could best do without

          • RG

            Yeah, this example went over my head. There would be absolutely no reason for me to be at my girl’s friends house short of waiting on my girl or…I don’t know. I just don’t know why I would even be there. I guess if me and my girl ive together there might be a chance of a friend being there waiting on her or something.

      • GirlSixx

        Yep, absolutely..

        If I have trust issues with friends then guess what they NEED NOT be my friend in the first place and sometimes yes we can make poor judgement in friends we put our trust in but that’s life, you can’t go through life being a skeptic about everyone. That isn’t llving!!!

    • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

      Sure, you say that now…but later on you’ll be like “Them yatches be trippin’”!!!

  • http://www.twitter.com/Think2Inspire Think2Inspire

    Before I post my real response: I want a sweater! I want one now but I live overseas. Is shipping limited to the States? :’(

    • http://www.twitter.com/Think2Inspire Think2Inspire

      I trust my parents, my brothers and sister, and about six of my other family members. I think I trust about 8 people outside of my family. But that number seems too high. Ususally people all start at the same level, you can gain my trust the more we hang out and get to know each other but when you show yo arse I make a mental note of it for later. Aries rage has made me do a lot of off the wall things so I try to keep those I can’t trust far away from me.

  • That Ugly Kid

    Oooh be careful PJ. You haven’t read yesterday’s comments? Apparently when women make negative comments about men, it’s the truth. Yet if a man makes negative comments about a woman, prepare to hear the words “sexist” or “misogyny”. You’ve been warned.

    That aside, I’d have to say from personally experience, I agree with this post. My ex would often tell me that although she loves her bffs, she doesn’t trust them when it comes to me. Though I’d love to see women come here with the whole “Men act the same” noise they were spewing yesterday. It seems they missed the part where you stated that all three of you were FRIENDS. That alone would make our reaction to the situation wholly different.

    Men put the utmost trust in their close friends. Just recently I was at a friend’s and he had to leave to go pick up his cousin from work. He left me in the house, alone, with his big bootied, semi-naked, half-asian, half-black girlfriend. For about 45 minutes. And he thought nothing of it.

    • nillalatte

      And, yet, we know that some men’s friend WILL bang a friends girl if given the opportunity and if they are attracted to each other. Please don’t pretend that men don’t have male friends bang their chicks behind their backs or chicks don’t want to bang their dude’s friends. That’s just foolish. It happens.

      • Not Your Friend

        Yea, I don’t know what this guy’s problem is, but he acts as if men are just perfect, little beings.

        Maybe he thought nothing of leaving you home with his girlfriend because he knew that there wasn’t a chance in hell that his GF would be interested in you.

        What’s up with the ethnicity descriptor?

        • That Ugly Kid

          And where in my post am I implying that men are perfect little creatures? All I was implying (actually outright stating) is that men are more trusting than women. The fact that you read more into that adds more to my hypothesis that you could be what I like to call “bitter”.

          Oh and the ethnicity was put there because men (usually black men) find half-asian half-black women extremely appealing, myself included. The fact that my friend left me alone with a female who has an ethnic background he KNOWS I’m interested in, speaks volumns about how much he trusts me.

          But as I said earlier, you seem to be bitter. I don’t deal with bitter women who look for “ghost-implications.” They make me want to elbow newborns. Have a nice day.

          • Not Your Friend

            Lol (No, not really). I see what you are doing here, kiddo. Sorry to bust your bubble, but I’m not bitter. You can save that tired line for another woman, oh excuse me, ‘female’ who you know. I’ve read many of your comments here on this blog, and they do seem to take a tone of men being perfect.

            Come down off of your high horse, boy.

            • That Ugly Kid

              1. Seeing as how you are the first to read my comments and come to the conclusion that men are near infallible creatures, I’m going to go ahead and assume your reading comprehension in the problem, not me.

              2. Claiming that someone whose username is That Ugly Kid is on a “high horse” is laughable. That ghost-implication is even more horrid than the first. So now I’m inclined to believe you are a Feminist. The man-hating kind, not the reasonable kind.

              3. With a name like Not Your Friend, I must also surmise that you are a troll. And I’m not about to pay no d*mn toll to cross that pathetic excuse you call bridge. I’m U-turning. As such your comments will be re-directed to my azz. Because maybe “it” will actually give a sh*t. Ciao.

              • MJoy

                well that was just uncalled for…

                and you should never elbow a baby.

              • Around the Way Girl

                Why are your panties all in a wad, bro? You’re looking super lame right now. And childish. I was just stopping in to read, too…wasn’t necessarily planning to say anything, but this right here is some bullsh!t.

                • That Ugly Kid

                  Wait. So we have someone who has a tendency to, instead of focusing on the entire comments, make cynical remarks at my use of a certain word because she adds negative connotations to the word when it has none, read a few posts and jump to asinine implications about me, insults me, but I’M the one who is super lame and childish when I defend myself and reduce her bullsh*t to nothingness?

                  Okay. Cool logic.

                  • Around the Way Girl

                    “Cool logic.”

                    Lol thanks.

                  • MJoy

                    I think the word ‘logic’ should be banned from this site for at least a week. I don’t know what we’d do.

