Lists, Race & Politics, Theory & Essay

To Be Young, Gifted, Urban, and Employed

It's funny because it's true. And um, let's also pretend we don't know each other so people won't think we're a gang.

It’s funny because it’s true. And um, let’s also pretend we don’t know each other so people won’t think we’re a gang.

Because most of us can read, most of us have jobs. Or at least have had jobs. And because most of us are in that part of life where we’re not girls, but not quite women – Black Girls Rock and sh*t – many of us are cubicle jockeys and middle management corner office holders with small-to-no-windows. Buck buck buck to those who are self-employed on that 1099 steez. Get thee to an Obamacare exchange post-haste. Then rub your *CENSORED* if you love hip-hop.

Well the difficult part about working in an office is Blackness. And this is not a Black in the sense of having some ratchet, but a ratchet having no gotdamn sense. See, while we all know better, sometimes we just forget. And nowhere is that more prevalent than in an office. I see you outchea trying to figure out, “P, what iz y’all sayin?”

What I’m saying is that I’m is kind, I’m is smart and I’m is important all up in the office. And I’m also sometimes suffering from youth and ethnicity. Like so.

1. Dancing a little too hard in my chair…

…and not even sure if anybody is paying attention. You know how folks hear a song and yell out, “that’s my jam!!!” Of course you do. If you’re Black you likely do this anytime the radio is on and any song comes on. If you’re not Black there’s a good chance you’ve still done this at least once in the past 6 months. Point is, all of us have that song that we love that will cause us to move uncontrollably. And if you have Spotify or any other streaming music service there’s a good chance that you have caught yourself giving  your chair that work. My song is currently “Pop That”. I go full ratchet when that joint comes on. I mean full arm swang and eveything which wouldn’t be an issue at my desk except my co-worker cool caught me off guard. I had in my headphones so I didn’t hear buddy slide in and ask me for – basically – an Excel cheat code. I’m just saying. Which leads to…

2. Singing louder than you intended to

Yeah. You’ve done it. You’ve been sitting at your desk with your headphones in and that 50 Cent “Many Men” came on and you started singing along. You probably didn’t even know you were doing it until it was almost too late. That happens to me at least twice a week. And there’s only so many times you can play off “many men, wish death upon me” as a the remix to Johnny Cash “Folsom County Blues” before folks start asking questions and googling. Also, there’s nothing funnier than me walking into a coworkers office who is listening to hip-hop. Seriously.

3. Talkin’ a lil too loud with the homeys

My boys all call me at work. We have wholesome conversations about money, hoes, and clothes and not specifically in that order. Now, because these guys and Jesus are my homeboys, we also spend an inordinate amount of time arguing about music and hip-hop in general. This wouldn’t be an issue except hip-hop tends to be very polarizing and draws out emotions. One of my homeboys and I have had a very passionate 15 year argument about ATLiens versus Southernplayalistic… and it comes up at the most inopportune moments and STILL draws very passionate (read: loud) discourse. Which, again, all good except when you work in an office with paper thin “metal” dividers, well, everybody is hearing everything you say. So yelling out, “n*gga please” is soooooooo not the move. At all. Ever.

4. That a little bit too funny for its own good Gchat conversation

We all do it. Unless your job has blocked chat at your job through some jacked up policy setting. We all sit and have conversations with one another to pass the day. Hell, 90 percent of the folks I talk to thru the day are people I’ve met via VSB. Every so often you find yourself in an actual funny conversation that ends up causing you to laugh like Eddie Murphy just walked into the room and give it his all. Or similarly you see a video that causes you to shed real tears (this will NEVER not be funny…real tears my ninja) and have to pretend you are either crying or having a coughing fit strong enough to get suggestions of visiting the nurse. I’ve had to remove myself before from my office (or close the door) because of a conversation I was having.

Well that’s a good starting place for work place shenanigans. Or at lest difficulties, which I know I have a lot of. Like a lot of.

Most of us have jobs. What’s your job difficulty? Holla at me.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. I WORK, I GET THE JOB DONE aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

 

 

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Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • I Am Your People

    Now, it’s okay to forget my name, bot there’s no shenanigan quite like being called by the name of the only other Black person in the office. Specifically when that person is 20+ years older than you. Or male. Or they have an ethnic (not ‘hood’ but like Nigerian) name that is waaaaaay different than yours.

    Trying to answer civilly with “my name is _____” vs. “no, I’m the OTHER Black one” is always hard.

    • iamnotakata

      This happens to me in class a lot as there are only 3 AA in my program, all women. But I swiftly in a nice nasty voice redirect them. Contrary to popular white belief all black folks don’t look a like, my fellow AA in class and I look nothing a like which makes the confusion that much more annoying..

    • Jay

      Dead at “Or male.” Really tho??

