i usually listen to one of my mix cds or my ipod during my 15 minute drive home from work. earlier in the week though, i’d grown tired of listening to “amazing” and “somewhere i belong” on repeat for the 82th time, so i decided to do the unfathomable…listen to the early evening (i occasionally listen to steve harvey in the mornings) urban radio station (WAMO) for the first time in approximately five months.
now, since i don’t listen to the radio or watch videos (i download all of my new music from blackgirl online and other adult message boards. no, seriously, lol. i’m soooo not playing), i wasn’t expecting to be able to immediately recognize most of the songs. what jarred and saddened me was the fact that not only had i never heard any of these songs before…i never even heard of the artists. not. one.
***and i couldnt understand sh*t any of them were saying. i felt like a white person trying to watch “the wire” for the first time***
that 17 minute listen made me feel as if i had aged 17 years overnight, lol, and was one of the many constant and blatantly perceptible signs that im getting old(er).
so, as a service from the verysmartbrothas (and ms. lizzard burr), the champ has decided to give you…
…four unmistakable signs that you’re getting old(er)
1. doing absolutely nothing…and loving it
when you’re young, if you happen to spend a weekend night in the crib, you usually spend the whole time wondering and fantasizing to death about all of the marvelous and slutty things other people your age are doing at the time. by the time i turned 26, i’d mutter “i should have stayed my ass at home” at least once during at least 75 percent of my outings.
now, i make up excuses not to go out.
“naw man, i’m good. sportcenter highlights are always better when rece davis is the anchor, and he’s scheduled to appear on tonights show. i can’t miss that sh*t”
2. waking up with random pains
a few saturdays ago as i lazily crawled out of bed, intent on possibly setting the guiness world record for the least-productive 12 hour stretch, my first step on my carpet forced me to let out one of the most bitch-ass chill-emitting screeches that a grown-ass man could muster. no, i didnt step on a dead hooker piece of glass or a nail or anything…it was just my big toe, in about as much excruciating pain as a big toe could muster. what made it even worse (read: “more funny”) was the fact that i had absolutely no idea why my big toe was hurting. none. as far as i could remember it wasnt hurting when i went to bed. plus, i hadn’t done any ass kicking recently, so i definitely hadn’t injured my toe on someones deserving hindparts.
the pain eventually went away (and by “eventually” i mean “three days later“) as mysteriously as it came, like a 2 inch long, dark brown skinned gypsy. thing is, as saddening as it is to wake up with unexplained toe pain, it still pales in comparison to…
3….injuring yourself during sex
i know that intense sex may produce a little bit of pain, soreness, and tenderness, but lets just say that father time is f*cking with you when you say to your lover “you know, i think i might need to get an MRI tomorrow. i think i tore my ACL again” after a particularly heated romp in the sack.
4. liberal, schmeberal
vsb.com aint gonna turn into lashawn barber’s corner anytime soon, but i will admit that i’ve gotten more and more conservative socially as i’ve gotten older. at this point, it actually makes me physically recoil when thinking about my years of misguided militantism and lazily lethargic liberalism. lets put it this way: the 19 year old champ, after hearing about her politics, would have given amy holmes the riot act and the heave-ho from his sack while the 29 year old champ would give it to her while she had a karl rove halloween mask taped on her back
thats it for now. slightly good people of vsb, what else would you add?
—the champ
At the ripe age of 23, I cannot attest to this “I’m older than dirt” problem. But my bumminess in general has sped up my growing up process.
I have also started finding excuses not to go out. I prefer a nite at home caking and watching a good flick. In fact, I’m sposed to be at a reggae concert with VEG right now but I couldn’t get myself to leave the house. I’s tah’d
@Luvvie, dayum you 23?
go head on then ms luvvie…..I was on some other shyt at 23 not nearly as together as you seem to have it….
@Shay-d-lady, Thanks ya kindlay. I do what I can when I can do it.
@Luvvie, I didn’t know that you were only 23. You’re so young.
@Leila, Yeah I am a young’un.
Hehe I actually just bought some footsie PJs from target. Yes, I am clearly all of 4 years old but it will serve me well in this harsh Chi winter. I will be one cozy overgrown toddler.
@Luvvie,
GIRL I Just posted that about those Footed pajamas below… shyt.. I am going to target first thang… I dont like being cold!!! GOD knew what he was doing when he sent me to this post today…
@Luvvie, get you some thermals too! Papa overit was all about the thermals lol.
@ Champ. Karl Rove? Forreal?
@overit, i agree Karl Rove is the d.e.v.i.l. i’m going to go into hiding now because he’s probably planning a smear campaign before i even get famous…lol.
@Miss Patterson, yeah, that comment did not match up with the e-profile I have created of Champ. My intuition is usually on point lol. I agree though, He Who Must Not Be Named is the d.e.v.i.l.
*hoping this e-mail address PBG gave me isn’t wrong, e-mailing Jesus cause I’m scared of the Rove*
“He Who Must Not Be Named is the d.e.v.i.l.”
i see you! lol
lol…
all i’m saying is that a person’s political views, as long as theyre reasonably, ummm, reasonable, wouldnt effect my libido. actually, it never effected my libido before, but then it was about principle.
now, f*ck principle and turn around
@overit, yes gurl. I fux w/ the thermals. I dont play with this here cold weava!
@Luvvie, yay!!!! i’m on target.com right now!!! yippee!!! nick & nora’s sock monkey!!! do you think we could convince men that this is s3xier than frederick’s of hollywood?
@Miss Patterson, LOL if you willing to show them alternative uses for the “trap door” over the a$$ im sure they will agree
@Miss Patterson, NOOO!!!!
