Featured, Race & Politics

Bill O’Reilly’s Career Is Proof That A Broken Clock Is Always Right If Its White

Bill O’Reilly, a racist and rapey vat of lukewarm hot dog water fused into chicken feed and repurposed as embalming fluid for Antonin Scalia’s corpse, is out at Fox News, after apparently the “rapey” part of the whole “racist and rapey vat of lukewarm hot dog water fused into chicken feed and repurposed as embalming fluid for Antonin Scalia’s corpse” became too much of a financial burden.

He, like most first-ballot members in the White Mediocrity Hall of Fame, is a hypocritical charlatan, a chickenhawk, and a scoundrel whose prominence and career is proof that a broken clock is always right if its White, as he became rich and famous and powerful by peddling lies and blatant untruths; selling them to both the highest possible bidders and the lowest possible denominators. He’s also ugly; the ghoulishness of his visage only matched by the relentless anti-beauty of his wretched soul. He is Peak White Mediocrity, Peak Creep, Peak Alternative Fact, Peak Fuck Face, Peak Hot Dog Water With Sentience, Peak Mail Order Bride, Peak Piece Of Shit, Peak Snivel-Faced Rat Bastard, and Peak Ugly.

His life and his work have made the world a worse place, and I hope the rest of his days are filled with indignities both slight and significant. That he trips and falls and breaks his wrist during his upcoming perp walk. That Chapter 11 bankruptcy hits him the moment he attempts to use his bank card to buy an Altoid. Or perhaps that someone smacks his bitch-ass in the face with a really long and sturdy straw.

Fuck him.

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Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com and EBONY Magazine. And a founding editor for 1839. And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Janelle Doe

    This is my contribution to this topic. It creeped me out and imho led in part to where we are today:

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zfu5d8kfSdo

  • Shott3r

    Standing on my chair in my empty office applauding this. So many excellent turns of phrase.

  • Brass Tacks

    Both O’Reilly aaand O’Reilly have caught words in the span of a few weeks?

    Ludacris is somewhere watching this ish like look at God.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/43cada6c2df9dbb06da95e314a31e44d0a9f83815cf3e579954635f243171b34.gif

    • miss t-lee

      Bwahaha. I totally forgot about that til now.

    • Emily Harris

      Oh. Mah gawt. Yass.

  • JulianWithTheRedCorvette

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2b22d1369a0226c570b42b3e2f625d40dc6f269288ce72002f319e9906fb5b43.gif

    Respected highly/ Bye, Mr. O’Reilly!/ Hope all is well, kiss the plaintiff and the wifey

    • Brass Tacks

      Jinx!!!

      • JulianWithTheRedCorvette

        Ey, great minds and whatnot.

        • Brass Tacks

          Irony at its finest because O’Reilly basically said the suggestive lyrics and subject matter in Luda’s music wasn’t something a respectable brand like Pepsi should align itself with.

          Life is funny.

    • BrothasKeeper

      Scheme scheme plot plot!

  • miss t-lee

    Your whole first paragraph has me about to crack up in this meeting.

    • Janelle Doe

      You’re reading VSB in a meeting?
      Noice!

    • Mary Burrell

      Wow, you are in a meeting for real and reading VSB?

      • miss t-lee

        We’re having an active shooter training.

        • Kylroy

          Hardcore dedication would be reading VSB while putting that training to use.

          • miss t-lee

            I got what I needed, and went right back to cutting up with y’all.

        • DiamondIsMyRealName

          One of our partner companies did one this morning and my coworker got caught in the crossfire when she popped up to pick up some “swag” from them. lol She ended up being on lockdown in their building and staying for the training.

          • miss t-lee

            Wow.

        • Like white folks aren’t going to lose their minds the second someone yells ‘gun.’

          • miss t-lee

            It’s really every man for themselves. I hate to say it.
            I’m one of two Black folks here–you know how we do.

            Track star.

    • BlackMamba

      Reading VSB in a meeting? Savage AF.

      • miss t-lee

        I’ll be that.

    • Hugh Akston

      Lol bad idea

      Usually I’m on here through my phone

      I remember I had a meeting once and thought I could read the comments while everyone to come through…Welp it was one of those posts where someone was getting dragged and I wanted to stop reading but I couldn’t stop laughing and everyone was curious as to what was so funny…lmao that’s my little story

      • miss t-lee

        Luckily I’m waaaaay in the back. I was able to hold it together.

