Anti-Pretty Proximity: Why Powerful Men Have Affairs With “Plain” Women

Posted on 24 May, 2011 by The Champ

I'll be back...with some condoms and a pint of Baileys

(From a Gchat conversation last week)

J**: omg. you seen what the kindergarten cop got himself kicked out the kennedys over????

Champ: i haven’t. i wouldnt be surprised if she wasn’t attractive, though

J**: its ridiculous

J**: she looks like she works at the fiesta mart. repeat: he got KICKED OUT OF THE KENNEDYS OVER THE CHECK OUT LADY AT THE FIESTA MART

he’s an ungrateful ass nigga

we let him come into our country

star in our shitty action movies

marry into our elite

and run our most trifling state

and THIS is what we are given?

he goes and knocks down the bitch from the fiesta mart????

Champ: LOL. you’re funny

J**: im dead ass serious

Champ: thats what makes it funny

J**: i feel like we should deport his ass

If I made a list of “Recent happenings that shocked me about as much the f*cking sunrise,“ the news that an ultra-rich, ultra-famous governor had a decade long affair that produced a lovechild would be first, right after “Chris Bosh dunks and awkwardly pounds his chest like a velocipede” and “if I leave the bathroom door open when I pee, my girlfriend’s cat will try to jump in the toilet (again) and will probably succeed (again).”

Am I implying that it’s usually a forgone conclusion that an ultra-powerful man will be unfaithful to his wife? No. I’m explicitly stating that it’s usually a forgone conclusion that an ultra-powerful man will be unfaithful to his wife. No need to be all Pollyanna about power and sexual psychology.

But, what seems to really bother people like my friend J** isn’t the fact that Schwarzenegger stepped out, but that this rich and famous man — a man who governs in a state known for having a ton of very attractive and very, um, “free-spirited” women — chose to jeopardize his marriage for someone a bit plainer than the type of woman a powerful man should be able to easily pull.

(More J**)

J**: women have no such weakness

J**: i have never seen a woman display such a lack of judgment

J**: you never hear about women having sex with pookie the crackhead bc he was nearby

at least if you go to all-star weekend to have sex with whoever are the current basketball players of the day

you have a chance of accruing child support

you know

as opposed to aids and herpes

and not much else

Champ: those chicks aint f*cking lebron, though

they’re making trips down there to f*ck lebron’s cousins

J**: lol

Despite my jokes, I can see J**’s point. While unfaithful women tend to cheat “up” (To be honest, the jury is still out on this “fact” as well. There are quite a few women married to lawyers and doctors and sh*t who get their backs blown out by school bus drivers, barbers, and relationship bloggers), history is full of examples of powerful men — Bill Clinton, Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, every character Michael Beach has ever played, etc — choosing relatively unattractive women to cheat with (And “relatively unattractive” in this case means that these men are in positions that give them access to more traditionally appealing women), a phenomenon that doesn’t seem to make much sense…at least until you realize that the majority of these situations share the same characteristic.

Anti-Pretty Proximity

You see, proximity matters more than any other factor — trumping physical attraction – when these types of men end up having these prolonged affairs. It’s the one tie that binds Monica Lewinsky, Sahel Kazemi, Mildred Baena, and countless other mistresses, the one thing that’ll make a powerful man who should be used to and (somewhat) impervious to the potentiality of new p*ssy risk everything for a “CHECK OUT LADY AT THE FIESTA MART,” the one reason why truly smart wives make sure that their senator husbands have 72 year old male maids, personal assistants, and secretaries.

They (the husbands) see these women (the mistresses) over and over and over again, and this has a habit of turning appreciation into attraction, attraction into desire, and desire into a yearning. And, since these are powerful men used to getting their way, they don’t stop until the yearning is fulfilled (repeatedly)

The Anti-Pretty part comes into play because, well, these wives aren’t stupid. They know their husbands have wandering eyes, so you better believe that they’re preemptively vigilant — doing what they can to limit and/or void his interactions with any woman she deems a threat.

“His new personal trainer’s boobs are a bit too perky? Hmm, maybe we should join a gym and start working out together.”

“The barista at his favorite Starbucks is a bit too cute and flirty? That’s easy. I’ll just buy him one of those $1,000 cappuccino machines so he has no excuse to go there anymore”

“Our nanny walks around like she wants to get f*cked? Wait, I’m a Kennedy, right? Can’t I just have her killed?”

But, the mistress’s plainness allows her to slip by undetected, as the wife is practically insulted to even consider thinking of her as a threat.

“What? Lupe? The gardener bitch with seven fingers on her left hand? The one who smells like Swiffer and wasabi? Please. I know my man has dog tendencies, but give the n*gga some credit at least”

You wonder why Arnold decided to have an affair with the help and how he managed to have a child with a woman that his wife saw practically everyday for 10 years? That’s how. Anti-Pretty Proximity

I told my friend J** about the Anti-Pretty Proximity theory last night. Her reply?

J**: so sad. well, “you cheated on me??? when i specifically asked you not to????” would be the last thing that any cheating husband of mine ever heard. bc i would shoot him dead

probably on vacation

Champ: you would take him on vacation to shoot him dead?

J**: yes

—The Champ

No rapture means that God wants you to stay on Earth and purchase the paperback or the $9.99 Kindle version of “Your Degrees Wont Keep You Warm at Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide to Dating, Mating, and Fighting Crime”

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http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

You know, this “Anti-Pretty Proximity” isn’t all wrong. It ain’t e’em a quarter wrong. Psychology tells us that #nwhatnot. I did see her and she looks like the maid in Family Guy. HER

Ahnold Schwartm;ojdegjrjog messed this one up BIG time.
- http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie
  
  *does the I’m first AND my comment is relevant wop*
  *then does the beyonce version of the stanky leg*
  - http://naturallyalise.com/blog/2011/05/19/chatty-cathies/ Naturally Alise
    
    you should also do the *shoulder seizure*
    - http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie
      
      The shoulder seizure is airthang! It’s the new dirt yo shoulders off.
  - http://thechroniclesofisis.blogspot.com/ QP_Doll
    
    …..when I saw her doing that I said is she doing the stanky leg? Go head girl…I see you!
  - http://twitter.com/#!/ABluOrchid Moi Meme
    
    Looked to me like she was dancing makossa (an african dance)
- WayUPThere
  
  ehhh, please…we need more leh-mon pledge
  - http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie
    
    LMAOOOOOOO!!! Omg, I love the Maid on Family Guy!
    - Nell
      
      “Can’t you just buy your own Lemon Pledge?”
      *soft and low voice* “Noooooooooooo….”
      - chanelle
        
        lmao! all of her answers are always “noooooo” lol
- Andi
  
  Mr Supaman… he no here.
  - http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane
    
    yes i am lamb chop…;) we role playin’ tonight!?
    - Andi
      
      Can’t take you nowhere….
  - http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl
    
    I no have no money
    - WIP
      
      eh, no……no
- http://tdlove.wordpress.com Tonya
  
  California is not triflin. That is all…
  
  for now.
  - http://jouromeo.blogspot.com Sagey Bear
    
    Exactly. Back off.
    
    Hating on the West….the best.
    
    Hatas gon’ hate.
    - kinnyb
      
      **Crossing my fingers and c-walking**
      
      West Side!!!
  - Alvin
    
    Thank you. Cali may be a lot of things, but trifling aint it.
  - http://twitter.com/#!/legitimate_soul legitimate_soul
    
    Co-signs all Cali love.
- WIP
  
  “I did see her and she looks like the maid in Family Guy”
  
  It’s funny because it’s real.
- Da Iceman
  
  Hahahaha she looks like the maid in Family Guy! Line of the DAY.
kaname

Does the Anti-Pretty proximity play into the “men are only as faithful as their options” theory?
- http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
  
  in a roundabout way, yes
  - http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane
    
    “men are only as faithful as” our options, perceived/relative consequences, givafcukabilty quotient and constraints.
    - http://theatypicallibrarian.wordpress.com/ AtypicalLibrarian
      
      “men are only as faithful as” our options, perceived/relative consequences, givafcukabilty quotient and constraints.
      
