The Boston Globe Running “In Defense Of The White Male” On The 4th Of July Is The Whitest Thing That Ever Happened This Week » VSB

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The Boston Globe Running “In Defense Of The White Male” On The 4th Of July Is The Whitest Thing That Ever Happened This Week

Since reading Roland Merullo’s “In defense of the white male” yesterday, I’ve been trying to imagine the level of hubris necessary to believe that White men are some sort of minimized American runt in dire and specific need of advocates, cheerleaders, post-dawn fellatio, and post-fellatio snickerdoodles to remind them and us of how important they are. I know this hubris exists. Merullo’s piece would not exist without it. But its so incomprehensible, so beyond my intellectual capacity, that just writing this paragraph gave me a nosebleed.

But please! Try, as I’ve tried, to imagine what would allow a White man to lift from his White futon in his White study to jaunt, Whitely, to his window of Whiteness — stroking his White chin and narrowing his White eyes while surveying America’s shockingly and intentionally White landscape — and somehow deduce, Whitely, that America’s White men aren’t appreciated enough.

Consider the vastness of the inconceivable Whiteness that would need to lurk within you to witness White men ruling politics, the economy, education, pop culture, medicine, the military, science, Wall Street, Silicon Valley. Washington, D.C., agriculture, S.T.E.M., law enforcement, Cracker Barrell, and Chick-fil-A and think “You know what? Fuck Meals on Wheels. White men need meals too.”

Envision existing in a 400-or-so-year-old nation that only just decided like 40 minutes ago that the legal oppression of Blacks and women probably wasn’t all that legal and still somehow possessing the audacity to end your stream of biggety feculence with “Maybe one fine day we’ll learn to eschew labels, or at least see beyond them, and focus on the humanity we share” — as if you motherfuckers weren’t the ones who created the labels and refused/refuses to see beyond them and based those labels on our perceived lack of humanity.

Picture centering an entire piece around the premise that “Hey. We’re not all Hitler. #notallhitlers.” And then imagine how fucking clumsy and clueless and unstoppably White you’d need to be to not even allow that to exist as a latent implication, but to literally say “While a couple of us were responsible for the deaths of tens of millions of people, most of us haven’t done anything like that at all! So where’s our Panera Bread gift cards? It’s cream of chicken and wild rice day!”

Conceptualize drawing an equivalency between the historical and foundational oppression of and violence against anyone who isn’t a White male, and getting your feelings hurt and knickers twisted by a female student; which is exactly what happens here:

Not long ago I had an exchange with a former student of mine — we were discussing women’s rights and abusive men — and she told me I had no right to speak on the subject. “We were made to be silent for millennia,” she said, “now it’s your turn.” That kind of revenge must be satisfying, and particularly soothing to those who’ve been hurt by men — no small number. Ultimately, though, understandable as it may be, the impulse toward revenge leads nowhere except to a seesaw of oppression and fury.

And then, when done with all of that imagining, considering, and envisioning, wonder how men like Roland Merullo even still possess the strength and the will to live. Think of how hard life must be if you’re such a fucking snowflake that your existence is dependent on perpetual genuflection. That, despite ruling and running everything, you still need both the big piece of chicken and acknowledgement that tonight’s delicious chicken dinner was made possible by your generous Whiteness. That if the world doesn’t get on its knees every 57 seconds to thank you for being so amazingly White and male that you’ll dissolve like cotton candy on a Black-ass tongue.

Is your nose bleeding yet?

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • I thought Trump supporters freaking out about NPR’s annual reading of the Declaration of Independence like it was an act of sedition was the whitest thing but two paragraphs into “In Defense of…” has made me change my mind.

    • Sigma_Since 93

      I’m waiting for Dolt 45 to tweet the fire works were the biggest, best, and most attended ever

      • He’s to busy making himself pretty for his date with Vlad.