            • beks

              exactly this ^

          • https://twitter.com/#!/mackaroto Jay

            Oh and the ethnicity was put there because men (usually black men) find half-asian half-black women extremely appealing.

            Guilty as charged.

            • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

              oh shiiiid! I’m quarter south Korean, quarter Indian and the rest African. You can throw any other ethnicity that you like, and I swear to the heavens I’m three quarter that or full that, depending on your liking!!! :)

              • https://twitter.com/#!/mackaroto Jay

                LOL. Sounds intriguing.

                • MJoy

                  please marry this woman

      • That Ugly Kid

        Yep, I know. However, it’s irrelevant. Why? Because regardless of that possibility men are still trusting of their friends. You didn’t think my friend knew there’s a possibility that leaving a dude home alone with his would result in drama? Of course. But as men, we give our friends the benefit of the doubt. Women don’t. That’s the difference.

        As PJ said above, women not trusting other women tends to be a combination of “knowing how women are” and thinking their man is too stupid/weak-minded to resist another female coming onto him. Men don’t suffer from this thinking. Mainly because we know it’s easier for women to get sex, than it is for a man. Meaning that we don’t believe she’d eagerly jump at every oppotunity that comes her way, because she can get sex anytime she wants.

        • nillalatte

          “we know it’s easier for women to get sex, than it is for a man.”

          Another misnomer. You’re batting a perfect score tonight, bruh. ;)

          • That Ugly Kid

            So, you believe attractive women have problems getting laid? More problems than men? Please, explain.

            • SororSalsa

              It’s like this…..good men are hard to find. Good d*ck is everywhere.

              Now…if you don’t care that the good d*ck is attached to an ain’t ish man, then a woman getting laid is a breeze. If she has no standards for who she lays down with, she can have it at her beck and call.

              But if you do…well, then sometimes there are very long, dry spells. Just my $.02.

              • carolinagirl27

                +1

              • nillalatte

                +1….That too.

              • Royale W. Cheese

                + 1 billion

              • Yoles

                + me

              • http://sarcasmforbreakfast.com MizzCam

                + me #also #aswell

              • Ms Quita

                Exactly.

              • southernsweetness

                +100

            • nillalatte

              Some attractive women CAN have problems getting laid. Sure. Because sometimes those attractive women are not approached as many times as one might think. You dudes have even said this on here yourselves… you start talking yourself out of approaching a woman if she’s too whatever and therefore you know what? The lady is perceived as getting it all the time, but in some cases she’s not.

              • Rewind

                The topic isn’t really about sex or anything of the sort. It’s attention. Reliable attention. Women will always get more attention than men, ergo it will always seem like a woman has a better chance of doing dirt because she does not need to work at it. Men ALWAYS have to work at getting a woman’s attention, even if they have it completely easy. LL Cool J can look as beefed up as he wants, but if he smelt like rotten eggs and porto-potties everytime a woman came up to him, that sex appeal would go in the toilet.

                We all assume too much about the opposite sex, but the truth of the matter is that all the issues we have are individual. People either make good decisions or bad ones. That’s all there is to it.

                • nillalatte

                  “truth of the matter is that all the issues we have are individual.”

                  Close the blog! This is it right here! Well said.

                  • Rewind

                    I aim to please.

                  • https://twitter.com/#!/mackaroto Jay

                    We all get that we’re all individuals but we DO make similar decisions based on our sex/age/religion/ethnicity. There are patterns. Now, they could “close this blog”, as you say, on the premise that EVERYONE is an individual and makes individual choices based on nothing but individualism which translates to you can’t make educated guesses based again on sex/age/religion/ethnicity…NEVER EVER(which seems to be what the ladies are arguing for) or you can take the blog for what it is/does. Its a blogger giving HIS opinions on the patterns that HE has perceived. I swear its the same argument every time. I think what we’re overlooking is that a person will encounter a lot of the same problems with different relationships at different times in their lives. Why? Because we, sometimes unknowingly, are attracted to certain things and the people we choose to be with, as different as they may seem, will probably share a lot of these traits leading us to believe that ALL members of the opposite sex share these traits when in truth it is WE who choose people with these traits. Good old selection bias at work(and a little bit of confirmation bias).

                    • Rewind

                      The real problem in a nutshell is learning to get out of your own way. We assume to much and lie about reality. It is hard to not take everything you’ve been told in life personally and actually use your own experiences as your learning factor, but blaming whole groups never solved anything. You have to pay attention to what you’re doing, actually see when things are your fault. Like you said, if you keep finding the same traits in people, it means you attract those traits. But if you don’t want to be honest, it’s just easier to blame the other people. People need to let the BS go.

                    • nillalatte

                      @ Jay, you do realize my statement of ‘close the blog’ was in jest, right?

              • That Ugly Kid

                There’s the problem. If attractive women play it this way, of course they’ll have some difficulty getting. However, I bet money that if that same attractive women was the one doing the approaching, she’d get laid way more than just sitting and waiting for someone to talk to her. An attractive woman, if she truly want sex, could get it at the drop of a hat.

                • kaname
                • A Woman’s Eyes

                  I agree with you on that particular point. Yep.

                  • A Woman’s Eyes

                    Re: TUK’s comment that attractive women can get sex if she wants it.

                • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

                  Cosign. Drop of a hat, snap of the fingers, click of a button. It’s just a matter of are you WILLING to drop the hat and the need for a good girl self image. Cause you know you can set it up so nobody knows except you and him. And he don’t need to know your real name or where you live neither. If you really want to drop the hat, you can be quite selective, cause you will have them lining up by the hundreds. Literally. I’m a living witness.

                  • Corey

                    WC lives in reality. IDK why women keep claiming that they can’t get d!ck. A legitimate BF, ok. But peen? The most available and accessible resource on the planet.

      • Todd

        Agreed on men banging friend’s guys out. However, men have a bit of mutually assured destruction when it comes to that. Not only will the dude be pissed, but all of the other men that either of you may know won’t trust you either. Heck, if I find out a guy I know banged his friend’s girl, I might speak to him, and most guys understand that. Therefore, most men won’t even go there, and the ones that do are the male equivalent of the women that “doesn’t get along with women.”

        • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

          Eh, I’ve heard about that happening and the men ending up still friends.

          • Meisarebel

            Though I am guilty of that, the same goes for women, cause, well, I’m also guilty of that.

            Shrug.

            Depends on who it is I think, and the type of relationship that was betrayed.

            If my friend smashed my girl who I’ve openly professed my undying love for, introduced to my parents, and thought about giving a ring to, you can guaran-fkn-tee that I will write him off. If however, he smanged this chick I was smanging, then fk it. He got it to, I’ll probably dap him up and keep it moving. Won’t even be mad at her. Yet, I highly doubt the opposite would happen. I believe if a chick had a boothang that she was giving the poon too, and one of her friends ends up riding his D train to ConeyIsland, she would lock him off as a trifling good-for-nothing, typical man. And I’m pretty sure she’ll still invite her home girl to thanksgiving dinner.

            • Justmetheguy

              +1 re:Misarebel’s post

            • Corey

              %I doubt it man. Women fall out forever behind that kind of stuff. Hell ask any women who have fell out what it was about and if you dig deep enough 98% of the time there’s some dude at the root of it. Dudes just don’t care as long as it THE MAIN. The rest are pretty much viewed as community property. (yeah I know that sounded bad)

              • Justmetheguy

                Yeah, I was in a rush when I responded, but I meant to co-sign every point he made except that last one. Women don’t just forgive that kinda sh*t from their friends and be done with it. That’s a matter of great pride to them as well.

                • Meisarebel

                  You’ll be surprised… I’m not saying that women won’t get upset, I’m just saying I’ve seen it happen where the chicks remained friends but the dude was cast away as uncouth goat vomit.

    • Just Me

      I actually dated someone once who had a best friend (tight since childhood, best man status) who he trusted 1000% with everything BUT women.. This came up because his friend would occasionally ask me for dating advice; once he called me in the evening hours (around 10p) trying to figure out if a bottle of wine was and appropriate Xmas gifts for his girl’s parents, as he was leaving shortly to meet them for the first time around the holidays. My then-bf freaked out (not at me) and called his friend up to make it clear not to ever contact me after 9p no matter the urgency. When I asked why, he said it was because he knows him well enough to know that his weakness was women and that he didn’t trust him in that corner of his life…. O_o Perhaps that’s where some women come from when they don’t trust certain women for valid reasons…But if they are truly your friends??? ….I believe the medical term for that is “paranoia”.

      • Latonya

        Wow I guess man have trust issues as well. But with man its different than it is with women.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        Maybe he knows that his how his friend hits on women, gets his in on women. Men know which of their friend is whorish.

      • RG

        Where are men’s homeboys calling their chicks up? Seriously, where do they do that at? Short of trying to get ahold of my boy or planning a surprise birthday, I would have no reason to call his girl up. This is a foreign concept to me.

        • Meisarebel

          This.

          I can only think of ONE other reason where calling your boy’s chick is allowable (if yual were NOT good friends prior to any relationship) and that is to have her talk to YOUR girl cause your own girl is tripping. And that conversation may even be relayed through your boy, which nullified my entire argument.

          Yay for thinking while typing!

        • GirlSixx

          LOL.

          Or Accident, Sickness or Death.

        • Just Me

          LOL, yes that would be weird…However we were all friends prior to even the inklings of a relationship.

    • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

      “Oooh be careful PJ. You haven’t read yesterday’s comments? Apparently when women make negative comments about men, it’s the truth. Yet if a man makes negative comments about a woman, prepare to hear the words “sexist” or “misogyny”. You’ve been warned.”

      As a person who continues to experience this, I’d say this is largely true.

    • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

      “It seems they missed the part where you stated that all three of you were FRIENDS.”

      Nobody missed this. It just didn’t make a difference.

      • demondog06

        “Nobody missed this. It just didn’t make a difference.”

        oh but it makes all the difference…in fact the whole dynamic is switched up.

  • Mdanielle

    I trust my best friends with everything but we have also been friends for 10+ years and through it all we have had each others back..no backstabbing..no fighting..no bullshit..but like someone said there are degrees of trust as well some people I trust them to do fucked up shit because that’s what they have shown me they are capable of. With me everyone starts off with a blank slate and through our friendship or relationship we build trust with one another, some people I can build a beautiful mansion with while others I can’t put nail and wood together. You just have to choose you friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, associates, etc wisely!

