Ask Agatha: “Unrealistic” Dating Standards And When She’s Just Not That Into You » VSB

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Ask Agatha: “Unrealistic” Dating Standards And When She’s Just Not That Into You

Lisa from Washington, D.C. asks: 

My friends think my list is ridiculous. I want a guy that’s 6’2” and up, about 200 – 220lbs, athletic build, has a Master’s, makes six figures, no kids, no debt and isn’t a cheater. I myself bring a lot to the table so I feel like I shouldn’t have to lower my standards. Should I?

Most of us don’t bring as much to the table as we think we do but that doesn’t mean you should lower your standards, however ridiculous. I say it’s better to die never having found “the one” than to love with a guy who’s 5’10” or less. In fact, every guy under 6’2” should walk into traffic, at night, wearing all black.

But seriously all of our lists are ridiculous. I drag my friend for her pygmy behind wanting a 6-footer but I myself insist on perfect nail beds. No seriously it’s a deal breaker for me. And a guy friend of mine laughs about it, while he waits on the woman that doesn’t want commitment. So go ahead and curate your list. Add everything that meets your fancy but when you actually go out, leave room for chemistry. Keep your eyes and your heart open to the character of the man.

And here’s something else. Another friend of mine listened to my long long list recently and told me “what you really want Agie is a man that’s quick to try and slow to react.” (Editor’s note: Is this “friend” a Facebook meme?) And it’s such a simple sentence. Quick to try and slow to react but I swear a light bulb went off. All these superficial requirements aside that’s really at the heart of the type of man I want. So I suggest you figure out the same thing for yourself…the heart of the matter.

Toya from Atlanta, GA asks:

I’m one of a dozen youth leaders at a very large church in Decatur. Yeah, it’s a mega-church and the politics behind this volunteer position is insane. I feel like it’s becoming less about the kids and more about jockeying for position. Am I giving up on the kids if I give up?

My granny lived here in New York for a number of years before she passed and she used to go to this church in Brooklyn. And it was a nice church as churches go. And then one day the Reverend retired (which I guess is a thing) and a new Reverend was sent from headquarters (which I’m sure isn’t a thing) in his place.

Now this new Reverend was tall and broad shouldered. He had reddish hair and light eyes. He had an easy smile and an open confidence. He was somewhere in his 50s but black men being the unicorns that they are, he could have said he was 35 and we’d have believed that too. Yes, he was handsome. A Barack-type before there were Barack types.

And at his introduction, after a quick scan of his bare ring finger, the congregation’s collective panties dropped.

Sunday service soon became standing room only.

Women started volunteering for all sorts of non-Sunday related activities. Tuesday and Thursday bible study? Sign me up. Three-day church retreat? Sure! Friday night book drive? No, I’m not doing anything. I’m free. And impromptu potlucks started occurring on these occasions as women brought in their signature dishes for the Reverend to try since he looked like he was just wasting away.

He wasn’t.

Even my grandmother started wearing her long-line bra again and her pretty wig. And in the car ride home she’d swear to us his little fast self held on to her too long when he hugged her after service. I’d raise my eyes at this because I’m pretty sure it was my grandma offering hugs and not the reverend.

And then one Sunday, weaving it into the sermon ever so masterfully, and citing hours of prayer and meditation, the reverend announced he was looking for a wife. And several women in the pews half stood as if he’d said their name.

And so began the Hunger Games.

Reputations were ruined. Friendships were tested. The church finally met its goal for the building fund.(And seriously what church has ever met their monetary goals?)

And the Reverend was as good as his word. Less than six months later, he introduced the congregation to his future wife.

Everyone wanted to know how they met (she hadn’t been a member of the church to anyone’s knowledge, although I personally felt that had to have been a big part of her appeal). Everyone wondered what they could possibly have in common. People picked apart their level of affection to each other. For some it was too much PDA. For others, she was obviously frigid.

And then it got vicious. Some of the island women insisted that she’d buried his shoes in her backyard in order to keep him put. Some of the African women swore they saw a hoof peeking out from the long skirts she favored.

But despite all the rumors and all the machinations to break them up…the Reverend married her anyway and it tore the church apart.

So what did the Reverend do?

