it happens everyday.
guy sees attractive girl alone at bar. guy approaches girl. girl thinks guy is cute for a tuesday night, but is initially off-put by extra sharp creases in guys slacks. girl eventually warms to guy after guy shifts standing position and incidentally reveals outline of oversized pocket python incorporates proper use of “demure” in opening sales pitch. girl and guy talk, exchange numbers, and retreat to find friends on opposite sides of 400 square foot refurbished warehouse basement in gentrified neighborhood upscale lounge. guy sees girl’s other girls, and immediately realizes he’s regrettably chosen runt of respective litter. to make analogy, guy thought he found great deal for 08 maxima in lot full of 01 neons, but instead learns he could’ve leased 09 benz coupe for same price. guys whips out blackberry, deletes number, and immediately writes about said situation on fmylife.com
if you ask any of us, we’ll each give you a laundry list of traits that we undoubtedly find attractive. we’ll each also tell you that recognition of these traits are completely unable to be altered by outside forces. we pride ourselves on being able to procure and publicize the procuration of the diamond in the rough…at least until we learn that the diamond has five extraordinarily less-cloudy diamond friends.
the idea of attractiveness and the arbitrariness of quality and value inherently calls for us to compare and contrast. the fact that attractiveness is relative is an understood part of the game. whats not so understood is what happens when your perception lies, convincing you your choice was mediocre just because you’ve very recently been in close contact with kenya-esque genetic outliers.
that same cream convertible chrysler concorde you’ve been aching for isn’t any less hot if its being sold at a bentley lot, but try telling that to yourself at the club when you find out that the handsome assistant middle school principal you’ve been excitably vibing with all night is strikingly shorter, poorer, dumber, less endowed, and less potentially compatible with you than his immediate crew of rhodes scholar p*rn star bio-chemists. he hasn’t changed a bit, just your perception of how attractive he might be.
so what now? what do we do when we notice that our neighbors green-ass grass is sh*tting all over our lawns? do we pretend we live in vacuums of contentness and contextlessness, or prepare ourselves for the possibility of the perpetual potential upgrade? is any particular gender more susceptible to fall victim to this?¹
who knows.
all i know is that, for your own sake, its not necessarily a bad thing if your close clubbing crew all favor chubb rock…
…unless of course you favor the construction workers from fraggle rock.
¹of course. duh
—the champ
Like finding out that you got $50 to go shoe shopping with and you settle on some chunky chanclattas since they were the only things that were red. And since they are on clearance, it was final sale. Then you walk a block away and see a pair of HAWT stilettos in the window of a shoe boutique for a one time only price of $50.
And you wept. Lawd, did you weep!
And no, this didnt happen to me, as I will never buy chanclattas (what I call any pair of shoes that are clunky as hell. e.g. KSwisses, Sketchers…). Chanclattas make me scowl.
@Luvvie,
i hate that i had the exact same experience with this pair of boots i bought a couple months back. they’re making me so salty i’m taking them to goodwill cos i can’t stand the thought of the flyer pairs i could have had had my timing been better.
@Luvvie,
And no, this didnt happen to me, as I will never buy chanclattas
isn’t this the spanish word for “sandal”?
@The Champ,
I believe that “chanclas” is the Spanish word for sandals. But it was the inspiration for chanclattas though. Doesnt the word “chanclattas” even SOUND chunky? Yup.
@Luvvie,
yeah, it definitely sounds like the name of a restaurant where ron burgandy would play his flute
@The Champ,
You mean “jazz (yaz) flute”!
Don’t forget that new fad, “jogging”, with the soft “j”.
Always a reason to quote Anchorman.
@Luvvie, in certain parts of latin america, flip flops are definitely called “chancletas.” girl, you’re spanish and you didn’t even know it!
@Luvvie,
Hey lady you seen these photos of your lovely city?
http://www.thewindypixel.com/
@WuDaMan, These are some fantastic pics. Thanks
I think finding out a guy/girl crew is a bunch of fugly dogs makes that person seem less hot also. That person is oddly out of place and makes u wonder if they’re secretly ugly or just hot that nite.
@TastyKake215,
True true
@TastyKake215,
Speaking as an ugly girl, I have to agree. Although I wasn’t the one who didn’t get asked to dance, I usually got questioned on my choice of buddies.
@RedBeanzNRice,
i dont know why but “speaking as an ugly girl” just made me chuckle! (not privately, champ) i dont know why, but i dont believe you…i dont know you, but thats not stopping me from doubting you! weird, huh?
@shatani, i dont know why, but i dont believe you…i dont know you, but thats not stopping me from doubting you! weird, huh?
me too!! Why was my first reaction “stop lying”, when I haven’t even met you and have nothing to base this on?? hahaha.
@RedBeanzNRice,
“Speaking as an ugly girl”
I don’t believe you. You need more people for sure!
@TastyKake215,
it also makes you question whether that person even likes those people or if he/she is just using them to boost his/her stock by comparison….
also…late at night, with ambient lighting and lots to drink, the prettiest ugly person might seem like the prettiest person. but in the harsh light of day? yeah, not so much…
@TastyKake215,
I think finding out a guy/girl crew is a bunch of fugly dogs makes that person seem less hot also.
so basically it becomes a real-life version of the back page of highlights magazine?
@The Champ,
You did not say Highlights magazine! LOL. Do they still publish that?? That was my favorite!
@nia,
they do. they even have a highlights for young adults now called “streetlights”
@nia, Don’t get me started on Highlights chile! Goofus and Gallant? Timber Toes?! That was the only reason I’d get excited to visit the dentist…
@The Champ,
Highlights Mag was good for the “Where’s Waldo?” thang
LOL! I agree with all of this. I had this very thing happen to me this weekend. I was at the bar buying a drink. Cute guy walks up, he’s a Kappa (I usually don’t do Kappas), and he seemed cool. Good conversation and everything. We exchanged numbers, and as I head back to my table with my Long Island to tell my girls about it, I see him chatting it up with his boys, one of which was this extra sexxy, tall, smooth dark chocolate man. All I could say was “Damn”….
Crazy thing how attractiveness is so subjective, b/c one of my girls thought the Kappa was much cuter than Mr. Goodbar, while I could not keep my eyes off that chocolate brotha.
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982…., We exchanged numbers, and as I head back to my table with my Long Island to tell my girls about it, I see him chatting it up with his boys, one of which was this extra sexxy, tall, smooth dark chocolate man. All I could say was “Damn”…
and you should have gotten his number too…LOL you didnt owe dud shyt at that point….LMAO
@shay_d_lady, and you should have gotten his number too…LOL you didnt owe dud shyt at that point….LMAO
LOL!! I though about doing that, but I did like talking to Mr. Kappa and he is a cutie, so I just let it go.
@shay_d_lady,
I’ve thought about that too. Never had the balls for it. Always wound up regretting it. *sigh*
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
this situation reminds me of that jazmine sullivan song :
Hey boy
I think I like your best friend
Would you mind
If I dined
With your best friend
Aaww SWITCH!
@Rita,
you know, last sunday i heard a song with that exact same premise playing in the gap, and it actually helped to spark today’s entry idea.
@The Champ,
Methinks you’re telling a fib
@Luvvie,
fib deez
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
so what happened?
@The Champ,
I thought about approaching Mr. Goodbar, but going off my experience, dark skin Kappas who are extra fine and know it are usually azzholes and have a tendency to be cornballs. So, I just kept Mr. Kappas number, danced with him a few times, and he called me Monday.
So farI am glad I kept his number….@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
so cute kappa=cool, and extra cute kappa=uncool?
@The Champ,
In my experience, men and women who are very attractive to nearly everyone of the opposite sex have bad attitudes, and after
sexyou get to know them, they are really lame, wack, corny b!t(hazz men and women. They don’t necessarily have to be affiliated with any org.…basically, yes….LOL!!
I dont understand.. I guess I have never chosen a guy based on attractiveness alone and if you do then thats what you get.. I mean thats the whole purpose of the lemon law and the rason for a test drive….did I take the analogy to far….LMAO
@shay_d_lady, but when I was out and about I was all about the shop around… I learned the hard way.. once I was at this club here in memphis and I had my eye on this hot chocolate a$$ dude..oh my GAWT he was fione…well I had decided I was not gone wait for him I was going to approach him..we lookin at each other Im walkin over and his boy steps in between and starts chattin me up.. he offers me his number but by this time his friend walked up.. i had to tell hiim.. Im sorry but I was really kind of diggin your friend you should have seen his face.. I felt bad for like 2 and a half seconds…and his friend stepped in we exchanged numbers but Karma is a mo fo…y on our date the sexy a$$ dude I was feelin tried to take me to a pay by the hour motel? and then tried to act like I was wrong cause I was like hell naw? wtf? I was feelin him but you thought it was like that? that shyt has got me pi$$ed all over again and that was 10 years ago…
@shay_d_lady,
*dead* at “pay by the hour motel” – that was definitely the universe trying to tell you something… i gotta say though, i wouldn’t have the b*lls to tell a dude that i liked his friend better. i’d just keep it moving past the two of them…
…or try and sneak back at the first dude later.
@puff,*dead* at “pay by the hour motel” – that was definitely the universe trying to tell you something… i gotta say though, i wouldn’t have the b*lls to tell a dude that i liked his friend better. i’d just keep it moving past the two of them…
…or try and sneak back at the first dude later.
