10 Ways That Black Women Stay Winning

It is the season of champions. What do UConn men’s basketball, LeBron James and Charlie Sheen have in common? They are all winning. Do you know who else is winning? White women. More specifically, when it comes to playing for the ultimate title of Wife, white women are the All-Star MVPs 

This paragraph is from “Why White Women Are Winning” — an article published by UPTOWN Magazine last week that gives reasons why white women are, well, “winning” in the game of love while clearly implying that since white women are winning, black women are definitely losing.

As you probably guessed, this created quite a stir in the black blogosphere. In fact, if you google “white women winning,” the first results page will show five different responses to that article written in the past three days, including “Paper Thin: Why the white women are winning argument is a losing one” from the homie Sister Toldja.

(It’ll also show a thread from Yahoo Answers titled “How can us white men start winning back our women once again from other races” — a topic that proves once and for all that everybody is wrong about everything, all of the time.)

Anyway, while the other responses are a bit more reactive and defensive, I thought I’d go a different direction and list ways that black women are in fact winning.

Here’s 10 of them.

1. They’re usually not the protagonists in super shitty romantic comedies

While some might interpret this as proof that black women aren’t as desirable as the Katherine Heigls and Jennifer Anistons of the world, I tend to look at it a different way. You see, because most romantic comedies revolve around thimble-headed white women making thimble-headed white woman decisions, people who’ve seen enough of these movies can’t help but begin to think that, well, all white women must be thimble-headed. This thimble-headed/silly bitch stigma largely escapes black women, a fact which definitely helps them get high scores while playing Words With Friends.

2. Their “window of bangingness” is much, much longer than all other women’s.

Between the fine wines – women who seem to get better looking as they get older (think Halle Berry), the steadies — women who seem to look exactly the same as they did when they were 25 (think Stacey Dash), the seasoning salts — super fine 20 year olds who are now super fine 40 year olds (think Nia Long), the martians — women whose combination of age, fineness, and proportions defy the laws of the universe (think Kenya Moore), the shirleys – legitimately old women who still look like they’ll wear your ass out (think Jenifer Lewis), and the loomers — women who decided to wait until they were 43 to become dimes (think Regina King), it’s not a game with black women’s “aging well” game.

3. Their relationships with their girlfriends are better than any relationship you’ve ever had with anyone.

While the dynamics of the black female/black female close friendship aren’t always perfect or even understandable (still not clear why many women choose to include women that they clearly abhor in their inner circles. Seriously, I think we’ll learn who else shot Kennedy before we get a good answer to that), the otherworldly connections they seem to have is laudable, commendable, and, to be honest, even enviable.

(If I was an asshole I would have said “They’re laudable, commendable, and enviable..at least until you introduce an appealing man to the equation. Then, all bets and bras are off.” But, since I’m not an asshole, I didn’t say that.)

4. Their hair gives them an easy excuse to not do, well, anything they don’t want to do.

Even if it’s complete bullsh*t, the reverence and respect others have for black women’s hair allows them to use this reverence and respect as a means to cop out of any undesirable task.

Don’t feel like giving head tonight? Just say that the neck motion will make you sweat, and you don’t want to go to work with your hair looking like you were just adopted by a white celebrity.

Don’t feel like staying at work today? Just tell your boss some bullsh*t about how you “need to leave before your ends explode.” Even though he’ll have absolutely no idea what the hell you’re talking about, he’ll let you bounce because he doesn’t want to risk having to go to sensitivity training again.

Don’t feel like staying faithful to your man? Well, every time you visit your secret lover, just tell your man that you’re going to the hairdresser. That’ll give you a 12 hour window to basically do whatever the hell you want, especially since most men prefer not to know why the hell it takes women an entire Wendy’s work shift to get their hair done.

While we’re still on hair, we can’t forget the fact that…

5. They can change their entire identity with one trip to the hairdresser.

While identity changes happen when non-black women switch up their hairstyles, these changes tend to be more superficial. I mean, so you went from blond to brunette and people take you more seriously. Whoopdy f*cking do. That still won’t get you into Heaven. But a black woman can alter everything from the type of music people assume she listens to the types of men who’ll approach her (and what they say when they approach) just from going from perm to natural.

6. Everyone assumes they’re automatically great cooks, great dancers, competent singers, soulful, community-minded, full of wisdom, unflappable, and sincere.

In fact, the only thing black women ever have to “prove” is whether or not she’s angry, able to find a man, able to keep a man, able to think like a man and act like a lady, and able to find the one eligible, attractive, and available man in the sea of HIV-infected, middle school dropout, homosexual atheist rapist goons she has to choose from.

7. They’re given carte blanche to beat their kids in public.

If little “Johnny Whitemommy” took out his d*ck and started peeing on the mannequins in J Crew, the most he’d probably receive from his mom would be a slight scold and a half-assed teachable lesson. (“Remember Johnny, if you pee in public, at least try to pee in the mannequin’s pocket next time so it doesn’t spill everywhere”)

Why? Well, as soon as the first drop of Johnny’s urine hit the ground, the PC police would have been poised and ready to attack; thumbs ready to call CYS on speed dial while they’re paying close attention to how Johnny’s mom reacts.

On the other hand, black women have no such worry, and in a similar situation, they’d be free to drop kick and punt little Jaheim as far as they’d please.

8. Other races of men write songs specifically about them.

From the Rolling Stones’ “Brown Sugar” to Fleetwood Mac/Santana’s “Black Magic Woman,” history is filled with examples of non-black artists writing songs directly inspired by black women. Whether this is fetishization or homage (or somewhere in between) is debatable, but the fact that both of these songs are about 150,000 times cooler than Mighty Casey’s “White Girls” isn’t.

9. They have magical vaginas.

What exactly makes their vaginas magic? Well, that’s the only way to explain how the same woman can produce one kid who looks like Blake Griffin and another who looks like Eddie Griffin.

10. They’re not black men.

Which means that they’re approximately 1752% more likely to stay alive long enough to read this entire list.

Anyway, I’m sure I forgot a few. Can you think of any other ways that sistas stay winning?

The carpet is yours.

—The Champ

***Just in case you missed it, here’s a video recap of “Three Deez” our book signing/anniversary party in D.C. Shout-out to Tim at Jamos Studios for the production***

  • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

    Forgot Sade homie. She’s 50 and still gorgeous in mind, body and spirit.

    • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

      Fail, Sade is Nigerian.

      *Dunce cap and kazooing*

      • Yoles

        nigerian=still a sister

        • http://biggerthomas.wordpress.com MadScientist7

          exactly.

        • Mo-VSS

          I saw that mess and skipped right over it. Uhm….African=form of black.

          We all have moments, but VSB’s should be, uhm, smart.

          • Dee

            Charlize Theron is Black?!

            • tgtaggie

              Well….technically she is (she is South African btw).

              • http://qalil-com.blogspot.com/ Qalil Mac

                Aw hell Naw, South African! Charlize Theron!?! Technically, she is the descendant of the oppressors of the TRUE South Africans!

                Nuff said….*storm out!*

                • http://lizburr.com Liz

                  *vsb glittter*

                  • http://qalil-com.blogspot.com/ Qalil Mac

                    Yay!!!! I’m all shimmery! ain’t I so purrrty like? Thanks Liz

            • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

              NEWSFLASH:

              Africa, Caribbean, Latin America, Europe, etc all have BLACK people that live there.

              :) I had to shout that.

            • Kema

              No no no… Charlize Theron is a white African American not black.

              • tgtaggie

                That’s what I meant.

              • Yeah…So

                Why wouldn’t she just be a white South African… in America?

                • Kema

                  Because in America its common to just lump all 54 countries in Africa as one.

              • http://www.thecondomladies.com Lesa

                so why do we call ourselves African American if we are Black Americans? **just a thought***

                • Lea

                  Others call themselves, Irish, Brazilian, Ecuadorian, etc. Why because they either came from these countries or their bloodline originated in these countries. It is the same with us. As Paul Mooney said we are Stolen Africans. We have an origin just like everyone else. Also no one can tell me I can’t be called an African American.

