are you an interracial relationship racist?

slavechildren2

“I have piles and piles of black friends. They come to my home, I marry them, they use my bathroom.”

louisiana judge keith bardwell, defending himself after refusing to issue a marriage license to an interracial couple last week. obviously he’s lying, because no self-respecting black person would use his toliet after he publicly admitted to having piles

between krazy keith’s kracker kourtroom, the bill de blasio (a white politican who featured his black wife and biracial children in his campaign ads) article, and the noise over okcupid’s “here’s more proof that no one wants to date black women” blog, the past couple of weeks has seen a boon in the interracial romantic relationship discussion america likes to have every year before halloween.

despite usually good intentions, these conversations tend to hit a wall because most people, scared of being branded a racist, are loathe to publicly admit how much of a factor race plays in their feelings about dating and relationships.

of course, by “most” i mean “liberal white”, because everyone else has accepted the fact that a little relationship racism isn’t neccesarily a bad thing. like condiments and p*rn, relationship racism is best used with light sprinkles.

still, in regards to interracial relationships, some of us has a tendency take it a bit too far. take the vsb.com interracial relationship racism test today to see exactly where you stand

1. you’re single, and a physically attractive and nice “other race” co-worker has expressed interest in you. do you?

a) cautiously flirt (+5)

b) ask them why they’re so interested in you. before they respond, remind them of their people’s history of questionable sexual practices. when they’re done, report them to hr, and pee in their coffee (-15)

2. you’re on your first “interracial” date. during dinner, do you discuss?

a) why you two can never, ever, ever procreate (-8)

b) minor superfical racial differences (ie “whats with ya’ll and all that damn rye bread?”) (-2)

c) jello (+3)

3. angelina jolie should be…

a) sainted for adopting all of those kids (+4)

b) in better movies and/or my bed (+1)

c) shot for letting sahara out in public with a birds nest on her head (-3)

4. i tend to date those who…

a) kind of favor my ***insert opposite sex parent*** (+1)

b) are most mentally and spiritually compatible with me (+7)

c) have also been accused of hate crimes. no convictions though (-6)

5. you find out that your (male) boss is in an interracial marriage. your opinion of him

a) doesn’t change (+9)

b) changes favorably (-5)

c) changes, but the change depends on whether they’re a black or white man (-10)

6. people who exclusively date interracially

a) should be free do to whatever they want (-3)

b) are the target audience of my blog (-6)

c) might have some self-hate issues, but who am i to judge? (+2)

7. which three word phrase best describes your feelings about interracial relationships?

a) love is blind (+1)

b) black (or white/red/yellow) is beautiful (+2)

c) shank that bitch (-11)

if you scored…

(21+) you officially have no interracial relationship racist bones in your body. kumbayla and sh*t, you color-blind bastard

(12-20) if interracial relationship racism were “breasts” you’d be sanaa lathan. not alot there, but enough to notice

(6-11) you’re officially a pretending-ass, pandering piece of sh*tty ambivalence. good job, trader joe

(5 or below) why are you even here? shouldnt you be out writing a book or protesting the color orange or some sh*t?

people of vsb.com, where’d you score?

are you an interracial relationship racist, and do you think that a bit of relationship racism has a place in the dating game?

—the champ

  • miss patterson

    I refuse to announce my score in public. I think this quiz has been rigged.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @miss patterson,

      rig deez

  • http://TheSunk.com The Hallway

    That judge is entitled to his own opinion. We wud just go to another judge to get married. Lets keep it moving, you dnt exactly want his blessing.

    He got alot of heart tho. Example of when keeping it real goes wrong.

    What about the (black) dude in florida, that caught his (black)daughter having sex and shot the (black)guy 4 times?

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @The Hallway,

      how old was the daughter?

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        @The Champ, she was 16. and the bf was 18.

        not that i can’t understand being upset…but 4 shots tot he back (and to the genitals) is a bit much. hell, 1 shot is a bit much.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Panama Jackson,

          a shot to the nuts? wow. were they having anal sex or something?

        • http://thinkprettysmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

          @Panama Jackson, What? That’s called good parenting.

    • http://ravingblacklunatic.blogspot.com Big Man

      @The Hallway,

      No, the justice of the peace is not entitled to his own opinion.

      That’s illegal. You can’t refuse to marry people because of race, or religion or anything like that. You work for the government, and the government is not legally allowed to discriminate based on race, relgion or ethnicity.

