Hi. My name is Panama Jackson. I’m a 3. Even on roller skates.
But I’m not delusional. There are a lot of delusional people out there.
And yes, this entire entry might constitute shots fired.
As the more a**holish of the two of us here at VSB, I feel it is my duty to please that booty keep it fern gully. I can’t tell you how many emails we’ve received, IMs we’ve been privy to, and phone calls/texts that have come our way from mostly women about why they can’t find a man. Everybody runs the same line about how great they are as a person and their resume blah blah blah…and nobody gives a flying frog f*ck. Well, other women might care because somehow women attribute the resume to how hot another woman is when the truth is, you can be the valedictorian of Harvard, future Rhodes Scholar, Phi Beta Kappa Poet Laureate of the Southside of North Compton and simultaneously gully enough to break up a 70-person brawl at the L’Enfant Plaza Metro Station in Washington, DC, but if you aren’t hot, none of it matters.
I read on Twitter earlier today (forgive me forgetting who said it) where somebody’s daughter told her that the opposite of “pretty” was “alone.”
Got damn that’s poignant even if its not true at all.
Anyway, as a paragon of Bustedaciousness myself, it wouldn’t be right of me to tell anybody that they’re hot or not. Heavens no. I will, however, let you know some ways that you can tell if you are busted or not. And yes, I will be including ways men can know too, though we all know that’s fluke since even the ugliest dude can pull a hot chick by making her laugh even with 4 kids by 5 different women, 37 gold teeth, 3 pinky rings, and a partridge in a pear tree.
So, you might not be hot if…
…you’ve ever asked a DJ to play a song and he straight up told you “no”. Do you realize how unhot you have to be to get denied by a DJ you can actually access to request a song by? Especially in today’s technology driven age. He doesn’t have to dig thru crates for a record. Nope, he has it on his 500-gig hard drive full of music that can be called up instantaneously via Serato…and he said no. Consult your mirror posthaste.
…you’ve never had a guy OFFER to buy you a drink. Notice I didn’t say that you took a free drink. Men are dumb. We offer to pay for the opportunity to have the possibility of nudity. Well, the lames of us anyway. I’ve seen ugly chicks who looked like they should be “fly” get free drinks. I’ve seen pleasantly plump, chins a plenty women get free drinks offered. Nobody’s ugly at 2am. Grenade.
…nobody’s EVER whistled at you on the street and you live anywhere near the Black part of town (and you have walkable streets). While I’m aware that women hate it when guys whistle at them, deep down inside, it has to be a slight self-esteem boost. I’d also guess that most women wouldn’t mind if the guys didn’t look like they’d just killed people and then ate some biscuits. Point is, even women with one attractive quality get attention, even of the negative kind.
…(if you’re a guy) you’re a 30 year old virgin. Unless religion is your oyster and cape, if you couldn’t get any stank at ALL from ages 16 forward then buddy boy, you just might be busted. I know this cat in DC. Ugly.as.the.f*ck. He has 8 kids. He is 19. I am not lying. He brags on how many kids he has. To other women. Which means that women still bone this dude DESPITE this fact. Just thought you should know.’
…every guy is intimidated by your success. Forget that you’re an arsehole. A banging enough woman will make a man face his own insecurities…at least for a while.
…every girl is trippin. No, they’re not. You’re probably just not that hot. Being a douche just pushes you over the edge. If you were hot, women would find you charing and aloof.
…all your dates end up at home or if he always wants to cook for you. Even G. Garvin goes out to eat sometimes.
…he/she forgets to introduce you to other people, all the time. It’s subconscious AND on purpose. It’s a double edged sword of buttchex f*ckedupedness. I remember once I found myself hanging with this busted chick (in my more immature days). I took her to my homeboy’s house and didn’t introduce her to anybody…there were chicks there that were hotter. Sue me. I was a 3 then too.
…nobody has ever said to you, “damn you fine”. It’s the most consistent lie ever told. However, it doesn’t get told to ugly mothertruckers. Word.Life.
Today is public service day. Let’s provide some guidance to those not in the know. How else should we if we’re not hot?
Help the children.
Happy Monday, b*tches.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka VITAMIN P aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3
Homie, this is hawt.
I see you, Cheekie!
Congrats,
Tips his hat…
Thank you, kind Sir. *drops coins into hat*
y’kno, anytime cheekie is first an angel gets a white grown
A grown?
Crown or Gown, which one or both? lol
“y’kno, anytime cheekie is first an angel gets a white grown”
Whenever I’m first, an angel gets their cheeks pinched.
Also, lol @ Sasi Quaia. It’s a combo, probably.
Grayscull Power!!!
dammit!!!! lol
Shots Fired? no sir…no..
Kamikaze’s Launched.
#mor-fyah
Love the new tagline. Did it change recently and I’m just now noticing?
This post is pretty much on point. I wish I had something else to add, but no.
I noticed that, too. I’m glad it changed because I had no idea what the CP3 wears a B-cup meant…
I’ve been wondering about that since I found this site – LOL
I been here probably since day one and still have zero clue what the heck that tagline meant. do i get points taken away?
cp3 wearing a b-cup? huh? sounds like an ugly somebody.
*kanye-shrug-it-out*
I always thought the tag line was reference to Liz. Recognizing that their go to person the one that runs the court (so to speak) is a VSS not a VSB. Hence CP3 (Chris Paul point guard for new orleans whose jersey #3) wears a b-cup (Liz)
No?
ew, no.
i suspected the tagline confused many so I asked for a change months ago. at least it’s less confusing.
didn’t realize you all were THAT confused, but I am glad to know this has been a slight improvement.
It was a reference to Candace Parker as opposed to Chris Paul
And it seems pretty evident to me too… but oh well.
Agreed! I like the new tagline as well.
The new tagline is a play on the Old Spice commercial…uh-oh, is Panama going to start vlogging from the shower?
@I Am Your People – i hadn’t planned on it. but if i do, just know that it will look like Reh Dogg’s opening shower scene where i spend the whole vlog with soap all over as i try to pretend that i’m still cool.
This just ABSOLUTELY killed me. That d@mn Reh Dogg!!!!
Buahahahahaahahahaha!
You are wrong for this.
You ever notice that when someone is not attractive you avoid looking them in the eyes?
They are looking at you in your face and you are looking around for something more pleasant to look at or escape to post conversation.
I do the same thing when folks have an interesting dental situation. I don’t even look at them directly, and when I do it’s like 5 seconds tops. I don’t want my face to give away what I’m thinking.
My friend has that disgusting white goo in the corners of his mouth whenever he talks, and if I didn’t decide to finally stop attempting to look at him when he talks, I’d have hurled on him by now.
I had a coach in high school that had that goo/spit at the side of his mouth. One time he took his two fingers, wiped to goo off and then flinged the spit away in mid sentence. Some of the most disgusting stuff ever.
Ewwww.
the opposite of “pretty” was “alone.”
Womp. Out of the mouth of babes. So what about if you are pretty and alone???? That has to be a even worse reality : /
Btw Panama, your lips alone make you not a 3. Just sayin.
ooooooooooh behave!
agreeee
YAY!! I’M HOTT LOL
When I laid eyes on the picture of this post I knew it was gonna be good. And it was. *laughing*
* picture associated with this post
the picture did wonders for my soul lol
Too funny Panama. That picture has me dying…
If you have never had an elderly man/woman offer to give you the biz, you might be busted. Old people go to Walmart to scout young tenders.
“Old people go to Walmart to scout young tenders”
Jus wanted to say I spit my juice out my mouth laughin at this. Y? Cuz my uncle be on the ‘look out’ everytime we go in Walmart!
- A.D.
Shoot, when it comes to the old ones, they would plenty of happy, if the girl knew how to cook.
What’s the criteria? Are you busted if just one of these apply? 3 out of 5? or all? Because I don’t think anybody’s EVER whistled at me on the street.
Maybe you just have an extremely effective “stank face”.
Lol at the tag U-G-L-Y you ain’t got no alibi you ugly yea yea you ugly!!
Wildcats game proper. *singing* It’s the sport of kings…better than diamond rings…
“foootbaaaall”
YES!!! *jersey shore fist pump*
@ Panama Bullet!!
Yea the truth is if your not getting any kinda play then your def not an attractive person, but its ok though you can always volunteer in order to feel better about yourself.
But hey maybe its just me…
:: gasps for air ::
:: claws at ground with a futile intensity ::
:: coughs, tastes own blood ::
Yes, shots fired. I’m hit…I’m…hit…for I am always getting spurned by the disc jockey. It could be because I’m always requesting Lil Boosie…or because I’m…you know… :: dissolves into final coughing fit á la Big Mama in Soul Food ::
I did not expect someone to admit to not being able to get a song played.
We value openness and honesty up here in the belltower.
:: dissolves into final coughing fit á la Big Mama in Soul Food ::
Damn damn damn! i hatechu for that, that scene made me cry at the theater. Right up there with when Mufasa got merked and Nettie comes home.
