Theory & Essay

blast from the past: her two cents, revisited

***admin note***

because of a technical difficulty (read: “really, you don’t wanna know. trust me”) last night, the champ is re-posting an entry from may, with a few ridiculous edits.

***end of admin note***

forget everything else you’ve heard.

disregard every other theory you’ve read.

ignore anything you’ve heard from any other relationship pundit.

fellas, you need to know that it’s all about money.

that’s it.

it’s not about sex, or, more specifically, which sexual acts she’s willing to do for you. she swallowed? so what. get in line. take a number. you doo-scooped her in one of the men’s dressing rooms at the banana republic? sh-t, so did clinton portis and sting in 2002. get over yourself.

it’s not about time either. women will spend time with a guy they have no intentions on ever doing anything remotely physical with, sans the hunchback hug (the teasingly platonic hug where women hunch their backs forward and stick their behind out, insuring there won’t be any type of crotch-area contact) at the end of the night when you drop her off at her f-buddy’s efficiency at her apartment.

she let you meet her girlfriends? who cares. she just wanted to prove to them that she found someone worse in spades than gem and ivy she is. plus, 45 percent of them aren’t going to be around this time next week year anyway.

she let you meet her family? so what. she’s just tired of hearing the “when are you getting married?” chorus at every family outing, and figures that being seen with your delusional ass might buy her a good 6 months of question quelling.

you’re on her top 4 on myspace? great. so is ringo starr. and tom.

she told you she loved you? love schmove. when she said it she was probably under the influence of dgp (”damn good pipe”), and that “confession” definitely ain’t admissible in any court. if you remember, that night she also called you “bucketman” repeatedly, even though your name is nate.

no, their only true tell, the one sign that’ll make you absolutely certain that a woman is definitely, without any questions, into you is if she’s willing to give you money.

not borrow. not loan. give. give, with absolutely no plans to ever get it back. this is the ultimate test…the relationship wonderlic exam. if she’s willing, she adores you…if she’s not, she doesn’t. it’s that simple

you could even make the argument that (***editors note***. the champ isn’t making this argument, just stating that the argument can be made. carry on) money is a woman’s most valuable possession which is why they’re usually terrible tippers. i’m not implying that all women are bronze excavators (”gold-diggers” is a bit too cliched for my taste), but let’s just say that, for reasons that have to do with biology and centuries of socialization, it’s much, much, much easier to separate a man interested in a woman from miscellaneous cash than vice versa, and for her to be willing to actually do this for a guy she’s seeing is the most concrete proof on the planet that she is invested in him.

you don’t believe me?

okay. tomorrow, ask a woman how many people she’s had any type of sexual relationship with. (***editors note***. don’t do this, unless you plan on getting smack repeatedly. wait, on second thought, do this and report the results)

then, ask her how many of those guys she would have given 500 dollars to if they needed it. i’d bet my obama sponsored reparations check that at least 70 percent of the time, those numbers won’t even be close to matching up.

let’s break it down again:

you met her stepmom? so what. she hates her stepmom, and she just brought you around because she knows she’ll be allergic to your cologne. she’s actually secretly hoping that it kills her

she let you make a tape? hmmm…obviously you haven’t checked the homegrown thread at bgol the contents of that shoebox underneath her bed. you’re just this month’s co-star.

your checking account is a bit short this month because you had to help pay for your aunt’s funeral, and your girl gave you $550 to help out with your mortgage? she’s already picked the names of your first three grandchildren.

so, people of vsb.com, i know i’m right, but, for the sake of discussion, i need to ask am i right…or am i right?

—the champ

Filed Under: , , , , ,
Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't.

Previously

negro como yo

  • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

    Luvvie. . .what’s in that shoebox?

    • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

      @kamakula,

      You sposed to be winning back my love and affection and you askin bout shoeboxes…

      • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

        @Luvvie,

        I’m sorry Luvvie, if it helps, all I can listen to for the past hour is Staind – it’s been a while. . .

      • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

        @Luvvie,

        I’m sorry Luvvie, if it helps, all I can listen to for the past hour is Staind – it’s been a while. . .

    • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

      @kamakula,

      You sposed to be winning back my love and affection and you askin bout shoeboxes…

  • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

    Luvvie. . .what’s in that shoebox?

  • RedBeanzNRice

    So are you right or are you right? Hell to the naw – you’re WRONG. I’ve strongly liked many a dude, hell I’ve even loved them, so much so that we were engaged; but yet I would never, and will never GIVE (he can always borrow) $500 to my S.O. no matter how much I love him.*

    Money has no ties to love, bottom line.

    *A husband is not included in that statement – that’s a horse of another color.

    • Coco

      @RedBeanzNRice,

      “*A husband is not included in that statement – that’s a horse of another color.”

      Once you’re married, I think the saying goes “What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine”…right?? LOL…

      • miss t-lee

        @Coco,

        “What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine”…right??

        my name is miss t-lee and I approve this message.

      • miss t-lee

        @Coco,

        “What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine”…right??

        my name is miss t-lee and I approve this message.

      • http://singlesistersspeakout.wordpress.com Jac

        @Coco,

        I approve this message as well.

      • http://singlesistersspeakout.wordpress.com Jac

        @Coco,

        I approve this message as well.

    • Coco

      @RedBeanzNRice,

      “*A husband is not included in that statement – that’s a horse of another color.”

      Once you’re married, I think the saying goes “What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine”…right?? LOL…

    • I’m from the “Peyso”nic Temple

      @RedBeanzNRice, if you’re not married, his point has been proved lol

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @I’m from the “Peyso”nic Temple,

        lol…basically. having red beanz around to prove my theories is the gift that keeps on giving and sh*t

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @I’m from the “Peyso”nic Temple,

        lol…basically. having red beanz around to prove my theories is the gift that keeps on giving and sh*t

      • RedBeanzNRice

        @I’m from the “Peyso”nic Temple,
        @The Champ

        Hush, lol.

      • RedBeanzNRice

        @I’m from the “Peyso”nic Temple,
        @The Champ

        Hush, lol.

    • I’m from the “Peyso”nic Temple

      @RedBeanzNRice, if you’re not married, his point has been proved lol

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @RedBeanzNRice,

      I would never, and will never GIVE (he can always borrow) $500 to my S.O. no matter how much I love him.*

      this tells me one of two things

      1. you value your money more than your body

      2. you’ve never actually been in love

      i’m leaning towards the latter

      • http://singlesistersspeakout.wordpress.com Jac

        @The Champ,

        I can see what you’re saying.

      • http://singlesistersspeakout.wordpress.com Jac

        @The Champ,

        I can see what you’re saying.

