***admin note***
because of a technical difficulty (read: “really, you don’t wanna know. trust me”) last night, the champ is re-posting an entry from may, with a few ridiculous edits.
***end of admin note***
forget everything else you’ve heard.
disregard every other theory you’ve read.
ignore anything you’ve heard from any other relationship pundit.
fellas, you need to know that it’s all about money.
that’s it.
it’s not about sex, or, more specifically, which sexual acts she’s willing to do for you. she swallowed? so what. get in line. take a number. you doo-scooped her in one of the men’s dressing rooms at the banana republic? sh-t, so did clinton portis and sting in 2002. get over yourself.
it’s not about time either. women will spend time with a guy they have no intentions on ever doing anything remotely physical with, sans the hunchback hug (the teasingly platonic hug where women hunch their backs forward and stick their behind out, insuring there won’t be any type of crotch-area contact) at the end of the night when you drop her off at her f-buddy’s efficiency at her apartment.
she let you meet her girlfriends? who cares. she just wanted to prove to them that she found someone worse in spades than gem and ivy she is. plus, 45 percent of them aren’t going to be around this time next week year anyway.
she let you meet her family? so what. she’s just tired of hearing the “when are you getting married?” chorus at every family outing, and figures that being seen with your delusional ass might buy her a good 6 months of question quelling.
you’re on her top 4 on myspace? great. so is ringo starr. and tom.
she told you she loved you? love schmove. when she said it she was probably under the influence of dgp (”damn good pipe”), and that “confession” definitely ain’t admissible in any court. if you remember, that night she also called you “bucketman” repeatedly, even though your name is nate.
no, their only true tell, the one sign that’ll make you absolutely certain that a woman is definitely, without any questions, into you is if she’s willing to give you money.
not borrow. not loan. give. give, with absolutely no plans to ever get it back. this is the ultimate test…the relationship wonderlic exam. if she’s willing, she adores you…if she’s not, she doesn’t. it’s that simple
you could even make the argument that (***editors note***. the champ isn’t making this argument, just stating that the argument can be made. carry on) money is a woman’s most valuable possession which is why they’re usually terrible tippers. i’m not implying that all women are bronze excavators (”gold-diggers” is a bit too cliched for my taste), but let’s just say that, for reasons that have to do with biology and centuries of socialization, it’s much, much, much easier to separate a man interested in a woman from miscellaneous cash than vice versa, and for her to be willing to actually do this for a guy she’s seeing is the most concrete proof on the planet that she is invested in him.
you don’t believe me?
okay. tomorrow, ask a woman how many people she’s had any type of sexual relationship with. (***editors note***. don’t do this, unless you plan on getting smack repeatedly. wait, on second thought, do this and report the results)
then, ask her how many of those guys she would have given 500 dollars to if they needed it. i’d bet my obama sponsored reparations check that at least 70 percent of the time, those numbers won’t even be close to matching up.
let’s break it down again:
you met her stepmom? so what. she hates her stepmom, and she just brought you around because she knows she’ll be allergic to your cologne. she’s actually secretly hoping that it kills her
she let you make a tape? hmmm…obviously you haven’t checked the homegrown thread at bgol the contents of that shoebox underneath her bed. you’re just this month’s co-star.
your checking account is a bit short this month because you had to help pay for your aunt’s funeral, and your girl gave you $550 to help out with your mortgage? she’s already picked the names of your first three grandchildren.
so, people of vsb.com, i know i’m right, but, for the sake of discussion, i need to ask am i right…or am i right?
—the champ
Luvvie. . .what’s in that shoebox?
@kamakula,
You sposed to be winning back my love and affection and you askin bout shoeboxes…
@Luvvie,
I’m sorry Luvvie, if it helps, all I can listen to for the past hour is Staind – it’s been a while. . .
So are you right or are you right? Hell to the naw – you’re WRONG. I’ve strongly liked many a dude, hell I’ve even loved them, so much so that we were engaged; but yet I would never, and will never GIVE (he can always borrow) $500 to my S.O. no matter how much I love him.*
Money has no ties to love, bottom line.
*A husband is not included in that statement – that’s a horse of another color.
@RedBeanzNRice,
“*A husband is not included in that statement – that’s a horse of another color.”
Once you’re married, I think the saying goes “What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine”…right?? LOL…
@Coco,
“What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine”…right??
my name is miss t-lee and I approve this message.
@Coco,
I approve this message as well.
@RedBeanzNRice, if you’re not married, his point has been proved lol
@I’m from the “Peyso”nic Temple,
lol…basically. having red beanz around to prove my theories is the gift that keeps on giving and sh*t
@I’m from the “Peyso”nic Temple,
@The Champ
Hush, lol.
@RedBeanzNRice,
I would never, and will never GIVE (he can always borrow) $500 to my S.O. no matter how much I love him.*
this tells me one of two things
1. you value your money more than your body
2. you’ve never actually been in love
i’m leaning towards the latter
@The Champ,
I can see what you’re saying.
@The Champ,
“this tells me one of two things
1. you value your money more than your body
2. you’ve never actually been in love
i’m leaning towards the latter”
So, because I will allow a man to borrow money from me instead of freely giving it, you say I value my body more than my money? That’s not true.
Since I worked hard for the money, I want it back – that’s all.
And yes, I have been in love, so don’t lean toward the latter, lol.
@RedBeanzNRice,
i just find it odd that you would give p*ssy and love to someone who you wouldnt, under any circumstances, give 70 bucks to, thats all
@The Champ,
Because he’s giving d*ck; so the feeling is mutual. That’s all.
@RedBeanzNRice,
Not exactly. Women and men look at boning differently so its not an even tradeoff. Your snatch shoudl mean mroe to you than seventy bucks or any amount of cash.
@Deviant,
If I’m in a committed relationship with the man in question, then yeah – it’s equal, and that’s what I’m talkin bout. P*ssy for d*ck. I don’t go throwing the P around all will nilly. No sir!
@The Champ, why must the p*ssy be “given up”, like women don’t get a nice “return on their investment”? if i give you money, that’s just it. if I f* you, chances are you’re f*ing me back – and we’re both having a jolly ole time…
@The Champ,
Oh goodness, not the p-word! *Choking*
I’m going to agree with this one. And I’m going to back it up with the fact that I’m now objectifying men as if they are nothings because the one person who I did give money to (his account was in the negative, and I dropped him a $50) left me because of some stupid bullsh…bovine excrement.
So along with my “Men ain’t sh*t” philosophy, I’m also on the “spend all my money on food and pretty stuff for me”
because I seem to be the only person who wants to treat me gooddon’t trust dating men. I’ll be your friend, your f-buddy, your partner in spades and caking, but I WILL NOT marry/date/be your babymama. Out of the effing question.Yes, I’m done ranting.
@chaoticdiva,
Hmm. You sound bitter, lol. Is everything ok, dumpling?
@RedBeanzNRice, no. I went out on a date Saturday with this guy that I liked (he’s mixed black and white…) AND HE LEFT ME FOR A [trashy] WHITE GIRL [who has slept with half of Michigan State's campus in the last year] IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DATE.
Mind you, he asked me out, picked me up, offered to feed me, etc. I was appalled, and ended up drinking a whole lot. At least I know I can handle drinking 3/4′s a fifth and still be good in the morning. But yea, that is the second time this year I’ve been ditched in the middle of a date like I’m nothing.
So yea, I’m bitter, and I’m really not willing to trust another guy. How bad is that? I so don’t want to go there, but dang, guys are seriously proving themselves to be crappy excuses for humans.
@chaoticdiva,
Um… this calls for a kick in the nuts with Steel toe boots. And a running start. From Pele.
@Luvvie,
Um, after taking half a bottle of Vodka to the head after seeing that sh*t, I was about to…and then I got picked up and taken to sit down and be calmed by surrounding females. However, I will say that the girls (who I didn’t even know), said something to him, told him to leave, and gave me a ride back home.
@chaoticdiva,
Wow @ half a bottle of the V to the head. (I’m ditzy after 2 vodka cranberries) so Girl, save your brain cells, PLEASE. No man is worth self-destructing – hell, NO ONE is worth self-destructing over, and you need to get a grip on yourself. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it’s the truth.
You know what type of man would suit you best? The kind that has your shared interests and goals in life.
Not the fine dude that hits on you at random; not the sexy-lipped brotha that all the girls clamor over; not the Morris Chestnut look-a-like; and not the dude that has the bank account that Jim Jones hopes for.
In short, I’m sayin – stop settling for the okey-doke and taking it out on yourself in the process. Take the initiative to weed out the men you’re dating. If you can’t find any commonalities between you, then sum it up to just a date and move on. I mean after all, it’s YOUR life you’re dealing with, not his, right?
@RedBeanzNRice,
…sad thing was this was a commonality person.
Ok, so I may be lying a bit with him. I liked that he was a nice guy. Or so I thought.
As for the last b/f…we had so many shared interests. I was calling it the perfect relationship, but he kind of f*cked that one up himself.
You know that b.s. about there’s the “perfect” someone for everybody…well, its b.s.
@chaoticdiva,
“You know that b.s. about there’s the “perfect” someone for everybody…well, its b.s.”
Actually, it’s not BS. There’s no such thing as a perfect person, but there is someone that’s “perfect” for you. By perfect, I mean your personalities, habits and goals, etc. compliment one another, so in essence that’s the perfect match for you.
You’re bitter because of the bad dates/semi-relationships you’ve encountered, but you gotta let that go. My solemn advice (and I can’t be any plainer) is to relax, and don’t LOOK for love. Go on dates, yes, but don’t have any relationship expectations. Get a feel for the person through conversation and interactions; if you have a lot in common, take it slow and see if it goes somewhere.
If you don’t have anything in common, TAKE A LEFT at the nearest intersection, and continue on with your life.
Truth be told, love is elusive. If you look for it, you won’t find it; you have to let it come to you.
@chaoticdiva, if this is to painful I understand but did he tell you he was jetting for the trashy white chick….I mean what did he actually say?
@Shay-d-lady,
Um, he said nothing. He just made out with her dead in front of me while palming her *ss. Sounds like being ditched to me.
@chaoticdiva, wait a minute she was there? where the he.ll where you guys at..aww man!! I am glad your not in jail for assault……it woud have been justified but still
@Shay-d-lady,
We were at some house party…hey people were watching the fight…
But yea…I don’t think the girl knew (or cared). As for him though, he almost had my foot up his *ss. I would have needed new trainers.
Did I mention they had to remove the bottle of liquor from my hand because I was sipping and trying to swing?
I would be embarrassed of my actions (screaming get the f*ck out of my face at him, telling everybody at the party how much of a dog he was, drinking excessively), but in this case, it was warranted.
…and they can never figure out what they did wrong.
@chaoticdiva,
What????? That is just so low class. Did you at least manage to punch him at least once?
@YGB,
I wish I wouldn’t have had as much restraint as I did.
@chaoticdiva, first off air hug! You don’t deserve that mess, nobody does.
Second….write PBG’s advice column! She gives amazing advice:) Trust a VSS…
askthepbg@gmail.com
@overit,
Yeah PBG is a wise lil somebody (tiny fists and all).
@Luvvie,
…ok, so if I were to ask, what would I ask advice on? How to find a good man? Doesn’t that make me come off as desperate? I’m not desperate…I’m ok being single.
*gulps*
@Luvvie,
her column packs a powerful punch, don’t let the small fists fool ya….
hey whats the name of pbg’s blog site?
@Shay-d-lady,
*singing like Allison Williams*
“Just click my naaaame, and it will pop uuuup”
@overit,
Thanks…
I would, but I honestly don’t need the advice. I need to just focus on getting the h*ll out of college and ignoring stupidity. Thank goodness for adoption. I’m ok sparing my vagina from childbirth to the spawn of a potential Satan.
Did I mention that I just watched my parent’s marriage of 24 years dissolve because of trashy ho’s and infidelity?
…yea, I had a rough year. Better believe I will be hung over the first day of next year from the amount of alcohol I will be consuming new years…
@chaoticdiva,
*hugs* Don’t OD on the liquor my e-friend. I’m sorry this year has been so rough for you but trust me you will get through it. the point is to go THROUGH and come out better on the other side. Don’t get stuck.
pray. lean on the people that love you. vent on vsb. i don’t know all the details of your situation but we all have a story to tell and mine is littered with potholes and pain as well. it doesn’t seem like it now but you will get through this. i believe that for you, even if you don’t right now.
*more hugs*
@chaoticdiva,
“I went out on a date Saturday with this guy that I liked (he’s mixed black and white…) AND HE LEFT ME FOR A [trashy] WHITE GIRL”
Now that’s a tragic mulatto. Eff what ya heard! I HATE HIM!! Grrrr!
Anyway, your advice would have NOTHING to do with finding a good man. Nothing. I prefer to deal w/root issues. But only if you ask. In the meantime, I’m going to send up a glittery Jesus email for you and your soul, my young sister. That is some hard shyt to deal with.
@PBG,
Thank you. Jesus is the only man I truly love. Well, him and my daddy, for the most part.
@chaoticdiva,
Oh my love! How did you become so jaded so young? I’m the designated VSB Cat Lady, on the porch w/my feline friends, snapping beans and listening to my record albums on the Victrola! Girl, we are going to talk, search me on the intrawebs site, facebook: cashawnt125@msn.com.
@PBG,
http://drunkenstupidlove.wordpress.com
Some of my stories are there. I will be posting more. I usually give them a bit of a waiting period to quell some of the anger to make for a clearer story.
@chaoticdiva,
Your blog name and your screen name. Ummm…I am disturbed. Why are you speaking all this negativity into your life, HunnyBunny? Your utterances have the potential to morph into your reality!! I had a whole 20 minute break from reality this morning JUST BECAUSE of an off-handed remark I made to my Mother. Scared the beans outta me, too.
@PBG,
Chaoticdiva is just a combination of an old screenname and my nickname. But the chaotic bit comes from the fact that I have some seriously crazy stories that I seem to get involved in unintentionally. I really hate drama, and I keep to myself often enough to try to quell all the issues.
The Diva comes from my love for shoes. And the “Drunken Stupid Love” title comes from the feeling that you get after you’ve fallen for someone that makes you feel like you were stupidly deciding you were in love as if you had been drinking (yes, I do profess to everybody that I love them when I’m drunk…unless they pulled that bit like this last guy did).
But yea, I’m really not that disturbed. I think I’m quite nice (unless incited).
@chaoticdiva,
wait. i’m not even done with the story, but wait. he left you in the middle of the date!? for a white girl! wait. i don’t even care that it was a white girl (yes i do). wait.
oh hell naw. i’m sorry, i just can’t stop blinking. I’m trying to get the “oh, hell no” look off my face.
@charli skipper,
Yes. F*cking yes. We have a mutual friend, who I met him through, who was even like “wtf” when I told him what happened.
