Ask Agatha: “I Think He’s Using Me For My National Museum of African American History and Culture Opening Tickets” » VSB

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Ask Agatha: “I Think He’s Using Me For My National Museum of African American History and Culture Opening Tickets”

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Nkasi from Brooklyn, NY asks:

I’m a very open-minded, tough-skinned, blunt-tongued, easy-going gal. Which is why it might be so hard for me to wrap my head around this situation… I went on two dates with this guy. We had a good time the first date and after said date I invited him to my job’s new Museum opening two weeks away in DC (NMAAHC). After date #2 he started saying things like; “Oh I’m going to be extra busy for the next 2 weeks…” and “Oh I have a wedding I’m going to so I wont be able to hang this weekend” (the wedding was local) but I look forward to the museum event though” (two weeks away).

*insert eyeroll*

I’m grown, smart and I’ve been around the block a few times so I know that’s code for I’m not really feeling you. I figure, we still haven’t gotten to really know each other so I won’t write him off right away, lets see what he does…

The Ghost Chronicles:

Day 3: No call or text

Day 7: A dry reply to my text

Day 9: A smiley on Snapchat

Day 11: heart eyes on Snapchat

Day 14: I had enough (or lack thereof) hah!

So I texted him to disinvite him and give the spot to a family member. (Originally I sent out too many invites and this family member didn’t make the cut)

The text conversation went like this:

shot shot2
Now Agatha, where were these sentiments when he realized I was friend material? Why can’t people just be honest? Also was I wrong for disinviting him? Let me know what the proper etiquette is for disinviting a ghoster…


Two dates Nkasi?


And not one honest “sentiment” from either of you.

Girl you chronicling emojis sent via Snapchat? Emojis you no longer had proof of seconds after you saw it. I mean, if a tree falls in the woods and you’re the only witness…

Why are there are so many undercurrents to your “disinvite” exchange, Nkasi?

Okay I’m getting ahead of myself.

Let’s break this whole thing down.

1. After one date you invited him to a fairly distant future event. That must’ve been some date. Or it might’ve been a regular date. It was probably a regular date. Why did he accept? Are museum openings that lit? (They’re not.) Is Kanye the master of ceremonies? (He’s not.) Will Ta-Nehisi Coates be there?

2. The only thing that seemed to come out of date two was him deciding he wasn’t that into you. Something “grown and smart” you figured out right away but for some reason “open-minded and easy-going” you decided to wait and see. Oh honey.

3. After the second date he said he wouldn’t be able to see you until the museum opening. Two weeks away. (How hot are these tickets?) Like he clearly wanted to not have anything to do with you but he also really wanted to go to this fire event. (Is NMAAHC code for Summer Jam?) His biggest problem though is he clearly doesn’t know how to play it. He doesn’t know how to feign interest for two weeks in order to lock down these Lemonade Tour tickets. This dude is clearly not a sugar baby pro.

4. So this whole non-thing thing should’ve ended at the disinvite. (It doesn’t.) Because apparently the world is ending and you have the last ticket to the last generation ship leaving the galaxy.

5. Nkasi I have a sense you’ve been lording these tickets over everyone’s heads. (Is Obama gonna be there? He is isn’t he? Damn. Can I come?)

6. Cut to the world’s most awkward text exchange where you both discuss an alternate reality of events with a level of passive aggression that should be reserved for people that’s have at least fucked.

I just realized my numbers don’t make sense. I also realized I would need to do a 7 – 12 just to breakdown the text exchange and then I realized I gotta practice what I preach and let it go.

Let it go Nkasi.

He was clearly just interested in those Super Bowl tickets. And you clearly were happy to finally have a certain cachet.

But of course neither of you can say any of this in his final clawing to still be allowed to attend. (My God what am I missing out on?)

But there’s no need to be mulling over shots fired by a dude you went on TWO DATES with.

Let it go.


Agatha Guilluame

Agatha is a figment of the collective VSB imagination.

  • thutch24

    #teacherbae…….look it up

    You’re welcome. I think this fulfills my community service hours your honor! lol

    • Man she got me wanting to be Billy Madison.

  • Lady describes herself as “blunt tongued” and then the receipts she provides via text message is the Platonic ideal of passive-aggressiveness. If she was as blunt as she thought she was, she would I said “I don’t give tickets to dudes who can’t text back. Deuces.”

    She has some self-awareness issues she needs to work through.

    • Knowledge god

    • LadyJay?

      She is the type to scream, I’m independent. But lady, you supposed to be. You ain’t doing anybody a favor by being so.