      So much word on this. If a man has no options then it’s a moot point, but really, waht woman wants to be with a man that no other woman finds attractive? So women want an attractive man, yet we don’t want other women (or our men) to act on said attraction unless there are no “perceived/relative consequences.” Just like children, pets, petty criminals (I’m in no way saying their one-in-the-same), etc. a cheating man will continue to cheat as long as he feels he can get away with it. It’s bad if his cheating is undetected, but if he’s blatant with it and the wife silently turns a blind eye (or forgives him 5011 times) it’s like dude has hit the perpetual panty lottery.
      
      I am adding ‘givafcukabilty quotient’ to the lexicon. Thanks
      - http://wewereninjas.wordpress.com/ Jay
        
        Thats actually the first time that I’ve ever seen “Fifty-Leven” written out. It doesn’t look as ignorant as it souds.
        
        http://theatypicallibrarian.wordpress.com/ AtypicalLibrarian
        
        I like making people think.
        
        “5,011, what a random number… 5-0, 11… 50-11, oh wait fifty-’leven!” Now
        Now I’m wondering where the number fifty-’leven (and umpteen, too) came from!
        
        http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane
        
        anything one of the ying-yang twins said is bound to sound more ignorant than it would normally…
      - http://wewereninjas.wordpress.com/ Jay
        
        Thats actually the first time that I’ve ever seen “Fifty-Leven” written out. It doesn’t look as ignorant as it souds.
        
        sistaPOET
        
        lol that’s because it could easily read “five thousand and eleven”, which is what I though it was until I read your comment and noted otherwise.
        
        http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie
        
        Ya know, I NEVER sat back and realized that it could mean five thousand and eleven. Ish sounded so ignant, I figured it couldn’t possibly be a real number. lol
        
        Yonnie 3000
        
        Yeah, it’s supposed to be written out way more ignoranter [sic] than 5,011. Something like 50leven or fittyleven. No. You were right the first time. It sounds AND looks ignorant. That’s why it’s fun to say.
        
        http://wewereninjas.wordpress.com/ Jay
        
        Yeah AtypicalLibrarian, you need ignorance classes.
        
        http://theatypicallibrarian.wordpress.com/ AtypicalLibrarian
        
        Duly noted.
        
        Royale W. Cheese
        
        Or fiddy-lebbin.
        
        http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie
        
        50-lem >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
      - http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
        
        “Just like children, pets, petty criminals (I’m in no way saying their one-in-the-same), etc. a cheating man will continue to cheat as long as he feels he can get away with it. It’s bad if his cheating is undetected, but if he’s blatant with it and the wife silently turns a blind eye (or forgives him 5011 times) it’s like dude has hit the perpetual panty lottery”
        
        ***for more on this, check out “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night,” available everywhere n*ggas buy book and sh*t***
        
        http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane (Shruggie Low-down)
        
        ***commercial break***
        “i just ordered my second copy from amazon…’cause the first one was so good–it got stolen (we’ve still got work to do on the crime fightin’ front).”
        [thumbs-up, coon-lean...infomercial smile.]
        “and…cut!”
        
        Dimaati
        
        You too!!???! I just got my 2nd copy that last week because someone took my 1st copy. Seriously, its a conspiracy & sh*t!!!
      - http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane (Shruggie Low-down)
        
        had an interesting conversation about this the other day…it’s such an unfortunate paradox–especially since women scantly acknowledge its existence. my sentiment: women are both intrinsically aroused by prowess and loathe the very effects of it…it contradictory, competitively selfish and yet, unquestioned. but to expound on it here would take this discussion in a whole other direction…and i ain’t tryin’ to leave blood for the hounds. i am goin’ to write about it tho’…despite the risk of losin’ what remains of my fairer-sex following in the process. charge it to my low givafcukability quotient…speakin’ of which–always glad to contribute to the lexicon.
        
        Royale W. Cheese
        
        Or it could be that women figure that about 99.9% of men will cheat, so you may as well be cheated on by an attractive man with prowess rather than be cheated on by Captain Mediocrity…the second would just be a slap in the face.
      - http://www.twitter.com/SCSilk Silk!
        
        I never understood the logic of “No woman wants a man that no other woman wants”.
        
        If I want him, why would I care who else wants him? If he’s everything I want, isn’t it better that no one else wants him?
        
        http://theatypicallibrarian.wordpress.com/ AtypicalLibrarian
        
        It is quite paradoxical, but not as much as the “I only date men who are taken” nonsense. I can’t think of a woman who wants a mud-duck, halitosis having scrub on her arm. When I was dating my ex and brought him around friends, it always made me feel a little better, smile a little wider when they would later tell me how fine he was. One time at a party I watched him play pool with a chick who was thirsty as all outdoors. Giggling over stuff that wasn’t funny, leaning over a little too far, standing a bit too close. He wasn’t rude to her but he didn’t play into her advances and when the game was over he made a beeline to me and pulled me away from my girlfriends being extra affectionate enough to let ol’ girl and anyone else know that he was with me. I felt good to me that she was obviously digging him while he was digging me.
        It didn’t feel good when I feel victim to anti-pretty proximity when that fool cheated on me with his wannabe cougar (more like alley cat) neighbor and fathered a child a few years later. Oh, TMI. My bad. My bad.
        
        http://wewereninjas.wordpress.com/ Jay
        
        You just described a beautiful relationship dynamic…. strikethrough horror story notwithstanding. =)
        
        http://theatypicallibrarian.wordpress.com/ AtypicalLibrarian
        
        Thanks, Jay. I think the strikethrough horror story is worth a lifetime of ignorance classes, don’t you?
        
        http://wewereninjas.wordpress.com Jay
        
        Lol. Yeah, my bad, you earned your credits via actual field experience.
        
        Yeah…So
        
        Naw, I think you’re reading that saying too deep. It’s basically saying all women know when a catch is a catch and WE ALL want a catch… so if I got a catch then, of course y’all gon’ want him too… it’s a cosignage of sorts.
        
        http://www.twitter.com/SCSilk Silk!
        
        I guess I’m saying that if I want him, he’s a catch to me, and I don’t care what anyone else thinks.
        
        Not that I’m feening for mud ducks.
        
        Yeah…So
        
        but nobody wants mud ducks… just sayin, the odds yuh know?
    - WIP
      
      I don’t think “perceived consequences” mean a damn thing. Old boy was *running for president*- the position in which one will be more scrutinized than ever- and was still stepping out and lying. (John Edwards? Vice President? I can’t remember the details but, you know) Ya other boy (in NC?) straight left his wife. These politicians have plenty to lose and they still do it.
      - http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane (Shruggie Low-down)
        
        hence the “perceived” qualifier…WJC actually was president. remember!?
- Jhane Sez
  
  “Does the Anti-Pretty proximity play into the “men are only as faithful as their options” theory?”
  
  I don’t know if Arnold qualifies for this theory.. unless faithful means not sticking your d*ck in other women while your wife is in the room, because he fails by any other measure.
  
  The maid is just one in a long line of women that Arnold has gotten with since being with Maria, before and after marriage, and these women have ranged from gorgeous movie co-stars like Sharon Stone and Maria Conchita Alanso to the chick who sharpened pencils for his campaign.
  
  Even broke and barely able to speak English he was notorious for his sexual antics and drama with girlfriends due to his cheating.
  
  So APP may explain this one instance in part, but it doesn’t cover all of them.
  
  I think that the Anti-Pretty Proximity theory is interesting, but I think that these super powerful men who can have anyone are looking for specific qualities that don’t have anything to do with looks.
  
  The closest parallel that I can make would be Prince Charles, considered for a couple of decades to be one of the most eligible bachelors in the world. He marries youth and beauty, Princess Dianna, but he has a long standing affair and ultimately marries Camila Parker Bowles, older and homely. In fact he wanted to marry her before Diana but it didn’t work out.
  
  Many of these power dudes have serious oedipal issues… maybe he was looking for a nurturing mom type, someone who would be there to just rub his back and tell him it would all be okay.
  