      Now, if the Justice of the Peace just doesn’t like interracial relationships, that’s his business. But he is not entitled to allow his opinion to dictate law. And that’s why that couple is going to get a nice fat settlement.

      • Peysonic Temple

        @Big Man, The couple probably isnt going to get a settlement. In fact nothing will really happen to the Justice. From my understanding, the JOP can deny marriage from whomever he deems unfit for marriage. Its a very strange situation. Check out the abovethelaw.com article for more info

        • Lanieanna

          @Peysonic Temple,

          ……….. A JOP is kinda like a NOTERY

  • Leila

    Angelina needs to do something with Zahara’s hair. It drives me crazy everytime I see that child looking a mess.

    Back to the topic, I’ve dated men of all races and interracial dating doesn’t bother me at all. I get surprised by how many people have such strong feelings against interracial relationships.

    • http://stickwithyocat.blogspot.com/ V.E.G.

      @Leila,

      “Angelina needs to do something with Zahara’s hair. It drives me crazy everytime I see that child looking a mess.”

      Ya know. I don’t think the child’s head looks a mess. (I used to but in recent months changed my mind) It’s in its natural state. It doesn’t look matted to me. It looks a bit dry but most black women’s hair looks dry. We don’t know how it feels and that’s key. I think we are conditioned to think hair should be neat at all times. It’s totally okay that her hair is in it’s big, natural state. Like I said, I used to think her hair looked a mess, then I looked in the mirror and was like “ok. I wear my hair loose and big…why can’t that child?” Any lil’ girl I have certainly will.

      Personally, I prefer that look over all the cornrows/head full of ponytails. I really hate that look (sorry y’all…my mom was anti cornrow when I was little and I have adopted that position as well) on lil girls and I know the damage they can cause to the hairline. Any future daughter of V.E.G. will rock either the big hair or a single pony.

      • mari

        @V.E.G.,

        I agree. I love that little girls hair, I *wish* my fro could get like hers.

      • http://presidentialtelevisionandfilm.ning.com Monk

        @V.E.G.,

        Thanks for pointing this out. Although I can care less how the little girl’s hair looks, I find it contradictory at times how some women will praise natural hair but slam this little girl and her white parents for having it in its natural state.

      • Me fail english?

        @V.E.G.,

        I think Baby Z’s hair looks fine too. And for as many kids are in that house I dont think there was ever much hope of having her hair look “neat”. All them siblings=lots of activity=mess of locks

      • Sula in lalaland

        @V.E.G.,

        Amen! Her hair is the natural hair of a black young girl. Shoot, I wish I could still run around looking like that… :)

      • Leila

        @V.E.G., Zahara has nice hair and I wasn’t saying that it looks a mess because it’s natural. I have natural hair and always wore my natural as a kid, but my mom also used hair products and styled it to look nice.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Leila,

      I get surprised by how many people have such strong feelings against interracial relationships.

      it surprises you, still?

      • Leila

        @The Champ, It really does because most people have at least a little bit of mixed heritage. It’s also because of where I grew up, it was really diverse and race didn’t play a big factor in dating for a lot of people.

    • Anonymiss

      @Leila,

      I think her hair looks fine. It’s natural and it doesnt look tangled up. She could put some shea butta in that ish or some bows or somethin but its really not that bad.

  • Buxxy

    Sigh… I wont lie, my blood begins to boil when I see black men with white women. No not other minorities just white chicks. Especially when the reason never begin with “I love her”, instead they start with “black women (insert any negative characteristic). However, if you are happy, then more power to you. I don’t fool with it and I just plan on marrying within my race. Good thing I am mixed so I have options.

    • charli skipper

      @Buxxy,
      i don’t start off havin a problem with black men who are with white women. only if i get a “look how i’ve been upgraded!” or “i know you want me, black guh, but i’m over you,” vibe. or if it’s an ex of mine….but that’s neither here nor there.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @charli skipper,

        only if i get a “look how i’ve been upgraded!” or “i know you want me, black guh, but i’m over you,” vibe.

        ***filed under “things that i think are just in your head”***

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Buxxy,

      I don’t fool with it and I just plan on marrying within my race. Good thing I am mixed so I have options.

      ***filing under “statements that seem to blatantly contradict”***

      • http://www.buxxybunny.blogspot.com Buxxy

        @The Champ,

        lol I feel you, but since I am black and puerto rican thats where my options are.

