Beating Dead Horses: An Honest Assessment About Why I Couldn’t Date A White Woman

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"Wait, we can't even watch the movie together and you think I'm going to TAKE you down there? Ninja please."

Nearly every time anybody finds out that my mother is white, the conversation veers towards my dating preferences and if I’d ever date a white woman. And my answer is always no. I usually rifle off some statement about not being rejected by all of the beautiful Black women yet, and while that may be true, that really doesn’t speak at all to any sound, valid based god reasoning.

So one day, while eating things white people eat – like arugula and rosemary paremesan bread – I decided to really think about if there was any good reason aside from disappointing the million sistahs that don’t want me already. And that’s when it happened.

What?

I’m finna tell you, be easy.

So that’s when it happened.

Rick James, b*tch. My iTunes media player randomly played one of my favorite songs ever.

And then the floodgates into my mind’s eye opened and the reasons flowed like champagne at a strip club featuring the talents of future Basketball Wives. Allons-y.

1. I couldn’t dedicate nearly any of my favorite songs to her.

“Ebony Eyes”? Out. Once we break up: “Pretty Brown Eyes (Breaking My Heart)”. Gone. While it’s wholly possible that I could date a white chick with brown eyes, with my luck she’d have green eyes and splicing every time Erick Sermon said “the green eyed-bandit” into a dope song is just not a good idea. So many songs about Black love mention a woman’s brown eyes, which must suck for our sistahs with hazel or green or Thriller eyes.

2. I like to go to exhibits about Black history.

Nearly all of these exhibits haarken back to a time of discord between our two races. And while I’d know beyond the shadow of a doubt that it wasn’t my girl’s fault that things went all the way wrong…maybe, just maybe…she ain’t do enough to prevent it!!!!! True story: I went to go see the America I Am Exhibit while it was here in DC and this man came with his white wife. They started out cool, but over the course of the exhibit they must have gotten into some racially charged argument because they kept arguing…HISTORY…while we were there. It’s almost like he was taking it all personal while she was just trying to see the exhibit. Poor white woman.

3. I’m bald.

This means that I don’t have a comb. But I do have a daugher. And I swear fo’ God and three white men that I’d be the most hairdressingest Black man in America before I let somebody who’s hair acumen is effectively “wet and go” do my daughter’s hair. I’ve seen that with my own two eyes before. It was no bueno.

4. I like to watch bad Black movies.

I like sequels to questionable Black movies like Belly 2, Why Did I Get Married To: That Guy Right Three. And movies with Vivica Fox. I’m only gonna explain front weaves once. Or what if we are watching Precious and she thinks its funny. I mean it is…but I’m Black. After laughter comes tears. SHE should want to go volunteer and make a difference after!

5. I could never own or watch Rosewood again.

I remember the first time I watched this movie. At the home of my white mother and my entire white family. And I was enraged for a solid fifteen minutes. At nobody and everybody. I mean…they kilt Aunt Sarah dead. How am I supposed to tell her that I can never watch a movie again without her WANTING to see why? And then we’d have to watch it…and then we’d be done and what then class??

I couldn’t dedicate any songs to her that I love cuz well, “Pretty Brown Eyes” is out remember? See what I did there?

6. I honestly feel like I’d be disappointing my community.

Why? No good reason. Ridiculous logic? Absolutely. Love is and should be bigger than all of that. But I feel how I feel and I hate pepper because it’s Black. Again, I’m a f*cking walking paradox. No I’m not.

7. Most importantly, I’d have to stop using the n-word. And my n*gga, that’s just too much to ask of one man.

Now, don’t take this as me saying nobody should date outside of their race. Frankly, my dear, I couldn’t give a f*ck less who anybody decides to date as long as it’s not some horse or an ocelot. But these are reasons I’d tell my momma…right before she told me I need to have more diverse dating tastes. Oh, parents.

Anyway, folks of the VSBpora, have you ever actually thought about why you could or couldn’t date outside of your race? Like actual reasons? Do share?

Just say, say, say, what you want.

Posse out.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

****DMV RESIDENTIALISTS: Come celebrate Panama’s B-day on Thursday, June 2, a VSB Happy Hour and Game Night at Tap& Parlour at Bohemian Caverns located at 2001 11th Street, NW (corner of 11th and U) from 530-until. Game 2 will be on the TVs, games will be available, and happy hour prices. It’s a win-win-win.****

No rapture means that God wants you to stay on Earth and purchase the paperback or the $9.99 Kindle version of “Your Degrees Wont Keep You Warm at Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide to Dating, Mating, and Fighting Crime”

Lastly, we’d like to thank all of you for coming through and nominating us for FIVE Black Weblog Awards. We’re on the final ballot for Best Humor Blog, Best Writing in a Blog, Best Sex & Relationships Blog, Best Group Blog, and Blog of the Year. Please vote for us here.

 

Newer Comments →
  • Mo-VSS

    I was looking forward to posting tomorrow, but seeing as the topic is going to turn into a racial armageddon in about 15 minutes, I’m straight.

    I will come to view the fireworks later, but I have nothing solid to add that I feel strongly enough to debate about later.

    Enjoy!

    • http://twitter.com/TheHumanSp1d3r The Human Spider

      *sits down on the recliner with a 2-liter Sprite, a large cheese pizza, and three bags of Tostitos*

      *opens one bag. looks around*

      Anyone want some Tostitos?

      • Tx10inch

        *sits on couch, plops feet on table*

        Nah, but pass me a slice of dat pizza playa..Hope it’s Pappa John’s.

        • http://twitter.com/TheHumanSp1d3r The Human Spider

          *looks at pizza*

          What pizza?

          • Tx10inch

            Come on dawg…really doe? it was a LARGE! don’t be like dat…

            • dblcr

              damb son, no pizza for noone…guess homie say you aint put in on it

              • Tx10inch

                *slaps $5 bill on tha table* I’m sayin doe…how he gonna offer tha chips and not tha pie? We tryin to enjoy tha upcoming fireworks ova here…

                • http://www.bellesandgentssociety.com Myssdee

                  I know exactly how this is going to turn out.

                  I got my pizza and my sangria ready.

                  LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        • Andi

          *Comes out of the kitchen with a tray of Mama Andi’s special crab nachos*

          hor dourves?

          • http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA

            I’ll have some of your bougie snacks, Andi. Thank you :-)

          • Squeak

            Real talk….

            *fixes a plate*

      • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

        (looks at what The Human Spider brought)

        Now you knew that wasn’t gone be enough man…

        (puts the 4 extra-large pizzas and two large sides of buffalo wings on the counter and the cases of Sierra Mist (buy 3 get 2 free at Dominicks) in the fridge)

        What we watching?

        • http://iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People

          *side eyes Tx10inch while gently but firmly pushing his feet off of the table*

          I brought 2 pints of Ben and Jerry’s and a bottle of Charles Shaw. How long has this cheesecake been in the freezer? Can I have some?

          • Mo-VSS

            No cheesecake. I ate it all!

          • Tx10inch

            *side eyes Tx10inch while gently but firmly pushing his feet off of the table*

            *talkin w/mouth full of pizza* I WAS comfortable ya know?

            • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

              I know you was raised betta than that Tex. Just rude. Smh.

              • Tx10inch

                You right. isorry. *hands anti-cool make-up slice*

        • naturalista88

          Ooh, where’s the ranch dressing?? **Makes a plate & grabs a Sierra Mist**.

      • http://twitter.com/kjnetic peter parker

        “The Human Spider”?

        hm.

        • Eddie_Brock

          Yeah, hmmmmm. >:0[

          • http://twitter.com/TheHumanSp1d3r The Human Spider

            *shrugs*

            • http://twitter.com/kjnetic peter parker

              i see what it is….lols

      • nillalatte

        *notices that the white girl is never invited to the party where there is plenty of food and drink* :(

        *she looks around the room and thinks “dats cool”, then reaches in her purse and pulls out her personal stash, drink already mixed and on ice. Thinks, “yeah, they just don’t know.” Smiles, sips her drink, and chills.* :D

        • Tx10inch

          Don’t be like dat snowflake. It’s all luv and plenty for errrbody….

          Make yourself at home, I mean….we ARE havin this lil get together partly cause of your contribution to today’s post. lol. Fix a plate and chillax.

          • nillalatte

            Ah, a southern gentleman in the house. Sweet!
            *starts to wonder about Tx10inch and what that really means.* *blush* LOL
            Uh, my drink was a bit strong. ;)

            • Tx10inch

              You know what it do….

        • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

          That’s pretty much what I do too. *pulls out hennessy samplers from purse* All I need is coke.

      • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

        Any ginger ale? :) *pulls up an oversized beanbag chair*

      • keisha brown

        an entire thread about food again?
        LMAO.
        i love vsb land.
        i do. i do.

        *calls the chefs in to do this right!

        • WIP

          And they really just made me hungry and it’s only 10:30.

    • http://www.twitter.com/drrdb TWIsM

      Hol’ up, Mo. Trying to get out of the blast zone too before I start gettin’ asked if I’m #TeamLightSkinned or #TeamMulatto.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      you know, i’ve noticed that every time folks think the convo is going to devolve into racial armageddon it doesn’t. not that it ain’t possible, i just think that what normally happens is that that posts folks think are gonna go left don’t because everybody’s afraid to take them left. it’s the posts that nobody sees going wrong that ALWAYS do. plus it’s possible to be respectful…stuff only goes wrong when folks decide to unload their racially pent up agressions or think that’s what’s being called for.

      my list had nothing to do with white people. it was about moi.

      • Mo-VSS

        I haven’t been around long enough to observe that trend. My analysis was based on last Monday’s post that disintegrated into name calling and slight personal things.

        I hope that’s not what will happen in this one though. I’m all for debate and even disagreement, but when it gets beyond ugly, me no likey.

        • Mo-VSS

          Damn…moderation doe

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          and yeah i agree with that…some of y’all dont know how to act no matter where we take you. lol. its part of the gig. but i dont know that expecting it to happen helps either.

          don’t put that evil on my post ricky bobby.

          • Mo-VSS

            LMAO at your last line.

            And you’re right, expecting the worst doesn’t help. But, since I’m laying in the bed with a ninja who hasn’t spoken but 7 sentences to me all day (a violation of his 10 sentence minimum to stay on my good side) I’m just gonna chalk it up to negative home-life energy spilling over.

            My bad.

            • http://iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People

              I’m just going to run into the skreets wielding a flat iron and incite racial Armageddon anyway. It’s the Heat’s fault; I’m scared of pterodactyls. And ostriches.

            • http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane (Shruggie Low-down)

              the thought of this scene both amuses and perplexes…bet if he was laid-up wit’ one of them wit’ girls he’d make that 10 sentence quota ‘fore the mornin’ news got to the weather tho’. #SHADEshotsFIRED

      • http://theothersideofphlyy.blogspot.com PhlyyGirl

        Soooo….basically what you sayin is… You not bringing anything to eat to the table?
        Ohaightden.

      • sunshyne84

        mm hmm pretty much

    • bumilla

      i straight tried to find something to say … but alas.

      *freshens cocktail, plugs in phone, and takes off bra for bed*

      i’ve already seent some foolery brewing further down the road and i can. not. keep it intellectual, y’all! i’ll be reading this during a three hour breakfast meeting in the AM full of white folks talking ’bout africa.

      • Andi

        E-Big sista where you been? :)

        • bumilla

          hey, booboo. been working so i’ve been trying to sleep at a normal hour.

          i peep the comments doe…. i dunno how i feel about Daddy Kane’s lips all over the place right now. lol.

          you staying sassy?

    • kAYbEE

      LOL!!!

    • http://www.todisspits.blogspot.com MicTheMessenger

      Comes in, “bruh-man from the 5th floor” style, with some pretzels, kettle corn, and bottle of Johnny Walker.

      Ight, so who’s fighting?

      • nillalatte

        They ain’t jumped the white gurl — yet! LMAO! (y’all crazy!) LOL

        • #TeamCackle

          This comment is a non-mothasuckin factor and not relevant to the larger discussion. You lookin for somebody and that’s not what this blog is about.

          • nillalatte

            Lighten up. It’s called ‘playing.’

    • stlunatic

      ROFL it’s 11:22am and only 500 comments. . .where all the VSS’s at?! LMAO.

      They all home looking at 3P like. . .http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lhh2p7JRrd1qzfa5ao1_500.gif

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        well that kilt me dead. thank you.

      • Around the Way Girl

        LMAO

      • keisha brown

        BAH!AHAHAHAAAAAAA!

      • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

  • http://naturallyalise.com/blog/ Naturally Alise

    I say stuff like cracka azz cracka… daily. hourly actually. I think that may get old after a while. In fact now that I think of it, I am pretty friggin’ racist, but not, but I am, so me and any other culture would just be bad. Even Africans.. I don’t know how my Liberian ex dealt with all my slurs. To my defense I kinda hate everybody, I don’t like Negroes either.

    this comment is kinda terrible. *walks away in shame… but not*

    • http://naturallyalise.com/blog/ Naturally Alise

      ok, yeah this ish is terrible, lol

    • tgtaggie

      At least you’re equal opportunity with yours. lol.

      • Andi

        I respect that lol.

    • http://theothersideofphlyy.blogspot.com PhlyyGirl

      I’m (apparently) EXTREMELY racist.
      I called my daughter a wetback today (she’s jamaican…not even close, but it was all I could think of with her hair slicked down and her chinky eyes)
      Needless to say, my mother was not pleased and I was reallllll glad the child doesn’t understand connotations yet.

    • http://www.todisspits.blogspot.com MicTheMessenger

      I think most black ppl are racist, sadly. We say another racial slur WITH THE QUICKNESS and then look at them like, “I DARE YOU to say the N-word.”

      I don’t know how i feel about that double standard…

      • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        I’m equal opportunity with my N-word usage if that means anything. I use it for all races and even inanimate objects.

        Oh wait, a melanin-deficient person will still get slapped if they call me that. Ah well, che sara sara…

      • nillalatte

        Recognize. I’ve seen it all over the world. It’s amazing how many derogatory words there are for different peoples. smdh

        • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

          My coworker told me a joke that Louis C.K. did about how every group of people has a separate insulting name for them, but that Jews are the only ones whose name can be used either way. Like you can say it in a normal way, “Oh, he’s a Jew” or in a bad way, “He’s a JEW.” Basically, I need to seriously check out Louis C.K. Word to Champ.

      • Qozmic

        Personally, I feel like we disrespect ourselves by playin into that double standard. We should hold OURSELVES to the same standard. I’m always insulted if someone non-black tries to give me a pass on something I would be expected to be upset if they did it… That’s the subtle racism of low expectations… Sadly, WE are the biggest purveyors of that.

    • WIP

      Another one of my favorite Chris Rock quotes, especially say it with the “Chris Rock” accent. I couldn’t give up my Chris Rock quotes.

      I heard a joke recently (and it probably won’t translate well): White dude said he and his black wife got in an argument. She called him racist to which he responded
      “N!gga please!”

      I heard that joke in a travesty of a black film called The Last Stand about the turbulent lives of comedians. Ya…

      • StillSuga

        The Last Stand was indeed a travesty…but it kind of had that trainwreck “can’t look away” quality towards the end.

    • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      I’m with you Naturally Alise. I’m racist but people don’t realize that I’m racist against EVERYONE….like no one is safe, not even my granny. Even my daddy aint sh*t for selling me out last night. I can’t keep all this hate in my heart. It’s bad for my blood pressure.

    • http://athenasantics.blogspot.com AthenaC

      Hehe – that reminds me – whenever I’ve dated black men in the past, we’ve always made racial jokes at each other in public … and watched other people squirm for fun. ;)

  • AfroPetite

    I agree with Mo-VSS I’m going to go ahead and rest up and view the comments in the AM. I shall keep my semi-racially charged thoughts to myself.

  • miss t-lee

    Pink meat is a huge turn off to me, so yeah, dating a 2520 kat is not gonna work. *snickers*

    • NinaFontaine

      I am glad you said it because that is EXACTLY what I was thinking!

      • miss t-lee

        You already know. No 112.

    • Deviant

      Everything’s dark when the lights are off.

      • miss t-lee

        no.

        • Deviant

          Pink toes just look like toes at night. Get your Ray Charles on and stop cheating yourself.

          • miss t-lee

            No thank you.

        • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

          I imagined a glow-in-the-dark peen.

          • Deviant

            That’s just a guidance system.

      • LMNOP

        That’s kind of awkward though. What about the whole getting to know you stage? You can’t just up and turn the lights off every time he starts talking

        • V Renee

          LOLOLOLOLOLOL

          Besides who has secks with the lights on all of the time. Naw keep those lights on!

          • miss t-lee

            Exactly! that’s my point. The lights won’t always be off.
            Pink meat, “No sir, I don’t like it!!!” (c) Mr. Horse

            • Duality360

              AHHHHHH I’m glad somebody remembers Mr. Horse from Ren & Stimpy! Him and the crazy fireman (I’ve had it up to HEEEEEERRREEE with you people! ) used to absolutely KILL me. I’m going into chuckles now. Thank you for that little flashback there. :D

        • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

          HAHAHAHAHA! *DEAD*

  • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

    “Rick James, b*tch. My iTunes media player randomly played one of my favorite songs ever.”