        • Mary Burrell

          Lol?

        • Hugh Akston

          Lol good on you lmao

      • MsKeisha23

        I try to refrain from reading the comments on here at work. On the off chance that I just CAN NOT resist, I have to excuse myself to one of the little closed door work pods to get my extreme giggle on…..TODAY, working from home……and laaaaaaaaaaughin

    • Brown Rose

      You must have strong diaphragm muscles. I look like a smirking idiot sometimes when you guys post those gifs and memes.

      • Roz

        This is me with the gifs! I try so hard…I have had to walk outside one time, it was that bad.

        • Brown Rose

          One time I was shaking my head so hard over some gif and one of my co workers was like are you all right? what happened? they were genuinely concerned.
          Man. VSB.

      • miss t-lee

        I’m glad I was way in the back and no one really saw me.

    • Spicy Kas

      You bold

      • miss t-lee

        I most definitely am.

        • Spicy Kas

          That’s why I fuxx with you

      • TheUnsungStoryteller

        Yeah…I would never.

  • BlackMamba

    I hope I never piss you off when I run for office lol.

    • Janelle Doe

      County, State or other?

      • BlackMamba

        US Senate!

  • He’s going to take a fat check on the way out and then start his own own live streaming Web via Facebook before being picked up as Breitbart’s first daily news anchor (streams be syndicated into podcasts). The venom will still spews.

    • Sadly, he will have every opportunity to be even more trash.

    • Emily Harris

      Correct, without the restraint of the sponsors who engaged in that symbiotic f uck ery and nonsense, he is now free to let it all out. I am certain he will amass an even larger “alt right” following.

    • CheGueverraWitBlingOn

      I fear the prescient of this comment like April 15th.

  • Me

    I got $5 that says he already has a contract written up for his next high profile gig

    • Brown Rose

      You don’t even need to bid that high man. A penny says in a month he’s got something lined up.

      • Kylroy

        I think it’ll be substantially lower tier, though. Look at what happened to Glenn Beck, and that was a guy with enough initiative to start his own website.

        • Brown Rose

          Honestly I don’t think so. I think he will come back either on the radio making millions, his own channel, or another hosting slot. Or even in the White house. Guys like that don’t just end up hawking crap on HSN.

          • Kylroy

            Maybe, but no employer is going to pay his hush money the way Fox did. Hair Furor is probably his best lifeline.

            • Brown Rose

              Sure thing. He’s going to have to learn impulse control, or be around Ailes type management where it won’t matter. And that may not be hard to find.

              • Kylroy

                I think the Trump White House is his best bet. If Fox News won’t cover for you after you’ve been there two decades, I can’t imagine another major business thinking you’re worth the risk.

                • Brown Rose

                  I am cynical (shocking). I think that he will have options after this cools down for a bit.

                  • Kylroy

                    The public furor will unquestionably go away. The knowledge that you’re a walking lawsuit waiting to happen, less so.

          • Mary Burrell

            Either way he will stay winning and he has a legion of fans.

            • Brown Rose

              Exactly. Which is why he won’t go away. There are millions of guys that support him. Just like trump Just like Limbaugh, Beck, etc. They do horrible things, but they still come back.

    • Wyldeflower

      Orange mcnothing may offer him a fed post.

    • Blaze network has a pro-life opening.

      • Jennifer

        He and Glenn Beck didn’t get along. I could see MSNBC coming up with some bullshiggidy.

        • Rachel Maddow would burn the place to the ground.

          • Jennifer

            Good.

            I don’t trust them since they brought in Brian Williams and Greta Van Susteren and unloaded nearly every person of color on the network.

          • CheGueverraWitBlingOn

            ohhhh, i would love to see that first staff meeting.

      • Mary Burrell

        Didn’t they just get rid of Tomi Lahren?

        • Roz

          Yup – hence the opening.

  • Jennifer

    OOT: Speaking of broken white clocks, have y’all read the Dolezal interview from The Stranger? I leave you with this:

    “For a white woman who had grown up with only a few magazines of stylized images of blackness to imagine herself into a real-life black identity without any lived black experience, to turn herself into a black history professor without a history degree, to place herself at the forefront of local black society that she had adopted less than a decade earlier, all while seeming to claim to do it better and more authentically than any black person who would dare challenge her—well, it’s the ultimate “you can be anything” success story of white America. Another branch of manifest destiny. No wonder America couldn’t get enough of the Dolezal story.”

    http://www.thestranger.com/features/2017/04/19/25082450/the-heart-of-whiteness-ijeoma-oluo-interviews-rachel-dolezal-the-white-woman-who-identifies-as-black

    • black-a-rican

      That’s all I need to know so that I won’t.