    • GoldenSangria

      Very true, but you can’t always anticipate f***ry

  • SoSincere

    God, because he can’t lie and then after that, generally speaking, I would trust men over women just because women sometimes allow their emotions to cloud logical thinking ability. And yes men do this sometimes as well but honestly, we women do it more. Also you can pretty much count on men to act the same way most of the time (unless they’re overly emotional as well or you are dealing with an immature guy) whereas some women tend to have very inconsistent behavior patterns. There are those of us women who try to be consistent and trustworthy and I have a couple of best friends who are women and who I trust but honestly they are few and far between. I think this is because women are quick to be jealous of other women and you just can’t fully trust someone who has a jealous or envious spirit even if it’s not directed towards you.

    • LMNOP

      Interesting… I don’t necessarily trust logical thinking more than emotions. People make logical explanations for all kinds of awful things that they do, but if my heart tells me something is wrong, I am going to trust that over the logical rationalizations of my head.
      I guess that might be why I generally trust women more than men.

      • Medium Meech

        Sounds like you could never be wrong with that philosophy. I think this may be the essence of what some people call chick logic round these parts.

        • LMNOP

          It DOES sound like I could never be wrong, doesn’t it?
          Maybe that’s why I am right so often.

      • Not Your Friend

        The commentators on this blog are very heavy on differentiating between what’s logical and what’s emotional. I don’t get it though, because the words ‘logical’ and ‘emotional’ aren’t synonyms or antonyms.

        • Medium Meech

          Logic and emotion may be able to exist simultaneously, but logic in it’s truest form is impartial, and emotion is anything but. Pointing out that the relationship between the two isn’t polar doesn’t really speak to your underlying point.

          • Justmetheguy

            Yo, I was just telling my sister yesterday about “some dude that used to comment on blogs” named Medium Meech lol. Lo and behold he shows back up with an awesome explanation for the theory behind most of us being on team dude logic lol.

            So true though, being impartial and objective about situations just has such an awesome track record in so many things that aren’t related to love and sex, that it seems silly to forgo it completely at all times for the “heart” which is a pretty vague concept that’s centered in emotion.

            Now the trump card that “the heart” does play is that I think it’s more in touch with intuition and consciousness. Which I actually consider to be the essence of what “God” is….so it’s not an easy choice to decide which to follow. Even still, it’s sometimes hard to know whether it’s your emotional/impulsive side or your benevolent intuition/conscious. So I usually stick to the safe bet #dudelogic. Usually it’ll keep me from being in a mess where I resent myself and the lady involved, so at my young age I tend to follow dude logic and take note of what my “heart” is saying for future references…

            • MJoy

              so… you’re going to have to forgive me because you make my heart sing (even though you use words like dudelogic).

              I like that can relate to “both sides” like an, I don’t know, human. Some people round here really think men are logical, women are emotional. period. As if we don’t all experience and utilize both.

              so seriously…
              http://youtu.be/06F7wOGEUcI

      • DQ

        You can “justify” actions based on emotion just as easily as you can with logic. Doing something because “it feels right” is no less dangerous than someone using logic to defend an amoral position IMO.

        • LMNOP

          True enough. I trust my own judgement and my conscience, but I don’t necessarily trust everyone else’s.
          It might “feel right” for someone to punch someone they are angry at, even though it obviously is not right, but if they have a conscience, you would think it would also feel wrong at the same time. Who knows? People definitely do do really fcked up things and justify them in all kinds of twisted ways, whether it is emotionally or intellectually, which brings us back to the topic of the day:
          People, you just can’t trust them.

          this comment was brought to you by chick logic.

    • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

      I wish people would stop saying this about logical arguments. Logical does not inherently mean right. You can make a logical argument that all people with HIV/AIDS should be locked away from society in order to minimize the spread of it in the safest possible way. There were plenty of logical arguments for prohibition. There were logical arguments for slavery. If you care to, you can make a logical argument to justify any and everything. Not to even get into the fact that logical isn’t antithetical to emotion in any possible way. It’s a lazy short hand for passive-aggressive argumentation.

      • LMNOP

        co-sign.
        That is EXACTLY what I was trying to say.

        I love it when people are thinking what I am thinking, but can express it coherently.

      • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

        Glooooooooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrry!!!! C’mon now!!!!! YEEEZZZZ!!!

      • DQ

        “I wish people would stop saying this about logical arguments. Logical does not inherently mean right.”

        Is that what she said? What I read indicated that she felt that emotion could cloud logic. I’m not seeing how you get from her point to yours. There is no “right” answer in a subjective discussion whether you arrive at your conclusion purely by emotion or logic. Logic just gives everyone a means to endorse or disagree with the conclusion based on the construct, whereas emotion does not.

        No one can tell someone that they can’t feel how they feel. You don’t have to explain emotions (they are what they are) but you do have to explain logic.

        Now all that being said, neither emotion or logic is more important than the other, we need both in order to be human. They only appear to be unequal when they’re misapplied. Logic is for decision making and analysis, emotion is for the human connection. When you try to use one in the other’s domain you often encounter problems. There are times when empathy is called for and NOT logic. There are times when logic is called for and NOT emotions. You just have to know when to apply which, they’re both necessary; just not always at the same time.

        • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

          Comments don’t take place within bubbles. If your argument was in fact more sound than the others then you wouldn’t need to parade around telling people they’re wrong because you’re more logical. The argument would stand on it’s own.

          • DQ

            I have to say that I really don’t see where she is invoking the concepts of right or wrong, I only see where you are inferring it. I agree with you that, on subjective topics, logic doesn’t produce a right answer, it produces a tenable conclusion (and that conclusion, though supported by logic, can still be morally corrupt or altogether bankrupt.) But that’s the reason why you use logic in subjective discussions, because there is no right answer. There is simply your position and your ability to defend it. And people can choose to believe (or disbelieve) you on the basis of your defense.

            • Meisarebel

              This.

              Granted, despite your stance on any particular issue, acknowledging that your logic MAY be flawed is also necessary. Because at the end of the day, one’s logic is always stained with some ounce of bias. Thus, if I am allowed to stretch my literary license, logic and emotion are not entirely mutually exclusive, despite our best efforts. This is why I enjoy playing devil’s advocate, even if I’m in full accordance with the other team.

            • Justmetheguy

              Thank you DQ! People need to quit fronting like being logical isn’t a solid methodology for solving problems/disagreements. At least you open yourself up for critique and being wrong when you use logic. People can argue with it, unlike feelings and emotion because no one can tell you how to feel or what’s the right way to feel. It’s a game I don’t play too often, because it’s setting yourself up for loss and confusion from my perspective. There are no rules in the feelings game, so I engage in very cautious moderation. Logic has helped me progress in every other area of my life, why would I abandon it as it relates to love and sex?

              • DQ

                That part that’s amusing me most about this, if we understand men and women to essentially be the same (I mean otherwise why protest when we give sons and daughters different advice) then they use logic as often as we do.

                Conversesly we’ve been told that we are just as much in our emotions as they are. Ok. Do women find themselves swayed by our “emotional” outbursts? When men are “in their feelings” do they form arguments that women find compelling? If the answer is no, what is the point of this protest about logic vs emotion? Rhetorical question.

                • Justmetheguy

                  Still nodding head. They’re team emotion/feelings when convenient and team logic/man up when it’s convenient. People in general (not just women) love convenience and will justify it however they see fit

      • http://blackmedici.wordpress.com Black Medici

        It actually isn’t a lazy way of having arguments. The fact is there are only two kind of arguments you can have, you can have an argument about feelings, or you can have arguments about logic. A person can make a logical argument for black inferiority and a black person can come along using logic to argue against it. If a person just says the hate black people and that’s it, there’s no point in arguing with them, because they have no interest in being right or wrong.

        Logic is based on reality, which we all succumb to. Your feelings are your own, and they only change if “you” decide to change them. The reason why men complain about women not being logical when it comes to arguing, is that without logic, there is no way to even try to come to the right solution. When people argue about their feelings only, whoever’s feelings are stronger, or whoever is most prepared to use violence, usually wins out. And since men are basically banned from using violence, and women are more in touch with their emotions, they tend to win out arguments, even when they’re 100% wrong.

        • http://blackmedici.wordpress.com Black Medici

          Moderation…

        • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

          Logic is merely a set of rules, bound by language. It is only a small subset of reality. It’s like chess. If you want to move by the rules, you can. But the pieces can move however they want. Or like boxing vs fighting. You can only do certain things in boxing, but that doesn’t mean you’re not fighting if you do something outside the rules.

          Logic does not take into account those things which are real and true, but are emotional or things you don’t have language for. If you studied logic, you know that.

          Because of the small corpus collosum men have, they are limited in their ability to think about emotion, so they think logic is the only way to reason. But its a handicap.

          • http://blackmedici.wordpress.com Black Medici

            Actually I disagree, because what exactly is the alternative to logic? What is more pure, than 1+1=2? I get feminist oriented philosophy, or post-Marx philosophy supporting everything you just said, but no one on that side of the argument has ever been able to give me something that is more closer to truth than 1+1=2. I mean isn’t that based on rules? And where did these rules come from? And don’t these rule change base off the more we understand of the universe or reality?

            • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

              This is not feminist philosophy. This is about the nature of logic. Logic is merely a grid placed on reality. It has straight lines which intersect at points. The space between the boxes is not recognized, but that space is true and real. The lines are realty, the space outside the lines are reality. But the lines don’t and can’t recognize it. You need a thicker corpus collosum, or more communication between left and right brain, logic and emotion, lines and boxes, to see it. Many men don’t have that, they simply can’t see it. They only see the lines.

              • http://blackmedici.wordpress.com Black Medici

                Here’s where I disagree, and there might be some form of miscommunication: emotions are important, because that’s how human beings relate to one another; however, logic is the basis of solving problems. I’m typing on a macbook right now, and the fact is everything inside my macbook required a solid understanding of logic (math, science, engineering all derivatives of logic) to be made; however, the understanding of emotion is what enabled the design, the software, and the exterior of the macbook which made me want to buy it in the first place.

