Ask Agatha: “I Want My Ex Back, But She Moved Across The Country. Should I Fly Out There?” » VSB

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Ask Agatha: “I Want My Ex Back, But She Moved Across The Country. Should I Fly Out There?”

Jomo from Pittsburgh, PA asks:

My ex and I broke up months ago but I think I want her back. I want another chance. What should I do Agie? Do I just send a text and hope she replies? Do I send flowers? I mean I would just go to her apartment and knock on her door but she moved to the west coast months ago. Should I just knock on her door anyway? Book a ticket? I know we broke up because I was taking her for granted, she wanted a deeper commitment from me, an acknowledgment that we were boyfriend and girlfriend and a key to my place and I refused to give her either. I just wasn’t ready. But I’ve been single for a while now and I see there’s nothing out here for me. I realize now how much my ex means to me. So what should I do Agie?

I can hear people in the comments screaming, “Just call her nigga!”

But you can’t.

Because you and I both know she blocked your number months ago (around the same time she decided to move). She probably blocked your mama’s number too, cuz it be like that sometimes.

Jomo. She MOVED ACROSS COUNTRY.

Jomo, if a chick gotta leave the state… Not wants to leave. Not needs to leave. But HAS to leave. That means being with you was so damaging that she could no longer even stomach the idea of threading ground you’ve thread.

You unmoored her Jomo.

And she stumbled out of the relationship not just mad at you but mad at Pittsburgh too. (As if there aren’t reasons enough to not like Pittsburgh already.) (Editor’s note: Stumble out of deez.)

I mean we all know someone who has moved out of state, but on the whole people don’t leave their homes (post-college)—unless they’re fleeing.

FOX News and I call those people refugees.

You made her a refugee, Jomo.

You’re her Katrina. Her ISIS.

Now you’re hoping I tell ISIS to get on a plane?

Listen ISIS, stay off of all planes.

Jomo, you’re bored. And lonely. And maybe even a little unhappy. But none of these are reasons to get back with an ex. It’s certainly not even reason enough to contact her.

Do. Not. Contact. Her. Jomo.

Especially when you only “think” you want her back.

Don’t you dare make a grand gesture when in all reality you’re still trying to figure things out. The grand gesture is for when you’ve already figured things out. When you know. Because that’s how she’s going to interpret you flying across country and knocking on her door, as a declaration of your certainty.

But you’re not certain about shit.

It might just be indigestion.

Don’t book a flight ‘cause you got bubble guts.

I don’t think you realize the gravity of a chick packing up and moving to get away from you.

What I’m saying is…there are levels. And moving far away in the hierarchy of I’m so fucking broken, he fucking broke me, is basically only one step down from slitting your wrists. Either way the person is trying to get away from you—whether that means leaving the state or leaving this mortal coil.

So I guess you should find some small comfort from that, that she just moved and didn’t kill herself.

But moving is bad enough. Right now she’s in some awful west coast state trying to pick up the pieces to her heart. Yet she still probably finds herself thinking about you everyday and dreaming of you every night, all the while you’ve been on your couch scratching your balls watching Power and being secretly grateful that there’s less scenes this season with Ghost speaking “Spanish.”

So leave her be.

I’m sure she’s had vivid fantasies of you making a grand gesture. And just as vivid a fantasy of you just shooting her a “wyd” text. But both gestures would make her too hopeful. Hopeful that you’ve matured. Hopeful that you’ve finally realized she’s the only one for you. Hopeful that you’re ready for a real commitment. But Jomo, you’re just experiencing the side effects of dry peen—the number one side effect being, getting too sentimental about past pussy.

I mean what’s changed for you? Months later, you now think you want her back, mostly because you realized there’s no one out there for you [see: you can’t get a text back]. Meanwhile, she was so undone by the breakup she had to run not walk away. And you, you’re still the selfish “I want what I want, when I want it” you, you’ve always been. So selfish in fact that you don’t even realize how deep it was for her.

Jomo, you wouldn’t even give her a title.

Now you want to fly across country?