      • RedBeanzNRice

        @The Champ,

        “this tells me one of two things
        1. you value your money more than your body
        2. you’ve never actually been in love
        i’m leaning towards the latter”

        So, because I will allow a man to borrow money from me instead of freely giving it, you say I value my body more than my money? That’s not true.
        Since I worked hard for the money, I want it back – that’s all.

        And yes, I have been in love, so don’t lean toward the latter, lol.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @RedBeanzNRice,

          i just find it odd that you would give p*ssy and love to someone who you wouldnt, under any circumstances, give 70 bucks to, thats all

          • RedBeanzNRice

            @The Champ,

            Because he’s giving d*ck; so the feeling is mutual. That’s all.

            • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com/ Deviant

              @RedBeanzNRice,
              Not exactly. Women and men look at boning differently so its not an even tradeoff. Your snatch shoudl mean mroe to you than seventy bucks or any amount of cash.

              • RedBeanzNRice

                @Deviant,
                If I’m in a committed relationship with the man in question, then yeah – it’s equal, and that’s what I’m talkin bout. P*ssy for d*ck. I don’t go throwing the P around all will nilly. No sir!

              • RedBeanzNRice

                @Deviant,
                If I’m in a committed relationship with the man in question, then yeah – it’s equal, and that’s what I’m talkin bout. P*ssy for d*ck. I don’t go throwing the P around all will nilly. No sir!

            • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com/ Deviant

              @RedBeanzNRice,
              Not exactly. Women and men look at boning differently so its not an even tradeoff. Your snatch shoudl mean mroe to you than seventy bucks or any amount of cash.

          • RedBeanzNRice

            @The Champ,

            Because he’s giving d*ck; so the feeling is mutual. That’s all.

          • ladyb

            @The Champ, why must the p*ssy be “given up”, like women don’t get a nice “return on their investment”? if i give you money, that’s just it. if I f* you, chances are you’re f*ing me back – and we’re both having a jolly ole time…

          • ladyb

            @The Champ, why must the p*ssy be “given up”, like women don’t get a nice “return on their investment”? if i give you money, that’s just it. if I f* you, chances are you’re f*ing me back – and we’re both having a jolly ole time…

          • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=73903598 Dom

            @The Champ,

            Oh goodness, not the p-word! *Choking*

          • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=73903598 Dom

            @The Champ,

            Oh goodness, not the p-word! *Choking*

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @RedBeanzNRice,

          i just find it odd that you would give p*ssy and love to someone who you wouldnt, under any circumstances, give 70 bucks to, thats all

      • RedBeanzNRice

        @The Champ,

        “this tells me one of two things
        1. you value your money more than your body
        2. you’ve never actually been in love
        i’m leaning towards the latter”

        So, because I will allow a man to borrow money from me instead of freely giving it, you say I value my body more than my money? That’s not true.
        Since I worked hard for the money, I want it back – that’s all.

        And yes, I have been in love, so don’t lean toward the latter, lol.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @RedBeanzNRice,

      I would never, and will never GIVE (he can always borrow) $500 to my S.O. no matter how much I love him.*

      this tells me one of two things

      1. you value your money more than your body

      2. you’ve never actually been in love

      i’m leaning towards the latter

  • RedBeanzNRice

    So are you right or are you right? Hell to the naw – you’re WRONG. I’ve strongly liked many a dude, hell I’ve even loved them, so much so that we were engaged; but yet I would never, and will never GIVE (he can always borrow) $500 to my S.O. no matter how much I love him.*

    Money has no ties to love, bottom line.

    *A husband is not included in that statement – that’s a horse of another color.

  • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

    I’m going to agree with this one. And I’m going to back it up with the fact that I’m now objectifying men as if they are nothings because the one person who I did give money to (his account was in the negative, and I dropped him a $50) left me because of some stupid bullsh…bovine excrement.

    So along with my “Men ain’t sh*t” philosophy, I’m also on the “spend all my money on food and pretty stuff for me” because I seem to be the only person who wants to treat me good don’t trust dating men. I’ll be your friend, your f-buddy, your partner in spades and caking, but I WILL NOT marry/date/be your babymama. Out of the effing question.

    Yes, I’m done ranting.

    • RedBeanzNRice

      @chaoticdiva,

      Hmm. You sound bitter, lol. Is everything ok, dumpling?

      • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

        @RedBeanzNRice, no. I went out on a date Saturday with this guy that I liked (he’s mixed black and white…) AND HE LEFT ME FOR A [trashy] WHITE GIRL [who has slept with half of Michigan State’s campus in the last year] IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DATE.

        Mind you, he asked me out, picked me up, offered to feed me, etc. I was appalled, and ended up drinking a whole lot. At least I know I can handle drinking 3/4’s a fifth and still be good in the morning. But yea, that is the second time this year I’ve been ditched in the middle of a date like I’m nothing.

        So yea, I’m bitter, and I’m really not willing to trust another guy. How bad is that? I so don’t want to go there, but dang, guys are seriously proving themselves to be crappy excuses for humans.

        • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

          @chaoticdiva,

          Um… this calls for a kick in the nuts with Steel toe boots. And a running start. From Pele.

          • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

            @Luvvie,

            Um, after taking half a bottle of Vodka to the head after seeing that sh*t, I was about to…and then I got picked up and taken to sit down and be calmed by surrounding females. However, I will say that the girls (who I didn’t even know), said something to him, told him to leave, and gave me a ride back home.

            • RedBeanzNRice

              @chaoticdiva,

              Wow @ half a bottle of the V to the head. (I’m ditzy after 2 vodka cranberries) so Girl, save your brain cells, PLEASE. No man is worth self-destructing – hell, NO ONE is worth self-destructing over, and you need to get a grip on yourself. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it’s the truth.

              You know what type of man would suit you best? The kind that has your shared interests and goals in life.

              Not the fine dude that hits on you at random; not the sexy-lipped brotha that all the girls clamor over; not the Morris Chestnut look-a-like; and not the dude that has the bank account that Jim Jones hopes for.

              In short, I’m sayin – stop settling for the okey-doke and taking it out on yourself in the process. Take the initiative to weed out the men you’re dating. If you can’t find any commonalities between you, then sum it up to just a date and move on. I mean after all, it’s YOUR life you’re dealing with, not his, right?

              • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

                @RedBeanzNRice,

                …sad thing was this was a commonality person.

                Ok, so I may be lying a bit with him. I liked that he was a nice guy. Or so I thought.

                As for the last b/f…we had so many shared interests. I was calling it the perfect relationship, but he kind of f*cked that one up himself.

                You know that b.s. about there’s the “perfect” someone for everybody…well, its b.s.

              • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

                @RedBeanzNRice,

                …sad thing was this was a commonality person.

                Ok, so I may be lying a bit with him. I liked that he was a nice guy. Or so I thought.

                As for the last b/f…we had so many shared interests. I was calling it the perfect relationship, but he kind of f*cked that one up himself.

                You know that b.s. about there’s the “perfect” someone for everybody…well, its b.s.

            • RedBeanzNRice

              @chaoticdiva,

              Wow @ half a bottle of the V to the head. (I’m ditzy after 2 vodka cranberries) so Girl, save your brain cells, PLEASE. No man is worth self-destructing – hell, NO ONE is worth self-destructing over, and you need to get a grip on yourself. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it’s the truth.

              You know what type of man would suit you best? The kind that has your shared interests and goals in life.

              Not the fine dude that hits on you at random; not the sexy-lipped brotha that all the girls clamor over; not the Morris Chestnut look-a-like; and not the dude that has the bank account that Jim Jones hopes for.

              In short, I’m sayin – stop settling for the okey-doke and taking it out on yourself in the process. Take the initiative to weed out the men you’re dating. If you can’t find any commonalities between you, then sum it up to just a date and move on. I mean after all, it’s YOUR life you’re dealing with, not his, right?

            • RedBeanzNRice

              @chaoticdiva,

              “You know that b.s. about there’s the “perfect” someone for everybody…well, its b.s.”

              Actually, it’s not BS. There’s no such thing as a perfect person, but there is someone that’s “perfect” for you. By perfect, I mean your personalities, habits and goals, etc. compliment one another, so in essence that’s the perfect match for you.

              You’re bitter because of the bad dates/semi-relationships you’ve encountered, but you gotta let that go. My solemn advice (and I can’t be any plainer) is to relax, and don’t LOOK for love. Go on dates, yes, but don’t have any relationship expectations. Get a feel for the person through conversation and interactions; if you have a lot in common, take it slow and see if it goes somewhere.

              If you don’t have anything in common, TAKE A LEFT at the nearest intersection, and continue on with your life.

              Truth be told, love is elusive. If you look for it, you won’t find it; you have to let it come to you.

            • RedBeanzNRice

              @chaoticdiva,

              “You know that b.s. about there’s the “perfect” someone for everybody…well, its b.s.”

              Actually, it’s not BS. There’s no such thing as a perfect person, but there is someone that’s “perfect” for you. By perfect, I mean your personalities, habits and goals, etc. compliment one another, so in essence that’s the perfect match for you.

              You’re bitter because of the bad dates/semi-relationships you’ve encountered, but you gotta let that go. My solemn advice (and I can’t be any plainer) is to relax, and don’t LOOK for love. Go on dates, yes, but don’t have any relationship expectations. Get a feel for the person through conversation and interactions; if you have a lot in common, take it slow and see if it goes somewhere.

              If you don’t have anything in common, TAKE A LEFT at the nearest intersection, and continue on with your life.

              Truth be told, love is elusive. If you look for it, you won’t find it; you have to let it come to you.

          • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

            @Luvvie,

            Um, after taking half a bottle of Vodka to the head after seeing that sh*t, I was about to…and then I got picked up and taken to sit down and be calmed by surrounding females. However, I will say that the girls (who I didn’t even know), said something to him, told him to leave, and gave me a ride back home.

        • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

          @chaoticdiva,

          Um… this calls for a kick in the nuts with Steel toe boots. And a running start. From Pele.

        • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

          @chaoticdiva, if this is to painful I understand but did he tell you he was jetting for the trashy white chick….I mean what did he actually say?

          • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

            @Shay-d-lady,

            Um, he said nothing. He just made out with her dead in front of me while palming her *ss. Sounds like being ditched to me.

            • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

              @chaoticdiva, wait a minute she was there? where the he.ll where you guys at..aww man!! I am glad your not in jail for assault……it woud have been justified but still

              • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

                @Shay-d-lady,

                We were at some house party…hey people were watching the fight…

                But yea…I don’t think the girl knew (or cared). As for him though, he almost had my foot up his *ss. I would have needed new trainers.

                Did I mention they had to remove the bottle of liquor from my hand because I was sipping and trying to swing?

                I would be embarrassed of my actions (screaming get the f*ck out of my face at him, telling everybody at the party how much of a dog he was, drinking excessively), but in this case, it was warranted.

                …and they can never figure out what they did wrong.

              • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

                @Shay-d-lady,

                We were at some house party…hey people were watching the fight…

                But yea…I don’t think the girl knew (or cared). As for him though, he almost had my foot up his *ss. I would have needed new trainers.

                Did I mention they had to remove the bottle of liquor from my hand because I was sipping and trying to swing?

                I would be embarrassed of my actions (screaming get the f*ck out of my face at him, telling everybody at the party how much of a dog he was, drinking excessively), but in this case, it was warranted.

                …and they can never figure out what they did wrong.

            • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

              @chaoticdiva, wait a minute she was there? where the he.ll where you guys at..aww man!! I am glad your not in jail for assault……it woud have been justified but still

            • YGB

              @chaoticdiva,

              What????? That is just so low class. Did you at least manage to punch him at least once?

              • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

                @YGB,

                I wish I wouldn’t have had as much restraint as I did.

              • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

                @YGB,

                I wish I wouldn’t have had as much restraint as I did.

            • YGB

              @chaoticdiva,

              What????? That is just so low class. Did you at least manage to punch him at least once?

          • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

            @Shay-d-lady,

            Um, he said nothing. He just made out with her dead in front of me while palming her *ss. Sounds like being ditched to me.

        • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

          @chaoticdiva, if this is to painful I understand but did he tell you he was jetting for the trashy white chick….I mean what did he actually say?

        • overit

          @chaoticdiva, first off air hug! You don’t deserve that mess, nobody does.

          Second….write PBG’s advice column! She gives amazing advice:) Trust a VSS…

          askthepbg@gmail.com

          • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

            @overit,

            Yeah PBG is a wise lil somebody (tiny fists and all).

            • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

              @Luvvie,

              …ok, so if I were to ask, what would I ask advice on? How to find a good man? Doesn’t that make me come off as desperate? I’m not desperate…I’m ok being single.

              *gulps*

            • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

              @Luvvie,

              …ok, so if I were to ask, what would I ask advice on? How to find a good man? Doesn’t that make me come off as desperate? I’m not desperate…I’m ok being single.

              *gulps*

            • http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com Relax, Relate, Alise

              @Luvvie,

              her column packs a powerful punch, don’t let the small fists fool ya….