Can’t think of any other criteria to add… glad to know I’m (apparently) not a dog n the eyes of others, lol
I think even ugly chicks get banged sometimes. Though, I do know some girls who get NO LOVE, whatsoever. These girls usually pursue guys and claim to have a lot of boyfriends, but are just not getting any love at all. It saddens me actually because people can do small things to be more attractive. If you have a really pretty face, its easy to get away with a lot, but if your face is busted than you MUST have a nice body. Its just a requirement. Even for guys, just think bald + fat = NO LOVE. Then you got like a Common, who is swimming in the womens.
I think if you are unattractive and getting no love, that you are just lazy as fck. Beauty is slightly relative, just have a banging personality and a tight stomach. Its simple people! lol
i nodded so much i nearly broke my neck…some people are really lazy…
Sh*t, I know plenty of gargoyles who have the AWWWD-dacity (not audacity, but AWWWD-dacity) to think that they are flyest thing on Earth, since the discovery of sliced bread. The ones that I know behave in the same fashion that rude, materialistic, but pretty chick behaves. They think just because they managed to snag a d*ck for one night (or because they’re some guys’ “old reliable”) these creatures think they are the sh*t.
It’s amazing how d*ck can be a major self-esteem booster.
lovin the truth presented here… kudos…
but you definitely know you aren’t hot if dude only wants to come over and watch movies… riiiiiight…
Sh*t’s hilarious.
You know for women the easiest way to figure out if you’re busted is to simply look at the attractiveness of the women you go out with. Birds of a feather truly do look flock together, at least socially. Unless of course you’re the not-so-attractive “friend” that the pretty girl keeps around to up her relative attractiveness. If you are that person you have a whole ‘nother set of problems: you’re not hot, you’re self-deceived, and you have no real friends.
i’ve always wondered why some girls do that, if you know you are pretty why do you hang out with that particular friend for that sole purpose?i can imagine what a damaged self-esteem the less attractive one will have…
SMH
The truth is, girls are not always so shallow. A pretty girl can have a not-so-cute friend because she genuinely likes who she is as a person and/or they have a lot in common beyond just looks. That concept seems difficult to grasp for many people.
I agree. I don’t pick my friends off of how they look. How do you tell an ugly person they are ugly? That’s ridiculous..and you would not be a good friend if you did that. Not everything is about looks. Geesh.
@ dudette and @SFG
i hope both of you noticed i wrote “…why SOME girls…” and then “…for that SOLE PURPOSE…” meaning the pretty girls who do so for a bad reason (and it can be pretty obvious in some cases). normally if a pretty (smart) girl notices this is happening she will do something to help her friend out,makeover, makeup tips, stuff like that.
Oh I didn’t say I don’t see it. It’s everywhere. Those are desperate girls. They think they look finer hanging with ugly chicks…instead they look shallow cause it’s really obvious in those cases.
Oh I see. Point taken.
I don’t get some girls, they insides just aint right.
When me and my girls would go out we wanted to make sure EVERYBODY looked good and if somebody was facially or physically challenged, we went out of our way to do a makeover for them. (or they just couldn’t come – lol – sike)
We always wanted to be that group of chics that got the stares for good reasons.
Co-sign. I don’t care how much I love you and your friendship, you ain’t going anywhere with me looking like a no with a side of uh-uh.
@8th Wonder
looking like a no with a side of uh-uh.
so true- so true
I generally agree with this, but sometimes women hang around with people who look like they feel. Like a woman with ugly girl syndrome will hang out with unattractive women, even if she attractive. I’ve seen this happen many times. Ugly is contagious and if you are slightly busted and you hang out with an extremely busted person, they will just drag you down to their level. After a while a group of friend start to look alike because they are around each other so much that they adopt the others style.
I think ugly people should hang out with more attractive people, it will elevate your attractiveness by association. Grenades and landmines together are just a dangerous combination. Girls need to diversify.
You showll is Ugly-Shug Avery…beauty is in the eye of the beholder,bc I think some celebs 2520s and other are butt ugly but end up on People Magazine or some website for hottest whatever..I don’t care what anyone says we are ALL shallow, yes personality and kumbaya and ish but if you Look a part people treat you different, “they” whomever “they” are did a study with preschool age children and the children responded (I yike ms. so-in-so ’cause she’s pretty and smells like icecream) lol…it sounds conceited but I know I’m decent lookin’ you ever feel all eyes on you when you walk in that bomb ass dress and ninjas etc go crazy can’t act right LOL it does kinda feel good, not that Aye Shawty Bay Bay sexychoc bs
makeup helps a lot of celebrities a lot…i hope everyone understood that…
Like some b*tches that end up on 100 most beautiful people in magazines that leaves you thinking we must be all busted up and sh*t if these are the good looking mofos. Just saying.
@ peej you aint a 3 you are definately a 3.5. Lol. Great post tho great work.
Speaking of 2520s who are celebrities, the one thing I noticed about Hollywood (in particular, in the movies, the chick-flick ones) if the main character is a white woman and she has a best friend, who is black, the black one’s attractiveness is going to based on how cute/average/not-so-cute on the main character’s. For instance, if the white actress’ looks is average, the last thing they are going to do is have Beyonce or Halle Berry play her best friend.
ladies, you might be unattractive if:
–when you get your hair cut or styled in a different way, get your nails done (when you normally don’t), or show up to work or somewhere familiar in a brand new dress and the men don’t notice, they just speak to you and keep it truckin like on all the other days without so much as a lingering glance, while the women get super nice and patronizing, and comment on your change like, “oh, is that a new dress? good for you! yaaay. well…..see you later, gorgeous.
”
–you get drunk–like, talking to strangers and stumbling over your own legs drunk–and the men in your presence don’t try to wear you down or use your intoxication to their advantage, they just let you get in your car and drive your drunk a*s home.
bwahahhhahaa.
Or….she(the ugly) throws a fit when the attractive one runs into one of her FWB’s and tries to leave her at the club by herself. “you said we was gonna leave together…..I only came here because you dragged me…but,but you said….SHUT UP!!
No love for the ugly
You know your “facially compromised” when you keep reintroducing yourself to the same dude the first 5 times you see him
When dudes try to give you dap
When children cry inexplicably every time they see you Flavor Flav
I don;t agree with this one – facetious or not. I am told that I am beautiful and what does that mean? Especially, when beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
I have a friend that swears Terrence Howard is fine. He can’t hold a candle to Denzel, Morris Chestnut or Boris Kodjoe . . .or Kadeem Hardison.
That’s right – Dwayne Wayne!
See what I mean?
“as a paragon of Bustedaciousness”- Well dayum Peej, this is truly harsh, but it is early & I am tired, I will be back!
If your ass is the only thing you ever get complimented on, then you may be a monkey-donkey: Ass like a donkey, face like a monkey.
heh heh heh. when certain people i know are trying to flaunt their bodies, i always think, “Girl, you better thank the benevolent God for that donk. because without it you’d just be a scarecrow with a driver’s license.”
What if the only dudes trying to holler sell the Street Wise (homeless newspaper)? Or random old men on the street? Not that I have firsthand knowledge of this, of course.
I have a facially challenged friend who keeps a man. Had me questioning the world…
yeah, we can talk about ugly all day long, but in actuality, you really won’t find that many lonely ugly people, so i guess being ugly ain’t so bad. ugmos be gettin it in, honey.
@meka
I have a facially challenged friend who keeps a man. Had me questioning the world…
I have a cousin like that and she gets some fine looking brothas ERRRRTIME!! I can’t explain it, but I reason that she must excel in adult curriculum – course XXX69?
charli skipper, i think you’re right. i must have talked homegirl up though because she sent me a text. damn, i hope she aint reading this right now. lol.
sasi quaia, i like “adult curriculum.” lol. i think there’s an inverse relationship between unattractiveness and freakiness. the less attractive have to be extra open. for instance, looking at my friend, i’d think she’s definitely giving up the hershey highway. but when she told me that she don’t roll like that, that made me extra confused. lol.
@meka
looking at my friend, i’d think she’s definitely giving up the hershey highway. but when she told me that she don’t roll like that, that made me extra confused. lol
Hershey Highway – lol
Well, stay confused or believe she’s lying. lol
I know of 2 more to add…
If you get a lot of ‘dap’ instead of hugs of any type… yeah.
If you have ever had someone call you an ‘undeveloped fetus’… yeah
But what about thirst theory? Has not the amount of thisrty dudes these days inflated the ‘attractiveness’ of certain ladies? I think that skewers things a bit.
I would actually wager that with the rise of social networking the numbers of thirst males has plummeted. Women on the other hand seem to be thirstier than ever.
@Dash..
hmm…that’s an interesting theory…
love the mystery that remains after reading this one…cuz this was a joke, right
….if not, let me get up off this damn floor …roflmao!!
He is completely serious. Especially about the “even a 3 on roller skates” part.
