The Best Alcoholic Beverages To Bring To A Gathering Of Black People, Ranked » VSB

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The Best Alcoholic Beverages To Bring To A Gathering Of Black People, Ranked

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(“Best” in this context is defined as “shit that’ll be consumed and gone by the end of the night”)

10. Beer (any kind)

Because people will need something to drink after literally everything else is gone.

9. Ciroc

I’m 94 percent convinced that people only drink Ciroc because it has a cool logo and rhymes with “Barack.” Yet it’s brought to every gathering of Black people, and someone always snatches it up before the night is over. It’s basically the Khloe Kardashian of overpriced vodkas.

8. Bacardi

Is it just me, or is Bacardi always on sale? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a bottle of Bacardi sold at full price. Or even anything other than like 70% off. It’s basically the Banana Republic slim fit navy chino of flavored rums.

7. Patron

Are we sure Patron is actually tequila, and not just Tanqueray infused with liquid Splenda? This, by the way, wouldn’t be the first fast one Mexico pulled on us. Like the restaurant Senor Frogs that has nan frogs on their menu. Fool me once, Mexico, shame on me. Fool me twice, and I’m voting for Trump and his wall of matchsticks and Legos.

6. Crown Royal Apple

I wonder if the Crown Royal people are happy so many Black people love Crown Royal Apple, or kinda pissed that so many Black people are buying Crown Royal now that it’ll eventually be known as a “Black” brand, like Cadillac and the Morning After Pill.

5. Andre

Because generous pitchers of mimosas generally make people so happy that they don’t care if the champagne by itself tastes like ostrich piss.

4. Riesling (any kind)

Is the safest wine choice. Because you don’t have to pretend to enjoy it, like people do with Cabernets and other red wines. And Moscato always runs the risk of assholes with ascots snickering at you for “drinking a dessert wine before dinner.

3. Malibu Coconut Rum

Remember, this isn’t a list of the best alcoholic beverages. Just the best to bring to a gathering of Black people. And while Malibu just barely qualifies as alcohol — it’s weak enough to consider using as contact lens solution — it’s a safe choice for those who want to spend the night at the host’s house after pretending they’re too drunk to drive home

2. Hennessy

Because some Black people still really, really, really, really want to be Tupac.

1. Jack Daniels Tennessee Honey

Say what you want about Honey Jack. Which is apparently considered the Jason Derulo of whiskey by people who don’t enjoy nice things. But it’s the only thing that is a guarantee to not be there by the end of the night.

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Sigma_Since 93

    How did the following not even get a mention:

    Orange Juice somebody is bringing the gin or Tanqueray in more bougie settings or champagne

    Sours

    Cranberry juice / pineapple juice

    • Junegirl627

      First time i’m attending an event at someones home. I bring 2 chasers and a bottle of higher end liquor in a decorative box.

      Second time I bring my “Go Go Berry Sangria” that I make from scratch.

      Third event I know the drink preferences of the crowd and bless the event accordingly.

      • Numbah5

        Go Go Berry Sangria sounds yummy…recipe?

        • Junegirl627

          Berry Ciroc
          Sweet Red wine
          Pink Moscato
          pomegranate juice
          I replace ice cubes with a sorbet I make out of Strawberries, blackberries , and raspberries, cranberry juice and a dash of sugar.

          • miss t-lee

            Hmmmm. I’ve never added vodka to my sangria. I have added brandy though.
            This sounds yum.

            • Junegirl627

              The Ciroc is only if people have designated drivers. This will get you lit.

              • miss t-lee

                hahah! I can believe it.

                • Junegirl627

                  Plus between the berry flavor of Ciroc and the fruit sorbet It doesn’t taste like liquor. So people automatically drink too much

                  • miss t-lee

                    Oh yeah…reading the recipe, I can already tell this drink is a sneaker…lol

          • Numbah5

            Ooh I like that….and homemade sorbet cubes?…Fancy!

            • Junegirl627

              Yasss! But the thing is most people poor alot of Ice cube in their sangria so it waters down as time goes by. My Sangria stays potent and tastes better as time passes

      • miss t-lee

        I always make sangria or margaritas for a crowd if I’m entertaining.

