Ben Carson Endorsed Trump For A Job Hook-Up, Which Reminds Us Ben Carson Is Black As Fuck » VSB

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Ben Carson Endorsed Trump For A Job Hook-Up, Which Reminds Us Ben Carson Is Black As Fuck

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You can say many things about Ben Carson, the backordered decaffeinated coffee machine who recently dropped out of the presidential race. Iconic surgeon. Popeyes enthusiast. Vigilante. Black History Month book report muse. Delusional motherfucker. But one thing you cannot do is doubt his Blackness bonafides. Yes, his actual politics, if enacted, would have put America back to 1953. But let’s forget about that for a moment. Instead, just think about all the times he reminded us he was Black as fuck.

There were the multiple times he appeared to be barely conscious while giving speeches, appearing on TV, waiting to walk on stage, and just, like, standing there. Which reminded Black America of every middle-aged dad or uncle asked to do something, and doing what he’s asked to do, but emitting a barely concealed contempt through his body language at you for asking him to do something while Criminal Minds was on. There was the time he allowed the national anthem to be delivered by his wife; a (presumably) lovely woman whose voice can best be described as “bless her heart.” Which is no different from well-meaning Black people volunteering friends and family members who have no business volunteering to sing anywhere outside of showers and empty Priuses to sing church solos. And, there was the time he installed a portrait of him and Black Klingon Jesus at a YMCA sauna — a Rondo-handed Black Klingon Jesus with circa-2003 Katt Williams’s hair — in his home, which might actually be the Blackest thing ever done by anyone anywhere.

Now, it’s being reported that he only endorsed Donald Trump because of a potential job hook-up. Which…well. Let’s just say I know I’m not the only one who pretended to listen to and enjoy a mixtape produced by a bouncer at a club I used to frequent because I knew it mentioning it to him would get me in free.

From Think Progress:

Carson told the conservative online site NewsMax TV on Monday that he backed Trump based on a practical calculus.

“I didn’t see a path for [John] Kasich, who I like, or for [Marco] Rubio, who I like. As far as [Ted] Cruz is concerned, I don’t think he’s gonna be able to draw independents and Democrats unless has has some kind of miraculous change… Is there another scenario that I would have preferred? Yes. But that scenario isn’t available.” Pressed to clarify, Carson said he meant he’d prefer to have backed one of the other candidates.

Carson then said that Trump had promised him a role in his administration, “certainly in an advisory capacity.” Asked by NewsMax’s Steve Malzberg whether this meant a cabinet position, Carson declined to “reveal any details about it right now, because all of this is still very liquid.”

Now, what position could he have possibly be offered? Is there a Secretary for the State of Narcolepsy post I’m unaware of? An HNICOC? (Head Nigga In Charge Of Chicken.) Does Trump need a pair of truly #GiftedHands to fix his toupee? Who knows? I do know that I’m going to kinda, sorta miss Black-ass Ben Carson; the proverbial uncle in the back room watching Matlock who only leaves his chair to eat dinner and attend high school class reunions.

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Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • “doing what he’s asked to do, but emitting a barely concealed contempt through his body language” <— I am at work…and this line is about to get me in all the trouble. LMAO

    • skinnynow

      Sometimes I think my family in an anommoly in Black America. Then I read stuff like this and see every. last. one. of my uncles/cousins and my dad slow bobbing it to take out the garbage during the middle of a Bones/CSI/Law & Order marathon.

      Thank you, Champ, for reminding me that Black America is really just one big family reunion!

    • PhlyyPhree

      Tuh. That IS me at work. I’d like to thank Champ for so accurately describing my life

  • Mt favorite Ben Carson moment is when he asked “Can somebody attack me, please?” at the last debate. I thought his mask was finally going to slip but no, he went an endorsed Trump just to sit next to the throne… I can’t with this dude.

    • Quirlygirly

      I thought that was sad- begging to be picked on- like what??

      I honestly have no words for Ben Carson

  • TheCollinB

    The way this ni**a is getting trolled by the media for always lookin sleep tho…

  • Mary Burrell

    Visions of Surgeon General or Secretary of Health dancing in his head.

