Now last Friday, The Champ and I decided to open the floodgates and ask people what their dealbreakers were. Well I’ll be damned if nearly every possible dealbreaker wasn’t covered. Apparently, people know exactly what they don’t want in life.
That got us thinking though, what are the things we do want in a mate (or one night jumpoff that we mistakenly thought could be a mate)? Realize that we here at Very Smart Brothas, Inc. believe in not only highlighting the negatives, we also want you to share smiles and spread joy like Vanessa Del Rio.
You might not realize it, but that’s both a pun AND a double entendre.
See? Very. Smart. Brotha.
So without further adieu…
Panama’s Short (and soon to be expanded) List of Thangs He Like:
1) Nice hips – I don’t know what it is about a woman with finely shaped hips but ooooh I just wanna lay in her hair.
2) Smilers – I love me a woman with a pleasant disposition who keeps smiling. In any event, it’s better than evil smurfs who always rock a scowl. If my only two choices in life are a woman with a scowl and a hyena? Well, I’m going for Whoopi Goldberg everytime…at least she smiles.
3) Goofballs - Nothing is funner than a chick with a goofy side. Granted, it’s often amazing when you find out that your girl is a total doof, but there’s a certain cuteness and innocence in goofy chicks that’s way better than chicks who’ve spent years on Riker’s Island.
Okay, that’s a lie.
4) Chicks that can sing – And I don’t mean women that DO sing…as in, they open their mouths and unleash the fury. I mean women who can actually hold simultaneous notes that sound like they were supposed to be created. Simply stated, women who can’t sing but try to sing and suck are the devil and should be thrashed wtih some Nike shoelaces.
5) Teeth – Well, duh. Though I’ve heard that a toothless woman can, ya know, whistle good.
THE CHAMP’S (short) LIST:
glasses: maybe I’m completely nuts. maybe my peculiar fetish is concrete proof of me being completely and utterly narcissistic. maybe the young champ shouldn’t have put his glasses on to get a better view of the screen when first “discovering” emmanuale in space on cinemax (who knew aliens were so damn friendly?) who knows? all I know is that in all honestly, rocking the right pair of lenses can give a woman as much as a TWO point jump in my mental rating scale. Yes. TWO. TWO freakin points!!! Do you realize how much of a difference two points makes???
we’ve all heard of beer goggles, but I think I might actually have the first documented case of glasses goggles
the ability to make me laugh as well as the ability to laugh at herself:
super serious chicks need not apply.
and, i don’t know if this belongs in a list such as this, but i’d be remiss if i didnt find a way to mention how excited the “little” champ gets when he sees…
…a woman quietly laughing to themselves while reading a book:
*i won’t expound further because it’ll make me too aroused excited, but i will say that between this and the glasses fetish it’s safe to assume that i’m somewhat of a nerd. i’ve actually made peace with this fact, and i’ve decided to move on.*
***btw, ladies…i hope you all noticed that, despite our somewhat short lists, we both placed a premium on stuff deriving from happiness (“laughing”, “smiling”, and “goofiness”). take that information and make whatever conclusion you want***
What are the things that draw you in every time???? Won’t you be…won’t you be…won’t you be our neighbor?