Ask Agatha: “I’m Losing My Best Friend To Her Boyfriend. What Should I Do?” » VSB

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Ask Agatha: “I’m Losing My Best Friend To Her Boyfriend. What Should I Do?”

The CW screenshot

 

Jaye from San Francisco, CA asks:

My best friend, my ace boon coon, the Nettie to my Celie lives about two hours away from me. She is a hardworking educator so I rarely get to see her (about once a month, if that, which is a long time in best friend years). Anyhow when she comes to see me, I like to treat my friend. She pours her heart into her job but because she’s a public teacher she doesn’t get to see the fruits of her labor. She’s also the breadwinner in her relationship and has supported her man through his many, MANY, MANY, many, MANY, MANY, jobs. With that being said, I value her hard work so I like to do nice things for her not only because I know she appreciates it but also because I like to do fancy shit that she wouldn’t otherwise pay for on her dime. Recently she revealed to me that her boyfriend does not appreciate “my tricking” in his words. She told me he asks, “Why am I always doing nice things for her and why I never invite him out for our excursions?” To make matters worse, the last time she was packing to come see me and put a low cut dress in her bag he said to her, “Why don’t you ever wear things like that for me?” Instead of responding like a sensible human being, she says, “Because you never take me anywhere where I can wear it!” Ouch right? Well it seems that lately she hasn’t been coming as often to satisfy his insecurities. I feel like I’m losing my friend so I want to rectify the situation. At the same time, I’m selfish and really don’t want to invite him out. I mean girl’s time is girl’s time right? Or not? What should I do Agatha?

Hey Jaye.

I haven’t decided if I’m going to answer this question yet. I’m sure getting an answer is important to you but I don’t know if giving you an answer is important to me. Yet.

But lets talk anyway.

I feel like I can talk to you. I feel like maybe you’d understand.

You see, when I first got your question, several weeks ago, I was embroiled in my own tricky sista girl, girl friendship, my God we’re not fucking but you’ve got my blood boiling situation.

Jaye, do you remember your first best friend? And how being around her made your heart feel all soft and melty? And how you’d sit next to her, knees touching, temples kissing and you’d willingly share your favorite snacks and your darkest secrets? And while listening you found yourself wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her against your meager chest, offering the only comfort you could because this was the kind of secret you kept for good. Do you remember that time she came home with you after school because you wanted her to see your new doll and you told her she could stay for dinner, only to have your mom yell “I wonder what she’s going to eat. You know we have any flicking food for the neighbors chirren, eh?” And you found yourself answering back because you hadn’t quite learned that mothers’ questions are mostly always rhetorical. And so you got your ass beat, in front of your very best friend and you felt deeply embarrassed because now she knew you were powerless too.

And that friendship doesn’t last. It can’t.

Or at least it hasn’t ever for me.

My best friendships always burn fast and hot.

You see, when a girl meets another girl and there’s chemistry…

It’s that moment from childhood all over again—with your heart feeling all soft and melty. And you want to be a champion for the person that seems so like yourself and not just because you both hate watch the same shows and love the same kind of music but because all those shared confidences, all that raw emotion has you looking at someone and knowing that yeah they’re them but they’re also you. That corny and powerful “I see you.”

And girl friendships even the lightweight we just have lunch together because we work on the same floor friendships demand so much.

Women demand that you strip naked.

And even then they insist that you peel off your skin and open your chest wall so they can inspect your heart.

And then when you think they’re done, they ask you to strip even that, to peel it all away until they get to your very soul.

And then the lights in the club come on and you’re standing there, sweaty and punch drunk and exposed. Or at least that’s how it feels sometimes.

Girl friendships are unequivocating, they insist, they demand, they want every piece of you, naked and vulnerable. In fact, it’s this unwillingness to give into the sista girl’s tribes’ insistence on this kind of rawness that’s the basis of half of all female beefs (the other half of all female beefs is beef, a-duh). Every time one group of girls hates another girl, it’s because they’ve looked at her and seen right through her façade and so they despise her continued pretense.

“She thinks she’s so hot.”

“She thinks she’s fooling Twitter with all her ‘I’m living my best life’ tweets while she vacations alone.”

“She keeps flooding the timeline with couple pics, meanwhile he posts the same pics with her cropped out. She’s so stupid.”

“She keeps dropping the descriptor sapiosexual into conversation like she doesn’t have a regula degula BA like the rest of us.”

You see we’re hardest on ourselves—and our friends, because they’re you and you’re them.

But the easiest thing, the easiest thing to do in any best girl friendship is to see past that failing, that shameful thing, that embarrassment, that lie she’s telling the world and you, to the woman, in a way no man ever will. Or could. And to forgive them for it. To love them for it. To offer what comfort you could, even if you’re no hero yourself.

At least, that’s how I’d feel about my ace boon coon, the Nettie to my Celie, whose life is so transparent to me that I know about her every failing, and her man’s every failing, that I know even their pillow talk about me.

But you see my best friendships always burn fast and hot because familiarity, breeding contempt is more than just an old adage. It’s something best girl friends that spend so much time naked and exposed must guard against.

Jaye that’s what you must guard against—the contempt creeping into your casually flung statements about your friend and her life.

So be easy on your friend.

Your ace boon coon.

Whether or not you should invite that nigga out though? Jaye, who would know that answer better than you?

 

Filed Under: , ,
Agatha Guilluame

Agatha is a figment of the collective VSB imagination.

  • LadyJay?

    Do NOT invite him!
    That’s your best friend. Ya’ll need time TOGETHER alone. My best friend has a boyfriend now, and guess what the nucca knows better than to interfere when her and I are together/bonding. They have their time together and I NEVER interfere. They need their space, as I need my space with her.

    She supports this nucca through all his never ending economic downturns, and he never does anything nice for her and he got the NERVE to ask about her low cut number. Phakk outta her.

    Jaye, tell your bestie she deserves better and is worth more than this nucca and his insecurities is offering her!

    Do NOT invite him. The Phakk.

    • Adrienne Johnson

      Right. He should be happy she has friends outside of him, but instead complains. He needs a life.

  • Other_guy13

    So….three things for the friend who lost her friend….
    1. Find yourself a relationship of your own (or did I miss that she already has one)
    2. Here is my favorite option….admit you slick in love wit the homie and shoot your shot (too much….whatever I’m getting lit tonight) Seriously dude prob feel like you take better care of her than he does. SO either find someone of your own or…take her off his hands….
    3. Or you could just stay out of it and live your life….just saying.

    • LadyJay?

