Bougie Black People (BBP) are alcoholics. Obviously, they are highly-functioning alcoholics. They hold government jobs, they have good credit, and they even buy special garbage cans just for recycling. But don’t let their professional demeanors fool you. The only difference between them and your regular Black drunk uncle Tommy is that BBP blackout in rent controlled lofts instead of Greyhound Station newspaper stands.
Since BBP are alcoholics, much of their mental energy is spent thinking of new ways to drink alcohol with other BBP. This is why “Bottomless brunch” is the BBP’s 3rd favorite word combination, right behind “Lupita Nyong’o” and “Zimmerman died?”
Sadly, Bougie Black People were faced with a dilemma some years back. Although they can’t drink during work, they found ways to drink directly after work (happy hours and professional mixers), at home (wine with every meal), Friday and Saturday nights (game nights and nightclubs), and Saturday and Sunday late morning/early afternoon (brunch). But, there remained a giant chasm Saturday and Sunday afternoons.
They initially tried experimenting with things such as “Black Girls Run,” “mentorship,” and “going to museums and shit” to fill those voids, but none of those things involved alcohol. Which Bougie Black People needed. Because Bougie Black People are alcoholics.
Underdeterred, they stayed resilient and eventually just decided to drink alcohol all day long. They even created a name for it: The day party.
The day party is the Bougie Black Person’s shrewdest invention. Although created as an excuse to enable their alcoholism, they’ve actually become preferable to night parties because…
1. The daylight allows them a better opportunity to detect other Bougie Black People and distinguish themselves as a Bougie Black Person — often done by wearing Bougie-identifying t-shirts purchased from Teespring campaigns.
2. The daylight gives them a better opportunity to chronicle their Bougie and their alcoholism through Instagram.
3. Bougie Black People love putting “new” spins on old shit, even if that “new” spin is just some older shit. (Hence the 90s party.) It makes them feel cool and irreverent. Which matters, because coolness and irreverence are just as important to BBP as Olivia Pope and alcoholism are.
Attending a “day party” (a party taking place during the day) as opposed to a “party” (a party taking place at night) gives them that feeling.