Ask Agatha, Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Featured

Ask Agatha: Reckless Flirting, Fronting On Black Twitter, And Wiping While Sitting

Before we dive into this week’s questions, I want to apologize to my constant reader[s] for my absence (hey Kas). You see what had happened was, I haven’t been getting any good questions and Damon never put out the call like I so sweetly asked because apparently he has a popular site to run and a busy home life yadda yadda yadda. Basically, I’m apologizing without taking any real ownership.

It’s the VSB way.

*runs to the comments section to jump on the neck of anybody who got something slick to say*  

Also, Dhiraj Naseen is one writing ass bih. Every week I think she won’t/can’t be as funny/clever as she was last week with her Love and Hip Hop reviews and every week she proves me wrong. So, cheers to that.

Now, on to the questions…

Buki from Chicago, Ill Asks

Memorial weekend, my bf and I went to my girlfriend’s cookout. She has it every year but since he’s newly minted, this was his first time. This was also our first time at a group thing. We’ve been pretty wrapped up in each other for the past few months but I was excited to take him and show him off basically. Then we get there, after having to practically drag him, as if I hadn’t told him about it repeatedly over the last couple weeks, and he EMBARRASSES me. He went from not even WANTING to go to FLIRTING with EVERY BITCH there. One chick especially, who I don’t fuck with, was all over him and he seemed to encourage it. We had it out in the car on the way home and he said I should’ve just pulled him away if I had such a problem. BUT he won’t even cop to the disrespect. My best friend thinks his behavior is a MAJOR red flag. So what should I do Ms. Agatha? Should I just cut my losses?

John Shannon?

(Sorry. Old joke.)

Damn. Don’t niggas get second chances anymore? When did once become a pattern?

I mean your friend is right. Your boyfriend’s behavior at the cookout (which was clearly LIT) is a major red flag.

But before we get into why. Let’s first discuss what really happened.

This is your boyfriend.

And I know this because you said so.

This is a new relationship.

And I know this because you said so.

So assuming you’re both on the same page about the title and the status of your relationship (and about being wrapped up in each other for the last few months) then I’d have to assume that his flirting at the party was a one man, one act play, for an audience of one.

You.

Listen.

If your s/o, man or woman, does some fughazi ass shit like that IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE then rest assured they’re doing it for your benefit. They’re putting on a show for you and you only. Don’t worry about the other women because it’s not about the other women.

But yes, what he did is a major red flag but not because it indicates he’s clearly the cheating type but because it indicates without a doubt that he’s petty as all fucks.

(And if I never write another advice column again, the one thing I’d want you all to takeaway is to RUN not walk from petty ass niggas, except you Buki. You stay.)

Cheaters don’t advertise. And they certainly wouldn’t do anything as juvenile as openly flirting with your friends far less your frenemies. A cheater’s bread and butter is coming off as the perfect boyfriend, especially to your friends. They’re all very much invested in the idea of not raising suspicion. So flirting with some chick you hate is pure amateur hour.

A real cheater is going to make sure there’s at least six degrees of separation between you and any chick he takes down. (And I know Love & Hip Hop and Jerry Springer have taught us differently but just think about your own life and the people you know.)

So yeah, major red flag but not because he might could be a cheater (I mean they all could be) but because for whatever reason (maybe because you dragged him to a party he didn’t want to go to), your boyfriend wanted to hurt your feelings by making you jealous. And that’s really shitty. And weak. And immature.

So should you cut your losses?

Nah hoe. This was just your first fight. Relax.

Tashana from Houston, TX asks:

So I’m new to Twitter. Better late than never right? And I’ve quickly gotten swept up in black twitter, like I don’t even remember what I used to do with the time I now devote to keeping up with the trending topics. One thing bugs though, the fronting. So many of the women on there, who aren’t that different from me, should be relatable but instead I don’t get them at all. I feel alienated from this tribe of sistas. I mean what the fuck is self-care?

I’m pretty sure self-care is the time you spend detangling and co-washing your 4C hair.

Or maybe it’s the time you spend masturbating.

How is this not relatable Tashana?

Who do you think is on the other side of that Twitter handle?

Do you naively assume it’s someone with all the answers?

Have you not seen Catfish?

What about someone who is able to devote 25 hours in a 24-hour day to discussing the intricacies of nothing at all into a void says this is a person complete, fulfilled and living their best life?

So of course they front.

And why not. We’re all bored here.

Being an adult is fucking boring.