      Or nucca can just like chill.and let the girls be.

      • Other_guy13

        I mean…we talking about what she can do….he is irrelevant in this situation. I don’t see ny best friends near as much but we also don’t mind letting sig others tag along. There’s a front porch test for a reason. If he don’t pass that let it phase out and be there for her. She being too selfish to me. The homie will see the error of her ways….chill

        • LadyJay?

          A man’s interactions with his best friend(s) is VERY different than a woman’s.

          • Other_guy13

            Interesting….tell me more

        • Jennifer

          The thing is ol’ girl is not asking for him to come around either. He could also invite bestie to come hang out with him and his girlfriend. If it’s that important, there’s nothing stopping him from initiating contact with her.

          • Other_guy13

            True but it sounds like she wants her to herself…so there is that. Dude and his feelings mean nothing. I think she don’t approve of him and that’s the issue. Like either she could treat her better or she thinks her friend is settling. If she had her own she would be less worried.

            • Jennifer

              “If she had her own she would be less worried.”

              Maybe, maybe not. Getting D is not always the solution.

              I’ve had situations where my friends and I have mildly tolerated our not-so-great significant others. You do it because that’s your friend, but it doesn’t mean you actually wanna spend time with that fool. That has nothing to do with being in or out of a relationship. She probably just doesn’t like that dude.

              Again, it doesn’t look like ABC has actually brought her boyfriend around her bestie. Why not?

              • Other_guy13

                But she bringing up stuff that don’t concern her…his jobs..what that got to do with them spending time? I think she would be less involved if she had a distraction. Oh well

                • Jennifer

                  Agreed. It doesn’t concern her, but it concerns her best friend, so she’s concerned.

                  Every month, she comes to visit and brings her freakum dress. They go to the club, have a drink, and ABC details the “many, MANY, MANY, many, MANY, MANY” jobs, trials, and tribulations of this young man’s life.

                  Frankly, I wish Jaye would ask friend to put a moratorium on discussing her relationship. If I only had limited time with my bestie, that’s not how I would want to be spending it. She can talk about his issues with him when she gets home.

                  • Other_guy13

                    “Frankly, I wish Jaye would ask friend to put a moratorium on discussing her relationship” this should be a thing

                    • Jennifer

                      I recently gave one girlfriend a time limit. “You’ve been talking about him for 10 minutes, is there anything else happening in your life?” Wouldn’t you know it? There were other things to discuss.

                    • Other_guy13

                      works every time

              • Brooklyn_Bruin

                Fellas, if your girl’s girls don’t like you, take note, the weave don’t fall far from the Korean lady

    • Guy hatin on lady bromances. Why am I not surprised?

      • Other_guy13

        I’m actually encouraging it…he tryna break them up…I want to join…wait…nevermind. Lord not done with me

      • MsSula

        You, young grasshopper, are very enlightened. I see brightness and flower crowns in your future. :)

    • MsSula

      I knew all the men would interpret this as a love relationship. I am actually saddened to know that men don’t reach that level of sistahood friendship. Y’all are missing out on a very key and awesome life experience.

      The friendship is definitely not the problem. Like Agatha says, sometimes you just have to look past your friend’s shortcomings and love them beyond it. This is such a case. Love her beyond her poor taste in men (or her lack of cojones to leave a situation that does not suit her anymore).

      • Other_guy13

        I have a bro….but I will never feel jealous of his kid and GF. I also don’t give him lavish gifts….for why? I mean…it may be something I don’t understand esp since my mom does it….it’s just not a guy thing.

        • MsSula

          She is not jealous though. He is jealous of their time together. So I don’t understand your question.

          • Other_guy13

            She is jealous she doesn’t get her time too….we wont agree on this. I wave my flag

  • HouseOfBonnets

    Listen to Agatha, and tell shorty to find his own friends…..also groupon has great event deals shorty needs to get creative.

    • Other_guy13

      Groupon is life

      • Epsilonicus

        Supposedly, many VSSs hate if a man uses Groupon on a date. That may have changed since the population has changed though

        • Other_guy13

          What they like or hate means nothing to me….if you want me to pay my bills on time…have good credit…pay rent and have money to not ask you for money…IM GONE GROUPON THE HECK OUT OF DATES. Esp if you want me to take you out all the time cuz its only so many hikes and long walks we gone take before you start complaining about sweating out your hair. #dealwithit

          • MsSula

            Thank you!!!! Groupon and all its younger brothers (Amazon deals, LivingSocial) are LIFE!

        • HouseOfBonnets

          Where are they so I can defend? because I’m not one.

          HOB is a firm believer on balling on a budget.

          • Other_guy13

            In another life HOB…in another life. You just spoke to mu heart with “balling on a budget” The GF and I love Groupon and as long as you having a good time with someone you love…it don’t matter. Out first two dates I may have spent $100 (maybe)….it don’t take all that to see if you like someone.

            • HouseOfBonnets

              It really doesn’t yet twitter argues over 200 dollar dates on a semi weekly basis and I’m like why?

              • Other_guy13

                I couldn’t do it….being that I buy all sporting tickets from stubhub…Club Level at games for $1 (plug) and get discounts from work on movie tickets and other random stuff…I wish a woman would ask for $200 date. That’s when I start expecting chex…mind blowing too. I gotta come out the pocket $200 on a date for you and you working Customer Service at Ikea….nah homie…sorry that just ramped me up.

                • Kas

                  $200 just because it’s Tuesday, is definitely a red flag.

                  • Other_guy13

                    Right

                • HouseOfBonnets

                  1. Customer Service at Ikea….Dead.

                  2. Can i get in on this plug or nah?

                  3. This whole response…..accurate.

                  • Other_guy13

                    Meet me in the A…only at the baseball event….they garbage sooo there’s that

                • Mika

                  Yea, and Im not giving it up on the first date cause you spent $200. yo where are these chicks that want you to spend $200 on a date? Do you live in ridiculous place like Atlanta or Miami? I want to meet them just to hear the unreasonable thought process behind this. Do you know how much groceries that can buy? Tuh, I will take a cooked meal and leftovers for lunch……..

                  • Other_guy13

                    Atlanta…and the struggle is real here. I would seriously loose my S H I T if someone came at me like that. Like folks round here riding BMW’s and can’t afford new tires riding bald and you wanna check for him before a man with a paid off car who don’t flex to impress….got the game all wrong. Good luck with THAT lol!

            • Kas

              $100, you must be rich.

              • Other_guy13

                Maybe…that’s a walk in then park…taco mac drinks and a movie…so like $75 ish

        • HouseOfBonnets

          Plus they ain’t gotta see the receipt….