    • Damon Young

      juices aint alcohol. unless you’re aware of some special juices i don’t know about. if so, please tell me. because i love special juices.

      • Sigma_Since 93

        Juice is like jelly to peanut butter…not everyone drinks everything straight. BTW what did you mix the Honey Jack with at the spades party?? I was at the wine store the other day and could not remember what you did.

        • Damon Young

          it was probably ginger ale

    • Tanqueray? What is this 1994?

      • Sigma_Since 93

        Old habits die hard for some.

      • B-Dot Willz

        Tanqueray #10 will have you sleeping in the street. lol

    • OSHH

      I mix pineapple juice with my Goose and a twist of fresh lemon or lime.

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  • cakes_and_pies

    And this is why always leave with my bottle of Sailor Jerry’s spiced rum practically untouched.

    • TheCollinB

      Rum needs a strong resurgence.

      • miss t-lee

        Rum ain’t went nowhere…lol

        • TheCollinB

          It doesn’t show up where I be these days.

          • miss t-lee

            So sorry.

          • cakes_and_pies

            Me either. I’m always the one bringing it.

    • Gibbous

      I accidently bought Jamaican spiced rum for eggnog one year. It aged about 5 years in my cupboard before I was able to give it away.

  • HoobaStankyLeg

    I…Didn’t know Crown Royal came in apple. *Throws it on my list of liquors to try.

    • Other_guy13

      You missing out

      • HoobaStankyLeg

        That may be true. But I won’t be after tonight Friend.

        • Other_guy13

          Oh…enjoy

  • TheCollinB

    I one hundred percent of the time show up with coconut ciroc ? and a gallon of Simply Limemade. I pour it heavily, get people faded into oblivion and co sign there bad choices.

    Little known TCB fact: I drink but because of my body mass index I have never been drunk. It seems like it would take a deathly amount of alcohol for me to get there.

    • Junegirl627

      Next time go with simply Raspberry and Apple ciroc. It’ll change your life.

      • TheCollinB

        It sounds like it would. Simply anything and liquor is probably gonna win a crowd. It’s just good a s s juice.

        • Junegirl627

          true I drank simply with 151 before…. don’t judge me

          • TheCollinB

            You said 151 and I immediately prayed for you.

            • Rastaman

              151 is white rum for infants. Bring some Wray and Nephew or some Puncheon and you VIP at my bashments

              • TheCollinB

                #themoreyouknow

          • Mr. Mooggyy

            I upvoted you because I respect your gangsta!

            • Junegirl627

              You can take the girl outta East New York, but you might get got because she always gonna have a little thug in her……. ;)

              • My husband is from the East..lol

                • Junegirl627

                  and I bet everyonce in a while he does something ignorant that has you all the way confused saying “now why in the dang gone H E L L did he do that?

                  answer: Because.. ENY lol

                  • Girl… it’s something in the water. Lol

                    • Junegirl627

                      I’m not even gonna pretend cuz I know my inner goon is always ready to come out and play.

                  • I got ran out of ENY one time. Went to play ball, got slaughtered on the court, and the winning team got so mad at my wackness they chased me all the way to the subway.

              • Jae Starz

                ALWAYS! I can’t even help it…”wait…what happened?! what she say?!” Thats when my friends start taking cover. LOL

                • Junegirl627

                  It’s like it was a classes we look in school or something 1st period english 2nd period Goon 3rd period math 4th History 5th Oh no this bishhh didn’t and 8th period You picked the wrong one.

                  Plus I’m from the Highland park side so we had all the voodoo people.

                  • orchid921

                    2nd period goon … #dead

                    • brothaskeeper

                      In Black schools, it’s a real class.

              • J. D.

                I had to log in just to say big up to ENY. I too drink 151 and wray and nephew. Because ENY. Lol

          • PhlyyPhree

            I upvoted you because I’m surprised youre still alive to tell that tale

            • Junegirl627

              I didn’t know what it was at first because they all called it “get right” so I drank and it was good….. til it was all bad. I won’t say what happened but as long as all those people are alive to tell the tale I can’t run for president, lol

    • StillSuga

      Simply Limeade is perfect with just about everything

      • EVERYTHING.. do the Simply Pineapple Mango with Coconut Rum… Giiiiiiiiiiirl.

