The Boston Globe Running “In Defense Of The White Male” On The 4th Of July Is The Whitest Thing That Ever Happened This Week » VSB

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The Boston Globe Running “In Defense Of The White Male” On The 4th Of July Is The Whitest Thing That Ever Happened This Week

Since reading Roland Merullo’s “In defense of the white male” yesterday, I’ve been trying to imagine the level of hubris necessary to believe that White men are some sort of minimized American runt in dire and specific need of advocates, cheerleaders, post-dawn fellatio, and post-fellatio snickerdoodles to remind them and us of how important they are. I know this hubris exists. Merullo’s piece would not exist without it. But its so incomprehensible, so beyond my intellectual capacity, that just writing this paragraph gave me a nosebleed.

But please! Try, as I’ve tried, to imagine what would allow a White man to lift from his White futon in his White study to jaunt, Whitely, to his window of Whiteness — stroking his White chin and narrowing his White eyes while surveying America’s shockingly and intentionally White landscape — and somehow deduce, Whitely, that America’s White men aren’t appreciated enough.

Consider the vastness of the inconceivable Whiteness that would need to lurk within you to witness White men ruling politics, the economy, education, pop culture, medicine, the military, science, Wall Street, Silicon Valley. Washington, D.C., agriculture, S.T.E.M., law enforcement, Cracker Barrell, and Chick-fil-A and think “You know what? Fuck Meals on Wheels. White men need meals too.”

Envision existing in a 400-or-so-year-old nation that only just decided like 40 minutes ago that the legal oppression of Blacks and women probably wasn’t all that legal and still somehow possessing the audacity to end your stream of biggety feculence with “Maybe one fine day we’ll learn to eschew labels, or at least see beyond them, and focus on the humanity we share” — as if you motherfuckers weren’t the ones who created the labels and refused/refuses to see beyond them and based those labels on our perceived lack of humanity.

Picture centering an entire piece around the premise that “Hey. We’re not all Hitler. #notallhitlers.” And then imagine how fucking clumsy and clueless and unstoppably White you’d need to be to not even allow that to exist as a latent implication, but to literally say “While a couple of us were responsible for the deaths of tens of millions of people, most of us haven’t done anything like that at all! So where’s our Panera Bread gift cards? It’s cream of chicken and wild rice day!”

Conceptualize drawing an equivalency between the historical and foundational oppression of and violence against anyone who isn’t a White male, and getting your feelings hurt and knickers twisted by a female student; which is exactly what happens here:

Not long ago I had an exchange with a former student of mine — we were discussing women’s rights and abusive men — and she told me I had no right to speak on the subject. “We were made to be silent for millennia,” she said, “now it’s your turn.” That kind of revenge must be satisfying, and particularly soothing to those who’ve been hurt by men — no small number. Ultimately, though, understandable as it may be, the impulse toward revenge leads nowhere except to a seesaw of oppression and fury.

And then, when done with all of that imagining, considering, and envisioning, wonder how men like Roland Merullo even still possess the strength and the will to live. Think of how hard life must be if you’re such a fucking snowflake that your existence is dependent on perpetual genuflection. That, despite ruling and running everything, you still need both the big piece of chicken and acknowledgement that tonight’s delicious chicken dinner was made possible by your generous Whiteness. That if the world doesn’t get on its knees every 57 seconds to thank you for being so amazingly White and male that you’ll dissolve like cotton candy on a Black-ass tongue.

Is your nose bleeding yet?

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • AKA The Sauce

    So we not gone talk about Rob Kardashian?

    • You don’t put your baby momma out there like that. At all. He’s showing his fuccboi flag right now.

      In general, the family’s relationship with blackness is disturbing.

      • AKA The Sauce

        I honestly think he set off because she went back to a black man…and not one he approves of…like he has a say in this situation. They both sad.

    • Michelle is my First Lady

      It all seems tacky to me.

      • AKA The Sauce

        I confused why he mad. Is t because she moved on…or because she with a black guy? I have questions.

      • miss t-lee

        It’s very tacky. Why are you leaking nudes and videos?
        Ol’ hoeazz.