      • conlakappa

        The Obamas always hosted military families for the annual 4th cookout at 1600 Penn, N.W. I guess this guy was too busy sending out tweets to notice. Rather than copy speeches and cakes, how’s about taking a look at that precedent.

        • Cheech

          He’s probably embarrassed to share his bone spur stories.

          Oh, wait, I forgot — he just DGAF.

    • The reactions to the reading of the Delcaration was hilarious.

      A hit dog will holler.

      • That yelping was very loud.

        • True. That dog won’t hunt.

          • I wonder if they would have reacted that way if Ted Nugent or some such “patriot” would have done the reading.

            • conlakappa

              Or ethnically ambiguous NRA angry ad woman.

              • Even some hardcore NRA folks thought that ad was nuts.

      • Gibbous

        The thing that’s monumentally crazy, is they always assume the worst is about them. I always (as is probably most common among humans) assume the worst is about somebody else. Everyone in the Cult of 45, put themselves in the half of supporters who were in the basket of deplorables and not in the half that were described as having a legitimate concern. (remember, HRC said HALF were deplorable)

        It’s like they want to be awful, but want awful to be OK.

    • Brown Rose

      That was so pathetic. A bunch of white people don’t even recognize their G-D country’s documents that they spout off like it was scripture.

      • It was hilariously sad. “You’re inciting a revolution!!!!”

        • IWishtoRuletheWorld

          They are the only ones entitled to do so it seems like

          • I guess so. I just pictured them sitting in their homes imagining Steve Inskeep leading a revolution against the government while he’s getting battle field updates from Lakshmi Singh as she leads an assault on the 1600 Penn.

        • Brown Rose

          I can’t even find any real humor in it. I mean this Exhibit A of how stultifying ignorant and mind numbing stupid Americans are. I mean–we are supposed to idolize and *kneel* down to THAT?

          • Diego Duarte

            Pretty sure this one qualifies as “Exhibit A”:

            “WE hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness—That to secure these Rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just Powers from the Consent of the Governed, that whenever any form of Government becomes destructive of these Ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its Foundation on such Principles, and organizing its Powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient Causes; and accordingly all Experience hath shewn, that Mankind are more disposed to suffer, while Evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long Train of Abuses and Usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object, evinces a Design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their Right, it is their Duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future Security. Such has been the patient Sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the Necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The History of the present King of Great-Britain is a History of repeated Injuries and Usurpations, all having in direct Object the Establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid World.

            (…)

            He has excited domestic Insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the Inhabitants of our Frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known Rule of Warfare, is an undistinguished Destruction, of all Ages, Sexes and Conditions.”

            • Brown Rose

              And look at that…they even put in the complete annihilation of Native Americans. Savages.

              • Diego Duarte

                You find nationalists in every country you visit and people proud of their heritage. However, never have I seen such a blatant and constant display of patting-yourself-in-the-back, ignorant faux-patriotism as I encountered in America. It’s almost like a cult. No, scratch that, it IS a cult. How deluded to you have to be to act as if the entirety of the country is the Shinning City on the Hill and the rest of the globe is living in the Dark Ages?

                • Cheech

                  Founding fables die hard.

                • Brown Rose

                  American Exceptionalism and Manifest Destiny is built on that. They are in the same league. I would argue that American has never been humbled by constant war like in Europe, Africa, Latin America. White American Exceptionalism however is on par with Nipponism. No matter what–Japanese inherently believe they are superior to everyone. Perhaps that is why they love white people so much. They can relate.

                  • Diego Duarte

                    “Perhaps that is why they love white people so much.”

                    So long as they stay in their continent. Reading up on 4chan weeaboos finding out what racism feels like firsthand is highly entertaining.

                    • Brown Rose

                      If they have been trying to fit in for the last 10 years…sure….most of the time they get a pass no matter what they look like.