          • Epsilonicus

            I aint mad. I used Groupon on my anniversary trip and did a whole bunch of stuff for the cheap.

            • Other_guy13

              You reached MVP status too didn’t you.

              • Epsilonicus

                Bruh, snorkeling sealed the deal.

                • Other_guy13

                  Aint mad at cha

            • Sigma_Since 93

              But unlike Trump, you provided your tax returns. Mrs, Eps knows she better roll with what you working with! lol

        • TeeChantel

          Nothing wrong with Groupon or Living Social. Some good deals out there.

        • Brooklyn_Bruin

          First few dates, no cheap. After that it’s Netflix and Popeyes.

        • Jennifer

          Who’s said? I got a spa trip/date from a resourceful gentleman’s Groupon purchase. I appreciated the thought he put into it, and my back appreciated that discount massage.

          • Epsilonicus

            Comment right above you said it lol

        • LadyJay?

          Let me get to know you first before you pull out the Groupon card.
          We can go the park, and drink water.

        • Mika

          who disagrees? they often have great deals and date ideas many dudes just cant come up with on their own…….but I will scoot my practical @ss over here…………..

        • Lol, my wife is the one who put me on Groupon. She loves it when I find a good pedi or massage and e-mail her the Groupon confirmation.

        • mssporadic

          I don’t prefer Groupon’s on a first date, but after that I don’t care.

          • Epsilonicus

            Whats the difference between a 1st date or a 2nd date?

            • mssporadic

              Quick answer: I’ve already made a first impression of him.

              At my age, I’m not extracting dudes from the friendzone, so I’m on a 1st date with a stranger. My assumption is going to be that he can’t afford this place, and therefore, he’s balling above his income. I just want him to take to a place he can afford. This really depends on if he told upfront about the Groupon.

              On a 2nd date (or any subsequent dates), if he says “I got a Groupon to X, wanna go there?”, my response is going to depend on whether I want to go to X. The assumption is null at that point.

    • Living social is BAE

  • So, I was in a similar situation.

    Let your friend be with her “man” until she wises up and chunk ???. Once she sees that you’ve started to fall back. She’ll start to question real life. Like are we really happy, do I see myself being with him forever and I’m too dayum cute to be putting up with this. She’ll start to come around more, talking about it more and you just sit & listen. AND let her make the decision for herself.

    Then y’all can really big kick it when the break up hsppens. Cause she’s gonna need the sun on her back & sand between her toes to live her best life

    • Other_guy13

      This is why I rock wit you….let them be great/mediocre….things will run it’s course…TRUST the process.

      • I’m
        In
        VSB
        JAIL

        • Other_guy13

          For why?

      • L8Comer

        That’s what I always tell my bestie. She asks my opinion, I give it knowing she’ll do whatever she wants anyway (I would do the same), she’s all tormented when my thoughts conflict with her feelings, so I tell her “just let it run its course” that’s why she’s gonna do anyway. Lol. It’s all part of the process

        • Other_guy13

          I don’t get involved with matters of the heart

          • LadyJay?

            Great strategy. Neither do I. If you ask for my opinion, I’m giving it unfiltered.

            • Blueberry01

              What I do now is, “do you want me to listen or do you want my response?”

    • cakes_and_pies

      That’s what I did when a good friend married someone I told her wouldn’t work. I fell back and just prepared myself to pick up the pieces, which i did, after he ran her out of her own house.

      • Kas

        Ouch

      • Yikes

      • Jo ‘Mama’ Besser

        Been there, but we were 18. Disaster.

      • Blueberry01

        No ma’am…

        • cakes_and_pies

          I left her alone to make other bad decisions on her own because she thinks she’s always right and rubs people the wrong way. I’m just here so I don’t get fined.

          • Blueberry01

            C&P, I completely understand! Toxic friendships will never be the move.

            Shout out to Marshawn…

    • That’s been my philosophy. I’ve even let this come into play when my spidey senses have tingled about a dude’s trashness while in his presence. All I said to my friend is “I don’t get a good feeling about this one.” and leave it at that. Sooner or later they learn to trust it, but you gotta let grown people grown.

  • Buster Cannon

    So from what I’m reading, the dude sounds really needy/clingy. Why does he feel threatened that her best friend is doing stuff for her? Why does he want to willingly be subjected to a “girls outing”? Sounds like he doesn’t have much happening on his own end…

    • TeeChantel

      Thank you.

    • HouseOfBonnets

      Those always seem to be the ones with this trait……

      • Blueberry01

        Kid Fury is such a cutie…

    • Brooklyn_Bruin

      See as a man of the world when I see
      – a chick pack a freak um dress,
      – that she don’t wear for me,
      – to travel to hang out with her ace boon potna
      – in a different zip code

      I can do the math.

      She might not be trying to cheat, but what happens in Baltimore stays in Baltimore. Believe me, I’ve connected with plenty of young ladies that way. Man at home, she off having fun. So when the J was finally on the other foot, I recognized it for what it was.

      Gonna be plenty of hit dogs hollering, but grown folks know what I’m talking about.

      The fact that ol boy has never met this “friend” but gifts keep flowing…

      We got some economic seduction going on, as well add some head work. And if one were inclined to look for same gender loving, one could make a circumstantial case for it.

      Agatha’s take is less conspiratorial than mine own.

      • HouseOfBonnets

        Wait they never met? *pops back up for re read*

        I don’t see where they never met.

      • miss t-lee

        Hmm!

      • Ain’t none a lie here! Heck, I’ve done my share of DeAndre Jordan moves to a woman’s Chris Paul moves regarding her friend.

      • I’ll allow it!

      • Epsilonicus

        Giving folks something to think about

      • …What? Some of us just love our friends and want to see them. How did we get HERE?

      • NomadaNare

        I feel it

        But at the same time if you laying the pipe (or on the flip side if youre putting it down) wouldnt be nothing to be insecure about

        A person of the world knows when they have their significant other on lock and when they dont for whatever reason

        If he dont have her it will really only be a matter of time before someone else does and it was never really about the dress or change in zip codes but the lack of compatibility in the relationship

        • Brooklyn_Bruin

          It’d be nice if that was true.

          1) good D won’t keep a chick around, or keep her in check

          2) a chick will try her hardest to make a bad situation work.

          Self preservation is not what people think it is

          • LadyJay?