        • AKA The Sauce

          Never be Rob K

          • miss t-lee

            Is this a sentence?

            • AKA The Sauce

              Ugh

        • Hugh Akston

          Hmmm

          • miss t-lee

            What you wanna say, Friar Hugh?

            • IWishtoRuletheWorld

              We know the recording already but i suppose we must let him air lest he pees himself

            • Hugh Akston

              I’ll walk carefully :)

              • miss t-lee

                You might as well say what you want to say man…lol

        • IWishtoRuletheWorld

          It’s the Kardashian way

          • miss t-lee

            My original thought stands, that’s some hoesh*t.
            And I’m calling Rob the h*e here.

            • IWishtoRuletheWorld

              I think that’s a given. Again it’s in their DNA

    • IWishtoRuletheWorld

      What has he done now?

      • AKA The Sauce

        He out here giving maximum effort and I’m entertained.

        • IWishtoRuletheWorld

          He’s a duckling Kardashian who keeps trying but only reels in L’s

          • AKA The Sauce

            THAT’S WHY IT’S SO FUNNY!!!

    • Hugh Akston

      Lmao

      That’s hilarious

      Those receipts just keep on giving

      • It’s not funny. It’s disgusting and misogynistic.

        It’s like that scene from “The Wire” where McNulty is venting to Kima about how his wife won’t let him see his kids. He goes on one, calls his wife a k*nt in the middle of the rant, and then finishes. Kima, incredulous, just looks at him and asks:

        “Did you just call the mother of your children a k*nt?”

        https://youtu.be/L68E8xLtRLE

        • Hugh Akston

          Hmmm welp

        • cyanic

          Men operate in misogynistic language because the language is patriarchal. Of course he’s upset and white so the c-word will be used to denigrate their women.

    • Kas

      What about him?

      • AKA The Sauce

        He going all out for sympathy today. He’s getting laughs instead.

        • cyanic
          • AKA The Sauce

            Even if she is a freak…he wrong for this

            • cyanic

              She’s trash and he’s dumb for knocking her up.

            • IWishtoRuletheWorld

              He knew who he was getting involved with.

    • miss t-lee

      We are on twitter.

      • AKA The Sauce

        That’s where smart peoples go…I’ll stick to my pictures and fake news

    • Sigma_Since 93

      What happened Sauce???

      • AKA The Sauce

        The man is doing way too much. Talking about how many people she smashing…meanwhile he was texting her saying he need and love her. The man is sick.

  • Brown Rose

    I was weirded out that the article showed up in my feed and knew it wasn’t worth reading. Modern Western Civilization is nothing but paen, a siren song to the absolute greatness of white men. What more do they need– to requisition ourselves back into slavery? *shrugs*.

    • Diego Duarte

      Remember when they were griping about new games being released featuring female protagonists and they were all like “this hurts my capabilities of immersion!”?

      • Brown Rose

        Oh man. Don’t get me started on video games. One of the reasons I stay in the Nintendo Lane. Every high scoring game–the lead is either a white man or white woman. Even the aliens might as well be white.

  • Val

    That article is pure propaganda. It is designed to portray White folks as the underdog. If you can portray yourself as the underdog, while simultaneously being the winner, then you get to take home all the spoils.

    It boils down to White folks in general not being happy about sharing. They don’t want to share wealth, power, neighborhoods, good schools, rights etc, etc, etc.

    • IWishtoRuletheWorld

      They are always when they are called out. There is power in being the victim it seems

    • HouseSublime

      If you’re used to winning 100-0 every time the time when you win 95-5 feels like a loss. The fact that they are no longer just overwhelming dominant in every possible aspect of American society was too much to handle.

    • Mochasister

      On a report card wypipo would get a comment like, “Little wh***y does not play well with the others. He should learn how to share and compromise with his fellow classmates of life.”

    • Blueberry01

      White People = Zero Sum Game Theory

  • IWishtoRuletheWorld

    Off topic but what do you make of Rahm emmanuels plan re: with holding of high school diplomas?

    • Kas

      What is he withholding them for?