@Miss Patterson, we can try to convince them. Guys should find a gurl in footsies cute. Shoot. lol :-p
Hehe I actually just bought some footsie PJs from target.
lol…its funny. the older you get, the more you start enjoying stuff from your youth (pj’s, soup, playing in the dirt, etc)
@The Champ, shonuff Champ. The topic on my blog today is why I am still an Overgrown Toddler and the reasons why. Which include my love of naps, flintstone gummies, PB&J, and my hate of cough syrup and vegetables.
@Luvvie, wow, i love flinstone gummies!! …or should i say the generic target brand. i think i’m gonna OD on vitamin A cuz i eat them like i’m at the movies.
@The Champ, I just recently had an opportunity to catch some playtime in the dirt. It was extremely theraputic. PLUS my dirt house was much more fly than the actual four year olds I was playing with
@Miz Nikki,
lol…i was totally being facetious with the dirt thing. but…you like it i love it and sh*t
@The Champ, umm, playing in the dirt…???
@bballmom,
@The Champ, umm, playing in the dirt…???
this was actually a euphemism. for what, you ask? good question
@The Champ,
omg… this is sooo true. I was just telling my girlfriend i’m going to go on ebay and see if I can find Thundercats, She Ra, and He Man so me and my son can watch together! I miss the Thundercats 4real… the cartoons that are out now SUCK!
@pgh muse, girllllll, don’t even start on the she-ra. i had the she-ra castle!!! thundercats was hot too.
@The Champ, oh yeah…and when i was a kid i hated HATED to get dirty. and nowadays (well, not right now, because i dont have time or money, but soon) my thing is pottery! and i get filthy, but dont even care…i just enjoy playing in the mud!
@The Champ,
playing with your…ummm, nevermind. lol
@Luvvie,
I was just at Target on Wednesday and saw those giant foot-pjs. They looked awful funny hanging up on the rack.
@Dom
I’m soo excited to get mine. I will be the warmest Chicagoan who is over the age of 2!
@Luvvie,
No need to worry. The freakin’ concert was cancelled – no updates to the website, no sign on the door, nothin.
but I stayed anyway – split my time between the two reggae bars on the street – and saw some interesting stuff.
LGG was there – doing some poorly executed, rhythmless dance moves. Will tell ya all about it lata.
wow…at 23 i was in prime party mode. me and one of my boys went out every Thursday thru Sunday. while we were in grad school. not the best decision, but youth is the only option we had to be young.
lol.
and despite being old now, i’m still out all the time, though now its for profit so i suck it up.
@Panama Jackson, wow, in grad school?!?! not the best decision at all! lmao…but hey, you made it right? no harm, no foul…
@Luvvie, I can make you feel young again
@kamakula,
“I can make you feel young again”
WORD??
oh you know it
LOL I aint old dayumit…. but I heard that as you get older the less likely that second round of bedtime aerobic is…….
@Shay-d-lady,
“I heard that as you get older the less likely that second round of bedtime aerobic is…….”
Where’d you hear that foolishness? I’m 33 and am just at the beginning of my chexual peak. One time is definitely not enough. I am looking forward to the next 10 to 15 years of the best chex ever.
@V.E.G., LOL maybe its with kids…all that sneaking and being quiet means that if you get one good one you pretty much gone call it a night….especially if its a school night…..and I aint got time to wait for his a$$ to wake back up..shyt I got bills to pay..LMAO
I’m 33 and am just at the beginning of my chexual peak. One time is definitely not enough. I am looking forward to the next 10 to 15 years of the best chex ever.
***making note to place v.e.g. in the cougar seating section during the vsb bbq***
you and these damn VSB bbq seating arrangements
@The Champ, i don’t know, she may be on mountain lion status. grr.
@The Champ, LMAO @ the cougar section!!
@The Champ,
cougar deeze
@V.E.G., LMAO!!!
@V.E.G.,
exactly!
“LOL I aint old dayumit…. but I heard that as you get older the less likely that second round of bedtime aerobic is…….”
Don’t believe the hype.
And this is coming from a current benchwarmer.
@Shay-d-lady, no you definitely heard wrong. Proof? I had to start buying batteries from Costco rather than the drugstore.
@Luvtheshoes, hmm I know women can go all night at this age s.e.xual peak and all..but men chime in are yall still all nighting on the regular?>>
@Shay-d-lady,
The good ones are.
@Shay-d-lady, I recently had this conversation with someone, she and I were talking how ridiculous our drive and stamina was at our age, 37 (no shame). The energizers have nothing on us!
@Intellectual Hedonist,
I keep telling these young girls they got nothin on me. I know tricks they can’t conceive yet and I don’t need a nap or water break.
@V.E.G.,
***adding IH to the cougar seating section***
@V.E.G., i’d like to know about these tricks!
get it in. don’t get it corrected. bear witness. until destinies collide.
I heart you, Khan. But what in the hot h*ll is u talm bout?
*guffaw*
guffaw back @ ya SouthernGirl…
@Luvvie,
LMAO… whoooo… u stoopid…my side hurts
I know I’m getting older because I hate teenagers. They’re loud and ignorant and obnoxious. I avoid public transportation when they’re getting out of school. I just want to kill them!
I try to forget about when I used to BE them. What a terror I must have been. Now that I’m older, I want to kick them in the neck.
ESPECIALLY teenage girls. Nothing is more annoying than a gaggle of 13 year old girls in too tight clothing giggling and trying to look grown. Arghhh!
OMG that is SO true…I can’t stand to see these ignant a$$ teenagers running around together, purposely being loud and obnoxious like it’s cute.
Make me wanna take off my belt and shit.
@8th Wonder, me too. I can’t stand Saturdays aka “drop your bad a*s, loud a*s, teen at the mall day”. I know I’m old when I go on rants on home training.
I am as old as dirt because:
-Ginger ale is probably my favorite carbonated beverage. Throw some cranberry juice up in there, what? That is a partay.