(When did that happen y’all? I almost feel like having a trap baby to spice shit up. Does anyone know where Steph Curry hangs out after games? ? This is a joke. I rarely do disclaimers but Lord knows I don’t want the wrong people getting the wrong idea. I wouldn’t want to have to discuss what I meant by XYZ when I didn’t mean anything by XYZ.)

So these Twitter sistas (brothas too) front.

They pretend and they rah-rah and the stand they take today will be diametrically opposed to the stand they take tomorrow ‘cause new topic and shit.

Tashana, there’s a girl.

A plain girl.

Smart but not brilliant.

Clever but not funny.

Smiling in her selfies but not happy.

Let’s call her Jane.

Jane is on Twitter.

Jane has amassed a respectable number of followers—mostly other Janes (and Ricky types).

Her desire to be one of the cool kids (ya know, special) had her on the ground floor of most social media platforms (she’ll occasionally, ever so casually mention, in weary tones, that she’s a Twitter OG–she won’t mention her defunct Etsy site, and the Tumblr, and the Pinterest page and the blog. Well there was more than one blog. And the YouTube DIY page and her attempt at navigating Google+ or her Hi5 account or the Match.com profile or the new Periscope and the still too important Facebook and her painstakingly curated Instagram).

Jane is underemployed.

Jane, sitting at her desk, wearing some soft-soled orthopedic flats is engrossed in a debate with another Twitter OG about how hard it is to have to dress for the male gaze.

Jane hasn’t shaved above her knee in 365 days.

Jane is full of shit.

Ignore the Janes.

And enjoy everyone else on Black Twitter.

Pablo from Harlem, NY asks:

I don’t know how this argument even came up amongst my friends but it did. And I had to leave my group chat because they’re clearly all animals. I thought I was living in a civilized society but apparently I’m living in the wild wild fucking west. So my question to you is, after you poop, do you wipe sitting down or standing up? Because I wipe sitting down. Front to back. Like a gentleman.

You wipe sitting down?

Front to back?? Like a woman?

What sorta broken home shit…

So you reach down between your legs blind…

But what about your…

And your friends stand? And do what? Gently hold one ass cheek to the side?

How do you stand to wipe?

No one stands to wipe.

Pablo, you just lean forward and lift one ass cheek off the seat. Like a human being.

***If you have any questions for Agatha, email us at contact@verysmartbrothas.com, with “Ask Agatha” as the subject. Also, if you want to hear her stereotypically New York-ass voice, listen to this podcast she did with VSB’s own Brandon Allen***

Agatha Guilluame

Agatha is a figment of the collective VSB imagination.

  • Before this hits 897 comments, heyyyy Agatha!

    And Buki, girl relax. He probably doesn’t even consider y’all official yet, which is why he has no problems blatantly shooting his shot in front of you. Either that, or he thinks you’re a pushover, which both translate to use him for head and Chinese food until you find something better.

    Always wipe sitting down. Fricking savages.

    • Quirlygirly

      Hey Pinks!!

      Like I was told by many a VSB..yall not together until he discusses it. His actions do not matter his words do..so ole girl is free to do her with another guy and get food and D*ck from her”boyfriend”

      • AnswerMe

        I assumed (maybe wrongly) that she used the term boyfriend because they had discussed it and are official. I’ve heard of women doing the whole title where there ain’t one but…was hoping that sort of behavior has started to dwindle.

        • Gbadebo

          I thought she mentioned them discussing the “bf/gf” title as well…

      • Lea Thrace

        Q!!!!!!! *dying*

        • Quirlygirly

          Lea– you know I cant right..I just can’t

      • Hay guhfrennnnn!

        Absolutely right about his actions mattering. While hubby and I were dating, a couple of his female friends met me at a bbq and were referring to me as his girl. One time, within earshot of me, he said loudly “She’s not my girl, DAMN!”

        He didn’t sniff or get another lick of snazzyberry pie until he had corrected his error. Fugg I look like, busting it open and bringing you Cheetos and we not on the same page? Tuh!

        • AnswerMe

          I like this. I like that you were bothered by his actions and let his azz know and stood your ground. Didn’t make him read your mind or try to guess what had you peeved.

          https://media.giphy.com/media/ZU9QbQtuI4Xcc/giphy.gif

          • Lea Thrace

            @disqus_gmwFYkpdRM:disqus tha GAWD!

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            The direct approach is always the best approach.

            Besides…some women don’t like you calling them your girlfriend if yall never had the talk.

            • AnswerMe

              No one should ever make assumptions like that. People say titles don’t matter, I say they do for reasons such as this.