        • Jacqxzdiva

          Please let that fool know…ughh I grew up with everybody telling me I aint ‘really black’ just African. Now African American dudes can’t stay off this real African poom poom. Swear it makes em think they in the mother land…

      • LMNOP

        She’s 50??
        Maybe thats why she seems so mature..

      • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

        Your only “fail” is thinking Nigerian doesn’t equal “black” (-___-)

        • http://jouromeo.blogspot.com Sage jr

          but he failed his self. Isn’t that worse than what he thought? iono.
          Be the man, say ish and walk away before it settles. Why not?

          Black men gotta win too

        • Medium Meech

          I tried to tell him in a comment below… and of ALL the places to go with Sade’s racial identity you go with nationality? By 9a.m. someone is going to call him out on Nigeria’s ethnic diversity.

          • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

            It’s too late for me to give a speech on Nigeria’s ethnic diversity, otherwise I’d do it.

            Btw, YORUBAS STAND UP!!!

            • http://biggerthomas.wordpress.com MadScientist7

              “Btw, YORUBAS STAND UP!!!”

              *daps*

              • http://twitter.com/#!/abluorchid Moi meme

                Yaaas!

            • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmFAMRaNC9I BmoreCreative

              Bawoni!

              • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

                Mo wa pa! Iwon ko?

            • Cris Until I Find a Clever Name

              I was hanging with the YORUBAS last night at the FEMI KUTI Concert in NYC!
              Say “YEAH, YEAH!” ;-)

        • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

          Me feelings on ‘black’ are essentially in line with those of Leroi Jones/Amiri Baraka as he discussed them in Blues People. I understand your perspective, but wholeheartedly disagree.

          • http://tdlove.wordpress.com Tonya

            Can you explain please?

            • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

              Will probably be a long conversation, click the name->about->contact information there if you want to talk about it.

              • Mika

                So Sade is not black?

          • Medium Meech

            It’s cool. Don’t listen to me. It’s not like I’ve been caught in this trap before.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            “Me feelings on ‘black’ are essentially in line with those of Leroi Jones/Amiri Baraka as he discussed them in Blues People. I understand your perspective, but wholeheartedly disagree.”

            i actually do understand what you mean. i disagree, but i understand and sh*t

            • Girl Kanyeshrug

              I like your new avatar…

            • Deviant

              Somebody’s been watching too much Always Sunny.

      • hehe

        Ima need ppl to learn the difference between black and African-American

        • Yoles

          SUPER DUPER CO-SIGN

        • Mika

          most people are confused with what exactly “African-American” is…

        • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

          Quadruple DAPS to this comment. It’s 2011 people, geez.

        • http://jouromeo.blogspot.com/ Sage jr

          @hehe

          Really? We need to learn a way to create distinction between ourselves more than there already is? I thought the idea was unity. Lest you forget that Racism is based on skin color and not origin or birthplace.

          Know your History, great. But this seems like birther talk to me. Just another way to pull us apart. Like we aren’t doing it enough without separating and rending at the social fabrics of acceptance and…GROWTH.

          • hehe

            OMG! can I take away your VSB badge because that comment was stupid. No one said ANYTHING abt being divisive. African-American is a ethnicity but they are BLACK. I am ethnically West-Indian(or Caribbean) but I am BLACK. My gosh.

            • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

              But wait? Yuh yardie? Wha’pin sistren!

              • http://lizburr.com Liz

                OMG SFG, ENGRISH PLEASE! I don’t know what you’re saying!

                • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

                  “Hold on, you’re from the islands? What’s up girl?”

                  • http://lizburr.com Liz

                    wow. thanks for the translation!

                  • keisha brown

                    DEAD at the WI translation.

              • hehe

                Nope not Yardie. Vincy

                • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

                  Well, dat nuh same ting? lol

            • http://jouromeo.blogspot.com/ Sage jr

              yup, I don’t think I’m going to enjoy interacting with you much…thanks for being honest. :-)

              • hehe

                well’p that how it goes. I was going to post an apology for getting a little upset…

                • http://jouromeo.blogspot.com/ Sage jr

                  it ain’t that deep. I’ll take the responsibility for preaching at you…I was wrong for that. My mistake.
                  We good? Cool VSB/VSS family

                  • hehe

                    lol we good.

                    • Sasi Quaia

                      @Sage jr | @hehe

                      I aint post on here in a minute and I read yall’s post…I prolly shouldn’t even say this, but……awwww.

        • 1flyynerd

          Agreed, there is a difference.

        • 1flyynerd

          We stay winning because we reproduce and raise these fine desirable black men that women all over the world desire.

          • Hazy Sin

            I love it!

            • http://lizburr.com Liz

              *welcome *

          • Soul Roby

            It seems to me that people are more interested in tooting horns on why “African-Americans” SHOULD be recognized as separate, how they “Raise these fine desirable black men that women all over the world desire”.

            Everybody damn near knows there’s is cultural differences, but that’s just what it is, cultural differences. I hope that this string of posts don’t reflect an attitude that I missed somewhere growing up in Northern California.

            First off, to everyone who doesn’t share our complexions , we’re all black. Period. So there’s the bathwater without the baby. Secondly, I do agree with @Sage jr, and I think he was taken a bit out of context. it is ALL about unity, and things like “Ima need ppl to learn the difference between black and African-American” , as if members of this board have put it in question.

            Not only is this putting alot of your own shortcomings on the table for all to see, but the Black commenters who aren’t African-American on this entry now have even more reason to believe some of the stereotypes about African-American’s and take that all over the world.

            I’m not throwing people under the bus, because I know online txt might make this comment seem cold, but I wake up everyday trying to promote unity with black people worldwide. Besides, being African-American doesn’t actually describe our culture, it just describes a place most of us have never been.

            I’ve seen this go down personally in real life. The situation went like this:

            Young African Lady: Why are Americans so arrogant

            Young African-American Man: What are you talking about?

            Young African Lady: All Americans are players. You just seem to always be trying to pick up women, fast talking, and the women are always angry, talking loud.

            Young African-American Man: Well ya’ll Africans be on bum mode, weaves be out of place, no lotion, dudes hair be unkempt all the time. Only like 3 of ya’ll are ready ta go.

            Angry Young African Lady: You Americans aren’t African, you aren’t the original people. Africa isn’t your homeland. Your Americans!

            Pissed Off Real N*gga: Wait a minute h*! What you sayin? Ya’ll be out there starvin’ on the news and sh*t, lookin’ hella bloated! B*tch go somewhere!

            (Cue divine intervention by surrounding people)

            Angry Young African Lady: Ugh! your all idiots! Whatever!

            Pissed Off Real N*gga: Miss me h*! Get gone!

            So as you can see, everyone brought their insecurities to the table, and everyone else got free tickets and popcorn to “Trans-Atlantic Sh*t Fest 2010!”

            By the way, I’m African-American, and my wife is Australian born African. We watched in complete gob smack.

            I hope I helped someone out there. Respect VSB Fam!

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

    Now this is gonna be good…

    • http://kineticculture.com NubianEmpress

      its already poppin on the comments liiiiiiiiiine. its not even 8:00 am

  • bhillboy37

    11. They have a way of turning their narcissistic behavior into a preference or character trait.

    • http://jouromeo.blogspot.com Sage jr

      Yup.
      And its odd how I like the attitude even when it strikes out at me. Makes me smile. And makes me want to do nice things for her. I sound like an abuse victim that has come to accept this sort of thing. Not a good thing about it.

      • bhillboy37

        I thought about this feel good post and my mean response then I thought, “You know, the ability to make a flaw a positive helps them keep winning.” Like being proud of not knowing how to keep house or the fact that BW are proud that they dated “bad boys” from the time they were 14 until they were 33 but they “learned from it and are now stronger” type of shyt. If I said “I can’t fight (protect a woman or myself) or that I am a 35 year old with no kids and never married, BW would think something was really wrong with me. And Yes, you sound like an abuse victim or at least a glutton for punishment. Does that stuff really make you feel good?

