Let’s Go Ahead And Talk About That Birth Control Piece » VSB

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Let’s Go Ahead And Talk About That Birth Control Piece

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Yesterday, I wrote a piece entitled, “Male Birth Control Trials Halted Because of Side Effects. Good.” where I discussed recent reports about trials that have been halted for what is an effective injection for males that could serve as an additional alternative on the birth control market.

But between some indefensible statements and some horrible phrasing, well, let’s just say that things got bad. Fast.

For instance, I said this:

I realize some women take birth control for medical purposes and well, that sucks for you since I suppose your options are limited. 

Now, that statement by itself is dismissive. I can see that. It’s also rude. It is ALSO not what I meant to say, at least not in that fashion. I do think that it sucks that many women who have to take birth control for medical purposes have very little options and often that option comes with a side of pain and suffering. It doesn’t “suck for you” as the rest of us move on with our lives because we don’t have that problem. But obviously, that’s effectively what I wrote.

That was no bueno.

I also said this in reference to not willingly signing up for a method that might have some side effects I find displeasing:

Fuck. That. Patriarchy is a bitch but the status quo seems to be working out okay for now, b.

Even as I typed that again, I had to cringe at just how ridiculous a statement that is. Also, that couldn’t be further from how I feel. I don’t believe that patriarchy as the status quo is okay. I’m fortunate enough to have enough women in my household and as friends who are quick to chin check me when an opinion of mine may sway too far from common sense. Obviously I’m a human, mistakes will happen, but having people help you see through them is always a win, especially when it comes to empathy and trying to understand what things are like for women. The VSB community also is a big win in that department.

Demand a better pill with less side effects or at least with minimized side effects and then we can all win together.

We’ll just call this uniformed and unresearched and well, plain stupid. Look, I know that women have been complaining about birth control since the beginning. Anybody with half a brain wouldn’t assume women haven’t been hoping for and demanding a better solution or form of birth control. But alas, I said it anyway.

There are other examples but you get the point. The worst part is that I know what I wrote doesn’t even reflects my true opinions.

For instance, I absolutely think there should be a male form of birth control. And if a viable option were present, I’d be inclined to give it a try. I’m not overly concerned about side effects since, ya know, drugs and shit. And I do believe in sharing the burden on birth control in whatever capacity is possible.

Which gets to another point: I tried to tell women how to fix their own problems with birth control. Le sigh. That, as they say, wasn’t very smart.

I’m not perfect and I never will be. I’m able to learn from mistakes as every moment is a teachable one if you’re open to it. Thanks to a fun round of comments near and far, I did that. Instead of saying, “fuck it, that’s how I feel” I decided that everybody can’t be wrong. Maybe it’s me. And because I’m fairly self-aware, it didn’t take long to see where I zigged when I should have zagged. So I apologize for being so cavalier and tone deaf with an issue that obviously is of great import to women (and honestly men, too).

Also, having a group of people (in this case, women) who can read your works and see them for what they are and let you know, “naw, b, that ain’t it” is important. So lesson learned, again. Life is evolution and nobody is ever going to get it right all the time. But calling out non-sense means it can happen to you (me) as well and I’m okay with it. I like the challenge of unlearning old habits even if it comes with a pretty significant roast. Nobody speaks in a vacuum so the back and forth to me is the win.

VSB is about the conversation of it all and sometimes that convo goes left when it should go right, but as long as we’re talking there’s an opportunity for education.

And that’s the win here. Teachable moments should equal higher learning.

Which I learned yesterday.

Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at panamadjackson@gmail.com.

  • Adrienne_in_MTown

    Garcias.

  • Junegirl627

    I took birth control for a few months in my 20’s. in the 4 month time I was on it. I dropped out of college due to depression, insomnia, night terrors, had a 5 week long period, UTI, and I developed a kidney infection that had me hospitalized for 4 days. BTW this was to treat my PMDD or Premenstrual dysphoric disorder, which most work places and schools didn’t believe existed while i was growing up. So my gyno said here take the pill it helps.

    I say fluck all birth control pill I stick to condoms. It’s literally safer for me.

    • Kae

      Phuque.

      I’d have thrown those pills in some fire after all that. And how frustrating that the gyno kept dishing it to you….the symptoms were so extreme and sudden (5 wk UTI outta nowhere? Come on :-/) there’s no way the gyno couldn’t connect the dots on that.

      • Junegirl627

        The gyno was a conveyor belt office. They made money by having you in & out in like 10 minutes on your lunch hour so they weren’t trying to do any kind of medical assistance.

        Oh and to clarify I went got checked and a prescription with 6 refills. I just took the pills not realizing that my depression and everything was connected. I just knew that it was weird that I had my period for 5 weeks, then when I called the receptionist told me that they doubted that I had my period that long because if I did I’d be dead and then scheduled another apointment with me.

        • Scorpiogoddess??

          Jehovah!!! Ummmmmm.

        • La_Dee_Da

          Whoa…. and these are supposed to be medical professionals???
          We gotta pay these people?
          Five weeks is a long time for such an issue but I don’t think it’s unheard of. I had a friend who had fibroid cyst and was suffering from uncontrollably bleeding for weeks maybe even months.

          • Junegirl627

            it was light bleeding but still bleeding.