He decided to leave what had become a very politically charged and incredibly toxic situation. His job is to tend to his flock but not, I think, at the cost of his own well-being. So he took his wife and he left that church.

In his final sermon, wearily he said, “There are other churches.”

And there are.

Jordan from Brooklyn, NY asks:

I work for FedEx and there’s this girl that works the front desk for one of my business accounts. They ship a lot of packages so I see her almost everyday and we chitchat all the time. She’s real cute. A little feisty. I’m definitely about it but I can’t get a read on her. I asked her for her number and she gave it to me. I text her everyday but especially on weekends because those are the days I don’t see her but her replies are always on a damn delay. But then every so often she’ll send me a funny meme and we’ll talk for a bit and then silence. So a couple days ago I made a not too sly reference to me wifing her up one-day and she hit me with this stinkface emoji. My boys are telling me shoot my shot. Should I?

Your boys clearly just wanna watch the world burn.

But.

You’ve been curved.

Boys tend not to tell their boys when they don’t have a shot in hell just as much as girls tend to tell their girls they’re “thick” and not “fat.” Either way, friends lie.

But I’m not your friend.

She’s just not that into you bruh.

She may have given you her number because she has to see you everyday or because that was the day the person she really like started posting pics of him and bae on vacation or because she’s hoping for a follow on the Gram. But none of her reasons have to do with liking you.

If she hits you up at all, it’s just because she’s trying to keep you pacified so it’s isn’t awkward for the five minutes she sees you everyday for the rest of her time at that job.

But you don’t believe you’re being curved do you? You wrote in looking for an affirmation.

Okay.

Ask her out on a date then and let me know how that goes.

Agatha Guilluame

Agatha is a figment of the collective VSB imagination.

  • PaddyfotePrincess

    Lol at the church ladies saying Rev’s future wife buried shoes in his backyard.

    • camilleblu

      #hayboo

      • PaddyfotePrincess

        Cami! How are you?

        • camilleblu

          just making it do what it do…how are you?

          • PaddyfotePrincess

            Girl you know me – doing the most and nothing at all. Concurrently.

            All is well, though. We’ll have to connect soon and hang out.

  • Cleojonz

    That church one though! Woo. You should write the full length screenplay for that. I’d totally watch that. Women throw their stuff at the preacher even WHEN they are married so I could totally see this happening.

    • camilleblu

      chile…and not only do the women throw their pannies at the married pastor…the married pastor catches #dempannies on the regular…smh

      • Cleojonz

        You ain’t never lied. I have seen first hand a pastor’s marriage break up, and then he made the new woman the new first lady. They were shipped off to a new church with a quickness. His Ex-wife now happens to head her own church.

        • camilleblu

          i’ve seen so much foolery 1st hand…people act all outraged when the fluckery comes to light…but i’ve always said that *they’re a man first*…

          • TheCollinB

            My pops has been a pastor pretty much my whole life and it was recent my mom told me how she had to check some women early in my youth that got a little comfortable. The best was the time she almost spiced my pops bowl because he was talking to a female member on the phone at home while he was naked as a j bird. Because my pops had already been at the receiving end of an a s s whuppin by my mom before (they grew up together and she put #dempaws on him in 6th grade) he got his act together.

            • camilleblu

              lol @6th grade paws…

              • TheCollinB

                Listen fam. My mom is 6 ft with reach. Young Sonny didn’t stand a chance. Called her the jolly black giant one too many times and well, he had to see her fade.

                • camilleblu

                  lololol…i bet your parents are a hot mess.

                  • TheCollinB

                    Jaie and Sonny are.

                • Jennifer

                  I want to hug your mommy. Tough women bring me joy!

                • L8Comer

                  Damn, so how tall are you?

                  • TheCollinB

                    I don’t measure myself but 6’3-6’4 is the consensus.

            • Jasmine

              I cackled. HARD.

        • LadyIbaka

          Well, the Preachers of LA captures this all too well.

    • Asiyah

      I completely understood that church one. A while ago, I stopped going to an Islamic center I used to go to because I noticed that for many people who went it was more about finding a mate than it was about learning about Islam. The minute a sister got engaged we never saw her again. I found that to be disconcerting. It wasn’t outright toxic, but disconcerting nonetheless.