-A good book and food makes my heart smile
-I’m just a homebody in general
-Cream of Wheat is one of life’s gifts
-NPR and Democracy now define my mornings
-I enjoy scrapbooking and love making homemade cards for people, don’t let me find out one of yall’s birthday, I have my own logo to put on the back and errythang
-Come to think of it, except for the occasional wild out spree, I’m usually really chill and a homebody. Was I born old?
I have a ton more lol, I will be back in the morning.
@overit, if you were born old, i must’ve been born and put directly in the dirt…a cup of tea and a good book was fine with me since elementary school. my aunt commented on that one day about how i was always doing stuff like that.
i blame my grandma. lol. i must have been the only kid in elementary school drinking tea with milk, eating broadway rolls from mckenzie’s (my NO folks know what’s up) and watching one of the following: perry mason, andy griffith, colombo or patty duke. but that was our thing. i’m glad i have those memories now though. good times…
@SouthernGirl, tea with milk is that beez nees! Yeah we were def born old at the same hospital!
lmao!! i love tee with milk! and ginger ale is my shiznit too…
i aint a scrapbooker, but ive made my fair share of collages…plus i crochet. i feel like such an old lady when i crochet.
@shatani, teach me how to crochet…i bought a book for dummies and let’s just say i still didn’t get it.
miss patti, im tired now, but i will send you a couple of links tomorry. you can learn on youtube!
@shatani, teach me how to crochet…i bought a book for dummies and let’s just say i still didn’t get it.
ROTFLMAO
who needs crocheting lessons? i am a MASTER. and i will teach for free…
shat & BBMo–i crochet too!!! we should start a VSS crochet circle lmao
@overit, *hi-five*
@SouthernGirl,
I cant co sign the tea shyt.. yes I am southern and I dont like tea not even sweet tea!
but a good book and coke makes my heart sing…
in fact I was so happy when my husband worked as a manager at Good will and some old guy donated a bunch of classic novels and he bout them all for like 1.oo a piece(it included in cold blood, the great gatsby and a lot of others) as well as an original cd collection that included the first 3 whitney houston cds oh yes..im your baby tonight…..yes I think he was a gay man.. nttawwt….
@Shay-d-lady, whaaaaaa????? where you from shay d? no tea at all?!?!?!? *shock and awe* folks up here get on my nerves with this unsweetened ice tea
sh!t…i gotta ask two questions at every restaurant i go to up here. is the tea sweet and is the seafood fresh?
@Shay-d-lady, another southerner who doesn’t like sweet tea? e-fist bump!
(although you may take that right back when i tell you that, while i LOVE grits, i hate greens…)
@SouthernGirl, and watching one of the following: perry mason, andy griffith, colombo or patty duke. but that was our thing. i’m glad i have those memories now though. good times…
I still watch Perry Mason..and my grandma got me on those good westers and she loved andy griffith and bonanza and john wayne….
OMG I used to tear nick at night up watching Patty Duke.
Ahh, viva la old soul!
@8th Wonder, nick at nite and tv land are what’s up…
@8th Wonder, “meet Kathy who lives most anywhere from zanzibar to barclay square. but Patty’s only the seen the sights a girl can see from Brooklyn Heights, what a crazy pair…but they’re cousins identical cousins…” EVERYBODY!
@SouthernGirl,
“i must have been the only kid in elementary school drinking tea with milk, eating broadway rolls from mckenzie’s (my NO folks know what’s up)”
giiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl.
My maw maw takes teas at 3 everyday. and the only way I drink tea is with milk.
Did you say mckenzies?????????????????
@V dot, oh yes, mckenzie’s was the sh!t…before all the drama…
@V dot,
Did I hear Mckenzie’s ?????
God yes………
@SouthernGirl, I don’t know any other way to drink tea but WITH milk?? When I was little, my mom would make us drink tea with milk before school. Sometimes, I’d rebel and throw mine in the plant. Those were the days I went to school crying. Cuz I got my butt beat!
@Luvvie, lmao!
oh e-twin, you stay reading my mind! i am so with your list! i just got on that good gingerale kick too like a year ago. bombity.
oh and uhhhhh…. i’m on your e-holiday list right?? i sho do love me home made greeting cards *smiling showing all my gemmy whites*
@Gem of the Ocean, now heres the question….whats your brand?
sometimes when i want that real corrosive feel, i go with canada dry…but sometimes i want a calmer, slightly sweeter ginger ale so i go with schwepps.
i think fanta will always take me back to childhood, but i havent even seen it in the stores lately
girrrrl i feel you on your assessment of GA–i feel the same!! but only when it’s from the can. if it’s from a fountain* i can’t really tell the difference in brand. all i am aware of is that light fizzle teasing my tastebuds and palate. and all is well in the world.
*nothing beats fountain soda!! it’s the absolute best. i’d go to restaurants all day long and drink fountain ginger ale (back in the day it’d have been coca cola) if i could afford it (money and liver cells wise).
@overit – now see, I like ginger ale and tea with milk, too. But not as much as a stiff seabreaze!
-Cream of Wheat is one of life’s gifts
a woman after my own heart and sh*t
@8th Wonder, I give you expressed permission to whup my teenager’s a$$ if you EVER see her around town actin’ a fool. Go to my FB page to see her pics and what school she goes to. If she looks puzzled when you lay the smackdown on her, just tell her “SUBMARINE” and she will acquiesce.
“Submarine” used to me our secret family word when she was little. Teeheeee!
@PBG, LMAO at the mental pic of a confused mall teen getting the beatdown of a lifetime, hearing “submarine” and collapsing on the floor
@PBG, LMAO @ “submarine”.
PBGizzle, I hereby promise to lay the 5’11 amazonian smackdown on lil Tina should I ever see her actin a plum fool out in these skreets.