And for those of you who are wondering, my mutual guy friend was appalled at his behavior and didn’t expect him to act like that, especially b/c he’s kind of overprotective of me talking to his evil whore male friends.
@chaoticdiva, okay, i’ve removed the “hell no” look from my face, and i just wanted to say that this shouldn’t stop you from dating. it’s totally understandable that you have no interest in it for awhile. but all men aren’t like that, and you don’t want to miss something wonderful (even if that something is just the free meal. hell, get the lobster, girl!) because of a loser. um…you may want to move to a different town though, bc there is clearly some ignorant sh*t happening with the batch of young men in your area.
@charli skipper,
Its the whole effing state. I’m tempted to say the midwest in general, and I have examples to cite.
AND…don’t get me started on the other 10 losers of the year.
@chaoticdiva,
Firstly – sorry that’s been happening to you.
Secondly, the mixed guy you mentioned prolly left you mid-date for the trashy hooker cause he figured he could get some that night. Dudes typically offer to buy your food/drinks/movie tickets/admission to clubs, etc. in the hopes that they will get some from you after the date. So, since the date was going kinda slow, and he spotted an easy target to get his rocks off, he bailed. (Just my theory)
And lastly, if that’s happened to you more than once, and you have 10 other guys that you’ve dated who have acted a fool, chances are you’re pickin the wrong dudes. Switch up your taste in men. : )
@RedBeanzNRice,
I’ve tried. And I don’t know how I’m picking the wrong ones. Best left to the pros I guess.
But I knew my love life was a bust after several incidents:
1. this old man at Sam’s Club was trying to hook me up with random customers walking by my booth (I was the Axe girl…long story)
2. My friend’s cousin told me that I needed to go to some dating seminar to make myself eligible for dating.
3. Plots from Liz Lemon’s love life seem to be making fun of my life.
*Sigh*…I don’t even have anything else to say.
@chaoticdiva, do you think there is something you are or aren’t doing to bring these situations into your lifespace?
@overit,
1. I work at Victoria’s Secret. Guys already have some kind of impression of me from that.
2. I get occasional work as a model, in which even if I didn’t publicize the fact, I have photographers/make up artists/ designers/ etc that I’ve worked with that like to post the photos then tag me in them.
3. I’m a relatively nice person. I’m non-judgmental when first meeting people and I try to get along with everybody.
4. I’m outgoing/talkative around people I know. If I don’t know anybody there, chances are I’m not saying sh*t. The only exception to this is me being drunk. Alcohol = liquid courage.
5. I often act as if nothing bothers me emotionally. I do this with the “diva” attitude that most people who I don’t speak with normally assume is my personality.
With that being said, I can see plenty of opportunities for drama. However, when it comes to guy drama, my issue is the fact that I try to see good in guys who have ulterior motives. That and I may have standards that may not relate to how they treat other people.
Look, I can tell you that my upbringing gave me little social sense, so I truly suck at people to people stuff. I’m pretty much good at making friends, but I suck at keeping them. I guess the people that stick around the longest actually get me somewhat.
I’m not complicated, I’m just a bit confused. Hope that helps you understand me better.
@chaoticdiva,
first, i hafta give you props for the subtle shout-out to “30 rock”
secondly, my advice to you: stop dating.
your comments (the self-depreciating, the alcohol abuse, the drama at home) suggest that you have some serious issues you need to work through before you even entertain the idea of being involved with someone. focus on school and modeling and whatever else you’re doing…but leave relationships the f*ck alone right now.
@The Champ,
**Diva Dust ™** for Champ!
this display of wisdom is… loverly…
@The Champ,
This is good advice.
@The Champ,
Um, I thought that’s what I was doing.
…I may have been expecting for other needs to have been met.
…Ok, I was expecting for other needs to be met.
Sheesh. Again, the date was his idea…I only agreed because we were watching the fight.
Still pissed me off that he thought this ugly trashy white wh*re was better than me. I think that’s where I’m having the biggest problem.
But yea. 30 Rock is my sh*t.
@chaotic,
Dearest, do you mind if I get in yo a$$ for a second. Trust me when I say it comes from a place of deep sisterly affection and concern for your well being. The Champ is right. Leave dating (even casual dating) ALONE. You have GOT to focus on you right now. Do YOUR thing. Finish school. Get your career of choice off the ground. Continue to be fly. Turn your thoughts and energies toward developing your spiritual self.
This is coming from someone who has been exactly where you are. H3ll, I have a Relationship Crypt. Eff a closet. A closet ain’t big enough to hold all of the death and destruction I was bringing upon myself be dealing with less than worthy people. I mean, it got UGLY. I can only candidly and jokingly talk about it now, because it is my testimony to what focusing on inner reflection and the development of yourself can do.
Leave these bammas alone. I mean RUN like your life depends on it. Because it DOES. There is something in your lifespace that is telling these dipsh*ts its okay to be around your fabulous self. I could probably speculate, but I won’t.
Your job is to figure out what it is and eradicate it post haste. It won’t get no better until its dealt with.
Along this path to self discovery, you will inevitably figure out EXACTLY what it is you want from relationships and what you are able to give. This includes friendships. Once this is revealed, accept nothing less from peope who want to be around you and give nothing but the best you have to offer.
@bbmo, champ
*gold stars*
@chaoticdiva,
i wrote to you a bit upthread before i got to this but this sounds like a good idea to me. you’re really on my mind right now and i don’t even know you but i hate to hear you, or any woman for that matter, sound like this.
take some quiet time with yourself and brown baby jesus and figure out who you are, what you want and what lessons you can take from all of the things you have been through. when we don’t take the time to reflect and understand the lesson, we continue to do the same things. people will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. when you understand yourself and your worth , you won’t allow people to come into your space and treat you any ol’ kinda way.
speaking as a person who tries to see the best in others as well and is almost loyal to a fault (which stems from some childhood stuff that i had to work out), i have to work at maintaining the balance of being who i naturally am without losing myself in someone else, or putting their well-being before my own. because you can’t take care of someone else (as a friend, family, gf, whatever) if you’re not taking care of yourself. but because i know these things about myself and looked back on the choices i made, i can now make better choices.
but on men specifically, do not let any man make you forget who you are and what you deserve. you can’t give your all to someone who is giving you less than nothing. been there, done that, got the t-shirt and went to a whole ‘nother state for a minute to get away from the guy (ok, truth is he was only one part of a lot of drama that was going on in my life at the time and it was a internship not just willy nilly run away type sh!t). but the point the point is i had to take some time to get myself together and i was much better in the end for doing that.
keep pushing through.
@The Champ,
I am loving this Yoda version of The Champ. Very much so.
@The Champ AND @chaoticdiva
Yes, yes, yes…my thoughts exactly…I agree with the Champ…before I even read his comment I was thinking this girl needs to just take a hiatus from the dating scene.
“Ctrl-Alt-Delete” when it comes to dating and relationships right now!!
Yes these men are jerks…still can’t believe the mixed guy…but there is reason WHY you are attract these types of men.
So step back…reset. Deal with some of the issues, like Champ said…get whole, get to know who you are…and you will meet nice men (nice, not perfect)…trust me on this.
@The Champ,
I may need you to guest/co-blog on my next posting.
Good gawd in heabens…the next case is a DOOZY!!
@The Champ, so i guess i was off. lol. i was like, “get back on that horse, guh!” lol. no children for me…
@chaoticdiva,
Sheesh. Again, the date was his idea…I only agreed because we were watching the fight.
you could always say no.
again, from what i’ve read from your comment (and your site), even if you met mr. perfect right now, you’re not in a place to be able to form anything meaningful and positive with him.you can’t go to ruth’s steak (or even burger king) and enjoy it if you’re in desperate need to get your stomach pumped
the longer you keep dating without addressing your issues, the longer this sh*t will continue. those “needs” you spoke of before pale in comparison to your mental and emotional health.
@The Champ,
Preach, Deacon Champs!!!
@The Champ,
For the record: I don’t abuse alcohol…I really like drinking as a social activity. So I may drink alot, but its not because of stress.
And to address the others: I didn’t let him treat me like that. He did what he did, and I didn’t say sh*t to him (outside of get the f*ck out of my face after he was coming to “check” on me). I didn’t cut him, hit him, scratch, kick, or bite him.
I haven’t done that with any guy. Hell, I didn’t even post his name ANYWHERE. I didn’t go complaining to a bunch of his friends saying how bad of a guy he was, yada yada.
Man, all I did was validate why this thread is true. My mental is alright. I’m under alot of stress, and its been making me sick, in which the liquor has been the only thing quelling my strange illness (it sounds odd…I’d have to expound on that further some other time).
But yea. I’m fine. I just enjoy thoroughly calling men out on their ish. Its not me saying that ALL men are like that, because obviously they aren’t, otherwise, I wouldn’t have complaints since I wouldn’t have anything to compare them to.
My point is that yes, girls in love will give a man money. Again, I did it for my last boyfriend, and even with that being my best relationship, it was still under-par. After that, I greatly raised my standards.
However, I think I really do have a crappy personality. But its whatever.
Thanks for all the support everybody. I’m now leaving this alone being that I have to study for finals.
I’m not so sure if you’re right. I might be more likely to hook up a brotha I’m with, but I’ve loaned friends, guy and girls, money plenty of times and def did not expect it back right away.
@overit,
“def did not expect it back right away.”
But you DID expect to get it back, right?
@RedBeanzNRice, to be honest, I’ve noticed I give without expecting it back. If I get it back great, if not, then I guess they needed it. Obviously this is reserved for people close to me, who I know need it and don’t need me pestering them about IOU’s. The people close to me are good people, and are good for it. I just don’t give while at the same time securing a return date…defeats the purpose I feel.
@overit,
Now see, I think that’s a good philosophy among close friends; although I rarely do it cause sometimes it causes too much drama and hurt feelings.
But when dating a guy, it becomes a different animal. Having said that, would you GIVE (not loan) a man that you’re dating money with no hopes of a return? (And by “money”, I mean over $100, not like Champ’s $500 – that’s just too much to fathom, lol)
@RedBeanzNRice, just like champ has never experienced racism, i have never had a dude ask me for money. most of the dudes i know would die before they asked me, even when i knew they were strapped and they knew i’d give it to them. i don’t know, i’ll cross that bridge when i get there.
ps) beyonce called, she said don’t hate the playa, hate the game lol
@overit,
“ps) beyonce called, she said don’t hate the playa, hate the game lol”
Bwahahahahaha. I’mma get you for that, lol.
@overit,
but I’ve loaned friends, guy and girls, money plenty of times and def did not expect it back right away.
thing is, theres a different dynamic at play in when comparing friends, family members, etc, and significant others. its nothing for many women to help a friend or family member out. the point i’m trying to make, though, is that most women have to be seriously, seriously, seriously into a guy for her to extend him that same luxury
There might be some truth to that statement.
Interesting theory to say the least. I need to let it marinate a bit and come back to this one.
@MsSula,
*whispers to Sula*
Re: Champ’s statement, there’s no truth in it – don’t let it marinate more than 35 minutes.
“she just wanted to prove to them that she found someone worse in spades than
gem and ivyshe is.”stop the hateration and the holleration. me and Ivy are a spades force to be reckoned with. don’t nobody want a piece of the a*s whoopin we serve. hey Ivy, how many sets of partners did we school on Thanksgiving?? 3 or 4?? doesn’t really matter i guess, we won them all!!
@Gem of the Ocean,
hey Ivy, how many sets of partners did we school on Thanksgiving?? 3 or 4?? doesn’t really matter i guess, we won them all!!
ya’ll were just lucky i didn’t show up that night.
negro please. you pickin Killa K as a spades partner over me shows me (1) you are a bad judge of character and (2) you aren’t even skilled enough to do damage control. thus having Ivy and her pahtna send yall packin at the last tourney.
so ummm yeah. hush. lol
@Gem of the Ocean,
i didnt “pick” killa k, lol…she was my partner by default. everyone else was paired up already. and ummm, i don’t know if spades Jesus himself could have done damage control during that game
how was EVERYONE else paired when i did not have a partner?!?!?! you LOSE!!
@Gem of the Ocean,
i didnt know you were partner-less until after the fact. i made some assumptions, and it cost me dearly. still, the fact remains that i’m the sh*t in spades, and we’ll settle this issue soon enough.
don’t sleep
you did know becuz i even gave you an out and offered to be your partner instead. but it’s all good, you’ll recognize my awesomeness soon enough.
@Gem of the Ocean, *high five Gem* We always close down shop! LOL! I don’t really need to enter this conversation but I will anyway. Champie poo poo is all talk and no game… SERIOUSLY! Looks like we need another spades night to set things straight again. This time Champie, leave your excuses at home.
*high five*
heck yeah. i’m happy to hold another “Ivy & Gem Spades Clinic” and teach Champie a thing or too about how we roll.
@Gem of the Ocean,
***looking outside my office window for more people to assist gem and ivy’s assertion of spades dominance.***
***still looking***
“This time Champie, leave your excuses at home.”
This is exactly what I said to him when we “spent time” together a few weeks ago.
@8th Wonder,
::snicker::
@8th Wonder,
Zing!!
I dont know that I agree but I do think it has merit..however I have seen women give money in an attempt to keep a man that they dont really love..be it for competition, just want of a man..so I dont think its love I think giving money shows that she is invested in the relationship but the reasons for why she is invested can be quite varied…..
I have bought things, and co signed on 1 apartment but I have never given like CASH before…. and by cash I mean more than 20.00…….
@Shay-d-lady,
Those aren’t women, those are manipulative girls. I think he’s talking REAL women. Ones that aren’t up for bovine excrement and games.
@chaoticdiva, all of these women are real. real women will hold tight to a man because they think its better than being alone, a lot of real women get caught up with the FWB situations and will try and come out on top…and they will dole out some cash as well…it happens to the best of us…
@Shay-d-lady,
You’re right about the “caught up” FWB (Friends With Benefits) situations. But the sad part about the whole FWB for women, is that men see it this way: You can’t turn a ho into a housewife – bottom line.
@RedBeanzNRice, “But the sad part about the whole FWB for women, is that men see it this way: You can’t turn a ho into a housewife – bottom line.”
Concur. . . why buy the cow when u can get the milk for free. . .lol
@IVR,
“why buy the cow when u can get the milk for free. . .lol”
AMEN! lol
@Shay-d-lady,
“I have seen women give money in an attempt to keep a man that they dont really love..be it for competition, just want of a man..so I dont think its love I think giving money shows that she is invested in the relationship but the reasons for why she is invested can be quite varied…..”
Co-sign!!! I’ve also witnessed this.
Clearly I’ve never been in love coz I’ve never given any man any cash. Now, I will feed him occassionally but cash – HELL NO!!!! But then again, I’ve never had a man who asked me for money!