            You right, good D is not a gurantee. It’s just that, good D

          • NomadaNare

            1 It wont (question mark)

            2 Ummm OK

            • Brooklyn_Bruin

              You can make a chick climb walls better than a radioactive spider – but most of them have a Dexter St Jacques in the contact list. A pretty lady has no problem compartmentalizing. That’s why you can bang her out, switch religions, and she still gonna get aggy about socks on the floor.

              It’s men who often have issues separating what happened on the dance floor and what’s not happening in the parking lot.

              I’d Better quit my yapping before my password to the playhouse gets revoked

              • NomadaNare

                (Other response is pending O_o)
                What use does Dex have when you already changing her world

                If Dex is still in her contact list youre not making her climb walls

                Sounds like a lack of awareness

                I am with you on the compartmentalization but if shes compartmentalized you then youve already lost and if youre looking for something more than guts Id say look elsewhere

                Im not saying Im Sway but Ive been on every side of this situation more than once and its not just a boot knocking thing either

                • Brooklyn_Bruin

                  If her motivation was between her legs, she’d lock down Dexter.

                  But to be her “man”, he needs to be more than a bedroom bully.

                  • NomadaNare

                    Agreed

                    So I am wondering what your argument is

                    • Brooklyn_Bruin

                      That people are complicated. And what they say they want is different than what they need, and both are different than what they can get.

                      If this was just a barbershop/beauty salon, all that corner logic holds.

                      But when you actually look at the real world rarely does it match the fantasy.

                    • NomadaNare

                      Of course but no where is any of that made clear in your argument

                      What was made clear was a lack of awareness and (barely) latent misogyny

                      Whatevs

      • charisma_supreme

        Thanks for the perspective. I better understand his defensiveness now. Bc at first, i was confused as to how he could possibly be threatened or offended by his gal having a supportive friend whose love language is gifts

      • LadyJay?

        So you saying they lesbians and not best friends but carrying on such?

        • Brooklyn_Bruin

          I’m not saying that, although jaye is in San Francisco. But part of what Agatha’s piece touches on the depth of best friends relationship.

          And my quick read is that sometimes that love can overstep, even when it means well. Arguably with all the tricking, her man is saying this chick is treating you…And like a slime ball he’s got his own hand out.

      • Leggy

        This is ridiculous. Some people are just good friends. Some people love their tribes hard. I’m so confused by the response to this letter, this is so common place with my friends and I.

        • Brooklyn_Bruin

          Interfering with your best friends relationship?

          Do tell.

          • Leggy

            Where did she interfere with her best friend’s relationship? Where? Please point it out for me.

            • Brooklyn_Bruin

              If the boyfriend got all this verbiage…

              • Leggy

                so she hasn’t actually interfered or said anything about said boyfriend apart from write into an ask column that she reads on the Internet? Got it.

              • LadyJay?

                I don’t see where she wrote in and said she confronted besties boyfriend. Now, that is interference (sp?!)

      • Brad G

        BREH!!! These were my exact sentiments when she mentioned that she started wearing less and going out more… and he ain’t have the funds for the more. Whoooo shiii… My mans is definitely dealing with some insecurities, but they aren’t baseless.

    • I hate when my friend feels like she gotta bring her man to EVERY thing we do…like whoa…relax…doesn’t he have any friends of his own? Why is he pushing himself on to OUR time? SMH

      • Jo ‘Mama’ Besser

        The worst.

      • Everything is fair. Never is a different story.

        • Why do I have to invite my friend’s man ever? HE is not my friend. I have NO interest in spending time with him. If my best friend’s current (3 years in) were to up and disappear I would be unaffected…outside of the affect it would have on her. Men need to chill out…your time with your girl is YOURS. My time with my friend is MINE.

          • As a dude, I know that at minimum, I can’t actively tick off the woman’s friends. I would want that one chance to get validated, then move on. If that didn’t happen, I’m wondering where are we. It’s the dude version of a chick never seeing a dude while the sun is out.

            • That’s when my FRIEND would invite me out with her and her man. I’ve NEVER invited a friend’s man out with us. If she wanted him to come SHE would invite him (although that is annoying as fcuk) However, normally when you reach a stage in your relationship where you want your man to meet ppl…YOU invite him…they don’t.

          • MsSula

            That’s strange though. Because I consider my friends’ S.O as family. If my friend is my fam, my tribe, her SO by default becomes part of that. That’s how I ride. Maybe because I like inclusive groups. But we sure do have our time alone, but we won’t be against having some group hangouts as well.

            • LadyJay?

              I don’t consider friend’s SO as family. Nope. You pass the test when you put a ring on it. Otherwise you are just passing thru.

            • mmmm when she get’s married he can become family…

              • MsSula

                I mean SO in long term relationships of course.

                If my best friend decides to entrust her life to her SO, that person is now part of my inner circle whether I like it or not. Unless I want to shun my friend.

                I am thinking of my sister’s husbands, they are like little brothers to me. Their family becomes my family too. My bestie is not married, but that’s exactly how I picture me being with her SO when she does.

                • LadyJay?

                  Ok. This I agree with.

            • Epsilonicus

              My wife’s friends invited nee yo join their camping trip. I’m excited. I cut her homegirl grass and helped lay tile when she was selling her house. I help send flowers when her bestie mom died. I helped get one of her besties a job. They consider me part of their tribe since I’m the husband of their bestie

              • DiamondIsMyRealName

                There are 4 of us in my circle and when one got married (the only one married) he automatically became “our husband” lol… if we’d go over to their house, he already knew he was pretty much doing stuff for all of us. Sounds weird now that I type that out, but hey… I’m on your side!

      • LadyJay?

        Oooooh girl, you look so breezy and pretty. That color is gorg on you!!

        • Thank you!!! ^_^ It is one of my fav colors!

      • I insist my wife have a girl’s night out once a week just so I can stay at home and brood/read/write/drink wine by myself.

        • I applaud you sir! I’ve always felt, entering into a relationship should not eliminate one’s individuality. I was fully formed person before we met, with a life, friends, hobbies, and interests independent of you. I can’t just abandon them…and you (general you) shouldn’t want me to. I would never want that for my man either. PLEASE keep up your friendships and outside interests.

          • You said a word. I’m a INTJ who doesn’t thrive on social contact; I have really only two close friends and we travel once a year to see each other. Other than that, I just want to work out, read, drink, grill, and write. By myself.

            My wife is introverted as well and has four close friends she must hang out with once a week to talk med school and play mother hen (she’s the only married one of the group and doles out relationship advice). So once a week they do margaritas. I do a bottle of malbec, my blog, deadlifts, and my neverending stack of books.