        • iRocsox91

          Dude you b*tch & whine about black women way too much. Jus date white women and call it a day.

          • http://lizburr.com Liz

            LMAO! Okay so it’s not just me, then. he been bitter since he hit the scene. then tried to call me crazy for pulling his card. mmhmm….

            • 8252

              @BHillBoy do you like white woman? Is that your preference?

              @Liz he does seem bitter…

              • http://lizburr.com Liz

                Admin note: bhillboy37 is currently not taking questions at this URL.

                • http://jouromeo.blogspot.com/ Sage jr

                  Ain’t nobody intimidated by you Liz…Stop bullying us. ROFL….(and by ain’t nobody, I meant I am…and by stop bullying I mean Let me be great!)

                  • http://lizburr.com Liz

                    SAGE! YOU HAVE A SMILE!!!!!!!!!! Awwww!!! i can’t even say nuthin snappy back to you cuz I like black men with smiles. it melts my heart! #nothugzone

                    • http://jouromeo.blogspot.com/ Sage jr

                      Liz being nice to Sage? This hasn’t been the case since….

                      http://jouromeo.blogspot.com/2011/02/5-reasons-why-verysmartbrothascom-makes.html

                      Go to the comments section….thats the first and last time before now.

                      (ok, ok, ok. The shameless plugging of my own blog was the point here – Liz is actually very kind when she isn’t ‘roid raging due her modding powers. BWAHA!)

                    • http://lizburr.com Liz

                      @Sage

                      LOLOL! Awwwww. Loved your post!! *ANOTHER GROUP HUG*

                      P.S. The absence of meanness from me usually means I love you. I haven’t been mean to you in 38 hours ages!

          • bhillboy37

            There’s nothing more “ITCH” than calling a person on a message board a “ITCH”. You wouldn’t say it to my face. Nobody ever has and you wouldn’t be any different. Liz- your angrier than any man on here who stands up for men as a whole. For the record, I only date black women, have a black, ex wife and a chocolate 2 year old.

            • http://lizburr.com Liz

              *snicker*

              Oh you try so hard.

              I see your ITCH and raise you a NITY.

              *roller skates around this thread backwards*

              Keep talkin. You will find yourself on time out.

              • bhillboy37

                I’m Okay with that but it’s funny that people think they can “moderate” the truth.

                • http://lizburr.com Liz

                  moderate deez.

                  • http://jouromeo.blogspot.com Sage jr

                    You will stop there. Ahhh.

                    We love you Liz. Thank you for er’rything you do for us.

                    • http://lizburr.com Liz

                      I mean, he said he was okay with it?? You ain’t got to tell me twice!

                    • mandela

                      @ sage jr
                      C’mon bro..stop kissing on Liz and every woman in here..if this is what u do in real life that’s very pathetic..trust me, quality sisters love the intrigue..that’s why real life smart brothers stay winning.

                    • http://jouromeo.blogspot.com/ Sagey Bear

                      @mandela

                      I’m fine losing on VSB or in real life.

                      What you don’t know is me and Liz have had darn near full on arguments until she ignored me.
                      That the women on VSB and me have a very hit and miss past with only recently have we found any rhythm and understanding with each other.
                      I may have been right for my perspective BUT I was wrong for my approach.
                      Thus, I appreciate your words of encouragement yet I must deny you your denouncement of my stature because pathetic to you means nothing to me.
                      These are the same women that will feel for me when bad things happen and cheer me up JUST BECAUSE. So, again, no offense but no thanks on the advice.
                      REASON # XOXO why Black women stay winning (above)

                  • mr_b_ez25

                    y y’all goin’ on dude like that? he do seem to be a bit in his feelings though

                    • http://lizburr.com Liz

                      For the record, dude has been going in on black women in general since he started. like 95% of his comments, and not in the way where he’s seeking help or trying tot alk out his issues (like TRL for example). Then he wants to sit here and call me and others B*tches. then when i give him a comedic way out to clean himself up, he tells me it’s okay to moderate him? oh, he ain’t said nuthin but a word.

                      I tell you, people literally be asking to get moderated.

                  • Tx10inch

                    @Liz

                    moderate deez

                    Lmao! Liz done gone gangsta..carry on.

                    • http://thatswhatgemsaid.wordpress.com Gem Jones

                      who in their right mind would mess with the moderator of a blog who is CELIBATE?!?!?! shes gonna take out her pent up aggression some way lol.

                      p.s. no shots Liz. i love you!

                    • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

                      and did you see the roller skates? and we all know only the bad@ss people can rollerskate backwards.

                      I’m so proud of Liz.

                  • keisha brown

                    *fin*
                    curtsies on liz’s behalf…

                  • N.I.A. naturally

                    LMAO… love it, Liz!

                  • WestPointProper

                    Dead. Dead indeed. If I was still alive though, this right here would’ve made my day!!!!

                  • mochazina

                    iGuffawed & iCackled

            • iRocsox91

              “For the record, I only date black women, have a black, ex wife and a chocolate 2 year old.”

              I find this shocking. From your comments you REALLY do not seem as if you are compatible with Black women. Take my advice. Find a snowbunny and type about something else okay. This post isn’t the time for your bashing.

              • FormerlyImperfect

                He did say “ex”. ThT’s a mouthful

            • whyaskquestions

              she didn’t call you a b*tch. she said it as a verb. as in “why are you constantly b*tching about…”. its different.

              • iRocsox91

                *he

                • iRocsox91

                  Considering all of the negative articles and trolls I decided now was the appropriate time to defend black womanhood(not to mention I want to make sure Liz don go off on me like she almost did last week, thinkin I was a member of ol dudes clan)

                  • http://lizburr.com Liz

                    LOL. Now that you bring it up, he was exactly who I had in mind when I was telling you last week about the crazies who have been talkin sideways on here recently lolll

                    I guess people don’t know I can read their ENTIRE comment history on this site fairly easily and can spot trends in hateful wet blanketness with ease.

                    • keisha brown

                      ooo…
                      that power would be kinda awesome. just for one day….

                    • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

                      What does my trend say about me?

                      *lays down on therapist couch*

                    • http://lizburr.com Liz

                      @SFG

                      It says YOU’RE CRAZY!

                      And obsessed with the notion of goondom….whatever that is…

                    • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

                      This is true. lol

              • WIP

                sometimes people see what they want to see

            • FormerlyImperfect

              “You wouldn’t say it to my face.”

              This made me chuckle. Took me back to 3rd grade street fights. “Baxdest one hit my hand”. Lol

        • Mo-VSS

          o_0

          So, what you’re saying is that you don’t personally know any VSS’s?

          Okay, cool…cuz what I read isn’t indicative of anything remotely close to a VSS.

          At least I now know why you stay losing regarding this subject….

          • bhillboy37

            I know a lot more VSS’s than VDB’s but I’m speaking more to VDB’s than VSS’s. VSS’s don’t need the tough love but I hear some insane stuff from the VDB’s that keep me scratching my head. I could run down my “troubling” convos with women friends but it actually makes me more sad than angry.

            • Mo-VSS

              Duly noted, then.

              Carry on…

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              “I know a lot more VSS’s than VDB’s but I’m speaking more to VDB’s than VSS’s. ”

              why bother, since the VDB’s won’t be reading this anyway? that’s like going to a convent and talking sh*t about strippers.

              • http://www.hotbiscuitsandgravy.com Bengemin Grehe

                Thought the same thing.

            • keisha brown

              VDB?
              very dumb broads?

              • GirlSixx

                That’s what I think it means.

                • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

                  I just wanted to squeeze in here next to you and KB since I luvs ya’ll.

                  Eff dat puto

                  • keisha brown

                    lol. right back at cha sfg!

