Ask Agatha, Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Featured

Ask Agatha: Things “Aint Shit” People Say And What To Do When Your BF’s Friend Hits On You

Deena from Cobb County, GA asks:

My friends and I started talking about the sort of shit ain’t shit people always say and we got on quite a roll. What do you think are some famous ain’t shit phrases?

A classic ain’t shit phrase is “I’m just a person.” Because who isn’t right?

I have a friend who ends or derails every argument with this simple phrase. And I don’t want to say this friend ain’t ish. But, well.

I have another friend who always says, “It is what it is.” Because ain’t shit people love to wash their hands of some shit. And this usually comes right after they say, “you see what had happened was” and right before they say “YOLO.” Because you see the phrase “what had happened was” is never followed by what happened, only by how it’s not their fault. And well YOLO because you do only in fact live once, even if the sentiment is apropos of nothing.

You see ain’t shit people are masters of the meaningless cipher—and rebutting arguments with non-sequiturs.

But what’re you gonna do?

See what I did there? That’s my go-to ain’t shit cipher.

Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, we’re all ain’t shit here.

Welcome to VSB, Deena.

Jackson from Baltimore, MD asks:

I was watching the Carmichael show (do you watch that?) and they were talking about the best excuses to use, if you want to cheat witout your partner getting suspicious and one of the cast members said “church retreat” because you can be gone all weekend and you can be out of touch the whole time because you’re supposedly in the woods and have poor reception. It seemed foolproof to me. What do you think?

Well first you’d have to start going to church Jackson. And lord knows the type of person trying to think of the perfect cheating alibi isn’t active enough in the church to be able to convince their partner they’re going on a church retreat. I’m not saying churchgoers are saints. I’m just saying that it’ll take more than the errant Sunday attendance to be able to use the New Life Fellowship Assembly of God Baptist and Methodist Non-denominational Church of Christ as your fornication cover story.

You best bet is a “boys trip”. I’ve had it on good authority from a past advice seeker that that’s how his girl got her truffle buttered. I mean he didn’t say that exactly but that’s what happened. Probably. (Sorry Jamal)

Then again a “boys trip” has too many moving parts.

Are you a drinker? Maybe you just go ghost and when you show up again you tell her you were in the drunk-tank for the weekend. She might be upset. She might be disappointed in you. But if you’re contrite enough, she’ll just be happy you’re okay. You can only use that excuse once though, more than that and she’ll make you check into rehab, although, that in and of itself opens up some interesting possibilities.

Trissa from Queens, NY asks:

I was out at a lounge with my boyfriend and his friends last Saturday and on my way back from the bathroom his friend cornered me and made a serious pass at me. There was no real preliminary, he just kind of approached me, told me i was sexy, and that he wanted to beat. He was definitely drunk and I myself was a little tipsy. I pushed him off me and he backed away saying, “chill, chill, it’s cool”. It wasn’t cool but I didn’t say anything to my boyfriend. He was drunk. They all were. I feel like I missed the opportunity to say something to my boyfriend in the moment and I dread the potential drama. What should I do?

With boyfriends I’ve been hit on by their brothers, cousins, friends, best friends but thank God never their fathers.

I’ve been hit on when I’ve innocently answered the phone to take a message. At Thanksgiving after I’ve been introduced as the girlfriend. In the club while my boyfriend was in the bathroom. Or while he was standing right there, because it’s a club and a foot away is basically a wall of static.

And I’ve never told my boyfriend at the time.

Because what’s the resolution?

He stops talking to his friend or family member?

Or worse, he doesn’t stop talking to his friend or family member.

Or maybe he confronts them. And what are the chances that the sort of creep that would make a pass at you would cop to it—to his boy? No chance in hell.

And now it’s he said versus she said.

And that drama you were trying to avoid…

And what if your boyfriend is a hothead?

Or worse…

I’ve always been more worried that my boyfriend wouldn’t do anything at all, that maybe he’d somehow either blame me or tell me I’d imagined it in order to avoid having to confront a man in his social circle and then I’d have to confront the fact that I was dating a coward. And where do you go from there?

You see no one teaches you how to handle these sorts of situations that you didn’t create or want.

And it’s not that you’re trying to be an “it’s cool” girl, it’s more so that you just want everything and everyone to be cool.

So how do you navigate moments like these going forward?

Well honestly, I think you handled it the best way you could. That’s not what I’m supposed to say but it’s the truth.

You’re only in charge of you. You’re not in charge of anyone else. You’re only responsible for you; you’re not responsible for any other adults. So I can’t tell you to take these matters to your boyfriend because there may not always be a boyfriend and I can’t tell you to cause a scene because you may not be prepared for what could happen if the situation escalates.

The only thing you need to be able to do…every single time, is get out and get away. Be firm. Be civil in your rejection (yeah, I know). And keep your distance from that person.

Agatha Guilluame

Agatha is a figment of the collective VSB imagination.

  • I’m just a person is brilliant. I’ve never heard it

    • Breezy

      You’re welcome.

  • Brooklyn_Bruin

    I been meaning to send you a question.