    • Val

      There are lots of White folks that don’t really pay attention to any details about Black folks other than we’re Black. So, gender, age, height, weight, hair, none of that registers. Which, by the way, is why so many innocent Black folks get identified as the culprit by White witnesses. Also why a well dressed Black guy getting on an elevator gets the same reaction as a Black guy with his pants falling down getting on an elevator, clutched handbags.

      • iamnotakata

        This is so true!! I often laugh at how much power I have a a women of color, to be able to invoke fear in a person for the simple fact that I am brown. Imagine if I actually intended to cause them harm…lol smh

        • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

          *nods head*

        • Rachmo

          Considering I have the fighting skills of a puppy I am amused at the fear I cause

          • panamajackson

            All bark and no bite, eh?

            • Rachmo

              Basically

            • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

              I have the MEANEST black woman death stare, and I feel so EMPOWERED when it works….cuz anyone who knows me personally is not eem slightly scared of me lol

      • Jay

        Truth.

      • http://tripsixes.com/ Trip

        I wish I could disagree with this, but it happens too often to be ignored. I’ll add the aspect of being public enemy #1 when you succeed despite all half-brained attempts to keep you in a position just so they can feel comfortable.

      • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

        To be fair, part of that’s a human thing. How many Black people say that all Asian people look alike. I think the biggie is that Black people aren’t denying Asians jobs over it or getting them arrested.

        • Kema

          Yes I agree. Even if its a few blond women. I dont see themas separate entities until I know them

      • Yonnie

        But this goes both ways though. It’s called cross-cultural identification (or something like that that I’m too lazy to google right now). But when I start a new job and there are a lot of white people, or when I start watching a new TV show, it takes me a while to distinguish them from one another. I imagine this is how white people felt when they first started watching The Wire.

        • Val

          Yeah, I know what it’s called. But historically we, Black folks, have had to be able to tell White folks apart. We’ve had to pay attention to the details regarding individual White people in a way the most Whites did not have to with regard to us. Our lives many times depended on it. And, even now, with the power structure being uneven, we still have to pay more attention.

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

      im at least the memorable black guy all the others ones are called me

    • Keisha

      This just happened to me on Friday!!! “Hey Tatiana, I mean Keisha…” Mind you, I’m sitting at my desk which is a good distance away from her so there’s no way he got us confused… :-/

    • Sigma_Since 93

      I keep a post-it note in full display of all of the names I’ve been called on the phone or in meetings other than my name. It’s gotten so good to my co-workers that sit around me that they will snicker when they hear my name misspoken because they know it’s going up on the post it note.

  • iamnotakata

    “Dancing a little too hard in my chair…”

    This….now all though I no longer work in an office with co workers. When I did, I would more often than not get caught jammin to my ratchet gym mix in the AM b/c I needed my 2chainz and Ross in the morning to get my day started. My co-workers would walk in having full convos with me with no answer and have to tap me on my shoulder before I realized they were there lol…. Everyone needs a little ratchet, southern ratchet music gives me life!

    • Michelle

      A year ago, I was at work and Travis Porter “Bring It Back” began to play from my iPod. While I was twerking and doing bo.oty isolations in my chair, something told me that I was being watched. I turned in my seat and saw a couple of male co-workers staring at me. For the next couple of months, I was given a bagel every morning.
      I think I was a stripper in a past life because I tend to uncontrollably twerk, pounch, dribble and clap.

      • Shamira

        you got free bagels??? That sounds like a great deal to me.

        • Michelle

          And they weren’t cheap with all trimmings either.

      • panamajackson

        They couldn’t give you any 1s so they gave you bagels. Priceless.

        • Michelle

          my mama always told me it’s wrong and rude to turn down a gift!
          From raisin to poppyseed, I received all types of bagels.

      • NomadaNare

        Booty isolations, though?

        • Michelle

          Around that time, I was a student at a pole dancing school and we recently learned how to do the isolation (for visuals, think of Mizz Twerksum from The Twerk Team) and I was practicing on that day.

          • NomadaNare

            And this is something you were doing at the office? Can I work with you?

            • Michelle

              LMAO!
              I am sitting at a desk for 6-plus hours. I have to do something to keep me entertain.

  • Jay

    P, I’m gonna let you finish… but ATLiens is the greatest Kast album of ALL TIME!!

    • kidvideo

      I second that emotion…no Smoky Robinson.

      I work a 3rd shift, and there’s only four other ppl in my office(three are blk, one wht) and for 2 hrs out of the day the room is all mine…it becomes 90’s nite at the club…Suave House catalogue gets major play ’round here.

      Oh yeah…I was checking out a rap blog today and came across this video by some NY mixtape dude named Troy Ave who got this clip featuring Reakwon and NORE called New York City…skip to 4:23 to see this chick dancing…if she aint making a grand a nite at some strip joint(esp in the ATL) something is wrong.