              • Mortal Man

                You ain’t a king till someone say you a king.

            • Mortal Man

              Most folks are indirect to try to preserve feelings. But the indirectness is the primary cause of conflict.

              • Blueberry01

                Or they’re indirect because they want the benefits of the relationship, but not the commitment.

          • At that point, we weren’t deep enough for me to get suuuuuper mad about it, especially because I wasn’t his girl and he technically didn’t owe me s h i t, but I had a lil bit of feelings invested and wasn’t about to pretend like I didn’t. To this day, he always reminds me that that was a turning point, when I demanded his respect and full attention and he had no choice but to comply – because HE wanted to.

          • Damb… Dwayne could get ALL my business.

            • AnswerMe

              ALLLLLLLLL of it

        • Quirlygirly

          Girl!!! *raises hands and sways

          Dudes will try it tho!

          Snazzyberry pie tho– not a sniff or lick–This is why a F*cks with Pinks!

          • *reloads chuuuuuuch fan*

            He had to know, girl. I was feeling him and wasn’t about to let him go that easily lmao

            • LoveTrenia

              That’s that in your feelings type of honesty…yaasss.

            • IwanttobeaRizpah

              You berra.

        • I can’t shed my petty enough to let something like that go. Once he said that I would have been like, “oh, I ain’t know- then I guess I’m free to holla atcha boi over in the cut that’s been in my ear all day”, handed him my half eaten plate and skated over to the next man. I’m not for play. If you invite me to a family or friend bbq, it’s because we go together- I’m not meeting your friends in a group setting on a maybe- especially not the female friends you just said that tot so they can cluck at me the rest of the day and I don’t have MY peoples around me to fall back on. Nah.

          • Oh, girl. He got an earful lol

            I was embarrassed and felt like he set me up. We had a very candid discussion about boundaries and what we expected from each other, and there was never a question again about what we were.

        • Tuh huh is muhfuggin right. The nerve… you brought me… Kneegrow, you better front.

          • Lmao word! Funnily enough I ended up getting supremely drunk that night and made a complete fool of myself, which didn’t hurt my chances one bit lol

      • IwanttobeaRizpah

        C’mon now. They are in a relationship. She did mention that’s her boyfriend.

        • Quirlygirly

          Hey girl!!

          Noap cause VSB have specifically said, in no uncertain terms that there have to be the discussion and agreeance of being together. No action can replace the discussion and agreeance.

          If dont matter if they do boyfriend like actions. They like to have companionship with women but do not think for a second that their actions speak louder than their words..noap, nuh uh, no siree

          • Blueberry01

            Yup! There’s a difference between renting a car and owning one.

      • PhlyyPhree

        THISSSSS!!!
        SLAB tried to tell me that it was the opposite “Words don’t matter, I can tell you anything; what matters is what I do”
        N-word no. You can do whatever the heck you want, whenever you want, with whomever you want. But I need you to TELL me what it is that you want so we can all govern ourselves accordingly here.

        • Nicole

          But they also can TELL you whatever the heck you want to hear, whenever, and with whomever. You mean to tell me actions don’t speak louder than words anymore?

          • PhlyyPhree

            I like it when the two meet in the middle, action + word agreement makes Phree a very happy girl.

      • Kim

        lol I know I would. I would’ve left his a$$ right there at the cookout while I skated off with the 6’4 homie from high school that glo’d up.

      • Other_guy13

        So…let me get this right…y’all don’t know that until we have the conversation about what we are and define the relationship…women think we are in fact…IN A RELATIONSHIP….who knew. Yea…that’s not how that works. Definitions matter.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      That savage life is LIT tho.

    • troubleman

      It’s a cookout, aren’t you SUPPOSED to talk to people? Maybe she misinterpreted his intentions?

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        ahahaahhahahaha@ maybe

        That’s cute.

        Definitely. Change maybe to DEFINITELY.

      • So you’re going to act like you don’t know the difference between talking and flirting? OK.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          You gonna act like some people don’t even know the basic difference between talking and flirting?

          Cause we BOTH KNOW there’s a lot of ninjas out there that don’t.

          • AnswerMe

            Don’t or pretend not to?

          • Ninjas ALWAYS know when they’re flirting. Puhlease.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              Nope nope and nope

              Stupid is too prevelant.

              • How you too stupid to know when you’re intentionally doing something though? I’m talking about ninjas knowing when THEY’RE flirting with others, not the other way around.

                • Quirlygirly

                  He feigning ignorance girl..They all do

                • RewindingtonMaximus

                  If you doing it on purpose, then you know what you’re doing it for.