        • http://jouromeo.blogspot.com Sage jr

          Yes it does.

          Its somewhat of an acquired taste. You aren’t just going to get your way. Its almost always better that way too.
          Because you may be smart but she knows how to use your intelligence. Its weird. It works for me.

          Ladies can you take it easy on bruh, he ain’t going to be less jaded with you e-punking him. And maybe its just y’alls goal to go in but sending him to our residential “comment blogger” isn’t the only possible course of action.

      • 8252

        You do kinda sound like an abused victim. However, I have heard many men say that they like a Black Woman’s attitude even when it is directed at them. I mean look at Neyo’s “When You’re Mad,” this man enjoys a woman fussing and cussing and throwing stuff at him. I think it is a sad norm of black relationships, we need to evaluate this…*smh*

        • Corey

          Neyo enjoys angry peen.

          • Yoles

            corey

            “Neyo enjoys angry peen.”

            i agree sir, i agree

        • WIP

          I seen more than one man get amused when I was upset (and it made me even angrier). They don’t know what they want.

          • Corey

            I think I can assist with this. You see, your membership in the I.M.P. (Insane Midget Posse) can be both a blessing and a curse. There are few things more humorous than watching you shake your little fist in the air while you’re ranting. Over time I realized that even though its absolute comedy, the tiny ones are stone crazy! Usually after laughing at the baby fist shake something will come flying at your head!

            • WIP

              LOL, I see. This is how men become victims of domestic violence.

            • Corey

              Exactly! See this is why me and WIP be >><

              < but you get the point.

  • Mo-VSS

    Number 5 is the truth. Cab asked me just today why I don’t look the same in any of my AVI’s. The hair, chico…the hair never lies ;)

    Anyway, I can’t speak for all black women but reasons why I stay winning are as follows:

    1. White women want to be me. (and you know this maaaaannn, said in my Chris Tucker from Friday voice) LOL, I have had more than my fair share of white women who marveled at my hair, ass, intellect, swag (ugh, hate that word) and personality to know that they’re thinking “if I were black, she’s the type of black woman I’d want to be.” Ha, ha!

    2. I’m an every-woman. I cook, clean, take care of kids well, clean up even better, look good in lingerie, am mother approved, desired by fathers, write well, and love hard. Oh and did I mention that I look good? Yeah, all that.

    It’s late and that’s all I have for now. But, I’m interested to see what others have to say.

    • DQ

      I agree with Cab. Ain’t nary one of your avis looked the same. I’m starting to think MO-VSS is actually a girl group being produced by Diddy.

      • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        I’mma stop wondering why I fux with you, DQ. This comment KILT me so much dead.

        • http://iamyourpeople.com/ I Am Your People

          On that note, all of DQ’s avis look the same *whistles* *sashays away*

          • DQ

            LOL

            Touche’ Madam Touche’

      • Mo-VSS

        LMAO, Just for that, Ima change it again!

        • Mo-VSS

          BAM…AVI changed! LOL

          I swear I’m the same person. I just change my hair the way folks pick out clothes. If you look, the face is always the same. Only I’m darker in one AVI cuz it was summer and I tan like a Mexican or a Greek person, LOL (no offense to Mexicans/Greeks, but they do tan well and seriously)

          • bhillboy37

            Nice. Quick change.

          • DQ

            Right… you look pretty much the same…

            …except for everything about you from photo to photo. If you ever did a crime the sketch artist would have to be able to draw an animated gif to caputre all your looks.

          • Yoles

            Mo

            Oh Em Gee

            now you really look different… i am looking at the face.. maybe i need to see a full frontal face picture or something… each avi is quite pretty btw

            • Mo-VSS

              LMAO…I do have to admit, it looks different, but I swear it’s just the hair….

              *whistles away while folks ponder if I’m actually one of many….

          • http://shesoflyy.wordpress.com Muze

            you know, i’m in the “you look different in all your pics” club too. i used to change AVIs all the time and people would say that. but, that’s also a sign you could do well as an actress or model if you ever had hollywood ambitions. a person who can have many “looks” is asset there.

            • Mo-VSS

              Muze, I like the name of your club. LOL

      • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

        If she is, we’ll be asking “Whatever happened to MO-VSS?” pretty soon.

      • Yoles

        hahahahahaha :D

        hopefully Mo-VSS the group will be able to make at least a lil bit of $$ before diddy takes it all, shelves their album and blacklists them

      • http://shesoflyy.wordpress.com Muze

        LMBOOO *faints*

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “I agree with Cab. Ain’t nary one of your avis looked the same. I’m starting to think MO-VSS is actually a girl group being produced by Diddy.”

        i read this when you first posted in last night and it made me LOL for maybe 2 minutes straight

      • keisha brown

        DQ murdered me. in the library. with words.

    • Mo-VSS

      Disclaimer:

      Oh, and I’m not of the school of thought that white women are the standard in beauty, finesse, or desirability. But, since we’re comparing and whatnot, I asserted that white women wanna be me not as a way to say “see, if a white person is with it, then it’s the sh*t” type mentality. It’s purely a comical way to express a phenomenon (sheer fascination with certain outward/inward traits I am perceived to have) that I seem to be on the receiving end of regarding some of the white women I’ve known.

      Carry on!

      • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        LOVED the “for folks who believe Tyler Perry is making a Love Jones remake” disclaimer. *slight cackle*

        • Mo-VSS

          Got to…before the race police come in and assert I’m trying to hold the standard as white and I’m everything that is wrong with black women.

          Either that…or…you know…claim that I’m angry or something. LOL

    • bumilla

      in re #1: we gots da receipts
      in re #2: ALL DAY LONG, ALL DAY STRONG. the gift that keeps on giving.

    • Yaaadgyrl

      Agreed…My roomie sophomore year told me she’d want to look like me if she were black….I’ve NEVER thought about wanting to be white much less what I’d want to look like….

    • http://www.thefriendraiser.com jenifer daniels

      me too…and you cant even see my avi. when i cut my hair folks thought i was another person!

      #staywinning on #s 2, 5 & 7.

    • keisha brown

      yeah..between the tanning, the bronzer, the lip injections, the booty implants…
      yeah…about that… ;)

      • http://eboneeyes.wordpress.com Eb

        *nods in agreement*

      • StillSuga

        Co-sign all day…

    • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      I cosign you with the hair thing. My hair has been every color: reds, browns, blondes and I look dramatically diff when my hair is straight vs curly. When it’s straight, I’m a sista and can blend in. When it’s curly, I’m one of those exotic others. lol My hair can change my entire ethnicity. Cool beans.

  • http://twitter.com/TheHumanSp1d3r The Human Spider

    “Especially since most men prefer not to know why the hell it takes women an entire Wendy’s work shift to get their hair done.”

    I’ve been trying to figure this out since the age of 9, when I’d get my haircut done faster than my mom could get her hair done. (We went to the same unisex barber/beauty salon.) I would move around and have a 5 minute cut take a half-hour, and I’d still get done faster than my moms. So I just let it be…

    • IsOurChildrenLearning?

      Cuz some stylists don’t know how to schedule appointments properly. They’ll have you waiting 30-60 minutes when you get there, make you wait an hour between shampoo and blowdry, and an hour between that and flatironing. Add extra time if you need a cut/color/perm. Sometimes they’ll leave in the midst of your style to get some food. I’ve had a stylist leave in the middle of doing my hair in order to go to the store and get some socks. That ish gets on my last nerve.

      • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        Yup! Overbooking runs rampant in salons. SMH…

        • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

          Not at MY salon, which is prolly 1 of 5 black salons where appointments actually happen on time. Longest I’ve spent there was 3 hrs. And that included the time it took for my hair to be done.

          • WIP

            Yes, I’ve made it my mission to protest salons that don’t book properly. I refuse to be in the salong for 6 hours reading the whole last two year’s worth of Jet magazines and listening to mixed gospel CDs. I don’t go back to places like that; there are so many salons in my city I don’t have to stand for that LOL. Last place I went had me out in less than two hours and I plan on going back.