    LOL, this dayum line is so you. You a mess. And I bet you didn’t know that, Ebony Eyes.

    “Anyway, folks of the VSBpora, have you ever actually thought about why you could or couldn’t date outside of your race? Like actual reasons? Do share?”

    Um… let’s see… because melanin is required to properly pinch my cheeks?

    • stlunatic

      because dating is hard enough without the added factor of wondering if she’s automatically scared you’re going to rape, rob, and kill her

      because they are just missing so much. . I don’t even know what it is that women of color exude effortlessly

      because we really have nothing in common.

      because I’m around them ALL. DAMN. DAY. and need a release (in more ways than 1) when I get home.

      and because f*ck you, that’s why.

      • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        o_O

      • NinaFontaine

        wow and WOW

      • Damali

        I couldn’t get thru all the comments but this one right here…it stopped me because it kind of sums it up. In college I dated a few white men and came to reaize that on a deep level we could ever be truly connected.

        When I get home from work I need to relax and oftimes, talk about how they tryna work a sister like she’s Kizzy………… with no energy for futher explantions. While this is a light-hearted example, it use it to illustrate my point – on a daily basis I need a partner who “gets” it.

    • afrodite

      aiight, i’ve been lurking for two months and i think it’s time i come out of the shadows.

      as the daughter of people who have traveled a lot, i’ve been exposed to people from a lot of places. plus, i made it my mission to see a lot of places on my own. believe me, when everyone everyone around you is speaking a language you thought you understood, but saying nothing that makes sense, EVERY american looks like your brother or sister (except when they’re being exceptionally ignorant and forcing you to apologize for them–but any color can do that).

      because i’ve had these experiences, i stopped caring a long time ago what color the guy i date is. i’ve dated black guys and lots of other colors. as long as the guy can make me laugh, is reasonably intelligent, and (like someone said elsewhere) doesn’t have thin lips, i’m good. i have to admit, though, i am more attracted to olive skin and darker–not so much pink.

      furthermore, it really gets to me when anyone (even black men) wants to date me only because i’m black. i find it tiresome when someone outside my race is always comparing our skin colors and making chocolate jokes or when a black guy can only ever talk about my hair and how he thinks i’m strong for not relaxing it (ninja please, you know i’ve been broke for five years–chose the travel over my hair). but don’t get me wrong, i do love it that i can have an entire conversation about how little wendy raquel robinson aged between the steve harvey show and the game and have only the black people understand who and what we’re going on about.

      that said, i have and want to continue to have reference points beyond a love/hatred/bizarrely deep understanding of madea’s motivations or whatever someone my color has done recently. you know, like learning an instrument or going to a new country or political debates (actually, i know more 2520s than black people who have paid attention to and have an opinion about the west-sharpton beef, sadly).

      i know someone else said she wouldn’t date non-black or even non-american, but is that where other people are coming from? is it the skin color or is it a cultural thing for most people?

      okay, i know that was long. i’ll understand if you’re too tired from reading to throw me some glitter.

      • afrodite

        one more clarifying point: i’m not just thick–i know others have already addressed this point. i was asking the culture versus skin color question partly because if it’s culture, then doesn’t that exclude a lot of black people living in the us? how does one stay true to one’s race when it gets harder every minute to define us as a people? and just how should our commitment to each other be measured?

      • http://lizburr.com Liz

        lol *vsb glitter*

        • afrodite

          yay, i feel shiny and new!

      • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

        I really like this comment. Welcome to the jungle. We’ve got fun and games. :D

        • afrodite

          thank you, thank you!

      • http://athenasantics.blogspot.com AthenaC

        “Is it the skin color or is it a cultural thing for most people?”

        If I understand correctly the question you’re asking, I think that most people have a general sense of what traits in a person they would get along well with. And generally speaking, someone’s color will signify what culture they come from and by extension what cultural traits they possess. There’s a whole body of theory on why humans pre-judge based on skin color / hair color / style of dress … having to do with judgment shortcuts being critical for survival a few thousand years ago, but that’s a (much) longer discussion for another time.

        So the whole “x color” = “someone I will / won’t date” works to the extent that these stereotypes hold true. Most people I seem to know don’t really fall into the racial stereotypes, but then again stereotypes exist for a reason, right?

  • ShardeMarie

    Damn son. Well my ex and the father of my barely there son is white and I feel you because these issues did kind of come up. Although he was probably more pro black than I was due to the fact that he was raised by his black step dad and influenced by his huge black step family. But there are too many awkward moments and I mean, chocolate is just so damn delicious.

    • ShardeMarie

      Oh and I also like to suck on bottom lips so, um yeah

      • NinaFontaine

        #Dead!

      • IsOurChildrenLearning?

        That is actually a BIG deal. Thin lips are an automatic fail.

        • ShardeMarie

          Thin lips are #8 on my list of deal breakers.

      • Simba.Africanna

        lol
        ‘scuse me while I wipe my drink off my laptop :)

      • http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane (Shruggie Low-down)

        THIS is reminiscent of the days of my younger youth…as i endured my share of lip jokes but all the while knew better. and at the tender age of about 14 ‘n change…i KNEW even better. [contemplates avi switch...and an interesting mornin'.]

        • V Renee

          Is that lip gloss or vaseline? Tell the truth.

          ;)

          • IsOurChildrenLearning?

            LMAO!!

          • keisha brown

            LMAOOOOOOOOOO

          • http://ThinkPrettySmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

            Get all out of my head! Looks like bright light and Carmex to me. As an aside, standing in the son with Carmex on your lips (think or thick) will leave you with massive sunburn on your lips. Not a good look.

          • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

            BYE, V Renee. LMAO

          • Mr SoBonafide

            lol. wow.

          • Mo-VSS

            LMAO

            Juicy lips like that on a dude doe?

            I can’t fool w/y’all this morning.

            • Tx10inch

              Neyo, is that you?

              • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

                Neyo’s lips are the reason for the drought in dry lands.

          • stlunatic

            | | | | | \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

          • miss t-lee

            I’m glad you asked the question, because I was wondering.

          • http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane (Shruggie Low-down)

            no gloss, nor vaseline…just a mornin’ hit of burt’s bee’s balm that had more than worn off by the time that pic was taken ’round midnight. some weird lighting in the background ’tis all…sorry to disappoint.

      • keisha brown

        Oh and I also like to suck on bottom lips so, um yeah

        MURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRKED.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      real question time: how did you deal with all of the awkward moments? i’m sure they were there on both sides.

      • ShardeMarie

        We didn’t and that’s why we broke up. He was passive aggressive so rather than addressing the issues as they came up, he’d just ignore them and me until we forgot about it. And I was just too nice to tell his mama that we threw away her pumpkin pie and served sweet potato instead.

        • dblcr

          thats one thing. ive dealt with, ahem, my fair share of 2520s both as paramours and Platonically. and the whole passive aggressive thing KILLS ME DEAD! They are super subscribers to Passive Aggressive-ism (PA-ism) and then add to the mix of having to worry about whether you are the “angry black woman” (but remember they are PA so anything you do/say outright can be construed as angry) and its a big bucket of fail.

          Not to say that we are without blemish. But its just a whole lot easier dating wise to not have to deal with that hanging over your head.

          • ShardeMarie

            At least brothas are used to us because they grew up with their mamas, sisters, cousins, grandmas. I’ll never have to explain to a black man why I can’t stand getting caught in the rain right after I straighten my hair. And he’ll never be too embarrassed when I tell my son’s teacher off after she reads a semi-racist nursery rhyme.

            • Andi

              See, that right there is my big thing Sharde Marie.

              I get that as sistas we’re expected to be loyal to the brothas blah blah and people assume we close off our options (though clearly you’ve proven otherwise) but ultimately for me everything you’ve just listed is why I couldn’t be with a 2520. I don’t wanna come home and say “Baby, the Man really had it in for me today” and him give me hella side eye.

              Just no.

              • dblcr

                i think yall are saying the same thing but different ways. but i agree

                • Andi

                  Indeed, I was cosigning.

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

                ya know, i remember that scene in Something New when Sanaa and Blair had that convo and they were both happy that they could relate…maybe I just don’t care enough, but I can’t ever imagine coming home and being like, “yeah, the man had it in for me today…” and looking for some sense of racial understanding and relation. maybe i just dont care enough. in fact, rarely do i long for that understanding. hell…i assume that even white folks know what i’m talking about. the man is universal people. HE EVERYWHERE!!!!

