Theory & Essay

How to Answer Questions So That I’ll Never Call You.

I’m one of those people that believes when it comes to the opposite sex and dating, you usually get what you deserve.  It’s not to say that if your man cheats on you that you deserved it, but generally speaking, I think that somewhere along the line, you’ve been given some kind of hint as to what kind of person you’re dealing with.

People just don’t ask the right questions.  We get so caught up in wanting somebody, that we forget that we’d hate it if we ended up dating an axe-murdering serial killer who committed all of his crimes while wearing a pink thong and yelling out “Zorro”.  Thing is, you might know that if you asked about Zorro, haphazardly.  But who does that?

Panama, that’s who.  You see, I’ve learned over the years to ask certain questions to make sure that I’m not dealing with crazy broads (even though I generally skew towards crazy skee-os.  Woe is me.)

Anyway, I’m going to give you some questions that I like to ask and some answers that let you know that you should NEVER share teeth action with these folks.

Panama:  Damn, girl, you shole is fine.  What’s your email address??

Her:  Oh, it’s lickemhighlickemlow69696969@roundandbrown.com.

I’m all about the professional email.  There’s no way in Sam Hill I’d ever date a chick who gave me an email that demonstrated her pr0nstar aspirations.  And hell, if she’s coming at me (no pun intended) like that on the first day, you can imagine what she’s got cooked up for the future.

Kids.  That’s what.

Panama:  Do you like/know your daddy?

Her:  My daddy is a sorry sack of a man/I don’t know the bastard.

Sorry, but its just REALLY hard for me to date a woman who doesn’t like her daddy at all, let alone, doesn’t know him.  I don’t do daddy issues.

T-shirt?

T-shirt.

Panama:  What’s something interesting about you?

Her:  I used to juggle midget balls to make extra money in college.

For real, who juggles?

Panama:  What’s your favorite meal?

Her:  Fried bologna sandwiches with a tall glass of Kool-Aid.

Look, I love Kool-Aid as much as the next man, but if your favorite meal includes fried bologna sandwiches, I’m going to believe that nobody was able to take the hood out of you and you and your project compadres just might get me shot.  You also probably thing TGIFridays is fine dining.

Panama:  What’s your best feature?

Her:  The tattoo I have of my ex-boyfriend’s family tree I have on my back.  I know it wasn’t smart to have him tattood on me, but it’s a really good picture of a tree.

If you’re able to find the silver lining in such f*ckery, your optimism level is beyond even what I consider healthy levels.  You clearly make bad decisions and might get me dead.

Panama:  Where do you see yourself in five years?

Her:  Ya know, I just hope to be alive.

Aight, Pac.  I might not even finish that date.  I might just slide to the bathroom and jump out the window on some Ron Browz stuff.  I’m the Black man….I’m supposed to be worried about being alive.

Panama: Do you believe in magic?

Her:  Oh hell yeah, he was a great basketball player for the Chicago Bulls.

You see, you demonstrated that not only do you know jack sh*t about sports,  you’ll answer a question you clearly don’t know the answer to.  You just might testify against me in court OR try to kill my dog, Twinkle Toes B*tch Slapper, or TTBS for short.

Panama:  Who’s your favorite musical artist?

Her:  OJ Da Juiceman!

You should just go die.  Immediately.

Panama:  Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moon light?

Her:  Dancing is gay.

What?

Panama:  You seem to be coughing a lot, are you okay?

Her:  I’m just getting over the avian swine flu.  I’m good though.