        • Dee

          When I went to my doctor and asked for BC for my cycle, she out right told me that it was a bad idea and that even though that my cycle was irregular, taking the pills could make it worse and told me the side effects. My mouth dropped. In all honesty I believe BC are dangerous and should not be sold or given unless more test and studies are done to eliminate the side effects. It’s really unfortunate that this is the experience one has when trying to protect themselves it should be so traumatising.

          • Dee

            *Shouldn’t

        • Blueberry01

          Was this the health center on campus?

          • Junegirl627

            No this was a private doctors office. They had you in and out and referred you if something came back from tests

        • Jo ‘Mama’ Besser

          Dead? Heifer’s never heard of fibroids?

    • miss t-lee

      Man. :(

    • Asiyah

      I started on BC again recently and while I haven’t had the emotional side effects (thank God; I already suffer from depression without it) my cycle has been a lot heavier and I can’t even eat dairy during my menses anymore because it worsens everything. *sigh* but my menstrual cramps are the absolute worse without it

      • Junegirl627

        I power ______. and_____ and mix it with ________ I didn’t say what it was because I don’t to give anyone Ideas because I think it can seriously harm a person if they aren’t careful.

      • Blueberry01

        Dairy has always been Satan to me. I’m not lactose intolerant either.

    • Val

      *eHug*

    • LMNOP

      Damn, that’s horrible. Have you found anything that helps with managing your symptoms? This sounds so awful.

      • Junegirl627

        I take pils per symptom that’s all.

    • NonyaB?

      So sorry to hear it, June! Have some old school mates who had what we later realized was PMDD and it was debilitating for them. Definitely with you on fxck all BC because even at best of times, our hormones shift enough on their own and I do not appreciate the extra layer of chaos that BC may add on.

      {{{HUG}}}

      • Junegirl627

        Hugs right back to you

    • Blueberry01

      WOW, JG. :hugs:

      Thank you for sharing and I hope you are able to keep the symptoms of PMDD under control better.

  • Kae

    Thanks for this, truly.

    I was all the way with you on your reservations to taking it…but some of the statements like the ones you quotes had me side-eying the whole piece real hard. I started to think it was like really REALLY good satire lol.

    I hope they can make BC via drugs better for both sexes. More options is better in this department.

  • I saw the B/C piece yesterday and I didn’t think it jived with your other work even then. I’m glad to see this today. I’m a writer, too. Sometimes we fuck up. I’m sorry if the public piled on, but as a newspaper editor told me once, “If no one’s complaining, no one’s reading.” ;)

    Keep on keepin’ on. The lessons I’ve been learning from you have been absolutely invaluable. I’m not gonna toss you away for one misstep. We all have to learn from one another the best we can, right? :)

    • Dee

      “I’m not gonna toss you away for one misstep.”

      And that’s what got me about the Facebook comments even now under this post on FB, knowing how P writes and that he never means harm, they were willing to write him off for one mishap. Some even dis- invited him to the cookout. ( I was like, really?!) I thought some women went a bit too far. But I didn’t say anything because in all I understood the frustration.

  • Ari

    Thank you.

  • HoobaStankyLeg

    I have been trying to get a hysterectomy since I was about 19. I have a blood disorder that is further complicated by the fact that I am ‘of child bearing years’. Do you know these funky b a s t a r d s opted to put me on birth control? It broke me out and for some odd reason gave me the sensation of being in love. (Basically raised my testosterone levels) Also, it broke my hair off. When I asked why I couldn’t just have a hysterectomy they told me it’s because I would change my mind and would want kids. No. No I will not. I don’t like children. I don’t want children. It won’t happen. Trust me. But alas here we are. So I cancelled that. The side effects are not worth it. Add to that the fact that it did nothing to stop my counts from bottoming out. Nope.

    • Ari

      I’m sorry you had to experience that. It’s unfortunate that we can’t be trusted to make the decision about whether or not we wish to have a uterus (or bear children), young or not.

      • HoobaStankyLeg

        No worries. I press on. I just have to make it to 45. Perhaps a female president will change that. But if not, I’m at peace with it. Whether they take the uterus or not, I’m not giving this world children. And the fact that people have the audacity to think I will makes me dig my heels in deeper. I said no. I meant no. LMAO! The thought of me being somebody’s momma is gross. Could y’all imagine my crass tail raising a people?

        • Tambra

          I think some people do not realise not every one is maternal. Then they turn around and complain that X is doing a poor job at raising her child.

          • I am not mother material. At all. Did OK with the stepkids, but Mr. Man did most of the heavy lifting. When we got married, people asked if we were gonna have a baby that was “just ours”. The looks on their faces when he proudly announced his snipped status and when I told them that was one of his selling points…

            • Emilydocasio4

              Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !hg145f:
              On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
              !hg145f:
              ??
              ??;?? http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash445DirectTourGetPay$97Hour ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????::::::!hg145f:….,….

          • Blueberry01

            #TRUTH

        • Junegirl627

          Go back and try to get the Hysto again. You are old enough that you decision to not have kids can be taken more seriously.

          • HoobaStankyLeg

            I tried in 2015. He told me I would change my mind and offered to do some procedure where they shave off the lining of your uterine walls… That’s a negatory. Furthermore. Why are you a man and why are you here? Sir, you will not be looking at my panini so cancel all of this. He literally told me I will find a nice man and change my mind.

            • Tambra

              Well as a man he is much wiser. All you need is the right man and the upside down will cease to exist s/

              • HoobaStankyLeg

                Lol. Nah, they trubba! And I’ve known this since I was a teenager. I’m not pressed in the least. I’m just not.