                  I’m talking about people who don’t even flirt, but everything people see from them is flirtng.

                • Kas

                  All kidding aside, yes we know we are up to no good.

                  • *gasp* let some of y’all tell it, you’re completely clueless until you’re wiping your dck off in the sink.

                • CheGueverraWitBlingOn

                  I think we are making a BIG presumption saying hommie knew what was going on…especially when you are telling me a woman is involved who Buki doesn’t like.

                  None of y’all VSS have flirted with a man of a girl who doesn’t like you??? C’mon. Stop.

                  • I don’t know about none of VSS, but I have absolutely not flirted with somebody else’s man because she didn’t like me! First of all, the last time I outright knew somebody had a problem with or didn’t like me, I was in elementary school and we didn’t have relationships. Secondly, I don’t have TIME for that nonsense. If you bring bad vibes, I’m staying from around you and anybody you associate with. Frankly, there’s too many ninjas I could have if I wanted for me to be sniffing around somebody else di ck.

                    • CheGueverraWitBlingOn

                      Noted. But there’s a whole lot of petty on this page Pinks and a lot of people who have grown…so you, I’ve personally witnessed this from female friends who would otherwise be people who ‘don’t have time for that nonsense’.

                      The issue isn’t whether this girl actually wanted Buki’s man, but whether she was intentionally messing with Buki by doing so.

                  • Jennifer

                    “None of y’all VSS have flirted with a man of a girl who doesn’t like you??? C’mon. Stop.”

                    No. That sounds like too much work. I could be taking a nap.

            • Kas

              No idea what you are talking about. So a man can’t talk to an attractive lady and make plans to get to know one another better without it being misconstrued as flirting? Women are way too suspicious. Known fact, suspicious women are the downfall of 11 out of every 10 relationships.

              • Mortal Man

                You’re preaching. Everyone not moved by your words are heathens.

              • PhlyyPhree

                If you’re there with your girl, the FUCK you trying to get to know another “attractive lady” better for? Miss me with that.

                • I was just gone leave it at the question. I ain’t got the energy. My body weary.

                  • PhlyyPhree

                    Girl. I just…These men. I really wonder if they AWL fell and hit their heads on the same rock at the same time.

                • Kas

                  You do realize I’m joking? If not, I apologize for getting your blood pressure up.

                  • PhlyyPhree

                    Lol. I’m good. Trust and believe, I don’t really care. I’m still unchosen, so these are all Other People’s Problems to me anyway.

                • Mochasister

                  Let the church say amen.

              • NonyaB

                Really, Kasito??!

                Majority of adults know the difference and the tiny minority of those who don’t only get to be naive the first couple of times they socialize, earlier on. I.e. They may act naively the first few times but others tell them when they’re flirting, which makes them aware. In this case, assuming this is far from the first time the guy was socializing (incl dating) as an adult, he already knew the difference. Other factors (e.g. inability to set social boundaries, need to be center of attention, etc) may figure into his behaviour, but he knew what he was doing.

                And as PhlyyPhree said, if the guy is there with his GF, then why is he talking to and making plans to get to know one another better with another attractive lady?

                • Kas

                  Look, I’m just saying if my girl is insisting that I accompany her to an event that I didn’t want to attend, it must be important to her. If it’s that important to her, then I need to go all out to be friends with her friends. Friends hang out. Why wouldn’t I make plans to hang out with one of my new friends, especially the one wearing “only” a summer dress. I’m the good guy here and you are twisting it into something else. The leading cause of issues in relationships is women taking innocent behavior and twisting it into something else. If anything, I should be mad at her for accusing me of such a low down thing, me being a proper Southern Gentleman and everything.

                  • NonyaB

                    So basically, it’s not even Friday yet but your fxckery levels are on a hunnid.

                    • Kas

                      I stay ready so I don’t have to get ready.

          • NonyaB

            Majority of adults know the difference and the tiny minority of those who don’t only get to be naive the first couple of times they socialize, earlier on. I.e. They may act naively the first few times but others tell them when they’re flirting, which makes them aware. In this case, assuming this is far from the first time the guy was socializing (incl dating) as an adult, he already knew the difference. Other factors (e.g. inability to set social boundaries, need to be center of attention, etc) may figure into his behaviour, but he knew what he was doing.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              I feel like when we talk in general about what people know, we really miss the mark on their own individual atrributes that could really deter that logic.

