Dating, Relationships, & Sex

Ask A Very Smart Brotha: We Just Found Out He Has Newborn Twins, Should I Try To Work It Out?

Jazmine: I just found out that the person that I’ve been wanting to start a relationship with has NEWBORN TWINS! He claims that he didn’t even know and that the female lied and said she was pregnant by someone else. He wants to have a sit down and air it all out but my past relationships leave me hard to trust/believe him. Should I give him the opportunity to plead his case? He claims he loves me just as much as I love him but I’m guarding my heart with an iron fist. Suggestions???

DY: Your man’s name isn’t Tom Brady, is it? Anyway, it is possible that he was unaware of this situation until recently. In fact, I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt. Still, you both need to take a big step back from this relationship—him because he needs to figure out how to feed two mouths, and you because nothing about “my new man has twin newborns by a different woman” is hot in the streets.

I mean, if the roles were reversed and you were knocked up with twins and didn’t know who the dad was, do you think he would stay?

Erica: I just got into a discussion about what marriage is suppose to mean and I want a guy’s take on it. I say: Love is not unconditional and that everyone has dealbreakers in which they will leave a relationship or marriage. Including weight gain. Others say: If you’re married, then the only dealbreaker should be don’t cheat and don’t abuse me.
What say you?

DY: I say the best relationships/marriages are when you find someone whose dealbreakers match yours.

Denise: At what age do men grow up ?

DY: The age we realize “continuing not to grow up” means “dammit, the pool of women available to me will continue to shrink until I grow up.” Some of us make that transition, and some don’t because their pool never shrinks and there’s no incentive to make the change.

Nicole: I am in school for my PhD., should settle for someone that does have the same education level that I have or do you think I should keep my options open. Last guy I was with worked in a grocery store and that didn’t work.

DY: Keep your options open, and date whoever makes you happy. Just because someone might not have been the ideal in your head doesn’t mean you’re “settling.” The only way you can settle is if you choose someone who doesn’t make you happy. Also, just because you don’t find someone else with a Ph.D doesn’t mean you have to date supermarket stockboys. There are in betweens, you know?

Read more at Madame Noire

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for and EBONY Magazine. And a founding editor for 1839. And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at Or don't. Whatever.

  • consequence

    lmao @ “just because you don’t find someone else with a Ph.D doesn’t mean you have to date supermarket stockboys. There are in betweens, you know?”


    • Keisha

      LOL…that was rough.

    • Nikki

      I really liked that response because some people need it put to them in such a manner. I have a friend who feels that she should only look to date guys with a string of letters behind their names because she is a college grad. Her quest to find a “good on paper” mate has left her lonely and broken. Those so -called ideal guys she dated treated her like CRAP. Then she started talking to a man who was gainfully employed and treated her like a woman should be treated. Her issue with him…..he wore a shirt with his name on it to work. He worked in a warehouse and they had personalized work shirts. *eye roll* She threw away a good man who was extremely intelligent, shared common interests, and genuinely loved her all because he successfully worked a blue collar job. I have told her over and over again that she is letting good men pass her by because she has a warped sense of what settling is.

  • chameleonic

    lol @ how simple those questions were, i wouldve been mad rude.

    ‘this guy i had a one night stand with told me he loves me, should i move to where he lives???’

    me: yes.

    • Keisha

      LOL…they were simple…almost sounded Strawberry Letter-ish.

  • Animate

    Dear Denise,

    I have no nice response so I’m going to just mock your bitterness.

    • chameleonic

      [*chuckling REALLY hard*]

  • H.H.H.

    “Denise: At what age do men grow up ?”

    The day after you get married to Rufus Ginglesplien III.

    #AllPartofthePlan #SithTales

  • Pseudonym

    “the person that I’ve been wanting to start a relationship with…”

    That does NOT sound anywhere near serious or anything like committed.
    There are plenty other non-newborn-twin-having men out here for you to start a relationship with so go do that with one of them instead. Also, you say you love him and he loves you: have you guys been “talking” for longer than 9 months? Just wondering…for obvious reasons.

  • msdebbs

    “Denise: At what age do men grow up ?”


  • nillalatte

    So since u giving advice and errthang, help a sista out ’cause I’m bout to go postal or street thug on some biotchs. check it. Long detailed story, but I’m gonna make this as clear and concise as possible. I was interviewed and offered a job about six months back. After appearing on-site the HR Director realized her assumption in that I still had a credential I no longer had. They basically threw me off site, rescinded the offer, and then told the recruiter I misrepresented myself. Actually, they did a shitty job reviewing my resume. I was hired at another site with the hiring manager knowing fully that I did not have this particular credential. Then I was sent back to the first site for training. I went for 3 days training and was there everyday they held training from start to finish and then stayed late into the evening for some 1:1 time with the trainer. When the HR Director was told I was there they got all pissed off that I was hired at another site. I did nothing to draw attention to myself and said nothing to anyone about this previous encounter. Today my supervisor tells me the HR Director called our HR Director and said that I didn’t attend the training all 3 days. My supervisor has no knowledge of the previous encounter with the 1st site. She is going to contact the trainer to verify my attendance and said I should not contact the other site because that would appear as retaliation. HA.. she has no idea. I’m gonna wait for her to get that verification and then I have some choices… notify the CEO of his sites retaliation against me or file a formal complaint with corporate against this or site or do nothing. What would u do?

    • chameleonic

      dear white woman,

      chair. window. BOSS.

      • nillalatte

        Sorry. But, your comments never make any sense to me. Thanks for trying.

        • chameleonic

          being an idiot is why youre out of a job. sorry.

          • nillalatte

            I’m not out of a job honey. I got skillz. And, your stupid, arrogant reply is why I don’t comment on your comments.

            • chameleonic

              word. when you just said they dont make sense to you. ? lol…

    • Ms. Bridget

      You got drama and you still in training? Yeah, I agree with the supervisor, don’t contact them yourself, it WOULD look messy. I’d keep a paper trail wherever possible and let my current supervisor in the loop (if you haven’t already). Good luck!

      • nillalatte

        All good Ms. Bridget. Actually just writing that out even tho it was a bit long and cryptic helped me process my pissedoffness I just had to vent. After my supervisor gets her answers, I’m gonna just keep it moving. Their site is the worst in our corporate structure. They will hang themselves. Thanks.

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