*dead*  And I’m out.  Damn Mexicans (no NAFTA).

~~~~~

So, good samaritans of VSB.com, what are the vital answers to questions that you’d want to know before entertaining a further courtship with somebody?  And what would be the wrong answer that would make you want to stab their eyelids with toothpicks made of chrysanthemums?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3


Filed Under: ,
Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • Gem of the Ocean

    Damn Mexicans (no NAFTA).

    i.hate.you.

  • shay_d_lady

    okay you are ridiculous but I feel you….
    like when my manager cracked a joke on me and I said “et tu Jennifer” and she asked me if I had my fingers on the home row when I sent my response? WTF?

    I too am about random questions…..
    What was the best gift you have ever given….if the answer includes dinner at red lobster or jordans and you are over the age of 25 youse out…

    can you floss the teeth in the back of your mouth? any answer other than yes, or I try but its hard, or man I know thats why Iuse those little pick things is an instant diqualification you wont be using my 2,500 dollar dental cap up on yo raggedy mouth

    • http://www.babsinblogland.com Babs

      @shay_d_lady,

      LMAO @ 2,500 dollar dental cap!

    • Me fail english?

      @shay_d_lady,

      smh@ ur manager. Not because she didn’t get the Caesar reference. Just cause “E”, “T” and “U” are not on the home row.

      This is why I need to work for myself.

      • Gem of the Ocean

        i do get slightly perturbed whenever i have to explain the “et tu [fill in some one’s name]”. becuz typically after i explain it, ppl are still on some i don’t get it ish.

        • shay_d_lady

          @Gem of the Ocean, and she didnt..chile..smh…

          • Nikiloveli

            @shay_d_lady,

            That’s kind of like when I wished my niece’s ENGLISH TEACHER a happy Ides of March.

            She totally hit me with the smile n’ nod.
            Not. a. clue.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @shay_d_lady,

      “okay you are ridiculous but I feel you”

      if i had a dollar…

      • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com blackberry molasses

        @The Champ,

        you’d have a negative bank balance.

        • 8th Wonder

          zing!

    • Blue Skyez

      @shay_d_lady,

      well you can’t expect everyone to understand latin. it is a dead language. kinda.

      • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com Sula

        @Blue Skyez,

        Not kinda. Latin is completely dead. :) …

        But Shakespeare-anisms should be more widespread knowledge.

  • shay_d_lady

    also if I call your phone and you have a call or ring back tone I dont give a dayum what it is….. we no longer need to conversate (lol)..a nd those on the job junt this goes for you too.. I also a have a thing about professional email addresses… my girl sent me her cousins resume and her email address was luvmychocolatepearl@randomemailhost.com I was mad at her and her cousin

    • JamaicanGirl

      @shay_d_lady, The ring back tones will get you nexted in my book, not to mention if your voicemail is of you rapping or your fave Uncle Luke song, wtf!

      • shay_d_lady

        @JamaicanGirl, or if your voice mail is of you rapping period…ala
        what up fool, i got a lot goin on
        so leave ya number at the sound of the tone…

        ur ahh.. no sir

        • JamaicanGirl

          @shay_d_lady, It was worse, it was more like this
          ( in the tune of Jay Z, Izzo)

          S to the izzo T to the izza A izzo N to the izza, i missed your call cause i was freestyling, leave your message at the tone, vamos son of a b%$#@

          I could not breathe, i thought i was hallucinating so i had to call back to make sure i was not hearing things.

          • shay_d_lady

            @JamaicanGirl, LMAO.. GIRL that dont even rhyme!! I would have had to rap him a message

            dude, that shyt is lame
            you need to leave the game
            and if you cant guess
            delete my number
            so your phone has 1 less…
            LMAO and ended it with a beatbox….like peaches from coming to america

          • sisanda

            @JamaicanGirl,

            “S to the izzo T to the izza A izzo N to the izza”

            Wow this kid is going places

            • The Dutchess

              @sisanda,

              please don’t encourage that fool!

          • YGB

            @JamaicanGirl,

            I hope he was not older than 16, cuz if he was then he needs a lotta prayer!