    • Mr. Mooggyy

      In the words of Pastor Jamal Bryant, “these h 0 e s ain’t loyal!”

  • cakes_and_pies

    I need to know the age of some of these people. They’re making rookie mistakes and my 36-year old self ain’t got time for these silly antics. Dude said he was going to wifey her? Bish wut?

    • Jay Howard Gatsby

      LOL!!! This why I was confused. I was like “But y’all haven’t been on a date yet? Why you skipping steps?”

      • Jennifer

        Why do people think that’s cute? Ask her to happy hour! Do something other than suddenly coming out with wifing wishes. Too soon, bruh.

  • Breezy

    1. We like what we like…
    2. “Some of the island women insisted that she’d buried his shoes…”
    You forgot to mention them insinuating she made him “spaghetti sauce”. You know the sauce she seasoned just right with blood from her menstruation to hook him.

  • OSHH

    Jordan, she don’t want you.

    • miss t-lee

      She probably did initially…but now?
      Sahara.

      • OSHH

        *snickers*

  • Classy Kassie

    Typo: “Some of the African women sore they saw a hoof peeking out from the long skirts she favored” but good post Agie!

  • Eva_baby

    1. I think it is very healthy and aspirational to create ‘what I want in a mate’ lists. But they are best viewed as starting negotiating points. Sure there might be one or two things that are non-negotiable (he can’t have six kids from five different women) but for the most part I think a person would relieve so much agita if they used such things as guidelines rather than total dealbreakers.

    2. Church drama-politics are the Truth! Sometimes things get so bad that not even Jesus can fix it. In fact when they do get to a certain point, I can kinda see Jesus out the corner of my eye unobtrusively sliding off the cross and out the door. Because for real some of the stuff that goes on have nothing to do with praising so you know he has left the building.

    • AquaTeamV3

      Deal-breakers are fine, you just have to accept the fact that you’re narrowing your pool with each one. Not necessarily a bad thing, but it’s always good to have perspective.

  • charisma_supreme

    For the life of me, i don’t understand what’s keeping Jordan from shooting his legitimate shot. You have already made small talk, you have already acquired contact information….you have already faced outright rejection, and so far have not been rejected. What purpose is the pussyfooting around serving?

    • Breezy

      “For the life of me, i don’t understand what’s keeping Jordan from shooting his legitimate shot.”

      Maybe Jordon works for UPS and he’s wearing those non-masculine little brown shorts and he keeps forgetting to lotion his knees and ankles before going into her building…and he’s standing there with skinny calveless ashy legs and his self-confidence is shot and so he
      just hits her with the usual “hey here’s another package for you”…

      NVM, he works for FedEx, I think their drivers wear long pants. Jordan has no excuse.

      • LMAO

      • FedEx pays well he could invest in a gym membership and leg day.

        • charisma_supreme

          And shea butter.

      • charisma_supreme

        You have no sense! Lol. But Ashy Larry and his chocolaty booty shorts wouldn’ta never got the number no way. Clearly she was intrigued by something in the first place. He done missed out being in-de-DAMN-cisive.

  • camilleblu

    if i gave a guy my number and he texted me every single day before he ever tried to actually talk to me on the phone (bc jordan, you never said that you’ve had a conversation with her outside of initially asking for her number), i wouldn’t want him either. jordan, you’re lucky that she responds to you at all.

    • KNeale

      say it again. i cant make a connection through text alone! why you not asking her out IRL already? or gave her a call to see how that went?

      • LadyIbaka

        Cuz he, the new black. I’m different. I create an air of mystery and poetry over texts.

        • Jay Howard Gatsby

          “I create an air of mystery and poetry over texts.”

          And scenic view Instagram pictures of me posed as a silhouette against a rising sun. “Everything the light touches, is my Kingdom.”

          • LadyIbaka

            He a hotep, murderaaa, and a lyrical gansta, murderaaa…aaaye!

        • TheCollinB

          Somehow I don’t doubt you. You got that “21 missed calls vibe”

          • LadyIbaka

            Excuse me? What are you actually saying?