                    • Diego Duarte

                      From what I’ve read they get turned away at bars and establishments once their “novelty” has worn off. Though I can imagine them getting a pass as well. There was a blog of this one dude who went there thinking he was in his paradise anime-land. Now he’s trying to save money with some other white guy to get the fuck out of there.

                    • Brown Rose

                      Hmmm. Interesting. East Asia is a white man’s paradise. They really must be defective if they can’t hack a little bit censure.

                    • Diego Duarte

                      As with most tribalist cultures, Japanese men do not like Whites coming for “their” women.

                    • Brown Rose

                      I agree but they have a funny way of showing it with their serious issue of herbivores and declining birth rates.

                    • Diego Duarte

                      The declining birth rates may be because of excessive work culture, coupled with extreme idealism of what females should be (look at their entertainment and their concept of the ideal female). Ironically this causes men to behave like entitled azzholes towards women, which in turns causes them to turn away in disgust and they don’t know how to interact with females apparently.

                      The Men Rights movement was a thing in Japan loooooooooooooooong before it ever came to America.

                      (EDIT: Also, their current PM, Shinzo Abe, is a n a z i sympathizer).

                    • Brown Rose

                      It is highly problematic for a long lived culture. There is no way the current population is going to be able to afford to support all those old people. I think the mandatory retiring age is 62? for people who on average live into their 80’s. What do you do for 30 maybe even 40 years?
                      They are also youth obsessed even worse then Americans. If you aren’t married by 30, as a woman, you are toast. What do those women do? They are called parasites, but they end up living with their parents into their 40-50’s and travel, play romance Sims and consume Yayoi manga. Or just a coax a white man to marry them.

                    • Diego Duarte

                      “they end up living with their parents into their 40-50’s and travel, play romance Sims and consume Yayoi manga.”

                      I’m missing the part where this is a bad thing (unless their parents are azzholes).

                      And well, I’m not going to judge anyone on their taste in p0rnography. Because that’s what friends and family are there for.

                    • Brown Rose

                      Its not. Its a problem for Japan who does not know how to use their most valuable resource. Women.

                    • lunanoire

                      Sadly, it’s 25 and you’re referred to as Christmas Cake, a cake traditionally eaten on December 25.

                    • Mochasister

                      Yeah, I remember some Japanese graduate students telling me that years ago. She said that in her country that’s what she was.

                    • Ummhh…it’s spelt “yaoi” >___>….<_____<….^___^ But yeah, gender roles and societal pressure of compliance with said norms is crushing in the big three (China, Japan, and Korea). But once again, women gaining access to education, economic independence, and control over their reproductive choices are making incremental pushes against such a crushing force.

                    • La Bandita

                      But East Asian men dont do anything about. They still want the approval of wyte men even after they’re left womanless. And Asian women? These h o e s anit loyal.

                    • NonyaB?

                      “They get turned away at bars and establishments once their “novelty” has worn off.”

                      Nah, there are certain venues there that just never allow foreigners in, period, with some putting signs to that effect on their entrances (bless their openly xenophobic hearts, *cackle*).

                    • Diego Duarte

                      Suddenly I don’t feel ashamed for the “cultural appropriation” of having the best rated sushi restaurant located here.

                    • Mochasister

                      No better for them. How much you want to bet his experiences will still not have made him empathetic to immigrants or poc in his native country?

                    • Diego Duarte

                      That would be a losing bet, especially considering most white guys in their 20s immigrating their do so because of fetishization of Asian women.

                    • Notpie

                      You sound like a real expert on that.

                    • IWishtoRuletheWorld

                      Btw you noticed they are all triggered that CNN doxxed the id of that reddit user who made the gif of 45 body slamming CNN .

                    • Duff Soviet Union

                      First they came for the Nazis and I did…nothing because screw em, that’s why.

                      It is kind of entertaining to see the “**** your feelings” crew suddenly turn into a support group for anti Semitic trolls who get exposed.