Woo-Hoo! I’m still HOT (according to this list). Now, why don’t I have a man? LOL
@southernbelle.
exactly.
disclaimer: I might not make sense because I’m still getting over my birthday…
You might be busted if:
* A dog would rather p*ss himself than let you walk him. Because that means he’ll be seen with you.
* If an otherwise friendly dog barks ferociously at you, it is because you look worse than a human, and he cannot recognize what you are.. Therefore you must be an alien.
I’ll be back later…
@Nickerz
I officially hate you!!! LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
LMAO! I had fun girl and you are a cutie pa tootie with an extra A for personality.
Thank you MAMA!! THANK YOU for making my birthday grand!
i still need to sleep AND I got a headache..
and them three horns?! they gots more friends now!!
* If an otherwise friendly dog barks ferociously at you, it is because you look worse than a human, and he cannot recognize what you are.. Therefore you must be an alien.”
This is true. I you are woman this could also mean that you are a succubus. If you are a man this could mean that your name is Flavor Flav or Shabba Ranks.
…or Gucci Mane
I’d also guess that most women wouldn’t mind if the guys didn’t look like they’d just killed people and then ate some biscuits.
This was hilarious.
If you know a very insecure woman,the type of chick that never wants another woman even looking at her man much less having a conversation or sitting next to him in her presence. She will ask another woman to get up if she happens to sit next to him or ask him to go with her to the bathroom than let him sit with another woman. However, if said woman doesn’t act like this when her man is around you, then yea you might be busted.
Oooooh, this is a GOOD one and so true. If a chick like that doesn’t mind you being alone with her man, you are not cute, shawty.
Facially challenged people get married all day long…they get layed…they have babies…there is no excuse. If you are not getting any play at all..then something else is wrong with you…being fugly is no excuse! Get out there and get yourself a man cot dammit! LOL
j/k
@Queen T
I co-sign, support, certify, and vet everything you just said.
My name is Anita and I approve this message.
I know some heifers we be using as benchmark back in college. People(imeanmeand myfriends) would go like, “if whoever has a man i could have idris elba or someone anyday(read hot sexy rich ninja”
“Facially challenged.”
^Comedy.
the pretty guarantees you nothing, the pretty and dope same thing, you may attract alot but alot doesn’t mean quality, and alot is just that, alot, including haters, bullsh*t, the envious etc
@Orange Star
exactly.
…yes, yes, yes…
Yup!
-I personally haven’t met a woman that has problems getting laid. Where I live (Baltimore/DC area) dudes will (for lack of a better way to put it) will smash anything.
And most will spare no expense (within their means) in the pursuit.
-Concerning ugly people, my thought is that if most people happen to not find you physically attractive (for whatever reason) then work on it.
Exercise. Get your hair cut/done. Drop the bifocals and get contacts. Go see a dermatologist about that “thing.” Whatever. Chances are if NOBODY finds you attractive, then you just aren’t trying. Period.
Also, be nice. From a man’s perspective, a positive attitude in a woman goes a long way. Physically pretty, ugly or whatever in-between means nothing in my book if you have a stank ass attitude.
That is the worst.
Drop the bifocals and get contacts
@BDot.
hey now. my glasses are cute. i tried contacts once and it fell out of my eye. i never tried again.
*runs and cries.
YAY! them lips be back!
:^)
@yayer…
LMAO. thanks. didnt know they were missed!
*blushes.
@Keisha Brown
yep ,dey be lubely…(no homo)
@yayer
lol. thanks.
Co-sign, sweetheart. Eff some contacts. I’ve been wearing glasses since the third grade and now, finally, women find me cute in them. lol. I have a hard time putting eye drops in my eyes so putting contacts in my eye would be impossible.
@Bdot
“Also, be nice. From a man’s perspective, a positive attitude in a woman goes a long way. Physically pretty, ugly or whatever in-between means nothing in my book if you have a stank ass attitude.
That is the worst.”
sorry, don’t mean to get on you but i hear lots of men say this but in all honesty for most of them it’s bull. i’ve seen those same guys stay with a hateful,vile, nasty chick just because she was hot (and maybe she was good at something else but nice wasn’t one of them, they weren’t even nice to the dudes).
and you can’t really know if someone is nice until you’ve actually gotten to know them, and you can’t get to know ‘em if you haven’t spent time with them. and you can’t spend time with them unless you’re interested in them , and you approached them.
and here’s the thing, men generally don’t approach women ( for actual relationships ) unless they’re attracted to them. so being nice generally helps after dude has been attracted by your looks, not necessarily before. don’t know if you got what i was trying to say, hope you did…
@YAYER
c/s
I used to ask my ex if things would work better between us if I cussed him out and called him ninja all the time like it was his name…like his ex did.
@Keisha
Merely a one of many suggestions mama. I meant nothing by it. If glasses work for you, then cool. I didn’t mean that glasses are universally ugly. I even wear them myself sometimes.
@Yayer
True, to an extent. And I’ll be the first to admit that I won’t approach, let alone seriously date I woman that I’m not physically attracted to at all (emphasis on “at all”) . And while her physical MAY be the initial reason for the attraction it’s not the only deciding factor.
I think you can get a pretty good idea of her relative stankness, and potential to date within the first few minutes of conversation.
The dudes you referenced earlier are likely just insecure individuals who tolerate their girl’s bs because she’s good for arm candy, and in turn “points” among the other lames they hang with.
Or just simps. It’s usually one of the two.
“Exercise. Get your hair cut/done. Drop the bifocals and get contacts.”
Actually, bifocals don’t look as bad as they used to. Things have changed. This is the future. My mama wears ‘em and you can hardly tell. She has some fly arse black angular frames. Boom. Insurance is grand, ain’t it?
Y’all are making me regret bringing up glasses.
You should’ve known in VSB-land (where tall brothas have expressed that glasses make ‘em randy), that saying the g-word in a negative fashion would make folks pounce. lol
I work in eye glass shop, for a living and you are absolutely right. Bi-focals is when a person needs glasses to read and glasses to see objects from far away distances. The coke-bottle glasses are usually designed for people who have a very high prescription (think of a person who is legally blind), but they don’t have the money to buy the specialty lenses that are thinner. So, a person can have a bi-focal prescription and the lenses can be thin.
Sorry for the rant, but It is a pet peeve of mine when people confuse bi-focals with the coke-bottle glasses.
I cosign. Work with what you got. The DC comment doesn’t surprise me as I’ve been there and people are THIRSTY. No offense…and DC reigns in H.I.V. numbers. smh
Women I’ve dated before used to be surprised that I wasn’t (overtly at least) trying to smash. It’s actually kind of funny.
That makes us want you more.
Mmm hmm Mmm hmm
*jotting notes down in playbook*
Works all the time, bro. If you can hold a conversation with a woman without mentioning anything physical, you might the number and the draws will fall into play soon after.
@CBG
True indeed. I get a kick out of when they call themselves figuring out what’s wrong with you.
I wish I could take back the minutes I was reading this crap. Panama – you have ALOT of growing up to do. This post and alot of the others you have written tells me that you are extremely immature. I sincerely hope you are just writing this stuff to get a laugh and truly don’t believe it. I can’t believe peolpe actually agree with you.
So far this is the funniest comment I’ve read today.
“Panama – you have ALOT of growing up to do. ”
Wait…so Panama’s short, too? DAYUM, joe.
@Cheekie,
i forgot i died at this.
I’m glad you remembered. R.I.P.
@asheeka – i agree with everything you said. especially this part: I wish I could take back the minutes I was reading this crap. Panama – you have ALOT of growing up to do. This post and alot of the others you have written tells me that you are extremely immature. I sincerely hope you are just writing this stuff to get a laugh and truly don’t believe it. I can’t believe peolpe actually agree with you.
yeah, that part specifically was really moving and inspirational.
You know what! I’m going to take your words of advice, Asheeka (can I all you Ashy? or Sheeks?), and work on my maturity. Right now in fact. Thank you for enlightening me. Before I was unenlightened..darkened perhaps…but no more.
I’m better today because of your comment. Thank you.
Damn son, you need more peolpe!
Panama can’t you see you are offending the facially challenged with this post? You mean!
I died at “can I call you Ashy” (x_x)… now why would you go and do that?
Am I the only person who thinks that asheeka might be one of the people that Panama was talking about in his commentary?
Even a self-proclaimed “ugly person” could find this commentary funny.
As a 1.5 I know that I’m not hot. I’ve accepted it and I wear it with pride. We all can’t be Idris Kodjoe. Somebody has to be ugly to make them hot. I’ll give a few signs from my own life that will tell you (if you are a man) that you are not hot.
1) Women turn their nose up at you on site
If you can’t have a woman in your company without spending significant amounts of cash on her.
2) Women never give you a close hug it’s always the distant barely-hug hug.
3) Women never let you get away with groping or touching them for free.