        • IsOurChildrenLearning?

          I feel like it happens at salons that don’t take ish seriously. Overbooking doesn’t actually get you more clients or more money. It just increases cutomer dissatisfaction. they just do it cuz they get away with it. Fine salons DO NOT play that mess and they make sure to account for hair processing time in the appointment book.

          I don’t play that mess anymore. The last time I did I just left in the middle of it and went home to finish it myself (that’s what she said). I didn’t pay or ever return. I don’t have time to be sittin in the shop for 6+ hours.

          • http://iamyourpeople.com/ I Am Your People

            I’m thrilled to have finally found a salon that books appointments on time. I went to a salon once that booked me for a press-n-curl the day of a big event. On the stylists day off. *slow clap*

            • Yaaadgyrl

              OMG….this is my absolute pet peeve. Doesn’t take a six sigma black belt to figure out the root cause of all that extra time is poor appointment booking and lack of overall respect for customer’s time. Just cause you’re at work all day doesn’t mean I want to be there with you!!!!! But why, o why, can’t I find an in-and-out salon that does my hair as well as my you-may-as-well-bring-a-pillow-and-a-blanket-salon?

              • Yaaadgyrl

                On the other hand, my stylist will squeeze me into her over-booked day in a second if I call her with an emergency…so I just accept that sometimes I’ll leave in 2-3 hours, other times, it may be 6+ *sighs*

                • WIP

                  Last minute appointments are one thing, but how I make an appointment and still end up waiting an hour before I’m advised she’s running behind?? I’m getting mad just thinking about that LOL.

                  • Yaaadgyrl

                    I have a standing appointment and it’s still always a crapshoot. However, I have NEVER left not loving my hair. I have tried salons that get me in and out but I have just been meh about my hair. I’d rather have to wait and love it..

                    • Be On It

                      The most efficient stylist had my hair looking nice, but she used too much heat and my unprocessed hair was bone straight for 3 weeks in GA in July. And I worked out. No bueno.

              • Sav

                That’s the thing… I can not find a salon that does my hair as well as my “hood salon”. I go back there to fix the messes that the other salons did. However, I found if I go to my salon during the week, like on a Thursday, I’m in and out. On a Saturday, be prepared to stay all dayum day. (But at least you can get some catfish for lunch from one of the churchs going around selling dinners).

        • FormerlyImperfect

          I don’t even thinks it’s 100% overbooking…

          I’m always my hairdresser’s 1st client of the day. We have a regular standing 10 o’clock. We ain’t never started before 10:30. Most of the time she ain’t even there at 10:30! It should take about 3 hours to do my hair…she almost always has a 12 or 1 o’clock. Typically she doesn’t finish my hair til Judge Mathis comes on (at 2).

      • http://twitter.com/TheHumanSp1d3r The Human Spider

        Ahhhh, good times, indeed… Then again, my mom did have a small issue with being on time. Either way, thank goodness that a.)there was a TV that had Nickelodeon and b.)the pizza joint next door sold slices for a $1 (and had Street Fighter 2).

        However, I thought the idea was to knock out as many customers as you could. Keep in my mind that was only my idea…

      • bumilla

        for real. that is why it is essential that you like your stylist. my homegirl in the chi is the first person i see when i am in town because her spot has an excellent selection of both movies and take out menus. i don’t even have hair for her to do anymore but her dude rolls thru to line me up. that is some real friendship right there.

        • sheeeeit

          this made me laugh out loud. <3 Black women and our relationships with our hairdressers. I had one and he used to have me looking SO good, and then he opened another salon in a more gentrified (READ: white) part of BK. I called him shortly thereafter to make an appointment and he said he didn't have room and maybe call him back later! My eyes actually watered. I haven't been back since. It was like a really abrupt breakup… no closure. *sigh* I should call him out. Lol.

          • bumilla

            he just left you like that? oh no, booboo. you owe him an in person, unscheduled visit talmbout “i thought we was friends.” he owes you a seat and an explanation.

            • sheeeeit

              you right, you right. i think i’ll say something.

              thanks for the pep talk, coach :-)

              • bumilla

                any time. #3 works on the interwebs as well. :)

                • sheeeeit

                  awww *blushing*

                • sheeeeit

                  bumilla, ma’am, you made me smile.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            he did tell you to call back, though. it’s not like he left you in thin air

            • Dee

              yes, but he said he was *busy*. that is the kiss of death.

          • http://tdlove.wordpress.com Tonya

            Aww…that made me cry. :(

          • StillSuga

            The relationship is no joke…I had been going to my hairdresser since the 6th grade (I’m 30) before I left Chicago for DC…we cried about as hard as I did with some of my family members…AND she’s one of the first five people I call whenever I come home

          • Cris Until I Find a Clever Name

            Nah…BK style: you shouldve HUNG UP THE PHONE , THEN SHOWED UP AT THE SALON! How dare he? He must be trying to floss like Cakeman’s trifling behind!

            (I apologize for my BK Hood interruption)

      • hehe

        that is why I don’t fux with most black hairdressers. Ima need someone with good business practice. I plan this summer to get my haircut and colored and I’m going to Aveda concept salon where customer service is paramount.

        • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

          Exactly. I stick with Dominicans all day er’day. They treat me right. Black hairdressers used to roll their eyes when I would walk in with all this hair. They copped mad attitude while frying the sh*t outta my hair with massive haircuts. No bueno.

          • Jahna T

            the dominicans are cool til they find out you’re natural. then they start looking at you crazy upping prices. i LOVE a roundbrush blowout every once in a while but you will NOT try to play me!!!

            • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

              Yes! My stylist always pulls that with me. I have to walk in there with my hair in a bun sometimes. I see her once every few month and she always pulls that “it’s getting long, $80.” How is it 80 when last time it was 60? I hate that!

              • Yoles

                SFG

                GTFOH $80… shyt even $60 is WAY too much!!!!!! i’m here thinking they try to up the price from $15 to $25 to which i argue bytch and moan in english and spanish… but they do explain that the price goes up the longer the hair…

                jesusmaryandjoseph that’s a lot of money for a blow out tho OMG.. i’m clutching my heart and telling elizabeth i’m coming to meet her and red foxx

          • hehe

            the reason why my hair is long is because I don’t patron black hairdressers.

            • yaaadgyrl

              My hair is the longest (middle of my back…just at my bra strap) and healthiest it’s every been and I go to a black salon. I used to go to Dominicans – didn’t work for me or my hair. My salon specializes in and encourages natural hair though.

      • Kema

        This is one thing that I do not miss about salons. I have sister locks which is done in my consultants home. A bottle of wine later my hair is done. lol! It takes a few hours but I always feel like I just went to visit a friend.

        • Dee

          Yeah, my girl works out of her home. No walks and no crackheads selling oils and mixtapes.

          • thenameisyonna

            *snicker*
            Sad, but true.

        • FormerlyImperfect

          Whoop! Whoop!

          I have Sister Locks too

          • Kema

            *High fives formerly* Yay!!!

            • Yoles

              what are sister locks??? yes i’m asking

      • keisha brown

        Cuz some stylists don’t know how to schedule appointments properly
        this.
        nodding head.
        hence why i have a hairstylist that works out of her home and i’m pretty much her main client.
        *gets my celebrity on*

      • Sav

        The last time I had my hair braided… I got there at about noon, she finally finished at about 3am. Yep. The whole, entire day was full of tom foolery. Fights broke out, police were called. I’m sitting the whole time with half my head done. Ooohhh, if that heifa wasn’t my cousin-in-law!

    • Mel

      This is why I now go to a Dominican lady in Visible Changes (Texas peeps know what that is) in the mall. Yes the mall. I’m sure I’ve wasted about 5 years of my life spending 9 hours each time getting my hair done by my old stylist. With my new stylist I’m in and out. Max time 1.5 hours. And my hair has never been healthier.