      This might not the appropriate post for it, but I know the VSB’s and some VSS will dig it(I’m looking at you Yoles/Bunni).

      Troy Ave–(New York City)…skip to 4:23

      NSFW–but there’s no nudity

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8Dmq-xmMAc

      • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

        Ehh she’s a pretty girl with lots of bewty but she has zero rhythm. If she’s dancing in Atlanta she’s going to need to work on isolations and trying to catch a beat.

        • kidvideo

          Kim K has no real “talent”, but she made 20 million last year…im sure Lil Wayne wound blow a few grand just to hit it and put her in the video.

        • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

          Hater. She’s puhfect for my Tumblr. :) Now to find out her name so I can just post her for a couple of days…

          • Sahel

            Todd;s tumblr,needs high bandwith for viewing

          • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

            I’m hating because I said she can’t catch a beat? Lol Please.

        • Sahel

          Am with A.P,the jello has to jiggle

          • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

            Thank you. That’s all I was saying. Pretty girl. Nice body. No rhythm.

        • panamajackson

          This is the second time the word isolations has been used today by different persons. What is really going on outchea.

      • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

        Wow kidvid…I wanna tear that girl up. She can be daddy’s new friend. ROTFLMAO Wow, that a$$, that a$$, that a$$! Bunni should draw that for her art!

      • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

        Shes not cute in the face, but her azz is immaculate….but to be honest, any average non-stripper chick in Atlanta has her beat by a long shot……this city I live in has changed my entire perception of a quality azz lol

    • panamajackson

      I’m with you. I’m an ATLiens rider til the day I die.

  • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

    Panthers! Squad up!

    • Val

      I’m seriously considering becoming a KC or Seattle fan. I sort of expected Seattle to be good, but KC?

      • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

        Don’t be that person Val. I loathe bandwagon fans. I respect a Jaguars fan over these recent KC converts.

        • Val

          I’m not but it sure would be nice to root for a team that’s winning. This season is really depressing me. I was happy this is the Giant’s bye week.

          • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

            I’ve had multiple seasons of depression. Such is the ebb and flow of the NFL. Giants will be back on track soon.

            • Val

              Yep, you’re right. I guess I’ll just have to get some joy out of hating Washington. But, those Ba*tards won today when they should have lost. #darnchargerstookmyjoy

              • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

                LMAO Chargers are so unreliable. RGIII is having a horrible season thus far and he has been catching so many breaks recently.

                • Val

                  They were pitiful. On the 1 yard line with 2 timeouts left and couldn’t score! You should have seen me. I just covered my head with a pillow. I didn’t even watch the OT. I knew the Chargers weren’t going to win.

                  • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

                    I just saw the highlights on ESPN bwahaha

                • BMB

                  Horrible? He’s not having the best season, and has been inaccurate in a few games, but I wouldn’t say horrible with him not even being one year removed from major knee surgery. The playoffs are within reach for us.

                  • Shamira

                    the playoff are within reach for the entire NFC East because our division has had such a poor start, lol. It doesnt mean much of anything, yet.

                    I think its fair to say that RG3 wasnt as 100% as he claimed coming in and yall had to take a hit for that. But he’s coming back into his own rhythm. No reason to doubt him yet.

                    • BMB

                      Yeah, one of the teams in our division will go on a run. It’s just a matter of who. The Eagles offense looked scary yesterday, but I’m not still not worried about them.

                      Agreed. If he wasn’t so vital to our team, I may have had him sit the entire year or at least until Week 8.

                  • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

                    The fact that he was even playing in Week 1 was an issue for me. I understand that this league is centered around wins and product output but he should’ve been benched until about Week 3. He’s having a horrible season compared to what he was doing last year.

              • BMB

                Whoa. Why the Washington shade? We don’t win often. Let us have our win lol.

                • Val

                  It’s all about the nickname.

              • panamajackson

                Um…no ‘Skins slander please. And thank you.

                • Val

                  What slander? Lol

          • http://tripsixes.com/ Trip

            Or you could do what I did and officially drop support for your team in week 1 (Chargers) #coldblooded. I haven’t looked back or shed 1 tear, and I get to enjoy good football no matter who they are.

            • Val

              I’m hating the Chargers right abut now. They really blew their game today. I think if I was a Chargers fan I’d give up too.

              • http://tripsixes.com/ Trip

                You and AfroPetite already said it better than I could. I got tired of that BS.

                • Joel

                  Hey. I’m a Detroit Lions fan. Those guys have been raising my blood pressure on a weekly basis since 1995.

                  • Yoles

                    well if it makes you feel better.. the lions have the best uniform in the nfl… hands down… its just so pretty and masculine at the same dam.n time

                    • Joel

                      Word. I have about 7 or 8 jerseys myself. Shout out to my time in Korea for the cheap clothes….lol

            • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

              How you a fan and you don’t ride for them when they’re down? I’ve endured years of Panthers slander and as frustrated as I have been with them as I fan, I’ve never dropped support lol

              • http://tripsixes.com/ Trip

                LOL I *was* a fan. It was like being in a dysfunctional, unhealthy relationship. I just quit ‘em. I can’t ride or die if you got no clue what the eff you’re doing one week to the next.

                • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

                  Smh fake fan

                  • http://tripsixes.com/ Trip

                    Look at ‘em AP. Look. At. Them.

                    In my defense, the only thing that could be worse is me taking them back on sunny days. Won’t happen.

                    • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

                      Oh, if you try to claim them once they get hot I’ll be judging you for sure.

          • Sahel

            Thank goodness for bi weeks

            • kidvideo

              …and bi-women.
              *rimshot*

              • http://daratmathis.wordpress.com/ dtafakari

                I was going to add something about rims, but I figured I should stay far away from that. lol.

                • kidvideo

                  It took me a second to get it…funny.

              • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

                **curtsies**

          • http://daratmathis.wordpress.com/ dtafakari

            girl, the Bucs are having a ‘bye’ season. -_-

            • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

              At least that means Rutgers will get its football coach back. :)

            • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

              Awww :-(

          • panamajackson

            Try being a Redskins fan. We’ve got all the fanfare with none of the winning. I mean do have that name problem, but its part of our charm.

            • Val

              That’s true. Am I wrong or was your last Super Bowl the Doug Williams Super Bowl? That can’t be right?

              • panamajackson

                It can be right.

        • Michelle

          My cousin would deeply appreciate hearing that one, AP. He’s a faithful Jaguars fan… Despite being a proud NY-er.
          I caught him, a few weeks ago, sitting in his darkened living room, drinking from a bottle of Henney while listening to “Footsteps In The Dark”.
          Yeah… He’s that much of a diehard fan.

          • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

            Damn…he liked Keenan McCardell and Mark Brunell that much huh? Wow…

          • http://daratmathis.wordpress.com/ dtafakari

            That’s amazing. My husband is a Jags fan…only b/c he’s from Jax. It’s a sad time in the house (I’m a Bucs fan)

            • Yoles

              (((HUGS)))) to both of you

            • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

              Professional football in the state of Florida is in bad shape. At least Florida State is holding it down in college football.

              • http://daratmathis.wordpress.com/ dtafakari

                My alma mater is killing it! I’m so proud. FSU beat the U and nobody on my FB TL can talk any more isht.

              • Joanna

                It’s rough outchea. Especially when you’re a Gator and Florida State is doing well. The world is just out of control. It’s a sign of the apocalypse.

              • 321mena123

                THEY DONT PLAY ANYONE!! The ACC stays killing me with being high in the rankings playing Duke, Wake, MD, NC State, Georgia Tech, Virginia Tech, and Clemson. There is one decent team in that entire bunch.

                • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

                  LOL facts! But MD is no longer a part of the ACC. The ACC has been dwindling in all aspects of sports :-( Used to be a basketball powerhouse conference. I hate Duke but they’re the only bright spot in basketball for the ACC currently.

                  • 321mena123

                    People raving about how high their ACC team is ranked in football gets the biggest side eye from me. You must be kidding me. Yall just played Duke. Have a seat.

                    • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

                      I’m a SEC football fan, I am unfamiliar with the struggles of which you speak.

                    • 321mena123

                      My school is in the SEC. My rival school is in the ACC. I have friends from the ACC on my fb page and i want to throat jab them all the time.

                    • Joanna

                      Wait. How did that work? Like, an in-state rival? Because I can’t think of any SEC team that gives a lick about another conference team if it isn’t in-state.

                    • 321mena123

                      USC vs. Clemson. We have a huge rivalry. SEC vs. ACC. Half of my high school went to USC and the other half went to Clemson. We hate each other. Our teams fought on the field back in 2004. It came to blows.

                    • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

                      KNUCK IF YOU BUCK!!!

                    • Joanna

                      Got it. Yeah, that’s a rough one, Yikes.

                    • Epsilonicus

                      Wack

                    • Rachmo

                      My school got transferred to the ACC. I’m still not ok

                • Val

                  Meh, there’s no playoffs in college football so it’s all just a popularity contest anyway.

                  • 321mena123

                    Popularity contest?

                    • Val

                      You have coaches and journalists voting on who they think is the best team, so, yeah, it’s a popularity contest.

            • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

              I only know of a single Dolphins fan. Florida teams have few loyal fans. I salute you and your hubby.

              • Joanna

                *Dolphins fan* Die-hard.

      • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

        not the chiefs i dont trust dr robotnik, at all

        • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

          You can’t front though. Dr. Robotnik is getting it in this year. It also helps that the Chiefs are healthy for the first time in like 5 years. For 4 years running, they had multiple All-Pros get hurt in the first 3 weeks. Eventually, they’d get healthy and wreck shop.

          • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

            i know the chiefs were never that bad but buffalo had their foot on their neck before they decided they rather have clowney

        • http://daratmathis.wordpress.com/ dtafakari

          I swear I thought I was the only one who figured Reid looked like Robotnik. lol.

      • Shamira

        dont buy the hype on KC. They’ve been blessed with a light schedule coming in and if you actually pay attention to the box scores, their play has not been that impressive. But let their “fans” stay convinced that they’re Superbowl bound.

        • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

          I can’t wait to see them flop during the Playoffs. CANNOT WAIT.

        • BMB

          that defense though…..

        • Val

          I don’t know, Shamira, Alex Smith is a pretty good QB and they’ve already beat the Niners.

          • Shamira

            Alex Smith is competent, not good. Hes efficient enough as a game manager but not anything to write home about. Their defense is what keeps them in play, but I just dont believe that they’re good enough to go far in the playoffs.

            The 49ers, while an impressive W, still doesnt amount to much because their play has been fairly inconsistent this season. As it is with almost all breakout quarterbacks, the second season in opposing coaches have become hip to their style of play and have stifled their ability to run rampant. Plus, wasnt that a preseason game? That doesnt mean much of anything.

            The two Denver games they have left are gonna really show what they’re made of, especially since it’ll probably make or break their #1 standing. But even if they make the playoffs, they have the Bengals, Colts and Pats to most likely contend with – all teams that they have conveniently not had the privilege of playing yet. The jig’ll be up pretty soon.

            • Val

              Welp, I’m not champion of KC, I just think it’s pretty difficult to be undefeated in the NFL. You’re right about the Denver games. If they beat them, especially twice, then they might be really real.

              • Shamira

                I feel you, I just think they’ve also had the benefit of an absurdly light schedule. They were gonna have a high record regardless, but youre right, undefeated is no small feat.

                • DB

                  As a lifetime Chiefs fan, I keep hearing Eagles fans saying that I should wait for Andy Reid to do Andy Reid things and screw up a game late. Oh and by the way, Alex Smith is going to cost the Chiefs a game or two.

            • Shamira

              @panamajackson:disqus this is for you….disqus is being funny about letting me reply to your comment. Won’t let our love be great n ish.

              I never gave Brady credit for that either, really. Lol. I always sound like a hater for saying that Brady is overrated…but hes overrated, as are most Patriots “stars”. That doesn’t mean he isn’t really good though. But let anyone have a million years in the pocket like he does, and we’d expect him to be pretty good too.

              Happy that Alex Smith and Andy Reid are getting their comeuppance though. The both had rough previous years.

            • Epsilonicus

              Alex Smith has outdueled good QBs though. He almost beat Drew Brees that one playoff game. He receivers had the dropsies that last drive.

  • Msdebbs

    You would post this while I’m sitting at work doing my hair….yea I know rachet but I need to get this done.

    • Val

      Lol! Say it ain’t so, Debbs! If so, you win!

      • Msdebbs

        I wish I could Val. I wish I could

    • Yoles

      what kind of style were you doing?

      • Camilleblu

        This question made me laugh…

        • Yoles

          inquiring minds…

      • Msdebbs

        Braids..I wore a hat till I got to my cubicle and worked in neat sections so I didn’t look too crazy.

    • Shamira

      Youre the chick that goes to the supermarket with rollers still in her hair, arent you? Lol

      • Msdebbs

        Naw I wear hats for emergency weave/snack runs. Gotta keep the ratchetness to a minimum.

    • panamajackson

      LMAO. You were actually doing your hair? At your job? That’s worse than cutting your fingernails…which I do on occasion.

      • Msdebbs

        Yup. I work with 4-5 people overnight so their used to my hair weaving/wig making shenanigans.

  • Yoles

    Well we all know that nursing in nyc is full of Asian both east & north/south, Africans West Indians, then a spattering of whites, american blacks & latinos… everyone believes all the stereotypes about each other & ask all kinds of impossible to answer, mostly embarrassing questions with a straight face… even in the mist of minority stew I still get caught up… I slip & call ppl nigg@ with an identifying character i.e. “dat Chinese nigg@ thinks he can stay past visiting hours?” I listen to my iPod & dance in patients rooms & b/c I’m a new yorker I stay calling my coworkers ‘son’

    • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

      I have never understood that, calling men/women “son”. You Yankees are an odd bunch.

      • kidvideo

        I call my brother Sun…cause he shine like one.

      • IcePrincess

        Southerners be like “wudup cuz.” U know good & well that ain’t cho cousin!

        • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

          Lol that must be a regional Southern thing. I don’t hear “cuz” as much as I hear “bruh”. But I see where you’re going.

          • panamajackson

            Yeah, I’m all bruh with mine. And “potna”.

        • SuperStrings

          Think that might be the CRIP influence in the south.