                With all that being said, this is where I think the problem lies. Yes men are more concerned and are mostly focused on logic, however, women are mostly concerned with emotions. Women are more concerned with how things look and men are more concerned with what things are. Now in order to build the perfect system, we need to have a perfect foundation (logic) and we need to have a perfect product (emotion). However, a product is nothing without a good foundation and the foundation of problem solving is logic. Until women can respect that, to the level we can, we’re never going to be able to create a better system than we have today.

                • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

                  Everything you just said demonstrates a misunderstanding of logic.

                • Justmetheguy

                  I said I wanted to see a showdown between the two of you and you didn’t disappoint. It’s obvious who I’m siding with, but WC did raise some interesting points. Logic can’t account for EVERYTHING but it definitely should be the basis of problem solving (not relationships, but problem solving and confrontation within relationships). If there are no concrete rules, then literally ANTYTHING goes. Men grew up playing and watching sports. Either you made the shot or you didn’t. Either you won or you lost. You were out of bounds or not. Too many grey areas are involved with feelings, emotions, and other human characteristics. Not that they’re trivial or should be ignored, but they differ for everyone, and they break rules while insisting on their own importance. Feelings don’t play fair, and they often times make destructive and irresponsible decisions because they follow NO RULES. No bueno imo

                  • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

                    Just because you don’t understand the rules of emotion doesn’t mean there are no rules.

                    • Justmetheguy

                      @ WC- The rules are different for every individual though. When there are 10 different sets of rules ie the rules aren’t universal (yall constantly assert that all women aren’t the same), then that means there are essentially no rules. We’re not playing a sport, we’re engaging in exciting chaos with arbitrary guidelines (created by whichever party is more emotionally inclined, typically the woman). I’ll pass on that.

            • Kema

              Well 1+1=0 in Mod 2

      • http://snarkyasiwant2b.wordpress.com Snarkychic

        Exactly!!!! I get my back up against the wall when people use logic to mean right. These two words are not synonyms. Just because you can create, come up with or construct a logical argument in no way means you are right. This is not to say solely rely on your emotions either. Using only one will definitely lead you down the wrong road. You were given both for a reason learn to use them nicely on the playground.

      • Breezy

        I like this Malik guy…you should comment more often.

      • Justmetheguy

        Malik- I get what you mean. Logical by itself is NOT enough. Anybody can make a ridiculous claim for the truth using “logic”. It’s gotta start with a correct (and agreed on) premise though. Not only that but each of the steps must be agreed upon also. It’s a solid method when used correctly. I think it comes down to semantics. Logic should most DEFINITELY be a key factor in decision making, but alone it’s not enough and is dangerous in the hands of idiots. We should be aiming for objectivity and emotional/logical balance. Only you know your appropriate ratio of logic to emotion/impulse. The same model doesn’t work for everybody. Doesn’t mean we can’t playfully have fun with each other about it on a message board though lol

        • That Ugly Kid

          “Doesn’t mean we can’t playfully have fun with each other about it on a message board though lol”

          Sooo, you’re not gonna “Pause” that or…what’t the deal. I could’ve sworn a statement like this warranted a “No Homo” sticker…

          • Breezy

            JMTG is securrrrrrr in his heterosexual TUK so he didn’t need to add that tag :) Just ask MJoy..she will tell ya!

            • That Ugly Kid

              Why would I talk to Mjoy? Unless she’s the reason why my Black Symbiote Spiderman action figure went missing, there’s no reason for me to contact another dude’s girl.

              • MJoy

                Well then I will contact you…

                LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, you homophobic, misogynistic so-and-so! (Neck’s rolling, fingers are snapping!)

                Like Breezy said, my man (whether he claims the title or not ;)) is comfortable and confident in his divine sexuality.

                The phrase “no homo” is offensive and just makes men sound insecure and dumb.

                • That Ugly Kid

                  Of course men are insecure. We are raised and remain that way until we mature emotionally. And as a man who, for about a month straight, was forced to shower under the same showerhead as another man in Basic Training, you can’t help but be comfortable with your sexuality. My comment was made in jest that in such a situation, men would normally slap “no homo” somewhere in there.

                  But don’t try to change what this sh*t is REALLY about. You stole my gotd*mn Spiderman toy didn’t you?

                  • MJoy

                    hahahahahahaha

                    yes

      • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

        “Logical does not inherently mean right.”

        Oh Malik! I liked this!

      • Namia

        co-sign x100

    • Rewind

      Is it really that all women have that problem of getting jealous or is that the people you befriend aren’t always showing you 100% of who they really are, and that maybe you assumed more about them than the actual truth?

      • Not Your Friend

        That’s a good question.

        • Rewind

          It’s the question no one ever really asks themselves but should always be thought of.

          • Not Your Friend

            Some people choose friendships with certain people for superficial reasons, and then use generalizations to explain the reason for the termination of that friendship.

            • Rewind

              Which means if anything goes wrong, it is completely their fault, not the other person’s fault. Sometimes we know what we are doing, other times we don’t, but it is still at least 50% of our fault for making those decisions.

