Ask Agatha: Family Christmas Card Etiquette And Deleting Naked Pics » VSB

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Ask Agatha: Family Christmas Card Etiquette And Deleting Naked Pics

David from Rochester, NY asks:

Every year we take a family photo for our Christmas card. And by we, I mean, myself, my parents and my siblings and their spouses. My brothers and I think it’s cheesy but it’s important to our mother, so we all show up and say cheese. Except, the family Christmas card was a big topic at Thanksgiving dinner and my girl brought it up on the car ride home. And by brought it up, I mean she assumes she’s gonna be in it. But she isn’t. My mother has a strict no girlfriends rule and frankly, I agree with it. The thing is, I know my girl. And I know she’s going to see this as another sign that I’m not serious. What do I do?

What do you mean what do you do? It’s not your Christmas card. You just show up, wearing what they want you to wear and stand where they tell you to stand. You have no more say in who can be in it, than I do. So I would say you have to throw momma under the bus but is it even throwing her under the bus when it’s her rules? No need to even tell this chick, whom you aren’t serious about, that you agree with your mother’s “no girlfriend’s” rule. Because whether you agree or disagree, your opinion doesn’t matter. And that’s your story, so stick to it.

And frankly, I too agree with your mother. Jesus may have broken bread with lepers and beggars, because that’s what a good Christian is supposed to do but he certainly didn’t have them in the family portrait. #lastsupper

Olivia from Dade County, Fl asks:

I recently found out that my boyfriend was cheating on me. I confronted him and we talked through it and he apologized. I’m considering giving the relationship another chance. Is it wrong for me to stipulate that he delete ALL nekkid pics of other women from all his electronics?

Is that all? He just has to delete the naked pictures of the other women in his phone? Dassit? Frankly (now David got me saying frankly), I don’t think that’s enough. You need to ask for 100 percent transparency. That means you need to see evidence of him cutting all those ties (I mean you can have a few loose ends but you can’t have unraveled rope my nigga), you need unlimited access to his phone and email and all social media accounts, until further notice; you need flowers and maybe a trip; you need a clean bill of health from his doctor; and when he says “damn bitch, is that all?” You say, “No nigga!”

If you’re afraid to ask for that, then you’re afraid he’s going to run because you think you’re asking for too much. But are you?

I mean he fucked up. Literally.

He broke your trust and probably your heart.

What’s the mending of that worth? Just an “I’m sorry”? Just deleting all the naked pictures from his phone (ya know, after he uploads them to a special file in the cloud)?

“I’m sorry” is good enough from a six year old. Because six year olds are so fucking prideful that wringing an “I’m sorry” from them is plenty.

But “I’m sorry’s” falls too quickly and easily from the lips of men. And every man will try to convince you that that’s enough. But it isn’t.

He’s probably told you he’d die for you. Which is cute. But what about those passcodes?

Ricky from Bronx, NY asks:

What’s in your highlight reel? Top five.

The office break room at my old job. It was after hours. A discipline session.

The gym in my apartment complex. It was closer.

Pulled over on the WestSide Highway. Outside the car.

A compilation of all the nights up against that blue bedroom wall. My favorite.

On vacation, in Tobago. All over that fucking island.

Christy from Baltimore, Maryland asks:

I’m going on a first date this Friday night. He’s planning everything but he’s not telling me anything. So, WHAT DO I WEAR?!

This might be my favorite question ever. All my years of training has prepared me for this moment.

So my darling Christy, this is what you wear.

dress

Simple. Sexy. Chic.

This type of bodycon with clean lines and sexy feminine heels works for almost all shapes and sizes. Except hobgoblins.  Ya know, because of the growths.

Anyway, pair it with simple barely there makeup and simple hair, whether worn up or down.

Add an appropriately stylish coat for inclement weather (so, not your Northface) and substitute the strappy sandals for a blockier heel if you have weak ankles or if you spent too much of your youth on your knees, like I did.

shoes

Because I played volleyball. I was a starter.

And of course SPANX, unless you’re one of those girls routinely clocking 50+ miles a month on your FitBit. Those girls are the worst. #noonecares

Either way you won’t be too dressy or too underdressed no matter the venue.

So good luck Christy! And most importantly, make sure and do a package check during that end of the night make out session.

Agatha Guilluame

Agatha is a figment of the collective VSB imagination.

  • Epsilonicus

    I am a fan of the blue dress. And the woman in it. That is all.

