Can We Be Best Friends? (Short Answer: Probably Not)

Although I’m aware the unfathomably perfect egg-shaped oval sitting on top of my shoulders holds a brain at least 16% bigger than the average person’s, I know that I don’t know everything. In fact, I don’t know most things. Actually, if you compare “what I do know” with “the amount of things that are possible to be known,” what I know is so insignificant that it basically amounts to not knowing shit.

With that in mind, it should come as no surprise that I learn new shit in the comments here pretty regularly. And, even if I’m not learning new shit, I often encounter a perspective that forces me to rethink something I previously thought to be true.

This most recently occurred last week, during Panama’s “Things Men Talk About When Women Aren’t Looking.” AmaniKwenu left a comment that, well, let’s just look at it first

I don’t think men and women are truly friends. Especially men and women who are in relationships with each other. That’s not to say that men and women can’t be friends–but its rare. There’s usually–not always, but usually–some form of sexual tension between “platonic” male and female relationships. Before you start to say how you have a platonic male/female friend, remember that such relationships are the exceptions and not the rule. 

I figured this out from watching The Wire. I had never seen so many stories from a completely raw male perspective until I started watching that show. The way the characters were able to open up to themselves and reveal all that was in their hearts was…beautiful. But as I was watching it, I realized that this was a part of themselves that these characters usually wouldn’t reveal to the women on the shows. Just as how real life men don’t usually reveal their true selves to real life women.

I asked myself why. I thought men just have a problem with communication. But that can’t be true if men can communicate among people of their own gender. I thought women would think less of men if they truly opened up. That may be true. But I don’t think that’s the real issue, seeing as how its only a symptom of a larger problem. Men and women aren’t really friends.

When you are friends with someone, you genuinely enjoy their company. You think of them before you think of yourselves. You’re kind and loyal. You’re there when they need you. You’re decent, cordial, polite and respectful of their time, space and person. How often do the men on this blog complain of the behavior of the women in their lives and vice versa? How often does that happen in romantic relationships? How often do people find themselves with people who they ABSOLUTELY WOULD NOT hang around with if they weren’t “seeing” them?

I’ll tell you the answer–way too often. If someone can’t be open and communicate with a person they’re in a relationship with, then are they truly friends with that person? I believe its possible to love someone, to be physically intimate with someone, to be in a relationship with someone, but not truly be friends with that person. That’s why you can date someone, exchange heartfelt I love you’s, have and raise children together, but still feel miles apart.

If men and women were truly friends, women wouldn’t be surprised at the types of conversations that men have among themselves–because they’d be an active part of them

Now, if you’ve been around VSB for a while, you’re probably familiar with my opinion about men, women, and platonic friendships. Basically, because it’s so rare that men and women meet each other under conditions where physical/sexual attraction is a complete non-factor, the term “platonic” just doesn’t fit most of the male/friend friendships that exist. My opinion about this is so strong that I devoted the first chapter in our book to talking about it.

Well, was so strong. Since then, a few relationships in my own life caused my feelings about that subject to evolve. I still thought that the word “platonic” just didn’t fit (more on why in a minute), but came to realize that I cultivated friendships with a couple women that were just as strong as the friendships I have with my closest male friends. In fact, since I interacted with the female friends more often than the male ones, you could argue that, for the time being, they were even stronger.

But, as AmaniKwenu’s comment pointed out, our relationships had limitations. First, any relationship that can only begin and thrive if certain conditions are present is inherently flawed. With each of these female friends, the direction of our friendship was somewhat dependent on our relationship statuses. As anyone who has a “platonic” friend of the opposite sex knows, once someone starts dating someone new (or becomes newly single), things…change. And, if something as arbitrary and tenuous as a new romantic relationship can effect a friendship that quickly and that easily, maybe the friendship wasn’t as strong and steady as you thought it was.

Also—and I know this is going to sound awful, but I need to say it anyway—AmaniKwenu’s point about (most) men not being completely comfortable opening themselves up to female friends brings up another, less flattering aspect of many male/female friendships: Guys who “hold back” with women hold back because, in their minds, revealing everything increases the possibility that the “I might be able to hit it one day” window completely closes.

Basically, the reason why it’s so difficult for men and women to maintain friendships is because (most) men never lose sight of the fact that the woman is a…woman. And, instead of seeing them as friends who just happen to be women, they’re always women first. If they happen to be friends, fine. Great! But, they’re still women. And, as long as they’re still women, under the right circumstances, they can get f*cked. Not exactly the best foundation for a great, great friendship.

As I stated earlier, though, I don’t know everything. In fact, I don’t know most things. Please remember and refer to me not knowing everything when evaluating the opposite sex friendships in your own lives. I really want someone to prove me wrong, to show me that a man and a woman can be life-long BFF’s without any type of sexual or relationship interference.

But, although I basically don’t know shit, I still do know that’s probably not going to happen.

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

  • metgirl4ever

    I have two really good male friends… But just realized the one I’m the closest too will never wanna sleep with me & that’s probably why our friendship is so strong & everything is open for discussion. Hmmm…

    • Camilleblu

      Yeah…that goes to what I said about now feeling like i have to hold a small piece of myself back. It just seems like sex -or the possibility of sex – has organically changed the relationship. But what’s strange to me is that I think that I’m the only one affected by it….I think my male friends that I referenced feel no difference in our relationship. It’s like they made the comments, got no encouragement or validation from me – actually received discouragement from me – and then just kept the conversation movin’ as if they just asked me to pass the popcorn. I still love them to death, but now sometimes I wonder if they are thinking about me in a sexual manner if we are together or talking on the phone.

      Then that brings up other issues -like are they really trustworthy with my feelings, secrets, etc.? Are they operating with a hidden agenda to ultimately be able to sleep with me? And then – well d*amn…would they want a relationship with me, or just get it in one good time – and why does that even matter? And then – am I over thinking this because that’s just what men do because they’re always thinking about sex and it ain’t really about me because they think about sleeping with (almost) every woman they come into contact with? **sigh** #stinkymen

      • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

        judging from avi…i’d probably say they are thinking what that be like, as most men will always consider it. Pretty much any attractive woman that isn’t blood is on the table, with most men. However, it takes maturity and willpower to leave thoughts as just thoughts, sometimes it just isnt worth it. Been there.

        • camilleblue

          Pretty much any attractive woman that isn’t blood is on the table, with most men.

          @Tristan….I don’t think that I ever really thought about that before…I guess I just assumed that if we were in the friend zone, then those thoughts could never occur….maybe that’s just because I didn’t have those thoughts, so it’s just naivete on my part…

        • Rewind

          You seem like an attractive person, and if you have had them as friends for quite a time, then you have interesting things to say. Of course they were interested in you sexually, no matter what we say, it is hard to turn off that part of our brains. However, if you find someone you really can vibe with in ways that differ from most, then the feelings of actual friendship override that creepy voice that wants to throw some dyck at you. That’s just real talk.

          • camilleblue

            @Rewind…thank you…and it’s funny, but I almost said that it felt kida “creepy” to me….but, like I said…they both seemed to just change lanes right back into the friend zone without a 2nd thought…I guess they just needed to get that off their chests?? I will say that it was a 1 time thing with both of them adn they’ve never came at like that again, so that’s allowed me to still love them both to death – as my friend.

            • Rewind

              Well the thing is…at least for me…if I could sleep with a girl I’m starting to know in a friendly manner…I’d rather find out before I invest into the friendship. Because I do not want awkwardness after I’ve decided who a person will be to me. So maybe that’s what it was..they tested the limits, you didn’t budge, so they just let it go and kept it moving. But if you come and do it on your own after they got settled, chances are they will ignore you like you ignored them..UNLESS..they were still harboring those ideas.