                • Tambra

                  And it is a good thing you recognised early and has held true to yourself.

            • Ari

              I almost said “I don’t believe you,” but stuff like this really angers me. I’m really sorry you had to hear that in 2015.

              • Tambra

                No I hear that a lot too. I went to a dr to get a physical for insurance purposes and he lectured me on my purpose for being on earth re: procreation.

                • Gibbous

                  Where do you live ‘chile? I work at a major medical research institution in the South, and while I don’t doubt this goes down around here, it get’s snatched real quick! Report!

                  • Tambra

                    Not in the states.

                    • Gibbous

                      *Le Sigh*

                • LMNOP

                  Wow.

              • HoobaStankyLeg

                No, it was 2015. I went back and got my pap from a woman doctor. But for whatever reason they gave me a male doctor at first. Also, it’s a VA hospital. So, they operate a bit differently than a regular one. I’m working on figuring out how regular insurance works though. I can’t deal with these people anymore.

                • Ari

                  It sounds like an episode straight out of Mad Men.

                  • HoobaStankyLeg

                    Yes! Something is going on with VA hospitals now. I’m not sure what, but they have started to send us out. That’s how I got a female doctor. And she was delightful. I get exhausting all possibilities before doing something permanent. But I also know that I am willing to do just about anything to feel better most days. I’m tired of living off of an IV.

                    • Gibbous

                      Well, VA’s are still struggling with the whole “woman/soldier” thing and some of those VA doctors have been there since the Dawning of the age of Aquarius!

                    • HoobaStankyLeg

                      I know all about it. My first blood doctor was always so happy to see me. He’d say, I’m used to treating old a s s men so I get a kick out of having you here. My blood doctor used to cuss like a sailor. I miss that guy.

                    • grownandsexy2

                      I’m lucky I guess. My VA docs are young.

                • grownandsexy2

                  I go to the VA for my care and didn’t like this particular male doctor cause he’s reckless with this mouth, so I asked for a woman and no issues.

            • Junegirl627

              Second opinion woman doctor. and send a complaint to the insurance agency about him and his misogynistic comments

              • HoobaStankyLeg

                Ok. So that WAS weird. I thought it was just me.

                • Junegirl627

                  I have a male gyno so have a man doctor is not weird. His decision to refuse you a surgery because of some antiquated belief that all women want babies even though you’ve expressed multiple time that you are asking for this because of a dangerous condition is. and he is offering you alternatives without giving you the pros and cons because ultimately he thinks that you should be willing to die to have a baby is wrong.

                  And you should get a second opinion and complain. He did not give you any medical advise against the surgery. He just served pipping hot sexism

                  • HoobaStankyLeg

                    Oh no, a male GYNO isn’t weird at all. A male GYNO telling me about my uterus and what I should be doing with it warrants a why are you here? Who are you? The way he had the fairy tale set up in his mind and my happily ever after was weird. But i think my face is also hindering the process. They keep telling me I look 19. I don’t take 19 year olds all that seriously either, so I guess this is just Karma. LOL

                    • grownandsexy2

                      That fairy tale life is a monster. We’re all gonna meet some black prince and ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after. I call it the Disney effect. And you may look 19, but are they looking at your medical records?

                  • Scorpiogoddess??

                    I can’t have a male gyno. I’d be doing the most for sure. Like waxing. I know, I know, I know. I’m not comfortable with a male gyn, at all.

                    • miss t-lee

                      I had a male gyno for years.
                      You seen one, you seen ’em all, was my mantra.

                    • Scorpiogoddess??

                      Just can’t.

                    • miss t-lee

                      It doesn’t bother me, male or female–just make sure my girl is straight.

                    • Junegirl627

                      Word. Plus women wanna hold a conversation while they down there. Meanwhile I wanna tell here “shut the fluck up” but I can’t because she holding me hostage with a shoe horn and long Q-tips

                    • miss t-lee

                      My new gyno is a woman, and she totally does that convo sh*t. Can’t stand it.

                    • Junegirl627

                      I hate it too because even though the whole procedure is probably taking the same amount of time you feel like she could’ve been faster if she wasn’t running her dang mouf!

                    • miss t-lee

                      Exactly.

                    • RaeRae

                      So for years I wore my hair relaxed and then I stopped…so I’m natural and blah, blah, blah… So I go in for my annual and my gyno in going on about how she likes my new style. So we get in the exam room and she says, “Ohhh that’s right…you wax…I was wondering if your hair would match” **blank stare**

                    • Blueberry01

                      :blank stare while I wince in pain:

                    • HoobaStankyLeg

                      The fuck?!

                    • Junegirl627

                      are you flucking serious?

                    • RaeRae

                      Unfortunately! :-/

                    • grownandsexy2

                      I love my gyn. She’s like a girlfriend. She wants to be married and have kids so she will have someone to leave her coins to. And that’s what we talk about, her whining she wants to get married and me asking why? lol.

                    • pls

                      The q-tips! ugh!

                    • Brother Mouzone

                      I’m sure it was HIS mantra too..lol

                    • miss t-lee

                      I’m sure.

                    • Junegirl627

                      Gurl please I’m too busy trying not to fluck that man up because he put an adjustable shoe horn in my vagina then pressed the expand button and now there’s a hot lamp over warming and drying me out.