              • http://kineticculture.com NubianEmpress

                child please, the man aint comin for you.

                YOU AINT BOUT THAT LIFE! lol.

                • Andi

                  You don’t know my struggle!!!!!

              • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

                I kinda wanna date a White guy just so I can pull out the “That’s Racist!” .gif (my favorite is this special edition one: http://bit.ly/iZ24Y6) at inappropriate times.

                Opie: Babe, you’re the light of my life and I can’t imagine not being with you for the rest of it. Will you marry me?

                Cheekie: YE — Wayment. Did you say light of my life? Are you with me because I’m semi light-skint? *pulls out smartphone and shows “That’s Racist” gif. … Oh, and by the way… YES! *jumps up and down with tears of joy*

                • stlunatic

                  noooooooo. . . . .

                  • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

                    What I do?

          • Qozmic

            They?… We?…..All of them? All us too?… Hmmmmm….

            But with that said, the PA thing is kinda real for some folks. Not all of my 2520 brethren collectively, but enough to rate a generalization. Just like enough of us collectively are on some hair trigger *ish* for any sign of racism. Admit it, with all 2520 folks… their ass is on ‘racism probation’ until PROVEN “down”… I have 2520 family members, and on the real, sometimes I’m checkin THEIR card.

            I wonder how much PA is a factor of knowing that some percentage of ‘black’ folks live on hair trigger for any sign of racism.

            Maybe the collective ‘we’ should be less on hair trigger to play that card… and the collective ‘they’ should be less PA.

        • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

          “And I was just too nice to tell his mama that we threw away her pumpkin pie and served sweet potato instead.”

          *dies*

          • Qozmic

            I love pumpkin pie… Especially Entennmann’s. I like sweet potato pie too. But I love pumpkin. I’m just sayin….

            • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

              Sweet Potato Pie > Pumpkin Pie

              #FACT

      • Jhane Sez

        “real question time: how did you deal with all of the awkward moments? i’m sure they were there on both sides.”

        Okay this is interesting because I’m trying to remember awkward moments in dating non-black… I make the distinction because most of the dudes that I have dated that weren’t black were very ethnic in identity or of mixed ethnicity.

        Example my daughters father is Amer-Asian but his phenotype appearance depended on how he chose to wear his hair.

        Additionally in most circles I am considered the artist, bohemian, geek type and my daughter is bi-racial multi ethnic so most people who have known me for the last 10 years or so are actually surprised that Significant Other is a brotha…

        The LTR before was white but culturally identified as Scandinavian and wasn’t that close to his family

        And I’ve lived my life straddling cultures so the race I date has been less of an issue…

        I went to an arts school for college and during that period I did my art house coffee shop thing, I was a hair stylist, worked in technology and non-profits, and now I work freelance… so I was always in environments where IR socializing and dating wasn’t a big deal and was common enough not to raise eyebrows or cause much discussion.

        With my family the focus was on intelligence, education, security when choosing a mate… race wasn’t specifically discussed because there was a fair amount of IR going on… the big thing was actually religion it was important that he be Catholic and that any kids would be raised Catholic.

        So any “awkwardness” I experienced was personal life style stuff… like dating a vegetarian or my date attending a family function in February not wearing socks and the men in my family offering to pool their money to buy him a pair… the biggie was dating a jewish guy and the fear that I might convert.

        In short I haven’t been deliberate in my choices with regards to race… so maybe that is why there was no awkwardness ~JS

        • Qozmic

          Yeah…cuz awkward moments NEVER happen when dating in our OWN race.

          I once had an ex-girlfriends Mom drunkenly hit on me at dinner in front of her husband AND her daughter. Another chick’s father went off on me in the mall because he thought I was one of her ex boyfriends… basically called me a pedophile as loud as he could. Only to have to apologize profusely later… but not at the mall in front of the hundred-fifty odd folks probably still walkin around thinkin im a damn kid-toucher. F**cker!! Hate that dude…..

  • IsOurChildrenLearning?

    I don’t think I could date an Asian man because I’ve jokingly said “Engrish” instead of “English” so many times that I naturally say it that way. I’m sure he’d take offense. That’s a stupid reason but that’s all I got. I don’t have any real problems with dating interracially. I like people that like me and often times those people turn out to be something other than black. I don’t think it’s a big deal these days.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      i often wonder if i’d grown up elsewhere and didnt tend to live in uber Black cities if I’d ever have dated somebody of another race. cuz i dont have a problem with it at all, it just never dawned on me as something i needed or wanted to do.

      • bumilla

        erm. pj, you are half white. #justsayin.

        i know what the answer to this is. but just be clear that your preference is for black women. not women of your same “race.”

        unless you only date mutts.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          i am half white, but i also didnt grow up with my white mother.

          however…lol…THIS is where the convos always go left b/c correct me if i’m wrong but you just told me that i’m not Black right? so, mixed folks…are mixed race not Black?

          • bumilla

            oh hale.

            you said you would never date women of another race. but really, are you not stuck betxist two races? like very evenly and ish. not even like plus or minus an owner. (stop. you know what i mean.)

            also, to be clear and not a heifer about this:
            1.) for all intents and purposes of this blog and living in America- i know your arse is black all day long. i’m not here to debate how black you are in the daylight or the nighttime on U st. but you are saying you are black like you have no white heritage and, honestly, that perplexes me. i know you said you weren’t raised with your white people but is it really that you don’t feel at all white because you don’t look white? i mean, i know a white woman and her family would probably be all “guess who’s coming to dinner” on you but part of you actually belongs there. is that part REALLY null and void? does your momma see you as her black son?
            2.) i’m south african so my core definition of “black” is a little different. i know people might not want to hear that. but i said it. is. i don’t think i am more black than you but i consider you more white than me, because. well, you are.

            i know i am showing my arse here. i didn’t mean to.

            • IsOurChildrenLearning?

              I feel like he answered this. He considers himself black. The end. This post is about him and his feelings, not about whether some random white person believes “a part of him actually belongs there”. If it was about that, I’m pretty sure that most AMERICANS consider him black as well.

              • ShardeMarie

                That’s what I’m sayin g. I can claim whatever race I’d like but when the cops come or I go for a loan, I’m just another black chick.

              • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

                “If it was about that, I’m pretty sure that most AMERICANS consider him black as well.”

                Pretty much. I think, overall, no one has the privilege to determine how one identfies. Yes, it may be puzzling to you, but there are a multitude of reasons why someone doesn’t identify with a particular race. It’s a personal decision, IMO.

            • http://lizburr.com Liz

              i feel you here. ive wondered this about P for quite some time but whatever. he walks around like he’s 100% so it is what it is. i shall keep my other white genetic comments to myself lolol.

              • bumilla

                thanks for getting my point, liz.

            • sunshyne84

              I got it…

            • coldsweat3

              @bumilla

              re: 2) Im south african….

              Since Panama’s biracial status and identity came up I gotta say i was thrown for a loop the first time i heard “colored” referred to for biracial people. I am living here in Botswana and a white chick said someone was colored and i almost went crazy and then heard it explained. Stilll a little odd to hear.

              • bumilla

                it IS odd.

                thank you, apartheid.

                • http://www.hotbiscuitsandgravy.com Bengemin Grehe

                  So, I have a question for you. Is coloured meant to represent any black/white mixing, or the black/white mixings specifically descendents of the indigenous Khoisan? I’ve heard that both were correct, but separately. Meaning that, I’ve heard some people say the former is correct and the latter is incorrect, and then I’ve heard others say only the latter is correct. What say you, Bumilla?