              For example. I got one friend. I could see us having sex if I was single. However, I know her too damn well, and if we ever did it, it would never end there, and our friendship wouldn’t exist anymore. Not only do I not want what we have to change, I’d probably end up hating her guts if she tried because I know how she is with men, and I will never place myself in that position.

              Whether friends or lovers, you play to the strength of your bonds. It’s ok to test things when they are new, but once things are settled in their ways, trying a different angle is weird unless both parties agree upon it.

              • camilleblue

                Yeah…my single friend es no bueno on the relationship tip for me…because I know how he is with us that have vaginas…and I swear fo’ Harpo that I’d kill him dead…

                • Rewind

                  I’ll try to rememember that if you ever turn up on America’s Most Wanted.

                  • camilleblue

                    yep…you could go ahead and tell the police exactly what happened.. Camilleblu got it in with her single friend of 20+ years. she forgot that she knew his d*ck game before she eff’d him and he forgot that he knew her p*ssy game before he eff’d her. and then she murked him. end of story.

                    • Rewind

                      buahahahahahahahha…ahh you’re good.

        • Brother Mouzone

          *i’d probably say they are thinking what that be like, as most men will always consider it. Pretty much any attractive woman that isn’t blood is on the table, with most men.
          *Tristan

          And THIS is why us men are always skeptical of the “friend” guy. No matter how much you THINK he doesn’t think of you that way, unless he’s gay, he would hit if given the chance.

        • JW

          That’s the thing. The thoughts. You can act like you don’t want to sleep with them, and say it until you’re blue in the face. But if you’re friends with an attractive woman, you have to be thinking about it. It’s scientific.

      • nillalatte

        Girl, u’ll drive urself crazy wit all them questions! I know, I do the same thing then I realize that it doesn’t matter what he thinks. It’s about what I want and how I define the relationship. I ain’t gonna let nothing happen that I don’t want, ya know what I mean?

        • camilleblue

          @Nillalatte…

          girl…I know….that’s just how my mind works…a “hun’nent million” things running through it constantly….but luckily – or unluckily – I’ve found VSB to let some of those thoughts loose on… lol..

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “Are they operating with a hidden agenda to ultimately be able to sleep with me?”

        this is the thing, though. just because a guy would sleep with you doesn’t mean that he wants to. and, just because he wants to doesnt mean that he’s actually going to try

        • camilleblue

          Ok, I get that…..but then how about you don’t put it out there if you would, but don’t want to and don’t put it out there if you want to, but wouldn’t….in other words…just keep it to yourself so the weird factor doesn’t creep in…women are supposedly crazy and illogical but ummm…when you (not you Champ, but guys in general – or maybe you – I don’t know) pull a d*ck move like that, then you (not you Champ, but guys in general – or maybe you – I don’t know) – are directly contributing to the supposed crazy/illogical female factor.

          • weethomas

            Based on your comments, nobody is putting it out there. Now that your eyes are open, you are the one wondering if an otherwise friendly person is operating a secret agenda.

            One definition of crazy is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Women get tagged with crazy/illogical when there is a guy doing the same thing but now you think or expect that there is some different end result.

            In both cases, the cause of the problem is internal, not external.

            • camilleblue

              @weethomas…no…
              they did put it out there because they both actually proposed it (sex) to me….I’m saying that I never saw that coming and after knowing me for so long, why would either of them think that was a bright idea??

        • JW

          That’s so true Champ. I want to analyze your earlier statement.

          “just because a guy would sleep with you doesn’t mean that he wants to”

          You’re assuming that the guy has the option to sleep with the woman, this is a rare case with friends, with few exceptions, and both parties are attracted to each other. This would be something peculiar if both parties are single, because you’re choosing not to act on your desires out of respect for your friendship. Women may be better at this than men, but it’s hard to see a straight man wanting to choosing not to sleep with their friend out of respect of the friendship, again, assuming they’re both at least attracted to each other. Now the later statement:

          “just because he wants to doesnt mean that he’s actually going to try”

          This is what most of us guys fall in to. Because a lot of guys get in these friendships at first because they want to sleep with them, and then for some reason, get friend zoned, and doesn’t try anymore, because nothing is going to happen because of her decision. Women are the gatekeepers of sex, so it’s ultimately up to them when they gonna give it up.

  • Camilleblu

    I agree that a completely platonic friendship is possible, but very rare. Every male friend that I’ve ever had has at some point made a sexual reference towards me and our relationship. Each time it completely caught me off guard because I thought we were “untouchable” in that aspect. It didn’t make me end or change our friendship, but it did put that bug in the back off my mind that, hey- this man would definitely sleep with me if I was willing…..so maybe it actually did change our friendship on some level because now I feel like there is a small piece of me that I have to hold back because I know they would get their “buck on” with me if given the opportunity.

    • Iceprincess2

      If I ever heard a guy refer to sex as “buck on”, my sh*t would dry up so fast ijs.

      • Camilleblu

        Lol…..I know, right? Dry as the Sahara…

    • http://LEARNINGlover.com AfterMath

      Isn’t that also about just defining the bounds of the friendship too though? I mean, If I meet a new person one of the first things I may talk to them about is football. Why? because I like football. If I find that they don’t like football, then I’ll quickly move on to something else and find common grounds, but if I never test the football area then I’m leaving that area unexplored.

      With the whole platonic friends thing, I think its one thing to be attracted to somebody, or think “she’d be a nice gf” and something entirely different to be secretly plotting behind her back to try to get in her pants. I wouldn’t see the initial move as anything more than just acknowledging that fact. Once you turn them down, then the baseline is set and only really needs to be thought about if he keeps coming back trying to get at you, similar to how I’d sound if I kept trying to get my friends who are not interested in sports to go to the game with me or to understand why Kobe is better than Lebron.

      • camilleblue

        Point taken…but these are 2 male friends in particulare that I’ve had since I was about 13 or 14 years old….so it kind of threw me off that after so many years of freindship, that all of sudden they would throw sex into the equation.

        • camilleblue

          *particular*

        • http://LEARNINGlover.com AfterMath

          I’m gonna tell you one of the most depressing things I’ve ever heard. There was a girl I went to school with as a kid that I had a mad crush on. But I was a goofy lil kid so I didn’t do anything about it. We were real cool back then and stuff – always talking on the phone and hanging out. I saw her a few years ago and she comes tells me she had a crush on me back in the day. That just broke my heart cause she was engaged at the time (which also made me wonder why she was telling me NOW when I can’t do anything about it). Like I said, some things you just never know until you try.

          Now I don’t know your particular situation and whether these guy were just looking for something quick or whatever, but you never know.

          • camilleblue

            @ AfterMath…

            One of these friends is married…the other had a girlfriend at the time these incidents took place…And now that I think back on it…both of them were going through relationship issues at the time…so I’m inclined to think that maybe because we had been discussing their relationship so intently that they were just looking for some sort of release or out from what they were going through and I happened to be the closest one to them at that moment…Does that sound about right to you??

          • Rewind

            I HATE THAT SHYTE.

            Why would someone wait years and years to tell me how you feel, when you should have told me during the time that I ACTUALLY WANTED YOU??

            Ugh.

            I had that before. Broke my heart too. Coming at me while pushing two strollers, talking about “sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if I told you I liked you when we were kids”.

            Ugh.