              For instance, I am a flirt when I want to be. I know when I am putting in the energy. But I don’t have the greatest amount of self-esteem. So normally, because of my interactions with women on friendly basis 80% of my time, I sincerely do not know when a woman is throwing subtle hints that she’s flirting with me. It all looks like the same stuff I deal with when I’m just being friendly or gentleman-like with women.

              I’ve met plenty of people who have the same things happen to them. So that’s why I really think it’s important people discuss their differences of perception, because it clearly is not equal.

              • NonyaB

                But there are also contextual cues to guide one along in each situation. E.g. watching to see how the woman interacts with others in the same gathering vs you: Is she as animated with everybody else? Does she circulate evenly or does she keep coming back to and spending more time to talk with you? Etc.

                My generalized previous comment is not to say we all operate at the same threshold for flirty interaction, just noting people recognize the baseline and are fine operating above/at/below it, depending on choice. It’s also a perfectly valid position to reduce interaction with other person if you feel it is flirting and it is unwelcome for whatever reasons (you’re not attracted to them, you’re uncomfortable, you’re there with a spouse, etc). And of course, the baseline differs everywhere, e.g. light touching can mean less in cultures where greetings traditionally include hugs and kisses.

                • RewindingtonMaximus

                  If you are given the time to see how someone operates, then sure what you’re saying works. But if you just met someone, for a person like me who chooses not to assume much, I don’t know how you’re interacting with other people unless I plan on sitting back and watching things unfold. And even then, I’d rather just be direct instead of assuming anything.

                  Perhaps as a man, my perception is based off of rejection, which many women are used to dishing out but not recieving. Due to that, often I don’t think women get the context that certain behaviors you all assume us men pick up on is so universal to rejection, that you don’t realize we actually don’t see it as an interest in us.

                  We can all pick up on a look of disgust or confusion. But a light hand on my shoulder? I’ve been used as a prop to hold drinks, or wait for her to fix her shoes, etc. I’m not going to assume we’re all of sudden super close.

        • Quirlygirly

          I am just typing this upthread..unless someone is super jealous..there is a definite difference between regular talk and flirting..

          • Mortal Man

            Rules, please. For the undereducated.

            • Quirlygirly

              There are not hard and fast rules besides the obvious unnecessary touching etc but there is a definite intent behind words.

              • troubleman

                I could just be a touchy/feely person. Touch IS a form of communication…

              • Mortal Man

                If there are no hard and fast rules then you can’t be mad at men for always getting flags thrown on the play!

              • It sonetimes starts with the “fix your man a plate – THEN asking “can I get you something too?”

            • Blueberry01

              Non-Verbal: close proximity to person, (2 – 3 feet is deemed personal space), intentional and extended physical contact (e.g. brushing arm, letting hand linger on back), extended eye contact (most people look away from someone they do not like or are not attracted too), smiling

              Verbal: asking questions about them to further the conversation, making jokes/teasing them

              • Mortal Man

                I understand physical contact, but not eye contact. How else do you communicate that you’re listening?

                The same with asking questions. The best conversationalists ask many probing questions.

                • Blueberry01

                  With eye contact, there was a study done on how long you hold someone’s gaze, with someone you like versus someone you don’t. I don’t know if you realize it – or of you realized it with your wife – but when we speak to someone we DON’T like, our eyes break contact ever so often (even if it’s for a second). However, if we’re attracted, we tend to hold it.

                  As far as questions, if you WEREN’T interested, you may ask innocuous questions like birthplace, schooling, or profession choice.

                  But if you were interested, especially if you trying to get to know them/potentially date them, you’d ask more intimate questions like if they were single or what their hobbies were. Further, you’d ask me probing and open questions to obtain information – and not just maintain conversation.

                  For instance, “what was your biggest fear growing up in Harlem?” versus “what block in Harlem did you live on?” Or, was “teaching always your passion?” versus “do you like your job?”

                  Someone who is flirting will want to know more because they are trying to determine compatibility. Someone who doesn’t, won’t care and generally will ask surface and closed questions.

          • CheGueverraWitBlingOn

            I’m just gonna hight the text

            And we’ve neeeever know a lady to be super jealous about her knew paramour, right?

        • miss t-lee

          For real. Kats done got real brand new all of a sudden.

        • So standing next to you and putting my hand on the small of your back is inappropriate?

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            Ooooh I got hit with that when I was trying to help someone not get trampled on in a crowded bar.

            • Kas

              Rewind, just being the shining knight that you are. People don’t respect that now a days.

              • RewindingtonMaximus

                Well I lost someone I liked over being myself. And now I’m pretty sure I’m never changing up my flow for a woman ever again.

