Basic B*tch Olympic Time Trials - LaceFront Alter
*It’s not lost on me that I just wrote a post about Common calling women b*tches and then here I go writing a post that uses the word “b*tch” in the title. My only defense here is that I didn’t come up with the most perfect term to describe these women in these scenarios. I’m not enlightened and I think “Come Close” was p*ssy pandering. If you do have beef, forward all mail to here.*
Let me say upfront that I HATE everybody on Love & Hip Hop. I cannot stress this enough. My skin crawls when Chrissy tries to make people chose between her loyalty, their sanity, and deciding whether or not she’s a mole. Get it? Never mind.
Yandy’s name is Yandy. And I’m fairly certain that there isn’t a white person alive short of her mother who even acknowledges that Kimbella is halfsies. You know what, who cares. They drive us all crazy. Olivia is the only person I even kind of like and that’s because I’m totally jealous of her complexion. *squeal*
But despite my consistent protestations, the “stay classy San Diego” women of Love & Hip Hop constantly bring up one point that I think is important when discussing hoodratology and, well, basic b*tches: levels.
Chrissy eloquently stated that Yandy wasn’t on her level. Erica stated that Kimbella wasn’t on her level either. What level? F*ck if I know, but apparently these levels exist because these basic broads teach me so. Since I don’t really know what the levels are (though I know you can never get on my level WHAT get on my level WHAT), I figured that I’d use the women on the show to venture a guess as to what the levels are. Creep me with me as I roll through the hood of basic b*tches.
Ride or Die Until The Wheels Fall Off Level – When Chrissy said that Yandy wasn’t on her level, I can only assume this is the level she meant. That stay-for-7-hope-for-30-more level. Turns out she comes from a family of these types of ninjas since her aunt also proposed to her uncle. Those chicks either have control issues or are extremely patiently impatient. Now, a lot of the women on this show fit this category. Olivia is riding or dying with her career, which must be wearing a condom since she can’t really bust out. Emily is riding or dying with Fabolous, who we aren’t sure knows who she is, and then there’s Kimbella. And that’s all I’ll say about that. This isn’t the worst level, and is the most common from basic b*tch to PhD in biomedical physiological aquatic basket masseuse.
I Obviously F*cked Your Man Which Is Why I Am So Hung Up On This Mess Even Though I Need To Let It Go Level – Hi Yandy. Word to big bird, you are waaaaay to emotionally invested here. I used to think that Chrissy was tripping but now I just think that you really believe Jimmy (I love calling him Jimmy) actually should chose you over the woman he has decided to marry despite common sense that dictates that would never happen. What a dolt. Yandy, you stupid.
I’m At The Bottom Rung And Can’t Understand Why I Can’t Rise Like Maya Angelou Level - Kimbella might be the most curious case of delusion ever. I can honestly say that I don’t understand her because she brings nothing to the table, takes everything from it, and always seems to think that she’s being done wrong. Now I will say that Erica, the really ugly pretty basic b*tch, has a bigger grudge than Kobe Bryant in Phoenix, but damn. You really gonna run up on Erica at her birthday party with Somaya “Ray Lewis Shoulders” Reese and think you ain’t gonna get swung on?
I’m Only A Video Ho And Don’t Realize That Barack Obama Doesn’t Know Me Level - This is Erica all day. I wish somebody would slap her with the winds of change and a 20-inch Sumitomo tire. The fact that she ACTUALLY views Kimbella as having brought down her property value makes me think she failed out of 5th grade. Hey Erica boo, both of y’all ninjas have list prices of about $1,000. I checked the MLS listings. Nobody cares about you booboo. And your boobs are way too big for your body. Oh, and your singing sounds like a motherf*cking praying mantis struggling to eat her husband.
All For Nothing Level - I keep forgetting Teairra Mari is on this show. I just pulled up “Sponsor” on YouTube. I love this song. Anyway, she perplexes me. She can sing. She’s banging. She’s still young. Yet, she’s as much of a non-motherf*cking factor as one can be. She might be the poster child for non-motherf*cking factors. If Obama picked a director for his new National Office of Non-Motherf*cking Factors he’d almost have to pick her right? She’d be the list. Her and Ameriie should start a group together. They could call it We Give Good Face. Point is, she not only needs a sponsor, she needs better management. And I don’t mean Rich Dollaz.
By the way, does anybody else remember Teairra Mari’s song “No Daddy”. It’s quite possible that it’s one of the worst songs of all time. No disclaimer. No joke.
Anyway, I bring this to you all, what are the different levels that basic b*tches are referring to when they tell other basic b*tches that they aren’t on their level? Let us educate the masses today. For I have no clue what they’re talking about.
Basically, I just know that you ain’t on my level.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. GET ON MY LEVEL HO aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3
i have nothing to add except i thoroughly enjoyed this post.
and yes, i think Yandy fcked jim too. seriously, that is the ONLY way any of this makes any sense. ain’t no brother/sister…its more like former or current lovers imho
It’s quite obvious Yandy gave Jimmy the punanny!
The thought of anyone giving Jim Jones the punany makes me want to shower with bleach. He looks like a cross between Franklin & Pigpen from Peanuts.
“looks like a cross between Franklin & Pigpen from Peanuts”
that’s perfect…..i cannot get off the floor, I’m crying here….
Okay! That’s all I was thinking about while watcihng last nights episode…well, I was also reminded of a line from Waiting to Exhale “You black bishes is simple”…then I questioned my own state of simpleness because I’m the one watching..then I repeated it’s only entertainment to myself over and over until I felt better.
But I digress, if Yandy doesn’t have the biggest case of “But you said you loved ME too”..
“…then I questioned my own state of simpleness because I’m the one watching…”
LOL, we’re on a different level though.
you know, that’s probably the best descriptor for the entire phenomenon “but you said you loved me too”
good job.
b/c thats exactly what the f*ck is going on here. the more i watch the less i understand. you want this ninja to show you loyalty…OVER THE WOMAN HE HAS TO SLEEP NEXT TO EVERY NIGHT???