I just figured hey you like who you like! and if I already liked him and his friend obviously wasnt shyt..(I mean he didnt check to see if it was cool or nathin….I should have known then…..but the alcohol dimmed my otherwise sharp senses of perception and observation..) might have caught me slippin one night
@shay_d_lady,
LOL…Sad thing is, the guy who jumped in and approached you probably would have made a genuine effort to get to know you.
But that’s how it is sometimes.
@Lili, LOL…Sad thing is, the guy who jumped in and approached you probably would have made a genuine effort to get to know you.
exactly.. and thats when I learned looks at the be all end all…
@Lili,
But sometimes less attractive guys are just as big a*holes. So all things being even (given that they’re both running game til proven otherwise) I’ll go with the one easiest on the eyes.
@Me fail english?,
What I meant was that SHE approached the guy she wanted, not vice versa. So he didn’t have anything to lose. The guy who approached her wanted her, so he prolly would have made a real effort with her.
You’re right about that! I thought one of my bff’s was so wise when we were about 18/19. I had expressed my frustration with the realization that the less attractive guys I gave a chance ended up being as foolish as the cute ones who were feeling themselves. She said “Listen, most guys are a*holes. So why date the ugly ones? I’d rather take my chances with a fine man and find out he’s a jerk rather than an ugly one. At least I’ve got something pretty to look at.”
Talk about act like a lady think like a man. LOL
@shay_d_lady,
lol, am i seeing things, or did you just leave yourself a reply contradicting yourself?
@The Champ, lol, am i seeing things, or did you just leave yourself a reply contradicting yourself?
LOL not really, I dont pic people based soleley on attractiveness but the one time I did thats what happened and my example was not really buyers remorse..I didnt want his friend after but it did make me keenly aware of the fact that looks are not everything!…
I mean if you want to be technical about it I guess it is a contradiction! ..LOL
@shay_d_lady,
You are a bottomless pit of hilarious tales. Chile, you have lived! lol
@Luvvie,
You are a bottomless pit of hilarious tales. Chile, you have lived! lol
lol, damn. you’re making her sound like lisa lampenelli
@The Champ,
lol, damn. you’re making her sound like lisa lampenelli
them’s fighting words around these parts……
@The Champ,
Heh heh, yeah I smirked at “bottomless pit”
@The Champ,
LMAO! I aint mention nothin bout devouring the magic sticks of Black guys whole. Thereby, I made no reference to
Cletus the slack-jawed YokelLisa Lampenelli.Zing!
@Luvvie, You are a bottomless pit of hilarious tales. Chile, you have lived! lol
LOL I have the same amount of tales as people that spent a large part of their life in the hood…..the hood and my people are Hilarious!
“Rhodes scholar po*n star biochemists”??
…yes, please.
@Resident GRitS,
i second that emotion!
Oh, and F My life is officially my favorite site, and has been since I discovered it last week. Some of these people’s lives are just BEYOND tragic (but funny).
This is a post from yesterday:
“Today, I was at a club with my girlfriend of only two weeks. As we were dancing, another woman grabbed my ass from behind me and squeezed. I yelped and turned around to see my mother as the culprit. My girlfriend punched her. I found out my mother is a Cougar and my girl has a mean right hook. FML”
The old me was dead and gone after I read that. DEAD!
@Luvvie, I cant even check the site at work.. LOL I was at my desk CRYING when I first found it
@Luvvie, I’m an addict to that site as well. It is self-medicating to know that other people’s problems are WAY worse than anything I could imagine.
@Luvvie,
that is hilarious!!! fmylife is lookin like its going on my “daily check” list!
@Luvvie,
my favorite:
“Today, my brother’s new girlfriend, who is blind, asked to feel my face so she could tell what I look like. She said i was “unique”. A blind chick just told me I was ugly. FML”
@The Champ,
It for some reason made me think of the Lionel Richie “Hello” video and that ugly a** sculpture….
@Naturally Alise,
LMAO! That video was the epitomy of cheesy!
@Luvvie,
Do you remember the Starburst commercial remake of it? That ish was HILARIOUS.
@Naturally Alise,
OR it makes you think of Mask. You know with the elephant faced guy and the blind chick.
@Luvvie,
LOL!!!
I am so happy I can see this site at work. I turn to it whenever I am bored at work, or just need to be reminded that my life is absolutely fabulous compared to others.
@Luvvie,
Just got turned on to it today with the post…it’s going to be one of my regulars now, too. That sh!t is hilarious
I get the FML entries in my Google Reader and its updated often so anytime I need ap icker upper, I just see what GReader has for me. Like this:
Today, I was walking downtown when a bum approached me for some change. I planned to give a couple dollars but after pulling out my wallet exposing my cash, the bum beat me unconscious. The bum is a 5’0″ tall woman; I’m a 6’2″ male out $200. FML
Dayum… Just dayum!!!
@Luvvie,
Today, I was walking downtown when a bum approached me for some change. I planned to give a couple dollars but after pulling out my wallet exposing my cash, the bum beat me unconscious. The bum is a 5?0? tall woman; I’m a 6?2? male out $200. FML
Dayum… Just dayum!!
see yeah, this dude is gonna need more people with this story
@Luvvie,
Jesus be an affluent communitie’s 911 call.
@WuDaMan,
HA! You funny, Wu
yeah I dont get it…because if you just casually dating and you were attracted by the looks but nothing else was there you would then move on to another chick you were just attracted by….why keep doing the same thing? I mean going back to the analogy..you might have been able to get a luxury car for the same price …a bird in the hand.. and plus i bet the maitenance is lower on the one you got…
@shay_d_lady,
see, i think you’re missing the point. i’m not necessarily referring to a person whose continually seeking the aesthetic upgrade, but how “attractiveness” is directly tied into value and quality, two completely arbitrary terms, and how context can initially make us perceive that a person is more or less attractive. basically, a gold coin stands out in a table full of silver…but what happens to your perception of the gold when some platinum pieces are added to the mix?
@The Champ, but what happens to your perception of the gold when some platinum pieces are added to the mix?
I get your point.. I just dont think like that.. Im the type of person that is genuinely happy with the things I pic and tend to judge them on their own merit. I am the type of person that will buy a honda today and see a benz for the same price and it wouldnt matter but if I saw the SAME honda for less it would bother me..but I dont know how to apply that situation to real life … Like if a man was the honda the only way it could happen that I see the same for less would be if he were a twin? LOL my head hurts… Overit had me up all night watching b. scott videos and I lost like a million brain cells!
@shay_d_lady,
Makes sense. I think there’s only like a one week window in which I could be salty over getting the Benz rather than the Honda. By that time I wouldn’t care if it was a free Bentley, I’ve already started thinking of the Honda as “my situation”.
On another note, lemme find out the last chick got my Honda for $1,000 down and I put down $5,000 Ima be a little saltish
@shay_d_lady,
Yeah I dont think the upgrade is compelling once you’ve put in time with the Honda. But on the used lot, when both the Honda and the Benz may be in the same condition, cost the same price, blah, blah a lot of folks are gonna be salty leaving with that Honda.
@Luvvie,
I found it about a week and a half ago, and let me tell you: once I read the first few the entries on the homepage, I IMMEDIATELY stopped complaining about my life!
@Lili,
you know, i actually think that at least 30-50 percent of those entries are fabricated. still good reads though
@The Champ,
I agree! Some of them are just TOO perfect… you know how they have the option to check “yea you’re life is effed” or “you deserved that”? There should be a third option: “You a lie!”
@The Champ,
Psht! Dont ruin it for me. LOL although some of them do read like an ep of 3 stooges.
Today I signed up for an online dating site. After completing their personality quiz, I set the distance to a 60 mile radius of where I live. Then to the country. Then to the whole world. I got no matches for any of the settings. FML
@Rita,
I seriously hope this is either:
a) a joke, or
b) an entry from the website
…
@Lili,
It’s an entry from the website.
@RedBeanzNRice,
Really happened to me though. Yeah…God’s still workin on him I guess. lol
fmylife is one of the best sites on these here “interwebs” (GWB).
But seriously, what’s more important than buyer’s remorse is actually realizing that you can’t afford to lease that 09 Benz, and that anybody who buys a Maybach and its driver is frivolous.
Take that analogy and run with it… your car (woman) will be repossessed, and you will be saying “FML” for real.
Drive the ’08 Maxima while you can, and enjoy the rest of your spoils in other ways than rolling around in an over-priced vehicle.
@thismayconcernyou,
But seriously, what’s more important than buyer’s remorse is actually realizing that you can’t afford to lease that 09 Benz
this is true, but, again, what if you’re at the lot and you find out they’re the exact same price and will cost you the exact same in regards to insurance? you can’t honestly say that your perception of the maxima would stay exactly the same
@The Champ,
that’s an interesting, unrealistic way of looking at it. We both know the Maxima and Benz will never have the same price and won’t even been in the same stratosphere in regards to insurance.
But you’re right. If that was the case, I’d take the Benz every time. Seriously, though … I’d rather have a Honda hybrid, a chick who still looks good, but is conscious and forward thinking. …
@thismayconcernyou, How sweet…lol “I coulda had a Benz but I chose you!” Please keep that valentine to yourself!
@SxyScientst,
i read sarcasm here, i think. And that’s cool. But I wouldn’t be dumb enough to tell a chick “look, I could have a Benz but I want you.”
That’s an asinine put down. I’m saying the smart brotha knows better than to invest in a car he can’t afford. And picks something that still looks clean, but is more suitable to his needs, NOT HIS WANTS.