            • TheCollinB

              That your text game is legendary, but you pick up the phone about as much as Dwight Howard makes freethrows.

    • Ess Tee

      Right. After a couple days of texting (and none of which probably said, “Hey, can I call you at such-and-such time?”) and not making any attempts to meet up, the window of opportunity becomes tighter than your uncle at the July Fourth cookout.

      • camilleblu

        girl…i absolutely want a phone call first and foremost…too many kneegrows hide their lack of personality behind text messages…you all witty and shyt via text but dry my pannies like the Sahara over the phone. NAWL. i MIGHT be ok with an initial text to ask me what is a good time to call me…but #databoutit

        • Ess Tee

          Yanno?! Jordan took himself out the game before even getting out the locker room.

      • miss t-lee

        Listen.

        • Jennifer

          Didn’t we talk about this with online dating? If you’re not shooting your shot within a couple weeks, lose her number. The moment has passed.

          • miss t-lee

            I can’t remember if we did.
            I had a dude do this shizz though. Wanna be pen pals for weeks when we live in the same city. FOH homie.

      • LaMissLy

        If I’m interested, I’ve taken to playfully challenging them to a phone call, a la: ‘so are we penpals now or what?’ It’s worked and speeds you through the text nonversations.

        • Jay Howard Gatsby

          My ex did tell me “At some point you have to call” and it made me chuckle. But what did I start doing? Calling.

        • Ess Tee

          That certainly works! Maybe ol’ girl in Jordan’s conundrum should have done the same.

        • Helga G.Pataki

          text nonversations!!!

          • Cuz yall boring

            • Helga G.Pataki

              Texting tends to get boring after a few exchanges in the beginning. Nothing beats face to face convos to get to know someone.

              • Kat

                Very boring..

              • Jay

                Word. I see it as a spectrum: texting on one end, face to face on the other, with phone calls somewhere in between. Face to face is preferred but texting is WAY more convenient. You may be “penpals” through texting but a phone conversation just makes us modern day tin-can buddies. I hate talking into a little box for hours. It’s lowkey handcuffs.

              • KB

                I’d much rather do face to face convos instead of extensive phone chats. I like to read a person’s body language and study their mannerisms.

          • Jennifer

            One of my friends sent me this, and I’ve been thisclose to passive-aggressively sharing it with a couple gentlemen. Instead, I took the direct approach and told ’em. I’m trying to do better in 2016.

            • Helga G.Pataki

              you’re on the right path. Definitely adding this to my auto-replies.

        • Asiyah

          ohhhhh I like that!

        • Jay

          Well played

      • Mika

        yea I always assume if you don’t talk on the phone, you are a) boring b) live with somebody.

    • charisma_supreme

      Precisely. It’s annoying. Just shoot your damn shot! Shot clock bouta buzz on you!

    • Cleojonz

      So true. I would not want to be dating now because I would be so frustrated all the time. What ever happened to just talking to folks?

      • miss t-lee

        Like I tell my bestie, stay married–these waters is rough.

      • CHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILE

        I speak to my homegirls on the weekly and I just be soooo thankful I don’t have to go through some of the mess I hear them experience. I’ll take his morning breath and talon toe nails over all ya’ll drama.

        • Erica Nicole Griffin

          Talon Toenails! Stop. Just stop!

          • My sheets shredded, yo. It’s real in the struggle.

            • Jennifer

              Can you shave those things down in his sleep? Or, can I send you some long socks to protect our shins? Dayum.

              • I don’t want to risk it lol

            • CheGueverraWitBlingOn

              Sheeeeeeiiiit….Ninjas would be getting these toe nail clippers while dey sleep.

      • KB

        Because ain’t nobody got time to be sitting on the phone for 30-45 min or longer, trying to find multiple issues to talk about and the possibility of trudging through awkward silences. Plus with phone convos you are kind of forced to be singular in terms of activity in order to not get distracted. At least with texting I can watch Netflix, play madden, peruse VSB and other blog sites, read a book, or do whatever. Who got time to be putting everything else on hold for a phone convo? Texting is underrated lol.

        • Cleojonz

          That’s all fine and good but at some point you at least have to have a 5 minute long conversation. Like somebody else mentioned you can’t be pen pals for a full week and expect that she’s still interested.