        • StillSuga

          Pineapple Mango is the truth!

          • Touched by the hands of Caribbean Jesus.

            • Junegirl627

              lol

            • Lindajallums3

              Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !sk511f:
              On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
              !sk511f:
              ??
              ??;?? http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash801GroupPublicGetPay$97Hour ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????::::::!sk511f:….,…..

        • Sweet Potato Kai

          Noted.

          I also want to try a Rumchata milkshake.

          • Emmie

            Rumchata and orange juice also surprisingly good…best if you have a cocktail shaker

            • Sweet Potato Kai

              This sounds terrible!!!

              • Emmie

                I know! That was my exact reaction when I heard the combination until I tried it. I only gave in to prove it was gross but was pleasantly surprised.

          • Pamelawjenkins4

            Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !sr62f:
            On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            !sr62f:
            ??
            ??;?? http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash352ShopExtremeGetPay$97Hour ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????::::::!sr62f:….,……

            • Sweet Potato Kai

              Get off my lawn

        • miss t-lee

          The mango lemonade though.

          • With Coconut 1800

            • brothaskeeper

              *strokes beard pensively* I gets down with Parrot Bay and mango triple sec. Lemme conduct some experiments this weekend with the Simply juices.

            • miss t-lee

              I don’t like flavored tequila.

        • TeeChantel

          This. Sounds. Amazing.
          I must try.

        • M. Roberts

          Oh, yes indeed!

      • miss t-lee

        Dayum straight.

      • LMNOP

        Not cereal with milk. I recently got in this exact argument with a 10 year old. I was right.

    • Val

      “…because of my body mass index I have never been drunk.”

      Check out Collin Hottodding on a Friday. Lol

      • TheCollinB

        Not even. Val I’ve put bottles away and felt like I could walk a balance beam afterwards. My system just won’t let me fail I guess, but it looks fun!

        • brothaskeeper

          You’re like Hancock. Be coming out of Green’s with 5 casks of Johnnie Walker on a flat bed cart. “Just taking a few shots this weekend”.

      • TeeChantel

        He’s been dropping these little gems for the last few weeks now.
        We see you, Collin.

        • TheCollinB

          Im trying to present facts and connect with the people. I’m creating buy in so in the future all of this can be used against me….like Sigma and his Nokia phone.

    • Same here. I’m 205 with below 16% body fat and it takes a staggering amount of wine or spirits to get me drunk. I don’t even get a buzz from a six-pack.

      • TheCollinB

        Fam I have tried to put myself in a coffin many a times and failed. White, dark. No haps. I just stick to drugs. No I don’t.

      • TeeChantel
        • Behave. I’m married.

          • TeeChantel

            I know you are. Friday fun, my dude.

      • kingpinenut

        Wait until you hit 8% bf…… the panties will come your way sans request

        • Mrs. MM’s is sufficient for me.

          Also not trying to cut that low. I love beer and burgers too much and don’t care about no six pack abs.

    • LOL That’s pretty much my go to for parties- only I do the cheapest vodka in the liquor store: Monopalowa! It’s a hit every time! I always announce my disclaimer – not cosigning bad decisions!

    • Buy a bottle of deep eddys cranberry & lemonade… Thank me later for the awsomess was that will occur and those questionable choices!

      • Lillie Emily

        Questionable Choices! Gosh, I miss the days where that was actually a thing!

    • PinkRose

      I’ll bet your liver begs to differ…………………….

      • TheCollinB

        I don’t go hard for this very reason tho. What’s the point.

    • TeeChantel

      Also, Turkey Hill Lemonade and Bacardi Pineapple is a very refreshing drink. The lemonade masks the alcohol completely and gets you lit very quickly.

    • Kas
  • Other_guy13

    How is Crown Royal Apple #6….it’s cheap and it get’s the job done….at least #3…remind me never to go to a VSB gathering.

  • HoobaStankyLeg

    How you gonna run a successful bidness without Shlitz Malt Liquor?!

    • TheCollinB

      “You ain’t keepin real!!!”

      What movie is this from?

      • HoobaStankyLeg

        Double Take!!!!! Classic!