@YGB,
Clearly I’ve never been in love coz I’ve never given any man any cash
lol…i’m not saying that the only women who are in love are the ones who have given freely, but that if you were truly in love, the giving wouldn’t matter to you.
@The Champ,
Okay I get you. I was getting worried.
@Shay-d-lady, “… I have seen women give money in an attempt to keep a man that they dont really love..be it for competition, just want of a man..so I dont think its love I think giving money shows that she is invested in the relationship but the reasons for why she is invested can be quite varied…..”
Gurl you betta preach the sermon…the varied agenda’s where by she opens her purse could be laced in some fragganackle-bullshyt.
if YOU can’t keep him around, what makes you think your money really will.
@Shay-d-lady, i was tempted to reply to myself…but i curbed my enthusiasm.
given the experiment above…
im curious to know that once the woman offered the money to prove how Bee Gee’s “Deep Is Your Love”….
What does that say about the man who actually TAKES the $500.00??
I can gesture and offer (kinda like how i do on the first date when I “reach” for my purse)..but what happens when you reach and he got his hand out LOL…
to me thats more telling about his @zz than her supposed “adoration”.
@Princess Duvet,
What does that say about the man who actually TAKES the $500.00??
lol…maybe that he needed it?
@The Champ,
“lol…maybe that he needed it?”
i gotta call bullshyt on the love..out of all the people to ask in the world…you go to a woman you aint even in a relationship with to get a 2 fer 1…
1. see if she really like me
2. cause i really need it
yeah..makes total sense to me.
@Princess Duvet,
*wild applause* Preach!
@RedBeanzNRice,
they don’t hear us..firstly a man is about the business of being a man. Thats my first indication that you are worthy of being in a relationship and further down the line that you are husbandly and a LEADER…
not a taker…money is nothing but energy anyway…to me its more telling about how he is able and not able to solve simple life problems. And some misguided stupid woman becomes his ATM..when he hasnt learned how to make it TIM GUNN work.
i cant believe that these are isolated events..give once..give twice..then you become his financial enabler. And he ends up with a woman who aint havin’ dat shyt..whose encouraging him to step it up and make it do what it do.
where’s the personal responsibility in taking 500 bucks from a woman you aren’t even in a relationship with..best believe she’s keepin tabs..cause now your as good as bought..LOL.
@Princess Duvet,
“where’s the personal responsibility in taking 500 bucks from a woman you aren’t even in a relationship with..best believe she’s keepin tabs..cause now your as good as bought..LOL”
You’ll end up owing her way more than $500. I tell my brothers this ish.
Chicks don’t just be doling out money from the goodness of their heart.
He found that ish out the hard way when she hacked into his cell phone account and started calling his other “friends”, saying she was his woman…lmao
All that drama and confusion just for some new tires on his truck.
@Miss T
“You’ll end up owing her way more than $500. I tell my brothers this ish. Chicks don’t just be doling out money from the goodness of their heart.
”
***Mother Teresa, Ghandi, and MLK having tea in heaven***
there is ALWAYS an exchange..men miss this memo all THE FYKIN time..NOTHIN IS FREE..and her money doesn’t JUST represent her affection..
now its wrapped up in unstated promises and expectation..that she just “paid” 500 dollars for.
so i guess errybody else can just keep drankin the kool aid..hope its nice and sweet. LOL
@Princess Duvet,
this whole exchange made me smile
@Princess Duvet, redbeanz
i think you both are missing the point. i’m not saying that women need to start making it rain every time a guy sniffs at them, or that men should be hitting their girlfriends up for cash whenever theyre in any bind.
all i’m saying is that, when a person (male or female) is truly in love, and truly trusts, then they’ll be willing to do pretty much anything to help out their mate, without need of reciprocation. this “anything” includes giving money, which, as this comment thread proves, is the “last line of defense” for many women. basically, if she’s willing to cross that plateau, then a guy has all the proof that he needs that she’s extremely invested in him.
“i think you both are missing the point.”
two things about me..i don’t miss points or buses..so let me re-read this post.
@Champ
“basically, if she’s willing to cross that plateau, then a guy has all the proof that he needs that she’s extremely invested in him.”
No, I didn’t miss the point – it’s just not one that I believe to be true. So you’re saying that her giving him money is all the proof he needs?
What about all the bullsh*t she puts up with from him; what about her choking down his mama’s nasty ass cornbread with a smile; what about her driving around his half-blind daddy cause he caused 4 accidents; what about her making his boys feel like they’re family even though they feet stank up the living room; what about her always making sure he feels like a man in every way?
If a man truly believes that giving money is the KEY INDICATOR of her true love for him, then that man is missing way more than the few dollars he’s tryna hold.
@redbeanz,
What about all the bullsh*t she puts up with from him; what about her choking down his mama’s nasty ass cornbread with a smile; what about her driving around his half-blind daddy cause he caused 4 accidents; what about her making his boys feel like they’re family even though they feet stank up the living room; what about her always making sure he feels like a man in every way?
i’m not saying that none of this matters. it all matters greatly. all i’m saying is that a person truly in love would be willing to do whatever, and that whatever does include being willing to help their mate out however they needed it.
now, i’m not denying that doing this (the money thing) doesnt have a cost, and that theres something wrong with a guy who’s always hitting his chick up for cash. this entry isn’t about that though. thats a completely different discussion
@Champ
“now, i’m not denying that doing this (the money thing) doesnt have a cost”
Very true. That’s why I believe so strongly the way I do. I can honestly say, after battling you all morning, that your post does have some merit to it.
And honestly, I’m only saying that cause my dude kinda said you had a point from a man’s point of view.
So I figure, if him being a man can somewhat see your point, then I’ll just chalk it up to “dude logic” and rest my case, lol.
@Princess Duvet,
“(kinda like how i do on the first date when I “reach” for my purse)”
What exactly is the purpose of this?
Chutes n’ Ladders/Trouble/Jenga/Connect Four
That’s all I see.
i’ve never given money to anyone and not expected it back. because everyone who’s come to me specifically asked to BORROW money. never had any man, woman, or child ask me for money they had no intentions (verbalized or not) of paying back. i have also never offered to just give some one money because i don’t have friends who are ever in financial crisis. so i’m not sure how i’d handle a $$ situation with an S.O.
now, i did loan a good sum of money to this yella skinned fella (i don’t usually trust light brights with curly hair so i shoulda known…) i’m friends with a long while back and i’m still waiting on the rest. but we had an agreement, he knew i expected him to owe me back like 40 acres to blacks (big ups etwin!). i can only be mad at me for not putting a timeline on it. damn me!
moral of the story: light skinned guys are shady and will neva eva come back in style…
@Gem of the Ocean,
“light skinned guys are shady and will neva eva come back in style…”
and i thank ya. just doing all types of ignorant sh*t with they soft ass hands. SATTDOWN!
@Gem of the Ocean, I have neer had a guy actually ask me for any money either.. i mean I dont know how I would have responded in that situation…..
you know what, now that you mention it, the one S.O. i’ve ever truly loved never ever asked me for a dime. not even when he was a broke college student and in serious need. his pride would NEVER allow him to even think about it or so much as utter his financial troubles in front of me. he might have asked his boys, if any one at all, but def not me.
but knowing he was strapped for cash i can recall plenty of times i offered to pay for meals, outtings, and even fuel for the ride (when he drove from MI to PA for one day, in the middle of his exams, to help me move even tho we were no longer together). and i was more than happy to help out (tho he never accepted). i knew he would have given me anything had i asked, no questions asked. besides, he wasn’t high yella or curly haired so…
i guess it depends on the person and the circumstances of any potential monetary transaction. but really idk.
@Gem of the Ocean, “(when he drove from MI to PA for one day, in the middle of his exams, to help me move even tho we were no longer together). ”
WTF?
*shrugs* the things ppl do in the name of love…
@Gem of the Ocean,
your comment actually proved my point. even though he didnt ask for it, you didnt have a second thought in providing gas money for this guy because you cared about him so much. if you didnt care about him as much, i’m sure the purse strings would have been much, much tighter.
@The Champ,
The upside to this though is that she also benefited (having someone to lift all the heavy sh!t).
@Gem of the Ocean,
BTW, if he just wanted to visit would you have been as quick to give him gas money?
not sure. there were a few times (post-dramatic breakup) we were making long trips to “hang out” with each other. we never offered each other money for these leisurely trips, since it was like “if i have the money i’ll come check you out.” but when i mentioned i was moving and i didn’t have a lot of help, he showed up a few days later like he lived down the street. and at that point when i offered him money it was on some “you’re a great friend who goes above and beyond the call of duty and i really appreciate you coming through for me.”
had he put that same spirit into our relationship… anyway…
@Gem of the Ocean,
soooooo… why y’all ain’t togetha?
he lied and cheated. the first i caught him in his lies he was sorry and promised to not hurt me again. i believed him. then i caught him up again and his basic response was “and?” … found out years later there were more buried lies.
so yeah.
@Gem of the Ocean,
hmmm… i figured as much. i was just curious. thanks for indulging me
yeah girl. too bad, aside from his lying, he had great qualities. rubbed my cramping tummy (every 1st and 2nd cycle day of each month), washed my car every week (even in the cold weather), cooked for me, gave me flowers just becuz “it’s Tuesday”. *smh* oh well.
Champie i never said your point was not valid or untrue. pipe down buddy.
@Gem of the Ocean,
i know…i’m just using your comment as an example to the masses and sh*t. we cool, gemmie
good *terrorist fist bump*
(coincidentally i happen to be donning hijab today)
moral of the story: light skinned guys are shady and will neva eva come back in style…
@Gem of the Ocean,
That statement is just wrong!!! We’ve been back in style for years now . . .we just keeping it on the low this time. And Jim Jones has no affiliation with us
@Gem
“moral of the story: light skinned guys are shady and will neva eva come back in style…”
LMAO – ain’t THAT the truth! Somebody lied to eff yo couch.
there’s no way yall could be keep it on the low even if you wanted to–your brightness shines for ALL to see!!! h*ll, even the teenagers i work with be tellin the lil yella boys they aren’t in style and need to SAT DOWN lol.
@Gem of the Ocean,
I audibly snickered and my co-worker leaned over my shoulder to see what was so funny… she is DYING over here, because her daughter said that to a little boy at school
i love it!
@blackberry molasses, lmao! i need details and ages on this situation…
@SouthernGirl,
all i know is the girl is about 12 years old, so i’m assuming the boy is around that age. I can speculate what happened since I know this girl and she’s actually 12 going on 35, but i’m sure the truth is much funnier. too bad i don’t know it. when she comes back, i’ll ask
@blackberry molasses,
***donning wet blanket***
hmmm…i wonder how funny it would be to everyone if a little dark-skinned girl came home upset because some lightskinned boy said that her color was out of style?
***taking off wet blanket, and standing under heated light to dry my clothes***
@The Champ
**holding nose**
that blanket ain’t just wet… its DANK. Like it was left in the washing machine for 4 days dank.
If the shoe was on the other foot, yeah, we’d feel some kinda way about it. I’m not going to lie.
But this child is the kind of kid who will tell you your breath stinks and your dress is ugly while giving you puppy dog eyes and a big hug. THAT’S why its funny… to me and her mom at least.
That doesn’t mean she wasn’t wrong.
@ The Champ,
… Yep, I was thinking that too.
I think it’s too okay to make fun of “yellow boys”…
*gets out of under Champ’s blanket… we’ve been agreeing on too much today. It’s scary!!!*
@Gem of the Ocean,
light skinned guys are shady and will neva eva come back in style…
this made me laugh!
My Big Mama (and Mother after her) always said “Neither a borrower nor a lender be”. With that being MY truth, I don’t ask for anything from anybody, if I can help it at all. And if I feel moved to loan, I just simply give. I don’t loan anything to anybody that I can’t do without because no matter the nature of the relationship, there is a very real possibility that they just may not give my shyt back.
And as far as money, I’ve lived broke, very broke and comfortably. I know it comes and goes. If I can’t afford to do without it, I don’t give it away. Simple.
“I don’t loan anything to anybody that I can’t do without because no matter the nature of the relationship, there is a very real possibility that they just may not give my shyt back.”
i think that is a very interesting and good point. i have only loaned money once when i knew i couldn’t afford it (see above) and it was my fault for putting my own self in a financial bind in order to help some one who was even more strapped. poor decision. live and learn.
that being said, i think you’re “right on the money” (hehe) with the possibility that you might not get ish back and you if you’re going to give it should be without further expectations. because ppl are either shady (whether they intend to be or not) and some ppl just never seem to get it together.
@PBG,
Ah Hamlet, how I love my Shakespeare. . .
@kamakula,
Isn’t that something? My Big Mama (RIP) only went as far as 9th grade in school, but that old lady was wise. She passed away last year 12/16/07 @ the age of 96. Half the stuff I say to other people giving advice came from something she told me. I miss her a WHOLE BUNCH!!
@PBG, my granny says the same thing and I have learned it to be true..,If I cant give it I dont its only a set up for trouble….
this right here? this shyt right here ninja?
And as far as money, I’ve lived broke, very broke and comfortably. I know it comes and goes. If I can’t afford to do without it, I don’t give it away. Simple.
words to live by…..
@PBG,
I was taught something similar. When it comes lending, especially money, it’s better to just give it.
I’ve given friends, family, homeless men in front of mcdonalds money…sometimes my last. I look at it like this… if it was me, would i want someone to walk by me b/c they only had $2 to last them for 3 days? Nope, I’d still want them to help me.
Now I don’t go giving every homeless man I see some of my spare change. But when I have it to give, I give….unfortunately, I’ve been in a recession for the last 3 years .
@PBG,
Way to keep Big Mama’s Legacy of not being a fool alive. Hug yo self. I bet she’s beaming all the way from Heaven. Here have some sweet potato pie (it’s sweet brown and lovely just like you) & egg nog (take it easy that burbon and rum ain’t for punks).
@WuDaMan,
Thanks Wu, but I don’t even like egg nog. The list of stuff I don’t like to eat or drink can be as long as VSB comment section. I’m weird about food. That’s another reason why I miss my Big Mama…she was one of the few people who would cater to that weirdness. LOL.
hmmmm – i hate it when you post these blogs where i have to grudgingly agree that you’re right.
i have to say that i’ve never given actual cash to a guy who i thought i was in love with, or was actually in love with – simply because they’ve never asked.
HOWEVER, i’ve done things like pay for a trip to visit (and with the international flavour of a lot of my relationships, that’s no small sacrifice), but i have to say it’s always really reciprocal, and i’m never the one who initiates the spending – i only make that kind of cash layout once i’ve been on the receiving end of a huge token of some kind. (not that i plan it that way, but thinking about it, that’s how it’s played out.)
also, my spending is always matched somehow by my S.O. – like i’ll spend a bunch to fly over and visit, but he’ll take care of all the expenses on the ground, (which add up – lotsa entertainment, romantic getaways in cosy boutique hotels, etc)
but if they had asked, being in love the way i have been – i may well have parted with the $ – at todays exchange rate, $500 is 5000 Rands -(crikey, a chunk of cash!) but i might well do it…
ah, love….
