Ask Agatha: Club Cockblocking Strategies And Perceived Single Black Man Shortages
Michael from Brooklyn, NY asks:
Why is there always a chick in the group that cockblocks? Why do girls even take this fun snatcher out with them? If I had a boy that did that we wouldn’t be boys for long.
Here’s what happens. You see a group of girls. One is really cute (to you). You make a beeline for her and hit a wall. That wall of women is basically a sign saying “No Solicitors.” Guess what. Those groups of girls already saw you and dissected you twenty minutes before you even noticed them. You didn’t make the cut.
What? That’s not what you’re talking about? You’re talking about when you’re in the zone and all of a sudden her friend is “ready to go”?
Here’s what happens there. You’re chatting up a cute chick. She’s laughing (politely). She’s nodding (politely). She dances with you (out of politeness). Sometimes a bitch is polite. You however, misconstrue her politeness for interest. She’s not interested. And gives her girl the eye. It’s a look of panic, terror, boredom. It happens quickly and over your head since you’re short and she’s probably in heels and her friend(s), who were hovering to begin with, swoops in and snatches her away.
You haven’t been cockblocked, she’s been rescued. From you. Because you’re (probably) short.
Lisa from Atlanta, GA asks:
I live in Atlanta and dating has been really hard. I moved here from Detroit to better my life but the shortage of single straight Black men is depressing. Before I came here I thought the disparate ratio was a joke but I’m living it. What can I do?
Is there a man shortage? I guess. Maybe. I don’t know. I went to college in Atlanta in the early aughts and it was the talk at the time even then. But these were arguments my girls were having, un-ironically, in our big mix-gendered group. I’m back home in NY now and there are good-looking interesting men everywhere. I still go to parties where the men outnumber the women. But Steve Harvey did a write a book off the strength of this shortage. And I’m pretty sure he’s an anthropologist or sociologist or something to lend this idea credence.
So let’s pretend there’s a man shortage and you’re not one of these women complaining about there not being any men out there when you really mean there aren’t enough Supermen out there. Let’s pretend 80% of us aren’t chasing the most eligible 10% and ignoring everyone else around us. I know I’m guilty of this. Aiming for Obama when I went to a state school. Looking for Serge Ibaka when I’ve never pursued anything with his level of discipline (and I can’t make fufu, or speak more than English or travel the world with him, to help with his philanthropy efforts because my Greencard expired in March and I still haven’t renewed that shit). Let’s pretend.
There’s a shortage of single Black men.
That’s not something you can change.
So you have to look outside of that pool.
Are you willing to do that though?
In China, there are 50 million Chinese men that will never be married (and the odds aren’t in their favor in America either). That’s more men that there are Black people in America. I imagine they must have their own blogs devoted to the Chinese woman shortage. They must devote a ton of energy and time to bemoaning all the White and Black men that are stealing their women. Their combined vitriol must be the reason Amerie’s career never took off. And she’s half Korean, not Chinese. J/k, that’s not the reason.
So be proactive. Learn Cantonese or Mandarin and infiltrate those blogs. Be a shoulder to cry on. Setup a mail-order husband service. Change your #Blackgirlstravel destinations. Expand your OkCupid parameters.
But you don’t want a Chinese man do you? Or a White man. Or an Indian man. Or a non-Dominican Hispanic man. You still want Serge Ibaka.
Jermaine from Dorchester, MA asks:
I was supposed to meet up with my girl and her friends for drinks last Friday. I was on my way and my cousin hit me up. He’s been down lately so I went to meet with him first. We got some drinks and he used me as a sounding board for some issues he’s dealing with. Long story short I stayed longer than I thought I would and when I went to check my phone, it was dead. The next day, I tried to explain to my girl what happened but she started bringing up old shit and now we’re not speaking. I’m pretty sure I’m in the right this time though. Aren’t I?
These things happen. In a healthy relationship you would’ve gotten the benefit of the doubt.
But this relationship isn’t healthy. And something sticks out to me. Your “I tried to explain to my girl what happened but she started bringing up old shit” line. You sir are a man laboring under the impression that your reasons excuse you. They don’t. Maybe it might the first time but certainly not after you’ve done it so much that she could trot out old evidence from a cold case. Why you were late doesn’t excuse the fact that you were late. Why you stood her up doesn’t excuse the fact that you stood her up. Why you lied doesn’t excuse the fact that you lied. If it hurt her or embarrassed her or disappointed her or disrespected her then the reason why you did it doesn’t excuse the resulting effect of your actions.
I say have an honest conversation with her about lowering her expectations. You’re a Walter lee Younger type; your intentions are good but well you’re a fuck up. And you always will be.
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