    • Lea Thrace

      You and me both sir. And I dont even swing that way.

      • *pours you a couple drinks to try to change your mind*

        • Lea Thrace

          lissen here young buck…

          lol

          • I’m trying to get you comfy.

    • Sigma_Since 93

      I’m Sigma_Since93 and I approve this message

    • Oluseyi

      I’ve seen dozens of her photos and YouTube videos because the co-parent is a fan of hers. And, low-key, so am I.

      • Epsilonicus

        Who is she?

        • Oluseyi

          Shirley B. Eniang. http://shirleyswardrobe.com

          • PhlyyPhree

            MVP, you are

            • Lea Thrace

              I’m about to lose what little productivity I had planned for today. This is why Agatha posts need to come on Tuesdays. Tuesdays are my preplanned aint ish employee days.

              • PhlyyPhree

                Meh. I NEVER plan to work at work. If it happens? Good for them

                • AlwaysCC

                  i think i love you lol

                  • PhlyyPhree

                    I know. It’s mutual

                • Pinks

                  I literally just looked over at my spreadsheet and said “Let me earn this paycheck”

                  • PhlyyPhree

                    Lol. I have a to do list. I look at it in between responses. But it is also the week after the holiday and my office is quiet sooooo…it will get done before I clock out for lunch and I feel that’s really all they can expect of me.

          • Cleojonz

            Okay I think I hate this girl. Even in sweats she is flawless!

            • HAHAHA…NO

              She’s everything! Check out her videos on Youtube then hate yourself. That is what I did.

              • Cleojonz

                lol, I don’t need her help for that as I stuff my face with this pumpkin muffin lol.

                • HAHAHA…NO

                  There is a clip of her in a swimsuit on Instagram…just all kinds of right.

                  • PhlyyPhree

                    Nope. Nope. Nope. I’ll look right before I head down to the gym to try and demoralize myself into an extra set of weights today, but I’m not going to torture myself like that.

                    • Sigma_Since 93

                      Get it in @PhlyyPhree:disqus !!!

                    • PhlyyPhree

                      I’m trying. Trying to get in this work early before all the Resolution bunnies come back. Not that I’m judging them, just trying to stay ahead of the curve

                    • Cleojonz

                      That is the worst, trying to hit the gym with the “resolutioners” as I call them. they’ll all be gone by February.

                    • AlwaysCC

                      ugh! i am dreading that. i will continue to frequent my 530a yoga classs. i *know* they won’t be in there! lol

                    • PhlyyPhree

                      Mmmhmmm. I’m just trying to get back in the habit now to make sure EYE am still there by February. I go through spurts myself at the gym.

                    • Oluseyi

                      I’ve seen many dedicated gym rats state that they take January off, specifically to avoid the resolutioners. They do something else, like yoga and push-ups at home, or running (when the weather allows).

                    • Deeds

                      I should probably start doing something like that. Maybe do insanity or something.

                    • Sigma_Since 93

                      This is why I plunked down the money and bought good equipment for my basement. I’ll be dammed if I’ve gotta wait to March to get an elliptical!

                    • PhlyyPhree

                      LOL. I have a treadmill in the basement that I use in order to stay consistent but for me, actually getting out of the house and going to the gym motivates me more. Plus I have a gym at my job and a membership to the Y, and both are pretty well stocked so I never have to wait long.

                    • AlwaysCC

                      working out at home does not have the same effect for me either.

                    • PhlyyPhree

                      It’s cool, because I’m less self conscious about what I wear and I can work out in socks and stuff, but at the same time, how will I ever lift more, run faster, climb harder if I can’t secretly compete with the girl two machines down?

                    • AlwaysCC

                      lol i think i push myself harder at the gym because i don’t want to be “that girl” who gives up before everyone else

                    • I want a treadmill or elliptical for my office but I don’t really wanna build the muhfugga

                    • PhlyyPhree

                      Just pay the extra $25 to Sears or whomever delivers and have them do it. It was worth it, IMO

    • MsSula

      Shirley B Eniang is THAT girl. Her body is all kinds of right. Her sister is just as beautiful.

      (Yes my name is Sula and I am a Youtube addict. Lol)

      • Girl. I knew who she was before even scrolling all the way down. Her makeup and clothes game too real.

    • DBoySlim

      She is everything right now. It was good advice on the fit too. I alsoappreciate the absence of wedges.

      • RaeSo313

        Shutup fool what’s your beef with wedges lol….