        • Me

          “trying to find multiple issues to talk about and the possibility of trudging through awkward silences”

          The surest sign that there’s no chemistry if I ever heard/read one. 45 minutes ain’t long bruh. You realize that if/when you get married you’ll have a whopping 16 waking hours (8 on the weekdays) that need to be filled with something other than boredom when you’re around this person you claim to like/love/cherish, right? If you can’t last an hour…. Sheesh!

          • Kat

            Preach

          • KB

            1. The comment was made facetiously so don’t take it at more than face value. 2. It doesn’t matter how much chemistry you have with a person, no one consistently talks straight during every second, every minute of every convo. There will be moments of silence/dead air here and there. I’ve been a part of hours long phone and in-person convos and there was times of silence here and there, despite having lots of chemistry.

            • Me

              Mmmm. Nah. If somebody is calling me, it better be for a minimum 30 minute convo, otherwise they better learn to text me before I put them on a permanent phone screening list. If you’re running into dead air at 30 minutes, y’all ain’t really have nothing to talk about, and I hate when folks call me out of habit, or worse calling me BECAUSE they’re bored and hoping I can spice their lives up. If that’s happening more often than conversations that last a good 30-45, y’all don’t really like each other, y’all just going through the motions. I pull that 30-45 minute convo with my mother, and it’s always only because talking to her is like going to the dentist — it ain’t fun, but you have to do it.

              • KB

                How many people regularly have time for 30-45 minute (at minimum) convos during the day, especially if they have kids they have to tend to? If I’m going to have those type of convos then I prefer it be during the evening once I’m all settled in for the night. Besides, I’m the type that if we can have regular long-length phone conversations, why not meet up for dinner/drinks/coffee or something? I would much rather do that then be on the phone for prolonged periods of time, unless circumstances dictate otherwise (i.e. long distance relationship). This isn’t high school, how many people are truly having 30-45 min (at minimum) phone convos every night? Sure it’s possible, but how feasible is it really? Folks are working on average 8-9 hour days, fighting traffic for another hour plus, if you have kids you are picking them up from school/aftercare, helping with homework, cooking dinner, getting them ready for school the next day etc. By the time you’ve done all of that you want at least a little time to yourself to decompress. Don’t get me wrong, I totally understand where you are coming from with the desire long lengthy, intimate phone conversations, but how feasible is it in real life?

                • Me

                  I’m all for meeting up in person instead of talking on the phone. I don’t assume anyone is having hour long convos every night (but then again, I hate being on the phone so I manage my time to where I get a good rundown a couple times a week before bed or whenever, and that’s enough quality time for me–everything else is text only). Like I said, I hate when folks call just to call, or to pull themselves out of boredom. And if that’s what folks are doing to court, I truly believe they’re just going through the motions and not really feeling each other. Dating doesn’t have to mean voice conversations everyday. Talk when you have something to talk about, not just to fill the time.

                  • KB

                    I’m willing to bet 95% of phone calls are done just to fill time, at least after the first 10-15 minutes when they are telling you about their day.

                    • Me

                      I feel sorry for the people who subject themselves to this. Then again, this is why I screen so heavily, so I think you’re right. Outside of two main phone buddies, I rotate everyone else on a monthly (or longer) basis. I’m good for going ghost on folks that think they deserve to be breathing in my ear for half an hour.

                    • porqpai

                      I am the original ghost queen. I pay my phone bill for MY convenience not yours. Therefore I have every right to not answer unless it’s convenient for me. This is x5K if you call and all you got is, “I just wanted to say hey.” Nucca what? GTFO. Feel lucky you didn’t get blocked. I have zero patience for being trapped on the phone.

                    • Me

                      A million times YES to this comment. I’ve always hated the idea that folks think since you have a mobile device that means they have 24 hour access to you, and then wanna proceed to waste part of those hours on a “you were running through my mind today” phone call. Write that mess down in your daydream diary and call me when you have something pertinent to tell me.

                    • L8Comer

                      “Write that mess down in your daydream diary and call me when you have something pertinent to tell me.”

