“I have piles and piles of black friends. They come to my home, I marry them, they use my bathroom.”
—louisiana judge keith bardwell, defending himself after refusing to issue a marriage license to an interracial couple last week. obviously he’s lying, because no self-respecting black person would use his toliet after he publicly admitted to having piles
between krazy keith’s kracker kourtroom, the bill de blasio (a white politican who featured his black wife and biracial children in his campaign ads) article, and the noise over okcupid’s “here’s more proof that no one wants to date black women” blog, the past couple of weeks has seen a boon in the interracial romantic relationship discussion america likes to have every year before halloween.
despite usually good intentions, these conversations tend to hit a wall because most people, scared of being branded a racist, are loathe to publicly admit how much of a factor race plays in their feelings about dating and relationships.
of course, by “most” i mean “liberal white”, because everyone else has accepted the fact that a little relationship racism isn’t neccesarily a bad thing. like condiments and p*rn, relationship racism is best used with light sprinkles.
still, in regards to interracial relationships, some of us has a tendency take it a bit too far. take the vsb.com interracial relationship racism test today to see exactly where you stand
1. you’re single, and a physically attractive and nice “other race” co-worker has expressed interest in you. do you?
a) cautiously flirt (+5)
b) ask them why they’re so interested in you. before they respond, remind them of their people’s history of questionable sexual practices. when they’re done, report them to hr, and pee in their coffee (-15)
2. you’re on your first “interracial” date. during dinner, do you discuss?
a) why you two can never, ever, ever procreate (-8)
b) minor superfical racial differences (ie “whats with ya’ll and all that damn rye bread?”) (-2)
c) jello (+3)
3. angelina jolie should be…
a) sainted for adopting all of those kids (+4)
b) in better movies and/or my bed (+1)
c) shot for letting sahara out in public with a birds nest on her head (-3)
4. i tend to date those who…
a) kind of favor my ***insert opposite sex parent*** (+1)
b) are most mentally and spiritually compatible with me (+7)
c) have also been accused of hate crimes. no convictions though (-6)
5. you find out that your (male) boss is in an interracial marriage. your opinion of him
a) doesn’t change (+9)
b) changes favorably (-5)
c) changes, but the change depends on whether they’re a black or white man (-10)
6. people who exclusively date interracially
a) should be free do to whatever they want (-3)
b) are the target audience of my blog (-6)
c) might have some self-hate issues, but who am i to judge? (+2)
7. which three word phrase best describes your feelings about interracial relationships?
a) love is blind (+1)
b) black (or white/red/yellow) is beautiful (+2)
c) shank that bitch (-11)
if you scored…
(21+) you officially have no interracial relationship racist bones in your body. kumbayla and sh*t, you color-blind bastard
(12-20) if interracial relationship racism were “breasts” you’d be sanaa lathan. not alot there, but enough to notice
(6-11) you’re officially a pretending-ass, pandering piece of sh*tty ambivalence. good job, trader joe
(5 or below) why are you even here? shouldnt you be out writing a book or protesting the color orange or some sh*t?
people of vsb.com, where’d you score?
are you an interracial relationship racist, and do you think that a bit of relationship racism has a place in the dating game?
—the champ
I refuse to announce my score in public. I think this quiz has been rigged.
@miss patterson,
rig deez
That judge is entitled to his own opinion. We wud just go to another judge to get married. Lets keep it moving, you dnt exactly want his blessing.
He got alot of heart tho. Example of when keeping it real goes wrong.
What about the (black) dude in florida, that caught his (black)daughter having sex and shot the (black)guy 4 times?
@The Hallway,
how old was the daughter?
@The Champ, she was 16. and the bf was 18.
not that i can’t understand being upset…but 4 shots tot he back (and to the genitals) is a bit much. hell, 1 shot is a bit much.
@Panama Jackson,
a shot to the nuts? wow. were they having anal sex or something?
@Panama Jackson, What? That’s called good parenting.
@The Hallway,
No, the justice of the peace is not entitled to his own opinion.
That’s illegal. You can’t refuse to marry people because of race, or religion or anything like that. You work for the government, and the government is not legally allowed to discriminate based on race, relgion or ethnicity.
Now, if the Justice of the Peace just doesn’t like interracial relationships, that’s his business. But he is not entitled to allow his opinion to dictate law. And that’s why that couple is going to get a nice fat settlement.
@Big Man, The couple probably isnt going to get a settlement. In fact nothing will really happen to the Justice. From my understanding, the JOP can deny marriage from whomever he deems unfit for marriage. Its a very strange situation. Check out the abovethelaw.com article for more info
@Peysonic Temple,
……….. A JOP is kinda like a NOTERY
Angelina needs to do something with Zahara’s hair. It drives me crazy everytime I see that child looking a mess.
Back to the topic, I’ve dated men of all races and interracial dating doesn’t bother me at all. I get surprised by how many people have such strong feelings against interracial relationships.
@Leila,
“Angelina needs to do something with Zahara’s hair. It drives me crazy everytime I see that child looking a mess.”
Ya know. I don’t think the child’s head looks a mess. (I used to but in recent months changed my mind) It’s in its natural state. It doesn’t look matted to me. It looks a bit dry but most black women’s hair looks dry. We don’t know how it feels and that’s key. I think we are conditioned to think hair should be neat at all times. It’s totally okay that her hair is in it’s big, natural state. Like I said, I used to think her hair looked a mess, then I looked in the mirror and was like “ok. I wear my hair loose and big…why can’t that child?” Any lil’ girl I have certainly will.
Personally, I prefer that look over all the cornrows/head full of ponytails. I really hate that look (sorry y’all…my mom was anti cornrow when I was little and I have adopted that position as well) on lil girls and I know the damage they can cause to the hairline. Any future daughter of V.E.G. will rock either the big hair or a single pony.
@V.E.G.,
I agree. I love that little girls hair, I *wish* my fro could get like hers.
@V.E.G.,
Thanks for pointing this out. Although I can care less how the little girl’s hair looks, I find it contradictory at times how some women will praise natural hair but slam this little girl and her white parents for having it in its natural state.
@V.E.G.,
I think Baby Z’s hair looks fine too. And for as many kids are in that house I dont think there was ever much hope of having her hair look “neat”. All them siblings=lots of activity=mess of locks
@V.E.G.,
Amen! Her hair is the natural hair of a black young girl. Shoot, I wish I could still run around looking like that…
@V.E.G., Zahara has nice hair and I wasn’t saying that it looks a mess because it’s natural. I have natural hair and always wore my natural as a kid, but my mom also used hair products and styled it to look nice.
@Leila,
I get surprised by how many people have such strong feelings against interracial relationships.
it surprises you, still?
@The Champ, It really does because most people have at least a little bit of mixed heritage. It’s also because of where I grew up, it was really diverse and race didn’t play a big factor in dating for a lot of people.
@Leila,
I think her hair looks fine. It’s natural and it doesnt look tangled up. She could put some shea butta in that ish or some bows or somethin but its really not that bad.
Sigh… I wont lie, my blood begins to boil when I see black men with white women. No not other minorities just white chicks. Especially when the reason never begin with “I love her”, instead they start with “black women (insert any negative characteristic). However, if you are happy, then more power to you. I don’t fool with it and I just plan on marrying within my race. Good thing I am mixed so I have options.
@Buxxy,
i don’t start off havin a problem with black men who are with white women. only if i get a “look how i’ve been upgraded!” or “i know you want me, black guh, but i’m over you,” vibe. or if it’s an ex of mine….but that’s neither here nor there.
@charli skipper,
only if i get a “look how i’ve been upgraded!” or “i know you want me, black guh, but i’m over you,” vibe.
***filed under “things that i think are just in your head”***
@Buxxy,
I don’t fool with it and I just plan on marrying within my race. Good thing I am mixed so I have options.
***filing under “statements that seem to blatantly contradict”***
@The Champ,
lol I feel you, but since I am black and puerto rican thats where my options are.
thank you that statement made no sense at all.
@Buxxy, i have to wonder how many conversations women have had with guys dating white chicks about why they date them…
the only reason i ask this is b/c you say the ones that don’t begin wtih “i love her” but start eslewhere. now…i aint saying it doesn’t happen, but i think it happens more in movies and BET. my guess is that most of y’all see it from afar and doubt you all actually go and ask them.