        • DBoySlim

          Wedges are the Du-Rags of women shoes.

          • Me

            But she listed a chunky heel alternative though … Chunky heels are nothing more than wedges that are afraid to commit.

            • DBoySlim

              HA!

            • Marcie

              lol! This made me chuckle.

          • mrs.BAP

            The durags of women’s shoes? I beg to differ…. You can’t dress up a durag. And wedges sre a staple outside of the POC community too. Versatility!

          • this is too hilarious!

    • LadyIbaka

      You got taste!

  • Lea Thrace

    That first date advice is just brilliant. She will be winning. Let’s just hope he doesnt turn out to be a dud. I hate wasting a good outfit/look on a dud.

    • Sigma_Since 93

      If I was that dude, I would hope it was cold outside so I could see her [signal lost]

      • Creep Don’t Sleep

        • Epsilonicus

          #CreepSquad

      • Lea Thrace

        upgrade that damn phone so you stop losing signal!

        • Epsilonicus

          Bwahaha!!!

        • camilleblu

          poor sigma is NEVA gonna live that down

          • Sigma_Since 93

            It all started with you!!! lol

            • camilleblu

              you know i LUH you boy

        • Pinks

          bloop

  • 1. Simple, you don’t get in the picture without a ring, take her to do y’all own photo shoot that she’ll probably force you to make your Facebook picture but by Dec 26th you free my ninja, free.

    2. I can’t do it. It being being in relationship debt. It’s a hole you’ll never quite get out of because even if she don’t trust you her home girls, mama, cousins, eyebrow lady, nail salon tech and work husband won’t. Just gotta start over and use the relationship as your one that got away story and how you’re older and wiser having learned from that. Word to Aubrey.

    3. [REDACTED]

    4. Fitbit stunters are the worst. Also ninjas should have 2-3 audibles in case you pick her up to go play pool and she dressed for cocktails.

    • Lea Thrace

      re: your #4. This problem could be solved by just telling her where you are going. No? Why are we making this more complicated than necessary?

      • Mystery breeds anticipation

        • PDL – Cape Girl

          This was funny…..LOL

      • Tina

        Or at least what type of attire to wear. I’m gon be a little salty if you take me indoor rock climbing and I was trying to look cute for you in my dress and heels.

        • I’ll tell you if we gonna be outdoors or indoors, and depending on the time you should have an idea what to wear

          • Tina

            I love the idea of a surprise date, but I hate when I go somewhere and realize I’m not dressed appropriately.

            • MsSula

              Then it will give him another insight into your personality: how adaptable you are. Maybe it’s because I consider it a great quality to be adaptable at whatever situation is thrown at you… but I can understan the appeal.

              If I am not dresses “appropriately”, I make a joke an life goes on. If we end up in the woods, I remove my shoes and we laugh about it. Whatever it is, it shouldn’t be that big a deal.

              • Tina

                My anxiety won’t let me be great! *wails*

              • You the real MVP… But like I said that’s why u need contingencies I won’t have you mini golfing in ur lbd

              • LadyIbaka

                Like your go with the flow attitude ma sista!!!!!! Me, he Berra tell me, I don’t have time to demystify.

      • camilleblu

        lea! what it do girlie? i’ve got an offline question for you. here’s my email – shoot me an email so that i can respond to it, please and thank you :)

        • Lea Thrace

          got you.

      • MsSula

        Because it’s fun!!! I love a mistery date. :)

        • AlwaysCC

          i’ve been on a couple of mystery dates, but i was always given enough info to know if i should wear a dress/heels or jeans/sneakers

    • uNk

      #1
      This happened to me once Lol she wanted like a professional couple picture. I wasn’t sure how to react since Ive never had that requested. I could only respond with “I mean I guess that cool”

    • Cleojonz

      LOL extra points for “work husband” in #2

      • Them ninjas ain’t low…

      • uNk

        The horrible thing is that the only women who I have played work husband for and have seen other men play work husband for are already in relationships

        • Cleojonz

          Well yeah, that’s how that works. You would never be work husband for someone you actually are actively pursuing. You’re like the male bff.

  • 1. Why she think she going to be in the Christmas photo? She a girlfriend. She need to sit her little self down someone. Edit: Also who keeps nudes past a week? Delete them. If you would like new ones just request them.

    2. Ain’t nothing you can do right after you cheat. You deserve and have earned the suspicion. Hopefully a couple of years down the road you can be friends. That’s the most you can hope for.