@ Still Suga,
“then I questioned my own state of simpleness because I’m the one watching..then I repeated it’s only entertainment to myself over and over until I felt better.”
*ROFFFLLLLMBAOOOOOO!!!! Your comment made my day!
i have nothing to add except i thoroughly enjoyed this post.
but what a great addition it is.
Question- Do you all think Chrissy would leave if she found evidence of a past or ongoing sexual relationship between Jim and Yandy?
nope, not at all. but she will make yandy’s life miserable. but she is too old to be back in the dating field, and she knows it. in her mind, she has a relatively good thing, and she’s held on for 7 years already, so…
i agree here. she aint going no where. she’d just have Yandy kilt dead. murdersauce.
“and yes, i think Yandy fcked jim too. seriously, that is the ONLY way any of this makes any sense. ain’t no brother/sister…its more like former or current lovers imho”
Exactly. She is STRAIGHT up acting textbook side-chick that thinks she should receive same benefits as main-chick. Po’ chile.
WELP!
PLEW!
i said what you said backwards.
*exitsstageleftwithMalik
So long farewell, aufwiedersehn goodbye.
lol.
Love that movie, too!
I don’t watch “Love and Hip-Hop” (Probably the only negro reality show I don’t watch), but I know these things about Erica
1) I did watch a few episodes of Kourtney & Khloe’s show. She worked a Dash Miami
2) This: https://twitter.com/#!/cthagod/status/159093442457255937
So basically, all she aspires to be is a basic reality show b*tch. Hey, someone’s got to keep us entertained *Kanye shrug*
somebody asked me the other day if I thought Erica was hot. and i immediately said no. except she is…right? her attitude turns me SO off that i cant’ even remotely envision her as being attractive.
You ever see the youtube video of her beating down her baby’s daddy Raul from Terror Squad? She is a true hoodrat and that is not attractive.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCpUzB5NEKg
Levels, muthaf’n factors, and irrelevance…all the same = nothing but ratings and short-term t-shirt sales.
Yandy really showed today that it’s more than just getting money with Jimmy. Her mentor Mona spoke the truth to her and she couldn’t hear it.
yeah…its like there was a little cloud over her head saying, “you talkin’ loud but you ain’t sayin’ nothing”
its time we settled the score.
I always think when viewing basic b*tches their “level” is the level of sh*t they either A) will do, B) have done, C) are willing to do to get to the next level of accomplishment, whatever that may be. While most women have scruples, standards and common sense to know what is acceptable behavior and what isn’t, basic b*tches will brag about their basicness as if it were a scout badge given out at Basic Training <-see what I did there?
Example; A conversation I overheard went something like this:
Girl A: …and so he's out in the studio, trying to get that paper for us – I swear Big D*ck Schlanging (I forget the real name but it was equally ridiculous) is gonna make us rich and his baby momma on some "Get a real job!" She ain't on my level; didn't support his dream and that's why she's an ex.
Girl B: She really ain't. You put up with so much with her and that other one always calling about "he needs to support my child." Support it ya damn self! We out here making ours!
And therein lies everything: for every basic b*tch out there, there is someone co-signing her BS and also working on their basic badge.
I’m gonna need these basic b*tches to do better…..
They’re so rachet. Do they even have passports? Real jobs? Erica looks like she might have eaten that missing turkey bacon and Chrissy threw moscato in Yandy’s face.
Are these bishes going to have a community trip to Target? Or maybe a Groupon getaway a la Basketball H*s/Unreal Housewives???
Moscato!!!! Hahaha
Wow…so if I’m reading this correctly, Girl A is so star-struck that she’s willing to roll with a dude who refuses to do anything with his kid despite repeated demands to do so. I wish you could have tracked this broad. If dude finally gets on, she’s going to be shocked, SHOCKED I say, when dude upgrades the nani and kicks her basic a$$ to the curb. I know not all situations involving kids are straight-forward. That said, if a dude (or chick) isn’t trying to do anything for their own flesh and blood kids, what the heck do you think they’re going to do for you. Remember, they have no ties to you other than the regular booty/peen you’re putting out.
Basic b*tch = basic logic. I’m supposing it doesn’t compute that if, and that’s a very large IF homeboy gets on, he’s definitely upgrading and most likely still not taking care of his responsibilities.
And not kid – kids. Apparently there were two mothers doing it all for their children while this knucklehead is out there doing “work” in the studio.
I wish you knew who this chick was, or even the dude’s name. I don’t want to accidentally say hello to the board. Maybe some of her basic mindset is contagious, and I want my daughter to do something with herself.
the whole concept of levels is hilarious in and of itself. thank you for your further research and illustrationism in the art of levelology.
Hilarious & oh so true!
I totally absolutely LOVE!! this article!! It took the thoughts out my head and put them on paper…I for the longest time I was trying to figure out what “level” this is that Erica specifically has been talking about she was on that Kim would never reach, because as far as I’m concerned, she has yet to attain any level or status that anyone would want, with her illiterate lollipop looking, I can’t fight but I will throw several glasses and swing when I’m deep looking a*s. They all need to sit down and come to terms with the fact that they are all jumpoffs!!
+1
+2.
+3
What level is Erica on??? The jumpoff’s jumpoff level???
Another Superb Synopsis. You are a gentleman and a scholar. Who is NOT on my level though.
DAMMIT!!!!! I’m trying to get on your level. wait…what level is you is on?
One day I will watch this show. And on that day, I will pull this post back up and be able to nod my head in agreement… I totally understood “non-mutherfcking factor” though. And yes, it still makes me smile!
even if you dont watch the show i’m fairly certain that Twitter and a cursory reading of what i wrote tells you everything you need to know.
Now this is funny.
Somaya “Ray Lewis Shoulders” Reese.
*flatlines*
Dig a ditch, I’m dead.
seriously…she doesn’t? that’s the one thing I will give Erica props for. her Somaya digs were accurate as hell.