@Panama Jackson,
Unfortunately, I ‘ve encountered in person dudes who say date non-black women and give the following reasons for it:
-black women have attitudes
, this was some dude at the Burger King in downtown BK )
-black women dont know how to treat men
-I’m too nappy headed/dark to have an all black baby (LMAO! but seriously
These dudes are in a very small minority though.
@Me fail english?,
As a man, I can validate the suspicions of these women. Way too many cats throw around some self-hating crapola when they are discussing their decision to date outside the black race. Not all cats, but WAY too many.
“Black women are too much work. They don’t know how to act….When I didn’t have nothing they didn’t want to holla, now they be sweating me….I just find white women more attractive.”
I have personally heard many cats say this. It’s the main reason why I tend to give interracial relationships the side eye. But, I’m learning to stop pre-judging everyone based on the idiocy of some.
@Panama Jackson,
I have to agree with Buxxy. I have know several Black men who date white women and it rarely (not never) starts with her great personality or how happy she makes him. Having attended a tiny PWI everyone knew everyone and all your business. All of the guys that I knew got with white girls for some of the following reasons:
1. I get to drive her car, in fact, it might as well be my car.
2. Easy button
3. I can do what I want with whoever, she’s not gonna leave me
4. She goes shopping for me.
5. She comes over, cleans up does whatever else and I can kick her out with no drama.
6. Easy button
I could go on. Needless to say this isn’t even my issue. At the end of the day it’s a numbers game. As an educated black woman, if I would like to date a black male on my level, my options are already limited. So on top of this black women have to deal with the quality black men marrying white women. (I don’t care about sleeping with or dating, that’s not serious).
@Mini,
Now that I think about it. I had a white man give me a similar speech about why he likes black women. (aside: I didnt even ask his ignorant ass, as it was clear by the end of the nite he was dumb as rocks and very temperamental – he choked his boss earlier that week. Gotta love the NYPD!) But although he did not date black women exclusively he had plenty to say about how black women won’t let you get away with stuff. We’re so feisty and white women are all just Stepford wives waiting on a ring or smthg. Blah, blah, blah.
I’m actually surprised that there are ppl who have NEVER heard anyone say this kinda stuff.
@Panama Jackson,
Actually, I have had this conversation with a bunch of black men and black women. I am always respectful and honest. I am not saying that all think this way, but there are a lot. Throughout the conversations/discussion groups/debates/forums that I have had, the underlying tone has always been something negative about black women. It may not start there, but it always ends there. The most interesting thing is that I have had this discussion a lot since I have entered grad school. The black in higher ed are the MAIN ones to put us down… go figure. I am all for having the option to be with whoever you want. My main issue is when a black man put myself and other women like myself down, or worst, not even give us a chance because we are stuck with the “pre-judgments” and stereotypes that others have placed on us. Like I said if thats what floats your boat, then hey, whatever. It is just not my thing.
well, clearly, this is not the blog post for me to comment on. i tend to skew away from interracial dating, but–like they all say (lol)–i’m not racist and i have no issues with the interracial relationships of others…oh wait. i dated a biracial guy. does that count? yaaaaaaaaasssssssss.
i think i had a trauma that made me shy away from any future interracial dating. this white guy that liked me in college invited me to his party and i went. he tried to make moves on me in his bedroom and i wasn’t feelin it, but no harm-no foul. however, this was like 4 or 5 years ago. to this day he still calls me, asks about my relationship status at the moment, and i don’t think he ever tries to offend me on purpose, but he says things like, “it’s really hard to find an educated black man isn’t it?” or “i didn’t know so many black people had AIDS.” um……hm…..
he’s just a little freaky. and has me lookin at all friendly yt guys like, “is it like that!?”
@charli skipper,
“and i don’t think he ever tries to offend me on purpose, but he says things like, “it’s really hard to find an educated black man isn’t it?” or “i didn’t know so many black people had AIDS.”
Am I wrong for wanting to beat a white n*gga’s ass for reading something that I read in a blog comment. If so, I’m guilty as charged. Whether it’s just plain ol’ ignorance or he’s being snide, remarks like that warrant a good ol’ fashion passionate ass whooping.
@charli skipper,
well, clearly, this is not the blog post for me to comment on. i tend to skew away from interracial dating, but–like they all say (lol)–i’m not racist and i have no issues with the interracial relationships of other
lol, actually this is the perfect blog post for you to comment on
@charli skipper,
“it’s really hard to find an educated black man isn’t it?” or “i didn’t know so many black people had AIDS.” um……hm…..
You know, this doesn’t actually surprise me. It’s bold, but doesn’t surprise me. What, with ALL the data analysis that is broadcast through multiple media outlets on the state of black people and the “numbers” of [insert detrimental issue here] that is perpetuated, whether positive or negative has to leave an impression on those of other races. To my knowledge (and I certainly could be wrong) there is no such in depth analysis of other races to the extent of black folks.
I have a strong preference for black men. Preferably black American men.
However, I have dated 2 white guys, a Puerto Rican, an Ecuadorian,a Dominican (from Dominica, not Dominican Republic), an East African and a Haitian.
If a guy is cute, smart and passionate, I ain’t passin’ him up. That said, if I wanted to be serious with a guy and started thinking long term, I would probably only do that with a black American guy. No disrespect to other cultures, especially black ones…but I just feel there are more commonalities and linkages there. And I’ve just connected on a deeper level with my American brothas.
@V.E.G.,
Ctrl+F “Nigeria” and “West African”.
Fail.
To answer your question: I am not a relationship racist. I may be a marriage racist. lol. If that’s possible. I’d date a guy, no matter his race but we ain’t gettin’ serious if he ain’t a brotha.
@V.E.G.,
“I am not a relationship racist. I may be a marriage racist. lol. If that’s possible”
i understand completely. even the guys i know who occasionally date white women say the exact same thing, at least until they knock them up
Side note: ppl only think Zahara’s hair is messy because we have no other reference for non-colonial natural unprocessed black hair. I cannot count the amount of times I see little white girls with their hair all over the place and no one says a thing. Perhaps because it’s straight and that’s the standard. Perhaps because they call it wind-blown while ours is a hot mess. Oh the tangled web racism has spun…especially for its victims.
@Kandeezie,
i never understood all the hubbub over zahara’s hair. it doesn’t look dirty or neglected to me, it’s just not all plaited down. she’ll have plenty of time to do that. i think people would be hollering about how gorgeous it is if it was longer and midway down her back. it’s a mind thing. or a cultural bias. i don’t know. i just know that she’s a kid, she’s cute, and she’ll have plenty of time to fry and die her hair or comb it into submission to please people.
@Kandeezie,
Side note: ppl only think Zahara’s hair is messy because we have no other reference for non-colonial natural unprocessed black hair.
good point.
btw, i’ll give 15 bucks t0 the first person who can say “non-colonial natural unprocessed” five times fast
i scored a 19!!!!
@h3avensent08,
good job. your cookie’s in the mail
@The Champ, i’m still waiting on an omelette.
@Miss Patterson, arsonist in training,
wait on deez
Eh…I’ve been itching for someone to post about this, especially since I heard about this on Friday.
I’m biracial. I’m half Vietnamese and half white. If I were to stay within my race, does that mean I have to find a chick who’s half Vietnamese and half White?
I didn’t run into this as much back at home in the south as I do up north, but I’ve been getting played lately on the basis that I’m not black by the lovely sisters of DC. My mom used to be racist. Used to be- it took a couple years of my brother and I bringing home black girls and latina girls to break her of it. Now she just wants to make sure that whoever we bring home are good women.
@Shay,
Can someone who’s racist really transform into not being a racist? I guess change is possible, but being accepting on who you bring home, is that a tell-tell sign that one isn’t racist any more?
@Monk,
I think so. It was my litmus test at least. My mother is actually a redneck from Appalachia. My folks moved to the city and I was raised in the hood. I remember from when I was 5 until 14 years old, my mother would always refer to the kids playing in the street as “them” and “they”. Never as kids playing in the street, who just happened to be black.
That shit always irked my soul. How the hell are you going to be racist when you married a Vietnamese dude who’s almost purple? It didn’t make sense.
But yeah, I’m sure she’s changed now. I almost married a black woman and my mom welcomed her with open arms to the family and made sure the extended family back in the mountains treated her with respect and dignity. She admits that she was racist, and she’s genuinely sad about it. She has thanked both, my brother and I for workin’ her nerves until she saw the light.
