Ask A Very Smart Brotha: Should I Wait For Him To Get His Money Right?
Recently, a few of my friends have come across the sentiment that men donâ€™t want to even date seriously if theyâ€™re not in a certain place financially. Can you explain whether this is really a thing or an excuse to avoid commitment? And if it is a thing what types of markers do men need before they can feel comfortable progressing in a relationship?
Curious About Men And Cash
As anyone with a TV and internet access is aware of, thereâ€™s a well-publicized epidemic of singledom plaguing the Black community. In comparison to 50, sh*t, even 20 years ago, less of us are getting married, and the people who are getting married are waiting longer and longer to do it. And, itâ€™s not like the want to be coupled upÂ isn’tÂ still there. If this was trueâ€”if people justÂ didn’tÂ want to be together anymoreâ€”How to Spell Like Youâ€™re Always Writing From a Flip PhoneÂ would the only book Tyrese would be able to publish.
(Personally, I donâ€™t think thisâ€”less and less people getting marriedâ€”is a completely bad thing. Marriage/parenthood isnâ€™t for everyone, and the more people ill-equipped for marriage and parenthood that realize this, the better.)
But, while everything from men wanting to extend the player card as long as possible to the feminist movement are cited when people ask why contemporary men may seem more reluctant to commit, from my experience the most common thing stopping men from beingÂ commitment-minded is theÂ tenuousness of many of our job situations/finances. Basically, (most) men donâ€™t want to entertain the idea of starting something serious unless the rest of their life is in order.
One of the reasons why men 40 and 50 years ago were ready to settle earlier was because you could just graduate from high school and walk into a job at a plant or a steel mill and make a pretty decent salary. Those types of jobs donâ€™t exist anymore, and despite whatever changes there may have been in gender roles and relationship dynamics, (most) men still want to be able to provide for their loved ones, and wonâ€™t enter something serious unless they feel theyâ€™re at a place where theyâ€™re settled enough to reasonably feel that they can hold things down if they want to.
(Also, â€œsettledâ€ doesnâ€™t just mean financially secure. Basically, if a guy is making a decent salary at a bank, but is thinking about going back to school to be an engineer (or rapper), heâ€™s not settled yet.)
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