That was my favorite part. And i will crack up everytime i see thar chick. What!. Lol
I am completely clueless about your entire post….I am guessing that is a good thing! Must mean my parents raised me well! ;o)
hmm…i’m just sayin’ you can do better.
Drake is your idol? You know what…fck it…
Bring on the “shyt diva dudes say” video.
I gotta keep coming for the laughs…
Oh also I would have never guessed Yandy was halvesies.
WHAT IS HALVSIES? I DONT UNDERSTAND!! please explain lol
Lol thats my made up word for.mixed people
you know…chalk that up to editing. I initially forgot to put Kimbella’s name in that sentence. Placed it in there on re-read, THEN forgot to hit update.
That sentence is now fixed and its about Kimbella.
Did you see Kimbella’s mom though? I was thinking this is what Kimbella will look like in a few years?! Ewww!
I love this post! Co mutha ph*ckn sign!
This pretty much gave me life! Also every time I watch this show, I’m reminded why I don’t mess with Harlem lol.
NOBODY should mess with Harlem.
What got me was when ole girl was basically telling Emily to put up with Fab’s B.S. because obviously “yall are meant to be.” Who the…Why in the… What the… hell kind of advice is that. It makes me wonder how many women are getting this same advice from their “friends.”
What level is Emily on, anyway? Does she qualify for one?
She threw me off when she told her it’s not like she can start dating school teachers now like since she dated Fab she’s on some new level of dating. Oh, there goes that word again! *delusional broads*
Somewhere, He Who Will Not Be Named is cackling to himself, looking at these chicks play themselves and prove His theories. Then, he’s waiting for the shot to get with these same women. (And trust me….he actually has some ins with these kind of women, believe it or not. Don’t ask me how I found out.)
I think I know who you speak of. And I wholeheartedly agree.
Are y’all talking about Obsidian?!?!
LOL…allow me to explain.
My wife briefly worked as an intern for a plus-sized fashion company. Since it was protocol for the industry for attached women to bring their SOs, I rode shotgun to a few events and ended up meeting a bunch of plus-sized models…a few of which, yes, do reality TV and/or have ties to that scene. I wouldn’t say that I’m super-friendly with all of them, but I could pick them out of a police lineup and in turn, they’d at least know my name.
Anyway, Obsidian and I are FB friends, and I realized that he had added a bunch of these models as friends. When I pointed out how I knew these women, he said that he ran in many of the same circles as these models.
Take it for what it’s worth.
DON”T SAY…!!! >.> he’s like the candyman for goodness sake…
<.<
Yesssssssssssss. I wanted to knock her off that stool. What kind of good-for-nothing-a$$ friend tells you to stay with a man that (allegedly) constantly cheats on you? She must have fckued him too.
I think Emily is a non-factor (on my level chart).
I watched that scene like (o_O)…really, boo? Okay.
i swear they share peen on this show.
Yo word to big bird, that Winter broad’s 2 minutes on the show could be its on post in and of itself.
When folks say “what’s wrong with America?” they mean her.
I think there needs to be level for that dumb broad too. I wanted Emily to chuck a spoon at her or something. Who the heck gived that kind of advice..all i kept thinking was pkease tell me Emily is getting punked.
The whole time Winter (I think that was her name) was talking…I could only help thinking two things:
1) She talks (movement and sound) like Lauren London and I wish they would have put a still of Lauren London on her body so that I wouldn’t be distracted by that.
2) Emily needs better friends. This chick clearly needs her job back (with Fab) or something…because she’s going too hard for something that doesn’t make a lot of sense.
Who the…Why in the… What the… hell kind of advice is that. It makes me wonder how many women are getting this same advice from their “friends.”
AMEN.
I don’t know who any of these people (except Fab) are.
You haven’t even heard of Tiiiiieeeeieieieiarra Maariiieieieiiee? She is what Keri Hilson will be
Keri Hilson (and NeYo for that matter) should stick to writing songs and get from behind the mic.
+1
hmmm…maybe teira marie, olivia and amerie should start writing music for others also
Or start a new girl group called “Z List”. And ask Nivea to sing background.
LMMFAO @ “Z List”!!!!
Yes!!!! lmao
I don’t know who any of these people (except Fab) are.
Its funny you should say that…..fab doesn’t know any of these people either
LMAO!!!
ROTFLMAO
annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd cut.
” I don’t know who any of these people (except Fab) are.”
+1- But now that I finally watched the premiere of “The Game” season 5 I’m gonna go and read that post and see what I missed and how the rest of the reading ninjas felt about it lol
I am waitimg on that follow-up post to that Common piece
ok.
” I am waitimg on that follow-up post to that Common piece”
” ok”
translation: keep on waiting…it’s probably not gon happen lol. Cooooooold blooded bang bang!
Fa’ sho LOL
Or a Ghostface debate as G.O.A.T.
I just always figured they were out of touch with reality. They’re so far behind they think they’re ahead.
clearly
Thank you for using the word ‘dolt.’
my pleasure.
Here’s what I wonder about all these basic b*tches (Basketball Wives, Real Housewives, etc)…what is life like for their kids? Some of them have school age kids; can you imagine going to 6th grade and everyone talking about your h0 azz mom?
I was totally wondering the same thing. What is it like for those who have children? I bet they have a hard time at school!
I didn’t even think about that but that is so true.
my guess is that they use that jumpoff money to send their kids to private schools where there are only white kids and mothers who don’t own televisions.
In that case, private school to the rescue!
I’m sure there are plenty of white kids that watch this mess too.
I made that comment last night, at the beginning of Erica’s interview she made sure to add that she was a “Mami” on her resume and then was in the club rubbin her tit’s like she loved Big Pop….sorry but that isn’t “Mommy” behavior.
” I’m sure there are plenty of white kids that watch this mess too.”
Ehh, maybe, but I doubt it. Not that they don’t watch ratchet shows, but they have their own (Jersey Shore, Baseball Wives, Mob Wives etc;)
Aww dang! Why you gotta diss Amerie though?