4) You are always the wingman
5) Women only want to be your friend and complain about the hot guys to you
6) When you approach a woman she has a smirk or look on her face like she is about to laugh when you are dead serious
7) You are overly nice and a pushover and it still gets you nowhere
9) If you’ve never pulled women at your worst e.g. broke, unshaven, no haircut, no gear, etc.
@Humble_One
i refuse to believe you’re a 1.5!!! i don’t know why, but i refuse to believe it..anyway, off-topic, how come you don’t actually write the number 8? you put that smiley face but never the actual numerical ’8′, why?
the 8 and ) auto-makes it a smiley on our site. numbering with periods and not ) would avoid this.
@Liz
aaaaah, i thank thee, i didn’t know because i still blot my feather in ink and scribble on a scroll…
j/k ! i normally use numbers and periods, and i’ve never made more than 5 points at a time so…
@Humble_One
You are not a 1.5. End of discussion. Happy Monday!!! : )
“We all can’t be Idris Kodjoe”
The above man is the human representation of heaven. Fact.
I think the human representation of heaven would be a hybrid of Lanisha Cole from the neck up, Esther Baxter from the neck to waist, and Serena Williams from the waist down.
@Humble
This hurts my heart. You are not a 1.5 stop that madness. Besides, men have it easy as women are not that shallow. Work on your swag bruh…but wait…you have tyep swag. What are you doing wrong?
@SmartFoxGirl
I think me being 4’7″, 250lbs, and having a nose like KRS-1 has something to do with it.
@Humble_One
STOP IT!!!
I’m gonna have your partner in e-boodom, MsEsquire make you quit typing, Humble_One.
@ Humble_One on this 1.5 business,
e_O
*kissing/sucking teeth West Indian style*
kissing/sucking teeth West Indian style*
LMAO!
LOL @Panama for “break up a 70 person brawl at L’Enfant Plaza in Washington, D.C.”….thanks for not crossing the Anacostia on that one….that would’ve been too easy lol.
i was only stating facts. there WAS a 70 person brawl from Gallery Place to L’Enfant Plaza on Friday night (I believe). Im guessing all the white tourists were thinking to themselves: Obama gets in and the monkeys get out.
Hmm…is monkeys or monkies? Monkies sounds like a group of pseudo-monks.
“Hmm…is monkeys or monkies? Monkies sounds like a group of pseudo-monks.”
It’s Monkees.
dude… u gotta start to ‘google’ ur spelling!
People whistle? Like in real life?
I understand the “psst”, “say”, blatant stares…
But to actually whistle?
I thought that just happened in cartoons.
i was whistled at in walmart last week. my first reaction was shame (i don’t know why). then i thought, “mmhmmm. i still got it, betch!” and then i was just like, “really, though? who is still whistling at folk?” this was going through my mind as i pokerfacedly kept walking to the dental hygiene aisle, mind you.
Was it a whistle to get your attention or like the cartoon catcall/whistle?
lol @ in cartoons
Yeah, cat-calls are probably far more common than just whistles. I’ve gotten a few, but “ay girl” trumps it in real life.
First off Panama is NOT a 3. Please stop spreading this horse sh*t and embrace your 5 status. Thank you.
Actually you get a 6 for knowing women. Okay moving on…
One of the things I’ve learned in my ripe old age of 30 is that attractiveness can be defined by many things other than actual facial features…like swag, wardrobe, extra confidence, and an excellent choice in make up, weave etc. I’ve met some ugly pretty girls and pretty ugly girls, even guys that look like Shabba Ranks cousin but sexy to rh@@tid. It’s all in how you carry yourself. People with no personality, turn me off…Period. Whether they are a 2 or a 10.
Being that I’m not blind, I’d like to add the following:
Women
1) If you need a bag full of make up, tons of weave, false eye lashes, and booty pops to be fine…you’re not. Even if brothas approach you, you eventually have to take all that stuff off and will be exposed.
2) If men meet you, go ga ga for about 1-2 dates then they’re ghost. You’re not fine. Something about your personality is scaring ninjas. Fix that.
3) A guy meets you at night and is all for it…then sees you again in the day and runs for it. I’m sorry, no.
Men
1) She likes spending time with you, telling you all her secrets but dreads sleeping with you.
2) Women are quick to cuss you out. I don’t have to tell you that there is a certain level of bullsh*t a woman will take from a foine man…if no one is taking your sh*t, chances are you are not fine.
3) You have to invest a ridiculous amounts of money into car, clothes, jewelry. (the equivalent to weave, make up, etc)
We are not all created equally so if you know you are facially challenged. Just be nice and let you swag or personality shine through. Do not start to hate on the fine members of your sex. It’s not sexy.
ohmigosh. hilarious. and true. in particular:
“2) Women are quick to cuss you out. I don’t have to tell you that there is a certain level of bullsh*t a woman will take from a foine man…if no one is taking your sh*t, chances are you are not fine.”
i never really noticed that before, but there are just certain people i’m quick to cuss out! and the male #1 too. my first boyfriend was so funny and nice and protective. but for the first couple months, anytime he would come to touch me, it activated my recoil impulse and my heeby-jeeby face. i will say that he opened my mind though, cuz now i’m much more open to dating a facially irresponsible person if he has other things goin for himself…..and me……
sidenote: you’re 30? you look great! not that 30 is old, by any means, but as i near it myself (26) i’m starting to take note of how many people are already lookin like hell in their thirties and it makes me sad, so i always notice women who still look like it’s 2001, because it makes me happy. no homo.
“…cuz now i’m much more open to dating a facially irresponsible person if he has other things goin for himself…”
Facially irresponsible kilt me! Facially irresponsible!!
@Charli
Thanks!! It’s called the “ran through” look. I run into people I haven’t seen in years and they look like life beat them up sideways. Stay happy and healthy and you will look forever young. Jay-Z. But yeah, ugly people don’t make me mad…ugly and Rude people make me wanna shoot ninjas in the mouth. There’s a guy at my job who is always so nasty. I sit in meetings just daydreaming about killing him. I’m sorry GOD…pray for me.
Girl, I swear your comments come in like a whirlwind. lol You are right with your last thought. I wasn’t always the cutest guy in the world so I had to at least be nice to women and be respectful, just so that being an @sshole be a strike against me on top of not being the cutest. I can say I have come a long way. When I walked in to my reunion this weekend, girls that I grew up with where like “damn, where did all of this come from?”, talking about how much my body has changed since we were in high school. One girl kept calling me “bodyguard”. It was funny. Like you said, you can’t hate on attractive people. You have to do you and expound on the things that people like about you.
Oh, yeah. Please don’t say the word “ripe”. Bad thoughts enter my head.
LOL…my dad calls me his “wild flower”. No lie. I’ll take whirlwind. lol Boy you know you sexy stop frontin. I picture you all buff and mandingo like. I’m glad you had fun at your reunion. But yeah, I hate haters. People who hate for no reason but envy or jealousy. We all can work with what we got.
Since you started it….
I stay ripe and full of juices….just heavy. O.O
I ain’t start nothin’. You the one who said “ripe”. Oh, I don’t believe that you are 30. You take great care of yourself.
Thanks, It’s the vitamin D.
*runs to the store to get vitamin d. i wanna be like sfg with nickerz arms and cheekies cheeks! hahahahahahaha.
LOL, we all want your lips though. Especially me, who looks like this >> (o-_-o)
Um…it was a joke. The vitamin D I was referring to cannot be bought in stores. I’m sorry I’m nasty and need a slap or two. He started it though.
@SFG,
Which is why I stayed away from that Vitamin D comment. I knew it was a trap. lol And no, you started it.
*sigh*…can I get through an entire day of not being nasty on here? Work with me people.
@SFG:
*runs back from the store…i still want the vitamin d you gettin. well.. not the EXACT same one..but..you know..ah eff it. the joke is ruined!!! lol.
and DEAD @ cheekie’s e-lips.
and PS @CBG: you started it with “Please don’t say the word “ripe”. Bad thoughts enter my head”. SFG had no incriminating statements until you made them so.
*bangs judge gavel.
Thank you!! He just doesn’t get it. Here I was minding my own business…then comes CBG with his seduction, bait and flag.
*sets reminder for freaks anonymous class @6pm*
*Approaches the bench* I’m sorry, your honor, but I object. Not too long ago I mentioned that work was kicking my @ss and my back was hurting, and SFG said “Boy, don’t mention your @ss and back in the same sentence.” From there, it was my fault for representing statements that activate SFG’s wild imagination. Now, she referred to herself as ripe, so she is the one at fault. Ripe refers to things juicy and succulent, nice things. Regardless, SFG is nasty and we all love her for it.
So, uh, the defense rests.
via Judge Keisha Brown:
@CBG: your appeal has been denied. As I’ve scrolled through TODAY’s comments and there was no offence committed by SFG. You threw out the 1st gauntlet to bring out her inner e-freakiness towards you in today’s post. You did the equivalent of taking an alcoholic to a bar. I still find you guilty! Your sentence is to get an e-room at a 4.5star hotel and get it on.
