Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Pop Culture, Race & Politics, Theory & Essay

Black Marriage Negotiations: Here’s What They Think About You

By now, most of the reading Black community has seen the “Black Marriage Negotiation” videos that have begun circulating the net. I don’t know when they were made, by who or why, but talk about your incendiary pieces of art. So far I’ve seen three videos, the marriage negotiation from the man’s perspective, the woman’s perspective, and the the video called “Black Dating in a Hip-Hop Society”.

As expected I’ve had various convos with people about these videos whose opinions have ranged from being offended to neck-snapping, “I know that’s right”-isms. I haven’t read any message boards but I figure they probably feature numerous ninjas with degrees arguing back and forth playing the blame game. If there’s one thing we know how to do when it comes to relationships, its blame.

Which is actually why I think these videos were completely ingenious. See, the biggest problem with talking about ANYTHING remotely controversial is the inclusion of too many voices at once – differing voices. We’ll never have an open conversation about race in this country because it’s impossible for people to just LISTEN without reacting and responding. At some point, you lose focus on the forest and get lost in the trees. Hell, it happens even intra-racially. As soon as one side says that Black people from one side do ‘this’, THAT side is going to stop paying attention and become defensive and not hear anything the other side is saying.

That’s why I think these videos do more good than harm. See, they allow one perspective to be focused upon a time without interruption. Sure the man or woman is responding to what the other is saying, but ultimately, an entire stereotypical perspective and viewpoint is put out there in its entirety. And the truth is, A LOT of people actually do think like “good black man trying to please the confused and insatiable woman”. Hell, we all know women who we think sound like that chick. No matter what a man does, none of it is good enough. Now of course, no one woman is going to be all those things, but that’s not the point either. Stereotypes are just that – genearlizations to the nth degree. And I’m believe in stereotypes. I try to use and become at least ten per day. Generalizations? Psssssh…you can’t write a relationship-centric blog without focusing on the generalizations of the sexes. Then we get to the “woman’s perspective”. I think many women do think that men are all commitment phobes with the most unrealistic of expectations when it comes to what being a wife is. Basically, we need one woman to complete the job of five women while being understanding, compassionate, trusting, and steadfast in the face of the all of the f*ckery that so many of us men bring to the table. Not to mention that the successful ones of us have our “pick of the litter” so you all better come correct.

The “Black Dating in a Hip-Hop Society” one is hilarious to me because it, much like the “man’s perspective” on “Black Marriage Negotiations” gives us a view of how many men think standard chicks are in their expectations of what they deserve versus what they bring to the table. It makes all women seem to be money-hungry yamps in search of a ring.

Jacked up? Of course it is. It’s supposed to be. But I’ll be damned if we haven’t had these same conversations here at VSB where the comments sections has turned into a warzone of generalizations and ridiculousness.

All of these videos highlight one perspective, often echoed by numerous members of both genders, without the competing reactions and I think that actually helps move the conversation along. As long as you know, honestly, where there other side stands, you know where you need to address in order bring about understanding.

I feel like if we could get 100 white people to speak their minds and talk about how they REALLY viewed race relations, and did the same thing with 100 Black folks – and put everybody in space where they’d actually listen and then come together and discuss and see what could be done to get people past the stereotypes, well, I might be able to get a loan on the Internet without doing an interview.

Anyway, all that to say is that what the world needs now is love, sweet love, that’s the only thing that there’s just too little of. So good people of VSBs, what do you all think of the videos? Is there anything good to come of them? Do they get to the roots of our perspectives? Is this REALLY how both men and women hear eachother?

Basically, who can I run to??

-VSB P aka VITAMIN P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

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Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

Previously

Point Game

  • http://twitter.com/naimafiasco TheTalentedMs.Fiasco

    Black Dating in a Hip Hop Society is the funniest and most truthful video ever. Omg, I died several times watch things!

    The Drake comment had me rolling. Drake does look kind of slow and the tourettes hand does not help!

  • ComicBookGuy

    Hmmm….