    So ol boy brings one of his floozies to a little get together for March Madness. It ain’t all crew, enough randoms so this isn’t really a squad session. (Important!)

    Libations are flowing, folks yelling at the screen.
    It’s a good time, would not be surprised if the dominoes or spades would come out.

    Everyone is grown and employed, white collar mostly.

    So new chick, into the game, says that one of the ballers is C’¥ute!!’

    She doesn’t gush, but the statement just hung in the air.

    None of the other ladies backs her up, but everyone is looking at my boy waiting for him to respond.

    How do you read the situation?
    What should he do?

    • AnswerMe

      Why is her thinking and expressing another man is attractive, an issue?

      • Kat

        Truth. I wouldn’t hesitate to tell someone I thought they were cute and walk away.

      • Brooklyn_Bruin

        Because for a lot of men that’s a disrespect. And it strikes at their insecurity.

        Same dynamic as a guy commenting on Tracee Ellis Ross’s bounty with extra thirst. Most chicks would take issue with it, and then relentlessly clown ol boy or give him the cold shoulder.

        Insecurity ain’t just a Tinder job description

        • cakes_and_pies

          I need clarification, she said a man playing basketball on the TV was cute?

          • Brooklyn_Bruin

            Yes, one of them 6’8″ samurai

        • AnswerMe

          Most likely she finds the guy she attended with attractive, so it’s just her stating aloud that another man is as well that’s the problem? Not coming from a place of hostility, just seriously puzzled.

          • Brooklyn_Bruin

            Again, he’s just going to automatically assume the worst. Like all her exes favor Wesley Snipes, and he looking like Drake’s cousin.

            In his mind, because he thinks she’s driven *solely* by the visual, that his time on top is short like T.I. and he’s gonna have to get back out there to scam up a new chick.

            She’s threatening his stability

            You folks do not realize how fragile the male ego is.

            • AnswerMe

              How does one come to the conclusion she’s driven by the visual only? I feel like what happened is a 2 on the scale and it’s been escalated to a 10 because of what ifs and male egos being super fragile. Like someone else mentioned if that instance bothers him that much, he needs to get internal issues together before dating.

              • Brooklyn_Bruin

                Because like most men, he thinks that all women and especially “his” woman thinks like him.

                It’s part of the reason that men will claim that women aren’t logical or rational.

                Rather than consider the possibility that she may in fact have her own reasons to make decisions. And that basis is not his, and is often beyond his experience.

                I could go on, but it’s the root of a lot of male behavior

              • LOL this question was the most. Now she’s already been described as a “floozie” therefore IMO a free range chicken. I’m not spoken for and I STILL can’t acknowledge a random ball player I’ll likely NEVER meet who poses the man I came there with ZERO threat is “cute”? Sheesh…talk about crippling insecurity.

                • AnswerMe

                  Yes I’m at a loss with this one. MAYBE I could see a problem if it were a friend of his but a somewhat celebrity on tv? C’mon now.

                  • Exactly, like if she started talking slick about someone in the room…MAYBE but then again…if I ain’t your woman, I’ll say whatever I #DamnWellPlease! smh these ni gg as wanna have all the benefits of having a woman, without declaring you their woman. If I’m a “Floozie” well…I’mma just do some #FLoozieShit why should you care?

                    • AnswerMe

                      Pretty certain there is nothing wrong with what happened, just a molehill where he placed a mountain. And “floozy” rubbed me wrong from the get go but I’ll let it be.

                    • I mean…you can’t have it both ways…either she’s a floozie…or she’s ya girl. In EITHER case a cute guy is a cute guy…you gotta have more faith in your pull than that young man.

            • esa

              ~ You folks do not realize how fragile the male ego is.

              when it comes to very specific things. and its highly individual. some dudes love their women being involved with other men. it’s a niche, true, but my point being, generalities are hard to come by when it comes to ego since folks are all over the map out here. that’s why i think its on the person bearing the fragility to set boundaries, with grace. the lovely thing about relationships is how much you can learn about how different people’s minds work. especially since opposites attract ..

              • -h.h.h.-

                hey esa #salute

                question: from your experience, are egos being fragile a gender thing?

                • esa

                  hey hey ~*~ in my experience egos being fragile are a human thing. what i have discovered is that one the whole, people will avoid the deepest conflicts because they contain the oldest fears, some which are personal, some which belong to the species, and some of which are simply come from being alive itself ..

            • Kas

              I once had a “friend” compliment me to a friend of hers that she was trying to set up with me. I literally had to pull her date off of her (we were on a double date) in the middle of Sunset Blvd. The male ego can be a dangerous thing.

            • cakes_and_pies

              Not the male ego, but the Black male ego. Us Black women spend more time fielding mental landmines because y’all get all sorts of twisted information.
              I know Black men can’t eat bananas or Fruit Loops for reasons. That’s a whole ‘nother topic.

        • AnswerMe

          I could see if she rambled on about his shoulders, abs, etc but one quick mention of him being cute…I mean…commenting on Tracee Ellis Ross’ backside is totally different than saying “I find her pretty/beautiful.”