    3. ¿¿¿¿

    4. idk. I’ve never planned a date in my life.

    • Tina

      “Ain’t nothing you can do right after you cheat. You deserve and have earned the suspicion. Hopefully a couple of years down the road you can be friends. That’s the most you can hope for.”

      I respect those who can move past infidelity, but I couldn’t do it. I would never fully trust him again.

      • PhlyyPhree

        I always have questions for couples who move past infidelity. I never ask, but I still have them.

        • Pinks

          Me too. Especially blatant and disrespectful infidelity. I do think there is such a thing as getting carried away in a moment and making a rash, terrible decision. However, when these fools be out here with whole other families, houses, bank accounts, etc., I’d have to boil some grits and introduce them to homie’s back.

          • PhlyyPhree

            That’s what I mean. I know it’s horrible, but when someone says infidelity, I usually think of the long protracted affairs, not the “I got a little too drunk at the bachelor party and got too close to a stripper I’ll never see again”
            But to me???
            If homie is out here making an emotional connection with someone else and there’s pillow time and cuddling and secret pet names and side holidays and special ring tones??? No. If you have the time to have a whole nother relationship, you were NEVER committed to the one that you had with me. I’ll be d amned if my sill self is out here giving my all while he’s doing the least.

            • Pinks

              Emotional cheating is way worse than physical cheating IMO. Like, you let that heffa know about how you cried during The Color Purple? Nah. That’s ya boo and y’all can have a good ole raggedy bald-headed a ss life together.

              • Tina

                wait..I’m bald headed #stillfunny

                • PhlyyPhree

                  LMAOOOOOOO
                  I’m not laughing at you being bald because I am sure that you are fierce…but the timing of this was everything

                  • Tina

                    hahahaha I upvoted it and was like “hol up now..why I’m laughing at myself”

                    • QuirlyGirly

                      upvote for being able to laugh at yourself.

                      And bald headed a ss does make an insult just a little funnier. I also find the adjectives – raggedy and black a ss makes an insult funnier. I have a warped sense of humor

                • Pinks

                  I bet you rock the shizznit out of it too

                  I just think adding “bald-headed a ss” as an adjective makes anything 10x funnier.

                  “Look at them bald-headed a ss corny shoes she got on”

                  • Tina

                    It was hilarious though. It’s like this sh*t just flows out of you LMAO

              • PhlyyPhree

                Bwhwhaaa. “Raggedy bald-headed a ss life”

                I’m going to work that into a sentence this week.

        • From the couples I know it’s almost always make the other woman the enemy.

    • uNk

      #4
      Any specific reason why you have never planned a date?

      • My erhm “dating life” mostly consists of “We are meeting up at Hotel A at this time o’clock.” Not a lot of courtship in my life.

        • uNk

          hmmm…well if it works for you there’s nothing I can say lol

      • HAHAHA…NO

        He’s lazy and will continue to have dry peen.

        • THEY SHOOTIN

          • Sigma_Since 93

            It’s looking like the fireworks finale around these parts!

        • Thanks for the commentary sassy faceless commenter.

          • Lea Thrace

            You and AP fighting again? BWAHAHAHA

            • PhlyyPhree

              I squealed. Out loud

            • My date ideas are far too boring to ask AP out.

              • PhlyyPhree

                You’ll never know if you don’t ask….

                • I know her and I know me. If I wanted a platonic date, I’d just ask out my friend.

  • uNk

    “So I would say you have to throw momma under the bus”

    Yooo I was saying that in my head as I read the story LOL like all the way under the bus, I cant stand dealing with headaches I have little to no control over.

    Im with Tristan on the second story. Its a long dead end at that point. Ppl want to forgive and forget but when it comes to being hurt, few can actually move on from that. Trust issues that never get discussed, snooping, unhappiness….Im good on all of that. I suppose that’s why Im so worried about getting married, because I only want it to happen once, but idk if I could stay with anybody that cheated. Im still mentally in debate on this subject.

    Cmon Ricky this isn’t Ask.fm, got her spilling her personal yet highly interesting/eyebrow raising/mind stimulating highlights. I’m……I’m appalled…….at him

    Personally, for a first date I wouldn’t try and be super secretive with it. A good first impression has to be made, and having her confused and stressed over an outfit before you even meet her isn’t one of them. Lay out that first date so she knows everything she has to do and feels extra confident in you seeing her. Surprise dates are for later in my book.