@thismayconcernyou,
honda hybrid’s look good?
@The Champ,
Does it look bad? Not necessarily. The analogy takes it a step further, as you know, to say that looks aren’t everything. You can buy a BMW or an SUV, and it will run your life straight into the ground between the car note, insurance and gas.
The Honda hybrid is average to above average in looks depending on the upkeep, gets you low gas mileage and isn’t overwhelmingly expensive. And it gets you a tax credit … it’s forward thinking.
It’s giving to you as well as you putting into it. It’s just another way to spin your analogy. sorry it took so long for me to get back.
And if BMW comes out with an efficient, economical hybrid (yeah, right) I will champion her until the day I die.
@The Champ,
(Running with the analogy), I think what TMCY is saying is that the upkeep of the Benz is way higher than that of the Maxima. The upfront price might be higher but the upkeep surely won’t. Heck, with a benz you HAVE to use premium gas only and that sucker can guzzle!! The Maxima is ok with some unleaded and can go miles at a time.
Basically, there is a reason why your subconscious was attracted to the Maxima in the first place…
@Ms. Sula,
Hmm. Maybe the fellas can expound on this. My really good-looking boyfriends weren’t any more high maintenance than my not as cute boyfriends. Even when I think about differences in wealth/status I still can’t think of any correlation between how desirable they were to the opposite sex and the amount or type of crap they tried to pull.
Are better looking women really higher maintenance? As many desperate, low self-esteem pretty girls as I’ve met in my life, I’m having a lil trouble believing this.
@Me fail english?,
Are better looking women really higher maintenance?
its the other way around. good looking women aren’t inherently higher maintenance, but many higher maintenance women are “better looking” because their looks allow them to be higher maintenance.
is this making sense?
btw, high maintenance man=gay
@The Champ,
Crystal clear. I just wonder why men go to the Honda Hybrid rather than a less temperamental Benz, as if those Benz’s don’t exist…
If you really like Benz’s, it seems like dudes in this thread are selling themselves short. I know we cant have it all but damn…
@Me fail english?
i feel you completely on this
@Me fail english?,
It was not meant to be “high maintenance” literally… but the heart of the gist, there is a reason you liked the Honda at first… Like someone explained below, someone who can afford a Benz would never look at a Honda to start with… meaning, you would have not been interested in that chick if it was not your “style”…
I think we’ve run this car analogy to the ground. May it rest in peace.
@thismayconcernyou,
Maybe the car analogy isn’t the best. Are you saying that the best looking women are also the least loyal? Look how long Tracey Edmonds stayed with Babyface. I know he has money, but she graduated Stanford early and I’m guessing she could’ve been financially comfortable without him.
@Me fail english?,
@The Champ,
Tracey Edmonds is the epitome of a gold digger. She’s brilliant nonetheless and about her business. Research her. You’ll find out.
What I’m saying in the analogy is that LOOKS DON’T MEAN EVERYTHING. The most efficient and best car out there for you right now is not a Benz. It’s not a SUV. It’s not an F-150, a Mini-van or a Mini-cooper. ….
It’s something that’s going to save on gas, and is forward thinking. Looks are important, but don’t people soup up Honda Civics and Accords and make Impalas, Gran Torinos and Monte Carlo from the 60s and 70s things of beauty? …
all that to say, what matters most is what’s inside. That’s my point. That what I’m taking the analogy.
While I understand the point of buyers remorse when you’re randomly trying to pull numbers or smash on an idle night at the club, I’m always leery of ‘the grass is greener’ people. That runt of the litter might be the diamond in the rough anyway. You never know if her/his friends have stank attitudes or think they’re too pretty for everybody, smell funny or are a gang of stalkers trolling the bar, etc.
“to make analogy, guy thought he found great deal for 08 maxima in lot full of 01 neons, but instead learns he could’ve leased 09 benz coupe for same price” – the champ
Yeah, it may be the same price but what’s the interest rate? Insurance? What will repairs run you? Is it really worth it or are you chasing some you don’t want to be bothered with anyway?
For example, one of my close friends is one of those grass is greener women and she’s constantly moving from dude to dude always going for the greener grass. AND ITS NEVER REALLY GREENER…Case in point last fall she was bored with her man of a year and a half (or so) essentially things were going too well. He was caring, supportive, bringing up marriage – good looking guy, has a pretty good job in his field and moving up. Her complaint? He was too predictable, they were already like an old married couple.
So she decided to dump him for the “super” hot banker that she met at the gym. Supposedly he was always mad flirty and was going to be great in bed, he was thinking about settling down fairly soon blah, blah, blah. EVERYBODY told her it wasn’t worth it – parents, brother, close friends did she listen? No. Long story, short (sort of) she just spent four months wasting time with this cat who turned out to be a p*thead who couldn’t get it up, unambitious and they couldn’t figure out how to “define” each other. (BF, GF, Jump-off, FWB?) She left an 8 for a 3. Talk about buyer’s remorse, but she stuck it out four months to put off all of us saying “Told you so” for as long as possible. (Of course we all did anyway) Luckily for her the 8 took her back.
@Madame Zenobia,
he took her back? why?
@The Champ,
“he took her back? why?”
Because its a recession.
What? Aint that the answer for everything nowadays?
“Why were you late?”
“Man, it’s a recession! I had 2 go to the neighbor’s crib to take a shower and when I went over there, I had to wait 15 mins for the bathroom to be free.”
@Luvvie,
“it’s a recession! ”
LMBAO!!! That’s my other excuse for everything. Always shouted 5 decibels louder than was really necessary and jumping into my LL “I’m Bad” crouch.
LMBO!!!!
*raises hand* i too use the “it’s a recession” response as freely and inappropriately as i use “when in rome”. sometimes it works, but most times its said just to say and make me smile.
@Gem of the Ocean,
Haha, you sound like my sis. She’ll throw the price of tea in China into almost any convo. Which begs tehe obvious question “What’s that got to do with…” (Im corny I know)
@Gem of the Ocean,
i just told one of my co-workers today that i wasnt gonna tolerate her stupid anymore cuz this is a recession! i also like to use, “its too hot” in the summer time. as in, “please take that foolishness elsewhere, it is too hot for a beatdown.”
@The Champ,
He loved her.
@V Renee,
Allow me to be cliche for a moment and say “what’s love gotta do with it?”
She dumped him b/c she was bored and then saw that she got played and he took her back? WOMP
@Luvvie
Never said it was right. I just think that’s why he took her back – because he loved her. I’ve seen love make people do some strange strange thangs man…..
@V Renee,
Yeah, Love’s vision can be worse than Stevie’s sometimes. E-V-E said it best.
*rapping “Love is Blind”
“I dont even know you and I hate you
See all I know is that my girlfriend used to date you…”
@Luvvie,
She didn’t say to him that she was dumping him for dude. (Though I’m sure he suspected or knew since she always has a new dude lined up before she dumps the old one.) She didn’t say it to us either (though we definitely knew) She said she needed space, time, freedom, etc. That she wasn’t sure she was ready to be as committed to him as he wanted and that wasn’t fair to him (yadda, yadda.) Anywho, V Renee is right – he just really loves her and wants to be with her. So he took her back – they’ve resumed wedding planning and everything. Which even though she’s my friend I think is a little crazy. If I were him I wouldn’t trust any further than I could throw her – at least for awhile….but they’re both my friends so I’m being supportive.
@Madame Zenobia,
Ahhh I c. Thanx for the clarification
@Madame Zenobia,
but they’re both my friends so I’m being supportive.
since theyre both your friends you should be doing everything possible to stop this impending train wreck
@ The Champ
This may sound lame, but she’s my actual friend. He’s my friend because he’s dated her so long and he’s a good guy. Now, I think he really got the short end of the stick – however, he’s well aware of all of her “faults” and he chooses to stay with her.
1.) The lining up a man before moving to the next one – that’s how it was when the two of them started dating. She lined him up before leaving the previous cat.
2.) The grass is greener issue – they started dating March-ish of ’07 we (her friends) predicted (to him and her) he’d bite the dust by June or July. That’s her MO to date in the winter (I live in the Northern Midwest) and chase in the summer. So the fact he’s made it THIS long is a SHOCKER.
The guy is a really good guy. Hell, I’d marry him if I was her. But I’m sure he has his faults too – nobody’s perfect. And its not like she aint sht. All the great things I said about him in the original post could be transfered to her as well. Smart, fun, ambitious, etc. She’s really a good person too, she’s been a great friend to me. The reality of the situation is she sees shiny objects and wants them but all that glitters aint gold.
As to being supportive – I don’t know that this will be a trainwreck and maybe I’m the crazy one. I’m one of the people who told her to go BEG him for forgiveness – but he didn’t make her beg. They had a convo and it was all good. Maybe he’s the better person for knowing what he wants and taking her back without strings and trust issues. They are a pretty good fit as far as I can tell. Whatever happens – they’re grown a** people and both are aware of the situation they’re getting into.
@Luvvie,
Love’s complicated.
@Ms. Sula,
That’s the truest ish you ever wrote.
@Ms. Sula,
That’s the truest ish you ever wrote.*
*In actuality, I haven’t read all of your posts, so you may have written something truer.
**Sorry for the double post**
@The Champ,
see reply to luuvie below.
@Madame Zenobia,
LMAO @ “smells funny”, I couldn’t get past that….
@Naturally Alise,
Hey not everybody knows how to keep it fresh.