                      Shiiii the petty in me hopes he has to get a prostate exam with Dr. Heavy hand McSausage fingers everytime

                    • Kas

                      Don’t you wish that on us Ricky Bobby.

                    • Junegirl627

                      Lmaoooooo

                    • Marion

                      Funny that you said that. I used to work for the VA and the male vets always ask “Why is it always the man with salami fingers that wanna be prostate doctors?” LMAO

                    • Junegirl627

                      Tell him that it’s because god granted junegirl’s wishes. lol

                    • MsKeisha23

                      THIS!!!!! lol

                    • You should have kicked him in his muthafukkin chest or face! A$$hole

                    • Junegirl627

                      lol I’m describing a Pap smear, Lol! But I go to men doctor because they warm their instruments. Women gyros don’t

                    • I know.. you should have kicked him…lol

                    • Junegirl627

                      You been with that East New York Hubby too long, he’s rubbing off in you! Lmbo

                    • Sis, I was like this before him.. put some respeck on my gangsta..lmao

                      My tia spilled ALL MY TEA when we went home for stepdad’s memorial…. telling him how I got down in those streets.. he was like, “Say word?”

                      When we got back in the car, he was said, “and all these years I thought you were playing…”

                      I’m waaaaay calmer but I was no joke in middle school, high school and college… my hands usually spoke before my mouth (I NEVER STARTED IT.) because I wasn’t too much for talking back and forth but I’m a changed woman.. and you just can’t go around punching folks for popping off.

                      See growth.

                    • Junegirl627

                      i’m proud of you.

                    • HoobaStankyLeg

                      I actually prefer male doctors to women. Let that sink in…

                    • Junegirl627

                      me too!!!

                    • Blueberry01

                      Negra, you’re wide open at that point trying not to die in pain.

                      …you kick him after the exam…

                    • SororSalsa

                      Gurl please I’m too busy trying not to fluck that man up because he put an adjustable shoe horn in my vagina then pressed the expand button and now there’s a hot lamp over warming and drying me out.

                      Dead.

                      LMAO!!!!! Girl, that took me out. Signing off for the night.

                    • Nik White

                      Adjustable shoehorn is sadly so accurate.

                    • Tambra

                      Do not say things like that, the guys like to believe the finger is worse.

                    • grownandsexy2

                      I used to have a male gyno. Finest doctor in the city. Women were lined up to make appointments. Then one day, he got fresh so now I have a black woman.

                    • Junegirl627

                      yuck yuck the fluck?

                    • HoobaStankyLeg

                      You know what’s funny? My old Hematologist’s wife was a GYNO. So, with my blood being what it was, he knew about all the things that come with it: Bones, hormones all of that. One day he asked me if it was okay to consult his wife about my case and I said sure… But with everything going on, he ended up retiring. He’d been my Dr. for 10 years and between him and his wife we got stuff done. I functioned so well under his care. He knew my diagnosis and everything that came with it. He was basically my PCP because he knew my blood disorder effected every other system. Now that I have been given a new doctor, things have kinda gone downhill. We had a system. A system that worked for me. But politics will always reel it’s ugly head. So, now I’m trapped with people who will not follow the orders that we have spent 10 years cultivating. I truly miss that guy. He’s the one who figured it out, and then made it as comfortable for me as it can get. He kept a foot in my a s s. He didn’t play, but he GOT THE JOB DONE. Well, him and his wife.

                    • Junegirl627

                      That’s the worst is there a way to get a new doctor that can look over your old regimine and continue it?

                    • HoobaStankyLeg

                      You would think. But for some reason our VA works differently from a normal hospital. I actually put in a change of physician form and ended up with getting put back with the Dr. I filled the form on. Now they want me to do it again cause I just refuse to be treated by her. Something strange is going on. Half of our Dr’s either walked out or retired and nobody deems it necessary to explain to us why.

                  • !!!!

            • Gibbous

              You should totally report him. Completely unethical, not to mention condesending.

            • Kas

              Oh that is down right insulting.

            • L8Comer

              Wow

            • Nik White

              Was it water ablasion that he suggested? If not explore it. It wasn’t paiinful and provided some relief for me. Also consider uterine embolization (sistafriends recommended it but it wasn’t for me). Another doctor & health system might be necessary.

              • HoobaStankyLeg

                I think it was called an ablation. But he said either shaved or burned. My cousin had it done before eventually having a hysterectomy. She has 2 kids.

            • JanuaryBabe

              That’s what I was going to suggest…..go find a female doctor…..she will probably understand!

            • grownandsexy2

              Exhausting as fawk!

            • Blueberry01

              SMH.

              I hate to ask this but was he a non-American doctor.

              And, uh, thou shall refer to your v*gina as a panini.

              • HoobaStankyLeg

                Yes. Yes he was.

                *Snickles* Can I call it a punat?

        • Ari

          Lol I said the same thing, tried to get my tubes tied at 18 and was denied, and had a child three years later. If there were a superlative in high school for “least likely to become a mother,” it would’ve been me. Love my child to the end of the earth and back – never woulda thunk it. The universe is funny like that.

          • HoobaStankyLeg

            I feel that. I completely understand that. I think a child would drive me crazy in that I would either reject it all together. Or love it so much I would kill a whole bunch of people in behind it. Neither is a good look. I make a mean Auntie though. I am the favorite aunt all the way around. And I will fight anybody to the death who tries to take my spot.