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

              feel free to show your arse, you’re more than entitled. thing is i know what you mean. i can say that i’ve never felt stuck between two races b/c i wasn’t raised that way at all. my father made that very clear to me early on. your mother is white, you are not. he didn’t want me to be out here doing exactly what i think you think i should be doing: not claiming to be black, but also making sure to be claiming to be white, which i’m sure if i was up in here letting you all know that “no, i’m not black, i’m mixed.” 99 percent of y’all would take issue with it. b/c of how it comes across and given the racial issues we obviously still have.

              btw, how does one feel white? like…let’s be real here, racially i’m def mixed, but culturally i wasn’t raised that way at all. not only is my mother not even American…so i got all kinds of confusing issues going on. lol. but also…belongs where? i belong at a table with white people? lol b/c my mother is white? that’s the most asinine thing i may have read here ever. should i be entitled to stay for half of a KKK rally? like cmonson.

              i’ve long been confused by this very same thing you’re saying b/c my mother says it. she used to want me to be less Black. but what does that even mean? it’s a cultural thing really. racially we’re all mixed. but culturally i was raised in a Black household, by Black people, with Black ideologies etc. i don’t deny that my mother is white, but i don’t honestly understand what that means to you other folks. like what does that mean in terms of what you expect from me or expect me to be like? and that’s a serious question.

              am i supposed to argue for reparations half the time and then tell you to get over it the other half? i really don’t know.

              and while i’m completely comfortable amongst my white family members, i aint gonna pretend that i’m like, “well i’m half white so half of this America should be welcoming of me.” or whatever.

              and just to be clear…i love my mother’s heritage. i kick that French sh*t all the live long day. i dont deny her or it at all. family is family and i love who i am. but i just dont know what else i SHOULD be doing to acknowledge that in you and folks who think like you’se eyes?

              should i date a few white chicks just to even the score?

              • IsOurChildrenLearning?

                Thank you PJ! That sitting at the table thing threw me for a loop as well. The people who complain about you “claiming black” would jump down your throat if you said “Hold up, I’m not really black”. It’s stupid. Can we live?

                • wari

                  Just because they’d jump down his throat doesn’t make it right. It’s all based on BS from the past and on supremacist (both black and white–which are equally wrong) ideology. I hate it when mixed race white/black say they are black, that one parent was white but somehow they are as black as everyone else.

                  I hate it because it makes no logical sense. I understand why it’s done but it is based on superiority of one race over another no matter how you cut it. I just think of it as something left over from the past and is about INSECURITY of the individual and of the groups.

                  Mixed race is fast becoming a term that a lot of people use so you all may be on the wrong side of history with this one.

              • http://ThinkPrettySmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

                My LS made a point years ago to here class (prof at a university), that bi-racial as a label only exists because white women aren’t comfortable with admitting they gave birth to a Black child.

                The bi-racial label is good for people who want to be something other than what they appear to be. But it works out great for the dwindling number of whites because it decreases the political power we’d have if those bi-racial people were still aligned firmly on the Black side of the fence.

                It will be interesting to see over the next 100 years how this plays out. When bi-racial blacks claim something other than Black, how with their political leanings shift? Will they demand their own special ‘I’m not really colored and more like you’ rights? Honestly, if I were white, I’d let mixed Blacks and white-looking Hispanics claim something other than Black and Hispanic. I’d get them to align with my political agenda–since whites are becoming the minority in this country. I’d have them vote for things I wanted. And once I became the statistical minority again, I’d find a way to subjugate em and make them all claim Black and Hispanic again.

              • bumilla

                erm. lemme see if i can address some of your main sticking points/concerns starting from the very beginning before this next here meeting.

                i often wonder if i’d grown up elsewhere and didnt tend to live in uber Black cities if I’d ever have dated somebody of another race
                what struck me here was “another race.” i just thought- well, damn. he’s not part white? is it really correct to say that black people are the only race of people he “belongs” to? obviously, i have no idea what it is like to be something other than black on a racial/genetic level. i was just a little struck by your initial statement because it just seemed a little false. (and please believe that i know my opinion of what is true or false in your life means sh*t. it was just my reaction.). i get that that is totally different than what family/society/history/every day reality will tell you you are. but it just struck as a little odd to read the declaration because i was sitting at my computer and thinking of it strictly in the racial/genetic context rather than racial/cultural.

                so, mixed folks…are mixed race not Black?
                i don’t know. some of my mixed friends tell me they are just black. others claim both halves. some are extra militant and tell me fcuk right off with society trying to define them. still others will only concede to being “god’s child.” lol. i’ve never said any of them were correct or frankly incorrect. almost everyone i run in to who is mixed (and i mean beyond black/white) has a different way of approaching it. sometimes i question it, sometimes i don’t- only because at times i am caught off guard by how x one has to be to, in fact, consider themselves x. but at the end of the day they are still who they are. i can’t stop them. and i am not in the business of playing race watch.

                belongs where? i belong at a table with white people? lol b/c my mother is white? that’s the most asinine thing i may have read here ever. should i be entitled to stay for half of a KKK rally? like cmonson. just when i was feeling all smart about my assigned seating skills…. but srsly. i didn’t mean to come across as- you need to be part time white, and part time black depending on the moment, the occasion, car you are driving etc. i don’t know WHERE you belong. i really don’t. that is why i commented because i thought- is that where he really belongs? clearly, you are telling me that in addition to being genetically part black, you have culturally you have been raised to find your place at the same table as me. i get that now. pass the chicken and the wet wipes.

                i don’t deny that my mother is white, but i don’t honestly understand what that means to you other folks. like what does that mean in terms of what you expect from me or expect me to be like? and that’s a serious question. man, i don’t even know how to answer this.

                in the broad sense, i expect you to be you. but i don’t know you, slim. so can i ask a clarification question or three? can i say that i’m a little shocked that you feel just black? (and i don’t even know what it means to feel white) no? ok. i’ll go sit in the corner.

                in the more narrow sense to this here post, i don’t think you should date white women to even out the score or tattoo a picture of your moms on the left side of your face so other folks like me are clear you got some white in you. you keep doing you. i’m not denying your blackness, i’m not the boss of you, black people, mixed people, little people etc.

                i also am not saying that as someone who is part black you can’t just come out say- i only date black women because those are my people and that is the group i identify with, that is who i am attracted to, and that is who i see myself with long term. i didn’t get that that was your point right away but i think now i am seeing that it is.

                • bumilla

                  ugh. my tags are broken. liz, pls help.

                  • http://lizburr.com Liz

                    fixed!

                    • bumilla

                      thank you!!!!

                • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

                  i dont know what it feels like to be either necessarily. that’s mostly cuz i never thought about the “feeling” (or if that evne makes sense) a day in my life. i just live my life and let the chips fall where they may. i identify as a Black dude…but you know really, this is the only place where it comes up. nobody ever asks. hell, folks are surprised to find out i’m mixed. so while i’m def free to define myself how i want to, nobody ever asks. in fact, short of somebody who just looks very visibly mixed (when i had my hair grown out, im sure i did then) nobody ever really questions or cares. or at least that’s been my experience. i’m comfortable with any and everybody, but probably bc of being raised by my father certain uncomfortablenesses do exist. plus i’m paranoid and have a healthy disdain for institutional authority. <—black card.

                  again though, i have no issue being mixed. i love me and my momma. but even she’s had to let go of her racial kumbaya and acknowledge that she has two black children, no matter what she has tried to call us.

                  anyway, i’m speaking solely on a cultural level. which is where all my logic comes from, even if folks find it misplaced, its still the reality im in. and real talk, at this point…i wouldn’t even know how to “belong” anywhere else (i kind of loathe that term). mostly cuz its where im most comfortable, and also b/c assuming i ever had a choice, i must have missed my window of white opportunity.

                  • bumilla

                    anyway, i’m speaking solely on a cultural level. which is where all my logic comes from, even if folks find it misplaced, its still the reality im in.

                    culturally, yes. now this makes 100% sense. i know it is a bit of semantics game because as you and so many others have pointed out- you get to choose who you are way more than some stranger or checklist.

                    we’ve come full circle. thanks for hugging it out with me, pj.

                • #TeamCackle

                  This post irked my nerves on fir several reasons. First I need you to understand the difference between race and genetics. There is no such thing as being genetically black. The phenotype that creates race has nothing to do with genes or genetics. Race itself is a socially constructed ideology based on peoples perception on skin color. I could say more about your lack of understanding of race but I don’t do comments longer than the original post.

                  Second, I take it that you consider yourself more black that PJ. And not just because he mixed, but also because he is American Black. As if there is a blacker than black on the continent.

              • Sula

                I absolutely understand what you are saying. And it is bothersome when people don’t let other people define what is for them or not.

                You are Black because you say you are. The End.

              • nillalatte

                “should i date a few white chicks just to even the score?”

                The only thing I’m going to contribute on this note is you should date a person to whom you are attracted. It is purely based on who gives you those feelings that you want to experience. Screw what other people think. Are you happy? Well, then that’s all that truly matters.

              • http://westillexist.com Amaur

                We all black when the lights go out anyways..

                just sayin.

            • http://www.hotbiscuitsandgravy.com Bengemin Grehe

              I know I’m mad late to the party, but I’m going to comment on this as if you were asking me, because I am also mixed and am significantly lighter than P.

              A read a few of the comments and naturally feel different than P. Admittedly, I’m probably a lot more confused than he is (if he’s even confused. Doesn’t sound like it, tho). I’m real light, to the point I could pass for white. It’s easy to do now that I’m bald and the naps in my beard have me “looking” Arab or Middle Eastern.