            • Buster Cannon

              As a fellow INTJ, nothing excites me more than people giving me some space and breathing room. That clingy stuff is for the birds lol

              • Agreed. Clingy emotional behaviors bother me.

                I used to walk into staff meetings and get in trouble all the time. People would ask me “How was your day?”

                I’d stare for two seconds. “That wasn’t on the agenda.”

                And then just sit down.

            • LOL so weird I am INTJ too! I CAN thrive on social contact…but there also needs to be an offset of private time. I have like 3 close friends…and really that’s all I need.

              • We do well with the few people we trust. We also have a very long, solitary recharge time. After a night out I feel tired for a week afterward.

                • WORD. My auntie (Extrovert extraordinaire) was staying with me for the past 2 and a half weeks…and I haven’t worked out the entire time…cause the drain of entertaining her…AND still trying to be real in other areas of my life just exhausted me. My trainer is like “where have you been?!” lol I’m like “I’m tired” …they don’t get it tho.

                • MsSula

                  That’s so my husband. And I am extrovert extraordinaire but who is very jealous of her alone and me time. Makes for a very…. interesting combo. Lol.

            • Blueberry01

              #INTJ UNITE!

          • NonyaB

            I’ve seriously never understood couples that are best friends and do everything together; how stifling! We expect us to share the same values but I don’t expect us to have all the same hobbies or for you to learn my hobbies, I expect some me time and time with my friends and vice versa for you.

    • Asiyah

      The fact that he doesn’t have much going on in his end and the fact that Jaye goes above and beyond for this woman makes me think this woman holds the power in these relationships.

  • 1.) Your friend is #Dickmatized — and you won’t easily be able to get through to her. She has to come out of that fog on her own

    2.) Your friend’s MAN is triflin’ and insecure…and that ain’t NONE of your problem

    3.) If it were me, I would still always invite her…even though she’s not gonna come right now…because #Dickmatized

    4.) Be there for her when she emerges from the fog

    5.) DON’T INVITE THAT #TriflinAssNegro a single solitary place… if he wanna go a place some time he can get his own friends to take him.

    • LadyJay?

      #5!!!!!!!! Urrrgh.

  • Dude is obviously insecure and they need to work on their relationship. But why do women feel like its okay to share personal relationship details like that? I already know when they finally meet ol boy is going to get a side eye from her.

    • HouseOfBonnets

      Blame the need to vent and frustration, currently going through it with a friend now.

      • The relationship is obviously not going well, why not try to work on it? From what I read the friend is not providing solutions and off the rip has a bad feeling about the guy without knowing him other than what her friend told her, I saw someone else say this and I agree homie needs some damn hobbies and to work on his relationship because I don’t see it lasting with him being insecure about that

    • TheCollinB

      Women share details like that because they are messy and secretly hate their men. When they really are vibin with you they wanna be around all the time. When they hate you they kick it with their girls more and talk about us like wild dogs. It’s at these times you gotta s e x them to the point you basically break the dopamine gland in their head so that they are overwhelmed by the great s e x and wanna love you again.

      • Kas

        I may or may not agree with you. I will take a Fifth of No Comment.

        • TheCollinB

          i offer transparency of nothing else.

      • Man gtfoh

        • TheCollinB

          #wheresthelie

          • Deeds

            The whole statement

            • TheCollinB

              You’re not being honest. The statement may sound absurd but the truth is when the vibe is right Ina relationship men and women usually for-go the “I’m gonna hang with the guys/girls” and enjoy each other’s company. When the vibe is off they kick it with the homies a lot more. If a man desires to have his woman in his company more (and they’ve been together a while) he really just needs to be intimate with her the way SHE really enjoys and do it as frequently as he possibly can. If he doesn’t then he’s going to have a harder time getting her to want to be back around him.

              • Or you could, I dunno find something else to do with your free time. If she’s into you, she’ll come back. If not, you’ll break up and both move on.

              • MsSula

                No. That statement does not take into consideration the fact that people have different personalities. So yup, it’s a No for me.

              • HoneyRose

                No, because having other friends/hobbies/interests is part of a healthy life and relationship. I’m not going to stop hanging out with my friends just because you chex me up real good.

          • I kick it with my friends the same amount with or without a man.

            Chex ain’t everything…

            • TheCollinB

              Not saying it is. I’m just saying if a guy wants his girl to want to kick it with him more than she does with her girl/s then pleasing her the way she enjoys most is a sure fire way.

              • In my experience – if I’m kickin it more than normal mentally I’m already gone. Too little too late especially if I voiced my concerns.
                I’m just prepping for the break up

      • LOL. Sure, Jan pic needed in aisle four!

      • If she starts wearing less and going out more, secks is not what he needs to focus on. But I’m sleep.

        • This

        • Kas

          Do wood nymphs sleep?

        • TheCollinB

          Guys aren’t built to be able to handle building a relationship back up emotionally first. We can fuck, do nice things and be more available. But we can’t make a woman come back by trying to build a relationship back up through emotional bonding, we just can’t.

          • Kas

            This is where we part ways. I disagree, but plan on enjoying the rest of this thread.

            • TheCollinB

              Kas you probably have the years necessary to do this but most of the under 35 crowd doesn’t. I may be wrong but it doesn’t feel like it.

              • Kas

                My honest opinion. It’s not that we can’t it’s that we won’t. We would rather have the relationship end without giving it our all, than risk being rejected after opening ourselves up emotionally. I would rather leave it all out there, and know that I did my best even if it doesn’t work out. Been down this path, and it hurts, but I’m not haunted by what if I had done something differently.

            • Mika

              *sits down with snacks*. This is about to get interesting.

    • Brooklyn_Bruin

      Lol at trying to get them to stop doing that. That’s how they was raised. She might not keep it 100, but she do 98 a whole lot

  • miss t-lee

    This whole situation seems slightly bizarre to me. Is this a best friend, or a “best friend”?

    My best friend also lives 2 hours away, we see each other a few times a year. We’ve been friends like 28 years now, maybe i’m slacking, but I ain’t never broke bread like that on my bestie. Maybe because she’s the type that she really wouldn’t let me anyway. Like, we’re the kind of folks who will fight each other to pay a lunch check.
    As far as her dude being jealous of the friendship, I can’t call that either. I mean, it’s kinda tacky to throw in his face that “he can’t take you nowhere”.But, hey…you kinda knew the financial sitch I’m sure before you hitched your horse to that wagon.
    Anyways…sounds like chick is jealous of their situation too. Maybe branch out and find some other folks to kick it with, or even a dude of her own? I can’t see this getting any better.