                      Bahahaha, I stay saying this in reference to some guys. Da fuck I look like? Put it in a journal or call your buddy. Sometimes they just talk and talk and talk… and that’s how they get themselves in trouble too. smh.

                    • porqpai
                    • Janelle Doe

                      Agree, I hate when. People call me for entertainment. When I say hey back their like”that’s it?”. Stupse

                    • L8Comer

                      This sounds dreadful. I won’t stay on the phone for that at all.

        • SetzerGabbiani

          This…

    • Brooklyn_Bruin

      Hate to say it, but you’re old fashioned.

      The best part of the market is text only, phone calls are strictly for bae.

      • Jay Howard Gatsby

        But she’s ALREADY bae in his head though!

        • LadyIbaka

          Loll!!

        • Brooklyn_Bruin

          As many an active dater will attest, bad birches aren’t using phones. Too much investment on her part.

          • cakes_and_pies

            If you’re only out to date bad birches who like to-go boxes and buy their clothes from IG online stores, that works. Actual adult women don’t like that isht.

            • TheCollinB

              instagram makes women exchange the truth for a lie on a daily basis

              • cakes_and_pies

                But some of the best make-up tutorials and recommendations come from women with beat faces and Keyshia Cole battered souls. I can’t look away.

                • TheCollinB

                  And I can’t judge you. My wife, who is ill with her make up, always laughs at the tutorials where the girls show the product but always hold their hand behind it. I don’t know why it tickles her but it does.

                  • Lea Thrace

                    In all seriousness why do they do that? It’s not like the products are transparent and need a background. Somebody educate me!

              • Jay Howard Gatsby

                Upvote for underappreciated gospel, here

          • Kat

            I kept thinking…whats wrong with a tree….

      • camilleblu

        nah…that has nothing to do with being old fashioned. you’re never going to get a chance to make me “bae” if you can’t hold a conversation with me.

        • Brooklyn_Bruin

          And my parents still leave voicemail and use internet explorer.

          They don’t get it, vm is dead.

          • camilleblu

            welp…if speaking on the phone is dead to you, then you’d be dead to me, so we wouldn’t waste each others time but for a couple days at most. *shrug*

            • Brooklyn_Bruin

              It ain’t me, it’s the culture.

              Believe me, I’m much better on the phone. Had to update my game when these future Shirley Chisholms transitioned.

              By refusing to adapt, a person blocks their blessings.

              • camilleblu

                i feel like you’re trying to tell me to “get with the times”…but i don’t see a legitimate reason to do so. i see no advantage in adapting to *non-conversation*

                • Brooklyn_Bruin

                  If you want to stay in the laptop era, and a guy that you like initially gets your digits and sends you a text instead of calling you

                  You can always text him to call you.

                  Having been out there, my experience is that folks don’t like having to explain anything, the other person is supposed to be able to read minds.

                  You can change the circumstance (get everyone to start calling)
                  Or
                  You can change your response (spell out what you want)

                  Or do nothing and hope.

                  not directed at you, just for all reading

                  • camilleblu

                    ok – well if a guy gets my number and initially texts me, after i respond and say hello, i tell him that he can call me at #suchnsuch a time so that we can talk later. if he can’t seem to do that, then we need to go no further. you cannot get to know someone via text. you cannot catch the nuance in their words and tone via text. you cannot tell if something that you have said gives them pause via text bc is that pause bc you don’t know how to respond to my comment, or bc your network is down? you cannot have a full conversation via text without a dayum near 10 thousand word count response. and EYE am not going out with a man that i have never spoken to on the phone. because that initial phone conversation tells me if there is at least enough chemistry to even have an initial date. i’ve actually come across more men that were open to initial phone conversations than not. i absolutely do text, but it’s pretty much after i’ve started to get to know someone, and it’s typically one-liners or really short exchanges. texting isn’t for conversation. conversation is for conversation. but water finds it’s level so if texting is your thing (not you – for all reading) then by all means, keep making it do what it do.

                    • Brooklyn_Bruin

                      As long as you speak up about your preference, you can’t be faulted.

                    • camilleblu

                      that’s fair enough

      • Helga G.Pataki

        meh

      • Asiyah

        “Phone calls are strictly for bae.”