    • Tina

      “Personally, for a first date I wouldn’t try and be super secretive with it. A good first impression has to be made, and having her confused and stressed over an outfit before you even meet her isn’t one of them. Lay out that first date so she knows everything she has to do and feels extra confident in you seeing her. Surprise dates are for later in my book.”

      Completely agree.

  • Pinks

    Why would you even want to be in a family pic for a family that you’re not officially even a part of? There is nothing that says “I’m doing too much” more than trying to insert yourself where you weren’t invited.

    And about these pictures – are they the only stipulation? Cus I doubt the absence of some nekkid selfies is not about to make his wayward paynus any less wayward. Nigs are gonna nig, whether or not they have physical evidence of nigging.

    I have yet to find a bodycon dress that didn’t accentuate this dang pouch that won’t seem to go away. Rouching is my friend for date night until I get that together.

    • AlwaysCC

      i favor short flowy dresses after my babies. something low cut works, too. only swaddled baby Jesus can fix this pouch…

      • Pinks

        I’ve taken to a lot of black, leggings and tunics lol

        • Lea Thrace

          NOOOO. I hate when mommies do this. Stop covering yourself up in tents after the babies. If I, a certified member of team chunky hips and thighs and bewbs, can where fitted clothing, so can you!

          • PhlyyPhree

            Yeaaaa nah. You have NO idea what those things (and by those things, I mean kids) can do to your body.
            Although I have no complaints here. I looked the best I EVAH did after the kid emerged. Then I got lazy because it all seemed so easy. Sigh

            • Pinks

              I lost 14 lbs the first two weeks thanks to breastfeeding and then got lazy.

              • PhlyyPhree

                By the time my daughter was 3 months old, I was down about 40 lbs from my initial prepregnancy weight due to breastfeeding and just plain ol not having time to sit and eat. I ALMOST wish she was still nursing just for the calorie burn. Sigh.

              • Guest

                All just fluid and water retention.

                • Pinks

                  It was weight that was lost, no matter the source, so I was hype lol

          • Pinks

            Oh it’s not even about covering myself up – I’m just too cheap to buy all new things so I’m wearing stretchy stuff until I can fit back into my size 6 clothes lmao

            I like all of my clothing fitted, so having to adjust is really making me get my ish together and get this sexy back.

        • Tina

          Control top pantyhose have been my best friend. I should give spanx a try though.

          • AlwaysCC

            spanx are awesome! i have *always* worn them – even when i was damb near sporting a 6pack because #smoothlines

            if you can’t breathe when you’re wearing it, you bought the wrong size.

            • Tina

              Oh, this is good to know. I always thought it would be too restrictive.

              • Lea Thrace

                faux Spanx can be. Spend the money on the real thing and it is so worth it.

                • AlwaysCC

                  yes! i’m usually not brand bound, but i made that mistake ONCE

              • AlwaysCC

                they’re really not. they are nothing like wearing a girdle/waist shaper. just follow the chart on the back of the package to pick your size. if you’re right on the edge of a size, get the larger one.

            • Oluseyi

              I appreciate y’all looking and feeling good, and acknowledge your effort, but feel cheated if the dress come off and the body don’t match the dress.

              And I love your paunch, girl. I saw it when I asked you out, so don’t be ashamed of it. It gives me something to …

              • AlwaysCC

                lol spanx ain’t a miracle worker! it shouldn’t be fooling anyone. it just makes you look smoother in very fitted dresses when you wear spanx. i wore them looong before i even had the pouch.

                • Oluseyi

                  There’s a whole range of spanx, from simply smoothing to psycho waist trainers. All I’m saying is, really, I’d feel blessed to be seen in the company of damn near all of you. The sexiest thing you can have on is some confidence!

                  • AlwaysCC

                    OH! no – we’re talking about the brand SPANX specifically. don’t get me started on the girdles/waist trainers/cinchers folx are out here wearing…literally cutting of their breathing.

                    and a man who recognizes sexiness/confidence is always the mvp

                    • Oluseyi

                      [Martin voice] We HERE, baby! Those SPANX knockoffs are the worst.

            • PhlyyPhree

              My mother would love you. She always preached the idea of wearing correct undergarments like slips and spanx, not because you had anything to hide, but because it made your clothing fit better. I didn’t llisten until it was almost too late.

              • AlwaysCC

                between my mother and ballet (no pantilines allowed – actually no panties allowed) i am extremely conscious of what undergarments i wear.