    • Adrienne Johnson

      Cosign!!! My best friend and I talk a few times a year, but I don’t feel like I’m losing her because…well, best friend. Like as a woman, that’s one type of relationship that you should be able to count on outside of blood relatives (some of them), regardless of their mate, jobs, life situations, etc… The fact that she feels like “she losing her best friend to a man” makes me think that this person is merely ‘a friend’ that has a much stronger attachment to this other woman than she can admit out loud or is confused on how true adult bestie relationships work.

      But I could be wrong.

      • miss t-lee

        Thank you.
        This is totally what I was picking up from the question.

      • Mika

        nah you right, lol its a bit of a weird attachment. Where is her man at?

        • Adrienne Johnson

          So many follow up questions, but this is the main one!

          • miss t-lee

            The.
            Main.
            One.

          • Mika

            I mean, I love my friends and all, but I don’t feel the need to fill in where your man lacks. that’s between yall two. But again, where is HER man/significant other at?

        • Right? And I’m typically the friend that is manless, but gawd. Find you a hobby or something.

      • Lillie Emily

        You only talk to your best friend a few times a year……that’s very interesting!

        • Adrienne Johnson

          We’ve been friends for 20 years so it’s like we pick up where we left off… We live in different cities and lead completely different lives. She has kids, I don’t. It is what it is, my love for her doesn’t dwindle because our schedules don’t match up.

    • HouseOfBonnets

      Personally I would break bread within reason currently I’m in between comping dinner and putting in for a weekend getaway if she can’t fully cover her part at the moment but this is only limited to my mains.

      • miss t-lee

        Breaking bread with in reason is like…birthday gifts, a just because (new job, or accomplishment)–stuff like that.
        However, I’m not fronting money for trips. Mainly because we’re both the type that if we ain’t got it, we just ain’t got it.
        That’s really the reason we’re besties. We’re literally on the same page about 95% of things…lol

      • MsSula

        I would with no hesitation. If my friend is having a hard time, I will be there financially for her. Ain’t nothing to it.

        I like trips and if my bestie can’t afford to go, I will spruce up and help her so we can go on our adventure. This is family. That’s what we do.

        • LadyJay?

          Can I be your best friend oo? Love it!
          You got that loyal key on alert (DJ Khaleeeeed voice)

          • MsSula

            Yes ma’am. Let’s plan our next outing. :)

        • HouseOfBonnets

          Same it’s only within reason now because of children but if I have it and one of them needs i’m most likely giving although there was that one time that a friend made a kinda outlandish request and I had to check her because nah lol

          • MsSula

            Girl, please I will check her before I give her nothing. If she asks me for something, I find frivolous it’s my duty to tell her: Nope honey, you don’t need to spend money on x, y , z now. That’s my duty as best friend.

        • NonyaB

          Right?! It’s how my close friends and I have always been. I and my close friends give each other gifts all the time and I know they do with their other close friends, etc. I wonder if there’s also a cultural element to it because gifting is NO big deal within family and friends generally, much less besties in 9ja. And I often find it’s the same with other friends from places in Africa, Asia and middle East. And even though I’d be less likely to take up the offer, I and my close friends automatically try to cover your part if planning an expensive outing you can’t afford.

          • LadyJay?

            Girrrl, it could be cultural. If we are doing brunch, and one of us is broke. Then the rest chip in and cover the other. She will NOT pay a dime not even in tips. Our expectation from that brunch is, she enjoys herself. And if the situation calls for it, we will buy groceries. Can’t be out here enjoying my life while my loved ones are suffering. Don’t operate like that.

            • NonyaB

              Exactly. It never occurred to me that it could be otherwise, I’m so surprised by comments indicating that.

              • PinkRose

                I’m so NOT surprised that the crass comments are coming from folks on my blocked list, lol!!

    • If I had it…I would spend whatever on my best friend…meaning…if I’m traveling, and I want her to come…I would without hesitation pay her way if she couldn’t pay it on her own…my generosity towards my loved ones is only limited by my means.

      • Kas

        Great approach to life.

      • miss t-lee

        As I just mentioned downthread. Friendships are different. My bestie wouldn’t even come on the trip if she didn’t have it. Even if I told her I had it, she wouldn’t take it.
        This goes both ways. We’re a prideful bunch.
        However, I don’t think this is that. Old girl up top sounds like she’s on some buying friendship/affection type steez.

        • NonyaB

          How are you seeing that? I re-read the Q and it seeams they’ve been friends for a while, she loves treating her friend because besties and friend has a lower income, host can afford it and also treats to eliminate awkwardness of bestie participating in outing she can’t afford otherwise. Bestie’s man is just insecure and needs hobbies and friends of his own. What is the fun in life if we can’t share what we like with those we love?

          • miss t-lee

            I’m not the only one who read things that way.
            She needs another friend, or a dude. That dog ain’t hunting.

            • Epsilonicus

              “That dog ain’t hunting”

              So southern

              • miss t-lee

                I can’t help it, Eps…lol

            • Just came to up vote that,country ayus saying..lol

              • miss t-lee

                LMAO

      • LadyJay?

        There you have it

      • That’s me and my bestie. Mostly my bestie. I’m a low-paid writer. You can in fact spend that much money on a friend without being gay. What is that? How come guys can have a bro-code that protects rapists and girls can’t take their friend out to dinner or on vacay???

        • Kas

          You can, and should if you so desire.

      • leesupreme

        dis. … So beautiful and I agree.

      • I’m like that too with friends and family but yo’ ni66a?
        Nawl.

      • Steph

        “Bleek could be one hit away his whole career…”

    • LadyJay?

      I don’t c how the best friend is throwing anything at anybody’s face. She’s just treating her bestie. She hasn’t told her besties boyfriend he ain’t shiiiid, so.

      • miss t-lee

        I didn’t say the bestie was doing that. The girlfriend is doing that…lol

        • LadyJay?

          Pardon me. I misunderstood. Gotcha

    • Leggy

      One of my closest friends is in school, I’m an engineer. I know if I want her to come to places I go to I have to pay her way and I love doing it. I mean what’s the point of friendship? Before she left for pharmacy school and I was looking for a job she let me live with her rent free for 4 months till I found a job. This doesn’t sound any different from my relationship with her at all.

      • miss t-lee

        This is different. It kind of sounds like their situation is one sided.
        Your friend helped you out, and in turn you’ve shown your appreciation.