@Shay,
“a Vietnamese dude who’s almost purple”
*brain explodes trying to visualize this*
And it’s VERY easy for prejudiced ppl to reconcile ill feelings toward a group and warm feelings toward a member of the same group. My pops has some very un-positive things to say about people of Caribbean descent…except for his wife (100%), children (50%) and grandchildren (75%).
We’re the only good ones. LOL
@Me fail english?,
If you think that’s bad, you should wait for him to speak.
My father is 62 years old. It’s always been hard to understand him, sometimes to the point where my mom would translate what he said to me. My father has a very gruff voice, and only one tone, yell. Over time he’s picked up a Southern twang to accent the gruff Vietnamese accent. Combined with the fact that he’s old and he doesn’t care about what he says anymore, he just kind of throws sh*t out there with no regard for syntax or word order. You just kind of gotta piece it together. Whatever.
“he just kind of throws sh*t out there with no regard for syntax or word order”
LMAO! I do this now! I cant wait til I get old so I have an excuse.
@Monk,
Can someone who’s racist really transform into not being a racist?
yeah. its all learned behavior. there’s no reason why someone who’s willing to change their behavior cant
@Shay,
Haha. My pops does the same. He talks all types of ish about we better not bring home anyone non-black, non-American, too light, too dark, too short, too heavy men to his home or it will “break his heart”. He’s lying. I know anyone I bring home, as long as he seems like he’s in love with me, would get pops’ approval. Gotta love those parents!
@Shay,
lol, do you realize how many of an anomaly you are? am asking because there can’t be more than 25 half white/half vietnamese men in the entire county who exclusively dated black women. you’re special and sh*t
welcome and sh*t, btw
@The Champ,
thanks and sh*t.
I never thought it was that odd, although I suppose it is. I never thought much of it. I grew up in the hood. My first girlfriend was black. I went to a black high school and played football while listening to a good band with a good drumline. I went to a HBCU for undergrad. I almost married a black woman, it didn’t work out, but not because of race related issues. There were hoe related issues that screwed that up. Now, I’m at an HBCU for my PhD.
All that being said, I don’t date exclusively black women. If I see a beautiful woman, I’m going to go talk to her. It just so happens that my dating demographics break down to about 80% sistas, 15% senoritas, 5% Becky and almost no Asian women. Why? Who knows. Asian women don’t buy what I sale, apparently.
@Shay,
ummm, forget about that “cant be more than 25″ comment, lol. i think you might be the only person on earth with that resume
@The Champ,
Yea I was thinking the same thing…
@Shay,
You just better be successful.
@Buxxy,
He just wanna be successful.
@The Champ,
I guess. I didn’t really see it as unusual until this year when I approached a black woman in her dirty thirties about going out.
She said the idea had never crossed her mind that I was serious and she had not even thought about seriously going out with a man that wasn’t black.
It’s come up a couple times since I’ve gotten on campus, too.
Woman, why would I flirt with you if I wasn’t interested? This isn’t some chocolate fantasy jungle love type ish.
I guess I look at folks who are like that the same way I look at folks who ALWAYS get the same flavor. Damn. Rocky Road, again? Expand your horizons and sh*t. How do you know you like what you like if you’ve never tried anything else?
@charli skipper & @ Buxxy
“I want the money, money and the cars, cars
And the clothes, the hoes I suppose”
I’d rather be significant, if I had to choose between the two, though.
1,2,3 – Sh!t this isn’t Harlem!
I did not add up my score, but I’m sure I’m a bit of a racist. Let me be honest: Black men with anything other than Black women irritates me. Other than that I really don’t care…However, part of that may be that I live in the city with the 2nd highest rate of interracial relationships in the nation: Des Moines, IA. (And before you get all appalled – We gave you B. Obama: you’re welcome.)
I think that Black men/White women is still probably one of the most controversial and “upsetting” (for lack of a better word) mixes. I think that the stereotypes and assumptions that go with it are deep-rooted in our culture (and me) which irritates people (me) when they (I) see it. Then when I see Black men with other minority women I get irritated because I think “Why are they better than one of your own?” (Though Latina women don’t necessarily bother me as much as other groups.)
Now, any other “mix” I look at as interesting or it doesn’t really faze me. I’ve dated men outside my race and enjoyed the relationships there’s always something that nags me in the back of my mind – that I believe in the strength of the Black family and ultimately when I take my place as someone’s wife it’s a Black man I want to stand with. Racist? Eh, maybe. (shrugging) It’s how I feel though.
As to this judge here’s my problem with his position. He says he’s worried about the kids. THAT’S why he asks, because he thinks those kids will have a more difficult time in life. All right, let’s say I accept protecting potential children as a valid reason to deny marrying two people, then why doesn’t he ask if either person is an alcoholic? Drug addict? Financially irresponsible? Handicap? Has a history of mental illness? Inter-faith relationships? Has a history of abuse? In the military? Legalities aside, hiding behind potential children is a bunch of blullschlit. Bi-racial kids are the ONLY children who are born into the world with difficulties? Get over yourself man. What’s sad is I bet this is an older white dude who really believes he’s doing the right thing. At least I know if I need to use the bathroom in Louisiana I know somewhere I can go.
Oh this racism is killing me inside….
@Madame Zenobia,
“Let me be honest: Black men with anything other than Black women irritates me.”
Just wondering..
If the brotha is a sorry, bad excuse for a man who was short, uneducated, unemployed, and highly unattractive, would Black women still have a problem with him dating non-blacks?
@Monk,
Nobody cares who Flavor Flav is boning.
@Me fail english?,
*dead*
@Madame Zenobia,
Then when I see Black men with other minority women I get irritated because I think “Why are they better than one of your own?
for my friends who’ve dated white women, its never been about “they’re better” as much as proximity and availability. there just happened to be alot more of them around where they happened to be, thats all
I clocked a 15…that’s cause I want Angelina Jolie in my bed. People should be free to love and marry whoever they want. Truth.
@Da Iceman,
I clocked a 15…that’s cause I want Angelina Jolie in my bed.
this sentence is hilarious to me for some reason
@The Champ, I think you want Angelina in your bed too.
@Da Iceman,
she scares me.
btw, by “she scares me” i mean “even though she scares me, i definitely wouldn’t kick her out of bed”
I scored a 14. It would be nice if black people didn’t have so many issues, but we do. If a man or woman of another race makes you happy, honors you, and you can work it out I say go for it.
@pgh muse,
would you date and/or marry a white man, ms muse?
@The Champ,
Yup.
@The Champ, I’ll add, that if the white man was FLY, loved me and mine, and I loved and was attracted to him then why not? I love my people and will always represent myself as a black woman. I am a black woman, can’t be nothing else, but I kinda just reject the thought process of black women as martyrs for the black race.
@pgh muse,
“but I kinda just reject the thought process of black women as martyrs for the black race.”
good answer
I’ll admit it. I scored a 1. That neg 10 on #5 messed me up but I’m not gonna lie if it’s a white guy in an interracial relationship I’m like yea buddy (and according to that okc study it’s such a rarity i should be excited). If it’s a black guy I’m like ehhh lost another one. It’s funny because both of my best friends are in interracial relationships (bw/chinese man and ww/bm) and I don’t sweat the technique but I’m usually irritated by the black man/white woman combo because typically when I see a black man with a white woman they automatically give me the side eye like I give a damn about their relationship.
Oh yea.. Eff Orange… Blue is better!
@Neenay,
#5 is what effed me up too. I think I scored a 5 or 6. If I see a black man with a woman of a different race, honestly I dont get excited, disappointed, angry or anything. But when I see a white dude with a non-white woman I secretly wanna give him the fist pump for going against the grain and not buying so heavily into the Euro ideal of beauty. Right on!
That doesnt make me racist so this quiz can kiss my asz.
@Me fail english?,
kiss deez
@The Champ,
ya moms, B
@Me fail english?,
Exactly!
@Neenay,
ummm, doesn’t this:
“If it’s a black guy I’m like ehhh lost another one”
and this
“I’m usually irritated by the black man/white woman combo because typically when I see a black man with a white woman they automatically give me the side eye like I give a damn about their relationship.”
kind of contradict? i mean, you apparently DO give a damn, lol
@The Champ,
I don’t think so. Me saying he’s lost to black women doesn’t mean I care if he’s not with one, I’m just making an observation.
That question regarding the boss and his interracial relationship hit close to home… after working here for a while, I found out my boss’ wife was black.
I was minor-ly shocked just because I couldn’t see that in him, but it didn’t change my opinion. An a&&hole is an a&&hole.