  • I am still not on board with this bougie Riesling train. Give me every iteration of moscato there is. Yes I will have another sparkling boo berry punch-flavored moscato, please and thank you. Damon hit on an important fact that the only people who take issue with other people drinking moscato wear ascots. And as such, they clearly can’t be trusted.

    Other black party favorites are a generic “Sangria” blend of wine. No fruit necessary. Assemble the right group of women and we’d tip over a delivery truck to get to that.

    • miss t-lee

      Once you’ve had good Sangria…you can’t drink that bottled ish anymore.

      • Junegirl627

        I wrote earlier that I have my own secret recipe for a berry sangria. lol

        • miss t-lee

          I’ve never made a berry one.
          I do a white sangria and a red sangria.

          • Junegirl627

            recipe down below.

      • Giiiiiirl, yes!!

        • miss t-lee

          You know!

      • #facts

        • miss t-lee

          *daps*

      • I can drink it out of a pouch, a box, idc idc.

        • miss t-lee

          Nope.

      • TD

        This comment… #Yasss

        • miss t-lee

          Yassss.

      • OSHH

        I went to an event a few years back at an Anthropologie store in Dc hosted by Andre Pippen of Fly.com best Sangria i ever had. She has afro _brazilian roots.

        • miss t-lee

          Mmmmmm ?

    • Gibbous

      I’m not a drinker, so I’m taking notes. I would love it if there were mini bottles of EVERYTHING. Sometimes I want to try something without being stuck with a bigg a$$ bottle of something I hate afterward.

      • Junegirl627

        wait till christmas time they always have miniatures

      • Oh Sutter Home makes little bottles. A bunch of companies do. Myx, them other jawns… I usually stop at Sutter Homes.

        • Gibbous

          I thought Sutters Homes was a wine brand? It’s a store too?

          I live in NC, we have an ABC liquore store that seems kinda shady. In NY and MA, we had nice stores with knowledgeable people to help you. Here we have folks that look like they’re just barely legal and have never even tasted 90% of their stock.

          • Nik White

            You can get those at the grocery stores here in MI.

      • miss t-lee

        Most bigger liquor stores sell those mini bottles, it’s a good way to try things out.

      • Rastaman

        Hang out at the airport and befriend a flight attendant!!

    • Question

      Plus, I don’t see how folks can look down on Moscato but then walk into the room with some sweetass Riesling like one is higher brow than the other – one just always has bubbles.

      I’m a wino…And I will get down quickly and happily get down with some Moscato.

      • Moscato is a female drink.

        • Question

          Is it because its sweet? Or because it has bubbles?

          Unless its over dinner/brunch/celebrating-a-championship-win, do you really see dudes drinkin sparkling anything?

          • Sweetness. It’s a great wine for people who don’t like wine. But you’ll eventually need to graduate to something stronger.

            • Junegirl627

              Chavignon Blanc!!

              • Better, but it’s not a red. A basic merlot will blow away the most complex savignon blanc.

                • Junegirl627

                  nah not a big red fan. Mostly because contrary to popular belief I don’t like like the flavor combo of red meat and alcohol.

                • Cheech

                  We have differing experiences with how basic a basic merlot can get. And with what the French can do with whites.

                  Try a non-cheap white Bordeaux from Graves. You’ll be surprised.

            • Question

              If you’re really gonna get into it, are most mixed-drinks-served-at-parties (meaning, no bartender in sight) for people who don’t like the taste of liquor, but like the effects?

              • Agree.

                I’m antisocial and introverted, so I’ll always bring a flask of tequila and whiskey and drink it either eat or cut with ice.

        • MsSula

          Moscato has its use. Ice Wine is also super sweet. Some muscadets are full bodied. There are some sweet Rieslings. There is Gewürztraminer….etc… etc… The particularity of wine is its pairing. That what elevates or downgrades a wine.

          I am a winehead and I don’t understand this Moscato bias at all.

          • It’s sweet and that’s it. No complexity in its flavors. In fact, I generally hold that white wines can’t hold a candle to the flavors and complexities found in red wines.

            • MsSula

              There are around 200 different varieties of Muscat grapes. Based on that alone, some will have more complexity than others.

              White wines like red wines vary so much that I don’t like the idea of comparing white vs red. I will compare tannin heavy wines together or dry wines together. The color characteristic is not enough in my opinion to decide whether 1 is better than the other.