            • a boy and his demondog 06

              i had a good friend since high school tell me she had a crush on me back then, of course when she told me she didn’t look no where near as good as she did in HS,
              and my girlfriend back in high school was a certified banger, but it still would’ve been nice to have this gal in my stable too

              • Rewind

                Exactly, they never say it when it counts to have fun, always when they getting serious about shyte.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            “I saw her a few years ago and she comes tells me she had a crush on me back in the day. That just broke my heart cause she was engaged at the time (which also made me wonder why she was telling me NOW when I can’t do anything about it)”

            because women are cruel. duh!

        • Brother Mouzone

          *Point taken…but these are 2 male friends in particulare that I’ve had since I was about 13 or 14 years old….so it kind of threw me off that after so many years of freindship, that all of sudden they would throw sex into the equation

          That’s because at 13 or 14 you probably weren’t as..uh..ahem…..lets just say you probably hadn’t “blossomed” into the woman you are now.
          *wipes sweat from forehead while trying to think of the correct wording*

          • Brother Mouzone

            COMMENTS FOR CAMILLEBLUE..

          • camilleblue

            lol @Brother Mouzone…
            yes…you are right…wasn’t nothing blossomed on me at 14 except my height…seems like I was always a head taller than everyone else as far back as I can remember…hell, even in my avi you can see that my friends come just past my shoulders…but now I think I’m just slightly taller than average height for a woman…but I digress…I’m talking more than 20 years of friendship…the incident with the married friend just happened this past summer…soooooo…it ain’t like he ain’t been seeing me all this time…I didn’t go through some extreme makeover..so why he hit me like dat out that blu??

        • Brother Mouzone

          *Point taken…but these are 2 male friends in particulare that I’ve had since I was about 13 or 14 years old….so it kind of threw me off that after so many years of freindship, that all of sudden they would throw sex into the equation

          That’s because at 13 or 14 you probably weren’t as..uh..ahem…..lets just say you probably hadn’t “blossomed” into the woman you are now.
          *wipes sweat from forehead while trying to think of the correct wording*

    • weethomas

      Presumably, you would be the one giving them the opportunity. . . so why would that change things?

      • camilleblue

        @weethomas…ok…i’ve got more than a few male friends that i consider associates…i absolutely know that they look at my *ass and my boobs and would get it in with me if the opportunity was there…knowing this…i don’t sit around every day and wonder or stress about “oh…why did he say such and such to me” “did he really mean something else”… i know what it is with them – my male associates…it’s not impossible in my mind that it couldn’t go down with one of them one day because they’re just associates…hey come meet me for a drink or let’s go watch the game….i don’t have what i consider deep relationships with any of my male associates..they aren’t my go-to guys to talk to when something really relevant is going on with me….what i’m saying affected me was when the approach was made by the 2 males that i truly consider CLOSE FRIENDS….after YEARS of friendship…i’m saying that until they came at me like that, i just thought that was a line that would never be crossed – even if only for a fleeting moment…based off of what i’ve been reading on here i guess i was the one on the slow bus because i should have known that it was a possibiliy??

        • camilleblue

          grrrrr…. *possibility*

  • http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com keisha brown

    thumbs up. applause. alladat.
    vsb has some very smart commenters.
    fin.

    • http://twitter.com/think2inspire Think2Inspire

      *some*
      lol

    • Iceprincess2

      Wuzup Keish. Kiss dat baby for me!

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

      hi keish. bye keish.

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

      “vsb has some very smart commenters.”

      On particular subjects that they actually know about? Probably…

    • Rewind

      Listen…just cause you have a baby does not mean you neglect your daily VSB duties.

      It’s all lonely here without you.

      *kicks rocks*

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      fin deez

  • Tx10inch

    If they happen to be friends, fine. Great! But, they’re still women. And, as long as they’re still women, under the right circumstances, they can get f*cked. Not exactly the best foundation for a great, great friendship.

    Truth. I’ve had female friends that were SO cool, that it literally neva crossed my mind but you are absolutely correct. Under the right circumstances, it’s probably goin down. Btw…Fiiiirst?!?!

    • Iceprincess2

      Hell naw you ain’t first! Whomp whomp try again next time ;-)

      • Tx10inch

        Damn, damn, daaammn!

  • Marshal

    AmaniKwenu had many points with his post, and my own opinion about this topic is probably simple to answer, or maybe not:

    Most Friendships almost Never lead to a Relationship because nobody wants to ruin said Friendship, & once a Couple breaks up the consensus is that one can Never “go back” to Being Firends- IF they were even Friends to begin with. I know I “became” Best Firends with my GF “while” we started our relationship instead of prior.Only 2 of my Female Friends became that way on Platonic means, and the rest (5) I had Crushes on, (tried to) Talked To, was Friend Zoned, or were Dating/In a Relationship with

    • http://LEARNINGlover.com AfterMath

      “Most Friendships almost Never lead to a Relationship because nobody wants to ruin said Friendship, & once a Couple breaks up the consensus is that one can Never “go back” to Being Firends”

      The flip of that is also true though. Some (?all?) of my best relationships have come out of friendships that evolved into relationships. That’s why I don’t really believe in the whole platonic friends thing. I’m not gonna consistently try to get at somebody, but if I like her, I like her and will probably continue until she becomes unlikable. If in that time span, she starts to like me, then things change.

      • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

        Pretty much

      • Rewind

        See that’s the weird thing though…to only want to like someone when it is convienent for us. I get that we all see things different and go through things at different times, but it becomes a question of “why are you pulling this now”?

        • http://LEARNINGlover.com AfterMath

          Things change, people mature. I may have been looking for a Jaimee Foxworth / Judy Winslow when we first met, then realized that what I really need is Sanaa Lathan from Brown Sugar. Am I wrong for that? I don’t think she is either for not liking me when I may initially have liked her.

          Its just a part of the game. I can either cry about it and not talk to her any more, or take it as it is, and keep her as a good friend. If things change, things will change, but I wouldn’t be keeping her as a friend hoping that she one day liked me, I’d be keeping her as a friend cause she’s cool peeps.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            jamiee foxworthy? damn, pulled that one out the porn crates

          • a boy and his demondog 06

            ” Sanaa Lathan from Brown Sugar”

            was that like the ultimate girlfriend or what?!

            i’ve only had 3 serious girlfriends my whole life and 1 of those was in high school. they all started out as purely platonic friends. so for me i don’t see how one becomes your girlfriend when you never really were actual friends…that’s the only way i know. now having said that, the only reason i ever even met them is because i tried to pop at them and they shut me down, but just happened to be so cool that we just naturally became good friends ( only to phuck it all up by throwing sex, emotions and the word “relationship” into the mix)

            • Marshal

              My point exactly- Men go FOR the Intimacy and/or a Relationshi BEFORE going for Friendship. The Only Way I can see a Guy being Platonic with a Woman if there is Little to Zero Attraction involved, which is rare like winning the Lottery via Mega Millions or Powerball- TWICE

              • http://LEARNINGlover.com AfterMath

                That or situations. Like If I meet her and we’re both in relationships then we can in theory still be friends, right? Or other things like the long distance stuff. But I agree that its rare to meet somebody and be like “she’d make the perfect FRIEND” and leave it at that.

              • JW

                “damn she so ugly, I gotta be friends with her!”

          • Rewind

            I get that, but at least in my lifetime, it was always horrible timing. Always the worst thing to say at the worst possible time.