            • Ari

              Lol the joy and privilege of being a great Auntie is the best thing ever.

              • HoobaStankyLeg

                Yes, Gawd! I met my Great Cousin this year. And you know with us, once you are of a certain age, you are basically an ‘Auntie’. I dig my little cousin. He’s mean like the rest of us. Uriah (the cat) followed him EVERYWHERE to make sure he was being an honorable human. Much like she did my little nephew. Props to Uri, who also potty-trained Nephew. You wouldn’t believe it if I told you…

            • Gibbous

              I love being the Auntie. Didn’t want kids, never had any, never regretted it.

              • HoobaStankyLeg

                Listen. Being an Auntie is ev er eee thang! Why anyone would opt for motherhood over auntie-hood is outside my realm of understanding. But I judge them not lest me be judged… I think that’s how the saying goes. You meant what I knew.

                • Gibbous

                  Well if you want to be an Auntie, somebody’s got to be the mom! I’m one of 8. All if my Auntie dreams are being fulfilled.

                  • HoobaStankyLeg

                    Mind=Blown. You’re absolutely. Y’all truly are the real MVP’s. ??????

                  • SororSalsa

                    Yep, and since my friends popped out kids like chiclets, there are lots of kids that need Auntie-ing. I’m happy to provide that for them.

                  • HoneyRose

                    Yeah, I wish I had more siblings so I could be the auntie to more kids, eventually. But I have lots of cousins so I just play auntie to their kids. I love being auntie! But I don’t want to be mom. LOL.

              • grownandsexy2

                And you likely won’t regret it either. No kids to worry about and you never stop worrying no matter how old they get. No kids to get on your nerves and cause you to age early. lol. I hate that I have a daughter and granddaughter in this world cause it’s truly an ugly place.

            • LMNOP

              I think when you have a serious health issue that is the reason you want to get a hysterectomy that should be more important than random people’s opinion that you’ll change your mind about having kids.

              • HoobaStankyLeg

                THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

              • Blueberry01

                I think they may have been more concerned with the age that she wanted a hysterectomy versus the decision itself.

              • Junegirl627

                Plus if you change your mind adopt!!! like WTF! I get so frustrated with that.

            • SororSalsa

              Yes! I am all about that Auntie life! I just met the most amazing man in the world, and now everyone think I want to run about and produce a Mini-Me. But while I love him more than popcorn, I have no desire to spend my remaining Get It years raising children.

              • HoobaStankyLeg

                Congrats on your Babooski!!!! Love is beautiful. And it’s good to see folks out here winning!!!!!!!!

        • Blueberry01

          Well, at least you’re a rationale thinker and understand your limits. (I wouldn’t consider you crass, though.) I know crass people who have several kids and don’t want to raise them.

    • Junegirl627

      They act like adoption is where bad people go to get babies

      • Blueberry01

        Or white celebrities…

        • Yvonnejfritz3

          Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !hm86c:
          On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
          !hm86c:
          ??
          ??;?? http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash376DigitalBagGetPay$97Hour ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????::::::!hm86c:….,……

        • Junegirl627

          exactly people act like a regular women who realizes that child birth is too much stress on their bodies and would rather give a home to a child in need instead of almost dying to have a baby with his height and her eyes is the most selfish thing in the planet

          • cherylbsmith

            Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !hq84c:
            On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            !hq84c:
            ??
            ??;?? http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash364MarketMapsGetPay$97Hour ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????::::::!hq84c:….,…..

    • miss t-lee

      Terrible. :*hugs*

    • Val

      *eHUG*

    • Asiyah

      Oh honey come here! You need a hug! I’m sorry :(

    • Grain Wetski

      Augh! This infantilizing heteronormative presumption is EVERY WHERE in women’s sexual health care! It’s so infuriating. Like, at what age, exactly (and based on what?), is a women deemed to be able to make decisions regarding her own life and body? And a doctor who does not know you personally AT ALL and who is not qualified to judge your mental capacity AT ALL gets to decide this for you why?!? (Rhetorical question, obvs.) I should have had a hysterectomy in my 20s, but I knew I couldn’t (b/c of not having that authority over my own body). Now I have a kid. I love him more than anything but at the same time… everything I had planned for my life is in the wind. Blah blah blah “happens for a reason,” nonsense, etc., — bottom line, it shouldn’t be necessary to keep worrying about not getting pregnant for your whole life until menopause if you are one of the people who know they don’t want kids.
      tl;dr: “child-bearing years” = such a gross phrase. Are we animals?!

      • HoobaStankyLeg

        *Slow claps with a Denzel in Glory tear sliding down my left cheek*

        I may or may not print your comment out and frame it.

        And yes, the answer is yes.

    • Gibbous

      You should shop around for another OBGYN. I’ve heard this before, but I’ve also heard that there are doctors who will do the surgury before age 45. Best of luck to you.

      • HoobaStankyLeg

        Most definitely. My last check up came back all clear so I got the you’re good for 3 years. In year 3 it’s going down! It will cut down my need for infusion by at least half. If that isn’t a good enough reason I don’t know what is.

    • La_Dee_Da

      I’m am sorry you went through that.
      I think doctors do that though to prevent future potential lawsuits.
      It’s not about you, it’s about money.

      • HoobaStankyLeg

        This too makes perfect sense. They could just say that. Simply because it’s the truth, and technically logical. But to tell me about me like I haven’t inhabited this body for the passed 30+ years is___________.