            • http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com Relax, Relate, Alise

              @Luvvie,

              her column packs a powerful punch, don’t let the small fists fool ya….

            • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

              hey whats the name of pbg’s blog site?

              • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

                @Shay-d-lady,

                *singing like Allison Williams*
                “Just click my naaaame, and it will pop uuuup”

              • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

                @Shay-d-lady,

                *singing like Allison Williams*
                “Just click my naaaame, and it will pop uuuup”

            • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

              hey whats the name of pbg’s blog site?

          • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

            @overit,

            Yeah PBG is a wise lil somebody (tiny fists and all).

          • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

            @overit,
            Thanks…

            I would, but I honestly don’t need the advice. I need to just focus on getting the h*ll out of college and ignoring stupidity. Thank goodness for adoption. I’m ok sparing my vagina from childbirth to the spawn of a potential Satan.

            Did I mention that I just watched my parent’s marriage of 24 years dissolve because of trashy ho’s and infidelity?

            …yea, I had a rough year. Better believe I will be hung over the first day of next year from the amount of alcohol I will be consuming new years…

            • SouthernGirl

              @chaoticdiva,

              *hugs* Don’t OD on the liquor my e-friend. I’m sorry this year has been so rough for you but trust me you will get through it. the point is to go THROUGH and come out better on the other side. Don’t get stuck.

              pray. lean on the people that love you. vent on vsb. i don’t know all the details of your situation but we all have a story to tell and mine is littered with potholes and pain as well. it doesn’t seem like it now but you will get through this. i believe that for you, even if you don’t right now.

              *more hugs*

            • SouthernGirl

              @chaoticdiva,

              *hugs* Don’t OD on the liquor my e-friend. I’m sorry this year has been so rough for you but trust me you will get through it. the point is to go THROUGH and come out better on the other side. Don’t get stuck.

              pray. lean on the people that love you. vent on vsb. i don’t know all the details of your situation but we all have a story to tell and mine is littered with potholes and pain as well. it doesn’t seem like it now but you will get through this. i believe that for you, even if you don’t right now.

              *more hugs*

          • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

            @overit,
            Thanks…

            I would, but I honestly don’t need the advice. I need to just focus on getting the h*ll out of college and ignoring stupidity. Thank goodness for adoption. I’m ok sparing my vagina from childbirth to the spawn of a potential Satan.

            Did I mention that I just watched my parent’s marriage of 24 years dissolve because of trashy ho’s and infidelity?

            …yea, I had a rough year. Better believe I will be hung over the first day of next year from the amount of alcohol I will be consuming new years…

        • overit

          @chaoticdiva, first off air hug! You don’t deserve that mess, nobody does.

          Second….write PBG’s advice column! She gives amazing advice:) Trust a VSS…

          askthepbg@gmail.com

        • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

          @chaoticdiva,

          “I went out on a date Saturday with this guy that I liked (he’s mixed black and white…) AND HE LEFT ME FOR A [trashy] WHITE GIRL”

          Now that’s a tragic mulatto. Eff what ya heard! I HATE HIM!! Grrrr!

          Anyway, your advice would have NOTHING to do with finding a good man. Nothing. I prefer to deal w/root issues. But only if you ask. In the meantime, I’m going to send up a glittery Jesus email for you and your soul, my young sister. That is some hard shyt to deal with.

          • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

            @PBG,

            Thank you. Jesus is the only man I truly love. Well, him and my daddy, for the most part.

            • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

              @chaoticdiva,

              Oh my love! How did you become so jaded so young? I’m the designated VSB Cat Lady, on the porch w/my feline friends, snapping beans and listening to my record albums on the Victrola! Girl, we are going to talk, search me on the intrawebs site, facebook: cashawnt125@msn.com.

              • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

                @PBG,

                http://drunkenstupidlove.wordpress.com

                Some of my stories are there. I will be posting more. I usually give them a bit of a waiting period to quell some of the anger to make for a clearer story.

              • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

                @PBG,

                http://drunkenstupidlove.wordpress.com

                Some of my stories are there. I will be posting more. I usually give them a bit of a waiting period to quell some of the anger to make for a clearer story.

              • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

                @chaoticdiva,

                Your blog name and your screen name. Ummm…I am disturbed. Why are you speaking all this negativity into your life, HunnyBunny? Your utterances have the potential to morph into your reality!! I had a whole 20 minute break from reality this morning JUST BECAUSE of an off-handed remark I made to my Mother. Scared the beans outta me, too.

              • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

                @chaoticdiva,

                Your blog name and your screen name. Ummm…I am disturbed. Why are you speaking all this negativity into your life, HunnyBunny? Your utterances have the potential to morph into your reality!! I had a whole 20 minute break from reality this morning JUST BECAUSE of an off-handed remark I made to my Mother. Scared the beans outta me, too.

              • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

                @PBG,

                Chaoticdiva is just a combination of an old screenname and my nickname. But the chaotic bit comes from the fact that I have some seriously crazy stories that I seem to get involved in unintentionally. I really hate drama, and I keep to myself often enough to try to quell all the issues.

                The Diva comes from my love for shoes. And the “Drunken Stupid Love” title comes from the feeling that you get after you’ve fallen for someone that makes you feel like you were stupidly deciding you were in love as if you had been drinking (yes, I do profess to everybody that I love them when I’m drunk…unless they pulled that bit like this last guy did).

                But yea, I’m really not that disturbed. I think I’m quite nice (unless incited).

              • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

                @PBG,

                Chaoticdiva is just a combination of an old screenname and my nickname. But the chaotic bit comes from the fact that I have some seriously crazy stories that I seem to get involved in unintentionally. I really hate drama, and I keep to myself often enough to try to quell all the issues.

                The Diva comes from my love for shoes. And the “Drunken Stupid Love” title comes from the feeling that you get after you’ve fallen for someone that makes you feel like you were stupidly deciding you were in love as if you had been drinking (yes, I do profess to everybody that I love them when I’m drunk…unless they pulled that bit like this last guy did).

                But yea, I’m really not that disturbed. I think I’m quite nice (unless incited).

            • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

              @chaoticdiva,

              Oh my love! How did you become so jaded so young? I’m the designated VSB Cat Lady, on the porch w/my feline friends, snapping beans and listening to my record albums on the Victrola! Girl, we are going to talk, search me on the intrawebs site, facebook: cashawnt125@msn.com.

          • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

            @PBG,

            Thank you. Jesus is the only man I truly love. Well, him and my daddy, for the most part.

        • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

          @chaoticdiva,

          “I went out on a date Saturday with this guy that I liked (he’s mixed black and white…) AND HE LEFT ME FOR A [trashy] WHITE GIRL”

          Now that’s a tragic mulatto. Eff what ya heard! I HATE HIM!! Grrrr!

