Ask Agatha: “I Think He’s Using Me For My National Museum of African American History and Culture Opening Tickets” » VSB

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Ask Agatha: “I Think He’s Using Me For My National Museum of African American History and Culture Opening Tickets”

Nkasi from Brooklyn, NY asks:

I’m a very open-minded, tough-skinned, blunt-tongued, easy-going gal. Which is why it might be so hard for me to wrap my head around this situation… I went on two dates with this guy. We had a good time the first date and after said date I invited him to my job’s new Museum opening two weeks away in DC (NMAAHC). After date #2 he started saying things like; “Oh I’m going to be extra busy for the next 2 weeks…” and “Oh I have a wedding I’m going to so I wont be able to hang this weekend” (the wedding was local) but I look forward to the museum event though” (two weeks away).

*insert eyeroll*

I’m grown, smart and I’ve been around the block a few times so I know that’s code for I’m not really feeling you. I figure, we still haven’t gotten to really know each other so I won’t write him off right away, lets see what he does…

The Ghost Chronicles:

Day 3: No call or text

Day 7: A dry reply to my text

Day 9: A smiley on Snapchat

Day 11: heart eyes on Snapchat

Day 14: I had enough (or lack thereof) hah!

So I texted him to disinvite him and give the spot to a family member. (Originally I sent out too many invites and this family member didn’t make the cut)

The text conversation went like this:

shot shot2
Now Agatha, where were these sentiments when he realized I was friend material? Why can’t people just be honest? Also was I wrong for disinviting him? Let me know what the proper etiquette is for disinviting a ghoster…


Two dates Nkasi?


And not one honest “sentiment” from either of you.

Girl you chronicling emojis sent via Snapchat? Emojis you no longer had proof of seconds after you saw it. I mean, if a tree falls in the woods and you’re the only witness…

Why are there are so many undercurrents to your “disinvite” exchange, Nkasi?

Okay I’m getting ahead of myself.

Let’s break this whole thing down.

1. After one date you invited him to a fairly distant future event. That must’ve been some date. Or it might’ve been a regular date. It was probably a regular date. Why did he accept? Are museum openings that lit? (They’re not.) Is Kanye the master of ceremonies? (He’s not.) Will Ta-Nehisi Coates be there?

2. The only thing that seemed to come out of date two was him deciding he wasn’t that into you. Something “grown and smart” you figured out right away but for some reason “open-minded and easy-going” you decided to wait and see. Oh honey.

3. After the second date he said he wouldn’t be able to see you until the museum opening. Two weeks away. (How hot are these tickets?) Like he clearly wanted to not have anything to do with you but he also really wanted to go to this fire event. (Is NMAAHC code for Summer Jam?) His biggest problem though is he clearly doesn’t know how to play it. He doesn’t know how to feign interest for two weeks in order to lock down these Lemonade Tour tickets. This dude is clearly not a sugar baby pro.

4. So this whole non-thing thing should’ve ended at the disinvite. (It doesn’t.) Because apparently the world is ending and you have the last ticket to the last generation ship leaving the galaxy.

5. Nkasi I have a sense you’ve been lording these tickets over everyone’s heads. (Is Obama gonna be there? He is isn’t he? Damn. Can I come?)

6. Cut to the world’s most awkward text exchange where you both discuss an alternate reality of events with a level of passive aggression that should be reserved for people that’s have at least fucked.

I just realized my numbers don’t make sense. I also realized I would need to do a 7 – 12 just to breakdown the text exchange and then I realized I gotta practice what I preach and let it go.

Let it go Nkasi.

He was clearly just interested in those Super Bowl tickets. And you clearly were happy to finally have a certain cachet.

But of course neither of you can say any of this in his final clawing to still be allowed to attend. (My God what am I missing out on?)

But there’s no need to be mulling over shots fired by a dude you went on TWO DATES with.

Let it go.


Agatha Guilluame

Agatha is a figment of the collective VSB imagination.

  • NomadaNare

    Kind of with the dude on this one (even though he was mad petty with the texts)

    Disinviting him was shady

    Had the tables been turned she would be salty and therein lies the issue

    If youre going to be petty be all the way petty just ghost and dont text again

    He would have gotten the message especially when she *new phone who-dis’d* after he texted the day of for that ticket and there was no moral high ground to be gained by either party

    • Petty to the tenth power…shudda ghosted the very first text.

  • She really needed that last word huh? My man ended the conversation as amicably as possible and she was still going in.

    Museum openings are lit depending on the artist Agatha. Get hip.