          • Gem of the Ocean

            @JamaicanGirl,

            LMAO @ “i missed your call cause i was freestyling”

            frikkin hilarious!!

          • MilkandCookies

            @JamaicanGirl,

            “S to the izzo T to the izza A izzo N to the izza, i missed your call cause i was freestyling, leave your message at the tone, vamos son of a b%$#@

            I could not breathe, i thought i was hallucinating so i had to call back to make sure i was not hearing things.”

            *You just killed me*

          • Me fail english?

            @JamaicanGirl,

            Tell Stan that rhyme was horrible.

            • JamaicanGirl

              @Me fail english?, Stan is dead in my book. I don’t know who or what made him think that was ok.

          • Reci

            @JamaicanGirl,

            officially dead

    • PrincesMo

      @shay_d_lady,
      yes yes very true about the ring back, if your over the age of 18 with a ring bak u need to reevaluate ur life. and LOL at lovemychocolatepearl, i’m mad at u for putting her email address up there but even more mad at her for putting that on a resume…smh and crying for the children lol

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @PrincesMo,

        if your over the age of 18 with a ring bak u need to reevaluate ur life

        f*ck reevaluating. just die

        • http://nianaturally.blogspot.com N.I.A. HappyHumpDay!!!

          @The Champ,

          f*ck reevaluating. just die

          dang…I guess I need to break the news to my home girl…either get rid of the ring back or be prepared to meet your maker.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            @N.I.A. HappyHumpDay!!!,

            lol, its an easy choice

            • http://nianaturally.blogspot.com N.I.A. HappyHumpDay!!!

              @The Champ,

              LOL!!

          • luvtheshoes

            @N.I.A. HappyHumpDay!!!,

            My best girlfriend has a ring back tone, too. Hers is gospel though? I’m not sure if that makes it ok or not.

      • http://mysixcents.wordpress.com klysha

        @PrincesMo, Help! What’s a ringback tone??? Is that another way to say a ring tone (like a musical one)?? (I’m feeling old all of a sudden)

        • http://twitter.com/jaect Jae

          @klysha,

          It’s when you call someone and hear “Quarter brick, half a brick, whole brick, AYE!” instead of ringing.

          • Gem of the Ocean

            LMAO!!!!!!!!!!! i hate that damn song

            • http://www.museacdonline.coem pgh muse

              @Gem of the Ocean, me too… i thought it was a joke when I first heard it…

            • Gem of the Ocean

              why is the chorus replaying in my head?!?!?!!

              dammit!!!

          • treble

            @Jae,

            LMAO!!!

          • http://nianaturally.blogspot.com N.I.A. HappyHumpDay!!!

            @Jae,
            LOL!1 I’m tempted to call my home girl just to see what’s playing…brb….

            • http://nianaturally.blogspot.com N.I.A. HappyHumpDay!!!

              @N.I.A. HappyHumpDay!!!,

              Ok, she must have removed it, b/c she used to have Hello by Beyonce…so I every time I called…”you had me at hello, hello, hello…”

            • shay_d_lady

              @N.I.A. HappyHumpDay!!!, one of my employees pays for a ring back subscription so its like calling an urban hip hop station the song changes each time you call…..

          • http://mysixcents.wordpress.com klysha

            @Jae, LMAO!!!! Okay I know exactly what it is now. Thanks! I have a couple of friends with this feature…. and I hate it cuz their taste in music sucks.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            @Jae,

            It’s when you call someone and hear “Quarter brick, half a brick, whole brick, AYE!” instead of ringing.

            i’d ask “what the hell is this?” but im scared to

            • http://twitter.com/jaect Jae

              @The Champ,

              “Panama: Who’s your favorite musical artist?

              Her: OJ Da Juiceman!”

              I thought it was appropriate with PJ’s reference to the great Juiceman, aye.

            • miss t-lee

              @The Champ,
              Make the trap say AYE!!!!!

            • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com blackberry molasses

              just reading all of this has made me happy that i’m about to be old as shyt tomorrow and not privy to any of this information.

          • Reci

            @Jae,

            It’s when you call someone and hear “Quarter brick, half a brick, whole brick, AYE!” instead of ringing.