          Anyway, your advice would have NOTHING to do with finding a good man. Nothing. I prefer to deal w/root issues. But only if you ask. In the meantime, I’m going to send up a glittery Jesus email for you and your soul, my young sister. That is some hard shyt to deal with.

        • charli skipper

          @chaoticdiva,

          wait. i’m not even done with the story, but wait. he left you in the middle of the date!? for a white girl! wait. i don’t even care that it was a white girl (yes i do). wait.

          oh hell naw. i’m sorry, i just can’t stop blinking. I’m trying to get the “oh, hell no” look off my face.

          • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

            @charli skipper,

            Yes. F*cking yes. We have a mutual friend, who I met him through, who was even like “wtf” when I told him what happened.

            And for those of you who are wondering, my mutual guy friend was appalled at his behavior and didn’t expect him to act like that, especially b/c he’s kind of overprotective of me talking to his evil whore male friends.

          • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

            @charli skipper,

            Yes. F*cking yes. We have a mutual friend, who I met him through, who was even like “wtf” when I told him what happened.

            And for those of you who are wondering, my mutual guy friend was appalled at his behavior and didn’t expect him to act like that, especially b/c he’s kind of overprotective of me talking to his evil whore male friends.

        • charli skipper

          @chaoticdiva,

          wait. i’m not even done with the story, but wait. he left you in the middle of the date!? for a white girl! wait. i don’t even care that it was a white girl (yes i do). wait.

          oh hell naw. i’m sorry, i just can’t stop blinking. I’m trying to get the “oh, hell no” look off my face.

        • charli skipper

          @chaoticdiva, okay, i’ve removed the “hell no” look from my face, and i just wanted to say that this shouldn’t stop you from dating. it’s totally understandable that you have no interest in it for awhile. but all men aren’t like that, and you don’t want to miss something wonderful (even if that something is just the free meal. hell, get the lobster, girl!) because of a loser. um…you may want to move to a different town though, bc there is clearly some ignorant sh*t happening with the batch of young men in your area.

          • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

            @charli skipper,

            Its the whole effing state. I’m tempted to say the midwest in general, and I have examples to cite.

          • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

            @charli skipper,

            Its the whole effing state. I’m tempted to say the midwest in general, and I have examples to cite.

        • charli skipper

          @chaoticdiva, okay, i’ve removed the “hell no” look from my face, and i just wanted to say that this shouldn’t stop you from dating. it’s totally understandable that you have no interest in it for awhile. but all men aren’t like that, and you don’t want to miss something wonderful (even if that something is just the free meal. hell, get the lobster, girl!) because of a loser. um…you may want to move to a different town though, bc there is clearly some ignorant sh*t happening with the batch of young men in your area.

      • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

        @RedBeanzNRice, no. I went out on a date Saturday with this guy that I liked (he’s mixed black and white…) AND HE LEFT ME FOR A [trashy] WHITE GIRL [who has slept with half of Michigan State’s campus in the last year] IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DATE.

        Mind you, he asked me out, picked me up, offered to feed me, etc. I was appalled, and ended up drinking a whole lot. At least I know I can handle drinking 3/4’s a fifth and still be good in the morning. But yea, that is the second time this year I’ve been ditched in the middle of a date like I’m nothing.

        So yea, I’m bitter, and I’m really not willing to trust another guy. How bad is that? I so don’t want to go there, but dang, guys are seriously proving themselves to be crappy excuses for humans.

      • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

        AND…don’t get me started on the other 10 losers of the year.

        • RedBeanzNRice

          @chaoticdiva,

          Firstly – sorry that’s been happening to you.

          Secondly, the mixed guy you mentioned prolly left you mid-date for the trashy hooker cause he figured he could get some that night. Dudes typically offer to buy your food/drinks/movie tickets/admission to clubs, etc. in the hopes that they will get some from you after the date. So, since the date was going kinda slow, and he spotted an easy target to get his rocks off, he bailed. (Just my theory)

          And lastly, if that’s happened to you more than once, and you have 10 other guys that you’ve dated who have acted a fool, chances are you’re pickin the wrong dudes. Switch up your taste in men. : )

          • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

            @RedBeanzNRice,

            I’ve tried. And I don’t know how I’m picking the wrong ones. Best left to the pros I guess.

            But I knew my love life was a bust after several incidents:
            1. this old man at Sam’s Club was trying to hook me up with random customers walking by my booth (I was the Axe girl…long story)
            2. My friend’s cousin told me that I needed to go to some dating seminar to make myself eligible for dating.
            3. Plots from Liz Lemon’s love life seem to be making fun of my life.

            *Sigh*…I don’t even have anything else to say.

            • overit

              @chaoticdiva, do you think there is something you are or aren’t doing to bring these situations into your lifespace?

              • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

                @overit,

                1. I work at Victoria’s Secret. Guys already have some kind of impression of me from that.

                2. I get occasional work as a model, in which even if I didn’t publicize the fact, I have photographers/make up artists/ designers/ etc that I’ve worked with that like to post the photos then tag me in them.

                3. I’m a relatively nice person. I’m non-judgmental when first meeting people and I try to get along with everybody.

                4. I’m outgoing/talkative around people I know. If I don’t know anybody there, chances are I’m not saying sh*t. The only exception to this is me being drunk. Alcohol = liquid courage.

                5. I often act as if nothing bothers me emotionally. I do this with the “diva” attitude that most people who I don’t speak with normally assume is my personality.

                With that being said, I can see plenty of opportunities for drama. However, when it comes to guy drama, my issue is the fact that I try to see good in guys who have ulterior motives. That and I may have standards that may not relate to how they treat other people.

                Look, I can tell you that my upbringing gave me little social sense, so I truly suck at people to people stuff. I’m pretty much good at making friends, but I suck at keeping them. I guess the people that stick around the longest actually get me somewhat.

                I’m not complicated, I’m just a bit confused. Hope that helps you understand me better.

              • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

                @overit,

                1. I work at Victoria’s Secret. Guys already have some kind of impression of me from that.

                2. I get occasional work as a model, in which even if I didn’t publicize the fact, I have photographers/make up artists/ designers/ etc that I’ve worked with that like to post the photos then tag me in them.

                3. I’m a relatively nice person. I’m non-judgmental when first meeting people and I try to get along with everybody.

                4. I’m outgoing/talkative around people I know. If I don’t know anybody there, chances are I’m not saying sh*t. The only exception to this is me being drunk. Alcohol = liquid courage.

                5. I often act as if nothing bothers me emotionally. I do this with the “diva” attitude that most people who I don’t speak with normally assume is my personality.