          • Brooklyn_Bruin

            So there’s no proper way to say

            “Dat ash do'”?

            • Kas

              I don’t hesitate to point out beauty and/or a$$ to the missus. Will br 9 years in a couple of weeks. Just gotta pick the right one. Other side of the coin we saw Grant Hill out in our early dating life. She almost broke her neck and wanted to walk by his table on the way out. I pointed out that Kas was paying for the extra large crab claws not Grant Hill. I’m secure in my ish, but come on now!

              • Brooklyn_Bruin

                Used to be tangentially in the industry.

                Name brand niners always brought out the worst in the local XX population.

                Where did Keisha go?
                What’s she doing on the tour bus?

                She took her shot and will be at the same club next week trying to get with the same set of dudes she been dealing with.

                Like crime in the hood, it happens and you can only take so many precautions. Still gotta keep stepping.

        • Insecurity… nicely done.

        • Deeds

          Dang, that’s very insecure. It was just a comment, not a long soliloquy dedicated to his physique.

      • miss t-lee

        This reeks of insecurity.

        • AnswerMe

          Gallons of it.

          • miss t-lee

            Yes lawd.

      • mr. steal your costco samples

        shouldn’t be.

    • Breezy

      How do you read the situation? They don’t go together.

      What should he do? Introduce her to the Cute friend.

      • Brooklyn_Bruin

        This was on tv, and I don’t think he knew any of those ball players personally.

    • That seems like an awkward moment that everyone in the room unnecessarily made 10x more awkward.

      • AnswerMe

        Agreed. It doesn’t seem outlandish but that the silence and maybe her timing was off? I don’t know what seems to be crazy about this.

        • Brooklyn_Bruin

          Conversations peak and trough in seven minute cycles. Probably got unlucky.

          Is there anything to be said for her mentality?

          • AnswerMe

            From this tiny speck of a situation, I wouldn’t judge her harshly. More inclined to think the group around her was a bit uptight but that would delving where no delving needs to take place.

          • IF I’m understanding the situation correctly…SHE doesn’t sound problematic to me at all. Everyone else does. Why would you make it weird by leaving a strange prolonged silence in the air? People coulda just moved the conversation along. No need for the weirdness.

            • Brooklyn_Bruin

              That’s one way to look at it, but if you go with that premise now he has a problem with her AND “his” people.

              That’s worse

              • How tho? You yourself said she was “some floozie” soooo…why would any…you know what? I’m having a hard time wrapping my mind around the entire situation. Ppl bring floozies around friends and they get uptight when they act like the free radical that they are?

                • Brooklyn_Bruin

                  Floozie in the sense that it wasn’t his girlfriend, just some chick he’d been poking on. I’m sure she was a perfectly nice person, not that she was low class.

                  • Either way…if it’s just some random hes’ bangin’…she has no obligation to respect his fragile lil ego. I can’t do this. You want a woman…or you want someone to EFF u SEE Kay no strings? Cause…if it’s the latter you can’t really feel no type of way about her saying any eff type ish.

                    • Kas

                      You clearly don’t understand men. Then again we don’t understand ourselves. :)

                    • I won’t deny that. Hence the single-ness. I don’t support nor would I condone this insecure foolishment.

    • Aye Bee

      Keep calm and carry on. She didn’t gush, she just made a statement. Plus she is a supposed floozie, not a s.o. so things shouldn’t be so serious.

      • Brooklyn_Bruin

        If it was his s.o. he’d have to call it quits?

        • Aye Bee

          Nope. Still keep calm and carry on. Just bc you are in a relationship does not mean you can not acknowledge the cuteness of another. As you stated, she didn’t gush so that was not disrespectful. My s.o. and I acknowledge other attractive people all the time but are not disrespectful.

        • cakes_and_pies

          It that’s grounds for breaking up, he doesn’t need to be with anyone in the first place.

          • Aye Bee

            Exactly…too insecure.

    • Tambra

      Sometimes you just do not know what to do. I remember once when I was teaching, I felt someone touching me on my breast and automatically my hands raised to let loose a slap. Then I realise it was a female student who I did not like too much and then I realised 1000 pairs of eyes were on me. I dropped my hand, calmed myself and then had to speak to her. Trust me you do not know how to react in those situations.

      • Lea Thrace

        Wait. What? Was she touching you accidentally? What age are we talking? I has preguntas.

        • Tambra

          She was about 15. I do not think it was accidental.

    • Deeds

      She mentioned some random basketball player was cute, doesn’t sound like a big deal to me. Acknowledging other cute people especially unattainable people on tv, just sounds like a regular stuff. The silence made it awkward in my opinion. Just let it go.

    • She said one of the men playing ball on TV was cute? Is that wrong to say?

      • AnswerMe

        Appears to be. Good thing I found out now so I can stop telling men I date that my future husband has a glorious beard, lives in Philly, and I need to find him. *shrug*

        • PLEASE lol I have a crush on Mr. Ibaka…AND Mr. Curry…but neither of them fools ever took me on a date soooooo everyone can just relax. If they were EVER real possibilities….ol boy GOTTA know he wouldn’t even be anywhere around me.