  Look at Jude Law and Sienna Miller he cheated with the nanny of his 4 kids that he has from previous relationships. He has stated that a large part of the attraction wasn’t looks as much as nurturing and warmth… Sienna wasn’t in a hurry to have kids.
  
  I’ve seen this play out many times in real life and have come to the conclusion a man’s heart (or d*ck) wants what it wants.
  
  I think its easy to understand youth and beauty, phat azz and big t*ts, its the things beyond what we can see that draws two people together that confuses us. ~JS
  - Yoles
    
    Elizabeth would not allow Charles to marry Camila… He was forced to marry Diana… a sweet, groomed virgin that would make a perfect princess… I think that is a different situation completely. That man was denied his true love and look how things turned out for the forced replacement…
    - Jhane Sez
      
      “Elizabeth would not allow Charles to marry Camila… He was forced to marry Diana… a sweet, groomed virgin that would make a perfect princess… I think that is a different situation completely. That man was denied his true love and look how things turned out for the forced replacement…”
      
      Yes and no… when Charles was off doing his service Camila didn’t wait and got married, the Queen wouldn’t allow Charles to marry a divorced woman and set up the thing with Diana.
      
      My point was more the public reaction to who he cheated on their beloved Dianna with… they talked about Camila like a dog, with no regard for true love.
      
      People even after learning the story still say I can’t believe he picked her over Dianna.~JS
  - http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl
    
    I agree Jhane. I was NOT surprised at all. This woman was not the first. I don’t feel all that bad for Maria. Just like I don’t feel bad for the wives of notorious cheating athletes, politicians etc. THEY KNOW. They know and they turn a blind eye. Even the ones who have options like Maria. Sometimes it’s not about the comfy lifestyle but more about not wanting their marriage to “fail” even though it’s already failed. With wealthy people, it’s all about image. It’s a sad way to live. I’m willing to bet good money that alot of these marriages are s.exless and more of a business. I could be wrong though. It’s sad all around. Anyone can get cheated on. You have the option to leave or try to fix it but to know that your husband is cheating…several times…and stick around regardless? smh
    - Jhane Sez
      
      “They know and they turn a blind eye. Even the ones who have options like Maria. Sometimes it’s not about the comfy lifestyle but more about not wanting their marriage to “fail” even though it’s already failed. With wealthy people, it’s all about image. It’s a sad way to live. I’m willing to bet good money that alot of these marriages are s.exless and more of a business.”
      
      It’s funny in these situations that we don’t take history into account. Arnold and Maria kicked it for about 10 years before they got married… and it took the family more than a minute to warm up to him
      
      When Maria got with Arnold he was in an open long term relationship, and when she was younger she had a bit of a reputation for being a wild child… so its hard to say what kind of deal they struck.
      
      I remember their engagement and wedding being big media because folks said that she would never get him to marry her… and maybe at the time that was enough.
      
      It would not surprise me if their marriage evolved into more and more of a business arrangement because during the course of their dating Arnold expressed an interest in politics and he was 40, ready to have kids… but even in his own biography he admits that it was never his intention to stop having se.x with other women.
      
      I mean when they announced the separation Arnold was pictured off celebrating, his movies began flying off the shelves and he said he was going to get back into doing movies again.
      
      And Maria gets to write a heck of a book… too bad Oprah won’t be on the air.
      
      I think for some women its enough just to keep up the facade until it isn’t enough anymore ~JS
      - http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl
        
        I agree! I said the same thing up or below, can’t remember. lol Good points.
        
        Nell
        
        “I think for some women its enough just to keep up the facade until it isn’t enough anymore”
        
        This is also very true! Juanita Jordan and Kim Porter are prime examples. Though the jury’s still out on Kim because of all the speculations I keep hearing.
        
        I used to be that woman putting up with stuff I shouldn’t have had to put up with, and I didn’t even have a ring on my finger. But I did find the courage to say no more and walked away without looking back. For Maria, this was the straw the break the camel’s back, I’m assuming.
    - Nell
      
      I don’t get that, either, but that’s easy for me to say since I’m not married. Really, I think these women get comfortable with the lifestyle and stick around for that alone. Some make the mistake of sticking around for the kids, when really that doesn’t help at all. Kids know when something’s not right.
      
      I could go on and on about this, but yeah…I see it.
      - http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl
        
        Cosign and sh*t
    - GirlSixx
      
      SFG: ” I’m willing to bet good money that alot of these marriages are s.exless and more of a business.”
      
      i raise your bet. *ThrowsDown2nickels*
      
      Often times this is usually the scenario, because afterall marriage is usually a merger anyway.
Mo-VSS

Whoever is willing and able is the likely candidate for the cheat…and that works both ways. If it’s proximity (which I agree it is), environment, behavior, etc, whoever is the most willing is the most likely candidate. So him boinking the maid/nanny or whomever isn’t really a surprise because she’s always there. And usually a woman in this position won’t say no because they are flattered by the attention from a powerful man…and the man doesn’t say no because it’s p*ssy…and when’s the last time a dude said no to that?

Just saying…
- AfroPetite
  
  “and the man doesn’t say no because it’s p*ssy* <<< This
  
  I definitely agree, willingness to step out is just one of those things that doesn't discriminate based on wealth, status, etc.
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool
  
  I think there are men saying saying no to the proximity p*ssy for various reasons. Some guys do have standards and sh*t.
  - Simba.Africanna
    
    True. especially if I had a whole governorship to lose. That’s a lot for just some poon.
    - WIP
      
      Maybe ya boy didn’t give a freak about being governor anymore.
  - RG
    
    Cosign. A lot of cats are slaves to the p*ssy. And then they wonder why they can’t run their households. Don’t get me wrong, I love it just as much as the next man, but these simpletons are out here letting it dictate and jeapordize everything in their lives. Where they do that at?
    - Squeak
      
      Funny. My pops always told me, never be a slave to the P. Took a while to figure out what he meant, but as a man, now, i see. U gotta learn how to walk away, especially when there are other things at risk, like yo family.
- DG
  
  “the man doesn’t say no because it’s p*ssy…and when’s the last time a dude said no to that?”
  
  I’ll have you know that I said no to some last week….looked it square in the eye(?) and said “there’ll be none of you tonight”…then I clean Obamawalked my way out that joint.
  
  In all seriousness, tho, many of us can and do say no (I think Panama made reference to this a week or so ago)…it just takes some maturity to get that point. The smart man recognizes just because p#ssy is being offered does not mean we have to accept.
  - http://thejahfiles.blogspot.com/ B. Brown
    
    This right here. Some of us realize that it’s not the end all to be all. Some of these men out here are apparently scrambling to get every piece they can. Must not think they can get much. Turning it down isn’t even that crucial of a subject to me. Not even sure why there’s such disbelief that it happens.
    - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool
      
      Cause some women need to believe that all men that cheat are doing so because they can’t help themselves. Makes it easier to forgive them and take them back.
      - http://jouromeo.blogspot.com Sagey Bear
        
        I agree with the homie B.Brown on this one. I’ve turned down my own fair share plus another few men’s share as well.
        Something Pac said stuck with me…in a translated form. (paraphrased)
        
        “You actin’ like you the only one worth something but I ain’t cheap or free, earn my time and efforts.”
        
        A bunch of pinocchiO.s running around trying to be real little boys. Filling women with false expectations and irrelevant experiences.
        
        But a woman can become more attractive the more often you see her, especially when she is always kind to you. Men just like nice women at the end of the day. We don’t care why you are nice, just that you are(generalization).<—for the knuckleheads.
        
        KOLT
        
        I appreciate the sentiments and positions shared by B. Brown, TheAnti-Cool and Sagey Bear.
        
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool
        
        Your appreciation is appreciated.
        
        Yoles
        
        “But a woman can become more attractive the more often you see her, especially when she is always kind to you. Men just like nice women at the end of the day. We don’t care why you are nice, just that you are(generalization).<—for the knuckleheads"
        
        i totally see what you are saying Sagey… a little kindness goes a long way in more than one way…
        
        Yeah…So
        
        You know this is a good point… pretty/privileged/spoiled women can be real b*tches, so an ugly pleasant chick could start looking real good when your ego is getting walked all over, no?
        
        sincereluv4life
        
        wow, good point
        
        http://shift88.com/cha SpottieOttieDarlin
        
        Hi Sage!!!
        