  • http://www.writingsofamidlifeman.com J. Delancy

    “Basically, the reason why it’s so difficult for men and women to maintain friendships is because (most) men never lose sight of the fact that the woman is a…woman. And, instead of seeing them as friends who just happen to be women, they’re always women first. If they happen to be friends, fine. Great! But, they’re still women. And, as long as they’re still women, under the right circumstances, they can get f*cked. Not exactly the best foundation for a great, great friendship.”

    I like that Champ. I’ve had an interesting thought, suppose something similiar is going through the minds of your female ‘friends’. If you are the well-connected, better employed, intelligent, and good looking person in the friendship, is it not possible that a female friend might be willing to smang and in so doing upgrade her status?

    Can’t say it’s happened to me (or has it?) but logically, it should work the other way as well in some cases.

    • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

      Yes, it can work the other way! Young female college student maintains relationship with the athlete just in case things take off for him…girl keeps relatively attractive shy guy in the ambiguous friend zone because he’s obviously smart enough to make something pop off for himself. I’ve seen it plenty times. What do you think women talk about…

  • That Ugly Kid

    Guys who “hold back” with women hold back because, in their minds, revealing everything increases the possibility that the “I might be able to hit it one day” window completely closes.

    I’m probably the exception. I hold back because I feel as if I open up emotionally, I’ll get called a “b*tch”, or the woman might see it a “whining”, etc. In fact, we see that behavior on this very blog. Not to sound crass, but look at some of the gender related posts on VSB. A lot of times, when a male commentator complains about something a woman did (usually an incident where a woman wronged him), Wild Cougar or SweetSass for example, will berate him for “whining” or call him “weak” or some sh*t. Won’t even ATTEMPT to try see something from his perspective and just tells him to “get over it”.

    That is the type of response I don’t feel like dealing with and THAT’S why I don’t open up a lot to women. I was taught showing emotion to any woman, excluding your girlfriend/wife, will be seen as weakness.

    • Tx10inch

      I was taught showing emotion to any woman, excluding your girlfriend/wife, will be seen as weakness.

      It’s not weak, the right woman will see it as a strength. She won’t use it to hurt you.

      • http://www.alltherightquestions.com T.Q. Fuego

        I feel u TUK, on this blog and often times it real life it is that way, most of the time even… but I agree with Tx too, there are women who will be kind, empathetic, AND compassionate u just have to be more thorough in your screening of character when you pick friends. That’s been the case with me at least.

        • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

          +100000000

          A woman who isn’t about abusing dudes won’t use that against you. But you have to screen for character, probably even more so than the dudes you keep around you.

        • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

          you got to give her small tidbits and see what she do with it…i’ll start with things that dont cut as deep, and wait for that first fight and see how long it takes her to grab it out her quiver and fire

        • Rewind

          Well that’s life period. Nobody gives a shyte about you unless you can find someone who proves otherwise.

      • That Ugly Kid

        Yeah, as I stated below, I’ve got a couple of women who have experienced 99% of my emotional range. The reason why I say 99%, is because outside of my ex girlfriend, NO woman has seen me cry before. I just can’t allow that to happen. Even my two very best friends (the woman I mentioned below) have never seen me cry, and I share everything with them.

        • That Ugly Kid

          And when I say no woman has seen me cry, I’m talking only about my female friends.

          • Rewind

            Well…why would you cry in front of a friend? Unless you’re dealing with death or something heart wrenching…I’d figure you’d normally do that by yourself or with a lover.

        • chameleonic

          my ex boyfriend cried infront of me once. i felt really awkward because at that point in my life *i* wasnt even a cryer. ever. it was tense for me but it really did wonders. he was really open after that, and it was bonding he felt so comfortable and i was happy to listen because god knows he needed someone to, but as his woman the continuous emotional torrent probably had a lot to do with me feeling like i was in a relationship with a best friend and not like…a mate.

      • chameleonic

        i dont like when guys talk to me about petty problems. i kinda agree with the whole ‘thats what guy friends are for’ notion with an exception for major decisions, obviously, but it IS fairly comfy when men talk about maps and traffic and protractors and cologne. it feels good.

        • Aly

          This sounds like a boring conversation. I’m not even 100% sure what a protractor is.

          • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

            I know you went to school once upon a time. You should know what a protractor is.

            http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Protractor

            • camilleblue

              *gigglin*

            • Aly

              Thanks PA. *blushing from embarrassment*

          • chameleonic

            it helps you draw and measure angles. normally used in math classes up to middle school or so but i imagine people in engineering or architecture fields use them as well. its interesting to me in the sense its his world and hes making me part of it but it largely just makes men less scary and more human. its soothing to me.

    • Negro Libre

      That’s classic warfare though. When you’re dealing with an “enemy” it’s much easier to attack his strengths and turn it into weaknesses than i to use logic or attack someone head on. We as guys view our lack of emotional display as a weakness, so we keep it at bay. However, if you’re dealing with a woman who knows a lot about men, and knows about the ways men put their emotions at bay; if she wants to “defeat” you, she doesn’t need to use logic, all she needs to do is exploit the emotions that you’re trying to hide, and watch you self-implode.

      The fact is locking up your emotions comes at a costs, because it leaves you open to attacks from blind spots and it makes it easy for you to be manipulated by people who know what they’re doing. You can’t have a divided mental army, my friend. That’s why when I deal with women, and we argue, I never dismiss my emotions; however unlike most women, when I have strong emotions, I try to answer as many W-questions as I can:

      Why do I have this emotion?
      What is she doing that is causing this emotion?
      Who is causing this emotion?
      Where is this emotion coming from?
      How did this emotion come to be?

      When you answer all those questions, you gain clarity, because you’ve used logic to deal with your frustration. Once you’ve done all that you can brush off attacks on your self-esteem and your emotions, whether they be internal or external. Then you can open your mouth and not shoot yourself in the foot when you deal with women. This is all part of learning game as well, take for example: A guy is hesitant and nervous when he sees a pretty woman and doesn’t want to approach her, here’s how logic deals with the issue:

      Why is he nervous? He’s frightened he might get rejected and embarrassed
      What is she doing that’s causing his nervousness? She’s not putting on a warm and inviting personality or she might be doing nothing and it’s all in his head.
      Who is causing this nervousness? Himself
      Where is the nervousness coming from? Himself
      How did this nervousness come to be? Lack of confidence or boldness in himself.

      The solution: deal with the reoccurring theme – yourself, then make yourself better and get out of the way.

      When you apply this way of thinking anytime you have strong emotions, you will always regain control and power over yourself. You might not always win; you might not always get what you want, but the key thing is you’ll never feel powerless; which is the consequence too many women pay, when they dismiss the importance of logic in dealing with people and their own demons.

      • chameleonic

        youre emotional when you argue with women?!?!

        thats a REALLY interesting secret. how come you dont speak emotionally when youre FEELING emotional?

        • Negro Libre

          Emotion doesn’t equal to communication. If you want to clearly communicate your thoughts and your feelings you have to use logic. And you need logic to clearly understand people’s emotions. People who rely on their feelings and emotions only are easily exploited and manipulated; those who rely on logic only and dismiss emotions become increasingly psychopathic.

          • chameleonic

            so men are increasingly psychopathic because they dismiss womens emotions?

            when im emotional and im speaking to you and you speak back to me in logic there is no communication because theres clearly the opportunity to lead my thought process. which is why when im emotional speaking to a man, i reject his logic.

            i dont trust your guidance.

            but when im speaking to you emotionally and you speak to me emotionally too, theres a flow. and i can know you. and when i know you, following your logic is more desirable.