      • halle w.

        thank you that statement made no sense at all.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Buxxy, i have to wonder how many conversations women have had with guys dating white chicks about why they date them…

      the only reason i ask this is b/c you say the ones that don’t begin wtih “i love her” but start eslewhere. now…i aint saying it doesn’t happen, but i think it happens more in movies and BET. my guess is that most of y’all see it from afar and doubt you all actually go and ask them.

      • Me fail english?

        @Panama Jackson,

        Unfortunately, I ‘ve encountered in person dudes who say date non-black women and give the following reasons for it:

        -black women have attitudes
        -black women dont know how to treat men
        -I’m too nappy headed/dark to have an all black baby (LMAO! but seriously :( , this was some dude at the Burger King in downtown BK )

        These dudes are in a very small minority though.

        • http://ravingblacklunatic.blogspot.com Big Man

          @Me fail english?,

          As a man, I can validate the suspicions of these women. Way too many cats throw around some self-hating crapola when they are discussing their decision to date outside the black race. Not all cats, but WAY too many.

          “Black women are too much work. They don’t know how to act….When I didn’t have nothing they didn’t want to holla, now they be sweating me….I just find white women more attractive.”

          I have personally heard many cats say this. It’s the main reason why I tend to give interracial relationships the side eye. But, I’m learning to stop pre-judging everyone based on the idiocy of some.

      • Mini

        @Panama Jackson,

        I have to agree with Buxxy. I have know several Black men who date white women and it rarely (not never) starts with her great personality or how happy she makes him. Having attended a tiny PWI everyone knew everyone and all your business. All of the guys that I knew got with white girls for some of the following reasons:

        1. I get to drive her car, in fact, it might as well be my car.
        2. Easy button
        3. I can do what I want with whoever, she’s not gonna leave me
        4. She goes shopping for me.
        5. She comes over, cleans up does whatever else and I can kick her out with no drama.
        6. Easy button

        I could go on. Needless to say this isn’t even my issue. At the end of the day it’s a numbers game. As an educated black woman, if I would like to date a black male on my level, my options are already limited. So on top of this black women have to deal with the quality black men marrying white women. (I don’t care about sleeping with or dating, that’s not serious).

        • Me fail english?

          @Mini,

          Now that I think about it. I had a white man give me a similar speech about why he likes black women. (aside: I didnt even ask his ignorant ass, as it was clear by the end of the nite he was dumb as rocks and very temperamental – he choked his boss earlier that week. Gotta love the NYPD!) But although he did not date black women exclusively he had plenty to say about how black women won’t let you get away with stuff. We’re so feisty and white women are all just Stepford wives waiting on a ring or smthg. Blah, blah, blah.

          I’m actually surprised that there are ppl who have NEVER heard anyone say this kinda stuff.

      • http://www.buxxybunny.blogspot.com Buxxy

        @Panama Jackson,

        Actually, I have had this conversation with a bunch of black men and black women. I am always respectful and honest. I am not saying that all think this way, but there are a lot. Throughout the conversations/discussion groups/debates/forums that I have had, the underlying tone has always been something negative about black women. It may not start there, but it always ends there. The most interesting thing is that I have had this discussion a lot since I have entered grad school. The black in higher ed are the MAIN ones to put us down… go figure. I am all for having the option to be with whoever you want. My main issue is when a black man put myself and other women like myself down, or worst, not even give us a chance because we are stuck with the “pre-judgments” and stereotypes that others have placed on us. Like I said if thats what floats your boat, then hey, whatever. It is just not my thing.

  • charli skipper

    well, clearly, this is not the blog post for me to comment on. i tend to skew away from interracial dating, but–like they all say (lol)–i’m not racist and i have no issues with the interracial relationships of others…oh wait. i dated a biracial guy. does that count? yaaaaaaaaasssssssss.
    i think i had a trauma that made me shy away from any future interracial dating. this white guy that liked me in college invited me to his party and i went. he tried to make moves on me in his bedroom and i wasn’t feelin it, but no harm-no foul. however, this was like 4 or 5 years ago. to this day he still calls me, asks about my relationship status at the moment, and i don’t think he ever tries to offend me on purpose, but he says things like, “it’s really hard to find an educated black man isn’t it?” or “i didn’t know so many black people had AIDS.” um……hm…..
    he’s just a little freaky. and has me lookin at all friendly yt guys like, “is it like that!?”

    • http://presidentialtelevisionandfilm.ning.com Monk

      @charli skipper,
      “and i don’t think he ever tries to offend me on purpose, but he says things like, “it’s really hard to find an educated black man isn’t it?” or “i didn’t know so many black people had AIDS.”