                With that being said, I can see plenty of opportunities for drama. However, when it comes to guy drama, my issue is the fact that I try to see good in guys who have ulterior motives. That and I may have standards that may not relate to how they treat other people.

                Look, I can tell you that my upbringing gave me little social sense, so I truly suck at people to people stuff. I’m pretty much good at making friends, but I suck at keeping them. I guess the people that stick around the longest actually get me somewhat.

                I’m not complicated, I’m just a bit confused. Hope that helps you understand me better.

            • overit

              @chaoticdiva, do you think there is something you are or aren’t doing to bring these situations into your lifespace?

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              @chaoticdiva,

              first, i hafta give you props for the subtle shout-out to “30 rock”

              secondly, my advice to you: stop dating.

              your comments (the self-depreciating, the alcohol abuse, the drama at home) suggest that you have some serious issues you need to work through before you even entertain the idea of being involved with someone. focus on school and modeling and whatever else you’re doing…but leave relationships the f*ck alone right now.

              • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

                @The Champ,

                **Diva Dust ™** for Champ!

                this display of wisdom is… loverly…

              • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

                @The Champ,

                **Diva Dust ™** for Champ!

                this display of wisdom is… loverly…

              • miss t-lee

                @The Champ,
                This is good advice.

              • miss t-lee

                @The Champ,
                This is good advice.

              • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

                @The Champ,

                Um, I thought that’s what I was doing.

                …I may have been expecting for other needs to have been met.

                …Ok, I was expecting for other needs to be met.

                Sheesh. Again, the date was his idea…I only agreed because we were watching the fight.

                Still pissed me off that he thought this ugly trashy white wh*re was better than me. I think that’s where I’m having the biggest problem.

                But yea. 30 Rock is my sh*t.

              • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

                @The Champ,

                Um, I thought that’s what I was doing.

                …I may have been expecting for other needs to have been met.

                …Ok, I was expecting for other needs to be met.

                Sheesh. Again, the date was his idea…I only agreed because we were watching the fight.

                Still pissed me off that he thought this ugly trashy white wh*re was better than me. I think that’s where I’m having the biggest problem.

                But yea. 30 Rock is my sh*t.

              • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

                @chaotic,

                Dearest, do you mind if I get in yo a$$ for a second. Trust me when I say it comes from a place of deep sisterly affection and concern for your well being. The Champ is right. Leave dating (even casual dating) ALONE. You have GOT to focus on you right now. Do YOUR thing. Finish school. Get your career of choice off the ground. Continue to be fly. Turn your thoughts and energies toward developing your spiritual self.

                This is coming from someone who has been exactly where you are. H3ll, I have a Relationship Crypt. Eff a closet. A closet ain’t big enough to hold all of the death and destruction I was bringing upon myself be dealing with less than worthy people. I mean, it got UGLY. I can only candidly and jokingly talk about it now, because it is my testimony to what focusing on inner reflection and the development of yourself can do.
                Leave these bammas alone. I mean RUN like your life depends on it. Because it DOES. There is something in your lifespace that is telling these dipsh*ts its okay to be around your fabulous self. I could probably speculate, but I won’t.
                Your job is to figure out what it is and eradicate it post haste. It won’t get no better until its dealt with.

                Along this path to self discovery, you will inevitably figure out EXACTLY what it is you want from relationships and what you are able to give. This includes friendships. Once this is revealed, accept nothing less from peope who want to be around you and give nothing but the best you have to offer.

              • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

                @chaotic,

                Dearest, do you mind if I get in yo a$$ for a second. Trust me when I say it comes from a place of deep sisterly affection and concern for your well being. The Champ is right. Leave dating (even casual dating) ALONE. You have GOT to focus on you right now. Do YOUR thing. Finish school. Get your career of choice off the ground. Continue to be fly. Turn your thoughts and energies toward developing your spiritual self.

                This is coming from someone who has been exactly where you are. H3ll, I have a Relationship Crypt. Eff a closet. A closet ain’t big enough to hold all of the death and destruction I was bringing upon myself be dealing with less than worthy people. I mean, it got UGLY. I can only candidly and jokingly talk about it now, because it is my testimony to what focusing on inner reflection and the development of yourself can do.
                Leave these bammas alone. I mean RUN like your life depends on it. Because it DOES. There is something in your lifespace that is telling these dipsh*ts its okay to be around your fabulous self. I could probably speculate, but I won’t.
                Your job is to figure out what it is and eradicate it post haste. It won’t get no better until its dealt with.

                Along this path to self discovery, you will inevitably figure out EXACTLY what it is you want from relationships and what you are able to give. This includes friendships. Once this is revealed, accept nothing less from peope who want to be around you and give nothing but the best you have to offer.

              • SouthernGirl

                @bbmo, champ

                *gold stars*

                @chaoticdiva,

                i wrote to you a bit upthread before i got to this but this sounds like a good idea to me. you’re really on my mind right now and i don’t even know you but i hate to hear you, or any woman for that matter, sound like this.

                take some quiet time with yourself and brown baby jesus and figure out who you are, what you want and what lessons you can take from all of the things you have been through. when we don’t take the time to reflect and understand the lesson, we continue to do the same things. people will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. when you understand yourself and your worth , you won’t allow people to come into your space and treat you any ol’ kinda way.

                speaking as a person who tries to see the best in others as well and is almost loyal to a fault (which stems from some childhood stuff that i had to work out), i have to work at maintaining the balance of being who i naturally am without losing myself in someone else, or putting their well-being before my own. because you can’t take care of someone else (as a friend, family, gf, whatever) if you’re not taking care of yourself. but because i know these things about myself and looked back on the choices i made, i can now make better choices.

                but on men specifically, do not let any man make you forget who you are and what you deserve. you can’t give your all to someone who is giving you less than nothing. been there, done that, got the t-shirt and went to a whole ‘nother state for a minute to get away from the guy (ok, truth is he was only one part of a lot of drama that was going on in my life at the time and it was a internship not just willy nilly run away type sh!t). but the point the point is i had to take some time to get myself together and i was much better in the end for doing that.

                keep pushing through.