What a girl does post break-up is crucial to knowing whether or not you can or even should (morally speaking) hit her up.  My friends Bee and Tristan mapped out the hierarchy.

Is she thotting for the Gram? Go ahead and shoot her a “heyy” text. She was clearly trying to get your attention anyway.

Is she back in the gym? Go ahead and send her compliment.

Sudden vacation? Definitely send flowers to the job and a heartfelt card.

Shaved her head or relaxed her natural do? No.

Found religion or spirituality? NO.

MOVED ACROSS COUNTRY? Hell fucking no Jomo.

(AskAgatha is Looking for a NYC-Area VSS Down for a Fun Style Makeover. If you’re interested please send a photo of yourself and a brief note about why to damon@verysmartbrothas.com)

Agatha Guilluame

Agatha is a figment of the collective VSB imagination.

  • Chiile.. that picture took me down… but yeah he needs to cut his losses. A move says, “NEGRO, I’m done.”

  • Buster Cannon

    Rule #137:

    Don’t chase people that aren’t interested in you. If you messed up and she broke it off, just hold that L; anything else will make you look desperate.

    http://i.imgur.com/CBFSrnB.gif

    • Lmao

    • I think you won today!!!!

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    • Just…brilliant.

    • Guest

      Is that real? LOL!!!

    • Lisa Necole

      Best Gif Ever.

    • This gif is giving me life.

    • Other_guy13

      There’s a rule book???

  • HouseOfBonnets

    “Especially when you only “think” you want her back.”

    This right here, sir you’re not even on Martin season two levels committed to this grand gesture…..Save your 55 dollars towards a spirit ticket and move on. Your name is Jomo I’m sure that’s a great convo starter.

    • R.J.

      $55 Spirit ticket….LOL!

    • LadyJay?

      Jomo is a very beautiful name!! Very rich, historically speaking!

      • HouseOfBonnets

        Exactly, introduction> Inquiry>Instant Convo

      • Maestro G

        Perhaps, but Jomo needs to accept that he ain’t in the mix no mo…and it’s his fault. Learn from it, leave that sista be and move on, bruh.

        • LMNOP

          No mo Jomo basically sums the whole thing up.

          • NonyaB

            #NoMoJomo, #ByeJomo

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      You said Spirit ticket…we want him to feel bad, not die.

      • He can die >_>

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          Girl……don’t be cruel.

          Cause he would never be that way to you.

          Ahhh no ah no ah noooooooooooooooooo…don’t be cruel.

          • LOL for the betterment of society…some ppl should just…no persist with this whole living thing.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              You’re so cute when you’re trying not to be vengeful.

              • LMAO it’s so hard to hide :(

                • RewindingtonMaximus

                  It clearly is but I got you girl, do you.

          • Maestro G

            Thanks Rewind…now I gotta Bobby Brown ear-worm to deal with for the rest of the day (dusts off Don’t Be Cruel cassette)

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              I did you a favor. You about to have a trip down memory lane, grinning the entire way

              You’re welcome sir.

              • Maestro G

                I did grin. Thanks are indeed warranted.

                • RewindingtonMaximus

                  You’re quite welcome my friend.

        • Mochasister

          Lol! So harsh but I love it!

      • HouseOfBonnets

        Spirit is still in business due to desperation like this……That and people who don’t know better.

  • RewindingtonMaximus

    https://66.media.tumblr.com/66e95ba97c5cc73893d69a8951b84929/tumblr_o4l49nLaPP1v4o69go1_r1_400.gif

    That’s all this n i g g a gets. The world’s tiniest violin.

    Also, he needs his a$$ whooped. He too flaky. He’s one second away from being Justin Timberlake with the 11 years of shade to Britney Spears.

  • Seeing him grovel may boost up her ego, though. She’ll probably still ignore it, but still.

    • LadyJay?

      Shiiiiiiid. Giiiiiiirl, id text him back give him a wrong address and tell him to come thru.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      If that’s enough to make her feel better, then it’s nothing compared to that feeling of rolling over on day 3 of taking him back and realizing she made a horrible mistake.

