Ask Agatha: “I Want My Ex Back, But She Moved Across The Country. Should I Fly Out There?” » VSB

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Ask Agatha: “I Want My Ex Back, But She Moved Across The Country. Should I Fly Out There?”

Jomo from Pittsburgh, PA asks:

My ex and I broke up months ago but I think I want her back. I want another chance. What should I do Agie? Do I just send a text and hope she replies? Do I send flowers? I mean I would just go to her apartment and knock on her door but she moved to the west coast months ago. Should I just knock on her door anyway? Book a ticket? I know we broke up because I was taking her for granted, she wanted a deeper commitment from me, an acknowledgment that we were boyfriend and girlfriend and a key to my place and I refused to give her either. I just wasn’t ready. But I’ve been single for a while now and I see there’s nothing out here for me. I realize now how much my ex means to me. So what should I do Agie?

I can hear people in the comments screaming, “Just call her nigga!”

But you can’t.

Because you and I both know she blocked your number months ago (around the same time she decided to move). She probably blocked your mama’s number too, cuz it be like that sometimes.

Jomo. She MOVED ACROSS COUNTRY.

Jomo, if a chick gotta leave the state… Not wants to leave. Not needs to leave. But HAS to leave. That means being with you was so damaging that she could no longer even stomach the idea of threading ground you’ve thread.

You unmoored her Jomo.

And she stumbled out of the relationship not just mad at you but mad at Pittsburgh too. (As if there aren’t reasons enough to not like Pittsburgh already.) (Editor’s note: Stumble out of deez.)

I mean we all know someone who has moved out of state, but on the whole people don’t leave their homes (post-college)—unless they’re fleeing.

FOX News and I call those people refugees.

You made her a refugee, Jomo.

You’re her Katrina. Her ISIS.

Now you’re hoping I tell ISIS to get on a plane?

Listen ISIS, stay off of all planes.

Jomo, you’re bored. And lonely. And maybe even a little unhappy. But none of these are reasons to get back with an ex. It’s certainly not even reason enough to contact her.

Do. Not. Contact. Her. Jomo.

Especially when you only “think” you want her back.

Don’t you dare make a grand gesture when in all reality you’re still trying to figure things out. The grand gesture is for when you’ve already figured things out. When you know. Because that’s how she’s going to interpret you flying across country and knocking on her door, as a declaration of your certainty.

But you’re not certain about shit.

It might just be indigestion.

Don’t book a flight ‘cause you got bubble guts.

I don’t think you realize the gravity of a chick packing up and moving to get away from you.

What I’m saying is…there are levels. And moving far away in the hierarchy of I’m so fucking broken, he fucking broke me, is basically only one step down from slitting your wrists. Either way the person is trying to get away from you—whether that means leaving the state or leaving this mortal coil.

So I guess you should find some small comfort from that, that she just moved and didn’t kill herself.

But moving is bad enough. Right now she’s in some awful west coast state trying to pick up the pieces to her heart. Yet she still probably finds herself thinking about you everyday and dreaming of you every night, all the while you’ve been on your couch scratching your balls watching Power and being secretly grateful that there’s less scenes this season with Ghost speaking “Spanish.”

So leave her be.

I’m sure she’s had vivid fantasies of you making a grand gesture. And just as vivid a fantasy of you just shooting her a “wyd” text. But both gestures would make her too hopeful. Hopeful that you’ve matured. Hopeful that you’ve finally realized she’s the only one for you. Hopeful that you’re ready for a real commitment. But Jomo, you’re just experiencing the side effects of dry peen—the number one side effect being, getting too sentimental about past pussy.

I mean what’s changed for you? Months later, you now think you want her back, mostly because you realized there’s no one out there for you [see: you can’t get a text back]. Meanwhile, she was so undone by the breakup she had to run not walk away. And you, you’re still the selfish “I want what I want, when I want it” you, you’ve always been. So selfish in fact that you don’t even realize how deep it was for her.

Jomo, you wouldn’t even give her a title.

Now you want to fly across country?

What a girl does post break-up is crucial to knowing whether or not you can or even should (morally speaking) hit her up.  My friends Bee and Tristan mapped out the hierarchy.

Is she thotting for the Gram? Go ahead and shoot her a “heyy” text. She was clearly trying to get your attention anyway.

Is she back in the gym? Go ahead and send her compliment.

Sudden vacation? Definitely send flowers to the job and a heartfelt card.