            • Negro Libre

              You’re confusing yourself and taking things out of context. In fact, everything you just wrote has little to do with what I said or implied.

              Logic is clear reasoning. Take the sentence: “A and animal was me” doesn’t make sense, because it wasn’t logically put together. There is a structure and rules when people want to clearly communicate their thoughts, ideas and feelings to other people. When one person denies these rules and structures, they promote confusion in the minds of other people. A confused mind is easily manipulated and exploited.

              When a woman or man is emotional, there is something that they feel, however at that stage it only has meaning to them because they alone understand it. So say you’re sad, and your man asks you, why you’re sad and you reply; “I’m just sad, leave me alone”, you haven’t communicated anything outside of how you feel, but how is he supposed to know why you’re sad, if you haven’t given him a reason? How is he supposed to care, if you don’t do a good job expressing where the sadness came from. Caring comes from understanding, isn’t that obvious?

              However, if human beings did what you imply, and just tried to emulate other human emotions, here’s what would happen: you’re walking across a graveyard and you see someone weeping hysterically, rather than try to understand where those emotions are coming from you bend on your knees, put your arms around them, and cry with them, only to find out shortly afterwards that the person has a swatsika handkerchief and is crying because it’s the anniversary of Adolf Hitler’s death.

              • chameleonic

                so, youre never going to cut to the chase, say something emotional because during a conversation you FEEL emotional?

                and you dont see the disconnect in communication. ?

                why are you like that?

                • chameleonic

                  but i mean i totally agree with everything you just said, im just curious about why you talk the way you do.

                • Negro Libre

                  Lol.

                  When you use logic to explain emotions, you’re not being emotional. Being emotional simply means you’re not using logic to explain or deal with your emotions.

                  In that case I rarely am or attempt to be emotional when I communicate with people. It’s mere vanity.

                  • chameleonic

                    you know, youre like the first guy ever whose logic i follow and then when it truly sinks in its like a little sun. thats pretty cool. its just REALLY intense.

                    but you think expressing your emotions is vain? like, they dont matter? or arent important? you think its vain to tell someone about you? how do you ever feel special to someone when you dont share yourself or your emotions?

                    • Negro Libre

                      Just expressing your emotions is vain. Expressing your emotions with a conscious pupose and reason is not.

      • That Ugly Kid

        The solution: deal with the reoccurring theme – yourself, then make yourself better and get out of the way.

        I like this. This is an interesting point. Thanks.

      • http://twitter.com/kjnetic Bruce Lil’ Wayne

        great points.
        *salute*

    • YeahSo

      The only reason comments like those bother you is because you’re already insecure about maintaining a certain level of masculinity. They can say “you’re weak” and you’ll get offended because you don’t know for sure that that’s not true. Somewhere in your own consciousness you’re saying “you’re weak” as well. If you didn’t already somewhat agree with them… would it bother you or would you chalk it up as their immaturity and move on?

      • That Ugly Kid

        I just don’t like being emotionally vulnerable in front of women. Period. Because once sh*t hits the fan, they will use your secrets against you. A lot of women have a knack for hitting below the belt and making it sting. I’d rather avoid all that. The reason why I don’t mind doing so in front of my guy friends is two reasons:

        1. As I said before, they are much more likely to understand where I’m coming from.

        2. None of my guy friends ever question my masculinity, no matter what I say, because they know I can whoop their azz. They know I’m a black belt in Karate. In fact, a lot of times we get together just to spar and fight each other. And I always win. Effortlessly. So much to the point where none of them want to spar against me anymore. So they know, firsthand, that despite a few moments of emotional vulnerability, I’m not any less of a man than they are.

        • YeahSo

          Couple of things YOU wrote that prove my point:

          “I just don’t like being emotionally vulnerable in front of women. Period. Because once sh*t hits the fan, they will use YOUR secrets against you”
          -So hearing YOUR own truth (something you already know about yourself) thrown back at you is a tester for you… got it

          “(your boys know)… that despite a few moments of emotional vulnerability, I’m not any less of a man than they are.”
          -Why so concerned about your manhood?

          That REALLY bothers you huh? People questioning your manhood… interesting. Narcissism is a hell of a drug. I’m not being mean, but I’mma keep it real withchoo about what I believe… and I believe you got some narcissist characteristics you should explore.
          Do you think you’re humble?

          So you said “1. As I said before, they are much more likely to understand where I’m coming from.”… which says to me you’re not interested in listening to perspectives that deviate from your own. Narcissism.

          Then you said “2. None of my guy friends ever question my masculinity, no matter what I say, because they know I can whoop their azz.”… so you’d rather confide in people too afraid to be honest with you then people who will keep it real?

          Sounds like narcissism to me… what does that sounds like to you?

          • That Ugly Kid

            So hearing YOUR own truth (something you already know about yourself) thrown back at you is a tester for you

            No. I don’t mind hearing my own truth. It’s people using that truth is a malicious manner that bothers me. I’ve noticed that most women tend to do it more.

            Why so concerned about your manhood?

            Because I’m a man, it’s a part of my identity.

            which says to me you’re not interested in listening to perspectives that deviate from your own.

            False. As I stated in a response to my second thread below, I very much enjoy a different perspective. I actually prefer it. Which is why I love having close female friends whom I care share pretty much everything with.

            so you’d rather confide in people too afraid to be honest with you then people who will keep it real?

            I never said this. They always keep it 100%. Not out of fear, but, because we spar and I dominate, they know being in my feelings is not the totality of my character. They’ve witnessed my “strength” so to speak.

            • YeahSo

              The very fact that you ALREADY have female friends who you can confide in should dispel the notion that WOMEN (in general) use your own mess against you… you already confide in OTHER women who don’t… wtf MAN!!!

              Is this some type of a joke?

              • That Ugly Kid

                The very fact that you ALREADY have female friends who you can confide in should dispel the notion that WOMEN (in general) use your own mess against you

                1. I’ve already mentioned that this is from my personal experience.

                2. The fact that only TWO women, out of the majority I know, are special enough to confide in means that they are the exception and actually reaffirm the rule.

                So no, this isn’t a joke.

                • YeahSo

                  ok so you’re saying more women then not call you a little bissh when you share your feelings and tell you get over it? Why are you confiding in so many women? That’s number 1… 2 How many of these women can you say would piss on you if you were on fire?

                  I’m just saying you basically saying you’d rather pass up on the opportunity to connect WITH someone (female) who could be something special because of what a bunch of strangers have done in the past. Like I want numbers… You are close to THAT many women who have sh*tted on your feelings… WC and SS can’t be apart of that number because well DO they even know (or care about) you like that? I don’t get it. You not vulnerable because it looks weak, but in actuality you’re being weak by not being vulnerable.

                  Aye dude… vulnerability is a very very beautiful and sexy thang. I’m so confused by your logic.

                  • YeahSo

                    Not just that why are you letting what these randoms are saying carry so much weight?

                  • That Ugly Kid

                    I used WC and SS as examples of the mentality I speak of. That was the only point of that. I’m not basing my opinion on what they, personally, think of me because I don’t know them like that.

                    The women I do speak of, are friends who have the potential to have a closer bond with me, however I’m hesitant to do so due to the number of past female friends, who I no longer associate with because of their actions. I’m trying to be careful not to make the same mistakes again. So it takes me longer to open up and trust you.

                    • YeahSo

                      They must have let some real trifling sh*t out the bag… dang.

        • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

          “Because once sh*t hits the fan, they will use your secrets against you.”