              What makes me different than P is that I grew up with both parents in the same household, and my father wasn’t exactly soul brother #1. I grew up liking any of the girls that were around me, which were mainly white. It wasn’t until I got to high school and saw the beauty that is a black woman’s figure that everything changed. Over night. No joke.

              I consider myself black, but then what does that mean? All my “black” behavior is learned from my young adolescent stage. I also consider myself white, but then I don’t have many white friends, and I don’t like white women (to answer the question from the original post, I’d only date black women cuz ultimately, I want black children).

              I think it’s a lot easier (perhaps not the right word) for P to call himself black 100% because he’s a few shades darker. But with me, people are always confused and as I’ve gotten older and the afro, cornrows, and locks lost their way to a receding hairline, people always ask me what’s my ethnic background.

          • http://lizburr.com Liz

            you’re black but you’re also mixed. It’s like being Jamaican. You’re black but you’re also Jamaican. same difference.

            • http://jouromeo.blogspot.com Sagey Bear

              I understood until you said you’re black but then you’re jamaican.

              I wonder if there is a way to explain how that works. Is it because some Jamaicans aren’t Black? Is it because of Jamaican ancestry is often mixed as is Creole ancestry? Or is this nothing to do with ancestry and more to do with superficial traits like accents and hairstyle trends? Or maybe something deeper like tradition and cultural values. I’m just curious what separates Jamaicans from Blacks because my best friend was a Jamaican for 10 years. To me he was just Black…to his mother I was a Jamaican in denial.

              • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

                Jamaican as in nationality and culture. Everyone part of the African diaspora is ‘black’ though.

              • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

                Eeh Hem…is wah dee BUMBA unno a chat bout? But wait, afta mi backside nuh brown? Mi rass.

                If I can clarify as a Black/Indian Jamaican/American with fabulous shoes, JAMAICA IS A PLACE, as in culture, not as in race. Sorry I had to scream and I still love you all. It’s possible to be a Black Jamaican, Indian Jamaican, Chinese Jamaican and even a White Jamaican. Same goes for being American or a Latin country. These are all places. To me, the more Black someone is the more “African” roots they have. Like obviously someone with 2 Black parents are more Black than someone with 1 Black parent but I’m not here to judge levels of Blackness as the Black race is evolving with every other race except for Asians (they don’t mix with anyone). To me, if either one of your parents are Black, you’re Black. We are allowed to have varied levels of Blackness and still be considered Black in my opinion.

                This may be ignorant but it’s my thought process. As a biracial person, I kind of get offended when people insinuate I’m not Black or less Black. To which I answer, if the KKK did a sweep, we would all get picked up.

                • Myseducation

                  I sooo agree. But as a Nigerian American living in the inner city, the differences in cultural values would, at times, make you ‘not black enough’ for those who could not trace their African ancestry as easily. I don’t think it’s the color of your parents more than a cultural mindset.

                  • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

                    Truth.com. I’m assuming you’re referring to African Americans and yes I agree with you regardless of the stones that might get thrown. :) Unfortunately, many African Americans were robbed of their family origins/history during slavery so many rely on culture to prove “Blackness”. We had this argument on VSB before. The cultural mindset thing is funny because culture varies from place to place and last I checked, Black people in America are just as Black as Black people in Cuba even if Cubans have never eaten Soul Food and have no clue who KRS one is. lol It’s just ignorance.

                    • Myseducation

                      You’re right. I don’t think the definition would be a problem if the verysmart set was defining it, but I wasn’t surrounded by VS peeps just the Victims of Statistics black folk who had a hard time conceiving of the world beyond their block….and, sadfortunately their numbers override ours :(

                    • LuvRain

                      I think a major difference here is not that African Americans had our culture, history and origins taken from us and that others did not, but what it was replaced with and why. If you are in Cuba, Mexico, Barbados, Jamaica, etc and are there as a result of African slavery, then your culture was indeed taken from you, too. Jamaicans of African descent were also the victims of slavery. The various cultures that sprung from those circumstances (in various places) and the need for stronger cultural identifiers (i.e. language, food, etc) comes from the extent to which you were allowed to develop that culture in the absence of your oppressor. Africans in America were not allowed to do that.

                      Our culture was in many ways developed as a reaction to living amongst white folks as a small minority, WHILE developing that culture. This is not the case in places where Africans ended up being the majority , had significant numbers, or were living in isolation from the mainstream. Black people in the US (of US slave ancestry) had to develop our cultural identifiers in a much more succinct way because we were living on the opposite side of town from white folks and were not allowed to participate in the mainstream culture that we were helping to build. In addition, we were, and still are today, given different societal reactions than blacks that end up in the US as a result of immigration.

                      I do agree that culture, amongst black folks, is a bigger deal than skin tone. When you say you are not considered “black enough” because of a cultural difference, I think what you mean is not “African American enough” for those with whom you are trying to interact? Afterall, the generic view of being black as being African American, IMO, was not created by AAs, but by other races who identify blacks with no other ready identifier as AA and others by their nationality (Jamaican, Nigerian, Cuban, Panamanian, Somalian, etc) and by Americans, who use themselves as the measuring stick for the rest of the world and have some sort of presence or cultural influence (even if only monetary) in most of those places.

                • http://jouromeo.blogspot.com Sagey Bear

                  my cuz Malik always comes through with the unifying though. Appreciation.
                  Smartfoxgirl, you remind me of the times I’d get fussed at and struggle understanding what she(my friend’s mother) was going barb wire about(orig term haywire).
                  That attitude and approach is how she came at everything.
                  I see what you say but raise you a solid “WHY?!?!?” as in Why do we mention that they are in excess of simply being Black? These people don’t require any more words to define their color than Black. But we throw in regional differences as if they made the person smarter/dumber or affected their individual worth.
                  Do Jamaicans have a collective hot collared temperament?

                  • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

                    I’m gonna leave this alone and resist the urge to cuss you out in patois over this: “Do Jamaicans have a collective hot collared temperament?” because last I checked, MANY Blacks in AMERICA have a hot collared tempermant as well. I don’t wanna get ignorant today. I’m trying. I’ll just assume you’re making a stereotypical joke as I LOVE to make them myself. :) It’s all good.

                    • http://jouromeo.blogspot.com Sagey Bear

                      Oh stop it….;-)

                    • Yaadgyrl

                      Yes all Jamaicans have a hot collared temperament just like all African American’s have bad credit. Sounds dumb as hayl right?

                    • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

                      Yuh see weh dem do Yaadgyrl? CHO!

                  • kaname

                    @Sagey Bear – I think the whole “how black are you” question that circulates in the US is a permutation of the one drop rule which was used to disenfranchise anyone with “observable” non-white skin. The rule views even the most (statistically speaking) tiny amounts of black ancestry makes the whole person automatically black. It’s a societal classification (still predominantly defined by “white – aka Anglo Saxon” narrative) on the individual. Today, with more multi-racial children being born and coming of age, the experience of “race” in the US is now being tied to community upbringing and the individual deciding which side they claim. And I think such folks *do* sometimes feel that they have to “claim a side” because of the disconnect that is the “racial-social” experience in the US – as in the boundaries are non-porous and do not allow for an easy intermingling between the two.

                    • http://jouromeo.blogspot.com Sagey Bear

                      I just got the chance to respond to this.

                      Busy day,

                      If you saw my family, you would understand what I’m saying better. I’m actually not as archaic as I sound.

                      I see the individual defining themselves and I don’t place a fault on anybody for that individual to feel the need to do so. Moreover, I simply wonder what actual differences matter in a general sense that can separate us the way that we do superficially.
                      I see that answer as none but I’m no professional…I’m using my experience and distaste for all things racist even the usage of the term race. I think it is important to include both lines of ancestry and trace them backwards as far as possible.
                      I would like to know as many of my ancestors as possible. Whether I be this or that is unimportant but somebody somewhere decided that it should be. I am with you all…but somehow…the Jamaicans took things a little too literal(poke poke SFG) and got irie on me.

                • Yoles

                  as the daughter of a white jamaican man… i thank you SFG…. i spend more than a day explaining that it is possible to be jamaican and white… they exist and that doesn’t make me less jamaican because its a culture…

                  #BigUps

                  • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

                    You’re half Jamican?!! I love you more after this. BUP BUP BUP

                  • keisha brown

                    Yoles is half Jamstar?? YAASSS!!
                    *bogles

                    I remember when I first saw/heard a Chinese Jamaican as a kid.
                    I was shocked and all confused. LOL.