I really don’t care about others dating preferences… I only get disturbed when I hear a black man talk about another race’s women as if they are better than myself, as a sister.
Personally, there are some other races I could be open to dating, but I wouldn’t be able to do white. I think they have more things to go through, like being stared at…. and I don’t want to deal with it.
Annnndddd, I don’t know what I scored because I got sidetracked with addition. lol.
It was somewhere between the 2nd and 3rd ones though.
@Nicki Sunshine,
Annnndddd, I don’t know what I scored because I got sidetracked with addition. lol.
lol, score another point for the state of public education in kentucky
@The Champ, LMAO! I hate numbers.
@Nicki Sunshine,
Just a lil something my mother always told me…. “No one can make you feel inferior.. you can only allow yourself to feel less than..”
@Lanieanna, That’s true.
@Nicki Sunshine,
While we’re on the subject, the real question is when me and you gonna start dating?
@Dorian G., I’m flattered.
My beau has beat you to the punch!
And why is it negative if my opinion of my boss changes favorably if I find out he/she’s in an interracial marriage? It’s shows my boss is tolerant and open minded and is strong enough to choose love over negativity and social bullsh*t. All good qualities I want in a leader. And I respect that.
@Da Iceman,
And why is it negative if my opinion of my boss changes favorably if I find out he/she’s in an interracial marriage?
because it shows that you’re allowing who he chooses to marry to alter your perception of him as a boss, two things that have no real correlation
@The Champ, My perception of him as a boss won’t change much per se, my perception of him as a PERSON changes. Yet that is correlated to his being my boss. Bottom line I should get a +5 lol.
Hi I’m a black man and I scored 29 points. I also have a healthy appetite for black women but so the fcuk what? Most of the complaints I hear are from black women who oppose black men dating white women and other non black females because of their race. If a person has personal identity issues and/or racist predjudices built on stereotypes then I don’t care what side of this issue they fall on. They’re all sick. Most of the sisters I hear complain, also report that they condone black women dating outside their race and I find that hypocritical. If the justification of the conclusion is in the numbers of blaclk women to men and for the purpose of “black nation” building then the premise is off. If the prior is your truth then take issue with black gays who reduce the oppurtunity to proliferate the black race. Oh but no, they’re your pals right? Arguably, approximately none of you are 100% anything but human. from what I’ve seen, I don’t really give a ish who you date. What’s next? More rules and dating classifications? Wait, I am prejudice about humans dating farm animals, mammals and ish.
@Triple Crown,
29? is that even possible?
@The Champ, Impossible? The hell is that? You wrote the test? Didn’t you? So use of the word “might” allowed me to score the highest points available at every turn and if not I would have given myself points to make up the difference. Why not? Would it matter? I see you have a keen nose for finding what part of a comment to reference and stimulate dialogue? Where’d you come about that?Is 29 an acceptable amount of points? I respect only those who resist me, but I cannot tolerate them. C de G.
@Triple Crown,
which one of these 57 questions do you want me to answer?
@The Champ,
lol
Why? Dont? You? Start? With? The first? Don’t front like you dont know what he’s asking?
@The Champ, All. I get it, you not fcuking with it?
@Triple Crown,
and what about pro-creation…… Would 1 say that the closer the genetics are in the gene pool, the weaker the product will be?….. Combining recessive traits with more recessive traits.. Could 1 conclude that the further you are from your gene pool, the stronger, or healthier the offspring would be? Just a thought…. If you have cancer.. or diabetes in your family…. would you want to mate with a person who has those same genetic illnesses out of concern for offspring?
@Lanieanna, this is a decent observation/question you express but as the post reflects people are fcuking & taking the chance of pro-creation because it feels good more than other factors and I agree.
Interesting post, although I must admit that I’d rather spend less time thinking about these dynamics, and more time on loving myself and others regardless of the racial background.
Just the same, black women do have attitudes and that’s why I love them and wouldn’t have it any other way. I also agree that Anybody who discounts their “own” from the pool of potential candidates for friendship, dating, etc. is practicing self-hate. I’ve seen it over and over again and it’s actually pretty sad.
Lastly, my preferences are to date and marry a black woman. Nonetheless, I’m not going to discount the chance at love with another human being just because of their hue. At the end of the day it’s about living this life and being as happy as I can with somebody who will be partner in this walk.
@BluesmanJazz,
Beautifully said.
15!
My friends say my dating history looks like a UN summit. I really don’t care what you are, though I will admit that if everything was equal, I would prefer a black man. But nothing is ever equal is it, so I will continue to run through the races.
However….I am beginning to wonder what is up with all the Indian/SE Asian guys that keep checking me out on match.com (yes, I use it)…seriously, the last few guys have all been from that part of the globe.
@Dee,
***filing “my dating history looks like a UN summit” and “I will continue to run through the races” under, “signs dee has been around more than tupac”***
@The Champ, ha! well, you have to test a lot of flavors before you settle on your favorite. And dating =/sexing!
@Dee,
mmmmhmmm
Personally….i been singin i shot the sheriff a whole lot this past weekend….
as far a bein racist….the queen is white….all four lil pinenuts is honeywheat and angry they can’t grow locks
my prayer is for sheriff’s daughter to start poppin out some brown kids…maybe he’ll change his tune
@kingpinenut,
can you translate this to american, please?
@The Champ,
before i roll out for the day…
we all part of the same human family…there ain’t but ONE race – human
do get me wrong..i love bein black…wouldn’t trade it for the world. but my love for black don’t mean i have to hate everybody else
the best way to solve racism mix it up – grandkids do a helluva job to educate old ass white folks…
When they see how racism hits their own flesh and blood…they start to change the tune
peace
@kingpinenut,
thanks and sh*t
@The Champ,
He was singing Bob Marley = he’s down.
His wife is white. He has 4 interracial kids, who are only upset they can’t grow locks. In other words there is racial harmony in his house. Except his father in law (who I’m guessing is in law enforcement) is kinda against the marriage. He hopes grandkids help him change his tune.
@Dorian G.,
Where do I buy the VSB to English translator? I will need one for decoding Wudaman Speak.
@Dorian G.,
Lol. I was wondering where “The Sheriff” came in. I was thinking he knew some extra info about the LA case and the judge was also a sheriff.
I’m not a relationship racist but I
play one on TVlike to give black women the gas face on the street because of the blatant double standard.Personally, I don’t think it matters enough for me to care.
@Stank-0,
lol, so you just walk around icegrillin random sistas everyday?
i’m an 18, btw. dammit, i was hoping to be much more racist
@The Champ,
lol @ Champ….
I scored 21, but being the resident 2520, when I was adding up the total, I almost got a lil scared…
As far as I am concerned with regard to dating and friendship with ANYONE – it matters to me who you are inside, the chemistry between us, and how you treat me.
@The Champ, YOU AIN’T SCORED NO DAGGONE 18. i demand a recount!
Yeah, yeah, yeah. i know: “recount deez”.
I scored high enough to justify my “regulating any shade of that arse” oath I took as a Junior… In high School.
Yes, Kumbaya and sheet.
However, I once posed the question of “Who would notice if I DID, in fact, date outside my race?”
I was surprised to hear that most thought my Moms would have a problem with it. I mean, i know she’s judgemental and Judge/Mental and likes to punch me in the chest for not doing the right thing (she only beat me because she loved me. And then that stopped working.), but would she grumble about this?
When I told her my girl was preggo, all she said was: “Really? That due date is pretty soon… Get ready.” which I thought was the coolest sheet ever. Only later did I realize she was relieved not because she was gonna be a granny, but because she’d grown up all these years thinking I was either a) Gay (NTTAWWT) because I never brought girls home (Dad was kinda leaning toward the lecherous side, and that ninja was ALWAYS home), or b) A severe sexual deviant (Did I ever tell you about my taking Penthouse Mag to school… in the 4th grade? Yeah, well yeah).
What were we talking about again? Oh yeah… Dating outside the race.
I KNOW my Pops has had his share of the color spectrum. he travels all over the world, and the Penthouse I took to school was HIS. Do the math. He’s a musician. It’s not in their DNA to turn down twizzat.
Funny thing is, tho, If I remember the talk me and Moms and Pops had (at separate times) before I went to college, the responses were drastically different. Moms was more along the lines of “Where there’s love, that’s where you should go.” Pops was more: “You can fook em all son, but you need to bringeth a sista to our table.”