      • Oh no, she isn’t supposed to play into it, just be amused. Maybe show it to her mom or her best friend before she goes out on her date with some other brotha.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          I’d record him saying some embarrassing stuff to prove fealty to her. Then show it to his mom, let her know where her mistakes lie.

  • Why is having the key to your significant other’s spot such a priority for women? You gone be there when I’m there so what I need a key for?

    #LikeNiggasDo they always want what they used to have once they realize that they had it good in the first place.

    • Kas

      The one time I had a key to my girl’s place, it ended badly. If we aren’t married, i don’t need a key.

      • I’m not a fan of shacking up personally. People need their space and I won’t ever understand why you’d want to be up under someone 24/7

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          I honestly think more relationships would be healthy if both parties lived separately but saw each other frequently.

          • Brooklyn_Bruin

            Haha, true

            They’ll never go for that.

            But what’s really real is that we’ll never go for that.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              It sounds illogical to most people but really unless you’re truly committed to investigating all of your strange ways and then stopping them so you can make another person feel comfortable….what’s the point?

          • Maybe if/when I’m engaged I’d consider it then but if we’re just in a regular relationship? Nah. I’ll see you when I see you.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              That’s how I’m feeling now. I need my personal space. I don’t like people all up under me.

              Probably why I can’t do kids neither.

          • You Ain’t no Guest You Family

            I think I agree with that. I never really got it before, but now that I’m in my late 30s and have my whole, own life, as does my dude, I think we need entire houses worth of space to each do us.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              It really just isn’t a bad thing, especially when you’re busy.

              You’ve got no pressure of someone waiting on you. Just come and go as you please, with all the space you want, while knowing this person you care for is only a phone call away.

              • Kas

                So there is that little issue with the cost of maintaining two cribs. But go on with your bad selves.

                • RewindingtonMaximus

                  Ehh…if I got my place already..she’s got hers…then we had the money to maintain to begin with.

        • Kas

          24/7 doesn’t work for me or my wife. We are compatible that way.

          • Tambra

            Do not compute

            • Kas

              We both like our space.

              • Tambra

                Ohh, another me.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      I’ve always been curious about this…like you still need to hit me up and let me know you’re on the way to my crib.

      • Exactly. Anyone who is popping up unannounced won’t see the inside of any spot I’m paying for.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          Exactly.

          It could be the set of Friday the 13th outside my front door, you still aint getting in unless you gave me a 30 minute phone call ahead of time.

    • HouseOfBonnets

      As a person that loves space……I also wonder this.

    • You Ain’t no Guest You Family

      I never wanted a key, cuz I wasn’t about to give him one. I’m of the mind that I only want that which I’m also willing to give. That includes keys, a s s, and opinions.

    • Medium Meech

      ‘Cause they don’t trust him. And if he doesn’t give up the key that just proves it, whatever it is. Dirty game.

    • I hated in my 20’s when I would come home and my roommates “person” would be there. Why are you here breathing up my air and your ninja ain’t here?

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        Yea that s h i t was never right like…dude..you pay half the rent…not the full rent…don’t just be giving up the key without my consent.

        • Seriously.

        • Dee

          See this is why, I can’t live with people. I think it straight disregarding when you have a roommate who does this. Then the dude they’re hooking up with eats your food and clogs up your toilet and just leaves it there for me to deal with, cause the roommate won’t do it… Nope, she will leave it there just like he did. Nasty A s s girl with her dirty inconsiderate boyfriend.

          Excuse my rant, but this type of thing makes my blood boil and skin crawl to the highest degree.

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            By all rights, you could have grabbed a bucket, scooped up the toilet contents, then left the bucket on her bed, while locking up the bathroom.

            Then daring her to do something about it.

            This is my pettiness talking.

            • Dee

              Hahahaha! See you need to teach me your ways, I don’t know how to bask in petty.

