Dating, Relationships, & Sex

Ask A Very Smart Brotha: Is Head Really That Big Of A Deal For Men?

I have a question for you. Some guy I know said that head is overrated. It shocked me cause I never heard I man say that before. Do more men feel that way, or is he just crazy?
Asking about Oral

Dear Oral,

I’m not sure exactly when and where it started—My best guess would be sometime after hearing Akinyele’s “Put It In Your Mouth” for the first time—but I remember being obsessed with the idea of someone going down on me. Actually, obsessed isn’t even the right word. This was an effing mission. A calling. A duty. I’d daydream about it while falling asleep in physics, wonder about it while waiting for the bus, and fantasize about it while at the foul line. Unfortunately, I was in high school at the time and I only dated black girls so, um…let’s just leave it at that.

Anyway, I finally was able to complete my mission when I got to college. And, while it felt very good, it was underwhelming. (I remember one of my teammates once remarking that it felt better than sex. After hearing that, I couldn’t help but think “What type of wack sex are you having?”) I thought this unremarkable experience would get better once I dated/hooked up with/slept with more women. But, after over a decade’s worth of oral sex, I can tell you that my feelings haven’t changed. Basically, I happen to personally agree with your friend. Receiving head is great. But, it’s not the end-all-be-all of sex some people make it out to be, and this makes it (slightly) overrated.

(Interestingly enough, while I do think that head itself is overrated—I can honestly take it or leave it—I couldn’t be with a woman who didn’t enjoy doing it. The will/want to do it is more important to me than the actual act.) 

Read more at Madame Noire


Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for and EBONY Magazine. And a founding editor for 1839. And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at Or don't. Whatever.

  • Livvin

    I love head but the will is so much more important than the act! I think that holds true for both sexes because that’s really what the thrill of it is.

    You should add something to your blog that allows for anonymous question asking… might create some juicy blog topics for you…

  • Tes

    I don’t know how to comment on this without having people faint over my slightly sexual self so…

    *sits on a beanbag and waits*

  • Wild Cougar

    Why is the will more important than the act?

    • If a woman isn’t willing to give head, she probably isn’t willing to do a lot in the bedroom in general. It’s not a perfect correlation, but a lack of knowledge can result in demanding a lot in bed while not offering much (or any) in return.

      • Tx10inch


      • GirlSixx

        I call DonkeyShyte!!! I am not a lover of giving mouth hugs but I am willing under the right circumstances and eager to try other things..

      • VanDCamp

        I call bullshit. though I’m esophaguealy skilled it’s just something that once its on the menu, its a welcome appetizer.

    • Tippydoowop

      I think men get more excited by having a plethora of options More than actually performing them all. The way I was told by one of my homebois is the fact that she even would is a big turn on.

  • That Ugly Kid

    I agree. Head is orverrated as f*ck.

    • rooseveltdunn

      Yo stop talking crazy bruh.

      • Tell him again Roosevelt. Speak for urself TUK. Head’s awesome in theory and practice.

        • Dignan

          I used to think that head was overrated. Then I ran into a woman with a bionic mouth, and I suddenly understood.

          • Royale W. Cheese

            lol. Go-go-gadget suck.

  • I do think that the want is greater than the act….I personally enjoy giving much more than receiving….being on the receiving end is hit or miss; theyre either great at it or not. But giving is something of an ego trip….knowing that you can evoke reactions from someone, and your desire to devour their…*adjusts my pearls*…..I’ll just say that I agree with you on this one, Champ.

  • Cheech

    I think that the fact that the person wants to give you pleasure might outweigh the act itself. If you really think about it, the action is kind of gross but if someone is both willing and able to do it, you might have a sort of appreciation for them

  • DreadedSouth

    I think it’s overrated but only because most women I run into have no idea what they’re doing or aren’t as enthusiastic as I’d like them to be. Still, when you find one of those rare women who truly takes pride in her craft it is a wonder to behold.

    • And the people of the Lord say? Amen!

      • Dignan

        I’ll throw some money in the collection plate for that. Especially the last sentence.

    • Panther

      And there it is!

  • Aggie

    I love head. Head, head, head (spoken in my Ron Burgundy voice). Head is part of a whole. It is important because it adds to the sex. Also, when you have a girl that gives “good head”, meaning, she is able to get you to orgasm from just head, that is amazing. For those that are unable to go raw dog, good head may be as close to raw dog as one can get, thus, head is very important.

    • Yes! To all of this. I usually don’t go raw so head’s the next best thing. A woman that can bring me to climax using nothin but her mouth is a s*x Goddess that could away with more than the average woman could on my watch. Talented women bring the best out of me…literally

  • rooseveltdunn

    The only people who think head is over rated are those who haven’t got it good, I feel bad for you son, same goes for eating poon, once you master it, she’s gonna always ask for it.

    • WayUPThere

      Nah brah, people can just actually have differing opinions. I’ll take good v@g over good head any day. Some people elevate head to near euphoric status, but good v@g is euphoria (at least until you’re done).

    • GirlSixx

      Tabernacle, Mosque and Planetarium!!!!

  • Malik

    Only a big deal for people who are uncreative.

    • +100000000

    • Totally agree with Malik. This will only be a big deal for people who are uncreative.

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