@Judge Keisha Brown (why does that sound like an actual TV show title),
Very well, your honor. Please inform the plaintiff that I will be in my designated chair and don’t worry, I will tie myself up this time. If I am passed out when she gets there, it is because I took my roofie like a good boy.
@SFG:
your e-boo awaits.
“@Judge Keisha Brown (why does that sound like an actual TV show title)”
I was JUST thinking this. I’m like…wait…Judge Joe Brown has a sassy sister that’s a judge?
I am GUILTY on all charges!…ready for cuffing and strip search.
Oh, it’s not me? CBG was charged?
*puts on cop uniform*
Okay I am ready to cuff and strip search him! Now bend over and cough!
Oh…we were joking? Excuse me.
@Cheekie,
I am!! lol. I did want to be a lawyer when I was growing up. Then I saw the price tag of law school and if JFK jr with all his connections failed the bar twice..my azz didnt stand a chance! its all for the best – who else is gonna plan CBG + SFG’s wedding and the eventual (mark my words..) VSB bbq??
@SFG:
LMAOOOO!! Remind me to never fall asleep around you. ever.
@SFG,
I swear, you really make my day. That cop uniform is a true fantasy of mine. I was watching “Police Women of Broward County” last week like I was a little kid watching Dora the Explorer. That Latina deputy is hot.
@KB
Awww…i’m harmless. I’m just glad the juicy lips are back! lol
@CBG
Oh the cop uniform bit is played…now a furry rabbit costume, that’s the lick! Dry humping is the new safe sex. I’m kidding! Okay I need to stop. It’s almost 6pm and time for my meeting anyway.
@SFG:
Dry humping is the new safe sex..lies. lol.
“1) If you need a bag full of make up, tons of weave, false eye lashes, and booty pops to be fine…you’re not.”
YES. If it takes the workload of a 9 to 5, just to dress up…then you NEED it.
@SFG
-I dig the points you made. I like my women natural…little to no makeup, push up bras, fake hair….none of that.
True beauty is natural.
-Booty pops are false advertising. Possession of them is grounds for immediate dismissal. Also, it should result in prison.
-With dudes the rules of attraction are vastly different from that of women. A woman can be flat broke, but being fine is (usually) enough for her to get taken care of.
Dudes can be ugly, but can make up for that with cash. And I believe “swag” runs proportionate to that. Chicks wouldn’t be swooning over T.I.’s swag if he was known him as “Clifford that works down at the Wal-Mart.”
Dudes can be ugly, but can make up for that with cash. And I believe “swag” runs proportionate to that.
**cash, swag & package
@ Jai
Sadly but true but chicks can be ugly and make it up with cash too…at least in Boston it does
If you don’t have to do much to be gorgeous…than you just are. Booty pop commercials make me smile. I call what your talking about the “Fine Pass”. Men give these out to women more than they are deserved. Money and power have always been an attractive quality with women. Take Diddy for example. Not on any level is he attractive to me but he’s rich and looks like he smells good and has good hygiene. It’s the money/power thing.
@ SFG
Exactly. A man can be flat out DUMB ugly. Paper & power though will carry him far with the ladies.
@Bdot
can we just agree that women who go after the ugly dudes with money and the men that go after the biatchie hot chicks ruin it for the rest of us? (and are pretty much the same thing?)
@Keisha ‘pwetty lips’ Brown
yes, you know i’ve tried to explain this to dudes every-time they complain about women being gold-diggers, i jus tell ‘em men who chase after women specifically and only because they hot is the same thing, is it not?
they all go silent before someone tries to change the subject…
@Yayer..
EXACTLY.
*high fives.
(sorry.. all my terrorist fist bumps are reserved for legit_soul).
@BDot
I beg to differ…if T.I. was Clifford at Walmart he’d still be FINE.
He’s just be the fine stock boy instead of the fine rapper.
A better definition of swag increasing looks is Lil Wayne or even Jay-Z…but T.I. is good looking reagardless
I’m not saying he’d be less attractive (physically) minus the fame, that’s for the ladies to decide. I’m just saying that he wouldn’t have chicks throwing themselves at his feet.
I think we can both agree that his money & celebrity have afforded him that.
And you’re right about there being much better examples out there (Baby, Wayne, Jay-Z, Rick Ross, etc).
First off Panama is NOT a 3. Please stop spreading this horse sh*t and embrace your 5 status.
honestly @SFG, i dont know why you wont let me just be a 3. i had a good thing going til you came in and tried to usurp my treyball status.
treyball status? #DEAD
I dated a guy who looked like Too Short with Teeth. That was in 1995 and I’m still embarassed. But he was a great guy and he let me know that it was okay to let my freak flag fly. He’ll always have a special place in my coo.., er heart.
lol! Not Too Short w/ teef!
My sister and I was JUST listening to Too Short’s “Freaky Tales” a couple weeks ago in the car and she was roasting him talmbout, “How he make this tome*-arse song looking the way he does. Now you KNOW he ain’t pull this many chicks. I refuse to believe it.”
*She didn’t say “tome”…that was VSB-inspired creative license on my part. But, I wish she had.
I like what you did at the end!!
- A.D.
-If a guy tells you that you aren’t his type. If you are pretty then you’re everybody’s type.
-Walk through the mall with a group of girls (or near a group if you are alone). Who are the guys staring/gawking at? Not you? bad sign.
-If a random guy has never offered to: let you cut ahead of him in line, pay for your food at checkout, give you a ride home, pump your gas, or any other random help that you don’t need. It’s a bad sign.
“-If a random guy has never offered to: let you cut ahead of him in line, pay for your food at checkout, give you a ride home, pump your gas, or any other random help that you don’t need. It’s a bad sign.”
yeah, i was going to say this but couldn’t word it right. if you’re in line at the gas station buying some doritos and a thirstbuster with a line of guys behind you, and you have to run out to your car to get the money you’re short when the total comes up and nobody steps in to say, “don’t worry, i got that.” then um……….*sideeye* i’m not gonna say you’re ugly, but…..yeah. you know what it is.
Thirstbuster? I’m trippin off the the slang today.
“If a random guy has never offered to: let you cut ahead of him in line”
K, this made me feel myself for a minute. A guy did this to me on the train this past Friday. I was on the upper-level and was coming down the stairs and he let me in front of him as he was coming down the aisle on the lower-level. Methinks he was trying to check out the cheeks. I didn’t mind. At all.
@Dudette
Those are really good ones! Guys never EVER tell a pretty woman that she is not their type. It just doesn’t happen. Hell, a KKK man will look at a pretty sista and have thoughts of tapping dat @ss.
And favors. Yes if you are pretty, you get men trying to do all kinds of things for you. Right now I have a guy in my office dropping off my mail downstairs. Don’t judge me.
Thanks and yeah, even the biggest racists always seem to have exceptions.
Yes! In a crowded bar I was at the bar, saw my friend way in the back and I grabbed her arm as she made her way to the crowd to unfortunately cut in front of some brothers waiting to put in their drink order (I know. I was wrong. *hands head in shame* but I was tryin’ to look out for my homegirl). They just looked at us and smiled, and followed us with their eyes when we said “Sorry, and Thank you” as we passed them. If we were knuckle draggers, it may have been a problem in there.
One of the cool things about being a Sub3 is that you don’t have to let women cut in front of you at the bar for play. You also can say whatever you want to them. You can do these things because she doesn’t want you so you can do what you want without ruining any chances of her not giving you any play. Why? Because you weren’t getting play from her from jump.
Quit posting about what you hear sub-3′s do, lol! Obviously from your post, you are not a “sub-3″. You narrating stuff like on the Discovery channel or National Geographic on the animal species. That ain’t you.
@legitimate_soul
I see you and SmartFoxGirl want to fight me. 2 on 1 is not fair. Why can’t I be great and be a 1.5? Why can’t I be Gary Coleman with pump waves?
SECURITY!
According to some studies I’ve read, attractive people are able to get a job faster and/or earn more money that less attractive people.
I’ve read those same stories. In fact, experiments have been done on them. I mean, I’m not sure how conclusive this one is, but a woman decided to go to two different interviews…one looking more conventionally pretty and the other not so much. The unconventional looking side of her knew more about the position, had more experience, but she didn’t do as well in the interview as the more conventionally pretty version of her. Now, one can argue that it depends on the different interviewers (she couldn’t go to the same one, because they would’ve busted her) and their respective tastes, but it gave one something to think about.
I think that was covered in the book ‘Freakonomics’. I read it awhile back so I’m kind of fuzzy but it was a good read.
Check it out. Also (not surprisingly) the more “urban” your name sounds the less likely you are to get called for an interview.
So “DeShawn RadioKilla Jenkins” could be highly qualified but will likely never be called but “Tom Smith” probably has little difficulty getting interviewed.
It didn’t dawn on me until after I read the book how this could have worked to my benefit.
Oh, the prejudices we have….