Which I suppose tells you a little about their personalities as well, but that’s not what we’re talking about here today. Or is it?
See… My mom’s stepdad (and the only paternal Grandfather I’ve ever known) is a white guy from London. They were married in 1966 in Detroit fooking Michigan, for crissakes. So She KNOWS about what it entails, and, since my Grandparents are STILL married, she has no question it can work and work very well.
My Father’s side, tho, is full of divorce and sheet. his pops was married three times, once to an Asian (was that the rage in the late 60′s early 70′s?). I’m still trippin on why he’s so different about his way of thinking, but then again, I don’t give a sheet. Why? Cuz it’s MY life.
It should ALWAYS be more about what y’all have in common than what y’all don’t. I know a white dude that’s “blacker” than you. In fact, I know a few. I also know some black dudes that are whiter than corn starch. Yet somehow nobody ever notices that, and will pick the black dude up on the hoop court sight unseen, regardless of my boy’s height and three-time All State hoops honors. it’s all perception.
Whatever, tho… I do sheet without thinking. Don’t listen to me. I’m actually HAPPY with myself.
@Dante_Alexander,
And obviously I meant “maternal” grandfather. Oops. Sheet.
@Dante_Alexander,
***entire comment filed under “things that would be much more appropriate as a blog instead of a comment on a blog”***
btw, i thought every 4th grader brought penthouses to school.
first of all, i don’t think most people are relationship racists, but I do believe a lot of people are relationship prejudiced. I used to have issues seeing black men with white women, but now, I just don’t care. I don’t care if he really loves her, or if he’s with a 2520 lady b/c all the black girls didn’t like him when he was 13, 5 feet tall, and had bad acne. The reasons people are in relationships are their reasons, and it doesn’t concern me.
As for me, I prefer black men. I wouldn’t have a problem dating a man of another race, but I haven’t had one step to me for dating purposes. I have been propositioned by white men, which has definitely turned me off. But if I happened to meet one who wasn’t trying live out his Billy Bob/Halle Berry fantasy, then who knows.. And contrary to what the media would have us to belief, all black men are not running behind white, latina, or Asian women.
@N.I.A. naturally,
I have been propositioned by white men, which has definitely turned me off.
is this different than being propositioned by a brotha?
@The Champ,
it’s different in the sense they have a stereotypical, racial, maybe racist view about black female s*xuality… well, maybe it’s not that much different from some brothas….
I totally believe that people should date whomever they wish..even if they choose to exclusively date outside of their race. Many people, sistas in particular, have a problem when someone, especially a black man, who chooses to do this. I don’t subscribe to the mumbo jumbo that they’re filled with self-hate and all that other shyt that sistas say. He just doesn’t like you, don’t take it personal.
When I hear folks say that people should only marry within their race, I process that as being similar to pre-arranged marriages. Just because you’re born into a certain race, you’re automatically are destined to marry someone from that race? I can’t get down with that.
Personally, I’m too selfish to really care about who someone else chooses to be with. I’m preoccupied with ME so to each his/her own.
As for me, I’ve dated women of other races but never dated a white woman. I think 85% of them are ugly and of course ugly (white) doesn’t age well either. I’m not a relationship racist. Shallow maybe. But not racist.
@Monk,
Couldn’t disagree more. There is DEF some self-hate (or maybe a milder, gentler self-dislike) that goes with exclusively dating out of your own race. Anybody who discounts their “own” from the pool of potential candidates for friendship, dating, etc (including women who dont like any other women, Asians who dont like any other Asians, Canadians who won’t hang out with other Canadians) is showing strong signs of a complex. Doesnt mean it will cripple the person in other areas of their life or its something that needs to be fixed but let’s call a spade a spade.
@Me fail english?, I agree. I think there is definitely some self hate going on with anyone who dates exclusively outside of their race. I also think there’s some self-hate going on with black women if they will only date black men to the extent of being alone or accepting sub-par treatment just to have a black man. It’s 2010 not 1864.
@Me fail english?,
I agree that someone who does this have a complex, but it’s not necessarily centered in self-hate. I believe that someone can totally embrace their history and culture, but just not physically attracted to women of their same race. Maybe their complex just involves wanting something exotic that they’ve always been told they couldn’t have before therefore they are more attracted to women outside of their race and women of their race just don’t do it for them.
The reality of it is, one may never truly know what someone’s reasons may be for dating who they date, but to rationalize ALL of these cases as the individual having self-hate issues is unfounded.
@Monk,
I hear what you’re saying. But even when ppl have STRONG preferences they usually dont make a determination that they will absolutely NOT date someone within their own race. I used to prefer much darker men (prob for those same “exotic” reasons) but I never said “absolutely NO brown-skinned dudes”. I’m sure there are exceptions here and there, but by and large, to say “I’ll never date a sista” prob means there as much an aversion to black as there is an attraction to “exotic”.
Also, you have to consider that “black” can look all different ways too. To assume that no black woman could possibly exotic or unattainable raises another red flag.
@Monk,
Monk, if somebody says they dated exclusively outside their race, in my opinion they have self-hate issues or a serious fetish.
I can’t fathom saying “Black women aren’t good enough for me to date.” That what you’re saying when you refuse to date black women.
What is up with that? Something is wrong there. Gotta be.
@Big Man,
I went to school with a sista who wouldn’t date Black dudes. She would tell us she wasn’t attracted to brothas, only 2520 dudes.
I never could quite figure that out.
@miss t-lee,
Her arse was a sell-out. That’s what was wrong! Probably buying into some BS stereotypes about the black man and running with it.
To toss black men into the “undateable” pool with women, children and farm animals goes far deeper than fetishization of white men. That’s an active distaste for black men. And based on what? We’re too phenotypically diverse for you to chalk it up to smthg so simple as “I don’t like [insert stereotypical black features]“. Okay. So what’s wrong with the millions who don’t fit that physical type? What else ya got?
@Me fail english?,
I’m not gonna go so far as to call her a sell-out, but she was definitely different…lol
More brothas for me I say.
I don’t need to take the test. I am somewhat of a relationship racist. When I see a successful black man with “Becky, Rosa or Ming Lee” I feel uncomfortable. I am not even sure why. I instantly have a negative reaction toward the black man….I think to myself, out of all the beautiful black women in the world….sigh. I am not going to openly hate on an interracial couple but there is something deep within on that subject that just can’t shake…….but Love is blind, ain’t it?
@QueenT,
I posed this question up thread, but I’ll ask again. If he’s an unsuccessful black man who you deem physically unattractive, would you still have a problem with him dating a white chick?
@Monk, This is so wrong I know but NO I would not. It seems that once a black man becomes successful they immediately drop their black woman who held them down thru the come up…Look at OJ, Quincy Jones, Sidney Poitier the list is endless…..I feel that deep down Black men think that white women are a status symbol to show that indeed they have “made it”…I am sure they would never admit but it goes way to plantation days…they don’t even understand the full impact of their actions.
@QueenT,
you do know that for every “successful” black man who ditched his black wife, i can name ten who didn’t, right?
@The Champ, There are always exceptions to any rule…but, I would like for you to name me ten. thank you.
@QueenT,
Yeah, I’m kinda interested to know who these 40 succesful black men are too… esp. considering that you haven’t named all the ones you could have.
CHALLONJ!
@QueenT,
Love absolutely isn’t blind; it has a hawk’s vision. our “Love” is inevitably, invariably informed by our ideals, insecurities, weaknesses, and aspirations.
in a society that subscribes to White supremacy, there is no such thing as an apolitical romantic choice. one can’t abstract his subconscious, which has undoubtedly been battered by glowing personifications of pale women (including Asians) and contrasting, concomitant demonizations of African ones. it’s not a coincidence that AfrAm women and Asian men are the least married groups in our society.
the double standard regarding sistahs with pale men exists because it’s assumed that there aren’t enough eligible brothas to go around, which is sadly irrefutable. take a peek at the population stats of African-Americans in major cities- adult women outnumber men considerably. (Ronald Reagan is smiling in his grave.)
Ya dun know I’m reppin my sistahs til I leave this beech! my love interest needs some naps!!
won’t front though: I did boink one pale chic just to see what the hype was about. and I do run into alot of pale women whose husbands want to watch them get dealt with by a “BBC.” hmmm…
@V.E.G.
We are conditioned to think hair should be neat at all times. It’s totally okay that her hair is in it’s big, natural state. Like I said, I used to think her hair looked a mess, then I looked in the mirror and was like “ok. I wear my hair loose and big…why can’t that child?” Any lil’ girl I have certainly
will.