        What pac song is that?
        
        http://jouromeo.blogspot.com Sagey Bear
        
        Hey there SpottieOttieDarlin,
        “Fair exchange” THE WHOLE SONG! lol…
        
        @Yeah…So,
        
        See, it sounds like you think there are actually differences between men and women. I think that the overall differences between men and women aren’t really as significant as socially perceived. I think men and women are the same and that their personalities simply reflect their goals, self-worth, senses of entitlement and interpersonal coping strategies. My point is the argument is very similar to one that many people make about women who stay with jerks. We all want somebody that is “worth” the time. We all get wrapped up in them…it happens to the best of us just like pinocchi”O.” and his cronies are crowing today.
        
        Yeah…So
        
        Wait… what? I thought we were saying the same thing, no? Stay around an ugly nice girl long enough and she’ll start looking cuter then the mean pretty chick you wit…
        
        Hmmm… -_^ … am I being flirted with?
        
        http://jouromeo.blogspot.com Sagey Bear
        
        oh no, we are saying the same thing.
        I simply saw a chance to flesh out the fact that women do the same things even if in a slightly different way. They’ll like an ugly dude and have all her home girls saying he handsome when he look like a straight back version of Quasimodo the Notre Dame creature that rings the bell.
        
        I can ring your bell elll ellll I could ring ya bells. Who remembers that Dr Dre song? haha Ring Ding Dong
        
        Yeah…So
        
        No, you are mistaken… we don’t do the same things. When my friends even THINK about dating an ugly dude I’m like… o_O, really? The thing with us is that the good looking dude ALWAYS has the eff’d up attitude… ugh! With women, not so much. Whether he was always fine or just got fine over the summer he’s an @ss. On the other hand with us… see y’all luck-up more times than not because the odds the pretty chick was an ugly-duck back in the day and turned into a swan with a banging personality to match are WAYYYY greater than us getting a nice sessy guy.
        
        Guys with pretty chicks that treat them bad are more than likely gonna bounce… us on the other hand… a bad attitude is expected with a fine dude.
        
        Yeah…So
        
        You like how I rhymed dat huh… I know.
        
        http://jouromeo.blogspot.com Sagey Bear
        
        I can follow your rhyme scheme. I don’t like. But it is cute. lol
        
        Uh. Thats definitely a perspective. and I’m growing to respect you more and more everyday. At least, your opinion anyways. I still disagree. Sounds like you got a knack for bumping into diva dudes at every intersection.
        
        But I’m a decent lookin’ brotha with a good attitude and I’ve seen others like me. So, I know I ain’t trippin’ when I say you on some “ninjas ain’t ish” kick right now.
        
        Matter of fact, we stop each other from jumpin on ugly Bettys all the time. That was not the point. This is my point: Lil Wayne. There I said it. Now what? Don’t e’em respond with Precious(Gabrielle Sit-at-bay). I’m just sayin…he smashed more than a fair share of homegirls. She did not. and will not smash more then ten dudes her entire life.
        I think we do the same things in slightly differing ways but that is a bit convoluted and I concede my point. Go on head girl, do ya victory dance and shaddup. Now, I’m bittah
        
        Yeah…So
        
        LOL… you out there… and I like it Rrrrrrrr *does the butterfly to “All I Do Is Win”*
        
        GirlSixx
        
        @Sagey Bear
        
        “They’ll like an ugly dude and have all her home girls saying he handsome when he look like a straight back version of Quasimodo the Notre Dame creature that rings the bell.”
        
        HUH?!!
        
        Not me and my girls.. No we don’t do that — we keeps it real with one another on all accounts, but we aren’t blatant outright nasty about it but we will pull her tail feather and ask her “Yo Whazzup??
        
        http://jouromeo.blogspot.com Sagey Bear
        
        Okay girl6x,
        I already backed on up and decided it wasn’t worth it.
        
        You right, you right.
        
        WIP
        
        I’ve seen men the prefer mean girls- but just as frequently I hear men say women need to smile more. Maybe there’s some truth to this niceness thing.
        
        Squeak
        
        “But a woman can become more attractive the more often you see her, especially when she is always kind to you. Men just like nice women at the end of the day. We don’t care why you are nice, just that you are(generalization).<—for the knuckleheads."
        
        This same theory can apply to chicks you work with also. Quite a few times I've had to starve out a work relationship that started to take a turn, where she was confiding, or I was seeking her out for conversation, and i had to say hold up, this aint good, and put it on ice. You see people you work with, more than you see your s/o so it can be easy, especially if you going to lunch together, working late, grabbing drinks.
      - Mo-VSS
        
        See, I said that not as a way to say “all men cheat” cuz I don’t believe that. I just know that unless said man is mature and established and understands that it’s not always worth the ensuing drama (especially if he’s attached or married) then most will not turn it down.
        
        I do agree with DG that when a man reaches a certain point, for-the-taking-p*ssy isn’t the end all be of his existence.
        
        It’s sad though, that some men NEVER reach that point. Or when they do, it’s too late cuz they messed up their relationship to the point that she will never take him back.
      - Royale W. Cheese
        
        Speaking for myself, I need to believe that all men that cheat are doing so because they are retarded. Makes it easier to walk away.
  - http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com wild cougar
    
    Good points DG, B.Brown and Sagey Bear. Nice to know there are VSBs out there like you.
- Medium Meech
  
  Men say no. No really, we do. But Champ is right, and it’s common since when you think think about it. Social proximity is the common denominator for all relationships, be they purely sexual or long term. I have never done anything with a girl that I have never been around, and conversely the more circles I am in with a girl and the more social interaction I have, the more likely something is going to happen between the two of us.
  - Imperfect
    
    “Men say no. No really, we do.”
    
    Ya learn something new every day…
    - Tx10inch
      
      Men say “no” all tha time…it’s just not worth the drama.
  - http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl
    
    You’re right. Men can get a LITTLE credit. I’ve seen men turn down women…alot too. It’s not uncommon. Sometimes a man really is happy and not turned on by aggressive women, etc. I see it. Also, you brought up a good point. This is why I’m not a fan of having close friendships with the opposite s.ex when in a relationship. Over time, something is likely to develop. Not a good recipe in my opinion.
  - http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson
    
    Men say no. No really, we do.
    
    we absolutely do. now, we might pay for it in some way, shape, or form. lol. but we do say no.
- http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane
  
  “No.”
- http://obsidianraw.bravejournal.com Obsidian
  
  “and the man doesn’t say no because it’s p*ssy…and when’s the last time a dude said no to that?”
  
  Answer: Men with options, aka GAME, can and often do, say “no” to p*ssy. More on this below…
  
  O.
- http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson
  
  and the man doesn’t say no because it’s p*ssy…and when’s the last time a dude said no to that?
  
  i might have to write a post on this…cuz, i think we say no more than you think we do. though i’m fairly certain that’s been echoed thru these hallowed hallways of VSB U since its inception. off rip, i can think of at least 3 attractive women i’ve blatantly turned down…and i wasn’t in a relationship at the time that prevented me from hitting the sheets.
  - Mo-VSS
    
    Let me clarify…some men say no. They do. But, over time, when you’re continually tempted by women and things at home aren’t all they should be…or all you want them to be, then it makes it harder (no pun) to say no.
    
    That said, I do agree that it does happen.
    - http://jouromeo.blogspot.com Sagey Bear
      
      Agreed
  - http://www.twitter.com/SCSilk Silk!
    
    Not that I was offering sex (just a date), but I’ve been rejected enough to know that all men don’t jump at a woman’s offer.
- Alvin
  
  and the man doesn’t say no because it’s p*ssy…and when’s the last time a dude said no to that?
  