            I hate you. That song comes on everyday on my way home from work! LOL

          • overit

            @Jae, lmao! i love the way u answered that.

      • Blue Skyez

        @PrincesMo,

        sawry what exactly is a ring back? Is it when you can hear music when you call someone?

      • mssmtaylor

        @PrincesMo,

        OMG I called this guy and his ring back was some ole pretty ricky love song. That is so not hot. Did I mention he was a grown azz man?

    • http://nianaturally.blogspot.com N.I.A. HappyHumpDay!!!

      @shay_d_lady,

      one of my good friends has a call back tone…it’s really unfortunate b/c it’s not cute…at all.

    • V Renee

      @shay_d_lady,

      I hate callback/ringback/whateverback tones.

      That is all.

    • YGB

      @shay_d_lady,
      luvmychocolatepearl@randomemailhost.com

      I’m really hoping you just made this pile of pig shyte email address up!

      • mssmtaylor

        @YGB,

        “I’m really hoping you just made this pile of pig shyte email address up!”

        *I just died*

  • overit

    i’m too tired to respond, but you are SO IGNORANT panama jackson, i knew gem would respond to the damn mexicans lol, and no nafta? unacceptable lol.

    Panama: Where do you see yourself in five years?

    Her: Ya know, I just hope to be alive.

    i cannot right now, see ya’ll in the AM.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @overit,

      i’m too tired to respond

      ummm…arent we reading your response right now?

      • overit

        @The Champ, umm no, when i really respond it is a lengthy and humorous one.

  • shay_d_lady

    me: so whaddya do?
    him…shyt with what?
    or
    him:I own a company… if the company is any of the following.. business consultant (with no specialty and no degree, please) record company CEO, phone, beeper, hotwing spot especially if its an all in one..interior designer, model, …its over

    • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

      @shay_d_lady,

      How about this guy I used to Model with wanted to date me. When I finally said yes, and we went out, he literally had nothing to talk about because he hated politics, literature, current events and science. I was dumbfounded. And he STILL wanted to make a 2nd date.

      …and lol at the “Beeper King”. All I can think of is Liz Lemon.

      • V Renee

        @chaoticdiva,

        “he literally had nothing to talk about because he hated politics, literature, current events and science. ”

        So basically he’s a pretty face but dumber than a box of rocks??

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @chaoticdiva,

        How about this guy I used to Model with wanted to date me.

        by “model with” you mean…wait. nevermind. its too early.

  • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

    Me: When was your last relationship?
    Him: 2 days ago. We just broke up.
    (wrong on so many levels…)

    Me: What do you want to do career-wise?
    Him: A [local] rapper. Or maybe an actor. I’m also thinking about starting my own clothing line when I get big.
    (…yes, I have heard this NUMEROUS times…don’t act like you haven’t).

    Me: Who did you vote for in the last election?
    Him: Vote? I never vote. I’m not even registered to vote!
    (*sigh*)

    Me: Do you have any kids?
    Him: I don’t know. I’ve had a few pregnancy scares though…
    (either he got something because of his lack of condom use, or he’s a man wh*re…or both)

    Me: Have you ever been arrested (in terms of felonious charges)?
    Him: Once. For possession/ possession with intent to deal/ a scuffle with the police/ grand theft auto. But baby, its not what you’re thinking…like it wasn’t exactly my fault.
    (not only is he not a person you want to be around, but he’s not man enough to admit his wrong-doing)

    Me: Do you read?
    Him: The scores on Sportscenter at the bottom of the screen…yea.
    (facetious little f*cker)

    Me: Where are all the places you’ve been to?
    Him: The westside, downtown, and I went to the suburbs once because Kroger was out of cheese and the next closest one was the rich people’s one.
    (Sadly, there are people like this. Sadly, I’m related to several…)

    Me: Do you have any nicknames?
    Him: T-Bird/Pookie/Crow/Pooch/[you get my drift]
    (do I even have to spell it out?)

    Me: What do you do for fun?
    Him: [enter coonish activity here]

    Me: Who’s your favorite rapper?
    Him: {anybody from Dipset}/ {Any snap music artist}/ Soulja Boy

    …I could go on forever….

    • http://www.satyasslant.blogspot.com Satya

      @chaoticdiva, Lmao!!!!!! I cosign all