I think you are right in the respect that we are conditioned to think that hair should be neat at all times, but I don’t think that there is anything wrong with that. Zahara is a little girl. She should at least look like one. I’m not saying she has to have braids or little ponytails, but at least can her mama TRY? Comb her hair, put it in a puff, put a headband on the child, something. There are enough negative connotations that come with natural hair, why fuel the fire? It’s fine to wear your hair big and loose(that’s how I wear mine) but I’m sure you prep and/or shape it before you walk out the door. That’s all I’m asking Angelina to do.
@Naturalbarbie,
There are enough negative connotations that come with natural hair, why fuel the fire?
i think what v.e.g. (and others) are saying, though, is that natural hair only has a certain connotation if you give it one. basically, if the child isn’t taught to have any complexes about her hair, then she won’t have any complexes about her hair. there wont be any fire to fuel
Hi my name is Daydreamer and I’m a date racist. No apologies. No shame. I have preferences just like WASPy white women, traditional Indian, and sweatshop Chinese- Hi John Leiu(sp?)- Bill DiBlasio’s opponent.
I prefer black men- preferably American but I’ve been known to go home to Africa or through the diaspora to the Caribbean. I’m not remotely attracted to white men for presumably the same reasons 2520 women clutch their purses and cross the street when then see our men- subscious racism and sterotypes. It’s easy for us to cry ‘its wrong’ and ‘we aren’t like that’ but hell if you don’t know enough of the people you are racist towards to change your view point then you’ll always be that way. Or maybe like me and the LA judge who know people of the opposing race and let them use our bathrooms and STILL don’t believe the hype of interracial dating, perhaps we just flat out don’t care to mix races. We like our own people. So what?! Who cares?!
I’m comfortable with my own. There are plenty other obstacles in life I must be uncomfortable with and try to rearrange my thought process for. I prefer not to have race be one of them in my love life. Period. Long live black love! Shelly and Barry rock!
@Daydreamer,
Barak wouldnt exist if what you find so repulsive didn’t take place.
@CrissieD,
touche and sh*t
I have been on a date with one white girl and I was involved with a Latino woman for awhile as well.
The date with the white girl was weird because it was my first time. the looks we got from older white couples (senior citizens) was a little too much for me. I felt like we should have been wearing suits like it was a business dinner to not get the looks.
The Latino woman said she got the looks from black women when we were in the mall one time. I didn’t see it, I guess because I was more comfortable in the situation so I didn’t pay too much attention.
Whatever makes someone happy, I am all for it. It is just certain situations that did not work for me in the past. So I don’t fall in the racist category.
@Martin and Gina,
welcome and sh*t (i think)
well i’m clearly not a relationship racists and on some kumbaya stuff. i personally don’t care who you’re dating. of course, being the half-breed half of the VSB squad i suppose those results aren’t so shocking.
what i did find shocking in college was that nobody could tell that i was mixed (okay, that’s not so true…i got that “gud hur”) (well did…rockin’ the baldy since like 2003) and for those that couldn’t tell i was .5/.5, they made it clear that i need not date the white womens until finding out my madre was an imperialist (i’ve called her that before, b/c she had a Black cat…i used to call him slave…lol…my mom has a sense of humor…so she took me to a plantation one day), they’re like, ookay, you can date white chicks.
no wonder so many mixed folks are confused…society (black women) is too. i’ve always considered myself to be Black (though i dont deny my mixedness…i’m sure i wrote about this on some post where some folks were like, they couldnt care less about mixed people) b/c it really never comes up in convo that i’m mixed…but that’s mostly cuz of how i was raised, not with the white mother, but with the black southern mother and father…in the south where you’re just Black, white, or mexican.
i seem to have lost my point. viva las vegas.
so i ask…to the black women, if a man is mixed, does it matter who he’s dating???
@Panama Jackson, It doesn’t matter if the man is dark as night or lighter than me, they’re black. 2520s sees me as black, they don’t care that I’m lighter, so why do the darker skinned among us not count me as black half the time? As far as I’m concerned, you black, if that makes you feel better. Although, I’m in the same boat as you, so maybe my opinion doesn’t count.
Your dating preference doesn’t matter to me, nobody’s does. The only thing is when a good black man is snatched up (by anyone) it is a reason to mourn. There are only so many, ya know.
21 ( i don’t like jello)…I’m too mixed up my d@mn self to care who you want to be with. I get mad when you (proverbial) put your reasons on me for dating who you want to date. My father’s generational branch is the only relatively “black” (as in black married black so to speak) limb on my paternal side his mother is white & indian, father was black but HIS father was white and mother was black (hence the reason my g-pa had blue eyes and chocolate skin) and sorta same for my mom, before my gram and great-grams and great-great grams parents were Portuguese then migrated to Brazil then to Guyana…anyway, like I said I’m mixed up, lol.
Race is an aspect of everyday life…why wouldn’t it extend into dating, I think more people get het up about it because despite what a lot of people think it does have to do a little with psychology.
@Smiley Face,
I think more people get het up about it because despite what a lot of people think it does have to do a little with psychology.
how so?
@The Champ,
Because the response always ( a lot of the time) has something to do with believing one is better than the other.
i have mixed opinions about interracial relationships and im a product of one. which essentially cancel themselves out and leaving me indifferent most of the time. and maybe its not so much the mixed color/race/ethnicity-ness of the relationship that bothers me. its the ignorant comments that come out of some of them — por ejemplo: “i dont like black girls becuz their hair is nappy” “black chicks didnt give me a chance becuz i was too poindexter-ish in high school, so eff em” “white men have better credit” (ok so ive said this once but still…).
but even with ignorant, stereotypical statements, i still think “if that brotha wants a Becky, he damn sure aint gonna want me”. and im ok with that. hell, i’m on the hunt for a Gerard Butler doppleganger RIGHT NOW.
on a side note: yesterday i was at Urban Prep’s football game. and one of their coaches is white. a friend of mine who works at UP told me he loves and appreciates blackness (the ppl, culture, whatever) — even got his degree in african american studies. then she mentioned his gf was white. and that actually made me relieved. had he had a SISTA, i mighta side-eyed him off the field. that was just be like he’s trying to hard.
but who the hell am i to judge??????? im Gem, that’s who.
@Gem in Chicago for SFN,
and maybe its not so much the mixed color/race/ethnicity-ness of the relationship that bothers meits the ignorant comments that come out of some of them
you know, people always cite this (the ignorant comments about why they dont date fill-in-the-blank) but i never actually heard any man or woman say that sh*t in person without it being tongue in cheek. in fact, the guys i know who b*tch about black women only date sistas, lol
@Gem in Chicago for SFN, Hold it down at SFN, fellow nerd I see
I didn’t have time to do the quiz since CFI (conservative financial institution) has me doing actual work today.
Yes, something should be done with Zahara’s hair. I don’t like seeing lil’ girls out in public without their hair done. And before you start in on the whole she doesn’t need her hair done because it’s natural. I already know that, I’m natural, but my lil girl will have some plaits.
I don’t think I’m a relationship racist, considering I’ve dated interracially in the past.
Well, I guess I could be a bit of a relationship racist, since I won’t date 2520 dudes, but pretty much everyone else is free game…lol
Back to work…*sigh*
Hey (or AYE!), ya’ll! We’re hella busy at work and since I’d like to keep my job, I won’t be a real staple here today…:( but I gotta ask…
Two questions:
1. Why that little Black brotha in the picture look so sad? Or mad, depending on how you look at it…
2. Shouldn’t there be an additional letter for the Angelina Jolie question? Such as:
d) Told about herself for (allegedly) using international children as trendy accessories.
Oh, and as for me I can’t knock love and believe that it exists beyond color, but folks need to stop acting like they were born today and acknowledge that there IS self-hatred issues among our people and that it factors into relationships.
I’ll probably pop in and out of here
in order to sooth my VSB withdrawalswhen thinks lighten up around this here job place.@Cheekie,
1. Why that little Black brotha in the picture look so sad? Or mad, depending on how you look at it…
lol, i was watching a dane cook special the other night, and he made a comment about how people didnt start smiling in pictures until like 1940.
plus, he was probably a slave and sh*t
@The Champ,
lol
Yeah, he lookin’ like, “Dis some bullsh*t”. Especially since that girl he’s holding hands with is his boss…and she probably younger than him. SMH…
@Cheekie,
lmao! It does look very “Driving Miss Daisy”-ish.