      Imagine my surprise when I arrived for my scheduled 12:30 appointment and was at the shampoo bowl at 12:31. With my old stylist I’d make and appointment for 12:30 and knew not to even bother showing up until 2 at the earliest.

      • http://twitter.com/TheHumanSp1d3r The Human Spider

        With my new stylist I’m in and out. Max time 1.5 hours. And my hair has never been healthier.

        Imagine my surprise when I arrived for my scheduled 12:30 appointment and was at the shampoo bowl at 12:31. With my old stylist I’d make and appointment for 12:30 and knew not to even bother showing up until 2 at the earliest.

        *JAW DROPS*

        *FAINTS*

        • Mel

          Yeah my old stylist wasn’t ish! But she was good with some marcels doe…

      • IsOurChildrenLearning?

        I’ve had the same experience at Dominican salons. I’m talking walking thru the door and straight to the shampoo bowl. Nice. But, I still consider it going to a black salon since Dominicans are often black.

        • Mel

          My Dominican stylist is black but the salon is not. That makes the difference. I get my hair done next to wrinkled old white ladies getting their roller sets on their blue hair lol.

        • hehe

          No offense but I’m not down with Dominican salons because they will fry your hair off.

          • http://lizburr.com Liz

            or your scalp. my scalp stopped itching and flaking once i stopped going. I also cut all my hair off tho, so i guess I didn’t need to go anymore either lolol

            • Yaaadgyrl

              Agreed. I used to go to Dominicans when I lived in CT…My hair is in much better shape now…thanks to going natural plus my black salon that actually specializes in natural hair. My friends here in Philly who go to the Dominican salons have all tried and prefer my stylist (maybe I need to stop referring people so I can reduce my wait time)

            • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

              They’re blow outs are the best though. My stylist doesn’t fry my hair. I found that at the Black salon. They love the heat and OIL…my goodness easy on the oil ma’am. icant.

              • http://lizburr.com Liz

                true! i just cant get their blowouts too often :(

                • Yaaadgyrl

                  If you guys are ever in Philly, I’ll refer you to my stylist. Her blow-dry/flat iron is better than any blowout I’ve received from Dominican’s I used to frequent in NYC. Just please don’t go on my night :-)

                  • http://lizburr.com Liz

                    Oooooh! Good to know. I will most def hit you up when I am in Philly…

          • http://lefthandscribble.tumblr.com LoveB_Jones

            Dominicans put way too much heat on your hair. I remember when I was at a party once and started sweating the guy I was dancing with said something smelled like burnt hair. I was so embarrassed b/c I knew he was talking about me b/c he put his freaking face in my hair (man of another ethnicity), but he didn’t want me to be offended.

            • Mel

              I don’t have these issues. My lady uses very low heat. The lowest setting actually.

      • Vanity in Peril

        The Dominican salons here in Philly will put you in the chair and you’re out of there in an hour and a half tops. Plus they have the nice bachata playing in the background. I used to go to them all the time in protest to the 7 hour salon sessions at the AA salons (no I don’t wanna sit in here all day watching church plays on vhs!) or the sometimes too-tuff tactics at the afrikan salons but now that I don’t relax my hair I stay away just in case they hit me with the “mami, this is a deep conditioner” crap and slap a kiddie perm on my head.

        • Time Doesn’t Matter Sometimes

          Ok, you have officially freaked me out. I don’ frequent Dominican salons (I went once years ago and literally was crying in the chair) but that deep conditioner sub kiddie perm stuff? really? That’s how they doin it now?!

          • http://lizburr.com Liz

            *VSB glitter**

    • mr_b_ez25

      completely off subject here, but there’s something I been trying to figure out since about 9 also. ladies, what the h311 does the different inflections on the “umph” mean? I think i have deciphered at the very least, the meaning changes depending on the situation i.e.,

      man: baby, u know i loved u rite?
      woman: umph…with the whateva negro tone

      or
      man: baby, i got a bump on my back, can u look at it?
      woman: *looks at bump and twists face up* umph…that ish is nasty tone

      • http://www.nicklodeon.wordpress.com Nick@Nite

        This right here made me cackle…

        I’ma be late for work, thanks to you!

    • http://GenevaGirl.net Geneva Girl

      When I was back in the States a girlfriend made an appointment at her salon for my daughter. After waiting for over an hour I asked what was taking so long. The stylist copped an attitude with ME and told me that I should have spoken to her directly when I made my appointment. So, making an appointment with the receptionist didn’t count? My daughter was five and tired of waiting so another stylist did her hair and took WAY too long. My daughter was exhausted and so was I.

      I was mad at my friend for making the appointment and she half apologized, “Oh yeah, you’re not used to black salons. You have to wait.” Uh, no I do not! My money and I will go elsewhere. It’s a shame, I’d like to support my own people, but I go where the service is good.

      • Cris Until I Find a Clever Name

        And if your daughter was younger than 11 they REALLY shouldve been done quicker-SMALLER HEAD! They wasted your time and werent courteous SMH

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      you know, i never ever wanted to know why or how a woman’s hair salon worked. i felt like it was one of those things i should leave alone…like the hebrew isrealiste angry black men in times square.

      • Alvin

        Hahaha, yeah I don’t mess with those dudes. Something has seriously gone wrong for you to sit outside all day yelling at people while dressed like Kull The Conqueror.

        • Alvin

          In 90 degree heat, by the way.

        • Cris Until I Find a Clever Name

          I’ve always said that they wear the castoffs/rejects from Parliament Funkadelic Tours in the ’70′s/’80′s

      • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

        LOL yeah don’t mess with that dude.

        • Classy6ft5

          Sadly, I made the mistake of “messing” with those dudes when I first moved out here…smh….wasted about an hour of my life….nobody warned me.

  • http://ThinkPrettySmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

    If we have successfully shown we’re not angry, at work we can get away with snark and insults so long as we smiles.

    If we show up to work on time regularly, people give extra points because they expect us to be late.

    We can make other people uncomfortable by eluding to them offending us in some way. Example: Black woman gets sick to her stomach from a gluten allergy, vomits in the bathroom, but if anyone mentions the possibility of her being pregnant, they’re racist and classist. Two for one!

    People will give us what we want while we’re smiling with just a glint of ‘angry Black woman’ behind our pupils. They want to avoid her at all costs. They will give us the refund as we stand there with nary receipt or original packaging.

    If we play the damsel in distress game–one successfully perfected by white women–people are so caught off guard, confused, and defeated.

    • http://ThinkPrettySmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

      My after midnight typo game is so on point. Whatever happened to the option to edit comments?

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        it met an angry black woman and ran away.

    • http://tdlove.wordpress.com Tonya

      “They will give us the refund as we stand there with nary receipt or original packaging.”

      THIS! I got a full refund on 3 computer books that I bought 6 mos prior by throwing up B&N’s 5 year old return policy in the manager’s face. When I read the current return policy I felt so bad..but oh well. lol!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “If we have successfully shown we’re not angry, at work we can get away with snark and insults so long as we smiles.”

      this is true.

    • Dimaati

      “People will give us what we want while we’re smiling with just a glint of ‘angry Black woman’ behind our pupils. They want to avoid her at all costs. They will give us the refund as we stand there with nary receipt or original packaging.”

      Truth.com!!!!!

    • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      I gotta cosign doing anything that goes against Black women stereotypes. I love throwing people off with my white people tendencies. You can’t tell my race over the phone, I show up early, prompt, reserved and professional. When they get to know me they see I talk butu, late for functions, outgoing and ratchet. It’s like negro on the inside, white on the outside when needed. It’s a gift. :)

      • Yaaadgyrl

        Lol @ talk butu. Girl we just speak many languages. :-)

  • Simba.Africanna

    11. Curves: ain’t NOTHING like a black woman! Nothing!!
    ’nuff said!

    12. Confidence: It can get outta hand sometimes when you start half-steppin’ (read: attitude) but for the most part, sistas have confidence & that sh!t is sexy like a mutha. Black women can say exactly they want in expressive ways (verbally or using body language). That’s why you don’t see allo that wrist-splitting or bulimia-type body/image disorders.
    They got it & they know it….matter-of-fact they’ll let you know it!

