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but when he gets on, he’ll leave your ass for a white girl…or not

tayediggs: n {taydigz} swahili for “black female boogeyman”

yesterday afternoon, the reggie bush essence magazine cover controversy — black women upset that essence would feature a man who’s dating a non-black woman on its cover, even though every other 4th string NFL running back has a more legitimate beef with essence (“if his no burn getting ass is getting magazine cover love, why can’t i???“) — sparked a gmail convo with a friend from college and i.

the friend thought that this was just another example of how often high-profile african-american men choose to be with non-black women (nttawwt).  (half)jokingly she remarked “i won’t say that half of ya’ll run out and get white chicks, but at least 49 percent of ya’ll do

when i replied that her perception was way off, she cited the study that was bouncing around the web last year about black men being almost three times more likely to marry outside of their race than black women as proof.

i then showed her the actual numbers from that study (3.7% of married black american women and 8.4% of married black american men had a non-Black spouse), proof that while it’s technically true that african-american men are more likely to marry outside of their race than african-american women, the difference between 91.6% and 96.3% is hardly worthy of any “all ya’ll n*ggas is playing in the snow” hysteria.

she replied (paraphrasing) “for real, i dont care about no damn study. all i know is that whenever i open up a magazine or watch a show about some famous black guy, at least half of the time he has a white girlfriend or a white wife and a bunch of little curly-haired kids. my eyes don’t lie to me”

i saw this discussion was going in circles, so i quickly changed the subject to jill scott (this always works).

still, she did have a point. if you just went by the impression pop culture and the media gave us, it would seem like high-profile african-american men have a tendency to sprint to the first non-black woman they could find as soon as their number hit. even militant-ass van jones and craig robinson (michelle obama’s brother) have white wives. this sh*t seems to be ubiquitous.

just to see how her perception truly jived with reality, i did an impromptu study of my own last night, looking at the black men currently on top of the pop culture food chain and who they’re in relationships with:

barack obama-black wife

will smith-black wife

jay-z-black wife

lebron james-black, ummm, long-term concubine, which is as good as a wife in akron, ohio.

hmmm.

i then thought of a few more uber-popular african-american men across various genres.

muhammad ali-approximately 17,000 different black wives

michael jordan-married a black woman while he was at the height of his popularity, even though said black woman was known nba groupie (which kind of throws salt on sister t’s theory).

jim brown-multiple black punching bags, errr, wives

jesse jackson-black wife

bob johnson-black wife

r-kelly-underaged black wife

oedipus rexusher-black wife

*in fact, i can’t think of ONE black male r&b or rap superstar that’s married to a non-black woman. not one. a free vsb t-shirt to the first person who can*

eddie murphy-black wives and biracial men

mike tyson-crazy black wife

chris rock-black wife

sam jackson-black wife

magic johnson-banging black wife that nobody in their right mind would ever sleep with

shaq: black wife, supahead, and numerous unnamed supahead doppelgangers

interesting.

then, just for sh*ts and giggles, since black professional athletes are thought to be the ones most enthralled with non-black booty, and since the nba houses the most recognizable and highest-paid black athletes in all of sports, i looked at the entire roster of the 2009 nba all-star game.

out of the 22 black american players in that game, i could only name two who definitely didn’t have a black girlfriend/wife, and one doesn’t count because he’s Jesus (ray allen) and the other doesn’t count because he’s a bitch (kobe bryant)

although i realize that my half-assed study was far from infallible (i think the term “statistical noise” was invented for sh*t like this), you can’t deny that it punches a couple holes in the weak “he’ll leave your ass for a white girl once he makes it” argument. the stats and the naked eye show that the vast majority of us still prefer to date and marry black women, regardless if we’re at the top or the bottom of the food chain.

the mythical successful black male exodus from black women is just that…a myth, a scary campfire story/lullaby told by those who want black women to think that we don’t believe that they’re the bangingest women on the planet, and believed by those needing a reliable crutch to explain their own dating difficulty. reggie bush just happens to be their most recent boogeyman.

i thought about logging back on to gmail that night to tell my homegirl about what i found, but i eventually decided against it. she probably didn’t want to hear what i had to say anyway. it was late, and i’m sure her usual lullaby helps her sleep.