@superwoman,
“hmmmm – i hate it when you post these blogs where i have to grudgingly agree that you’re right”
I’m just mad that you as a woman really thinks he’s right on this. AND that you’re one of those women that does it, knowing DAMN WELL you’re better than that. My question is: WHY?
@RedBeanzNRice, don’t be mad sweetheart. the beauty of these blogs is that one can tell one’s own truth, regardless –
and to be honest, in my lived experience, he IS right. and i’m not sure what you mean by saying that ‘i’m better than that’. i’ve never regretted the $ i spent in these instances, it was completely worth it (and reciprocated, in fact – i think much more was spent on ME as the woman in the relationship)
what i read in champs article is that if a woman loves a man (or believes she does), then she’ll spend money on him. and my response was – ‘yes, i certainly would, and have, ( albeit indirectly)’. i’m honestly mystified by your assertion that i’m ‘better than that’, i really don’t see what i’ve done that’s so wrong, frankly…. these were all good, loving, empowering relationships. and like i said, i never actually GAVE a man money – i spent money to be with him – and he spent a whole lot back to make sure my stay was fab…. and then some. as to answer your question ‘WHY?’ well, it was a gift i felt like giving (him AND myself), and i’m uncomfortable in situations where a guy is just spending, spending, spending – and i’m not giving anything back in the same way. it’s all about give and take isn’t it?
@superwoman,
Spending money to be with someone happens in every relationship though, whether jump-off or otherwise. You have to get to that other person somehow right and you will incur some cost in the process.
Champ specifically said “the only way you can be absolutely sure that a woman is definitely into you is if she’s willing to give you money. not borrow. not loan. give. give, with absolutely no plans to ever get it back.”
@YGB,
Champ specifically said “the only way you can be absolutely sure that a woman is definitely into you is if she’s willing to give you money. not borrow. not loan. give. give, with absolutely no plans to ever get it back.”
i made a couple edits to that part this morning just so that my point was more clear.
“no, their only true tell, the one sign that’ll make you absolutely certain that a woman is definitely, without any questions, into you is if she’s willing to give you money.”
does this make more sense to you now?
@The Champ,
Absolutely! My point was that spending on yourself to go visit someone does not equate to giving them money. Coz you get to enjoy the fruits of your spending.
@The Champ, darling – point made. thankoo!
@superwoman,
“what you mean by saying that ‘i’m better than that’. ”
I’m just old-fashioned I suppose. Cause I believe the man should be the one to take care of the woman and not vice versa – unless you’re married. Once you’re married, it’s equal across the board.
i have old fashioned values too. and just becuz you give a man money doesn’t really mean you’re taking care of him in place of him taking care of you.
besides, my mama always tells me relationships are run the way they are started. meaning what you allow to happen at the beginning is what is likely to continue long down the road. so if you start off NOT giving (be it money or anything else), what is your incentive to start later??
@RedBeanzNRice, @RedBeanzNRice, “I believe the man should be the one to take care of the woman and not vice versa – unless you’re married”
i suppose this is where we fundamentally disagree. i honestly do not believe this is right, or true. in a relationship, we must take care of each other (be it financially, emotionally, whatever) – men also need tenderness, nurturing, and protection.
and i’m not sure how you can get to the point where a man will decide he wants to marry you if he hasn’t felt that from you, if he’s so busy sorting you out and getting nothing back in return….
but then again, maybe i shouldn’t be making the point, coz my point is not necessarily about cold hard cash being handed over – but what i do know is that if the man i was in love with actually asked me for money, i would give it unhesitatingly coz i KNOW he’s only asking coz he’s in a tigher-than-tight spot, because none of the guys i’ve been with have ever asked me for money.
so when the request comes, my assumption is that ‘heysh, this guy is in a bind of note, let me make a plan’
@superwoman,
if your comment was a chick, i’d elope.
@The Champ, i’m giggling coyly now…
@The Champ,
If Superwoman’s comment was a chick, I’d go gay for a lil’ while and try to mack.
@superwoman,
“i suppose this is where we fundamentally disagree. i honestly do not believe this is right, or true. ”
I suppose you’re right. All of the other things are true regarding taking care of one another in the relationship – that goes without saying.
What Champ is saying is that giving a man money is a KEY INDICATOR that the woman really loves him, and I don’t believe that to be true. You can get to the point of marriage without having to “prove” your true love that way, and I know that to be a fact because I’ve NEVER given my fiance any money to just HAVE without repaying, yet he KNOWS I’m in love with him by everything I’ve been to him.
Now, when we tie the knot, I have no problem giving him money cause we’re equal across the board, and it will inevitably all come out in the wash.
@Superwoman,
“I suppose you’re right. ”
What I meant to SAID was, I suppose you’re right that we disagree. Oops. : )
@RedBeanzNRice,
“What Champ is saying is that giving a man money is a KEY INDICATOR that the woman really loves him”.
no i didnt, lol. i said that if a woman is WILLING to give, then that means she must be really into him. big difference. whether or not a situation arises where that opportunity presents itself is besides the point.
@Champ
“no i didnt, lol.”
Oh.
@superwoman,
Lemme get this right – you were the one doing the travelling right? That’s not the same as giving the man cash – the expenditure was for your pleasure as well!
@YGB, yes – so perhaps my example does NOT actually reinforce champs point – but it’s a bloody hot day in Jo’burg, and i’ve got year-end burnout, so maybe i wasn’t thinking too straight….
@superwoman,
What are the chances? I am in Joburg too! It ain’t that hot so stop lyin! The year-end burnout can definitely mess up a person’s brain though!
@YGB, haaai, wena, it’s HOT!! the daily summer rains only help mitigate the heat, what’re you talking about??? my baby tomato plants have SHRIVELLED on my stoep, they are not COPE-ing, (heh heh) and my brain is FRIED, it’s been a long, long year…
@YGB,
vsb.com: where south africans say south african things
@The Champ,
This comment made me chuckle.
you’re on a funny roll today.
@The Champ, hee! sorry man – let me translate….
haai = no/uh-uh
wena = you
stoep=porch/veranda
cope= this is a double entendre – a new political party, Congress of the People (COPE) made up mainly of defectors from the ruling party (ANC) and causing much hell as a result.
so we’re having a lot of fun with little jokes about how we’re ‘coping with COPE’, and how COPE is coping with the current political drama….
tee hee! you ARE extra funny today!
@superwoman,
“stoep=porch/veranda”
This is an American colloquialism as well, but we spell it “stoop”.
vsb.com: where cultural similarities and differences are celebrated.
You’re so right it doesn’t make sense to deny it.
If my “friend” called me right now and told me he needed…I would leave out of here in the rain and go to Capital One, loans.com, where the hell ever, but I damned sure would come up with it.
@Jac,
“If my “friend” called me right now and told me he needed…I would leave out of here in the rain and go to Capital One, loans.com, where the hell ever, but I damned sure would come up with it.”
OMG@ the being overly sprung. That statement sucks on so many levels, but I hate to seem critical – sorry if it comes off that way, it just makes me cringe according to the way I was raised by my gramma an grampa – old school. (my mom passed when I was 11 and my daddy was a no-good)
A: He’s NOT your husband.
B: He’s not even significant enough for you to call him your MAN.
C: He’s asking you for the funds in the first place.
The way I was raised, a MAN doesn’t lean on a woman for funds unless it’s his mama, auntie or sister. (even then, it BETTER be a short term loan)
If said man needs funds, he needs to rely on his own family, and in extremes his MALE buddies.
Now if said man is in an actual COMMITTED/LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE with the woman, it’s ok, because they’re partners. But just a man “friend” with no premarital strongholds is a resounding NO.
Again, sorry if it seems judgmental; that wasn’t the intent.
@RedBeanzNRice,
Awww…doll none taken…we don’t like titles…*long story*
The reason I would do it for him is because every single d@mned time I need something he is Johnny on the Spot. I actually told him today that I’ve thought about how many times I haven’t had…he doesn’t judge or say what did you do with it…he just handles business…so I know if he’s asking me it’s crucial.
And…this is true about the mate thing. One thing I stick by is friends first, team second, lovers third. There’s a natural progression. He is truly my rock…but I am independent enough to do it without him…tough lessons, but I know them.
@RedBeanzNRice,
**from jac’s comment**
The reason I would do it for him is because every single d@mned time I need something he is Johnny on the Spot. I actually told him today that I’ve thought about how many times I haven’t had…he doesn’t judge or say what did you do with it…he just handles business…so I know if he’s asking me it’s crucial.
this is the point i’m getting at. obviously, i’m not referring to some half-assed relationship, but i believe that if a woman is truly invested in someone that, as jac explained, she wouldnt have a problem with helping him out.
again though, your comments in this thread basically just show me that you havent truly been in love yet. naybe you thought you were, but thinking its it and actually being in it are two completely different things
@The Champ,
“again though, your comments in this thread basically just show me that you havent truly been in love yet. naybe you thought you were, but thinking its it and actually being in it are two completely different things”
Yes, they are 2 different things. I’ve been in love to the point of damn near insanity, but like I said earlier, the way I was raised re: giving a man money is ingrained in me. Like I said IF MARRIED, then yeah, no problem – just being together, and in love? No dice.
Just cause you’ve had women in love with you that have given you money, does not mean that all women will do the same in their relationships if they are in love.
@RedBeanzNRice,
question:
“…but i believe that if a woman is truly invested in/in love with someone that, as jac explained, she wouldnt have a problem with helping him out.”
do you agree with this statement?
btw, i’ve never asked for any cash from a woman. i’m not basis this entry on personal experience…just the wisdom that comes with being the champ
@The Champ,
“do you agree with this statement?”
I can agree with that statement if by “truly invested/in love” means it’s a week before your wedding to said man. Otherwise, still no.
What happens after you’ve given the broke sucka money to help him out, and then the breakup occurs? That’s money that coulda been used to get your hair did, or to buy some Hi C orange drink. But instead, it just got thrown away for a man that you loved so much – and the longevity that you thought was there disappeared.
Moral of the story: Don’t give your man any money unless your man is your husband.
@RedBeanzNRice,
A: He’s NOT your husband.
How do you think someone becomes your husband? It’s by having a TRUE, REAL relationship beforehand. The marriage will then just be a continuation of an already SOLID bond.
The ring is not a magic wand that is just waived and then folks start acting like they are in a REAL relationship. It starts out that way and then matures inside a marriage. Not the other way around, IMHO.
@Ms. Sula,
“It’s by having a TRUE, REAL relationship beforehand.”
And that does not have to include giving your man money. You should equally be able to hold your own, and if you can’t, then you need to get some priorities straight before entering into the type of relationship that leads to marriage.
@Ms. Sula, How do you think someone becomes your husband? It’s by having a TRUE, REAL relationship beforehand. The marriage will then just be a continuation of an already SOLID bond.
EXACTLY, EXACTLY, EXACTLY!!!!
*jumping up and down so hard, my drink spills out of the glass, all over the parquet floor*
@superwoman,
Damned not spilling the drink. Also if you’re in a relationship with someone that person should also be your friend…you would loan your girl $50 why not the person you are sleeping with…I mean the bond there is seriously crucial if we in bed together.
@Jac,
“you would loan your girl $50 why not the person you are sleeping with…I mean the bond there is seriously crucial if we in bed together.”
Loaning is not the question. It’s just flat out GIVING the money that’s the issue.
@RedBeanzNRice,
question: would you have a problem giving your best friend 70 bucks if she needed it. mind you, shes not asking for it. i’m just asking whether you’d be willing to give
@The Champ,
“question: would you have a problem giving your best friend 70 bucks if she needed it. ”
I hate to say this, but yeah, I would have a problem doing that. Only because money can quickly cause a friendship to turn sour. Not saying that you won’t still friends, but sadly it can cause a point of contention; same thing with relatives.
Now if she needed anything else, and I could help, I’d do so gladly, with a smile on my face and a song in my heart. : )
@Jac,
Well, aren’t you the accommodating one?
Jac, that seems like a bit much. Out in the rain??
He must have awesome peen. Simply amazing.
@PBG, heh heh heh, you kill me! an ‘amazing peen’ indeed!
@PBG,
*I had a vision of love and it was all that you’ve given to me*
LOL-Sorry that’s playing…just thinking about it makes me skip a damned breath. It’s very talented and it ain’t just about the pentis either…
@Jac,
Heeeey! Git ‘er done!
@PBG,
I sho do.
@PBG, i love Jac…
but i think sometimes us ladies side step AGE OLD woman laws…to be more appealing to negro’s..
@Princess Duvet,
Not giving a damned about being appealing just being honest about what I’d do for my boo. Can’t help it being that way sometimes. And it’s not for every negro just this one. And I didn’t start out this way…trust he earned it…and he knows this but NEVER invokes it.
@Jac,
**yaya membership**
RE-FYKIN-VOKED…..
the end
@Princess Duvet,
Why do I feel like I know you somewhere? Am I right about this?
@Jac,
That ain’t nobody but CBG w/a fancy duvet wrapped around her. Yeah, you know her! LOL!
All truth. Nuff said.
@Ange,
smart woman and sh*t
“fellas, you need to know that it’s all about money.”
While I think this is true, this isn’t the ONLY indicator. What if the man, never needed to borrow money?? Then he’d never know…so this theory would fall through the hole.
If I were to shell out a significant sum to a guy I was dating and not expect it back…it would only be because I know it would be reciprocated if I were in his shoes. AND, I’m just sweet and generous like that…hahaha…
@Coco,
**reposting what i said upthread**
i’m not saying that the only women who are in love are the ones who have given freely, or that money is the only way to tell if a woman is truly into you, but that for a woman truly in love, the giving wouldn’t matter.
does that clarify things?
@The Champ,
Yes, I understand what you’re saying and I do agree. Giving of ANYTHING should not matter when you’re in love. I’ve done some crazy things when I’ve been in love…just like the bible says “where your heart is (your heart being when you love something or someone), there your treasure is also (MONEY). So if I’ve given my heart to someone, I admit I will willingly GIVE (and not expect back) my money (or anything else for that matter). Of course I’m not gonna be in love with some trifling man…I only LOVE good men.
Therefore, what I give him whether it be money, use of my car, my good lovin’…whatever…it’s selfless and not expected back. Love does not ask “when you gonna pay me back?” I know that him loving me more, him appreciating me, supporting me etc, is payment enough.
Do you agree? Does this make sense?
@Coco,
Yup. Makes sense to me.
@Coco,
it does and sh*t
I think I agree. Somewhat. Read my example. LOL
In a few relationships, after they’ve turned sour, I’ve sat and thought back about the money I’ve put out vs. the money he’s put out…. 99% of the time I was out more… This pissed me off THEE most about the entire situation.