  • United_Dreamer

    Well worth writing this article if just to re-reference “black Klingon Jesus”!

  • brothaskeeper

    Ben Carson: proof positive that education is not the same as intelligence.

    • Dr. She Who Reads

      Jeeeessssssssuuuuuuuuuusssss, this is sooooooo true! And I say it all the time. Everyone who’s been educated AIN’T intelligent.

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    • Amen

      Lol, that’s a little harsh. I would say that Ben Carson is proof positive that running for president is usually a horrible mistake.

      • LogicalLeopard

        This is very true. When you run for president, you have to say and do things that to appeal to the voters.

    • LogicalLeopard

      Ben Carson is both educated and intelligent. It’s running for president that really just makes fools of everyone.

      • brothaskeeper

        I disagree with the utmost respect, LL and Amen. Intelligence would have prevented him from questioning other people’s ethnicities, or glorifying a past in which he allegedly stabbed someone and using that circumstance as a gauge of Blackness. One can run an effective campaign without pandering. If you try to please everyone, you end up pleasing no one.

        • LogicalLeopard

          I’m going to have to respectfully disagree. You can run a campaign without pandering, but I don’t know if you can run an effective campaign without pandering. All of them gloss parts of their lives, and are prone to do dirty things. Intelligence is the ability to acquire and apply skills. Ben Carson undoubtebly has intelligence. It is what helped him to excel in his first career (medicine).
          The only intelligence fail I can see is him actually going into politics. And I list that as an intelligence fail because it doesn’t make much sense to run for president, especially if you have many like-minded politicians you’re running against. Unless I missed it, he isn’t trying to advance any other agenda that any other conservative is trying to do. Well, maybe Trump, who is in a class of his own. Running for president is kind of an exercise in vanity, unless you truly believe you can make a difference. By running for president, and doing those things you said, such as glorifying an allegedly violent past and gauging other people’s blackness (cause that’s flat out what he did when he questioned President Obama’s ethnicity), he’s tarnished his legacy as an excellent surgeon and role model for nothing. Now he’s scraping for a position with Trump, if he wins.

          • Amen

            uhh…what she said. lol

            • LogicalLeopard

              *LOL*

          • brothaskeeper

            Point taken. Yes, his field requires a certain level of intelligence; however, the practice of neurosurgery is scientifically based, and in science, criteria for understanding is subjective, and this understanding requires an education. Intelligence, IMHO, is one’s ability to discern more objective undertakings, regular social interactions, if someone asks me if I ever had a gun pointed at me, do I say yes or no, and if I say yes, do I embellish? I have a license, but I don’t know how to drive an 18-wheeler, but if I EDUCATED myself on how to do it, I would be effective at it. My INTELLIGENCE tells me that a similar principle applies to driving a big rig as it does to driving my car. There’s no education on how to become POTUS, nor is there one for when you become one, but certainly a template has been established for people intelligent enough to be that shows all the necessary prerequisites.

            • LogicalLeopard

              I understand what you mean about there being no education on how to become POTUS or what to do when you become one. But I’m going to modify that a bit. There IS an education on it, but it’s not one we’re privy to. This is taught in the backrooms of candidates’ chambers. Full of statistics, focus groups, and arcane knowledge wielded by political advisors that are seldom seen by the public. But there are certain abilities you have to have that go beyond intelligence. Like charm. Or the ability to persuade. That’s hard to teach, intelligent or not. And it’s something people immediately see. And then, you have to be able to compromise, make compromises, allow both sides to save face, lots of little things.

              The expression, “It isn’t brain surgery” is strangely apt. Politics isn’t brain surgery. It requires a whole other set of interpersonal and oratory skills. President Obama is smart. Ben Carson is smart. However, President Obama’s intelligence and personal skills led him to become an lawyer. Ben Carson became a doctor. Being a lawyer translates excellently to being a President. But I don’t think the intelligence that Ben Carson has regarding neurosurgery translates to politics, which is why it may seem like he’s unintelligent. Ben’s intelligence may help him go from driving a car to driving an 18 wheeler, but this was more like driving a car to sailing a boat. And he got washed up.