@Madame Zenobia, “was going to be great in bed” and that was determined how?
@temps,
Based on the pre-game hype. That’s the line he fed to her and she bought it.
@Madame Zenobia, Adulthood 1-f*cking oh 1 never take ANYONES advice and or bragging into your bedroom-damn I knew that before losing my virginty and out of all the sexual advice I got this one is STILL true. I dont care who dont do what or how bad she gonna freak me-its all HOT AIR. Yea well she’s grown and if she is still judging books by the bookflap…then good her life not mine:)
It’s hard being a maxima on a lot full of benz coupes.
@Saule Wright,
Is it?? I mean nobody can get the cargo space that the maxima presents from a benz coupe for the same $. Unless the benz coupe is actually a chop w/ a lot of miles on it…
@Saule Wright,
Personally, I’ll definitely take a Maxima over a Benz coupe… I don’t do very nervous, temperamental cars like Benz coupes…
See? Everything for everybody.
@Ms. Sula,
Sula…I get VERY good mileage…oops, did I say that out loud?
it be’s like that sometimes. this is a little off-topic but this post made me think about how i can’t really meet a man’s past girlfriends. because if they’re ugly (i know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but some things are just not to be beheld) then i just cannot respect the relationship anymore. everything has changed. i start givin him the sideeye and wondering what gives him the right to be all up in my face….um…i know that sounds horrible, but if it makes it any better a) i’m not conceited or anything and b) i don’t really deem people ugly all willy nilly.
@charli skipper,
yeah, i alluded to this a bit monday:
“6. your relationship history matters to us. to expound, if we find out that you have a tendency to be attracted to and date lame assh*les, then we’ll slowly start to consider you to be a lame assh*le as well. my advice? lie”
@The Champ, OMG. Yeppers. Had this conversation not so long ago. If a man tells me his exes are all crazy, lazy, and trifling, I’m left to wonder how he chooses mates, why he thought he could be with me, and wth was I thinking to have let his low standard having butt slip through the cracks. I’m certainly not looking to prove to him I’m different from the women who have already peppered his life.
@Hostess,
Exactly.
okay why I just watch College Hill yes I still watch some BET programming and I am not ashamed!!! and old boy Brandon demonstrated this topic epically…he meets ole girl on the first day..the boo up immediately stay all night to gether.. have confessional at 5:30 am…etc..well he goes to class and she stays home by the time he gets home the new car smell has worn off and he completely ignores her a$$…..
@shay_d_lady,
Girl I watched that show last night and about died.
The young chick was crazy ass hell to think he was into her after 1 dayum day.
@mssmtaylor,
but she ironed his shorts….she ironed his shorts.
@Saule Wright,
but she ironed his shorts….she ironed his shorts.
she ironed his shorts after one day?
@The Champ,
yes….and helped him make his bed….and said “Bye boo” as he walked to the car to go to class……yes…she did. ONE DAY.
@Saule Wright,
She must be crazy. That’s not a joke.
@Me fail english?,
I’m positive she will either go home early, or be the one carried off in that ambulance…she’s not right.
its funny, all my girls are absolutely gorgeous…im easily the “sloth” of the group. so, yeah, obviously i dont want any guy im interested in to meet them too soon. lol…hopefully, i’ll get him hooked with that home cookin good lovin before he meets them.
i dont get this about men though…i mean, there is always a woman better looking than the one you got. always. so, is it just gonna be hopping from hot chick to hot chick until eternity? does nothing else matter once youve met that woman who is in some way better looking than the one youve got? i dont know, that strikes me as sad…
@shatani,
Exactly. There’s always “better.” Even the finest chick is too short, tall, exotic, plain, or whatever once she’s overstayed her welcome (read: been around for a month), or another combination of your favorite things comes on the scene. So just because the fall from grace came quicker doesn’t mean you shouldn’t see where it’ll go.
And running after the hottest girl in the club is ALWAYS a recipe for disaster, sh*t, running after any cute girl in the club is, so you might as well take what you got, enjoy its declining comparative value, and count down the days until you both start over.
@An Island,
“And running after the hottest girl in the club is ALWAYS a recipe for disaster, sh*t, running after any cute girl in the club is”
Interesting. I’m guessing you don’t talk to women in the club at all, but why a recipe for disaster?
@Me fail english?,
Oh, I’ll talk, dance, wudevas good. I’m saying, if you’re cute, can string two sentences together, and aren’t totally insane, you’ll meet 20 guys in between waking up and getting out to the club. What I usually find at the clubs are the girls looking for an ego boost, a free drink, someone to keep them warm for a bit, or (best case scenario) just to go and have a good time dancing before they bounce . . . the dude and his personality are an afterthought. If you want to really meet someone, get out the club and off the internets, there’s a real world out there.
@An Island,
Fair enough. I thought there was a story behind the “disaster” part…(Me so nosy)
p.s. for what it’s worth, my bf (it’ll be a year in May) met at the club and I’m cute
@Me fail english?,
Oh, I’ve got stories for days, but at least I know full well going in that being (playfully?) bitten, falling into a lesbian love triangle, and watching a girl who didn’t want to dance come up to you and whip out everything but the pole when the lights come on and the music has stopped because she sees all the women you’re kicking it with is all part of the entertaining disaster that is the club scene.
And I’m happy for you. Give me a call when you’re done with him — I guess the internet is for meeting people, seems I lied in my previous post.
All this kinda thinking is mighty ho-ish and since ho-ism is the main contributing factor to why dating life seems to be so fugged up…I just wish folks would stop.
@CreoleInDC,
i think you’re missing the point a bit.
***cutting and pasting reply to comment #8***
“i’m not necessarily referring to a person whose continually seeking the “upgrade”, but how “attractiveness” is directly tied into value and quality, two completely arbitrary terms, and how context can initially make us perceive that a person is more or less attractive. basically, a gold coin stands out in a table full of silver…but what happens to your perception of the gold when some platinum pieces are added to the mix?”
@The Champ,
If you wanted platinum in the first place you should have never “settled” for gold. On a Tuesday night. In a bar.
@CreoleInDC,
If you wanted platinum in the first place you should have never “settled” for gold. On a Tuesday night. In a bar.
again, i think my main point is being missed.
ok, gold, silver, platinum…whatever. they’re valuable because they’re rare metals. my question is, how does it affect our perception if we find that said metal isn’t rare at all? i mean, the gold itself doesn’t change, but our perception of the gold does, and i think we’re lying to ourselves if we said that this perception didnt matter at all.
an economist could probably articulate this better than i can
@The Champ, Ah. So it’s like what happens when a person moves from the midwest to one of the coasts. Out here, having ‘a’ job doesn’t mean much cus everyone either has one or is the employer. But out there, finding a mate who is gainfully employed, etc., etc., would seem great until you put it in perspective elsewhere…
I’m tracking!
@Hostess,
I don’t even think it’s that deep. It just seems to me that he knew good and well he shouldn’t have approached old girl and now has her hopes all up that he’s going to call her. Just seems like game playing to me and sad to find that so many people seem to have time for that. Ugh.
@CreoleInDC, I think he thought he was picking the best at the time. But upon further inspection, he wasn’t. I think this is more of a man thing. At the end of the day, most women pick based on security and you can’t really see that at a club on Tuesday night. We can date (really date, no chex) several men but at the end of the day, we will commit to the one that makes us feel the best and treats us the best. Men will commit to the one who looks the best on his arm.
But I could be way off cus I haven’t met a SO in the club in forever…or maybe ever…so I might not be the target audience for this.
@Hostess,
Basically you just restated what I said. Ho-ism runs rampant in men and the women who moan after them.
@Hostess,
We can date (really date, no chex) several men but at the end of the day, we will commit to the one that makes us feel the best and treats us the best. Men will commit to the one who looks the best on his arm.
This is the crux of male/female relationship. I wish more people realized that.
@Hostess,
“Ah. So it’s like what happens when a person moves from the midwest to one of the coasts. Out here, having ‘a’ job doesn’t mean much cus everyone either has one or is the employer. But out there, finding a mate who is gainfully employed, etc., etc., would seem great until you put it in perspective elsewhere…”
you’re right. this is what i’m getting at.
I ain’t read nary of previous comments. BUT…
The thing is that people always want to get the best of what is available. Nobody who can afford a benz will take a neon. This is why some people tend to upgrade their mates later in life. I have watched a couple of my associates be the chick who was at the man’s side through professional school when he was rolling in a focus. When he graduated and got the fancy job, car and house, her ass was no longer ‘sportable’. He could do better. In fact, it comes out that he was only tolerating her ass anyway because he didn’t have the time or confidence to interview other candidates and pass the bar the first time. But she thought she was set so her ass sat there and let herself go. Now, she’s back on the market and ain’t nearly as marketable as she once was.
Eh, but what are ya gonna do?
@Hostess,
Shoot him and go to jail. Simple.
@CreoleInDC, Nope. It usually turns out a whole lot differently. One particular chick tried to lock it in my getting and staying pregnant as he was finishing law school. He didn’t invite her to graduate and married one of his classmates. Now the chick I know is with child, a bit bigger, and very bitter.
Eh, but what are ya gonna do? <–Solves everything.
@Hostess,
I’m of the violent type. I’d rather shoot him and go to jail.
@CreoleInDC,
Shoot him and go to jail. Simple.
Soooo, CreoleinDC needs her own table at the VSB bbq. Mais non?