“If that brotha wants a Becky, he damn sure aint gonna want me”
Gem,
I don’t know if you said this to mean that he exclusively dates Becky’s or not, and if not then disregard my comment, but I think this is probably one of the biggest misconceptions of black men (or any race of men for that matter) dating outside their race. Just because the brotha dates a woman that is not black doesn’t mean he’s not attracted to black women or any other race of woman outside of the one he’s currently dating.
“Hell, I’m on the hunt for a Gerard Butler doppelganger RIGHT NOW.”
I’m pretty sure that if/when you find the GB doppelganger it’s not going to sway your attraction from black men or any other men that are not Scottish YT men.
My personal opinion is that for the most part men are men, FIRST and men are attracted to ATTRACTIVE women, no matter the race, skin tone, or background. It’s pretty much that simple. Yes, there are those situations where there may be other issues that a man might be dealing with (for whatever reason), but for the most part if a woman that is attractive is open to the advances of a man outside her race or vice versa…dude going for it.
This was supposed to be a response to Gem’s comment up thread…sorry.
@AkShone,
no problem. i agree 100 with your last paragraph, btw
@AkShone,
men are men, FIRST and men are attracted to ATTRACTIVE women,
I think this is often the missing link. As long as women refuse to realize that, they will be frustrated over crazy ish.
Mmmh. I was married to a 2520, and am still open to the idea of dating one now, soI don’t consider myself a relationship racist. Although, If there were a black man and a white man who I liked equally, I would probably steer towards the black man. The reason for this is all the judgements and drama that come along with being with a white man. I, ’til this day, get told about myself when I mention that my ex-husband was a 2520 and I don’t like that initial reaction of feeling like I need to defend my choices.
On one hand, I feel like the extra drama I get because I married a white man just isn’t worth it. On the other, the more ish that I get over it, makes me more determined to give the next 2520 a chance. It is mostly black men who will give me the side eye when this subject is brought up, and most of these same men have dated white women, which I have no real issue with. Although, I admit it does sting a little to see one less eligible black man out there.
Plus, I’m mixed (black, white, and mexican), and some people don’t consider me to be black. So, as long as I date inside those races, is it really interracial dating? Or, is it always interracial dating if they aren’t mixed with the exact same?
In the end, I like who I like and if I connect with somebody then their race is not an issue. It’s hard enough to find love, why try to put restrictions on it?
@SaneN85,
Perfect comment for me to piggyback on. I like women that have no problem with dating/marrying any color man. And there is a reason…women that have that bubbly persona, enjoy life, try anything three times before the pain convinces her not to do it again for a while…you know…just straight open minded…those women get me and I get them. Just so happens…I’m only attracted to brown skin. That cuts my choices of women down drastically.
@atltx, I’ve been described as bubbly many times, so I guess there may be a correlation between being open to date anybody. Although, the word bubbly brings up an image of miss thang from Legally Blonde, and that definitely is not me. I like your description better though, so I’ma go with that one.
@SaneN85,
Not that kind of bubbly…I’m talking about about being friendly and easy going in general. You know…want to go go on a loft tour for no reason and get a beer or some wine? And it’s not a problem. Or want to go to the butt nekkid? No problem. Or…want to go watch drag racing? No problem.
@atltx, I know what you meant, but that word still brings up a perky blonde with a tiny dog image.
Sidenote: I’m still trying to figure out what the butt nekkid is, are you meaning the show that pops up when you google it?
@SaneN85,
Couldn’t post this where I wanted too but…
Butt nekkid = strip club or shoe show or the bend over and let me see it. Please forgive me if that was too much.
But the theatrical show that came up in the google search would be something different to do too.
Didn’t take the test. Really don’t give a flying flip about other people’s dating choices.
I date Black dudes because that’s who I attract and am attracted to.
That is all.
@SexyCool,
you better take that damn test! i spend like 19 minutes last night thinking up all of those questions and answers for yall. 19 minutes!!!
I scored 13. It was difficult for me to answer #7. I voted A, but really I’m indifferent. I have never dated out of my race personally. I can feel myself being a marriage racist. I find men of other races attractive so thats no biggie–I would date one if approached, but I hope to marry a black man.
@Reecie,
would you marry an other?
@The Champ, na son. lol it would take something very very amazing for that to happen.
I guess I am a color-blind bastard. Lol!
I don’t care who anybody who is not me or my significant other dates. I mean you can date a purple hairy Martian for all I care as long as the purple beast makes you happy.
I hear a lot of people say they don’t like the “reasons” Black Men give them as to why they date White Women, my question is what type of conversation brings up the subject of “why do you date her?”… I don’t even think that’s an appropriate question to ask anybody ever… unless the person is of the Ace Boon Coon variety… It’s rude and it’s normal that someone gives you a rude answer in response.
Anyways, as far as I know, people can do whatever they please with their lives especially when said actions have no bearings on my own life… Maybe it’s the Liberal in me, but I’ve heard it’s the Non-American Black Woman in me… I don’t know… *shrugs*
Is it just me or is this season shaping up kinda weird. Like it hasn’t really started yet? Anyway good win yesterday, I enjoy when you roll on weak squads because it won’t cheapen our victory over you later on in the season.
@Dorian G.,
Eff this season! Eff the Bills! And capital EFF T.O.!
@Me fail english?,
LMAO! Why are you a bills fan exactly? Doesn’t that go directly against the whole pretentiousness that comes with speaking like a New Yawker and rooting for the GGGGMen and the J.E.T.S? The Bills? Thats like everything NYC is not. Mediocore, white, slow, and boring.
Respect yourself, please.
@Dorian G.,
I’m not a Bills fan. That’s why I said eff em! I guess you didnt see last nite’s disgrace. And funny enough, it wasnt even TO that did it to us.
@Dorian G.,
Is it just me or is this season shaping up kinda weird. Like it hasn’t really started yet?
***fliled under, “things people say when their favorite team has lost 3 straight games”****
@The Champ,
LMAO!!
@miss t-lee,
In all seriousness, why are Steelers fans poppin off? Didn’t yall lose to the Bears, and nearly lose to the Lions? LOL might as well move yall out to the NFC North.
@Dorian G.,
You know what DG? I like you ’cause you ride hard for your boys…lol
It was truly heartbreaking for you guys yesterday.
Yeah…I know who we lost to, and who we nearly lost to. I keep score just as well as the next kat, please believe.
What really ticked me off yesterday though was them dayum Titans wearing the throwback Oilers uniforms (Texas, stand up!) and getting their azzes handed to them. Now that had me hot (and not in a good way)!!!
NFC North? hahahha
@Dorian G.,
How about them Colts?
@WuDaMan,
Quiet as kept that boy Manning be scaring ni99as more than lates.
WuDaMan is a sexist when it comes to dating. I like beings who were born women. & the occasional stinky pinky. LOL
No real talk. I think I have @ least fantasized about every race on the planet. & I have developed a particular liking to brown women.
@WuDaMan,
thanks, wu.
As I completely disagree with the results of this quiz I won’t be posting my score.
However I will say that I am an interracial relationship racist when it comes to my personal relationships. Everyone else can do what they want. I just don’t have time to worry about what/who other folks are doing.
I think I might be a wee bit racist, there is something in me that rebels against the thought of dating a white man. I’ve never understood it. I find them cute a few of them but the thought of dating them makes me shiver..literally. I shouldn’t have a strong reaction towards it but it’s there. I grew up in an African country with a lot of yts went to schoool with them but nuh uh huh. One of my favourite uncles growing up is yt I have 5dot relatives but I just don’t see myself dating them. Anyone else.. Latinos oh yes, Arabs yes, Asians-some, 5dots are all welcome.
@sweet and sour chicken with a glass of wine,
This is just about me for the rest of y’alls (missed the Yawnce references) can do what you want. I just cry a little bit inside if he’s extra fine but that’s all.
Let me say this…I am a former interracial relationship racist. But then something happened, I ended up marrying a white man. Everything that I said I wouldn’t do, I have done with him. I have dated, sexed him, married, and started a family with him.
Let me say this, I used to be very militant and dating outside my race was never an option for me. At some point, I grew up.
@betty boop, see…you were honest with yourself…and followed your heart. I believe a lot of people won’t cross the line simply because of what others may say/think. That’s a weak excuse. If I run into a white woman that is brown and looks like Kenya Moore…it’s a wrap…I’m all up and through her.