@8th Wonder
I swear it was completely different .When I was young (er) if I even looked at a adult sideways ,my parents would find out SOMEHOW.
@LisaAngelaPamelaRenee, word?? i hated teenagers when i WAS a teenager! theyve always sucked! lol
lmao girrrrl me too!!! when i was in HS my mom used to call me and my close girl friend (who also hated teenagers) daria and jane. she never understood why we were so turned off by normal teenage things lol.
don’t get me wrong, i enjoyed my younger years. but i wasn’t on any BS fa real fa real. i preferred going to schmoozy type parties with my parents and be told how mature i was for my age. looking back, i was really vain and always fishing for compliments. thank goodness i’m not like that any more!!
*looking at self in mirror and saying affirmations of my awesomeness*
awww, gemmie! youre so pretty! lol
i was SOOO daria!!! in fact, i still kinda am! lmao!
awww thanks shat (you know i won’t let this nickname go lol). you’re so sweet!! and you’s purty too (tho i aint never seent you, in my mind i’ve decided you are so yeah).
i feel you on the still being daria tip. altho i’m actually much less negative about life than i was in my younger days.
@Gem of the Ocean, im not particularly negative about life, but sarcasm is certainly my native tongue!
and yeah, girl, i know how you love compliments and shyt! lol
@shatani, Another Daria!!!! I’m so excited. That’s what everybody used to call me and I was proud of it.
@shatani,
darias of the world UNITE…
I was one caustic teenager. I thought all of my contemporaries were bubbleheaded fools. And I would call them as such.
we can add the Daria group in addition to the HP-fan club and crochet circle lol
@Gem of the Ocean:
Yess!!! Another group I can partake of!
“I don’t have low SELF esteem, I just have low esteem for everyone else…”
-Daria Morgendorffer
@Gem of the Ocean, lol yes. I’m in all those groups, I just started learning to crochet.
i’d have to agree with the teenagers argument. hell i can do you one better.
the other day i was talking to a woman who was 26 years old and i felt like she was just a total youngster.
thats when i knew i got old.
by the way, the teenagers in my former neighborhood liked to rob people. i liked them a lot less b/c of this reason.
girls between the ages of 12 and 16 are actually the worst people on earth…even worse than, gulp, jim jones
I couldn’t agree more.
@The Champ, Yes. When I have kids, I’m giving them up to the state when they turn 12. They r lil beezlebubs. All that angst. Who got time for that??
@The Champ,
I would agree, but my teenager just brought home a report card w/5 A’s, 3 B’s and a C. She is lookin’ pretty darn goo to me right now. This week, anyway.
Ok, just today…and its still relatively early.
@PBG,
Damn- how many subjects are kids taking nowadays? Jeez- good for her though.
hmm…you are also develop less and less tolerance for loudness… I almost lost my mind today at work because one of my co-workers was bouncing a ball on his cubicle ……I grabbed it before I knew it like some old dude who told you to stay off his grass
@Shay-d-lady, you are also develop less and less tolerance for loudness
i develop less and less tolerance for bullsh!t…
@SouthernGirl,
i develop less and less tolerance for bullsh!t…
LOL I wrote that below…..what part of the South are you from SouthernGirl?
@Shay-d-lady, New Orleans, baby!! 9th ward…
According to my friends and fam, I never had much patience (unless its children) to start with but I can’t tell you how many times the phrase “I ain’t got time for this sh!t” goes through my head on any given day. lol.
@SouthernGirl, how bout i just said that on my way home tonight!!
i go to the gas station and the nosey ass machine wants my zip code. then tells me im wrong and tells me to go to the cashier. now this muhfuh wants me to come inside. im not leaving my car keys in the car, so i have to walk back to the car. then he doesnt know what the hell is going on. then he wants my id. im like, eff it. i aint got time for this bullsh!t…it is 1am! i’ll do it in the morning!
however, i have never had a very high tolerance for BS. and when i was younger, ESPECIALLY not for kids. nowadays i deal better with kids than adults…
i go to the gas station and the nosey ass machine wants my zip code. then tells me im wrong and tells me to go to the cashier.
so, um, did you actually get your zip code wrong which is why you had to go thru all that, um, bullsh*t?? lol.
@Panama Jackson, actually no…i went to a different gas station today. put in the zip code. no issues!
“i go to the gas station and the nosey ass machine wants my zip code.”
Dont you HATE that? What the he** does the dam* thing need my zip code for? Just dispense the gas da**it!
@Dom, they need your zip code to prevent someone having a 20 dollar fillup sale on your credit card if you ever lose it..
thats another symptom of getting old.. you know realize there is no such thing as a “victimless crime” I mean I like the hook up like anybody else but I dont want stolen goods, travelers checks, identity theft although a month ago I would have been hard pressed to walk away from that 20 dollar fill up……
I think in general my tolerance has decreased subsantially as I have aged.
**loudness
**unnecesary swearing epecially use of the work kcuf
**clumps of teens in general make me twitch
@Intellectual Hedonist,
I have a low tolerance of everything you listed. One of the many reasons I only hit the mall on the weekdays, or early morning on the weekends. The mall is the one place where you can find everything on your list.
“The mall is the one place where you can find everything on your list.”
or gem of the ocean’s bedroom
actually, ALL swearing in my bedroom is necessary, esp the word fkuc
@Shay-d-lady,
I grabbed it before I knew it like some old dude who told you to stay off his grass
so basically, you’re turning into john mccain
@The Champ, LOL whateva..but that dayum thump, thump, thump of that ball while I was trying to get month end stuff done was driving me crazy…..