@Hostess,
I got one example for you Denzel Washington. He could truely upgrade and get someone a whole lot younger and hotter but what. He decides to honor his God Self and Wife. She shoulda been checking for that when he was striving. Lil less earnin lil more learnin.
@WuDaMan,
And there goes the flaw in thinking like a ho. You don’t don’t anything about Denzel’s wife cuz she would probably never even glance your way. She’s Denzel’s platinum cuz it’s about more than how she looks or how YOU think she looks.
*sigh*
DOWN WITH HO-ISH 2009!
@CreoleInDC,
Aah what ever. We all deal w/ ho ish on a leve at a point. I mean you don’t pick your shoes exclusively on how good they feel on your feet. So to deny the ho ish in yourself is to believe a lie on U. Which is the wrong way to go. Cuz if you going to be honest w/ anybody it’d best be yourself. Who knows she prolly was the bangingest chick @ the boys n girls club. But long term it’s a lil more like what I said. He’s too busy HONORING his God Self and Wife.
@WuDaMan,
Actually…I’m old so I DO pick my shoes based on good they feel on my feet. LOL!
Just because your platinum standard doesn’t include things like loyalty, integrity, intelligence, etc. don’t be mad at Denzel’s plan.
@CreoleInDC,
You are jumping in the middle of my derivative and calling me wrong. Check thread 20. My example was to refute that if one man were to leave his nonstereotypical ‘platinum’ (asside what the heck is the obsession w/ platinum. I mean it’s valuable because of it’s interactions in the lab. If you want to get up on some baller sesthetics shyt try some jade son) wife once he achieved some level of success.
So you for real pick up a pair of shoes and go ooh they look comfortable?!? & in your head say ‘these will be the hit of the office’.
@WuDaMan,
I’m a housewife. No office for me. All I do all day is eat bon bons and go to the gym.
Platinum was from The Champ’s analysis.
“You are jumping in the middle of my derivative and calling me wrong. ”
these is fightin words!!!!
@CreoleInDC,
*High five @ fun times w/ food n stuff*
Work yo projects. Let us know if you gonna make some babies. Good fight. I got Nina Simone in a imeem run and I’m in my mellow place now.
@CreoleInDC,
I actually agree with that.
@WuDaMan,
I’ve heard Denzel talk about his wife. There was a time when he wasn’t DENZEL. During that time he wanted to be with her and he couldn’t understand why she wanted to be with him. She loved him when he was nobody. They’ve been together for years and I doubt any new woman can offer what his wife can offer other than looks and new bedroom tricks. Like Chris Rock said, “new p***y can’t cook…new p***y’s illiterate.” That stuff doesn’t compare to a loyal, loving wife who is the mother of your 3 children.
@Voiceofreason,
You betta say that…………..
@Hostess,
I have seen that scenario play out sooo many times, it’s ridiculous.
@Hostess,
This reminds me of the episode of Frasier (yes I watch Frasier) where Frasier and Niles go to an elite spa. They were happy to be there until they found out their was a silver room with more things so they weren’t that happy to just be a member anymore. They kept trying to get to all of the higher level rooms until there were no more higher level rooms and they ended up getting kicked out the back door for being greedy.
@Ms. T,
This reminds me of the episode of Frasier (yes I watch Frasier) where Frasier and Niles go to an elite spa. They were happy to be there until they found out their was a silver room with more things so they weren’t that happy to just be a member anymore. They kept trying to get to all of the higher level rooms until there were no more higher level rooms and they ended up getting kicked out the back door for being greedy
wow. perfect analogy for the point i was trying to convey.
btw, niles crane is one of my top 10 favorite sitcom characters ever
@The Champ,
btw, niles crane is one of my top 10 favorite sitcom characters ever
I concur.
@Ms. T,
This analogy is on point, and this is one of my favorite episodes of Frasier. I love Niles and was happy when he finally got with Daphne….
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
I love Niles too but I felt like it was all down-hill post-Daphne. Then again, I’m a hater.
@Me fail english?,
I agree. I think the show definitely began to go down post Niles/Daphne nuptials. I love it though!! I think I’m gonna start DVRing the Frasier episodes on Lifetime….
@Ms. T,
awwww yay for Frasier and the episode you highlighted. great analogy to the post!!
@Ms. T,
That’s one of my fave episodes! Lol!
@Hostess,
I have watched a couple of my associates be the chick who was at the man’s side through professional school when he was rolling in a focus. When he graduated and got the fancy job, car and house, her ass was no longer ’sportable’. He could do better. In fact, it comes out that he was only tolerating her ass anyway because he didn’t have the time or confidence to interview other candidates and pass the bar the first time. But she thought she was set so her ass sat there and let herself go. Now, she’s back on the market and ain’t nearly as marketable as she once was.
this actually speaks to an inherent unfairness with the laws of attraction. typically speaking, the attractive value of a man tends to appreciate with age while, typically speaking, the attractiveness value of a woman tends to depreciate, which is why it makes natural sense for an “established” man to be attracted to a younger woman, and vice versa.
@The Champ,
I’m starting to notice a pattern with you Champness. Are you dating a former student or something? It’s okay, we won’t call Dr. Phil
@The Champ, And when the woman let’s herself go, she goes out into the market with the attitude of ‘young super hot’ when she’s now ‘average’. Add to that bitterness, and you have an angry Oprah audience member.
@Hostess,
So on point. And funny too.
@Hostess,
And sometimes letting oneself go plays a large part of it too. I remember I had gained a little happy weight early last yr (my boo and I were hanging out a LOT and going to restaurants or ordering in a few times a week). One day my mother turned to me and said: “What, you have a bf so you think it’s okay to gain some weight?” Deeeefinitely got my gym membership a lil while after that.
You gotta try to keep it nice and tight throughout the relationship. If he starts feeling himself (and even ends it) it’s great if you are in a position to walk away and sing “Irreplaceable”. lol
@The Champ,
Oh Champ, why do you men do this? I swear. Maybe it’s young guys, but dudes seem to value good women less the longer they’re with them. And then break up. And (sometimes) return.
It leaves me (and ladies I know) perplexed at times, but then I just stop caring because:
–> “…Eh, what can you do?”
@Hostess,
I have watched a couple of my associates be the chick who was at the man’s side through professional school when he was rolling in a focus. When he graduated and got the fancy job, car and house, her ass was no longer ’sportable’. He could do better. In fact, it comes out that he was only tolerating her ass anyway because he didn’t have the time or confidence to interview other candidates and pass the bar the first time. But she thought she was set…
Ok, so I wasn’t the only one?? lol.
live and learn
Question for VSB: What do men need to do to get and keep women?
There are tons of books out there telling women what they need to do but nobody seems willing to tell men. Is it because men don’t read, don’t care, or both?
I only ask because women won’t listen to me. LOL
@Hostess,
It’s a catch 22. The kind of men (HOS) who need someone to tell them about themselves are the ones that no one will. Why? Because water seeks it’s own level.
Say for instance clown dude (HO) rolled up on me. He would get NO play. NONE. Shot down and made to feel itty bitty. I wouldn’t waste two seconds telling him anything he needs to know because he is beneath me and I found that out probably in his approach or the first phone conversation we had. (They always tell on themselves quickly if they don’t think you know what to listen for.)
So he rolls on to the next chick who didn’t know her value as much as I did and is insecure. So she lets clown dude (HO) get in her head like he Ike and ish and start telling her how to ACK.
Meanwhile clown dude (HO) is STILL trying to get with chicks of the stellar caliber only to be continually SHOT.DOWN. So what does he do? Take it out on insecure chicks A, B and C.
Cuz he knows he’ll never get a stunner and he knows he has to settle for gold.
1 platinum chick = 5 golds. “That’s gold Jerry! That’s Gold!”
Never.Ending.Fugging.Circle.
DOWN WITH HO-ING 2009!
@CreoleInDC,
LMAO I think all by ur lonesome, u’ve used the word “Ho” no less than 45* times in today’s comments. I THINK you disapprove of sluttery. Iunno if I’m sure though
*Number is completely made up
@Luvvie,
You are correct.
@CreoleInDC,
Brilliant!
@Hostess,
I think most men know how to keep a woman, but it takes a while to find the one they want to keep.
@Voiceofreason
I agree with this. Men know what they need to do to get and keep a woman. I’m sure they’ve heard the same rhetoric over and over from various women over the years. They just don’t want to take the steps to keep the woman, because they don’t want her.
@Voiceofreason, That’s kinda my point. They know but women are busy chasing their tails trying to figure out how to make him want to keep them.
@Hostess,
Pretty much.
****beginning rant****
One of my young soror (of sorts) posted a question on our forum. She wanted to know what to do to entice/talk to this guy she has been having mundane phone conversations with. She’s 25 and is tired of being alone and really, really wants a boyfriend (her words).
The first question all of us old heads asked her was: does he want you? She said she doesn’t know and that’s why she needs tactics to “lure” him. *Insert my very irritated and screwed up face here*.
With this kind of attitude of course a man is friggin’ not going to learn how to take care of you. There is nothing to take care of! Pfft!
*****end rant****
@Ms. Sula, and thats why no book for men on how to get and keep women is needed-here is a CLEAR example of a LAME getting default rythm from a chick-she doesnt even know if he is really feeling her but is gonna waste time on him cuz she’s “lonely”
Now what woman would want a man to be her Boo cuz he’s lonely?