  It happens more often than you think.
http://naturallyalise.com/blog/2011/05/19/chatty-cathies/ Naturally Alise

I also think men “cheat down” because that close proximity chick is probably more interesting and entertaining… and it is new. Plus that chick is going to be more flattered at that attention than someone who may be more physically attractive or higher on totem pole. Also in Arnold’s situation, have you seen Maria Shriver’s skeletor-looking self, technically in the looks department he didn’t really cheat down.
- DG
  
  Also in Arnold’s situation, have you seen Maria Shriver’s skeletor-looking self, technically in the looks department he didn’t really cheat down
  
  Good a$$ point…
  - Yeah…So
    
    Agreed.
- http://thejahfiles.blogspot.com/ B. Brown
  
  Yes, he did. Maria isn’t the best out there, I’ll grant that. However, she’s better-looking than her competition. Besides, if one looks at Maria now that’s unfair (not sure if this is the case here). I’m almost positive that she looked better when the cheating started than she does now, and the competition didn’t exactly look like the Fountain of Youth would have made a world of difference.
  - Yoles
    
    but competition looked better when they started as well…
    - http://thejahfiles.blogspot.com/ B. Brown
      
      Even without seeing old pictures of the maid, I’m fairly confident in saying that the aesthetic difference between Maria and the maid was greater then than it is now – especially given the belief that 2520s don’t age as well as other folks.
  - kid video
    
    “Maria isn’t the best out there, I’ll grant that. However, she’s better-looking than her competition”
    
    A woman with a Spanish(for british) accent can do strange thing to a guy.
    - http://thejahfiles.blogspot.com/ B. Brown
      
      This I agree with.
- Medium Meech
  
  I probably shouldn’t say this, especially since I have never cheated on a girlfriend, but what the hell. Women should stop looking at who the man is cheating on when he does cheat, especially when it’s purely sexual or the man has to proactively turn down the strange. It’s not about how attractive the woman is or what’s going on in the relationship. It really is as simple as men just like fcuking, and new strange. If I’m eating fillet every night you can understand why I might opt for pizza or a burger once a week.
  - Yoles
    
    i see and understand… sometimes the simplest answer is truly the answer
  - Lola’s Mambo
    
    @Medium Meech – I agree! Attractiveness doesn’t always matter when picking a mistress. Don’t fall asleep on them plain janes or ugly girls. Those are the ones that creep into a man’s heart the easiest. Not only are they always around, but they’re always around saying the RIGHT ish at the RIGHT time… stroking egos and eventually dongs.
    - http://wewereninjas.wordpress.com/ Jay
      
      Truth.
    - http://jouromeo.blogspot.com Sagey Bear
      
      Preach. Mambo. Preach.
  - Yeah…So
    
    Ehhh… maybe in some cases, but it still doesn’t really explain the man of POWER (who can get any @ss) opting for a women that is aesthetically challenged… and sometimes it isn’t about sex at all, it’s about pride. I think he and Clinton cheated down because they’re married to powerful women who prolly wear the pants in the relationship… having the upper hand is a mutha for some men.
  - Squeak
    
    @Meech,
    
    ROFL @ Strange’. I watched that a few days ago.
  - Mo-VSS
    
    I get it, but men should be honest that intention from the get go. Now, many of you all will say “but Mo-VSS…you are a VSS aren’t you? Men CAN’T say these things to women because you all won’t understand.” And sure…that’s true to an extent. But, what’s also true is that women understand more then you all may give credit for. And if said woman loves you, then there really isn’t too much that you all can’t tell each other. At the end of the day, whether you choose to be honest about that in your life or just act it out behind her back, the relationship will suffer. However, honesty may be the key to situations being worked through or you finding someone else because she left you.
  - Tx10inch
    
    It’s not about how attractive the woman is or what’s going on in the relationship. It really is as simple as men just like fcuking, and new strange. If I’m eating fillet every night you can understand why I might opt for pizza or a burger once a week.
    
    Intriguing but oddly correct analogy….
  - Royale W. Cheese
    
    I’ll never ever understand how a man can view sex this way. Familiar p**** is to Strange p**** as pizza is to pizza. Physically, they are all wet holes. I understand the logic of the metaphor, but it only makes me doubt the sanity of men.
- DQ
  
  * technically in the looks department he didn’t really cheat down.*
  
  LOL, so this was like, a lateral cheat or something?
  - WIP
    
    It wasn’t a straight 90 degree drop. Some where around 30 degrees.
  - Yeah…So
    
    I’d say lateral… Maria looks ruff.
- http://obsidianraw.bravejournal.com Obsidian
  
  “I also think men “cheat down” because that close proximity chick is probably more interesting and entertaining… and it is new.”
  
  O: Translation: “Because he not only has a track record of having no GAME whatsoever, he’s lazy; real Seducers put work in”
  
  “Plus that chick is going to be more flattered at that attention than someone who may be more physically attractive or higher on totem pole.”
  
  O: By all accounts she did the Monica Lewinsky…
  
  “Also in Arnold’s situation, have you seen Maria Shriver’s skeletor-looking self, technically in the looks department he didn’t really cheat down.”
  
  O: Uh, yes, he did most definitely “cheat down”. But you are right in this respect – the years have not been kind to Maria…
  
  O.
- WIP
  
  I’m glad I’m not the only one to mention it. Miss Maria ain’t all that herself. I’m not saying she deserves a cheating husband, but all this “can you believe who he cheated with!”…um, ya, I can.
- miss t-lee
  
  “Also in Arnold’s situation, have you seen Maria Shriver’s skeletor-looking self, technically in the looks department he didn’t really cheat down.”
  
  Exactly. That was pretty much a neck and neck race.
- http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie
  
  And beyond that, folks are ackin’ like he’s a hot dinna mug himself. He HAD a great body, yes, but um… his face, doe. He looks… disturbed. Meh.
  - GirlSixx
    
    Death!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

Who ever it was that asked for a men-ain’t-shyt day on VSB…Here you go.

This is gonna be fun. For some.
- nillalatte
  
  LOL… I knew that was coming! I love male bashing myself. A *favorite* past time.
  - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool
    
    I prefer to bash specific males for specific reasons myself.
    - nillalatte
      
      Ha! I understand.
    - Lola’s Mambo
      
      I hope it doesn’t become about collective men bashing because we’re talking about a specific type of man associated with these situations. It’s not the Medium Meeches, DGs, or B. Browns of the world…
      - Lola’s Mambo
        
        DQs***
      - DG
        
        How you just gon’ edit me out??
        
        DQ
        
        LOL, she didn’t edit you out, she added me in.
        
        Yeah…So
        
        Awww, y’all are our official VSB twins… too cute.
    - mandela
      
      “I prefer to bash specific males for specific reasons myself”
      
      ….and one of the reason being you can’t have them?
      - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool
        
        Who says I want them?
  - http://wewereninjas.wordpress.com/ Jay
    
    That there train is never late….
- http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane
  
  felt this strategy fallin’ into place last night…i’d say, “i knew it was comin’!” but that’d be too easy…
  - http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com wild cougar
    
    Eh, I don’t need a men ain’t sh*t day. I love me some men. The members of the he-man woman haters club can do the stanky leg circle jerk in the basement. They don’t need me to hate em. They’re sad enough on their own.
    - Mo-VSS
      
      LMAO…I’m right >< with you on that.
    - DQ
      
      But the stanky leg circle jerk in the basement tho? LOL, damn. I’m suprised you didn’t specify clockwise or counterclockwise…
    - nillalatte
      
      Whoa there wild cougar! I love me some men too and I bash with respect. It’s called banter. A lot of men enjoy when a woman can call them out and meet them on the same playing field. And, those that can’t handle, well, we just have to move on. Ain’t no hatin goin on here. Got nothing but love for men, a lot of luv…
      - http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie
        
        LOL, pretty much. The checking is done because you care. It’s a compliment. Is this #chicklogic? I’ll be dat. *rides on bicycle all cutesy-like and runs into phone pole*
      - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool
        
        Same here. On all points.
    - http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane (Shruggie Low-down)
      
      [pets the wild cougar...]
http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

Hmm, this makes sense. Smart cookie, Champster.