        Y’all. I’m deliriously sleepy. So excuse my word shortages today.

      • Blueberry01

        I was just about to say this.

    • Kas

      This is going to come across as manspaining, but I will take the hit. I wanted kids even though I didn’t like other people’s kids. My wife was willing to have kids because I wanted kids, but again she wasn’t a kid lover. We have two kids, we love them, we high key still don’t like other people’s kids. So while only you know for sure that you don’t want kids, the rest of us won’t believe you, because that’s how people with kids are. Don’t hate us, we can’t help it.

      • HoobaStankyLeg

        I can dig that. And I am extremely happy you and your wife found each other and are willing to compromise, that’s beautiful.

        Now, would you be willing to bet me money? Cause I’m ready to get paidT.

        • Kas

          No, I believe you. I was just trying to explain what goes through our heads so you don’t find yourself getting too frustrated.

          • HoobaStankyLeg

            Oh I see. Well thank you for shedding light. Cuz for the life of me I don’t understand the obsession with trying to get me impregnated. Better men than him have tried. No, seriously, I am super trash today. *Snickling*

            • Kas

              It’s also funny, because if I had a quarter for everytime a parent told me, “you know I love my kid(s), but . . .”, I would be a rich man. Perhaps it’s more misery loves company.

              • HoobaStankyLeg

                LOL I told my mother she’s never getting grandchildren. She told me she wishes she had gumption that I do, because if she could take me back she would. And as terrible as that sounds, I knew exactly what she meant. She said she would have never given the world something so beautiful to destroy… Then she got all emotional and ruined it.

                • Kas

                  So sweet

                • grownandsexy2

                  When my daughter wanted me to babysit, and I couldn’t for whatever reason, it was always, “but mom,your grand baby.” I love my grand daughter to death but my retort was always, “I’m glad she’s here but did I ever ask you for grandkids?

              • grownandsexy2

                Exactly!

      • grownandsexy2

        I understand where she’s coming from Kas, even though I have a daughter and granddaughter. The plan was not to have any but life happens. I believe her.

        • Kas

          I believe her as well.

          • grownandsexy2

            And kudos to Mrs. K for having kids because you wanted them. I guess that’s what compromise is about.

            • HoneyRose

              Only if you are ambiguous about kids or don’t really care that much. If you don’t want kids at all, having kids for your spouse can wreck a relationship.

      • Blueberry01

        Humor me…why don’t you like other people’s kids?

        • Kas

          Because kids are annoying and not as nearly cute/interesting as their parents think they are.

          • Blueberry01

            Lol…true..so…do you think other parents feel the same way about YOUR little ones?

            • Kas

              I assume so. As a result I don’t bore people with cute stories about my kids. Ok I do, but I realize they don’t find the stories as great as I do.

              • Blueberry01

                It’s okay, papa Kas. Most parents (who like their kids) feel their kids are better than others.

                It’s the egotistical nature that we all have in us to hold any extensions of us in a great light.

    • NonyaB?

      Sorry to hear you had to go through this. Change your docs ASAP! You deserve to have a knowledgeable and empathic doc who will not condescend to an adult. I hope free healthcare becomes a thing in the US someday, like many other western nations do. Canada has it and while the system may have some hiccups, it’s pretty darn great and I know of people here who got hysterectomy in their early 20s simply because they wanted to. {{{HUG}}}

    • badphairy

      I had to move to California to get mine done. Best elective surgery, ever.

    • grownandsexy2

      Your story brought back memories. I marched into my doctor’s office at 22 wanting a tubal ligation. He showed me the door after he said I might change my mind. I won’t I told him. While I’ve always loved kids, I didn’t want any. But sometimes life has a way of throwing you a curve ball. At 28 my doctor took me off the BCP for reasons not related to the pill and inserted an IUD. I promptly got pregnant. Now hubby knew I didn’t want kids but was thrilled. I didn’t share his sentiments. I love my daughter to death but she always hated being an only child. Tried to talk me into having another. Chile, you lucky you made it here. Cause I was going to abort. But that’s another story. She felt some type of way when at 36 I had a tubal ligation.

      I related this story to a friend who wanted a baby one day and she said, “so you would have felt complete without a child?” She looked at me like I had 3 heads. lol. Women buy into that. That you need a baby to complete you. I told her “I’m complete all by myself. Don’t know why that’s so difficult for some. Every woman does not want kids. One woman wanted to know if something happened to me to make me feel that way. No, not everyone wants the same thing. *Sigh*

      • HoobaStankyLeg

        LMAO! It wouldn’t be funny if it weren’t so true. I hated playing with dolls. I’ve been telling people since I was about 5 that I don’t want kids. Nothing has to happen to you. Some people just know what they are and are not built for. I fully understood from a very early age that motherhood would not be good for me. I don’t possess the necessary qualities for it. I don’t have the patience for it. And on top of that. I simply don’t want to.