..So whats the title of the man date book “Dude You’re Not Really Into Her….but She REALLY, REALLY likes You”.
Lonely or not her actions speak on pure EGO, you know: “what man can say no to this”
@Voiceofreason,
“I think most men know how to keep a woman, but it takes a while to find the one they want to keep.”
damn. you’re a fountain of knowledge and sh*t today. good job
@The Champ,
Thanks, Champ!
*blushing, but my skin is too dark for anyone to notice*
@Hostess,
Be they self. Why would anybody need instructions on being what they are?
In our society men are not socialized to be as verbose as women.
@Hostess,
Question for VSB: What do men need to do to get and keep women?
***voiceofreason already took my answer, but to expound…***
men are generally confident about our abilities to keep a woman. basically (true or not) we’re socialized to think, as long as we don”t f*ck it up, she’s staying.
where the confidence wanes actually is in being able to find someone you want to keep, and also being able to get them to buy your sales pitch. basically, we all know we can keep them in the store, but for alot of us the struggle lies in getting them to walk through the door.
@Hostess,
>What do men need to do to get and keep >women?
Getting is easy.
- work out
- get your money straight
- go out regularly. Not just clubs and bars, but places where you come into contact with people
- approach regularly
- take things further regularly
Steps 3 and 4 are usually what trips up a lot of dudes. But truthbetold it’s a #’s game. Hot chicks with good sense, especially for a black man, are a dime a dozen. Jah forbid you’re in DC, NYC, Chi, or ATL. You’re problem is really picking one.
Keeping is more difficult. There’s plenty of stuff written about keeping a chick happy. (communicate, pay attention, bla, bla, bla)
Very little is written about being happy about keeping a chick happy.
Jennifer Aniston to Vince Vaughn
“I don’t want you to do the dishes, I want you to want to do the dishes”
That’s the key. I’m not even sure if that’s a deliberate and conscious decision you can make.
This doesn’t happen to me. I’m waaaaay to calculated w/ my moves. (read slow and indicisive) Why do people have it set in their minds that someone is going to float in to the room show a meat print be everything you been searching for take you to the chapel after the club where they set it up that your whole fam is there and yall get hitched have babies w/o pain who are perfect??? I’m just wiling. There’s some bumps in life. Me I try to slow down and ease over em. Fools rush in. *listening to Kurt Karr singers For Every Mountain*
@WuDaMan,
please translate this into american
@The Champ,
I tried reading this like 3 different times and couldn’t get past “meat print”. Oh Wu, you slay me!
@Me fail english?,
Wait till the meat print stabs you. Then you’ve officially been slayed.
@The Champ,
I don’t get buyers remorse. Funny the ex finace’s mom could have totally gotten some cougar action from the kid but nope. I do too much recon before I go in for a chick. They be checkin for me by the time I’m about to bust a move.
& why people try to get something for real going @ the club anyway. It’s too loud in there.
I’ve never dealt with this situation because as far as I’ve noticed:
1. Attractive men rarely travel in packs.
2. Attractive men don’t usually go out of their way to approach women especially if they’re in a group. They don’t have to because women usually approach them 1st.
3. Unattractive men are fast. They know what they look like and they know if they approach a woman first their boys will fall back, so they usually run up on you at the speed of light.
4. Unattractive men love to monopolize your time. They make it hard for anyone else to swoop in because they won’t go away.
@Voiceofreason,
1. False.
2. True.
3. Probably true (but you shouldn’t call this person a man when a boy would do).
4. true (but dude just wants to be your boo. He can’t help it. lol.).
this comes from a man.
@thismayconcernyou,
As far as #1 goes, I need a woman’s opinion. I think what constitutes an attractive group of men differs depending on whether the on lookers are male or female. I have personally NEVER seen more than 2 men in a group that I find attractive. But they say I’m picky
@Voiceofreason,
To be honest I generally never see more than 3 men at a club/bar/party/etc. that I find attractive. LOL! Maybe “they” are right. Oh well. Not being attracted to too many men has kept me out of lots of trouble.
@thismayconcernyou,
#1 is TRUE. The only time I see a pack of attractive men (2 or more) they are obviously ghey or questionable. Its a sexy loner or a sexy one and a pack of werewolves.
@Voiceofreason
Number 3 just made me laugh. Hard.
@Voiceofreason,
I agree with #1. The men may all be tall and well-built cuz they play ball together or something, but that doesn’t make them attractive. Thismay…your crew is probably an aberration (sp?).
And #3&4 make me mad as hell. I met the most beautiful, chocolate god at Carnival a couple of years ago and while we were talking, his rumpelstiltskin-esque little friend was doin backflips from trees, jumpin over cars and all types of dumb shyt to get my attn. Like wasn’t even waiting for my Adonis to finish a sentence. I wanted to throat-kick the ish outta him. Little dog-faced bastard!
*Is still pissed about this*
I met the most beautiful, chocolate god at Carnival a couple of years ago and while we were talking, his rumpelstiltskin-esque little friend was doin backflips from trees, jumpin over cars and all types of dumb shyt to get my attn.
ha frekkin larious!!
@Voiceofreason, I would say re #1–GROWN men don’t travel in packs.
@Hostess,
I agree.
@Voiceofreason,
I agree. Grown men don’t. I surely don’t. But “attractive” upwardly-mobile men tend to stick together.
That includes most of my chapter fraternity brothers who still run hard in their “clicks” … I think insecure attractive females have a problem being around girls who challenge each others looks.
Men are just trying to piss on each other, and see who can do best. It’s a competition thing. And you’re going to run with fellas who can compete with you.
@thismayconcernyou,
I think that came across in a confusing manner. In huge packs (like 15 deep)? No.
Four or five? I took off work on Friday to watch NCAA basketball at a bar with about 10 to 15 guys, of which, half of them likely would be attractive by most black women’s standards. …
@thismayconcernyou,
“by most black women’s standards. …”
5 attractive guys hanging out together? This is an aberration from the norm. Also, I think a lot of men just use “He’s tall and well-built and doesn’t resemble a mud duck…chicks’ll dig him”. Women will be looking at all sorts of stuff on top of that before we say dude is actually attractive. A lot of guys don’t realize how much more likely a woman is to give her number to an “aight” guy and thusly overestimate their relative attractiveness.
*Some of those words are probably made up, but yall know what I meant.
@me fail english
Women will be looking at all sorts of stuff on top of that before we say dude is actually attractive. A lot of guys don’t realize how much more likely a woman is to give her number to an “aight” guy and thusly overestimate their relative attractiveness.
thing is, if “attractive” is basically the state of being able to attract someone to you, since the ‘aight” guy was able to accomplish that, doesn’t this make him, for all “intensive purposes” attractive?
also, if the “attractive” guy isn’t actually able to attract or bag any women, can you really call him attractive?
if a black champ bags a hoodrat in the woods, would her cricket make a sound?
@The Champ,
heh @ the “intensive purposes”. I try to be pretty thorough with my purposes.
I was thinking attractive as in good-looking (as opposed to plain joe, unoffensive looking), but what you’re saying makes sense.
As for that last piece of bastardized, neo-zen, Confucianism, the answer is: only on Tuesdays.
@The Champ and Me fail English,
“if a black champ bags a hoodrat in the woods, would her cricket make a sound?”
*crickets*
I’m dying over here.
Seriously, saying attractive men don’t hang out together is like saying all blondes are dumb or all men who cross their legs are homosexual (Letter No. 9 on my blog).
They are all just bad stereotypes and assumptions.
@Voiceofreason,
1. True
2. True
3. True
4. True
I’ve never seen a group of attractive men in person (I may faint) but I have seen them in pictures.. it’s like someone just posed them together (and kicked the uglies to the side of the room)
@Nicki Sunshine,
I’ve never seen a group of attractive men in person (I may faint) but I have seen them in pictures.. it’s like someone just posed them together (and kicked the uglies to the side of the room)
lol, this cracks me up for some reason. i think i need a waffle
@The Champ, Break bread on that waffle please? I am hungry
@Voiceofreason,
#3 is soooooooo right, Jerome in the MCM windsuit, fanny pack, and tube socks, and slick bottoms, always seems to holla first and is hella persistent, I never thought about the fact that it was strategy, very good analysis
@Voiceofreason,
1. Errr, I’ve seen evidence of the contrary.
2. Yes they do for the women they want.
3. I need to pay more attention.
4. Find a better tactic to get out of it.
Then again attractiveness is such a subjective thing…
@Ms. Sula,
2. Yes they do for the women they want.
Very true. Men in general all play their position well when they like a chick. Regardless of how pretty. And just like with men, the women who are more aggressive than their peers tend to have to do that because they’re less desirable (and I don’t just means in terms of physicality).
Wuz good with VSB not posting my other comment on this post tho? Yall no play fair?
@Me fail english?,
Aggressiveness is subjective…at least I hope. I moved from Jersey to South Carolina and everyone here tells me Im far too aggressive at EVERYTHING. Back home I was the nice one! I cannot be the demure southern bell( I tried and it makes my teeth ache). So am I doomed to be the old lady with cats that wont let little kids get their balls out of my yard?
@SxyScientst,
I dunno about transplants and what gets lost in translation. In terms of courting, women who are the aggressors (in my experience) are of the “easier” variety.
I actually have a group of male friends that are fairly nice looking. They also promote clubs so they always get a booth and a buncha bottles and lots of women approach them too. Some pretty, some not, but they all come off sorta like that chick in the club. A maneater of sorts. And I’ve noticed that my dudes never bother putting in work towards these girls. So maybe its my obnoxious guy friends and the girls arent really that desperate, but I get the impression these chicks are easily had.