              • RewindingtonMaximus

                I have much to teach, and then you to can master in the arts of the petty

      • That’s so weird and invasive. If my person isn’t at the crib then I won’t be either. If he had to make a quick run to the store, then I have to make that run with him.

        • Unfortunately I lived with some cats in the past who wife girls immediately.

        • Epsilonicus

          I aint that bad. I trust that if I make a liquor store run I should be able to leave you in my house solo for 10 minutes.

          • If they lived alone I wouldn’t care, roommates though? Nah.

  • I’m in VSB jail ?

    • Kas

      I’m sure you earned it.

      • ??I thought we were better than this

        • Kas

          Have you not been reading my comments?

    • #FreeKayTee

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      start an episode of Prison Break, it will be over before you know it.

  • Jomo if that’s even your real name. I know Agathas a savage – but I’m sure she changed your name to protect the not so innocent.

    Jomo – boo just leave her be. She tried until she couldn’t anymore & realized she worth more than you were giving her. For you, I want to give you an assignment. I want you to go buy a plant – nah a car. And don’t do the maintenance on it – ioncare if it’s free for the first year. And keep driving that mo fo until it starts to smoke & you burn up the engine.

    You see how you feel now? That’s exactly how you left your ex feeling. So sir the car & your ex boo are broken beyond repair.

    Just leave her be.

    • Kas

      Look who’s free.

    • Jennifer

      “And don’t do the maintenance on it – ioncare if it’s free for the first year. And keep driving that mo fo until it starts to smoke & you burn up the engine.”

      That’s some Iyanla-type advice right there. Make him do the work. DO. THE. WORK.

      • lol Beloved, she’s a friend in my head lol

  • Lea Thrace

    Let’s all say it together class: “Jomo is a fuckboi”

    (of the highest order)

    • Lea Thrace

      How you calling her an ex and you didnt give a title to her?! But now she is suddenly good enough for you to want to fly cross country? If you do not get all thee way the fcuk out of here.

      This dude got my blood boiling.

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        That’s a great point. I didn’t even peep that. She’s not even an ex.

        She’s a woman that got tired of being Ms. Sometimes.

        • Maestro G

          Don’t EVER get caught up with a MrMiss “Sometimes” unless you know that going in and are good with it. Otherwise, you get your heart stomped ALL the time.

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            Damn straight. People need to learn to play their positions.

            You can’t take a seasonal job and turn into a permanent one with benefits.

            • Maestro G

              Truth.

        • Blueberry01

          And the interesting thing is that some men won’t ever tolerate being Mr. Sometimes. Some of y’all expect to be the only one when we’re not in a committed relationship. #ImDatingJustLikeYouAre

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            I don’t respect that stuff. It just seems illogical to be that greedy.

            • Blueberry01

              …which is why those types are never chose…

      • Had situationship and he wants to across the country

        • Question

          He didn’t read the rules OR the fine print. Weak.

      • MsSula

        What’s grinding my gears is the: “…. I think I want her back….”

        Nucca?? Is you slow?

        • Haaaaaa!

        • L8Comer

          And the, “I’ve been single for a while… There’s no one out here for me”

          so basically, he’s on some “I was out here trying to date, but I can’t seem to find anyone better (no one wants me), so Now I think I’m ready to try this rlshp thing out” ?

          • Kas

            Isn’t that how it usually works?

            • L8Comer

              No lol, well not with me. I don’t really give second chances… Soo you either know or you don’t

              • Kas

                Color me confused then. If your dating life is on point, why would you settle down with only one?

                • L8Comer

                  Maybe you like all but you like one the best? Idk, but like I said, if I was dating a guy and he was unwilling to go take it to the next level with me and then we ended bc of that (and prolly some other stuff)… And he came back months later… I’d have moved on. It’s just the way I am, I don’t go back

                  • Kas

                    I guess. Imma need to talk to my wife, girlfriend, and sidepiece to see if they think I show favoritism to one of them.

                    • CozyVon

                      Isn’t your girlfriend your side piece? And doesn’t that then make the 3rd your side SIDE piece?

