Ask Agatha: “I Think He’s Using Me For My National Museum of African American History and Culture Opening Tickets”
Nkasi from Brooklyn, NY asks:
I’m a very open-minded, tough-skinned, blunt-tongued, easy-going gal. Which is why it might be so hard for me to wrap my head around this situation… I went on two dates with this guy. We had a good time the first date and after said date I invited him to my job’s new Museum opening two weeks away in DC (NMAAHC). After date #2 he started saying things like; “Oh I’m going to be extra busy for the next 2 weeks…” and “Oh I have a wedding I’m going to so I wont be able to hang this weekend” (the wedding was local) but I look forward to the museum event though” (two weeks away).
I’m grown, smart and I’ve been around the block a few times so I know that’s code for I’m not really feeling you. I figure, we still haven’t gotten to really know each other so I won’t write him off right away, lets see what he does…
The Ghost Chronicles:
Day 3: No call or text
Day 7: A dry reply to my text
Day 9: A smiley on Snapchat
Day 11: heart eyes on Snapchat
Day 14: I had enough (or lack thereof) hah!
So I texted him to disinvite him and give the spot to a family member. (Originally I sent out too many invites and this family member didn’t make the cut)
The text conversation went like this:
Now Agatha, where were these sentiments when he realized I was friend material? Why can’t people just be honest? Also was I wrong for disinviting him? Let me know what the proper etiquette is for disinviting a ghoster…
Two dates Nkasi?
And not one honest “sentiment” from either of you.
Girl you chronicling emojis sent via Snapchat? Emojis you no longer had proof of seconds after you saw it. I mean, if a tree falls in the woods and you’re the only witness…
Why are there are so many undercurrents to your “disinvite” exchange, Nkasi?
Okay I’m getting ahead of myself.
Let’s break this whole thing down.
1. After one date you invited him to a fairly distant future event. That must’ve been some date. Or it might’ve been a regular date. It was probably a regular date. Why did he accept? Are museum openings that lit? (They’re not.) Is Kanye the master of ceremonies? (He’s not.) Will Ta-Nehisi Coates be there?
2. The only thing that seemed to come out of date two was him deciding he wasn’t that into you. Something “grown and smart” you figured out right away but for some reason “open-minded and easy-going” you decided to wait and see. Oh honey.
3. After the second date he said he wouldn’t be able to see you until the museum opening. Two weeks away. (How hot are these tickets?) Like he clearly wanted to not have anything to do with you but he also really wanted to go to this fire event. (Is NMAAHC code for Summer Jam?) His biggest problem though is he clearly doesn’t know how to play it. He doesn’t know how to feign interest for two weeks in order to lock down these Lemonade Tour tickets. This dude is clearly not a sugar baby pro.
4. So this whole non-thing thing should’ve ended at the disinvite. (It doesn’t.) Because apparently the world is ending and you have the last ticket to the last generation ship leaving the galaxy.
5. Nkasi I have a sense you’ve been lording these tickets over everyone’s heads. (Is Obama gonna be there? He is isn’t he? Damn. Can I come?)
6. Cut to the world’s most awkward text exchange where you both discuss an alternate reality of events with a level of passive aggression that should be reserved for people that’s have at least fucked.
I just realized my numbers don’t make sense. I also realized I would need to do a 7 – 12 just to breakdown the text exchange and then I realized I gotta practice what I preach and let it go.
Let it go Nkasi.
He was clearly just interested in those Super Bowl tickets. And you clearly were happy to finally have a certain cachet.
But of course neither of you can say any of this in his final clawing to still be allowed to attend. (My God what am I missing out on?)
But there’s no need to be mulling over shots fired by a dude you went on TWO DATES with.
Let it go.