          Question though… if you’re comfortable enough in your masculinity, how would any of the comments really be “against” you?

          But yeah aside from that, it’s a shame that those women you talmbout use it against you (then again, I know a lot of men do too, so it’s not a gender thing, yet iDigress), but please believe we’re not all like that. I think any person period who knows better (that vulnerability takes STRENGTH, so how is it weak) wouldn’t hold any of that against you.

          • That Ugly Kid

            Question though… if you’re comfortable enough in your masculinity, how would any of the comments really be “against” you?

            It’s not really a question of masculinity. It’s just that the notion of someone not respecting your friendship enough to use something that’s supposed to be a SECRET (it’s obviously sensitive information if it is classified as such) in a manner in which to embarrass you.

            Not saying men don’t do this, but in my experience, women do it A LOT more. And they do it PUBLICLY so as to make SURE you get embarrassed. For instance, here’s a hypothetical:
            *arguing at a movie theater, quietly at first*

            Me: I don’t care what you say. I’m pretty content.
            Her: YOU DIDN’T SOUND CONTENT WHEN YOU CALLED A FEW WEEKS AGO CRYING AND SAYING HOW YOU WANNA KILL YOSELF!!
            *Now everyone in the lobby is alerted*

            It’s hard trusting a woman not to do this^^^^ after witnessing it so much. Add that to the fact that I really value the female perspective and love sharing with them and it becomes stressful.

            • MissRae

              Well, that should let you know they weren’t your friends after all. A real friend, man or woman, wouldn’t do that to you. Point, blank and a period *Tamar Voice*

              • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

                Pretty much.

    • Rewind

      I feel you…but I still got to question your merit.

      You wouldn’t cry in front of some of your boys. Or tell everyone of your boys your most intimate secrets. So the same goes with female friends. Or women in general. Because you’re not even going to share your feelings out right with a bunch of strange men and expect them to all relate. Some might but not everyone will.

      So I won’t take that step. Yea, singling out the two women on VSB always itching for a fight is the obvious choice, but that’s 2 chicks out of 30 that usually reply, and hundreds more than lurk and cosign in secret.

      Last time I checked, just 2 aint shyte. So don’t use that as an excuse

      • LMNOP

        that’s what I was thinking too, I don’t see how this is even about your friends’ genders. None of my friends knows 100% every little last thing about me or what I think and feel, because that is just how life is. There are different things I am comfortable sharing and different ways I usually act around different friends. I think that is usually how friendship works, different friends fill different parts of your life.

        • Rewind

          Exactly, I have different people to represent different sides of me, I can’t be 100% to anyone because that’s impossible unless someone is my exact equal.

          • chameleonic

            [*coughs*] 5yearsitstimetogetmarried, thatsyourequal, getoutofyourhead, likeyoutoldme [*coughs*]

            • Rewind

              No. No. No.

              ANDDDDDDDDD….

              Hell no.

      • That Ugly Kid

        You wouldn’t cry in front of some of your boys. Or tell everyone of your boys your most intimate secrets.

        I don’t like crying in front of anyone honestly. But I’d much rather do it in front of my boys because they’re male. For the most part we see things from the sme perspective and are much more likely to understand why I’m upset about whatever it is I’m upset about.

        Yea, singling out the two women on VSB always itching for a fight is the obvious choice, but that’s 2 chicks out of 30 that usually reply

        The thing is, personally, I’ve run into A LOT of women with their mentality. That’s why, though they might be in the very small minority here, on VSB, women like them are much more numerous in my personal life. Not that these women are close to me, or even my friends, but seeing these things as often as I do always reminds that there is a chance that while she may be empathetic, verbally, mentally she might be thinking “Yo he ain’t sh*t.”

        • Rewind

          I get your point. I’m just saying, realize it is a personal issue, and not really influenced on the world.

          I have many bad experiences with women and men to base my opinions on, but I still hold out that in the end, a small minority doesn’t speak for the world. And perhaps I attract people who suck, that could be another issue.

          I’m just saying, don’t let the pursuit of personal growth be limited by shytty people.

      • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

        Itching for a fight is when the post has nothing to do with anything that person talks about, you make a comment referencing them in a negative fashion, before they’ve said anything.

        I think that would be an agreed upon definition, wouldn’t you?

        Scratch yourself.

        • Rewind

          I like how your selective memory always help you pretend you don’t know what you do here. But the font in any of the previous posts always show HOSTILE commentary.

          So yea, keep pretending.

          And get over yourself, since I said nothing beyond the obvious.

          • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

            Speaking of getting over something, you, and your friend seem to have great difficulty getting over me and what I have said. So much so, you and a couple other VSBs feel the need to bring up my name when I wasnt even in the conversation. You and your friend act like you’ve been hurt bad and I am the culprit. I am not, but it really doesn’t matter if I was trying to hurt you. I am a cartoon and some text to you. Which takes me back to my first point. Quit whining and get over it.

            • Rewind

              Then quit getting defensive and stop acting like you never did anything to warrant the attention you recieve.

              You’re the adult here…so you like to remind everyone. Act your age then.

              • Wild Cougar

                You are SO asking for it. Keep it up.

    • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

      Talking about something that hurt you = sharing. Talking about it over and over and over and over and over and making no progress towards moving past it = whining.

      I hate whining and whiners. Especially the ones who blame an entire gender for their issues. Thats not only infantile, its intellectually lazy.

      • That Ugly Kid

        Talking about it over and over and over and over and over and making no progress towards moving past it = whining.

        So what do you call it when, they have moved past it, but continue to reference it because it relates to the topic at hand and they’re trying to make a point?

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “I’m probably the exception. I hold back because I feel as if I open up emotionally, I’ll get called a “b*tch”, or the woman might see it a “whining”, etc. ”

      you’re actually agreeing me with. you feel that that type of vulnerability will have her looking at you a different way

      • That Ugly Kid

        Not quite though. Because I’m not doing so for fear of not having sex with her in the future. I’m doing so because, in my current state, I just don’t trust most women with sensitive information.

    • Brother Mouzone

      I believe the term they use is “bitchassness”…smh..

    • SweetSass

      So you’re an emotional cripple because of me, an anonymous commenter on a blog?

      Really…

      (.)_(.)
      (‘)_(‘)

      Major eyeroll.

      • Wild Cougar

        b!tch. ass. ness.

      • That Ugly Kid

        Lol no. Read above. I stated that I don’t trust women do to experiences in my personal life in which I dealt with women of your mentality. But you, specifically, don’t bother me.

  • http://edotreed.blogspot.com E. Reed

    What aboabou

    • http://edotreed.blogspot.com E. Reed

      Ignore this s***! Accidentally hit submit button. Real comment is somewhere below.

      Can we get an edit or delete button on here lol

  • Iceprincess2

    A really good friend of mine just found out that his gf of 7 yrs is cheating on him. When he confronted her, she unceremoniously dumped him & told him she’s going her seperate way when their lease is up. He is so down in the dumps and depressed. I’m actually thinking bout giving him some p*ssy this weekend, just to make him feel better & take his mind off his heartbreak for a couple ofhours. I mean, that’s what friends are for, right? #shruglife

    • Tx10inch

      I think I love you.

      • http://www.alltherightquestions.com T.Q. Fuego

        Wait whoa…holup….IcePrincess you just might’ve changed my whole standard of what awesome iswith that comment….no bullsh*t either…Like I really look at u with a whole new level of respect now…that other situation sux for him tho…I don’t wanna think about how that must fee if he was actually in lovel…but somethin I DO wanna think about how it feels is…well nevermind lol

        • Royale W. Cheese

          “Like I really look at u with a whole new level of respect now…”

          “Respect”…are you sure that’s the right word?