          • Pinks

            My job is suuuuuuuuuuuper casual so I’m able to get away with never wearing stockings. Catholic school for 13 years traumatized me far too much to do that to myself voluntarily. I say I want to try Spanx, but I hate feeling constricted. The bodysuit I wore on my wedding day was my first and last piece of shapewear for a while. I’ll let the cellulite show and the jiggles jiggle for all that lol

            • MsSula

              Team #NoSpanx. Let the jiggly bits jiggle! Loll.

          • Mika

            best $75 you will ever spend.

            • Tina

              Damn…didn’t know they were so pricey lol. Is it safe to assume they last forever and a day?

              • Lea Thrace

                I have had some for going on 5 o 6 years. As long as you launder them carefully, they can last forever.

              • AlwaysCC

                i didn’t pay that much lol however, i also am still wearing the spanx i bought before i got married…so they’re probably close to 10yo lol

                wash on the delicate/handwash cycle with the rest of your unmentionables.

              • miss t-lee

                I’m not a fan of spanx, i like traditional shapewear better.
                Take care of them, and they definitely will last a few years.

          • I bought Yummie high waisted brief. It’s seamless and lovely!

            • Tina

              Oh that’s nice! Thanks for the tip :-)

              • Yeah, they typically sell them at Nordstrom. However, I randomly bought it DSW this summer only because I saw it while in line waiting to check out. It was half the price of Spanx.

    • The pouch shows character

    • Lea Thrace

      bodycon with a pattern. Works like a charm.

      (Also, only person that sees that pooch is you. Trust that hubby is looking other places more than likely)

      • Pinks

        Sho ya right. He ain’t worried in the least – but I was at my smallest right before the wedding and subsequent uterus raid so I’m mad I was so close yet so far.

    • uNk

      Those must have been some crazy house sessions for them to make your highlight reel top 3 lol

      • Pinks

        What can I say – I’m a homebody lol

    • LyricMeThis

      “why would you even want to be in a family pic for a family that you’re not officially even a part of? There is nothing that says “I’m doing too much” more than trying to insert yourself where you weren’t invited.”

      100% agree!! Plus they can’t even have been dating that long if she is not already aware of this tradition.

      • Pinks

        Right – less than a year. Girl, sit down and get to know all his dirt first.

        • tgtaggie

          lol. We can already see how this story will end. *snickers*

    • I have a rouched bodycon mini dress that hides my stomach (during that time of the month) that thing is INVALUABLE.

      • Where’d you get yours from? I might need to cop a couple. But we’ll coordinate so we don’t wear the same outfit to the same place, of course.

        • I found it at TJ Maxx for $14.99 & I bought one for me & one for my sis- she’s skinny & I’m curvy & we’re both out here flourishing (cuz we style it differently)- so I will say: cop u one & do u bew!

          • Thanks girlie! TJ Maxx gets better every so often when I venture in. Might be time to make another trip!

      • Pinks

        Needs one of those. My mom bought me one from Charlotte Russe, bless her heart, and although it fits really well, I had to cut a few threads after the first wear and it’s been in the drawer since.

        • yeah, I’ve been played by Charlotte Russe one too many times to ever spend a dime there. It’s crazy because some of the most durable clothing I have – I’ve purchased from cheap spots like thrift stores, or those bargain stores or even forever21- mattafact- I was just on forever21’s website last night & they have a lot of cute (cheap) bodycon dresses right now that I’m sure you can Werk with :-)

    • YeaSoh

      About the family pic… I think she’s just fvcking with him. That’s the only sense I can make of it.

      I get the feeling Ag is about that fashion advice life… but YOU KNOW WHAT?!?! I AM TOO!!! And so, if you have a little extra softness you want to camouflage regarding the bodycon dress thang… it is the DEBIL!!! Go with a dense pattern or scrap the bodycon altogether and go loose and short

      http://www.maykool.com/media/catalog/product/g/r/green-floral-print-cutout-sleeveless-sexy-midi-dress-019843.jpg
      http://gloimg.rosewholesale.com/ROSE/2015/201507/source-img/1436836769896-P-2836967.jpg?01

      • Tina

        I love a good print…florals are kind of my thing.

        • ladies always love good prints.

          • Oluseyi

            A good print wrap dress does wonders for any woman’s sexy.

            • Tina

              Look here…if this ain’t the TRUTH!

              • Oluseyi

                Testify!

                • Tina

                  My closet is full of them. I haven’t found anything more flattering for a large bust.