                  • http://twitter.com/kjnetic peter parker

                    Morfyah, Lighta inna de air.

                • Jen

                  Black people in America use the term “Black” as an ethnic identifier. “Jamaican” is a nationality and an ethnicity. When Black Americans talk about being “Black,” I’ve noticed, they are discussing ethnicity more often than they are discussing race. I have noticed that this confuses people who are racially black but not ethnically Black.

                  • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

                    Good breakdown. I see your point.

                    • http://jouromeo.blogspot.com Sagey Bear

                      you know thats what I was saying @Jen. You just said it better and without rubbing people the wrong way….I was trying to lead them there…yeah…thats it.

                • Yaadgyrl

                  Thanks for clarifying for them. I don’t get why people think only black people live in Jamaica. Yes, that’s the majority of the population but news flash – there are Chinese, Indians (and they do not identify as Asian), and White people…all in Jamaica…Our country’s motto is out of many one people – that means even though we have several races and so many of us are mixed…we all identify as Jamaicans.

                  I also have nuff collie blood but I won’t even get into that. In terms of my race – I’m Black. My nationality is Jamaican (and it grates my nerves when people say I don’t look Jamaican….WTF does that even mean?!?!).

                  I don’t buy into the more/less Black thing….or the African-American thing – that’s not a race and it’s not my nationality.

                  • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

                    Yuh kno weh mi do wen dem a seh mi nah Black? Mi dutty whine mi head and flash mi long coolie hair pon dem bloodclaat face!

                    • Yaadgyrl

                      Buss out a big duty laugh!

                • http://ThinkPrettySmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

                  I think people who try to force people who claim Black to claim something else do so because they can’t see why anyone would choose to be Black. One of my BFF’s from HS can easily pass for white–Blonde hair, blue eyes. She went to Tuskegee. Pledged. People just don’t get why she would be BLACK when she clearly has the option not to. Those people who don’t get it let me know that they see something wrong with being Black. And, given the opportunity, they’d be quick to jump ship and say fug Blackness.

                  • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

                    COSIGN!! and great example

                  • iRocsox91

                    One of my BFF’s from HS can easily pass for white–Blonde hair, blue eyes.

                    Based off of this description I can’t understand why someone who looked like this would identify as Black. It has nothing to do with a stigma on “blackness”, it’s just that black people tend to relate to one another bc most of us LOOK similar. Our phenotype affects the way people perceive and treat us. It’s hard for me to imagine how someone who looks so different can relate to me racially.

                    • http://ThinkPrettySmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

                      She was raised in Detroit. We have a lot of people like her. She wasn’t going to deny everything she knew. I know her family–beyond the immediate. They vary from the darkest dark, to the lightest light. But she’s Black and cool with it. We weren’t raised to see being able to pass as an ‘opportunity’ or ‘blessing’ just as we weren’t raised to see Blackness and something that hinders.

                  • Justme (the guy)

                    Ms. Smart, you really are smart! I’ve noticed that time and time again. You know what else grinds my gears? (shouts out ot Peter Griffin) Black people who don’t identify as African-American referring to Afro-Americans as “just black”. Like we’re the vanilla blacks or some basic ass lesser version of it. They even get disappointed at times when they realize someone is “just black” as opposed to non-American and black…I do my best to be patient, but that ish used to make me feel some type of way in college…and most of it had to do with what you (Ms. Smart) just said. If most of these negroes had the option to be “exotic” they would. It’s why inter-ethnic relationships are almost as hard to execute as interracial ones…(Trust me, I was in one for years)

                    • http://ThinkPrettySmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

                      Thanks! My agenda involved increasing our numbers and political power–so long as it doesn’t require me to have more kids than my husband and I can afford to educate. If all the people who are desperate to be something other than Black were allowed to have their way, there would be 72 proud-to-be-Black folks left and nary a Black hair care aisle at the Target. Folks didn’t get their asses beat at the Woolworths for that to happen!

                • http://lizburr.com Liz

                  lol i was probably talking about Black Jamaicans, but I hear you.

                  honestly, i threw jamaicans in there cuz i knew it would start a sh*tstorm lol. the point is you can be Black and still be inclusive of other identities. but it does depend on the lens you’re looking through.

                  • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

                    aint you all mixed up and Cherokee-like? ;) Your lens is all foggy

                    lol j/k

                    • http://lizburr.com Liz

                      LOLOL!

                • veryaveragebrotha

                  “Blackness as the Black race is evolving with every other race except for Asians (they don’t mix with anyone).”

                  Fun fact….asian women are the most likely to marry outside their race. White dudes STAY marrying asian women:

                  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interracial_marriage_in_the_United_States#Asian_and_White

                  It’s actually kinda rough for the asian man in these streets…

                  • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

                    Wow, I’m not surprised tho. lol

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

              lol…short of the jamaican thing, i buy this and frankly this is how i carry myself. i don’t pretend i’m not. i love my momma. shucks…i took her to a plantation and called a truce.

              • http://www.mommasboyblog.com Lossidele

                **spits green tea on screen**

              • http://ThinkPrettySmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

                *Goes to CafePress.com to make ‘I Hate Panama’ baby-tee*

          • chelsea

            To my mind, mixed race people actually choose which side of their mix or heritage they want to emphasize. I believe its a choice. Some emphasize one over the other and some emphasize both.

            Im half african half italian, grew up in a west african country and have lived in england for the last 10 years. Where I grew up almost everyone mixed race chose to emphasize their whiteness over everything else. Almost like some kind of badge of special-ness or something equally dumb like that. Very cliquey. I was never that way inclined. All my siblings are full african and we lived with both my parents and grew up together very close. Same with my closest friends being mostly full african. I hardly noticed there was any difference till I was in high school and then it came up more frequently. Living in England now its the same, if anything I feel moreso black than ever if i can put it that way. I guess its just down to who or what you most identify with, and no matter where you are or who you are surrounded by, that core of what makes you you doesnt ever really change.

            I prize my culture and though I embrace and am very open minded with my interests etc I identify with black culture and black african culture specifically. Dont really care how anyone else perceives me tbh.

            I dont know what its like in America but I get the impression that if you look black or have ‘black blood’ in you then you most certainly are black? I think in places where black people are the majority then its the mixed-ness of you that stands out, and vise versa.

            I agree with shardemarie about the awkwardness and what others have said about the passive aggressiveness. Ive dated 2 white guys and one asian guy but im mostly attracted to black men and occassionally mixed and in the long term, barring very exceptional circumstances thats who id want to marry and have babies with. With the other races ive dated there are too many awkward moments, not enough of a shared concsiousness for me. Not to mention the gimmick factor of dating a ‘black’ girl and one of them practically screamed with glee to all whod listen! *shudders*. It would take alot for me to seriously consider them..

          • Melody

            Black parent+black parent= Black child

            Black parent+non black parent=Biracial child

            • http://lizburr.com Liz

              fuzzy maths?

            • wari

              Can’t agree with you more. Anything else is just being a supremacist pr*ck for your side.

        • ShardeMarie

          I’m mixed with just about every race imaginable, but I’m black. The End

          • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

            We are ALL mixed with a little something here and there so…Yeah.

            This need to label ourselves cause the world likes labels to go with the little boxes we are supposed to fit in stays killing me. And not in a good way.

            • ShardeMarie

              Shoot they won’t even let us check more than one box though

              • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

                Oh, I’ve been checking Black/African American for most of my thirty years like a good little conformist.

                But I’m a start checking other and writing “Deez” in the space provided.

                #PowerToThePeople

                • ShardeMarie

                  I faithfully only check black because I took a standardized test In high school and marked black, white and native american. Well when my perfect score came back all that was checked was white and my score didn’t count towards the black stats at my school.

                • Mo-VSS

                  Dead at *deez

                  We need a full fledge movement to make that the dominant race in America….like NOW!

                  LOL

                • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

                  “But I’m a start checking other and writing “Deez” in the space provided.”

                  LOL, yes! SO wanna do this…

                • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

                  The Anti-Cool is my new favorite e-person. LMAO!! I always check Black too.

                • keisha brown

                  TAC wins for Deez on Census forms.

              • http://iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People

                Shoot they won’t even let us check more than one box though

                Kind of aside: When I volunteered at a hospital, the check list for races were Black, White, Asian and Other.