        • grownandsexy2

          I loved my dolls, but I loved toys typically for boys as well. I was a die hard “tomboy” It wasn’t the motherhood I felt wouldn’t be good for me, jcause at that tender age, I didn’t fully appreciate the implications of motherhood. Just didn’t feel like I wanted to go forth and replenish. Many years ago, some of the comments on a story about Janet Jackson wondered why she didn’t have a baby. Like something was wrong with her at whatever age she was at the time because she didn’t have one. And one is never enough let the child police tell it. “Well you know you gotta give her/him a playmate.” Finances are never a consideration and folks bring kids into the world not being able to afford them and the kids suffer, but that’s another story. *sigh*

          • HoobaStankyLeg

            I hated dolls. Like, you want me to exert what little energy I have ‘pretending’ to take care of something that eats, sleeps, and ists?! Nah. I’m good. I remember I used to take apart electronics and rebuild them simply to understand how they work. It ended up paying off because my mom’s tv ended up going out and I simply ordered the part and replaced it. Saved her at least $500 in repair or $1500 to replace. Small victories.

    • Blueberry01

      I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this, HSL.:hugs:

      BC is comprised of synthetic estrogen and progesterone – not testosterone. Further, women with high testosterone/low estrogen levels (polycystic ovarian syndrome) are routinely prescribed BC to counteract this. So, based upon what you described, the BC may not be the direct culprit of your side effects.

      It is possible that your blood disorder may be influencing your skin and hair issues, independent of the BC. Or, if you have never been on birth control your body may need about three – six months to recalibrate after introducing a drug into your system. (However, hair loss is typically not a side effect of BC and people with acne take BC regulate the hormones causing the breakout.) Or, your skin and hair issues could be directly linked to any changes in your diet, sleep, or stress levels.

      Since I’m not aware of the extent of the disorder, I’m not sure why the doctor prescribed you this. But I would urge you to go back to him/her to clearly delineate the rationale for the BC prescription.

      Hang in there…

      • HoobaStankyLeg

        Thank you, my testosterone is actually naturally too low. The doctor told me that birth control raises your testosterone levels to balance out the rise of estrogen. But, I’m learning that the doctors I have been dealing with are not very smart. So that could very well be a lie. I see what you were saying. But the thing is, I’ve had this disorder my whole life and the one thing I could always do is grow hair. I actually would have never thought to even think of BC as the culprit, but the side effects were so bad I googled other women experience with it. And sure as shoot, hair loss was one of the main complaints. My mom told me my cousin couldn’t figure out why here hair was breaking off and she had been the same BC. But I got it removed, my hair grew back, testosterone is back on the too low side and all is a well as well can be. I don’t think it’s necessarily the BC itself, I think that rise in testosterone is what made my hair break off. I may have to do some googles and see what my research finds…

        • Blueberry01

          Yes, the rise in testosterone – and ultimately how it’s converted – does lead to hair loss in women.

          Also, thank you for sharing your journey. I pray that you retain the strength you need as you go through your healing process. ?

          But, the bottom line is that we need to find you a competent physician who can correctly diagnose and treat you, HSL. This is ridiculous!

          • HoobaStankyLeg

            I’m getting to it. I’ve been practicing self care. I refuse to deal with the VA until this election is over. You can cut the tension in that place with a knife. Everybody is stressed out, and being that we’ve all been trained to do damage, it’s just best to stand still. It’s a struggle. But for the sake of my own sanity and well being I just have to stand still right now. That or find an outside Dr. Which, I’m actually working on as we speak.

            • Blueberry01

              I.Here.That.

              #SelfCareIsNotSelfish

              Do what you gotta do, HSL. Forreal. I hope that you find what you need. ?

          • HoobaStankyLeg

            Also… You are kinda one of my favorite people on here. You keep a foot in my a s s. ?

            • Blueberry01

              Awwww, thanks, HSL! Girl, I ain’t know I was outchea checkin’ and correctin’. It’s all love, though.

              But, hey, if we (as a family) going to do better, we have to be better. ?

              • HoobaStankyLeg

                This is one of those truths that are self-evident.

      • HoneyRose

        Birth control pills can absolutely cause those side effects, though. The progestin in some BC pills are androgenic (androgen-based), and they can cause acne and hair loss. One androgenic progestin is levonorgestrel, which is actually relatively common in hormonal birth control. I’m on an levonorgestrel IUD and acne/skin problems was a side effect.

        • Blueberry01

          BC have varying degrees of androgenic activity, as well as how the same drug can interact differently with two separate people.

          This is also why there are many BCs, and in various forms, to choose from and your doctor should select the one best for you accordingly.

          I’m sorry to hear that your BC is giving you acne/skin problems, HR. Interestingly enough, I’m on the levonorgestrel pill now and it actually has helped my acne. I do know that the BC method used does affect the potential side effects, too. (I’m not sure if HSL mentioned what type.)

          Side note: Nice hair!

  • cakes_and_pies

    Not gonna lie, my initial reaction was “Well bump you too.”

    • Junegirl627

      IDK. I guess because of my experience with people brushing off my PMDD. I’m used to the offhanded comments. What Panama said didn’t bother me. Which is kinda sad. It took his apology to realize that I should be upset when someone makes an offhanded comments about something I suffer from….. Mind Blown.

      • cakes_and_pies

        We’re so use to emotional conditioning, sometimes we don’t realize we should be upset or mad about some things.

        • Janelle Doe

          should we be?
          Is it ok to genuinely feel our feelings wherever they are on the spectrum?
          Isn’t it only bad if we tell other people how they should or shouldn’t feel?

          • Kae

            I ask myself this all the time, because I already know I have strong emotional reactions to things.