      • Brooklyn_Bruin

        Lol, yes it is, kinda.

        Just like him that Sofia Vergara is fioonnne.

        A dude says that to his non Colombian girlfriend and she might get some kinda way.

        Folks really shouldn’t be acting Brand Nubian about this

        • They aren’t acting brand new…they’re acting like it’s corny…cause it is.

          • AnswerMe

            Bingo.

          • miss t-lee

            Hallelu.

        • AnswerMe

          But Sophia Vergara is fioonnne. Him not saying it doesn’t change that fact. Just like I don’t care if a man I’m dating says Jennifer Lopez is gorgeous and has a nice shape. She is/does and I am/do too. This is almost like saying I should feel threatened bc my man finds a woman of a different race attractive bc I’m not that ethnicity? Nooooo, noooo, my confidence extends past my black counterparts. It has no bounds.

          • Epsilonicus

            She is definitely fine!

          • Brooklyn_Bruin

            If you tell me you’ve never seen a girl react like that, I know you’re lying.

            • AnswerMe

              Strictly based on race? Can’t think of anyone at the moment. If an individual constantly fawns over someone of a different race and isn’t currently dating said race, ok maybe that’s a problem. Random compliments and celebrity crushes aren’t uncommon nor deal breakers.

              • Brooklyn_Bruin

                Somebody here just went at Dusty cause he bigged up Sarah Palin. (Which was questionable call on his part to be fair)

                She went hard too.

                • Epsilonicus

                  Indeed she did. And he really did not big her up

                • AnswerMe

                  Based on Sarah being white or because they think she’s a twit and unattractive?

                  • Brooklyn_Bruin

                    She went on to go on about his non black American wife and to other non black women he may have lauded in previous posts.

                    Do me the favor of acknowledging my point and not just more and more details so that you can deny it.

                    • AnswerMe

                      That’s great of you to provide an example, because I didn’t catch that convo. If you’re looking for me to say that’s ok, I don’t think it is. I actually think Sarah Palin is pretty. And sorry no, I don’t get up in arms when the men I date says a non black celebrity/every day woman is attractive, has a phat azz, can get it, so forth. That’s just not me and hopefully you don’t assume every woman reacts that way.

        • Quirlygirly

          I don’t understand how it is wrong to say someone likes cute or fine. I am not saying I am gonna smash them. Is it wrong to respectfully appreciate someone else’s beauty?

          • Kas

            Not even a little wrong.

          • YES! Because #Men.

            • I might bust your chops for stanning for a celebrity. Unless you somehow have regular access to a dude, IDGAF. And if you do, I’m peacing out anyway.

              • AnswerMe

                Stanning/obsession isn’t the same as finding someone handsome or beautiful and mentioning it.

              • Quirlygirly

                How is that staning if you mention the man is nice looking? Even if I mention several times a dude is nice looking that doesn’t mean I will be physically intimate with him.

                But I guess you have to know the person you are with. Some people have no self control.

                • Jennifer

                  Shoot! I will tell a man that I’m dating if I think a man or a woman is beautiful. I stan for an opera singer whose decolletage is always on point (phrasing!). It doesn’t mean I’m suddenly leaving him for her.

                  Just last night I gushed a bit about an actor I saw on the street in NYC this weekend. He was fine and I told my dinner companion as much as I chronicled my trip. But, I went home with him last night, not the actor. No big deal.

          • Brooklyn_Bruin

            Again, let’s not pretend that “innocent” statements can’t have unintended negative consequences.

            If a girl has gotten fat over the course of a relationship but sees her guy respond to younger/thinner women, its not uncommon for her to feel some kinda way.

            I dated a chick who got off on telling folks the “truth”, but why did the truth always seemed to hurt?

            • Kas

              Everyone knows “the truth hurts” or at least that’s the excuse I use when I get caught in a lie.

              • Brooklyn_Bruin

                “But I’m just being honest. ”

                Right..

            • Quirlygirly

              And let’s not pretend that mentioning someone is nice looking should automatically start WWIII. While I agree innocent statement can have unintended negative consequences, I am saying in this particular instance why should it.. If you are in a relationship, you know your gf or bf has preferences and likes just like you do. I am saying as long as the person is not being disrespectful then why is it a big deal.

              I have had my boyfriend say that Kelly Rowland is beautiful and I agreed with him..she is..I don’t see the disrespect in saying it. But to lust after a person and to mention it all the time. There is a line that is crossed and there is where I would find the problem.

              Not as to a hypothetical chick who got fat..I can’t speak on her feelings- I’m a big girl, I been a big girl and my boyfriend knew that from jump.

              The chick you dated was just mean! Usually when people say the truth hurts they are looking for an excuse to be hurtful. There are ways to tell someone the truth without being blunt, intentionally mean or hurtful.

              • Brooklyn_Bruin

                You’re saying a gut feeling some kinda way is him being overly sensitive.

                It might be. I’d agree if they were on the solo.

                The group dynamic is part of the issue not just her unedited comment.