              • Blueberry01

                Kas, would you be okay if another man did that to your wife?

                • Kas

                  Why you all up in my relationship business? :)

                  • Blueberry01

                    Just doing my job, boss. You’ve trained me well in these e-streets.

                    …and you’re like my big brother in my head. :wink:

                    • Kas

                      I am fine with a man trying to keep my wife from getting trampled.

                    • Blueberry01

                      Understood…but not holding the small of her back while he’s chatting with her, right?

                      (That area be starting some thangs once it’s activated! )

                    • Kas

                      No, I would not be ok with that. :)

                    • Blueberry01

                      Yeah, right…

                    • Kas

                      Reread what I wrote.

                    • Blueberry01

                      *Redacted* I’m moving too fast in these e-streets.

                    • Blueberry01

                      Sorry, Big Homie Kas. I definitely didn’t read it correctly.

            • Blueberry01

              Re, would you be okay if another man did that to your girlfriend?

              • RewindingtonMaximus

                It wouldn’t bother me. Men will throw shots at a woman no matter what. I was with my wife for 8 years, and all of the 8 years, I just saw non-stop barrages of aggressive and passive-aggresive attempts of men hollering at her. Never once did I get mad. Because I trusted her. And I trusted her faith in our relationship that she’d never betray it for a MAYBE.

                So as a single man now, that rule still applies. If I’m with a woman, I’m going to have faith in her that what we are doing is more important to her than him shooting his shot. And honestly, I could get mad at the guy for disrespecting me, but watching a woman shoot a man down after he tries so hard is more rewarding than anything I’ll say to him.

                • Blueberry01

                  I respect your security and outlook on relationships.

                  • RewindingtonMaximus

                    Thank you kindly.

                • FromTokyo

                  I agree that this is how it’s supposed to work. I always say I should never have to tell a man what to do/what he should have done when a woman comes on to him, especially in front of me, nor should I have to say a single word to her, nor any gesture. That’s for HIM to do, because if I’m (always) having to be the one to do it, I’m going to resent the fact that he doesn’t. I’m generally not a jealous person, but the principle, the disrespect (if she knows he has a girlfriend or just doesn’t care) irks me greatly. I’m going to take his allowing such disrespect as weakness, and that is not a good look. He can expect me to shoot down men on my side too.

          • come on breh lol

            Unless we taking a pic it’s hands off – not you perse but in general

          • PhlyyPhree

            If I have a man or you have a girl and she’s watching me from across the room?
            Yea, lil bit.

            • okay but your skin is soft and you smell nice and I’m soft spoken so I gotta be close so you can hear me over the music.

              • PhlyyPhree

                Standing close doesnt mean you have to touch me. My hearing abilities don’t increase by 25% just because you put your hand on the small of my back.

                • i’m just being silly.

                  • PhlyyPhree

                    Oh I know. I’m just saying, later on that night when you’re trying to get this threesome poppin and I’m like no because ya girl been side eyeing me all day because YOU stepped out of line, know why.

                • Kas

                  Are you sure?

                  • PhlyyPhree

                    Positive.

          • Blueberry01

            Would you be okay if another man did that to your girlfriend?

        • Kas

          That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

        • troubleman

          Chatting, laughing, engaging= appropriate cookout behavior

          Chatting, laughing, engaging=flirting
          eye of the beholder…

        • IwanttobeaRizpah

          THANK YOU!!

      • NonyaB

        Are you just going by your name and trying to get a rise outta the people with this view, @disqus_F9puA4pyDf:disqus? ‘Cause adults generally know the difference between convo and flirting and others like her friend also noticed the flirting, so, nah.

      • Melissa

        We know he’s trifling, because he said…AND I QUOTE…”…I should’ve just pulled him away if I had such a problem.” Sooooo, he wanted her to get heated/make a scene when he was uhhhh-leg-edly doing nothing? In my experience, the type of guy who does this is either (a) passive-aggressively-ain’t-sh*&-ly trying to weasel his way out of the relationship or (b) a waste of time and space that likes to make himself feel important by having a woman going to pieces over him.

        P.s. If it wasn’t for Team VSB, I might still be dating Diva Dudes. Love you, mean it.

    • Mika

      This head and Chinese food reference tho? #accurate lmao

      • Twas my life for years lmfao

    • LMNOP

      He didn’t want to go, she “practically dragged him” to the cookout, so he acted out at the cookout probably as revenge.

      • “On summole, Bet she won’t ask me anymore…”

      • Mochasister

        That’s what I was thinking. Sometimes people pull that passive aggressive crap when they really don’t want to do something. Not that I would know about that.