            • Beauty In Truth

              Lies!

            • Ger Wil

              All the truth. Well in the case of the really sweet whites. Some of them are merely bottles of welch’s that have a backstory.

          • Beauty In Truth

            Some good Ice wine will cost ya a pretty penny! Don’t let it be from Sauternes.

          • refslady

            Some people have confused Moscato with old skool Muscatel.

          • NonyaB

            Ice wine is great as gifts when you visit places like China (popular there, raises your estimation in recipient’s eyes). Otherwise, too sweet for me. The noise against moscato is because many think there’s only 1-2 types of it (the cheaper quality, popular one in the corner store or hawked by celebX), as opposed to the fact that like other wine types, there’s a full range (sweet/less sweet, light/fuller body, high/low quality, vintages, etc).

        • StillSuga

          I don’t know why some of yall are acting like there aren’t plenty of dudes who are lightweight drinkers. Moscato is a drink for people who like sweet ish lol

          • A lightweight drinker lacks commitment. Go heavy or go home.

            • StillSuga

              I don’t disagree with you

          • Question

            This. I know some dudes who should stop thinking they can keep up with the big boys and the whiskey-gingers. Put it down. Walk away. Go getchu a nice red cranberry vodka and quit playin’…

            • Shawn (with a W)

              Whiskey ginger is a big boy drink?

        • Fine. Deny yourself heaven. See if I care.

        • Nik White

          I refer to it as Black Girl Koolaid and Imma Black Girl so no shade. As far as Riesling – try a dirty glass (green olives and a little olive juice).

      • Beauty In Truth

        They’re both for rookies.

    • Cherron

      Moscato is ok, but I buy Roscato by the case

      • Ooh, you might’ve just put me onto something new.

        • Cherron

          Yes, get into it. I tried it on a whim and almost drank the entire bottle in one day. If you like sweet and bubbly, you’ll like it

  • Junegirl627

    Andre is nasty and if you desecrate my mimosa with that swill I will cut you.

    • miss t-lee

      For real.

    • MsSula

      Exactly! I will take any Prosecco (because I will never desecrate Champagne with Orange juice as in NEVER!!!) but Andre is just foul.

      • Junegirl627

        I love mimosas

      • miss t-lee

        I use Prosecco also.

  • Other_guy13

    You can’t just bring any type of beer man….smh

    • Junegirl627

      Word!!! This is my favorite beer. Its so good you can actually drink it warm or room temperature and still drink down the suds!

      • I can’t live in a city without microbreweries or a Flying Saucer. There are several I go to when I need time out the house to work. Lost 40 and Core are my favorites.

        • Junegirl627

          I’m not a beer lover or anything like that but I love weihenstepphaner

  • OG Mermaid

    So I told myself that when I finish my book, I was going to give away bottles, more specifically 5th’s of either Circoc, Hennessy, or Patron to all those who pre-ordered and test the theory of the only way to get people to buy books is to give away alcohol, looking at this list made me reconsider; I’m giving away malt liquor in a brown paper bag instead since they didn’t make this list, which I believe was intentional. And I know that it could technically be considered “beer” but still; #SayColt45sName. #PutSomeRespekOnOldeEnglish800Name.

    • TheCollinB

      I’ll read your book. What’s it about?

      • OG Mermaid

        A fictional tale involving hood antics, colorism, snap-chat, Instagram, trying to meet ridiculous standards of beauty while knowing that they are ridiculous (for example the investing in/buying of butt pads), and the thin line between objectification and empowerment that ALL genders*** love to play with.

        ***This includes both those who identify as trans and men; We often associate objectification with those who identify as women; yet men are often objectified and don’t even know it, partly because it’s so ingrained into how they are socialized to perform their masculinity for the world.***

        • TheCollinB

          Synopsis seems timely and the inclusion of men into the fold of objectification is a dope spin. On topic but kinda off topic my wife was asking me the other day about the memes that talk about women not being able to take dyck that are prevalent in Instagram and she was curious why no women ever made memes about men not being able to take p*ssy. Instagram, and social media feeds our brain these ideas that really become our ideologies and our truths and are based solely on someone’s opinion that’s trying to generate some likes. Strange shyt.

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