Because most of us can read, most of us have jobs. Or at least have had jobs. And because most of us are in that part of life where we’re not girls, but not quite women – Black Girls Rock and sh*t – many of us are cubicle jockeys and middle management corner office holders with small-to-no-windows. Buck buck buck to those who are self-employed on that 1099 steez. Get thee to an Obamacare exchange post-haste. Then rub your *CENSORED* if you love hip-hop.
Well the difficult part about working in an office is Blackness. And this is not a Black in the sense of having some ratchet, but a ratchet having no gotdamn sense. See, while we all know better, sometimes we just forget. And nowhere is that more prevalent than in an office. I see you outchea trying to figure out, “P, what iz y’all sayin?”
What I’m saying is that I’m is kind, I’m is smart and I’m is important all up in the office. And I’m also sometimes suffering from youth and ethnicity. Like so.
1. Dancing a little too hard in my chair…
…and not even sure if anybody is paying attention. You know how folks hear a song and yell out, “that’s my jam!!!” Of course you do. If you’re Black you likely do this anytime the radio is on and any song comes on. If you’re not Black there’s a good chance you’ve still done this at least once in the past 6 months. Point is, all of us have that song that we love that will cause us to move uncontrollably. And if you have Spotify or any other streaming music service there’s a good chance that you have caught yourself giving your chair that work. My song is currently “Pop That”. I go full ratchet when that joint comes on. I mean full arm swang and eveything which wouldn’t be an issue at my desk except my co-worker cool caught me off guard. I had in my headphones so I didn’t hear buddy slide in and ask me for – basically – an Excel cheat code. I’m just saying. Which leads to…
2. Singing louder than you intended to
Yeah. You’ve done it. You’ve been sitting at your desk with your headphones in and that 50 Cent “Many Men” came on and you started singing along. You probably didn’t even know you were doing it until it was almost too late. That happens to me at least twice a week. And there’s only so many times you can play off “many men, wish death upon me” as a the remix to Johnny Cash “Folsom County Blues” before folks start asking questions and googling. Also, there’s nothing funnier than me walking into a coworkers office who is listening to hip-hop. Seriously.
3. Talkin’ a lil too loud with the homeys
My boys all call me at work. We have wholesome conversations about money, hoes, and clothes and not specifically in that order. Now, because these guys and Jesus are my homeboys, we also spend an inordinate amount of time arguing about music and hip-hop in general. This wouldn’t be an issue except hip-hop tends to be very polarizing and draws out emotions. One of my homeboys and I have had a very passionate 15 year argument about ATLiens versus Southernplayalistic… and it comes up at the most inopportune moments and STILL draws very passionate (read: loud) discourse. Which, again, all good except when you work in an office with paper thin “metal” dividers, well, everybody is hearing everything you say. So yelling out, “n*gga please” is soooooooo not the move. At all. Ever.
4. That a little bit too funny for its own good Gchat conversation
We all do it. Unless your job has blocked chat at your job through some jacked up policy setting. We all sit and have conversations with one another to pass the day. Hell, 90 percent of the folks I talk to thru the day are people I’ve met via VSB. Every so often you find yourself in an actual funny conversation that ends up causing you to laugh like Eddie Murphy just walked into the room and give it his all. Or similarly you see a video that causes you to shed real tears (this will NEVER not be funny…real tears my ninja) and have to pretend you are either crying or having a coughing fit strong enough to get suggestions of visiting the nurse. I’ve had to remove myself before from my office (or close the door) because of a conversation I was having.
Well that’s a good starting place for work place shenanigans. Or at lest difficulties, which I know I have a lot of. Like a lot of.
Most of us have jobs. What’s your job difficulty? Holla at me.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. I WORK, I GET THE JOB DONE aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3