    • ChokeOnThisTea

      If Agatha had a personality twin, I swear it’d be you, Pinks. Lmao!!!

      • Agatha Guilluame

        I feel the same way.

      • I could see that! lol

    • Agatha Guilluame

      Hey hun!

  • Ess Tee

    “*runs to the comments section to jump on the neck of anybody who got something slick to say* ”

    So, basically, you about to be Collin getting on anybody speaking ill of Jay Z? *goes back to actually finishing the piece*

  • [Insert Creative Name Here]

    The real question is: would squatting be defined as sitting or standing, neither, or both?

    • miss t-lee

      Squatting is…squatting.

      • [Insert Creative Name Here]

        Agreed. Seems like Pablo should’ve included that option in his question. IJS

        • miss t-lee

          Indeed…lol

  • KingsCounty

    Nothing like finally going out in public and finding out your boo is a serial flirter. Now you start to realize all that flirting for you ain’t really for you at all and they do that for everybody.
    whenever I get dragged to an event I don’t want to go to, I plant myself at the bar for the night and if she needs to see what I’m up to she knows where I’m at. She knows I’m a flirt, and I know she knows so I don’t play myself.
    And Twitter, everybody on Twitter she just hasn’t found her Twitter community yet.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      Aint nothing special about basic treatment until your named is essentially the most important words that person utters.

      If you can’t get that to happen, you aint who you think you are.

      People gonna learn this one day.

    • Question

      Homegirl knew her boo was…that’s how she got all wrapped up. She just thought it would stop and end there.

  • ~*V. von Schweetz*~

    Who stands up to wipe? People actually do that? In real people life?

    • AnswerMe

      That’s what I was wondering. An elevated squat, perhaps. But if you stand up, aren’t you smushing all the shushness in the cracK? Shrug.

      • Gbadebo

        “smushing all the shushness”…..you just had to take it there?

        • AnswerMe

          Smuchness > Smushiness. Haha but I’m exhausted and debated for half a millisecond on choosing better wording, but yeah…exhausted.

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        And then you gotta dig deeper…ugh

      • Gibbous

        LAWD!!!

      • Do y’all not carry wet wipes on your person?

        • Gbadebo

          If you don’t wet wipe…you just aren’t doing it right

        • AnswerMe

          No, I don’t have them all the time.

          • Listen, get yourself some wet wipes in the little travel packs. I’m always fresh because of those.

        • CheGueverraWitBlingOn

          Ma’am!

    • Question

      That and the debates about whether one showers after defecatin’. Like are we really discussing these things?

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      heathens. and crackheads. But crackheads lean, so they got it half right.

    • troubleman

      I theorize that in general: women sit and men stand. And yes, baby wipes are a must!

  • Sigma_Since 93

    I’m glad to see Hott Todd allowed you to come up for air!

    Now back to reading the post

    • childish

    • Lea Thrace

      *scream laughs*

      *then steps out of the way for the nuke Agie is about to send your way*

      • Sigma_Since 93

        I ain’t scurred. What does she expect; she had to know it was coming. She just walks in and out of our lives with no warning after getting us hooked on her witty posts.

        • Lea Thrace

          so she’s a Kappa is what you’re saying?

          • Sigma_Since 93

            *snickers at the Kappa shade*

            If she can shimmy then yes.

            • Quirlygirly

              Hey Sigma *waves!

              • Sigma_Since 93

                What’s up Gurl! *Gives big bear hug*

                Did you goto AGP?

                • Quirlygirly

                  Noap! I remained right in NY cause broke

          • Truly the worst men walking the face of this planet.

          • Quirlygirly

            Who does appreciate a little Kappa shade *looks around the room

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            It only took 20 minutes for the Kappa shade to come

            • Lea Thrace

              20 minutes too long I say.

              • RewindingtonMaximus

                I feel like there should be an app for this

    • I be so lost.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      The whips and chains have to be cleaned at some point Sigma, that’s the only reason she’s here

    • ROTFLMAO

    • Agatha Guilluame
  • L8Comer

    ??????????? back up to read

  • Kat

    My hitta, my hitta, my hitta….is back! Just had to let that release out cause a sista been missing you. But I gotta ask is you here or is you just here?

    1. His petty way to high, you need to cut’em! If you a grown person over the age of 25 and being this petty at a cookout…you need to start back over again. Everyone know that you got to pretend every thang is cool in public. It’s the FB way of doing business that has morphed into every day life. We all know ya’ll ain’t sexing or talking on the regular but in public it’s all good!