      Am I wrong for wanting to beat a white n*gga’s ass for reading something that I read in a blog comment. If so, I’m guilty as charged. Whether it’s just plain ol’ ignorance or he’s being snide, remarks like that warrant a good ol’ fashion passionate ass whooping.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @charli skipper,

      well, clearly, this is not the blog post for me to comment on. i tend to skew away from interracial dating, but–like they all say (lol)–i’m not racist and i have no issues with the interracial relationships of other

      lol, actually this is the perfect blog post for you to comment on

    • http://twitter.com/Time4SumAkShone AkShone

      @charli skipper,

      “it’s really hard to find an educated black man isn’t it?” or “i didn’t know so many black people had AIDS.” um……hm…..

      You know, this doesn’t actually surprise me. It’s bold, but doesn’t surprise me. What, with ALL the data analysis that is broadcast through multiple media outlets on the state of black people and the “numbers” of [insert detrimental issue here] that is perpetuated, whether positive or negative has to leave an impression on those of other races. To my knowledge (and I certainly could be wrong) there is no such in depth analysis of other races to the extent of black folks.

  • http://stickwithyocat.blogspot.com/ V.E.G.

    I have a strong preference for black men. Preferably black American men.

    However, I have dated 2 white guys, a Puerto Rican, an Ecuadorian,a Dominican (from Dominica, not Dominican Republic), an East African and a Haitian.

    If a guy is cute, smart and passionate, I ain’t passin’ him up. That said, if I wanted to be serious with a guy and started thinking long term, I would probably only do that with a black American guy. No disrespect to other cultures, especially black ones…but I just feel there are more commonalities and linkages there. And I’ve just connected on a deeper level with my American brothas.

    • http://lmbao.org Dorian G.

      @V.E.G.,

      Ctrl+F “Nigeria” and “West African”.

      Fail.

  • http://stickwithyocat.blogspot.com/ V.E.G.

    To answer your question: I am not a relationship racist. I may be a marriage racist. lol. If that’s possible. I’d date a guy, no matter his race but we ain’t gettin’ serious if he ain’t a brotha.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @V.E.G.,

      “I am not a relationship racist. I may be a marriage racist. lol. If that’s possible”

      i understand completely. even the guys i know who occasionally date white women say the exact same thing, at least until they knock them up

  • Kandeezie

    Side note: ppl only think Zahara’s hair is messy because we have no other reference for non-colonial natural unprocessed black hair. I cannot count the amount of times I see little white girls with their hair all over the place and no one says a thing. Perhaps because it’s straight and that’s the standard. Perhaps because they call it wind-blown while ours is a hot mess. Oh the tangled web racism has spun…especially for its victims.

    • charli skipper

      @Kandeezie,
      i never understood all the hubbub over zahara’s hair. it doesn’t look dirty or neglected to me, it’s just not all plaited down. she’ll have plenty of time to do that. i think people would be hollering about how gorgeous it is if it was longer and midway down her back. it’s a mind thing. or a cultural bias. i don’t know. i just know that she’s a kid, she’s cute, and she’ll have plenty of time to fry and die her hair or comb it into submission to please people.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Kandeezie,

      Side note: ppl only think Zahara’s hair is messy because we have no other reference for non-colonial natural unprocessed black hair.

      good point.

      btw, i’ll give 15 bucks t0 the first person who can say “non-colonial natural unprocessed” five times fast

  • h3avensent08

    i scored a 19!!!!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @h3avensent08,

      good job. your cookie’s in the mail

      • Miss Patterson, arsonist in training

        @The Champ, i’m still waiting on an omelette.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Miss Patterson, arsonist in training,

          wait on deez

  • Shay

    Eh…I’ve been itching for someone to post about this, especially since I heard about this on Friday.

    I’m biracial. I’m half Vietnamese and half white. If I were to stay within my race, does that mean I have to find a chick who’s half Vietnamese and half White?

    I didn’t run into this as much back at home in the south as I do up north, but I’ve been getting played lately on the basis that I’m not black by the lovely sisters of DC. My mom used to be racist. Used to be- it took a couple years of my brother and I bringing home black girls and latina girls to break her of it. Now she just wants to make sure that whoever we bring home are good women.

    • http://presidentialtelevisionandfilm.ning.com Monk

      @Shay,

      Can someone who’s racist really transform into not being a racist? I guess change is possible, but being accepting on who you bring home, is that a tell-tell sign that one isn’t racist any more?