—the champ

Filed Under:
Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • Bourgie Bama

    I LOVE this post!!!! Simple as that!!!!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Bourgie Bama,

      ummm, thanks.

      welcome and sh*t, btw.

      • xave

        @The Champ, Great post!! My dad use to always tell me perception is way more dangerous than truth.
        I just think black men have unfairly been the whipping boy for the relationship woes of black women. I am mad about it actually. Whenever something goes wrong in the black community admonish black men; however, we never get to bask in our glory. Let’s just agree that finding a suitable mate is hard enough, now you have to relegate yourself to one ethnic or cultural background.

        • Half-Breed

          @xave, “Let’s just agree that finding a suitable mate is hard enough, now you have to relegate yourself to one ethnic or cultural background.” – HEAR HEAR!

          Being bi-racial and multi-cultural; I feel torn on this issue. If there are black men out there that still have some old slave mentality that they have won this forbidden “prize” by being with/marrying a white woman then he has issues to work out with his therapist. Otherwise I am perplexed when black men and women (okay – its mostly the women) have issues with interracial relationships. Isn’t this Dr. King’s dream? You should find someone that makes you happy and accepts you for you – the skin color shouldn’t matter. And so many black women are always complaining about trifling black men and blah blah blah that I wonder why they don’t try some latino flavor or a little vanilla. I dated black men but also made the decision to step outside the box and diversify. I seriously swore I was going to end up with a blue-eyed blondie – I couldn’t cook for sh*t and can barely rock to a beat – so c’mon. Fast forward > who am I married to? A Thai with a little bit of hood in him! lol! So off from what I thought! But I was open to finding love in whatever package it came in.

          • TH

            That may have been Dr. King’s dream but it’s not many people’s. The truth of the matter is that you should NEVER compromise your needs in a mate. Maybe for your first home. Maybe for your first job out of college. BUT NOT for a partner. I need someone that will support me and know what I go through every day and that’s just not going to be a non-Black man. Big ups to other people doing what they want but I’m really tired of people telling black women whom they should be dating-no one is telling Indian, Jewish, or WHITE women THEY need to start marrying outside of their respective cultures-people need to stop telling black women they need to just take what’s out there instead of what they may want.

          • SmartCutie

            No, it was not MLK’s dream. People always want to twist one part of his speech to mean that he was advocating interracial relationships. He was advocating for equality. There’s a difference.

        • JessicaL

          You mean because black women haven’t been admonished enough? I don’t think it’s a specific gender that gets called to blame the most, I think it’s us as a community. Black women get blamed because of the perpetuated myth that we’re angry, bitter, jealous and spiteful. While black men are blamed for being lazy, no good, cheaters and dates out of our race. I wish we as people would stop looking at the media for what our relationships are/should be and look at ourselves.

          • TH

            I agree. When I read the comments on blogs/YouTube, men are complaining about all black women wanting to date thugs (I had no idea about this phenomenon). When you read about the media-created “black marriage crisis” (their term), the common complaint is that black women’s standards are TOO HIGH because we all want a Jr. Barack Obama. Either way the answer is [often] “black women are the problem”. I’m tired of it.

  • Stan Visitor

    what genre is ice cube? seal?

    • The One & True GEM… of the Ocean

      @Stan Visitor,

      seal! good one!!

      cant get much whiter or blonder than heidi klum — she’s german for cryin out loud!

      • RedBeanzNRice on a Diet

        @The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,

        Uh yeah, but Champale said SUPER STARS, not former one hit wonders.

        • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Thuggie Luvvie

          @RedBeanzNRice on a Diet,

          *dead*

        • Gem of the Ocean

          @RedBeanzNRice on a Diet,

          ouch. LOL

      • http://jackgetsapack.blogspot.com/ Jackie

        @The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,

        but Heidi gets GANGSTA son!

    • RedBeanzNRice on a Diet

      @Stan Visitor,

      Maybe I have glaucoma, but I thought Ice Cube’s wife was a sista. Perhaps you mean Ice T.