        With all due respect, this is so stupid.

      • Me

        I hate being on the phone with most people. Generally, only 2 people get extended phone time: bestie and the boo, but with the boo, my standard MO is mainly phone talk in the beginning that transitions to mainly texting once we get comfy in the chemistry. That’s mainly because the deeper we get, the more in person talk we have, so I can get away with avoiding too much phone time if he’s a keeper. Any other time, I do a cost/benefit analysis before I pick up the phone for anybody (family, friends, potentials, coworkers). I genuinely hate expending conversation energy. Most of the time a text covers everything I need to know.

        • Val

          Upvote for hating to talk on the phone. I HATE it with a passion, except with the gf.

          • KB

            No lie, this is how one of my most recent billing cycles looked: minutes used: 120, text messages (sent and received): over 12,500. I’m one of those people who, when it came to communicating with me would say, ‘before calling me ask yourself, is this textable?”

    • You gon get these texts

      • TheCollinB

        “Talk to em!”

      • Breezy

        Annnnnd you gon get ignored.

      • camilleblu

        you gon get this block

        • Lea Thrace

          Po Lil Trizzy. He never stood a chance.

          • camilleblu

            noap

          • So fake offended by this notion of contacting you on the device you’re on all the time

      • Jay Howard Gatsby

        Text her until she loves you back 2016!

    • afronica

      just. get. on. with. it. So much texting and emoji’ing and social media exchanges and chatting…
      are we gonna go out or nah?

    • Kema

      Yes! You can text many people at the same time but you can only have a conversation with one. I want your full attention. Plus I expect to be asked out or I see no reason to continue communicating.

    • It’s funny, back in the day when you had to press a key 3 times to choose one letter, I hated texting girls. I’d call after receiving a text, and then they’d get mad at me for calling (even when they were doing nothing), instead of texting. Then full keyboards came around, and then the game changed.

      https://i.imgflip.com/1037jf.jpg

      • Mr. Mooggyy

        The sidekick was my sheet! I was texting like a MF (well as much as i could pay for)! Like type full words h 0 3! Since you like texting and whatnot! Get on my level….. (sidenote: I prefer phone and in person but the sidekick had you feeling like you were on some next level pimp sheet!)

      • KB

        Folks that you were balling when you pulled out one of these flipped the screen up to start texting. I loved my sidekick. Their phone service/reception was horrible though.

      • JennyJazzhands

        My ex had a sidekick. I used to sit and read his texts real fast as they came up in the notifications. That’s how I found out he was a h03.

        • camilleblu

          That’s how I found out he was a h03.

          lololol

      • camilleblu

        lol…i’ve always been a talker…the texts come afterwards as a cutesy extension of what our conversations are about…

      • marwilli

        I used to tutor other students in college, and I remember one girl said she typed her papers on her sidekick because she’d used her money for it instead of a computer. Jersey…..

      • CheGueverraWitBlingOn

        I wonder where all the sidekicks are now. . .
        #reducereuserecycle

    • Nick Peters

      Is it 1999?

    • Hugh Akston

      wait, why can’t you call him? :)

  • GenevaGirl

    Lisa, when I was still single I took a dating class at the Learning Annex. (Stop laughing.) I was new to NYC and wanted to know how to meet the right kind of guy. I was given two very good pieces of advise:

    1) Write down a list with two columns: What you NEED to have vs. what you WANT to have. Do you really NEED a tall man? Like Agatha said, curate that list, but make two columns.
    2) You can’t ask for what you don’t have. Do you have a high salary? Do you have good credit? Is a high salary really important if he meets other needs? I have friends who have wonderful marriages and they out-earn their husbands. If a guy lives within his means, is a high salary that important? Does he have the potential for a high salary?

    Shortly after taking this class I met my husband and I’ll be doggone if he didn’t tick everything on NEED list. I realized that the WANTs weren’t so important. And, his salary has increased a whole lot.

    • Asiyah

      Good points, though I think you can ask for what you don’t have IF you’re not looking for an equitable relationship. If you are looking for a relationship where you are taken care of entirely then yeah you can ask for the person with the good credit. If you’re looking for power then you can ask for somebody weaker. Not ideal but possible.

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