Shaved her head or relaxed her natural do? No.

Found religion or spirituality? NO.

MOVED ACROSS COUNTRY? Hell fucking no Jomo.

(AskAgatha is Looking for a NYC-Area VSS Down for a Fun Style Makeover. If you’re interested please send a photo of yourself and a brief note about why to damon@verysmartbrothas.com)

Agatha Guilluame

Agatha is a figment of the collective VSB imagination.

  • Damon Young

    Aint no n*ggas in Pittsburgh named “Jomo” though

    • Epsilonicus

      I was about to ask you this question.

    • LadyJay?

      Trust me, there are. And others called fufu.

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        With the last name Shmash Shmash

        • LadyJay?

          No. Last name I need a green card.

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            Uh oh. That’s trouble.

    • Jomo’s nickname is Pookie.

    • Medium Meech

      It’s a soft J, Damon.

  • SANDRA

    You don’t know what you got until it’s gone !! Congrats, you played yourself !!! I hope she’s in a fulfilled and happy relationship.

    • This made me angry to read…ol “baby baby please” “I wantcha back” lookin’ boy. Leave things your destroyed alone.

  • If this, detrimental to those around him #FoolAssNigga, don’t sit alone with his thoughts and leave people who are trying to progress alone.

    What you mean you “THINK” you want her back…SMH people are not objects that cease having importance simply because YOU didn’t see the value in them when you had them.

    SMH he’s buggin’

  • Agatha 2 weeks in a row…

    • We are blessed and highly favored.

      • The saints are pleased ?

    • HouseOfBonnets

      I chalk it up to Teyona Taylor lol

  • LadyJay?

    You THINK…just move on. You don’t know.
    I hope she finds a real nucca out there who won’t take her for granted and will want all of her! Tufia!

    Jomo’s ex, if you reading this do NOT take him back.

  • cyanic

    No. My brother left his job for a heffa who clearly didn’t want to be bothered. But he had to find out for himself. No one who’d move out of state for a better life away from you wants to be bothered.

    • Ole clingy ayus ni66a.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      That sounds so crazy that I hope you met your brother at the door laughing extra loud when he came back home.

      • cyanic

        It wasn’t funny to me. He told me I was correct. Which I hate. Because I prefer to be listened to the first time.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          That just sucks in so many ways.

          Are you the kind of person people ask for advice from often but they never listen to you anyway, only to admit defeat afterwards?

          • cyanic

            No. I’m the kind of person people believe would never have the answer. Gives them the answer and then later shocked I was correct.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              Very interesting. They overlook you even though you’ve been right consistently.

              • cyanic

                I’m the baby of my immediate and extended family. So it ain’t like everyone is listening when I’m speaking to begin with.

                • RewindingtonMaximus

                  ahh now it makes complete sense. So you’ve learned to take the hits and be stealthy with the knowledge.

        • Nik White

          Me too! But did he get another job? Another girl? QTNA!

          • cyanic

            He’s married with his first baby this year. The girl who left for greener pastures married a guy who reportedly hit her.

  • R.J.

    “being secretly grateful that there’s less scenes this season with Ghost speaking “Spanish.”….I thought I was the only one lol
    You don’t know what you want sir. Keep it movin.

    • I like it…Tommy is so lost this season!

      • R.J.

        Yeah he is. Poor thing. Done murked Holly and is walking around all ‘woe is me’ lol which he should be. I hope he gets it together soon.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          Yea he’s gonna be haunted for the rest of the season…but when he finds out about the baby though? Ugh

          • R.J.

            Yeah. It’s gonna be even worse. Maybe Tasha & Ghost won’t say anything. I feel that’s wishful thinking though.

          • Ummh….he’s found out >___<

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo damnit I need to watch this past episode

              • Sweet Potato Kai

                It’s f’n Tuesday homie ! We’re posedto wait all month for you?

                • RewindingtonMaximus

                  so. damn. rude.

              • You definitely should ( I say this as someone who *only* started watching Power midway through the last season)!

  • Brad G

    Jomo currently:

    • HouseOfBonnets

      Na na na na na na naaaaaaaaah

      • LadyJay?

        You don’t love me and I know now.

  • Move across the country when he wasn’t even willing to call her his girlfriend?

    If you don’t stay your damaging self 1000s of miles from her.

  • Is it really that hard to decipher if you truly want that old thang back…or if you just need to get your #DickWet? I mean…one seems significantly more simple than the other….

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