                The tenor of the scene is

                Fellas – You gonna let this broad come up in this house and lust after the next man? When my broad pipes up now I gotta regulate? Can’t control your chica? (C) Snoop

                Ladies – where he find these chicks that can’t control their ovaries?

                That’s the way it was described to me at least.

                • Quirlygirly

                  My original response was long and then it got stuck in Disqus limbo.

                  Basically, if she is a floozy why care unless he wanted more with her. While I don’t think she was wrong for saying the guy was cute I do believe that it could be seen as disrespectful. As for the group dynamic- if he is cool with it, it doesn’t matter what the group thinks. Because we all have gone through things that a group of friends may not necessarily agree with.

                  We all have skeletons #aintshitresponse2016

        • So when the VSB cook out finally happens we can’t comment about *name redacted* when she shows up in a sundress now or what?

          • Brooklyn_Bruin

            We’ll find out that she’s down with the swirl because her date Chet thought it was a good idea to bring his Nana’s potato salad, extra mayonnaise

        • tiggatae

          I don’t really buy it… Most women can respect a man commenting on the attractiveness of another woman. Its when you have to wipe the drool off your chin that there are problems…

          • Brooklyn_Bruin

            Plenty of dudes here have had the opposite experience.

            Plenty of degree having, travel noir instagramming, fabulous chicks have berated their men for a gander that they did not approve of.

            • tiggatae

              Ok… does it happen… Yes… Should it happen?… No… IMO, dude needs to grow up, or grow a pair… or make better choices… either in the women he brings around… or the peoples he chills with… or… maybe both…

    • PDL – Cape Girl

      How old are these people? Sounds like more growing to do

      • Brooklyn_Bruin

        Everyone was of vsb age, chronologically.

        • Ess Tee

          Jesus! “Chronologically.”

          I like and dislike you all at once lol

    • miss t-lee

      I see problems being made out of nothing.

      • Breezy

        Exactly.

  • PDL – Cape Girl

    Awww man, I was out yesterday and can’t peek in as much….I’ll drop my thoughts though, although I pretty much agree with your responses.

    Ain’t crap phrases:
    It is what it is (justifying your crap),
    That’s just how I am (justifying)
    N!ggas gon nig (excusing your crap)
    It’s what men do (excusing)

    What’s a good excuse to cheat?
    So you want a course in how to be a liar, huh? Lying on God? Dude, you don’t need help or advice, I’m sure you’ll perfect your craft(iness) all on your own. N!gga gon nig, I guess

    Boyfriend’s friends ALWAYS make passes. Not all, but in your lifetime you’ll definitely experience this a time or ten. I never told, just let dude know “don’t come at me with or like that!” Naw, homie I’m not the one. If you say it right, you’ll only need to say it once. You may have to say it to several, but one time each, said right will rectify. You can tell him later, down the road, but naw, don’t open up that can….handle it

    Just my .02 cents.

    • AquaTeamV3

      You left out the classic “only God can judge me”. It’s the ‘spiritual’ version of YOLO!

      • PDL – Cape Girl

        You are sooo right. This has become the theme of the world when folks don’t want to be told the truth

        • AquaTeamV3

          The best part is that if you hear it from another Christian, you can just slap ’em with 1 Cor. 5 (the last few verses in particular). The whole “don’t judge” thing isn’t even biblical, people just throw it out as a way to avoid any accountability for their actions. You’re supposed to examine yourself before making a judgement, not avoid all judgment altogether.

          • PDL – Cape Girl

            “The whole “don’t judge” thing isn’t even biblical, people just throw it out as a way to avoid any accountability for their actions.”
            This….I wish people could get this. Sooo many things are wrong, have gone wrong because we live in a world of live and let live. That’s going to be the detriment of the human race. Look at all the stuff “that’s okay to air” on tv. Just trash. There’s no ling in the sand anymore, no limits. Look at the behaviors of our potential leaders of the free world. Trash.

  • cakes_and_pies

    “At the end of the day…”
    “God knows my heart”
    :Who are we to judge”

    • All classic statements from busted pastors.

      • Tambra

        Is it just pastors or seriously religious people who have the Book of Life in hand,as a matter of fact they are there with St. Peter advising him who should be allowed into the pearly gates and who must be condemned. Seriously didn’t we see that among the staunchest defenders of the Duggar boy?

        • You’re right. I guess the holiest people have the furthest to fall.

          • cakes_and_pies

            It requires them to have further self-examination that goes against what they are taught. Right when you’re about to rope them into their own fallacy-BAM out comes the phrase.

            • Tambra

              That defence would have worked if they were not quick to condemn, sorry doing their do by trying to get persons to like a holy life.

    • Ess Tee

      But who ARE we to judge?!

      Hmph. lol

  • Kat

    I knew someone whose nickname was “No Good”…seriously this negro answered to No Good. So…he won. I mean you can’t get no mo ain’t sh*t than a negro who introduces and answers to No Good with a smile.

    • KMN

      Or Chump…I have a bestie that answers to Chump….I’m still trying to hit though just for bragging rights ROFL

      • Kat

        I’ve meet two or three of them….nickname was applicable

    • cakes_and_pies

      I’ve never met a “Junebug” who would make me feel comfortable leaving my purse around.