        • Leggy

          But if my friend was a teacher which means she’ll be earning way less than I am making probably forever I would still continually do the same thing. I do things for my girl best friends a lot because I love them. Period.
          What’s the point of being able to do and afford fancy things if I don’t have my best friends to enjoy these things with me?

          • miss t-lee

            Like I mentioned downthread.
            If that’s how you and folks get down…get on down.
            My bestie(s) and I simply do not roll that way.

          • LadyJay?

            Listen. If I have it and you don’t and we are besties, baby I got you! There is no way on earth Id be inviting you to all these turn ups and expect you to pay, when you earn significantly less. How inconsiderate of me. If I don’t want to spend money on you, I just don’t invite you. Fullstop.

            • Leggy

              For real. I would never invite someone to a turn up I know their salary can’t handle and not take care of them. The thought wouldn’t even cross my mind.

              • LadyJay?

                If somebody did that, they really are not your friends. Seriously. I’d cut you out of my life with no
                Explanation.

          • Kas

            No fun at all when you are the only one able to afford to do things. I want to have fun “with my friends”. For some friends that means I need to subsidize. My choice as to when I do, and I’m good with it. Me and Mrs. Kas still don’t see quite eye to eye on this. She is tighter with money than me.

            • TheCollinB

              If you hang with your friends and do hoodrat things it can be fairly inexpensive. Sometimes the only cost at all is your dignity which, pshhh.

              • Kas

                I ran an auto repair business into the ground in the hood. It was not healthy for my social skills.

        • NonyaB

          What if I help out and you’re never able to repay (i.e. I never needed any equivalent favour)? It wouldn’t matter because I never help my friends (much less my bestie) with expectation of payback.That doesn’t make it one-sided. It’s enough for me to know you’re there for me as a friend per usual (listening, laughing, etc) and that you would reciprocate if the shoe was ever on the other foot.

          • miss t-lee

            I don’t do one sided friendships.
            Now, I don’t do anything for any of my friends expecting payback, but if you’re always the one giving, giving, giving…
            And I’m not talking just about monetary items, I’m talking about your gifts, your time, your talent. What exactly is that person doing for you if you’re doing it all?

            • NonyaB

              In the context of the post, I was thinking giving more in monetary terms only and that’s a non-issue if one person’s income vastly exceeds the other’s. If I’m the person with more, then I have no problem giving more and in situations where I can’t, then I just wouldn’t plan an expensive outing with the other person. I assume both sides give equally in terms of time, compassion, etc.

              • miss t-lee

                I’m going off what she said in the post.
                If you’re constantly financing you and your homegirl’s getaways…that’s one-sided.
                However, if she likes it, I love it.

                • Blueberry01

                  That’s how I read it, too. It was almost like she was using her ability to finance trips as a form of control over the relationship (e.g. the amount of attention that she would get from her best friend). But when it stopped working, she got upset — and submitted a question to Agatha. If it were truly “genuine”, then she would not get upset. After all, she knows that her best friend has a responsibility to show attention to her boyfriend, just as much as her, right?

                  • miss t-lee

                    I’m glad I wasn’t alone here.

          • Epsilonicus

            We all expect something, whether its material or emotional

            • NonyaB

              The main expectation is friendship (caring, time, listening, etc.), which would be flowing in both directions anyway. If I’m the richer person, then I have no problem spending more and in situations where I can’t, then I just wouldn’t plan an expensive outing with the other person. I value longterm friendships and wouldn’t want to drop one just because I became richer but I can see how others might.

      • PinkRose

        Shout out to a Black Engineer! And in due time your future Dr friend will be able to return the favor!!

      • hey fellow Engineer! what type are you?

        • Leggy

          Chemical!

    • Digital_Underground

      “maybe i’m slacking, but I ain’t never broke bread like that on my bestie.”

      This jumped out at me too. My best friend and I have been friend for 20 years. I’m the godfather to his sons. And I’ve never bought him anything tangible. We’ve spotted each other on meals when the other was short. But straight up buying each other gifts? No, we don’t think like that. What kinds of friends are these? Maybe its because I’m a man. Maybe I don’t understand friendship. But hey, rock on.

      • miss t-lee

        Nah. You’re not alone. That’s an anomaly.

        I’m also godmother to my bestie’s daughter. I’ve probably bought her more gifts than I’ve ever bought her mother, but then again…that’s godparent swag.

      • NonyaB

        I and my close friends give each other gifts all the time, especially if visiting each other from outta town. I have diverse group of friends and it’s common with friend’s friends and relatives’ friends, etc

        • LadyJay?

          My girlfriend group does this ALL the time. Matter of fact just got a beautiful hand made bag and dinner to boot. Like, what’s the big deal?!!

        • Brad G

          I think y’all are missing the point, and instead of listening to how others lead their friendships you’re trying to justify yours. That’s all fine love. We get it, you buy stuff for friends, but that doesn’t have to be status quo. Relationships are subjective, and if the parameters you set up include buying gifts, cool. I know I’d knock my best friend out if he spent money on me. The only reciprocation I’ll accept from my friends is a brew at the bar. Anything else is wasted money.

          • NonyaB

            Not trying to justify or mandate that all friendship be like mine, just pointing out that it’s not at all an alien idea that many people share such with family and friends.

            Interesting that you view a friend’s gift to you as wasted money, especially if it’s something you like (since they’re privy to your taste, hobbies, etc). Do you see a gift as an automatic demand for reciprocation or something else?

            • Brad G

              I do appreciate the gesture of gifts and such… but still, Do. Not. Buy. Me. Anything. I don’t need it. I don’t long for it. And if I did I would’ve bought it already. I don’t see a gift as a peen measuring contest of who can get the best, I just personally prefer you utilize your funds for self-serving practices. We still out here with student loans fam.

      • Cleojonz

        This is me and my best friend too. She lives all the way on the other coast but when we talk it’s like we pick up right where we left off. I’ve known her since I was 6 but I could count the amount of times on one hand an actual gift was given. Gas money when somebody agreed to be the driver for the night, round of drinks etc. we took turns on.

    • YeaSoh

      Right weird

      • miss t-lee

        Very.

    • Junegirl627

      My bestie tricks on me, I trick on my bestie.

      • miss t-lee

        We all have different definitions of this clearly.

        • Junegirl627

          You don’t trick on your bestie? I bought my bestie a sterling silver heart bracelet and had sisters engraved on it, and she paid for my first tattoo. We argue at dinner about who’s treating who….. and my ex is afraid she is going to attack if they bump into each other because even though I forgave him she make a point of letting us know she hasn’t. lol. Hey, that’s the sister I chose.