          • Shamira

            while we’re talkin’ bout crips…can we discuss their need to put uneccessary C’s when they spell words out? It’s like dude, we GET it.

            • Yoles

              umm n we need to discuss why you keep getting, reading and keeping love notes from crips in the first place!!!! now thats the real discussion…

              @disqus_5RH3V25df6:disqus???? whats really good?!?!?!?!?!

              • Shamira

                Who said I get love notes??? See this is how rumors get started! All I said is how they write and all of a sudden I have fake paramours. Don’t believe the hype!

                I may have know one or three in my lifetime, but I have never knowingly dated one.

            • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

              bloods are no better with their glass of milk and bhocolate bhip bookies

              • Shamira

                I just yell-laughed at my desk!!!

            • SuperStrings

              And any word that starts with a “B” they replace with a “C”. It’s real out there. lol

      • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

        I never realized it was a NY thing until people from the South started poking fun of NYers saying that. Also, you are forgetting the use of son as a verb, as is “Mike sonned Joe in the park playing basketball. I don’t think that dude scored a point on Mike!”

      • Sigma_Since 93

        Yankee is a white term for white people; we (black folk) were called n1gga$ regardless if we came from the north or the south

      • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

        it’s very alpha, but not everyone can pull it off. but when they do it’s kinda hot like, mm may i call you big poppa ~*~

        • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

          First time someone from NY called me that I just kinda stood there with the screw face. I’m not your son.

          • Yoles

            its a sometimes term of endearment

            • Joanna

              Sometimes these regional “terms of endearment” have my side-eyeing real hard. Like, in Miami, being called “la negrita.” I’m like, *pause*.

              • Yoles

                negrita is a term of endearment in many latin countries… true story

                • Joanna

                  Totally accurate. But I don’t like hearing it from white Cubans just because of how lowkey, not really, lowkey racist many of them are.

                  • Yoles

                    white cubans are my arch nemesis… we are supposed to be family but… we.are.not!

            • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

              Yea, no. I’m not from NY. I’m no one’s “son”. Use of that term by anyone in reference to me isn’t something I’m going to ever be cool with.

            • Rachmo

              Also “b” haha

          • Shamira

            it’s either son or ma. Would you prefer the latter?

            • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

              I’m no one’s mother so I’d prefer neither :-) I am partial to “sweetheart” however.

              • Sigma_Since 93

                You’re used to being called Sug

            • Yoles

              i hate ma but secretly don’t mind mama or mami pronounced a certain way…
              #conflicted

              • Shamira

                I just dont date New Yorkers anymore. Solves that problem, lol.

                • Yoles

                  :(

                  but new york… i love new york mens.. so much ill keep that in mind though

                  • Shamira

                    lol, I’m exaggerating a bit but the level of uncouthness that most New York men that I meet tend to exhibit is just a huge turnoff for me nowadays outside of the bedroom . I wouldnt ever truly rule anybody out for such an arbitrary reason though. You find me a secksy New York man, I’ll gladly take a gander :)

                    • Yoles

                      if i find him… I’m keeping him for myself… 1st you seem to get hooked up to all the vsb dudes & now this!!
                      #toofar

                    • Shamira

                      I’m being punished for a mythical-azz harem. I see how it is!!!

                    • Yoles

                      at the end of the day, it is what it is… real talk, i’m saying though ma

                    • Yoles

                      no we see how it is… wazzup wit dat?

                • Sahel

                  Noted

                • Val

                  Sahel wants me to ask you if you date people from Mississippi.

                  • Shamira

                    Is he from Mississippi? Lol. And when did you officially become the Sahel interpreter?

                    • Val

                      Despite his chexually charged quips Sahel is very shy. So, he’s asked me to be his wing woman. And, I’ve been trying to determine his location. Best I can tell at the moment is he’s either in Mississippi somewhere or Cleveland.

                    • Shamira

                      I’m convinced he is Carmen Sandiego at this point.

                  • Camilleblu

                    Lol

              • Shamira

                Speaking of New York slang…

                “Yo deadazz I woke up today and it was OD brick…word is bond, my nig”

                But seriously, it’s cold as ALL of the fuqs.

                • Yoles

                  da hawk is OUT

                  • Shamira

                    I wish I could wear construction timbs and an oversized north face coat to work :-/

                    • Yoles

                      that just made me remember gangsta yolie aka keyshaa… she rocked a carhart and timbs.. i think ppl would laugh and side eye me if i tried to bring yolie/keyshaa circa 1991 back

                • Joanna

                  WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?! Hahaha, that’s hilarious.

                  • Shamira

                    Its really, really cold. lol.

                • Rachmo

                  Was that Pig Latin?

                  • Shamira

                    LOL. You lived in the Bronx Rachmo! How are you confused?

                    • Rachmo

                      Idk “OD Brick” but I will admit I understood the rest.