      • Kat

        They ain’t never been right from the days of Moses…

      • SMH when ppl just let men grow to the full fledged age of #GrownAssMan and keep calling him “JuneBug” -______- #StopDoingIt

    • ChokeOnThisTea

      I’ve got a cousin nicknamed “Slick.” Been “ain’t sh it” since we were kids. Lol

      • KMN

        Slick sounds like a character in The Five Heartbeats or The Temptations…ain’t ish, wasn’t ever ish, ain’t NEVA gone be ish lol

        • ChokeOnThisTea

          Lmao! You right

      • Tambra

        Well he had to live up to his moniker.

    • Quirlygirly

      I knew a dude whose nickname was D!ck. And his real name was not Richard. I don’t know how he got that nickname but it could not have been through good means.

      • LMNOP

        It could have been something good though.

        • Quirlygirly

          With his track record, LMNOP, I don’t think so.. he was kinda an #aintshitdude

    • Mandy

      My cousin is literally married to a man named Snap.

    • occupiesthethrone

      My ex’s nickname was Ways because his mother constantly told him he had devilish ways.

      • KNeale

        Lmao!!!!!!! Good thing he’s an “ex”.

        • occupiesthethrone

          Yeeeeeeeeeeah…….Once he got a devil tattooed on his arm, it became real clear he was fully committing to that. Then, I found out about the 2 jumpoffs and I got the heck out of there.

      • Deeds

        Dang, talk about setting someone up for failure. Of course he’s gonna internalize that if his own mama told him he had devilish ways.

        • occupiesthethrone

          He really did. He went above and beyond to live up to that name. From what I know of his childhood and from working with kids myself, he wasn’t doing anything really outlandish for a kid. He was mischievous, for sure. But, I never liked his mother. She was one of those “I love my favorite kid and screw the rest of y’all” kind of parents.

    • Ess Tee

      I was at the funeral of a family friend a couple weekends ago. This one guy got up to give tribute to the deceased, and he was so personable and charming and funny up on that pulpit. I heard someone in the pew next to me tell the person next to him that when they were in school, they used to call the dude (giving the tribute) “Dom” for Devil On the Move because he was alllllwayyyysss mischievous.

  • Brooklyn_Bruin

    On cheating?

    There’s no good way to do it if you’re going to be a halfway crook about it. As the progeny of islanders, the best way is a business trip. But as many of us know, a working man might have several families all over the Caribbean (or tri state)

    Your “boy” makes a play
    That’s not your boy. Drunk or not, that’s a dude that can’t be in your small counsel any longer.

    If the Jordan was on the other foot, and your girl’s girl wants to find the truth out for herself, just make a mental note for the breakup, and cash in later on the low.

    • As the progeny of Islanders, you did not say a lie at ALL. Famous last words of a cheating West Indian. I’ve assimilated and just sleep around unattached to anything but a condom. LOL

      • Tambra
        • Real talk, I’ll send messages to my dad using Mighty Sparrow songs on FB. Being that West Indians are a distinct minority on my FB feed, it makes for funny situations.

          • Tambra

            These songs are a treasure trove. Did not necessarily appreciate them growing up, but when I gets in my mood.

      • Brooklyn_Bruin

        Couples lie to each other enough. Most of us stay lying to ourselves

        • Tambra

    • Asiyah

      That Caribbean gem is spot on. I always say that my dad is one of the few Caribeños that I know who didn’t have kids outside of his marriage to my mom or a whole other family. He cheated a lot but pull out method and ish lol

  • Epsilonicus

    1. My favorite aint ish statement: God knows my heart. Aint ish people say that quite frequently. Or at least all the ones I know

    2. The church retreat excuse… welp that is what got Jamal Bryant in trouble.

    3. Don’t tell the boyfriend. Just avoid his friend.

    • ChokeOnThisTea

      “God knows my heart”/”Only God can judge me” = the “ain’t sh it” people’s Trump Card.

      • KMN

        I see what you did there lol

        • ChokeOnThisTea

          Lmao!

      • Yep!

      • Asiyah

        I’ve always found “only God can judge me” to be a bit problematic and inaccurate. The truth is that only God can judge you ACCURATELY. Everybody can judge. We have brains. We have reason and mental faculties. That’s not the issue. The issue is if we are correct in our assessments. The way I see it, sure, go ahead and judge me. That’s fine. I’m not sure if you’re correct, though.

        I overanalyze, pardon me…

        • dmcmillian72

          I love this explanation and I WILL be using it in the future! Thank you!

        • Wild Cougar

          I agree wholeheartedly. People judge, that’s what people do.

          • Asiyah

            Word. I only get really bothered by it when all evidence points to them being wrong in their assessments yet they still cling to their notions. That right there shows me willful ignorance, and I ain’t down with that!

        • CozyVon

          I’ve always found this to be an “ain’t sh it” statement in its very essence. My response has always been, “Um, we can TOTALLY judge…or else why would there be any need for laws, courts, prisons, etc.?”

    • When you have to say “Only God can judge me”…you KNOW everyone is judging you. Even YOU are judging you.