      • Shay

        @Monk,

        I think so. It was my litmus test at least. My mother is actually a redneck from Appalachia. My folks moved to the city and I was raised in the hood. I remember from when I was 5 until 14 years old, my mother would always refer to the kids playing in the street as “them” and “they”. Never as kids playing in the street, who just happened to be black.

        That shit always irked my soul. How the hell are you going to be racist when you married a Vietnamese dude who’s almost purple? It didn’t make sense.

        But yeah, I’m sure she’s changed now. I almost married a black woman and my mom welcomed her with open arms to the family and made sure the extended family back in the mountains treated her with respect and dignity. She admits that she was racist, and she’s genuinely sad about it. She has thanked both, my brother and I for workin’ her nerves until she saw the light.

        • Me fail english?

          @Shay,

          “a Vietnamese dude who’s almost purple”

          *brain explodes trying to visualize this*

          And it’s VERY easy for prejudiced ppl to reconcile ill feelings toward a group and warm feelings toward a member of the same group. My pops has some very un-positive things to say about people of Caribbean descent…except for his wife (100%), children (50%) and grandchildren (75%).

          We’re the only good ones. LOL :D

          • Shay

            @Me fail english?,

            If you think that’s bad, you should wait for him to speak.

            My father is 62 years old. It’s always been hard to understand him, sometimes to the point where my mom would translate what he said to me. My father has a very gruff voice, and only one tone, yell. Over time he’s picked up a Southern twang to accent the gruff Vietnamese accent. Combined with the fact that he’s old and he doesn’t care about what he says anymore, he just kind of throws sh*t out there with no regard for syntax or word order. You just kind of gotta piece it together. Whatever.

          • Me fail english?

            “he just kind of throws sh*t out there with no regard for syntax or word order”

            LMAO! I do this now! I cant wait til I get old so I have an excuse.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @Monk,

        Can someone who’s racist really transform into not being a racist?

        yeah. its all learned behavior. there’s no reason why someone who’s willing to change their behavior cant

    • Me fail english?

      @Shay,

      Haha. My pops does the same. He talks all types of ish about we better not bring home anyone non-black, non-American, too light, too dark, too short, too heavy men to his home or it will “break his heart”. He’s lying. I know anyone I bring home, as long as he seems like he’s in love with me, would get pops’ approval. Gotta love those parents!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Shay,

      lol, do you realize how many of an anomaly you are? am asking because there can’t be more than 25 half white/half vietnamese men in the entire county who exclusively dated black women. you’re special and sh*t

      welcome and sh*t, btw

      • Shay

        @The Champ,

        thanks and sh*t.

        I never thought it was that odd, although I suppose it is. I never thought much of it. I grew up in the hood. My first girlfriend was black. I went to a black high school and played football while listening to a good band with a good drumline. I went to a HBCU for undergrad. I almost married a black woman, it didn’t work out, but not because of race related issues. There were hoe related issues that screwed that up. Now, I’m at an HBCU for my PhD.

        All that being said, I don’t date exclusively black women. If I see a beautiful woman, I’m going to go talk to her. It just so happens that my dating demographics break down to about 80% sistas, 15% senoritas, 5% Becky and almost no Asian women. Why? Who knows. Asian women don’t buy what I sale, apparently.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Shay,

          ummm, forget about that “cant be more than 25″ comment, lol. i think you might be the only person on earth with that resume

          • http://www.buxxybunny.blogspot.com Buxxy

            @The Champ,

            Yea I was thinking the same thing…

            @Shay,

            You just better be successful.

          • charli skipper

            @Buxxy,

            He just wanna be successful.

          • Shay

            @The Champ,

            I guess. I didn’t really see it as unusual until this year when I approached a black woman in her dirty thirties about going out.

            She said the idea had never crossed her mind that I was serious and she had not even thought about seriously going out with a man that wasn’t black.

            It’s come up a couple times since I’ve gotten on campus, too.

            Woman, why would I flirt with you if I wasn’t interested? This isn’t some chocolate fantasy jungle love type ish.

            I guess I look at folks who are like that the same way I look at folks who ALWAYS get the same flavor. Damn. Rocky Road, again? Expand your horizons and sh*t. How do you know you like what you like if you’ve never tried anything else?

            @charli skipper & @ Buxxy

            “I want the money, money and the cars, cars
            And the clothes, the hoes I suppose”

            I’d rather be significant, if I had to choose between the two, though.