Theory & Essay, Uncategorized

ask the champ: movie edition

***as written in the champs new contract, from now on, at least once a month the champ will directly respond to a question that was sent to the champs email address. the champ doesn’t really enjoy doing this, but since it’s in the champs contract, the champ will continue to do this because the champ has made it known that the champ will do things that the champ doesnt really enjoy doing, as long as there’s money involved. the champ is a whore. btw, if you haven’t noticed, theres also a clause in the champs contract disallowing pronouns.***

being that you’re a movie buff, i wanted to ask you a simple question: out of all the movies that you’ve seen, champ, which one had the strangest, most inane plot? i’m not asking for the worst movie, just a premise that made you wonder “what the f*ck were they smokingand where can i get some of that sh*t for myself??”

for me,it would have to be “underworld“. think about it: a bunch of underwear model slash werewolves and vampires running around with capes, diesel jeans, and doc martens, speaking in old english but with australian accents and shooting each other with assault rifles. just completely weird, but, for some reason, it kind of works.

be easy

–t.j.

thanks t.j.

as you know, the champ is an expert in myraid capacities. from how to achieve the perfect standing “o” to orbitofrontal cortex hypoactivation, i am the master of many domains, and one of said domains is obscure movie knowledge. if you haven’t seen it, you can bet that the champ has.

with that being said, after racking my brain and “teasing the midget” clearing my thoughts, one movie stands out more than anything else. one movie with a premise so absurd, so inane, so inconceivably inconceivable that…well…it just leaves you speechless.

this is a movie about an undead black former slave/serial killer who only attacks white women.

please re-read that last sentence three times, just so you fully grasp the levity of that statement.

go ahead. i’ll wait.

done yet? ok.

an undead black former slave/serial killer who was “murdered” 100 years ago by a swarm of bees that he still occasionally carries around in his throat. an undead black former slave/serial killer who they say will only appear if you say his name in a mirror five times, but somehow always finds a way to circumvent that little rule.

yes, faithful readers and concubines, i’m talking about the one and only…

candyman,

seriously…just take a moment to think about this. a black former slave serial killer who only haunts snizzles???? how the hell did this movie even get made? who green-lighted this sh*t? and how many wangs did the producer have to hold in his mouth to get this sh*t through?

can you imagine a producer going to an executive meeting trying to pitch this premise?

producer: “so, yeah…at the end of the flick, they’re gonna have a giant bonfire in the middle of cabrini-green, and i’d really like the blonde protagonist to be butt naked, and to get all of her hair burned off. that would be perfect”

exec one whispering in exec two’s ear: “who the hell is this guy, how the hell did he get into our building, and why haven’t we called security yet??”

exec two, whispering back: “ummm…this is the security guard. remember we said we’d allow him to pitch a movie to us as long as he kept the “sticky stockings incident” under wraps.”

exec one: “dammit! wouldn’t it just be cheaper to have him murdered???”

exec two: “we’ve already killed two security guys this quarter. a third might get the cops suspicious. your ass just needs to leave those baby goats alone? let him make his flick. with any luck, one of the coloreds in cabrini-green will murder him while they’re filming anyway”

how come i’ve never heard of anybody picketing a showing of “candyman“? “friends” would get protests and angry emails during their run because they didn’t have enough black characters (save for b.a.a.t. ***bad ass aisha tyler***), but a movie about a crazy black ex slave haunting white women somehow slips through the cracks like a fart in a stiff fall wind?

and, to make matters worse, the movie was actually scary, lol. sh*t, i’m 29 years old with a nice 403b and i’ll be a great uncle soon (seriously), and you still wont catch my black ass saying “candyman” five times in front of no freakin mirror, lol. i’m not taking that chance, i’m sorry. call me a b*tch if you like, but i’m just not too keen on getting impaled and disembowed by some 6’10 former slave thirsty for some white “gotdamn”

anyway though, excessively “gasfermating” joyous people of vsb, how would you have answered that question? whats the weirdest, strangest, and most inane movie you’ve ever seen and am i the only one still scared to say candyman five times in the mirror?