@Shay-d-lady, i have a co-worker, well, my manager actually, who does this as he walks down the hall. i straight wanna clip his @ss and snatch that d@mn ball sometimes…
@SouthernGirl,
“clip his ass and snatch the ball” sounds like a khia song
@The Champ,
@The Champ,
this made me laugh
Im 22, but I feel like an old woman sometimes…especially when I go home to visit my fam and friends. All my homegirls are wifed up…we honestly haven’t clubbed together since we were 19…most have kids and are in bed by 10 (like we caint even gossip on the phone hellalate like we used to)… my brother (who is 11) can out-dance me…and any new dance that comes out, he can do it after watching it once, whereas it may take me weeks to get it (if I get it)… I actually enjoy listening to npr with my mother or watching cnn in the morning… and I am cranky as hell if its after 11pm and im still awake for any reason…
Hell, even now, im in a new city and I have no desire to go out…I’ll go buy a cheap bottle of wine, have a few drinks, and go to sleep…once school starts I will become a hermit I know it
@trin-trin, When I go home, all of my homegirls are fat and got kids. I usually feel a mixture of sadness and happiness that I got away! I feel older too because they’re still on that childish BS – holding grudges from high school and whatnot.
right!!! thats why i hate going home sometimes…its like we never really graduated and that same catty bullshit is all we got to deal with!!! i caint take no more than a week at home before i start plotting escape routes…cuz i know the longer i stay the more likely i’ll be just like them (not even to knock em, it just aint for me tho)
I become a hermit in the wintertime, and going out becomes a chore.
“Go clubbing?? Hell naw! Well, unless I can wear my coat in there and sit down. Hope you don’t mind me rocking my furry winter boots”
At which point, the inviter politely (or not) says “Eff it. You ain’t going nowhere with me dressed like an Eskimo!”.
Me: *pumps tiny fists* Mission accomplished! See? We ALL win.
LOL
i hate that my bday is in the winter cuz that would be the only time im willing to go out…uthawise i’d be just like u…cuz freezing my ass off in a mini skirt and heels tryna get into some weak spot aint even worth it fa real
hallelujah for being a july baby!!! *doing the running man*
i really can’t do cold nights out either. it’s too much to bundle up for standing in the cold just to strip down inside and put it all back on to go out again. no no no. i did go clubbin ONCE in chicago in january. and while we had a great time… well…. let’s just say… i’ll never do it again lol.
@Gem of the Ocean,
I’m a July baby too! Yaaay for summer b’days!!
*hi five* next to pearls, i love me a ruby!!
@Gem of the Ocean, hey are we all Cancerians?! Miss T-Lee is too! and so is someone else on here…Southernbelle?
@PBG, Pisces are what’s good. Thanks.
*calling all Pisces to wet blanket this July party*
hallelujah for being a july baby!!! *doing the running man*
not only do we need to upgrade your slang, your dances could use an update as well
@The Champ, what’s wrong with cha-cha slide?
i see you Gemmy, one hop this time!
@trin-trin, I feel ur pain. I’m a winter baby too and I throw hate dust on all u summer folks that can have pool parties and ish. Alls I can do is have a dinner or go iceskating (which you wont find me doing b/c I hate cold. Subjecting myself to voluntary cold is just ridic).
*Sigh* Confessions of a Winter Baby
@Luvvie,
ummm…are you talking about parties for adults?
pool parties? who da hell in Chicago has a pool?
@Luvvie, bumb that I dress apropriately.. when I go to the club in the winter time they better have a dayum coat check or I need a table.. so I can put my coat down.. I rock jeans cute sweaters and high heeled boots.. shyt.. dressing like a h.o in the winter time is how you get the double pnewmonias in the a$$ according to my granny
“double pnewmonias in the a$$ ”
LOL!!!
@Intellectual Hedonist, Thats what granny said.. and I when I was like 13 and smellin myself, as they say, I told my grandma that pneumonia was a long disease and you couldnt get it in the a$$…uh she slapped the heyll out of me for sassin her…..
@Shay-d-lady, we need to sit next to each other at the VSB BBQ…
@Intellectual Hedonist,
who said you’re invited?
@Champ, at my age I dont need an invite I just show up, and you already got me on your seating chart so stop hating
lmao @ “you already got me on your seating chart so stop hating”
zing!
@trin-trin, i was living in philly for two years and never went nowhere…my friends from college came to visit me and wanted to see the liberty bell. i had NO IDEA where it was! lmao…they had to google it. and im not sure i could find it again with a gun to my head!
i was in philly for undergrad and NEVER did any touristy stuff. i aint gonna lie tho, i miss philly…maybe next time i’ll try to visit some of those places
@trin-trin, i wanna go on the duck tour, just to see if its as fun as the one in boston…lol
@shatani, let me warn you that the duck tour in Philly is the worst. I was in Philly for undergrad and I did it with a gf. I wanted my money back at the end
@shatani, No Duck tour can compare to the Boston one.
Quack Quack!
@Dom, sh!t yeah!! ive been on that (even though thats my hometown) twice….but ive been quacked at on the street at least a dozen! lol
“I actually enjoy listening to npr with my mother or watching cnn in the morning… and I am cranky as hell if its after 11pm and im still awake for any reason…
Hell, even now, im in a new city and I have no desire to go out…I’ll go buy a cheap bottle of wine, have a few drinks, and go to sleep…once school starts I will become a hermit I know it”
At 22?????? gotd*mn y’all some old ass young people.
@Panama Jackson, LOL what is NPR?
@Shay-d-lady,
national public radio
@The Champ, hmmmmm are those AM station? I dont listen to the radio much at all…cds or Ipods but when I do that means my daughter is in the car and its 1430 radio disney….I know its sad….
@Shay-d-lady, you musn’t live in DC!
@Mme. Editor-in-Chief, no ma’am.. I live in Memphis TN
@Shay-d-lady,
i dont know if its am or fm. it usually has a bunch of news and interviews and sh*t, as well as some jazz.