              • SouthernGirl

                @bbmo, champ

                *gold stars*

                @chaoticdiva,

                i wrote to you a bit upthread before i got to this but this sounds like a good idea to me. you’re really on my mind right now and i don’t even know you but i hate to hear you, or any woman for that matter, sound like this.

                take some quiet time with yourself and brown baby jesus and figure out who you are, what you want and what lessons you can take from all of the things you have been through. when we don’t take the time to reflect and understand the lesson, we continue to do the same things. people will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. when you understand yourself and your worth , you won’t allow people to come into your space and treat you any ol’ kinda way.

                speaking as a person who tries to see the best in others as well and is almost loyal to a fault (which stems from some childhood stuff that i had to work out), i have to work at maintaining the balance of being who i naturally am without losing myself in someone else, or putting their well-being before my own. because you can’t take care of someone else (as a friend, family, gf, whatever) if you’re not taking care of yourself. but because i know these things about myself and looked back on the choices i made, i can now make better choices.

                but on men specifically, do not let any man make you forget who you are and what you deserve. you can’t give your all to someone who is giving you less than nothing. been there, done that, got the t-shirt and went to a whole ‘nother state for a minute to get away from the guy (ok, truth is he was only one part of a lot of drama that was going on in my life at the time and it was a internship not just willy nilly run away type sh!t). but the point the point is i had to take some time to get myself together and i was much better in the end for doing that.

                keep pushing through.

              • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com Ms. Sula

                @The Champ,

                I am loving this Yoda version of The Champ. Very much so.

                :)

              • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com Ms. Sula

                @The Champ,

                I am loving this Yoda version of The Champ. Very much so.

                :)

              • Coco

                @The Champ AND @chaoticdiva

                Yes, yes, yes…my thoughts exactly…I agree with the Champ…before I even read his comment I was thinking this girl needs to just take a hiatus from the dating scene.

                “Ctrl-Alt-Delete” when it comes to dating and relationships right now!!

                Yes these men are jerks…still can’t believe the mixed guy…but there is reason WHY you are attract these types of men.

                So step back…reset. Deal with some of the issues, like Champ said…get whole, get to know who you are…and you will meet nice men (nice, not perfect)…trust me on this.

              • Coco

                @The Champ AND @chaoticdiva

                Yes, yes, yes…my thoughts exactly…I agree with the Champ…before I even read his comment I was thinking this girl needs to just take a hiatus from the dating scene.

                “Ctrl-Alt-Delete” when it comes to dating and relationships right now!!

                Yes these men are jerks…still can’t believe the mixed guy…but there is reason WHY you are attract these types of men.

                So step back…reset. Deal with some of the issues, like Champ said…get whole, get to know who you are…and you will meet nice men (nice, not perfect)…trust me on this.

              • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

                @The Champ,

                I may need you to guest/co-blog on my next posting.

                Good gawd in heabens…the next case is a DOOZY!!

              • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

                @The Champ,

                I may need you to guest/co-blog on my next posting.

                Good gawd in heabens…the next case is a DOOZY!!

              • charli skipper

                @The Champ, so i guess i was off. lol. i was like, “get back on that horse, guh!” lol. no children for me…

              • charli skipper

                @The Champ, so i guess i was off. lol. i was like, “get back on that horse, guh!” lol. no children for me…

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              @chaoticdiva,

              first, i hafta give you props for the subtle shout-out to “30 rock”

              secondly, my advice to you: stop dating.

              your comments (the self-depreciating, the alcohol abuse, the drama at home) suggest that you have some serious issues you need to work through before you even entertain the idea of being involved with someone. focus on school and modeling and whatever else you’re doing…but leave relationships the f*ck alone right now.

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              @chaoticdiva,

              Sheesh. Again, the date was his idea…I only agreed because we were watching the fight.

              you could always say no.

              again, from what i’ve read from your comment (and your site), even if you met mr. perfect right now, you’re not in a place to be able to form anything meaningful and positive with him.you can’t go to ruth’s steak (or even burger king) and enjoy it if you’re in desperate need to get your stomach pumped

              the longer you keep dating without addressing your issues, the longer this sh*t will continue. those “needs” you spoke of before pale in comparison to your mental and emotional health.

              • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

                @The Champ,

                Preach, Deacon Champs!!!

              • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

                @The Champ,

                Preach, Deacon Champs!!!

              • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

                @The Champ,

                For the record: I don’t abuse alcohol…I really like drinking as a social activity. So I may drink alot, but its not because of stress.

                And to address the others: I didn’t let him treat me like that. He did what he did, and I didn’t say sh*t to him (outside of get the f*ck out of my face after he was coming to “check” on me). I didn’t cut him, hit him, scratch, kick, or bite him.

                I haven’t done that with any guy. Hell, I didn’t even post his name ANYWHERE. I didn’t go complaining to a bunch of his friends saying how bad of a guy he was, yada yada.

                Man, all I did was validate why this thread is true. My mental is alright. I’m under alot of stress, and its been making me sick, in which the liquor has been the only thing quelling my strange illness (it sounds odd…I’d have to expound on that further some other time).

                But yea. I’m fine. I just enjoy thoroughly calling men out on their ish. Its not me saying that ALL men are like that, because obviously they aren’t, otherwise, I wouldn’t have complaints since I wouldn’t have anything to compare them to.

                My point is that yes, girls in love will give a man money. Again, I did it for my last boyfriend, and even with that being my best relationship, it was still under-par. After that, I greatly raised my standards.

                However, I think I really do have a crappy personality. But its whatever.

                Thanks for all the support everybody. I’m now leaving this alone being that I have to study for finals.

              • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

                @The Champ,

                For the record: I don’t abuse alcohol…I really like drinking as a social activity. So I may drink alot, but its not because of stress.

                And to address the others: I didn’t let him treat me like that. He did what he did, and I didn’t say sh*t to him (outside of get the f*ck out of my face after he was coming to “check” on me). I didn’t cut him, hit him, scratch, kick, or bite him.

                I haven’t done that with any guy. Hell, I didn’t even post his name ANYWHERE. I didn’t go complaining to a bunch of his friends saying how bad of a guy he was, yada yada.

                Man, all I did was validate why this thread is true. My mental is alright. I’m under alot of stress, and its been making me sick, in which the liquor has been the only thing quelling my strange illness (it sounds odd…I’d have to expound on that further some other time).

                But yea. I’m fine. I just enjoy thoroughly calling men out on their ish. Its not me saying that ALL men are like that, because obviously they aren’t, otherwise, I wouldn’t have complaints since I wouldn’t have anything to compare them to.

                My point is that yes, girls in love will give a man money. Again, I did it for my last boyfriend, and even with that being my best relationship, it was still under-par. After that, I greatly raised my standards.

                However, I think I really do have a crappy personality. But its whatever.

                Thanks for all the support everybody. I’m now leaving this alone being that I have to study for finals.