      • Question

        Here’s a question: why do we feel the need to scream independence? I notice every self provided description includes some reference to independence. Isn’t that a given? I mean what is a dependent or co-dependent single person? Isn’t that like an oxymoron of sorts or something…

        • LadyJay?

          To validate how much you really don’t need a man cause….I don’t know. I find it stupid. Oh well. Al the single ladies.

          • E_Deshon

            Ive always found it a bit ridiculous that people want kudos for being adults and doing adult sht…but who am i to bust bubbles with the truth.

            • Maestro G

              POP! :-)

        • Blueberry01

          I think people who do that have low self esteem and/or deeply rooted insecurities.

          Well, apparently it isnt given with some. I blame reality TV.

          To me, dependence is a person who needs someone else to survive physically and emotionally. Co-dependence are two or more people who are dependent on each other.

          • Question

            I agree with your definitions – I guess my point was that if you’re single, aren’t you by default and definition independent? How can you be single and dependent or even co-dependent, unless you’re living at home on your Momma’s couch…?

            • Blueberry01

              You just answered your own question :wink:

              Feel free to insert your boyfriend/girlfriend/situationship’s couch, too….

      • CozyVon

        In my experience, one who has to scream “Strong!” or “Independent!” every two seconds…usually ain’t, so much. You don’t have to constantly broadcast what you are; you just…are.

    • Deeds

      Hahaha….very true.

    • Aly

      Yes indeed.

    • TeeChantel

      That’s a classic Tee response. Nice and petty.

      • Nice and petty is a major key.

        People need to know when their time is up.

        • TeeChantel


    • NomadaNare

      I think the fact that she provided texts to Ag at all was less than easy going and certainly not what people about open communication do

      • I mean, I keep receipts of text messages too.

        I’m also a type-A professional only calmed by the Glenlivent, red meat and Mrs. MM. Nobody would ever call me easy going.

    • Digital_Underground

      She also described herself as “easy going”. That dog won’t hunt either.

      • Dog needs to be put down. Poor thing.

        • B-Dot Willz

          Damn shame what they did to that dog

          • Sigma_Since 93

            Props for the Coming to America reference

      • miss t-lee

        Dog been old yellered.

      • Medium Meech

        She’s about as easy going as a dry enema with red pepper flakes. But someone who describes themselves as tough-skinned, blunt tongued and easy going all in the same sentence either doesn’t know what an idiom is and did a poor job of describing her skin condition or doesn’t understand irony. Either way I blame our school systems.

        • Sigma_Since 93


        • miss t-lee

          “She’s about as easy going as a dry enema with red pepper flakes”

          This is where I died, my soul is writing this.

          • TJ


        • She would of been properly trained on idioms if she was in my English class.

          “Dry enema with red pepper flakes.” Your mind is an interesting place.

          • 546inthemorning

            Isn’t it “would have”?

            • Lol, you bein’ petty now.

              • Guest

                Weeeelllll, you did say you have an English class. Lol!

                I couldn’t pass it up either.

                • I put respeckt on your game.

                  • SororSalsa

                    Sir, there is no “t” in respeck.

                    • Fixed. It’s like it never happened!

            • Chanelle Hunter-Barnes

              Dang I was about to say that

              • You are so petty Chanelle lolol #PettyLaBelle

                • Chanelle Hunter-Barnes

                  i prefer #PettyWap. Thnx :-)

          • Yahmo Bethere

            If she “were”.


        • NonyaB

          “… about as easy going as a dry enema with red pepper flakes.”

        • will_the_thrill


        • cakes_and_pies

          That sentence let me know she was full of isht and she probably left some context out of her narrative.

          • B-Dot Willz

            I’m sure she left out a few days of thirst and the fact that she probably gave him the invite after he gave her the D.

            • cakes_and_pies

              Thank you, something in the milk ain’t clean about her text messages.

        • Asiyah

          Or maybe she feels that part of being blunt is telling people things that they don’t even need to know. Why do you have to tell him he’s disinvited? He’s been ignoring you! No need for this conversation.

          • Medium Meech

            Asiyah, the problem is 2 people, especially in romance, can see the same situation entirely differently and both be convinced of how obvious their POV is correct.

            • Asiyah

              YES! Such an excellent point, Meechy.

            • KaytotheBee


              • MsSula

                Ostie en calice! Always found Quebecois curse words hilarious.

            • The greatest misunderstanding about communication is that most people think they do it effectively.

              • Guest

                Great point! And so true.

              • Bri Michelle

                George Bernard Shaw

              • Bri Michelle

                George Bernard Shaw said something similar. I like yours better though. .

                • “The biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

          • Question

            Then in which situations is one “blunt-tongued”. Dude figured it out – no need to keep up the charade and then continue with some passive-aggressive dialogue. “Have a nice day” stuff. Blah.