—the champ

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • puff

    memento and the butterfly effect are two that spring to mind… the whole messing with the time/space continuum (pardon me, i just started watching heroes) makes my head hurt. memento was an excellent movie and guy pearce is a brilliant actor, but i hate when i don’t have a clear moment of clarity at the end of a movie where i can feel all smart and whatnot cos i understood what was going on.

    the butterfly effect was just nuts – how the heck does a baby strangle itself in the womb with its umbilical cord? that’s just freaky and wrong. i call more people for ashton kutcher.

    • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

      Dang puff Momento was mine too.,.. LOL that shyt was crazy

      • SouthernGirl

        yeah…but i still liked it. man guy pierce was on my list after that one…

        • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

          yeah it was good though but on another note I understood and loved the butterfly effect.. makes you respect the present..you know.. Back to the future had a wild premise as well

          • SouthernGirl

            see, i soooo could not get with the butterfly effect. i really wanted to like it but i think i erased half of it from my memory cause all i remember is thinking, wtf?!?!

            • puff

              exactly! i was extra salty too cos i watched it on my birthday… and i hate when people make me work my brain rather than my liver on my birthday.

          • http://pbghappenings.blogspot.com/ PBG

            Ha! I loved “Butterfly Effect”. I actually love movies that deal w/time travel because that is the one super power I really wish I had. I’d rather have it like Hiro Nakamura though…not all that nose-bleeding and pain like Ashton Kutcher’s character in “Butterfly Effect”.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      memento is actually one of my favs as well, even though you hafta suspend reality a bit too much to follow the flick.

      and yeah, after that flick, i thought guy pierce was on track to becoming the next harrison ford, but now he seems to be wallowing in tim hutton territory. he needs a new agent

    • http://rantsofawildchild.wordpress.com ladebelle

      ohhh i loved the butterfly effect! although i was left feeling really weird…

      oh but the hills have eyes? that made me wish i was the baby in the womb from the butterfly effect strangling myself! that was THE worst movie ever!!!

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “although i was left feeling really weird…”

        this is exactly how i felt after 8th wonder and i, ummm, “spent time” together

        • 8th Wonder

          ““although i was left feeling really weird…”

          this is exactly how i felt after 8th wonder and i, ummm, “spent time” together”

          I felt weird too.

          And by weird I mean utterly unsatisfied.

          Jesus be a V8.

          • Barry Badthernathy

            Okay if you walkin sideways Champ layed you down and you cain’t get up. Funny none the less.

            • 8th Wonder

              Wu, grown folks are talking right now, baby.

              • Barry Badthernathy

                **raspberries** I just didn’t get it.

  • http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com Naturally Alise (Beta)

    “Spun”, (with Brittany Murphy, John Leguizamo, Mickey Rourke,, etc.), this movie was f*cking bananas, but I guess what would I expect from a movie about meth dealers and users. This movie is a two hour long drug trip fo sheezy…..

    also honorable mentions (but all movies that i actually like):
    The Funniest outrageous plot twists with bad cinematography award goes to “Clerks”
    The awful weird plot with great cinematogaphy and famous rappers award goes to “Belly”
    The too many story lines in one movie award goes to: “Soul Food”

    • aja

      *dapz on Belly* i totally agree on that one.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      The too many story lines in one movie award goes to: “Soul Food”

      i’m sorry, but i hafta give this award to “she hate me”. its like spike was trying to make six movies in one

      “belly” will always hold a warm spot in my heart just because meth’s character “ike love” was supposed to be from pittsburgh, and said one of my favorites lines in the history of cinema…

      “i roll dolo from state to state”

      • http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com/2008_10_01_archive.html Naturally Alise 2.0

        “she hate me” was a truly horrible movie, spike ought be ashamed of that one.

        • miss t-lee

          Agreed.

        • IVR

          ““she hate me” was a truly horrible movie, spike ought be ashamed of that one.”