                    • Shamira

                      Lol.

                      OD: means extra/super… somehow that comes from the word Overdose. Think of it as the NY version of “hella.”

                      Brick: cold. Or cocaine. But in this context, cold.

                    • Rachmo

                      “Brick” lost me bc I assumed it was coke and I was like wait she’s telling on herself. I guess I assume everything is drugs #signsyourefrombmore

                    • Shamira

                      Lol nahhhhh you know me!

                      Although I would argue that 70% of…err…”urban” female new yorkers have probably dated at least one dealer before, either knowingly or unknowingly. @yoles:disqus would you back me up on this?

                    • Yoles

                      it is with authority that i say all nyc females over the age of 25 have dated most of the following

                      rapper/dj/entertainer/hype guy/dancer including break dancing/b boy etc
                      street pharmacist
                      basketball player with actual skills
                      party promoter
                      sean wit any of its various spellings or mike
                      a high school possible drop out or GED obtainer
                      been arrested/spent 6 moths OR less including overnight in jail
                      mean stroke and nothing else going for him

                    • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

                      6 out 8 of those for me. EARLY. Some even held more than one of those at the same damb time lol

                    • Shamira

                      I feel like everybody dated some ninja in a section 8 apt that he payed $100/month for that somehow had 20k+ worth of merchandise. Now negro we KNOW you didnt get all this working at foot locker…

                    • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

                      The dude in the section 8 apt in his grandma name, cuz nana lived with mommy and this apt was for the taking……OR, the dude who still lived with his moms and hit you with the “gotta free crib tonight, swing thru”

                      sigh. #HighSchool

                    • Shamira

                      ughhh or the parties that happened at the free crib while they would take their girl to the back bedroom and smash in SOMEONE ELSES BED. Lawd, hoodrat shenanigans.

                    • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

                      Only in the 5 boros lol

                    • Rachmo

                      geez 6 out of 8 and I’ve spent most of my time in Philly/DC

                    • Shamira

                      will never deal with a party promoter ever again. I have been trying to get off lists for YEARS. STOPMSG PLEAAAAASE

                    • Rachmo

                      Hahaha this is so true! You don’t even really date them but they are forever in your life.

                    • Epsilonicus

                      My thought too

                • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

                  NYC needa fix that before I arrive. My blood has acclimated to the south lol

      • Yoles

        funny story.. the other night we had to call the police because a couple decided to engage in coitus while visiting the dying father of the female half… they got caught… mostly because A) it wasn’t a private room and the roommate was shocked 2) they were not even that quiet… anyway i call security but security is like tell them to leave… so i ended up calling the cops (those dumb as$es stayed until they got caught too) and the 2 officers came up laughing and talking and placing cuffs on said “criminals”… as they were being escorted out i could not help myself so i said “dam.n son you couldn’t wait til y’all got home, you stupid” to which officer vincente santucci of bay ridge said “word up mama sons just played themselves”
        I LOVE NEW YORK

        • http://daratmathis.wordpress.com/ dtafakari

          That was a GREAT story. lol.

          • Yoles

            i tried to tweet about it but so far i am a twitter failure… it is beating me… i have no wins…

            • http://daratmathis.wordpress.com/ dtafakari

              who are you on Twitter?

              • Yoles

                @OnlyYolie

                • Sigma_Since 93

                  I was looking for you on IG. I didn’t know there was a legion of folks that call themselves yolie.

                  • Yoles

                    my Ig is
                    @OnlyYolie

                    same as my sack a$s twitter… find me SS!!!!!!!

              • Yoles

                wait!!!!!! @dtafakari:disqus my first and only tweet for almost a week was to you!… let me find out you never even saw it… i have no idea how this twitter works…

                • http://daratmathis.wordpress.com/ dtafakari

                  oh nooooooooo! clearly I fail at Twitter, then! I shall tweet you back lol

                • http://daratmathis.wordpress.com/ dtafakari

                  I wonder if it’s b/c your account is protected. I can’t see your tweets and that might be why I didn’t get it. :/ Add me! :) @dtafakari

                  • Yoles

                    it says i am following you…
                    i’m lost

            • Camilleblu

              Yolie what’s your twitter handle? I don’t tweet, but I love to follow folks….

              • Yoles

                i think that is what i am going to end up doing…
                and i used to think i was funny… shout out to @Agatha… WOMP

      • panamajackson

        I’m from down South and I call folks “son” at times too.

        • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

          I’m from NYC and ppl have always been ‘bruh’ to me lol

          • Val

            Out here it’s “dude”.

      • SuperStrings

        Five Percenter speak. Man is the “Sun”, so it’s like a title, like “brother”.