I died laughing at you squealing over Olivia’s complexion. Gotta admit, it is nice.
YEEESSSSS! My sister was singing that damn “No Daddy” song last week when we finished watching the show. It was hilarious but soon became a regret when it was stuck in our heads… and when our dad asked our mom why my sister keeps saying that, which then made it funny again because our dad was totally around when we were growing up.
I knowww right? Nobody gives a damn about Amerie right now but she actually made some really nice tracks. She has a bunch of different can’t-skip songs on my iPod lol
then she has a bunch of “my God what is this f*cktastic foolishness that i’m listening to that doubles as an Ameriie song”
can’t forget the second “i” now.
I DESPISE that second “i”, refuse to add it and will always purposely leave it out. I don’t know that Amerie… the blonde short hair, second “i” adding chick. NO! What the hell was she on then anyways?Opium? Pre-engaged Amerie is the sh*t though.
I wasted an hour of my life on that bullshit. *prolly do it again next week*
I despise reality shows. They are annoying and disturbing. I mean, how in the hell did people screaming, yelling, and demeaning each other ever become “entertainment?” Phaleeze. And, all y’all watch more television and movies, listen to more music than I can keep up with in my pitiful life. Me = boring and out of touch.
At any rate, this was classic PJ… kickrocksbitchoopsididitagain@deeznuts.com LOL I wonder how many others actually clicked the link? lmao
Blame the crummy economy. Historically, during rough economic times, people develop a taste for entertainment that’s either very mindless or very humiliating. Also, bloodsports become popular. People either want to escape or find sacrificial lambs.
At least that’s what the sociologists say. Heck, I’m just rolling with it.
I mean, how in the hell did people screaming, yelling, and demeaning each other ever become “entertainment?”
im fairly certain that’s exactly what entertainment is.
“I mean, how in the hell did people screaming, yelling, and demeaning each other ever become “entertainment?”
It’s difficult to date, but most scholars agree that it reached the height of popularity in ancient Rome.
Come to think of it, I totally think the finale should include Jim having to stand in a dome and choose between Yandy, Chrissy, and a rabid lion while we all throw rotten fruit and hiss.
Who’s watching?
It’s difficult to date, but most scholars agree that it reached the height of popularity in ancient Rome.
More like Ancient Greece. That’s why they had choruses in Greek Tragedies telling the stories. You need the screaming and yelling for the entertainment value.
+ 1
I would tOTAly watch this….
@Nilalette- +1, I’m tryna get into it, I really am. If for nothing else, just to be able to participate in convos with random black women, but I just can’t.
I watched my first episode tonight with some girlfriends and from what I observed in this one episode this post is on point. I was trippin about how you gonna crash someone’s Bday party and start some beef. o_O WTDTA??
Am I the only one who needed an explanation of who these people were?? Like not just the chicks but the guys their with that supposedly make them relevant.
naw. real talk it took me a while to fully figure it out b/c its not like these are A-list jumpoffs.
when Fab is the biggest rapper associated here we’re on that struggle life.
but Olivia is such a…you know what. nevermind. you right.
“You’re not on my level” just seems to be the new standard insult that you give anytime someone disagrees with your position.
“You’re not on my level” is basically the “she just jealous” in 5 words instead of 3. The male equivalent is “that ninja hating”.
“You’re not on my level” is basically the “she just jealous”
Yep.
“The male equivalent is ‘that ninja hating’.”
Really? Because I’m sure we just were reminded of a very popular song called “Get on My Level” performed by a bunch of men. LOL, it’s not just the women.
Ah ha. Looks like another opportunity for me to completely abuse and likely misapply the Transitive Property of Addition. Allow me to proceed.
“You’re Not On My Level” = “She Just Jealous”
“She Just Jealous” = “That Ninja Hating” (male equivalent)
“You’re Not On My Level” = “That Ninja Hating” (male equivalent)
Dudes don’t actually use the word jealous, but they do say other dudes hate. Same nonsensical disregard of reality, same psychologocial projection of inferiority applied to advesaries, same knee-jerk, ham-fisted logic, just different verbiage.
LOL, well I see where you’re going. “Get on my level is gender neutral” and then you have the male and female derivatives.
Actually “You’re not on my level” is what would happen if “She Just Jealous” and “That Ninja Hating” had a bastard offspring.
Let me see…
If A=B & B=C => A=C
Yes… I approve of the transitive property usage. Carry on!
#KemaApprovedPost
Just a program note, if your post isn’t Kema approved…
…yeah you’re not on my level.
well done.
I think “You’re not on my level” is the Love & Hip Hop version of “Bish, you’re a non-mf factor”. Every show’s gotta have a catchphrase, y’see.
Also, any woman who was on a level that others would aspire to wouldn’t utter such nonsense.
i’m still trying to figure out with this love and hip-hop nonsense is. As i was reading this the situation u described about swinging and a birthday party or whatever was on…and even from your descriptions i still don’t know who’s who or what anyone is talking about. i’ve already changed the damn channel lol.
you need more ignorance in your life. i promise.
Basketball Wives (the Miami chicks…not them crazies in LA) and Jersey Shore are the only sources of pure tomfoolery that i allow myself to indulge in lol
I don’t understand why these bird ass basic ass females are glorified on tv. Why do we constantly see Kim Kardashian and Amber Rose but no strong black lawyers, doctors, and business woman. I guess these basic b^%$hes fighting in the club every week make for good tv. As a man I don’t care how “bad” these females look. Its sad the younger generation has nothing to look up to when it comes to role models on television. They think their face and ass can get them ahead in life with nothing upstairs. ex. Amber Rose
RHOA features at least one black lawyer and a few business women…that’s all I got.
“I don’t understand why these bird ass basic ass females are glorified on tv. Why do we constantly see Kim Kardashian and Amber Rose but no strong black lawyers, doctors, and business woman.”
Because they are entertaining. Reid Between the Lines and Let’s Stay Together feature professional black women..but who’s watching? Not I, said the cat.