                      Also, after literal years of making “triggered” jokes, they’re now telling folks to be sensitive about setting off fireworks in front of veterans on the fourth of July. Seriously, these people…

                    • Out of Patience

                      CNN didn’t dox that grown man. No details were revealed.

                    • Yahmo Bethere

                      Sis has lived over there for a decade. I have FB access to some of her buds. It’s funnnaaayyyy when they feel “discriminated against” because some handie-massage parlor doesn’t serve Western men.

                    • Diego Duarte

                      LOL! I would pay good money to read those comments.

                  • conlakappa

                    I think they have a bit of an asterisk on language, though. Because the Chinese language/culture is older, there is a smidge of deference to that.

                    • Brown Rose

                      A good portion of Japanese culture has been co-opted and adopted from the Chinese.

                    • conlakappa

                      Yes, I know, notably a whole alphabet. I studied Japanese for 3 years and heard great reverence about Chinese history/culture.

                  • The fact that the U.S. is nearly impossible to invade has something to do with this.

                    • Brown Rose

                      yes–its the primary reason. Now physical geography may not mean so much–Cyber warfare may actually be what will nail America down.

                    • Daniel Ward

                      War of 1812 says what? (insert long boring rant about necessity of strong navy for a maritime nation here.) But seriously — the Boston Globe defending whitey whiteness is *almost* as surprising as the Washington Post defending neoliberal global capitalism and its interventionist imperialism…

                  • Doug Langley

                    American has been at constant war for decades, but always on other countries’ soil. Doesn’t seem so serious that way.

                  • Notpie

                    Please don’t bring the Japanese into this just becuase you want attention.

                    • La Bandita

                      Are you Asian or just stupid?

                • Blueberry01

                  …almost like a cult??

                • MyT

                  Take that nonsense back to Mexico. You’re the one ruining the country in the first place.

              • TheUnsungStoryteller

                Every time I see or hear of the word Savages, I think of that song in Pocahontas.

                “Savages! Savages! Barely Even Human!” – The Native Americans in the movie were singing about the white men too (I loved it).

            • Yay Radley

              Call me bird-y, but the Founding Fathers’ incessant need to quill in title case makes me inclined to dismiss them as a bunch of Twitter ngas.

        • TheUnsungStoryteller

          I was like, “Well, how ironic.”

      • Val

        But Colin Kaepernick taking a knee is indefensible and an affront to this country.

        • Brown Rose

          Oh Man Val. Don’t get me started on that…The hypocrisy and rank stupidity is actually truly offensive.

          • Gibbous

            Mind boggling, really.

            • Ritabblake


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        • TheUnsungStoryteller

          Speak on it, sis!!! There is no rational right in h-e-double hockey sticks he should still be a free agent after winning the Super Bowl. But, America.

          • BrothasKeeper

            *whispers in TUS’s ear* Kaep went to a Super Bowl, but he didn’t win.

            • TheUnsungStoryteller

              Ohhhhhhhh….For real???? *Googles* Woopppps. Well, he/49ers should’ve won.

        • Mary Burrell

          Colin is in Africa getting his life and finding his roots.

          • truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

            That’s great news.

          • Janelle Doe

            Uh oh. He about to come back superwoke ;-) ijk

          • Notpie

            He’s trying to find something o do now that his NFL career has failed.

            That’s what people do when they know they are going downhill. They find roots do activism and cry for attention.

            Like flag burners and book burners.

            • Collette Smallwood

              That’s what people do when they know their purpose.

            • ginmar

              Found the Trumpie.

            • Ken Burch

              Want some pound cake, Mr. Cosby?

            • Michelle Kirkwood

              Notpie:
              Most activists I know have been involved in activism for decades—they’re just regular everyday working people,too.It has nothing to do with “crying for attention”. And for your info, black athletes like Muhammad Ali were very much openly activists in their time,too, and being an activist did in fact cost Ali his right to fight for at least four years–but he was willing to pay the price for his activism. So everything you said is just a bunch of ignorant BS.