                  • Oluseyi

                    It gives me a built-in excuse when you catch me looking at the chesteses. “That’s a lovely print; who is that, DvF?”

                    • Tina

                      LOL…DVF is everything. I will eventually break down and buy a few of her dresses online. I’m a hardcore thrifter, so I’m holding out hope that I will come across one.

          • Pinks

            I see what you did there.

            • It’s why I never wear sweats out the house.

      • Pinks

        Yes! I’ve recently learned that prints are my allies.

      • Guest

        This looks like a college dorm room sheet from the 90’s.

        • YeaSoh

          What??? That would be hideous as a bed sheet duh fvk

  • Tina

    *anxiously awaiting the VSB/VSS highlight reels*

    • MsSula

      This should definitely be interesting. Loll.

    • I purposefully skipped that portion lol

    • -h.h.h.-

      what’s a highlight reel? folks going to the pros?

      • Tina

        A replay of your top s*xual encounters when you’re…pleasing yourself.

        • -h.h.h.-

          oh

    • PhlyyPhree

      Nope. Nah. Nuh uh.
      Someone told me that ALL my answers recently have devolved into chex talk. I’m just going to keep it to myself…and maybe take a long lunch break

      • Tina

        LMAO

      • uNk

        We’ll be waiting…

        • PhlyyPhree

          Lol. I’ll fed ex you a snickers. You’re gonna be here for a while.

      • Pinks

        Is there something wrong with chex talk? Do I be doing too much?

        Let a sista know lol

        • PhlyyPhree

          Not hardly. I enjoy it from my chaste unchosen balcony.
          I just got word from a friend that EYE do too much. So I’m trying to tone it down because this is an election year.

          • Pinks

            lmao @ the balcony. Rapunzel, let down your hair!

          • QuirlyGirly

            I don’t think you do, at least not on here. But I understand the need to roll it on back when you need too.

        • Tina

          That’s one of the many things I love about the VSS. So many of you speak freely about your s*xuality knowing that it doesn’t take away from who you are as a mother, sister, friend, etc. AND it’s nice knowing our VSB recognize this as well.

          “I’m a smart, strong, sensual woman.”

          • Pinks

            This is my take. I take caution at times to not be too graphic, but if the mood hits, I’m not above it. My opinions can still be valid if I share some not-so-PG details.

        • Girl, get yo life. I need folks to live through, all vicarious like.

          • QuirlyGirly

            Me too! Sometimes I just read and be like- “She is me, if I was her”

        • LadyIbaka

          Lawd, Pinks. Keep talking. I be taking notes or laughing!!! Talk all you want.

      • GIRL. Whoever that “Guest” was was on some bull.

        • PhlyyPhree

          I really don’t like whomever is behind that name. But, they have not appeared today, so let’s not track dirt into a fun discussion, shall we?

      • “Someone told me that ALL my answers recently have devolved into chex talk.”

        Was this just a commenter or somebody you know personally? Have they revealed to you that they have the most BOMB s e x life ever & not speaking about s e x in public settings is their secret? I dunno, I guess I’m just confused about this?

    • uNk

      I’ll play…
      1. Deck of a cruise ship up against a huge window overlooking the night sky and ocean.
      2. My bed with somebody I absolutely shouldn’t have
      3. Weekend in an extremely fancy hotel suite with an indoor hot tub and a bottle of henny….none of which I paid for.

      • Tina

        #3 is my FAVE…got it in on someone else’s dime win-win sir.

      • Pinks

        *daps for #3*

        Ain’t nothing like getting it good on something you ain’t paid for.

      • TeeChantel

        Nice at #1. uNk, you might be my west coast best fran… in my head..

        • uNk

          well we give e-hugs around here so take it all in *extends arms*

          • TeeChantel

            I know. I’m all for e-hugs

    • Where is yours sis?

      • Tina

        After reading some of these other reels, I’m pretty sure no one is trying to hear mine lol. Not nearly as exciting. Did you do one already?

        • I just have good times in people’s beds. No exciting locals.

  • Ontell Kwisatz Haderach Babbit

    more evidence that Aggie is my platonic soulmate , our top 5 reels are damn near identical

    • Lea Thrace

      Just need to say that DUNE is one of my most favorite book series and the original movie is in my top 10 favorite movies.

      • MsSula

        So in Essence, he now has 2 platonic soulmates on VSB?

        Loll.