Admittedly, those are sitcoms. Then again, who the hell would watch a reality show following lawyers and business women around all day? Watching Sheila charge up the dude in Purchasing for stealing her Lean Cuisine? That’s called Any Random Tuesday, and I’m not interested.
Could be the same reason why car wrecks are featured on the news instead of lovely free flowing traffic. I guess you could see it as a warning of certain dangers to society. But unfortunately, some people see these wrecks as admirable and relatable people.
Mmhmm.
If you think about it, people like Kim K. and Amber Rose are definitely businesswomen. They’re selling THEMSELVES. That’s their business. And it works.
That’s all the industry is these days. YOU are the product. Not your movies, not your music, clothing line, whatever. But you yourself. That’s why interviews and reality shows and Twitter and all this other crap is so crucial. It’s why people like Olivia and Teairra Mari aren’t on; it’s not that they don’t make good music, but the real products- the women themselves- just aren’t that interesting, and people aren’t buying.
Although I watch this show weekly, I love this post! My mom asked me the other day why I watch this show and I told her my life is pretty calm so I live vicariously through them. Kimbella, Yandy and Erica are so nutty it doesn’t make sense and when they try to explain themselves it shows how dumb they really are.
I don’t know how Kimbella’s mom could get through a conversation with her, then she had the nerve to insult her when it sounds like she was struggling to put complete sentences together.
that had to have been the one of the most disturbing conversations i have EVER witnessed between a mother and daughter.
kimbella was basically saying “mama you didnt love me enough, so i turned into a video broad. why didnt you love me enough to choose parenthood over a life of being a doormat?”
mama was saying, “girl, i had to keep my man. at all costs. youre enough of a video broad to understand THAT, right?”
…. just sad.
You mean how every sentence? That she utters? Comes out like a queston? And is held for just a beat to lonnnng?
Some body Fed Ex that chick a box of diction.
“Some body Fed Ex that chick a box of diction.”
^^^^^??
dead.
I must admit, most of the time I’m watching the show, I’m just focused on the eye candy.
i would be except these chicks turn me off with their non-sense.
If this becomes the first post, I am officially a beast.
Oh, another Love & Hip Hop topic. Okay. See you guys Wednesday.
did you have to announce that you weren’t feeling the topic?
LOL!!! Apparently he did.
Ouch! And he got the 404!
He’s become such a troll.
I’ve never seen this show (along with most of the reality shows; i dont have cable) but like reading these post…i like keeping up what with the kids are watching.
toodles.
I love it simply for the opportunity to see Black women with excellently done makeup, who have been styled, and many times have been exceptionally well lit for the camera. I will always watch just to see a Black girls eyes who look like mine on tv.
I guess boys have the NBA and NFL. Basic ninjas devoting their lives to running after a Bases and Balls. I bet Basicball players got a level too.
Sadly, you’re right. Sigh…
What are the different levels that basic b*tches are referring to when they tell other basic b*tches that they aren’t on their level
Lol I’ve always wondered what these women who claim that others are not on their level are referring to. The women I hear say this are usually not extremely intelligent, attractive, successful or anything that would cause someone to think they were on a higher level yet they continuously claim that others are not on their level. I will however take you up on your challenge and pretend to know what these ladies are referring to so here it is:
Level 1 – The simpleton (a.k.a. the dummy) – all she cares about is having her hair and nails done. This type doesn’t take care of her kids, talks very loudly and lacks the ability to effectively communicate without confrontation (meaning she fights in public often). She has never had a real job and has no ambition or goals in life. She will continue to be the fry dropper at Mcdonald’s.
Level 2 – The Narcissist (a.k.a. the a$$hole)- This female is known to say “I’m stuntin on these hoes”. She believes that she is the finest female out there (she looks like biz markie) and lacks depth or personality. She is a narcissist and hates for others to do well in life. She talks a lot and will turn any discussion into a conversation about herself. She likes to gossip and make up rumors for fun. She likes to be the center of attention and will act childish if things do not go her way (you may even catch her pouting like a kindergartner from time to time). She will continue to be single and friendless and claim that women dislike her because they are jealous and that there are no more good men left on earth.
Level 3- The Jumpoff (a.k.a. the $lutbucket) She has slept with everybody! Your daddy, the pastor, and a homeless man. She wants to release a sex tape to become famous and will do anything to become relevant. She is heartless with no emotion. She has no moral, values, or self worth. Typically she continues to be irrelevant.
All of these levels are equal
Look at Level, 2, thinks of my mom, then thinks of this song. Sigh…
I’ve actually never heard that song…..its very sad
good job. i was actually going to go a different direction with this post and it was going to look similar to what you wrote. then i realized i needed to take more shots at Chrissy and Yandy.
Kim Kardashian fits all three levels. I always knew she was well-rounded (pun!).
*two thumbs up*
“No Daddy” sounds good when it’s sped up & you’re kickboxing to it – it’s unlistenable @ normal speed, but that beat gets me hype…
HOW did Somiya (sp?) just pop back in the picture after being gone for hella eps?? & now she’s friends w/ Kimbella? Really?? I’m so tired of the contrived situations on this show. Yandy’s “firing” is totally fake, she’ll be back on Jim’s roster by the finale or next season. It’s all for the cameras, & all of these women are on the exact same level – reality show heffa willing to fight & sell just a portion of her soul.
Not on my level means you are trying to do the same thing as me and can’t even compete. I wouldn’t say that it is just a sign of jealousy (towards women that you find yourself in competition with) but also a sign of flat out arrogance (which masks insecurities). You think of yourself so highly that that person who is trying to do the same as you can’t even come close (or you want to get in their head that they can’t come near you) which can sometimes be true. It’s also something that you say that shows an utter lack of respect for the other person–you are non existent to me.
What are the different levels? The pedestal that the basic chick puts herself on is the level which can only be attained by her and the people she puts there. These people will usually benefit her in some way by doing every thing for her or giving her praise all day every day. Even if she puts her friends on her level, once one of them starts to trip (or call her out on her crap) she will remind them that they arent on her level and never will be. The only level that exist is the one that she has built in her warped reality.