In other news, I spent the entire remainder of the game
roasting Bosh’s chest pound (since he has nan chest to
pound) to keep from crying. *sniff* #GoBulls

*sobs into tea*
- naturalista88
  
  Bosh reminds me of an insect; can’t quite put my finger on which one but he does *shrug*.
  - http://naturallyalise.com/blog/2011/05/19/chatty-cathies/ Naturally Alise
    
    he has some Praying Mantis features going on, but mixed with a crackish cricket. #thismakessense
    - DQ
      
      You had me at Praying Mantis…
      
      …then you went and started gene splicing other insects trying to create the locust of the Apocalypse that we just missed #Word2Camping
      - http://naturallyalise.com/blog/2011/05/19/chatty-cathies/ Naturally Alise
        
        I guess in a nutshell he looks like a rapture bug, which is really a roach, kinda like 2520′s like to call them water bugs. Similar concept.
        
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool
        
        …”rapture bug”…
        
        I’m not sure if I love or hate you for this…
        
        Yoles
        
        Alise… why are you trying to send me to the pseudo-rapture all late and everything? you ain’t right… yea i said it… you AINT right
        
        http://naturallyalise.com/blog/2011/05/19/chatty-cathies/ Naturally Alise
        
        I ain’t ‘eem do nuffin. *whistles and walks away*
        
        http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie
        
        NOT rapture bug. Also, I just googled velocipede because I thought it was an ancient bug (and I’m a masochist as it was sure to freak me out), and it’s one of those funny lookin’ bikes that has a huge front wheel and tiny back wheel. Still very apt, in Bosh’s case. This makes sense.
        
        DQ
        
        Ah hell, I must have read that part too fast. I thought Champ called him a Velociraptor. That actually works better for me.
        
        http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie
        
        Me too… especially since we (the crew) always call him that. But, I kinda wanna call him a velocipede from now on. Thanks, Champie.
        
        MrExcelsior
        
        Survey says ostrich…
        
        http://www.thesportsjury.com/images/stories/chrisboshostrich.jpg
        
        http://twitter.com/#!/legitimate_soul legitimate_soul
        
        ^That. was not. right. …. But I can’t stop laughing!
        
        http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com wild cougar
        
        Funny, you say 2520s. We used to call them water bugs, but that’s because they would hang out in the water pipes. They are a bigger than regular roaches and they fly sometimes.
        
        http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie
        
        We used to say water bugs are cleaner than roaches because they like water. o_O
        
        WIP
        
        I remember one of y’all said he looks like he turns into a hawk when he gets angry.
        
        ROTFL, that’s makes me laugh out loud; everytime I see a game I think about that too. He’s a goofy looking dude.
    - naturalista88
      
      *Lmao*, I died 1,000 deaths.
http://thechroniclesofisis.blogspot.com/ QP_Doll

I believe its a combination of many things….one is obviously Power. Also the availability of some woman that is will to drop her panties or pull to the side depending on the ‘rush factor’ and the thrill of doing it behind someone’s back or in this case in the laundry room while your wife is on the phone with Oprah in the living room..it is said that he has 2 other illegitimate children running around…..thrill seeking and just plain ole low down dirty dog tendencies…
- Yoles
  
  “thrill seeking and just plain ole low down dirty dog tendencies…” and don’t forget the #RawDogEveryTime tendencies too… more kids popping up… didn’t he learn from the first sideline child? wrap it up arnold!!
  - Lina
    
    yes, if i were a cheater, i’d try to leave as little evidence of my indiscretion behind as possible. a kid is a flashing neon sign saying yep, i cheated with so and so. no bueno
Medium Meech

Is cheating down really preferable to cheating up? I think that cheating for purely physical reasons is the lesser of the two evils. Women tend to be a bit more emotionally Machiavellian though so I guess they would see it from that angle.
- Simba.Africanna
  
  >Is cheating down really preferable to cheating up?
  Yes. I would say cheating down reduces the risk of being caught, and is therefore more preferable.
  Also, the flattered chick is more likely to keep it on the down low because she wants to continue to be “flattered” (and knows going out with the story is less likely to believable); whereas the high-end chick could just go to the tabloids & sell it for dough.
  - Medium Meech
    
    That should have read is cheating up preferable to cheating down. And I meant from a moral perspective, not from a logistical one. But I see where your head is pimpin’.
    - Simba.Africanna
      
      oh, i see.
      if we’re talking from a moral perspective, I would say no cheating whatsoever. But if the question is, “what’s more reprehensible: cheating up or down?”
      Then definitely up. “Up” in a physical beauty sense would make it more “tolerable” (I know, I know that sounds bad), and certainly more understandable (by male counterparts at least).
      But “Up” in an emotional-support sense would make it less reprehensible/offensive (as in Wifey couldn’t provide adequate emotional support or whatever….I’m thinking of that governor who dated/cheated with a Brazilian chick),
      
      For the record, I think cheating is wrong, period.
      - http://thejahfiles.blogspot.com/ B. Brown
        
        Sanford’s wife was none too happy about that. I think she was more upset than she would have been if he just cheated for physical reasons. IIRC, it was that soulmate stuff that sent her through the roof.
        
        I think the question of which is more reprehensible depends on whether the aggrieved party wants to forgive the cheater. If they do, then I think cheating up is more reprehensible. They would then have to worry about competition for a while, maybe the duration of the relationship. If they don’t, then cheating down would be more reprehensible. “All it took was that to throw the relationship away? I could see if you got someone fine, but that?” is the type of questioning I could see as someone walks away.
        
        Simba.Africanna
        
        Yeah that emotional stuff hurts like a mutha. I feel for Sanford’s wife.
        
        I hadn’t thought about the competition aspect though. But you’re right, if there’s a threat of competition going forward (if a guy had cheated up), then that might make it harder for her to forgive him—-or at least the threshold for demonstrating remorse will be higher.
        
        lol @ the questioning. That’s the truth doe
      - http://uphereoncloud9.com Wu Young, Agent of M.E.
        
        Jenny Sanford was pissed at Mark because his mistress looks like a slightly younger Argentine version of her. That marriage was screwed from the start because he wouldn’t say any of the vows dealing with fidelity during the wedding. Like B. Brown said the soulmate comment was a twist of the knife in the back.
        
        miss t-lee
        
        “That marriage was screwed from the start because he wouldn’t say any of the vows dealing with fidelity during the wedding.”
        
        What? For real? That’s crazy.
        
        http://uphereoncloud9.com/ Wu Young, Agent of M.E.
        
        Yep. This was stated by Jenny on more than a few of her national and local interviews.
        
        http://uphereoncloud9.com/ Wu Young, Agent of M.E.
        
        Damn we keep an effed up governor here!
        
        miss t-lee
        
        Wow…that’s wild!!! *smh*
      - Mo-VSS
        
        Yo…real talk, I don’t want a man to cheat with someone who looks better than me. Why? Because I always wanna be in the “top dog” position, so to speak. But, if my dude cheats and it’s with a bombshell, my thoughts are “WTF else I can I do to compete with THAT?” Now, that’s in the case that I don’t want to let him go (because we all know that as much as we like to say…I’d NEVER stay, people do…a lot).
        
        If I’m ready to give his walking papers regardless then anyone he cheats with is irrelevant to me. Otherwise, it’s hurtful to a woman’s pride if the girl he cheated with is somehow…in any way, BETTER (in our eyes) than we are.
        
        Maybe I’m alone on this, but I’m being 100% about it.
        
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool
        
        What if she’s not better looking but just better than you in other ways?
        
        Sometimes men cheat with their hearts too.
        
        Mo-VSS
        
        If she’s better at things I can work at then okay. But looks are, for the most part, non-negotiable. So, try as I might, if my dude cheats with the chick with the vixen bod, perfect hair and flawless features, unless I’m down with the plastic surgery, she has me beat.
        
        Call me shallow, but that’s just my thinking. I know I’m not the prettiest woman on earth. Overall, I just want to know my dude isn’t cheating for the purely aesthetic reasons…cuz honestly, there is NOTHING I can do about that. (and again, this is in the event that I want to stay with him).
        