          • Betty’s Babygirl

            You can be intelligent without being formally educated. The number of degrees or letters one may have b/4 or after their name does not equal intelligence. As a matter of fact, quite a few people I’ve encountered who have had a formal education are dumb as f u ck. No common sense, street smarts or social acumen. And vice-versa I’ve been schooled by people who have life experience but no degree from an accredited institution. Just think about the person you have or currently report to. They’re usually the least intelligent and do not grasp what looks good on paper doesn’t work when implemented. But by George they’ll stand by it even when faced w/factual evidence it’s a failure.

            • LogicalLeopard

              That is very true. Education does not equal intelligence. But intelligence doesn’t equal you’ll never do anything stupid, either. And furthermore, sometimes your job calls for you to be stupid. *LOL* I know that sounds funny, but take your example. Sometimes you report to a person who may be intelligent in some fashion, but often, the job itself makes you functionally stupid. Sometimes that person over you entered just bright and intelligent, and the intelligence is just BEATEN out of them by the “system” in place. *LOL* You know what I mean? I think that happens a lot, where people have to operate within certain systems where leadership becomes just a tool to keep the gears grinding in an uncompromising fashion, rather than a tool to empower and grow employees, and thus the business.

              Politics is kind of like that. It doesn’t matter who you put in, most of the time, they’ve got to go around and say the same tired, stupid things, because those stupid things are what get votes. Unless you’re Donald Trump, who can say anything he wants. But even that’s stupid, and he connects with people who want to be able to say whatever they want. Ben Carson really messed up when he went into politics, because he shot his credibility right out the window. Five, ten years ago, his intelligence would have never been in question. Until he made the silly mistake of becoming a political commentator and going into politics.

            • Jake McCoy

              It is also intelligent to use your intelligence to get a degree. With a degree it’s easier to make money. Making money the easy way is an intelligent thing to do. Yes, there are the few outliers who become multi-millionaires by working hard without a formal education, but they are few and far between.

            • Mochasister

              So true. My grandfather (born and raised in Mississippi) could run circles around some of my PhD having professors and he didn’t make it out of primary school.

      • Jake McCoy

        I totally agree. Dr. Carson is both educated and intelligent. People are just projecting. They reflect on their own lives and wonder why this guy is a brain surgeon who makes 7 figures. It must be because Dr. Carson is stupid and very lucky. That’s the only conclusion. There is no other possible explanation. LOL

        • LogicalLeopard

          Well, theres the fact that people just tend to call each other stupid in politics. THat’s the climate we have today. But I think that there’s another issue here….as smart as you can be, you can say some pretty silly things on the campaign trail. I mean, these people are on the move so much and they’re talking so much, that they are bound to say something silly. And it gets top news when they do.

        • Wild Cougar

          The other possible explanation is he’s dumb. That comes from him saying dumb things that should not come out of anyone’s mouth.

      • Val

        Nah. Sorry, LL. There are some things that Ben Carson said that go beyond political pandering. They were just dumb things that no truly intelligent person would ever fix their lips to say.

        • Kas

          Book smart ain’t street smart. I can’t decide on Ben because I can’t figure out if he was running to be President or running to increase his book sales and appearance fees down the line. Perhaps he is dumb like a fox. I think we can all agree that he ran a horrible campaign and was woefully under prepared for the debates. The Black nice version of Trump.

        • Stefanie Kelly

          thank you.

        • NoGames

          Yup…sometimes Ben just sounded stick stupid.

        • LogicalLeopard

          Well, truly intelligent people are the often the ones that say the dumbest things, though, right? *L* Especially if it’s something they’re not familiar with. Ben Carson should have stayed in the hospital, he had no business getting into politics, I believe. There’s probably a reason why you don’t see a lot of doctors in Congress and the White House. There’s only one I remember, and he got voted out a few years back.

          • Betty’s Babygirl

            There’s actually about 19 medical doctors currently in Congress. Almost all of them opposed The ACA (I refuse to call it Obamacare until he’s out of office since Republicans intended it as a slur) Senator Rand Paul (KY) an Opthamologist who attended Duke University School of Medicine led the charge against The ACA.