    • Just X

      @Stan Visitor, Does’nt ICE CUBE have a black wife?

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Stan Visitor,

      ice cube’s wife is a sista, and seal is a british born rock star (ie: he doesnt count).

      welcome and sh*t, btw

      • Lanieanna

        @The Champ,

        I agree…Seal doesn’t count! Besides… I think Heidi Klum gets a few points for being one of the coolest white chikks ever. She’s German, and evvvvvvvvvvverybody knows German girls tend to be aroused by the ethnics!!!! ……Oh, and for those who didn’t know.. She was the one who persued him. I read an interview she did, and I remember her telling the journalist that the first time she saw him, he was in a pair of speedos, and she saw what looked like an anaconda in his shorts…. and she thought to herself “I have to have that man!”

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          @Lanieanna, “my anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns hun…*whip sound*”

          18,432nd greatest lyric ever

          • http://jackgetsapack.blogspot.com/ Jackie

            @Panama Jackson,

            Heidi has what my friend calls a “skinny girl phatty”

            AND she is ONE COOL white chick!

    • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

      @Stan Visitor,

      Now, I’m prone to give the side-eye when a successful brotha flocks the the 2520 chick, but I think Seal and Heidi Klum are so cute together! Something about them just works. I mean, I know that something has something to do with Seal’s super-sperm, but they just fit, IMO. And yes, I somehow managed to use the word “cute” and “Seal” in the same sentence. Forgive me.

      • legitimate_soul

        @Cheekie,

        I think Heidi and Seal are cute too and God Bless em’….cause none of my homegirls were checkin’ for Seal!

        Cube’s long term wife is black. Ice T’s first girl, Darlene (the one on the “Power” album that helped Ice sell albums and had brothers open), had black in her. New wife is white.

    • Carl

      @Stan Visitor, ICe Cube has a Black wife

    • IJstDntUnderstand

      @Stan Visitor, There genre would be…OLD..j/k.
      I was thinking the same thing and then I said to myself “self, would you wanna maryy ice cube, and my self said NO.: As for seal he seems truly happy and Heidi Klum seems like a nice woman so I can’t hate. It is what it is.

  • Stan Visitor

    oops… ice t

    • RedBeanzNRice on a Diet

      @Stan Visitor,

      Retracted.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Stan Visitor,

      i’m hesitate to call ice-t a superstar, because i doubt that you (or i) own or even know anybody that owns any ice-t records.

      sh*t, other than “colors” and “cop killer”, can anybody even name an ice-t song without google?

      • miss t-lee

        @The Champ,
        Um…New Jack Hustler?

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          @miss t-lee, that was a dope song. but it wasnt even the best song on that soundtrack…”i wanna sex you up”

          but i’m with you, while Ice-T might not be the greatest rapper ever, he’s had plenty of songs folks who dont think hip-hop starts and ends with Wu would know

          *lookingatyouchamp*

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            @Panama Jackson,

            you’re a die-hard rap fan so you dont count. i just dont believe that the average hip-hop fan between 25-40 came name more than 3 ice-t tracks off of the top of their heads

          • http://www.shay-d-lady.com shay-d-lady

            @The Champ, high rollers.. Im your pusha….
            LOL

      • Princess Jai

        @The Champ,

        Yeah 6 in the morning

        • RedBeanzNRice on a Diet

          @Princess Jai,

          True, but that was so wack I didn’t even bother to buy the vinyl OR the cassette. Just sayin. ;)

          • Lanieanna

            …..and I don’t think Co-Co can be counted as a YT girl either… I mean have you guys seen this chikk? The only thing YT about Co-Co is her complexion.. If I could go to bed at night, and wake up with a different body….. it would be hers. No homo, but she is fine….. I don’t think anyone can argue that.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            “No homo, but she is fine….. I don’t think anyone can argue that”

            i would. she’s not hot to me, at all

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

            @Lanieanna, yeah, i dont find her appealing at all.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @The Champ,

        lol, i didnt realize the remaining two members of the ice-t fan club were vsb-ers

      • http://strive2arrive.blogspot.com T.

        @The Champ,

        TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY!