@Shay-d-lady,
Just the greatest gift to elitist intellectuals everywhere.
I know I am old now because I actually do contribute to my NPR station. Twice a year too!
@MsSula@Work, lol… me too and to PBS (my kids watch cartoons in the mornings.
@Panama Jackson,
“At 22?????? gotd*mn y’all some old ass young people.”
Exactly! I had a baby when I was 22 and I didn’t act that old! Geesh….LOL
@Panama Jackson,
At 22?????? gotd*mn y’all some old ass young people.
I agree. When I was 22 i was drinking… club hopping, bar hopping, and being cute. I also went to school… but school got in the way of my fabulous existence… lol. I didn’t actually grow up till i had my first son… he settled me down A LOT!!
@Panama Jackson, i know…my friends call me grandma cuz im more likely to cook and have us sit around for a sunday dinner than i am to get dressed up and go party…but in my defense, its the same ole shyt…same ole party, same ole music, same ole ppl…i just lost interest…i need a new scene
hell, i been making up reasons not to go out since undergrad. you know what, hell on that…most times i just tell ninjas i ain’t going.if i back out after saying i’m going, it’s usually cause i’m tired or just don’t feel like being bothered. i’ve never been much on the club scene. i can only take people being all up in my space in a certain way, for so long. and when i’m ready to go, I’M READY TO GO.
i can feel you on the aching pains and sh!t. i woke up with an aching back the other day that was no joke. or maybe i just need a new mattress.lol *waiting for smart @ss comments*
i think the biggest sign to me is that i now catch myself saying/thinking things like, ‘see, when i was a kid’ or ‘where the hell is yo mama?’
@SouthernGirl, i feel ya. ive never been much for clubbing….my friends have ALWAYS had to drag my @ss out kicking and screaming. even on my own birthday.
@shatani, Y’all are making me feel so good today. My friends usually have to beat down my door and throw clothes at me to get me to go out. Birthday included. But I bet you have a young fresh face just like me.
@SouthernGirl, I used to feel like i was betraying the club world by not wanting to go out. Every weekend I’d turn off my phone around 6 so I wouldnt have to tell folks that I wasnt going out. – confessions from a reformed club head
@eysqueen, Yeah, I was about to call you out because we was some going out ninjas for a little stretch there, lol, but yes you have reformed….
I don’t like the club scene either, and I’m 23. I love the way my heels look, but not the way they feel. I dont like having annoying dudes in my face all night… it’s just so much more comfortable to stay at home. The irony is, I think a lot of people force themselves to go out because they are young and it is the status quo way of having a “good time”… but when they do it, a good time is usually not had.
When I showed up to happy hour last night, my girlfriends started to clap. Now that ish is sad.
I love the way my heels look, but not the way they feel
lol…so you just buy heels and model em naked in the mirror at your crib?
I have actually done that, but no. I see them in the store and think “damn.. those are fly”… so I buy them. I then wear them, and I am full of regrets… or at least the regret of not bringing a big enough purse to carry a pair of flats.
@laylah,
I do the exact same thing. *sighs*
@laylah, i’ve done that too lol. i love the way heels look, not the way they feel.
@laylah, i am a master at finding reasonably comfortable cute heels. its the reason why i had to by stock in DSW, Zappos.com, shoetrader.com and others
i will search until i find them.
i will give up my secret brands if you ask nice
I haven’t changed that much as I’ve gotten older, except that it takes a lot more for me to get worked up about an issue……I’m 30 now and go out more than before but in a different way. I’m not into the club scene, but more grown-up spots like lounges, networking events, and jazz clubs. I get restless if I’m home even during the week.
@Leila,
i found this too. at a certain point, the “okay…whatever” button seems to get pushed more than the “i’m gonna have any type of feeling towards this” button.
i like buttons, by the way
You know you’re getting older when:
~Your idea of going out is a trip to Wal-mart instead of the club.
~You can remember carrying a pager and a cell phone was a luxory
~You keep saying – “Remember when ___(fill in the blank)”
@Shelia, “Your idea of going out is a trip to Wal-mart instead of the club.”
for me its at odd times in the middle of the night. THE WORST is when i find stuff to wear there. i would have secretly cursed my mama for buying me walmart duds to wear back in the day–but now my oldness is finding wearable things, accessories etc..totally agree.
in high school, Wal-Mart was the spot though…me and my boys would go up there at like midnight and prey on the puma-style chicks who loveded them some young boys.
plus they’d give us free fake jewelry. and starch for our Dickies. you know a southern brotha has to starch his Dickies.
@Panama Jackson, —>you know a southern brotha has to starch his Dickies.
lmao! you ain’t lyin’…creases sharp like razor blades…where you from, P? you bringing up memories and sh!t.
@SouthernGirl, i had the pleasure of going to high school in Alabama…so you know a brother was heavy duty starching his khakis…until i realized that i could actually iron my clothes on them things…i got over the starched pants real quick…plus it was just hard as hell to walk in them things….
it really wasn’t a good look, no matter how you look at it.
Heavy starch!!!! lol
@miss t-lee, STA FLO heavy starch use to have ninjas creases so sharp you would cut yourself…do people even crease their pants anymore??
@Shay-d-lady, They still do down here…certain folks only though.
You know what I mean….lol
@Panama Jackson, yeah p-fiddy you gettin alittle carried away. heavy starch?? i guess now you gonna tell me you had creases down the front.
Jesus be a dry cleaner …lord have mercy.
@Panama Jackson,
and starch for our Dickies. you know a southern brotha has to starch his Dickies.
i have neva heard of this madness.