      • Leila

        @Satya, “Me: Where are all the places you’ve been to? Him: The westside, downtown, and I went to the suburbs once because Kroger was out of cheese and the next closest one was the rich people’s one.
        (Sadly, there are people like this. Sadly, I’m related to several…)”

        It’s sad that I know so many people like this! I co-sign on the whole list.

    • shay_d_lady

      @chaoticdiva, Me: Have you ever been arrested (in terms of felonious charges)?
      Him: Once. For possession/ possession with intent to deal/ a scuffle with the police/ grand theft auto. But baby, its not what you’re thinking…like it wasn’t exactly my fault.

      LOL unfortunately I would also have to answer this question in the same fashion with those same charges…..glad I changed my name!

      • Nikiloveli

        @shay_d_lady,

        Please write an autobiography. I promise to buy it. I won’t download or anything, scout’s honor.

        • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com Sula

          @Nikiloveli,

          I’ll buy it too. :D

    • PrincesMo

      @chaoticdiva,
      “Me: Who did you vote for in the last election?
      Him: Vote? I never vote. I’m not even registered to vote!
      (*sigh*)”
      You are so right! this will get you gone real quick, i don’t play wit black ppl not voting, u have no excuse. For all the people who marched, where lynched, harassed, terrorized, shot with fire hoses etc all for the possibility that u could vote and have ur full constitutional rights for ur monkey ninja talk about some i’m not voting mess, i just can’t. During election time i was sho nuff defriending people on facebook for not voting, and i was oh so serious.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=73903598 Dom

        Glad I wasnt the only one taking is oh so serious last year.

    • http://www.twitter.com/Vivacious2 This Just In

      @chaoticdiva,

      I think this about sums it up for me!! hahahaha!!!!

    • YGB

      @chaoticdiva,

      LOLOL! Oh my dayum!

    • Gem of the Ocean

      LOL @ coonish activity

      this reminds me, me and the homies have a coon-dictionary to update…

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @chaoticdiva,

      Me: Have you ever been arrested (in terms of felonious charges)?
      Him: Once. For possession/ possession with intent to deal/ a scuffle with the police/ grand theft auto. But baby, its not what you’re thinking…like it wasn’t exactly my fault.
      (not only is he not a person you want to be around, but he’s not man enough to admit his wrong-doing)

      this is a good point. i can’t stand when cats just wont admit that they f*cked up.

      • Me fail english?

        @The Champ,

        Lol. I used to volunteer coaching ex-felons on job readiness, soft office skills, etc. So I’m going around the room doing an icebreaker and wouldn’t you know all these fools begin with “I was wrongly accused of…” and end their spiel with “…but I aint do it”.

        Until, this one cat (my favorite student, natch) stands before us stony-faced and starts with “I was wrongly convicted of assault attempted murder…haha, nah I did that isht!” After he came clean I noticed everyone else was admitting guilt in subsequent trips down memory lane.

        Way to set an example Kaashaun!!

        • http://www.museacdonline.coem pgh muse

          @Me fail english?, Omg. This is hilarious.

          • Me fail english?

            @pgh muse,

            Girl, the worst part of it was AINT NOBODY ASK THEM BOUT THEIR CRIMES!!

            All I said is “why are you here and what do you hope to get out of it”. These dudes started thinking I was a substitute P.O. or the ACLU or smthg!!

            What is this Oprah Winfrey isht?! Ninjas sharing they feelings with the group now? Is this what’s hot on the cell block streets? I don’t care if it was your man’s gun and how that makes you feel on the inside. Just come to my class on time and don’t talk about my butt (within earshot).

            • http://www.museacdonline.coem pgh muse

              @Me fail english?, lmao. U are FUNNY! See. U do have a talent!

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Me fail english?,

          by “volunteer coaching ex-felons on job readiness” you mean “strip at prisons”, right?

          • Me fail english?

            @The Champ,

            exactly

          • http://www.museacdonline.coem pgh muse

            @The Champ, I somehow missed this earlier today. lmao.

        • overit

          @Me fail english?, LOL this made my day, go on Kaashaun!

    • Humble_One

      @chaoticdiva,