I don’t know whether I’m an interratial relationship racist or not…I could care less who other’s date…men with those jacked up attitudes mentioned above about black women get the middle finger and I guess I’m glad they’d rather be some white woman’s problem…. of course because of those men…and jail…and the high homocide rate….and homosexuality…and the Kardashian sisters….the pool of eligible black men for me to date is abysmally small….
So I briefly considered opening my dating options up to white men…. then I went to a 2520 club and watched them dancing…and extrapolated their unfortunate gyrations into their bedroom performance and all my interest instantly dissipated…..
guess I’m back to looking for that needle in a haystack
I) If a physically attractive and nice “other race” co-worker has expressed interest in you. I don’t flirt back if I’m not interested, period [See II]
II) None of the above. I strongly doubt there would even be a first “interracial” date in my lifetime. I, currently, have very low expectation in dating/ marrying/ procreating with anybody who doesn’t share that common history of oppression and colonization my ancestors went through [Me too on some levels], so I avoid these steps altogether.
III) Angelina Jolie should NOT be sainted JUST for adopting all these children.The movies she chooses to be in doesn’t concern me, nor do I want her in my bed. No one should be shot over that.
IV) I tend to date those who are most mentally and spiritually compatible with me . There is a very low probability of someone who doesn’t share that history of oppression and colonization being mentally and spiritually compatible with me.
V) My opinion of (male) boss is in an interracial marriage doesn’t change. EVEN IF, he is one of the people who is in it for the wrong reasons [read-> skin pigmentation/ hair texture] <-None of my business. They're his issues to work on.
VI) People who exclusively date interracially might have some self-hate issues. It's their prerogative and their issues to resolve.
VII) Whoever [of the age of consent, gay, heterosexual, transsexual, ANY race] you choose to be with / marry is none of my concerns. Be you.
My score seems to be between (12-20).
Does the fact I personally have low desire to interracially date [because of II] means I practice relationship racism?
To number VII
I’ll add neither is it the government’s business.
Trouble submitting post
I have been lurking and quietly giggling into my shirt over this blog for months now, but I have to comment today because I was JUST debating with somebody yesterday about this topic. I have dated inter racially and I would do it again. I used to have a problem with seeing black men with white women, (although never black women and white men…that always got a “you go girl”). But the more learning I got (aka = education and meeting people from all over the world) and having this discussion over and over again, I have come to the realization that there is no logical reason for me to be mad at a chocolate, fine, muscular man picking a Becky over me. For one, black women do not own black men. I think we all know the systematic destruction of the black family has taken care of that. Black men dont “owe” black women anything. And vice versa. Shoot, most of the time we dont even like each other. And thats real talk. For two, the only reason to be upset about interracial dating is racism, or insecurity. Im not a racist, so thats out. And I would like to think Im not insecure, so thats out. Why do people care who someone is with??? Its them, not you. I mean, check the data. Despite what most people think, the most common/highest occurring interracial couples are Asian woman, white man. Does anyone give a damn about them??? lol. No they dont. But Leroy and Kelly pisses everybody off.
Why????
I know I’m very late but I was in the classroom all day until now. These 7th graders are a handful.
Anywho, I’m not a fan of black men dating white women but not women of other races. That is a little prejudice and I’m not exactly sure where that disdain comes from. My brother dates white women (has never dated a black woman)…he blames it on demographics. (i.e. we grew up in the suburbs. for example, I didn’t go to school with a black male until college). I think black women scare him… including me. From what I’ve been told he’s afraid of black women because of me… which is sad because I’m just his bossy little sister.
I haven’t had the opportunity to date many non-black men (after the age of 12) but I’ll admit I’m closed minded. Despite the fact that they populate our prisons, get higher educations less than we do, and don’t always think highly of their black female counter parts I think black men are the most beautifully confident, strong, sexy, intelligent (in their own right) men on the planet. (Run-on sentence? hmmm)
With that said, just because I don’t like it doesn’t mean it shouldn’t go down. I would prefer that we preserve the black family but it’s not my place to tell people what to do. I can only hope and pray that black men see the strength, beauty, and possibilities when black love/ the black family comes together.
Done. Back to observing the 7th grade period that is not mine.
@SaneN85
Butt nekkid = strip club or shoe show or the bend over and let me see it. Please forgive me if that was too much.
But the show that came up in the google search would be something different to do too.
An interracial relationship racist should know one thing: there is no room to complain about not finding a good guy/girl out there because you’ve cut your odds of finding a good match by (insert appropriate demographics here) ~70%. You’ve decided to stay within your racial pool, not realizing that there’s a ridiculous amount of suitable matches OUTSIDE of your pool as well. Call yourself whatever you’d like, but don’t complain that you haven’t found “the one”. Who knows, “the one” might be Jet Li but you’re too busy looking for Boris Kodjoe.
Be thoughtful enough to know when to exist outside of your stereotypes. How many times have the stereotypes and old wives’ tales we’ve used to determine if a man was a good lover failed? Really now. It’s time to really grow up, not just pretend to grow up. Do you want a relationship or do you want bragging rights?
smh.
isn’t it enough to just luv men? i’m mixed too, so i’m in the same boat with most of the mixed ppls who posted earlier. the lines kinda get blurred for mixed folks, although there are definitely exceptions to this. we don’t see divisons or at least i don’t cuz it’d totally go against who we are and how we came about. i feel like it’s easier for me to swing both ways (black or non-black…get ya mind outta tha gutta! lol) but as long as the chemistry is crazy, and dude got a strong back, I AM GOOD!
@nikki87,
however, i need to add that i steer clear of short men (black, white, w/e) i am convinced 99.9% of short men got some serious issues and i know how that sounds but it is what it is. my mom always told me short men always gotta compensate for their vertical deficiency by being overly loud (obnoxious is usually close behind) and short-tempered. EVERY SINGLE short man i’ve ever met was the same d*mn thing! i’m waiting for a short dude to prove me wrong
@ Harold M. Clemens Preach!
all of you criticizing Zahara’s hair should see Chris Rock’s new movie “Good Hair.” And you are not allowed to laugh. You people have serious issues.
I’ve never been in an IR relationship. I’ve been labeled as an relationship racist on a number of occassions but I really don’t think I am. People mistake my racial consciousness for racism. I would like to marry a member of the African Diaspora…. don’t really care if their American, Caribbean, African, Latino, etc…. but if I happen to meet someone of another race altogether that I really like, I would welcome it. I just don’t see it happening. Before I started college, I lived in a very diverse area sooo I had friends of all races and it was easier to come across people of other races. I don’t go to an HBCU but in college it seems like all the races stick to their own. I’ve tried befriending people of other races and we can’t seem to get past the acquantance level just because we don’t hang out in the same places or go to the same parties.
&& as for how I feel about IR relationships involving black men && non-black women…. It’s kind of strange but I really don’t care about black men dating asians or hispanics… it only bothers me to see them with white women…especially if she’s ugly and i know beauty is in the eye of the beholder but there are some people who are just universally ugly…. && not to say that looks are everythang but i hate seeing brothas go from a good looking well kept smart sista to a trashy dumb WW. If you’re gonna go white, do it right. I’d much prefer to see a fine brotha with a beautiful WW then some of these WW I see them with.
But you know….love is love… it’s beautiful regardless of who its between… as long as its btwn to consenting adults i have no problem with it.
I have never had an issue with interracial relationships; ( scored a 15 on the test so I guess that counts for something.)
But my only issue is when some white women choose to date a black man only because of the fact that they want to:
1. show him off to their friends [ I've witnessed this many times. For them dating a black man is like a trend to them. Next to teenage pregnancy ( I believe it has become a trend or something like it.)]
2. fit in with other black people [ I've had friends that has done this, many, many times.]
3. have the satisfaction of saying that they have had sex with a black man and share their expiriences with each other. [If you can't beat em, join em right?]
I’ve had friends that have done all 3 of these things and thinks nothing of it. Most people would say that I’m jealous, but I’m not. I only wish people would base their relationships off of love, not social status or expiriences.
I’m late with this one, but I got a 12. What the hell you mean I’m Sanaa Lathan?!lol
I already knew I was a racist in this construct-I didn’t need your quiz. It’s impossible to discuss these things without discussing the complicated sexual relationships between the races (white men and black women in particular) in our country’s history.
Nice, I Love “Interracial” Love lol,i don’t care who hates it or who is uncomfortable by it….