    • Ess Tee

      I’ve been catching screenshots here and there. I don’t know if I have the energy to actually sit down and read the thing in its entirety.

      • Jennifer

        It’s a quick read (and “read” has many connotations in this case).

        • Ess Tee

          Lol!

    • Mary Burrell

      I can’t with her i choose to ignore her i wish she would just go away.

      • Kylroy

        She doesn’t really have anywhere to go – she was doing blackface-as-lifestyle before any media picked up on her, and now she’s a freakshow that various outlets decide to write up when they’re bored. What story there is has been told, some folks just want to gawk at it some more.

        • Emily Harris

          I don’t getting the appeal. I just get the feeling they really wanted to use her as a prop to make a statement but they couldn’t really figure out where to go with it or what statement to make- it’s a lot of grasping at “see I told yous….” with no way to finish up the thought because they don’t know who it makes look bad besides her. So they just do another article.

        • Mary Burrell

          This woman is unwell and nothing more. She doesn’t deserve anymore attention.

    • wh—who…. dafuck!?

    • Mel

      I will not even waste my eye sight, on anything having to do with that particular brand of crazy. I ain’t impressed, I ain’t flattered, I’m not cosigning arrogant, entitled, delusional crazy.

      • Jennifer

        Neither was the writer. That’s why it was refreshing.

        • Mel

          I’ll check it out, I wish someone would just snap and tell her to shut up during one of her bullshit rides on the delusional crazy train.

          • Mary Burrell

            Exactly, I wish someone would tell her to just shut up or just ignore her all together, do not give her a platform to spew her craziness.

    • Janelle Doe

      Stopping in from my celebratory scotch briefly to say based on this we clearly need more drakoes

    • NonyaB?

      Saw it earlier and couldn’t even finish skimming because I kept wanting to reach thru and smack the brazen, self-aggrandizing b*tch into next week.

      • CheGueverraWitBlingOn

        I would pay surprising amounts of money to see that.

        • NonyaB?

          Alright y’all, Che got mah bail money!

    • cedriclathan

      “I want to remind Dolezal that she is a former black history professor who has degrees in art, not black history, African history, or American history, but I don’t. I’m trying to not get kicked out of her place early.”

    • Darkchloe144

      I…I just…I can’t…WTF? What are these people on? And where can I get some???
      Wait maybe this is sarcasm (*clicks link*)

  • LadiDD

    Serena announces pregnancy on Maria’s birthday and then Bill-O got fired…Look at God.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6ce85e118d061d6d5a81c559e2d485e8b7fac9ae7aaa63e23e8e0205973b464f.jpg

    • Hugh Akston
    • Brown Rose

      This…I can’t man.

    • Val

      Too bad Michael Jordan doesn’t get royalties on memes because he would be twice as rich. Lol

      • LadiDD

        If I was him I would try to copyright MJ sad face memes. Not sure he can but could try XD

        • Val

          Knowing him, if he could have he would have. Lol

          • Kylroy

            The man is the consensus best player of all time, and he’s *still* bitter about how his high school coach treated him. I’m sure a lawyer has had to talk him out of it at least once.

      • Lmao!
        Rich AF

      • He should just bankroll a top 50 Jordan memes show before this ends.

      • miss t-lee

        Mike got enough money, Val…lol

      • truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

        I feel you.

      • black-a-rican
        • Gladyshburns

          Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !su57c:
          On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
          !su57c:
          ??
          ??;?? http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs347NetworkMasterGetPaid$97/Hour ????????????????????????????????????????????????????::::::!su57c:….,….

      • Alessandro De Medici

        Yeah from what I’ve read, Jordan lets people use all his memes for free, but the moment he gets the vibe that you’re trying to profit off them, he and his team of lawyers are coming for you.

      • Cj

        He’d probably just buy a prison and ensure more of us get locked up for profit though.

    • Michelle is my First Lady

      lmao!

    • CheGueverraWitBlingOn

      I knew this was coming and it’s everything I dreamed a meme could be.

    • This may be the best thing I’ve ever seen. I thank the internets for loving me so.

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