      • IWishtoRuletheWorld
        • Kas

          I’m sorry, run that by me again!

          • IWishtoRuletheWorld

            Youb read right

            • Kas

              Most stupid fucking thing I have ever heard of. He should spend his energy fixing the fucking police department.

              • Cheech

                If nothing else, cue the Catch-22 stories in 3 … 2…

          • Darkchloe144

            Even kids at the top of my graduating class would have been done in by this, its outrageous.

        • Cheech

          Or an acceptable “gap year” program.

          I get what they’re trying for, but I don’t buy it.

        • KeciB

          I hate Rahm. He’s ruined Chicago. I first heard about this initiative a couple of months back and was infuriated. At 18 years of age, you are an adult. If you choose to become a homeless bum that’s your choice. How can you require someone to have a life plan at 18, especially when you haven’t provided them with the skills needed to make an informed decision? Just this last school year, CPS was close to shutting down early because this stats hasn’t had a budget in 3 freakin’ years and they were running out of funds. A lot of these kids are risking their lives just to make it to school and now you want to deny them the piece of paper they are risking they necks to receive if they don’t have a plan? GTFOOHWTBS. Meanwhile, the state of Illinois is on the verge of being downgraded to junk bond status.

          • Sigma_Since 93

            Heck most college freshman don’t truly have a plan for their lives. H E L L most college graduates don’t have a plan for their lives!

            • KeciB

              Right! Maybe if Rahm hadn’t run so many businesses out of Chicago, their would be more options open to these kids. But regardless, they’ve earned that piece of paper and it shouldn’t be withheld from them based off someone else’s opinion of how they should navigate their lives.

          • Cheech
        • miss t-lee

          Sheer stupidity.

        • PurpleIntrovert

          Wow. What a POS.

    • He may as well tell kids to drop out.

    • Val

      Welp, when the unemployment rate for Black youth in Chicago hovers around 50%, I think his reasons are clear. Build another roadblock for Black folks.

      • Force them in to the military or prison. this is 1940’s Alabama.

    • JulianWithTheRedCorvette

      Just from a practical application standpoint, how is this plan supposed to work? CPS is cash strapped; over 1000 employees were laid off last year. Teacher retention rates aren’t that great either.
      In order for this plan to be effective, these kids are going to need sustained, one-on-one career counseling. But the average CPS counselor is already operating under a ridiculous workload.
      So, again, how is this supposed to work?

      • Val

        It’s not supposed to work for Black and Brown students.

        • JulianWithTheRedCorvette

          What I don’t get about this is; it’s the Chicago Public School System. There’s almost nothing BUT Black and Brown students there. Black and Brown people make up a majority of the school board. What was the thought process behind this?

          • Val

            Respectability politics.

    • Brown Rose

      Might as well just bring back the poll tax. What he is doing is discriminatory and evil but what did anyone expect from Rahm.

    • ElusiveCupcake

      Rahm Emanuel is the mayor for white transplants from the suburbs. He does not give a d@mn about the city’s black or brown residents. Why is anyone surprised?

  • Darkchloe144

    Bahahaha! Someone ate some shiddy potato salad at tha cookout! Go in, Damon, go in.
    I had the bright idea to read more than a few sentences of this BG article. Maaan, I Proud Family Latino Dude guffawed. The delusional whiteness, it blinds the eyes! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b94f54fdceb561211e7466fb13268c3c076de7c2ff13a065898462007e5c0944.gif

    • Brown Rose

      Pass me the bleach. just reading the title was enough for me.

      • Darkchloe144

        I would, but I can’t seem to find it anymore, lol.

        • Brown Rose

          Well then I might have to go full on Oedipal.

      • IWishtoRuletheWorld
    • Diego Duarte

      I shall seize this meme of production for future purposes. Your contribution is kindly appreciated.

      • Darkchloe144

        Happy to be of service, lol.