“The only level that exist is the one that she has built in her warped reality.”
Meaning these “levels” extend into unknown dimensions. That’s deep.
Unknown dimensions = existent only to her and nonexistent to everyone else.
I like this definition…..it will be repeated by me at some point
Yeah it’s like “Inception”…
BOL!
so every chick has her own level? lol
Anyone that would say “you are not on my level” has their own level that they swear you are not on nor ever will be.
It’s like they don’t even consider when they’re saying this, that that level that they’re on could be beneath the other person. In which case I am happy to never get on it.
Yep. A complete lack of self-awareness. Both men and women possess this.
3 billion levels?
This is the perfect comment. Co-sign 100%. It’s all just a big defense mechanism for feelings of inferiority. People who are really about something don’t have to convince anyone. Like this Erica chick…so Kimbella’s not on your level, yet you take every available opportunity to slander her? When you first meet her, you’re seeing red, screeching about levels and sh!t before she has even said a word to you? B!tch please. Be real with yourself.
“(though I know you can never get on my level WHAT get on my level WHAT)”
This was my favorite part of the post and I’m actually gonna declare that whichever Love & Hip Hop heaux references this becomes my favorite. Because um… I’m not sure I really have one so Imma just choose one based on this important aspect. Because that? Happening on the show? Would kill me. And what a way to go.
First, thank you for mentioning Amerie. If there is an award for Most Top 10 Hits While Remaining in Anonymity, she got a whole shelf of them. I’m wondering if her management has their main office in the back room of a Chicken and Waffles spot in Indianapolis where there’s a handwritten sign on the door saying “Uh-Murray Managmint an’ Stuff.” Seriously.
Second, thanks for bringing “No Daddy” into my life. Now I know what my wife can sing to my father-in-law when he gets out of jail in 2 months after serving 3 1/2 years for being into distribution…like Atlantic (while not helping out my MIL and school-aged sister-in-law, but that’s another story).
Three, I really need to watch this show. Maybe it’ll be the impetus I need to finally donate to the United Negro College Fund. Besides, The Situation is starting to get annoying.
I had “No Daddy” on my MP3 player. The beat is nice. Amerie is similar to Olivia. She has everything on paper, just never got big. “One Thing” is a classic.
Essentially a good singer who brings nothing else to the table will come and go…i see you Melanie Fiona, Dondria, skinny J Hud
I’m sorry…are we really calling Amerie a good singer? Good songs? Sure. Good singer? No.
Still, at least they were good songs. There are some broads (e.g. Keri Hilson, Ashanti among a cast of thousands) that have gotten less sales for crappier work, yet we know their name.
No…no we’re not.
This show is probably scripted to death, so I’m pretty sure a lot of this drama is manufactured. Although, you probably do have a basic level of basicness in order to act a fool and pretend this is your personality.
The thought crossed my mind too. Not much reality in reality shows anymore. To the point where I have often wondered, how much money would it take for actual intelligent people to act a fool on national tv? Cause while I know most folks on these shows aren’t brain trusts, they can’t be as ignorant as they portray, some of it has to amplified and scripted strictly for the show…
…right?
Let’s hope so. This is why I don’t watch reality tv–any of it. I have seriously tried but through it all I am embarrassed for the person on the show, end up cringing, and eventually have to turn. It’s almost like I’m their mama and saying “i know i raised her/him better than this–embarrassing the family name for everyone to see. Know good and well that heifer down the street is watching this show and judging me and my parenting skills. Wait till I see you for the holidays.”
Well, how much money would it take for you to act a fool on national television? I’m willing to bet there are many people doing it for free. All you need is one good moment (i.e. “hide your kids, hide your wife”) to build yourself a nice little nest egg.
“…If Obama picked a director for his new National Office of Non-Motherf*cking Factors…”
BOL!!!!!
The levels are:
1. X Factor
2. Major Factor
3. Minor Factor
4. Non-Factor
5. Non-MuthaFcukin-Factor
I’m going to say Olivia is somewhere between minor and major. We all know who she is. We know she’s not hot right now because we remember her. That’s more that 97% of the people in the world right there.
I’d put Chrissy on level 5 because her only claim is her boyfriend. At least Emily has a career and some success behind her.
I actually like Kimbella. People keep messing with her and she seems like a nice person. Erica is marginal and obviously there to provide some more fighting on the show. The fake a$$ hair pulling was shameful.
I agree. I think Yandy probably had more than a work relationship with Jim. I think Chrissy might have suspected and been on some “keep your enemies closer” type sh*t.
Emily has a career? What is it?
LOL, she’s a stylist and directs fashion shows…I believe
lmao
Kimbella does seem nice, I like her too. I think she’s misunderstood. Same with Yandy. There’s more than meets the eye with those two.
Olivia’s skin is nice, though.
i know. i aint joking. lol.
I dont watch this show. However i do catch glimpses here and there and of course on Twitter LIVE. From the snippets of what i saw I assume Jim was smashing the manager, Fabolous should be paid by the name drop, no one cares about Olivia and every episode seems to be sitdowns n recaps of the last fight, all of course leading up to another public function where these heauxs gonna fight all leading up to next week where they will…..recap the last fight.
Why is this sooo true??
and there you have it folks.
LOL@ every show is a recap of the last show
Everything in this post >>>>>>>>
My first thought was, “has vsb been hacked again?” Because this doesn’t seem like Panama’s normal style of writing. The flow seems off; as if it were written by someone else.
Oh well, can’t relate to them all. I’ll be back tomorrow.
um…thank you? and my bad? and…oops. and…
ok.
….she just not on your level
*snicker*
She sure aint!
I think Yandy f*cked Jimmy. But they both know what would happen if Chrissy ever found out. Well, she’d probably still marry that man because she has spent too much time making an @ss out of herself and taking her frustration with him out on everyone she meets NOT to.