        GirlSixx
        
        Agreed…
        
        Royale W. Cheese
        
        I’d be careful not to confuse “heart” with “ego” or “impulse.” A real heart would not allow you to stab your life partner in the back like that.
    - Around the Way Girl
      
      If your man cheats on you with a woman who isn’t as attractive as you are, I would imagine feeling really bewildered and inadequate, like “What was I not doing? What’s WRONG with me?” If he cheats with a Kim Kardashian look alike, you know (or think you know) exactly why he did it. And we have established that women like knowing sh!t lol. So if we’re playing a game of Would You Rather, and I HAD to choose one, I’d choose cheating up. Either way, though, he’s getting my foot up his @ss. Figuratively. Probably literally too.
      - GirlSixx
        
        “If your man cheats on you with a woman who isn’t as attractive as you are, I would imagine feeling really bewildered and inadequate, like “What was I not doing? What’s WRONG with me?” If he cheats with a Kim Kardashian look alike, you know (or think you know) exactly why he did it. And we have established that women like knowing sh!t lol. So if we’re playing a game of Would You Rather, and I HAD to choose one, I’d choose cheating up. Either way, though, he’s getting my foot up his @ss. Figuratively. Probably literally too.”
        
        I would rather him cheat down because if i am killin chick in the looks dept that means she got him on some personality traits/tricks/skills in which I can always learn, but if he cheat with the likes of a kimmy cakes I don’t think I could handle that.
        
        Around the Way Girl
        
        I understand. I don’t think I would be trying to stay with him, though. I know myself, and being in a relationship with a man I don’t trust just will not work for me (of course, marriage and kids might motivate me to work past one indiscretion, perhaps). Also, you can’t just learn personality traits, or even that other chick’s skills in many cases. Either way, she’s doing something for him that you weren’t doing. I look at it like, if he’s cheating down, something’s definitely wrong in the relationship. If he’s cheating “up,” maybe he just couldn’t help himself. I mean, it’s Kim Kardashian lol…it’s cool, I look good enough to just go out get another one. Preferrably one who can keep it in his pants. (I’m not being cocky, btw, I think every woman should feel this way about herself).
        
        Neither is excusable, though, in my book.
        
        Girlsixx
        
        Yeah.
        
        We are here <<<<<<<<>>>>>> on that!!!!!
  - kaname
    
    @Simba.Africanna – I disagree – cheating down lady may start to desire an improvement in her station – after all if she sees your wife everyday rolling through with diamonds and furs, she too would like to partake in those blessings – this is what got Arnold caught up, his nanny wanted wifey stuff since she had a kid by him. She threatened to exposure him after he fired her which may be where he really messed up.
    
    http://gawker.com/5803278/the-latest-on-arnold-schwarzeneggers-baby-mama-drama
    - Simba.Africanna
      
      You have a point there. She might get all feelingsy and demand to be upgraded with jewelry, fur & whatnot. But that’s if you’re rich & powerful and she knows you can do that.
      If you’re just a regular Joe Tyrone, it don’t really matter, because there’s no “up” to advance to i.e. no fur or Coach bag.
      - kaname
        
        @Simba.Africanna – if you’re just a regular Joe Tyrone she could ask you to leave your wife. This has been the plot of many a movie – Fatal Attraction and Obsession come to mind. The guy usually never leaves his wife in these type of situations right?
        
        Simba.Africanna
        
        She could. Certainly.
        >The guy usually never leaves his wife in these type of situations right?
        Never. That’s a b1tch move. If you’re weak enough to leave your actual family for a mistress, a) you’re a d*ck & b) she’ll think less of you (‘specially if you have kids).
        
        At that point its time to man up, admit the whole thing was a mistake and cut her loose. But one has to be prepared for the consequences (if she tells your wife).
        
        Squeak
        
        “At that point its time to man up, admit the whole thing was a mistake and cut her loose. But one has to be prepared for the consequences (if she tells your wife).”
        
        Word. If you gon cheat, be prepared to man up when the jig is up. Actually u should just man up and not cheat at all, but u kno what i mean.
        
        Mo-VSS
        
        Thank you. If you gon do it…know that eventually it will come out. If it doesn’t, consider yourself lucky (or consider the fact that the wife may have some secrets of her own she’s vested in keeping that allows you to keep yours as well.)
        
        GirlSixx
        
        Chuuch!!!
    - Yoles
      
      see he lost his frame control once he decided to fire her… tsk tsk she wasn’t having it and told him :i’ll be back ninja, this time i want it all…
      - Shelby
        
        “she wasn’t having it and told him :i’ll be back ninja”
        
        LOL
    - Royale W. Cheese
      
      I wonder if it’s possible for wife-to-be to draw up pre-nup stipulating that the husband pays no money to any woman or child outside of the marriage. That would stop gold diggers in their tracks. Sorry if I sound ruthless regarding the child part…but hey, a woman’s gotta make sure her own kids aren’t jeopardized because of someone else’s bad choices.
- kaname
  
  @Medium Meech – I suppose it depends on the parameters one sets in a relationship i.e. both partners agree that physical and emotional intimacy with another will be seen as cheating.
  - Medium Meech
    
    Cheating is betrayal either way. If parameters are set then it technically isn’t cheating. I just think that motive should come into play. If it’s a consideration in murder then it should definitely be one in infidelity.
    - kaname
      
      @Medium Meech – Motive should come into play as it plays the part of explaining the “why”. I just can’t think of any motives that I would personally find convincing to not find a person “guilty”.
      - Medium Meech
        
        But are we talking cummunity servicing, coital probation, or the death penalty? Cheating really isn’t the worst thing you can do to a person, unless it’s a woman doing it to a man.
        
        Yoles
        
        cheating really isn’t the worst thing you can do to ANYONE including a woman cheating on a man Meech, just ask john and lorena bobbit… if given the choice johhny would have most assuredly choose to get cheated on than to get castrated.
        
        kaname
        
        @Medium Meech – I’m sure that sentences will vary from person to person and I suppose that egregious conduct will get the max sentence. And cheating certainly isn’t the worst thing you do a person in the context of relationship; VDs and abuse might top that list >_>
- http://naturallyalise.com/blog/2011/05/19/chatty-cathies/ Naturally Alise
  
  “emotionally Machiavellian”
  
  I like that phrase, cute.
- Lina
  
  As a matter of pride, I’d say cheating down is worse. If a dude cheated with a hotter chick, I could just say well she’s gorgeous if I had a shot I’d do her too. It could absolve me from any misplaced guilt – I’d think there’s nothing I can do, I’m a 3 she’s a 9.
  
  However, if I’m a 5 and she’s a 2, I probably would doubt myself. I’d think she must be willing to do XYZ in bed, cooks his fav meals all the time, has a better personality. Overall, she is better than me in some fundamental way. Can’t fall back on my looks b/c dude still strayed. Also, people could think something must be wrong with me. “Why he cheat on her with a 2? I knew she was a little off.”
  
  Not saying all these thoughts are right. But I can see them happening.
  - Todd
    
    #truth. I could see how that would cause some major self-doubt. At least the next dude will have his favorite meal available on request, including the shot of Jack Daniels his mama used to give him when he was sick.
  - GirlSixx
    
    “However, if I’m a 5 and she’s a 2, I probably would doubt myself. I’d think she must be willing to do XYZ in bed, cooks his fav meals all the time, has a better personality.”
    
    Yeah but these things can be a lessons learned and skills picked up for your next dude, shooo I would revel in the fact that he’s now strolling the streets with his troll.
    
    *ButThat’sJustMe*
- http://obsidianraw.bravejournal.com Obsidian
  
  “Is cheating down really preferable to cheating up? I think that cheating for purely physical reasons is the lesser of the two evils. Women tend to be a bit more emotionally Machiavellian though so I guess they would see it from that angle.”
  
  O: Yes, this is true; Hypergamy strikes again…
  
  O.
- WIP
  
  I think cheating up is worse because that means I, as the wive that has chosen to stay, would have to be weary of you falling into bed with any woman you found attractive. There are beautiful women everywhere. This means you can be easily swayed.
  