      • miss t-lee

        Classic ain’t sh*t.

      • Technically, my name means “God is my judge.” And I ain’t s hit. I approve of this message.

        • JennyJazzhands

          Is your name Danielle?

          • NOYESNO

            THE FEDS WATCHING

            • JennyJazzhands

              Lol

            • dmcmillian72

              Lolol! I so needed this laugh! Thank you, @disqus_gmwFYkpdRM:disqus

      • Junegirl627

        KNOW everyone is judging you. Even YOU are judging you.
        ^^^^^
        This!!!!!!

        #deadt

    • miss t-lee

      “God knows my heart.”

      I say it often.
      Take that however you need…lol

      • Epsilonicus

        It is not that you aint ish, you just have aint ish tendencies lol

        • miss t-lee

          I’m actually in ain’t ish reform school.

          • Epsilonicus

            Hmmm.. never heard of that

            • miss t-lee

              LOL!
              It’s not a real place, just trying to do better.

              • Epsilonicus

                God knows your heart lol

                • miss t-lee

                  EXACTLY!

              • ChokeOnThisTea

                We know. “God ain’t through with you yet”, right? ??

                • miss t-lee

                  Exactly…lol

                  • PhlyyPhree

                    God may not be through with ya’ll, but I am…

                    • miss t-lee

                      This is good.

                • Lea Thrace

                  This one here!

                  That’s the Pretend Reformed Aint Ish mantra

    • Melissa

      #1!!!!!!!!

      My other personal favorite: any explanation, phrase or Carl’s Jr. order that starts with “It wasn’t my intention…(to shtup your sister’s roommate’s dry cleaner)” or “I’m sorry you feel that way….(because I totally did nothing wrong and you’re crazy for being vexed at me for sliding in your middle school science teacher’s cousin’s DMs. Sorry that you kind of suck.)”

      And for the grand finale, let us all join hands and say it together:

      MY WIFE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND ME!

      • Quirlygirly

        LOL@ It wasn’t my intention..That is the Ray J line right there..

        Like that old saying goes “The road to H3ll is paved with good intentions”

        • miss t-lee

          My mother used to say that to us often.

      • Jennifer

        “And for the grand finale, let us all join hands and say it together:
        MY WIFE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND ME!”

        This one is very popular with dudes in the club who wear their cellphones on their belts. It must be in the handbook.

        • Kas

          Better approach, I’m married but I just wanted to tell you (fill in bs of choice).

    • ChokeOnThisTea

      “God ain’t through with me yet” is another classic line of theirs.

      I be like, “Well, I am. BLOOP”

    • tgtaggie

      I still can’t understand how the dude still have a church. I couldn’t let that dude be my pastor. Lol

      • Epsilonicus

        Me neither. People love this guy no matter what he does. He is Teflon

  • Kat

    Personally I like good and consistent cheaters. The ones who cheat from jump. Like they walk in the door with they cheat game on point from day one. They work out of town every other weekend–expectations. They in school-expectations. Secret Agent Negro-expectations. Stuff like that. If you not on that level, then don’t cheat. You ain’t ready. You not built for this.

    Besides who needs an entire weekend? You gonna be broke trying to cheat like that. Motel 6 has bedbugs.

    • Tambra

      Fact is once cheating is in your dna, its just there. Thing is these cheaters always try to convince you that you are to be blamed.

      • Aye Bee

        Bc people tend to think others are like them. Cheaters think everyon cheat, liars assume everyone lies, and dishonest people don’t trust others bc they are dishonest themselves. What we see and judge/focus on in others reflects how we see ourselves.

        • Kas

          I think everyone is attractive and smart.

          • Quirlygirly

            LOL- I see what you did there!

            • Kas

              And poor. :)

          • Aye Bee

            lol

          • Kat

            Gorgeous even…

          • Lmaoo! Good one!

        • Asiyah

          “We don’t see things as they are; we see things as WE are.”
          –Anais Nin

          • Aye Bee

            Exactly. This particular person was trying to spread lies about me to folks I had grown up with, and what she didn’t realize that the things she was saying about me was actually a reflection of her. There is a reason why when you point there are three fingers pointing back at you…

        • PDL – Cape Girl

          This is sooooooo true

        • Wild Cougar

          Please tell this truth!

      • esa

        i wish i could remember where i read this, but a study showed that polyamory and monogamy are wired into people’s DNA (and in fact, is a trait passed down across generations). the trouble, as i see it, comes when society dictates monogamy is right and polyamory is wrong. so folks out here become cheaters rather than simply be upfront from the jump because they don’t have the courage to risk being true to themselves openly with the people they love. i feel for both sides here.

        • Asiyah

          I agree with this to an extent. I do believe that labeling polyamory as wrong can lead to cheating, but I also believe that even if it’s allowed some people are going to cheat anyway because they want to. They find excitement in doing something unfavorable, wrong, and hurtful.

          • esa

            absolutely. there are always sociopathic personalities in the mix. i put predators in an entirely separate category.