Chrissy is that chick who doesn’t have girlfriends because she “can’t get along with women.” Watch them chicks; they NEVER have friends, just followers (Emily).
Olivia…okay, you’re pretty. You’re talented. Yet, you talk more sh*t than most about Somaya yet you let Chrissy bully you like that? For real? Get it together. Oh, and how about I had no idea Rich was funding this entire thing for Olivia? Yeah, she would’ve been got dropped. But clearly he doesn’t care much for making a profit.
Teairra Mari clearly didn’t give Jay-Z the box. But Rhianna did. And thus, guess who’s still rising with the Roc? Just my theory.
Now, as far as these levels…yeah. I have to agree here.
Oh, and Yandy’s mentor? ALL TRUTH. But Yandy wasn’t trying to hear it.
Yes, when Chrissy was talking sideways to Olivia I though she was going to get checked. womp womp…
ninja equivalents include:
“get money”
“some generic wayne/aubrey lyric”
“u cant see me” w/ yayo dance
and of course
“he mad”
So I had to silence basically my whole TL last night while this crap was on, and then I wake up to a recap. Sigh. I have never seen an episode of this show. I couldn’t even make it through the post so I can’t imagine how y’all make it through a whole episode, and a whole season?! LOL.
Can we have a blow by blow recap of something like Private Practice which had a polyamorous triad (!!!) last week or maybe Modern Family…. or Parks and Rec… or something… anything… else? LOL
I know.
Naw.
But I had to try.
no.
-____-
I stopped watching Private Practice after Addison took it upon herself to sleep with her BEST FRIEND’S EX-HUSBAND!!! Twice they have made this woman into a trick. The first time that she slept with her husband’s best friend was horrible (granted McSteamy can get it) but now your best friend…your ACE?!? Puh-lease.
I still watch but thought every moment of that relationship was gross, & having Naomi be okay w/ it was just too stupid. Glad they’re over, plus Benjamin Bratt is on the show now
He’s too skinny these days, but still fine.
Naomi was never okay with it. And she told Addison so before she exited stage t.v. drama right. The new fertility doctor is the only real almost-friend she has.
kickrocksbitchoopsididitagain@deeznuts.com???? LOL what is wrong with you??
you’re spot on about the levels tho lol. i witness at least 2 of those levels on the bus just about everyday. and please dont forget to put Olivia in the “all for nothing” level. shes about as non-mothafckin-factor-ish as you can get, esp considering she doesnt have a record deal but steady trying to remind ppl theyre not on her “level”. (-_-) um… ok….
ill be honest: i watched Love & Hip Hop last season faithfully. i loved it! Chrissy by far was my fave. loved everything about her–her attitude, her style, her hair, her curves, and of course her mole. despite the fact she was in love with Jimmy, she seemed pretty level-headed, despite her hood tendencies.
this season tho? smh. the show is boring and predictable. too much drama over nothing. everybody is doing too much with far too little. not that im surprised, or even disappointed. just not entertained. i love my messy reality tv shows, but this just isnt fun anymore. and Chrissy… smh she just annoys me now. not even her mole appeals to me anymore. oh well *shrug*
I agree the fighting scenes are just weird and fake. Erica seems out of place. Chrissy seems to be going out of her way to be a jerk. They’re trying to make story-lines for Kimbella’s mom issues…-_-…I think they’re just running out of material.
I pray to God, Buddah and the Spaghetti Monster that these people are just acting. I mean, can you REALLY get genuine train wrecks to behave on cue? Think about it…in the circus, those animals are weakened into submission; trained to bare their teeth and growl on command. A lion tamer would never be dumb enough to just grab an animal from the wild and use it in a show.
“I pray to God, Buddah and the Spaghetti Monster that these people are just acting. I mean, can you REALLY get genuine train wrecks to behave on cue?”
From what I know based on interviews I’ve heard/read from reality stars, here’s what happens:
A) They sit these people in hair and makeup for an hour or two (maybe three for some lol) and serve them alcohol until they get nice and toasty. Not drunk, still coherent(ish), but enough to have them feelin themselves.
B) They are then placed in these contrived situations. For instance, they’ll have someone go to a function where his/her nemesis will be, or they’ll have the whole cast go on a trip together. They make it almost impossible for something NOT to pop off.
C) We never see a whole fight or a whole conversation. We just get highlights. A particular fight could have been escalating for over an hour, but on the show it looks like it took five minutes.
D) To your point, people do turn it up when they know they’re being watched. That’s true for anyone. They say you tend to forget the cameras are there, but I don’t think anyone completely forgets.
So taking all this into consideration PLUS the fact that these people are already attention wh0res with over-inflated egos brings me to this point: I actually don’t think they’re “acting,” per se. There’s no script. They’re truly reacting to what’s going on around them. That’s what makes these shows so fascinating to me; it’s like a big social experiment. If we put persons X, Y, and Z together and put them in scenarios A, B, C, and D, how much ratchetness can we create, and how much will the public eat it up?
As a viewer, I know good and well that I’m being manipulated. And I love it. I find reality shows quite fascinating…they’re fun to watch from a psychologist/sociologist point of view. Not that I’m trying to justify it; sometimes I just enjoy the drama. Sue me.
Oh. My. God. Ratchet TV is actually the next step in the evolution of professional wrestling*. Just when I thought pro wrestling had dead-ended, it’s been rebirn without me realizing it. This moment of clarity almost made me fall out of my chair.
*still can’t believe my boy Macho Man is dead ya’ll.
If that show was G.L.O.W., then who would Chrissy be? Yandy? Emily?
So basically Love and Hip Hop is like real Hip Hop now. Fake beef, manufactured drama, boring and predicatable pseudo entertainment by people “doing the most” with “not enough”. And the genre is filled with Comcast Basic B!tches and Triple OG stupid ninjas.
I can dig it.
#Cha’mon
LIKE
“kickrocksbitchoopsididitagain@deeznuts.com???? LOL what is wrong with you??”