  In the cheating down scenario, I assume you’ve connected with the woman on some level that probably won’t happen again.
  - Mo-VSS
    
    I 100% agree with this statement. If you cheat down there are, hopefully, other factors outside of attractiveness that caused it and can be worked on. But, for the pure lust factor of it? That cannot be worked on because, like you said, there are beautiful women everywhere.
- Yeah…So
  
  I think cheating up FEELS worse for the wife… but cheating down is more detrimental to a relationship. Cheating up you eff with the wife’s self-esteem… cheating down means there are real emotional connection issues in the relationship. When a man cheats down a wife is like “eh, psssh we’ll see how long that lasts” or “I get it, I’ll just start dressing more provocatively”… but if she’s prettier the wife feels insecure on top of being deceived. However, if he cheats with an uglier chick it’s because she’s there emotionally in a way the wife isn’t, and that gets sticky.
  
  I mean look at Arnold… 10+ years committedly cheating to the same chick. You see that… a form of committment to another chick… that to me is HORRIFIC, cheating down is worse!
  - Tx10inch
    
    @yeah..so
    
    I would co-sign 100% w/your statement….ya know, if i were a woman.
    - Yeah…So
      
      This will do just fine .
Simba.Africanna

I agree with this anti-pretty proximity theory. If you want a “side dish” on the regular, for 14 years, it better be somebody that’s undetectable.
In other words, Arnold intentionally picked her because she was “the chick from the fiesta mart”
Melissa

So that’s how that donkey-faced bald-headed heifer slipped under the radar with me? Wow. I WAS insulted. Like really?! Oh wells. He’s regretting it for the rest of his life and I love it.
- WIP
  
  well GD
- http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson
  
  not to be all devil’s advocate here…lol…but are you sure he’s regretting it for the rest of his life? short of having had to pay you millions or sitting in a jail cell, what makes you believe he’s regretting it for life.
  
  i don’t know you or your situation so i’m more or less just probing here. i’ve noticed that many women assume that once a relationship with a man ends, for whatever reason, that us men somehow have a moment of clarity and realize what we lost. not sure that’s really true. hell, half the time i’m fairly certain that we’re not only relieved but probably happier without you than with you. sure, there are some guys who f*cked up so bad on a woman that they loved, which could be your situation and now he’s stuck chasing bald headed heifers with one leg b/c…hell…who knows why.
  
  either way, just curious. do share.
  - Jhane Sez
    
    “i’ve noticed that many women assume that once a relationship with a man ends, for whatever reason, that us men somehow have a moment of clarity and realize what we lost. not sure that’s really true. hell, half the time i’m fairly certain that we’re not only relieved but probably happier without you than with you. sure, there are some guys who f*cked up so bad on a woman that they loved, which could be your situation and now he’s stuck chasing bald headed heifers with one leg b/c…hell…who knows why.”
    
    I think it depends…
    
    I’ve seen some dude f*ck up and come back scratching at the door begging to be let back in and this sorry state can go on for years.
    
    I’ve seen some dudes chuck deuces and two step on to the next one… usually putting some unsuspecting chick through the same drama.
    
    But you have a point I do think there are times when women over value their contribution to a relationship…
    
    I think that is countered by how often dudes over estimate how easy it will be to replace what they had ~JS
    - http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson
      
      It’s only hard to replace what you had if it was really that valuable to begin with. Not to sh*t on any women here, and this probably says more about me than the women I was dealing with. But short of maybe two women, tops, I have no regrets whatsoever about those relationships ending. They weren’t for me and I got out. Now, did I get out in the best way…probably not. But I have no real relationship regrets.
      
      I’ve never looked back and wanted to go begging to be back with any woman I’m no longer dealing with. So maybe that’s just the difference, I’ve never been in that position. Once I’m out, I’m out. It’s a conscious decision. Could be for this reason…a lot of times, after some times passes, folks remember all the good about relationships and miss those good times…I’ve done that. But I also acknowledge the bad times that broke the relationship up.
      
      i lost my point.
      - http://obsidianraw.bravejournal.com Obsidian
        
        LOL.
        
        But yea, I see what you’re saying, Panama; we’re in the same boat on that score. I too have never looked back once my time with a lady has come to an end. No regrets…just fond memories, for the most part.
        
        O.
      - Squeak
        
        It’s different when she’s your wife tho.
      - http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com wild cougar
        
        I think there is a difference between realizing you don’t want to be in the relationship and then cheating and cheating because you think you can get away with it. Women hear from guys in the latter category that they regretted the decision.
        
        http://obsidianraw.bravejournal.com Obsidian
        
        Gotta admit, WC makes a valid point here. Personally I’ve never cheated on anyone I was with, and I too have heard of accounts where a wayward guy goes back to his ex with stories of lament and regret.
        
        Hmmph! I guess a broken clock IS right, twice a day…
        
        O.
      - http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
        
        “It’s only hard to replace what you had if it was really that valuable to begin with. Not to sh*t on any women here, and this probably says more about me than the women I was dealing with. But short of maybe two women, tops, I have no regrets whatsoever about those relationships ending. They weren’t for me and I got out. Now, did I get out in the best way…probably not. But I have no real relationship regrets.”
        
        i think a part of the reason for this too is the fact that when a man breaks up with a woman, he’s probably already broken up with her in his head (for weeks, maybe months) and he’s just now getting around to doing it. so, by the point of the break-up, all regrets and nostalgia have already been worked out in his head.
        
        i know this has been the case with each of my breakups, and i’m assuming i’m not alone
        
        http://wewereninjas.wordpress.com/ Jay
        
        No, you’re not alone. You speak TRUTH.
        
        Tx10inch
        
        i think a part of the reason for this too is the fact that when a man breaks up with a woman, he’s probably already broken up with her in his head (for weeks, maybe months) and he’s just now getting around to doing it. so, by the point of the break-up, all regrets and nostalgia have already been worked out in his head.
        
        i know this has been the case with each of my breakups, and i’m assuming i’m not alone
        
        x__Tx10inch____________
        
        JodzSE
        
        It’s not just men. I broke up with both of my husbands years before I actually called it quits. I left with no regrets except that I didn’t do it sooner with the first one. BUT the one person I did regret breaking up turned out to be the worst of the bunch, and it took me 22 years of on/off dating to finally realise it. Now that I’m completely done with him, I feel like I am truely free.
        
        That said, are there any single men in the Phoenix area? Just kidding. Sorta…
      - Jhane Sez
        
        “It’s only hard to replace what you had if it was really that valuable to begin with. Not to sh*t on any women here, and this probably says more about me than the women I was dealing with. But short of maybe two women, tops, I have no regrets whatsoever about those relationships ending. They weren’t for me and I got out. Now, did I get out in the best way…probably not. But I have no real relationship regrets.”
        
        Real talk… I think this is how it should be.
        
        You should leave with no regrets, that is the mature responsible way of handling the situation but in the context of today’s post its really hard to do that when cheating is involved because you have inserted another person or people into the relationship to act as a buffer for what was broken.
        
        Ultimately cheating is selfish and it doesn’t allow the other person to walk away with their dignity.
        
        I also think that it causes regret because the cheater hasn’t dealt with the decision they made… and that’s when the what if’s and could’ve beens start.
        
        I think because dudes can have sex without emotion its easy to let the old reptilian brain take over and just get some… which makes you lose the ability to see around that corner.
        
        Most dudes I know who get into the headspace of not knowing what they had… never thought they would lose it as a consequence
        
        Or at least that what they say in the aftermath~JS
        
        Yoles
        
        “Most dudes I know who get into the headspace of not knowing what they had… never thought they would lose it as a consequence”
        
        exactly, i know men in both arenas, broken up never looked back and i fvcked up, the grass isn’t always greener…
        
        Tx10inch
        
        @Jhane Sez
        
        How old are you? You’re like a wise old relationship owl and sh*t…..
        
        Really enjoy your posts though…
        
        Jhane Sez
        
        “How old are you? You’re like a wise old relationship owl and sh*t…..”
        
        For real grown ~JS
      - http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie
        
        “i lost my point.”
        
        That you hate love?
        
        *snicker*
        
        http://tdlove.wordpress.com Tonya
        
        guffaw
    - http://obsidianraw.bravejournal.com Obsidian
      
      And in fairness, there is some evidence to suggest that some Men really do worse off after a marriage ends; take the suicide rates, for example. By no means definitive, and not necessarily speaking to the current topic per se; but it is something to consider.
      
      O.