      You sound like you’ve met some of my boys. You aren’t from Detroit are you?

    • mssmtaylor

      @chaoticdiva,

      “Me: Where are all the places you’ve been to?
      Him: The westside, downtown, and I went to the suburbs once because Kroger was out of cheese and the next closest one was the rich people’s one.
      (Sadly, there are people like this. Sadly, I’m related to several…)”

      Hilarious…….

    • Me fail english?

      @chaoticdiva,

      “Me: Who’s your favorite rapper?
      Him: {anybody from Dipset}”

      smh@ the 730 Purple Dip Skull Byrd Gangs

      You know it’s bad when even the ninjas he looks up to don’t have your respect.

    • http://presidentialtelevisionandfilm.ning.com Monk

      @chaoticdiva,

      Why does everyone hate on the career in entertainment? Just asking…

      • http://mysixcents.wordpress.com Klysha

        @Monk, my theory, 99% of the people who aspire to make it in the entertainment industry don’t. So when someone…especially someone who is over 25 says they aspire to be a rapper or something of the sort people (by people I mean me) tend not to take them seriously. (They might get a pass if they’ve been diligently grinding at it for years and have real talent and a real back up plan but that’s extremely rare). I for one wouldn’t bet my future on some guy who has all his eggs in the becoming the next Jay – Z basket.

  • SouthernGirl

    I just died. I quit you and errythang you stand for–namely f?ckery and foolishness. lol.I am too tired for this nonsense right now…

    @shay d, I can’t reply to comments on my phone but I truly cannot with that email addy. straight foolish.

    • shay_d_lady

      @SouthernGirl, y am I foolish? LOL i aint the one 30 years old with a girl six email address that I am using on my RESUME!!!!

      • SouthernGirl

        @shay_d_lady, no girl! i was saying the chick was foolish, not you! lol.

        • shay_d_lady

          @SouthernGirl, I know girl that was tongue in cheek.. LOL

          • SouthernGirl

            @shay_d_lady, oh thank BBJ *wipes brow in relief* ;-)

  • http://www.satyasslant.blogspot.com Satya

    Me: What is the last book you read
    Him: ion’t read books but i mess wit vibe and source

    Me: What college or university did you graduate from
    Him: i got me my GED and then got a job

    Me: where do you live and who do you live with
    Him: I live in *insert skuzzy nyc neighborhood. ex: Qnz no nos=Corona, soutside jamaica etc.. and My momz lives with me.

    Me:What do you do for fun
    Him: roll an L, record my latest rap album, chill wit my manz n nem on the block or any other hood act

    Me: what qualities do you like in a girl
    Him: you know. my shorty gotta be 100%. she gotta have a fat @#$, be loyal, cute face, and a ride or die chick

    that’s all for now… wait
    Dear Panama, you are a dag nab fool. lmao

    • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

      @Satya,

      lol @ Jamaica Queens. Why is my family from there (on the line of St. Albans, right off of Linden)…muahahaha! And sadly, when I think of the cousins when they were repping that area until they decided to grow up and move on, I definitely concur.

      …its just like when a dude will say he lives on the Eastside of Detroit. (not the just barely the Eastside, but deep…like really deep). Same goes for Inkster and Flint.

    • shay_d_lady

      @Satya, Me: what qualities do you like in a girl
      Him: you know. my shorty gotta be 100%. she gotta have a fat @#$, be loyal, cute face, and a ride or die chick

      LOL this might be what my hubby said….

      aww and whats wrong with a GED and a job? shyt I know plenty an electrician/plumber/hvac dude t hat did this and their doing better than I am! LOL

      • Bailey

        @shay_d_lady, I feel you on the GED and a job. He’s working and doing something with himself. Can’t knock a brother for trying lol.

        • miss t-lee

          @Bailey,
          I’ve said it plenty of times…if that kat is bringing home a check legally, I don’t care if he’s a plumber, electrician or a sanitation worker.

          • http://www.satyasslant.blogspot.com Satya

            @miss t-lee, ummm this guy was 28 and was a cashier at a grocery store. NO BUENO!!! A manager maybe I would have thought about it but a cashier…and part time at that. nope!

            • miss t-lee

              @Satya, First of all a part-time nothing ain’t never gonna work. If I hit a 40+ every week, you best to hit one as well…lol