    2. You worried about 140 characters and a jpg on twitter? Get a life. Jane has one. A comfortable shoe, non shaving one. I envy Jane a little cause good shoes is hard to find for the flat foot crew. I’m claiming it.

    3. So this what we doing now? Sitting around discussing how to wipe after pooping… Yea ya’ll is way to comfortable. Get some new friends. There need to be boundaries in life. This is one.

  • IsitFridayyet?

    Welcome Back! *Throws confetti*

    For the Twitter question, she’s feeling alienated because she is trying to keep up with people who don’t match her personality. She needs to find out what she likes and follows people that have similar interests. For example, I like to read (romance in particular) and tend to follow people/authors who like the same. Once I started following the things I liked, I stopped being annoyed with Twitter.

  • Leggy

    1. I would leave. I don’t play that fuck. I do not want a man who cannot behave himself in public, who I always have to be side eyeing, who I cannot trust to to be out in public. Also you flirted with a girl who you know I don’t fuck with? That’s disloyal. Nope.

    2. People front because they know what self care is without having to ask what self care is on a blog? Alright.

    3. I do not discuss body fluids because I’m a lady.

    • Quirlygirly

      Girl you know these dudes ain’t loyal..Tuh!

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      Aint nothing to be loyal about. She said they together. She never said he said the same thing.

      • Leggy

        How do you know he never said the same thing? I’m going by what she said considering we never heard from the man. How do you know that they both didn’t have the talk and aren’t officially together?

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          I’m reaching but so is her description of their relationship.

          Cause it doesn’t sound important to him from what I read.

    • Tyrell Holmes

      how was he supposed to know that you didn’t eff with her…and since yall are beefing, she prolly flirted with him out of spite and made it look like he was the guilty one…I’ve been in the situation before…so homeboy was prolly the innocent bystander in the ongoing feud between you and the other chick

      • Gbadebo

        This….is real life.
        Ladies will beef and not tell you until you’ve crossed into enemy lines. How am I supposed to know she looked at you wrong that one day ten years ago?!?

        • Tyrell Holmes

          exactly

          • Gbadebo

            AND we’re at your peoples cookout??? I thought it was all love!?!

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              How are we supposed to know we just walked into a scene off Game of Thrones?

              • Tyrell Holmes

                haha

              • Gbadebo

                You just hugged that woman?!? Right in front of my face!?!

                • Tyrell Holmes

                  and u KNOW I cant stand her

                • RewindingtonMaximus

                  And she’ll talk about that woman like she was literally Cersci Lannister when in reality that chick is like a random drunk from a bar that said her shoes look funny.

                  F.O.H.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          Word….like your life is messy ma, don’t ask me to come in with a broom and know where all the crap is

          • Cheech

            Just made me laugh out loud at the bar.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              Don’t spill your drink!

        • AnswerMe

          I chuckled because truth. I’m not that type, I just observe it.

        • miss t-lee

          *cackling*

          • Gbadebo

            ….because you KNOW

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        Exactly. I love how instantly this dude was a psychic and knew EXACTLY how to ruin this chick’s day.

        The way that scene was set up, he seemed annoyed, and she probably made it worse before they got to the party, so he was like “fuck you, fuck you, and for good luck, fuck you again” and just went HAM. There was no way he was going to know any of those women, besides her friend, had any affliation with her.

        • Gbadebo

          Ha, sometimes I wish I was this petty….the joy it would bring me….one day

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            I know I am.

            This is why I don’t like fighting before going out. I will embarass whoever just because my petty won’t let me be an adult.

            • Tyrell Holmes

              exactly…all I wanted to do was watch the game but nooooooo you wanna bring me to this bougie a$$ dinner with these white folk….BET

              • RewindingtonMaximus

                lmao and we will show out…no coming back from that

      • Leggy

        he didn’t have to be anywhere near her. She flirts, you move. Men have working legs too. I’m pretty sure she gave him the low down of the people who were going to be at this event. He knew!

        • Gbadebo

          now you’re just making all sorts of logical assumptions….there is no telling whether Ms. Buki gave anybody the lowdown on anything. AND the time to give the lowdown is at the party when he can put a face to a name…that didn’t happen

          • Leggy

            There’s also no telling that she’s the one who started flirting with him yet here we are.

      • CheGueverraWitBlingOn

        I’ve also been in this situation. This presumption that dude knows the ins-and-outs of his ladies beef with attendees or her insecurities about other women talking to him is way off.

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