          Any movie where Dania Ramirez lets it hang out is good with me . . . Im just sayin.

          • http://rantsofawildchild.wordpress.com ladebelle

            lmao!!!

      • Barry Badthernathy

        Awwe man I liked ‘she hate me’ Maybe I was just feeling it @ the time but he had 19 chilerens. 19 is my favorite number. And it wasn’t like he wasn’t hittin qality boots. Okay some shoulda got the nay no but ah well. I liked it.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          “And it wasn’t like he wasn’t hittin qality boots”

          seriously, he should have just titled it “hittin qality boots” and made it a p*rno…for dyslexics.

          • Barry Badthernathy

            Maybe so. But I got a soft spot for parents. And I have the capacity to understand the most convoluted of storries.

            • http://www.pbghappenings.blogspot.com PBG

              “And I have the capacity to understand the most convoluted of storries.”

              I am absolutely convinced that this is true.

      • http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com/2008_10_01_archive.html Naturally Alise (Beta)

        My favorite “Belly” lines are:

        Sincere: Yo, when’s the last time you read anything, man?
        Tommy: Never, motherf*kcer.

        • SouthernCharm

          My favorite “Belly” lines are:

          Sincere: Yo, when’s the last time you read anything, man?
          Tommy: Never, motherf*kcer.

          LOL… shorty can’t eat no books.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      The too many story lines in one movie award goes to: “Soul Food”

      yeah for me that award either goes to Higher Learning or She Hate Me. and actually, i think She Hate Me is the runaway winner. i mean you had lesbians, Congress, the SEC, the pharmaceuticals industry, suicide, stock fraud, diabetes, bad acting, Q-Tip, and the completely unrealistic union of two lesbians deciding to live their lives with a man as the father of their kids. oh yes, and Watergate. who could forget Watergate making an appearance.

      and um, Belly is a great movie. except its not a movie, its an extended play music video. thank you.

      • Gem of the Ocean

        lmao @ bad acting

        • http://thebeautifulstruggler.com Sister Toldja

          She Hate Me is about EVERYTHING! I still likedid it though.

          I have never seen Candyman. Growing up in Chicago in the 90s, Cabrini Green was a horror movie already. I coulda watched the news for that. Never realized the plot was that insane! Hollywood slips in it’s commentary about the percieved Black male tendency to prey upon White women, and we don’t even notice.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            Never realized the plot was that insane! Hollywood slips in it’s commentary about the percieved Black male tendency to prey upon White women, and we don’t even notice.

            sis t, you need to see this, for no other reason than the fact that the last 45 minutes of the movie alone would probably give you enough material for like twenty 700 word blogs

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “and um, Belly is a great movie. except its not a movie, its an extended play music video. thank you.”

        seriously, how you feel about belly depends on the context, because its either one of the most inane movies of all time…or the best music video thats ever been created. theres no in-between

  • charli skipper

    um…my answer isn’t all that deep or anything, but ‘no country for old men’ left me feeling dry. i mean, it may not be the movie with the most inane plot of all time, but…i could use cliff notes.

    • Gem of the Ocean

      i definitely feel you on this one. i watched it twice and was still like “what good is my graduate career if i can’t even decipher a movie plot?” lol

      i had similar question marks about There Will Be Blood, Sweeney Todd, and well just about the entire list of Oscar nominees from this year.

      • puff

        lol i loved sweeney todd, although i won’t lie, i burst out laughing in the middle of the theatre when johnny depp started singing… which was awkward as i saw it in one of those shady cinemas only old folk seem to frequent and they sell “brownies” instead of popcorn and nachos. still yet to see there will be blood, although i heard it’s some crazy a$$ sh*T.

        • Gem of the Ocean

          lol yeah the singing totally threw me off. i wasn’t ready. who knew thrillers and musicals could be paired?? oh right–we can blame that on MJ.

    • puff

      i loved no country for old men, but it’s only after reading the book and the yeats poem that the title comes from that i can say i get it.

      sidenote – josh brolin could get it. and javier bardem sans the bowl cut.