    • Aly

      Nah, he was being passive aggressive/shady too. They were both doing too much. Those texts made me cringe.

      • TeeChantel

        Those text messages were so exhausting.

        • Aly

          All for someone you’ve been on two dates with!

          • catgee12

            They probably smashed and she thought it was more than it was … The D got her …

      • Too many exchanges period. Everyone wanted that last “gotcha” One or both of them needed to fall into that “This is Sparta!” pit, and end it all.

      • LadyJay?

        Soooo disagree. She IS the problem.

      • Asiyah

        Yeah they were both doing it.

    • MsSula

      I mean I am reading the whole exchange like , uh? Is this chick serious? What in the H E double Stick is this?

      • “You’re the one I’m least close with”

        Stop. Then continued after he said ok

        • MsSula

          She was trying to hurt his feelings. Dude, he does NOT care about you. Lol.

          • charisma_supreme


          • Asiyah

            She kind of did hurt his feelings, though, but not how she wanted to hurt them. Simply bruised his ego that she was thirsty, but not in the way he wanted her to be thirsty.

          • Leggy

            Seriously. The day women learn that you can literally never hurt a man who doesn’t give two fucks about you, that’s the day we win at moving on.

    • Skegeeaces

      He didn’t have to say “the dude you’re actually dating”. That was petty. lol

  • And the drought we experienced yesterday is over!

  • Nik White

    Dude was an ID.I.OT. (and she’s not that bright…great dates but the follow up is 2 weeks later?)
    This opening will in fact be lit. Historically so.

    • LadyJay?

      No he wasn’t!

  • Is Andrea going to be there? ???

  • LadyJay?

    He is NOT using you for your tickets! Stop it, already. He is just NOT feeling you. That was RUDE of you to send him a text, disinviting him, very rude. The excuse being that he is not a close person to you. Who does that? From jump, he was never close. I like dude’s replies.

    • MsSula

      Thank you. She was rude, in her feelings and all the way crazy adjacent.

      Girl, the guy is not using you for your tickets. You are using your tickets as carrots to dangle over folks. What is this? Kindergarten?

      • miss t-lee

        I could not agree more…lol

      • LadyJay?

        Thank you. Heaven forbid she becomes the next Oprah, we won’t hear the end of it

      • Nik White

        “crazy adjacent” – thank you for this!

      • charisma_supreme

        But why was she sooo in the feels, though? They went on two (2) dates. I get that it’s annoying, frustrating, or invalidating to be ghosted. After that length of non-communication, though, she could have called it without the text abt the tickets. Would be really have been so bold as to show up expecting to attend with her. Naw. There is something we don’t know about the stimulus for her reaction.

        • Mr. Mooggyy

          The dang lang! There had to be some smashification going on somewhere between date 1 and 2!

        • MsSula

          She acted on pure emotion and feelings. Instead of being a grown up about it.

  • Vanity in Peril

    That chick sounds exhausting. And not in the good way.

    • NomadaNare

      Seriously JC

    • LadyJay?

      Doing the most with the least

      • I’m going to have to steal this one.

      • Vanity in Peril

        Very much so. Two dates in and dude was like…

        • MsCee

          right lol

      • MsCee

        Lmfao that perfectly sums this whole thing up

    • miss t-lee


      • The opening descriptive sentence was her undoing.

        • miss t-lee

          For real man. Just no home training.

          • May as well said “I’m kind of a handful.”

            No adult should ever say that.

            • miss t-lee

              Not at all…lol

        • Vanity in Peril

          People that tell you their character traits instead of showing you.

    • MsSula


  • TeeChantel

    The museum opening is gonna be amazing.
    I’m going and mad as heII that I ain’t get no tickets.

    • Deeds

      Wait, I can go to the opening even if I don’t have a ticket?

      • TeeChantel

        Yes, it is opened to the public. You just need timed passes to go inside of the museum.

        • Mr. Mooggyy

          I heard the date has been pushed until sometime late October now! That’s just crazy!

          • TeeChantel

            Damnnnnnnn. I’ll go to the museum sometime November.

            • Reecie

              I’m definitely waiting until later in the year to go so its not so much hoopla

              • TeeChantel

                Good plan

    • Nik White

      At least you going Tee.

      • TeeChantel

        Oh yeah, I wasn’t missing my chance to see Obama one last time. Already know this event is gonna be black, black, blackity black.

  • Deeds

    Why would you invite someone that you only been on two dates with? A ticket for the grand opening would be reserved for bae. Now you gotta deal with the awkwardness when dis-inviting him.

  • laddibugg

    Oh honey…you said too much.

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