LOL, yeah I first read this post on the phone and ran straight to the computer just so I could hover over this link to see what smartarse link he had there. He didn’t disappoint. TWSS.
Panama, this post is the most exposure I have ever had to this show. Thanks for the synopsis. I admire people who can look at these train wrecks light heartedly. I just can’t. They make me angry and make me want to throw things. I think I have a fierce bigotry against stupid people, especially ones who don’t realize how stupid they are.
The Repblican Debates must have been a trial of patience of epic proportions. My sympathies for you for having to live with that non-stop coverage on one side and Ratchet Reality on the other.
I didn’t watch the Republican debates. I think my natural reaction to ratchetness is plain old avoidance.
Olivia:
I’m sorry, but I must speak on the whole “Olivia is talented” thing. Yes, she has a nice voice, but there is a major disconnect there making her (to me) a non-factor. It’s like Rico Love said, how are you singing a sad song about breaking up and smiling? I don’t believe you. You need more people. You have a chick who was signed to J Records (Clive Davis) and went nowhere with it. A chick who signed up to sing hooks for 50 Cent (did she really think anything would come from that label?). A chick who, although this is her third try, is pretty much still on rookie status and has yet to learn how to create and market herself as a brand in the industry.
Chrissy:
I understand going hard for your man, but dang, ma, easy. Ok, we know you stuck by your man all this time, dealing with his “special” moms (why do I keep wanting to call this woman Frankie?), and his more personal than professional management. But you around the way hood chick is pretty much over shadowing the class you like to pretend you have.
Emily:
I like the fact that Emily left the situation she was in with Fab. And I know that being in a situation like that CAN’T be easy. I DON’T like the so called advice people are giving her in regards to her decision. From Olivia n’nem telling her she’d “better not go back (uh, she’s grown. she can do what she wants) to the Winter chick telling her to deal with it because it won’t get any better (huh, say what?).
Teiarra Marie, Yandy, Kimbella, and Erica:
Why are they even here? No, really. Why?
To give the show texture… I guess. #ReallyIgotNothing
If you think about it, the word “ratchet” kind of sounds like a texture. Plush, krinkled, ratchet…
LOL, I think Yandy should be there. Yandy is a manager. She’s in the industry; that makes sense, that’s the hip hop part. Kimbella is a girlfriend, that’s the love part.
I’m a contrarian. I can always find something I don’t like in a post written by a man. But not today. Why? This post is too good. It has gotten past my bitch shield and declawed my cougar paws. I need those, for slashing.
Panama, gots to give it to you on this one. You’re the man. For a reason. I’ve never seen the show and I’m gonna watch it just based on this post. This was some funny shit, right here. Snark, defcon level 5. You the king. I am not worthy. Fuuuuuuny!
“It has gotten past my bitch shield and declawed my cougar paws”
I don’t know how, but I WILL find a way to work that into at least two conversations this week.
Loving it!
“It has gotten past my bitch shield and declawed my cougar paws.”
Wild Cougar,
You are hereby notified that the above styled quote has been appropriated, adversely possessed, and usurped. You may no longer assert any rights, privileges, or other indications of ownership.
In Sum, I’m stealing this.
Thanks,
Nei Jae
(so2k)
Hey! * looks around for copyright symbol* Dammit!
i just may shed a tear.
Quick question. If a man is fiercely protective of/loyal to (whatever Yandy is proposing to be to Jim) a woman he’s known (personally and professionally) for a long period of time, do people assume he slept with/wants to sleep with her? Im not saying it’s not true, Im just wondering if the whole “they must have slept together if she’s that pressed” thing is a double standard.
yes, b/c if he is he’s slept with her. otherwise he wouldn’t be loyal.
bazinga.
I have never laughed so loud and hard in my life. Best description of the show. And, it’s like watching an accident on the highway…I know the scene will be horrible but I have to look!
Pretty much. In my mind, no two people of the opposite sex are going to be just friends over an extended period of time and never try anything. Not saying it will become a full-blown sexual thing, but at some point somebody is going to try the other.
I agree but only to the extent that one party will catch feelings or want to sleep with the other. I don’t think that necessarily means that one party or the other will actually try their hand. For example, one of my male friends and I have been friends for 10 years. I was attracted to him at one point but never said anything because I knew he didn’t feel the same way.
I see what you’re saying, but I think your case is the exception and not the rule. Could just be me, but I don’t see too many guys and girls being longtime friends and neither one throws out a feeler.
But (again) that doesn’t necessarily mean that it will turn into something sexual.
My favorite part about this post? The beef email. bwhahahahahaaha!!! @deeznuts.com
LOVE IT.
as i die a slow death……….”Olivia is riding or dying with her career, which must be wearing a condom since she can’t really bust out.”………….this is whty i LOVE this site…..not to mention that “mole” dead dead deadest
I’ve been thinking why all these shows are popular, and I kind of always find myself going back to movies like Mean Girls and Bring it on. I think we really love seeing b*tches in action. It legitimizes the fact that men believe that women are crazy, and it raises the self-esteem (makes them feel better about themselves) of women who might not be getting what they want out of the sexual market; in other words, “I might not have a man, but at least I’m not that crazed up about getting one, keeping one, or losing one.”
I think with all these reality TV shows, we’re seeing the ability of directors and executive produces to give people what they want (even though if approached and asked if this is what they want, they’d reject it), because it’s kind of amazing how successful these shows are when they’re all basically the same show, with different characters.
Exactly. Who doesn’t love a catfight?
Or any fight, for that matter. I used to LOVE those Real World/Road Rules challenges…those dudes were always going H.A.M. on each other.
Something about “catfights” and “dudes” is throwing me off…
Just had to say, I finished Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm at Night. Loved it. Unfortunately, it helped me to realize that I never actually ever dated or even met any available good dudes, I mean for-real-real available *good* dudes. However, I feel reaffirmed that my judgement is on point, and I can now tell my badgering relatives that the reason I haven’t married or had babies yet is because I am fighting crime.
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