      • Gem of the Ocean

        josh brolin?? maybe. javier bardem?? not ever.

        • SouthernGirl

          reverse this and i’m all on it. still haven’t seen that movie though. when i do i’ll be sure to bring my questions back to ya’ll.

    • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

      I didnt really get the end but the overall movie I understood perfectly… what I didnt really get was the tie in to the Yeats poem…..

      • Gem of the Ocean

        the end was the problem for me too. i couldn’t understand why it ended the way it did. the movie wasn’t hard to follow (drugs, murders, greed–got it), but i didn’t see the significance or reasoning of where the plot was going.

        • Lil’T

          I just wanted to know if ole girl made it. She refused to answer Bowl Cut’s twisted little pre-killing question.

          Yeah, Josh Brolin could definitely get it.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            “I just wanted to know if ole girl made it. She refused to answer Bowl Cut’s twisted little pre-killing question”

            she definitely didnt make it, lol.

            the ending was kind of abrupt, but i appreciated that movie for what it was trying to say. the coen brothers can do no wrong in my eyes though, so maybe i’m biased

            • miss t-lee

              “the coen brothers can do no wrong in my eyes though”

              Especially Fargo and Raising Arizona.

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

                …and don’t forget miller’s crossing

              • miss t-lee

                Man…I completely forgot about that one.

          • WestIndianArchie

            When Anton killed Carson (Woody), he wiped/scooted his boots on the ground to make sure there was no blood.

            Anton did the same thing in the scene when he exits her house.

    • Swamii

      The book was slightly better……….

    • WestIndianArchie

      ^^Didn’t get it, and still mad

  • V Renee

    Ghost

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      you know, at one point i think i was starting to have a change of heart about Whoopi, but she really is that busted.

      and how come she ain’t got no eyebrows.

      go obama.

      • V Renee

        and how come she ain’t got no eyebrows.

        OMG!!! For the longest I couldn’t figure out what it was that was extra wrong about her face. One day it hit me..that heffa does not have any eyebrows. All that money she has, she should have invested in some.

      • http://cntrlz.wordpress.com overit

        panama, so wrong…but why did i google image her to confirm THAT was the problem.

        **pours out some spirits for whoop whoop’s eyebrows”

      • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

        y’all JUST noticed this about the Whoopster?

      • IVR

        “and how come she ain’t got no eyebrows.”

        I am dying at the fact that there is a question on yahoo answers asking this exact same question . . . thinking that I just googled it is making me laugh even more . . . HILARIOUS I TELL YOU!

  • Gem of the Ocean

    Champie– i’m so impressed you mentioned “orbitofrontal cortex hypoactivation”. *two thumbs up*

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      thanks, gemie

      • Gem of the Ocean

        and the new master of OFC hypoactivation (read: Ivy) did a great job with her comps presentation this morning.

        • Ivy St.

          Aww thanks for the support Gem!!!! May we all live long and never have hypoactive orbitofrontal cortex.
          -Cheers

          • Gem of the Ocean

            CONGRATS ON PASSING!!!! yaaaaay *steals PBG’s glitter and throws it* time to let the libations flow!

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              vsb.com: where nerds happen

            • Intellectual Hedonist

              why are you stealing glitter, I am sure PBG would give you some if you asked…

              • Gem of the Ocean

                i didn’t have time to ask!

          • Intellectual Hedonist

            Congratulations on your passing your Comps!

            A parade in your honor, complete with unicorns, black squirrels, and midgets throwing glitter
            ***wondering who is going to clean up this mess***

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              ***wondering who is going to clean up this mess***

              this is the exact same thought that went through my head moments after the first vsb orgy, with gem and ivy as principles.

              • Gem of the Ocean

                oh no you di’nt!

        • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

          indeed… many congratulations. *sprinkles Diva Dust*

          and Champ needs to stop hatin’ on the nerds…

  • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

    hmmm… let me see.. since puff stole mine
    The Golden Child..while I looove the move ( I III want the knife….pleeeeaaaaassssee) its premise is truly crazy
    and lets not forget Bowfinger…
    Wanted..it was good but really?
    and of Course Charlie and the Chocolate factory and the Wiz/wizard of Oz….

    • Gem of the Ocean

      “( I III want the knife….pleeeeaaaaassssee)”

      lmao that is my favorite scene!!

      • http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com Naturally Alise (Beta)

        m yfave line: “Viva Nepal!” , one of my good friends and I yell that multiple times anytime we hang out…

        • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

          my favorite is the “My dear brother Numpsey” scene in the airport

      • superwoman

        ME TOO!!! eddie murphy was so cool back then! damnit! i just loooooved that scene!!!

      • http://pbghappenings.blogspot.com/ PBG

        Mine too, Gem! LOL!

    • SouthernGirl

      d@mn! how did the wizard get in the mix? lol. to me, the nonsense in that plot was diana’s old @ss as dorothy.

    • Lil’T

      One of Eddie’s best. GC had almost as many good scenes in it as Coming to America.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        yeah, this is so not true. at all.

        damn near EVERY scene in Coming To America had at least one quotable. Coming To America was like a Jay-Z song on steroids.

        Golden Child (though I totally love this movie) had some great great comedic moments, but almost as many as Coming To America? naw.

        • Intellectual Hedonist

          As much as it goes against every value I posses. I have to agree with the Panda lover on this one.

          “damn near EVERY scene in Coming To America had at least one quotable. Coming To America was like a Jay-Z song on steroids. “

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “and lets not forget Bowfinger…”

      please, lets forget bowfinger.

      • miss t-lee

        Oh dayum, I had forgotten that, until now…lol

  • SouthernGirl

    I can see these comments getting real spoilerish…

    anywho…the first movie that comes to mind for me was ‘i know who killed me’. i swear i had the d!ck look on face the whole time…from the screen to him, the screen to him, like really? why are you making me watch this crap…implausible kidappings/murder, lost limbs, said person with no limbs in lame sex scene, laughable dialouge, and one of the most f^cked up, nonsensical endings i have ever seen. smh.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “i swear i had the d!ck look on face the whole time”

      hmmm…sounds like you need to see a professional or something

  • http://www.myspace.com/ezra504 Uninspired Muse

    Im down for “Momento” and “Spun”…whose ring clusterfcuk for me.

    But Candyman is my joint! Granted you couldnt catch my butt near tinfoil much less a mirror saying ANYTHING 5 times. I dont even entertain the one or two crazy people I know that would do it.

    I dig the one family branch was a slave, was wronged, and is going to get you.

    Word.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “I dont even entertain the one or two crazy people I know that would do it”

      there should be a facebook group or something for “people who still wont say “candyman” five times in a mirror”

      • Gem of the Ocean

        and i’d join that group. i haven’t seen the movie all the way through. and i’m pretty sure i never will. just the thought gives me the heebie jeebies.

      • ForReal

        I’d join.
        When Candyman came out, my friend said it in front of the mirror 5 times and then sat outside her house all day claiming that Candyman never killed anybody outside. And instead of telling her to pull herself together and go in her house, I kept her company outside. Not taking any chances.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          my friend said it in front of the mirror 5 times and then sat outside her house all day claiming that Candyman never killed anybody outside.

          was your friend retarded?

  • http://cntrlz.wordpress.com overit

    “somehow slips through the cracks like a fart in a stiff fall wind?”

    I need you to know such lines are not unnoticed. If you were a literary term, you would be imagery, even if they always involve a mythical creature, midgets and centaurs.

    Wait, centaurs is mine.

    For some reason when I read the post the first movie that came to mind was Crossroads, with Britney Spears. Thing is, I know I’ve seen worse, I shall sleep on it.