              • Justmetheguy

                You got the right name. Cause everyone reading this thread while scrolling down, should be forced to Rewind and read that ish again! Speak on it brotha lol

                • Rewind

                  I just spit the truth the way it was given to me when I learned it the hard way and hopefully some people will do a double take and actually think about this stuff instead of trying to seem smart. Appreciate the shout because you’ve been kicking knowledge too

    • Latonya

      My grandmother always told me a woman can trust only three people that God, your Mom, and yourself

      • Rewind

        For some people God doesn’t answer, their mom sleeps with their lover and you can’t even look yourself in the mirror.

        So it isn’t easy for all people to use that mentality, but you can hope the best that people pull through.

        • Meisarebel

          Not to mention, “logically”, God shouldn’t exist.

          You gotta live life on faith, man. Not just in God, but yourself, and the decisions you make, people you befriend, and actions you take.

          Life without faith (in the general sense, not strictly religious/spiritual/whatever) is not a life worth loving.

          • MJoy

            wellllll, preach on brotha.

        • http://mrweethomas.wordpress.com weethomas

          Well, obviously if someone has broken your trust, then you naturally may have a hard time extending the same amount back to them ever again.

          That someone won’t trust others because they might break that trust (even though they haven’t), especially someone like their Mom seems sad.

    • sweetsass1975@yahoo.com

      STOP…

      Right there…

      I can literally count off hundreds of ways in which men are routinely illogical and use feeling over thinking.

      So many dudes are languishing in jail over a moment of illogical over-emoting usually over something trivial. Also, there are examples of the the opposite… where women are more measured and logical like the new studies that show women are better investors because they aren’t likely to get carried away with emotions when the markets fluctuate and sell or buy on a whim.

      This is not a gendered thing.
      STOP, STOP, STOP.

      • Not Your Friend

        I agree. It isn’t a gendered thing, nor should it be made that way.

    • Around the Way Girl

      “women are quick to be jealous of other women and you just can’t fully trust someone who has a jealous or envious spirit even if it’s not directed towards you.”

      Good point. Women also tend to be good at hiding their true emotions, including jealousy, so it’s hard to know which friends of yours are truly happy for you and which ones envy what you have.

  • LMNOP

    I don’t really trust people.
    Honestly, I don’t even really trust friendly seeming dogs. I always figured that was something wrong with me though, not ALL women… Personally, I trust women more than men. I do try to trust people though, to at least have some trust in some people.

    The problem with trusting people is it makes you really vulnerable and puts you in situations where people can hurt you or fck you over and you didn’t even see it coming, because you trusted them.

    • Latonya

      I personaly would love to trust people and let my guard down. But I can’t cause the way I was raised not to trust nobody. And it shows through my relationships.

      • LMNOP

        Me too. I wasn’t raised to trust people either, and life has definitely not helped with that.
        I sometimes wonder if I will ever be able to be trusting enough to have a good relationship. I feel like I have a part of me that is just completely shut off from everything and everyone, and it makes me really sad.

      • demondog06

        so by this logic then…does this mean that folks shouldn’t trust you either?
        will you deal people sideways if givin the chance?

  • Not Your Friend

    Not trusting in men or other women is not because of their gender, for me.

  • http://www.iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People

    I give any and errrone the side eye. I’m a naturally distrustful person. I’m the chick who will win $1 billion MegaMillions and be like ‘Sir, Ma’am – I know you raised me and whatnot how do I know you’re my REAL parents?’

    • http://www.twitter.com/Think2Inspire Think2Inspire

      Oh my God. LMAO!
      May I ask madam, who then are your people?

    • A Woman’s Eyes

      *LMAO*

    • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

      “I’m the chick who will win $1 billion MegaMillions and be like ‘Sir, Ma’am – I know you raised me and whatnot how do I know you’re my REAL parents?’”

      As you can see, this clearly will not end well…

  • Medium Meech

    We fear what we don’t understand, fear is the antithesis of trust, and women are such tragically complicated creatures that they barely understand themselves, let alone other women, so it makes perfect sense.

    Either that or women are very self-aware and have it on good authority not to trust anyone that thinks like them.

    I guess it really doesn’t matter what road you take to get their because the take away I get from all of my conversations with the women folk is that their lack of trust is pretty much my fault.

    • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

      “I guess it really doesn’t matter what road you take to get their because the take away I get from all of my conversations with the women folk is that their lack of trust is pretty much my fault.”

      That I think is your answer.

    • LSQ

      Truth.
      This issue is about fear. Not trust.
      I keep hearing ladies speak of their fear issues, not trust issues.

      I think, as a black man. I handle my fears differently. I am not worried about getting ‘hurt’, or ‘phucked over’. I know that I can recover from just about anything God ( or some some woman) puts in front of me.

      Perhaps the cure to these fear issues has nothing to do with the other person that women don’t ‘trust’, but the fact that fear emotionally cripples them into illogical ( cowardly) behavior?

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        I dare to say I agree with that.

      • Around the Way Girl

        We all have fears. It’s human. And the ones we’re talking about here are actually legitimate and fueled by the things MEN do and say. How many rap lyrics can you quote about guys trying to get it in with their girl’s homegirl? How many times on this very blog has someone mentioned being attracted to their girlfriend’s friend(s), or mentioned how common it is? I’ve heard it a lot in real life conversations too…usually in a joking manner, but you know what they say about things said in jest. Don’t call us cowardly for having a clue. This sh!t is real.