              Job wise, I’m talking within reason. A cashier at a grocery store part-time best to be your side hustle. Let’s not get crazy…lol I’m just saying I’m not necessarily gonna kick someone to the curb for a blue-collar trade.

          • Me fail english?

            @miss t-lee,

            don’t forget the benefits!!

            • miss t-lee

              @Me fail english?,
              Exactly.

    • Me fail english?

      @Satya,

      “Me: what qualities do you like in a girl
      Him: you know. my shorty gotta be 100%. she gotta have a fat @#$, be loyal, cute face, and a ride or die chick”

      Lol@ him reading you his BlackPlanet profile.

      Haha, I used to live in two of those places you and chaotic diva just named. . Try us out, we’re not all that bad:).

      Then again, we’re originally from Brownsville and Bed-Stuy in Brooklyn so with the exception of Far Rock, QB and Bricktown Qns has always seemed kinda suburban and quiet. :( @ the lowered expectations of my youth

      • http://www.satyasslant.blogspot.com Satya

        @Me fail english?, lol I was born in Bedstuy moved to East NY and now in the burbs of Qnz. As in there aren’t many negroes and seeing Benzes Lexus and other luxury cars are a daily occurance

        • Me fail english?

          @Satya,

          That’s what’s up. But girl, you know even in ENY you can see plenty of luxury cars on a daily. All parked outside the bricks (PJs) and what not. Hahaha!

          • http://www.satyasslant.blogspot.com Satya

            @Me fail english?, lol sad but true. I just visited my Grandma this weekend and saw my ex-bf. He has a fully loaded Range parked outside the brick but him his daughter and baby mama share a room in his moms apt.

            ok let me rephrase luxury cars are parked in driveways and garages and the owners don’t fear their cars will be seized by the Feds lol

  • JamaicanGirl

    This post was right on time, so yesterday i went on a lunch date that went a little something like this….

    In the car on the way to lunch, phone rings:
    Him: (looks at phone) It’s my mom, hold on
    Me: Ok
    Him: Hello
    Mom: (because she was that loud) When are you coming home?
    Me: (thinking in my head) I know this Ninja does not live with his mom
    Him: I don’t live with my mom, she’s just asking when im coming to visit.
    Me: (breathes a sigh of relief, then ask) Where do you live
    Him: At random apt complex
    Me: I thought they only have two bedrooms at that complex, you have a roommate
    Him: Not exactly
    Me: Im sorry, expound
    Him: I live with a friend, but shes moving
    Me: She, are you guys dating?
    Him: Not anymore

    I quickly text my homegirl to call with an emergency that lunch date was too over. This ninja had the nerve to try to take me out while he’s shacking up.

    Some other questions that i ask

    Do you hate pets?
    Him: Yes i have 8 pits
    yeah im good on him, this ninja house must smell like a kennel or he’s on some Mike Vick type stuff, i may be forced to testify against him.

    Do you own any weapons?
    If he owns more than 2 handguns, a shot gun in addition to a machete and samurai swords this would be a good indication that this fool will kill you.

    • sisanda

      @JamaicanGirl,

      “Him: I live with a friend, but shes moving
      Me: She, are you guys dating?
      Him: Not anymore”

      Hey what’s wrong with that?….he was just…giving her time to get over him, then she could move out and carry on with her life and shyt, i think that’s considerate at its best!!! right? (I’m not sellin it if you not buying it)

    • The Dutchess

      @JamaicanGirl,

      This ninja had the nerve to try to take me out while he’s shacking up.

      Really? Thats how you feel…..

    • http://www.twitter.com/Vivacious2 This Just In

      @JamaicanGirl,

      That ish happened to me!! I was out with this fool and his roommate/girlfriend’s parents walked into the spot, and her mom went off (not on me though, that would have been super ugly…for her)!! He tried to explain that, but it didn’t work…seriously??? Is that what’s good in the streets now?? Lawd!!

      • Me fail english?

        @This Just In,

        Oh hell naw! lol

        Lol@ the guns thing too. Sounds like my pops closet. He’s not a murderous maniac though. Scout’s honor.

    • http://www.satyasslant.blogspot.com Satya

      @JamaicanGirl, “Do you own any weapons?
      If he owns more than 2 handguns, a shot gun in addition to a machete and samurai swords this would be a good indication that this fool will kill you.”

      lmao!!! I may have to add this to my list of questions

  • http://www.museacdonline.com pgh muse

    Bwahahahahaha @ this whole post. Heee-ha-larious.