        • Yoles

          oh five percenters… i had such a crush on one named Born Freedom man he was fine…
          #memories

          • SuperStrings

            Sometimes I don’t know what the ckuf they’re talking about, which would probably make me one of the 85%. I don’t know if it’s because it’s SO deep that it’s over my head or because it’s really the bull ish I think it is. lol

            • Yoles

              my vote is its mostly bull but come on… when pretty ppl say things, we just listen to todays mathematics and nod…

              • SuperStrings

                It’s maff-matcis sun!

        • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

          I doubt that the majority of people who use that term are using it in that sense though.

          • SuperStrings

            probably true.

    • Uniquely Blushed

      Chinese nigg@ tho? hahaha

      • Yoles

        i am not ashamed to say that in my head nigg@ means male or anyone getting on my nerves…
        i’m a work in progress and jesus loves me

        • Uniquely Blushed

          I have a problem with calling everyone Nigg@ too, but the Chinese nigg@ had me laughing.

        • Rachmo

          “i’m a work in progress and jesus loves me”- I just made my strangled coughing sound reserved for when I crack up at VSB and need to cover it up

        • Joanna

          Ditto.

        • Shamira

          Would you say that …”God knows your heart?”

          That phrase and “if you cant love me at my worst you dont deserve me at my best” have to be the most overused fake deep hoodrat phrases ever.

          • Yoles

            god knows my heart is just another way of saying… “me and jesus already know i am not gonna be saved so i might as well….”

          • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

            My version of that phrase was “if you cant love me at my Amanda Bynes, you dont deserve me at my Beyonce” lol

  • kayleb

    #1 all day, er’day. I have a standing desk so my colleagues have come to expect me gettin’ it.

  • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

    First of all, motherf*ck an Obamacare website. I’m lucky enough to be in a state that has its own exchange, and it STILL sucks. Wait, you have me log in with an ID that’s attached to my DMV, unemployment and tax accounts, and I somehow need to give you my address and income info? GTFOHWTBS! Also, after reading articles like this, it’s becoming more and more clear that the Obama administration was so concerned about getting it passed and getting re-elected despite the firestorm it had caused (remember people showing up with guns to health care town hall meetings?) that they forgot to, ya know, figure out how to implement the whole plan. You’d think funding the whole set up thing would be a part of the bill, but nope. LOL

    Anyway, I am the king of #1. The KANG! I will dance in your lab just because. Imagine a big Black guy just dancing randomly while at the bench. Yeah, that’s me. At least I don’t dare listen to music at work. I just hum the instrumentals. It’s amazing how much many hip-hop instrumentals sound like smooth jazz to people who don’t know better. That’s my swag yo. :)

    But can I say I should have found a line of work where there are more tall Black dudes? Finding lab coats is a B, and I have to spend the first month seeing White and Asian people look at me like a zoo animal. What? You ain’t never see a tall Black guy before? Yes, I like basketball. Yes, I can get that thing off the shelf without a step stool No chill out dawg. LOL

    • Sigma_Since 93

      Do they ask you to play on their league team? The midgets need a ringer. I’m having images of Soul Man where the two white dudes are fighting over C. Thomas Howell, who’s in blackface, because they each want him on their team because they think he can ball.

      • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

        Actually, I’ve only had that happen to me once. People in my line of work aren’t into sports that much, and to the extent they are, prefer soccer.

    • Yoles

      todd, stop lying… i have seen you “dance” and we both know that is not what you are doing… the ‘clears’ feel perfectly ok seeing you move especially because you move just like them

      *runs out of thread, giggling

      • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

        You’re not telling the whole truth Yolie. You just ain’t, especially with me trying to avoid getting poked in the ribcage by someone…LOL

        • Yoles

          it doesn’t matter that i danced in front of you as you moved around… my point still stands!

      • Shamira

        X_____X

    • Sahel

      I do not dance at all. But i do a mean karaoke.

  • Sigma_Since 93

    leaving the battery of black products out on your desk (brush, wave cap, Palmers lotion) because you forgot, got lazzy, etc. only to have half the million man march parade by your desk and ask why do you have that?

  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

    1. my newest additions to songs that sends me into full ignance is rick ross and future vandross no games, juicy j so much money and admittedly worst behavior

    2. i dont sing but i have awkwardly walked in on someone who be feeling every note, the other day this dude was jamming hard to shabba, the asap song not the actual artist which wouldve been infinitely cooler, sidebar is it me or are 2520s all the way here for asap mob

    3. the struggle to contain a ninja from leaving ur lips is too real, or when you walk into the cafeteria telling a story and seemingly everyone arounds you gets really quiet as if they listening

    4. between gchat, which been dry lately just saying, texts and podcasts im good for a guffaw or two. i always play it off with a sneeze and here the chorus of bless yous fade throughout the office

    • Shamira

      Young Dro – FDB. If it’s not already in your life, throw it in there.

      • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

        yeah i rocks with it, at first i head it edited and was like the fuh is this, some songs are meant to only be played in its explicit glory