But this last guy, he spoiled me… I’d never been done that way. Soooo, after it was over, it was easier for me to get over it… I kept thinking well at least I got a laptop, iPod, etc. (things I never wanted to purchase and wanted) from this one.
LMAO.
@Nicki Sunshine, “But this last guy, he spoiled me… I’d never been done that way. Soooo, after it was over, it was easier for me to get over it… I kept thinking well at least I got a laptop, iPod, etc. (things I never wanted to purchase and wanted) from this one. ”
This is interesting. . . you just ruined a Virginia woman’s Christmas btw. . . LoL
@IVR, LOL. I sorry chica.
Believe me, I have the feeling I was not the only chick that was getting these gifts.
“This is interesting. . . you just ruined a Virginia woman’s Christmas btw. . .”
*dead*
@8th Wonder, For real! I’m not gonna allow a VSB post to be made off of me being no trick! LoL
See, this is when you need to take some time and log off…
LOL
@8th Wonder, “See, this is when you need to take some time and log off…”
I’m just kidding, I will still spoil her for Christmas . . . but it would be wack if that is what she may be thinking. . .with the chick logic and all that. . . I’m just gonna pretend I didn’t log on to VSB today. (After you all get me through the work day with the shenanigans)
@IVR, No babe… that’s NOT what she’s thinking. Let met explain:
I loved that man… I wanted to be with him. BUT he still wanted to play around.
I was just saying that bc he bought me those things, it made the end a little easier for me. I was hurt BUT at least I have….. get it???
I would have to agree with this one. Men are almost geared to spend money on women and give them money if need be but women that is another story. The women that can just give you dough is someone that really wants you to make it or be happy (isn’t that love).
@J. McFly,
“The women that can just give you dough is someone that really wants you to make it or be happy (isn’t that love).”
Don’t be so sure about this one. You just might be someone’s gigolo and not know it!
@YGB,
“Don’t be so sure about this one. You just might be someone’s gigolo and not know it!”
Amen to that!
@J. McFly,
Men are almost geared to spend money on women and give them money if need be but women that is another story
this is another point i was trying to convey. for most men, giving/spending money is no big deal (giving/spending TIME, on the other hand, lol…thats a different story)
this is something we’ve just been socialized to do, which is why if a woman is willing to do it, it means a ton more.
@The Champ,
I agree. Men are socialized to do the spending and the giving of gifts and cash, and we women accept that as norm. If a woman is willing to give w/o conditions to her man, especially if she offers it when he is in need, she is definitely invested in you and the relationship. When I was a broke college student in love with another broke college student, we did for each other. I helped him out when his refund was being held for some reason, and he helped me whenever I needed cash, and we never thought anything of it. To me, it makes sense to want to give to the person you love. How selfish is it do all of the receiving but none of the giving?
@N.I.A. isonebadmutha….,
good comment and shit, n.i.a.
@The Champ,
thanks and shit, Champ!!
I haven’t come down from my high of touching David Banner last night…mmmm. I may have to log off…lol That made my year…seriously.
I almost jumped on him…but that’s another story.
“it’s not about time either. women will spend time with a guy they have no intentions on ever doing anything remotely physical with, ”
Guilty, guilty, and guilty.
@miss t-lee, You touched David Banner???? What on earth was stopping u from hopping on him?????
I met him in the airport a couple of years ago… he is soooo s3xy.
@Nicki Sunshine,
Girl it was rough, but I managed to keep my self-respect…lol
He came through the crowd and I touched his head, I’m so mad my phone battery had died. I couldn’t get any video.
@miss t-lee, My goodness! I’m glad you didn’t fly off the handle bc I may have. LOL. I’m joking.. he came over and talked to my group in the airport and I was star struck… I stayed in the back and really didn’t say anything.
***goes back to daydreaming about that Mandingo warrior *****
@Nicki Sunshine,
Wow, just wow.
@miss t-lee,
stalker alert
@Deviant,
lol…nah…I don’t get down like that.
He could stalk me though…hee-hee!!
E-twin, I am so jealous.
David Banner* could get it everyday. In a tornado.
As in, the tornado has lifted the bed OUT of the house into the air…and we’re still doing it.
*This applies to heavier David Banner. New, sculpted David Banner is scary @ me. I wish he’d give food one more chance.
@8th Wonder, “This applies to heavier David Banner. New, sculpted David Banner is scary @ me. I wish he’d give food one more chance.”
You and me both!!!!!! My goodness, I want him to go back!
@8th Wonder,
Yeah twin, I didn’t realize exactly how much weight he lost until last night, baby boy done got small. ;(
Last night he said he had lost 50 lbs, I’m thinking it was more like 70…lol
@miss t-lee,
“I haven’t come down from my high of touching David Banner last night”
Girl, I think I got a contact high just readin that – like second hand smoke and sh*t, lol. Whew he’s a cutie pie.
@RedBeanzNRice,
Yes ma’am!!
@miss t-lee,
I haven’t come down from my high of touching David Banner last night
*giving the evil, very jealous, très evil side-eye to miss t-lee*
@Ms. Sula,
*giggling*
Hmmm. Interesting post. Other than my son and one male relative friend in genuine distress, I have never had a man ask me for money. Ever. Never even came up in a general discussion.
What am I to make of this?
My mother had a philosophy common in her generation: never give a man cash or spoil them with expensive gifts.
My father or brother wouldn’t have dreamed of ever asking any woman for money either, no matter how tough things were.
It was a sign of weakness and lack of masculinity, commonly seen in men who couldn’t carry their own weight, had a lack of planning and ambition, or pimps who are nearly always bisexual and dress in their grandma’s colors and similar gaudy jewelry. This was a common belief in my generation too (the 40s and above crowd).
It’s like a man can’t (or shouldn’t) respect himself for taking a dime from a woman, and on some level, a well-put together woman can’t either.
This behavior of animal females giving their material resources to males does not occur in the animal kingdom, either, which should give humans a clue. Instead females are the recipients of gifts usually in the way of food, and in return they offer opportunities to the male to “continue his genetic line via mating.”
Heh-heh. “Come on baby, you bought me dinner, so let me give ya a pseudo opportunity… just wear a condom… “
I admittedly hold some sexist beliefs, and one core value is that a man should be strong and able to plan and provide for himself and have enough social skills that he has a network of other men to help him in a true emergency. His role is to protect his own assets, his woman, and children.
I just don’t get the goal of this post, Champ, “fellas, you need to know that it’s all about money.”
@Kit (Keep It Trill), “This was a common belief in my generation too (the 40s and above crowd). ”
i think you can take this on down to the 30+ crowd too.
my exceptions are in marriage where yours and mine become OURS…but prior to all that its still mine and the mere suggestion a dude would have concerning it …makes me think he’s a suckah @zz punk (im sorry i can’t make it nice today) LOL
@Kit (Keep It Trill),
complete and total co-sign
as well as the sentiment expressed that once you get married, the mine and yours becomes ours. it is a totally different animal after the “I do.”
@Kit (Keep It Trill),
Lions aren’t like that. The females do the hunting. There are alot of animals in which the females do the heavy lifting.
@Deviant, “There are alot of animals in which the females do the heavy lifting.
”
please get out your subscription of national geographic and explain which ones… LOL
@Princess Duvet,
I just listed one. There are all kinds of insects and fish where the female is dominant. You went to biology class too. You know what I know.
@Deviant, i need others…the lion aint gonna do for now.
Deviant, i would hardly call the lionesses “dominant” but you are certainly right that they do the majority of hunting for the pride. but the male(s) remains at the top.
also, many female penguins do the food gathering while the males watch the babies. there are also many species of primates where the female is dominant in their social groups.
@Gem of the Ocean, i agree..i was gonna help him and offer up the female praying mantis who does a nice little kill “post copulation”..but i wanted to hear about the others he had..lol..
@Deviant,
I was about to say that exact thing RIGHT THERE!!!
@Kit (Keep It Trill),
I co-sign with that whole statement except:
“This behavior of animal females giving their material resources to males does not occur in the animal kingdom, either”
Cause the lionesses are the ones that do the hunting for the lion and the rest of the pride.
@RedBeanzNRice,
All humans dont follow this logic either. All cultures do not adhere to the dominant male thing. There are or have been people indigenous to the Americas and Africa in which either the female is either on equal footing or dominant eitehr in the whole or the entire tribe/colony/group.
@Deviant,
Of course not. There’s no all inclusive group that follows that logic. It all depends on your upbringing, your culture, and your societal views. I just happen to agree with everything she said except for the animal kingdom comment.
@Kit (Keep It Trill),
I just don’t get the goal of this post, Champ.
i added this part this morning. maybe this makes things more clear:
“for reasons that have to do with biology and centuries of socialization, it’s much, much, much easier to separate a man interested in a woman from miscellaneous cash than vice versa, and for her to be willing to actually do this for a guy she’s seeing is the most concrete proof on the planet that she is invested in him.”
again, its not about whether or not she actually does it…or if he actually takes it. its about whether or not she’s absolutely against the idea of doing it. this is one of those theories that more about the principle than anything else.
basically, my point is that a person truly in love will do pretty much anything to help out their mate. for many (read: “most”) woman, the willingness to separate herself from her cash is the final “willingness” mental litmus test.
do you see my point now?
@Kit (Keep It Trill),
It comes back to that post we had several weeks ago.
Each couple has to come up with what works for them. Whether it be, woman mowing the grass (as I personally love it!) and/or man cooking. It just has to work for that particular couple. Applying our own values and belief systems to other situations does not guarantee success. What works for your couple works.
To put the saying of those older women into a social context, we have to remember that women were not able to make as much money as they can now. Most of our belief systems are built in the trenches of our realities.
I find it utterly interesting that women will demand equal share of household work and the likes, but balk at financial sharing which is not even what The Champ was alluding to (at least from what I understood).
The whole point was not “are you keeping a gigolo?” then sh!t, you musta been in luuuuuuve. No, from what I understood, the post is saying that if a woman is willing to offer you money (when you are in a dire strait) that means she must really be into you.
This whole debate on whether the man should be the principal breadwinner imo does not fit the subject at hand.
I salute you,VSB, for championing the blog recycling effort but… I want to know.
@Deviant,
no you dont.
@The Champ, I do
@The Champ,
and so do I.
@Ms. Sula,
too bad
@The Champ,
Did the dog ate your homework, Champie?
“My mother had a philosophy common in her generation: never give a man cash or spoil them with expensive gifts. ”
My grandmother told me the same thing.
I’ve stuck to it.
@miss t-lee,
how about your cousins and sh*t? what were their feelings on the matter?
@The Champ,
My cousins, not so much.
I’ll use 3 examples, they are all sisters BTW.
#1. Just got married. They’re in love and he’s good dude.
#2 Been with the same kat 14 years, with 3 kids and he’s married to someone else for a green card marriage.
#3 Divorced but living with her 3rd child’s father who is a known crackhead. She’s a nurse, makes great money, but it always broke, due to him and his habit.
@miss t-lee,
“3 Divorced but living with her 3rd child’s father who is a known crackhead. She’s a nurse, makes great money, but it always broke, due to him and his habit.”
She is d!ckmatized!
@YGB,
Yep…don’t I know it.
I think she’s finally starting to see the error of his ways.
@YGB,
I’m still tryna figure out how a crackhead is able to d!ckmatize anyone in the first place….
I am perplexed.
@blackberry molasses,
I don’t EVEN want to know.
Trust and believe.
@blackberry molasses,
They work hard for the money, BBMo’…whether it be washing cars, tap dancing @ the Metro or d*cking down unsuspecting nurses. Being a crackhead is a full-time job and they don’t mind going the extra mile!
1. I never lend money. I give it. I learned a long time ago never give away what you cant live without. Be it my friends, my family or my dude. You can rest assured if I know I need it to survive you will not give it.
2 I think there is some definately truth to The Champs theory. I will admit that I have given the man in my life money before when times got hard. H3ll such is life we all get there from time to time. But it has to be a guy I am really really into. Other wise I am looking at you like ‘dude, what part of the game is this?’ I had a cutbuddy ask me one day to borrow $20 cause he was hungry and didnt get paid until the next day. I told him, ‘there is lunch meat, bread and hawaiian punch in the fridge that is all you gonna get from me playa’. And then there is this guy I am seeing now who I really like and is an all around great guy. He had surgery a month or so ago and is on workman’s comp. While having our midnight conversation I waas telling me how he is worried about missing his first child support payment in 5 yrs becuase of all the issue with the workmans comp. I just listened and he did ask but later that week, I handed him the exact amount. He tried his damnest not to take it, but I told him above all else we are friends and if I can I help my friends out.
@Suga&Spice,
I had a cutbuddy ask me one day to borrow $20 cause he was hungry and didnt get paid until the next day. I told him, ‘there is lunch meat, bread and hawaiian punch in the fridge that is all you gonna get from me playa’
you should have cut him from cutbuddy status afterwards as well. thats just wrong.
There is truth to this statement…well, some. If I trust someone enough to loan them money two things are true: 1) I know they (he) really need(s) it (especially a guy, b/c historically they don’t like to ask us womenfolk for stuff–with the exception of vajayjay…cat’s never got their tongue on that one) and 2) I absolutely adore them and don’t care if I get it back or not.
I’ve always been a firm believer in if you loan someone money, you loan it with the intentions of not getting it back. So basically the loan is more like a gift…BUT I’M NOT GONNA TELL THEM (HIM) THAT!!! Lawd Jesus, no! If they (he) come(s) to me a week or two later (or however long it takes to run me my money) and says, “Here you go…I told you I’d pay you back!” I would have NO PROBLEM opening up my wallet like it’s a collection plate!
I say all that to say this, when I give–be it money, a ride, a pair of socks, strawberry starbursts, etc–I do it with the intention of never getting it back. I’m not gonna take you to church, but think “Jesus.Paid.It.All.” Thank yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!! *throws hand in the air*
NOW. About this $500….ummmmmm…I was thinking more along the lines of $50…maybe even $100…but $500?? Naw playa…unfortunately my pockets aren’t padded like that to just be giving somebody half of a G-note….how YOU doin??!!!!!!!!!!!
@This Just In,
“I say all that to say this, when I give–be it money, a ride, a pair of socks, strawberry starbursts, etc”
*gasp* You’re willin to part with your strawberry starbursts? Now THAT’S love right there.
@RedBeanzNRice,
I’m tryna tell you!!! If he’s gettin strawberry starbursts from me, that sh!t is most definitely on LOCK!!
@This Just In,
this was an entertaining comment and sh*t
@The Champ,
thanks and sh!t…glad you enjoyed!
Is something wrong with me that I have no problem taking money from a woman? I generally don’t ask ppl for money b/c it makes feel indebted to them and I hate that. But if you give it to me w/o me asking, (its happened to me before) should I not take it? I think its more masculine to acknowledge that you need a little help sometime and being humble enough to take it. However, I do feel that a man an adult should not depend on anything or anyone else.