        Of course, there are men who can be trusted. I definitely trust mine, and I trust all my close girlfriends, even the cute ones. It’s important to be selective about your circle. I wouldn’t trip about my bf being alone with one of my girls in an appropriate place for an appropriate reason. However, I wouldn’t like for that to happen too often. I know I’m the sh!t and my man loves me, but that doesn’t make him blind or deaf. Once a person develops an attraction for another, especially one they’re always around, that attraction grows and becomes apparent. The last thing any woman wants is her girl and her man having to fight feelings for each other…that whole forbidden lust thing is exciting, and it’s not cool for your girl to be more exciting than you are.

        Plus, many- if not most- women value love over friendship. Dangerous.

        • Justmetheguy

          @ Around the Way Girl- You’re so right. Fears can stem from real places, and if we’re being all the way real here, jealousy can totally be logical. We evolved the emotion for a reason. (Especially men with the realistic possibility of being cuckolded. Blood tests have only been around for so long) However to base PROBLEM SOLVING strictly or primarily off of feelings is silly and irresponsible. You should take people’s feelings into account, and judge how reasonable, important, valid, or detrimental that particular feeling is to the two of you as individuals and make your decision accordingly from there, based on….wait for it….LOGIC. lol

          • Around the Way Girl

            “However to base PROBLEM SOLVING strictly or primarily off of feelings is silly and irresponsible.”

            Who’s doing that, though? Did I miss something?

            • LSQ

              kinda.
              I mean, I don’t doubt your fears are real, but cowardly (the literal definition, not the pejorative), illogical behaviors based on them create the problem.

              For instance, if I have a fear of STD’s, I may say: “I will never kiss my SO on the lips”
              That fear is real, and valid, but the behavior is illogical. The exaggeration of danger is what is occurring here.

              /generalization follows:/
              The point being: Most men are less fearful of emotional pain than women. Because of this fear – exaggerated as compared to men – behaviors of women can be somewhat – illogical – to other men.

              • Around the Way Girl

                Makes sense. But all this writing off everything women do as “illogical” is played. This isn’t directed at you, LSQ, but we know most of y’all just mean it to sting. The effect is waning because we don’t take you seriously anymore (half the people praising “logic” like it’s the Holy Grail don’t even make the smartest comments), so find something else. :)

              • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

                “Most men are less fearful of emotional pain than women.”

                I disagree. I feel it is the opposite. If men were less fearful of emotional pain, wouldn’t they, in turn, be more emotional than women?

                • LSQ

                  I didn’t mean it like that.
                  I meant that men don’t rank emotional pain as high on the risk factor list as women.
                  Just because men don’t fear emotional pain, doesn’t necessarily mean they will be more emotional (as if they are unafraid of emotion). I just mean if we see ole girl in a car with some dude, I am probably more concerned FOR her than ABOUT her.
                  feel me?

              • Ashleywins

                “For instance, if I have a fear of STD’s, I may say: ‘I will never kiss my SO on the lips’
                That fear is real, and valid, but the behavior is illogical. The exaggeration of danger is what is occurring here.”

                Wait. Is that illogical? It sounds like the same logic people use to teach abstinence. “Being continuously abstinent is the only way to be absolutely sure that you won’t have an unintended pregnancy or get a sexually transmitted disease” (from the Planned Parenthood site).

                And, yes, that’s true. Just like I’ve heard women say (in the event that they get married) they planned to use a condom with their husbands in case of infidelity. That’s logical to me.

                I don’t agree with it, but I see the logic. My only argument contrary to that behavior/action (abstinence in general and condoms during marriage) for an ADULT woman would be because she would be depriving herself of rather significant human experiences, i.e., trust, vulnerability, and, well sex. But my reasoning behind persuading said woman to “Just do it” as Nike says is definitely irrational/emotional if the woman does NOT want to get an STD/be impregnated. (Of course, all of this is recognizing the fact that condoms/birth control are fallible.)

                So I disagree with your argument that the fear is valid, but the behavior is illogical. With your kissing example, how is that less illogical than the abstinence argument?

                A: Person does not want to get STD. (Fear)
                B: The only way to make sure person does not get STD is to abstain from kissing.
                C: Person abstains from kissing. (Behavior)
                If A is correct, and B is correct, then C is logical.

                And I kind of feel like I just went off on a tangent regarding a portion of your statement that was more anecdotal than anything, but if my logic is right (feel free to correct me) it also shows how inferior logic can be. Yet it also goes back to the point that logic/emotion are both vital. In the above logic, NOBODY would be boning for fear of STDs. The most logical action would be to abstain. But the way to use both logic AND emotion would be to say, “But I really want to engage in that part of the human experience” (emotion) so I’ll wrap it up and/or be in a monogamous relationship etc. That behavior is less logical than abstinence but more fulfilling to one’s emotional needs (and physical, of course).

          • MJoy

            Like really though…. I love you.

    • MJoy

      “We fear what we don’t understand, fear is the antithesis of trust, and women are such tragically complicated creatures that they barely understand themselves, let alone other women, so it makes perfect sense.”

      Well, damn. I wouldn’t sell such a large and diverse population short like that.