        ****shake ‘em up, shake ‘em up, shake ‘em up, SHAKE ‘EM****

      • AnonyMiss

        @The Champ,

        Law & Order: SVU!

  • Anechoic

    Liz told me she’s willing to date whites so it ain’t just the bruthas steppin out. Just sayin…

    • http://lizburr.com Liz

      @Anechoic, LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. See. You ain’t even right!!!!!

      Besides, I am only doing my exodus because ya’ll BEEN gone!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Anechoic,

      liz just loves red herrings, thats all

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        @The Champ, and white guys.

  • AshleyG

    Hey Champ,

    Umm… Ice-T is married to CoCo. She’s white. And Kanye is trying to wife Amber… but most most important is Ice-T. He used to be a famous rapper AND he’s on law & order- my fav show. Can I get my shirt :-) ???

    • MoreAndAgain

      @AshleyG,

      I see your Ice T and raise you a James Brown. Can I get a free t-shirt too? Size smedium, please. :) LOL

      • Ashleyg

        @MoreAndAgain,

        LOL! touché!

      • Madame Zenobia

        @MoreAndAgain,
        Do Michael Jackson or Rick James count as R&B? If so, I see the Ice T & James Brown and double down w/MJ & RJ.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @MoreAndAgain,

        ummm…james brown is dead, lol. i mean, if we’re gonna start naming dead ninjas, why not just say othello or some sh*t?

        • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

          @The Champ,

          *dead& @ “othello”

    • Madame Zenobia

      @AshleyG,
      oooooohhhh – and Prince! He tends to like non-black women. I think Vanity (1/2 Canadian, 1/2 Black) was the last Black women he was linked to.

      • http://moreandagain.wordpress.com MoreAndAgain

        Dang, I fold! Unless I get points for bringing up the oldest crooner.lol.

      • Lanieanna

        @Madame Zenobia,

        They may be non-black women…. but I have never seen him with a YT woman… I heart Price!

      • Lanieanna

        I have never seen Prince with a YT woman. non-blk… yes, but YT… no! But his mamma is white, so he gets a pass

        • http://www.bohemianhouseproductions.net Butterscorch Baby

          @Lanieanna,

          Prince’s mother is not white or italian – she’s black. The movie took artistic freedom with that.
          http://prince.org/msg/7/135562

      • Sweet Magnolia Brown

        @Madame Zenobia, He dated Nona Gaye before that Maiyte (sp?) chick he married.

      • Vnss

        @Madame Zenobia, “Canadian” isn’t a race. Thanks.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @AshleyG,

      ***cutting and pasting reply from above***

      i’m hesitant to call ice-t a superstar, because i doubt that you (or i) own or even know anybody that owns any ice-t records.

      sh*t, other than “colors” and “cop killer”, can anybody even name an ice-t song without google?

      welcome and sh*t, btw

      • legitimate_soul

        @The Champ,

        I can name some Ice T songs, but I’m a hip hop head from California :)

        “I’m Your Pusher” -Ice T

    • AnonyMiss

      @AshleyG,

      Amber Rose isn’t white though. Well she’s half African. Cape Verdean.

  • Leila

    Great post Champ! Denzel Washington is another one I would add to the list:)

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Leila,

      lol, i thought i put him there. that was an oversight, as well as spike lee (another top of the pop culture food chain cat).

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        @The Champ, is spike lee really a top of the pop culture food chain cat? hell, the most relevant thing he’s done in years is call out Tyler Perry…and really it sounded more like hateration.

        not to besmirch his body of work, i’m a fan. just not sure i’d ever think of spike lee and pop culture in the same sentence since..hell the 90s.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Panama Jackson,

          i think he’s still there, at least in the black community. you ask anyone in the hood to name three black directors, and the answers are always gonna be spike lee, tyler perry, and justin slayer

  • The One & True GEM… of the Ocean

    lmao @ tayediggs: n {taydigz} swahili for “black female boogeyman” andummm, long-term concubine, which is as good as a wife in akron, ohio

    ha-frikkin-larious!!

    again, good post, champikins!!! but i guess i didnt realize there were so many sistas who were still on that argument about famous (or not) brothas going after snizzles. is there a large population of chicks like that still out there?? or is it about as prevalent as black men who marry 2520s?