            I take it on a case by case basis. Sometimes if I go over what I feel like saying in my head, I can pinpoint where I’m crossing into unreasonableness. But other times….**shrugs** I apologize afterwards but it is what it is lol.

            • Janelle Doe

              thanks, :-)

          • cakes_and_pies

            I’ve done a great deal of emotional, physical, and mental damage by saying “I fine” for 20 years.

      • I think it was just familiarity, which explained how a lot of vsses was like “um…I guess?” And Facebook was like…look, n*gga

        • Junegirl627

          no I knew it was offensive. I’m just used to being offended. People who don’t have experience with feeling like your body is your enemy will not get it. Because every woman gets her period and are able to take birth control and go about life like nothing happened, people don’t believe those of us who truly suffer. People who do suffer face open hostility. When your guy wants to go raw and you tell him he cant because you almost died and your scared to try something else you get disbelief and crap.

          In high school the school nurse refused to call me an ambulance because she was not going to “baby” me. “All women have to deal with this” so when she tried to walk me to a chair while I waited for my skittle i mean tylenol to work I collapsed on the floor and they left me there because I just wanted attention. As a grown woman i told the BF of the time that I was scared and he would “make jokes” about slipping crushed BC in my food. It made me so paranoid I broke up with him because I was scared.

          • Janelle Doe

            i know the feeling. Collapsing on the floor and throwing up because of the pain.
            Only to be told what is wrong with you that is not normal (like if you had a spare thought to give you’d be thinking this happens to all women)
            I mean I didn’t ever think I’d ever even need to know how to spell dysmenorrhea

            • Junegirl627

              Or praying every month that you period lands on a Saturday so you can suffer in privacy and not take a person day from work. But when I do take a day off I describe my symptoms and tell them that I’m sick because if I say that I can’t work because of PMS or PMDD then i’m not really sick. But if I say Migraine, Nausea, back pain, ovary pain, skin sensitivity, night terrors, insomnia, abdominal pain, vommitting, diarrhea/ constipation, joint pain, and hallucinations then they don’t question me.

              Only to have well meaning women ( I hate the well meaning women more than the insensitive me btw) tell you stupid stuff like “you should have a baby, my cramps went away as soon as I had a baby”

              • Janelle Doe

                wow, never thought of that. Thanks, I will start using symptoms too. Avoids the awkward conversation and judgement

                • Junegirl627

                  no problemo.

              • miss t-lee

                “Only to have well meaning women ( I hate the well meaning women more than the insensitive me btw) tell you stupid stuff like “you should have a baby, my cramps went away as soon as I had a baby”

                What kinda sh*t?

                • Junegirl627

                  After a really bad bought of PMDD (some months are better than others) a well meaning female family member told me to find a guy to get me pregnant so that I wouldn’t have to worry about these bad cramps anymore.

                  • miss t-lee

                    Mess.

                • Jennifer

                  That sh*t is real sh*t. Had an associate (I wouldn’t call her a friend) tell me that last year when I mentioned I was dealing with fibroids. I have masses the size of grapefruits growing inside of me and that was her dumb AF advice. I wanted to clock her.

                  • miss t-lee

                    So stupid.
                    I understand about the fibroids, had to deal with them bytches too.

                  • Namia

                    Will you be planning on removing them…hope that’s not too personal.. They are like living feeding parasites

                    • Jennifer

                      No worries. It’s so common. I had them removed last year.

                  • Blueberry01

                    She must not know that fibroids can complicate the pregnancy.

              • Conrad Bess

                Well, a company in Britain has a “period policy”, where menstruating women can take a day without using a “sick” day. There was also rumours in the ether that the feds in Canada were looking at introducing legislation allowing women an extra 6 days during the year when nature came calling.

                My oldest daughter goes though some horrible cramps.

          • You did right breaking up with that azzhole. Spiking someone’s food isn’t funny.

            • Junegirl627

              Just to be clear I don’t think he ever did it, but the fact that the idea was in his head made me not trust him.

          • LMNOP

            That is horrible that the nurse treated you like that.

          • Blueberry01

            What in the entire f*ck?

            What school did you go to? Did you or your parents report the nurse?

            I’m glad that you broke up with him.

            • Junegirl627

              Didn’t bother to report nurse. School closed down. I’m glad I broke up with him too. Thanks

        • Kas

          The tone of FB vs VSS’s was 180 degrees

      • Namia

        Funny I was not offended..it seemed like he was taking a light handed direction with the topic…. Even after the apology….am still failing to get worked up

    • miss t-lee

      You and me both.

  • Ebony Reddock

    I came out of Lurkville just to also say thank you for this piece. I was sincerely confused…”is this tongue-in-cheek or is this serious?” Because y’all usually on the right side of things, I was willing to give the benefit of the doubt. Eventually, I just looked at the picture of Jubilee and called it a day.

    • Kas

      Jubilee for the save and win.

  • Aye man, Playas f*ck up, I mean it was a huge f*ckup, like out your mama as a Trump supporter f*ckup, but it was a teachable moment for all. Big ups to the women who respectfully unleashed the dragging; it sucks when you have to go after someone you like and respect but someone had to do it. And to you PJ for owning up to it, it was a tough pill to swallow (some pun intended) but VSB is better than that, and even I hate seeing yall get dragged in front of company.

  • PJ,

    Well done. You took the ish and made ish-ade.

    Sometimes I wish there was a podcast, because tone is hard to decipher if you aren’t a regular “family member.”

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