        • Tambra

          I get that crap a lot. Usually from married men, who are explaining to me why we should begin a relationship. I am not advocating that they leave their wives, but in all the crap about how “we are not designed to be monogamous” and “the marriage is practically dead”,”its only the children keeping me there”, yadda yadda and ” she doesn’t want me” , there is no talk of leaving. I am usually like ” Error! 404 the page you are looking for can not be found”.

    • KNeale

      Lmao!!! Why do you need a whole weekend, indeed. What kind of cheating is this. Are you having a whole relationship with this other person? Y’all hitting the town, going out for brunch, massages at the spa? This a romantic getaway?

      Cuz if it is, you’re wasting your time looking for excuses to be gone for days at a time. You gonna get got anyways. And its gonna be because the new “girlfriend” is gonna get tired of having a relationship out of a suitcase.

      • Kat

        Exactly. Weekends away cost serious loot. I can’t. Especially when I know I got some free free waiting at home.

        • kingpinenut

          #bootybudget

      • Question

        Word. That’s not cheating, that’s having another relationship, and I thought that “relationship” totally defeats the purpose…right?

    • Agatha Guilluame

      *lays down*

    • NoGames

      Besides who needs an entire weekend? You gonna be broke trying to cheat like that. Motel 6 has bedbugs.
      ^^^Truth. You make a valid point! All this type of logic and practicality has prevented much foolishness in my world. Also…cold weather, rain, and being sleepy.

  • Kat

    He might have asked his boy to test you. I know that’s some grade school mess but most Negros’s are mentally still in High School so don’t get mad, just pass the test and move on. I wouldn’t tell and possibly wouldn’t think much about it but I would put ol boy in the outer circle in my mind. You know last invite to the bbq, asked to bring real soda but no potato salad. Invited to the wedding but no plus one.

    • mr. steal your costco samples

      wut

    • What in the entire he11? Where do men do this? And can I revoke their citizenship and their right to vote? I’m joking but I’m serious.

      • Asiyah

        A lot of men do this. It’s not just a woman thing. It adds to my bitterness because it sucks that it isn’t gender-specific. It’s a crappy human thing :(

        • Kas

          If I feel the need to test my girl, that is the first clue that she isn’t the one for me.

          • Word. If I’m even thinking that direction, I’m halfway out the door, and it’s going to take work to get me back.

            • Kas

              I don’t have time in my life to be keeping tabs on someone else. If you are going to cheat on me, you are going to show me the proper amount of respect by doing it in such a way that it doesn’t raise my suspicions.

          • Quirlygirly

            You spoke some truth here!! If I gotta test you then I may as well let you go.. If I aint got time to cheat, I def don’t have time to be setting up a cheating trap..

          • Asiyah

            Agreed! But some people don’t see it that way. I had a friend in HS who used to test her friends ALL. THE. TIME. It was exhausting. Eventually I dumped her. I had enough!

      • Kat

        Yep..been there. Passed that.

  • I tell my wife all the time that she doesn’t have to worry about me cheating because I’m way too lazy. You have to make up back stories now? I’ll just go home and play Halo.

    Trissa from Queens is worried about the wrong thangs. People with ain’s isht friends tend to be full of it themselves. Not always but she should definitely make sure her man wasn’t a part of this mess.

    • AquaTeamV3

      I really wonder how people have the free time to cheat. Dating itself can be a timesink, even moreso for married folks…between that, a full-time job, and whatever extracurriculars you have, where in the world do you fit in cheating and being sneaky?

      • Kas

        People always find time for bs they want to do. Harder to find time for ish they need to do. For instance right now I should be putting together a credit package but instead I’m posting.

        • ChokeOnThisTea

          Touche. You got me. ?

        • Quirlygirly

          So true. Finding time for bs is what people do best

      • Mika

        I am too lazy. Stories, lies to cover the other lies, like forget it, its too much work. Makes me hungry.

      • KNeale

        I’m always intrigued by two married people both we kids having an affair with each other. Are yall rich? Where are you carrying on? When? I need explanations!

        • Deeds

          I would guess work, where else do you spend a large amount of time away from your significant other and they won’t get suspicious.

          • Mika

            You guessed right……….. I work in HR, I know a dude who clocked out, drove to another company location, he and shawty did it in the parking lot, in her car, and then he drove back over to his location and clocked back in. Her hubby hid a phone in her car and called her boss and played everything…….and then we checked the cameras and you can see them driving to an area they thought was in the cut.

      • Freebird

        The same way I find time to play Call of Duty.

      • tgtaggie

        That’s how I see it. I rather not even put myself in that position in the first place lol

    • Asiyah

      “I tell my wife all the time that she doesn’t have to worry about me
      cheating because I’m way too lazy. You have to make up back stories
      now? I’ll just go home and play Halo.”

      Me too! It’s too much work, and the way my bed is set up, I’d rather take a nap instead!

    • mr. steal your costco samples

      “I tell my wife all the time that she doesn’t have to worry about me cheating because I’m way too lazy. You have to make up back stories now? I’ll just go home and play Halo.”

      THIS GAWD. plus you gotta do like twice the listening, etc. nah son

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