                I Sh*t you not, the Spanish language forms listed the race choices as Negro, Blanco, Asiatico and Otro. Like 0___________O

                • ShardeMarie

                  The “hispanic” vs “not hispanic” is what really kills me. I mean I’m spanish and natvie american so I guess you can say I’m a Rio grande away from mexican so me no know

          • kid video

            @ ShardeMarie
            “I’m mixed with just about every race imaginable, but I’m black. The End”

            I’m mixed with vodka and cranberry

            • ShardeMarie

              I’m sure I’ve got some of that too. My mama always said the fruit on my family tree was fermented.

            • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

              Me too. That was my first mixed drank. Wayment… not it was a Kahlua. Nevermind… I want some Grey Goose, doe. Perhaps maybe a spot of Ciroc.

        • kAYbEE

          “…mutts.”
          #wheredeysaydatat?

          Either that is downright disrespectful/rude/tactless or Im ovulating and super hormonal today. Either way, Im checking out conversation,… and this comment in the reason. LOL!!!!!!

          Good night fellow VSBers!

        • Jen

          Booski, this is America. Mixed race people from my and later generations who do not know they are Black kind of bewilder me.

          Public Enemy perhaps most clearly delineated the rules associated with race in this country:

          “Black man, black woman, black baby
          White man, white woman, white baby
          White man, black woman, black baby
          Black man, white woman, black baby”

          I recently had an experience that really brought this home for me. I have been researching my family’s history, and when I got around to my daddy’s people and started identifying people from dusty old black and white and sepia family photographs, I discovered that people I and even my father and grandparents had always assumed were white had listed themselves as black in American censuses and had done so since before the Civil War. The one drop rule is real in this country and has been for generations. People far whiter than “newly blended Americans” have traditionally self-identified as and been identified as Black in this country–even when the consequences were far more dire than they are today.

          What is with the new movement against this tradition??

      • IsOurChildrenLearning?

        Proximity may be one of the determining factors when it comes to interracial dating. I mean, people tend to date who they’re surrounded by. Now, if you live in an all black area you might actually have to go out of your way to date another race (especially if you’d rather not date colleagues). Why bother if your’re surrounded with plenty of attractive prospects of the same race? Also, when you have to go out of your way to do something you’ll often think of the negative consequences of doing so.
        Interracial dating is more common in very diverse areas such as NY and SoCal, there’s just a higher probability of meeting people of other races period.

        • Leila

          “Proximity may be one of the determining factors when it comes to interracial dating”

          Co-sign! I used to exclusively date within my race, but moved out west a few years ago and the city is mostly 2520′s and Asians. I still tried to date black men exclusively, but it was hard because the dating pool is really limited so I started guys of other races. I hope to marry a black man though…

      • ShardeMarie

        I grew up in one of the whitest cities and still only dated one non-black guy. When they ran out here I found a couple black men from ATL, Louisiana, DC, and Inglewood. Lol

        • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

          Me too. I grew up in an all White, uppity town in the SOUTH…I had like no Black options and I still never dated White. I probably was losing out on alot though.

          • ShardeMarie

            There’s ninjas here to choose from but they’re all to busy rapping, promoting and pimping. Ehhhhh

            • IsOurChildrenLearning?

              “There’s ninjas here to choose from but they’re all to busy rapping, promoting and pimping”

              The trifecta of Fail

      • http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane (Shruggie Low-down)

        “i often wonder if i’d grown up elsewhere and didnt tend to live in uber Black cities if I’d ever have dated somebody of another race. cuz i dont have a problem with it at all, it just never dawned on me as something i needed or wanted to do.”

        the entirety of this statement applies to me…and even if i’d consider makin’ the attempt, i know by the time that i get to the “diverse” haunts to mix in wit’ the masses and whatnot, a small army of black will have undoubtedly crossed my path and magically unswirled any interracial interests.

      • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        “i often wonder if i’d grown up elsewhere and didnt tend to live in uber Black cities if I’d ever have dated somebody of another race.”

        I definitely think your environment had a lot to do with it. I mean, it’s the same thing with Black folks who are accused of “acting white”… usually the case is that they’ve grown up more around a particular group of people.

    • Qozmic

      Here’s an idea… maybe stop saying racist stuff like that. Or be less inclined to take offense when ‘white’ folks straddle the line … or both. I vote for both.

  • http://heardhimsay.com Drew-Shane

    I can’t date outside the race. I never have and look to never will. I love my White people but not to date. I’m sorry. I don’t want to hear that, “Oh you shouldn’t limit yourself.” Well, I am.

    I feel the same way. If I hear about the person I’m dating liking White dudes, I get the feeling we won’t be great together either. I’m far from a White dude.

    • Tash

      Aw…that’s not fair. A black chik can adore her brothas and still be attracted to selected white guys. That’s me all day.
      In fact, slay me, but I’m more attracted to white men than latinos. Reason: that’s what I’ve been around most of my life, Black or White. And now, I’m surrounded by mostly white and indians and a few Africans (this demographic is due to being in med school). Sooo, naturally, I’m on that white tip now. I don’t have much experience with the Americanized Indians, who act more white than white folks, but medical school is a learning experience in more ways than one.
      But anyways, during the wonderful 4 years of college, since I attended an HBCU, I was in Heaven.
      It’s hard for a black girl like myself to limit thyself. Even the few brothas in a mostly white environment aren’t checking for black girls…because they get love love by non-black chiks all day…they think they’re fancy now. I seen this ALL the time.

      In other words, though, just b/c I appreciate your non-garden variety white male, who makes me laugh, is super sweet and can hold down a great convo, it doesn’t mean that I can’t be 100% with a brotha. Having traveled around the world, you learn to become a chameleon.

  • Nicole

    I’m only gonna explain lace fronts once. My favorite.

  • http://twitter.com/TheHumanSp1d3r The Human Spider

    Dunno if I could date outside the race. Then again, my game with women of ANY race has been horrible across the board. So I really can’t say… Yet…

    • tgtaggie

      Co-sign on your comment. lol. I attribute my failures to the recession. lol.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        funny you mention that, if the game hadn’t been on i might have delved into a post where the recession was actually part of the reason for what i’d have written about.

        its not in my nature to be mysterious, but i can’t talk about it and i cant talk about why.

        • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

          “its not in my nature to be mysterious, but i can’t talk about it and i cant talk about why.”

          t-shirt nomination.

    • http://twitter.com/TheHumanSp1d3r The Human Spider

      Then again, I do have a few reasons:

      1.) My frequent use of the N-Word. I call people “ninjas”, I call myself “ninja”. The other day, I asked someone “Can a ninja borrow a fry?”

      2.) My flavor of the week may change without prior notice. Enough said.

      3.) Race jokes go out the window. I understand not trying to step on each others toes, but sometimes you gotta laugh at yourselves. Each race does some stereotypical sh!t sometimes. Plus, I don’t like being censored when I don’t need to.

      4.) The Latina stigma. For every hot looking Puerto-Rican there are 10 Mexicans that make you wonder how the heck they were allowed out into the sunlight.

      5.) My momma. I remember when my mom got passive-aggressive about T.O. dating a white girl on the T.O. Show. I had a Q & A discussion about the issues of dating a white girl. She passive-aggressive hinted that I better not even think about bringing home a white girl. To which I left the house, and said that I hope I find a nice white chick.

      • Mo-VSS

        Your #4 is just…too classic for words. I’m in the land of Mexicans and while there is no hate/racial shade intended, some the shapes they come in are just…uhm, yeah.

        • http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane (Shruggie Low-down)

          the ONE time i left the proverbial plantation i found myself intimately intermixed wit’ one of the prettiest lil’ dominicans you ever did see…somehow i thought her coloredness (or lack thereof depending on who you ask) wasn’t gon’ be an issue since all of her pink was cooked medium-well. alas, i was proven wrong and endured a very nasty, protracted (two years) quarantine from some of my closest relatives…there was talk of posthumous grave-rolling, several awkward family gatherings and i’m pretty sure i was denounced during my deadpan silence.

          • http://shift88.com/cha SpottieOttieDarlin

            That’s interesting because of all the other races, I feel like dating a Latino is the closest you come to dating black. #IJS.

            • Yoles

              +1

              even though latin is not a race it’s a culture/ethnic group that actually consists of all the “races”

              • Qozmic

                ???

                Can you please explain this …scientifically? Please start with a scientific definition of what the ‘races’ are.

            • stlunatic

              agreed. Brown/Black, no difference to me.

      • Around the Way Girl

        “Race jokes go out the window.”

        Actually, this one doesn’t have to be true. It depends on the person you’re dating. My white bf and I could laugh at race jokes all day.

        • http://twitter.com/TheHumanSp1d3r The Human Spider

          That’s what I was trying to get at. If you gotta stifle yourself around your signifacant other, chances are the relationship ain’t going to far.

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