Black Marriage Negotiations: Here’s What They Think About You
By now, most of the reading Black community has seen the “Black Marriage Negotiation” videos that have begun circulating the net. I don’t know when they were made, by who or why, but talk about your incendiary pieces of art. So far I’ve seen three videos, the marriage negotiation from the man’s perspective, the woman’s perspective, and the the video called “Black Dating in a Hip-Hop Society”.
As expected I’ve had various convos with people about these videos whose opinions have ranged from being offended to neck-snapping, “I know that’s right”-isms. I haven’t read any message boards but I figure they probably feature numerous ninjas with degrees arguing back and forth playing the blame game. If there’s one thing we know how to do when it comes to relationships, its blame.
Which is actually why I think these videos were completely ingenious. See, the biggest problem with talking about ANYTHING remotely controversial is the inclusion of too many voices at once – differing voices. We’ll never have an open conversation about race in this country because it’s impossible for people to just LISTEN without reacting and responding. At some point, you lose focus on the forest and get lost in the trees. Hell, it happens even intra-racially. As soon as one side says that Black people from one side do ‘this’, THAT side is going to stop paying attention and become defensive and not hear anything the other side is saying.
That’s why I think these videos do more good than harm. See, they allow one perspective to be focused upon a time without interruption. Sure the man or woman is responding to what the other is saying, but ultimately, an entire stereotypical perspective and viewpoint is put out there in its entirety. And the truth is, A LOT of people actually do think like “good black man trying to please the confused and insatiable woman”. Hell, we all know women who we think sound like that chick. No matter what a man does, none of it is good enough. Now of course, no one woman is going to be all those things, but that’s not the point either. Stereotypes are just that – genearlizations to the nth degree. And I’m believe in stereotypes. I try to use and become at least ten per day. Generalizations? Psssssh…you can’t write a relationship-centric blog without focusing on the generalizations of the sexes. Then we get to the “woman’s perspective”. I think many women do think that men are all commitment phobes with the most unrealistic of expectations when it comes to what being a wife is. Basically, we need one woman to complete the job of five women while being understanding, compassionate, trusting, and steadfast in the face of the all of the f*ckery that so many of us men bring to the table. Not to mention that the successful ones of us have our “pick of the litter” so you all better come correct.
The “Black Dating in a Hip-Hop Society” one is hilarious to me because it, much like the “man’s perspective” on “Black Marriage Negotiations” gives us a view of how many men think standard chicks are in their expectations of what they deserve versus what they bring to the table. It makes all women seem to be money-hungry yamps in search of a ring.
Jacked up? Of course it is. It’s supposed to be. But I’ll be damned if we haven’t had these same conversations here at VSB where the comments sections has turned into a warzone of generalizations and ridiculousness.
All of these videos highlight one perspective, often echoed by numerous members of both genders, without the competing reactions and I think that actually helps move the conversation along. As long as you know, honestly, where there other side stands, you know where you need to address in order bring about understanding.
I feel like if we could get 100 white people to speak their minds and talk about how they REALLY viewed race relations, and did the same thing with 100 Black folks – and put everybody in space where they’d actually listen and then come together and discuss and see what could be done to get people past the stereotypes, well, I might be able to get a loan on the Internet without doing an interview.
Anyway, all that to say is that what the world needs now is love, sweet love, that’s the only thing that there’s just too little of. So good people of VSBs, what do you all think of the videos? Is there anything good to come of them? Do they get to the roots of our perspectives? Is this REALLY how both men and women hear eachother?
Basically, who can I run to??
-VSB P aka VITAMIN P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3