    besides, unless you’re taye diggs el-dubbs (tiger) or any otha brotha who clearly has issues with dating black women, why does it matter if a brotha dates/marries a non-black woman? if dude happens to fall in love with some irish, italian or armenian babe, so what?

    im more inclined to hate on or turn my nose up at a marriage that is CLEARLY on some infidelity, abuse, [insert other foolishness here] than an interracial one. id be PISSED if cbreezy or the r-uh made it on an essence cover over damn reggie bush. he went to a whack predom 2520 high school (my hs’s rival grrrr) anyway. most brothas from socal tend to date non-sistas, that’s who they’re around more and tend to click with. big deal. theres more important ish to get my panties in a bunch over.

    • microman

      @The One & True GEM… of the Ocean, “again, good post, champikins!!! but i guess i didnt realize there were so many sistas who were still on that argument about famous (or not) brothas going after snizzles.”

      Just had this convo last night with a friend, along with “name me 5 good black men” and “I know many good black women that cannot find a black man”.

      It get tiring after a while…………………..

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @microman,

        It get tiring after a while…………………..

        it does get tired hearing that you’re not attracted to black women, especially when at least half of the space on your pc is taken up by files from black p*rn.

        its so hard being a man sometimes

        • bittersweet’s baby

          @The Champ,

          ;)

        • microman

          @The Champ,
          Yeah.

          I am sending her here especially to read the “true” statistics. She is a numbers person so I wonder if the loss of only a few % points of us black men to the other side will change her tune any.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,

      but i guess i didnt realize there were so many sistas who were still on that argument about famous (or not) brothas going after snizzles. is there a large population of chicks like that still out there?

      i dont know if there’s alot of them, but i do know that they make alot of noise

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @The One & True GEM… of the Ocean, what does get your panties in a bunch then? if not this…THEN WHAT?!@?!?!?!?!?!

      this is the MOST important issue in the Black community now that ni**as buried the n-word.

      • The One & True GEM… of the Ocean

        @Panama Jackson,

        the bunching of my panties are none of your concern, sir!

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,

          the bunching of my panties are none of your concern, sir!

          thats not what you said last night

    • Sula

      @The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,

      but i guess i didnt realize there were so many sistas who were still on that argument about famous (or not) brothas going after

      You and me both!! That there was even an outrage over a talented and successful young black man because he’s banging a groupie? Do we not have other things to pour our valuable energy into?

      I on’t know, I’se tired. :)

      • The One & True GEM… of the Ocean

        @Sula,

        right. im not checkin for these 2520-loving “superstars” no way so im not concern if they’re NOT checkin for me either. heaven only knows what kinda crazy infections they got. no thanks.

  • malael

    add tim duncan to the list from last years all star game. still….good post and way to destroy the myth a little.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @malael,

      i didnt count him because he was born in the virgin islands.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        @The Champ, that’s still America bub.

        it’s the US Virgin Islands. If we have to claim DC then we have to claim the Virgin Islands.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Panama Jackson,

          i know its the US, but i still aint claiming that sh*t.

  • AshleyG

    aww why is MY comment still in moderation? :-( I won my shirt fair and square!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @AshleyG,

      your comment (literally) needed more people

  • Popular Demand

    ooh I want that shirt!

    quick, let me think…

    umm, ok they’re not married but Mario’s dating some non-black female from that group Rich Girl…

    doesn’t count?

    ok ok…um Ne-yo and his chick (I think) !…but they’re only dating also…

    alright, Ice-T and Coco! They have to count!

    • Popular Demand

      @Popular Demand,

      *refreshes page*

      well…wasn’t as early as I thought. guess no shirt for me :(

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Popular Demand,

      yeah, i’m sorry. not only was your quickdraw kind of slow, you ended up shooting blanks, lol.

      welcome and sh*t, btw

    • bittersweet’s baby

      @Popular Demand,

      Ne-Yo? His dude is a darkie?

      • miss t-lee

        @bittersweet’s baby,

        Bwahahah

      • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

        @bittersweet’s baby,

        *highfive* AND *dap*