@BDot
“the more “urban” your name sounds the less likely you are to get called for an interview”
Big shouts out to my mom for not getting extra creative with my name!! *wipes forehead*. I know there are some resumes that probably have gone straight to the shredder for having “quisha” as part of the first name. Sad but true.
lol and on the flip-side, if you name sounds more 2520-ish (like my sister’s)…you get “The Look” when you walk into the place of potential employment. lol Ya’ll know the look. A hint of surprise mixed with, “o_O”. ‘Specially if your “corporate voice” is on point.
@Cheekie
“Specially if your “corporate voice” is on point.”
LMAO!!! I know about this all too well. I get great pleasure out of 2520s’ reactions when I walk into an office for an interview or doctor’s appointment. My corporate voice really is the BIZNESS!! (been working in corporate America for 10 years now). And to 1-up the situation, my last name is a “typical” Hispanic last name…….and I’m a sista. Major o_O…..and I love it !!!!!
Yep. That “I couldn’t help but notice you’re black” look.
I know it all too well.
@BDot
“I couldn’t help but notice you’re black” look”
Perfect Description.
“”I couldn’t help but notice you’re black” look.”
Perfection. *nods*
@Cheekie and CNotes
yeah i don’t doubt it…and then there’s the stuff about how people treat you better in everyday life and give you better service in malls and stuff…
@YAYER
Yep! Read about that also.
…..and to take it a step further, some hiring managers admitted to hiring people based on attractiveness when they were polled. So, if nothing else, folks may want to spend just as much time primping as they do researching the company.
Meant to put “@Cheekie” before my comment.
I have too, I’m convinced that the banking industry has a certain type of beauty standard because I ALWAYS see 2 or 3 cute banktellers when I’m in there.
@Rog
“I’m convinced that the banking industry has a certain type of beauty standard”
I would agree (catering towards men, though). I don’t really see too many cuties for us ladies in the bank. : (
my 2 cents?
since it took me 21 yrs to find a dude interested/willing to have sex with me, i figured i was like orca fat (shout out to usual suspects). when it really did boil down to a few things for me:
being a black chick in a white neighbourhood before reverse jungle fever was acceptable and cool
dressing like i was sponsored by nike (i used to work at champs sports! sue me! 50% discount! holla!).
not wanting to call attention to any of the curves i had (the good, bad or ugly).
once the seal was broken (so to speak), i realized you are as attractive to people as your feel and convey. my confidence attracted dudes, which increased the confidence etc.. it also helps that where i went to school had a small black community and so being from ‘the big city’, with nice teeth and good looking friends afforded me a status that i would never get here in toronto.
that has probably been the biggest (mental) adjustment since moving back to tdot many years ago after graduating – that instead of being a slick fish in a pond, im a goldfish in an ocean. there are thousands of women like me. what can one do. im not going to be attractive to everyone, and frankly i dont want to be. the grass is not greener on the other side.
moral of the story i guess is that beauty is not only in the eye of the beholder, but in self first and foremost.
Amen KB!! Black girl in white neighborhood will not know she’s pretty until she is around other minorities. They will never acknowledge you in a sea of whites you are just different. I feel you girl. *ehug and back pat* I went through my Nike phase when I ran track and played soccer in highschool…actually scratch track cause we wore tights and ninjas was droolin…our team had some hot girls. I lost my point. Oh yeah, you have to feel attractive. Like I said about swag upthread. Trizuuuu.
@SFG:
thanks girl! it totally messes with you because you just go through life thinking you are not cute at all. then i got around black people, who couldn’t figure out my way of thinking. like i saw myself as WAY bigger than i actually was. trust me though..when i bruk out.. lol. i didnt turn into kat stacks – but i rocked some questionable things (ah..to be young again…).
Awww d*mn it, I am tearing up a little bit…
Your story had brought back some memories of my mindset, when I was in my teens and through my early twenties.
I felt the same way you did, Keisha, but the environment that I was immersed in, was different. At that time, the girls that I considered to be my friends were color-struck (4 with a lighter-hue and then there was me), as well as, promiscuous individuals(unbeknowst to me), so there were always boys pandering to them, while I was the person who was treated like a leper. So, of course, my self-esteem was low (but amazingly, it wasn’t to the point where I did things that I would be ashamed of). If I had to evaluate myself, based off of the ’1-10′ scale, I would’ve said a ’2′.
I had felt that way, up until I was about 22 years old.
When I lived in a, uh, not the nicest neighborhood in New Orleans, the corner drug dealer whistled at me. He meant it as a compliment but it made my skin crawl since I was walking home alone at night…otherwise, whenever he spoke to me, I could barely understand a word he was saying.
Hey *wrinkling nose* what if cousins have told you you’re fine or cute?
Hmm, that Twitter quote is mighty poignant.
Anyway. You’re not hot if:
- Your picture is in the dictionary next to the word “cold.”
- When you walk up to people, their first response is not “hello”, it’s “My condolences.”
- You were the inspiration/muse for the infamous painting, “The Scream.”
- People liken you to really negative things. For example, instead of “Go to hell.”, folks say, “Go to Shakeeta.”
- Your the default “before” picture in advertisements, no matter what the “after” pic is. Even it’s an entirely different gender. Or breed.
- Flava Flav > You
@Cheekie
That would have been funny, if it wasn’t so intelligent.
I will hold “Go to Shakeeta” in my heart forevermore.
In some areas cold is another word for attractive.
lol good point. I’m talmbout Webster’s dictionary. Not Black folks dictionary where every word can mean the opposite (i.e. bad, meaning good…etc).
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA be like a picture of Flava Flav as the before picture and a blonde haired blue eyed 2520 chick as the after picture
I wasn’t going to say it, but heck, it’s funny now. In my early high school days I knew what it was like to be ugly.
- Well, this guy was like talking to – what I thought was me and a few other girls. He said, “I bet yall won’t go in the boys’ locker room,” and I said, “I bet I will,” and he blatantly said, “I wasn’t talking to you.” Yeah, I was crushed.
and
- There was this summer job I had and myself and other chics worked on a college campus. As the fine fellas were approaching from our high school, I was the first to throw up my hand and then . . . nothing happened. It was like I wasn’t there but I was front and center. Do you know how crucial that moment was back then. lol
and
- I was a sophomore and I was in class with juniors and these two guys would be boiling over laughing though they would never say what it was but I felt it was me. Even when I got my new clothes, they would be laughing. So years later in like my early 20s one of the dudes was trying to holla @me so I said no and he was like why, I said in these words . . “Nope, cuz remember when you and ______ used to laugh at me in class!” Boy, he was balling and so was I, that was the funniest thing.
I had to release my “ugly experiences,” didn’t know I had so many, but gee, I can laugh now because I am the swan that evolved from my ugly duckling days. So, I know how to recognize the signs of those whose appearance has been blurred.
“- Well, this guy was like talking to – what I thought was me and a few other girls. He said, “I bet yall won’t go in the boys’ locker room,” and I said, “I bet I will,” and he blatantly said, “I wasn’t talking to you.” Yeah, I was crushed.”
DAMN.
@Cheekie
LOL, thats all you can say. I know right.
@cheekie,
Your comment @Sasi Quaia “Damn” made her story hurt me more. lol.
lol, it’s obviously the first thing to come to mind. I had that “dayummmmm” expression on my face and everything.
Well, this guy was like talking to – what I thought was me and a few other girls. He said, “I bet yall won’t go in the boys’ locker room,” and I said, “I bet I will,” and he blatantly said, “I wasn’t talking to you.” Yeah, I was crushed.
WOOOOOWWWWW!!!! I’m sorry, I chuckled at this b/c you painted such a vivid picture
@Sasi Quaia
“I bet yall won’t go in the boys’ locker room,” and I said, “I bet I will,” and he blatantly said, “I wasn’t talking to you.”
Confession: This one made me laugh too. Sorry. Glad you didn’t allow those experiences to break you, though.
@CNotes
yeah, be positive after you’ve gotten a good laugh at my expense, lol. I’m just kidding but don’t feel bad for laughing, that was then.
@LaBakir and @Errrrrrbody laugh on, your replies make me lol
@Sasi Quaia
“yeah, be positive after you’ve gotten a good laugh at my expense, lol”
: ) I will always try to lift a sista up…..even after a private laugh. Seriously though: I really do respect your being able to share such a tough moment.
The list is right on. I’m a 1.27 by the way.
Moving right along, I find that so long as there is a warm, moist pumpkin pie in between a woman’s thighs, there is someone out there willing to slice it.
There are too many thirsty, trick @ss ninjas out there giving play to women who in no way shape of form come close to meeting the ‘generally accepted western standards of beauty’. These lames will buy anything with a rabid weave a drink, a meal, a good time, etc.
Whether it’s at a club, lounge, bar, barbecue, home depot, etc, there will always be that guy chatting up the vajajay with the ‘less than appealing’ legs, arms, torso and head. Go Voltron.
It’s these chocha desperados that are actually doing the public a disservice since they have these penny loafered chicks walking around thinking they’re actually Florsheim dimes.