          • Ken Burch

            May he find his truth in that. Colin is a hero for what he did.

        • truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

          Exactly.

        • Truth0312

          The dummy is deep on that one. It’s so easy to troll them when you know their history better they do. New rule: Can’t call yourself a patriot when you know jack squat about American history.

      • Lady Legasus

        The best was a woman I believe her name was Deborah, who tweeted that it didn’t belong here. So tell me Debbie where does the Declaration of Independence belong? Bunch of dummies! They want the Ten Commandments at schools and government buildings but probably don’t know that that’s Moses and not Jesus.

        • Yay Radley

          And that the whole…point of Jesus was to release us from the Law?

          • splashy79

            Yes, that’s the funny part! They were supposed to basically throw out the Old Testament and go with the New, because Jesus supposedly brought a new law. I got into it with some on that back when I hung out with a Jesus crowd back in my younger years. That’s when I decided it was not for me. They were as screwed up as everyone else, so religion was obviously not helping them!

    • TheUnsungStoryteller

      True that!

    • Hammster

      No surprise. The only amendments a lot of them know are the 1st and 2nd. Had NPR tweeted the other amendments, they would have sworn they were tweeting verses from the Quran.

      • Me

        I think you’re thinking of the Constitution, not the Declaration of Independence.

        • Hammster

          No. You didn’t get the joke but what I meant is had they tweeted the other 8 amendments to the Bill of Rights, they would not have recognized them since the first two are most popularly quoted by that crowd. I did pretty well in US history but thanks anyway.

          • Hammster

            I was just referencing another separate, important document in American history but the joke went dry.

    • Anyse1

      My response to the Declaration of Independence reaction is in these 5 words: “Thank god for the ‘illiterati'” As to this White thing: Damon Young is spot on! I have NEVER, as a White person through and through, claimed that I have been denied privilege or greater power in my life. Being disfigured at birth played a larger role than my Whiteness in keeping me back. Now, what we need is the ugly/beautiful conflict and how “beautiful people” get the better jobs and more full employment than the “not beautiful people.” I saw this when I was very young and in my first job as a waiter: they did not want to hire the more qualified and really nice “fat” lady and hired the more demure skinny one! OK. So, now we can go into the “fat/thin” dichotomy now and it goes on and on and on . . . . . Get a fucking life those of you who are going to cry in your beer every time something doesn’t go YOUR way. DON’T be like “the Donald,” who is no exemplar of anything “great” at all!

    • HyperSpiral

      Another contender is Republican congressman Clay Higgins shooting a selfie video from inside a gas chamber at Auschwitz and talking about how we need more security to prevent it from happening again. Saying we have to be more afraid of foreigners to prevent a new Holocaust is some deeply twisted s#!t.

    • MimiB

      They’re tears compiled over a few years of criticism is proof positive to the level of their weakness. Sounding like a bunch of uneducated damsels in distress

  • Sigma_Since 93

    In the immortal works or the Puerto Rican Princess Josaline Hernandez I can not. For every example of good works he shares with the readers, I can think of three examples of ain’t $h!tness that could and should be mentioned.

    • lunanoire

      Right! “We fought Hitler (who was also white and adopted some Jim Crow policies, but found some of JC policies too extreme).”

  • DCFem

    Thank you for reading that. I saw it and just didn’t want to ruin a perfectly good day off with that BS. And you confirmed that I made the right decision.

  • Courtney Wheeler

    Why do white people feel the need to be validated every other hour of their natural existence?

    • Cheech

      Lifetime habit.

    • Diego Duarte

      Entitlement breeds narcissism.

      • Lady Legasus

        May I borrow that?

        • Diego Duarte

          Sure. Spread it far and wide.

    • Brown Rose

      People have been asking Trump that same question.