It’s funny how sometimes we complain about these antiquated views of man/woman relationships but at other times we sort of relish in them.
@Trying to get all currensies, from the “Peyso” to the Dollar,
“Is something wrong with me that I have no problem taking money from a woman?”
Yes.
Now are you and Panama brothers or what? Cause yall change ya names like every week or so, lol.
@RedBeanzNRice, My mama said aint nothin wrong with me, I’m just special.
LOL, i change my name when i change my facebook status lol
@Trying to get all currensies, from the “Peyso” to the Dollar,
“My mama said aint nothin wrong with me, I’m just special.”
LMAO – that’s what all mamas and grammas say. That and “Bless his heart” when they see an ugly baby – especially one with a watermelon head.
@Trying to get all currensies, from the “Peyso” to the Dollar
Wow. After scrolling and re-reading, in retrospect, I think perhaps you may have thought I was calling you an ugly, watermelon-headed baby. I really wasn’t – sorry if it sounded that way bighead, lol.
@Trying to get all currensies, from the “Peyso” to the Dollar,
I think some people don’t know how to draw the line between “masculine & humble enough to accept help” and being freeloaders!
@Trying to get all currensies, from the “Peyso” to the Dollar,
It’s funny how sometimes we complain about these antiquated views of man/woman relationships but at other times we sort of relish in them.
That’s what I was thinking reading this thread. I am sure if The Champ had made a post about how women need to go back to the kitchen and stay there, the outcries would have been heard in Siberia… But when it suits “us”, we flip it, oh so conveniently, talking about “men need to give ALL the money”…
Weren’t there an outcry the other day about B walking 10 steps behind Jay-Z ?
Sometimes, even I don’t get chick logic.
@Ms. Sula,
***sending engagement ring to ms. sula in email attachment***
@The Champ,
Awwww!
*battling rather shortish eyelashes at the screen*
@The Champ, and what happened to our elopement, you shameless philanderer!!!!
*logs off in a huff*
@superwoman,
i’m bi-continental and sh*t
Ms. Sula, you betta preach that good righteous wisdom-filled truth-setting-free seek-ye-shall-find “is that your church fan or mine?” hand-waving tabernacle-upholding WORD!!
@Ms. Sula, Sometimes, even I don’t get chick logic
Neither do I Ms. Sula…neither do I.
@N.I.A. isonebadmutha…., i second (third?) that emotion
Very interesting thesis….
I know I have never given anywhere close to $500 to anyone, but I have given money to friends and former lovers if they needed it. Usually around $20-$25.
However, I do believe if you are in a trusting relationship either leading to marriage or already married, women and men are more likely to give money to their SO when the SO needs it. The key is the depth of the relationship.
@N.I.A. isonebadmutha….,
However, I do believe if you are in a trusting relationship either leading to marriage or already married, women and men are more likely to give money to their SO when the SO needs it. The key is the depth of the relationship
in a nutshell
I’ve been in love once and he was the only guy that I would give money to, but he would never ever accept it even when he was struggling. His father passed away and he took care of his mom and 3 siblings, so he had a lot of bills but still insisted on paying for all of our dates and wouldn’t even let me pay even if we just went to a coffee shop. He had too much pride…
@Leila,
Wow.
This sounds like a serious stand up guy.
@miss t-lee,
yea, he does. and. to my point, leila does admit that, even though the guy didnt ask, she wouldnt have hesitated to give
@miss t-lee, I just cant call that being a “stand up guy”. No knock on ole dude for handlin his BI but at the same time, its ok to ask for help, and i think this mindset can come and often comes to bite us in the SSA. That’s why so many mental conditions go undiagnosed in black men, b/c we dont admit we need help once in awhile, emphasis on ONCE IN AWHILE.
You know how much easier it is to succeed when you know that you can call on your one time Get out of Jail Card (read: girlfriend) if things ever got too rough for you to handle
@Trying to get all currensies, from the “Peyso” to the Dollar,
I understand. If this is your girlfriend.
Not just some random broad you’re knockin’ off that you’re asking for money.
I will always stand by this.
There is nothing wrong with asking for help if you truly need it.
@Trying to get all currensies, from the “Peyso” to the Dollar,
I AGREE and applaud this statement. I tell men all the time that this is why they die first… always wanting to do everything and be everything. It’s a characterization that skews reality and in my opinion brings out some of the worst personality traits in both genders. (not saying that this is always the case but i’ve seen it happen a number of times) Women blaming their own laziness on being without a man and/or looking for a man to save them. And men blaming their greed, selfishness, and stubborness on just being a “man”.
@pgh muse,
In a nutshell.
*borrows Diva Dust from BBmo and sprinkles it on pgh muse*
@miss t-lee,
Or somebody not willing to admit they need help.Which might become a problem down the line.
@Ms. Sula,
True.
For me, this is sooooo true. A man would need a vice grip to seperate me from my dough. That’s why that Mickey D commercial gets me cackling every time – I am so stingaaay….lol!
Something about giving or loaning a man who is not my husband feels very wrong to me. Not just because I’m a tightwad, either. I guess my feeling is this: what would ole boy do if I wasn’t in the picture? Who would he call? It’s the same for me – I’ll call mom before a man any day.
Bottom line goes back to the old fashioned values – if he can’t sustain himself or get it together after a tough time without the help of a female (that he has no official commitments with), he’s not a real man (little boy syndrome). Part of courting a woman is proving that you can handle yourself – after all, if it works out you will probably be in charge of making sure the whole household (you, her and some kids) are taken care of. Even if it doesn’t go that far you still need the practice. It’s not so much about the man making sick loads of dough, it’s about whether you can think on your feet and be creative (without breakin’ da law) to keep it moving. Sometimes you actually have to *gasp* make some sacrifices. This is how a MAN proves he can handle money.
Every time one of my girls has given a man (that they weren’t in a committed relationship with) $$, the sh*t fell apart later – and had something to do with him being “immature”. Then she gotta sit around feeling like Smokey Robinson, playing the fool.
@Lil’T,
Bottom line goes back to the old fashioned values – if he can’t sustain himself or get it together after a tough time without the help of a female (that he has no official commitments with), he’s not a real man (little boy syndrome). Part of courting a woman is proving that you can handle yourself – after all, if it works out you will probably be in charge of making sure the whole household (you, her and some kids) are taken care of. Even if it doesn’t go that far you still need the practice. It’s not so much about the man making sick loads of dough, it’s about whether you can think on your feet and be creative (without breakin’ da law) to keep it moving. Sometimes you actually have to *gasp* make some sacrifices. This is how a MAN proves he can handle money.
this is all true, which, again, is why its a big deal if a woman is willing to look past all of that to assist her significant other
@The Champ,
Ahhh – if a woman has to “look past” the age old wisdom of her elders and regular common sense to give $$ to her man she is most likely embarking on some foolishness.
@Lil’T,
Ain’t nothin’ new under the sun except cellophane.
Nahmean?
@miss t-lee,
“Ain’t nothin’ new under the sun except cellophane.”
I thought cellophane dated back to prehistoric times.
@miss t-lee,
Girl – you ain’t nevah lied.
@Lil’T,
“…if a woman has to “look past” the age old wisdom of her elders and regular common sense…”
how is being willing to do what you can to help out a person you care deeply about not regular common sense?
You got me feeling like McScroogette over here but I have to stick to my guns on this one. When “someone you care deeply about” becomes “your fiance/husband” we can talk.
@Lil’T,
Whew yes lawd PREACH sista! I keep tryna explain that to ole hard-headed Champ, lol. My gramma used to say a hard-head makes a soft behind. I wonder how soft his booty is, lol.
@RedBeanzNRice,
wonder deez
@RedBeanzNRice, LMMFAO
@The Champ,
“wonder deez”
Aww see? Lmao! Guess that means ya booty’s soft like a sofa cushion.
@Lil’T,
When “someone you care deeply about” becomes “your fiance/husband” we can talk.
do close friends count in this regard as well? like, would you hafta be engaged to your closest girlfriend in order to be willing to give her 80 bucks?
@The Champ,
No, but I will loan that heffa some thigh high stiletto boots and point her to a lucrative street corner. I still get a cut, though.
@Lil’T, “if a woman has to “look past” the age old wisdom of her elders and regular common sense to give $$ to her man she is most likely embarking on some foolishness.”
more gospel…
here is the problem tho..men talk about man law all the time..You mention women law and out come the crickets…even WITH other women.
and thats the saddest yaya part to this all…another woman agreeing just because she thinks it somehow makes her special or different..the bottom line there really are other ways for you to show your undying adoration besides writing a check with a couple of zeros behind it.
those times will never change..but for a woman who really wants a man, i suppose it would.
@Princess Duvet,
Isn’t it a law in the Yaya sisterhodd that says that other sisters/sistren are entitled to their own opinions?
How sexist of us to think that because a woman disagrees with what we think then she’s trying to please a man. Is that all there is? I think not. At least the Yaya book I received was slightly different and allowed for difference of opinions on the ground of brain/heart matters. Maybe my copy is too old, and I need to cope the newer version.
@Ms. Sula,
I think your copy is just fine, Ms. S –
personally, I think that women’s tendancy for higher level thinking will prevent us from ever coming up with official “woman law”. Just too smart and independant….lol!
@Lil’T,
Agreed!
*the yaya sisterhood got swagger like that…*
@Ms. Sula, i apologize if you took that as a personal attack.. however that is my personal opinion and you are entitled to yours as well.
i mean i could take cheap scape, never been in love, point misser etc. as such (not by you) as well..but at the end of the day it is never personal with me.
my duvet has a little velcro on it (for detachment). and does get wet at times. so again if you feel any of my statements were personally lodged at you, i apologize.
@Princess Duvet,
None taken at all sistren.
Actually, this has never happened to me. I am just going on the principle that being in a relationship, a real one, demand that both people invest themselves in each other. And that to me, includes, helping a loved one when that loved one is in a dire need. That is all.
*Cf. Page 334, appendix C of The Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood, pre-WWII edition*
Ms Sula
e daps …and yaya!
“demand that both people invest themselves in each other”
..and this is true..perhaps it does come down to common sense and intuition…only neither is very common.
While I tend to agree with the ladies on this about giving a man the side-eye for even asking to borrow money (when he should have other resources like male friends, family members or at least a decent credit rating), I will say that if I’m willing to give money to him, there’s some deep feelings there. Any fool, JO, FWB, etc. does not get consideration for my hard earned money.
I once told my sister that a guy could fcuk with me and i could handle any b.s. that happens but absolutely, positively don’t fcuk with my child or my money. That’s where I draw the line…cuz I would cut a mutha for attempting to mess with my family or my credit. That tells me that Champ’s theory is correct, at least as far as me.
@Luvtheshoes,
That tells me that Champ’s theory is correct, at least as far as me.
smart girl. the world would be a better place if more people just spent an hour a day listening to my wisdom and sh*t
@The Champ,
“the world would be a better place if more people just spent an hour a day listening to my wisdom and sh*t”
I swear this is why you continue to crack me the hell up. You’re just too humble for your own good.
Another thought – I grew up watching court shows from Wapner to Judge Judy – 85% of the cases are on some ole “I loaned you some dough when we were together and now I’ma need that back” ish. I just never want to end up there!
@Lil’T,
Exactly.
I will do some time behind my change mayne.
To be honest. I have to wonder about a man that needs his woman to give him money. If a cat looses his job and needs something to tide him over, I can understand. But he better be trying to pay that money back. A man has too many option to ever need a woman to give him money. And a woman that gives a man money usually is trying desperately to keep him. That’s not love that’s neediness and obessession.
I have some friends that live off the desperation of women to pad their pockets.
If you need $500 you better get out here with a rake or a lawn mower and get to work. Sell some of your bodily fluids (sperm or blood). Or beg on the corner.
I’m not a fan of borrowing either, but that’s the only circumstance under which money should be giving and I better be holding something as collateral.
@Wood,
i agree with much of what you’re saying here, but none of it relates to the point i was trying to convey
@The Champ,
I get what you were saying. I was just taking a little detour.
@Wood,
So wait, if you were in a serious relationship and fell on hard times, and your girl offered to help you financially, you would think she was desperate to keep you and not just trying to support you?
I’m confused.
@8th Wonder,
Not what I’m saying. I’m saying it depends on the intention. But I’m saying if a woman gives a man money and he’s not making a heartfelt effort to pay that back. Or she just tricking off cash that ‘s wrong.
Okay, I gotcha and I agree.
@Wood,
I agree. It’s not the actual giving, but rather the motive. A female can trick on a guy b/c she’s just got it like that, or she may think that it will keep him around. That’s what makes her seem needy and desperate. Some guys just prey on those type of females. Male gold-diggas do exist.
I think a real man will handle his biz, but he’ll also have a woman to support him through thick & thin… even if it has to be, at times, financially.
@SouthernCharm,
I think a real man will handle his biz, but he’ll also have a woman to support him through thick & thin… even if it has to be, at times, financially
Cf. Chele and Barack.
Stopping through to let everyone know that today I’m doing a workshop on my favorite topic – Blogging.
Be sure to stop by and leave your comments with your blog address:
http://www.rawsistaz-affair.com/conference/2008/12/workshop-blogging-for-fun/
If you like to read, I have a few books to giveaway too (but you have to go to the workshop or my blog to see how you can enter to win).
Also if you’re an aspiring writer, I was on a panel yesterday on publishing, so browse the site when you get there.
@Shelia,
good looks on the link and sh*t
“you’re on her top 4 on myspace? great. so is ringo starr. and tom”
ROFLMAO
“the one sign that’ll make you absolutely certain that a woman is definitely, without any questions, into you is if she’s willing to give you money.”
There’s some truth in that statement. We definitely don’t depart of our funds to any old man…well some do; but for the most part, if I love my man and he’s in a bind, then I will have his back–especially when I know he has mine. (yes there is a condition on it…he has to have shown that he has my back. I don’t think women should give money to a man that she loves if the love isn’t reciprocated or if the man has tried to take advantage of her feelings for him.)
@Shelia,
for the most part, if I love my man and he’s in a bind, then I will have his back–especially when I know he has mine. (yes there is a condition on it…he has to have shown that he has my back. I don’t think women should give money to a man that she loves if the love isn’t reciprocated or if the man has tried to take advantage of her feelings for him.)
**nodding head**
this is so true… I paid for me and a BF to go on a cruise for his bday… it was a surprise… but I’ve never just flat out given cash…and even though the trip was during his bday… it was really just because I wanted to go and could care less if he was going to enjoy it or not… even though he did… but I dont think I have ever just flat out given dude cash. hmmm
@Eb,
‘ain’t you nevuh been in love miss cielie.’ ctfu
I’m sorry I couln’t resist. lol
So here’s my question to the fellas:
If giving funds is THE one true sign that a woman is into you – what’s the equivalent for a man?