            • LogicalLeopard

              Wow, that’s more than I thought. And I forgot about Rand Paul. But, there are far more lawyers than doctors.

    • I still honestly think, Carson was a victim:

      https://i.imgflip.com/10w342.jpg

      Coonpires have been busy the last couple of years, just sucking the blackness out of people.

      • brothaskeeper

        So what wards off a Coonpire? Serena’s tennis racquet? A bottle of Terrence Howard’s conk? A picture of Elise Neal?

        • Not a 100% sure, but I know he just got Foxy Brown.

          • brothaskeeper

            She probably didn’t hear him coming.

    • NonyaB

      YUP! And for those throwing his medical career up as defense: Dude’s had higher than average rate of malpractice lawsuits, with most settled in favour of patient. Apparently, something like 75% of doctors have malpractice claims at one time or another, less than 2% of them lead to any payout/settlement to the victim.

    • PinkRose

      Just because you don’t agree with his politics doesn’t make the man unintelligent. You don’t get to achieve all that he has at one of the best medical institutions in the world, being a dummy.

      • brothaskeeper

        Madam, I did not say a word about him being unintelligent, or even being dumb. I don’t agree with the Republican platform, but a lot of Republicans are rational and sensible people (Colin Powell, Michael Steele, etc.). Degrees don’t make you smart. The most intelligent people I’ve ever known in my life didn’t have more than an 8th grade education.

        • PinkRose

          You didn’t have to say a word, you strongly insulated it with this statement: “…..education is not the same as intelligence”. Just because you don’t agree with his politics (I don’t either) doesn’t wipe his career or education away as a Surgeon.

  • Courtney Wheeler

    I’m trying to figure out who i like better…Ben Carson or the 999 guy…

    • Herman Cain wins because he had a thick White girl problem.

      • TheCollinB

        *stops drops and rolls*

      • AquaTeamV3
        • brothaskeeper

          Right on time!

        • PDL – Cape Girl

          Creepy McCreepster

        • C. Bizzle

          I can’t with you ninjas…

      • Gbadebo

        Reaaaallllllllly???? Time to get my Googles on…

      • Epsilonicus

        When?

        • His 13-year side piece and curvy White lady accuser ended his campain.

    • miss t-lee

      I gotta go with Cain, because he gave me one of my all time favorite gifs.

  • Cleojonz

    I figured when I heard he endorsed him he was angling to be Surgeon General.

    • Quirlygirly

      I thought that too but I was told I was reaching so I shut up

      • Cleojonz

        People don’t know! STAY WOKE!

    • Jacqueline

      It was clear he was paid and promised something. This man has no pride. I just wonder what Chris Christie was promised!

      • Cleojonz

        Chris Christie is angling to either be his running mate (Trump is too smart for this he’d probably pick Kasich or Rubio) or Attorney General. He’s a former lawyer too.

        • Rebecca Bond

          that is really scary!

      • thatonedude1010

        Unlimited access to the White House kitchens, methinks

      • brothaskeeper

        Free Popeye’s for the duration of the Drumpf presidency, plus a 24-hour-a-day intravenous Pepsi drip.

      • Tambra
    • Val

      And what an astounding disaster that would be.

  • Ess Tee

    As far as I’m concerned, Ben Carson managing to call Popeye’s a “Popeye’s Organization” is now more noteworthy than anything his gifted hands ever did.

    • TheCollinB

      I never heard this, but am now calling everything an organization. Including the liquor store I buy my cigarettes from. 10th Street Beer and Wone Organization

      • RagesAgainstMachines

        After work I’m going to the Hollywood Beauty Supply Organization to buy some edge control and a quick weave.

        • brothaskeeper

          I went to an adult entertainment organization this past weekend…

          • My good friend in the Cannibus Sales Organization…

            • kid video

              In Vegas, they have Brothel Organization…

      • Ess Tee

        Hahaha! Trevor Noah did this whole bit on The Daily Show last fall. Carson says it within the first minute of the clip.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aul2Zf-1qwo

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