        • Lea Thrace

          Let’s just say that if a dude started an in depth conversation on a first date about DUNE, I would propose just on general principle. lol

      • How u gonna dirty mack and agie hasn’t even logged on yet

        • PhlyyPhree

          Cause she’s not stupid. Lay foundation BEFORE Agie shows up to blow up the spot.

  • Oluseyi

    The picture of Shirley was an unexpected bonus this morning. ??

  • Why would you assume you’re going to be in a “family” photo? If ALL the other brothers are pictured with their WIVES…and you just a “girlfriend” well…who are you REALLY? No one…that’s who.

    If he cheated, I think homegirl should just beat it. No good can come from dancing around that mulberry bush of pain. FURTHER…what’s up…did she like FIND the skin flicks in his phone…or does she know that he had them all the time? What is this conversation?

    That bodycon dress is #PUREUnadulteratedSEX tho.

    • Tina

      “That bodycon dress is #PUREUnadulteratedSEX tho.”

      Ain’t it though?!

    • PhlyyPhree

      I wouldn’t want to be in the family picture if I was just a girlfriend. It’s enough that I got invited to dinner and no one sneak dissed my jalapeno mac and cheese.

      I think some of these girls just need to SIDDOWN. Out here trying to win battles and losing wars. Tuh!

      • She’s setting herself up for a holiday season of sadness and disappointment. At this point homeboy gotta say “well…it’s just for family” then she gon be like “but ya brothers tho” and THEN he gotta be like “well…they’re married” and then SHE gon be lookin’ like “well if ya liked it then ya shoulda put a ring on it” …but ARE you leavin’ tho? All this could have been avoided by staying in your girlfriend lane.

        • PhlyyPhree

          Ex-act-ly.
          Now she’s playing ‘What do the lonely do (At Christmas)’ on repeat and drowning her sorrows in disgusting a ss eggnog all because she couldn’t keep her mouth closed

          • No eggnogg slander tho >_>

            • Cleojonz

              Egg nog is the devil’s lies. I’m with Phlyy on that one lol.

            • PhlyyPhree

              Eggnog tastes like shattered dreams and stale pre ejaculate. I love myself more than that.

              • HAHAHA…NO

                If pre ejaculate only did taste as good. Stop lying on eggnog.

                • If pre-ejac tasted that good…no one would ever get preggers

                  • HAHAHA…NO

                    Real question: why the is pre-ejac always cold?

                    • wayment…you a necromancer? I haven’t experienced this LOL

                    • camilleblu

                      omg..i’m so dead @necromancer, lol

                    • LMAO I’m just tryna understand…she bangin’ Edward or nah?

                    • Lea Thrace

                      qtna. cause i was very confused on why it was cold…

                • PhlyyPhree

                  I just threw up in my mouth a little. Egg nog is just… ILLLLLLL

                  • HAHAHA…NO

                    Just add Bourbon or Bacardi Dark Rum to it. It’s magic.

                    • PhlyyPhree

                      Why would I mess up good alcohol like that???? Are you mad?!?!

                    • miss t-lee

                      You know what’s up.

                    • Or Malibu Caribbean Rum (the holiday edition has coconut flakes in it)

              • miss t-lee

                Yeah. No.
                No Egg Nog slander.

                • PhlyyPhree

                  It’s not slander if it’s trueeeee

                  • miss t-lee

                    It’s not, though…lol

      • MsSula

        “Out here trying to win battles and losing wars.”

        WORD!

      • Cleojonz

        Yup, she will wind up not even the girlfriend assuming she has a more important status than she does. That’s the kind of stuff that makes dudes run for the hills.

        • PhlyyPhree

          That too.
          She thinks it’s serious and he thought they were just having a good time. HA!

      • Janelle S

        I had been seeing the man who would become my husband for all of three months when we reached our first holiday season. I went out with the fam for the big dinner, and when everyone got up to take the group photo, I sat off to the side. I was with him for fun and not looking for something long-term.
        To this day (14 years later), I still get grief about refusing to be in that photo. I stand by it, though.

        • PhlyyPhree

          Grief from whom? Hubby? Or other family members?
          Because I think you handled it well unless they were specifically clamoring for you to be in the picture and you were like “Nope”.
          And hopefully, you have 13 years of pictures after that….

    • miss t-lee

      “Why would you assume you’re going to be in a “family” photo? If ALL the other brothers are pictured with their WIVES…and you just a “girlfriend” well…who are you REALLY? ”

      Someone who’s setting themselves up for failure. If they ain’t ask you to be in the picture, err on the side of caution.

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