      • Michelle Kirkwood

        trumpf only acts the way he acts because he’s always been able to fall back on his daddy’s money his whole damn life. If he wasn’t rich, he’d just be that old drunk hollering in the back of the bar that people just laugh at every now and then,lol.

    • NonyaB?

      Because one who has no substance inside exists on a hollow, shaky foundation and constantly needs the outside noise to help him forget it.

      • Michelle Kirkwood

        Like trumpf—exactly!

    • Wild Cougar

      They know they aren’t superior to anybody. They know karma is on a fast train two stops away.

      • Mochasister

        Why do you think they have been screaming that nonsense to any and everyone who will listen?

      • splashy79

        Yes, they are scared to death to be on an equal level with everyone else. They know they aren’t smarter or more talented. They are about the same, some awful, some mediocre, and some really gifted, like everyone that is not a white man.

        • Michelle Kirkwood

          *clap clap clap* Truth,truth—keep speaking it!

    • Mochasister

      Right? And especially from people who are “lesser than”? They swear up and down they are superior to any and everyone else but get in their feelings if you ignore them or try to have a life not centered around them.

  • Hmmm…
    “What do you get for the white man that has everything?”

    • Nametaken

      The ability to self-reflect…

      • conlakappa

        Too costly.

      • TheUnsungStoryteller

        If only that were tangible so we could’ve gave it to him for his birthday yesterday.

    • Cheech

      Well, Champ’s observations about feIIatio and snickerdoodles weren’t far off. *ducks and runs for the door*

    • Mark M

      Failure and defeat…

    • BrothasKeeper
    • Mochasister

      Some damn empathy for his fellow human beings. The ones who don’t look like him or his dog.

      • lunanoire

        And of course they love Golden Retrievers and their straight, blond hair.

  • beep

    My stomach turned while reading the original. The ignorance is astounding.

  • Hugh Akston
    • IWishtoRuletheWorld

      He knows how to game the system, now is trying to make it legal. What do you expect?

      • Kas

        Estate taxes are for poor rich people. There are any number of legal vehicles for lowering/bypassing estate taxes.

        • Hugh Akston

          Le sigh

          I need to hurry up to get to that status

          Then again I got no kids…so….

        • IWishtoRuletheWorld

          We abolished that mid 80s. Contributed to existence of ‘family land’

  • raul

    Eh he got a little into the weeds on the good deeds and Hitler comparisons but these essays exist for the same reason that you get all bent out of shape for being asked to answer for the latest drive by in the south side of Chicago. White people aren’t any more monolithic than blacks folks. Sharing a passing resemblance in skin color and anatomy to Trump does not make one Trmp.

    • Wild Cougar

      Racism, sexism, islamophoia etc are systemic. It’s not just a personal moral failing. That’s an easy cop out. If you are white and male you benefit. It’s your job to fix it.

  • Diego Duarte

    “Is your nose bleeding yet?”

    No, but I feel like I just grew a brain tumor from reading that article. I also feel like I just contracted the Bubonic Plague and leprosy. But not the modern, recent strains of the virus. No, I’m talking about the Middle Ages, fucking stewing-for-500-years-wiped-out-two-thirds-of-Europe ancient, deadly strains.

    If White, cis-gender males wonder why they’re loathed by default, they should really try to read that article with a modicum of abstraction and sense of shame.

    • Wizznilliam

      Yea.. The comments did it for me too. It is unbelievable that SO MANY white dudes feel like they are some kinda victim in this country. That’s why I’m done feeling sorry for them. If they want to let Trump take away their healthcare and poison them with black lung.. So be it. They keep voting for Cons so let them have them. Half the crap they say minorities are taking are not helping the majority of us all that much anyway… Including Obamacare.

  • Murello is defensive, and defense is an act of war. He’s less focused on all the material signs ignoring white supremacy that Champ listed and more focus on making sure people don’t challenge his self esteem over the possessions of white men in America.

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