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              @chaoticdiva,

              Sheesh. Again, the date was his idea…I only agreed because we were watching the fight.

              you could always say no.

              again, from what i’ve read from your comment (and your site), even if you met mr. perfect right now, you’re not in a place to be able to form anything meaningful and positive with him.you can’t go to ruth’s steak (or even burger king) and enjoy it if you’re in desperate need to get your stomach pumped

              the longer you keep dating without addressing your issues, the longer this sh*t will continue. those “needs” you spoke of before pale in comparison to your mental and emotional health.

          • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

            @RedBeanzNRice,

            I’ve tried. And I don’t know how I’m picking the wrong ones. Best left to the pros I guess.

            But I knew my love life was a bust after several incidents:
            1. this old man at Sam’s Club was trying to hook me up with random customers walking by my booth (I was the Axe girl…long story)
            2. My friend’s cousin told me that I needed to go to some dating seminar to make myself eligible for dating.
            3. Plots from Liz Lemon’s love life seem to be making fun of my life.

            *Sigh*…I don’t even have anything else to say.

        • RedBeanzNRice

          @chaoticdiva,

          Firstly – sorry that’s been happening to you.

          Secondly, the mixed guy you mentioned prolly left you mid-date for the trashy hooker cause he figured he could get some that night. Dudes typically offer to buy your food/drinks/movie tickets/admission to clubs, etc. in the hopes that they will get some from you after the date. So, since the date was going kinda slow, and he spotted an easy target to get his rocks off, he bailed. (Just my theory)

          And lastly, if that’s happened to you more than once, and you have 10 other guys that you’ve dated who have acted a fool, chances are you’re pickin the wrong dudes. Switch up your taste in men. : )

      • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

        AND…don’t get me started on the other 10 losers of the year.

    • RedBeanzNRice

      @chaoticdiva,

      Hmm. You sound bitter, lol. Is everything ok, dumpling?

  • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

    I’m going to agree with this one. And I’m going to back it up with the fact that I’m now objectifying men as if they are nothings because the one person who I did give money to (his account was in the negative, and I dropped him a $50) left me because of some stupid bullsh…bovine excrement.

    So along with my “Men ain’t sh*t” philosophy, I’m also on the “spend all my money on food and pretty stuff for me” because I seem to be the only person who wants to treat me good don’t trust dating men. I’ll be your friend, your f-buddy, your partner in spades and caking, but I WILL NOT marry/date/be your babymama. Out of the effing question.

    Yes, I’m done ranting.

  • overit

    I’m not so sure if you’re right. I might be more likely to hook up a brotha I’m with, but I’ve loaned friends, guy and girls, money plenty of times and def did not expect it back right away.

    • RedBeanzNRice

      @overit,
      “def did not expect it back right away.”

      But you DID expect to get it back, right?

      • overit

        @RedBeanzNRice, to be honest, I’ve noticed I give without expecting it back. If I get it back great, if not, then I guess they needed it. Obviously this is reserved for people close to me, who I know need it and don’t need me pestering them about IOU’s. The people close to me are good people, and are good for it. I just don’t give while at the same time securing a return date…defeats the purpose I feel.

        • RedBeanzNRice

          @overit,

          Now see, I think that’s a good philosophy among close friends; although I rarely do it cause sometimes it causes too much drama and hurt feelings.

          But when dating a guy, it becomes a different animal. Having said that, would you GIVE (not loan) a man that you’re dating money with no hopes of a return? (And by “money”, I mean over $100, not like Champ’s $500 – that’s just too much to fathom, lol)

          • overit

            @RedBeanzNRice, just like champ has never experienced racism, i have never had a dude ask me for money. most of the dudes i know would die before they asked me, even when i knew they were strapped and they knew i’d give it to them. i don’t know, i’ll cross that bridge when i get there.

            ps) beyonce called, she said don’t hate the playa, hate the game lol

            • RedBeanzNRice

              @overit,
              “ps) beyonce called, she said don’t hate the playa, hate the game lol”

              Bwahahahahaha. I’mma get you for that, lol.

            • RedBeanzNRice

              @overit,
              “ps) beyonce called, she said don’t hate the playa, hate the game lol”

              Bwahahahahaha. I’mma get you for that, lol.

          • overit

            @RedBeanzNRice, just like champ has never experienced racism, i have never had a dude ask me for money. most of the dudes i know would die before they asked me, even when i knew they were strapped and they knew i’d give it to them. i don’t know, i’ll cross that bridge when i get there.

            ps) beyonce called, she said don’t hate the playa, hate the game lol

        • RedBeanzNRice

          @overit,

          Now see, I think that’s a good philosophy among close friends; although I rarely do it cause sometimes it causes too much drama and hurt feelings.

          But when dating a guy, it becomes a different animal. Having said that, would you GIVE (not loan) a man that you’re dating money with no hopes of a return? (And by “money”, I mean over $100, not like Champ’s $500 – that’s just too much to fathom, lol)

      • overit

        @RedBeanzNRice, to be honest, I’ve noticed I give without expecting it back. If I get it back great, if not, then I guess they needed it. Obviously this is reserved for people close to me, who I know need it and don’t need me pestering them about IOU’s. The people close to me are good people, and are good for it. I just don’t give while at the same time securing a return date…defeats the purpose I feel.

    • RedBeanzNRice

      @overit,
      “def did not expect it back right away.”

      But you DID expect to get it back, right?

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @overit,

      but I’ve loaned friends, guy and girls, money plenty of times and def did not expect it back right away.

      thing is, theres a different dynamic at play in when comparing friends, family members, etc, and significant others. its nothing for many women to help a friend or family member out. the point i’m trying to make, though, is that most women have to be seriously, seriously, seriously into a guy for her to extend him that same luxury

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @overit,

      but I’ve loaned friends, guy and girls, money plenty of times and def did not expect it back right away.

      thing is, theres a different dynamic at play in when comparing friends, family members, etc, and significant others. its nothing for many women to help a friend or family member out. the point i’m trying to make, though, is that most women have to be seriously, seriously, seriously into a guy for her to extend him that same luxury

  • overit

    I’m not so sure if you’re right. I might be more likely to hook up a brotha I’m with, but I’ve loaned friends, guy and girls, money plenty of times and def did not expect it back right away.

  • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com MsSula

    There might be some truth to that statement.

    Interesting theory to say the least. I need to let it marinate a bit and come back to this one.

    • RedBeanzNRice

      @MsSula,

      *whispers to Sula*
      Re: Champ’s statement, there’s no truth in it – don’t let it marinate more than 35 minutes.

    • RedBeanzNRice

      @MsSula,

      *whispers to Sula*
      Re: Champ’s statement, there’s no truth in it – don’t let it marinate more than 35 minutes.

  • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com MsSula

    There might be some truth to that statement.

    Interesting theory to say the least. I need to let it marinate a bit and come back to this one.

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