          • http://www.alltherightquestions.com T.Q. Fuego

            Lol, yeah mainly for admitting it on here tho…I wouldn’t advise a woman to make that move, but if she’s bold enough to do it (I think it’s comin from a good place too, but that’s just me being optimistic and givin her the benefit of the doubt)…AND admit it to folks knowing they’d judge her…yeah respect was the word I was lookin for. Again, I wouldn’t advise women to do that tho…

            It could f*ck the guy’s emotional structure up even worse if it’s just a one time thing too…depends on the guy, but I’ll trust her judgment (since it won’t be my emotions gettin tampered wit lol)

            • Iceprincess2

              Lol if yall don’t kno by now, I’m not hung up about sex at all. And only God can judge me so, there’s that. But yea, I really think that’s what he needs right now. I’m not arrogant enough to think my p*ssy is gonna heal his emotionsl pain, but he just needs a confidence boost and a temporary distraction. A band-aid, if you will :-)

              • Tx10inch

                You’re an awesome friend.

                *Throws hands up*
                Touch me child, I need a HEALIN!!!

                • Iceprincess2

                  Lmfao! U so silly :-)

                  • Breezy

                    You a ho..ho ho ho….carry on :)

                  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

                    ice can i confide in you about my fantasy team tho

              • The Guy Formerly Know As Hmmmm

                Please change your name to “The Future” because this is the better world view I hope for.

                Save the babies.

                • camilleblue

                  lol

              • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

                Throw that p*ssy on that boy and heal his pain! Do that! I am a firm believer in chexual healing.

                Kudos to you.

                • http://www.alltherightquestions.com T.Q. Fuego

                  See, I knew WC would be diggin that idea.

                  I respect yall both for the same reason. F*ck the rules. Yall both seem like awesome friends tho real talk (even without this revelation.)

            • Aly

              “Lol, yeah mainly for admitting it on here tho”

              But she’s anonymous…that’s one of the benefits, you can admit pretty much anything lol.

              • http://www.alltherightquestions.com T.Q. Fuego

                Lol, u got a point Aly, but none of yall admit anything that would really incriminate u (minus maybe WC who’s also anonymous). It’s like people protect their online persona’s reputation d*mn near as hard as their real rep lol.

                • Yoles

                  i admit LOTS of stuff and I am NOT anonymous…

                  I say do it Ice… he’s your friend… give him hugs… v.agina hugs ;) I hope that he is good, friend or no friend wasting that wet is NOT the business… maybe the pain, anger and sorrow will translate into some good ole in & out wishing the best for you both :D

                  • http://www.alltherightquestions.com T.Q. Fuego

                    Ahhh Yoles, the resident exception to every rule. That post was funny. That’s y I’m definitely gon hit u up next time i go to NYC!. Marvin didn’t call it chexual healin for nothin. IJS

            • Negro Libre

              Actually I disagree.

              If you’ve been with one woman for 7 years, and she cheats on you, that tells me two things: 1. You’re not the man you used to be. 2. Your game is extremely rusty. Women never leave a guy who is on top of his game.

              A lot of ninjas stay in relationships, because after being with a woman for a long time, they lose that urgency that helps guys get some pu$$y i.e. they get comfortable. He’s basically been a tiger in bars for seven years; he can’t just head back into the jungle and start catching gazelles like he used to. He’s forgotten how to crawl in the grass and jump on his prey, without making any noises.

              You gotta give him a 4-walled room where there is no escape for the gazelle and let him get his groove back. Once he has that, then he can start easing in into the jungle and relearn how to hunt.

              For that reason Iceprincess2 I honor you, you’re like a female Maximus Decimus Meridius; keep being a soldier.

              • Breezy

                LOLOL…what is with you and lions yo?!?!?

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            “Respect”…are you sure that’s the right word?

            this made me laugh aloud

          • a boy and his demondog 06

            “Respect”…are you sure that’s the right word?”

            i’m thinking boner or bonage as it were

            • http://www.alltherightquestions.com T.Q. Fuego

              lol, that too obviously

    • That Ugly Kid

      You’re gonna give him p*ssy? Terrible. Give him a Playstation 3. That way he can have fun even when you’re not the there. And if he already has one…uh…go ahead with the P*ssy Plan. Though I don’t recommend it. Men don’t care about sex.

      Amirite?

      • Iceprincess2

        Lol! I think they care about the PS3, then the sex, in that order! (Momma dee voice)

    • shogun

      Every man should have a friend like you

    • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

      You treat p*ssy like it’s a chocolate cake or a pan of lasagna or something. LOL Just be there for him. Let the man get his own rebound sex. :)

      • Aly

        Hmm, and all this time I thought mine WAS like a chocolate cake *shrug*

        • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

          Chocolate cake as in “something you offer a friend to comfort them” not chocolate cake as in “my stuff tastes like”. LOL

        • Rewind

          Hmmm..now I have to wonder how many of your exes have huge dental bills.

          • Aly

            All of them. Every last one.

            • Rewind

              Ok, I will not flirt with you.

              I got a track record of 29 years with no cavities, you aint about to mess that up.

            • kid video

              At must be the chocalate cake that had Bill Cosby singin’ back in tha day…

              Aly and IP2 are batting a 1000 this morning…i hate i was too busy earlier to respond.

      • LMNOP

        I think if she made him a lasagna too she should get some kind of prize. like “Friend of the Year” or something.

      • Kema

        @ Todd… Thats what I was thinking. I’m all for being a good friend but I dont think I could ‘give sex’ to cheer someone up. If anything she should go out with him and help him find a jumpoff to ease his pain.

      • http://www.alltherightquestions.com T.Q. Fuego

        Smh @ Todd hatin lol

    • thelonius

      Christmas spirit

    • The Guy Formerly Know As Hmmmm

      “He is so down in the dumps and depressed. I’m actually thinking bout giving him some p*ssy this weekend, just to make him feel better & take his mind off his heartbreak for a couple ofhours. ”

      NICE! Nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice! That’s some cold sh!t IcePrincess, but NICE!

      I mean is it wrong that I am all for this? Hell, give the homie some….with her in the next room.

      • Iceprincess2

        Rite! Lol we actually talked about doing that. But I don’t wanna be naked in case she wanna fight or something. But I did say we could arrange for us to be making out on the couch when she gets home from work. *throws head back and laughs maniacally*

    • London

      this entire thread proves that most men and women can’t really be friends. sex ruins everything. ice princess has opened the door and her f**kability ratings have gone through the roof. after she lets him hit, is he gonna look back on that moment and say, “you are a true friend. thank you for being there when i needed you most.”? if sex is what gets people through, what’s the point of a relationship? if men and women aren’t going to be fully honest, why bother? like Panama said in a previous post, not being straight up in the beginning is what messes people up in the long run.

    • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

      “girlfriend of 7 years” –> why you ain’t tell your good friend to put a ring on it?
      What happened to just getting someone a card…

      • YeahSo

        Do they have cards for telling someone… “Aye man! I love you like a brother but u need to find a lover… and get laid ASAP!” lol

        • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

          Yes, it’s in the Hallmark “Keeping It Real” section.

          • YeahSo

            lies!

    • Rewind

      Word?

      Ok, so put some misle toe right above your cl-it, go to his house in a trench coat, tell him to wait in his kitchen or something, go to the bedroom, get in a comfortable pose on the bed……and after Christmas, let us know how many stocking stuffers Santa gave you for Christmas.