    • DQ

      If #11 is not cosigned by every VSB, then I submit to you that they are not VSBs.

    • http://twitter.com/TheHumanSp1d3r The Human Spider

      “11. Curves: ain’t NOTHING like a black woman! Nothing!!
      ’nuff said!”

      I’m sure there are a few Latinas that would like to have a word with you…

      *Awaits Critical Beatdown*

      • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

        Yeah, because all of my family that has come up from Panama or Costa Rica ain’t exactly flapjacks. I don’t even think we need to bring up Brazilian women (youtube Watermelon Woman, no not the classic black lesbian film by Cheryl Duyne). I’d rather not get entangled in an ‘African Diaspora’ debate right now though.

        • Medium Meech

          Rookie. Trying to define black as African American on this site will lead to trouble.

          • Mo-VSS

            Right. Black is all encompassing. AA’s do not have the lock on what is considered black.

            Besides, we know all y’alls black a$$es come from Africa anyway. LOL

            • http://www.hotbiscuitsandgravy.com Bengemin Grehe

              Right. Take that “black is all encompassing” to the “coloureds” in South Africa and see what happens to you.

              • bumilla

                south africa is a very special situation- otherwise known as the exception to the rule- thanks to a slave/race mixing history that is very different from the US and apartheid.

          • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

            I knew we should have stuck with Negro.

            • Medium Meech

              but we a’ight cause we done seen the circle of life, yo…

      • Simba.Africanna

        Yeah, but….its one thing to have them; but sistas know how to move/swivel too. It doesn’t matter what age.
        Combine this with #2 (prolonged window of bangingness) & you have a dangerous combination.

        • http://twitter.com/TheHumanSp1d3r The Human Spider

          @Simba.Africanna
          I have seen other races with curves move/swivel their stuff. I have also seen some Black women with curves have ZERO idea what to do with them. But I agree that a curvy woman that knows how to move/swivel her curves and looks like they haven’t age since 18 is a dangerous combo worse than anything Tyson ever threw.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            “I have also seen some Black women with curves have ZERO idea what to do with them.”

            this used to make me sad, but now i think it’s cute, like a kitten trying to drive an escalade.

            • Classy6ft5

              same goes for men with thick, long, shlongs and ZERO stroke game. Smh! What a waste!

              • bumilla

                O_o

                *clutches pearls*

                • WestPointProper

                  OMGAAAAAHHHHHHDDDDD this was funny!!!!!

      • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

        “I’m sure there are a few Latinas that would like to have a word with you”

        But most of those aren’t Mexicans. Is this bogus of me? It prolly is. But say I’m lying. Salma Hayek is the exception to that rule. Ok lemme quit while I’m behind.

        • hehe

          Dominican women have strong African roots and a lot of them have very banging bodies.

          • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

            I aint mention Dominicans. They are banging. I’m talmbout Mexicans here.

            • hehe

              yeah ur right. Also put Salvadorian into that too. They are shape like boxes.

              • Classy6ft5

                When I was growing up in California, my bff and I called it the “Sponge Bob Body”

                • Corey

                  Guatemalans are usually shaped like oranges on stilts.
                  #allbad#

                  • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

                    Oranges on stilts???? *flatlines*

                • Alvin

                  Wait, you’re from Cali? What part?

        • Mo-VSS

          LMAO @ Luvvie again. I swear you have me in stitches tonight.

          And yes, Mexican women (SOME not all) do seem to have that “not quite right” proportioned figure market cornered.

          • WIP

            “And yes, Mexican women (SOME not all) do seem to have that “not quite right” proportioned figure market cornered.”

            LMAO! You ain’t right for that.

        • http://thatswhatgemsaid.wordpress.com Gem Jones

          as the resident VSS Mexican….

          i, regretfully, have to confirm this claim. #carryon

          • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

            You have a typo in there but yes, Indian people have curves.

            • http://thatswhatgemsaid.wordpress.com Gem Jones

              lol ihatechu

        • Leila

          “Salma Hayek is the exception to that rule”

          She gets it from her Middle eastern side…

        • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

          *DEAD* Ya know, I often DO get confuddled at folks shaped like Sears appliances.

          • CNotes

            Make sure Mama CNotes received my death certificate. She will need the insurance money.

            • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

              and clean out all my p0rn.

              • CNotes

                @SFG

                LOL! Right?? No need for mama to know that I have a VERY healthy sexual appetite. (shhhh) : )

    • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

      “11. Curves: ain’t NOTHING like a black woman! Nothing!!”

      See Ices Brown. She’s SEGZY!

      • http://iamyourpeople.com/ I Am Your People

        See Ices Brown. She’s SEGZY!

        ihatechu

        • mr_b_ez25

          supa dupa cosign the hate… segzy=no, fleshly=yes.

      • MsMelissa!

        Luvvie you are so out of order ROFL

      • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        Hot fiyah! And she kilt it when she did Dru Hill, too. Girl is going places.

      • N.I.A. naturally

        Ices has one big curve…

    • Leila

      Curves: ain’t NOTHING like a black woman!

      Yessss. We have natural curves too:)

      • http://twitter.com/TheHumanSp1d3r The Human Spider

        Unless you happen to be Nicki Minaj or Angel Lola Luv…or whatever she’s calling herself nowadays. SMH… I can’t keep up with these kids…

        • Mo-VSS

          Stress on “natural” though because we all know Nicki Minaj has had some work done.

          • http://twitter.com/TheHumanSp1d3r The Human Spider

            Of course. I was lumping her in the “Black woman” category, not the “natural” category. ;)

          • Girl Kanyeshrug

            What work?

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhFF2CdiJc0&feature=channel_video_title

          ***someone whose cartoon curves are actually real. this probably isn’t safe for work, btw***

          • LA2Tally

            that a** is SUPERFLUOUS!!

    • http://www.hotbiscuitsandgravy.com Bengemin Grehe

      @ #11

      But doesn’t Kim Kardashian have the curve game on lock right now? I believe I read I even read it here, may have been one of Champ’s post, talking about how the black woman’s curves have led to misogyny and oversêxualized images of black women on TV, but that the white woman’s curves get praised or whatever. I don’t remember the words but it was something like that.

      That said, I’m with you. I ain nothing sexier than the black woman’s figure. Oversêxualizing?

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      11. Curves: ain’t NOTHING like a black woman! Nothing!!
      ’nuff said!

      yeah…this is that thing that keeps me around longer than i need to be. DAMMIT JIM!!!!! its my slavery.

    • Squeak

      I’m mad late. but…

      x___Squeak_______

  • http://naturallyalise.com/blog/2011/04/21/search-and-seizure/ Naturally Alise

    Black women gt carte blanche to say the most racist sh*t ever… at least I’ve heard. *whistes and walks away*

    • http://ThinkPrettySmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

      I heard that too. I’ve never witnessed it through. Every Black woman I know holds hands and share’s her cans of Coke.

    • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

      Yeah that is an alleged statement. *looks over there somewhere*

    • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

      See my previous comment. LOLLL

      My “Aint sh*tness” is on 10 today.

    • Andi

      It’s sad cuz it’s true….

      It’s also hilarious.

    • Yeah…So

      Bwahahahahaha! Ahh, we are winning!!!

    • Girl Kanyeshrug

      LOL (I’m not admitting this is MAY be true)

    • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      I am guilty as charged! I’m THEE worst racist ever and my friends just laugh at me. Atleast I distribute my hate evenly to all races.