  • cyanic

    White people will white. They’ll white themselves to death. And they like it this way. Living in whiteness blinding them to the concerns of those existing outside its bubble of oblivion. What was wonderful about yesterday was no delusions of inclusion. Just black people blacking making everything about loving each other because we legally have the day off to eat fattening meats and sugary drinks. Laugh love laugh love and not care one iota what they in whiteness of America felt or thought because nobody on that side of the family sullies their nether parts with the crust and rust of humanity.

  • conlakappa

    Judging by his surname only [The Globe is too click counting and I might want to read something of greater depth at some point soon], he and his have been legally white for about 5 minutes. Seems like he’s clinging to that status with a life vest. And the biggest piece of chicken.

  • Yeah, sounds like every white dude from Boston.

    • Brown Rose

      *nods*. Yep. Don’t miss it.

  • Africameleon

    I don’t even have enough time to dissect the issues and blatant historical omissions in this statement. Let alone the tone of white male entitlement of this article. But damn.
    And the NPR mess… Wow. This is both hilarious and sad. We’re about to get pulled into WWIII with Korea (or well, anybody who’s feeling froggy) because people don’t read.

    • miss t-lee

      Seriously though. This idiot is about to have us in a war forreal.

      • Val

        And here I am in California. In harms way.

        • miss t-lee

          I certainly hope it doesn’t come to fruition, but given that the person at 1600 is a raging d*ckhead anything is most certainly possible.

          • It won’t come to that. China isn’t letting anyone get into a gun fight with its three biggest trading partners.

            • miss t-lee

              You have a solid point.

              • I mean we’re technically at war with NK but there hasn’t been any shooting since 53. Kim’s fate will be decided by others and I doubt there will be much gunfire or his input involved.

                “Look at the rabbits, Lennie.”

                • miss t-lee

                  That’s true. I forgot that the war never really actually ended.

            • Val

              I hope you’re right but when you have two crazy people itching for a fight, it’s hard to stop them.

              • Even if someone jumps fool we don’t know that the NK missiles are combat ready yet. Launching into the ocean and hitting strategic targets aren’t the same thing.

                • Cheech

                  Hitting suburban Seoul is a much smaller challenge, though.

                  • They’ve been capable of doing that for the last five decades though.

                    • Cheech

                      But we didn’t have a sentient Cheezit in office that whole time, or the excuse of an ICBM threat (trumped up or no).

                    • Why use and ICBM on Seoul when howitzers shells filled with gas would do? Nuking Japan or US would make sense* but not land you seek to take over.

                      *I don’t think they know if NK has nukes that can fit atop any of their missiles just yet.

                    • Cheech

                      Right, I get that. But if there’s one person who’s ignorant of what they can and can’t do, and braggadocuous enough to either bluster us into a war or start shooting himself, it’d be the Cheezit. And once the shooting startz, those howitzers are all you need.

                • Val

                  Like I said, I hope you’re right but I don’t want to sit here relying on the faulty navigation of a ICBM. Lol

            • Cheech

              From your keyboard to God’s phone.

            • cedriclathan

              “Follow the money.”

  • Mark M

    We are witnessing the culmination of white (male) hegemony, stripped of pretense. That is all. Take away the reasoning, the defenses, the notions of “progress” and “freedom” and there you have it — I am white and am entitled to run the world and no one dare challenge my entitlement.

    Black folk have known this naked reality since the dawn of western civilization, but, of course, no one wanted to listen since that would, in and of itself, challenge white supremacy.

    Now it’s just out there for all to see and it is both humorous for it’s cray-cray but deeply disturbing.

    • Cheech

      White male propertied hegemony. Their fomenting of racism among the unpropertied is a tool of their agenda.

      Nancy Maclean’s book about the Koch cabal at George Mason University is very illuminating.

      • Mark M

        Read some of the book and many reviews. It’s from an old playbook, but it works every time. I just never thought I’d see in 2017 such a transparent appeal to white tribalism, but then again, the country elected the poster child of white tribalism.

    • esa

      in a culture based firmly on appearances, the pretense is very new and therefore easily stripped away. the only reason they even bothered to pretend was to keep up the illusion that the uphold the principles and morals they claim.

    • Michelle Kirkwood

      Yep,that’s for damn sure.

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