@pgh muse, ’tis true girl. *nodding vigorously* ’tis true.
i have seen many a ninja get crazy hype about his creases…i’m even talking taking it to the dry cleaners and being pissy if its not creased enough type hype. pants could stand up of thier own accord…
“pants could stand up of thier own accord…”
Yes ma’am…lol
yep, its all true. we used to spend hours ironing creases into our pants. its why my iron game is so good now.
it was a terrible terrible fad in southern culture, much like the splits at the bottom of your jeans so they weren’t tight around the bottom…
just dont buy tapered leg jeans. somehow that simple solution didnt seem plausible at the time.
“i would have secretly cursed my mama for buying me walmart duds to wear back in the day–but now my oldness is finding wearable things, accessories etc..totally agree.”
@The Comeback Girl, me too and now it’s one of the places I shop
“~You can remember carrying a pager and a cell phone was a luxory”
Good one.
@Shelia,
~You can remember carrying a pager and a cell phone was a luxory
I remember having a pager. It was the SH*T… remember the colorful ones? The bill was like $5.00 / a month.
@pgh muse, I had one that I could change cases to match my outfits… u couldnt tell me I wasnt flyest of the fly
@Shay-d-lady,
i KNOW!!!
@pgh muse, I went to grad school with a guy who still had a pager in 2005. I’d actually hear him say to his wife, “just page me if you need anything.”
I didn’t know they still had pager service!
@Voiceofreason,
Me either!! WTF! And he’s NOT a doctor (although they use cells / blackberry’s now!?! WOW!
@pgh muse,
I never had one….
I remember asking my dad for one and he was like “Why?! Are you a ‘street pharmacist’?” Broke my li’l 14 year old heart…
@blackberry molasses,
“Why?! Are you a ’street pharmacist’?” Broke my li’l 14 year old heart…
I KNOW.. i had a job so i could get my own… but i think i was about that old when i got mine. I had this jumper with thick purple and black stripes (Cross Colors i think lol) that i couldn’t hook my pager to cause i didn’t have pockets… lol.
@pgh muse,
I didn’t get mine until I got a job as well.
My Dad was like, ” why you need a pager, you’re always here, they can call you at home”. LOL
He wasn’t lying…he had me on lock!
I AM OLD.
1. i turned down a party to watch reruns of The Office on netflix.
2. i occasionally go to work with wrist braces because my carpel tunnel acts up
3. i think i tore my rotator cuff last time i played n@ked twister. seriously, it hurts to hold the bus rail on the way to work.
4. i give people the evil eye for bringing up politics at work, especially during a meeting. (this is something my mother would do)
5. i take naps on…saturdays.
6. i eat soup.
7. i watch a lot of Court TV. my late grandmother would be proud. we spent hours watching Hawaii Five-O, and any other detective shows we could find.
see, i’m old.
@Miss Patterson, Girl let me CO SIGN your Whole dayum list
Well hell, I’m old too then.
1. I stan for The Office
2. I am slightly narcoleptic and fall asleep at random places. I wrote bout it on my blog the other day. I’m a mess.
3. Soup is THE BEST. Sick or not, I digs it. Tom Yum, Miso, Chicken Noodle…
8. i’ve fallen asleep on myself during late night clasternating. you wake up the next morning like what the…? only to realize you didn’t make it to the finish line and now your hand is numb cuz you slept on it wrong. (a friend of mine and i were both co-signing on this…it’s a 30+ thang, and my friend is a guy so it’s an equal gender opportunity phenomenon).
sheeeeiiiitttt, i’ve fallen asleep at an outcast concert.
in my defense, they weren’t on the stage yet. opening act/co- headliner, whatever didn’t show up (i wanna say it was lauryn hill–this was way back) so the dj was up there doing his thing. i looked at my girl and sho’ nuff said, wake me up when they get on the stage and took myself a nap in that loud as theatre.
this??
is a gotd*mn shame.
I’m laughing at this whole comment. Sleep at a show? WOW!!!
@miss t-lee, yup. but they weren’t on the stage yet people!!! lol.
@SouthernGirl, Okay…I GUESS I’ll leave you be then…lol
A sin AND a shame.
SouthernGirl, I’m going to the VSB Prayer Corner and send Jesus an email for you, to restore your youth and bless you with some vitamins. Somethin’ ain’t right when you fall asleep @ a concert.
@PBG, lmao!
@PBG, have I been gone that long, I didn’t know we had a prayer corner. this is in direct juxtaposition to the “OTHER” corner
@Intellectual Hedonist,
I instituted a VSB Prayer Corner, because sometimes, we just need it up in here. It’s really a cubicle w/a desk and computer so I can send the glittery Jesus emails and I have a picture of a brown, afro’d Baby Jesus hanging on the wall. Overit comes to assist and brings some Islamic flare to the situation. It’s good for all of us.
@Intellectual Hedonist, I would like to offer you my vela (candle) of la Virgin de Guadalupe (Virgin Mary) so help sanctify the space
@SouthernGirl, you rock. I went to House of Blues when N.E.R.D. came and sure did take a 15 minute nap while waiting for them to take the stage. Kindred roasted me, butI was fresh faced when they came on!
@SouthernGirl,
I was ready to take the “Southern” out of your name before you explained yourself…
Outkast = southern dopeness
@AkShone, lmao! you caint neva take the southern outta me!!
@ luvvie, thank ya kindly. that nap did me good. it was on like popcorn once they hit the stage though. i was refreshed and all hype for the rest of the night.
@ panama, whatcha want a sista to do? the dj was not that hot…
@Miss Patterson,
CTFU…Man do I have so much to look forward to.
MissP – I have so done this. It’s like, “Did I really just fall asleep on myself? Dayum!”