                    • Kas

                      Girlfriend gets gifts for birthday, Christmas, and Valentine’s. Side piece goes on vacaction with me to exotic locales. Try to keep up.

                    • CozyVon

                      Yeaaah, no thanks.

                    • Kas

                      So you are hard to please I see. :)

                    • Joi

                      That’s a good question.

                    • Blueberry01

                      You betta be lying, Kas. You betta NOT be sloring on the West Coast….

                  • Mochasister

                    It’s probably best.

                • Blueberry01

                  …says the married man who I presume was dating when he found the one…

                  • Kas

                    Arranged marriage as God intended, jk. I may have had a couple of dates here and there.

              • cakes_and_pies

                This car doesn’t go in reverse. The one time I did, I ran over some car spikes. So nope….never again

                • L8Comer

                  Me too lol

                • Blueberry01

                  Don’t reheat cold french fries. They never taste the same.

          • Mochasister

            Right. He’s not sincere. He just wants her until someone he likes better comes along.

          • NicT

            She should let him fly out and never show up at the airport.

        • Kae

          He must be.

          You about to fly across the country on a whim, an impulse, when this woman escaped you with mere scraps of her heart, and you’re not even 100% in?

          This is the kinda schytt that sends reasonable even keeled women off the phuquin’ RAILS. And dudes out here wondering why some women walking around seething in anger and hurt. This phuquery right here.

          Lol reading this put me directly back in my feelings over my own past phuqboi encounter.

          -_____-

          • MsSula

            Fuccbois deserve their own ring in Dante’s inferno. Just useless the lot of them. *whoosah*

          • SororSalsa

            Indeed. This is the type of guy to call a woman “psycho”, but not admit which make and model car he used to drive her to the corner of Cray Street & Rage Avenue.

          • TJ

            #Preach ??

        • NonyaB

          *Howls at “Nucca?? Is you slow?”*

      • Cause he’s raggedy…tired…and messy.

      • Oof, you got a point there.
        Gahhh, I wanna take back my whole reply now. Had this woman in relationship purgatory. Fck Jomo.

      • RaeNBow

        right. i was like, “but HOW is she an ex if you wouldn’t even be her boyfriend?!??!” LMBO

      • Blueberry01

        Ex-situationship…

      • NicT

        Like he is on a whole other level because he’s ready to buy a plane ticket to be a fuckboy to her again.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      And what’s the proper anti-fuckboi anthem?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZaJYDPY-YQ

      • Any ole Aubrey Graham song. Then again Big Sean is Drake for dudes without goals.

        • Lea Thrace

          “Then again Big Sean is Drake for dudes without goals.”

          Damn sir. That is some serious shade.

          • HouseOfBonnets

            It is lol

      • Glo

        This song came out right after a break up, and on a weekend I happened to be with my girls in Vegas. It holds a very special place in my heart.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          Your revenge mode must have been fierce

          • Glo

            Oh, it was. I actually look back on that time fondly.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              Now I’m curious

              • Glo

                Mmmm, nope, I’m keeping these petty stories to myself.

                I will say that at one point, I had the opportunity to keep him from getting hired at his current company (I have some loyal a$$ friends in good places) and I was THIS close to blocking his blessing…but I didn’t. He’s still working there, and the startup is flourishing.

                I feel like karma owes me BIG time for that.

                • RewindingtonMaximus

                  Ooooh and you had actual power too?

                  Bless your heart, the petty in you is too real.

                  I’m not even gonna lie, your stock just went way up in my eyes.

                • TJ

                  Chile I would have talked to Jesus, like Lord you already know I’m going to need this forgiveness a lil later. #LeoRage

    • Your feelings are showing

      • Lea Thrace

        you sir, are the worst.

        Good day!

        ps. feelings deez

    • Helga G.Pataki

      I am sure he wrote this while listening to Drake and sipping Moscato sangria.

  • Yep, the dry peen will make you do some dumb stuff. Nothing quite as dumb as letting your girl get away because you’re so petty she changed climates but yeah, Jomo stupid.

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