  • Andi

    11. People of other races are automatically afraid of them. Even if you’ve never thrown a punch in your life – it’s assumed you can and will beat someone down. You don’t have to lift a finger :)

    S/N Love the video! And dude at 1:07 is cute…

    • bumilla

      this gets me in a lot of awkward situations because people try to hold me back when i have no intention of throwing a punch (i totally can doe). and then i get angrier because i need space to get my point (AKA hand) across.

      unrelated: i automatically *heart* you because you have my baby sister’s (nick)name.

      • Andi

        Your baby sister has a wonderful (nick)name!

        unrelated: I love your comments, you pull no punches. #hardinthepaint

        • bumilla

          she really does! <3 the world is not ready for baby sister. she is so articulate with her rage. i will just assume that you are a similar bird. :)

          also, thank you.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          get a room, with a view, overlooking a lake of gayness

          • WIP

            LMAO!!

          • keisha brown

            CHAMP!!
            CTFU

          • bumilla

            first, panama tells me that i need hugs. now you are on me about being to lovey? clearly, i can’t win for trying around these parts.

          • http://twitter.com/thepopculturist thepopculturist (aka BKSweetheart)

            You’re a fool for this!!! LMAO

          • Cris Until I Find a Clever Name

            :::DEAD:::

    • Mo-VSS

      SMH…we do have the lock of the aggression corner of the market. When it works though, it works. Never really have had too many women outside the black race try me in terms of confrontation cuz they assume they’ll lose.

      SN…I can’t fight worth a damn. But, I will assess the situation, pick something up and knock you out with it. So, technically I’m the champ by knock out even though a fight never happened.

      Another reason why I, as a black woman, stay winning :D

      • bumilla

        I can’t fight worth a damn. But, I will assess the situation, pick something up and knock you out with it.

        LOL. i feel like this is the fine print. #trust

        • Lina

          Agreed, almost had to bust open an empty bottle of skyy b/c some dudes were messing with my girl. Since everyone thinks she’s crazy, they thought she threatened to do it. Nope, it was me, the unassuming girl watching ish about to go down.

    • Lina

      S/N Love the video! And dude at 1:07 is cute…

      Yep.

      • http://lizburr.com Liz

        *sucks teef* he aight. he ain’t nobody.

        • Mo-VSS

          LMAO…ok den

        • Andi

          hmm…. I sense that you are derailing and that he may in fact BE somebody…

          Liz is that your E-boo?!?!?!

          • http://lizburr.com Liz

            I mean….he MAY or MAY NOT be my e-boo but as far as all of YA’LL *points at every VSS* are concerned: he ain’t nobody!

            • Andi

              *Tips hat and walks away whistling*

            • Medium Meech

              I didn’t see this intensity when Simba was walking by and you were making googly eyes.

              • http://lizburr.com Liz

                *throws hands in the air*

                Okay Meech. You see what you wanna see. i clearly only have eyes for you (am I thirsty enough for you??) but if you see me lookin at him, then fine.

                And then they wonder why a black woman is single. *kicks glitter bucket across the room*

                • Medium Meech

                  It’s ok. Let’s go over to the naughty black Mormons chat room and makeup.

                  • http://lizburr.com Liz

                    Oh, MEECHY!

                    I know nobody will be over there….rawr.

                    • Medium Meech

                      damn straight.

                    • Yeah…So

                      ugh.

                    • http://lizburr.com Liz

                      YS are we gonna have to have a discussion?

                      *takes off earrings*
                      *reaches for the vaseline*

                    • Yeah…So

                      You know what Liz… I am too much of a lady for that, but HELL YEAH!!

                    • http://lizburr.com Liz

                      *points YS in SFGs direction*

                      It really was her fault tho!!!!!

                    • Yeah…So

                      Naw, you know… it’s cool tho. I just gotta let it go… This too shall pass.

                      @Meech MUSTAFA DEAD!

                    • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

                      Is wah dee?! *windmill punches and scissor kicks* I dare any of unnu to ramp wid bumboooclaaaat me!

                      Actually, Liz threatened me. She’s scary and I heard she’s packin heat.

            • Yoles

              Liz

              HE said polyamorous.. earlier in the day i stated i didn’t want to cross any boundaries…

              *learned my lesson while walking to the corner* :(

          • Mo-VSS

            I thought that as well, but since celibacy-watch2011 is in full swing, I figured I’d leave that alone. LOL

    • http://www.nicklodeon.wordpress.com Nick@Nite

      Lol.. I know who that is….
      He’s a sweetie too…

      • keisha brown

        lol. perhaps.
        i got my own opinions on that dude. ;)

        • http://thejahfiles.blogspot.com/ B. Brown

          Umm….. (Sonic toe tap)

          • keisha brown

            lol.
            awww. e-boo. you aint got nuffin to worry about.
            i didnt say my opinions were positive! ha!

            • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

              *snort* ((munches caramel popcorn))

            • Medium Meech

              Keisha LaRenaissance Brown…

      • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        He was definitely a pleasant surprise. Not to make his head larger than medium or anything. ;)

  • eazy

    11. She gave birth to me.

    • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

      Niiiiice! I, along with Boyz II Men, love this comment whilst singing “Mama”.

    • bumilla

      exactly.

      but she stays using that as guilt now. “you’re all i have” etc etc. damn, momma. just let me be great.

      • Mo-VSS

        U too? I thought it was just my mom with the “u kids are all I have.”

        Uhm, job, friends, house, car, other family…surely, you have more. LOL

        • bumilla

          naw, gurl. when she drops that line i always take a step back. EVERY TIME. this woman told me that a few weeks ago because she was concerned that my new career move was ~dangerous~ despite making her baby more $$. i got off the phone with her and sat staring at the wall wondering if i had really done something wrong.

          it’s because i know that she REALLY loves me. like, for real real. :\

      • http://www.twitter.com/drrdb TWIsM81

        Can we start a “My Momma Stays Tryna Guilt Me Into….” Club. I’m steady hearing her two hits “When are You Bringin’ Someone Home” and “Why Do You Live So Far Away”.

        Heavy rotation on Momdora.com no matter how many times I click thumbs down.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          lol, this sounds like it’s own VSB post

        • bumilla

          “Why Do You Live So Far Away” – even tho this it’s her doing that i am in another country- is usually followed by “Your grandmother wants to see you.” double dose of strong black woman guilt keeps my credit card bill high.

          • http://lizburr.com Liz

            My mama just told me the other day that when I was young (5 yrs old) my grandma would Black Woman Guilt her into letting me stay with her the entire summer (summer after summer until i was in high school) because she “only had a little more time left on this earth.” My grandmother ended up living until I was 27 years old! LOLLL.

            • bumilla

              i’ve taken to throwing my grandmother’s guilt back in her face saying that the baby jeebus needs more time to make me great, so she needs to get on that healthy senior living lifestyle. mums her right up cuz then she’s happy i’m in church.

        • Caballeroso

          My mom’s favorite song used to be “When am I gonna have some grand babies to brag about?”. The heavy rotation of that song ended when I said “If you want grand babies, I can get you some grand babies.” She apparently understood the implications. #Ifinallywonone.

          • WIP

            LOL, I’m getting that guilt now. “Are you and so-and-so still together? You think it’s going to get serious? No wedding plans yet? Are you pregnant?”
            Q_Q
            “Let me call you back.”

            • http://lizburr.com Liz

              Before my great aunt passed away she had dementia and short term memory loss. so. imagine how i felt when i went to visit her and she asked me if i had a boyfriend, or if i lived with my boyfriend. over and over and over again. i aint had a boyfriend since 1992! All i could do was grin and bear it.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          not that i recommend this for everybody, but try having a kid…THEN they show up and you can chill out.

          • WIP

            Or just stop answering the phone and delete the guilt-laden voicemail messages

          • bumilla

            i don’t know if i want to “try” labor. i prefer to stay practicing getting knocked up in general.

          • Girl Kanyeshrug

            “Try having a kid….then you can chill out”

            I don’t think that that is how it works….

    • keisha brown

      awwww.
      *approves this message and co-signs*