          • miss t-lee

            We’ve bought each other gifts etc as the years have gone by. I wouldn’t necessarily look at it as “tricking”.
            Our friendship is very give and take. I guess after being friends dayum near 30 years, that’s just the nature of it.

    • BrownKitty289

      Honestly, just chill in the cut. Usually REAL friends stick together regardless of partner situations. Talk on the phone and kick it when you can. Go on double date (which is a terrible idea for the guys, BUT whatever! He wants to go too! lbs)

  • TheCollinB

    N*ggas need hobbies, tasks, short and long term goals.
    Why do they need those things? Because when they don’t have those things they start getting on their girls nerves with schit like this. Your girl wanna go out let her go. Her time away gives him time to enjoy the person that he is.

    • TeeChantel

      Nah, they not hearing this down thread B.

      • TheCollinB

        I understand what their sayin tho. But ultimately this is the crux of the situation. Bestie wouldn’t have no question for Ag (whatup Ag btw) if buddy explored who he was as person more often.

        • TeeChantel

          I totally agree with you that dude needs to go out and learn about himself more. He’s putting too much weight on the gf and tbh that isn’t fair to her or to their relationship.

    • See maybe he’s not a full person. Maybe he doesn’t know himself. That in itself is another problem.

      Usually guys like this say they want x,y,z and when they get it – don’t know how to treat it. But get mad when someone else not even her friends, but family does for her. Sir – have several seats, get you some friends and some hobbies. And love yourself the way you say you love her, hmph

      • HouseOfBonnets

        “Usually guys like this say they want x,y,z and when they get it – don’t know how to treat it. ”

        you literally just described every Social Media Relationship Specialist. (bonus points is they speak in third person)

      • BrownKitty289

        Exactly! Going through this now…
        Sadly he needs friends (#maleintrovertprobs)

    • Buster Cannon

      N*ggas need hobbies, tasks, short and long term goals.

      http://i.imgur.com/i0jXXVn.png
      Dudes who make their woman their primary focus as opposed to their goal/mission tend to come off as clingy, and they probably annoy their SO to some degree.

      • Other_guy13

        This^^^^^ truth

      • I admit to making that mistake at various points in my marriage. The problem was that she didn’t like me in my mission, but didn’t really appreciate the focus on her. I screwed up and got caught in between.

      • TeeChantel

        Can’t there be a delicate balance tho? I would prefer for him to focus his goals/mission and focus on building something with me. Besides, there is nothing more sexier than a man working towards his goals.

        • That needs to happen when it comes to raising a family and planning vacations and stuff. But people in a relationship are still two separate people and need their own personal hobbies.

      • Bah Debo

        …also applies on the flipside….at least for me.

        • LadyJay?

          Agree!!

      • LadyJay?

        To all the degrees. Same goes for women.

    • Brooklyn_Bruin

      If you bout it, she trying to track you down.

      Where Darnell took my Kia Rio?

    • miss t-lee

      “N*ggas need hobbies, tasks, short and long term goals.”

      *everybody

      • Mika

        Right!

        • Adriennejsmith

          <<hp.. ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????::::::!il432r:….,……

    • Brandon Allen

      This dude is obviously sad inside.

    • This is such a bar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Mika

    yeaaaaaaaaaa, she has to handle her man problems on her own. Really take a good look at herself, because essentially, she feeds this clowns insecure behavior. I really only try to voice my opinion if I fear for your safety. Women are touchy, they want you to really just listen to them trash talk, not really say what they need to hear. At the end of the day, you gotta lay down with him not me. I learned along time ago to not comment on things that I don’t have and that’s a man and kids. *opens snacks, settles in to read 1000+ comments since I am still early*.

    • HouseOfBonnets

      You get it. I’ll have general commentary but if I have no experience in it the most i can advise is to talk about it.

      • Mika

        Right. Cause chicks are quick to act funny. I just nod and be like wow girl that sucks, LOL can’t tell you want to do cause I don’t have these problems. and if I tell you what I am really feeling, you may not like it, or accuse me of being jealous, poke at be being manless, childless, all of the above.

        • Gull I had that happen to me cause I checked her on begging for a ring. Said I was jealous, unhappy and alone

          • Mika

            Yea, I learned a while ago that I a) don’t share my singledom/dating woes with too many. b) I don’t give my opinion to the unhappy chicks in relationships, cause its pointless, you really want to be there, you aint really mad. I stay in my lane and mind my business.

            • grownandsexy2

              I learned early on, not to share anything.

            • Kas

              As I tell my wife when we discuss our friends’ relationships. They must want it or they wouldn’t be there.

              • Bah Debo

                Yuuuuuup….my wife goes back and forth between hating her friend’s husband, but, from where I stand, he is EVERYTHANG that she wants

              • Quirlygirly

                I agree- when people get tired of foolishness they will move on..

            • mssporadic

              After learning (b) from a friend that kept complaining about her BF but never leaving him, I realized that I’m just there as a sounding board. I simple “yeah, girl” is all a friend wants some times.

          • HouseOfBonnets

            Oh the blow back cuts are deep….never again.

            • The friend circle has a pact. If we are really friends – if you’re actin a donkey – we can call you out on it and not get mad. Why cause we love you and want you to be best you.
              She was not having it. She eventually got engaged but fell out with a lot of people on the road of wedding planning

              • HouseOfBonnets

                Unfortunately the thirst for the ring is real, nothing is sacred.

              • NonyaB

                Exactly! If we’re friends, then we don’t lie to each other!

          • NonyaB

            Rewarding my concern with insults? See, that would get her crossed off my friend list. Which is just as well because it’ll save me work of having to help pick up pieces to glue her dumb heart together hen he breaks it finally by bouncing or something equally erroneous.

        • HouseOfBonnets

          Same, which is why I now just keep my real thoughts on a lot of the marriage/ serious relationship foolery that i see now to myself because at the end of the day that’s their https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/69b87824d6118223b216441c22f8c560837aaa65c738af3e96345bc965beddbb.gif life and I am carefree…

          • Mika

            LMAO #joannethescammer. Love this dude man.

    • Other_guy13

      ” I learned along time ago to not comment on things that I don’t have and that’s a man and kids. *opens snacks, settles in to read 1000+ comments since I am still early*.” You are clearly smarter than me…..*grabs snacks and sits next to Mika and HOB*

    • Kas

      I’m thinking maybe 2000 comments.

      • Other_guy13

        Easy…come grab a seat bro…smells good over here.

        • Tambra

          Commess! Yo too macco

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