            • Asiyah

              I agree.

          • Cleojonz

            Exactly. If he tries to holler to confirm, he too can be ignored. He can’t get in without your ticket. Girls can be so stupid sometimes.

          • KNeale

            True. You could have just never talked to him again. He aint say a word to you since date 2 so if he pop up close to the event then he played himself. She wanted to get back in contact with him and get back at him.

            • Guest

              She was hoping she was wrong about him.

              • SororSalsa

                And if she wasn’t, she wanted to disinvite him and rub it in his face. That was some educated, polite PA ish. Neither of them was willing to take the L and move on.

            • Blueberry01

              This would have been my flavor and shade.

          • LifeDelishUs


        • GardensRegular

          This comment is pure literary gold…

        • Joi


        • Blueberry01

          At least you didn’t blame Obama like the Marshmallow Confederate.

        • TJ


      • Crawford

        As someone who’s been told they’re blunt, I can tell you that no one associates easy-going with me. I get called awkward more often than that. I think she needs to ask folks around her how she comes off so she can learn about herself.

        • Blueberry01

          Self-awareness is key!

    • MsSula

      Definitely needs a whole semester of Self Awareness 101.

      • Who would teach the course?

        • MsSula

          Are you free Wise Man?

          • Ironically, a huge portion of my job as a college counselor/ instructional coach is teaching self awareness.

            So no, I’m not free, lol. I do enough as it is and am not paid enough to do more.

            • MsSula

              So let’s hope Agatha’s answer helps her out. Lol.

              People underestimate the power of self awareness in growth and maturity. In fact, self awareness = growth + maturity

              • True. Most people need to accept that they are the common denominator in all their problems.

                • LoveTrenia

                  You are preaching a Word on today.

                  • The doors of the church are always open.

                • Blueberry01

                  Yes. We are always the problem and the answer.

                • SouthwestDekalb

                  I hate to bring up old stuff, but didn’t you just blame teachers for kids not learning yesterday? I couldn’t resist bro!

            • Blueberry01

              Let them know that we DO NOT get overtime!

              • Word. I live to close achievement gaps, especially the one in my bank account.

                • Blueberry01


                  I’m protesting like Colin against overdraft fees.

                  • They aren’t fair with the overdrafts, yo.

    • Brooklyn_Bruin

      Perhaps that’s not what she meant by blunt tongued?

      • MsSula

        You sir need to go to the corner IMMEDIATELY. Lolll.

      • Dude called her that after relations and it flew over her head.

      • NonyaB

        See, I said I wasn’t finna let my mind in the gutter tahday, so I shut that thought down as soon as it knocked on mah brain’s door. But nooo, here you go voicing it! We’re all going to heyll in a hanbasket!

    • charisma_supreme

      …cuz i was shole like, what part of the deflection game is this? Esp when he actually made space for her to keep it a hunnit.

    • Asiyah

      Agreed, Mortal. Excellent point.

    • Kdubbya

      Rare for a woman to take an L but she deserves it

      • Question

        I will never take an L from Floyd. NEVER.

    • LoveTrenia

      Man, listen. Come thru with these facts.

    • Hilary B.

      Can you imagine dudes face while he read this dis-invite…after obviously ignoring her for an extended period of time … ??

    • Blueberry01

      Period and done.

  • B-Dot Willz

    She finds pleasure in lording museum opening tickets over somebody? We get it you’re the museum plug. OK YAAAAY you. Her life must be a brick if she had to make this an issue.

  • Sigma_Since 93

    Dude dodged a bullet and he doesn’t even know it.

  • MsCee

    This ish is HILARIOUS but YES Aggie this opening will be lit…all the bougie Black’s will be in attendance I went to DC about a year ago and my friends and I literally planned our second trip to coincide with the opening because bougie black women love brunch and museum openings

  • Oluseyi


    • miss t-lee

      I felt the same way…lol


    *goes to read article

  • laddibugg

    I feel like without being there I totally understand why there were only two dates with her.

    • B-Dot Willz

      I’m starting to think he was a champ for sticking it out through the second date.

    • miss t-lee


    • MsSula

      Seriously. This letter to Agatha exhausted me for truth.

  • Brandon Allen

    Dude seemed pretty straight forward. She seemed frustrated that her sentiments were correct.

    Also, it’s easy to pretend like you’re interested in someone if you really want to go to an event. He must of been scared of that Megabus ride down to DC with her.

  • miss t-lee

    I guess there are worse things you could’ve been used for.
    Those text message where the equivalent of watching paint dry. Goodness gracious.
    Y’all please both just go about your merry ways and leave each other alone…forever.

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