    VSB: Safe Haven for Elves and Pixies

    • SouthernGirl

      VSB: Safe Haven for Elves and Pixies

      hmph…not according to some folks…*cue the champ*

      • http://cntrlz.wordpress.com overit

        The Champ is like Booker T. He acts like he is not down, but he is fighting for the rights of mythical creatures everywhere behind the scenes.

        • SouthernGirl

          LMAO!

        • miss t-lee

          Okay this seriously made me LOL!!!!!

        • http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl

          “The Champ is like Booker T. He acts like he is not down, but he is fighting for the rights of mythical creatures everywhere behind the scenes.”

          i notice Booker T Champ aint touch this…LOL funny indeed.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            “The Champ is like Booker T. He acts like he is not down, but he is fighting for the rights of mythical creatures everywhere behind the scenes.”

            see…i knew this would happen when i didnt get the asbestos problem fixed in the corner. now i got cats hallucinating and sh*t.

            does anyone know a good electrician?

            • Intellectual Hedonist

              why do you need an electrician, are you electrocuting cats?

            • http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl

              “why do you need an electrician”

              yeah champie poo poo…whatever do you mean..expound and shyt.

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

                yeah champie poo poo…whatever do you mean..expound and shyt.

                to help with the corner electrical system after i take out the asbestos. damn

              • http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl

                liar liar circuit breaker on fire…

    • http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com Naturally Alise (Beta)

      Yeah, but they be flip-flopping with support for all things mythical. they are only welcome when it fits within Champ’s agenda or fall in line with his contractual obligations.

      • http://cntrlz.wordpress.com overit

        that is so true. the mere accusation of flip flopping cost democrats an election in 04. champ, i urge you to reconsider your treatment of mythical creatures.

        random aside: tell me why this latina yelled out “Obamanos” in the grocery store today. i was highly amused.

        • SouthernGirl

          *nodding head at this*

          that is so true. the mere accusation of flip flopping cost democrats an election in 04. champ, i urge you to reconsider your treatment of mythical creatures.

          *laughing way too loudly at this*

          random aside: tell me why this latina yelled out “Obamanos” in the grocery store today. i was highly amused.

        • http://pbghappenings.blogspot.com/ PBG

          random aside: tell me why this latina yelled out “Obamanos” in the grocery store today. i was highly amused.

          I would’ve given my Latina sister a high five!!

          • miss t-lee

            “random aside: tell me why this latina yelled out “Obamanos” in the grocery store today. i was highly amused.”

            I have an Obamanos sticker on the back of my car!!!
            Si se Puede!!!

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              i went to an obama rally yesterday, and for someone who’s not easily impressed, i can honestly say that it was easily one of the top 3 or 4 events ive ever been to.

              • miss t-lee

                I went to a rally as well when he was here in March. It was like 20,000 people. Definitely in my top 5 events. How could you not be impressed? lol

              • http://cntrlz.wordpress.com overit

                yeah, i’ve gone to a few as well. i went to the senator’s breakfast they have on the hill every thursday way before he was thinking of running for president. i knew he was going to do big things even then. its a story for our grandkids:)

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “somehow slips through the cracks like a fart in a stiff fall wind?”

      I need you to know such lines are not unnoticed

      thanks and sh*t. i do it for the people

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      do you even walk into movies like Crossroads expecting anything though? i know it was supposed to have some depth, but its Britney Spears.

      Britney.Spears.

      • http://cntrlz.wordpress.com overit

        oh no! i am glad i saw this when i did, all late and shyt, but let the record state i didnt walk into crossroads at the theatres , i intend on keeping my ritcheous mind. if chillin at my girl with no taste’s house can be considered walking into…yeah i walked right into that one.

  • puff

    p.s. i’m mad at the baby goats line. baby goats must be nurtured and protected and loved, not violated by film execs… so that they can grow into big goats and be the main stars of my meals, with the jollof rice and plantain playing supporting roles.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “p.s. i’m mad at the baby goats line. baby goats must be nurtured and protected and loved, not violated by film execs”

      its not my fault. film execs are freaks. didn’t you know that “miramax” is latin for “mammal orgy”?