My guess is the family visit. Specially during the holidays. Am I wrong?
@Lil’T, “If giving funds is THE one true sign that a woman is into you – what’s the equivalent for a man? ‘
***makes popcorn and sits by the VSB fire for this nugget of wisdom**???
waiting…
This is gonna be good.
@miss t-lee, we’ll see won’t we? LOL
@Princess Duvet,
Mmmm-hmmm. The men have punked out before (hair vs. weave inquiry from last week)…..
Just like a man to avoid the question, lol!
@Lil’T, well…the day and the week…is still young.
i guess they gettin it together.
@Lil’T,
Mmmm-hmmm. The men have punked out before (hair vs. weave inquiry from last week)…..
lol…its coming and sh*t
@Princess Duvet, buying you tampons and painkillers, filling up the hot water bottle and gently tapping your bloated belly as you writhe in agony on the bathroom tiles, totally devastated by menstrual cramps.
yes, he did this. reader, i almost married him. (then he got killed in a car accident, starting a tragic chapter in superwomans life….but we’ll save that for another day)
@superwoman, “buying you tampons and painkillers, filling up the hot water bottle and gently tapping your bloated belly as you writhe in agony on the bathroom tiles, totally devastated by menstrual cramps.”
this trumps ALL..
“i almost married him. (then he got killed in a car accident, starting a tragic chapter in superwomans life….but we’ll save that for another day)
”
he def. set the standard tho…im sorry for your loss.
@superwoman,
Awwww, superwoman, I’m so sorry! What an absolutely devastating experience to have to go through. eHugs and kisses to you…
@superwoman,
“yes, he did this. reader, i almost married him. (then he got killed in a car accident, starting a tragic chapter in superwomans life….but we’ll save that for another day)”
This I can unfortunately relate to.
I’m sorry.
@superwoman,
i’m really sorry to hear that.
@The Champ, miss t-lee,luvtheshoes & princess duvet. thanks so much, guys. thank you.
@superwoman,
*hugs*
@Lil’T,
Wasn’t it something about the last bite of food or some such?
But I do believe time and priority is a big one. Then again, it comes down to individuals…
@Lil’T,
If giving funds is THE one true sign that a woman is into you – what’s the equivalent for a man?
time.
this is it. a guy who’s truly into you will always make time to see you. don’t worry about money, or words, or family visits or anything else. time is our most precious commodity, and if we’re breaking schedules and engagements with others just to spend time with you, then its nothing to be sneezed at.
I couldn’t agree more with this statement.
Oh, it’s true.
@The Champ,
Thanks for answering and sh*t. Now, about that hair question…..
@The Champ,
Agreed!!
@Lil’T, ooooohhhh…aaah hhaaaa!!!! *points and waves finger*
…excuse me while I go get a blanket and a note pad…
I could be living on my last dime and I have never ever asked my girl money. . . I just take it out of her purse when she’s sleep. lol
Of course I’m kidding . . .
Not Really
Today’s topic has me thinking a little today, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I need new friends. It’s a damn shame that all my friends are bums. I would never ask them ninja for nothing, because I would go to my girl first. Come to think of it, I’m the one everyone comes to when they need money. This is some bullshyt!!!
As far as my girl is concerned, I’ve borrowed large amounts of money from her, but I always pay it back. Recently I got $1000 because I found a great deal on some new toys. I don’t have a problem asking her for money. My only beef is when she wants me to do a song and dance for the money, but expects me to give her money when ever she asks for it with no questions asked.
Get the fcuk out of here.
I don’t think it’s nothing wrong about asking for money, because sometime we all need some help.
I say the real test is to see if a woman will give you her last dime to help you out. Or if she will give you her hair money to help you out.
@eff yo couch,
Man Eff we need to do lunch. Cuz that right there is dap worthy. smh
lmao @ “Or if she will give you her hair money to help you out.”
if she does i hope she’s smart enough to have plenty scarves and hats on standby.
@Gem of the Ocean,
you shouldnt be dating a girl that doesn’t have this handled
sho you right. i rarely have money to get my hair professionally done (hallelujah for my appt next thursday!) but i own damn good accessories (like the hijab i’m currently sporting), hair products and styling tools. cost me nothing but time to keep the mane tamed.
After reading these comments, I conclude this:
a.) Many of people have misunderstood the point in Champ’s post.
b.) There’s a great sum of women out there who have clearly never been in true love.
and…
c.) There’s a lot of stengy, cheap a$$ women out here. I feel sorry for their servers.
@Monk, you are one of my favorite male posters..i can’t believe you wrote this…lol..
Im a great tipper..i don’t really see the correlation being tied to me breakin my man off dough.
I have also been in love. The men that i fell for and adored, were proud and self-sufficient. Shyt did happen and the point being lost is i don’t know of a woman IN LOVE who would watch like their man’s car being towed and not offer to help or some other catastrophe as such.
but i can’t really say that i felt compelled to give him money because life stopped working for him..honestly the men i date..dont see life like that.
@Monk,
I think your number a.) is actually very true.
@Monk,
a) who could misunderstand the post? The point was pretty simple, and most of us agree with it – our noses have to be pretty open to start parting with our hard earned funds. Now that we have that established, we can move onto the larger issue of whether or not it’s a good idea, and what circumstances lead to giving a grown azz man your $$.
b) so are you saying that true love opens its wallet? I can’t agree with this.
c) yeah, so? There’s no need to feel sorry for our fellas. Stingy with cash doesn’t mean I won’t help my man…I’m the chick that will help you with your resume, proof-read your finals, give you a ride to night classes and drop your name to my cousin in the HR department. If you need help I’m there. But I can’t give you ambition to do better, and that’s what many men who need money from a woman are lacking. If I am OFFICIALLY your partner I got your back on finances. If there is no ring (could be made of reconstructed fruit loop crumbs) on my finger I’m not combining finances with you in any way. No co-signage, no major bills, no names on a lease – and this goes both ways.
@Lil’T,
“If I am OFFICIALLY your partner I got your back on finances. If there is no ring (could be made of reconstructed fruit loop crumbs) on my finger I’m not combining finances with you in any way. No co-signage, no major bills, no names on a lease – and this goes both ways.”
Sang it girl! Sang it! Ms. Sula said something to the effect that a ring isn’t magic – like just because you get the ring it doesn’t make the relationship. (I would quote, but I’m being lazy, lol – sorry Ms. Sula)
It’s not about the ring – BUT it shows the level of commitment the man has agreed to undertake.
And, if he is willing to take it to THAT level of commitment then he’s deserving of the financial partnership said commitment provides, but not a minute sooner.
@RedBeanzNRice, i agree with this too..i guess we are the only one’s who has had to hear the late night sob stories of “my man needed money” and now I can’t find him type craziness. And that story came from an attorney who is the bomb diggidy in mergers and aquis…but her third eye real broke on negro’s and “loans”…
smart has very little to do with it. Sometimes emotional smarts gets your @zz in trouble too.
until the time is right woman’s law has served me good.
@Princess Duvet,
or how about, “His phone was broke so I got him a new one – you know, so we can keep in contact.” Next thing you know this bamma is calling other chicks on a phone you done bought him. My friend did this and it made me want to powder my hands before I pimp slapped her.
@Lil’T,
dat is the truth…some time i just wish i could be optimistic about OTHER women’s hypotheticals but i went to a yaya university and Im well versed in the bullshyt..particularly when other language and agenda is afoot.
i will give props to poobah..i don’t think his two cents post was a calling card to gank a chick for her cash..but with that YOU GOTTA STATE THE OBVIOUS. I know TONS of very smart women who would take this post as carte blanche to write checks his heart can’t cash.
@Princess Duvet,
Girl – you and I both know these chicks. Head Smart, Heart Stupid. Financing negroes because they lonely and sh*t. It would be one thing if these were chickens, but these are educated, good-hearted, otherwise logical women who lose they minds over empty promises and a magic stick.
@Princess Duvet,
“i guess we are the only one’s who has had to hear the late night sob stories of “my man needed money” and now I can’t find him type craziness.”
Ya know? And add Lil’T to the mix, cause she’s spittin nothin but the truth! Seems to me us 3 are the only ones that don’t compromise separate household funds because the lovin/emotional justification is good.
I don’t knock sistas that do, but I just can’t be one that does – sittin up there lookin like boo-boo da fool when ya man “takes a left” after you shared YOUR “household finances” with him without having a REAL household together.
Sorry but, “long term” relationship does not equal “married and committed” relationship. Until it does, keep your ends in your purse, lol.
@ Red B..i feel like me you and little T sittin on the porch in our housedresses lookin across the street at the jukejoint while people starin back at us shakin their heads…
its all truth. what women forget is that even the most emotionally intelligent and intuitive woman could still get got. Why? because just because a man would take if you offered (without him asking) doesn’t mean he’s a bad man.
Ive said this over and over and over and i think im gonna make a record titled “a man will take what you offer”. The woman sets the tone. Shyt if somebody handed me a blank check “with no strings” i might think long and hard too.
part of the bottom line is..i know women who have GREAT men (potentially) but they keep tryna save his day,not letting him win his own wins.
but those are my closing remarks…thats all i got..
i like you and t’s mumu dresses tho..we outta go to walmart and see if we can match our shat up LOL..
@Monk,
yeah, i made the same conclusions, which, if not for this general tso’s shrimp i’m about to tear into, would have made me sad and sh*t
@The Champ,
Agreeing with “A”. I think lots of people are misunderstanding the point of the post, too. We ain’t talking about some fool asking you for money regularly or asking for money for something unnecessary (like a new audio system, etc.) but when someone you are invested in emotionally needs that once or twice help out because the situation has gotten bleak for them. As a woman, if you willing to help out financially in those type of situations, then you must be seriously feeling the dude since generally speaking women aren’t going to hand over the money freely for somebody she doesn’t care for.
(Unless I’ve totally missed the point…in which case, disregard the above)
@Luvtheshoes,
you’ve completely captured my 700 word “point” in less than 90 words, lol. good job
@Monk,
There’s a lot of stengy, cheap a$$ women out here. I feel sorry for their servers.
hilarious!! but alas and alack, kinda true.
i think ppl (men and women) in general can be very stingy with their money. like there is some deep rooted meaning in holding on to their money and not breakin off some bread for those in need. i mean, i know plenty of men who will pay for all their dates but are stingy as hell when it comes to other financial transactions.
point is, everyone values/prioritizes money differently. and ultimately, it’s our values and priorities that influence our relationships. i think ppl who think of money in terms of power and control are less likely to liberally give their money (and if they do will dominate the receiver) than ppl who think of money as a means to an end (so if they got it they’ll give it).
@Gem of the Ocean,
You summed it all up quite nicely, Ms. Dr-in-training-gemmie-poo.
This actually speaks more about our relationship with money than anything else.
“Ms. Dr-in-training-gemmie-poo”
i love it!
@Monk,
I’d say a. & b. are prolly no, straight up true. c. could be they suffering from not making so much money. Still 3 cheers for Monk.
@Monk,
I agree with all 3, except I wouldn’t call it stingy, I would call it selfish. If we talk just about money, and I think about all of the things a man has paid for or bought me, and he wasn’t my man, it would probably quadruple the amount of money I spent on or gave him. It seems to me that some of the ladies are working with the idea that it is ok to ask for and receive money from a man who may not be a husband and may not be able to give, but they would only give to him if he is the husband? Or maybe I am reading the comments wrong?
HILARIOUS POST LOL
Don’t necessarily agree though. I wouldn’t give a brother 500 quid just because I am madly in love with him and I want to have his babies. You know how much money that is?? There is a recession mate, find your own loot…
* it’s probably my dutch stingy-ness speaking here, so don’t take me as an example, we tight in good and bad times*
@emelieblack,
i’m seriously tickled and sh*t by vsb’s international presence. it makes me smile like a baby with gas.
GRAPPIG!!!
This is so true. I think when a dude recognizes this he is almost a Jedi. The game changed for me when I recognized a woman will give you some @ss before she gives you some money.
@Humble_One,
The game changed for me when I recognized a woman will give you some @ss before she gives you some money.
how so?
So in a nutshell, are we (and by we I mean the Collective of VSSs) saying that money(or any material thing really) is more important than our spirits, souls, vajayjays?
If I am in a deep, trusting, loving relationship where I let the person into my intimacy, my private moi to discover and explore my grandiose soul, why couldn’t I help said person when the person is in need?
Are we freely offering non-renewable resources like our brilliant selves but refuse to part with a very renewable one like money?
It just seems a bit interesting to me. Either we have become extremely cynical and jaded in our understanding of relationships or we don’t value ourselves very much.
Either way, we are like the Detroit Lions right now. On a big, fat losing streak.
@Ms. Sula,
You didn’t have to bring my team into this. This season is painful enough.
@Humble_One,
are they gonna win a game this year?
@Deviant,
I doubt it. This whole decade has been pathetic for this team. First the greatest running back retires from the team. It slowed us down. 2 seaons later we get back to being average. Then Matt Millen came here and decimated an average team with potential.
@Humble_One,
that’s your team!? to say they are allergic to winning is and understatement…
i am truly sorry for your loss (es)
okay, I’m done being an @$$ now
@blackberry molasses,
Thats aight. I’m good as long as the Pistons turn it around. It’s not looking good for them too.
@Humble_One,
i truly feel for the city of Detroit. Y’all have had a rough year. And by rough I mean BRUTAL.
**BBMo contemplats sending Humble_One some of her famous Double Trouble Fudge Cupcakes**
@Humble_One,
Sorry Humble_One.
. But damn if y’all don’t stink this year. It just made for good imagery and sh*t.
Ok, truly sorry. Lol.
@Ms. Sula,
Its cool. b/w football and the economy this has not been detroit’s year.
@Ms. Sula,
“So in a nutshell, are we (and by we I mean the Collective of VSSs) saying that money(or any material thing really) is more important than our spirits, souls, vajayjays?”
naw…cause when it comes to randoms i aint giving of EITHER. But I guess Im too much into language but i don’t remember reading “deep and meaningful” in Champ’s post. People do however fall randomly in and out of adoration and love.
“If I am in a deep, trusting, loving relationship where I let the person into my intimacy, my private moi to discover and explore my grandiose soul, why couldn’t I help said person when the person is in need? ”
This goes back to what I’ve been personally presented from men I have deeply loved. Yes things came up. Money is energy. I honestly don’t have a problem tippin’ it, tithin it and Im not viewing it from a cheap scape mentality. Like I wrote up thread, money isn’t really money. Its energy. Its an exchange.
i just don’t like the premise. That its tied to a woman’s love and affection. Sadly…when I’ve seen women giving of it..it was tied to an agenda, a payoff and expectation.
and THERE IS ALWAYS an expectation. People tithe because it makes them feel good. People tip because its an extension of payment for service. My thing is that many women give money in expectation of being loved, many times it had nothing to do with the man in and of itself..but rather the thing she was looking for.