Given this phenomenon, are there really any ‘busted’ chicks out there?
N*njas are out there hollaring at and banging anything. I mean, cats are literally going as far as planting seeds in the bellies of these beasts. You know how many “The Hills Have Eyes” I’ve seen pushing strollers down the streets?
Fairy Tale Villains be gettin’ their head’s octaned up like it’s nobody’s business. So long as dey gettin’ some dizzy, you can’t tell dem dey busted. In fact, dey be da first to look you all up and down wit scorned disgust, and call YOU busted…like the mere sight of you offended them. Can you believe it?! *smh *
*Fairy Tale Villains – Ogres, trolls, gremlins, witches, monsters, creatures, etc. Basically anything relatively inhuman in character and/or physical form.
dude, ya dun kilt me!
“Given this phenomenon, are there really any ‘busted’ chicks out there?”
Of course it is, they’re just getting knocked up by equally busted men.
i can’t. i cannot deal with you. “cats are literally going as far as planting seeds in the bellies of these beasts,” killed me. you need to write children’s stories.
@SoBo, “I’m a 1.27 by the way.”
^e_O . You need more people, He-Man.
*resisting the urge to yell “You got the Powerrrrrrrrrrrrrr!”*
LMFAO!!!! Btw, you aint no 1.5. I little birdie told me she saw your pic and you are a hottie w/ dreads. I cosign everything. These ninjas just ruin it. Nothing is worse than gassing up the head of ugly chicks. These girls are just terrible. You say anything to them and you are a “HATER!” “Chile boo, dat gur wish she wuz me! Hatin high yella bish!”
#fail
yea…
what’s up with the unicorn mafia underrating themselves?
is that what makes them unicorns?
if a tree falls in a forest, and there is no one there to hear it – do doves still cry?
will we ever be able to confirm or deny and of these actual statements? shouldn’t they all be accompanied with pictures or be automatically thrown out of court?
what makes my unstoppableness sooo unstoppable? whos asking these questions? (sorry.. i love that commercial).
carry on.
@Keisha Brown
What we[Unicorns] have in personality and intelligence, we lack in aesthetics. You don’t really think Unicorns are a complete package do you? We have to be lacking in one area.
I’m sure Boris and Idris are duncecaps. Either that, or their personality sucks on some level. They are deficient in an area where it counts I’m sure.
Furthermore, I’m a 1.27 and proud of it. Nevermind the propaganda Smart Fox Girl is talking about.
@SoBo
i dont believe you. you need more people.
thanks,
management.
“will we ever be able to confirm or deny and of these actual statements? shouldn’t they all be accompanied with pictures or be automatically thrown out of court?”
The lack o’ pictures is precisely why they’re able to make these statements and make us swoon after them. These niccas know what they doing. lol
@Cheekie,
EXACTLY! (damn..how many times have i written that word in today’s post). They have perfected their online personas, knowing fully well that an overly arrogant dude gets no play, whereas the charming, witty dude that doesn’t try to hard gets elevated to unicorn status, lands an e-boo faster than usain bolt runs the 100 m and a mount everest pile of e-panties.
all together now – we don’t believe you. you NEED MORE PICTURES!
thanks,
management.
“all together now – we don’t believe you. you NEED MORE PICTURES!
thanks,
management.”
^ *terrorist fist bump*
Exactly!
@legit_soul
we get an official l_s sideye + terrorist fist bump in the same post? and it’s only monday?
*does peanut butter + jelly dance.
@ Miss Keisha,
It’s a lot of side-eye worthy comments by the Unicorn Mafia, but Ima’ let em’ downplay their greatness. We all know a Unicorn is a majestic creature to behold with fairy dust and all that good stuff. They know good and well sistah’s around they way got sugar cubes in they pocket for dat a*z, but I digress. It’s okay.
Plus, after seeing fOlK$ txt% n tYpe lyke ‘dis, simple literacy escalates brothers from 1.5, 1.27, and other bald-headed lahs (shout out, Luvvie!)
*feeling special cause the special fist bump from Miss Keisha is for me! singing “Hide ya kids, Hide ya wife…”*
@Keisha
“if a tree falls in a forest, and there is no one there to hear it – do doves still cry? ”
are we a Criminal Minds fan?
@Yayer..
i’ve seen the show only a couple of times. was that a line in the show? lol
pumpkin pie remind me of a scene from Gloria Naylor’s novel Bailey’s Cafe…Great book- if you haven’t read it, read it.
“Husband, this is sweet potato pie.”
@Mr. SoBo
I don’t get why the VSS won’t accept our ratings. I’m starting to believe if we said that we were an 8 or 9 they wouldn’t believe it. Where are these women in real life? Outside the Internet the Comission of Women’s Rating System has me at 1.5.
@Humble_One
They fail to understand that we have developed our personalities and charismatic wit to exceedingly attractive levels in order to compensate for the lacking physical attributes.
Case and point:
In highschool, I was voted Best Personality. I knew then that my charm was my only way into a woman’s ‘southern charm’.
See, making love to a woman’s mind is the key to unlocking the gates to her liquid treasure. And I will charm the whiskers off some pink panther.
See, making love to a woman’s mind is the key to unlocking the gates to her liquid treasure. And I will charm the whiskers off some pink panther.
@SoBo
i’m not tryin to get my e-azz kicked by your e-boo. but um.. yeah.. i’ll keep my CBG-like thoughts to myself!
@Mr SoBo
“I’m a 1.27 by the way”
Impossible!
You are so dead WRONG for this!!! LMAO
I am eooons late, but “The Hills have Eyes” chicks? _____flatlined_______. roflmao
If you’re not getting any play it might not even be that you’re fugly. It could be your hygiene.
I see this fairly attractive guy on the bus every morning and one day I decided to smile at him. He approached me and the minute he said “Hi”, his breathe slapped me real hard across the face. He smelled like someone took a dump in his mouth. I had to excuse myself and sat somewhere else because frankly I couldn’t take the funk. Long story short he thought I wasn’t attracted to him and said it’s ok cuz it happens all the time. I wanted to tell him that it’s not his look, it’s the funk that scaring chicks away, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings
@T
That’s a tough situation…but maybe you could’ve been tactly honest.
“It’s not that I didn’t find you attractive. Your breath is a little tart”
You could’ve saved this man from losing out on more visits to the love below,lol
lol true true. I see him often so it’s just a matter of how to tell him. Maybe I’ll offer him some listerine strips or a toothbrush
Yeah, they also have those neat little disposable toothbrushes. I think Colgate makes them.
They fit right in your pocket!
he need to floss. these heauxs out here ain’t flossin.
“I wanted to tell him that it’s not his look, it’s the funk that scaring chicks away, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings”
It’s kinda hilarious that realizing his breath is what scares chicks away and NOT his looks is a harder blow to him…lol.
I would think that would be a relief though. Breath can be worked on, ugly is fo’eva
lol right
Some people just need to go right to the source.
Offer him a mint leaf.
Not a mint leaf! I HATECHU.
LMAO @ offer him a mint leaf. That. is. wrong!
^Naw, It’s right! *partly joking* Let that chlorophyll work for ya’. Sometimes when a person’s diet is trash and they insides ain’t right the odor comes up. He may need more greens in his diet period.
When the fine guy’s ugly friend who is just along for the ride decides that he isn’t trying to talk to you, even for the night, EVEN for the sake of being his friend’s wingman….you’re ugly personified.
When the extra-unattractive girl who never gets any play decides to diss you in a room full of people when you try to be nice and talk to her…not even on some holleration, but just conversation out of pity…you sir, are a jabberwocky.
“When the fine guy’s ugly friend who is just along for the ride decides that he isn’t trying to talk to you, even for the night, EVEN for the sake of being his friend’s wingman….you’re ugly personified…”
Back in my early-twenties, a former friend of mine had tried to do this slick, underhanded, sh*t to me. It backfired on her though.
There is a sure fire way to tell how attractive you are.
Ask the kids.
Any one under 7 already knows who is pretty and who is not. If you’re at a wedding watch the woman the ring bearer goes to talk to. Look at the guy the flower girl wants to dance with( or punch for no reason). These are the attaractive people. Point blank.
If children ignore you at best you are average.
If children call you ” an ugly beast monster ” or cry when they see you then you should make a call to dr. 90210 or convert to Islam and rock a burka because you are super ugly.
“Ask the kids. ”
OMG, yes. Kids are more truth than a mathematical equation.
@Broadway
“Ask the kids”
If this is the case….then, I’m in good shape : ) The kids/babies love them some CNotes! LOL! Everytime I’m on the train and I catch eye contact with a little one in the stroller……I can make them smile.(at least 90% of them. the other 10% smile for no one. lol)
Have you ever watched ru paul’s drag race. That show is proof that there are no ugly women, just lazy ones.
If dudes can turn themselves into woman-esque creatures that would make you do a double take, then even your ugliest woman can improve her visage. Rupaul is a ugly dude. But he can make himself look like Tyra banks on a good day
Pause.