@Me fail english?,
We have all seen THAT chick in the club! They usually are the groupie type , she beasts , or an unfortunate mixture of the two. I guess between not being a native mixed with a decade of all girls schools I just can’t get right. When u go to all girls school if you don’t ask a guy to a party or dance you just ended up by yourself. Perhaps that comes off as aggression in grown up land. I have noticed that men seem to think the booty is up for grabs just cause I spoke to them first! In the future I’ll just be a wall flower…
@SxyScientist,
Now I wouldn’t say you should be a wallflower. My theory on what men like is “Who really gives an eff?”
Its like in OPIM class, they teach you to never raise compensation above what it takes to hire and retain the top people in the field.
I think my friends can treat women that approach a certain way because even by time the first date rolls around, these chicks are still in “capture mode”. If they can turn it off I’m sure that a good portion of these dudes would put on their ack-rite
@SxyScientist,
There has to be a middle road between “aggressor” aka that chick and wallflower, no?
@SxyScientst,
So am I doomed to be the old lady with cats that wont let little kids get their balls out of my yard?
yup. sorry and sh*t
seriously though, an “aggressive” chick is seen with the same lenses as a reticent man. its typically not a trait most people would associate with each gender, and they usually have to change their demeanor if they want to get serious rhythm from the opposite sex
@The Champ,
Or she can get birds.
@The Champ,
Seriously, my single gender education is what did it. I lived in a land without men for a decade. If any of us wanted any kind of male interaction we either had to wait for a mixer with the nearest all boys boarding school or go out and hunt. This mentality is hard to shake.
If in middle and highschool it was ok to approach guys because they were too scared to talk to you wasn’t bad why is it now? If you’re interested and I know you are am I wrong for going after the mercedes I want? I don’t have time to be test driving the hatchbacks and 4 cylinders of the world. I effin quit!
@SxyScientist,
Seriously, my single gender education is what did it
This might be a debate of nurture over nature, but I went to all girls’ schools from kindergarten to Senior year in high school… All my education prior to College was done at those establishments. With a good 4 years in boarding school. And I’ll be damned if I approach a dude and ask him out… If anything, it has even made me more staunchly opposed to the idea that I should “chase” a man…
So yup, it might come down to a debate about how our environment affects our god-given characteristics.
@Ms. Sula,
As for # 1, I’m picky. I don’t see too many men that I’m attracted to.
And #4. I have no problem getting out of the convo, but those types like to follow you. Lol.
@Voiceofreason,
funny
Ugly women begat ugly women. I’ve seen an increasing number of Big Girl Brigade pictures where 3 in a crew are a total combined weight of 1500…the pretty girl with them knows her stock just rose exponentially. Oh and the crew of fly chicks…they always have the one ugmo whose feet get tired quickly, stomach is unusually empty or who gets tired right aroudn 11:30 pm.
@CPT Callamity,
NOT Big Girl Brigade! LOL! Don’t sleep on big girls. They get a lot of love and a lot of times it’s genuine.
@Voiceofreason,
Word. I have a certain crew of chicks that I used to hang out with circa summer ’07. And there was this one chick who always got MAD attn from guys. She wasn’t the best looking in the group, nor was she the worst looking. But she consistently pulled fly ass dudes and she was obese. The big ladies are not without their suitors.
@Me fail english?,
I won’t argue with you about that. I was just viewing some pictures that prompted me to respond. Big gals aren’t at a loss for men, just like chicks like the Ruben Studdards it seems.
@CPT Callamity,
LOL. What kinds of pictures would these be? Feel free not to answer that.
@Me fail english?,
Facebook “party” pictures. Clique pictures tell me a lot.
Man everybody has diff types..beauty is in the eye of the beholder too…
*sidenote* I”ve actually had weak brawds not want to include moi for fear of stealing all the shine and admitted that shat to a mutual friend SMH….I thought what a lame ass brawd!!!!
Its equally lame to befreind folks you feel are beneath you asthetically on purpose SMH…….my M.O. is be a star, an Orange one @ that, amongst stars!!!!! shine on regardless of the next person…..
@OrangeStar616,
Yeah they were def. weak broads.
Everyone I roll with is pretty, smart and fabulous. I feel so blessed to have the friends that I do!
@V Renee,
I’m weary of the word “fabulous.”
@CPT Callamity
WWWWWWHHHHHYYYYYYYYY????????? What has fabulous ever done to you?
Take it back.
@V Renee,
The context of which it is used. Fabulous has never done anything for me but reminds me of the sound effects used on the old “Richard Bey Show.”
@CPT Callamity, haaaaaaaaaaa, i remember those sound effects, that show was a hot mess!
@CPT Callamity,
I hated that freaking show. The “SHUT UP!” button they’d press ad nauseam. The big boob midgets. The way the whole audience would stand up and do the “Hip Hop Hooray” every effin day. Now Charles Perez was a respectable journalist.
@CPT Callamity,
I’m weary of the word “fabulous.”
me too. it reeks of carrie bradshaw and berry martinis
@The Champ,
LMAO!
@The Champ
You’re right. And that’s exactly why I use/love it.
Honestly I stopped using it as much because it was being overused. But sometimes another word won’t suffice.
Voice of Reason I agree with you 100% on all your points and LMAO “at the speed of light” ……I have never seen a group of dudes that roll together that I personally found ALL desireable of course we are speaking on physical standpoints only ..this whole thread is pretty much about asthetics…much more to any situation that what it looks like!
@OrangeStar616,
are you new and sh*t? if so, welcome. if not, well, welcome again
True story…..it would make a woman less attactive to find out shes the (bust down) *AHEM* *COUGH* least attractive of her friends. However…you cant date them all at the same time anyway… When she was by herself you thought she was sexy. So it seems to me she would be sexy on solo dates as well.
Besides that, I wouldnt have deleted her # theirs nothing wrong with having many horses in the stable (cause its not like your gonna enter them all in the Tripple Crown anyway). Women get their own status as things move forward. Some get status upgrades and some the reverse. So you could start off as what I like to call the “finding my forever woman” and get downgraded to a “jump off” or the same in reverse.
People gotta stay flexable…lol
@ESQuared,
True story…..it would make a woman less attactive to find out shes the (bust down) *AHEM* *COUGH* least attractive of her friends.
in your opinion, does the opposite hold true. is a woman more attractive if shes the pick of the respective litter?
I think this happens more for men than women. If you see a group of good looking men together they are probably gay. Cute men dont really travel together like that. Most of the time you have one or two cuties in a crew and the less attractive ones are using that cute dudes hustle & flow to get their leftovers.
I think I am getting older & wiser (36 LOL) because I am definitely kicking tires & looking under the hood (that sounded freaky LOL…and I like it!) before I commit to anything these days. I think it’s about knowing you have options and not being so quick to jump at the first thing you see. I know what it is that I want and if I meet someone and they arent it….they arent it. I refuse to burn any more life years having regret for having chosen wrong so I move very carefully.
@Yaa,
I refuse to burn any more life years having regret for having chosen wrong so I move very carefully
lol, so basically you’d rather burn those years with your cats?
@The Champ, Now that was totally uncalled for!!! My cats never bothered anybody lol.
Yaa LOL didn’t want to say it but those were my exact thoughts @ group of gogeous men yeah jive suspect LOL…… just not something you see on the norm LOL
and ITA on pretty much all the rest too….
There will always be someone more fly than you mate, always. Beauty is something you have to take out of context, Champ, kind of like folks so with lines in your posts, lol. Because how often does the grass is greener sh*t on you, the grass sometimes is greener bc it rains often and it is full of sh*t and fertilizer…. love the post Champie.
@Naturally Alise,
the grass sometimes is greener bc it rains often and it is full of sh*t and fertilizer….
LOL. I forgot what we were talking about for a second. My neighbor literally has greener, lusher grass and I just visualized it raining and shit-steaming while I play in the sun on my yellow-green lawn.
You can opt for the upgrade by placing yourself into the friend zone. This is a risky play, as the chances are you will come out with nothing. It can be pulled off though-personally, I have sowed two seeds in hopes of reaping the rewards of fruition from this venture.
As far as attractive guys in packs: maybe a pack of 4. Anything else is a sausage fest. Usually out of that small group, it has to be guys who can compete also. Guys who are going to challenge you and make you challenge yourself to get the baddest in the bar/club/lounge.
In regard to big girls getting attention: stop it. From what I’ve heard, big girls will do some of the most freakishly nasty stuff on the planet—so any attention the guy provides them with is usually done with the thought of recreating a scene from “Phatty Girl 5″.
Usually, you would keep the less attractive person around in hopes of finding better prospects.
@BlkBond,
“You can opt for the upgrade by placing yourself into the friend zone. This is a risky play, as the chances are you will come out with nothing. It can be pulled off though-personally, I have sowed two seeds in hopes of reaping the rewards of fruition from this venture.”
See, that’s why I’m a firm believer that men and women can’t be friends. I argue with people about it all the time. Men don’t really wanna be yo “friend”! Are you serious? My friends that have close guy friends always talkin bout, “That’s my boy. We like brother and sister.” Yeah right. YOU may feel that way, but he just waitin for that @-ss to come around…..literally.
I know….whole nother post. My bad. Carry on.