@The Champ, I am still not sure you have a point. There are key factors missing in your point that should be evaluated. One being how much she values the money (social class, being a grad student, living off of daddy), second, this is not gender specific. There are plenty of men out there who calculate how much money they give to their SO.
If you are waiting for a woman to give you money as a sign, then prepare to wait. Lastly, if she doesn’t have it to give does that mean she isn’t that in to you or just that she wants to eat that night?
i posted something similar upthread.
but i’d also like to add it depends on the man’s values of money and his circumstances (social class, type of job, is he a student with loans?, does he take care of his mama and sister financially and so is strapped for cash each month? etc). there are so many things to consider when thinking about these transactions. men today typically get paid roughly the same as women for the same job. so if we both make the same amount and he’s paying for ALL our dates, i’m the one with extra money in the bank and he might be struggling to take care of us both. and that’s a burden that i think women should be willing to share and help out.
now, if my man has a job but asks me (a poor grad student) for money to buy a Wii knowing i’m already struggling to make the decision to buy groceries or a warm winter coat, he’ll likely get kicked in his Wii. relationship over.
i say all this to say, i don’t think women who DON’T give their men money (becuz she’s financial unable) means they aren’t in love. but i do think if a chick does give her money, she has mad love for him.
@Gem of the Ocean, “i posted something similar upthread.”
Great minds think a like.
afterall, you are my other half.
@Gem of the Ocean,
—->side note
I actually have a friend who asked me to buy her a mp3 player for Christmas.Now, both of us being brokeded a$$ college students, yes i meant brokeded, ( we are just that broke) I thought she was joking. No, this was how she phrased her request :
“Hey, so yea, I really need a new mp3, that could be your gift to me…..”
this B, be glad if she get a tissue wrapped harry potter style.
yea, I’m just that mean.
the whole wii, thing,yea off topic.
I’m not sure how to respond to this one. I’ve never dated someone who asked me for any large sums of money. Or small sums on a regular basis.
@Jeandra, I dont think is about asking on the regular. I think its a one time thing.
@Trying to get all currensies, from the “Peyso” to the Dollar,
Honestly, I don’t see the problem with hooking up your man with a few dollars. Like another poster mentioned up thread, if the individual is a quality person, the only reason he’s asking is because he’s in a bind. I’m sure it’s depreciating to the man’s ego to even consider the thought.
I’d like to liken this to men approaching women. I honestly think there is a big struggle going on in a man’s head when he decides to approach a woman. Multiply that times 20 if he’s asking for money.
“I’d like to liken this to men approaching women. I honestly think there is a big struggle going on in a man’s head when he decides to approach a woman. Multiply that times 20 if he’s asking for money.”
…good metaphor.
So, will the follow up to this be, women ain’t sh*t because we are cheap and bitter?
@Jeandra,
good question
@The Champ,
what’s the answer? are you planning on checking your myspace this millenia?
Ehh… I have to agree with this one Champers. I wouldn’t give anything over $20.00 to anyone who it is just a casual acquaitence, male or female. We just met 2 months ago and your asking for $500.00 – Really? But if we’re in love and building a future together – sure… I’m not going to go into all the requirements and stipulations that go along with this… I’m trying to get my mind right.
Btw – I am currently in LOVE with Avant’s new album if anyone is looking for new R&B /
@pgh muse,
But would you give Avant $500 bucks?
@Jeandra,
He’s a little guy so not really my type… but maybe if he sang to me
@pgh muse,
He is a little pocket rocket.
*crying*
LMAO
@Jeandra,
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
*takes breath*
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
whooooooo!
dat was funny.
@Jeandra,
lol… this is a VERY interesting concept to think about… ESPECIALLY while his little azz is singing to me right now. this album is NICE!
I’ve given this topic a lot of thought, and I think my final answer is this:
If my man needed me financially, I would be there. The whole point of a serious, committed relationship is to be there to pick each other up when you fall, when things get tough. Now, don’t misunderstand me, I want a man who is a MAN through and through, meaning that when times get tough, he gets resourceful and tries to find ways to make ends meet. That is my definition of a man. However, if i know that man is doing all he can, and he needs me, you better belive I’d give him dough, because obviously he isn’t some lazy ninja off the streets, he’s my man and that’s what REAL relationships are about.
Shyt happens, and people can get into serious financial binds that are in no way caused by them being foolish with their money, or poor planning. Sometimes you literally don’t see it coming. I can’t imagine being in a serious relationship, seeing that happen to my SO, and being like, “Oh well…how you gon’ get the money?” My first instinct would be to look at my finances and see how we could make this work. Whether he accepted my help or not, there would be no hesitation on my part.
And I don’t think that makes me stupid OR desperate….it would make me someone that supported her man the same way he supported her…reciprocity…I could have sworn that’s what we all wanted….
@8th Wonder,
That is exactly my understanding of this whole post.
*we would fight over David Banner, but for this I e-hug you.
*
Well, if its any consolation, the new David Banner is all yours.
Let that ninja start eating again, and then we may have some issues, lol.
*e-hugs*
@8th Wonder,
I can feel you on this – I’m making my stand for the stingees today, but a little judgement and a level head are all it takes to weed the gold digging/irresponsible men from the ones who would truly benefit from your help and stay good to you.
@Lil’T,
agreed.
@Lil’T, I agree 1000% with this:
“but a little judgement and a level head are all it takes to weed the gold digging/irresponsible men from the ones who would truly benefit from your help and stay good to you.”
And women need to stop bullshytting themselves…intuition lets you know which category the man in question falls into.
@8th Wonder,
*hugs e-twin for this inspired comment*
thanks babes!
*e-hugs*
@8th Wonder,
I dig this whole comment!
@8th Wonder,
I agree with every word you posted 1000%
@8th Wonder,
this is hug worthy.
come here and sh*t
@The Champ,
*smacking Champs hand away from 8th’s azz*
Wondra Woman, don’t fall for Champs shenanigans again.
@8th Wonder,
*generous dose of gold stars*
now this should be an addendum to the ya ya handbook…
@SouthernGirl,
I concur!!
I think Gem’s earlier statement is true: the larger issue here is the person’s relationship with money more than the other person. Who hasn’t had this happen?:
- Someone comes to you and asks you for a loan and you say yes. Once you’ve given them the $, you can’t help but start running a mental audit of every dayum dime they spend. 6 piece nuggets? You only have cash for the 4 piece. And you can’t even help yourself. Next thing you know this person is wondering why you’re acting salty/cutting them off from booty/slashing their tires. Nobody deserves this, mayne.
LMAO!
I have definitely been there before. But it goes back to what you said, not EVERYONE deserves your monetary support. And that’s when people need to use their common sense.
@Lil’T,
“Once you’ve given them the $, you can’t help but start running a mental audit of every dayum dime they spend. 6 piece nuggets? You only have cash for the 4 piece. And you can’t even help yourself.”
Dammit I HATE that this is so true, LMAO!
@Lil’T,
Most definitely true. It tells more about a person’s relationship with money than anything.
And also what PBG mentionned is at play. Personally, I never give something I can’t do without. Never. I hate being resentful and/or waiting for gratitude from folks. I have NO problem at all saying no to a situation that will render me uncomfortable. That helps with the non-resentment thing.
@Ms. Sula,
Let’s just say – I’ve learned my lesson about never loaning what you can’t afford to give. Them dang “wilderness” years…
@Lil’T, “Someone comes to you and asks you for a loan and you say yes. Once you’ve given them the $, you can’t help but start running a mental audit of every dayum dime they spend. 6 piece nuggets?”
i actually “loaned” my girfriend money yesterday..i kind of put it in the “i aint never seein dat again”..
so if she does pay me back…its kind of like christmas or something.
“can i borrow” really means ” can i have it in a way that if you never get it back we still cool”?
@Princess Duvet,
Lol…yeah if I loan money I am kinda like wait did you just buy a bottle of Patron @ the club…
Yea…I ain’t never seeing this again…especially to my friends and most especially to my family.
“Yea…I ain’t never seeing this again…especially to my friends and most especially to my family.”
@Jac, lol yep.
@Jac,
“Yea…I ain’t never seeing this again…especially to my friends and most especially to my family.”
Dammit, I HATE that this is true when it comes to loaning to family, especially. Why the hell is that?
I don’t get why they feel its so easy to sweep it under the rug just because we’re related. Hello? Do I not have the same bills to pay as you, Uncle Tony? But, I can’t get my money back from you without a song and dance about why it’s all good?
Oh, but let me borrow some money from yo ass, and I gotta hear the verse, “It’s All About the Benjamins, Baby” on constant replay until you get back yo fonky 15 dollas you loaned me.
(sorry, I got a bit too personal there, lol)
“Once you’ve given them the $, you can’t help but start running a mental audit of every dayum dime they spend. 6 piece nuggets? You only have cash for the 4 piece.”
not the 6pc!!!!! *dead*
So I read today’s entry, and I’m reading through all of the comments and rigmarole (yes, I said rigmarole). Champ’s point was that you know a woman really loves you when she is willing to give you money. I don’t think the “giving” can just be tied to money though. If she’s willing to give period then that says she is willing to invest in the relationship. Investments are risks, and she feels that you’re worth the risk. This could be time, money, home-cooked meals, fellatio everyday at 6am, etc.
Point is… it all comes back to trust. Some men (tricks) with crazy paper have no problem shooting bread to chicks. It’s nothing to them. When you give up something that’s valuable to you, that’s when you know you love someone… b/c you trust them and they’re worth it.
As a man, I’m not washing some random chick’s car who I’m just kickin’ it with. But my woman can have her car picked up, washed, detailed, and dropped back off with a new Baker’s shoe box in the trunk for her.
There are always going to be people who exploit and take advantage though. You may deem someone worthy of your time, money, etc, but they may not value you. And if they don’t value you, then it’s never reciprocated. That’s where the freeloaders, scrubs, gold-diggas, etc, come into play.
One more randomd thought: How is it that you won’t shoot a cat $100, but he just had you lifted in the air reverse-cowgirl? That says a lot about what you value.
@SouthernCharm, When you give up something that’s valuable to you, that’s when you know you love someone… b/c you trust them and they’re worth it.
Exactly….
“You may deem someone worthy of your time, money, etc, but they may not value you. And if they don’t value you, then it’s never reciprocated. That’s where the freeloaders, scrubs, gold-diggas, etc, come into play. ”
*Sigh*
Oh, e-fiance….when we setting a date so we can get that e-honeymoon crackin?
@SouthernCharm,
“How is it that you won’t shoot a cat $100, but he just had you lifted in the air reverse-cowgirl? That says a lot about what you value.”
If I could wrap my cash in a Trojan Supra and give it a 98% protection rate I would loan that bamma the money.
Seriously, though – my goodies are as valuable as the person I share them with. That means I’m capable of “hittin’ n quittin’” for her (Veronica Vajay-jay’s) satisfaction or holding back for months if my emotions are invloved.
Don’t try to make it make sense. You’ll just get a headache, lol.
@Lil’T,
“Seriously, though – my goodies are as valuable as the person I share them with. That means I’m capable of “hittin’ n quittin’” for her (Veronica Vajay-jay’s) satisfaction or holding back for months if my emotions are invloved. Don’t try to make it make sense. You’ll just get a headache, lol.”
trust me, it makes perfect sense! lol. i just had to put that question out there. it was moreso rhetorical.
sidenote: for the sake of global warming, and ultimately making the world a better place, i think every woman should have a name for her goodies. lol
@SouthernCharm,
why, do you name your junk? nevermind, forget i asked that question.
oh, and this was perfect….
“But my woman can have her car picked up, washed, detailed, and dropped back off…”
until right here.
“… with a new Baker’s shoe box in the trunk for her.”
Bakers? Seriously?!
Come on now… you would shod your beloved’s feet in sub-par shoes?
What kinda love is this? For the sake of my e-twin, please… rethink ‘Bakers’ shoes… I mean. She’s worth AT LEAST some Nine Wests
LOL I can’t deal…
I am partial to nine west though.
I have a name for my southern region, e-twinny. And no, I’m not sharing.
“If I could wrap my cash in a Trojan Supra and give it a 98% protection rate I would loan that bamma the money.”
T, I’m done with you, lmao!
@SouthernCharm, “One more randomd thought: How is it that you won’t shoot a cat $100, but he just had you lifted in the air reverse-cowgirl? That says a lot about what you value.”
whose doing this tho??? if one pocket book is closed (ie MINE) best believe the other one is too.
@SouthernCharm,
*ahem* SC…
you and me got unfinished bidnazz pahtna…
why you ignoring your e-fiancee who happens to be my e-twin?
*raises one eyebrow* do we need to have a ‘talk’? or are you going to take a sip of some of this here “Act Right”?
@SouthernCharm,
“How is it that you won’t shoot a cat $100, but he just had you lifted in the air reverse-cowgirl? That says a lot about what you value.”
Would YOU shoot a chick $100 after JUST meeting her? And no, I don’t mean at the strip club, or the Mustang Ranch, lol. Be honest – would you?
And as far as money, I’ve lived broke, very broke and comfortably. I know it comes and goes. If I can’t afford to do without it, I don’t give it away. Simple.
In the spirit of this post i have to wonder (out loud on this blog cuz this blog be haven me thinking lol) though, myself included, about how we erect all these defense mechanisms so that we aren’t hurt or victimized by another person, but what if a person we are mildly connected to has an emergency? What if they really need a helping hand, male or female??… I said up thread that i wouldn’t give an acquaintence anything over $20.00, but what if i have it to give? Then what is it really to me to give it? So i’m going to have to change my position and go with PBG (big ups to her sagealiciousness). If I come into contact with someone and they ask and i have it to give then i’m going to give it. And it’s just money. It comes and goes. And having a giving spirit might get me some blessings.
@pgh muse, “And having a giving spirit might get me some blessings.
”
im down with this and the mild connections LOL..it ALWAYS comesback ALWAYS.
im just not down with the unmild..”you my boo” ones.
Idk,
Doing the deed and lending/giving money are on the same level with me.
my motto:
only after they are trusted and……. tested.
I agree with this post and if you want to kn0w the real truth of the matter, ask the only men on earth who know a woman better than herself sometimes….a tried and true PIMP – not them wannabe’s in purple suits or those brothas mooching off welfare recipients.
I mean, if a prostitute is willingly engaging in that profession and she gives the money to a man, that means she’s into her pimp because if she wasn’t, she’d run off and give that same money to another pimp that she’s feeling. And true pimps don’t fuck their hoes like that, so let’s remove the sex aspect and assumption because it’s not valid in this realm.
Ask a pimp and see what he says…
@Ozone, “And true pimps don’t fu!k their hoes like that”
id buy this tee shirt…i just couldnt wear it around mama nem.
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