      • MissRae

        Lmao . WHOA!!!!! Misle toe on the c**t? wow that sounds interesting….

        • Rewind

          Aye, everybody deserves a little bit of Christmas cheer! Doesn’t matter how you get it.

    • YeahSo

      Well I’m definitely contemplating paying someone to hook my homeboy up… he has been annoying the CRAP out of me with his whining about his ex and mood swings… ugh… I mean goodness *slap slap* pull yourself together man!!! I’m all for being sad and mourning a relationship… but dis bishhh don’ moved on and got another man MONTHS AGO wha in duh heyll you still crying over her triflin’ arse for? I feel like a little paid-for-head will help him re-group.

      • Kema

        See now I can get with paying someone else to do it. That would be a cool gift. :-)

        • YeahSo

          I’m sayin lol

      • http://www.alltherightquestions.com T.Q. Fuego

        Yo, I like your spirit YeahSo, but I say no to that idea. I mean, maybe it wouldn’t be a terrible idea if he didn’t know you paid her (although when he tries to get her # and schedule another rendezvous he’d prolly figure it out.) That would hurt his confidence even more to realize that ole girl only gave him some for money. He’d feel worse afterwards….just be his wingwoman at the club or bar. That immediately makes dudes more attractive to chicks for some reason…

        • YeahSo

          Oh it wasn’t gonna be a secret… I would tell him “I’m buying you some head”… I jsut feel like he really needs to get one off, and he’d prolly take me up on the offer… like he is wound TIGHT! lol

          • http://www.alltherightquestions.com T.Q. Fuego

            haha, yeah he would prolly appreciate it and it would be a solid gesture on ur part no doubt, but it wouldn’t help him heal tho. It would just open him up to an expensive new habit/crutch.

            That n*gga would be in da booty club 5 days a week cryin to skrippaz lol

            • YeahSo

              :-( thought I had an easy fix… ugh.

              • http://www.alltherightquestions.com T.Q. Fuego

                Ha! C’mon now, you know champions never take shortcuts lol

    • LMNOP

      I don’t have any close male friends, so I can’t really relate to this, but it is really awful to see a good friend upset and know you can’t really do anything to help, except like give them chocolate. I think its normal and a sign of being a good friend to want to make your friend feel better, but this is probably also an example of why male-female friendships are complicated.

    • MissRae

      Wow, you’re better than me because I stick to the “thou shall not smash the homies” rule.

      • Marshal

        I hate Ray J but his contribution to society with that phrase is much appareciated by all.

        Danger!! She Smashed the Homey!!! lol

    • Brother Mouzone

      I loves me some IcePrincess, and not to start a gender war or nuthin…but…I wonder if a guy on here said his platonic female friend broke up with her dude and he was gonna “comfort” her with some d*ck, if HE would get all this support from the sistas? “Give her that d*ck boy”! I don’t think so..lol

      • http://www.alltherightquestions.com T.Q. Fuego

        Lmao! Good point Brother Mouzone, the involuntary double standards would be on full display lol. It is interesting that none of us were cynical about her motives tho..things that make u go hmmmm

    • a boy and his demondog 06

      through good times and bad times, i’ll be byyy your siiiiiide for ever moooooooore because thats what friends are foooooor

    • a boy and his demondog 06

      i think that i may need to redo my VSS smang wishlist from a few weeks ago………………………………

    • Anyanwu

      The power of The P-U-S-S-Y. That’s some healing powers

    • JW

      TIME Person Of The Year

  • http://edotreed.blogspot.com E. Reed

    What about lesbian chick/male and gay dude/female combos?

    They sorta throw a monkey wrench in this entire theory…..

    I’ve seen it plenty of times

    • Camilleblu

      Like Mz. Lawrence and all the housewives of the ATL??

      • http://edotreed.blogspot.com E. Reed

        Not sure. I don’t watch the show….

        • Camilleblu

          Trust me..Mz. Lawrence…he’s gay…anyway… I think it depends on if one party is truly gay and the other party is truly heterosexual and neither party is at all bisexual…. because if there is some bisexuality involved, then there’s the chance for somebody to get some good-good….you know, between friends…

          • Sweet GA Brown

            I was watching Shahs of Sunset on Bravo the other day and found out the gay dude and the big girl got iit in twice over the course of their 20 yr friendship. I wonder if that provides for some of the drama they are having now.

            • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

              Wha? THAT gay dude?

              Talk about mind over matter. LOL

              • Sweet GA Brown

                Yeah he said they were rushing and had to take a shower together. He said some things brushed against one another and he got hard and it was a wrap. He said it felt good but it was awkward.
                Dude is extra flamboyant though.

            • camilleblue

              I don’t watch that show, but I bet you’re right…it’s just kind of hard to “come back” after sex….not impossible, but hard…

            • Juiciest Mango

              say what now?!?!?!?

              I have MANY questions.

              • Sweet GA Brown

                Girl check out the show. Them persians be actin up.

              • Sweet GA Brown

                Girl check out the show. Them persians be actin up.

    • That Ugly Kid

      I think those examples don’t count because those combos’ chances of being caught in situations where both parties are mutually sexually attracted to one another are so small it’s practically negligable. Especially, with gay man/straight woman friendships.

      • Iceprincess2

        Gay friends rock! Yay gay friends!

        • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

          Yeah…I wouldn’t know….I don’t have any…

          • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

            I didn’t think I did but I have come to find out otherwise…

      • http://edotreed.blogspot.com E. Reed

        It doesn’t matter if the attraction is mutual. All it takes I’d one party being attracted to the other to f*** up a good Platonic friendship.

        I’ve seen a chick lose her s***, dignity, and self-respect over a gay dude.

        Had me scratching my head. How’d she allow herself to fall for a gay dude?

        I could never see myself falling for any of my lesbian friends. Sexual attraction-yes. But falling in LOVE-NO!

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

      i had a stud develop feelings for me. it was awkward.

      • Aly

        What did you do? Just tell him you weren’t interested?

        • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

          her* i did tell her i didnt see her that way, then after that she never expressed interest in men again, we stayed cool then just lost contact, college, moving u know how that go

          • camilleblue

            awwww Tristan…did you cause her to give up on men?? And I’m assuming by ‘stud’ you mean she was mannish looking/acting?

            • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

              she was always tomboyish i dont think i was changing that…

      • http://edotreed.blogspot.com E. Reed

        Me too.

        Well not neccessairly a crush. One of my best friends is a stud. She has told me on multiple occassions that she wouldn’t mind getting my d*** but it ain’t happening.

        She says she doesn’t want a relationship or anything, just the d***.

        Sorta threw me for a loop.

    • Rewind

      This is true. I just talk about smashing chicks and regular shyte with my lesbo buddies. Can’t even think of sexing them, whether butch or lipstick.

      • camilleblue

        @ Rewind….that reminds me of the scene in The Wire when Snoop was getting arrested by Bunk and he says “I’m thinking about getting some p*ssy and she says – “me too”….pure comedy…

        • Rewind

          Seriously..it’s hilarious to have a convo with a gay woman. It’s the convo I always want to have with a woman without any of the consequences.

          One time me and my friend were walking down the street, and this girl with a HUGE ASS was walking past us. We both snapped our necks at the same time. Then she said..”she better not bend over, cause I will tear that ass apart”.

          I had no choice but to laugh my ass off cause I was thinking the same damn thing.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “What about lesbian chick/male and gay dude/female combos?”

      good question