@nia,
a guy and girl can be friends. My post was in reference to today’s blog about someone you meet who has friends that are seemingly more attractive. I presented an option: become their friend, and pursue their friend(s) who you find more attractive.
I’ve got females I’m just cool with…but if I meet one of their other friends….fair game.
@BlkBond,
Ohhh ok. I misunderstood. So you’re saying use the girl who you think is uglier and let her think yall friends so you can get at her cuter friend.
Gotcha.
@nia,
you’re taking this way to personal. Yes, you will be using her; but she will be using you–as a friend. The fact that you use her does not negate the friendship. For example: if you invite a friend out for a party, you do so because YOU want the companionship. The friend may also have a good time, meet people, etc. but the purpose of the friend accompanying you is because you do not want to attend this function alone or you want to attend specifically with them. That does not eliminate the fact that your friend may or may not have a good time.
@BlkBond,
Ehhh…if you’re using a friend for friendship, that’s a friend. If you’re using a friend for something else, well that’s something else.
@BlkBond,
Man please. What YOU smokin? You sayin she should just be happy to get a “friend” out of the situation even though her original intent was to get witchu? What if she don’t want no more friends?? She didn’t ask to be your “friend”. And to add insult to injury, you gon try to holla at her girl? What kinda females is fallin for this okey doke? Again…man please.
And I aint takin it personal. It’s all love. Shoooot, Im’a 10!
(please refer to The Mirror – Part I)
@BlkBond,
But if the less hot friend was interested enough to give you the #, does she really go for that friend zone biz. I’d imagine a woman who’s been friend zoned by a man she anticipated dating would get kinda bitter and not talk to him at all.
@Me fail english?,
Yes, you simply must convince her. You would use the same effort that you would to date her, except instead of emphasizing the connection you have with her romantically, you can emphasize how ‘cool’ she is. Sometimes there is bitterness, if you friend-zone them too fast. You may need a diversion-good ol’ bait and switch. Bait her with one of your attractive friends. She will flirt with him because he is attractive, and because she thinks it will make you jealous–thus, enticing you to step up. You let nature take it’s course: your friend will move on her. After he moves, he will tell you. She will likely think it may upset you, so she may not be forthcoming. When you do speak with her about it, it will seem awkward (to her) then, voila! You have been friend-zoned with the prospect of better territory. This is a tricky scenario, because you are hedging your bet on possibilities with her friends, rather than certainty with her. It can and has been done.
Bond. BlkBond.
@BlkBond,
Down right Machiavellian. lol
@Me fail english?,
explain how you use a friend for friendship? Then clarify how this is different from using a friend for ‘something else’.
@ Nia: your emotions seem to cloud your logic. I didn’t say she should be happy with being friends. Unless of course she is happy with being friends. If she was not, we would simply cease contact- I will take my L for being too ambitious.
She didn’t have to ‘ask’ to be my friend; the same way people don’t ‘ask’ to be jumpoffs: it happens.
There is no injury or insult if said female is currently occupied with another guy, i.e. the attractive friend I sent her way. Simply a trade off. Everybody wins.
Bond. BlkBond.
@BlkBond,
“your emotions seem to cloud your logic.”
And your XY chromosome seems to cloud your good sense.
@BlkBond,
friendship=good company
something else= anything that is the joy of keeping her company for keeping her company’s sake.
No need for semantics. You know if you can’t list any of her own, personal qualities (like her personality) as the reason she made a good friend, she is not your friend. I mean, to that end, is your post man your friend just cause he provides mail and you said hi? Is the head fry cook at McDonald’s a friend cause he makes tasty treats and you nodded toward him.
Your turn now. Define “friend” and how the term differs from “anyone that I know that I stand to gain something from”.
@Me fail english?,
wouldn’t know, I don’t eat McDonald’s.
Friend = someone you share a common bond & interests with; whom you support & supports you.
I did not simply dismiss the perpetual female’s friendship as some anonymous woman I want to use simply to get at her friends. The relationship with your postman is built on courtesy/business. Whether you speak or not he still has to perform his duty. But if you do speak, maybe it makes his job easier, maybe it helps your mail get there a little faster on days when you expect something. When I lived in Gaithersburg my postman was Black. There were not many Black people in my complex, so we spoke more often and longer than usual. I informed him of days when I expected packages (to receive them earlier) and he asked me to purchase a raffle ticket (I did). With the logic you and Nia have, I guess I was ‘using’ him also eh? All I’m saying is that if she wants more (dating) and I don’t (because I want her friend, or because it’s Tuesday) we do not have to abandon our relationship because we are not getting everything we want. If I’m friends with woman, it’s usually more than looks–I would think this goes without saying. In this case, however, we simply downgrade our status. For example: I drink. I have friends who do not. I will not discard their friendship simply because they do not indulge in the same activities as I do. However, it can be noted that because of their preference, we do not hang out as much as I do with my other friends who drink. The motive is not the sole reason for the result. The result has no bearing on the relationship. If we are friends, we are friends.
@Nia: My sense is fine. Good, is relative. If I trade in a woman who looks like regina king for her friend who looks like emanuela de paula, I’m doing good. This may not be a ‘nice’ thing, but again, that’s subjective.
Be explicit and tell me what the problem is with the solution I have given.
Bond. BlkBond.
@BlkBond,
I actually agree with this. If u like hanging out with someone, but don’t get what you want from them… after all the hurt feelings and bitterness have played out you can still be cool. As a matter of fact… actual friends. You know each other, have hung out and connected on a certain level. Everything that needs to be there to make it a total love connection may not be there at the time…but making a new friend is cool. It may be a little shallow of you to dump her (your friend) because her friend looks better to you… but if that’s what happened it wasn’t meant to be anyway…
@nia,
I think one of the first VSB entries I read about a year ago was on this subject.
in the club? h3ll yeah, i’ve holla’d at some random chick only to find out she has better looking friends. any chick you’re not really interested in wifin’ is kept on the side until you find that upgrade.
in real life, once you sober up, you gotta live by the 80/20 rule.
all of this relates perfectly to our economic crisis/and how our economy works:
looks (paper money) isn’t real. it fades (loses value). the dating market is already flooded (money supply flooded… causing inflation) with lots of attractive females which will always drive the “value” of what you have down. solution? look for things other than looks (paper money)… you need tangible assets (gold, platinum, real estate) such as character, support, loyalty, drive, that are actually worth something.
*back to listening to “fancy” off of love vs. money*
@SouthernCharm,
Nice analogy. I’m bangin’ the hell out of #12, “Mr. Yeah”. I actually like the first album better…purple kisses used to be the soundtrack to some long slow sessions…
@BlkBond,
i need a few more listens before i can compare both albums, but this one is nice for real.
same here for that purple kisses joint
Not to cut and paste too much out of the player’s handbook, but more often than not you can sleep with a chick’s bestfriend/roommate/sister/cousin/play cousin/mama/aunty.
You do have to beast the hell out of pawn girl and really pour on the charm with her friends, but i’ve done plenty of “we shouldn’t be doing this” games with best friends and co-workers.
Just remember the 15 minute rule, and you can knock off most of the posse.
@WestIndianArchie,
Pardon my naiveté- 15 minute rule?
@Lili,
Her “interest” peaks 15 minutes after your does. Just cause you ready to go, doesn’t mean she is ready right then.
@WestIndianArchie,
Man, that is so true. I remember RIGHT before I left home to start school I was riding with an older cousin, and he was so serious. He turned to me and said: “Look out for guy friends. I got a looooot of girls by playing that guy friend they thought was a nice dude who wouldn’t make a move. Guys are just waiting for the opportunity.”
I thought I knew it all…I was like “yea, sure, whatever. I know my boys…they wouldn’t try that.”
Low and behold one cat I’d known since kindergarten made his first move our first yr of college! lol Hell…I have another friend from grade school who has been propositioning me for the last few yrs. He!!, my ex was a guy I was friends with like 3 yrs b4 we started…
I guess I should listen to my cousin more often…
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Sometimes the comments are better than the article and sh*t, I’m just sayin.
I’m relatively young and am moderately attractive (by my own estimation
)
I think men pick women based on how their boys will view their woman. I want the smart and attractive girl (with large….glasses).
As for the big girls, having had a few run-ins myself…whomever said they get down…..yes sir they do. *flashback and sh*t*
the grass is not greener on the other side….the grass is greener wherever you water it.
@shatani,
and im so feelin that…there are things more important than finding the hottest person you can possibly find
although this is completely beside the point, i agree and sh*t
@Voiceofreason,
Right.
@Voiceofreason,
Is it really that hard to find?
@Ms. Sula,
It may not be THAT hard, but who’s to say a man with all those traits is going to be the right match. A woman could miss out on a lot of wonderful men when you throw in the advanced degree and married parents requirement. The degree means she wants an intelligent man who is or will be successful, but do you really need an advanced degree for that? And wanting a man from a non-divorced household means she wants someone who wants to get married, stay married, can work productively in a relationship, and has strong family values. I can attest that your parents don’t need to be married to meet those requirements. I think if she focuses on the intent behind her requirements she’ll have an easier time finding her mate.
@Voiceofreason,
I understand what you’re saying… but like my dad used to say: ” Having good grades does not mean you’re intelligent, but the only to prove that you are is by having good grades”… So I kinda see where she’s coming from as well.
Plus those are her requirements… so I’m guessing she’s thought about it.
CORRECTION:
“On the other hand, some guys I know with parents who never divorced see marriage as…”