8. i’ve fallen asleep on myself during late night clasternating. you wake up the next morning like what the…? only to realize you didn’t make it to the finish line and now your hand is numb cuz you slept on it wrong. (a friend of mine and i were both co-signing on this…it’s a 30+ thang, and my friend is a guy so it’s an equal gender opportunity phenomenon).
whats worse is falling asleep right after you’re done…which means you didnt clean up…which means you wake up feeling like your crotch was dipped in rubber cement
“whats worse is falling asleep right after you’re done…which means you didnt clean up…which means you wake up feeling like your crotch was dipped in rubber cement”
That visual REALLY just messed up my morning hot chocolate
@The Champ, rubber cement?! lmao!!
CALL EMS! I’M choking!
“which means you wake up feeling like your crotch was dipped in rubber cement”
This is so unfortunate.
@Miss Patterson, I am sooo happy to hear I am not the only one who has done this. My younger girlfriends looked at me like I was crazy when we were talking about this. I told them just wait til you in your 30′s and see what happens.
girl i’m not what i’d consider “old” (tho too damn old for games and nonsense, that’s for sure) but i am guilty of half your list! lol esp #1 which i’ve done more than once. i now own seasons 1, 2 & 4 (don’t ask about 3)
“i now own seasons 1, 2 & 4 (don’t ask about 3)”
season 3…no need to explain.
“5. i take naps on…saturdays”
You shol’ right. Especially if I’m going out later…lol
don’t sleep on court tv. what about the first 48? anyone? anyone?
@laylah, “what about the first 48? anyone? anyone?”
yep, watch that too. it’s like 3 stories in 1!
@laylah,
I watch that show religiously. I am a BIG FAN of all the “murder/death/kill” TV shows, especially the reality ones.
Those fake-young a$$ gangstas STAY snitchin’ on that show! Those homicide detectives start talking years and those boys start telling everything they’ve seen and heard since birth. And the ones that start crying for their Mama’s are the ones that really get me! Woooo!
I love that show.
@PBG,
there was one fool who actually snitched on himself and didn’t realize it. the victim had died from a hit and run… actually a hit and reverse and hit again, then run. when the detectives came to his house, before asking him anything he says “i couldn’t have done anything that night. i don’t even have a car.”
foolishness.
@laylah,
I remember him. He was big as H3ll and had a perm. Tried to give the beauty salon as his alibi.
@PBG,
yes! and had those long ass fingernails. yuckity yuck yuck.
@laylah, are yall talking about the one where he dragged the lady down the street? he started the episode with a big a$$ fro and then by the end he had gotten it permed??? that was a mess… he had no remorse he was just like… well she gone now
@Shay-d-lady,
yes, that’s the one. CM was trying to question him and he’s like “she’s gone baby”…
damn those fat pimps.
@laylah,
“damn those fat pimps.”
*dead*
@PBG, Those fake-young a$$ gangstas STAY snitchin’ on that show! Those homicide detectives start talking years and those boys start telling everything they’ve seen and heard since birth. And the ones that start crying for their Mama’s are the ones that really get me! Woooo!
I love that show.
I LOVE FIRST 48 and I am like dang have these weak a$$ snitchin mo fos never heard of going to trial, asking for an attorney? dayum..I mean they dont use no CSI shyt, fingerprints or nothing they just bring they a$$es in there and be like..now we know you did the shyt..and that Caroline Mason is a mess.. I love her she working homicide cases in flip flops with a big a$$ flower on them, capri pants a see through shirt and a long a$$ stripper weave with chinese bangs… I love the M baby….
@Shay-d-lady,
Caroline Mason is my girl!! She’s my favorite detective on the show.
@PBG,
she’s my fave too, even though she looks like a blowfish.
@laylah,
OMG! She does! LMAO!!
“what about the first 48?”
This show (I love it though) single-handedly killed tourism in my home town of Memphis, TN. When I tell people I’m from there, they look at me like a Vietnam vet! On some, “You made it out of there alive?!?!”
@AkShone, yeah I was having a conversation with this dude from Memphis once and I was on some yo, if I ever come visit can I borrow your kevlar vest and a piece. I will say though, that female Detective is fly as h3ll, she is no joke, putting on her lipstick before going to a crime scene. lol
@Intellectual Hedonist,
What’s funny is my cousin has been on that show (he’s a SWAT officer) and he says she carries around signed 8×10′s to give people when they notice her from the show, lol…ahhh, fame.
@AkShone, i just had a layover in Memphis, TN. Just enough time for barbeque. I went to Interstate BBQ & Restaurant and had a beef bologna pork bbq sandwich with cole slaw (which i normally hate) slathered in bbq sauce. this is all to say that my experience of Memphis involved food, so i like the city. p.s.- i’m a glutton.
Memphis = Best BBQ…in. the. world.
and I don’t even eat pork anymore. You gotta go in July, they have a BBQ fest where people literally come from all over the world for the contest! What you know about some dudes from Bangladesh comin’ to Q it up and show you how they do it on the other side of the world!
@AkShone, i heard about that festival. mmm…pork.
@AkShone,
I may have to agree with this. I was in the airport during a lay over in Memphis and got some ribs while I waited. I was like DAMN!! If these shyts is this good in the AIRPORT, I know they must be crazy tasty in da hood.
@Miss Patterson, you chose the right spot to Interstate is good shyt…. so is A&R but I think they might be owned by the same peeps…and Akshone I have never been to the july BBQ fest but the one they have during Memphis in May is off the chain and they usually have some really good concerts going on at the same time…I love my city…..
Shay, I think you’re correct…Memphis in May, right.
It’s been a minute, I usually don’t get back home until the holidays.
@laylah, First 48 is my ish for real…
@Miss Patterson,
I co-sign everything, especially #1 and #7. I hate missing my shows when I go out, especially SNL during the Palin era. And I thrive on old re-runs of Matlock and Murder She Wrote.
@Miss Patterson, ” i take naps on…saturdays.”
I remember being able to stay up 2 days straight and still feel like the energizer bunny…those days are long gone….lol