No homo.
No homo.
No homo.
@Broadway
“No h0m0″?
We don’t believe you. You need more “no h0m0s”.
Babies are the truest test of attraction!
Studies show babies spend more time staring at pictures of symmetric individuals than they do at photos of asymmetric ones.
Reason: symmetry has been scientifically proven to be inherently attractive to the human eye.
So if babies always stare at you, smile at you or want to leap in your arms for no reason then chances are you are a hot person.
I don’t know, I personally think ugly is all relative.. On a day to day basis, there’s not too many women I see and be like “d*mn she’s ugly as f*ck, she lookin worse than Hatchet-Face from Cry Baby” (the youngsters in here might not get that one). I don’t know if thats because im in NYC where such a premium is put upon being “hot”, or maybe I’m just such a saintly being that I see the beauty in everyone (haha, not lol).
But I think those people that are just not hot exacerbate it by being so lackadaisical (sp?) in their appearance. Its like, d*mn, would a little make-up kill you? Like, are you actively trying to make yourself even uglier? I think even the most aesthetically challenged of folk can at least go up a half-ranking or so just by putting a little effort into their appearance. A little make-up, a little eyebrow tweezing, a new hairstyle, and some fashionable clothes can make anyone look better.
And lastly, confidence looks great on everyone
*Group hug*
firstly, i agree with the whole post. for every person (give or take) that can call you pretty, there is another (again, give or take) that will think NOT. beauty is relative…thankfully!
“But I think those people that are just not hot exacerbate it by being so lackadaisical (sp?) in their appearance. Its like, d*mn, would a little make-up kill you? Like, are you actively trying to make yourself even uglier?”
i personally think it’s for a bunch of reasons.
1. some are scared to try. i think they fear the possibility that no-matter how much effort they put the difference will be small thus confirming that they are just that fugly.
2. low self-esteem?
3.they’ve lost all hope…
idk
and yes, confidence does more than people realize…
p.s. i’m ALWAYS amazed at how much of a difference eyebrow tweezing can make!!!!
I think being your true self is along these lines cause , it radiates from within, something very fly and magnetic about this quality….pretty or not.
Good point. But LMAO @ the “Hatchet Face” reference. I’m old enough to know. She just held her mouth all ugly too.
DAMN, its been a minute since I’ve been on here.
Just wanted to say what’s up to my VSB fam. *waves, throws Diva Dust(tm)*
I have nothing to add. For once in his short life of debatable meaning, Panda Man is on point.
*hugs Mama BBMo*
Wow!!!! Dang homie, where you been hiding?
Chile… life ain’t been no Crystal Stair… that’s wher I been.
Nah, for real… uber busy and the plantation has a MEAN a$$ firewall. Finally hacked that sh*t.
I have nothing to add. For once in his short life of debatable meaning, Panda Man is on point.
lucky for you my self-esteem is on a hundred, thousand, trillion.
I just happened to be in D.C. this weekend and saw the Metro brawl on the news. How the hell 70 people get in to a fight, and only 3 get arrested? Doesn’t make no damn sense. I hate the metro.
Welcome to DC…The metro is one of the worst!
you know i’m starting to see the trend of people thinking that they look a lot better than they actually are. i really want to forward this in an e-mail to some people but that would really be shots fired. i blame women (because i could care if a guy thinks he looks better than he does) because they aren’t honest with their friends. eff honest. they straight up lie. if your friend looks busted don’t tell her she looks hot in that dress before y’all head out. tell her the truth. it’ll sting at first but that’s better than having her walk around looking like a fool.
“i really want to forward this in an e-mail to some people but that would really be shots fired.”
Do it. Under the guise of “hey, yo, check out this hilarious post.” Make sure you send it to a variety of folks, not just the donkeys that dwell in swamps.
the only problem with that is that they’ll think i’m actually trying to make them laugh and i’m not in fact doing it as a public service announcement.
“the only problem with that is that they’ll think i’m actually trying to make them laugh and i’m not in fact doing it as a public service announcement.”
Hmm…hopefully it’ll make ‘em think at least. lol
You know u
ugly as fcukunattractive is you feel it necessary to be ‘extra’…another sign if you have to broadcast your sexual prowless for the world…regardless of the topic at hand
Ex: Group of 5 people…3 men two women and UGG-MUGG
Guy 1: did you enjoy service
Girl 2: I definitely did
Girl 1: Im glad i came too
Ugg-Mugg: speaking of
cummingcoming (pause),Bishopthis dude wore my azz out last night when we were doing the ‘downward facing dog’ with handcuffs, whips, cucumbers, special toys, and a spork while watching Montana Fishburne’s polka dot azz bounce around the screenGuy 2: Ugg, why don’t you give me yo #
Guy 3: Yep, slip it to me too (pause)
@Jai
there is NO possible way she can do that without breaking her fibula.
i dont believe your avi for one minute.
bruahahahahahahaaa
Being that I’m the resident perv…was this anonymous online or in person? Cause if it was online than she’s safe in her eworld. If it was in person, then homegirl is just thirsty. *sips gatorade*
Btw, the avi made me laugh so hard I bit my tongue. Speaking of tongue…
Carry on.
@SFG…I forgot to mention that this convo takes place right after church…inside the church daycare…on Communion Sunday
Wait a minute…is that ash under homegirl’s thigh? x_x
You’re not hot if…
…you resemble ANY of Jai’s VSB avatars.
Now her REAL avatar (via Twitter) is a different story. Owwww!
WOW..that’s just…. sad…and ol girl regardless of aesthetics needs some self worth, love, esteem STAT..to carry yourself as a roller/slore etc must compound the feelings of inferiority worthlessness….
Word to the wise you should not competely tie your self worth as a person, to your looks honey….. always place more value on the inner person because its true outter beauty can fade and/or be taken away but pretty is as pretty does, and homegirl up top is atrocious, looks aside.
@Jai
Montana Fishburn really did have a polkadot @$$. I try not to be critical of certain things out of a person’s control, but jeez. It looked like a game of Twister.
Either that or a Kwame shirt.
LOL i could. not. believe. it.
why would putting it in the camera be your first thought though?? o_O
Hilarious, but all so very true.
Reading this post brought a quote to my memory from a movie. In the movie Ghosts of Ex-Girlfriends Past, The main character Dutch, played my Matthew McConahey (probably spelled that all wrong), is getting advice from his uncle about women and how to talk to them and stuff because he just got his heartbroken by his sweetheart since childhood. So his uncle, Max, says: “Well Dutch (Matt McConehey’s character) its like this, AN UGLY BROAD MAY AS WELL BE TAKEN OUT IN THE BACK OF THE SHED AND SHOT BEHIND THE EAR, I MEAN JUST PUT HER OUT OF HER MISERY BECAUSE THAT DOG JUST WON’T HUNT, BUT ANY GUY WITH A JOHNSON AND A LITTLE PERSONALITY HAS A SHOT AT MISS AMERICA BECAUSE COOL COMES FROM THE INSIDE.”
And as disturbing as that quote is, he is right. . . .an ugly guy can get away with a lot more than a ugly woman, but I also must add that women have waaaay more options available to them to modify the parts that they don’t like: Breast implants, butt augmentation, nose job, cheek implants, eye lid widening, tummy tuck, even VAGINAL TIGHTENING! Hell if she ugly enough she can even become a man! What we got, nothing just the hopes of being funny or having enough money to which our looks are an after thought, just ask Jay-Z and Biggie (who was both funny and had the bank).
I cannot co-sign this, lol. You stoopid. But some truth here. A tiny, tiny bit.
When I was reading this, I was thining about that exact same scene from that movie.
In my opinion, plastic surgery may not cure the ugly. It will either soften it up or just enhance it.
you’re so stupid. lmbo.
i almost broke out into the love and basketball cheer. u-g-l-y you ain’t got no alibi… when i read that tag. lol
btw… i don’t know and have never heard of ANY woman who’s never gotten whistled/shouted/woooweeee’d at from a moving vehicle with some ignant ninjas riding past. not one.
that’s a poor unfortunate face/body combo to have never experienced that. lmbo.
Well, it’s not really my bizness what anyone else thinks about how I look….and as far as I can tell, looking like Halle Berry, hasn’t helped her situation and looking like Whoopie Goldberg hasn’t hurt her situation. I’m just sayin….I think they are both amazing women. At the end of the day, if you like what I an serving, well that’s nice, but if not, you can kick rocks….makes me no never mind.
I’m a loyal reader and I’ve decided that I need some real evidence that Panama is a 3. Although I know men tend to be more honest with themselves, let me be the judge. Son.
you’ll have to see for yourself at the VSB BBQ.
I’m a loyal reader and I’ve decided that I need some real evidence that Panama is a 3. Although I know men tend to be more honest with themselves, let me be the judge. Son.
the last tag: “u ain’t got no alibi you ugly” made my day.
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