  • http://www.shay-d-lady.com shay-d-lady

    The guy in the black dating in the hip hop society reminds me of Champ lol

  • eye(c)ande

    challenge: panama, please make one (or a few) about race relations. i since some Pulitzer Prize winning, ignant magic :)
    VSBs and VSSs, can we handle it? Can he go there baby with you? Ursher Raymond.

  • B. Brown

    I hadn’t given these things a second thought, even though they’ve been all over my FB news feed for the last week (I also haven’t seen anything concerning puppets with good hair or Willow Smith). Now that I’ve seen them, I think they’re funny – especially the dating piece.

    Rather than get all worked up about them and be mad at the generalizations, I just decided to take them as satire and be amused. Maybe that’s because I’m in a good mood, maybe it’s because my opinion on the subject matter has already been formed, maybe it’s because they were actually funny. Shoot, the guy throwing up the deuces was priceless. The cracks on the entertainers were funny too.

    Is the subject matter a big deal? Well, yeah: it concerns our ability to live with each other and create more lives (along with advancing our collective ideas and all that stuff). This, though, seemed to be a lighthearted jab rather than an uppercut or left hook.

    I will say that I agree with Panama as far as fostering dialogue with differing points of view. It’d be nice if we could have Lincoln-Douglas debates, or even simpler methods in which everyone has uninterrupted time to share their views. Of course, that’s near-impossible with a subject such as this one no matter who’s doing the debating.

    Everyone has their opinions, pounded into them by everything from friends to experiences to media. Parsing through all that takes time and effort, something many of us aren’t willing to give – especially when it could result in our changing the thoughts we arrived with.

    Do some men and some women see the stereotypes every time they see a ‘potential’? Yes. Most stereotypes have some shred of truth to them. However, the key is to remember that no one is looking for a million Mr. or Mrs. Rights…I think most everyone is looking for one (if they haven’t found one already).

    It’s funny that (generally speaking) we bowl alone more than ever and have lesser interaction with others, but we swear we know more about others anyway. If we got out and actually learned about other people, it’d probably help us – and by us, I mean everyone – in more areas than just dating.

  • http://sleep-is-the-cousin-of-death.blogspot.com/ MadScientist7

    wow. drake missing a chromosome? lol that last video was hilarious. i know a lot of women who sound like bits and pieces of the first video. not all in one woman though. all these videos are funny though.

  • PureMagnetism

    i want the creator of these clips to make a pre-quel, so i can learn where and how to pull these stereotypical vsbs.

  • http://www.shay-d-lady.com shay-d-lady

    Lol I saw the other 2 and I am convinced yall ninjas put them out there. Lol.

  • P.

    Interestingly enough, every time y’all make a post starting with something along the lines of “by now everybody has seen/heard/read/etc,” it’s the first time I’m hearing about it.

    Anyway, those videos are f*cking hysterical. the Hip-Hop one had me on the floor.

  • http://thatswhatgemsaid.wordpress.com Gem of the Ocean

    why Panama Jackson**, this was a very intriguing and profound piece. i enjoyed hearing your insight on these silly little videos.

    See, the biggest problem with talking about ANYTHING remotely controversial is the inclusion of too many voices at once – differing voices… At some point, you lose focus on the forest and get lost in the trees

    great observation. i couldnt agree more. often times when i have discussion based on a stereotype with my co-workers, i try to hear them out completely before saying what i have to say. sometimes you have to be quick to listen and slow to speak (bible study taught me this lol). i think we can learn a lot about a person’s perspective, and how they built their ideas/pov around a stereotype, if we hear them out. it doesnt guarantee that what they have to say is any less of offensive or well articulated, it just provides more data to analyze and discuss.

    and i, too, enjoy using and becoming a handful of stereotypes a day–most days its effortless. and much like judging people, stereotyping is FUN and liberating!!! we all owe it to ourselves to play the part. i encourage everyone to try it.

    **see? there i go again using caps and full monikers. #respect

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